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A several years ago my cousin R asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding, which was in the very early stages of planning. I was honored to have been asked, as I had never been a bridesmaid before and, although I have never been really knowledgeable about hair and makeup and dresses, I am very agreeable and planned to do my best to be helpful and not be a difficult bridesmaid. Some months passed, and I began going out with my then-boyfriend B, to whom my cousin never really took a shine to. . She began to seem less interested in seeing me, and turned fairly unfriendly towards me - I wondered about these bridesmaid plans which I had not heard any detail of. . .There then came the phone call (which I was surprised to hear from her since she hadn't bothered contacting me in months) which was very short and sweet and she said in no uncertain terms that I was dumped from the wedding party,  I was being replaced by one of her neighbors (K) because she had previous bridesmaid experience,  etc, etc. I was very gracious and insisted that was fine, that it was her choice, and her wedding etc. My own mother was furious and still refuses to speak to R. I heard throughout the grapevine that perhaps the real reason was that, because R has 4 sisters, and did not want that many bridesmaids (invite one, must invite all rule) she stated that the rule was NO FAMILY. One particular sister, J, objected very loudly that I was family too, so I shouldn't be allowed either.  

Anyhow, come the wedding day, (which I was invited to and to which my mother very pointedly declined) and I was very surprised to see R walking down the aisle with one neighborhood friend K, and my cousin's sister J !  I heard somewhere throughout the day that my cousin's first choice of bridesmaid (L) had decided that morning that she couldn't do the whole bridesmaid thing and pulled out. All was frantic and sister J was substituted as a last minute addition. I know it wasn't the bridesmaid I was replaced by who did a runner, but I still had the feeling of "I would never have done that to R."  So I guess there was some sort of retribution, even though I was never that sore about the whole thing. The bridesmaid swap has never been mentioned, and my cousin still doesn't seem very friendly towards me. . I guess the moral of the story is never select wedding party attendants until much closer to the date. 



My fiancé and I are both Scottish but born in America, and it was his dream to wear a kilt to his wedding.

Our wedding party, which was somewhat non-traditional, included four people: two men as close as brothers, a women who may as well be my sister, and my sister. Because the party was small and, as I said, somewhat non-traditional, we gave each of these individuals the title of witness.

My fiancé's witnesses are both Irish, and mine are both Scottish. Everyone was thrilled that he was going to wear a kilt and everyone wanted to follow suit (literally) except my sister.

That was fine. She was young and a little bit too cool for me, and so I requested that she incorporate our family tartan into her dress.

She refused, telling me that, instead, she would pick a summer dress in a solid color.

So everyone else in the wedding party would be wearing kilts (except me, the bride—my wedding dress would be pewter), and my sister wanted to wear a summer dress.

I offered to make my sister a dress. I offered to pay for her dress. She continued to refuse, saying that she would look stupid, that normal people don't wear kilts, and that she didn't want to be photographed in tartan. My fiancé's mother suggested that I ask my sister to step down, but I couldn't imagine the fit my parents would throw over choosing clothing over my family. I was at a complete loss.

Finally, I asked my other witness and fiancé to get together and talk to my sister. They approached her, and she freaked out. She told them that if I really cared how she felt, that I would have taken her thoughts into consideration.

My sister and I are currently not speaking. 


Clothing 1 Family O


My brother got married about a year ago. I was one of 6 bridesmaids in the wedding. My sister-in-law was perfectly sweet on her wedding day (and on mine a few months later), aside from the basic nervousness of everything going correctly. However, two of the other bridesmaids made the day miserable for several of us and I will admit that I was not the perfect sister-in-law as I was a little bitter about a couple of situations, including my dress which did not work for a top-heavy person such as myself. I did my best to keep my mouth shut and get ideas for what to do at my own wedding.

The MoH wasn’t the worst of the two. She is a character actress and always seems to be “in character.” Her boyfriend was in attendance and she insisted that he ride in the limo for which my parents paid with her to the reception. Now, the bridal party had to go in three shifts to get there: most of the groomsmen in one; most of the bridesmaids in the second; and the bride, groom and honor attendants in the third. One of the other bridesmaids and I were both engaged at the time. My now-husband rode with us to the reception and the other fiancé was more than welcome to join us as was the MoH’s boyfriend. The MoH threw a fit that her boyfriend couldn’t ride with her specifically, but her sister wanted just the main four people in the limo at that time. In the end, the MoH calmed down and had a good evening.

One of the other bridesmaids, E, was just plain rude. My brother did not like this woman, and now I understand why. She was in charge of setting up the bachelorette party. I wasn’t informed of it until the day of the event. She didn’t even acknowledge me or that I had given up a shift of my sporadic work schedule to attend. One of my brother’s closest friends was a groomsman. This man, B, works very hard and has made a life for himself out of almost nothing. He came to the rehearsal straight from work, still in his uniform. B and E happened to be paired up. E says to B very loudly so that the entire sanctuary can hear her, “So glad you dressed up for this occasion.” This was a very large sanctuary, so I’m positive that everyone heard her, since I did and I was in the narthex when it happened.

The next night at the wedding, the reception hall had neglected to put the name cards for the bridal party on the table. When my sister-in-law asked me and her cousin to go fix them, E threw a fit because she thought she should sit next to the bride, instead of the MoH, the bride’s sister. During the bridal party dance, the bridesmaids who were all in serious relationships danced with their respective groomsmen without any complaint. E complained about having to dance with B and basically didn’t want him to touch her. She then proceeded to make my brother’s good friend very uncomfortable because he is a different race than everyone else at the wedding. If I had known it would have been that much trouble, I would have insisted I be paired with B.



My story concerns not one, but two bridesmaids. In May of 2004, I announced to my family and friends that I would be getting married and we had set the date as August 14th, the same year. That gave me a little over three months to plan this wedding. We decided we wanted a small affair, and found the perfect place, the back yard of his parents house. Since we met at college, this meant that our families lived 175 miles apart, about a 3 hour drive. After talking with my closest friends, and figuring out which ones were most likely and able to be there, I selected my college friend as my MOH and a high school friend as a BM. My fiancé didn't have many friends around, and we wanted a small gathering, so we figured 2 on each side would be plenty.

Around mid June, I planned a trip to Xville, where my MOH lived, to shop for BM's dresses. I didn't want anything fancy and was planning on a cool summer dress that they could wear to church or out to eat after the wedding was over. I called the BM a few times trying to get her size, as I wasn't sure. To be sure I was able to get matching dresses, I was going to pay for hers and have her pay me back when I took her the dress.

During this time, I was chatting with the BM in which she told me she wasn't sure if she could afford a hotel room, I told her I wasn't sure, but I knew my future in-laws had some room. When I talked to them, we found that there was only room for one additional person, meaning that the BM's husband would have to find other accommodations, or stay at home. She refused to take the free room and decided she would just not be in my wedding. After a few arguments, I figured this was for the best, as she was holding a grudge against be for leaving her reception early to go visit with my great-grandmother as she lay on her deathbed, but that's a whole other Bridezilla story.

This is where I leave BM 1 and I'm frantic. I have a MOH, but no BM, and my fiancé can't tell his friend that he's not in the wedding after all the plans have been made. I call around asking some family for advice, we all come up with my fiancé's brother's girlfriend. We had spent some time together and got along really well. She accepts and seems pretty excited, so I continue with the trip and get the dresses. Come back, I take her the dress, she really likes it and pays me back for it.

Let's skip forward a bit, to the day before the wedding. Everyone is in the town that the wedding is going to take place, trying to take care of all the last minute details. We have ordered the cake, it will be delivered. Same for the flowers. We go pick up the chairs since it's an outside wedding. We gather a few tables for people to sit at and be served from. Everything was going perfect. My fiancé and I decided to head to the car wash, since we will be leaving in his car, we want it to look decent. On our way, his cell phone rings. It's his brother. He is very upset and says that his girlfriend, BM 2, will not be at the rehearsal or the wedding. I immediately thought she was ill or had been in an accident, or something of that matter. Nope, couldn't have been that easy. Turns out future BIL and girlfriend had a fight over his dad, my future FIL. She was upset that she had been picked on over things she had done, and decided that she wasn't going to the wedding and she was moving out. Needless to say, I was extremely angry. What kind of person accepts an invite to be a BM, then the day before, decided she's not going to show up because she doesn't like the FOG?

We did end up having both the Best Man and the Usher walk the MOH out and it turned out nice. We figure that the wedding ended up better off, as BM 2 would probably wanted to have been the center of attention, even though it was our day. Oh yeah, BM 2 never moved out, slept in the house that night and the night of the wedding. They made up and then got married the following spring.



When my sister "Susie" was married she asked me to be her MOH.  Which was nice, I had asked her to be mine.  We are not particularly close.  It was a nice gesture.  She had recently been a BM in one of SIL's weddings, and was completely left out.  The Bride of that weddings, family...did everything to exclusion of everyone else.  My sister had made it clear to me that she didn't want that to happen with her wedding, and that she was counting on me to make sure that all attendants of her wedding felt included.  That's fine, I'm fairly organized, and play well with others.

When it came time to plan her bridal shower, we (the attendants) got together to plan.  Since I'm her sister, I was content to let them have all the glory.  The problem was that none of them wanted to do it.  So, it was their decision that we have the shower at my house...fine, it's large.  It should be said that I am her older sister.  Then to the food.  They wanted it catered, fine.  It was my job to find one, fine.  I found 2, got the quotes, and called the BM's.  The result was that the BM's "could not afford"  affair catered.  Ok.  Now we are going to make all the food and supply all the paper goods, and decorate my house, ourselves.  Fine.  A list was made.  I again was asked to take care of the list, ok, and then split everything equally, 5 ways.  Which I did.  We had another gathering, at my request, to divvy up, and finalize a group present or individual gifts....they decided they wanted to do individual gifts. Ok.  I bought my own.  Lovely Lenox Cake topper that the bride and groom chose.  It should also be noted that I did have to ask, 2 BM's, twice for their part of the money.  At this point, I am mildly annoyed with their behavior as a group, but not stressed...and would not say a thing to my sister regarding her friends...not even to this day.  The cost of what they actually paid for doing it themselves, because they couldn't afford the catering, was more than the cost of the caterer.  Fine, it didn't matter to me either way.

The day of the shower arrives, and I pull up to my home.  Some of the BM's are there...I think GREAT.  I walk in to my home to find that they are rearranging my furniture, putting holes in the walls for decorations, and have taped paper to my ceiling with tape that pulls off paint.  At this point, I almost loose it.  Take a deep breath, and calmly tell them to put all the furniture back...stop making holes in the walls, and to take the tape down.  I get the right tape, ignore the holes at this point, and replace the errant furniture.  The room is very large, and is already set up to accommodate at least 50 people.  The reason we know this is because we hosted a wedding there.  They are miffed at me for stopping them.  I don't care and continue needs to be prepared, and things need to be set up.  While 1 BM helped, the others proceeded to stop.  The hour arrives, the guests show, the bride appears, she has a wonderful time...she opens 1 bridal party gift, mine, because no one else got one.  It was a nice night for my sister, and I did what she asked me to do.  The night comes to end, the bride leaves...smiling and thanking *us*.  And then....the BM's, ALL of them...leave.  Just like that!  And they took every left over, or crumb that wasn't eaten with them!  I am left to clean the entire house.  Myself...well, my mom did stay and help me...she's a trooper.  The last straw, when I was walking around the room I found in my grand piano a plate of cake, and red wine spilled on the floor in a corner that no one bothered to tell me about. 

At this point, I chalk it up to a complete lack of manners and extreme immaturity.  I was asked to host my sisters baby shower and politely declined. 



When I got married in May of 2003, I wanted the event to be a very relaxed and fair atmosphere.  Instead of having to pick a MOH, I decided the only fair thing to do was have co-MOH's, and a Matron of Honor as well.  Perhaps I was a little too relaxed in my preparations!

