My husband and I had a very modest wedding and
reception. I had two bridesmaids who I believed were my closest
girlfriends. One of them, Angela, did her best to be helpful in many ways.
The other, Sandy, was a whole other story.
My husband and I were planning to go to Germany so I
could meet his family two days after the ceremony. A few days before the
ceremony, Sandy informed me that she had wrecked her car and she needed me
to use my credit card to rent a replacement while it was being repaired.
She said she would pay for the rental-- but she balked at getting the
extra insurance so that I would not be liable if she wrecked that vehicle
too while I was off on my honeymoon. I was in such a state of pre-wedding
nerves that I think I let her get away with it.
We planned beer and wine only at the reception, except
for the drinks for one beloved elderly lady guest, who only ever drank dry
martinis. As Sandy's only task associated with the wedding, I asked her to
get some good gin and vermouth for our honored guest. Sandy did not know
how to make a dry martini and did not bother to find out. She turned up
with a bottle of gin and another of sweet vermouth. Our dear guest had to
drink the driest martinis of her life-- straight gin, in fact. (I did not
tell her, and I really do not think she minded.)
The weirdest part was Sandy's approach to all the guests
who were unfamiliar to her, notebook in hand, to get their names,
addresses, and telephone numbers.
By the way, I ended my friendship with Sandy a couple of
days after the worst day of my life, the day when my best friend was
murdered. That was after she said she would be willing to get together
with me, but I mustn't talk about the murder, because she was having
family trouble and she just couldn't deal with it.
My story is not as bad as some that I have read but I
will still tell it. I had three bridesmaids in my wedding. We made
arrangements to get our gowns sized at the bridal shop. Michele did not
show up. Later I had to call her to find out her son fell and she had to
take him to the doctor (and no, I don't really believe that story--I think
she didn't have the deposit money and was making excuses). She
eventually had her gown size ordered. After the gowns were in
I called her to see if she picked hers up and if it needed any
alterations. She told me no, it looked great. I told her that was odd
since the other two gowns where in need of major alterations. Next
time I went to see her I asked to see the dress and she told me she was
keeping it at her father's place because she did not what her toddler son
to get into it. Ok I believed that story. The Wednesday before
the wedding the bridal boutique calls me to ask why Michele has not picked
up her dress. I was mortified. I could not get in touch with her but
did leave a message with her mother. As of my wedding day I had no idea if
she was going to show up or not. She did and worn the dress unaltered and
it looked it. Never did tell me why she lied to me.
Hello, Miss Jeanne! I know you hear it often, but this
site is just wonderful; I really enjoy it, so much so that I thought I
should submit my own tale of wedding-related bad manners. It certainly
isn't nearly so bad as some I've read on Ehell, but at the time it was an
extremely uncomfortable situation.
To begin, some background; the bride (we'll call her
"Tina") was an old friend of mine from high school and junior
college. We were fairly close during those years, but after she
transferred to a university and I moved across the country for work, we
fell out of touch.
Fast forward two years; I was back in our hometown,
having been laid off and forced to move home with my parents so I could
resume attending school. I ran into Tina unexpectedly, and she informed me
that she was getting married to a man she'd met at university. I
congratulated her, oohed and aahed over her engagement ring, and assured
her that of course I would be quite happy to attend her wedding.
A year after that, everything being set for the wedding,
Tina was nice enough to invite me to it, and to secure me invites to her
bridal shower and bachelorette party as well. The former was thrown by her
younger sister, who was MOH, and it was a very nice, enjoyable little
party of perhaps fifteen or twenty people. I couldn't afford to bring a
gift, but Tina was gracious enough to send me a thank-you card
nonetheless, thanking me for attending.
The bachelorette party was a week later. The BMs, C, D,
and J, were throwing the party, and it was to start at C's parents' home,
after which the party-goers would caravan to Canada (we all live very
close to the border), as the MOH was underage, and the drinking age in
Canada is lower than it is in the US. We were all to spend the night at a
reasonably nice hotel, and there was to be much in the way of barhopping
The evening of the party I arrived at the starting point
at the stated time on the invitations, and since I'm always religiously
punctual, I wasn't surprised that I was the first person there. However,
the next guests didn't arrive until forty-five minutes later! No matter;
we played the requisite naughty games, had a good laugh at the bride
cutting into her erotic and rather well-endowed cake, and generally had a
Eventually everyone piled into the provided cars and set
out for Canada. On the way we two backseat passengers had to listen to BMs
D and J complain how the MOH had grabbed up some of the prizes from the
phallic piñata; in their opinion, all the prizes should have gone to the
bride. Silly me; I'd been living under the assumption that all the fun of
a piñata is that everyone gets prizes. Besides, what does a married woman
need with penis-shaped refrigerator magnets and ice cube trays? One would
think her husband might protest looking at a phallic symbol every time he
went to get something from the fridge. But, I digress.
