BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN
The "tortured" and the "torturees"
Jan-Jul 2000 Archive
Jul-Dec 2000 Archives
Jan-Jun 2003 Archive
Jul-Dec 2003 Archive
Jan-Jun 2004 Archive
Jul-Dec 2004 Archive
I thought I was all alone having my very best friends treat me
like worthless trash on my wedding day, and the events leading up to it, but
after reading some of the other stories, I see people can be just plain cruel
and heartless when they go over the line of being tacky and a faux pas. I
think I had the most etiquette-impaired bridesmaids to date. This is a
long story because there is a long history between us, but here goes.
I had been best friends with 3 girls for almost 10 years, since we were 13.
All three happened to be cousins as well, the one I thought was my very best
friend no matter what, we’ll call Selena. The other two cousins we’ll
call Angelina and Audrey. I was extremely close with Selena’s family,
they took me in when my family moved and I had no where to go. I loved
Selena’s family like they were my own. They were not perfect at all, I
know that. Selena and Audrey were both very selfish and self-absorbed,
always had been. Selena and I were in a terrible car accident when I was 15 and
she 16. I went through the car’s windshield, and I called her after 8
hours in the emergency room getting my face stitched up. She wasn’t
concerned about what she did to my face, even today after 3 plastic surgeries, I
have deep scars from the glass. She talked only about her boyfriend’s class
ring that was bent. Nothing else. That’s just a little glimpse of
her personality. But I am extremely loyal, and as it turns out, extremely
My husband and I have been dating for 5 years when he
proposed. I instantly called Selena. She was
busy and with some friends, so she never said too much. But, I made her my
maid of honor, as I’d always said I would. Angelina and Audrey were my
two other bridesmaids, and also my sister who lives in Texas, very far from us.
It came time for dress shopping and picking things out, Selena and Audrey
weren’t involved at all. Wanted nothing to do with it. Angelina
did everything with me. We had 350 guests and being 22-a lot of single
friends. So we told all 3 of them no dates, unless like etiquette deemed
appropriate, engaged couples, those living together, or those dating for over a
year. None of them had a boyfriend at that time.
It gets closer to the wedding, and after they put off going
with me dress shopping for as long as the can, until we have to order their
dresses. Selena and Audrey both are unhappy to be there. Audrey is
especially vicious and mean, she keeps complaining about the price. I
didn’t think $160.00 was too much compared to the rest. Selena actually
makes us cut our trip short to get a present for the brother of her new
friend’s boyfriend. She’s known him for 2 months, this while she
hasn’t gotten me a birthday present in years.
Meanwhile, we’re getting all of our planning done and its
getting down to 1 month before the wedding. Audrey hasn’t called me in 8
months. Selena, I’ve only seen from our dress shopping one time. Somehow
or another, they hear about the no dates rule, that they already knew about
anyhow. Selena has been dating a guy for 3 months, Audrey 2 weeks.
This is unacceptable to them. They are always used to getting their own
way, and having people bend to their will. They call us up and ask why.
We explain, we’re paying for as much as we can ourselves, we have a small
budget, a lot of guests, and I don’t want to look back years from now and see
their flavor of the week date, someone I don’t even know at my wedding, and no
one else is bringing a date, everyone else is following our wishes, and its not
fair to make an exception for them. I want my family and friends, not
everybody else’s. They fight and fight and fight this. Audrey
hasn’t called me in 8 months, all of the sudden she starts calling every other
day-complaining we can’t do this to her, this is unfair and selfish, etc. etc.
My husband is very helpful and caring and each time he takes the time to explain
it to them and be as nice as he can. They were going to give me a nervous
breakdown at that rate, all I could do is cry over how little they care about
us. I could not explain the same thing any more and have them yell back in
response. Selena and Audrey are both extremely childish and immature as
well. They have not grown up a bit since when I met them at 13. The last
time my husband explained it to them, he thought they had reached an
understanding. Silly, naïve us.
I got to have 3 showers for my wedding, one from my
husband’s family, one from my family, and one of just friends. I hear
that this is tacky to some people, but we are in a small town, and our family
really wants to do these things for me. Audrey boycotts the first 2 showers,
claiming she’s busy-“Cleaning her bathroom” –of all things. Selena goes
only because Angelina makes her. But Selena isn’t happy there, everyone
can tell. The friends shower that the bridesmaids put on, Audrey shows up
late to it with no explanation and not even a card. She then in front of
all of my friends while I’m opening gifts, starts complaining about how she
can’t bring a date but another friend can-who was engaged. She’s not being
quiet about it at all. I try to ignore her and have a good time. She
doesn’t say a word to me, not even a hello when she shows up, only glares at
me and talks about me. Towards the end of the party, she tells me her
boyfriend dumped her, I just walked away. She wanted my sympathy, but I
had none for her because of her behavior. Right after that, she starts getting
her things to leave. Angelina’s mother asks where she is going, because
she needs to help clean up. Audrey laughs and says “yeah right”, then
slams the door.