I had decided that the most fair thing to do was to purchase the dresses for my three MOH's.  None of them had a lot of money, and one of them was coming a great distance for the ceremony.  Because I think it's a faux pax in itself to ask someone to participate in your wedding and purchase their own dress, I went with one of my MOH's and my mother to a mall to do some shopping.  We went to several stores, before finally hitting the jackpot.  In one store, I found some beautiful royal blue dresses with glitter on them.  I'll admit, I love glitter!  I love things that sparkle, and these dresses just screamed my name!  I got all three dresses on clearance for less than the price of one dress in a mid-priced shop.  I was pretty pleased with myself!

Since I was getting married in a different State from where I lived, I did a lot of email correspondence with my three MOH's.  I guess I wasn't very clear when I told the girls to find black "strappy" shoes to wear, but being that two of the girls lived in a small town I wanted to make things as easy as possible for them!  I thought they could go to Wal-Mart and find some appropriate, black open toed dress shoes.  "Aimie" told me that she had found the perfect inexpensive, comfortable shoe to go with her dress, and I was happy for her.  Imagine my surprise when she came to the church to get ready, and her perfect, inexpensive, comfortable shoes were THONGS!!!  Sure they were black, and they had a sparkly butterfly in between the big toe and second toe...but they were THONGS!  If they had been regular sandals, with a strap across the heel, I wouldn't have been so appalled.  But THONGS!  Eeuuww!  The other two girls were more reasonable, showing up in lovely black open toed dress shoes like I had envisioned.

Another of my MOH's, "Marah", hadn't been in contact with me the whole week I had been in town before the wedding.  I thought we could all get together and put rice packets together, fold programs, and get the favors ready one night, but ended up doing it with Aimie and my parents, since my Matron of Honor "Annette" had a small child, and Marah wouldn't return my calls.  At the rehearsal, Marah told me that she didn't know that we were doing a rehearsal dinner and had made other plans.  Well, I didn't think I had to specify that we were having a rehearsal WAS a wedding rehearsal!  She acted like it was my fault that she didn't know about the dinner, and refused to come to my Bachelorette "Party" after the dinner.  The next morning, I had planned on taking my girls out for breakfast before we got ready for the wedding.  Marah acted like it was a huge inconvenience to have to get up two hours early to go out for breakfast.  Should have told her to stay home! 

Aimie had said that she was going to make my garter, so I didn't bother to buy one.  I asked her after breakfast where my garter was, and she had "forgot" to make it!  So, in between breakfast and going to get my hair done (the other girls didn't want to have their hair done, they just did it themselves), we ran to Wal-Mart to find a garter.  I managed to find a beautiful one that fit the theme of the wedding. 

Marah decided after going to Wal-Mart, she was going to run home to start getting ready and would meet us at the church after I got my hair done.  We made plans to meet back at the church at 10:30am to finish getting ready, because photos were scheduled for Noon.  About 11:30, Marah came to the church without any make up, dress hanging from a hanger, and no pantyhose on, and hair in a ponytail.  She was planning on running a curling iron through her hair yet!  I am still not sure what Marah had been doing for the past two and a half hours, but just asked her to hurry since pictures were in half an hour! 

The ceremony went off without a hitch, readings and songs were beautiful.  Then we got to the reception.  The three Best Men (again with the being fair), had been great throughout the entire planning process.  I think it was because I told them they didn't have to wear tuxedos.  LOL  Well, the time for toasts came, and the three Best Men became the three silent men.  Not one of them chose to stand up and say something nice.  Not a big deal, Aimie got up and told Jerry to take good care of me and not ever hurt her best friend.  It was nice, but I wish one of the best men would have said something, too.

For the most part, Jerry's and my wedding was a smashing success.  Sure, we had a few mishaps...but it was a lovely ceremony that my parents worked very hard to plan.  Incidentally, Aimie stopped talking to me shortly after Jerry and I got married.  I would call her, and she wouldn't return my calls, or else she would ask if she could call me back shortly, then never call back.  When I went to visit my parents this summer, Aimie called to ask if she could come over, then came for 20 minutes and left to go see a movie she had already seen a few times, and didn't bother to contact me again the 10 days I was there.  Marah and I talk occasionally, and Annette, who in all reality was the perfect Matron of Honor and I chat a couple times a week.

I do want to mention to women currently planning their wedding and reception, PLEASE make sure you have a "Master of Ceremonies" presiding over the reception so no one gets bored and leaves early, don't let your caterer redo your setting chart because he thinks his "way is better", and make sure that at least one of your groomsmen gives a toast.  It really makes things so much nicer!



My husband and I got married five years ago, and I have known since I was a teen who my witnesses would be. (Here in the Netherlands, we have to have one or two witnesses for both the B&G, similar to the best man/MOH in the USA.) Mine were my sister and my best friend. My husband, being an only child and his best friend being my ex boyfriend, didn't yet know who to pick. His best friend didn't seem the appropriate choice. Then, one of his friends started to shamelessly suck up to him in order to become his witness. She insisted on constantly emphasizing the importance of their friendship, mentioning what an honor it would be, yadda yadda. She even came up to our house once when my husband wasn't around and broke into tears because she was so afraid he wouldn't ask her. She urged me to please not tell my husband about her visit, because she didn't want him to know HOW MUCH it meant to her...yeah right..   So, he asked her. Instead of being pleased or feeling honored, she seemed casual and cool about it and even a little insulted that it had taken him so long.   

A week before the wedding, she took me to my bachelorette party. She had called my girlfriends, whom she can't get along with, and organized for us to go for cocktails, a fancy dinner and clubbing. It was really sweet of her and I felt somewhat guilty for discussing her erratic behavior with my husband and my friends. But my feeling of guilt turned into anger and disappointment when it turned out she had asked my friends to all pay for the costs , not unusual in Holland, but still had far too little money to settle the bill. Most of my friends being in college at the time I ended up paying for my own bachelorette party, and she didn't even seem too embarrassed. I was too flabbergasted to speak my mind and just forked over the cash.   

At the wedding day, she did not say a word to anyone on my side of the family and barely spoke to my husband's, but acted as though the whole thing was about her. She even shoved my mother aside when we were taking a photograph outside!   It turned out to be a huge party, very informal in downtown Amsterdam, and everybody ended up wasted. In a good way. We still get comments on how great that party was.   The MOH got married herself exactly one year later, and she seemed determined to outdo us in every possible way she could. Lavish banquets were set up in the country side, a band was playing, ridiculous wannabe-couture outfits were made for the B&G etc etc. The only things people still talk about are the hideous speeches, the remoteness of the location and the boring band..*insert hollow laughter* One month before her wedding she casually said to my husband: "My two girlfriends are going to be my witnesses, because we have such a special friendship. I'm sure you understand, and besides, being a witness is no big deal anyway. "   



I have always been one of those brides that looked forward to their own wedding, but always was a bridesmaid or Maid of Honor.  So, when it was finally my turn after meeting Mr. Right.  I had a good picture in my mind how I wanted things.

I got engaged in March 2005 and was married in June 2005.  So, I didn’t have a lot of time to plan a wedding, but I did it.

I asked one of my long time friends (college friend) to be my Maid of Honor and as the day came closer I realized my mistake.  Lesson learned and it has never been the same since.

My MOH (we’ll call Karen) was thrilled when I asked her to be in my wedding.  I thought she’d do a good job since she seemed to be as excited as I was that I was getting married.  I really wasn’t asking much and thought that’d she help out along the way.  Boy was I wrong. 

I didn’t ask for a bridal shower, but my friend (we’ll call her Sarah) really wanted to throw one (BTW, she was a BM) and have it as a surprise.  Sarah contacted Karen about it and Karen wanted to arrange the whole thing!  Now, Sarah lived in another state and Karen lived in the next town.  So, Karen said she’d take care of it all and she’d let Sarah know the progress, etc.  They agreed that they would split the cost of the bridal shower.   Later I found out that Karen took a very long time to give Sarah any money at all, but that’s a whole other story.

So, the bridal shower happens and there aren’t that many people there.  I heard through the grapevine that Karen had said she had sent out almost 25 invitations to a lot of my friends, etc…but later what I was telling them about the surprise shower, none of them had every received an invitation and I know that they were on the list.  I even asked after I got back from my honeymoon if anyone had gotten an invitation and even after that amount of time…nope.  I guess I was hoping that there was some kind of mailing error, but no, she never sent them out.  Basically the people that were there never got an official invitation (family and members of the wedding party), they just knew that they were to show up.  

THEN, I tell Karen about the “schedule” for the day before the wedding and the wedding day.  She tells me that she has to work so she can’t go to pick up the dress.  OK…I understand that completely, I guess.  Considering she is my maid of honor, you’d think she’d take the day off, but whatever.  So, Sarah (who had flown up for the bridal shower) and my sister, also a BM, went to go pick up my wedding dress.  We had a great time and it was a lot of fun.  

As we are driving to my parent’s house to hang my dress up, Karen calls and says that she never made it to work that day, that she had gone out the night before (so she was hung over), had gotten into a fist fight with one of her ex-boyfriends and she’d be over as soon as she got a ride to her car at the bar she was at the night before!  OK……..  I didn’t say anything and just told her that they entire wedding party was meeting for lunch and I told her to show up.  I told Sarah what Karen had just told me and she knew I was VERY upset.

Karen shows up at the luncheon, with a black eye, bruised cheek and a cut on her cheek.  I had told my fiancé what had happened so he knew what to except, but I had no idea that she looked like that and it was the day before my wedding!!!  Needless to say, she sat on the far side of the table away from me and was very quiet.

The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner went well and so did the wedding.  Except for Karen crying at one point because she wanted to get back together with another ex-boyfriend, who was in the wedding, also…The wedding and the reception went on without a hitch!

We’re still friends, but we’re not close like we used to be.



Mine isn't as bad as some of these.  I had a Matron ("A"), Maid of Honor ("B"), and Jr. BM ("C") .    I'd been in a wedding with ugly dresses that no one could wear again, and I didn't want to do that to them.  Also, they all have different looks so there's no way they'd all look good in the same dress, and B is always low on funds so I thought it would be good for her to find something she could afford.  So originally, I was going to set a criteria for them and they could wear whatever they wanted as long as it fit the criteria.  That only worked for the junior BM, because B blew it for the adults.   B started complaining immediately about wearing a dress.  A little back story:  This is the same woman who instituted a dress up night at the place we both volunteer.  She has worn many dresses before on her own, so she has no problem wearing a dress in general. 

She didn't want to wear a dress for the wedding because she likes to be the center of attention.  She wanted to wear a lavender tux.  Then she wanted to be on the guys' side "because she's known the groom longer".  Really because it would give her even more attention.    Then she decided she should really stand between us because she's friends with both of us!    We both told her this was one day that wasn't all about her but she didn't want to let it go.  I started really stressing that she was going to keep forcing this issue.  Then apparently someone told her she was being a pain because all of a sudden she stopped and said she had only been joking.  For 2 months.  In the meantime, she had lost any rights to pick her own dress because I couldn't trust her to pick something that wouldn't have flashing lights saying "look at me!" on it.   

While dress shopping for my dress, a mutual friend who is a costume designer found some dresses that would work for both MOH's looks. She found 1 dress for A and 2 styles for B.  So we took them both dress shopping.    A was fine with her one style.   She had a dress someone had given her that was the right color but the material would've looked out of place with the other girls.  So I asked if she would be ok buying the dress and she had no problem with it at all and said the new dress would be more re-wearable anyhow.   B tried on her 2 dresses and it was obvious someone had given her a severe talking to before dress shopping.  She was on her best behavior.  I asked her which one she liked better and she wouldn't tell me.  She kept saying "whatever you like".  I picked the one that was more expensive because it was more flattering on her.  It was $30 more than the other dress, so I kept asking if she was sure it was ok and she said it was up to me.  So I told her to get the dress that looked better on her.  If I remember right the total for the dress was $110, and didn't need alteration.  Not bad for a BM dress, I thought.   