The morning after the party, the three BMs gathered all
of us guests in one of the two rented rooms while the bride took a shower
in the other. C, D, and J thanked us for attending and handed each of us
an envelope with our names on them; then, they went back to their own
room. Imagine my disbelief when I opened my envelope and found a SASE and
the following message:
"Dear friend, thanks so much for coming to Tina's
party. Since we three BMS don't have much money, we need each of you to
contribute $50 to help pay for the food and for the hotel, since it was
pretty expensive. Please mail a check to C's address in the enclosed
envelope. Thanks again! Signed, C, D, and J."
Needless to say, I was horrified and embarrassed, as I
was in college at the time, and living with my parents because I couldn't
afford anything else; $50 was a lot of money! No mention of helping to pay
for the night was made before the party; they sprang this on us after,
when we were all in a foreign country, eighty miles from home! The MOH,
who was also in college at the time and also lived with her parents, had
still managed to pull together a very nice shower for her sister with no
monetary help from anyone. She was positively furious with C, D, and J,
but she made us all promise we wouldn't breathe a word about the
"bills" to the bride.
Happily, there's a satisfying conclusion to this story.
The next day, Tina apparently found out what her BMs had done. I received
a call from her that afternoon, during which she spoke in the low and
steady tone of voice that I know means she was very angry. She told me in
no uncertain terms that I was to rip up the bill from the BMs and not send
them a dime. I was all too happy to comply.
Hi, Love your site. I read it all the time, and can't
wait for the new updates. My story is about my wedding in 2000. The
complete inconsideration of my husbands 2 brothers and their wives, and
his best friend was and still is unbelievable to us. We had a small
wedding at a beautiful greenhouse which just so happen to be on the edge
of the historic main street of our town. Well, just down the street a
little way, there was a pub. Apparently the draw of that pub was more
important to my husbands brothers, sister-in-laws, and best man and wife
then our wedding. After the ceremony, we were trying to get some simple
family pictures. It was such a beautiful setting so we knew these pictures
would be so wonderful.
Well, no sooner had we set up to take pictures that the
above mentioned group started grumbling about taking these "f-ing"
pictures, when can we leave to go to the bar. They were being really
obvious and everybody knew that they were not happy that they were having
to waste their time getting pictures. The whole time my MIL and FIL were
right by them, but they thought they were just being "guys".
Whatever! Finally I asked my husband to say something as they were GD
this, F that, and we still had the Minister and happy family members
there. Well, we got the wedding party pictures taken and were going to
take a group shot of each side of our families. We decided to let them go
first as to not have to listen to the complaining anymore. Well, we go to
get them and they were all gone. They had gone to the bar to drink.
Amazing! We ended up going to an outdoor gazebo to get some shots and had
nobody from the wedding party there except my Maid Of Honor because all
the groomsmen and their wives were busy drinking, so we didn't want just
pictures of the bridesmaids only. I should have went ahead and done it,
but we had some beautiful shots with my bridesmaids at the greenhouse. The
outdoor pictures turned out beautiful of just the two of us, so that's all
Oh, and I have to mention, my husband had been in all
three of their weddings, threw bachelor parties for them, stood around for
tons of pictures at his best man's wedding, all while going to school full
time and working full time. But, they could not be bothered to take any f-ing
pictures at his wedding. This really hurt my husband, he loves his
brothers and best friend. But, being the wonderful person that he is, he
has let it go and we've been married now for 5 years and see his family
often (the live 10 hours away).
One last thing... when we are ordering pictures, my
mother in law keeps complaining to me that there is only pictures of MY
side of the family. She keeps drilling me as to where my husbands 2
brothers, sister-in-laws, best friend's pictures are, as if I purposely
left them out. I had tried not to lose my cool, but finally, my wonderful
husband said, "Well mom, that's because they all couldn't bother
getting their f-ing pictures taken and were at the bar!". She
commented that she didn't know that was all going on. Yeah, like I would
just get MY family's pictures taken. WHATEVER.
