Bridezillas and Groomonsters

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I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding in October.  Let's call her "Jen."  I had met this woman maybe ten times before she asked me to be a bridesmaid, but we had gone to college together and she was closer with my best friend Kelly (also a bridesmaid) than me.  I said yes, and figured it would be fun to do.  I moved to the other side of the country a few months before the wedding, but I bought my dress and made plans to fly back east for Jen's wedding.  (Keep in mind that I was also planning my own wedding, which was four months after hers).  A week before her wedding, she mailed me the entire guest list and all of the blank placecards and asked me to calligraphy them and bring them with me.  OK, fine, I wasn't working at the time - I spent 20 hours on them! 

 I flew east for the wedding and was picked up at the airport by Kelly and the bride's brother (who I had never met before).  All of us bridesmaids and the bride stayed up until 3:00 a.m. two nights before the wedding TYING BOWS on the placecards!  Then the bride had us up at 6:30 a.m. the next day to get our nails done (which was more like 3:30 a.m. for us).  That was followed by the bridesmaids' luncheon in a local burger joint, where the bride got so upset at one of the groomsmen possibly being late to the rehearsal that she threw her cell phone into the windsheild of her rented SUV.  We spent most of the rest of the day running around and were half an hour late to the rehearsal...and we were up late again, until at least 3:00 a.m. doing last-minute things.  

The next morning, we were up at 6:00 a.m. for our hair appointments, and the combination of lack of sleep and jet lag had me very sick to my stomach.  I asked the bride for some Imodium AD, and she said there wasn't any in the house and WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO STOP AT THE STORE TO GET SOME!  I flipped out then, and said that if I didn't get some medicine, I was going to be sick standing at the altar.  She grudgingly stopped at the store on the way to the salon.  The ceremony went off with only the usual minor hitches (including me not finding my backless bra (misplaced in a bag by the father of the groom) until 10 minutes before the ceremony start and having to strip in the limo in front of the mothers and the bridesmaids to put it on), and the reception was fine (save the usual Chicken Dance and Electric Slide).  

But no one gave us out-of-town bridesmaids a ride back to her parents' house where we were staying, and we had to hitch a ride with a guest back to the hotel where we had left our clothes, and track down a groomsman to give us a ride back to the house!  I had to get up for a 6:50 a.m. flight (at 4:15), so I was ticked that we got back so late!  This bride had a complete lack of regard for the people who were there to help her celebrate, and it was a guide on how not to have a wedding.  Suffice it to say that I won't do the same at my wedding in a couple months.

Bridezillas0126-04

After reading your site and being thoroughly amused by the bridal shower stories I felt the need to share a particularly tacky engagement party story.

There is an in-law I will call "V" who is extremely egocentric and cares for no one but herself.  Shortly after Fiancé and I got engaged she began to complain about her lack of a relationship.  Soon afterward she began to date a man who had been asking her out for years. Within 2 months there were rumors of engagement rings that she had designed on a web site, printed out and given to him so he knew what to buy.  Needless to say they were engaged within 6 months of dating. She had picked out the ring, went to buy it with him, and even planned the day and way in which he would propose to her. This is perfectly fine and I have many friends who have taken a part in their "ring-getting."  The problem is that V went around after getting the ring telling everyone how "surprised" "excited" and utterly shocked she was by the whole thing. 

But wait- it gets better. She complained to me that she told her fiancé the rock had to be at least 1.5 carats or better but he only got her a 1.4 carats. Next V put her own name in the paper announcing her engagement telling everyone on her side that his parents did it to surprise them and vice versa on his side.  THEN (oh yes, it gets better still) V registered herself at 2 major department stores, planned an extravagant 5 hour sit down engagement party and sends out invitations which she has professionally made (but tells her mother that fiancé's family did it for them as a gift).

Next she  ordered about 300 save the date magnets which she floods the room with at the engagement party- again telling everyone they were gifted by the future-in-laws- but telling her BM in front of me that she got them on this web site for a really great price b/c she doesn't want anyone to have an excuse that they didn't know when she was getting married.  She further proceeded to ask this BM how her teeth looked as she had went to the dentist the prior day to have them professionally whitened for the big engagement party event (if she does this for the engagement party WHAT is she going to do for the wedding- get a boob job?)

The party itself was one of the tackiest things I have ever in my life attended.  It began with a receiving line at the door where guests were herded past a gift table so they could drop off the gifts they had purchased from V's registry (I was under the impression registries were for THE WEDDING).  V would put a gift down herself every so often and complain about the gift wrap or appearance of some of the other gifts to a friend.

Throughout the engagement party people clanked forks against glasses so that the couple could kiss (I find this "tradition" tacky at a wedding but would hope -and had thought- it was reserved ONLY for weddings....unfortunately no one else at this party shared this understanding). 

The topper of the whole evening was the orchestrated and elaborate photo taking- which involved the herding of people (pretty much in a line) to stand next to V and her fiancé so that she could take pictures with them- and the cake with their photo on it which she had made (but AGAIN told her family the future in-laws had done).  The whole process lasted a good 45 minutes.

I now stay as far away from V as humanly possible.  I don't think I have ever met a more self-centered and utterly two faced person.  Does she not believe that at some point the lies will come out and that people will get sick of how obnoxious she is? It makes you wonder.

Bridezillas0116-04

I am the maid of honor for my sister-in-law's wedding in August, and it has been a nightmare to deal with her from the get-go.  When I initially agreed to participate in the wedding, I was asked to be a bridesmaid, which I was thrilled to do, even though I had lost my job six months ago and money was extremely tight.  However, my sister-in-law decided that my participating in the wedding gave her license to whine and whimper to me about every tiny detail that went wrong with the planning of her " Cinderella Wedding."  

