BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN
The "tortured" and the "torturees"
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This is a story with me as the villain. At the time of this
story, I wasn't even out of high school yet and was working part time at a whole
foods store. One of my coworkers, "Regina", had been working there
alongside me for only about 4 months. She worked way too hard. She did
everyone's work for them, she was a doormat to everyone, and was always cheerful
about it. I couldn't understand why she did this to herself, but anyway we
became friends. I think I was her only friend in the town, as she had moved
there a year earlier to attend a local college. She lived with her fiancé,
"Khan," and she was quite lonely.
I call him Khan because he was like the Great Khan. He was so
selfish, and mean to her. He ordered her around and was really
"kingly" around her. I once hear her call him "Sir." He
went out partying all the time and expressed a lot of disappointment if she
didn't come with him. After working so hard (as I said earlier) for a lousy part
time job, she didn't want to go out at night, but she would sometimes
reluctantly go. Once I dropped by her house (a little rented garage apartment)
and she was bawling her eyes out saying I had to drive her to the nearby bar
where Khan was livin' it up, so he wouldn't be disappointed that she didn't go.
I was very upset with Regina's decision to stick by this guy.
It hurt me to see her with him. She deserved better. But, onto the wedding.
She asked me over the phone if I would be her Maid of Honor. I
kid you not - I was her only friend, of four months even, in this town when she
asks me. I felt so sorry for her. I said the following - "Wow.. Maid of Honor..
I feel so special, Regina. Thank you." This is key for later.
Well the months rolling up to the wedding.... Hell ensued.
Nothing Regina wanted was accomplished. She didn't get the hairstyle she wanted.
She didn't get the photographer she wanted. She didn't have a lot of the things
she preferred because she kept conceding to Khan. It was infuriating, to me. And
being as young and immature as I was, I didn't say anything to her. If I were a
good friend, I would have told her how I felt. But I only knew her for FOUR
MONTHS. I didn't think it was my place to say anything like that to her.
Well the wedding comes closer. Her good friends from high school,
who lived hundreds of miles away, showed up to throw her a bridal
shower. I knew about it... but I didn't go. I dropped off her present and told
them I had to drive a friend to the airport. It was TRUE, but I should have honored
my previous commitment (the shower). At the time, I was so disgusted by Khan's
treatment of Regina, and her tolerance of it, that I didn't want to be at the
Let's fast forward to the rehearsal. When it came time for the
pastor to ask for people to line up, he said, "Let's have the Maid of Honor",
and suddenly Regina grabs one of her friends from high school and thrusts her
forward. I had very little role in planning the wedding, so I wasn't completely
surprised, and yet I clearly remembered saying to her on the phone: "Wow,
Maid of Honor, I feel so special." She DID ask me to be her Maid of Honor.
I can hardly be angry that she would wordlessly demote me to BM at the last
minute though, considering how wordlessly I disapproved of her match with Khan.
The wedding was ridiculous. She got changed into her wedding
gown with her brother and father watching football in the same room. I firmly
forced them to leave so she could have time to herself. I couldn't believe, and
still can't, that she would tolerate that. She desperately wanted them to leave
so she could change, but "didn't feel that she could say so." Khan's flamboyant
mother and aunt wanted to doll Regina up in this horrendous, hideous hooker
makeup and she told me, in a panic, that she did NOT want to wear the makeup,
but "didn't feel she could say so." Regina never wore makeup in the
whole time that I knew her. I said "you should not wear makeup if you don't
want to." She didn't, in the end, but damn it she would have let them if I
hadn't supported her wishes.
After the wedding she wanted to have pictures taken at a
historic mansion on the edge of town. It was a stunning location for
photographs. Khan would not let her have the pictures she wanted. He wanted
pictures taken by some trees, and she wanted pictures taken by a nearby marble
bridge (twenty feet away!!!!). He wouldn't have it. So, she didn't get the
picture. One of the other bridesmaids confided to me, at this time, that she
thought Khan was being an ogre. I felt so angry about the whole thing.
I still feel horrible about it all. I wonder if she has
written a story to you, Jeanne, about how awful her "Maid of Horror"
was at her wedding. I haven't seen the story yet. But I feel terrible that I was
a bad bridesmaid. I also feel terrible about Regina's treatment by her husband
and that I never said anything. The least I should have done was bow out of the
wedding since I disapproved of it so strongly. I wonder if they are still
together and if he treats her better. I hope so.
My very close friend was getting married and ask if I could be
in the wedding and my boyfriend too. I said of course. She was young, only 20
with 2 kids and I knew they weren't having an all out expensive wedding.
She chose her best friend to be the Maid of honor, they had
been friends since they were little. For some reason this girl didn't like me
even though we were close in high school. So we never really talked before the
wedding. The bride's sister was in the wedding too and I brought to her
attention one day that we should start planning the bridal shower. She told me
that was the maid of honor's job so I said fine.