I come from a rural background, and where I grew up,
weddings are pretty informal occasions. None of the $30,000 affairs that I
see now that I live in a major city! My cousin's recent wedding was no
different that most of the small-town style weddings I've gone to growing
up, and I can really appreciate their simplicity even if some aspects of
these weddings can be a little bit tacky (i.e. purple crepe paper and
purple silk carnation decorations).
The groom and bride had a simple outdoor ceremony. They
are Pagan, but since the groom's family is devoutly Catholic, they had a
JOP marry them in a non-religious ceremony to avoid a family feud. The
bride and groom were both so happy and in love; it was very touching to
see them as they wept and read their vows to each other. However, their
friends and the paid photographer/DJ were truly an embarrassment to them
One of the bridesmaids wore giant platform shoes with
her more traditional bridesmaids dress. Worse, she was wearing some kind
of jingle-bell ankle bracelet that made a terrific amount of noise as she
clomped down the aisle. However, one of the groomsmen was MUCH worse.
Clearly he had been drinking, and in the middle of the Ceremony he
pulled out what first appeared to be a cell phone from his pocket. It was
a flask! He took a large swig (this is DURING the vows mind you) and
proceeded to offer it to the other horrified groomsmen.
To add to this embarrassment, the photographer (who I
think was a student) was totally obtrusive during the ceremony,
positioning and repositioning herself feet from the bride and behind the
altar throughout! (Perhaps she did not have a longer lens?). During the
VFW Hall reception, the DJ could not read his cue card and made an ass of
himself trying to introduce the bride and groom as he had no idea what
their names were.
This is an unfortunate story as the Bride and Groom were
very nice people who were just trying to have a modest wedding on a budget
(their own dime) and to include their rather hick friends. I guess the
lesson is to hire professionals or no one at all, and don't hesitate to
exclude the friend who you know, in your heart, is going to misbehave.
I was honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid in my
brother’s wedding. His wife has sisters of her own and several
close friends, but asked my sister and me to be in the wedding party.
Many things went wrong with the planning. Three years later, I still
have not received my invitation to the wedding. I still have not
received a phone call back from the organizer of the bridal shower about
where I can send my gift because I lived across the country and could not
make it. And naturally my dress was hideous.
The worst came two days before the wedding when I
realized that I did not have a ride to the ceremony! Although I had
already spent about $500 for the dress and accessories, had flown across
the country and brought with me a lovely and expensive selection of
California wines for the bride and groom I had to arrange my own
transportation to the ceremony and reception! The bride had seen fit
to make sure that she and her sisters had white Lincoln Town Cars driving
them, but my sister and I had no ride, and don’t even live in the state
so we didn’t have our cars with us.
Just when I thought we would have to take a bicycle
built for two to the church, a friend loaned us a nice car for the day.
My wedding is in a few months and there are no
sister-in-laws in the bridal party. By the way, three years later
I’m still waiting for my thank you card too.
This is a cautionary story about not asking old friends
out of obligation...
When my husband and I got engaged, I asked three friends
to be bridesmaids, including a friend I'll call "K," with whom
I'd been friends since we were 12. K seemed a little hesitant to accept,
citing money, time, etc. I told her that basically all I cared about that
she get her dress, the rehearsal and the wedding itself. I would
completely understand if she needed to bag out of any showers,
bachelorette parties, etc that happened to come along, no explanation
necessary. And of course if for some reason, she needed to leave the
reception early, that was fine as long, although I'd appreciate it if she
could stay for the lunch. I'd also try to keep dress costs, etc down as
much as possible. Having been through a few bridezilla weddings, I was
going to work hard to be considerate of my attendants.
Three of my attendants were from out of state, so
getting everyone together to go dress shopping was pretty much out of the
question. Instead, I send everyone an email asking them if they had
objections to any particular styles and what they considered reasonable,
cost-wise. Everyone but K responded and they were unanimously against
strapless or spaghetti strap dresses. Fine...it was a January wedding
anyway. I asked if they would be ok with me making some selections and
then emailing them pics and they could vote. If they were unhappy with all
of the choices, I'd certainly listen to that too. They all picked the one
that I had actually liked the most (an a-line with a tasteful square
neckline, 1 inch tank straps, and a matching shawl to cover their
shoulders). Again, no response from K, who wound up going to get measured
over a week after we needed to have everyone's measurements in, despite 8
weeks notice as to when this info was needed.