First, she whined to me that none of her bridesmaids were living up to their expectations, which to her, meant that they were obligated to go with her EVERY time she went shopping for wedding things, regardless of class schedules, traveling, work schedules, etc.  My husband and I don't live in the same town as her, but I felt bad for her, so I made plans to go shopping with her during Christmas break when we were back home for the holidays.  I have never been put through such a hellacious shopping trip before!  The evil bridezilla made appointments at SIX different bridal boutiques to try on THE SAME EXACT GOWN even though she had already bought the gown she is going to wear a week before--she told me that she "just wanted to see how she looked in all the different store mirrors."  So, I completely wasted a whole day, just so she could preen in the mirrors.  As if that wasn't bad enough, I asked her that day if she had decided what she was going to wear as her something borrowed.  She told me she didn't know, so I asked her if she would like to wear my pearl necklace I wore for my wedding, thinking it would be something nice and sentimental I could do for her.  Instead of being gracious about the offer, she looked at me like I was crazy and stuck her nose up in the air and said "Ew...I hate pearls; they are so tacky."  Right then and there I decided I would no longer offer her my necklace to wear. 

Well, Bridezilla managed to corner me into going with her to a bridal expo the very next weekend after our shopping trip from hell, so my husband and I traveled back to his hometown, even though neither of us really had the time or the money to do so.  I managed to muster the strength to grin and bear it through the expo, which was exceptionally difficult, given that my mother-in-law was also there with us.  Everything went relatively smoothly, until Bridezilla decided that we should go to the florist's after the expo to change her whole flower order, because she decided her original flower order "didn't look very princess-like."  

In the car on the way to the florist's, Bridezilla and I were talking about flowers when she all of a sudden announced that the only flowers she cared about were her own and that she "did not give a s*** about her attendant's flowers, since she was the only one who mattered on her wedding day."  I was absolutely flabbergasted!  Now remember here; I have been unemployed since August when I lost my job and have been scrimping by at a minimum wage job ever since.  Purchasing a $200 bridesmaid dress is definitely a burden, but I was under the impression that my participation in Bridezilla's wedding was important to her, so I have been sucking it up and scrimping and saving just so I could afford to buy her tacky maroon atrocity of a bridesmaid dress!  Far be it from me to expect an expensive and exotic bouquet, but I do not think it is asking too much that Bridezilla show some discretion and perhaps think about the sacrifices all of us bridesmaids are making so we can be a part of her "Cinderella Wedding."  

Well, the final kicker to this on-going saga is that Bridezilla called me the other night and asked me if I would like to be her Maid of Honor.  Again, I was thrilled at the prospect and really and truly assumed that it was important to her as well.  So, I said yes to Bridezilla's request.  And you will not believe the next thing out of her mouth:  she said to me, "Great!  Now you are in charge of holding my wedding shower and my bachelorette party and I want all of my lingerie to be from Victoria's Secret!"  Sigh....and the fun continues.....    

 Bridezillas0129-04

I was a bridesmaid just once, thirty years ago, but I have never forgotten what a dreadful experience it was. My best friend Jeri and I had grown up almost next door to each other, had gone to the same grammar school, and my boyfriend and I had introduced her to her fiancé. We had drifted apart a little bit when we went to different high schools, but when she asked me to be her bridesmaid I was thrilled. I did not know the MOH or the other bridesmaids, who were all part of Jeri's high-school "clique" but we managed to throw a lovely shower for the bride and we all chipped in for a gift of luggage.

When it was time to select bridesmaid dresses, the bride decided that we should go to a department store that specialized in selling to a clientele that can be described most accurately as "elderly." However, this store was well-known for having an excellent Wedding Salon so we had no objection to shopping there. The problems started when we realized that almost nothing would fit the MOH who was definitely a plus-size girl. Now please remember that thirty years ago there were virtually no stylish plus-size clothes available anywhere, so this made our choices very, very limited. What did we end up with? Green, black and white checked acetate taffeta, sleazy and shiny, trimmed with green velvet ruffles. To top it off, we each had to wear a bridesmaid headpiece that looked like an upside-down green velvet teacup, complete with long green velvet streamers in the back. The MOH wore the same ensemble but hers was burgundy taffeta, velvet, etc. We were one ugly bridal party. The worst part, aside from the tacky dress and headpiece, was that the whole outfit cost approximately $100.00, and I was earning about $1.75 per hour which was minimum wage. Between the shower gift, the wedding gift and the hideous dress & headpiece, I was forced to empty my bank account.

We got through the wedding and the reception and had a nice time. The next day I put my gown and headpiece in the bag of clothes that my Mom was getting ready to give to the Salvation Army. And after all this -- I never heard from the bride again, and I never saw her again. I never saw the pictures, or received a thank-you, either verbally or in a card. It felt as if she had dropped off the face of the earth. It's now thirty years later and all I have to say is -- you know who you are! You really hurt my feelings and I'm sorry that I ever agreed to be your bridesmaid, you ungrateful witch!

Bridezillas0203-04

I have a friend who is on the crew of a boat that does harbor cruise weddings.  It is customary to let the bride and groom aboard first for a few minutes to let them spend a little time alone and get ready for the reception.  One hot August day, however, a bride and her mother boarded the boat first and refused to let anyone else on for 45 minutes!  She and the MOB had drinks from the bar and frolicked in the air conditioned comfort of the glass-encased room, in full view of the guests waiting in the hot August sun on the pier!!  My friend was the one who finally had to convince them that maybe it was not good for their guests, including the bride's 90-something-year-old grandmother, to be left waiting on the dock in the heat!