About 2 months before the wedding the bride asked me if my
sister could join the wedding party because her groom-2-be asked too many men
and she didn't have enough woman. My sister accepted even though they weren't
friends at all. My mom wasn't thrilled because she had to pay for her dress even
though the bride had a future sister in law that could have been asked.
About a month before the wedding my boyfriends mother C ran into the bride's
mother in town and she asked C if she would be attending the bridal shower
tomorrow. My boyfriends mother told her she had no clue and that I didn't
mention anything to her. She called me when she got home and asked
me about it. Would you believe that the maid of honor planned a small cheap
bridal shower and never told me or my sister who were bridesmaids. She didn't
even invite us.
The bride asked the maid of honor where we were and she said,
" I thought your mom told them" So of course the mom said it wasn't
her job. The bride was very upset and called me to apologize. She was afraid I
would withdraw. But I was there for the wedding. Now I had an excuse not to talk
to the Maid of honor.
When I married 10 years ago I asked a good friend to be my
MOH. She was useless. Didn't help with anything - couldn't even find
time to come with me to buy a dress. I bought (& paid for) it, the shoes and
jewelry for her in her absence. She offered a couple of times to help me
put the invitations or mass booklets together but never showed up at
the mutually arranged time. She didn't organize a Hen's night for me - another
friend took pity on me and organized it even though she wasn't in my bridal
party. I was ready to dump my MOH and just have my Mum sign as a
witness I was so sick of her not showing any interest. She did show up on the
day and stood where she had to, but spent the entire reception sitting on her
boyfriend's lap. She didn't bring a gift.
Four months later she was MOH again for another friend and did
EVERYTHING she could to help. I was peeved at the difference in her behavior and
the glaring fact that she obviously just didn't give two hoots about my
Roll on 6 years, we'd been out of touch since a year after our
wedding - (I had tried to keep contact but gave up after a while it was too much
like hard work). Out of the blue she sends me an e-mail telling me about her
excitement about her impending wedding. She fills me in on the details and gives
the impression that she'd be inviting me. The wedding date comes and
goes....I hear nothing....until she sends another e-mail telling me what a
wonderful day it was. Complete with photos of the wedding and the Hen's
night she didn't invite me to. Just plain tacky.
A childhood friend of mine recently married her high-school
sweetheart after seven years together. The wedding was a delight, except for the
matron of honor, Tandy.
My friend, Marie, is a considerate and resourceful woman. She
kept her wedding as simple as possible, especially since she and her now-husband
were paying for everything themselves. Not easy for a young couple just starting
out, but they managed quite well: making the decorations, printing the
invitations and programs, having some of the dresses made. (Everything turned
out beautifully!) Her little sister Jackie was named MOH, and though she is a
wonderful girl, she’s only twelve and can’t be expected to throw showers or
other such. To avoid family tensions, she named the FSIL, Tandy, her MatronOH,
but without any expectations of help from her, either. Tandy insisted each of
her five children be in the wedding as well, and Marie graciously agreed, having
several ring bearers and flower girls so all could be included.
Marie selected elegant navy dresses for Tandy and Jackie,
suitable for any evening occasion and reasonably priced. However, Tandy refused
to pay for anything wedding-related for any member of her family. Eventually,
she agreed to take care of shoes for her children and to cover alterations to
her dress, but only because the MOG (who was making the dresses for the little
girls) had agreed to alter her dress for free. Marie and her fiancé (a graduate
student and an appliance salesman, respectively) ended up paying for it all,
eventually spending their entire honeymoon savings to cover the wedding costs.
Marie accepted Tandy’s claims that their family had no money due to having
five children, but had trouble reconciling this with Tandy’s collections of
designer purses and expensive makeup.
Tandy proceeded to not lift a finger to help with any aspect
of the wedding. Of course, throwing a shower never occurred to her. Nor did she
attend the small, tasteful shower thrown for Marie, claiming she “forgot.”
She also “forgot” to give Marie and the groom (her brother) a shower or a
wedding gift! Her dress arrived, and when the MOG examined it and said that she
didn’t feel comfortable altering it, Tandy called up Marie and asked her to
pay for the alterations! The couple are certainly not gift-grubbers or
extravagant spenders, but they were almost completely out of money at this
With both attendants either unable or unwilling to help, Marie
and her mother had been doing everything themselves, and the strain was proving
to be too much. Enter my mother and I. I live seven hours away and was not able
to help in the months leading up to the wedding, but my mother, an expert
seamstress, helped Marie with dress fittings and made Marie her dream veil. I
arrived in town a week before the wedding to help Marie, who was becoming
frantic and nearly fell ill. Along with her mother and mine, we took care of the
rest of the details: programs, jewelry, garter, centerpieces, flowers, and much
more. My mother and I loved helping Marie, but the massive amount of work we did
showed me clearly just how uninvolved Tandy was. She was nowhere to be found
that entire week, though she also lived in town and, as a SAHM, had spare time
during the day. From what I was told, she wasn’t around to help before that,
On the day of the wedding, the MOB and I worked on the
decorations and kept Marie calm. Tandy finally arrived with her husband, five
children and collection of expensive makeup. It was fun to watch her fight her
impulses to brag about said expensive makeup, remembering that she was supposed
to be the poor mom who really couldn’t afford to be in this wedding! Her
behavior before the ceremony, unhelpful and continually attempting to draw
attention onto herself, only served to confirm what I’d heard about her from
Marie. While everyone else rushed to finish the decorations, get dressed, and
entertain the five children, she spent most of her time touching up her makeup
and asking people how she looked.