Starting 4 months before the wedding, K starts
complaining about the wedding date. Apparently I'm "selfish" for
choosing a date during the finals for a graduate course that she hadn't
even enrolled in when we set our date. This is a date we'd chosen in part
because my two sisters, who were both MOHs, were attending college out of
state and it didn't make sense to have them have to come 500 miles in the
middle of their semester. Fast forward to the dresses coming in.
Unfortunately, the dress shop "generously" measured the dresses
to insure that they could cash in on over-priced alterations (I used this
shop only because the owner was supposed to be a friend of my mother's). I
was horrified when I found out and 1) tried to get a break on the
alterations b/c it was the salon's fault. and 2) baring that, I tried to
find other more reasonably priced seamstresses. K bitched me out for the
salon's mistake (I really felt bad, but I never suspected that they'd pull
this). But she flatly refused any offer to fine a reasonable seamstress
for her (her dress actually didn't need much work because she'd put on at
least 40 pounds in those months...a fact that naturally, I wasn't about to
point out). Instead, she decided to complain to everyone about how I was a
demanding primadonna. The other bridesmaids weren't thrilled about the
dress mishap (not that I blame them), but they didn't take it out on me.
In the last two months pre-wedding (mind you, I'm
working, a graduate student, and planning a wedding), K starts sending me
weekly emails berating me for being selfish and inconsiderate of her
schedule. (I even picked up her dress at the salon for her). I tried
diplomatically offering her opportunities to back out, evening offering to
cover the cost of her dress. She insists, no, she doesn't want to drop
out. She starts complaining how inconsiderate it is that I
"expect" her boyfriend to be there. Uh...actually I don't like
the guy (he's got the personality of an eggplant and is completely caught
up in his own world. plus he treated his last girlfriend horribly) but was
trying to be polite in inviting him...they've lived together for 2 years
so it's not like I could get away with ignoring him and not be making a
pretty big etiquette faux-pas of my own. Knowing that he and a few other
bridal party SOs wouldn't know anyone else, we opted to forgo the usual
head table and seat them together with their partners to make things more
comfortable. Apparently, K thought that that was tacky.
At the rehearsal dinner, she b*tched and moaned the
entire time about how much time things were taking. She kept making
comments like how I'd have to be more accommodating of her schedule for my
second wedding. She also made several divorce-related jokes within earshot
of my SIL, whom she knew damn well was going through a painful divorce. I
was ready to kick her out of the wedding party and uninvite her at this
point. My SIL is one of the sweetest people around and it really burned me
to have K pulling something like that. But something inside of me told me
it would be too late at that point.
The next day, she made us all late to the (completely
optional) hairdresser's appointment by showing up 20+ minutes late. We
were pretty annoyed, especially after her antics of the previous night. My
husband and I had food set up at the hair salon, both so the bridal party
wouldn't starve (lunch wasn't until 1:30) and for the hair dressers who
had graciously come in early for us. Of course my hair dresser was 45
minutes late, no explanation or apology, so I was stuck listening to more
of K's complaining while I had my hair and makeup done, flustered because
I didn't like running late (though thankfully had scheduled in ample time
so as not to keep my hubby and our guests waiting much beyond the
scheduled start time). We get to the church and K stomps up to the
minister and says, "How late is this g-ddamned thing gonna run,
because I'm on a schedule." One of my other bridesmaids yelled,
"This is (My Name)'s wedding day, you should be ashamed of how
selfish you've been." That briefly shuts K up.
We get to the reception and mercifully, our photographer
runs straight through the pictures quickly. K is talking loudly to anyone
who'll listen about how selfish and inconsiderate of her schedule I am and
then proceeds to whine about the cost of the dresses and how ugly they are
to our guests. Further divorce jokes. As we're about to line up, K comes
up to us and tells my husband that he needs to go punch out the
photographer because he groped her and claims my sister saw. I take stuff
like that seriously, so I asked this sister who said that the photographer
never touched K. (K generally dislikes men and has been known to
over-react to something as simple as a guy saying "hi.") All of
this through the lunch, much to the discomfort of the surrounding guests,
there is further complaining about the dresses and how she doesn't think
the marriage will last.