The following week I have 2 weeks before the wedding, and my
husband and I are at home filling out invitations when Audrey and Angelina show
up. We know immediately that they are there to complain. I won’t even
look at them I’m so angry. As soon as they sit down, they start yelling,
flat out yelling and screaming that we can’t do this to them. They were
at our house for over an hour screaming at us. I locked myself in the
bedroom and cry while my husband tried to talk with them. They are
irrational people anyhow, but especially if they are not getting their own way.
The highlights from their visit were “This wedding isn’t just about you
guys, We want to share your special day with the people we care about, How can
you treat us like this", and my favorite, "We’re about to take our
dresses back and not even be a part of something like this.” I cried all
night. My husband had a momentary lapse of judgment and said “Bring
whoever you want, I don’t care anymore.” They never said they were sorry,
never did anything. They started talking about themselves and then left.
The very next day, we both regretted his decision, so my husband called them and
said he was sorry for misleading them, but we can’t let just you two bring
dates, no one else is and you can follow those same rules, there will be no
After that, they didn’t speak to us again until the
bachelorette party. I had friends I wanted invited to the party, but
Selena would not allow it. One friend that I worked with I really wanted
there, and Selena told me I could not invite her because her family doesn’t
get along with her. But instead, she invited all of her bar buddies, whom
I know not a one, and her new boyfriend’s sisters and their friends.
Turns out none of them like her, so no one showed. So at my party, I had a
total of 7 girls. All of Selena’s family ditched it for some radio
station party that their friend was having. Audrey is sitting at the one
table with all 7 of us there, with me directly in front of her, she invited one
of her friends and was complaining about me right then and there. I tried
so hard to ignore it, but it was getting ridiculous. Later on 10-15 people all
showed up and asked where the stripper was, we told them they’d missed him
already. Instantly, all of them filed back out. All of these people I
thought cared about me just walked out the door including Selena-my maid of
honor, and Audrey. The party was at Selena’s house and she ditched it.
I went home quite early upset and crying. Later Selena came home and
kicked out my remaining 5 friends that had stayed saying they couldn’t be
All along Angelina had paid for everything. Neither Selena or Audrey would
help pay for anything. Angelina kept putting it on her credit card and
kept getting excuses from both of them why they couldn’t or shouldn’t have
to help pay. Finally she gives up and decides to just pay for it herself.
Again, Audrey and Selena don’t talk to me for a week until the rehearsal
dinner-day before the wedding. We had 30 people at the rehearsal
dinner-they are eating an expensive free meal that we are paying for, they are
drinking way too much and running up our tab even more, they have their
attendant gifts in front of them that I really spent a lot of time on. And
both Selena and Audrey are complaining about how they don’t want to go
tomorrow because of how we’ve treated them and how unfair we are, how we’ve
singled them out, etc. to my sister. Again, everyone can hear them, and it
is humiliating, but I just ignore it. When I give the attendants their
gifts, my sister and Angelina come up to our table and hug me/pose for a
picture. Selena and Audrey stay firmly in their seats with their arms
The next morning is my wedding day. We are going to a
kind of upscale salon to get ready. Selena had told me numerous times not
to get my nails done myself, it was her present for me and she had the perfect
place for me to go. So I get my nails done at this salon and all is well.
When I’m done, Selena doesn’t say anything. The woman at the front
desk says I can pay anytime I want. I look at Selena and she just looks
away. I have no money on me whatsoever. I don’t want to remind her
she was supposed to pay for it because that seems tacky, no matter how I say it.
So I pay $80 to have my nails done at this place that I didn’t even want to go
The entire wedding party is supposed to be at the church at
noon, for a few early pictures. Selena and Audrey show up at almost 1:00 without
any explanation. I let it go. I’m too nervous and excited to waste
my time on them. The ceremony is beautiful and after it we have a little
pre-reception party to stop by and our wedding party was going to stop at the
bar. Well, apparently Selena and Audrey didn’t want to go to the bar,
some friend was having another party with the radio station people there.
So that’s where they went instead. We arrived at the reception hall
before they did. My brother in law had to drag them out literally from the
other party because they said they weren’t going to the wedding. They got
there 20 minutes after us and were already drunk. Selena and Audrey were
both being loud and obnoxious. I have a conservative family, and my
husband has 2 reverends on his side. We asked them repeatedly to quite
down and not be so loud, but they just kept doing it.
The straw that broke the camels back. Not even 45
minutes into the wedding and we are sitting at head table, our entire wedding
party with us. I hear Audrey badmouthing me again to some friends of mine,
complaining that so and so brought a date and she knew she was being singled
out. Enough was enough. I slammed my fist down on the table and told her
no one is deaf, I can hear everything she says about me. I am upset and
crying and I run out of the room. My husband with almost 20 witnesses says
to her “I don’t know what is going on but its over. I don’t want to
hear another word about it tonight. You have a problem, call us tomorrow
and we’ll talk, but not today on our wedding.” My husband is very level
headed and doesn’t raise his voice often, and he didn’t this time either.