The toast was the kicker. After the best man gave a touching
speech about the couple, Tandy took the microphone, wearing a tiara she had
taken off her daughter’s head. Pointing to it, she introduced herself as the
“honorary flower girl.” Then, claiming she had “seniority in marriage”
over the newlyweds, she gave a speech entirely about her own marriage! Complete
with trite platitudes unrelated to the newlyweds and no mention of either of
them, her speech was all about her. The bride and groom were gracious and
smiling, but the guests were rather surprised, and most stopped listening
Luckily, she wasn’t in the spotlight for long, and the focus
went back onto the bride and groom, where it belonged. My brother’s
girlfriend, who happened to be one of the photographers, later told me she found
Tandy and her speech so unpleasant that she simply didn’t take any pictures of
it! Marie, the MOB, my mother and I had a good laugh over that one. Tandy’s
happy because she and her children got to try to grab all the attention at her
brother’s wedding, and the rest of us are happy because she didn’t succeed!
The first wedding I was asked to stand up in was my friend
J's. She's one of my best friends from college. The wedding was rushed because
the groom's mother was terminally ill. In fact, she passed away the week of the
wedding. We all went to a wake the day before the wedding which was also the
bride's birthday. I know! It's incredible, but true.
Anyway, I knew all of the bridesmaids from college except for
the Maid of Honor who was J's best friend from grade school. After a beautiful
ceremony we rode over to the reception with the Maid of Honor and her fiancé.
On the way over we had an interesting conversation.
MOH: How long do you think the reception will be? Me: Um... I
have no idea. I think J said we had the place until 10? MOH: 10!!! Oh no no, we
made dinner plans! It's only hors d'oeuvres after all.
My friends and I then started elbowing each other and biting
our tongues. I could not believe she made plans for the night of her best
That night the MOH made her speech and left. The rest of us
stayed until around 10:30 or 11. I've never told J this story. I don't know if
she was upset that her friend left or not, but it certainly made me mad! Not
only was it the biggest event in her life, but she could've really used some
extra support due to the special circumstances!
This story actually involves my own DF and his etiquette
blunder. My DF, I’ll call him Adam, was taking part in his sister's
wedding as a Groomsman. Also involved in this sister’s wedding was their
brother, we’ll name him Jack, also as a Groomsman. At the time of the
wedding planning, Jack was dating a girl, Jill. Jill was asked to be a
bridesmaid. In the months before the wedding, Jack and Jill broke up.
The sister had enough class, and was close enough to Jill, that planning went on
as normal and the difficulties between the couple would be put aside for the
Now between the time of the break up and the wedding, Jack
meets a new girl, Linda. Things are going fantastic with Linda. So much to
the surprise of the family, Jack announces over Easter dinner that he and Linda
had eloped to Las Vegas and are now married! Everyone is thrilled for
them, glad it is what they wanted and life goes on as normal.
The sister’s summer wedding comes around and everyone is
still very happy for the newlyweds, even the ex, Jill. During the ceremony
I am seated on the Bride’s side of the church with the new family member,
Linda. She seethes through the whole ceremony that her husband, Jack, will
be riding in the limo with the rest of the wedding party back to the reception.
I try and comfort her through this, reminding her that Jack married her, not
Jill. I also remind her that the entire wedding party (minus the B&G)
will also be in this limo, my DF Adam included.
During the ceremony, the pastor goes to great lengths to
explain how wonderful it is to see young people still attending church, still
looking towards tradition and doing things in the traditional manner under the
eyes of God. He makes a long speech about how people these days are
getting married by a Justice of the Peace, and “even (God forbid) running off
to Vegas to get married by Elvis”, yes, these were his exact words; I have
this on video for those who don’t believe me. The church goes DEADLY
SILENT at these words, the whole family knowing full well where the comment was
At this point, my DF, Adam, who is standing with the other
Groomsman at the front of the church, physically elbows his brother, Jack,
startling Jack as he fumbled to regain his balance. (This too is on film).