She comes up to me several times to whine about the food
(a vegetarian dish she specifically requested), the music (which is in a
separate room, with another area provided for guests who don't want to
listen to the band). She starts moaning about how she and her boyfriend
hate the food, music, etc and how I should have consulted them to find
something more suitable to their tastes. She further complains about the
scheduling. Mind you, there are friends of my parents, some of who've
never met us (parents insisted on inviting) who were warmer and more
sincere in their congratulations than K and her boyfriend. Finally, K
comes up to say that she's decided to leave (fine with me!). I politely,
but perhaps a little coolly, say goodbye.
I get an email from K, 3 weeks later, again complaining
how selfish I had been, then asking me to help her move (riiiight). I told
her that I was helping my SIL move that weekend (which was actually true,
even though I'd never have helped her). She tried to explain "the
error of my ways." Needless to say, I haven't spoken to her in almost
When my close friend, “Missy,” got engaged, we were
all excited. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids and I was thrilled
to accept, as we had known each other since we were very young.
After enduring two separate dress fittings three hours
drive away, receiving invitations to no less than seven bridal showers (My
bank account was depleted after the third one), giving into the bride’s
demand to have her bachelorette party in another state, and listening to
the bride’s snotty makeup artist insult the bridal party on the day of
the wedding, we were happy for her but relieved it was all over. You’re
in a wedding, you grin for the photos and silently bear it, right?
Two years later, while planning my own wedding, I asked
“Missy” to be my MOH and she happily accepted. On a budget and
handling the planning myself while holding down a full-time job, I
probably could have used some advice from a recent bride, or at the
minimum, a sympathetic ear. I heard very little from “Missy” in the
months leading up to my wedding other than the calls I made to her to
schedule her dress fittings.
Fortunately, my bridesmaid “Beverly” helped me keep
my sanity. We haven’t been friends for as long, but she called me
regularly to offer her help or just listen. She also made the preparation
A few months before the wedding date, another friend
called to see how the plans were going for my bachelorette party/personal
shower. I had no idea, as “Missy” hadn’t mentioned it and I’d been
too frazzled to even think about it. My friend promised to call
“Missy” and get an update. She called me back and very reluctantly
told me that no plans were in the works as “Missy” had been “much
too busy with work.” I had to drag it out of her, but she also confessed
that “Missy” had even complained about my chosen wedding date, as this
was inconvenient for her and her new husband.
“Why is she getting married in the fall anyway?”
Missy had said. “Doesn’t she realize that’s football season?”
Funny, I don’t seem to remember “Missy” asking us if the multiple
dress fittings and showers were “convenient” for our schedules.
My other friend told me not to fret, she’d put
everything together. She called “Beverly” and they threw me a
wonderful party to celebrate my upcoming wedding. “Missy” showed up
and pretended to be helpful and supportive. I didn’t let on that I knew
otherwise and tried to have a good time.
Before the wedding, I promoted my friend “Beverly”
to co-honor attendant and listed her name as such in the program. I guess
the moral of the story is, be extremely selective when picking your
wedding party. Don’t assume just because you’ve known someone a long
time, they’ve matured.
And “Missy?” Whenever I rarely hear from her, she
always asks, “Why don’t we ever get together like we used to?” Maybe
I should tell her to call back after football season.
A co-worker's sister got married. This co-worker was a
bridesmaid, and she was very excited about the whole thing; she talked a
lot about it beforehand. It sounded like it was going to be a very nice
wedding with all the trimmings. After the big day, she passed around
photographs that she had taken with her camera to share the day with all
of us, since of course we were not invited. When they got to me, I noticed
that it was a lovely church wedding, with the bridesmaids in lovely simple
satin dresses and the groomsmen all in tuxedos. In the reception pictures,
I noticed that some of the guests were wearing blue jeans and casual tops,
etc. Looking closer, I saw that they were members of the bridal party!
They had apparently changed out of their gowns and tuxes and back into
whatever they had worn before the ceremony! I hoped that my co-worker
didn't follow suit, but sure enough there was a picture of her on the
dance floor wearing jeans and a plaid shirt, her hair still done up in the
fancy 'do! (Apparently one of her family members used her camera and took
some shots with it.) The bride and groom, I noticed, still wore their
finery and didn't change for the reception, and of course the other guests
wouldn't have had a change of clothes.