Audrey flips out and starts yelling-at the head table where everyone can see her
and then takes off running to the bathroom. I am in a corner crying and people
are walking into the wedding still and seeing me like that. Angelina and
my cousin get me into the bathroom, not knowing Audrey is in a stall already. I
am crying hysterically and I say she doesn’t even care about us at all, she
never has. All of the sudden in this awful shrill voice Audrey yells F- you
Karen, like I don’t even care! I cry even harder and I run out of there.
Selena goes into the bathroom after Audrey and they are in there for along time
yelling and screaming, not at each other, but together about me. Our
grandmother, the reverend was in there, listening to them yell and scream and
curse and say awful things. After all was said and done our grandmother
took me aside and told me those girls are not your friends and do not deserve
forgiveness. This-coming from a reverend. Selena stormed out of our
wedding walking right past me without a word. Audrey was making a huge
production in the entrance of the hall in front of about 20-30 guests. I
walk out there crying and put my hands on her shoulders and tell her she
doesn’t have to go, don’t do this. Again in an awful shrill voice
F-you Karen, don’t touch me, and she puts her hands on me and pushes me so
hard I stumble backwards and almost fall. Luckily my husband saves the day
and carries me out of there, I might have beaten her to a pulp if left alone
Now as if that were not bad enough, the master and mistress of
ceremony are Selena’s parents. Selena’s mother Jamie is just like
Selena and Audrey, only older. Her husband John, I never thought was.
He was like a father to me. Jamie is yelling at me while I am crying
saying “This is your own fault for treating them this way. If I were
them I would have done the same thing, everything isn’t always about you.”
Then Jamie tells me she’s also leaving along with her husband John. I
cry and cry because I thought they were like second parents to me, I thought
they loved me. Jamie then finds my husband and lays into him 10 times
worse. She told him he caused this whole mess, that there is a time and a
place for everything and he had horrible timing. She’s lecturing the
groom about bad timing, yet she’s yelling at us on our wedding day?
So, finally in one awful blow, the maid of honor, master and
mistress of ceremony, and my bridesmaid all walk out of our wedding. I am left
crying and shaking in the hall’s kitchen. So many people saw what
happened. I never have been so humiliated and degraded and defeated in my entire
life. And yet it continues somehow.
After they left my reception, Selena, Audrey, and Jamie all
went to the radio station party. My bridesmaid and maid of honor went to
this party in their dresses from my wedding that they ditched. While
there, they lied to everyone and got free drinks for being a part of a bridal
party. Then to top it off, started telling these horrendous lies about us
and our wedding. A friend of Angelina’s was at this party and
actually called her at the reception to ask what happened, because Selena and
Audrey were there crying and telling some story of being kicked out of a wedding
by their oldest friend.
This was almost a year ago exactly, and I still cry when
I see my wedding pictures and the video. They have not once tried to
apologize or say anything. In fact we’ve had run ins with them since and
it just keeps getting worse. But that’s a whole different story.
Ok, this is not my wedding but it could be if this bridesmaid
puts me in her upcoming wedding. I will be forced to repay the
"favor." I have two dear friends from law school,
"Karen" and "John" who are getting married to each
other. They had dated on and off all during school and no one was surprised
when they became engaged a few months after graduating. One
"friend" "Becka" actually says to me, "My friend from
college is getting married too. I can't afford two expensive bridesmaid
dresses." Way to be selfish.
The wedding is to take place the Friday after a holiday and
myself and four other ladies, including Becka, have been ask to stand-up
during the wedding. The wonderful Karen picked a color and allowed all of
us to pick out our own dresses. Perfect situation right? Becka will
always find something to complain about even though price is now something she
will determine for herself. Four months after John and Karen are
engaged and the wedding party has been determined, Becka
gets engaged as well; to a man she has known for less than 6 months and the
wedding will be six months after John and Karen's.
Becka immediately starts to complain to Karen about wedding
plans and how difficult it is to plan a wedding. Hello! Karen has
her own wedding to plan. So here we are, 6 months from John and Karen's
big day and Becka has her wedding dress but no bridesmaid dress for
Then Becka announces that since John and Karen's wedding is
the Friday after a holiday and the rehearsal and dinner will be on the holiday,
she and her fiancé can't make any of the events because they have to do family
dinners. There are bridal party members who live in different time
zones who will be at the rehearsal and prior events, but Becka, who lives only four
hours away cannot be bothered to show-up and do her bridesmaid duty? Karen
was livid and I totally back her up.
The kicker is, both Karen and I are in Beck's wedding and if
we pulled even half the crap she's pulling, we'd get an earful and tossed out of
the wedding. It may be worth a try to save us the trouble!
