BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN
The "tortured" and the "torturees"
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A several years ago my cousin R asked me to be a
bridesmaid for her wedding, which was in the very early stages of planning. I
was honored to have been asked, as I had never been a bridesmaid before and,
although I have never been really knowledgeable about hair and makeup and
dresses, I am very agreeable and planned to do my best to be helpful and not be
a difficult bridesmaid. Some months passed, and I began going out with my
then-boyfriend B, to whom my cousin never really took a shine to. . She began to
seem less interested in seeing me, and turned fairly unfriendly towards me - I
wondered about these bridesmaid plans which I had not heard any detail of. .
.There then came the phone call (which I was surprised to hear from her
since she hadn't bothered contacting me in months) which was very short and
sweet and she said in no uncertain terms that I was dumped from the wedding
party, I was being replaced by one of her neighbors (K)
because she had previous bridesmaid experience, etc, etc. I was very
gracious and insisted that was fine, that it was her choice, and her wedding
etc. My own mother was furious and still refuses to speak to R. I heard
throughout the grapevine that perhaps the real reason was that, because R has 4
sisters, and did not want that many bridesmaids (invite one, must invite all
rule) she stated that the rule was NO FAMILY. One particular sister, J, objected
very loudly that I was family too, so I shouldn't be allowed either.
Anyhow, come the wedding day, (which I was invited to and to
which my mother very pointedly declined) and I was very surprised to see R
walking down the aisle with one neighborhood friend K, and my cousin's sister J
! I heard somewhere throughout the day that my cousin's first choice of
bridesmaid (L) had decided that morning that she couldn't do the whole
bridesmaid thing and pulled out. All was frantic and sister J was substituted as
a last minute addition. I know it wasn't the bridesmaid I was replaced by who
did a runner, but I still had the feeling of "I would never have done that
to R." So I guess there was some sort of retribution, even though I
was never that sore about the whole thing. The bridesmaid swap has never been
mentioned, and my cousin still doesn't seem very friendly towards me. . I guess
the moral of the story is never select wedding party attendants until much
closer to the date.
My fiancé and I are both Scottish but born in America, and it
was his dream to wear a kilt to his wedding.
Our wedding party, which was somewhat non-traditional,
included four people: two men as close as brothers, a women who may as well be
my sister, and my sister. Because the party was small and, as I said, somewhat
non-traditional, we gave each of these individuals the title of witness.
My fiancé's witnesses are both Irish, and mine are both
Scottish. Everyone was thrilled that he was going to wear a kilt and everyone
wanted to follow suit (literally) except my sister.
That was fine. She was young and a little bit too cool for me,
and so I requested that she incorporate our family tartan into her dress.
She refused, telling me that, instead, she would pick a summer
dress in a solid color.
So everyone else in the wedding party would be wearing kilts
(except me, the bride—my wedding dress would be pewter), and my sister wanted
to wear a summer dress.
I offered to make my sister a dress. I offered to pay for her
dress. She continued to refuse, saying that she would look stupid, that normal
people don't wear kilts, and that she didn't want to be photographed in tartan.
My fiancé's mother suggested that I ask my sister to step down, but I couldn't
imagine the fit my parents would throw over choosing clothing over my family. I
was at a complete loss.
Finally, I asked my other witness and fiancé to get together
and talk to my sister. They approached her, and she freaked out. She told them
that if I really cared how she felt, that I would have taken her thoughts into
My sister and I are currently not speaking.
Clothing 1 Family O
My brother got married about a year ago. I was one of 6
bridesmaids in the wedding. My sister-in-law was perfectly sweet on her wedding
day (and on mine a few months later), aside from the basic nervousness of
everything going correctly. However, two of the other bridesmaids made the day
miserable for several of us and I will admit that I was not the perfect
sister-in-law as I was a little bitter about a couple of situations, including
my dress which did not work for a top-heavy person such as myself. I did my best
to keep my mouth shut and get ideas for what to do at my own wedding.
The MoH wasn’t the worst of the two. She is a character
actress and always seems to be “in character.” Her boyfriend was in
attendance and she insisted that he ride in the limo for which my parents paid
with her to the reception. Now, the bridal party had to go in three shifts to
get there: most of the groomsmen in one; most of the bridesmaids in the second;
and the bride, groom and honor attendants in the third. One of the other
bridesmaids and I were both engaged at the time. My now-husband rode with us to
the reception and the other fiancé was more than welcome to join us as was the
MoH’s boyfriend. The MoH threw a fit that her boyfriend couldn’t ride with
her specifically, but her sister wanted just the main four people in the limo at
that time. In the end, the MoH calmed down and had a good evening.
One of the other bridesmaids, E, was just plain rude. My
brother did not like this woman, and now I understand why. She was in charge of
setting up the bachelorette party. I wasn’t informed of it until the day of
the event. She didn’t even acknowledge me or that I had given up a shift of my
sporadic work schedule to attend. One of my brother’s closest friends was a
groomsman. This man, B, works very hard and has made a life for himself out of
almost nothing. He came to the rehearsal straight from work, still in his
uniform. B and E happened to be paired up. E says to B very loudly so that the
entire sanctuary can hear her, “So glad you dressed up for this occasion.”
This was a very large sanctuary, so I’m positive that everyone heard her,
since I did and I was in the narthex when it happened.
The next night at the wedding, the reception hall had
neglected to put the name cards for the bridal party on the table. When my
sister-in-law asked me and her cousin to go fix them, E threw a fit because she
thought she should sit next to the bride, instead of the MoH, the bride’s
sister. During the bridal party dance, the bridesmaids who were all in serious
relationships danced with their respective groomsmen without any complaint. E
complained about having to dance with B and basically didn’t want him to touch
her. She then proceeded to make my brother’s good friend very uncomfortable
because he is a different race than everyone else at the wedding. If I had known
it would have been that much trouble, I would have insisted I be paired with B.
My story concerns not one, but two bridesmaids. In May of
2004, I announced to my family and friends that I would be getting married and
we had set the date as August 14th, the same year. That gave me a little over
three months to plan this wedding. We decided we wanted a small affair, and
found the perfect place, the back yard of his parents house. Since we met at
college, this meant that our families lived 175 miles apart, about a 3 hour
drive. After talking with my closest friends, and figuring out which ones were
most likely and able to be there, I selected my college friend as my MOH and a
high school friend as a BM. My fiancé didn't have many friends around, and we
wanted a small gathering, so we figured 2 on each side would be plenty.
Around mid June, I planned a trip to Xville, where my MOH
lived, to shop for BM's dresses. I didn't want anything fancy and was planning
on a cool summer dress that they could wear to church or out to eat after the
wedding was over. I called the BM a few times trying to get her size, as I
wasn't sure. To be sure I was able to get matching dresses, I was going to pay
for hers and have her pay me back when I took her the dress.
During this time, I was chatting with the BM in which she told
me she wasn't sure if she could afford a hotel room, I told her I wasn't sure,
but I knew my future in-laws had some room. When I talked to them, we found that
there was only room for one additional person, meaning that the BM's husband
would have to find other accommodations, or stay at home. She refused to take
the free room and decided she would just not be in my wedding. After a few
arguments, I figured this was for the best, as she was holding a grudge against
be for leaving her reception early to go visit with my great-grandmother as she
lay on her deathbed, but that's a whole other Bridezilla story.
This is where I leave BM 1 and I'm frantic. I have a MOH, but
no BM, and my fiancé can't tell his friend that he's not in the wedding after
all the plans have been made. I call around asking some family for advice, we
all come up with my fiancé's brother's girlfriend. We had spent some time
together and got along really well. She accepts and seems pretty excited, so I
continue with the trip and get the dresses. Come back, I take her the dress, she
really likes it and pays me back for it.
Let's skip forward a bit, to the day before the wedding.
Everyone is in the town that the wedding is going to take place, trying to take
care of all the last minute details. We have ordered the cake, it will be
delivered. Same for the flowers. We go pick up the chairs since it's an outside
wedding. We gather a few tables for people to sit at and be served from.
Everything was going perfect. My fiancé and I decided to head to the car wash,
since we will be leaving in his car, we want it to look decent. On our way, his
cell phone rings. It's his brother. He is very upset and says that his
girlfriend, BM 2, will not be at the rehearsal or the wedding. I immediately
thought she was ill or had been in an accident, or something of that matter.
Nope, couldn't have been that easy. Turns out future BIL and girlfriend had a
fight over his dad, my future FIL. She was upset that she had been picked on
over things she had done, and decided that she wasn't going to the wedding and
she was moving out. Needless to say, I was extremely angry. What kind of person
accepts an invite to be a BM, then the day before, decided she's not going to
show up because she doesn't like the FOG?
We did end up having both the Best Man and the Usher walk the
MOH out and it turned out nice. We figure that the wedding ended up better off,
as BM 2 would probably wanted to have been the center of attention, even though
it was our day. Oh yeah, BM 2 never moved out, slept in the house that night and
the night of the wedding. They made up and then got married the following
When my sister "Susie" was married she asked me to
be her MOH. Which was nice, I had asked her to be mine. We are not
particularly close. It was a nice gesture. She had recently been a
BM in one of SIL's weddings, and was completely left out. The Bride of
that weddings, family...did everything to exclusion of everyone else. My
sister had made it clear to me that she didn't want that to happen with her
wedding, and that she was counting on me to make sure that all attendants of her
wedding felt included. That's fine, I'm fairly organized, and play well
When it came time to plan her bridal shower, we (the
attendants) got together to plan. Since I'm her sister, I was content to
let them have all the glory. The problem was that none of them wanted to
do it. So, it was their decision that we have the shower at my
house...fine, it's large. It should be said that I am her older sister.
Then to the food. They wanted it catered, fine. It was my job to
find one, fine. I found 2, got the quotes, and called the BM's. The
result was that the BM's "could not afford" affair catered.
Ok. Now we are going to make all the food and supply all the paper goods,
and decorate my house, ourselves. Fine. A list was made. I
again was asked to take care of the list, ok, and then split everything equally,
5 ways. Which I did. We had another gathering, at my request, to
divvy up, and finalize a group present or individual gifts....they decided they
wanted to do individual gifts. Ok. I bought my own. Lovely Lenox
Cake topper that the bride and groom chose. It should also be noted that I
did have to ask, 2 BM's, twice for their part of the money. At this point,
I am mildly annoyed with their behavior as a group, but not stressed...and would
not say a thing to my sister regarding her friends...not even to this day.
The cost of what they actually paid for doing it themselves, because they
couldn't afford the catering, was more than the cost of the caterer. Fine,
it didn't matter to me either way.
The day of the shower arrives, and I pull up to my home.
Some of the BM's are there...I think GREAT. I walk in to my home to find
that they are rearranging my furniture, putting holes in the walls for
decorations, and have taped paper to my ceiling with tape that pulls off paint.
At this point, I almost loose it. Take a deep breath, and calmly tell them
to put all the furniture back...stop making holes in the walls, and to take the
tape down. I get the right tape, ignore the holes at this point, and
replace the errant furniture. The room is very large, and is already set
up to accommodate at least 50 people. The reason we know this is because
we hosted a wedding there. They are miffed at me for stopping them.
I don't care and continue on...food needs to be prepared, and things need to be
set up. While 1 BM helped, the others proceeded to stop. The hour
arrives, the guests show, the bride appears, she has a wonderful time...she
opens 1 bridal party gift, mine, because no one else got one. It was a
nice night for my sister, and I did what she asked me to do. The night
comes to end, the bride leaves...smiling and thanking *us*. And
then....the BM's, ALL of them...leave. Just like that! And they took
every left over, or crumb that wasn't eaten with them! I am left to clean
the entire house. Myself...well, my mom did stay and help me...she's a
trooper. The last straw, when I was walking around the room I found in my
grand piano a plate of cake, and red wine spilled on the floor in a corner that
no one bothered to tell me about.
At this point, I chalk it up to a complete lack of manners and
extreme immaturity. I was asked to host my sisters baby shower and
When I got married in May of 2003, I wanted the event to be a
very relaxed and fair atmosphere. Instead of having to pick a MOH, I
decided the only fair thing to do was have co-MOH's, and a Matron of Honor as
well. Perhaps I was a little too relaxed in my preparations!