Later that day, I overheard this co-worker telling the
story about the casual attire to someone else; I didn't ask her about it.
Apparently the groomsmen started the idea; having worn their jeans to the
church and changed into their tuxedos there, they decided to change back
after the post-ceremony photographs. The bridesmaids then followed suit.
My co-worker seemed to think it was FUNNY that she was one of six people
at the reception dressed in jeans. Classy.
My husband and I were married last summer. We had
been engaged a little over a year before we married. From the start
of our wedding planning, my husband and I knew who we wanted in our
wedding party. We had no objections to each other's selections, but
I did have a few doubts about the Best Man. I will call him
"M" had a drinking problem. He had been
arrested for DUI several times, and my husband had spent countless hours
on the phone consoling him after he'd said or done something
regretful while drinking. There were even a few times my husband
refused to speak to "M" for awhile after "M" had said
awful things to him while drunk! I questioned my husband on whether
"M" could handle being the Best Man without getting drunk and
causing a scene. My husband said "M" knew how
important this day was to us, was completely supportive of the marriage,
and would not do anything to ruin the day.
About 6 months before the wedding, "M" was
arrested for another DUI. He was required to make an appearance in
court, and was facing possible jail time. If he went to jail, we
knew he wouldn't be out in time to be in our wedding. Needless to
say, this caused a bit of stress, but I never stopped praying and having
faith that "M" would be there on our big day. Luckily,
"M" was given house arrest and no jail time. He didn't
have a driver's license and wouldn't for awhile, but felt confident he
could get here for the wedding. He pledged to stop drinking, and
everything seemed to be going well. A short time before the
wedding, "M" decided he would be a social drinker. I
knew there was no way an alcoholic could be a social drinker, but my
husband assured me that "M" wouldn't ruin the wedding with
My husband and I were married in a church. I told
all members of the wedding party that I didn't want anyone showing up to
the church for rehearsal or the ceremony with alcohol on their breath.
I really was only concerned about "M", but I didn't want to
single anyone out. Nobody had an issue with this request except
"M" who tried every conceivable way of getting me to change my
mind. He wanted to toast his best buddy on his wedding day.
Well, then save it for the reception (where tradition dictates you do just
"M" came to stay with us the week before the
wedding so he and my husband could hang out before the rush of the
wedding. Three days before the wedding, "M", my husband,
and a few friends went cigar shopping and stopped to have a few beers.
"M" ended up very drunk. He continued drinking until he
turned obnoxious, and embarrassed us in front of friends who had come over
to help prep food for our rehearsal dinner. "M" picked a
fight with me about seating arrangements at the reception. Soon I
was so mad (and frankly a little scared) about "M"'s
behavior that I just wanted to leave my own house.
Then we got a call that one of our Groomsmen was in the
hospital recovering from a sudden heart attack, and would be unable to
come to the wedding. My husband was devastated as he had searched
for this person (they had lost contact) for several months to ask him to
be in the wedding, and was looking forward to seeing his long lost friendagain. "M" was so drunk he
didn't realize what was happening, and began laughing and making jokes
about the situation as if he thought we were kidding. He told
my husband to "cheer up, you're getting married." Then he
kept saying, "You need to replace him in the wedding party."
"M" also became quite belligerent when I asked him to leave my
husband and me alone so we could talk about the situation with our friend
who'd had the heart attack. My husband took "M" out to
sober him up, to no avail. "M" ended up coming home and
passing out. I was livid, and told my husband "M" was
no longer welcome in our home. I said I would be civil through
the next few days, but that was it.
The next night was the Bachelor Party. I knew it
was going to get ugly again. However, "M" had sobered up,
remembered nothing of the night prior, and apologized profusely when told
about how he acted. Before they left for the party, "M"
told the other guys to watch him. I knew it wouldn't matter.
We had decided to hold the Bachelorette Party at the same place as the
Bachelor Party (to start) since we had a lot of mutual friends of the
opposite sex. I left to pick my bridesmaid up at the airport, and
when I returned a short while later, disaster had struck.
"M" was drunk, and him and my husband had gotten into a yelling
match. They were so loud the bar manager threatened to kick them out
and call the police. They ended the argument, and my husband had
some guys escort "M" from the bar. He gave "M"
some money and told him to go anywhere but our home.