Well, I guess I was wrong.  We were together a week or 2 later, and she was talking to someone else.  She was right next to me, where she could see I was within earshot.  She made sure to talk loudly enough so I could hear.  As she complained about how much she had just spent on the dress for my wedding and now she didn't have the money to do something else she wanted to do.  I was pissed, but I bit my tongue.  The only thing I did was make sure that A was in the traditional honor position for the ceremony and all listings and announcements, to make it clear she was more important without actually demoting B.   Everything was fine until day of.  Granted, she was in a fender bender on her way so she was flustered.  But she had agreed to do my makeup and spent all the time allotted for makeup worrying about how she looked and doing her own makeup.  Luckily, A's sister was there and she and hairdresser did some of it so I wouldn't be so far behind.   From then on she was fine, so this is why this story isn't as bad as some of the others.  Once we got to the location, she settled down and was on good behavior again.  Although she did have 3 or 4 people who were supposed to be doing other things working on fixing her necklace, but that was minor. And we got a cute picture of my dad working on it, so that doesn't bother me.  



Last year my best friend’s brother was getting married.  I had recently moved out of town, but let the couple know that no matter what I would make their wedding.  I had met the MOH once (we will call her Attila), at the couples engagement party that the Groom’s sister and I planned and decorated. (I have ended up the call to person for parties in our circle, because I enjoy it and seem to do a pretty good job.) 

Cut to November, I have flown down for the wedding and bachelorette party, and have also brought along supplies for the wedding and girls night out (liquor, wedding pillow, games to play, tiara for the bride, etc..)  My best friend was a bridesmaid, so I had no problem helping her out, but money was a bit tight, and I had also agreed to help with photos for the wedding. I figured that along with a gift, I was being very generous! Not so according to the MOH!  Attila planned for an Excursion limo and had decided that all guests going out for the evening had to pay x amount of dollars to ride in the limo.  I told my BF that I had no intention of spending more money and to let me know where we were going and I would just follow.  (That tacky thing was that nobody was told this until right before the party! I understand the BM’s helping to pay for the evening, but guests as well?) I did end up in the limo and didn’t pay, but that is another story.  

The night was fun for the Bride, but the MOH spent more time getting herself drunk more than anything.  The day of the wedding came, and the limo that was to take the bridal party for pictures (which I took along with my father who used to do photos professionally) and to the reception was driven by the same driver from the bachelorette party!  Turns out two glasses ended up broken in the limo and he wanted to be paid for them.  This wasn’t a problem, but the MOH asked everyone to pitch in to pay for them!  At this point I had pretty much had it with the whole thing.  I didn’t realize that as a GUEST I would be expected to shell out money for everything!



We were married early February 2000, and our preparations began in February '99. We had a small, medieval-themed ceremony with one attendant each. I had about six school friends, all very close, that I could have chosen for my MOH (I don't have any sisters). However, at that time most of them were either preparing for their own weddings, or to be attendants at other people's weddings. Two friends were left, "J" and "A". I decided to ask J, because I had known her a few years longer than "A", and also I knew that "A" was planning to join the Army and the next intake would be around February. J was delighted - said she was honored, in fact - and we arranged a day to shop for a dress.   

My alarm bells should have started to ring the day I took J to pick a bridesmaid's dress. The store was in a shopping center and happened to be next door to a well-known department store. J had traveled by train and spilled a drink on her jeans. When she arrived at the shopping center she absolutely insisted that she had to go the department store to buy a new pair of jeans, because she just couldn't walk around in public with the ones she had on. Back then I was still quite shy and not very assertive, so I said nothing. We wasted over 45 minutes while she tried on jeans, then finally went dress shopping.   

Now, the dress shop wasn't a bridal boutique - as I said, we had a medieval-themed wedding and this shop specialized in medieval-style and 'hippy' dresses. J's face fell as soon as she walked in, and she kept mumbling that the dresses weren't "traditional". (Now I did tell her beforehand what our wedding would be like, I did not spring this on her!) Since she was to be the only attendant, we paid for her dress. It was nothing outlandish - a simple long-sleeved dress with some lace trims in parts.   

In July, J went overseas for a month. She had been having an on-again, off-again long-distance relationship with a fellow in another country, and was going to see him to decide the future of their relationship. No big deal - I thought. But on her return, I noticed that J was suddenly seemed very unenthusiastic about the wedding - in fact she seemed quite reluctant to speak of it. At the time, the only things we had left to do for J was get a headpiece (we were both having crowns of flowers) and her shoes, so we only spoke once or twice.  

 In late October I had a phone call from another of my school friends, "F". She said, "It's probably not my place to tell you this, but I think you have a right to know." She then went on to say that J had confided that she was going to leave the country - permanently -  around January. J had apparently told this to F and another friend, "M", but had neglected to say anything to the person whose wedding she was participating in! F had decided to tell me because she was getting married herself in November, and knew what it would be like to have something unexpected interfering with wedding plans. Later that day I spoke to M, to hear what she'd been told. M had decided not to tell me herself because she felt it was J's responsibility to say something to me, not hers - I understood where she was coming from, although I'm still glad that F gave me the warning! 

Apparently part of J's eagerness to leave the country stemmed from her parents - she lived at home, and they disapproved strongly of her relationship with her foreign beau, so I think she was desperate to get away from them. M was single at the time and had offered a spare room to J, so that she could be away from her parents until my wedding was over, and then leave. But nope - J's mind was made up to leave in the new year.   I called J to confront her - I said nothing rude, but gently said, "I believe you have something to tell me?". J immediately began screeching "Who told you?! Who told you?!" and didn't deny that she was going to leave, but she had decided not to tell me because she wasn't 100% sure if she really was leaving. If not, she would say nothing and things would carry on. But if yes, then she would tell me (which would have left me in the lurch less than a month before my wedding). She spent most of the call either justifying herself, or continuing to demand who had tipped me off. What floored me, however, was when she said that I knew she had gone overseas to sort out her relationship, so she couldn't see why I should be shocked that she was leaving!   One, I'm not presumptuous, nor am I a detective, so if someone goes on an overseas trip I'm not going to connect it with their intent to leave permanently six months later. Two, although I'd be disappointed at her not being in my wedding party, if she had said months earlier, "I may have to leave the country and I know the timing is bad but I feel that I have no choice," I'd have been more than understanding. But instead I felt like my wedding was being shrugged off by someone who had previously said she was "honored". (Perhaps she thought that since it wasn't traditional, there was no need to take it seriously?)   

Throughout that call I refused to say who had given me the information. I found out later that, afterwards, J phoned F and M and verbally abused them both.   Needless to say J was removed from the wedding plans. I was hurt and distraught, but hubby-to-be phoned my friend "A" and apologized for the short notice, but would she be my MOH? "A" was absolutely thrilled, and happily postponed her army plans to do the job. She did a fantastic job both before and on the day, and there were no other hiccups. We did have to get her a new dress, since J's did not suit A's complexion or figure, but at least that was the only thing that needed changing since shoes and flowers hadn't been finalized before then. (We did give J her dress to keep, though she grudgingly said she "had no idea what she'd do with it".)   

As a footnote, J's relationship overseas didn't quite work out and she returned 18 months later - phoning us out of the blue and carrying on like nothing had happened, insisting that any hurt feelings that I or my other friends had were "our problem" because we didn't understand. Needless to say M, F and I have completely cut off contact with her.  



I got married this year to my long time boyfriend. We're both young, and in accordance to our tastes and the pocketbooks of our family we organized a small tent wedding at my parent's house. It was not a fancy frou-frou wedding but it was beautiful, fun, and everyone had a great time. I did not expect our friends to be able to spend much on gifts, but they all gave generous and sincere gifts to help us start our new life together. Like it or not, gifts *do* count for something at any wedding. Even small, you like to know the thought was there. Especially from those in the wedding party - usually your closest friends and family.

Okay, so here's where the problem arises. I had two bridesmaids; both old school friends and both were very excited to be part of the wedding. One bridesmaid, Ellie lives near my hometown. The other, Stacey, is from here but was at the time a PhD student in Paris. I knew both these women did not have a lot of spare cash, but I also knew that Stacey lived and studied in one of the most expensive cities in the world without much financial aid. A few weeks before my shower Stacey was scheduled to arrive home. Ellie, meanwhile, had been trying to get in touch with Stacey about a possible shared gift for our wedding. Although the gift was a perfect idea for us, Stacey was reluctant because she said she had to pay for the bridesmaid dress (I left all dress decisions up to my bridesmaids - they could spend as much as they wanted). Stacey told Ellie she may want to get something cheaper than the $100 Ellie wanted her to spend. I didn't know about this aborted gift plan until after the wedding but it makes sense considering what happened.

Stacey arrives. She spends the first week of her "time to help me prepare" going to PhD related interviews, visiting friends in neighboring cities, and even misses my shower because she "had to visit her aunt that day". Okay fine. I knew she would be busy because she always is when she's in the country and I'm glad her trip is fruitful. We have one good visit and she helps one afternoon making decorations. I appreciate the help. About this time she also buys a $200 bridesmaid dress which she says she will use in Paris for a fancy party later that summer - she is fine with the cost of the dress. Fast forward to a few days before the wedding. Stacey says she feels bad about missing my shower and would like to "take me out" - her treat. I say (truthfully) that I'm pretty wiped out but if she could take me out for dinner and a few drinks I'd be happy. We go to a nice, but pretty standard restaurant. I order an entree and get a drink. At the end of dinner we agree to go to a local comedy club and I even supply a two for one coupon to get in. We are on the subway home and I've racked up an extravagant $50 bill (the first thing Stacey has paid for) and she turns to me and says, "I hope you enjoyed your evening because it was my wedding gift. I couldn't think of anything you needed. I saw all the stuff you got for your shower and I didn't think you needed more stuff".

Say what?! I was really surprised but I couldn't speak up. It's too close to my wedding to get upset over this now. My husband, who has known Stacey for as many years as me and considers her a good friend, said later, "Well, I guess your dinner was my gift too. I'll have to tell her how much I enjoyed it". To make things worse, the night before my wedding Ellie (who also bought us a lovely wedding gift) gave me a "something borrowed, something blue" box of items. She gave it to me in front of Stacey, and Stacey allowed me to thank both of them for the gift even though I knew she had NOTHING to do with it. It was a very awkward moment when Stacey 'tagged on" to that gift, and she even thanked Ellie after I left for "letting her share credit".

Stacey had a great time at the wedding and any guilt over the "non gift" was quickly forgotten - on her part. I knew she was kind of rude, but who thinks a standard dinner for the bride is an appropriate wedding gift to two people she calls some of her best friends?! If she had even told me she couldn't afford anything other than a very inexpensive (or better yet, homemade) gift I would have understood and had the manners to accept it happily. I just felt it was so tacky to essentially say two days before a wedding "oh yeah, I didn't care about you enough to actually think of something to give, so instead I'm paying for your beer". I was polite to Stacey the entire time, but her selfish behavior has made me see her in a new light, and question how good of a friend she ever was in the first place. Gifts should never be the point of a wedding but if you are a bridesmaid please don't try this with your bride-to-be!

Oh, I forgot to mention one more thing. Things with "Stacey" got even worse at the rehearsal dinner when I presented both my bridesmaids with crystal pendent necklaces (my husband had cuff links for the groomsmen). The wedding party gifts were appropriate (nice keepsakes for all their hard work getting a "home grown" wedding together). Stacey was happy to accept the necklace, although she was the least helpful of the wedding party and had hid out in my mom's office "making bathroom signs" for pretty much the entire afternoon we were setting up the tent (she was really answering email and surfing the net).  I half jokingly considered not giving Stacey anything until she made good with a wedding gift for both of us, but I knew that would just open up a can of worms right when I least needed the stress. 