I had decided that the most fair thing to do was to purchase
the dresses for my three MOH's. None of them had a lot of money, and one
of them was coming a great distance for the ceremony. Because I think it's
a faux pax in itself to ask someone to participate in your wedding and purchase
their own dress, I went with one of my MOH's and my mother to a mall to do some
shopping. We went to several stores, before finally hitting the jackpot.
In one store, I found some beautiful royal blue dresses with glitter on them. I'll
admit, I love glitter! I love things that sparkle, and these dresses
just screamed my name! I got all three dresses on clearance for
less than the price of one dress in a mid-priced shop. I was pretty
pleased with myself!
Since I was getting married in a different State from where I
lived, I did a lot of email correspondence with my three MOH's. I guess I wasn't
very clear when I told the girls to find black "strappy" shoes to wear,
but being that two of the girls lived in a small town I wanted to make things as
easy as possible for them! I thought they could go to Wal-Mart and find
some appropriate, black open toed dress shoes. "Aimie" told
me that she had found the perfect inexpensive, comfortable shoe to go with her
dress, and I was happy for her. Imagine my surprise when she came to the
church to get ready, and her perfect, inexpensive, comfortable shoes were
THONGS!!! Sure they were black, and they had a sparkly butterfly in
between the big toe and second toe...but they were THONGS! If
they had been regular sandals, with a strap across the heel,
I wouldn't have been so appalled. But THONGS! Eeuuww! The
other two girls were more reasonable, showing up in lovely black open toed
dress shoes like I had envisioned.
Another of my MOH's, "Marah", hadn't been in contact
with me the whole week I had been in town before the wedding. I thought we
could all get together and put rice packets together, fold programs, and
get the favors ready one night, but ended up doing it with Aimie and
my parents, since my Matron of Honor "Annette" had a small child, and
Marah wouldn't return my calls. At the rehearsal, Marah told me that she
didn't know that we were doing a rehearsal dinner and had made other
plans. Well, I didn't think I had to specify that we were having a
rehearsal dinner...it WAS a wedding rehearsal! She acted like it was my
fault that she didn't know about the dinner, and refused to come to my Bachelorette
"Party" after the dinner. The next morning, I had planned on
taking my girls out for breakfast before we got ready
for the wedding. Marah acted like it was a huge inconvenience to have to
get up two hours early to go out for breakfast. Should have told her to
Aimie had said that she was going to make my garter, so I
didn't bother to buy one. I asked her after breakfast where my garter was,
and she had "forgot" to make it! So, in between breakfast and
going to get my hair done (the other girls didn't want to have their hair done,
they just did it themselves), we ran to Wal-Mart to find a garter. I
managed to find a beautiful one that fit the theme of the wedding.
Marah decided after going to Wal-Mart, she was going to
run home to start getting ready and would meet us at the church after I got my
hair done. We made plans to meet back at the church at 10:30am to finish
getting ready, because photos were scheduled for Noon. About 11:30, Marah
came to the church without any make up, dress hanging from a hanger, and no
pantyhose on, and hair in a ponytail. She was planning on
running a curling iron through her hair yet! I am still not sure what
Marah had been doing for the past two and a half hours, but just asked her to
hurry since pictures were in half an hour!
The ceremony went off without a hitch, readings and songs were
beautiful. Then we got to the reception. The three Best Men (again
with the being fair), had been great throughout the entire planning process.
I think it was because I told them they didn't have to wear tuxedos.
LOL Well, the time for toasts came, and the three Best Men
became the three silent men. Not one of them chose to stand up and say
something nice. Not a big deal, Aimie got up and told Jerry to take good
care of me and not ever hurt her best friend. It was nice, but I wish
one of the best men would have said something, too.
For the most part, Jerry's and my wedding was a smashing
success. Sure, we had a few mishaps...but it was a lovely ceremony that my
parents worked very hard to plan. Incidentally, Aimie stopped talking to
me shortly after Jerry and I got married. I would call her, and she
wouldn't return my calls, or else she would ask if she could call me back
shortly, then never call back. When I went to visit my parents this
summer, Aimie called to ask if she could come over, then came for 20 minutes and
left to go see a movie she had already seen a few times, and didn't bother to
contact me again the 10 days I was there. Marah and I talk occasionally,
and Annette, who in all reality was the perfect Matron of Honor and I chat a
couple times a week.
I do want to mention to women currently planning their
wedding and reception, PLEASE make sure you have a "Master of
Ceremonies" presiding over the reception so no one gets bored and
leaves early, don't let your caterer redo your setting chart because he
thinks his "way is better", and make sure that at least one of your
groomsmen gives a toast. It really makes things so much nicer!
My husband and I got married five years ago, and I have known
since I was a teen who my witnesses would be. (Here in the Netherlands, we have
to have one or two witnesses for both the B&G, similar to the best man/MOH
in the USA.) Mine were my sister and my best friend. My husband, being an only
child and his best friend being my ex boyfriend, didn't yet know who to pick.
His best friend didn't seem the appropriate choice. Then, one of his friends
started to shamelessly suck up to him in order to become his witness. She
insisted on constantly emphasizing the importance of their friendship,
mentioning what an honor it would be, yadda yadda. She even came up to our house
once when my husband wasn't around and broke into tears because she was so
afraid he wouldn't ask her. She urged me to please not tell my husband about her
visit, because she didn't want him to know HOW MUCH it meant to her...yeah
right.. So, he asked her. Instead of being pleased or feeling
honored, she seemed casual and cool about it and even a little insulted that it
had taken him so long.
A week before the wedding, she took me to my bachelorette
party. She had called my girlfriends, whom she can't get along with, and organized
for us to go for cocktails, a fancy dinner and clubbing. It was really sweet of
her and I felt somewhat guilty for discussing her erratic behavior with my
husband and my friends. But my feeling of guilt turned into anger and disappointment
when it turned out she had asked my friends to all pay for the costs , not
unusual in Holland, but still had far too little money to settle the bill. Most
of my friends being in college at the time I ended up paying for my own bachelorette party,
and she didn't even seem too embarrassed. I was too flabbergasted to speak my
mind and just forked over the cash.
At the wedding day, she did not say a word to anyone on my
side of the family and barely spoke to my husband's, but acted as though the
whole thing was about her. She even shoved my mother aside when we were taking a
photograph outside! It turned out to be a huge party, very informal
in downtown Amsterdam, and everybody ended up wasted. In a good way. We still
get comments on how great that party was. The MOH got married
herself exactly one year later, and she seemed determined to outdo us in every
possible way she could. Lavish banquets were set up in the country side, a band
was playing, ridiculous wannabe-couture outfits were made for the B&G etc
etc. The only things people still talk about are the hideous speeches, the
remoteness of the location and the boring band..*insert hollow laughter* One
month before her wedding she casually said to my husband: "My two
girlfriends are going to be my witnesses, because we have such a special
friendship. I'm sure you understand, and besides, being a witness is no big deal
I have always been one of those brides that looked forward to
their own wedding, but always was a bridesmaid or Maid of Honor. So, when
it was finally my turn after meeting Mr. Right. I had a good picture in my
mind how I wanted things.
I got engaged in March 2005 and was married in June 2005.
So, I didn’t have a lot of time to plan a wedding, but I did it.
I asked one of my long time friends (college friend) to be my
Maid of Honor and as the day came closer I realized my mistake. Lesson
learned and it has never been the same since.
My MOH (we’ll call Karen) was thrilled when I asked her to
be in my wedding. I thought she’d do a good job since she seemed to be
as excited as I was that I was getting married. I really wasn’t asking
much and thought that’d she help out along the way. Boy was I wrong.
I didn’t ask for a bridal shower, but my friend (we’ll
call her Sarah) really wanted to throw one (BTW, she was a BM) and have it as a
surprise. Sarah contacted Karen about it and Karen wanted to arrange the
whole thing! Now, Sarah lived in another state and Karen lived in the next
town. So, Karen said she’d take care of it all and she’d let Sarah
know the progress, etc. They agreed that they would split the cost of the
bridal shower. Later I found out that Karen took a very long time to
give Sarah any money at all, but that’s a whole other story.
So, the bridal shower happens and there aren’t that many
people there. I heard through the grapevine that Karen had said she had
sent out almost 25 invitations to a lot of my friends, etc…but later what I
was telling them about the surprise shower, none of them had every received an
invitation and I know that they were on the list. I even asked after I got
back from my honeymoon if anyone had gotten an invitation and even after that
amount of time…nope. I guess I was hoping that there was some kind of
mailing error, but no, she never sent them out. Basically the people that
were there never got an official invitation (family and members of the wedding
party), they just knew that they were to show up.
THEN, I tell Karen about the “schedule” for the day before
the wedding and the wedding day. She tells me that she has to work so she
can’t go to pick up the dress. OK…I understand that completely, I
guess. Considering she is my maid of honor, you’d think she’d take the
day off, but whatever. So, Sarah (who had flown up for the bridal shower)
and my sister, also a BM, went to go pick up my wedding dress. We had a
great time and it was a lot of fun.
As we are driving to my parent’s house to hang my dress up,
Karen calls and says that she never made it to work that day, that she had gone
out the night before (so she was hung over), had gotten into a fist fight with
one of her ex-boyfriends and she’d be over as soon as she got a ride to her
car at the bar she was at the night before! OK…….. I didn’t
say anything and just told her that they entire wedding party was meeting for
lunch and I told her to show up. I told Sarah what Karen had just told me
and she knew I was VERY upset.
Karen shows up at the luncheon, with a black eye, bruised
cheek and a cut on her cheek. I had told my fiancé what had happened so
he knew what to except, but I had no idea that she looked like that and it was
the day before my wedding!!! Needless to say, she sat on the far side of
the table away from me and was very quiet.
The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner went well and so did the
wedding. Except for Karen crying at one point because she wanted to get
back together with another ex-boyfriend, who was in the wedding, also…The
wedding and the reception went on without a hitch!
We’re still friends, but we’re not close like we used to
Mine isn't as bad as some of these. I had a Matron
("A"), Maid of Honor ("B"), and Jr. BM ("C") .
I'd been in a wedding with ugly dresses that no one could wear again, and I
didn't want to do that to them. Also, they all have different looks so
there's no way they'd all look good in the same dress, and B is always low on
funds so I thought it would be good for her to find something she could afford.
So originally, I was going to set a criteria for them and they could wear
whatever they wanted as long as it fit the criteria. That only worked for
the junior BM, because B blew it for the adults. B started
complaining immediately about wearing a dress. A little back story:
This is the same woman who instituted a dress up night at the place we both
volunteer. She has worn many dresses before on her own, so she has no
problem wearing a dress in general.
She didn't want to wear a dress for the wedding because she
likes to be the center of attention. She wanted to wear a lavender tux.
Then she wanted to be on the guys' side "because she's known the groom
longer". Really because it would give her even more attention.
Then she decided she should really stand between us because she's friends with
both of us! We both told her this was one day that wasn't all
about her but she didn't want to let it go. I started really stressing
that she was going to keep forcing this issue. Then apparently
someone told her she was being a pain because all of a sudden she stopped and
said she had only been joking. For 2 months. In the meantime, she
had lost any rights to pick her own dress because I couldn't trust her to pick
something that wouldn't have flashing lights saying "look at me!" on
While dress shopping for my dress, a mutual friend who is a
costume designer found some dresses that would work for both MOH's looks.
She found 1 dress for A and 2 styles for B. So we took them both dress
shopping. A was fine with her one style. She had a
dress someone had given her that was the right color but the material would've
looked out of place with the other girls. So I asked if she would be ok
buying the dress and she had no problem with it at all and said the new dress
would be more re-wearable anyhow. B tried on her 2 dresses and it
was obvious someone had given her a severe talking to before dress shopping.
She was on her best behavior. I asked her which one she liked better and
she wouldn't tell me. She kept saying "whatever you like".
I picked the one that was more expensive because it was more flattering on her.
It was $30 more than the other dress, so I kept asking if she was sure it was ok
and she said it was up to me. So I told her to get the dress that looked
better on her. If I remember right the total for the dress was $110, and
didn't need alteration. Not bad for a BM dress, I thought.