Bridezillas0211-04

If I didn’t experience this wedding firsthand, I’m not sure I would’ve believed it. Truly a wedding from hell. Where to begin? I have known the groom ("Rob") since elementary school. Although we’ve drifted apart over the last few years, I still consider Rob to be one of my very good friends. Well, Rob called me to tell me that he was engaged to "Amanda" and being a good friend, I promptly invited the happy couple over for lunch. It took about 5 minutes for my husband and me to realize that this woman is completely crazy. They were 3 hours late for lunch, ruining our evening plans. She complained endlessly. Two days after lunch/dinner, I received an email from Amanda. Very strange – it read: "you know how couples surprise each other with a gift at their wedding? Well, I would like to surprise Rob by inviting you to be a "grooms-person" at our wedding. Don’t tell Rob." I knew right then and there that this wedding would be like nothing else I have ever experienced. Surprise the groom with a secret grooms-person? Well, I accepted her offer – only after consulting with Rob’s mother. She seemed to think that it would be fine with Rob but I also discovered at this time that Rob’s parents were petrified that he would actually go through with the wedding. Well, the suspense of the "surprise" must have gotten to her because she only waited about a month to tell Rob about me. Thankfully, he was thrilled.

Flash forward a couple of months. Invitations. They were mass produced on the computer and included directions and hotel information and were hand delivered them at Thanksgiving. OK, bad enough to hand deliver the invitations, but the wedding is in JUNE, an entire SEVEN months later. Interesting to note, there was also a misspelling on the invitation. I guess that’s not a huge deal, but the bride is a PhD candidate in English.

I was invited to attend a shower for the bride to be. Because I wasn’t able to attend, I took great care in selecting a gift and making sure I was able to get the gift to Rob’s mother so she would be able to bring it to the shower. It was quite a feat for me to get the gift to her because I live about 5 hours from the shower location and even 2 hours from Rob’s mom. Amanda sent me an EMAIL – "in lieu of a thank you, I’m sending you this email" and proceeded to tell me how she will never use the things that I gave her.

A week before the wedding we still hadn’t received an invitation to a groom’s dinner nor had we heard anything about a rehearsal. I called Rob and he informed us that we should be at the church by 6:00 for the rehearsal and the bride’s family would be preparing a meal at the church. I thought it was strange that the rehearsal was to be at a church since the invitations specified that the wedding would be at a local park. Plans must have changed in the SEVEN MONTHS since the invitations were "sent out". Regardless, we arrived at the church at 5:45. We were the first to arrive. I thought "no big deal, we’re a little early". Well, the other groomsmen and Rob showed up around 6:15 – 6:30, still no bride. Amanda finally shows up around 6:45 – 45 minutes late for her own rehearsal. It was at that time I found out that she forgot to call the JP. (Why anyone would get married in a church with a JP is beyond me, but I digress.) In a frenzy, she manages to get a hold of the pastor from the church and he tells her that he can be there in 10 minutes. It is now about 7:15. Bridesmaids are trickling in. We are still missing 2 bridesmaids. One is the only sister of the bride, no one really knows if she will show up or not. Not to worry! There is a substitute bridesmaid waiting in the wings! I realize at this time that there will be 9 people on each side. With this huge bridal party, it takes about 45 minutes for the rehearsal once the pastor finally arrives. Amanda decided during the rehearsal that she would rather get married at the church and not at the park. It’s 8:15 by the time we’re finally done. No one had eaten since lunch. Luckily there was lasagna – of course it had baked for over 3 hours while the rehearsal festivities played out.

The hotel. On the invitation, the bride recommended that guests stay at the hotel located at the reception site. My husband and I promptly made reservations at the hotel as we assumed that all other attendants would be staying there as well. We arrived and I see Rob’s mom in the parking lot. As I get out of the car, she looks as if she will start to cry at any moment and says that the rooms are *pause* "sparse". Boy, was she right on the money. The rooms were awful – and the bride actually recommended that we stay there!! (Interesting to note, Amanda didn’t even stay there herself.) The wedding was in an absolutely wonderful tourist town with plenty of fabulous places to stay and she chose that dump. We stayed Friday night after the rehearsal, but there was so much mildew and mold in the shower, my allergies were killing me. We checked out first thing the next day and luckily found another room in town.

The day of the wedding, the groom’s family spent about 4 hours decorating the reception site. Amanda didn’t show up once – for all she knew, nothing had been done.

The wedding. The wedding was to start at 5:00 and the bridal party was expected at the church at 2:30 for pictures. I arrive at 2:30 and I’m the first. All of the other groomsmen arrive shortly. Then the bridesmaids begin to show up. There were 9 bridesmaids, with 6 different dresses. Three of the girls ordered the dresses that Amanda chose. There were 2 that ‘forgot’ to order dresses and went out that day to find something, anything, purple. One was wearing a gray dress with a small, tight purple sweater. Another was wearing an extremely tight, low cut, purple, sequined ensemble (think stripper dress). The bride’s heavily tattooed sister arrived with great fanfare around 3:45 in a tight, purple sheath dress, with no undergarments. Our flowers were cheap, silk and plastic. Amanda came up to me an hour before the wedding and asked if my husband would do the music at the wedding. She handed me a CD and told me to tell him to "play whatever". An hour before the wedding!! Well, my husband was at the hotel and I wasn’t sure if he would even make it until right before the wedding. Thankfully, he arrived in enough time to figure out the sound system and choose the songs.

Guests finally started to arrive and were able to find their way to the church because Rob’s mother had the presence of mind to send her brothers to the park to direct guests to the church. I’m sure Amanda never gave that a thought.