The whole church saw this and you could have heard a pin drop, if it not for my
own and poor Linda’s jaws hitting the floor. We both slunk in our pew
hopefully out of site of the rest of the family for the remainder of the
Everything from there on went on as planned, the reception was
beautiful, but forever on the lovely couple will have the image of the brothers
being brothers in front of a church full of people at the horror of the family.
When I was getting married, I asked a girl, who I considered
to be my best friend, to be my maid of honor. My fiancé and I invited her and
her husband out to dinner so we could surprise her with the news. Well, she was
very happy to accept and even seemed honored. The problem was that she assumed,
just because she was married that we wanted her husband to be the best man, even
though my husband barely knew him! I always thought that the bride picks the
maid of honor and the groom picks his best man but this woman decided to impose
her husband on us. Problem was that my husband had not only already asked his
twin brother to be the best man, but he really WANTED his twin to be the man
standing next to him at the altar. Her assumption took us by surprise but in
order to keep the peace, we said that we would be honored if her husband stood
next to her at the altar, however, the twin would be the best man. The couple
Two weeks later, I had just about 3 months left to plan my
wedding, she backs out. She decided that it was an insult for her husband to be
at the altar when another man was having the honor of being the best man. She
said that her husband would feel stupid at the head table when the twin got up
to give the speech instead of him. Silly me...and I thought my wedding would be
about my husband and I. Needless to say, they left us high and dry! Everyone
already knew that we had asked them so all our friends knew they'd be choice
number two..what an honor that would be!
Having no choice but to ask someone else, I asked another
really good friend of mine who also happens to be married. She told me she would
think about it. The next day she calls me and says no because her husband
doesn't know my husband very well. Ummm...isn't the point that she is MY
friend??? Am I getting this wrong?? Finally my brother's wife was gracious
enough to step up and be a maid of honor and the best maid of honor she was!! My
brother was also man enough to share the spotlight at the head table with
another man and even got up to give his own speech after our best man gave his.
Class act!! Our wedding turned out to be perfect!!
A couple years ago I was MOH in my best friend's H's wedding.
There was only one other bridesmaid, S – who upon hearing of the engagement
asked to be a bridesmaid. We were all ages 29 to 31 at the time.
First here's some background. H grew up poor, having no
father and a severely handicapped mother. She worked hard though,
put herself through college and has a decent job. She now supports her
mother, as well as herself. Needless to say her mother could not
contribute much to the wedding at all – in terms of support or finances.
H's groom grew up in a single parent home and his mother also could not
contribute much money towards the wedding. H & groom were financing
the wedding themselves, on a strict budget. S on the other hand worked
part time by choice, and lived with and was subsidized financially by her parents
(I know this from what she has said herself, I'm not presuming her finances).
Her parents completely paid for her education, leaving her with no school debts
upon graduation, and bought her a car.
First came shopping for dresses. S was never available
to shop with H & I for the wedding dress. H had to follow sales due to
her budget and was working 2 jobs at the time; she did not have much
flexibility. Fine, H & I went, she found a beautiful dress, at a
greatly reduced price due to it being a sample & she bought it.
Finally a Saturday when we were all available came, we decided to go shopping
for bridesmaid dresses. H said we could pick out whatever we wanted in
what ever color we wanted, with 2 limitations: no white and no pants. S
insisted we should wear matching dresses. I thought "ok".
But then we went to shop after shop where H & I picked out dress after dress
that we both thought were beautiful and affordable. S rejected every
single one. She found only one dress she would consider. It had
horizontal stripes across the entire bodice. At the time I was a size 18
(she was a size 3) and I was not keen on horizontal stripes. I mentioned
that I didn't think it would look good but agreed to try it on. It looked
awful on me, which even H and a sales woman (in a tactful way) agreed. S
pouted and complained. Both H & I said, "Well you get it"
since H didn't care if we matched. S refused.
After a long non productive day, H suggests we stop at a diner
for something to eat. She & I both ordered sandwiches, S orders French
fries. During lunch S asks H what she will be wearing. H confused
says, "My wedding gown." S continues, "But what about at
the party – aren't you going to change into something comfortable like
jeans?" H very firmly says, "This will be an elegant party, no
When the bill comes, H graciously picks it up saying,
"Since you came out today in honor of me, this is on me." I
said, "Thank you", S said, "Darn! If I'd known you were
paying I would have ordered more!" This knowing full well H is on an
extremely tight budget!
Next came the shower. I send S a few emails asking if
she has any ideas or suggestions about a shower. She responds that she has
no idea about these types of things. Ok. Groom's grandmother offered
me the use of her large, lovely home for the shower, with the condition that she
would do nothing else except clean her house in advance and be a guest. I
thought that was more than fair. I went out bought invitations, got the
guest list from H, printed out directions, paid for postage & sent the
invites. I sent one to S so she could see it and have directions. I
contacted S every step of the way, but she always had excuses for being unable
to help. I found great and bought favors and wrapped each. I also
bought games prize gifts and searched the internet and came up shower games.