My now ex-husband (Tim) was unable to decide between his
childhood best friend (Kevin) and Alex, a guy who was his workout partner and
coworker so we were to have 2 best men. Alex took it upon himself to set
up the entertainment for the bachelor party. I had no problem with the
fact that there would be exotic dancers at the party as I myself work as an
exotic dancer and perform at bachelor parties. I called Alex and
volunteered to help him find an agency that employed woman who I did not know.
He told me he had it under control and not to worry. I gave him the name
of my agency so that while calling companies he knew not to call the one that I
worked for. My Fiancé and I had our parties the same night and he was to
sleep at Kevin's house as after a long night of bar hopping the limo was
dropping all the girls off at the house my fiancé and I shared. The next
morning my Fiancé came home and informed me that the ladies who entertained at
his party were in fact from my agency. There were still a few ladies
asleep upstairs so shortly after they left my fiancé and I had a huge argument.
Later that night I called Alex. I was hoping for an apology but instead
got a lecture on how my Fiancé had to deal with people making comments on how
inappropriate my job was. He also claimed it was a mistake that it was my
agency that was employed for the party because he himself did not make the call
it was a coworker who was attending the party. Although I was extremely
unhappy I decided not to let the situation bother me as the wedding was the
We had a beautiful wedding and everything went perfect except
the Alex's toast. Both Alex and Kevin were to give a toast. Kevin went
first. His toast was extremely touching and brought tears to my eyes.
Then it was Alex's turn, he honestly was belittling my now Husband. Alex
talked of how when he Tim first met at the gym where they trained and Tim also
worked at and how Tim used to follow him around like a puppy and how Tim used to
clean the toilets at the gym. He rambled on with his insults for what
seemed like an eternity. Tim and I divorced about 2 1/2 years ago and I recently
ran into a man who worked with Tim and Alex and who attended the bachelor party.
He informed me that it was no mistake, Alex made the call to my agency himself
and did know that it was the agency I worked for because he was standing there
when Alex made the call. I have not seem Alex since my
divorce and I pray that I never see him again.
It frightens me that I've only been to three weddings and yet
have a story to contribute.
One of my best friends was getting married. Another friend of
ours was the MoH, I was a bridesmaid and the third attendant was the
bride-to-be's sister-in-law. SiL is a... more colorful person than just about
anyone on either side of the family (embarrassing the bride's elderly and
conservative grandmother by bragging about how well her husband pleased her in
bed is an excellent example). If you didn't react to her stories the first time,
she would repeat them louder, on the assumption that if you hadn't laughed, you
must not have heard. (Ah, no, my dear; they just weren't that funny and no one
wants to encourage you.)
Standard complaints about a bridesmaid: did little to help on
the day of the wedding, tended to draw all attention to herself, etc. It hardly
mattered; the bride had plenty of attendants getting ready (four close friends,
which was more than enough -- possibly too much ::smile::). The wedding was
being held in a park and it was an absolutely gorgeous ceremony.
SiL? Talked. Through the ceremony. WHILE standing in front of
all of the guests. While the ceremony was going on she kept a low-voiced but
constant recitation of all the things that were done *better* at her wedding.
(Since I'd only just met her the day before, I really wouldn't have cared
regardless -- during her brother's wedding? Intolerable!)
I didn't have the guts to hush her. During the vows, the MoH
and I started crying because it was so beautiful and she mock-punched me (ow)
and asked why I was crying, this was a HAPPY thing. (Heavens, I wish I could go
back in time and quietly and clearly say, "Shut up, you harpy.") (I'd
like to point out that everyone involved here was mid-to-late twenties in age.
As I reread it, it sounds like a bunch of 14-year-olds!)
Thankfully, I don't think the bride and groom ever noticed.
(Honestly? If they noticed anything other than each other I'd be shocked.) At
the reception, I was seated on the end of a long table with SiL between me and
my friend, the MoH. I considered asking to switch with her, and then decided
that if I stuck her at the end of the table, she would talk my ear off!
Everything else about the wedding was lovely and perfect
(perfect in that it was appropriate for the bride and groom, not that it was
Hollywood-flawless) but I just wanted to strangle SiL!!!!!!!
Between my best friend's SIL and myself, she was royally
screwed. I still feel badly about the bridal shower that went awry, even though
I know it was only 75% my fault.
Two years out of high school, my best friend gets engaged, and
asks me to be a bridesmaid. She asks her sister, then 13, to be her MOH, and
myself to be the 'unofficial' MOH, meaning I would plan the shower, bachelorette
events, etc. I was in college at the time, very young, and working several jobs.
I was also self-centered.
As the wedding time drew near, I went out of my way to be
prepared to help with wedding plans. I took a week off of school for the wedding
(even though it was a tough time academically) and made arrangements with my
jobs for the leave. But while I was being conscientious about these things, I
completely dropped the ball on the bridal shower, thinking that my best friend's
SIL, who was also a bridesmaid, was handling everything.