The actual ceremony went well. The church was small, too small for a 21 person bridal party. People went outside the church to see the couple off to the reception. Well, the groom’s uncle and some of the other groomsmen had decorated the bride’s car right before the wedding. Amanda found out about it and REFUSED to exit the church until the car was cleaned off. She made Rob go outside and clean the car while she sat in the church and screamed expletives. The car was finally cleaned off and Rob went back into the church and they walked out together (well, he was walking, she was stomping and scowling).

They arrive at the reception site. Rob wanted pictures by the lake, she slammed her purse on the table and screamed "let’s get this over with". Amanda also refused to kiss Rob at the reception and wouldn’t dance. At one point, she was spotted in the corner of the reception hall with a video camera videotaping all of us (Rob’s friends and family) dancing at her wedding. All of her family members and bridesmaids left after an hour at the reception.

Probably the most disturbing part of this entire, wretched affair is the fact that Rob’s dad (also the best man) came up to me at the reception, and through a veil of tears pleaded with me to remain close with his son as he begins his life with this horrible woman.

I did find out later that about half of Rob’s guest list hadn’t been invited to the wedding, Amanda just decided that she didn’t want them there.

It’s been almost 2 years and they’re still married. I’ve seen Rob several times since the wedding – but haven’t caught sight of Amanda since that fateful day.

Bridezillas0211-04

"Mindy" and I had been like sisters all during our freshman year of college, and then she eloped with "Kirk." While I thought she was insane at first, Kirk turned out to be a great guy- better than she deserved, as it turned out. 

Fast forward five years. Mindy and Kirk now have a three-year-old son, and decide that they're going to renew their vows in a "real" church wedding. Fine. So Mindy asks me to be MOH. Again, fine. It was then that the demands started flying. Of COURSE I was going to have a shower for her. (Now remember, she and Kirk have been married five years, accumulating the amount of household goods one might expect in a five-year marriage at this time.) I really can't afford to do this, since I'm working as a waitress at the time, but I figure I'll think of something. This all takes place in December, the wedding is supposed to be in April. 

March rolls around, and I still haven't heard anything from Mindy about the exact date of this wedding. Then she calls me up and says, "Don't forget you're coming with us tomorrow to City X to shop for bridesmaid dresses!" Now, 1)this is the first I've heard of this, 2)City X is about 200 miles from where I was living at the time, 3)I have to work the next day, can't take off on such short notice and need the money. So I tell her I can't make it, and that she and the BMs should choose a style and I'd order whatever they decided on. (Her plan was to have each BM in a "spring" color, a fact which will get important in a moment.) She claims to be OK with this and that she'll call me the next day to let me know what they've chosen. So a WEEK passes. I decide to call her and ask her what's up. Silence. "Um...let me ask you something." "Sure, what is it?" "Do you really want to be in my wedding?" After her performance with the dresses and shower (and others I've left out) I'm only too glad to take advantage of this escape offer, so I tell her that I agree that it's better that her friend from high school step in, and that I'll be honored to come as a guest. She is notably relieved, and says that this will be fine. I figure that what's happened is she picked a dress I couldn't afford, but I really don't care by this point. 

It's now a week or so before the wedding and I STILL haven't seen an invitation. I figure that I've been disinvited because they don't want to take a chance on the psycho I was dating at the time (and trying to figure how to safely get rid of) showing up and wrecking the whole thing, a decision for which I would have blamed no one, so while hurt, I don't get TOO upset. Then I talk to a mutual friend. Turns out NO ONE has gotten an invitation. There ARE no invitations. The news is supposed to spread by word of mouth, except Mindy has told no one when and where this is supposed to be. It gets better. 

The 3-year-old daughter of my now-fiancé's sister was to be the flower girl. FG's mother has, as of a week before the wedding, gotten NO information as to what FG is to wear, when the rehearsal is to be, NOTHING. So she calls up Mindy and asks these questions. Mindy replies, "Oh- yeah! Does she have her dress?" The answer to this being a resounding NO, FG's mother is forced to rush off to JC Penney, where by some miracle she finds something appropriate. Meanwhile, I find out two days before the wedding 1)when the actual wedding is 2)that I am "expected" to attend even though I'm no longer in it. Oh yeah, remember City X? The one that's 200 miles away? Guess where the wedding is taking place. By this time, I'm not only deeply offended by this nonsense, but I've made other plans for that weekend. I follow through on these plans and just send a card to the reception with FG's mom. 

The icing on the cake was this. I went to visit my now-fiancé, who was living with FG's mom (his sister) at the time, and I saw the wedding photos. You may remember that the reason I had assumed I had been removed from the wedding party was (supposed by her- keep in mind I had not told her anything about money woes) lack of money for a dress. The BM's dresses were basically prom dresses in each "assigned" color!!! The styles did not remotely match, nothing about them matched. There was no reason I could not have simply gone to a local store and picked out a dress in my assigned color. I never did figure out what on earth was going on- I was never told, I've never felt like asking, and needless to say Mindy is no longer in my life and will not be attending my wedding. I just feel sorry for Kirk, who is truly a sweet guy (as far as any of us know, he has NO idea what a disaster  his wedding was behind the scenes) and who is still stuck with Mindy!

Bridezillas0217-04

The Bride in this story is her own wicked witch!     Now this Bride got married about a year ago and she should have just let the poor guy off the hook.     