Still no help from S. Meanwhile Groom's aunt has offered to help with the
food, which I graciously accepted, since S refuses to commit to bringing
The day before the shower S calls me at work and asks for
directions, despite them having been mailed to her. The day of the shower S
& I are supposed to arrive early to decorate the house, set up the food etc.
I show up 2 hours before the party and start working. Groom's aunt shows
up & starts helping. Finally half an hour before start time, S shows
up and asks for tape. She sits in the middle of the living room and starts
wrapping her gift to H (which is a lovely but considering the couple totally
unpractical). S is dressed in casual jeans & a t-shirt and barefoot,
having kicked off her flip-flops immediately upon entering. Now this
wasn't a formal affair, but S was 29, old enough to know to dress a bit nicer,
IMO! Two hours into the shower S leaves, claiming she has to go to work (I
had picked the date based on her availability!) I'm left to clean up on my
Next comes bachelorette party. Again I email S asking if
she has any suggestions. She does, and I write them down & thank her.
I go back to H and present her with numerous suggestions, some of my own, all of
S's and some I've read about or heard other people have done. H comes up
with a plan she likes for a low-key party. Ok, no problem, I think her
idea sounds fun and easy to plan. I call S to let her know the idea and
ask how she would like to help plan. She immediately starts complaining
about the idea (to rent a limo, stock it and bar hop to casual pub type places)
saying, "It's stupid," and, "No one will have fun!"
She keeps insisting on a lounge, which would be expensive, would require non
drinkers to contribute to the overall alcohol purchase, and which would involve
lots of dancing (ok) but would be too loud for in depth conversations (not what
the bride wanted!) She refuses to participate in planning. Fine.
I ask her what dates work for her, and took that into account. I planned
the party (sent invites, coordinated RSVP's, rented the limo, bought the alcohol
for the limo, came up with a list in geographical order of fun bars, etc).
Come the day of the party, S calls and says, "Oh I have
to work, I can't make it. But I'll be done by midnight, call me and bring
the limo by & pick me up." Annoying but ok. She did
not give me the address she would be working at. At midnight and for the
next hour we tried calling her, no answer. So she never ended up meeting
up with us. The next day she claimed she had forgotten to bring out her
By now its 2 months to the wedding and S still will not agree
on a bridesmaid's dress. She suggests to H that she wear a white mini
dress she already owns. H says, "Sure if you dye it another color, it
is after all my wedding." She refuses then suggests, "Can we get
white pant suits? They are in style and I really want one, so I know I'll
wear it again!" H again, says, No white," and this time adds,
"And it must be a dress or skirt, no pants!" H encourages me to
go ahead and buy any dress I like. I found a nice, affordable (under $100)
plain but very elegant dress & bought it. I emailed photos of it and a
link to the store to S. H is thrilled with my dress. 1 month before
the wedding and S still has no dress. H goes ahead and buys two dresses, similar
to mine but different colors in S's size and tells her to pick one that's it.
S reluctantly does, but never pays H back for it (H returned the other).
The weekend of the wedding arrives. It's about 100 miles
from the city where we all live. H arranges rooms for everyone and asks
that we arrive sometime mid-day on Friday to help set up and for rehearsal.
I arrived Thursday night just to be safe. Come Friday, close family and
the groomsmen start arriving. Everyone gets there by 4 the latest.
Except for S. She calls about 3 or so claiming she is stuck in traffic an
hour away. Two groomsmen drove the same route, one arriving about 3,
another at 4 (so he would have been in the same traffic); both of them confirm
the roads were clear. S doesn't show up until 9 pm, having missed
rehearsal. At this point lots of extended family of both bride & groom
are in the area and it's become a full fledged party, S knows plenty of people
there. S says hello and spends the rest of the evening on her cell phone.
The wedding goes fine, a few hitches but nothing major.
As we are all eating our dinner, S announces by the way she will have to leave
early as she has to work that evening. She had known the wedding date for
over a year, yet didn't get the night off! She then leaves the table after
eating, goes & changes into jeans (!) comes back, hangs out for about an
hour then leaves, obviously not assisting in the clean up, or even seeing the
B&G cut the cake, or hearing the toasts, etc.
All this and she has asked to be a bridesmaid!
I nominate myself for Bridesmaid Ehell for my brother's
wedding. Most of my female friends aren't married or don't want to get married
so I haven't been in any other weddings, so this was my first time (and so far
only!) as a bridesmaid. There were a lot of issues with this wedding, which I
won't get into, but could probably make for a great submission for wedding
disasters, but I'll just go into where I screwed up. I am normally very good at
multi-tasking and being organized about events (I'm in a band so I have to
organize a lot of shows etc), but in this case I was entirely to blame.