See, a few months before, I had sent the SIL an email
detailing my ideas and what I figured we would do. In the flurry of my busy life
I completely neglected to notice that she never responded. But, because I had
written the email, I put it out of my mind, until my best friend (the Bride)
calls me a month before the wedding very upset because there is no shower being
planned and her little sister the MOH is crying because she doesn't know what to
do and her mother is shouting... It was a disaster. My friend had to plan her
own get-together with the bridesmaids to put together the favors, etc., but
there was no shower or pre-wedding event where we could all gather and fawn over
the blushing new bride. No bachelorette either.
I failed because a) I was very young and stupid, b) I had
never been a bridesmaid before, nor had any experience with weddings, c) I was flaky
and completely self-absorbed and d) because her SIL dropped the ball too, since
we were supposed to do it together. But I should have come through. I still feel
guilty about this, and wish my friend could have had the wedding shower and
bachelorette events she deserved. She's a very loving, forgiving person, so she
forgave me, and later threw me a lovely shower when I was engaged. But I will
never forget how I let my good friend down.
I got what I deserved later -- my own MOH, my younger sister,
flaked in many of the same ways. I am sure it was for many of the same reasons,
as she was also 19, working many jobs, in college and pretty self-absorbed.
I encourage all young bridesmaids and MOHs to study up on
their responsibilities and keep lines of communication with the bride wide, wide
open. And never make assumptions. Put yourself in your friend's shoes, and do
unto her as you would like her to do to you! She just might!
My sister got married a few years ago and I was the maid of honor.
The best man was my brother-in-law's best friend at the time. The wedding
was held in Canada, but we all went to the Philippines for their honeymoon /
family reunion. My mother gave them the honeymoon trip as a gift and we,
the bride, groom, and best man, together with my sisters and their
families, will be going to a tropical resort and around the country for three
The whole time that we were on vacation, the best man was
constantly rude, got drunk, swore around the children (my nieces and nephews),
and complained about how hot it was. I don't know why but I guess he
didn't realize he was in a tropical country!
The worst was when the three of them (my sister, her new
husband and the best man) went to Thailand for 3 days. He never spent any
time with them, and on the day of their departure, they couldn't find him.
He wasn't in his hotel room, the hotel employees hadn't seen him, and they were
in danger of missing their flight back to Canada! They even
tried calling the police, but since he hasn't been gone for more than
twenty-four hours, they couldn't file a report. He came to the hotel one
hour before their flight was about to leave, drunk, and with a girl, who was
obviously a prostitute. When they asked where he was, he just shrugged and
said, "If I were you, I would've left". When they got back home,
they never spoke to him again.
About 10 years ago my friend "Anna" got engaged. She
asks me to be a bridesmaid. It was my first time as one, so I was excited. I
realize this situation isn't as appalling as most, but one thing that makes me
crazy is when people take on a wedding that they either 1) can't afford or 2)
can't properly plan. Nothing wrong with a small wedding, y'all.
A week before the wedding, it's Saturday morning and I'm
asleep. It's about 9 A.M. My phone rings and it's another bridesmaid, saying
"Why are you at home?! You're supposed to be at the bridesmaid
luncheon!". Huh? It seems Anna forgot to tell some of us about it. She was
also having a shower that same day at her mother's house, which I was aware of,
but that wasn't until 12:00. Annoyed, I scramble out of bed and get ready (I was
told to dress up) as fast as I can. I'm told to go to her mother's house.
I get there to find that the "luncheon" entails
eating chicken salad off paper plates in her mom's kitchenette, with Coke to
drink. This is why I'd scrambled out of bed and put on a skirt and hose? Now
there's nothing wrong with a simple lunch, but this is like hanging out at
someone's house on any weekend. I was mad, but kept quiet and ate my food. Then
I had to hang around for the shower.
Later that week I'm told the bride has found the shoes she
wants us to wear and we need to go pick them up. Fine, except I'm told they're
at a mall on the other side of town... a BAD side of town. By bad, I mean that
people have been shot, killed, raped or carjacked in the parking lots. My
brother had his truck broken into at this same mall (and had the gun stolen out
of it). I go to pick up the shoes... and they're the standard dyeable slip on
shoes. Any local shoe store would have had them.
The night before the wedding arrives. We rehearse in the
church. All is fine until the MOH says "Oh yeah, when do we get our hair
done tomorrow?" Huh? The bride has said nothing about getting our hair
done! Oops, turns out she wants all of us to have French Twist hairdos. Once
again she forgot to inform everyone but the MOH.
I had short, very fine hair. There is no way my hair can be
put into a style like that. And anyone who knows me should realize I'd sooner
die than wear a big poofy hairdo. But what choice do I have?