#1   THE BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES   The Bride (who I will refer to as dummy) took a cousin to help her select the bridesmaids dresses.  Dummy has NO TASTE so that was a good idea.   Well the cousin picked out a lovely dress with bell shape type sleeves and low cut neck line that would be very pretty on all her bridesmaids.  (Dummy is the cow in the family)  Dummy felt those terrible mix and match dress would be better for the girls.   So they let the girls come to choose which style they wanted to go with... The girls decided to allow the bride to have her wish.  They each picked different tops so they looked terrible walking down the aisle.   The cousin dropped out of the wedding then and there.  (VERY SMART MOVE)     

#2  "MINI ME"   Dummy figure it would be cute to have her 8 month old niece as the miniature bride.   She often joked that the baby was a mini bride or mini me...  The baby was just learning how to crawl and had to be strolled down the aisle.  NOT only was she strolled she had pulled off her shocks (shoes were forgotten.) and she had a pacifier in her mouth.   FIRST OF ALL WHY PUT SUCH A YOUNG CHILD THROUGH ALL OF THAT?!  Second of all it was in poor taste and she should be grateful that the baby did not make a noise.     

#3  A DEATH IN THE FAMILY    Dummy's uncle past away 30 days before her wedding.   It was her mother's brother so it wasn't really her dad just a uncle she looked at as a father figure...She wanted to cancel the wedding out of respect for her cousins One who stayed in the wedding one who did not...  HELLO DUMMY WHAT ABOUT THE COST?!     

#4  MISSING BEST MAN    The groom's  1st choice as best man  said he would do the duties then disappeared off the face of the earth and 19 days before the wedding.  When the groom got in touch with the guy he told the groom he would not be in the wedding.  My question is what type of a groom is this guy if his friend's don't even call him to say DUDE I can't make your wedding?    

 #5  DUMMY'S MISTAKE   Dummy met with her in-laws,  2 grandmothers (one who decided to go on a cruise rather then the wedding) a step mother and real mother.   NOT to mention she has a Step-mother of her own and a real mother.  She told all the woman that she didn't care what color the woman wore just as long as they were comfortable.   BIG MISTAKE - the girl should have told each woman what color to wear after all that is her duty as a bride.   Well, Step-mom-in-law  come to the wedding to in a white dress and the bride has the nerve to be shocked by this.     Now the only thing to is wait for the marriage to fall apart.

It is not the bride's duty to dictate to her mother and grandmothers and future female in-laws what they can and cannot wear to the wedding.  

Bridezillas0224-04

I met a gal (Lynn) at work, and we became friends.  We were both single, lived in close proximity to each other, and shared a love for traveling.  We became friends more out of convenience, and wanting to have a travel buddy.  She was a year younger than I, but very bossy, and very selfish.  Lynn is overly dramatic, and has to have the spotlight on her constantly, or else she acts like a wicked witch.  She also makes very rude, insulting remarks to people, and always says "Just kidding."  Typical spoiled brat only child, who came into a lot of money, yet is the biggest tightwad I have ever met.  (She is very BIG on re-gifting!)

Anyway, I was Miss Workaholic/Career Gal, and she was on the great husband hunt.  She would always call me up to cry on my shoulder, told everyone that she & I were best friends, yet she was the type of gal who'd dump her friends in a heartbeat if any guy caught her eye.  (I hate women like that!  Which is probably why my best friends have always been male!)  We began drifting apart when I started to assert my own personality, and would not give into her whims, or be available when her current boyfriend or hot new friends would dump her at the last minute.  Lynn met a guy in an internet chat room, and after nine years of hearing that the boyfriend of the moment is "The One", I bluntly told her that I was sick of hearing that every Tom, Dick & Harry that she had ever met and dated once was "The One."  I didn't want to hear about it again until this one (John) proposed & she had a ring on her finger from Tiffany's.  (I was tired of being her unpaid shrink as I never got to talk about myself to her.)   

Sixteen months later, she did get engaged to John.  Considering that she always told everyone that I was her best friend, I was the very last person she told that she was engaged - a week after it happened.  Yet people who were only email acquaintances got an email the same night she got engaged.  

Two weeks after she told me about her engagement, my mother (who had not been feeling well for several months) started on a two month rollercoaster of medical tests & various doctors.  She was diagnosed with stage four terminal cancer two months later.  I was not asked to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, because, as she told me later, "I was not about to give you the satisfaction of saying 'no' to my face!"  Lynn was only wrapped up in the expense of her wedding, and did not give any support to me at all.  Yet Lynn told our mutual friends that my mom was her second mother!  Unfortunately, my mother died three days before Lynn's bridal shower, and I called up one bridesmaid who was a hostess to find out if it was a surprise shower.  When told it was not a surprise, I called Lynn to tell her of my mother's passing, and apologized that I would not be attending the shower, as I was not up to it.  (The wake was the day after the shower, and I had a group of out-of-town relatives flying in on the day of the shower.)  So Lynn does make an appearance at the wake, and I see her for two minutes, and when I got a chance to walk over to our group of friends, Lynn is recapping every moment of her bridal shower to them!  I thought it was extremely tacky.

Fast forward a month and a half.  It is now seven days before the wedding.  Her matron of honor is very ill in the hospital, and won't be able to make it for the wedding.  She asked me if I would be her fill-in maid of honor.  I kept referring to myself as "the emergency maid-of-honor."  I thought that I would hate to be in Lynn's position, and said yes, because I am a sucker.  Six days before the wedding, we run to the bridal shop.  I have to buy a sample that is not the same style but in the same color family as the other two maids, but that is thought to be okay, as the MOH can be different.  BTW, I was not employed at this time, and had to shell out over $200 for dress & alterations.

Stop at her house to get the jewelry to wear with dress.  She has a present wrapped up, rips open the present which is a wooden jewelry box.  Lynn says, "You don't get the box.  That is for Karen (the matron of honor who is in the hospital).  She still gets the box, but I guess you have to have the jewelry for the wedding."  The other two BM received gorgeous matching jewelry from a very expensive department store, but Lynn could only find two matching sets.  Didn't have time to call around to find out if the other 10 stores in the area had a third set.  So my set in no way matches the other two, and it is very cheap, from a Claire's Boutique type store.  She justified it by saying Karen was so much skinnier than the other two BM that she has different style and Lynn just did not have time to find a third set to match.  Lynn knew this set of jewelry was much cheaper, that is why she was giving Karen the jewelry box to make up for the cost of the jewelry, plus Lynn had paid for Karen's gown.  Karen wasn't even going to be in the wedding at this point.