I live three and half hours away from the bride and where the
wedding was taking place, and was not invited to any kind of wedding planning or
showers and had no idea who the MOH was. I asked the Bride if there was anything
I could do, make invitations etc (I'm a professional graphic designer and
artist), but she said she didn't need me to do anything except show up and go to
the rehearsal. (So, not a lot to do, and yet, somehow, I screw it up!).
She gave me the name of the Bridal shop she wanted me to get
my dress at and told me to get whatever style as long as it was a certain shade
of blue and not strapless. I picked out a dress with my mom, and got alterations
made and had my fittings to make sure it looked OK. I picked out some matching
shoes and a shawl. After alterations, plus accessories, total cost is about $170
or so. The bridal shop puts them in a dress bag and I hang it up on the back of
my door so that I have it for when I need to drive down to the hotel.
The wedding is on Saturday. On Friday, I grab my overnight
bag, my boyfriend (now DH), and the dress bag. I need to drive 1.5 hours to my
parent's house and pick up my relatives (we had a bunch of out of town guests)
and help chauffeur them to the hotel another two hours or so away. My aunt, when
we get to the hotel wants to see the dress color. I pick up the edge of the bag
slightly so that she can see the fabric, but don't take out the dress. We go to
the rehearsal dinner etc.
I am staying at the hotel. My SIS offers to let me stay
overnight at her place with the MOH, but my brother tells me that there isn't
enough room for everyone there and family members are sleeping on the floor. I
opt to get ready at the hotel and meet her early at the church. I don't have a
car (the car I drove down was my parent's as my own car was back at my parent's
house two hours away). I have no ride to the church as my parent's are running
around with stuff and won't have time to drop me off early at the church. My
brother's BM solicits a ride for me at the rehearsal dinner (makes an
announcement, which I was NOT comfortable with him doing) but nobody is able to
give me a ride to the church. So I'm hoping I can get one of my relatives to
lend me their car in the morning. Turns out it's a moot point anyway,
When I get up in the morning at 8 AM, I take a shower, then go
to take the dress out of the bag. Open the bag. It's the shawl. No dress.
Apparently, the bag had two separate bags within it with both items and somehow
the other one is left at home, three and half hours away. it's 8:15 AM. Wedding
is at 11 am. I'm supposed to be at the church at 10 AM for pictures. I run out
of the room and tell my mom. She starts hyperventilating. Tells her sister, my
aunt. She turns white (difficult for her because she is so tan). My brother,
also at the hotel, gets wind of this and starts laughing. I tell him NOT to tell
the bride, we'll figure out something. I should mention there are only two
people in the wedding party, myself and the MOH, so it's not like there was a
bunch of girls and I wouldn't be missed.
My mom, my aunt and I, run downstairs to the hotel's front
desk and ask the clerk there if there are any bridal shops nearby. She says no,
but there is a mall down the road. It opens at 9 AM. My mom, aunt and I run to
the car, where my mom nearly gets us all killed because she is freaking out so
badly. We get into the mall just as the doors are unlocked and run to the first
department store. We look for anything blue. Didn't see anything appropriate or
in my size. Run to the second store and find a bunch of marked down prom
dresses. See ONE blue dress that happens to be both my size and the EXACT shade
of blue as the MOH's dress (I was originally supposed to have a slighter darker
shade of blue so the MOH would stand out more, but beggars can't be choosers!).
On top of this, it was a dress that was originally priced at over 100 dollars
but due to a bunch of mark downs and the fact it was the end of prom season, it
was now a grand total of $7. It was a simple, floor length design, no beading or
any ruffles or whatnot. We fit it on and it fits! The shoulder straps are a
little lose but who cares! Pay for the dress, race out of the mall, back to the
hotel, and my family drives like mad to the church. I get there at 10:45 and
race into the bride's room.
Bride had heard what was going on but didn't say anything to
me. I match exactly colorwise to the MOH except her dress material has some
beading on the bodice. We do the ceremony and take photos afterwards. The guests
have no idea this is not the correct dress or notice anything astray (of course,
they are paying attention to the bride and groom, as they should).
Wonder if I'll get invited to be in anyone else's wedding? lol
Though I did have a wedding a year and a half later and we had no major
problems, so I guess the karma god was kind to me. My brother did come up to me
before the big day, however, and say, "Don't' forget your dress!"
Okay, to set the scene, I am friends with a very sweet,
sensitive guy. This guy is very close to his older brother, who practically
raised him. When his brother was married ten years ago, he had no hesitation in
asking my friend to be his best man.
The problem, however, was that my friend was only sixteen at
the time. When the other groomsmen, made up mostly of college and army buddies
of the groom, put together the bachelor party, they didn't invite the teenage
best man because they wanted to take the groom out for the traditional boozing
and strippers, and the best man was too young to even get into these places, let
alone partake in what they had to offer.