Well, I guess I was wrong. We were together a week or 2
later, and she was talking to someone else. She was right next to me,
where she could see I was within earshot. She made sure to talk loudly
enough so I could hear. As she complained about how much she had just
spent on the dress for my wedding and now she didn't have the money to do
something else she wanted to do. I was pissed, but I bit my tongue.
The only thing I did was make sure that A was in the traditional honor position
for the ceremony and all listings and announcements, to make it clear she was
more important without actually demoting B. Everything was fine
until day of. Granted, she was in a fender bender on her way so she was
flustered. But she had agreed to do my makeup and spent all the time allotted
for makeup worrying about how she looked and doing her own makeup.
Luckily, A's sister was there and she and hairdresser did some of it so I
wouldn't be so far behind. From then on she was fine, so this is why
this story isn't as bad as some of the others. Once we got to the
location, she settled down and was on good behavior again. Although she
did have 3 or 4 people who were supposed to be doing other things working on
fixing her necklace, but that was minor. And we got a cute picture of my dad
working on it, so that doesn't bother me.
Last year my best friend’s brother was getting married.
I had recently moved out of town, but let the couple know that no matter what I
would make their wedding. I had met the MOH once (we will call her
Attila), at the couples engagement party that the Groom’s sister and I planned
and decorated. (I have ended up the call to person for parties in our circle,
because I enjoy it and seem to do a pretty good job.)
Cut to November, I have flown down for the wedding and
bachelorette party, and have also brought along supplies for the wedding and
girls night out (liquor, wedding pillow, games to play, tiara for the bride,
etc..) My best friend was a bridesmaid, so I had no problem helping her
out, but money was a bit tight, and I had also agreed to help with photos for
the wedding. I figured that along with a gift, I was being very generous! Not so
according to the MOH! Attila planned for an Excursion limo and had decided
that all guests going out for the evening had to pay x amount of dollars to ride
in the limo. I told my BF that I had no intention of spending more money
and to let me know where we were going and I would just follow. (That
tacky thing was that nobody was told this until right before the party! I
understand the BM’s helping to pay for the evening, but guests as well?) I did
end up in the limo and didn’t pay, but that is another story.
The night was fun for the Bride, but the MOH spent more time
getting herself drunk more than anything. The day of the wedding came, and
the limo that was to take the bridal party for pictures (which I took along with
my father who used to do photos professionally) and to the reception was driven
by the same driver from the bachelorette party! Turns out two glasses
ended up broken in the limo and he wanted to be paid for them. This
wasn’t a problem, but the MOH asked everyone to pitch in to pay for them!
At this point I had pretty much had it with the whole thing. I didn’t
realize that as a GUEST I would be expected to shell out money for everything!
We were married early February 2000, and our preparations
began in February '99. We had a small, medieval-themed ceremony with one
attendant each. I had about six school friends, all very close, that I could
have chosen for my MOH (I don't have any sisters). However, at that time most of
them were either preparing for their own weddings, or to be attendants at other
people's weddings. Two friends were left, "J" and "A". I
decided to ask J, because I had known her a few years longer than "A",
and also I knew that "A" was planning to join the Army and the next
intake would be around February. J was delighted - said she was honored,
in fact - and we arranged a day to shop for a dress.
My alarm bells should have started to ring the day I took J to
pick a bridesmaid's dress. The store was in a shopping center and happened to be
next door to a well-known department store. J had traveled by train and spilled
a drink on her jeans. When she arrived at the shopping center she absolutely
insisted that she had to go the department store to buy a new pair of jeans,
because she just couldn't walk around in public with the ones she had on. Back
then I was still quite shy and not very assertive, so I said nothing. We wasted
over 45 minutes while she tried on jeans, then finally went dress
Now, the dress shop wasn't a bridal boutique - as I said, we
had a medieval-themed wedding and this shop specialized in medieval-style and
'hippy' dresses. J's face fell as soon as she walked in, and she kept mumbling
that the dresses weren't "traditional". (Now I did tell her beforehand
what our wedding would be like, I did not spring this on her!) Since she was to
be the only attendant, we paid for her dress. It was nothing outlandish - a
simple long-sleeved dress with some lace trims in parts.
In July, J went overseas for a month. She had been having an
on-again, off-again long-distance relationship with a fellow in another country,
and was going to see him to decide the future of their relationship. No big deal
- I thought. But on her return, I noticed that J was suddenly seemed very
unenthusiastic about the wedding - in fact she seemed quite reluctant to speak
of it. At the time, the only things we had left to do for J was get a headpiece
(we were both having crowns of flowers) and her shoes, so we only spoke once or
In late October I had a phone call from
another of my school friends, "F". She said, "It's probably not
my place to tell you this, but I think you have a right to know." She
then went on to say that J had confided that she was going to leave the country
- permanently - around January. J had apparently told this to F and
another friend, "M", but had neglected to say anything to the person
whose wedding she was participating in! F had decided to tell me because she was
getting married herself in November, and knew what it would be like to have
something unexpected interfering with wedding plans. Later that day I spoke to
M, to hear what she'd been told. M had decided not to tell me herself because
she felt it was J's responsibility to say something to me, not hers - I
understood where she was coming from, although I'm still glad that F gave
me the warning!
Apparently part of J's eagerness to leave the country stemmed
from her parents - she lived at home, and they disapproved strongly of her
relationship with her foreign beau, so I think she was desperate to get
away from them. M was single at the time and had offered a spare room to J, so
that she could be away from her parents until my wedding was over, and then
leave. But nope - J's mind was made up to leave in the new year. I
called J to confront her - I said nothing rude, but gently said, "I believe
you have something to tell me?". J immediately began screeching "Who
told you?! Who told you?!" and didn't deny that she was going to leave, but
she had decided not to tell me because she wasn't 100% sure if she really
was leaving. If not, she would say nothing and things would carry on. But if
yes, then she would tell me (which would have left me in the lurch less than a
month before my wedding). She spent most of the call either justifying herself,
or continuing to demand who had tipped me off. What floored me, however, was when
she said that I knew she had gone overseas to sort out her relationship, so she
couldn't see why I should be shocked that she was leaving! One, I'm
not presumptuous, nor am I a detective, so if someone goes on an overseas trip
I'm not going to connect it with their intent to leave permanently six months
later. Two, although I'd be disappointed at her not being in my wedding
party, if she had said months earlier, "I may have to leave the country and
I know the timing is bad but I feel that I have no choice," I'd have been
more than understanding. But instead I felt like my wedding was being shrugged
off by someone who had previously said she was "honored". (Perhaps she
thought that since it wasn't traditional, there was no need to take it
Throughout that call I refused to say who had given me the
information. I found out later that, afterwards, J phoned F and M and
verbally abused them both. Needless to say J was removed from the
wedding plans. I was hurt and distraught, but hubby-to-be phoned my friend
"A" and apologized for the short notice, but would she be my MOH?
"A" was absolutely thrilled, and happily postponed her army plans to
do the job. She did a fantastic job both before and on the day, and there
were no other hiccups. We did have to get her a new dress, since J's did not
suit A's complexion or figure, but at least that was the only thing that needed
changing since shoes and flowers hadn't been finalized before then. (We did give
J her dress to keep, though she grudgingly said she "had no idea what she'd
do with it".)
As a footnote, J's relationship overseas didn't quite work out
and she returned 18 months later - phoning us out of the blue and carrying on
like nothing had happened, insisting that any hurt feelings that I or my
other friends had were "our problem" because we didn't understand.
Needless to say M, F and I have completely cut off contact with her.
I got married this year to my long time boyfriend. We're both
young, and in accordance to our tastes and the pocketbooks of our family we
organized a small tent wedding at my parent's house. It was not a fancy
frou-frou wedding but it was beautiful, fun, and everyone had a great time. I
did not expect our friends to be able to spend much on gifts, but they all gave
generous and sincere gifts to help us start our new life together. Like it or
not, gifts *do* count for something at any wedding. Even small, you like to know
the thought was there. Especially from those in the wedding party - usually your
closest friends and family.
Okay, so here's where the problem arises. I had two
bridesmaids; both old school friends and both were very excited to be part of
the wedding. One bridesmaid, Ellie lives near my hometown. The other, Stacey, is
from here but was at the time a PhD student in Paris. I knew both these women
did not have a lot of spare cash, but I also knew that Stacey lived and studied
in one of the most expensive cities in the world without much financial aid. A
few weeks before my shower Stacey was scheduled to arrive home. Ellie,
meanwhile, had been trying to get in touch with Stacey about a possible shared
gift for our wedding. Although the gift was a perfect idea for us, Stacey was
reluctant because she said she had to pay for the bridesmaid dress (I left all
dress decisions up to my bridesmaids - they could spend as much as they wanted).
Stacey told Ellie she may want to get something cheaper than the $100 Ellie
wanted her to spend. I didn't know about this aborted gift plan until after the
wedding but it makes sense considering what happened.
Stacey arrives. She spends the first week of her "time to
help me prepare" going to PhD related interviews, visiting friends in
neighboring cities, and even misses my shower because she "had to visit her
aunt that day". Okay fine. I knew she would be busy because she always is
when she's in the country and I'm glad her trip is fruitful. We have one good
visit and she helps one afternoon making decorations. I appreciate the help.
About this time she also buys a $200 bridesmaid dress which she says she will
use in Paris for a fancy party later that summer - she is fine with the cost of
the dress. Fast forward to a few days before the wedding. Stacey says she feels
bad about missing my shower and would like to "take me out" - her
treat. I say (truthfully) that I'm pretty wiped out but if she could take me out
for dinner and a few drinks I'd be happy. We go to a nice, but pretty standard
restaurant. I order an entree and get a drink. At the end of dinner we agree to
go to a local comedy club and I even supply a two for one coupon to get in. We
are on the subway home and I've racked up an extravagant $50 bill (the first
thing Stacey has paid for) and she turns to me and says, "I hope you
enjoyed your evening because it was my wedding gift. I couldn't think of
anything you needed. I saw all the stuff you got for your shower and I didn't
think you needed more stuff".
Say what?! I was really surprised but I couldn't speak up.
It's too close to my wedding to get upset over this now. My husband, who has
known Stacey for as many years as me and considers her a good friend, said
later, "Well, I guess your dinner was my gift too. I'll have to tell her
how much I enjoyed it". To make things worse, the night before my wedding
Ellie (who also bought us a lovely wedding gift) gave me a "something
borrowed, something blue" box of items. She gave it to me in front of
Stacey, and Stacey allowed me to thank both of them for the gift even though I
knew she had NOTHING to do with it. It was a very awkward moment when Stacey
'tagged on" to that gift, and she even thanked Ellie after I left for
"letting her share credit".
Stacey had a great time at the wedding and any guilt over the
"non gift" was quickly forgotten - on her part. I knew she was kind of
rude, but who thinks a standard dinner for the bride is an appropriate wedding
gift to two people she calls some of her best friends?! If she had even told me
she couldn't afford anything other than a very inexpensive (or better yet,
homemade) gift I would have understood and had the manners to accept it happily.
I just felt it was so tacky to essentially say two days before a wedding
"oh yeah, I didn't care about you enough to actually think of something to
give, so instead I'm paying for your beer". I was polite to Stacey the
entire time, but her selfish behavior has made me see her in a new light, and
question how good of a friend she ever was in the first place. Gifts should
never be the point of a wedding but if you are a bridesmaid please don't try
this with your bride-to-be!
Oh, I forgot to mention one more thing. Things with
"Stacey" got even worse at the rehearsal dinner when I presented both
my bridesmaids with crystal pendent necklaces (my husband had cuff links for the
groomsmen). The wedding party gifts were appropriate (nice keepsakes for all
their hard work getting a "home grown" wedding together). Stacey was
happy to accept the necklace, although she was the least helpful of the wedding
party and had hid out in my mom's office "making bathroom signs" for
pretty much the entire afternoon we were setting up the tent (she was really
answering email and surfing the net). I half jokingly considered not
giving Stacey anything until she made good with a wedding gift for both of us,
but I knew that would just open up a can of worms right when I least needed the
By this point I wondered (and still do) if I was just being
greedy so I kept my mouth shut. Honestly, I think the gift and the money simply
became symbolic for the lack of real attention or care Stacey expressed at our
wedding. I am happy to say, at least, that none of this was on my mind during
the wedding and everyone had a wonderful time. I think Stacey is embarrassed
about how she acted, because she rarely talks to me anymore. She still knows me
very well, and she knows that I am disappointed (to say the least) in her
behavior. Hopefully in the future we can become closer friends again.