By this point I wondered (and still do) if I was just being greedy so I kept my mouth shut. Honestly, I think the gift and the money simply became symbolic for the lack of real attention or care Stacey expressed at our wedding. I am happy to say, at least, that none of this was on my mind during the wedding and everyone had a wonderful time. I think Stacey is embarrassed about how she acted, because she rarely talks to me anymore. She still knows me very well, and she knows that I am disappointed (to say the least) in her behavior. Hopefully in the future we can become closer friends again.


Why did Stacey have to verbally announce to you that she was financially strapped for a gift when you knew already she was a grad student with limited financial resources?  She's already traveled to the wedding, paid $200 for a BM dress and who knows what other items necessary for the role of BM. 

Despite your protestations to the contrary, you did make gifts such an important part of your wedding that it has soured a relationship.  You've set the bar as to what you considered appropriate wedding gifts and if this was communicated in any way to Stacey, I can understand why she was keeping a distance.


I was having a very small wedding due to my husband's military schedule changing so much. My two friends -we'll call the Anne and Brenda- were my bridesmaids. Everything was going fine until a month or so before my wedding. Since it was small there honestly wasn't much to do but every time something came up, something small like oh, picking up my dress, Brenda always had "something else" come up so Anne and I made most of the arrangements. 

The morning of my wedding we were supposed to meet at Anne's house to do hair, makeup and get dressed. Brenda had volunteered to do my hair so she had my hairpiece, bobby pins, clips etc (that I had purchased) at her house. The ceremony wasn't until 1:30 so we arranged to meet at 9:30 to get ready. We all lived within 2 minutes of each other so when Brenda didn't show up by 9:45 we tried calling but no one answered. Anne went to her house and came back 5 or 6 minutes later looking really ticked and told me that Brenda had come to the door, said she wasn't coming and shut the door again. I panicked and went over there myself. After knocking for literally 5 minutes, Brenda's husband came to the door and it was obvious he had been sleeping. When I asked what was wrong he said "nothing's wrong, we just went out drinking last night and didn't get to bed until 5 a.m.". So I stood there speechless for a minute until I got my voice back and asked him if Brenda was coming over to help me get ready and he said no, she wasn't feeling well. 

I didn't know what else to do so I just turned around to leave but Anne was livid. She stood there until he got Brenda out of bed and then she asked Brenda if she was thought she would feel well enough (insert sarcasm) to at least come to the wedding (at 1:30) or the reception (at 3:00) and Brenda stood there and told us a pitiful story about how she contracted food poisoning last night and just didn't think she could make it because she needed to go to the hospital-- until we let her know that her husband had already told us she was hung over. To make matters worse, in her drunken state she couldn't remember where she put all the stuff I had bought so Anne and I had to go back to her house (by this time it was almost 11:30) and she valiantly tried to put my hair up with the only 2 slide barrettes she could find. To make matters even worse, she called me a week later when I was back from my honeymoon and couldn't understand why I was upset with her.  



My bridesmaids are scattered all over the world, but I chose them as my bridesmaids because they are my much loved college roommates. I first asked them to stand up for me, a year and a half before the wedding, when we gathered (which we do rarely but regularly due to the cost of travel) to celebrate multiple milestones in our lives. Because of the logistic problems of getting four women sized and fitted, when we are rarely all in the same country and the fact that the four girls are of greatly differing coloring, size and shape I had little hope of them getting matching bridesmaid gowns, but I brought along a bunch of bridal mags anyway so we could look at them. Since I didn't have any hope of finding a gown that would be flattering and available to all I suggested that they might all wear the same color but not the same dress.

During the course of our visit they find a dress that they ALL like and think will be flattering on them. I am very happy with the dress and it is deemed the bridesmaids dress. Upon seeing the dress live and in person on of my bridesmaids decides that she hates the COLOR of the dress (which is burgundy, since my wedding colors are burgundy and forest green) and posts on our blog about how ugly my color choice is and gives me a list of images of dresses that are candy apple red, which she claims is a less ugly shade of burgundy. I wanted to kill her. Then when I am clearly angry that she has done this she tells me that it doesn't really matter since they are all wearing different dresses anyway. She was the ONLY ONE under the impression that the girls were each wearing different dresses and she was the ONLY ONE with a problem with the color.

After the whole dress debacle she then started complaining about how much she hates the groomsmen.

Gah! I would kick her out of the wedding but the ill-will that would stir up in our social group would be MUCH worse than just dealing with her. At least I have someone who is deserving of my wrath when I feel the need to vent some Bridezilla spleen.



Around the time two of my best friends were getting married, I got engaged. I had known my DH for a short time but we were (and still are) absolutely in love. Since one of my friends was moving to Mississippi with her husband, I knew there was no way that she would be able to make the wedding in Kentucky. I had no problems with this, but invited her anyway and she sent me a nice card. The other friend, “Trish,” was living in West Virginia, and would be making a 2 hour drive for the ceremony. When I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she was happy, and said she wouldn’t miss it for the world.             

I went on making plans, shopping for my dress, ordering the cake, booking the photographer, picking out flowers, etc. It was coming time to get dresses for the attendants, which I only had two. My MOH lived near Knoxville at that time, so I got the size for my bridesmaid and went on down for a shopping trip. On my way from KY to TN, my bridesmaid calls and starts griping me out because I don’t have a place for her husband to stay overnight, as I was in my DH’s hometown and the only place for people to stay was at his parents’ house. We had room for two people, MOH and Bridesmaid. I explained to her that if she wanted him to be there, she could ride with my parents the day before then he could come on the day of the wedding. This was not good enough for her, so she dropped out of my wedding, and didn’t even attend.             

I am so angry, but I think, my DH’s brother had a girlfriend, “Kayla,” who had made friends with, and she would understand the situation and stand in. I called her and she was thrilled that I had asked her to be a part of my big day, even as a last resort. I got her size and went on to do the shopping. With my MOH guiding me around Knoxville, we found a simple dress in the color I wanted that would look good on both of my girls. It was only $50 so we bought the dresses and headed on our way.            

 Jump to the day of rehearsal. DH and I are going to wash his car, as we would be leaving in it the next day for our honeymoon. On our way to the car wash, his brother calls and is in tears. Seems Kayla can’t get along with DH’s father, is moving out and they are breaking up. She won’t be at the rehearsal and she refuses to come to the wedding. (She never moved out, or even packed a single bag.)             

Week and a half later, I get a phone call from Kayla. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to get in a huge fight with “father-in-law” and ruin your wedding.” I don’t take “I’m sorry, but…” excuses very well, as they seem to be nothing more than excuses. To this day there is still tension as brother-in-law married girl and she constantly brags about her wedding, or being in weddings, or going to weddings when I am around.   Thanks for letting me vent! It's been almost a year and a half and it still drives me crazy.   



When my husband and I got engaged in April of 2000, we knew right away that it would be a small ceremony, with only a MOH & Best Man. The MOH was my longtime neighbor and good friend, and the best man was my hubby's brother. They were both happy, and accepted the honor of being the only attendees at our wedding. We originally chose June 28, 2001 for our date, but soon tired of hearing everyone else's ideas on how our special day should be. We moved the date to that time, it was 5 months away. 

The first day of dress shopping and I knew I was in for it. My MOH didn't like the colors I had chosen which were a light gray and Victorian lilac, nothing crazy. I wanted her dress to be the Victorian lilac, and found several dresses at the bridal shop that I liked, and that would flatter her (she is very thin) She tried them all on and acted like a child, making faces and the like. Groaning and complaining.."I don't like this material"..."This dress makes me look fat"...nothing could make her look fat. We went to 3 bridal shops, and finally ended up at JC Penney, I found a dress in her size, the right color, and she proceeded to say. "Fine, whatever you want." and I thought to my self, You're damn right! When we were looking at shoes, she says "Oh, I really don't have the money for the dress, is there any way you could buy it and I could pay you back?" Which I did...and her shoes, a strapless bra, pantyhose...etc. She was all set. 

Meanwhile, my hubby and his brother were trying on tuxes...same scenario. His brother was dead set on renting a "Zoot Suit" tux, while I thought that was kinda cool, hubby wasn't for it, he wanted a vest and band collar...anyways, Best Man didn't have the money for the tux, either. He said he would DJ our reception in exchange for our renting the tux, that was fine. 

The day before the wedding, I took my maid of honor to the salon for an afternoon of beauty. I figured we could chat while we had our nails and pedicures done. Nope, she talked on her cell phone the whole time and nearly snapped at the woman when she told her it was time for her pedicure. "No one touches my feet!" OK, I had already purchased the package and there were no refunds. So I paid for a pedicure for no one. 

The day of the wedding: MOH shows up at my sisters to get her hair done an hour late. Although I had a small wedding, my sister had been up since 5am doing relatives' hair for the occasion. After 45 minutes of roller set and style, MOH says her hair is too puffy and looks like a wig. My sister is a professional and did all the hair for free, and this witch was complaining? She was in the bathroom, combing out the set and style, I walked in and asked her what the problem is, she replied "Your sister is a hack, this looks like crap" and twisted her own hair back into juvenile little twists held with an assortment of miss matched butterfly clips. Hideous. I only hoped that things were going smoothly for my husband to be, they weren't. 

Our wedding was at 10am, and the Best Man woke up at 9:30, didn't shower or shave and got his stinky self into the tux. Worst of all, I asked politely that he either color his hair all blond, or all brunette, since he is naturally dark haired and had about 3" of black outgrowth, and the bottom was 3" of white blonde fuzz. He did neither, and was standing at the altar , with hair so greasy it shined under the lights, and 2 or 3 days of mountain man beard stubble. When I got near him, I could smell the BO, he hadn't taken a shower today, or the day before from what I could tell. He was truly smelly, and tried to cover it with a gallon of cologne. At the reception, he played all techno/ house music that was driving the family elders up a wall. When I asked him to play something a little more mellow, he said in the microphone "C'mon, lets get all these old farts moving!" We told him what kind of music we wanted, and he brought nothing like what we had requested, the only thing he didn't screw up was having our wedding song on hand. 

As we sat down for dinner, it was traditional speech time. Best Man had not prepared a speech, and informed us that he felt uncomfortable speaking in front of people. I could have respected that if he had not told me, only a week earlier that he was putting the final touches on a speech that would bring the place to tears. After my MOH did her speech, which was short and sweet, very nice. There was an awkward silence as BM slipped away from the head table to hide in the bathroom. Without missing a beat, a mutual friend of ours stood up behind the two of us and gave the most beautiful, heartwarming speech. It did make everyone cry. BM finally resurfaced in time to break down his DJ set, which had been on auto for the greater part of the day, Oh! Except for when he was berating our guests while we were doing the Hokey Pokey...he called my cousin a retard because he wasn't following directions, over the mike, my cousin is developmentally delayed and was only 16 at the time!!! 

The evening wound to an end and despite the Best Man from hell, the day was beautiful. We were saying goodbye to our guests and Best Man walks up and says "Hey man, do you have my check?" We looked at him puzzled. "What for?" I asked. "For DJ'ing, If you write it now I can still get it cashed tonight, $450.00" Hubby took him by the arm and stepped away from our departing guests and chewed Best Man out. Apparently, he was only 'discounting' his DJ fee for the tux rental. He got nothing.  I will never get married again!!!



I don't even know where this story belongs, but I would like to induct my ex-BM, "Sharla," into Etiquette Hell for life!

Sharla and my FH had been friends for three years when we met. FH and I had actually gone to high school together and had quite a few mutual friends (including my brother) but for whatever reason had never got around to being introduced. Sharla's boyfriend at the time, another person who had attended high school with FH and I, introduced us. As it was, my FH had just bought a house and Sharla had been kicked out of her parents' place, so FH graciously offered her a spare room for a low fee of $200 a month. It goes without saying my FHs' biggest flaw is that he is way too trusting of people, something Sharla immediately picked up on and exploited.