The 'salon' is a country place off the side of a highway, run
by the bride's aunt. Think of Truvy's salon in Steel Magnolias, only much less
nice. There's two chairs in the salon so the five of us have to take turns and
wait. The MOH had been growing out her bangs... well, the aunt grabs her
scissors and chops them off without asking! The MOH gulped but said nothing
(she's a better woman than I). Because my hair was short and fine, massive
hairspray had to be used. I said kindly, "I really don't care for big
hair," hoping she would get the idea to not make my hair huge. "Oh,
you need some HEIGHT!" she said, and proceeded to tease my hair. God. She
used about 30 bobby pins on my head and poofed my bangs a good three inches. I
wanted to cry when I saw myself in the mirror.
Once the wedding was over, a bunch of us wanted to go out
afterwards. No way was I going out with grandma hair! We went home to change and
I could NOT brush my hair out. It was so lacquered it just ripped at my hair. I
had to wash it, and even that did not get the spray all out. It was about three
days (and washing every day) for it all to get out. WHY do brides make their
bridesmaids go through this?! Aren't we supposed to be their best friends? Ugh.
I love reading through your website, especially all the
horrible wedding stories. My husband "David" and I have been
married for over two years and I couldn't have asked for a better man.
However, to understand this story, I have to give a little background.
David and I met when I was 18 and he was 21. We had both dated some really
strange people before getting together, and one of the strange people he had
dated was a causal friend of mine, "Mary." They had dated
for three months before almost four years before David and I met. They were
still casual friends and the three of us would get together for coffee or hang
out at my house from time to time. When David and I started dating and
later became engaged, she offered us her best wishes and seemed genuinely
excited. Little did we realize she was still hung up on my fiancé after
After two years of being engaged, David and I had finally
saved up enough money to get married and have the wedding we'd always dreamed
about. My maid of honor was going to be my best friend
"Elizabeth," but the night before my wedding, she did not show up
for the rehearsal. I was very concerned about her because she is a
very reliable person, and tried to reach her by phone. (I didn't learn this
until after I got back from my honeymoon, but Elizabeth's father had passed away unexpectedly the
night before and was away from the phone and too distraught to think about
calling.) The next day, I'd still made no contact with her and
as my wedding approached, I knew I'd have to fill in her spot. Her dress
was at my house and I frantically ran through my list of friends and family.
The only person available and able to fit into Elizabeth's dress was Mary. She readily
agreed to be my maid of honor and I thanked her profusely
for filling in at such short notice. I tell her to meet us at
the church so we can get ready and I can give her the maid of honor dress.
She dresses quickly and then leaves me and the other three bridesmaids behind
without any explanation. I go out to look for her, and she's following
David around like a lost puppy. Everywhere he went, she went. She
kept reaching up to hug him and he would push her away because he didn't think
it was appropriate for the groom to have the maid of honor hanging all over him.
Even so, she tried to kiss him, not a little peck on the check, but on the
mouth. She kept badgering him with questions like "Are you sure
you want to do this? You don't have to, you know." Or,
"How are you REALLY feeling?" The capper was when she told him
that she was still in love with him. He finally told her to go away.
Twenty minutes later, David and I walked down the aisle.
I cried when I recited my vows and when she started to cry
too, I thought it was so sweet that she was so happy for us.
David told me later that day what had been happening prior to the wedding. I
was furious at her, and especially because our church wedding certificate had
her signature on it! That little sneak is in all my wedding photos as
my maid of honor. "Maid of horror" is more like it. But
David and I still have all of our wedding photos and our certificate displayed
and it's almost funny that she thought she could change his mind.
My story is incredibly tame compared to others. In the summer
of 2004 I was the MOH in one of my best friend's wedding. The wedding invitation
was extended to everyone, but since a destination wedding requires each person
to pay for flights, hotels, etc. not as many attend. I was the only girlfriend
that attended so I was made the MOH. We were getting very excited!.
The bride's, M, other friend, S wasn't aware I had asked to be
MOH. At a party one night she is VERY LOUDLY telling everyone that she's M's MOH
in spirit. M overheard this and says, "No, I've asked D (me). " S was
furious. She threw a temper tantrum, crying, the whole bit. I tried to let it
roll off my back and just enjoy the months of excitement to come. A couple's
shower was planned that the best man and I hosted - no real problems. S was
miffed that I was the one taking notes on who gave what gift, but nothing bad
A month or so later, it's time for the Bachelorette - which I
was planning to plan. S completely took over. She picked restaurants, themes,
clubs, bars, everything. I was ok with that. I thought she felt slighted so I
gave her the upper hand. Then comes time to split the cost of the party. She
wants me to pay for half of everything. Again, I'm going to oblige her so I
write out a check for $200 and send it to her. My checkbook balanced so I KNOW
she got it. She come to M months later and says I never paid her. S owes M
money, but since I never paid S, S isn't going to pay M. I know I shouldn't
have, but I ended up just paying the money to M. M needs the money and I could
do it at the time.
I will never forgive S for her behavior. I feel a little bad
about it because she's lost M as a friend. All because she was pissed off that I
was MOH over her.