Why did Stacey have to verbally announce to
you that she was financially strapped for a gift when you knew already she was a
grad student with limited financial resources? She's already traveled to
the wedding, paid $200 for a BM dress and who knows what other items necessary
for the role of BM.
Despite your protestations to the contrary,
you did make gifts such an important part of your wedding that it has soured a
relationship. You've set the bar as to what you considered appropriate
wedding gifts and if this was communicated in any way to Stacey, I can
understand why she was keeping a distance.
I was having a very small wedding due to my husband's military
schedule changing so much. My two friends -we'll call the Anne and Brenda- were
my bridesmaids. Everything was going fine until a month or so before my wedding.
Since it was small there honestly wasn't much to do but every time something
came up, something small like oh, picking up my dress, Brenda always had
"something else" come up so Anne and I made most of the
The morning of my wedding we were supposed to meet at Anne's
house to do hair, makeup and get dressed. Brenda had volunteered to do my hair
so she had my hairpiece, bobby pins, clips etc (that I had purchased) at her
house. The ceremony wasn't until 1:30 so we arranged to meet at 9:30 to get
ready. We all lived within 2 minutes of each other so when Brenda didn't show up
by 9:45 we tried calling but no one answered. Anne went to her house and came
back 5 or 6 minutes later looking really ticked and told me that Brenda had come
to the door, said she wasn't coming and shut the door again. I panicked and went
over there myself. After knocking for literally 5 minutes, Brenda's husband
came to the door and it was obvious he had been sleeping. When I asked what was
wrong he said "nothing's wrong, we just went out drinking last night and
didn't get to bed until 5 a.m.". So I stood there speechless for a minute
until I got my voice back and asked him if Brenda was coming over to help me
get ready and he said no, she wasn't feeling well.
I didn't know what else to do so I just turned around to leave
but Anne was livid. She stood there until he got Brenda out of bed and then she
asked Brenda if she was thought she would feel well enough (insert sarcasm) to
at least come to the wedding (at 1:30) or the reception (at 3:00) and Brenda stood
there and told us a pitiful story about how she contracted food poisoning last
night and just didn't think she could make it because she needed to go to
the hospital-- until we let her know that her husband had already told us she
was hung over. To make matters worse, in her drunken state she couldn't remember
where she put all the stuff I had bought so Anne and I had to go back to her
house (by this time it was almost 11:30) and she valiantly tried to put my hair
up with the only 2 slide barrettes she could find. To make matters even worse,
she called me a week later when I was back from my honeymoon and couldn't
understand why I was upset with her.
My bridesmaids are scattered all over the world, but I chose
them as my bridesmaids because they are my much loved college roommates. I first
asked them to stand up for me, a year and a half before the wedding, when we
gathered (which we do rarely but regularly due to the cost of travel) to
celebrate multiple milestones in our lives. Because of the logistic problems of
getting four women sized and fitted, when we are rarely all in the same country
and the fact that the four girls are of greatly differing coloring, size and
shape I had little hope of them getting matching bridesmaid gowns, but I brought
along a bunch of bridal mags anyway so we could look at them. Since I didn't
have any hope of finding a gown that would be flattering and available to all I
suggested that they might all wear the same color but not the same dress.
During the course of our visit they find a dress that they ALL
like and think will be flattering on them. I am very happy with the dress and it
is deemed the bridesmaids dress. Upon seeing the dress live and in person on of
my bridesmaids decides that she hates the COLOR of the dress (which is burgundy,
since my wedding colors are burgundy and forest green) and posts on our blog
about how ugly my color choice is and gives me a list of images of dresses that
are candy apple red, which she claims is a less ugly shade of burgundy. I wanted
to kill her. Then when I am clearly angry that she has done this she tells me
that it doesn't really matter since they are all wearing different dresses
anyway. She was the ONLY ONE under the impression that the girls were each
wearing different dresses and she was the ONLY ONE with a problem with the
After the whole dress debacle she then started complaining
about how much she hates the groomsmen.
Gah! I would kick her out of the wedding but the ill-will that
would stir up in our social group would be MUCH worse than just dealing with
her. At least I have someone who is deserving of my wrath when I feel the need
to vent some Bridezilla spleen.
Around the time two of my best friends were getting married, I
got engaged. I had known my DH for a short time but we were (and still are)
absolutely in love. Since one of my friends was moving to Mississippi with her
husband, I knew there was no way that she would be able to make the wedding in
Kentucky. I had no problems with this, but invited her anyway and she sent me a
nice card. The other friend, “Trish,” was living in West Virginia, and would
be making a 2 hour drive for the ceremony. When I asked her to be my bridesmaid,
she was happy, and said she wouldn’t miss it for the world.
I went on making plans, shopping for my dress, ordering the
cake, booking the photographer, picking out flowers, etc. It was coming time to
get dresses for the attendants, which I only had two. My MOH lived near
Knoxville at that time, so I got the size for my bridesmaid and went on down for
a shopping trip. On my way from KY to TN, my bridesmaid calls and starts griping
me out because I don’t have a place for her husband to stay overnight, as I
was in my DH’s hometown and the only place for people to stay was at his
parents’ house. We had room for two people, MOH and Bridesmaid. I explained to
her that if she wanted him to be there, she could ride with my parents the day
before then he could come on the day of the wedding. This was not good enough
for her, so she dropped out of my wedding, and didn’t even attend.
I am so angry, but I think, my DH’s brother had a
girlfriend, “Kayla,” who had made friends with, and she would understand the
situation and stand in. I called her and she was thrilled that I had asked her
to be a part of my big day, even as a last resort. I got her size and went on to
do the shopping. With my MOH guiding me around Knoxville, we found a simple
dress in the color I wanted that would look good on both of my girls. It was
only $50 so we bought the dresses and headed on our way.
Jump to the day of rehearsal. DH and I are going to wash
his car, as we would be leaving in it the next day for our honeymoon. On our way
to the car wash, his brother calls and is in tears. Seems Kayla can’t get
along with DH’s father, is moving out and they are breaking up. She won’t be
at the rehearsal and she refuses to come to the wedding. (She never moved out,
or even packed a single bag.)
Week and a half later, I get a phone call from Kayla. “I’m
sorry, but I didn’t want to get in a huge fight with “father-in-law” and
ruin your wedding.” I don’t take “I’m sorry, but…” excuses very
well, as they seem to be nothing more than excuses. To this day there is still
tension as brother-in-law married girl and she constantly brags about her
wedding, or being in weddings, or going to weddings when I am around.
Thanks for letting me vent! It's been almost a year and a half and it still
drives me crazy.
When my husband and I got engaged in April of 2000, we knew
right away that it would be a small ceremony, with only a MOH & Best Man.
The MOH was my longtime neighbor and good friend, and the best man was my
hubby's brother. They were both happy, and accepted the honor of being the only
attendees at our wedding. We originally chose June 28, 2001 for our date, but
soon tired of hearing everyone else's ideas on how our special day should be. We
moved the date to 10-14-00...at that time, it was 5 months away.
The first day of dress shopping and I knew I was in for it. My
MOH didn't like the colors I had chosen which were a light gray and Victorian
lilac, nothing crazy. I wanted her dress to be the Victorian lilac, and found
several dresses at the bridal shop that I liked, and that would flatter her (she
is very thin) She tried them all on and acted like a child, making faces and the
like. Groaning and complaining.."I don't like this material"..."This
dress makes me look fat"...nothing could make her look fat. We went to 3
bridal shops, and finally ended up at JC Penney, I found a dress in her size,
the right color, and she proceeded to say. "Fine, whatever you want."
and I thought to my self, You're damn right! When we were looking at shoes, she
says "Oh, I really don't have the money for the dress, is there any way you
could buy it and I could pay you back?" Which I did...and her shoes, a
strapless bra, pantyhose...etc. She was all set.
Meanwhile, my hubby and his brother were trying on
tuxes...same scenario. His brother was dead set on renting a "Zoot
Suit" tux, while I thought that was kinda cool, hubby wasn't for it, he
wanted a vest and band collar...anyways, Best Man didn't have the money for the
tux, either. He said he would DJ our reception in exchange for our renting the
tux, that was fine.
The day before the wedding, I took my maid of honor to the
salon for an afternoon of beauty. I figured we could chat while we had our nails
and pedicures done. Nope, she talked on her cell phone the whole time and nearly
snapped at the woman when she told her it was time for her pedicure. "No
one touches my feet!" OK, I had already purchased the package and there
were no refunds. So I paid for a pedicure for no one.
The day of the wedding: MOH shows up at my sisters to get her
hair done an hour late. Although I had a small wedding, my sister had been up
since 5am doing relatives' hair for the occasion. After 45 minutes of roller set
and style, MOH says her hair is too puffy and looks like a wig. My sister is a
professional and did all the hair for free, and this witch was complaining? She
was in the bathroom, combing out the set and style, I walked in and asked her
what the problem is, she replied "Your sister is a hack, this looks like
crap" and twisted her own hair back into juvenile little twists held with
an assortment of miss matched butterfly clips. Hideous. I only hoped that things
were going smoothly for my husband to be, they weren't.
Our wedding was at 10am, and the Best Man woke up at 9:30,
didn't shower or shave and got his stinky self into the tux. Worst of all, I
asked politely that he either color his hair all blond, or all brunette, since
he is naturally dark haired and had about 3" of black outgrowth, and the
bottom was 3" of white blonde fuzz. He did neither, and was standing at the
altar , with hair so greasy it shined under the lights, and 2 or 3 days of
mountain man beard stubble. When I got near him, I could smell the BO, he hadn't
taken a shower today, or the day before from what I could tell. He was truly
smelly, and tried to cover it with a gallon of cologne. At the reception, he
played all techno/ house music that was driving the family elders up a wall. When
I asked him to play something a little more mellow, he said in the microphone
"C'mon, lets get all these old farts moving!" We told him what kind of
music we wanted, and he brought nothing like what we had requested, the
only thing he didn't screw up was having our wedding song on hand.
As we sat down for dinner, it was traditional speech time.
Best Man had not prepared a speech, and informed us that he felt uncomfortable
speaking in front of people. I could have respected that if he had not told me,
only a week earlier that he was putting the final touches on a speech that would
bring the place to tears. After my MOH did her speech, which was short and
sweet, very nice. There was an awkward silence as BM slipped away from the head
table to hide in the bathroom. Without missing a beat, a mutual friend of ours
stood up behind the two of us and gave the most beautiful, heartwarming speech.
It did make everyone cry. BM finally resurfaced in time to break down his DJ
set, which had been on auto for the greater part of the day, Oh! Except for when
he was berating our guests while we were doing the Hokey Pokey...he called my
cousin a retard because he wasn't following directions, over the mike, my cousin
is developmentally delayed and was only 16 at the time!!!
The evening wound to an end and despite the Best Man from
hell, the day was beautiful. We were saying goodbye to our guests and Best Man
walks up and says "Hey man, do you have my check?" We looked at him
puzzled. "What for?" I asked. "For DJ'ing, If you write it now I
can still get it cashed tonight, $450.00" Hubby took him by the arm and
stepped away from our departing guests and chewed Best Man out. Apparently, he
was only 'discounting' his DJ fee for the tux rental. He got nothing. I
will never get married again!!!
I don't even know where this story belongs, but I would like
to induct my ex-BM, "Sharla," into Etiquette Hell for life!
Sharla and my FH had been friends for three years when we met.
FH and I had actually gone to high school together and had quite a few mutual
friends (including my brother) but for whatever reason had never got around to
being introduced. Sharla's boyfriend at the time, another person who had
attended high school with FH and I, introduced us. As it was, my FH had just
bought a house and Sharla had been kicked out of her parents' place, so FH
graciously offered her a spare room for a low fee of $200 a month. It goes
without saying my FHs' biggest flaw is that he is way too trusting of people,
something Sharla immediately picked up on and exploited.