My husband and I arrived home in the early morning hours
to find "M" on our couch (he didn't have a key so we knew he'd
broken in), and still drinking. My husband called the police and
asked that "M" be removed. A few seconds after
"M" left our house with the cop, I checked the guest room for
our wedding bands. Since "M" was the Best Man we had given
him the wedding bands to bring to the church. All I found was the
jewelry box they came in. I ran to the door and told the cop I
thought "M" had our rings. The cop asked "M"
about the rings, and "M" said they were in the room. The
cop told "M" to get them and give them to me. He had
hidden them in the bookcase! Good thing I noticed then, or we might
not have found the rings for the ceremony.
At this point, of course, the friendship was severed and
"M" was out of the wedding. We lost our Ring Bearer too
("M"'s son). It all worked out though, and we had a
wonderful wedding day that went very smoothly! It was nice to know I
didn't have to dread the wedding reception, and what "M"'s
actions might be after hitting the bar. It's sad that a life long
friendship was severed, but we couldn't help him. Hopefully someone
can before it's too late.
Mine isn't quite as hellish as some others, but still
When I told Linda - a very old friend of mine - that I
was engaged, she was ecstatic for me. Despite her living in another
state, I asked her to be a bridesmaid, to which she happily accepted.
Since Linda lives so far away, I had to mail her the
information about the bridesmaids' dress so that she could get measured
and order it. The deadline to get the dresses was March, 6 months
before the wedding, and I'm really bad about mailing stuff. Linda
bugged me up until a couple days after New Year's to send her the dress
information. (Which was fine!) I mailed it to her the first
week of January.
After that, I didn't hear from her in weeks. My
local MOH and I called and emailed her nearly every day to no avail.
Finally, in mid-February she emailed me and said that she had had a bad
case of bronchitis and was in the hospital and, of course, couldn't call
because of her voice. (She was also in college, so she was
understandably busy. However, I used to see her online 24/7 until
January when she suddenly disappeared.) Anyways, I told her that was
fine, she had until the first week of March and could order her dress
either locally to her or she could fax her measurements to the bridal shop
local to me to order it.
The last weekend in February, my bridesmaids and I all
got together to get them fitted for their dresses. (All the girls
except Linda, of course, and my other MOH who also lives out of state,
relatively close to Linda - we'll call this out-of-state MOH
"Kathy".) Anyways, yet again, my local MOH and I called
and emailed Linda constantly to see if she had ordered her dress. In
the meantime, Kathy called me and told me she was speaking to Linda at
that exact moment online, and that she had in fact gotten measured for her
dress. I immediately signed on and IMed Linda to ask if she had
ordered her dress as well. She didn't answer me and then said
"be right back".... after a few minutes, she put up an away
message. Another few minutes pass and I check her away message - it
stated that she had gone to the lab for class! She TOTALLY had blown
Okay, so, the dress deadline comes and goes. I
call Linda constantly and leave her voice mails (she never ever answered
her phone, I was always leaving voice mails) ... I informed her that
the deadline that the local bridal shop had given me had passed, and that
I had to tell the shop to go ahead and place the order for the other
girls' dresses, but that if she was free to order her dress from a local
shop, so long as she placed the order within the next week, in order to
guarantee that the dress would be in in time to get altered, etc, for the
It's now the end of May and I haven't heard from Linda
at ALL since the day she blew me off. Once the second deadline I had
given her was up, I just assumed she had not ordered her dress and was out
of the wedding. I called Kathy one day and she told me that the day
she had spoken to Linda online, Linda had told her that she "may not
be able to perform her bridesmaids duties." Kathy asked her why
(which was fine, as she is a MOH), but Linda told Kathy that she would
rather tell me personally. Did I mention I NEVER heard from her
again and that she BLEW ME OFF the one time in the past 5 months that I
DID finally get a hold of her?
I just don't understand, since she seemed so thrilled
not only for me getting married, but to be a part of all this, not to
mention hounding me to mail her the dress info. And then *poof* she
vanished. The wedding is now 3 months away and I'm not sure if I
should even waste the stamp to invite her.
My cousin Nicole asked me to be a bridesmaid in her
August 2003 wedding. I agreed, realizing later that she had only
asked me because she felt she “had to.” (but that’s another story.)