When my friend found out about the bachelor party, he threw an
absolute fit, even trying to back out of the wedding since he "obviously
wasn't wanted", but his parents convinced him to grow up and do as he'd
promised. Well, the story doesn't end there. The groom and his bride had planned
a wine and champagne only reception, and because the groom's family is of a
culture where a little wine at dinner for teenagers is completely commonplace,
no one seemed alarmed that the sixteen year old best man was being giving
champagne for the toasts and wine with his meal. A little wine turned into a lot
of wine as the night wore off, and the sixteen year old best man eventually
disappeared entirely. He was found passed out in the reception hall's coat room
when guests were preparing to leave, and his brother, the groom, had to drag him
to another room, make sure he was all right, and then sober him up enough to
spend the rest of the evening sitting with his parents.
Ten years later, these two, still as close as can be and with
my friend being much more mature than his sixteen year old self in many other
ways, will occasionally play a game of "you didn't invite me to your
bachelor party", "well, you got smashed at my reception".
I met someone shortly after moving to the city I'm currently
in, and we were engaged within 9 months of dating. All my friends were out of
state, so I asked my dearest friend to be my MOH, and my fiancé's two sisters to
be bridesmaids. I figured asking them would get our relationship started out on
the right foot.
He had two sisters, "Katherine" and
"Elizabeth". (Names changed, obviously.) Elizabeth didn't care, which
was fine by me. Katherine, however, didn't even let me get the question out –
she drove to my house, knocked on my door, and proceeded to tell me that since I
was marrying her brother, she was going to be a bridesmaid, and then recited a
long list of colors and fabrics she refused to wear. I stood there in shock
listening to her go off. I knew that Katherine was a very brassy, loud, kind of tactless person, but I didn't think she'd drive all the way to my house (an hour
for her!) and make demands.
Anyhow, I decided that I'd just pick some dresses that I
really liked and that I thought they'd look good in and let them choose from the
field. (And by "field", I mean like 15 different dresses, trying to
keep it as cheap as I could.) This is where the stress started. All I asked was
that they make a decision on something they both could wear. I ended up getting
in the middle of some massive sibling rivalry.
They could not agree on a THING. I literally ended up spending
months putting every bridesmaid gown I could find in front of them. If one liked
it, the other automatically thought it was horrible, and would generally insult
my taste or accuse me of trying to make her look awful. I started to email them
separately so they couldn't see what the other's response was, and they'd
actually end up switching their answers so one was still the hold out!
After three months of begging them to make a decision, I
finally stepped in and told them that I'd just pick. I'd waited too long to
order something through a traditional bridal shop, but I found a department
store that had some bridesmaid gowns you could order through them, and it would
be much quicker. They had a really lovely blush pink satin A-line that was
strapless for $75. It was elegant, and it would look really good on them. It
came with a matching satin shawl, so that they could cover their arms if they
wanted to. My bridesmaid gift to them was a strand of pearls and pearl earrings
they could wear. I really wanted them to look beautiful – not just for the
wedding's sake, but to make them happy.
My MOH was a dream… I took her to the mall, told her to pick
what she wanted as long as it was pink, and we found a perfect dress that she
loved within an hour. (I kept joking I was going to put her in lime green with
ruffles and fuchsia trim, and her grinning response was, "That's
fine… Just remember, payback's a b***h, and they sell dresses with BUTT BOWS
in my town." Lol)
So the wedding comes, and all three girls look lovely. In
fact, I got far more compliments on how elegant the bridesmaids looked than on
how I looked , which I was actually quite happy with!
Katherine and Elizabeth vehemently disagreed, thought they
looked trashy, and went around the reception telling everyone who would listen
about the horrible ordeal I put them through, and how I was trying my damnedest
to make them look tacky. I had people coming up to me going "I'm sorry to
say this, but do you know your bridesmaids are running around badmouthing
I'm attaching a picture of the offending gown. Just imagine it
in a soft pink instead. They were both blue-eyed blondes, and looked really
lovely and elegant in this. I did not deserve to be badmouthed at my own wedding
for the dress choice.
It didn't end there, unfortunately – Katherine got engaged
at my reception. When it was time for her to pick bridesmaid dresses, she got
her entourage together (seriously, 22 people) and descended on a David's Bridal
(poor employees…). Her VERY loud comment as we were all walking in was
"I'm not going to be a bridezilla like Jen was. I'm going to let you all
pick a dress you can decide on, as long as it's in the color I want you to wear.
I'm going to be a nice bride, unlike my sister in law."
Oh, and Elizabeth purposely made me a bridesmaid and then
dropped me a few weeks later from her wedding, citing that that was my
punishment for making her look bad at my wedding. I wish I was kidding; I'm not.
When my husband proposed to me, I knew exactly who to ask to
be my MOH. My best friend (or so I thought) and sorority pledge sister,
"Betty". I called her and she acted thrilled and accepted.