Where do I begin with the list of Sharla's crimes? I'll start with the week following our engagement (FH asked me to marry him on our six-month anniversary). Although I had not asked Sharla to be a BM, and it was as if she had automatically decided it was up to her to find my wedding dress. Three days after our engagement, she dragged me over to her mother's house to get some input on wedding ideas, then when we got there, announced that I wanted to wear her sister's wedding dress!

I was too stunned to say anything, but the reality was, wearing her sister's dress was the last thing I wanted to do. After all, I had an idea of the kind of dress I wanted and I knew her sister's dress wouldn't fit the bill--not even close! I had seen the pictures and although I was too polite to admit I thought it was ugly as sin, I knew at the very least it wasn't the dress of my wildest dreams. It wasn't even the dress of my nightmares--it was just wrong. Wrong color, wrong style, wrong size. I tried to explain this to both Sharla and her mother, they ignored me and insisted I try on the stupid dress. Wanting to avoid making waves with FH's best friend, I slipped into it, and it didn't fit at all. I'm a size 12 and the dress was at least a 22W. Sharla's mother told me we could alter it, but I couldn't get them to understand that even if the size WAS changed, I didn't want a second-hand dress.

We eventually left, but not before Sharla's mother proceeded to tell me that my preliminary plans for the wedding were "extravagant" and that having more than 4 BMs was "too many," with Sharla nodding in agreement! Looking back on it, I understand now where Sharla gets her super-controlling nature and her pension for being uncouth.

Later on, when I decided that my friend "Candace," to be my MOH, Sharla tried to persuade me to kick her out of the wedding (Candace and Sharla worked together at this time, and because Candace is from a very wealthy family, and Sharla isn't, Sharla hated her instantly) which struck me as pretty rude. I also thought it was incredibly stupid because at this point, Candace and I had been friends for six years and had never even gotten into an argument, so I didn't foresee our friendship ending anytime soon. Sharla continued to carry on about Candace being in the wedding that I eventually had to tell her to drop the issue; I wasn't going to kick her out of my wedding just because Sharla didn't like her.

After discussing things with FH, I asked Sharla to be a BM. After all, Sharla's then-boyfriend was in the wedding, and she was supposed to be my FH's best friend, so I mostly did it to appease him. I didn't like how I really felt like she was taking advantage of him by turning his house into keg party central, but it was my hope that maybe the wedding would help straighten her out.

Sharla really out did herself proving me wrong there. Not only did she take it upon herself to be super-controlling of BM-related activities, she felt it was her place to criticize every wedding-related decision I made! I wasn't yet living with FH, although I was planning on making the move within a few months, but I was staying over there quite a bit and did a considerable amount of wedding planning over there, often while Sharla was home. At one point, I was going over some figures for wedding expenses and really found myself ecstatic that I had stayed within my $5,000 budget, to which Sharla replied, "No offense, but you're going all out to make this wedding extravagant. Not everything's going to be perfect."

Apparently, our budget of $5,000, in an area where most surpass the $30,000 mark, was extravagant.

She also criticized every dress choice I selected for the BMs, telling me it was either too ugly or too expensive. I eventually found one that was very attractive, affordable and could be worn again, three things important to my BMs, all of whom (except Sharla) were in college. As for Sharla, she constantly complained (never to me, only to others) that there was no way she could afford the $85 dress because her rent was too high ($200 a month for the room, complete with adjoining full, private bathroom that she had is a steal in this area, where you can't rent a hotel for under $200 a night) and she didn't think she was going to be able to afford a wedding gift, either. FH and I never heard about it until much, much later.

And regardless of what I spent or what on, she would always remind me of how her parents had pulled her sister's wedding off for under $2,000. Now, I'm not trying to demean anyone's wedding here but rather draw a contrast between her sisters' wedding and mine. Her sisters' wedding had one attendant, 30 guests (including those involved in the wedding), was held in her parents' backyard and had been planned in four months. Our wedding was to have nine attendants on each side, 215 guests (not including the 30-some people actively involved in the wedding), and took over a year to plan. You can't fairly compare the two.

Her next crime was even worse. While reviewing the guest list with Richard, Sharla announced that four of friends were "really looking forward to the wedding," including "Gel," who had briefly lived with FH and moved out after failing to pay rent. Coincidentally, on the day Gel was moving out, Sharla had called FH at work to let him know. FH reminded Sharla that Gel owed him money for rent and asked Sharla not to let Gel take all of her things. Sharla not only ignored FH by letting Gel take all of her stuff, she helped her pack! I'm not sure why FH let Sharla stay after that spectacle, but I never forgave her for actively participating in Gel ripping FH off. The other three people included Gel's boyfriend, and two friends Sharla knew from work that neither I or FH knew very well at all. I blew a fuse--she was actually inviting people to my wedding!--and snapped, "I think Gel uninvited herself when she didn't pay her rent." I also told her that my wedding was not a keg party and there were no open invitations to anyone but those that received them in the mail come October.

As if that wasn't enough, Sharla began openly cheating on her boyfriend, the guy that had introduced FH and I in the first place and one of FH's closest friends since childhood. Despite the fact FH had laid down the ground rule of "No strangers sleeping in my house," Sharla continued to bring home men he didn't know. Finally, after Sharla put us in a position where we were forced to lie to her boyfriend, FH told her to sh*t or get off the pot. She broke it off with her boyfriend, but didn't tell him it was because she was actively cheating on him. By this point, I had had my fill of Sharla and was gritting my teeth just trying to get to the wedding at this point, never mind through it.

The final straw? She nearly ruined our engagement shower when she trashed out the house the day before and didn't clean it up like she said she would. Instead of helping us clean, she split with her latest one-night stand partied with Gel, leaving me and FH to clean up the rest of the house the morning of the shower. The house was a disaster because she had talked FH into letting her have a party--there were beer bottles, alcohol stains and cigarettes everywhere, even though FH and I are non-smokers and Sharla knows she is only supposed to smoke outside or in the garage. Although I am a compulsive neat-freak myself, I knew there was no way I could have the house cleaned up enough in time for our five o'clock deadline. Panicking, I was able to call about one-third of the wedding party to come over and help us clean the house. My wedding party was stuck cleaning the house on the day of the shower that was half for them as it was when FH and I planned to "formally" announce our wedding party members. When we did make the announcement, guess whose name I "conveniently" forget to mention. Around seven, Sharla's boy toy called to tell us that they were on their way, but I told them rather curtly "You can't come here, but I can tell you exactly where you can go--straight to hell."

When Sharla did come home the next day, FH and I were waiting. I told her she was out of the wedding (which was fine with her, she said, because she had never wanted to be in the stupid wedding anyway--which you would never know considering how she tried to control everything!) FH finally asked her to move out.

I wish I could say we haven't heard from her since, but Sharla is actually much more of a handful than even FH knew. She became really bitter as a result of us kicking her out of our wedding, house and lives and we ended up having to get a restraining order against her to terminate the harassing phone calls she was making. It is now officially two and a half months before our wedding, and while thankfully we're still friends with her ex-boyfriend (and he's still standing in the wedding) I am seriously considering hiring some bouncers to make sure that Sharla doesn't actually show up and keep up with her antics so far.



My husband and I attended a wedding last year that strained certain boundaries of good taste.  Having known the bride and her family for quite some time, we were well aware that there was a high potential for wackiness at this wedding.   First off, the happy couple had decided to marry on the Saturday of the July Fourth weekend.  They planned an outdoor ceremony in the early evening.  Now, we live in the Deep South.  July weather, even at seven p.m., is always two things: HOT and HUMID.    

The day of the wedding, one of the bridesmaids called us to let us know that although the wedding invitation said seven o'clock, the bride would not be walking down the aisle till seven-thirty.  We generally endeavor to arrive at weddings twenty minutes before the announced starting time, so if it hadn't been for this bridesmaid's courtesy, we would have been sitting outside in sweltering heat for almost an hour prior to the actual start of the ceremony.   When the wedding actually began, ten girls in black cocktail dresses, each carrying a single flower, walked down the aisle.  I looked at my husband and said, "I thought the bridesmaids were wearing pink," since our friend the bridesmaid had told us about her dress and it was pink and floor-length.  After these girls had walked down the aisle and seated themselves in the first row, the REAL bridesmaids, in floor-length pink gowns and carrying full bouquets, entered.  My husband and I spent the entire ceremony baffled by the first-string and second-string bridesmaids!   Hint: Just because you were in someone else's wedding, it doesn't mean that you have to invite that person to be in yours.



It is 8 days before my wedding and I've been forced to excuse my maid of honor from our wedding (actually, dear fiancé had the privilege of excusing her).   "Sal" and I had become friends over the past two years or so and had gotten fairly close.  Earlier this year she had asked my fiancé and I to be a part of her wedding, even though the wedding party had been determined months prior, she wanted us involved.  Naturally, we were both very honored.  As it turned out, a month later we had finalized our plans to get married and in return, I asked her to be my maid of honor.  It was an obvious choice as she and I had become close, and with working long hours at work - and her going through her own wedding planning, she insisted she was the best choice because she could help me out with anything and everything I needed.   

Fast forward now 5 months and we're quickly approaching her wedding.  My own wedding plans are on the back burner as I still have about 4 months until the wedding - so I am 100% focused on her wedding and making her day special.  As the weeks drew closer, "Sal" started to turn into the ultimate "Bridezilla", treating not only myself like a piece of dog dirt, but all of the other attendants.  As her wedding got nearer the ridiculous demands started to be barked out - we were basically at her beckon call for upwards of 3 weeks without so much as a "Thanks guys for doing all this to help me out".  She even went as far as having a hissey fit at a dress fitting because of a hem line that didn't meet her standards.  To make matters worse, she depends on her mother for everything, probably even to wipe her behind on occasion, so of course the MOB gets involved and has her own little hissey fits on occasion.   

Now the wedding is near, Sal and her mother have it out with the priest at her rehearsal and say a few choice words within the priest's earshot in the church because he wasn't willing to accommodate their every demand.  The big day has arrived, on top of the ridiculous orders and depriving the groomsmen of food and restricting their movements (no one was allowed to be excused from the 6 hour photo session, even though the groomsmen hadn't had a bite to eat in over 6 hours) the MOB was throwing hissey fits when we excused ourselves for washroom breaks and to get out of the sun.  

In all, the wedding was mediocre - the bridal party was exhausted from the sun and for myself, it wasn't a great time.  After being yelled at all day and feeling like I had sun stroke, the last thing I wanted to do was eat and party - but sucked it up and chalked it up to "Sal's" nerves and that she was just stressed about her big day.   

Fast forward again a month - her wedding is over, and although she still feels the need to be the only bride alive, my wedding is getting closer now and I have to start getting cracking on my own plans.  I asked her to be involved in numerous aspects of my wedding, for example I needed help finding shoes.  After teeth-pulling, she finally agreed to come with me - while at a shoe shop, she left me to look for my own shoes and whipped out some wedding proofs to show off to the sales ladies - I suck it up and sit at the cash register for over 20 minutes tapping my debit card waiting for her to hurry up showing off so we can get moving.  

About a month goes by without her returning a phone call, or even asking anything about my wedding or my planning.  She never asked about my dress, never mind to see it - although once her dress arrived I was pulled out of bed with the flu to go take a peek, you get the idea, her wedding was the "Be All and End All" of weddings, and once it was done and over with, she didn't give a crap about my wedding any longer.  

Another instance - at my bridal shower, while I was busy talking with guests and opening gifts - she was busy passing around her wedding photo album and whipping out the proofs again to total strangers, anyone who would basically take a look at them.  She couldn't be bothered to step out of the spotlight for two hours and let me be the "bride-to-be".  I hadn't spoken with "Sal" for about 2 weeks prior to my shower, while my mom got stuck with the cost, planning and even cleaning her house, she complained of some fabricated illness that may prevent her from attending my shower (even though she was 'technically' hosting it).  After the shower I hadn't heard from her again and was getting very agitated - so I put my head down and relied on other bridesmaids to help me out, as it was now apparent that our wedding wasn't on her priority list.   