Where do I begin with the list of Sharla's crimes? I'll start
with the week following our engagement (FH asked me to marry him on our
six-month anniversary). Although I had not asked Sharla to be a BM, and it was
as if she had automatically decided it was up to her to find my wedding dress.
Three days after our engagement, she dragged me over to her mother's house to
get some input on wedding ideas, then when we got there, announced that I wanted
to wear her sister's wedding dress!
I was too stunned to say anything, but the reality was,
wearing her sister's dress was the last thing I wanted to do. After all, I had
an idea of the kind of dress I wanted and I knew her sister's dress wouldn't fit
the bill--not even close! I had seen the pictures and although I was too polite
to admit I thought it was ugly as sin, I knew at the very least it wasn't the
dress of my wildest dreams. It wasn't even the dress of my nightmares--it was
just wrong. Wrong color, wrong style, wrong size. I tried to explain this to
both Sharla and her mother, they ignored me and insisted I try on the stupid
dress. Wanting to avoid making waves with FH's best friend, I slipped into it,
and it didn't fit at all. I'm a size 12 and the dress was at least a 22W.
Sharla's mother told me we could alter it, but I couldn't get them to understand
that even if the size WAS changed, I didn't want a second-hand dress.
We eventually left, but not before Sharla's mother proceeded
to tell me that my preliminary plans for the wedding were
"extravagant" and that having more than 4 BMs was "too
many," with Sharla nodding in agreement! Looking back on it, I understand
now where Sharla gets her super-controlling nature and her pension for being
Later on, when I decided that my friend "Candace,"
to be my MOH, Sharla tried to persuade me to kick her out of the wedding
(Candace and Sharla worked together at this time, and because Candace is from a
very wealthy family, and Sharla isn't, Sharla hated her instantly) which struck
me as pretty rude. I also thought it was incredibly stupid because at this
point, Candace and I had been friends for six years and had never even gotten
into an argument, so I didn't foresee our friendship ending anytime soon. Sharla
continued to carry on about Candace being in the wedding that I eventually had
to tell her to drop the issue; I wasn't going to kick her out of my wedding just
because Sharla didn't like her.
After discussing things with FH, I asked Sharla to be a BM.
After all, Sharla's then-boyfriend was in the wedding, and she was supposed to
be my FH's best friend, so I mostly did it to appease him. I didn't like how I
really felt like she was taking advantage of him by turning his house into keg
party central, but it was my hope that maybe the wedding would help straighten
Sharla really out did herself proving me wrong there. Not only
did she take it upon herself to be super-controlling of BM-related activities,
she felt it was her place to criticize every wedding-related decision I made! I
wasn't yet living with FH, although I was planning on making the move within a
few months, but I was staying over there quite a bit and did a considerable
amount of wedding planning over there, often while Sharla was home. At one
point, I was going over some figures for wedding expenses and really found
myself ecstatic that I had stayed within my $5,000 budget, to which Sharla
replied, "No offense, but you're going all out to make this wedding
extravagant. Not everything's going to be perfect."
Apparently, our budget of $5,000, in an area where most
surpass the $30,000 mark, was extravagant.
She also criticized every dress choice I selected for the BMs,
telling me it was either too ugly or too expensive. I eventually found one that
was very attractive, affordable and could be worn again, three things important
to my BMs, all of whom (except Sharla) were in college. As for Sharla, she
constantly complained (never to me, only to others) that there was no way she
could afford the $85 dress because her rent was too high ($200 a month for the
room, complete with adjoining full, private bathroom that she had is a steal in
this area, where you can't rent a hotel for under $200 a night) and she didn't
think she was going to be able to afford a wedding gift, either. FH and I never
heard about it until much, much later.
And regardless of what I spent or what on, she would always
remind me of how her parents had pulled her sister's wedding off for under
$2,000. Now, I'm not trying to demean anyone's wedding here but rather draw a
contrast between her sisters' wedding and mine. Her sisters' wedding had one
attendant, 30 guests (including those involved in the wedding), was held in her
parents' backyard and had been planned in four months. Our wedding was to have
nine attendants on each side, 215 guests (not including the 30-some people
actively involved in the wedding), and took over a year to plan. You can't
fairly compare the two.
Her next crime was even worse. While reviewing the guest list
with Richard, Sharla announced that four of friends were "really looking
forward to the wedding," including "Gel," who had briefly lived
with FH and moved out after failing to pay rent. Coincidentally, on the day Gel
was moving out, Sharla had called FH at work to let him know. FH reminded Sharla
that Gel owed him money for rent and asked Sharla not to let Gel take all of her
things. Sharla not only ignored FH by letting Gel take all of her stuff, she
helped her pack! I'm not sure why FH let Sharla stay after that spectacle, but I
never forgave her for actively participating in Gel ripping FH off. The other
three people included Gel's boyfriend, and two friends Sharla knew from work
that neither I or FH knew very well at all. I blew a fuse--she was actually
inviting people to my wedding!--and snapped, "I think Gel uninvited herself
when she didn't pay her rent." I also told her that my wedding was not a
keg party and there were no open invitations to anyone but those that received
them in the mail come October.
As if that wasn't enough, Sharla began openly cheating on her
boyfriend, the guy that had introduced FH and I in the first place and one of
FH's closest friends since childhood. Despite the fact FH had laid down the
ground rule of "No strangers sleeping in my house," Sharla continued
to bring home men he didn't know. Finally, after Sharla put us in a position
where we were forced to lie to her boyfriend, FH told her to sh*t or get off the
pot. She broke it off with her boyfriend, but didn't tell him it was because she
was actively cheating on him. By this point, I had had my fill of Sharla and was
gritting my teeth just trying to get to the wedding at this point, never mind
The final straw? She nearly ruined our engagement shower when
she trashed out the house the day before and didn't clean it up like she said
she would. Instead of helping us clean, she split with her latest one-night
stand partied with Gel, leaving me and FH to clean up the rest of the house the
morning of the shower. The house was a disaster because she had talked FH into
letting her have a party--there were beer bottles, alcohol stains and cigarettes
everywhere, even though FH and I are non-smokers and Sharla knows she is only
supposed to smoke outside or in the garage. Although I am a compulsive
neat-freak myself, I knew there was no way I could have the house cleaned up
enough in time for our five o'clock deadline. Panicking, I was able to call
about one-third of the wedding party to come over and help us clean the house.
My wedding party was stuck cleaning the house on the day of the shower that was
half for them as it was when FH and I planned to "formally" announce
our wedding party members. When we did make the announcement, guess whose name I
"conveniently" forget to mention. Around seven, Sharla's boy toy
called to tell us that they were on their way, but I told them rather curtly
"You can't come here, but I can tell you exactly where you can go--straight
When Sharla did come home the next day, FH and I were waiting.
I told her she was out of the wedding (which was fine with her, she said,
because she had never wanted to be in the stupid wedding anyway--which you would
never know considering how she tried to control everything!) FH finally asked
her to move out.
I wish I could say we haven't heard from her since, but Sharla
is actually much more of a handful than even FH knew. She became really bitter
as a result of us kicking her out of our wedding, house and lives and we ended
up having to get a restraining order against her to terminate the harassing
phone calls she was making. It is now officially two and a half months before
our wedding, and while thankfully we're still friends with her ex-boyfriend (and
he's still standing in the wedding) I am seriously considering hiring some
bouncers to make sure that Sharla doesn't actually show up and keep up with her
antics so far.
My husband and I attended a wedding last year that strained
certain boundaries of good taste. Having known the bride and her family
for quite some time, we were well aware that there was a high potential for
wackiness at this wedding. First off, the happy couple had decided
to marry on the Saturday of the July Fourth weekend. They planned an
outdoor ceremony in the early evening. Now, we live in the Deep South.
July weather, even at seven p.m., is always two things: HOT and HUMID.
The day of the wedding, one of the bridesmaids called us to
let us know that although the wedding invitation said seven o'clock, the bride
would not be walking down the aisle till seven-thirty. We generally
endeavor to arrive at weddings twenty minutes before the announced starting
time, so if it hadn't been for this bridesmaid's courtesy, we would have been
sitting outside in sweltering heat for almost an hour prior to the actual start
of the ceremony. When the wedding actually began, ten girls in black
cocktail dresses, each carrying a single flower, walked down the aisle. I
looked at my husband and said, "I thought the bridesmaids were wearing
pink," since our friend the bridesmaid had told us about her dress and it
was pink and floor-length. After these girls had walked down the
aisle and seated themselves in the first row, the REAL bridesmaids, in
floor-length pink gowns and carrying full bouquets, entered. My husband
and I spent the entire ceremony baffled by the first-string and second-string
bridesmaids! Hint: Just because you were in someone else's wedding,
it doesn't mean that you have to invite that person to be in yours.
It is 8 days before my wedding and I've been forced to
excuse my maid of honor from our wedding (actually, dear fiancé had the
privilege of excusing her). "Sal" and I had become friends
over the past two years or so and had gotten fairly close. Earlier this
year she had asked my fiancé and I to be a part of her wedding, even though the
wedding party had been determined months prior, she wanted us involved.
Naturally, we were both very honored. As it turned out, a month later we
had finalized our plans to get married and in return, I asked her to be my maid
of honor. It was an obvious choice as she and I had become close, and with
working long hours at work - and her going through her own wedding planning, she
insisted she was the best choice because she could help me out with anything and
everything I needed.
Fast forward now 5 months and we're quickly approaching her
wedding. My own wedding plans are on the back burner as I still have about
4 months until the wedding - so I am 100% focused on her wedding and making her
day special. As the weeks drew closer, "Sal" started to turn
into the ultimate "Bridezilla", treating not only myself like a piece
of dog dirt, but all of the other attendants. As her wedding got nearer
the ridiculous demands started to be barked out - we were basically at her
beckon call for upwards of 3 weeks without so much as a "Thanks guys for
doing all this to help me out". She even went as far as having a
hissey fit at a dress fitting because of a hem line that didn't meet her
standards. To make matters worse, she depends on her mother for
everything, probably even to wipe her behind on occasion, so of course the MOB
gets involved and has her own little hissey fits on occasion.
Now the wedding is near, Sal and her mother have it out with
the priest at her rehearsal and say a few choice words within the priest's
earshot in the church because he wasn't willing to accommodate their every
demand. The big day has arrived, on top of the ridiculous orders and
depriving the groomsmen of food and restricting their movements (no one was
allowed to be excused from the 6 hour photo session, even though the groomsmen
hadn't had a bite to eat in over 6 hours) the MOB was throwing hissey fits when
we excused ourselves for washroom breaks and to get out of the sun.
In all, the wedding was mediocre - the bridal party was
exhausted from the sun and for myself, it wasn't a great time. After being
yelled at all day and feeling like I had sun stroke, the last thing I wanted to
do was eat and party - but sucked it up and chalked it up to "Sal's"
nerves and that she was just stressed about her big day.
Fast forward again a month - her wedding is over, and although
she still feels the need to be the only bride alive, my wedding is getting
closer now and I have to start getting cracking on my own plans. I asked
her to be involved in numerous aspects of my wedding, for example I needed help
finding shoes. After teeth-pulling, she finally agreed to come with me -
while at a shoe shop, she left me to look for my own shoes and whipped out some
wedding proofs to show off to the sales ladies - I suck it up and sit at the
cash register for over 20 minutes tapping my debit card waiting for her to hurry
up showing off so we can get moving.
About a month goes by without her returning a phone call, or
even asking anything about my wedding or my planning. She never asked
about my dress, never mind to see it - although once her dress arrived I
was pulled out of bed with the flu to go take a peek, you get the idea, her
wedding was the "Be All and End All" of weddings, and once it was
done and over with, she didn't give a crap about my wedding any longer.
Another instance - at my bridal shower, while I was busy
talking with guests and opening gifts - she was busy passing around her wedding
photo album and whipping out the proofs again to total strangers, anyone who
would basically take a look at them. She couldn't be bothered to step
out of the spotlight for two hours and let me be the "bride-to-be".