Gets better.  Lynn did all her wedding programs on her home computer, and knew for ONE WEEK that Karen wouldn't be in the wedding, but she never put my name in the program!  Karen was still listed as matron of honor.  No one on John's side of the family knew who I was, and most did not know Karen was ill in the hospital!  Then, when we were being introduced at the reception, she wanted the DJ to say that KAREN was matron of honor, but as she was sick, I was her stand-in!  The DJ just announced my name with no mention of Karen.

The MOH bouquet is nicer than the other bridesmaids.  Lynn says to me, "I hope you don't mind, but since Karen couldn't be here, I promised her YOUR flowers, so she wouldn't feel left out of my wedding day." 

At the end of reception, when I am the ONLY attendant cleaning up the hall with her family, she said to me, "Well I suppose I should let you keep the flowers, as you did do all the work today."  I told her she already promised them to Karen, so she could take them with her.  I did not want those flowers after hearing for SIX DAYS "remember, you can't take your flowers home because I promised them to Karen."  In fact, at the reception, she told me THREE times, "If I forget, remind me to take YOUR flowers home so I can give them to Karen in the hospital tomorrow."  Okay, I had gotten the message already!  WHATEVER . . .  

Bridezillas0227-04

This story concerns the wedding of my Aunt to a German man who spoke very little English (and his young daughter who spoke none at all!).  She had waited 40 years to be a bride, and during her third month of pregnancy, she revealed to the family she was going to marry her German fiancé in just a few short months.

Apparently my normally very stodgy moral-obsessed family would rather drop dead than admit one of their relatives was pregnant out of wedlock, but for my Aunt, who was the youngest and the favorite, that did not seem to matter.

My Aunt became obsessed with 'Her Day'  and recruited every female family member she possibly could for a whopping eight bridesmaids (compared to two groomsmen!).  However, only TWO of these bridesmaids (the sisters to the groom!)  were treated well at all!

As I am in the theatrical costuming business I can get away with having 'fun' hair, and had my hair home dyed a vibrant purple at the time.  My Aunt called to demand that I be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and because I was not on very good terms with her and her bossy nosy personality (and the fact that despite my parents unpleasant divorce, she had invited my father to spite my mother) I attempted to decline politely, especially when she demanded that I have my hair dyed black or "whatever color it was when you were born" for her wedding.

This upset me because the dyes for the violet were metallic based and needed to be overdyed professionally, and I could not afford the expense.  She did not offer to cover the cost, and did not seem to be concerned that the cost of dying my hair was roughly half my rent at the time.  Much to my delight though, the dresses were a blue violet almost the same color as my hair!  After telling her that I could not afford the dye job, and that I would understand if she didn't want me in the wedding party, it would be understandable, she grudgingly 'allowed' me to be in her wedding party.

The big day drew close in November, and all seemed well at the rehearsal dinner, where my hair was still dark violet and black,  and the next day my mother, and sister and I gathered to get ready for the wedding in our flimsy strappy bridesmaids gowns.  Because we couldn't afford the salon where she and the German girls were having her hair done (and in her opinion, NO OTHER WOULD DO!), out of all the bridesmaids, six of us had to show up with simple unobtrusive updos.

This apparently, was more than our Bridezilla could handle.  In addition to that, the photo gathering before the wedding was being held outdoors in the middle of an Ohio November, and while the bride might have been warm in her full covering dress and cloak, the rest of us were freezing in chintzy gowns and strappy heels!  But the worst part was when we made it to the park, Bridezilla proceeded to grab me by the arm and shriek as loudly as possible about how my hair had 'ruined her perfect wedding' and how my mother, sister, and myself were nothing but selfish bitches hell bent on ruining her wedding with our 'awful' hairdos and my little streak of violet.

At this time my sister was suffering from migraine headaches and trouble with a kidney and looked quite ill despite the makeup, this also upset Bridezilla who huffily remarked that my sister should have at least tried not to be sick for "just one day"  (I KID YOU NOT!)

Though, there is a bit of a happy ending to this story, not only that Bridezilla moved far away to storm Germany, but that right after she had reamed my mother, my sister, and myself we sat down on a bench to collect our wits,  but as we watched the harried photographer run around to photograph the bride and flowergirl, a little pigeon landed on a branch above her and promptly shat in her 120 dollar hairdo, and a second time smack in her cleavage.

Bridezillas0303-04

My ex-husband's niece got married several years ago in the most grandiose display of tackiness I've ever seen. She'd always pretty much been a spoiled brat - they didn't refer to her as "Princess" for nothing - but this wedding just went above and beyond.   

My exBIL works for a major computer corporation and had money to burn. Whatever Princess wanted, Princess got. The dress alone cost more than my house at the time - $63,000.00 with gold, silver and platinum thread with real white, pink and yellow diamond inlay over pearl brocade with a ten foot train. The tiara was shipped in from the Motherland at a whopping 18 grand and her jewels from the wedding were purchased from Winstons THREE times. She couldn't make up her mind so her father bought her all three sets. We soon discovered that the whole "having a hard time making up her mind thing" would become a vicious pattern.   