A few weeks after the shower, she decides to throw on me that now she doesn't think she'll be available the day of the wedding.  Apparently she feels that her job is too important, and isn't ready to take the day off without pay.  I'm hurt and fuming - so hurt that I was expected to jump through hoops for her wedding and never made one word, just went along with it for her sake, and now all I need to know is that she'll be there for my wedding and standing at my side on the most special day of my life, and she decides to play head games, and isn't sure if she wants to ask her boss for the day off.  This goes on for about 3 weeks - I'm hurt and obviously not making much attempt to kiss her butt - but I do stress the fact that as my wedding is now less than a month away, I'm putting final payments down and now have put money into her spot in the wedding (flowers, etc.) and that I need a commitment from her.  She lets it drag on longer and longer, all the while never giving me a straight answer and completely ignoring me when I come out and ask the status of her availability for my wedding.   

Today we're 8 days before my wedding and I still don't have a 100% confirmation that she'll be there the day of.  She's decided that her best move will be to maybe work the morning and skip out on getting her hair and nails done with the rest of us, and then tell her boss she's feeling sick so she can get out of working the afternoon, but she really doesn't want to do that, and she's still unsure at this point if she'll actually get away with it - but now decides to inform me that if I choose to have photos taken locally, she will refuse to be a part of them - because she doesn't want to get sick playing hooky.    

That's the straw that broke my back.  I call to confront her - she has another one of her famous hissey fits and asks "What do you expect of me?"  my response "A commitment from you Sal considering that you've had about 9 months notice to get this day off work".  She now decides to claim that she has been unaware for some time that my wedding is on a weekday evening - even though she was with me while booking the hall 8 months prior (total BS).  She has a blow up - whips a large object at her poor cat while we're on the phone - hits the cat and splits it's leg open - screams on the phone and hangs up on me.  I ran upstairs bawling because I can't handle this anymore, not only being treated like garbage - but the feelings of dreading my own wedding in fear of what type of crap she's going to pull on me that day.    Fiancé "Scott" has enough of this - he's stayed quiet and out of it up until now, but he's had enough of her antics and is sick of her always trying to get her own way and control our wedding - as I'm crying in the bedroom feeling like I'm going to loose my dinner, he goes down to call her.  Her wonderful mother then informs him that she wasn't angry at me when she hung-up on me, but had thrown this object at the cat and now the cat has to be rushed to the emergency veterinary clinic to get stitches.  Hmm... sounds to me like someone with an anger-management issue to me.  Her mother then proceeds to rip a strip off of Scott stating that Sal's been nothing but helpful and has tried her hardest to be involved in this wedding and then hangs up (this family is famous for wanting to get the last word - it's usually a profanity, but still - if they can't get it in, they'll swear and hang up).    Sal calls back minutes later (I'm still bawling) and Scott has to politely inform her that we'll no longer be requesting her presence in our wedding party, she snaps back "well I hope this removes my husband from the wedding as well" and Scott replies "unfortunately it does - sorry to have to do this".  In that classy manor of hers, she tells Scott to go  "F-himself" (in a few more letters than that) and hangs up on him.

Unfortunately this had to be done a week before my wedding, but I couldn't take her anymore - and I'm hoping that this will at least take some stress off my shoulders and we can move on.  We had no intention of severing a friendship with that phone call, but her childish behavior made it impossible not to cut all ties.  I'm dreading now that she'll demand $$ back for her bridesmaid dress - in which case I'll tell her to return it to the store where she bought it - I had no say in what dresses the girls picked, it was their choice, all I requested was that the color was the same.  I'm not a refund center so she can get off her lazy ass to return it herself.  I'm out a whole lot more than the $110 dress now that I have 6 empty meals for my reception that have already been paid for (Sal/hubby, mother/father and sis and boyfriend - ever so elegantly we've been informed that they are no longer attending our f*cking wedding... NICE!).   Sweet justice is... she's the only person I've ever know of to be booted out of 2 WEDDINGS (I think I should contact the people at Guinness World Records) - tells you something about her character doesn't it??? I'm glad she's out of the wedding now before she's had a chance to sabotage our special day.   



I am currently planning my wedding and my MOH is a fabulous woman and it taking care of all the bridal shower and bachelorette party planning.  In an effort to be helpful she contacted the BM to offer help in his bachelor party planning.  The BM lives out of state and doesn't know the area well - traveling back and forth would obviously be expensive so she offered to help with the planning. 

The BM turned into a jerk, thought she was saying he was poor and insinuating he couldn't plan the party at all and she was going to do it, which was totally not the case.  He sent her back a nasty email to which she responded politely something to the effect, "I was just trying to be nice and you jumped down my throat.  You may not have to like me but you do have to be civil to me."

And of course, my fiancé and I are now stuck in the middle of these two playing referee and trying to get the BM he's being a jerk and he needs to apologize profusely! 



My best friend, "Helen", of about 10 years got engaged.  When she told me, I was so happy for her I started to cry.  A few days later she told me she told her old best friend from high school, "Sue", and that Sue's reaction was "Congratulations!" and then "I get to be a bridesmaid right?"  That was the start of it.  I was maid of honor (I waited until Helen asked me), and Sue was bridesmaid.  Helen had no other attendants. 

1st offense: Sue convinces Helen to have the party at the local historical society headquarters (where Sue's mother is president), which was 4x the cost of the alternate location being considered.  The weeks & days leading up to the party I helped with invites, shopping, creating favors, and the weekend of the party I went to the location to set-up, cooked, etc.  Sue was no where to be found until the last minute.

At the party, which was not catered (we did all the food ourselves) Sue spent the whole time in the kitchen.  I went in numerous times and asked if she needed help (even though as far as I knew there was nothing that needed doing) which she turned down.  I also offered to "hold down the fort in here, so you can go enjoy the party".  Her response was "I don't know anyone out there anyway."  I didn't know many people either, but as a wedding party member I thought it was a good idea to meet them!  Whatever. 

Sue wore jeans, a black tank top and a long black velvet coat.

Offense #2:  At the engagement party Helen asked me and Sue when we were available to go look at bridesmaid dresses.  I said I was flexible, and just generally expressed excitement over the whole idea.  Sue thought it was WAY too early for such things (5 ½ months in advance) and anyway she was broke (this was 3 months after asking if she could be a bridesmaid).

Offense #3:  Over the next few weeks Helen tried calling Sue to go dress shopping.  She was never available (not even to accompany Helen to buy her dress!)  Helen was pretty lax about what we should wear and was discussing various ideas when Sue proposed we wear WHITE pant suits.  To a formal wedding.  Her reasoning was she really wanted one, but could not afford a new suit AND a bridesmaid dress.  Helen said no.  3x more times before dresses were bought Sue proposed wearing white as a bridesmaid.  Once it was because it was getting close the wedding so she proposed wearing a white dress she already owned - Helen said "sure so long as you dye it pink!"

Offense #4:  On our one unfruitful dress shopping excursion, Sue rejected every dress we found, except for the one dress Helen and I objected to - it was purple plaid with wide horizontal strips across the torso.  Now Sue is a size 4, but I am a 16.  The cut & style of the dress was fine (it came in solids and various colors) but the stripes in the plaid were VERY unflattering.  I put it on and Helen and I both immediately saw me and said "no this isn't pretty!"  Sue pouted about it for the next few hours.  She refused to consider it in a solid color.  She hated (I think out of spite) the gorgeous green halter dress we found that fit us both perfectly and cost less than $100 (later Helen would lament that she should have put her foot down as bride and made us get the dress - which really could be worn again).  

Later we went to lunch at a diner and were chatting about wedding plans.  It came about in the conversation that Sue only planned to wear the dress for the ceremony and then planned to immediately change "into something comfortable, like jeans" for the reception.  Helen flat out said no.  When the bill came, Helen said "since you two came out to shop for my wedding, lunch is on me" and put down her money.  Sue responded "if I had known that, I would have ordered more!"  She was dead serious. (It should be mentioned Sue lives at her mother's rent free, groceries, phones, cable etc provided whilst Helen completely supports not only herself but a handicapped family member - Helen hardly has funds to be treating people and Sue knows it!)  On a side note we ended up just ordering simple formal dresses over the internet.  As of 2 weeks before the wedding, Sue was still "too broke" to afford the $115 (after tax & shipping!) dress.  Helen ended up buying it for her.  Sue had just spent 4 weeks on vacation at the beach which is why she was broke.

Offense #5:  I started planning the shower.  I conferred with the mothers and grandmothers of the bride & groom and came up with 4 possible dates for the shower, all 2 months in the future.  I called Sue to ask which was best for her.  Before I even got into the dates Sue said she was only available weekdays and weekday evenings (despite having graduated college and being almost 30, Sue only works part time doing liquor promotions in nightclubs).  I told her that was not a possibility, as most of the guests, including Helen, have weekday jobs, so a weekday would really mean a weeknight, which wouldn't work for the senior citizens, guests with infants or people who had a long drive to get there & home and then work to get to the next morning.  She pouted but finally agreed to a Saturday afternoon (so she could still work that evening). 

Fast forward to the Friday before the shower.  Sue has done nothing to help (she didn't even RSVP, but I figured since she had last say on the date it wasn't a huge problem...)  I called her to ask when she would be arriving - would she be able to get there early to help me decorate?  She said "what are you talking about?  The shower isn't tomorrow, it's Sunday!"  um no, I had secured the location, I had sent the invites, it was the next day, Saturday.  She said "well I can't go, I have work."  She did call back later to say she had rescheduled work so she could attend.  And she asked for directions.  I said they were in the invite.  She said "oh yeah I didn't even open it..."  She showed up to the shower 20 minutes before it was scheduled to start (not the hour she had promised) and instead of helping, she spent the time wrapping her gift which she had bought that morning.  She ended up leaving early (no help in cleaning up either!) because she had to get to work (she works in nightclubs - it was 1:00 pm!)  She wore jeans, a tank top and was barefoot through the whole shower.

Offense #6:  Helen and I discussed the bachelorette party - Helen did not want any male strippers or any craziness, just a fun night of silly, girlie stuff.  Knowing everyone is on a budget we came up with the idea of renting a limo, stocking it with champagne and other drinks and driving around NYC like a moving party.  Helen was excited, Sue thought the idea was "stupid", "lame" and "so high school".  Hmmmm Helen and Sue went to high school together and yet Helen had never been in a limo before...

I spoke with Sue a few times to nail down the details now that Helen had decided this was what she wanted.  Sue tried to convince me it was a terrible idea and we should do something else.  Sue wanted to go to a lounge (a place where in order to get a table a group must buy a regular size bottle of alcohol at about $120 and they give you the bottle plus 3 pitchers of mixers like juice or soda plus empty glasses; the music is too loud to talk, it's basically just a place to drink & dance).  I didn't like this idea for a few reasons, the first being it wasn't what Helen wanted!  I went forth with the limo plan with no help from Sue.  The day of the party I was creating the list of the order we were to pick everyone up and Sue said "oh, I can't make it, I have to work."  She had known about it for 2 months, and we specifically scheduled it on a Friday so she would have Saturday night to work at her request (I had to take half a day off work myself since it was a Friday to get all the last minute details together).  She contributed nothing to the cost of the limo because she did not attend.  Her loss, the rest of us had a blast!

Offense #7:  Sue missed the rehearsal claiming she was stuck in traffic.  However everyone else came via the same route on the same day.  Only she got stuck.  Due to what she said when she called to say she would be late I have reason to believe she was not in traffic but rather heard about the traffic on the radio and was using it as an excuse.  She arrived in time for dinner.  She ate and socialized for about 20 minutes then went to sit alone and stayed on her cell phone for the next 1 ½ hours.  She was wearing a jean skirt & flip flops.