I hadn't spoken with "Sal" for about 2 weeks prior to my shower, while
my mom got stuck with the cost, planning and even cleaning her house, she
complained of some fabricated illness that may prevent her from attending my
shower (even though she was 'technically' hosting it). After the shower I
hadn't heard from her again and was getting very agitated - so I put my head
down and relied on other bridesmaids to help me out, as it was now apparent that
our wedding wasn't on her priority list.
A few weeks after the shower, she decides to throw on me that
now she doesn't think she'll be available the day of the wedding.
Apparently she feels that her job is too important, and isn't ready to take the
day off without pay. I'm hurt and fuming - so hurt that I was expected to
jump through hoops for her wedding and never made one word, just went along with
it for her sake, and now all I need to know is that she'll be there for my
wedding and standing at my side on the most special day of my life, and she
decides to play head games, and isn't sure if she wants to ask her boss for the
day off. This goes on for about 3 weeks - I'm hurt and obviously not
making much attempt to kiss her butt - but I do stress the fact that as my
wedding is now less than a month away, I'm putting final payments down and now
have put money into her spot in the wedding (flowers, etc.) and that I need a
commitment from her. She lets it drag on longer and longer, all the while
never giving me a straight answer and completely ignoring me when I come out and
ask the status of her availability for my wedding.
Today we're 8 days before my wedding and I
still don't have a 100% confirmation that she'll be there the day of. She's
decided that her best move will be to maybe work the morning and skip out on
getting her hair and nails done with the rest of us, and then tell her
boss she's feeling sick so she can get out of working the afternoon,
but she really doesn't want to do that, and she's still unsure at this point if
she'll actually get away with it - but now decides to inform me that if I
choose to have photos taken locally, she will refuse to be a part of them -
because she doesn't want to get sick playing hooky.
That's the straw that broke my back. I call to
confront her - she has another one of her famous hissey fits and asks "What
do you expect of me?" my response "A commitment from you Sal
considering that you've had about 9 months notice to get this day off
work". She now decides to claim that she has been unaware for some
time that my wedding is on a weekday evening - even though she was with me while
booking the hall 8 months prior (total BS). She has a blow up - whips a
large object at her poor cat while we're on the phone - hits the cat and splits
it's leg open - screams on the phone and hangs up on me. I ran upstairs
bawling because I can't handle this anymore, not only being treated like garbage
- but the feelings of dreading my own wedding in fear of what type of crap she's
going to pull on me that day. Fiancé "Scott" has
enough of this - he's stayed quiet and out of it up until now, but he's had
enough of her antics and is sick of her always trying to get her own way and
control our wedding - as I'm crying in the bedroom feeling like I'm going to
loose my dinner, he goes down to call her. Her wonderful mother then informs
him that she wasn't angry at me when she hung-up on me, but had thrown this
object at the cat and now the cat has to be rushed to the emergency veterinary
clinic to get stitches. Hmm... sounds to me like someone with an
anger-management issue to me. Her mother then proceeds to rip a
strip off of Scott stating that Sal's been nothing but helpful and has tried her
hardest to be involved in this wedding and then hangs up (this family is famous
for wanting to get the last word - it's usually a profanity, but still - if they
can't get it in, they'll swear and hang up). Sal calls back
minutes later (I'm still bawling) and Scott has to politely inform her that
we'll no longer be requesting her presence in our wedding party, she snaps back
"well I hope this removes my husband from the wedding as well" and
Scott replies "unfortunately it does - sorry to have to do this".
In that classy manor of hers, she tells Scott to go "F-himself"
(in a few more letters than that) and hangs up on him.
Unfortunately this had to be done a week before my wedding,
but I couldn't take her anymore - and I'm hoping that this will at least take
some stress off my shoulders and we can move on. We had no intention of
severing a friendship with that phone call, but her childish behavior made it
impossible not to cut all ties. I'm dreading now that she'll demand $$
back for her bridesmaid dress - in which case I'll tell her to return it to the
store where she bought it - I had no say in what dresses the girls picked, it
was their choice, all I requested was that the color was the same. I'm not
a refund center so she can get off her lazy ass to return it herself. I'm
out a whole lot more than the $110 dress now that I have 6 empty meals for my
reception that have already been paid for (Sal/hubby, mother/father and sis and
boyfriend - ever so elegantly we've been informed that they are no longer
attending our f*cking wedding... NICE!). Sweet justice
is... she's the only person I've ever know of to be booted out of 2 WEDDINGS (I
think I should contact the people at Guinness World Records) - tells
you something about her character doesn't it??? I'm glad she's out of the
wedding now before she's had a chance to sabotage our special day.
I am currently planning my wedding and my MOH is a fabulous
woman and it taking care of all the bridal shower and bachelorette party
planning. In an effort to be helpful she contacted the BM to offer help in
his bachelor party planning. The BM lives out of state and doesn't know
the area well - traveling back and forth would obviously be expensive so she
offered to help with the planning.
The BM turned into a jerk, thought she was saying he was poor
and insinuating he couldn't plan the party at all and she was going to do it,
which was totally not the case. He sent her back a nasty email to which
she responded politely something to the effect, "I was just trying to be
nice and you jumped down my throat. You may not have to like me but you do
have to be civil to me."
And of course, my fiancé and I are now stuck in the middle of
these two playing referee and trying to get the BM he's being a jerk and he
needs to apologize profusely!
My best friend, "Helen", of about 10 years got
engaged. When she told me, I was so happy for her I started to cry.
A few days later she told me she told her old best friend from high school,
"Sue", and that Sue's reaction was "Congratulations!" and
then "I get to be a bridesmaid right?" That was the start of it.
I was maid of honor (I waited until Helen asked me), and Sue was bridesmaid.
Helen had no other attendants.
1st offense: Sue convinces Helen to have the party at the
local historical society headquarters (where Sue's mother is president), which
was 4x the cost of the alternate location being considered. The weeks
& days leading up to the party I helped with invites, shopping, creating
favors, and the weekend of the party I went to the location to set-up, cooked,
etc. Sue was no where to be found until the last minute.
At the party, which was not catered (we did all the food
ourselves) Sue spent the whole time in the kitchen. I went in numerous
times and asked if she needed help (even though as far as I knew there was
nothing that needed doing) which she turned down. I also offered to
"hold down the fort in here, so you can go enjoy the party". Her
response was "I don't know anyone out there anyway." I didn't
know many people either, but as a wedding party member I thought it was a good
idea to meet them! Whatever.
Sue wore jeans, a black tank top and a long black velvet coat.
Offense #2: At the engagement party Helen asked me and
Sue when we were available to go look at bridesmaid dresses. I said I was
flexible, and just generally expressed excitement over the whole idea. Sue
thought it was WAY too early for such things (5 ½ months in advance) and anyway
she was broke (this was 3 months after asking if she could be a bridesmaid).
Offense #3: Over the next few weeks Helen tried calling
Sue to go dress shopping. She was never available (not even to accompany
Helen to buy her dress!) Helen was pretty lax about what we should wear
and was discussing various ideas when Sue proposed we wear WHITE pant suits.
To a formal wedding. Her reasoning was she really wanted one, but could
not afford a new suit AND a bridesmaid dress. Helen said no. 3x more
times before dresses were bought Sue proposed wearing white as a bridesmaid.
Once it was because it was getting close the wedding so she proposed wearing a
white dress she already owned - Helen said "sure so long as you dye it
Offense #4: On our one unfruitful dress shopping
excursion, Sue rejected every dress we found, except for the one dress Helen and
I objected to - it was purple plaid with wide horizontal strips across the
torso. Now Sue is a size 4, but I am a 16. The cut & style of
the dress was fine (it came in solids and various colors) but the stripes in the
plaid were VERY unflattering. I put it on and Helen and I both immediately
saw me and said "no this isn't pretty!" Sue pouted about it for
the next few hours. She refused to consider it in a solid color. She
hated (I think out of spite) the gorgeous green halter dress we found that fit
us both perfectly and cost less than $100 (later Helen would lament that she
should have put her foot down as bride and made us get the dress - which really
could be worn again).
Later we went to lunch at a diner and were chatting about
wedding plans. It came about in the conversation that Sue only planned to
wear the dress for the ceremony and then planned to immediately change
"into something comfortable, like jeans" for the reception.
Helen flat out said no. When the bill came, Helen said "since you two
came out to shop for my wedding, lunch is on me" and put down her money.
Sue responded "if I had known that, I would have ordered more!"
She was dead serious. (It should be mentioned Sue lives at her mother's rent
free, groceries, phones, cable etc provided whilst Helen completely supports not
only herself but a handicapped family member - Helen hardly has funds to be
treating people and Sue knows it!) On a side note we ended up just
ordering simple formal dresses over the internet. As of 2 weeks before the
wedding, Sue was still "too broke" to afford the $115 (after tax &
shipping!) dress. Helen ended up buying it for her. Sue had just
spent 4 weeks on vacation at the beach which is why she was broke.
Offense #5: I started planning the shower. I
conferred with the mothers and grandmothers of the bride & groom and came up
with 4 possible dates for the shower, all 2 months in the future. I called
Sue to ask which was best for her. Before I even got into the dates Sue
said she was only available weekdays and weekday evenings (despite having
graduated college and being almost 30, Sue only works part time doing liquor
promotions in nightclubs). I told her that was not a possibility, as most
of the guests, including Helen, have weekday jobs, so a weekday would really
mean a weeknight, which wouldn't work for the senior citizens, guests with
infants or people who had a long drive to get there & home and then work to
get to the next morning. She pouted but finally agreed to a Saturday
afternoon (so she could still work that evening).
Fast forward to the Friday before the shower. Sue has
done nothing to help (she didn't even RSVP, but I figured since she had last say
on the date it wasn't a huge problem...) I called her to ask when she
would be arriving - would she be able to get there early to help me decorate?
She said "what are you talking about? The shower isn't tomorrow, it's
Sunday!" um no, I had secured the location, I had sent the invites,
it was the next day, Saturday. She said "well I can't go, I have
work." She did call back later to say she had rescheduled work so she
could attend. And she asked for directions. I said they were in the
invite. She said "oh yeah I didn't even open it..." She
showed up to the shower 20 minutes before it was scheduled to start (not the
hour she had promised) and instead of helping, she spent the time wrapping her
gift which she had bought that morning. She ended up leaving early (no
help in cleaning up either!) because she had to get to work (she works in
nightclubs - it was 1:00 pm!) She wore jeans, a tank top and was barefoot
through the whole shower.
Offense #6: Helen and I discussed the bachelorette party
- Helen did not want any male strippers or any craziness, just a fun night of
silly, girlie stuff. Knowing everyone is on a budget we came up with the
idea of renting a limo, stocking it with champagne and other drinks and driving
around NYC like a moving party. Helen was excited, Sue thought the idea
was "stupid", "lame" and "so high school".
Hmmmm Helen and Sue went to high school together and yet Helen had never been in
a limo before...
I spoke with Sue a few times to nail down the details now that
Helen had decided this was what she wanted. Sue tried to convince me it
was a terrible idea and we should do something else. Sue wanted to go to a
lounge (a place where in order to get a table a group must buy a regular size
bottle of alcohol at about $120 and they give you the bottle plus 3 pitchers of
mixers like juice or soda plus empty glasses; the music is too loud to talk,
it's basically just a place to drink & dance). I didn't like this idea
for a few reasons, the first being it wasn't what Helen wanted! I went
forth with the limo plan with no help from Sue. The day of the party I was
creating the list of the order we were to pick everyone up and Sue said
"oh, I can't make it, I have to work." She had known about it
for 2 months, and we specifically scheduled it on a Friday so she would have
Saturday night to work at her request (I had to take half a day off work myself
since it was a Friday to get all the last minute details together). She
contributed nothing to the cost of the limo because she did not attend.
Her loss, the rest of us had a blast!
Offense #7: Sue missed the rehearsal claiming she was
stuck in traffic. However everyone else came via the same route on the
same day. Only she got stuck. Due to what she said when she called
to say she would be late I have reason to believe she was not in traffic but
rather heard about the traffic on the radio and was using it as an excuse.
She arrived in time for dinner. She ate and socialized for about 20
minutes then went to sit alone and stayed on her cell phone for the next 1 ½
hours. She was wearing a jean skirt & flip flops.