We were not asked to be a part of this wedding, only attend. This alone pissed me off, my daughters are adorable and had never been in a wedding. My ex-husband's sister's kids and the niece's other cousins had all been in weddings. When her father asked her why she didn't want my kids in her wedding party her response was that they were BLONDE. Everybody in the wedding party had to have brown or auburn hair or they wouldn't match the dresses and flowers. That made me grateful that the girls WEREN'T in the wedding. I knew then and there it was going to get worse - and it did.  

 Princess could not make up her mind to save her life. She couldn't decide on what flowers, so, at the grand total of thirty odd THOUSAND dollars, she had bouquets of all her favorites in the church and at the reception - which was held at THE most expensive country club in town. She couldn't decide on the meals so everybody got steak and chicken, the children chicken fingers and shrimp poppers. She couldn't decide on the cake, so it had 12 tiers of chocolate, vanilla and various other flavors - the thing was so damn tall they couldn't even put the top on it, it had to sit on the table while the top layer brushed the ceiling.   She couldn't decide on which video person so they hired three. She couldn't decide which thing to do as they left the church so they had people blow bubbles, throw rice, throw birdseed, release doves AND balloons - which promptly hit the power wires and blew up adding fireworks to the whole thing. She's lucky she managed to pick the church. . .and all that time, the poor long suffering groom never said a word. . .too bad, he was actually a nice guy. We found out later that she had two wedding sets, because she couldn't make up her mind which one she liked better so the poor guy worked his ass off to buy her two sets.

So, for months I listen to my poor exBIL complain about all this money, he's literally forking out thousands and thousands and THOUSANDS. . little limos were not good enough for Princess, she had to have minivan stretch limos for EVERYBODY to be taken to the reception. She couldn't decide on the decorations for the reception so she had  a little of everything, there were three guest books, six different types of table favors, this kid couldn't even decide on a freaking champagne for the reception - there were three different kinds. She had 18 bridesmaids in her bridal party that she rotated with startling regularity, all wearing this sickly pale pink that made me even more grateful that my kids weren't going to be in it. The MOH was changed no less than five times because the others just "couldn't live up to their duties". Mind you, duties were comprised of everything from picking up dry-cleaning to giving the bride a pedicure. The poor guys were in tails and top hats. The bouquets were all gigantic and weighed in at a whopping 10 pounds a piece, hers weighed even more. By the time it was done, my BIL spent over 2 million on this wedding and that brat was just atrocious.   

The day of the wedding arrives. Princess literally bitches and screams at the stylist and hair dresser, the very famous designer who'd made the very expensive dress walked out after being chewed out by her, and then she throws a tantrum when her mother's hair is not done to her specifications. I couldn't believe it, my BIL's wife is a freaking DOCTOR. She's cowtowing to this spoiled brat with "Yes Princess, whatever you say Princess, it's YOUR wedding, Princess". (No lie, they really call her Princess. . .)   

We all get to the church and go inside. Up to that point we hadn't seen the groom's family, just the groom. His last name is Polish, so we assumed they were Polish. My ex-in-laws are old world German, very staunch, very ethnic oriented and VERY racist, especially the older generation. They  always had a hard time with me because I'm Italian and never took their crap. Well, we go into the church and the bride's side is all these sour looking Germans. The groom's side is full of Native Americans and Mexicans, Princess' relatives were fit to be tied that their baby wasn't marrying some Aryan Romeo (I'll give the brat points for falling in love with who she wanted to, he's a very nice guy who really loves her enough to put up with her shit. . .I have no idea WHY but he does. . ). The entire wedding was spent with one side glaring at the other side.   

The reception evened it up a little, most everybody got drunk, save those of us with kids, we sort of just sat back and watched it unfold as Princess got mad over having the cameras all over the place. She literally stormed out twice and her mother dragged her back. The open bar flowed for six hours, during which the bridal party proceeded to get drunker and drunker. The lead table was up on a stage like area and the best man fell off several times. 

When it came time for the bride and father dance, the music was that God awful Butterfly Kisses and Princess threw a fit because the song she'd originally requested wasn't there. When it came time for everybody to dance, Princess politely asked that anybody over 120 pounds not dance, she didn't want overweight people boogeying at her reception. Given over half the family was overweight, there weren't many of us on the dance floor.   We finally fled somewhere around midnight. 

The next morning was Mother's Day. We were all going to get together at my ex-BIL's place for a post wedding breakfast. We get over there and it would seem that Princess had come home to spend the night at home with mommy and daddy because the bed at the hotel was just SO uncomfy and then got up in the morning, went over to the hotel, picked up the new hubby and then went to the airport. I walked into what had once been her room to find that expensive dress in a puddle on the floor, the CAT sleeping in the middle of it. You could have fed some third world country for a year with all the food they had left over.   

For a year afterwards the wanton excess and waste of that wedding were a constant theme of discussion in the family. My poor exBIL literally was close to broke by the time he paid everybody. Princess came home from her honeymoon and bragged to everybody about the great "haul" she'd gotten - close to a million in cash and presents (did I mention that this was also a major society wedding in a major metro city? this puppy made the social pages). She didn't send out ONE thank you card and for all the pictures that were taken? We never received one damn shot.

Bridezillas0308-04

Some years ago, a neighbor of ours was to be married. Her Mom lived out of town but wanted to have a "shower" for Barbara. I was asked to have the shower at my place since Barbara would not expect it.

The party went just fine, though I was pregnant and it was a good bit of work for me. I also bought a pricier gift then I could really afford being I was about to have my third child.

Cut to the chase, I had never gotten my invitation to the wedding though the mother had assumed I was invited and said so. On the day of the wedding (after) Barbara trotted over with some wedding cake for us and her "excuse" for not inviting me. "She had just wanted her wedding to be perfect" I weigh over 200 lb., more when preggers, therefore I guess I would have ruined her wedding with my appearance.