She also had a matron of honor and three other bridesmaids, two of whom
lived out of state (one actually lived out of the country). The two
out-of-town bridesmaids never helped with any facet of the planning,
including the shower. As a matter of fact, Nicole wanted to
“un-ask” them about three months after she announced her bridal party
because she felt that they didn’t really care about her wedding at all
(which, they didn’t).
At the time of the wedding, I was only 20 years old, and
so planning the bachelorette party was a little difficult and being that
the matron of honor had two children and a full-time job, she gave up
after a few weeks of trying to find a date and venue that would work for
everyone. As a consequence, we never had a bachelorette party, the
given reason being that it was because I was underage (the only one with
this problem). The rehearsal dinner and wedding day went off without
a hitch, the two out-of-town bridesmaids made it into town ok, and I never
thought anything else of the bachelorette party issue.
Fast forward eight months to March 2004—I had just
gotten engaged and was in the process of figuring out my own bridal party,
and considered asking Nicole to be in it, when my mother told me this
The night before the rehearsal dinner, both out-of-town
bridesmaids, the matron of honor, the other bridesmaid, and the mother of
the bride (my aunt) all went out together to a restaurant together.
The kicker? The restaurant wasn’t over 21—I could have very
easily gone with them. But they never invited me…not even so much
as a call to see if I was busy that night or not. My mother
found out from the third bridesmaid (also my aunt) who called to ask why I
wasn’t at the get-together. Then the truth came out!
Meanwhile, I had been the most enthusiastic of the entire bridal party,
constantly offering my help to the bride. She always refused.
Needless to say, I won’t be having her in my wedding!
My best friend of 20 years invited both my son and
daughter to be part of her wedding. I was thrilled. My son wasn't ready
for the experience but my daughter was more than ready being in fifth
grade. As the activities went on in preparation it was told to me by the
bride that all children will be asked to leave once the dinner part of the
evening was started. So I said I would have a babysitter escort my son
home and she added that includes your daughter. I was flabbergasted, did
not know what to say, since she was good enough for the pictures and the
story book wedding but not good enough to have a meal...you know the meal
is over 80 dollars a person she said.
So, I am torn, fortunately my daughter does not know she
was slighted by not being able to stay but I feel she was just
disrespected. To top off the experience I was called because the 250
dollar gift we gave was not from the department store where she got
points, but from the manufacturer. We were able to give a complete service
set for the same cost of only a third of the pieces from he department
store. I guess it is not the thought but just the points........
Finally, the bridal shower that her family was having
sent invitations out. I made major changes in order to got to it to find
out they change the date so another friend would be able to accommodate
her needs. Needless to say I am a glutton, I changed my plans one more
time and let the family know. I was then told we figured you would not be
able to come so don't feel you need to we did not plan for you.
Glad the wedding will be done in six weeks
Great site and sadly, I just realized that I have a
story for you! In college, I was best friends with a woman
named "Nancy." We were also friends with another woman
Nancy got engaged right after we graduated from college
and began to plan her wedding for the following fall. She asked both
me and Susan to be bridesmaids. The wedding was in Michigan. I
was living in New York City at the time and struggling at best. I
had planned to fly in for the wedding but could not make the shower.
I sent a small gift and apologized - Nancy said she understood. (important
later) I flew in for the wedding a few days before and stayed with
the bride to be at her new home. While she and her friends from high
school (two other bridesmaids) went to get their nails done, she asked me
to stay behind and clean her house, do some of her laundry and make some
of the food for the bridesmaid's luncheon - basically become her
slave bridesmaid for the afternoon. For some reason I agreed!
The wedding was the next day. Nancy was a beautiful bride and
everything was lovely.
Fast forward about 4 years and it was my turn!
Nancy was to be my matron of honor and Susan, a bridesmaid. Nancy
got pregnant about the same time I announced our engagement. We were
all thrilled for them! My wedding was in late September and the baby
was due in July. Nancy was planning my bridal shower with my Aunts
and some other friends were planning her baby shower - I was unable to
help as I was living in Texas at the time. I flew up to Michigan for
the baby shower, telling Nancy that I was so glad that I was able to make
it for the baby shower since I had missed the wedding shower. The
words out of her mouth shocked me: "Well, you are making it to the
important one, the wedding shower doesn't really matter anyway."
This was about 1 month before the wedding shower SHE was throwing me!
My wedding came and went, Nancy really never said a nice thing about it -
just snarky comments on how small it was (because we did not want