Offense #8: The ceremony went great - a few minor
mishaps, but nothing serious and it was very lighthearted and happy. We
proceeded to the reception where Sue removed my boyfriend's stuff from his seat
and put her stuff down, causing him to think he didn't get to sit at the head
table; he found a seat elsewhere. Of course he was supposed to sit with us
it was just that Sue didn't know anyone but me (perhaps because she repeatedly
refused to socialize at wedding related events?), so she wanted to sit next to
me (even though we aren't friends at all). She ate quickly, mentioning she
had to leave early because she had to get to work that night (a 3 hour drive
away!) About two hours into the party (before cake or toasts, etc) She
excused herself and went and changed, into, can you guess? Jeans!
She stayed for another ½ hour or so in her jeans and t-shirt and then said
So quick recap - she wore jeans to every wedding related
event, even when the bride asked her not to and they were formal events.
She asked multiple times if she could wear white to another
brides wedding, even after being told each time "no".
She had the bride buy her dress.
She did not take off work, even the day of the wedding,
despite knowing months in advance and requesting she be in the wedding party.
She missed ½ the shower, the whole bachelorette party and a
good deal of the wedding.
My husband and I were married over eight years ago and I still
get mad when I think about this story. My husband asked a friend to be his best
man. Now this friend had been his "best friend" in high school but
they had since drifted apart somewhat due to different interests and life
choices. Anyway the BM and his wife apparently went all out for their own
wedding, having tons of attendants, 250 guests, numerous practical jokes, and
going into debt for it all. My husband and I wanted a much smaller,
simpler wedding. We were completely paying for it ourselves and did not want to
start our marriage with debt from the reception. Therefore we decided to have
the ceremony and reception at my in-laws' house, in their garden. I had two
attendants, husband had BM and we invited 50 guests. We had a buffet luncheon
immediately after the ceremony. We played classical music during the ceremony
and reception but there was no dancing and no bar, just a
champagne toast, due to my in-laws' religious observations.
BM was very, very disappointed that we were not having a big,
showy wedding and kept telling us how to do things. BM's father owns
a men's clothing store and BM insisted that we rent the two tuxes from there.
Actually they weren't tuxes but morning coats since we were getting married in a
garden ceremony at 1:00p.m. and I felt a tux was too formal and out of place. We
ordered both coats to look the same. All BM had to do was stop into his father's
store and get fitted.
Well, two days before the ceremony, my fiancé went with
BM to pick up the coats. BM then told fiancé that he had changed our order!! BM
said that the groom should always dress differently from the groomsmen (I guess
in case the bride can't tell which man she is supposed to be marrying) and
therefore BM ordered himself a black tie tux instead of the morning coat. So my fiancé
would wear the less formal morning coat and tie and the BM
would be wearing a formal dinner tux!! BM would be dressed more formally than
the groom. There was no time to change the order or go to another store. My fiancé
decided to not tell me about the suits since I was already stressing out.
Nobody ever said anything about the suits, maybe no one ever noticed. I was so
nervous on the wedding day that I never noticed the difference. I only realized
that husband and BM were wearing different clothes when I was looking at the
photo proofs. That's when my husband told me what BM (or as I now call him
"that idiot") did. He said he just about died when he found out that
the order had been changed. I can't believe BM (and his wife) thought they had
the right to change things in our wedding and never consult or tell us!! They
said they were keeping us from making an etiquette mistake and were proud of
themselves for rescuing us.
I was just recently married & wanted to make everything
simple & easy for my bridesmaids because they are my good friends who I care
about & thought cared about me. I got beautiful dresses made for them
that only cost them $50. They could purchase any shoes they wanted. We
all got our hair done the morning of the wedding. Which I paid for. The
wedding was on the east coast & some of my bridesmaids were from the west
coast. So my husband & I decide to pay for their hotel rooms &
local transportation. All they had to do was get themselves there. Well
they did & I was so happy they did but one bridesmaid, Angie, complained the
whole time! She also complained prior to the wedding. The only time
she would call me is to double check on how & when I was going to pay for
her hotel room. In fact after I had just thrown her 3, yes 3 showers, she
doesn’t even know the date of my shower that my one MOH is throwing.
Angie calls me the day before asking ME for the details!!!!! She never
offered to help out a bit. Never threw me a bachelorette party.
Nothing. Not a wedding gift. I mean nothing. And this is
someone I use to bend over backwards for. My friends from back east
end up throwing me a beautiful shower & dinner bachelorette party.
These are friends that I grew up with but haven’t seen in years! My
point is really consider who your true friends are before asking them to be part
of your wedding. And don’t have high expectations because the let down
will be far worse.
I was very close friends with this girl "Mandy" for
most of junior high, but after she moved a few hours away we lost touch.
Once every few years one of us would look each other up and catch up on things,
then lose touch again. Most recently, I got engaged in June and she contacted me
in October after 2 years. I told her about my engagement and she was really
excited. Then came the strange part. She started asking when the wedding was and
about how much time she'd need to take off of work. I calmly apologized and told
her that in an effort to keep things simple, many of my friends weren't going to
be invited. She replied with "I know silly, but of course your MOH is
invited!" After a long pause she said.. "I am still your MOH
right?" Apparently we had a discussion about weddings when we were 12 (now
25) and I said that she'd be my MOH one day. Of all the people I have offended
(I'm only having close family and some of FH's friends at the wedding, not
having it in a church, etc) she was the most upset. She came back to our home
town a few weeks later and saw my mom. She told my mother that I was a rude
selfish person and she didn't understand where my mom went wrong.
Due to the number of profanities, I won't tell you what my mom
said to her. :-)
Hello, I have a wedding story to share. When my best friend of
a million years got engaged I was happy for her yet a bit jealous too, seeing
she had been with her boyfriend a much shorter time then I had been with mine.
Nevertheless I was happy and excited to help her start planning her wedding.
Growing up we had always told each other that we'd be each others MOH's so
imagine my surprise when she emailed me saying "I don't know who to pick as
my MOH, your or one of her other friends I'll call Kate". I told her that
she needed to be true to her feelings and pick who she wanted as her MOH. I was
quite baffled when she choose Kate, but kept my feelings to myself. As her
engagement went on, I found myself disliking her fiancé' more and more. Not
because of the jealousy factor, but because he was rude and very nasty towards
Nine months into their engagement my friend becomes pregnant.
Not wanting a baby out of wedlock, my friend and her fiancé decided to get
married in two weeks. Kate was unable to attend the shotgun nuptials, because
she was going to school out of state, so I am asked if I will perform the duties
of MOH. Obviously I say yes, and I am more then happy to help my friend in a
time of need.
As the crazy planning starts I am informed a few days before
the big day that Kate is indeed able to come to the wedding!! So guess what I am
demoted to BM. Needless to say I am not impressed. I was the one going to dress
fittings w/ the bride, staying up the night before the wedding to make favors,
helping with the potluck dinner being served at the reception, etc. I politely
tell my friend my frustration and she assured me that both Kate and I would be
The day of the wedding rolls around and as we ready for the
ceremony, I notice that on the wedding program it had Kate listed as MOH, and
myself as a BM. I was wild!! Not only did my friend not have the heart to tell
me I wasn't a MOH, Kate took the glory of helping my friend put together a
fabulous wedding, when she really didn't do a darn thing! I'm not one who needs
all the glory, and I didn't want to ruin my friends day, so I sat there while
Kate basked in the sun and I bit my tongue!
My now- husband, "Ryan", and I found out we were
expecting a child. An unexpected surprise, but we moved up the wedding we were
already planning. Since our planning time had been cut by about a year, and we
didn't have much time to save, we had a small, intimate wedding nine weeks after
we found out our blessed news.
Due to the small nature of the event, we had one attendant
each. I picked my wonderful sorority sister, Julie, to be my MOH. She was
fabulous, and I couldn't have asked for a better experience. She kept me sane
during the hormone/anxiety/crazy weeks that followed. Ryan selected Adam, a
fraternity brother he was still close to. Ryan lived several hours away (we
resided in the city where they attended university), but his girlfriend, Joanna,
was still in school, so he was here just about every weekend.
Just a little background. Adam and Joanna had a turbulent
relationship, to say the least. Adam had moved to her hometown (even though she
was still in school in our city) after he graduated, because she insisted-she
planned on returning there when she graduated, and they "wouldn't have a
future" if he didn't move there, too. So, despite not knowing a soul there
besides her family, he got an excellent job and moved. Earlier that summer, Adam
let us know Joanna had cheated on him w/ another friend of the guys (this was
the 2nd time that we knew of that she had cheated). He forgave her, and all
seemed to be going well. Adam did let Ryan know that they would not be going to
a strip club for his bachelor party, as Joanna told him he wasn't allowed. Ryan
didn't care about strippers, but I was miffed-it's an event for your best
friend, and your girlfriend is going to dictate events?
Fast forward to my bridal shower. It was a small event (10 or
so close friends, held at my home since MOH lived in another part of the state).
I had invited Joanna as a goodwill gesture, hoping to become better friends w/
her since our significant others were so close. She was nice enough, but
everything was always about her. None of the guys friends liked her, but I
didn't know specifically why. The shower was very casual, and everyone wore
capris or shorts. Everyone except Joanna, who showed up wearing a very tight,
very short (and very unflattering) cocktail style outfit. Um, okay. The kicker
was what she wasn't wearing...UNDERWEAR. Everyone at the event got at least one
"glimpse" of Joanna. She ended up leaving early to go
"study" with a friend who lived nearby. This will come into play
The next weekend (5 weeks before the wedding), Adam calls our
house sobbing at 6am. He had found out the night before that not only was Joanna
cheating on him, she literally had another boyfriend (she had left the shower to
go mess around w/ him while Adam waited at her apartment). Adam was devastated,
and came to our house to mope. We all sat and talked for a while, and at one
point I made an unsavory comment about Joanna, to which Adam jumped up and
yelled at me, and defended her. Rigggghhhttt. I should have known then this was
going to get ugly.
Over the course of the next 5 weeks, Adam became a useless
amoeba. Instead of being angry at Joanna (this was the THIRD time she'd cheated)
he became desperate to "win" her back, and started harassing Ryan and
I. He would call us multiple times a day to cry, show up at our house on weekday
nights (he lived 4 hours away), and was a general nuisance. We were beyond
stressed, with wedding preparations, work, family drama, and pregnancy issues,
and now we had to baby-sit him, too. At one point I let it be known that Joanna
was not welcome at our wedding, as I didn't want to deal with the drama her
presence was sure to cause. Adam flipped out, and started calling Ryan at work,
begging him to talk me into allowing him to bring Joanna. Finally, sick of his
complaining, I relented, and Joanna was invited (mostly so Ryan could get work
done-Adam was calling him 5-6 times a day). Also, sick of Adam calling our house
in the mornings to whine (I worked 2nd shift and slept late) when Ryan was
work, I ended up blocking his phone number. Drastic times call for drastic
Oh, and the bachelor party. Adam failed to plan one. Ryan
asked him when he was planning on having it, and he basically told him he wasn't
hosting one because he needed to keep his weekends free for Joanna. Ryan was
understandably upset, and I was beyond angry. I ended up contacting another
friend of theirs and telling him the situation. He and the rest of the group of
guys, disgusted with Adam, ended up throwing a wonderful party for Ryan (and
didn't invite Adam).
The week before the wedding rolls around. Tensions are running
high in our household. Adam calls Ryan (at work, since he couldn't call our
house anymore) and asks him to call Joanna and beg her to attend the wedding,
since she didn't "feel like we really wanted her there". Well, duh. I
had also found out, through the grapevine, that Adam was considering PROPOSING
to Joanna (who, mind you, is still dating the other guy) during his toast at the
reception. A very hormonal me flipped out on Ryan and told him I wanted
Adam out of the wedding. We ended up getting into what, many years later, still
reigns as our biggest fight, and Ryan punched a wall. Not smart. He ended up w/
a lovely fractured hand for the wedding. Adam remained in the wedding b/c we
didn't want to deal with replacing him 3 days before. However, our DJ was put on
high alert to pull the plug if Adam even referred to Joanna during the toast.