A former friend of mine who I'll call "C" upon
finding out my wedding date insisted on throwing me a bridal shower. I happily
agreed. As we were setting a date, she stated how much her daughter would
"love to be a flower girl at your wedding". Since it was my second
marriage and we were in a very tight budget, I had no planned on having any
attendants. She made me feel so guilty that I relented. Upon hearing of this, my
brother in-law "E" insisted his daughters also be flowers girls at the
wedding since those were my husband's only nieces. Okay, now I am stuck w/ 4
flowers girls to keep the peace..fine! A week before the shower "C"
tells me the party will be held at 10am which was an odd hour but oh well. Only
3 guests showed up and one confided in me that everyone had only received their
invitation the day before. Fast forward to the wedding, I'm passing out flower
girl baskets that my mom had to shell out a lot of money for and I kept waiting
for "C"'s daughter. At 5 minutes before the music started, another
friend had a message from "C" that she and her daughter decided not to
come after all. No phone call, email, or anything.
When my husband and I got married almost 10 years ago I asked
my best friend to be my MOH. She readily agreed and I was very excited.
Over the next 7 months she proceeded to complain about every
detail that she didn't get to decide. She dictated her desired bouquet shape,
sent me a friend of her stepmother's to be the florist, argued about the guest
list, and generally did nothing to help. As it turned out her florist friend
took what decorations I had already bought and never contacted me again so I
even ended up being my own florist. I couldn't afford a wedding planner so I did
everything myself and I'm talking about for 200 guests. She did nothing but
complain and add to the expense.
This woman bought her dress two sizes too small months in
advance saying she'd be able to fit into it by May. Guess again. She gained
weight and left me to solve the problem. She refused to wear anything without at
least 3/4 length sleeves, no low cut back, no low cut front, nothing fitted or
too close to the neck, etc. She wouldn't even shop for herself. I went to
literally every mall in the Houston, TX area looking for a dress for her. I
finally gave up and told her to wear purple jeans for all I cared. I was tired
and gave up. Five days before the wedding I was in a mall on another errand and
finally found a dress that would work. It was a little small but she could wear
it for just the ceremony and didn't have to sit down. I didn't care at that
I've heard you never know someone until you live with them.
Forget it, you never know someone until they've been a bridesmaid in your
This site gave me some needed laughs during my own personal
tragedy with not one, but two bridesmaids. I (Mary) married Chris this past
June. I had chosen two high school friends to be joint MOH's, and two college
friends (Tina and Kate-who would stay with Tina's family for the wedding) as
bridesmaids. During the planning process, everyone was great.........except
"Tina". Tina expressed concern about how much the dress cost, and I
told her that I would try to keep all costs down to under 500$ (mind you, this
was a big traditional Catholic wedding). I then assured her that if she needed
to back out b/c of the cost, she needed to let me know in time for me to find a
replacement. Tina said she still wanted to be in the wedding. ok-cool.
Fast forward to a week before the wedding, and I'm trying to
help Tina and Kate find a cheap hotel near the wedding b/c Tina has decided to
bring her new boyfriend -Dick (although there wasn't a "Tina and guest
" on Tina's invitation, it was just for Tina). We shrugged and made space
at a table for Dick and Chris (groom) and I figured, "whatever". The
night before the rehearsal dinner, Tina calls me and says she's bringing Dick to
the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, even after we had asked that nobody
bring a date-even the attendants who were in long tern relationships or married,
as Chris and I were footing the bill and we needed to keep it small. When asked
why she needed to bring him, she said "I can't check into our hotel until
after the dinner and he doesn't know my family". We said no, Dick couldn't
come to the dinner, as we had made a specific request months earlier. (Did I
mention that we are good friends with the fiancé's of both of my MOH's?)
Then Tina said that we were wrong because of how much she had
invested in this wedding. Her cost for the dress was 160$. the shoes were 30$,
and I paid for half her alternations, so she only had to shell out for 30$ for
alternations. However, apparently it was my problem that she needed a hotel now
so she and her boyfriend could have sex-since her family didn't want him at their
house. And not only that, but she didn't contribute one dime toward the shower
that the other bridesmaid and MOH's threw for me and Chris. I dealt with her
attitude all through the wedding. The best part is-we had told all our
attendants to not spend much on us for the wedding gifts, because money is tight
all over and we wanted them to have fun. Tina and Dick didn't even give us a
card, and Dick stayed for the first 5 minutes of the reception and then left.
After we had shelled out an extra 40$ for him to be there-and neither of them
bothered to say goodbye. I wish that if she hadn't wanted to be a part of our
wedding, that she should have stepped aside and not acted that way. Not only am
I still angry, but I never got the chance to clear the air with her.
So I'm not positive that what I'm about to tell you breaks
wedding etiquette but it really hurt my feelings.