I took 3 of the bridesmaids, including Betty, to pick out a
dress. I didn't care about the style and they picked a nice one, no problem.
Fast forward to shower and party time. Friends threw us 4 parties
over 3 months. Betty didn't attend a single one and she didn't bother to RSVP
either. She did finally contact me about bachelorette party. She wanted to
have it at her condo at the beach 5 hours away from me. A little far away but
okay. And I could only invite 2 other people because she didn't want people
sleeping on the floor. I had 6 bridesmaids! So we kept it strictly sorority
bridesmaids and we had a great time, except for her constantly cleaning up
behind us and worrying about her white tile. But it was fun and they spoiled me
The wedding approaches. My mother sends out bridesmaid
luncheon invites and Betty responds that she and her BF are closing on a condo
that morning and can't be there till later. This weekend has only been on the
calendar for a year now, you think she could have picked another day to close.
And I sent out a pre-wedding letter with timeline, etc... Fine! She arrives
late, turns up her nose at the food offering and seems miffed that we didn't
wait for her to eat. She was 90 minutes late!!!! Her BF who I have also known
since college, can't make it to our rehearsal dinner, so we seat her at the head
table with us and the best man, who tries to be polite and make conversation but
she ignored him all night.
She refuses to get her hair done by my stylist, but then
relents and goes ahead and lets her after I say that my Mom is paying for
everyone to get their hair done. The ceremony goes smoothly , no problems, As
soon as she is announced at the reception, she runs away from the best man to
her BF who has finally decided to arrive. I'm not sure if he was at the
ceremony. She and her BF sit alone and look bored for the remainder of the
reception. They don't dance, she never offered to get me a drink or a bite to
eat. The rest of the wedding party decides to throw an "after
party" at the hotel we are all staying at. Betty and BF show up for 5
minutes and then try to get the rest of my bridesmaids that are sorority sisters
and their dates to go downtown because they thought the party was boring. None
of them would go. I don't know if they went out or not. (I found this out later
from another sister) Betty and BF left the hotel around 5:00 a.m. - didn't
say good bye, didn't go by my parents house for the brunch - nothing!
I have to say my husband was more upset than me - mainly
because I was upset. I also heard from other bridesmaids that Betty was
upset that we didn't have a dress that showed off her chest - she had gotten a
boob job a few months before the wedding. She got engaged about a year
later and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I politely declined. Nothing was
ever mentioned except her brother kept grilling me about it at her wedding.
I just said "I really wasn't able to".
I got married in 2001 in my husband's small town which is about
an hour from where I lived.
We each had three attendants a piece. I had made a pact
with my best friend in high school that we would each be in the other's wedding
as MOH. I chose her over another high school friend of mine (I had known
longer) that was a mistake. Not that my MOH did anything really wrong but just
that I was closer to the other BM than her. I picked out a girlfriend
my husband's best friend as the other bm but she canceled about 4 months
before the wedding.
So my cousin filled in for her. Because I asked my two
best friends and my cousin, my older sister (by 13 years older) was offended
because I didn't ask her. From there on she made my life a living hell.
I'd ask for help with things and she didn't want to do it unless it was okay
with her schedule.
Than when she ended up not helping me with anything she
complained to my mom that I wasn't including her. My parents decided
that they weren't happy that I was marrying an hour away from my hometown and
decided about a month before the wedding they weren't going. (Yes they
did make it finally).
Nothing I wanted to do at my wedding was good enough for my mom
or sister (even though my fiancé and I paid 95% of everything).
It all came to a boiling point when after rehearsal we went to
the reception site to decorate. My sister having had nothing to do with
the wedding decided she wanted to pitch in so I tried really hard to be nice.
Instead of pitching in she started throwing accusing words at me in front of
our parents and my friends. When I told her she could just leave she
hauled off and slapped me in front of my entire bridal party. To make
matters worse my mom and dad just turned the other cheek and never said a word
to her. Well I left the area as to not have to literally
"whoop" her so to speak. The groomsmen had to hold my fiancé back
because he had enough of it. The next day she showed up to the wedding
and decided to play wedding coordinator. At this point all I wanted to do
was get married and be done with it so I kept my mouth shut but I had this
great entrance that I wanted. Instead of the bridal march I wanted
Tara's Theme to Gone with the Wind. Since my sister hadn't been a part
of rehearsals and such like she should've been she sent my bridesmaids down at
the wrong time which left me going in at the very wrong time of the song.
Instead we had to stop the music and redo it when it was my turn to walk.
I was furious. The reception was alright except if you look at our
pictures my sister has a permanent frown on her face. Not to mention
between her and my cousin they hung up some unmentionables in our getaway
vehicle. Very tacky. YUCK!!!
Now the best part the "gift" that I got from my
sister (which my mom had to go and help her pay for) was a dish washing rack,
not even a fancy metal one but just a plain out old white dish rack!!
Page Last Updated October 11, 2008