Day before the wedding: We moved the rehearsal an hour later
so Adam could make it (he couldn't take the day off work since he had missed
several days in the past few weeks b/c he of his "emotional" state).
When he and Ryan went to pick up their tuxes, Adam proceeded to throw a fit
because he had to pay the remainder (keep in mind that my father had paid the
deposit for everyone, and that Adam had a job making more than Ryan and I put
together). Maybe this was poor etiquette on my part, but I'd been a bridesmaid
six times before, and every attendant I'd known had paid for their own attire.
He grudgingly paid for it, and it was off to the rehearsal dinner. He had tried
to sneak an invite for Joanna earlier, but I had drawn the line. Julie (MOH)'s fiancé
wasn't attending, and there was no point of Joanna being there except to score a
free dinner on my future father-in-law's retirement dime. Throughout the dinner,
when he wasn't crying to whoever would listen (my mother, both grandmothers, and
Ryan's brother) about Joanna, making snide comments about my guest book
attendant having her husband, a close friend of Ryan and I's, at the dinner when
he "wasn't allowed to bring a date" (hi, they're MARRIED), he was
making fun of Ryan's hand. My mother finally snapped at him, "You know
that's your fault, right? You've caused them too much stress of late, now shut
Wedding day: I had willed myself to just ignore him and Joanna
that day, but boy, did they make it hard. When Julie and I showed up at the
site, Joanna ran up to me and tried to hug me. She followed me around the site,
jumping in pictures and getting in people's ways. Okay, I'm trying to get things
ready for the reception, get out of my face. Despite some minor snags, the
wedding goes off nicely. During the reception, my 50 year old uncle (black sheep
of the family) tracks me down to loudly tell me that my "friend", who
was wearing another too short/too small outfit, wasn't wearing panties. How did
he know? She bent repeatedly in front of him and shook her butt. Oy. Toast goes
nicely (no proposals). At one point during the dancing, I look over and see
Joanna posing (think "Glamour Shots") in front of an arrangement of
flowers and candles that were a memorial for Ryan's late mother. The kicker? The
guy taking was pictures was one of the guys she'd cheated on Adam with months
before! Throughout the reception, when we were greeting guests or talking to
friends, she would jump into the middle of conversation and demand our
attention. At one point, she even tried to grab my father's butt!
After the event, Ryan and I congratulated ourselves on lack of
bloodshed and moved on (as a side note, Adam did not smile in a single one of
our wedding pictures). He still spoke to Adam socially, but I pretty much wanted
to ignore his being. A year later, Ryan and our newborn son were at a wedding
that Adam and Joanna also attended (I was out of town). Joanna spent most of the
event grabbing my son from other people and taking off with him until he vomited
on her (the kid is a good judge of character). They cornered Ryan and presented
him a check for $200 as their wedding gift to us. They had told other people
that they didn't think we liked them anymore because they didn't give us a
gift-I hadn't even realized they HADN'T given us anything, and please, that
would be the least of reasons. We contemplated returning the check, but decided
it was restitution-lol. Ryan wrote a thank you note that I could barely bring
myself to sign.
They're still together, despite numerous break-ups and
cheating dramas since. I think they deserve one another.
A couple of years ago, my boyfriend was asked to be in a
friend's wedding. Of course, he asked me to go along with him. The stories he
told me about another groomsman still make me cringe. Once an a while we still
talk about it.
#1 - This guy refused to try on his tux until the day of the
wedding. Needless to say, it was about two sizes too big for him. The guys had
to hunt for pins to help him keep his pants up.
#2 - The ceremony goes on without a hitch. Afterwards, he
leaves the bridal party after the pictures were taken stating that he had to go
get suspenders for his pants. He says he doesn't want his pants to fall down
during the reception. He doesn't know the area and cannot seem to follow the
directions to the reception. He arrives to the reception two hours late, after
dinner, just before the toasts.
#3 - He appears to have too much to drink and may have smoked
pot before getting to the reception.
#4 - When the couple returns from their honeymoon, they find a
nice little note from the jerk. He tells them that their wedding sucked and how
much he hated being in it. Needless to say, they don't speak to him anymore.
In April of 2004, my fabulous (now) husband asked me to marry
him. We planned our wedding for early September and proceeded with all of the
arrangements. We decided on three attendants each, and I choose my best friend
of 20 years, my sister, and my good friend from college, "Vanessa".
Vanessa is one of those people who everyone wants to be around because she is so
much fun, but she has some extremely trying qualities that rear their ugly heads
every now and then...mostly based off of her self-centeredness and selfishness.
I knew her involvement in my wedding was going to require some hand-holding on
my part, but the good times generally outweigh the bad so I thought it was worth
The bridesmaids, my mother, my niece (flower girl), and I all
got together to look for dresses, and we were lucky to find a lovely dress that
flattered everyone at the first store. Since we had only given ourselves about 5
months to plan our wedding, it was important to order the dresses right away.
And of course, out of Vanessa’s mouth come her favorite words: "I
don’t have any money." She had come from out of town just to participate
in the dress selection, and she knew we had to get them ordered quickly. One of
her best tricks is to wait until a crucial moment to reveal the fact that she is
broke, so someone else will offer to pick up the tab or else everyone will have
to suffer along and waste their time while Vanessa tries to find a bank. My
mother, being the generous person that she is, offered to cover the deposit on
the dress (half the cost). My mother is far too gracious a person to ever ask to
be repaid for something she offered to cover, but Vanessa said several times
that she would pay her back.
Fast forward to about two months before the
wedding...Vanessa’s family has a summer home in a resort community, and she
invites me up every summer to share in the fun for a weekend or two. She had not
yet made an attempt to pay back my mother for her dress, and frequently
mentioned how she "had no money" (though she worked full time.) We
went to the local "super store" because I had forgotten a toothbrush,
and she proceeded to buy $60 worth of the most horrible cheap garbage you could
ever imagine. Sparkly belly shirts with sayings like "Princess" and
"It’s All About Me", short shorts with writing across the rear,
gaudy glitter belts, and skintight turquoise pants that were barely decent. She
owed my mom $70 for the dress. I guess she wasn’t so broke when it came to
buying things she wanted.
A few weeks later, the dresses are in. Again, Vanessa is just
"so broke" she can’t afford to pay for the other half of the dress
to pick it up. I know her game this time, so I’m prepared. I offer to take
care of the other half as my gift to her, in lieu of the gifts I had planned for
my other two attendants. She quickly agrees. I pay the balance and deliver the
dress to her on my next visit.
I had arranged to have a stylist come to the wedding location
to do my hair, and my best friend and sister had also wanted to use the service.
It was going to cost $60 per person, so I extended the offer to Vanessa,
assuming she would not be interested because she was in such
self-proclaimed financial straights. Much to my surprise, she is very eager to
participate...apparently she can scrape up money when she feels it’s
beneficial to her. Another one of Vanessa’s best tricks is to cover the bare
minimum when she cannot get out of paying for something, and leave the tipping
for people she feels are more "better off" than she is. I was fed up
with her antics by this point, so I told her the price was $75 (to cover tip
too) and the stylist had to have payment in advance, by a certain date, or else
she would not hold the time slot. None of that was true, but I was done being
burned. Vanessa waited until the last minute and rushed me a check, so all was
In the meantime, there is a mix-up with the stylist and the
salon I was going through. Basically a stylist booked with me personally, not
telling the salon so they didn’t get their cut, and then decided she would
rather go on vacation the weekend of my wedding. The salon owners were very
embarrassed to find out about this, and arranged for another stylist to do the
entire wedding party for free. I had received Vanessa’s check by this point,
but trusted everyone else to make the appropriate payment the day of the
wedding. So what did I do? It may be wrong, but I cashed the check, paid my mom
back for the deposit on Vanessa’s dress, and never mentioned anything about
the free hair service to Vanessa. I told my best friend and sister the situation
and they did not say anything about the complimentary service, and helped me tip
the stylist generously. For my other two attendant’s gifts, I spent $150 each
on a gift certificate to one of the best restaurants in the area, and only $70
for the balance of Vanessa’s dress. By weaseling out of paying
for the one expense she was expected to pay for, she not only confirmed her true
colors to me but missed out on a gift that would have exceeded the cost of the
dress. What she really missed out on was doing the right thing and feeling like
an honorable person for once.
My friend was asked to be a bridesmaid by a girl she had known
her whole life. The bride J then told her that she would be paying for her own
dress. Unlike in the USA, in the UK BMs only pay for their dresses if they get
to choose them - or wear one they already own. Making your BM pay for a dress
you chose is considered very bad and tacky behavior. So the BM responds that
that is fine, but since she is a student she would like to buy a dress she can
wear again, is this OK and what colors does the bride prefer? J says no no, it
is up to you, whatever you like.
Two days later, BM gets a phone call to say that J has found
the dress of her dreams, the other 3 BMs love it, and it costs £250 (nearly
$500)! The aghast BM politely says that she's terribly sorry but she can't
possibly afford that, and understands that she has to step down. J huffs and
puffs and puts the phone down. She later rang back and left a message saying
"everyone else is paying for their own dresses but seeing as you have no
money my mum will pay for yours. You have to be my BM." Hmm. BM considers
dropping out by accepts when faced with another tantrum.
Preparations continue. J wants a hen night of staying in with
pizza. BM phones weeks in advance to apologize for her absence because she has
an exam the next day and could not get back in time. J has a tantrum. Then she
insists that all BMs must stay in the £100 per night hotel for two nights, it
is imperative. BM coughs up £200 for this.
Two weeks before the wedding, BM finds out that her fiancé
(whom J knows very well, and whose hospitality she has often enjoyed) is invited
to the sit-down meal but, bizarrely, not to the big ceremony with its 4 BMs.
That's very weird here, but o well. Then the bride phones to demand £100
towards the cost of the dress! She denies ever saying her mother would pay for
all of it. The BM finally agrees to pay, but says she would have appreciated
being told this some time before, at which J throws another tantrum, shouts that
BM is being adolescent and slams the phone down.
The day before the wedding, BM finds out that not only is her fiancé
the only guest excluded from the ceremony, but that the other 3 BMs have been
put up in a room paid for by the bride's mother. None of them is staying the
second night. It turns out that J lied to her mother and said that BM wanted her
own separate room for 2 nights. The night before the wedding, BM is explicitly
told that her fiancé is not welcome for the wedding eve drinks (where everyone
buys their own) because he's not in the wedding party. J has never had a problem
with fiancé before, so even stranger. Fiancé tells the BM to just do what she
agreed to do and be the best BM she can, and then they'll never have to see J
BM was the only bridesmaid who stuck it out until Auld Lang
Syne, by which time everyone bar 12 guests had gone (there is usually 90% of
guests left for this). She clearly wasn't the only one who'd had problems - of
the 50 workmates who said they'd come, only seven showed up. BM and fiancé
wished the couple well and then went home laughing about it. Now BM's own
wedding is approaching. We're throwing her hen weekend, which will be based on a
joke Bridezilla theme (banners spelling out "It's MY day" etc). We
don't have to worry that J will be offended because she and BM haven't spoken
since and she's not invited to the wedding. And no, she didn't send a thank you
Second story - this isn't really anything h*llish, but it was
just so funny. At the same castle, a couple got married and wanted their Basset
hound as a BM. Not everyone's cup of tea, but hey-ho. But then they trussed the
poor dog up in a lace bridesmaid's dress! Definitely not to everyone's taste but
OK, the dog isn't being harmed. Then, ten minutes beforehand, everyone is
waiting for the couple to arrive in a horse and carriage. The bride's mother
will drive her car up to the gates and get in behind them. Suddenly, Basset
hound BM does a runner in the lacey dress and gets underneath the MoB's car,
refusing to come out. The MoB loses it and starts screaming that she needs to
drive her car, get that dog out of there etc She refused to let the castle
owners take her to the carriage, shouting that she wanted HER car. But no,
because bridesmaid pooch won't come out and is still skulking, so eventually she
is taken up in the owners' car.
The dog finally came out when the meal started, where it sat
at the top table and was given the four course luxury meal! The venue owner -
who allows dogs because they hold shooting parties - said the dog was lovely but
he could barely keep a straight face!
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007