My best friend (A) and I (B) were asked to be bridesmaids for
our friend since high school (C) wedding. A was to be the MOH. A and I listened
to C complain about her fiancé, her sister-in-law who waited to the last second
to buy the dress (it came in two days before the wedding), and random other life
complaints. We threw C her bachelorette party. We even talked to her late in the
evening a week before her wedding because she called it off. Her fiancé had
gotten drunk (yet again) and really tore her down (yet again).
Two days later, when A called her, we find out the wedding is
back on. So we show up to her mom's house before the wedding to get dressed. Two
hours later D and E (her other bridesmaids - sister - in -laws) show up. Well,
the wedding goes off with out a hitch and we travel on to the reception.
As we are walking in with our respective groomsmen we notice
that the tables by the bride and groom are family tables and are completely
filled. (A and I are the only non-family members in the entire wedding party).
So as the groomsmen walks us to the middle of the floor, they say have fun, and
we are stuck there looking for a place to sit.
Luckily, my parents were invited so we sit with them, in the
very back of the hall. (mind you, we were told not to bring dates because they
couldn't afford it). So then dinner turns out to be buffet (which is not big
deal except for the fact we are wishing we had dates - I would have paid them
the $21 a head to bring a date). The hall staff brings the family table/wedding
party table up to get in line first. No one comes to get us (the other two
bridesmaids - A being the MOH). Finally, we decided to get in line anyway.
MOH and I walk outside so MOH can smoke and when we get back
in my mom hands me a car decorating kit given to her by the bride's mom. The
message was to go and decorate the bride's car. So we go outside after getting
the bride's uncle to retrieve the keys from the bride's mother. We fume a bit
because we've been sent outside. But it got worse when we got back inside. We
walked in on the Apron dance. Apparently, even though the bride asked where we
were, the mother decided to push through the bouquet toss, the garter toss, the
first dance, the father-daughter/mother-son dance, the cutting of the cake, etc.
We missed everything.
A, the MOH, and I ended up leaving soon after. A is to be my
MOH and I can't imagine doing anything without her there. I can't believe the
Bride and her family completely cut us out. We bought the dresses and paid lots
of money to help her out and we saw most of the reception in pictures (my dad
was the photographer). I have never been so hurt in my life.
I love the site and am somewhat embarrassed that I have
something to share. I got engaged to an amazing man on January 1, 2005.
We put a lot of thought into the date of our wedding but have chosen August 13,
2005 as the date. We considered a dear friend's availability, when the
military would have him back home from the war, we considered my cousins and
their school schedules so that no one would miss school and we considered my
family's obligations. I asked one of my best friends, "S"
so be a bridesmaid and she graciously accepted. She was and has been very
happy for us, has listened to me complain, helped address envelopes. She
never told me that she had committed to singing a song for her parent's church's
100 Anniversary and that it happened to be the same day and time as my
wedding (my wedding is in another church across town). No problem, I
offered to let her back out of the wedding since she had a prior commitment.
She promised me she was fine and she really wanted to be in my wedding.
I get home from work one day about a week after dresses
are ordered and there's a message on my answering machine from "S's"
sister. I never have liked this person so I was curious as to how she got
my number. She left me a message trying to congratulate me on my
engagement but instead kept asking me (via the answering machine) if I would
move my wedding day so that her sister could sing and she could attend my
wedding. I was furious, she isn't even on the guest list!!! I called
my friend "S" and once again asked her if she was fine being in my
wedding and missing her other engagement. She reiterated that she was fine
and then I told her what her sister did. She was very embarrassed and
upset at her sister's behavior. Funny thing is now her family
doesn't even go to that church!
Four years ago, my sister and I were visiting my cousin K and
her family. All of us cousins live relatively far apart, but we see each other
about twice a year and have been very close over the years. K had just gotten
engaged, so we got to enjoy some of the excitement of planning a wedding - for
example, we were there when she chose her wedding dress. At the bridal shop, K
explained that she would have chosen us as bridesmaids, but there were a few
close friends she had in mind and didn't want to have more than a small few
bridesmaids. (My sister and I had not even mentioned "why aren't we
bridesmaids?" or anything like that.) Then she finds these beautiful
strapless dresses that she thinks she'd like her bridesmaids to wear, and
proceeds to ask my sister and I to try them on to see how they look. We tried
them on and she commented on how beautiful we looked in them. Fast forward a
couple of weeks. My cousin K runs into a friend from the past and goes out with
her for the evening. She comes back complaining about how this friend has
"changed" and how they're just not compatible as friends anymore. She
said something about not particularly wanting to see her again. Fast forward to
a year later - the wedding. My sister and I fly in for the wedding, and there
are nine - count 'em, nine bridesmaids - and this girl that my cousin
"didn't want to see again" was one of them! My intentions are not to
whine about not being a bridesmaid, but she did not have to lie to us about
wanting a small party, and definitely did not have to tease us by having us try
on beautiful gowns for her wedding.
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007