Offense #8:  The ceremony went great - a few minor mishaps, but nothing serious and it was very lighthearted and happy.  We proceeded to the reception where Sue removed my boyfriend's stuff from his seat and put her stuff down, causing him to think he didn't get to sit at the head table; he found a seat elsewhere.  Of course he was supposed to sit with us it was just that Sue didn't know anyone but me (perhaps because she repeatedly refused to socialize at wedding related events?), so she wanted to sit next to me (even though we aren't friends at all).  She ate quickly, mentioning she had to leave early because she had to get to work that night (a 3 hour drive away!)  About two hours into the party (before cake or toasts, etc) She excused herself and went and changed, into, can you guess?  Jeans!  She stayed for another ½ hour or so in her jeans and t-shirt and then said goodbye .

So quick recap - she wore jeans to every wedding related event, even when the bride asked her not to and they were formal events.

She asked multiple times if she could wear white to another brides wedding, even after being told each time "no".

She had the bride buy her dress.

She did not take off work, even the day of the wedding, despite knowing months in advance and requesting she be in the wedding party. 

She missed ½ the shower, the whole bachelorette party and a good deal of the wedding.



My husband and I were married over eight years ago and I still get mad when I think about this story. My husband asked a friend to be his best man. Now this friend had been his "best friend" in high school but they had since drifted apart somewhat due to different interests and life choices. Anyway the BM and his wife apparently went all out for their own wedding, having tons of attendants, 250 guests, numerous practical jokes, and going into debt for it all.   My husband and I wanted a much smaller, simpler wedding. We were completely paying for it ourselves and did not want to start our marriage with debt from the reception. Therefore we decided to have the ceremony and reception at my in-laws' house, in their garden. I had two attendants, husband had BM and we invited 50 guests. We had a buffet luncheon immediately after the ceremony. We played classical music during the ceremony and reception but there was no dancing and no bar, just a champagne toast, due to my in-laws' religious observations. 

BM was very, very disappointed that we were not having a big, showy wedding and kept telling us how to do things.   BM's father owns a men's clothing store and BM insisted that we rent the two tuxes from there. Actually they weren't tuxes but morning coats since we were getting married in a garden ceremony at 1:00p.m. and I felt a tux was too formal and out of place. We ordered both coats to look the same. All BM had to do was stop into his father's store and get fitted.   

Well, two days before the ceremony, my fiancé went with BM to pick up the coats. BM then told fiancé that he had changed our order!! BM said that the groom should always dress differently from the groomsmen (I guess in case the bride can't tell which man she is supposed to be marrying) and therefore BM ordered himself a black tie tux instead of the morning coat. So my fiancé would wear the less formal morning coat and tie and the BM would be wearing a formal dinner tux!! BM would be dressed more formally than the groom. There was no time to change the order or go to another store. My fiancé decided to not tell me about the suits since I was already stressing out.   Nobody ever said anything about the suits, maybe no one ever noticed. I was so nervous on the wedding day that I never noticed the difference. I only realized that husband and BM were wearing different clothes when I was looking at the photo proofs. That's when my husband told me what BM (or as I now call him "that idiot") did. He said he just about died when he found out that the order had been changed. I can't believe BM (and his wife) thought they had the right to change things in our wedding and never consult or tell us!! They said they were keeping us from making an etiquette mistake and were proud of themselves for rescuing us.



I was just recently married & wanted to make everything simple & easy for my bridesmaids because they are my good friends who I care about & thought cared about me.  I got beautiful dresses made for them that only cost them $50.  They could purchase any shoes they wanted.  We all got our hair done the morning of the wedding.  Which I paid for. The wedding was on the east coast & some of my bridesmaids were from the west coast.  So my husband & I decide to pay for their hotel rooms & local transportation.  All they had to do was get themselves there.  Well they did & I was so happy they did but one bridesmaid, Angie, complained the whole time!  She also complained prior to the wedding.  The only time she would call me is to double check on how & when I was going to pay for her hotel room. In fact after I had just thrown her 3, yes 3 showers, she doesn’t even know the date of my shower that my one MOH is throwing.  Angie calls me the day before asking ME for the details!!!!!  She never offered to help out a bit.  Never threw me a bachelorette party.  Nothing.  Not a wedding gift.  I mean nothing.  And this is someone I use to bend over backwards for.   My friends from back east end up throwing me a beautiful shower & dinner bachelorette party.  These are friends that I grew up with but haven’t seen in years!   My point is really consider who your true friends are before asking them to be part of your wedding.  And don’t have high expectations because the let down will be far worse.



I was very close friends with this girl "Mandy" for most of junior high, but after she moved a few hours away we lost touch.  Once every few years one of us would look each other up and catch up on things, then lose touch again. Most recently, I got engaged in June and she contacted me in October after 2 years. I told her about my engagement and she was really excited. Then came the strange part. She started asking when the wedding was and about how much time she'd need to take off of work. I calmly apologized and told her that in an effort to keep things simple, many of my friends weren't going to be invited. She replied with "I know silly, but of course your MOH is invited!" After a long pause she said.. "I am still your MOH right?" Apparently we had a discussion about weddings when we were 12 (now 25) and I said that she'd be my MOH one day. Of all the people I have offended (I'm only having close family and some of FH's friends at the wedding, not having it in a church, etc) she was the most upset. She came back to our home town a few weeks later and saw my mom. She told my mother that I was a rude selfish person and she didn't understand where my mom went wrong.

Due to the number of profanities, I won't tell you what my mom said to her.  :-)



Hello, I have a wedding story to share. When my best friend of a million years got engaged I was happy for her yet a bit jealous too, seeing she had been with her boyfriend a much shorter time then I had been with mine. Nevertheless I was happy and excited to help her start planning her wedding. Growing up we had always told each other that we'd be each others MOH's so imagine my surprise when she emailed me saying "I don't know who to pick as my MOH, your or one of her other friends I'll call Kate". I told her that she needed to be true to her feelings and pick who she wanted as her MOH. I was quite baffled when she choose Kate, but kept my feelings to myself. As her engagement went on, I found myself disliking her fiancé' more and more. Not because of the jealousy factor, but because he was rude and very nasty towards her family. 

Nine months into their engagement my friend becomes pregnant. Not wanting a baby out of wedlock, my friend and her fiancé decided to get married in two weeks. Kate was unable to attend the shotgun nuptials, because she was going to school out of state, so I am asked if I will perform the duties of MOH. Obviously I say yes, and I am more then happy to help my friend in a time of need. 

As the crazy planning starts I am informed a few days before the big day that Kate is indeed able to come to the wedding!! So guess what I am demoted to BM. Needless to say I am not impressed. I was the one going to dress fittings w/ the bride, staying up the night before the wedding to make favors, helping with the potluck dinner being served at the reception, etc. I politely tell my friend my frustration and she assured me that both Kate and I would be MOH's. 

The day of the wedding rolls around and as we ready for the ceremony, I notice that on the wedding program it had Kate listed as MOH, and myself as a BM. I was wild!! Not only did my friend not have the heart to tell me I wasn't a MOH, Kate took the glory of helping my friend put together a fabulous wedding, when she really didn't do a darn thing! I'm not one who needs all the glory, and I didn't want to ruin my friends day, so I sat there while Kate basked in the sun and I bit my tongue!



My now- husband, "Ryan", and I found out we were expecting a child. An unexpected surprise, but we moved up the wedding we were already planning. Since our planning time had been cut by about a year, and we didn't have much time to save, we had a small, intimate wedding nine weeks after we found out our blessed news.

Due to the small nature of the event, we had one attendant each. I picked my wonderful sorority sister, Julie, to be my MOH. She was fabulous, and I couldn't have asked for a better experience. She kept me sane during the hormone/anxiety/crazy weeks that followed. Ryan selected Adam, a fraternity brother he was still close to. Ryan lived several hours away (we resided in the city where they attended university), but his girlfriend, Joanna, was still in school, so he was here just about every weekend.

Just a little background. Adam and Joanna had a turbulent relationship, to say the least. Adam had moved to her hometown (even though she was still in school in our city) after he graduated, because she insisted-she planned on returning there when she graduated, and they "wouldn't have a future" if he didn't move there, too. So, despite not knowing a soul there besides her family, he got an excellent job and moved. Earlier that summer, Adam let us know Joanna had cheated on him w/ another friend of the guys (this was the 2nd time that we knew of that she had cheated). He forgave her, and all seemed to be going well. Adam did let Ryan know that they would not be going to a strip club for his bachelor party, as Joanna told him he wasn't allowed. Ryan didn't care about strippers, but I was miffed-it's an event for your best friend, and your girlfriend is going to dictate events?

Fast forward to my bridal shower. It was a small event (10 or so close friends, held at my home since MOH lived in another part of the state). I had invited Joanna as a goodwill gesture, hoping to become better friends w/ her since our significant others were so close. She was nice enough, but everything was always about her. None of the guys friends liked her, but I didn't know specifically why. The shower was very casual, and everyone wore capris or shorts. Everyone except Joanna, who showed up wearing a very tight, very short (and very unflattering) cocktail style outfit. Um, okay. The kicker was what she wasn't wearing...UNDERWEAR. Everyone at the event got at least one "glimpse" of Joanna. She ended up leaving early to go "study" with a friend who lived nearby. This will come into play later.

The next weekend (5 weeks before the wedding), Adam calls our house sobbing at 6am. He had found out the night before that not only was Joanna cheating on him, she literally had another boyfriend (she had left the shower to go mess around w/ him while Adam waited at her apartment). Adam was devastated, and came to our house to mope. We all sat and talked for a while, and at one point I made an unsavory comment about Joanna, to which Adam jumped up and yelled at me, and defended her. Rigggghhhttt. I should have known then this was going to get ugly.

Over the course of the next 5 weeks, Adam became a useless amoeba. Instead of being angry at Joanna (this was the THIRD time she'd cheated) he became desperate to "win" her back, and started harassing Ryan and I. He would call us multiple times a day to cry, show up at our house on weekday nights (he lived 4 hours away), and was a general nuisance. We were beyond stressed, with wedding preparations, work, family drama, and pregnancy issues, and now we had to baby-sit him, too. At one point I let it be known that Joanna was not welcome at our wedding, as I didn't want to deal with the drama her presence was sure to cause. Adam flipped out, and started calling Ryan at work, begging him to talk me into allowing him to bring Joanna. Finally, sick of his complaining, I relented, and Joanna was invited (mostly so Ryan could get work done-Adam was calling him 5-6 times a day). Also, sick of Adam calling our house in the mornings to whine  (I worked 2nd shift and slept late) when Ryan was work, I ended up blocking his phone number. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Oh, and the bachelor party. Adam failed to plan one. Ryan asked him when he was planning on having it, and he basically told him he wasn't hosting one because he needed to keep his weekends free for Joanna. Ryan was understandably upset, and I was beyond angry. I ended up contacting another friend of theirs and telling him the situation. He and the rest of the group of guys, disgusted with Adam, ended up throwing a wonderful party for Ryan (and didn't invite Adam).

The week before the wedding rolls around. Tensions are running high in our household. Adam calls Ryan (at work, since he couldn't call our house anymore) and asks him to call Joanna and beg her to attend the wedding, since she didn't "feel like we really wanted her there". Well, duh. I had also found out, through the grapevine, that Adam was considering PROPOSING to Joanna (who, mind you, is still dating the other guy) during his toast at the reception.  A very hormonal me flipped out on Ryan and told him I wanted Adam out of the wedding. We ended up getting into what, many years later, still reigns as our biggest fight, and Ryan punched a wall. Not smart. He ended up w/ a lovely fractured hand for the wedding. Adam remained in the wedding b/c we didn't want to deal with replacing him 3 days before. However, our DJ was put on high alert to pull the plug if Adam even referred to Joanna during the toast.

Day before the wedding: We moved the rehearsal an hour later so Adam could make it (he couldn't take the day off work since he had missed several days in the past few weeks b/c he of his "emotional" state). When he and Ryan went to pick up their tuxes, Adam proceeded to throw a fit because he had to pay the remainder (keep in mind that my father had paid the deposit for everyone, and that Adam had a job making more than Ryan and I put together). Maybe this was poor etiquette on my part, but I'd been a bridesmaid six times before, and every attendant I'd known had paid for their own attire. He grudgingly paid for it, and it was off to the rehearsal dinner. He had tried to sneak an invite for Joanna earlier, but I had drawn the line. Julie (MOH)'s fiancé wasn't attending, and there was no point of Joanna being there except to score a free dinner on my future father-in-law's retirement dime. Throughout the dinner, when he wasn't crying to whoever would listen (my mother, both grandmothers, and Ryan's brother) about Joanna, making snide comments about my guest book attendant having her husband, a close friend of Ryan and I's, at the dinner when he "wasn't allowed to bring a date" (hi, they're MARRIED), he was making fun of Ryan's hand. My mother finally snapped at him, "You know that's your fault, right? You've caused them too much stress of late, now shut up."

Wedding day: I had willed myself to just ignore him and Joanna that day, but boy, did they make it hard. When Julie and I showed up at the site, Joanna ran up to me and tried to hug me. She followed me around the site, jumping in pictures and getting in people's ways. Okay, I'm trying to get things ready for the reception, get out of my face. Despite some minor snags, the wedding goes off nicely. During the reception, my 50 year old uncle (black sheep of the family) tracks me down to loudly tell me that my "friend", who was wearing another too short/too small outfit, wasn't wearing panties. How did he know? She bent repeatedly in front of him and shook her butt. Oy. Toast goes nicely (no proposals). At one point during the dancing, I look over and see Joanna posing (think "Glamour Shots") in front of an arrangement of flowers and candles that were a memorial for Ryan's late mother. The kicker? The guy taking was pictures was one of the guys she'd cheated on Adam with months before! Throughout the reception, when we were greeting guests or talking to friends, she would jump into the middle of conversation and demand our attention. At one point, she even tried to grab my father's butt!

After the event, Ryan and I congratulated ourselves on lack of bloodshed and moved on (as a side note, Adam did not smile in a single one of our wedding pictures). He still spoke to Adam socially, but I pretty much wanted to ignore his being. A year later, Ryan and our newborn son were at a wedding that Adam and Joanna also attended (I was out of town). Joanna spent most of the event grabbing my son from other people and taking off with him until he vomited on her (the kid is a good judge of character). They cornered Ryan and presented him a check for $200 as their wedding gift to us. They had told other people that they didn't think we liked them anymore because they didn't give us a gift-I hadn't even realized they HADN'T given us anything, and please, that would be the least of reasons. We contemplated returning the check, but decided it was restitution-lol. Ryan wrote a thank you note that I could barely bring myself to sign.

They're still together, despite numerous break-ups and cheating dramas since. I think they deserve one another.



A couple of years ago, my boyfriend was asked to be in a friend's wedding. Of course, he asked me to go along with him. The stories he told me about another groomsman still make me cringe. Once an a while we still talk about it.

#1 - This guy refused to try on his tux until the day of the wedding. Needless to say, it was about two sizes too big for him. The guys had to hunt for pins to help him keep his pants up.

#2 - The ceremony goes on without a hitch. Afterwards, he leaves the bridal party after the pictures were taken stating that he had to go get suspenders for his pants. He says he doesn't want his pants to fall down during the reception. He doesn't know the area and cannot seem to follow the directions to the reception. He arrives to the reception two hours late, after dinner, just before the toasts.

#3 - He appears to have too much to drink and may have smoked pot before getting to the reception.

#4 - When the couple returns from their honeymoon, they find a nice little note from the jerk. He tells them that their wedding sucked and how much he hated being in it. Needless to say, they don't speak to him anymore.



In April of 2004, my fabulous (now) husband asked me to marry him. We planned our wedding for early September and proceeded with all of the arrangements. We decided on three attendants each, and I choose my best friend of 20 years, my sister, and my good friend from college, "Vanessa". Vanessa is one of those people who everyone wants to be around because she is so much fun, but she has some extremely trying qualities that rear their ugly heads every now and then...mostly based off of her self-centeredness and selfishness. I knew her involvement in my wedding was going to require some hand-holding on my part, but the good times generally outweigh the bad so I thought it was worth it.

The bridesmaids, my mother, my niece (flower girl), and I all got together to look for dresses, and we were lucky to find a lovely dress that flattered everyone at the first store. Since we had only given ourselves about 5 months to plan our wedding, it was important to order the dresses right away. And of course, out of Vanessa’s mouth come her favorite words: "I don’t have any money." She had come from out of town just to participate in the dress selection, and she knew we had to get them ordered quickly. One of her best tricks is to wait until a crucial moment to reveal the fact that she is broke, so someone else will offer to pick up the tab or else everyone will have to suffer along and waste their time while Vanessa tries to find a bank. My mother, being the generous person that she is, offered to cover the deposit on the dress (half the cost). My mother is far too gracious a person to ever ask to be repaid for something she offered to cover, but Vanessa said several times that she would pay her back. 

Fast forward to about two months before the wedding...Vanessa’s family has a summer home in a resort community, and she invites me up every summer to share in the fun for a weekend or two. She had not yet made an attempt to pay back my mother for her dress, and frequently mentioned how she "had no money" (though she worked full time.) We went to the local "super store" because I had forgotten a toothbrush, and she proceeded to buy $60 worth of the most horrible cheap garbage you could ever imagine. Sparkly belly shirts with sayings like "Princess" and "It’s All About Me", short shorts with writing across the rear, gaudy glitter belts, and skintight turquoise pants that were barely decent. She owed my mom $70 for the dress. I guess she wasn’t so broke when it came to buying things she wanted.

A few weeks later, the dresses are in. Again, Vanessa is just "so broke" she can’t afford to pay for the other half of the dress to pick it up. I know her game this time, so I’m prepared. I offer to take care of the other half as my gift to her, in lieu of the gifts I had planned for my other two attendants. She quickly agrees. I pay the balance and deliver the dress to her on my next visit.

I had arranged to have a stylist come to the wedding location to do my hair, and my best friend and sister had also wanted to use the service. It was going to cost $60 per person, so I extended the offer to Vanessa, assuming she would not be interested because she was in such self-proclaimed financial straights. Much to my surprise, she is very eager to participate...apparently she can scrape up money when she feels it’s beneficial to her. Another one of Vanessa’s best tricks is to cover the bare minimum when she cannot get out of paying for something, and leave the tipping for people she feels are more "better off" than she is. I was fed up with her antics by this point, so I told her the price was $75 (to cover tip too) and the stylist had to have payment in advance, by a certain date, or else she would not hold the time slot. None of that was true, but I was done being burned. Vanessa waited until the last minute and rushed me a check, so all was well.

In the meantime, there is a mix-up with the stylist and the salon I was going through. Basically a stylist booked with me personally, not telling the salon so they didn’t get their cut, and then decided she would rather go on vacation the weekend of my wedding. The salon owners were very embarrassed to find out about this, and arranged for another stylist to do the entire wedding party for free. I had received Vanessa’s check by this point, but trusted everyone else to make the appropriate payment the day of the wedding. So what did I do? It may be wrong, but I cashed the check, paid my mom back for the deposit on Vanessa’s dress, and never mentioned anything about the free hair service to Vanessa. I told my best friend and sister the situation and they did not say anything about the complimentary service, and helped me tip the stylist generously. For my other two attendant’s gifts, I spent $150 each on a gift certificate to one of the best restaurants in the area, and only $70 for the balance of Vanessa’s dress. By weaseling out of paying for the one expense she was expected to pay for, she not only confirmed her true colors to me but missed out on a gift that would have exceeded the cost of the dress. What she really missed out on was doing the right thing and feeling like an honorable person for once.



My friend was asked to be a bridesmaid by a girl she had known her whole life. The bride J then told her that she would be paying for her own dress. Unlike in the USA, in the UK BMs only pay for their dresses if they get to choose them - or wear one they already own. Making your BM pay for a dress you chose is considered very bad and tacky behavior. So the BM responds that that is fine, but since she is a student she would like to buy a dress she can wear again, is this OK and what colors does the bride prefer? J says no no, it is up to you, whatever you like.

Two days later, BM gets a phone call to say that J has found the dress of her dreams, the other 3 BMs love it, and it costs £250 (nearly $500)! The aghast BM politely says that she's terribly sorry but she can't possibly afford that, and understands that she has to step down. J huffs and puffs and puts the phone down. She later rang back and left a message saying "everyone else is paying for their own dresses but seeing as you have no money my mum will pay for yours. You have to be my BM." Hmm. BM considers dropping out by accepts when faced with another tantrum.

Preparations continue. J wants a hen night of staying in with pizza. BM phones weeks in advance to apologize for her absence because she has an exam the next day and could not get back in time. J has a tantrum. Then she insists that all BMs must stay in the £100 per night hotel for two nights, it is imperative. BM coughs up £200 for this.

Two weeks before the wedding, BM finds out that her fiancé (whom J knows very well, and whose hospitality she has often enjoyed) is invited to the sit-down meal but, bizarrely, not to the big ceremony with its 4 BMs. That's very weird here, but o well. Then the bride phones to demand £100 towards the cost of the dress! She denies ever saying her mother would pay for all of it. The BM finally agrees to pay, but says she would have appreciated being told this some time before, at which J throws another tantrum, shouts that BM is being adolescent and slams the phone down.

The day before the wedding, BM finds out that not only is her fiancé the only guest excluded from the ceremony, but that the other 3 BMs have been put up in a room paid for by the bride's mother. None of them is staying the second night. It turns out that J lied to her mother and said that BM wanted her own separate room for 2 nights. The night before the wedding, BM is explicitly told that her fiancé is not welcome for the wedding eve drinks (where everyone buys their own) because he's not in the wedding party. J has never had a problem with fiancé before, so even stranger. Fiancé tells the BM to just do what she agreed to do and be the best BM she can, and then they'll never have to see J again.

BM was the only bridesmaid who stuck it out until Auld Lang Syne, by which time everyone bar 12 guests had gone (there is usually 90% of guests left for this). She clearly wasn't the only one who'd had problems - of the 50 workmates who said they'd come, only seven showed up. BM and fiancé wished the couple well and then went home laughing about it. Now BM's own wedding is approaching. We're throwing her hen weekend, which will be based on a joke Bridezilla theme (banners spelling out "It's MY day" etc). We don't have to worry that J will be offended because she and BM haven't spoken since and she's not invited to the wedding. And no, she didn't send a thank you note.


Second story - this isn't really anything h*llish, but it was just so funny. At the same castle, a couple got married and wanted their Basset hound as a BM. Not everyone's cup of tea, but hey-ho. But then they trussed the poor dog up in a lace bridesmaid's dress! Definitely not to everyone's taste but OK, the dog isn't being harmed. Then, ten minutes beforehand, everyone is waiting for the couple to arrive in a horse and carriage. The bride's mother will drive her car up to the gates and get in behind them. Suddenly, Basset hound BM does a runner in the lacey dress and gets underneath the MoB's car, refusing to come out. The MoB loses it and starts screaming that she needs to drive her car, get that dog out of there etc She refused to let the castle owners take her to the carriage, shouting that she wanted HER car. But no, because bridesmaid pooch won't come out and is still skulking, so eventually she is taken up in the owners' car.

The dog finally came out when the meal started, where it sat at the top table and was given the four course luxury meal! The venue owner - who allows dogs because they hold shooting parties - said the dog was lovely but he could barely keep a straight face!


Page Last Updated May 15, 2007