 Bridezillas0625-03

I had been dating a young man "Steve" for a couple of years and we were rather serious at the time.  His sister, who pointedly did not like me at all, was getting married in a large church wedding.  Although "Steve" and I were also planning to be married, his sister threw screaming tantrums that we should not announce our engagement until 6 months after her wedding because this was her time.  "Steve" gave in to keep the peace in his family.  His sister was most unpleasant to me the whole time, yet when it came time for the wedding she sent me an invitation.  I then was informed by "Steve" by phone that his friend would be my escort for the evening.  His sister was in the background, screaming hysterically that it would ruin everything if I showed up.  I was beginning to think it would be better if I stayed home, but "Steve" assured me that he wanted me there.  

I was invited to a shower, hosted by someone that I'd never met.  I thought it might be full of the bride's friends and relatives that I didn't really know, so I sent my regrets along with a lovely and expensive lead-crystal bowl.  Again, another phone call from "Steve" with his sister wailing in the background, because the bowl wasn't on her registry list.  Then a week later, he was sent to ask me when I was sending a wedding gift.  I told him the bowl was my gift, and he said no, that the bowl was a shower gift, and I was still supposed to get his sister a wedding present. I said I'd take care of it, although my way of taking care of it turned out to be just not sending another gift and not saying anything more about it. 

At the wedding, the bride had instructed the ushers to seat me all the way in the back.  Fine.  At the reception, again I was shown to a table all the way in the back.  "Steve" came over quickly during the reception to tell me that his sister had forbidden him to dance  or even talk with me during the reception, because it would ruin everything for her wedding.  Also the bride and groom made a circuit of the room with a large tray of cookies, and sold the cookies for $20 a piece.  I had never seen this custom before, but was informed that in their circle it is quite common.  I was also loudly called cheap because I did not buy a cookie.  Later the bride and groom announced that they had made $9000 OVER the cost of the wedding and honeymoon, just from the sale of the cookies.

Thankfully this horrid wedding showed me what I could expect, and I did not marry "Steve". 

 Bridezillas0216-03

We are friendly with two other couples who are both getting married this year. Couple A has been engaged for quite some time, while Couple B had a rather whirlwind courtship and engagement late last year. My boyfriend is really more friends with these people than I am, but I do talk to Bride to Be 'A' regularly via e-mail.

For a little background, Couple A was engaged first but were in no rush to set a date, and even when they did the intention was to have a small, family-only ceremony. I thought it was nice that they weren't going above their somewhat limited means to pay for the wedding. Then Couple B's engagement and Spring wedding date was announced. BTB-A immediately set her date for 3 months prior, and began planning a wedding bash that eventually grew to include a 200+ person guest list. I began to grow a little weary of the constant wedding talk - mostly about how expensive it was going to be. OK, I thought...she is just excited. But it soon began to seem that she was planning everything with the intention of outshining Couple B (and anyone else who comes after them) - who both come from families with money. BTB-A would actually get extremely upset if she found out that the wasn't the FIRST to plan something in particular, even for relatively minor aspects of the wedding. Tantrum is probably too strong a word, but in any case it was a definite overreaction to the situation.

All relatively minor complaints, and I am sure she will return to her usual self once the honeymoon is over. I hope. But recently I asked her where they were registered and she said nowhere. She went on to explain that since they own a house and have lived together, people should just know that they should give cash. It seems that they are spending all they have on the wedding and want the guests to pay them back for the cost of the wedding. I was a little taken aback - I certainly don't mind giving cash if it seems appropriate but it seemed a little forward to demand it. But this is the interesting part - I got the invitation awhile ago and have long since responded, but I just got around to looking at the "directions" page enclosed with it and they are having...a cash bar. At the wedding we were instructed to bring cash to as our gifts. I don't know - I probably wouldn't get anything from the bar anyway and my boyfriend doesn't like that sort of thing. I certainly don't expect anyone to provide liquor, or food, or whatever to guests - certainly not if they can't afford it. The most beautiful weddings I have attended were small, simple - and sincere. But I'm starting to feel like we were all added to the list in order to increase their take. My boyfriend sees nothing wrong with all this and thinks I am completely ignorant. Ah well. It's only one day. Hope it's not too painful (or expensive).

Bridezillas0317-04

Granted, I never knew the young "Bridezilla" of whom I write, but just the few moments we spent were enough for me to see what sort of hell her wedding would be.

My then-fiancé and I attended a wedding/fashion show about 9 months before our scheduled wedding, complete with a catered sit down breakfast. You need to understand, we were both "older", and it was a first wedding for us both. Seated next to him was this "Bridezilla", who was in her late teens-early twenties, next to -zilla was her mom, then maid of honor, etc. etc.

At our places was a number of handouts, various ads for photographers, florists, etc., along with a price list comparing various wedding expenses -- one side totaling about $6,000, the other $28,000. Bridezilla was looking over this list and fiancé and I heard her say "Wow! $600 for flowers?" Then a pause, followed by "Oh, never mind. That's the CHEAP wedding!"

It didn't help that my fiancé was identified as her father by the fashion show's MC (we straightened that out quickly.)

A side note, fiancé was heard to ask one of the vendors at the show "Just how many of these weddings will be intact a year from now?" The vendors reply was a smile, a shrug, and a sighed "Probably less than half."

Fortunately, ours wasn't one of those.

Bridezillas0324-04

I had a friend "Jill" who was getting married.  Although I was not in the wedding party, I assisted her in some of the wedding arrangements.  As you can imagine, as the wedding date approached, things were getting a little harried.    Apparently, one of Jill's bridesmaids, "Diane", who recently entered into a quick wedding just months earlier, was perturbed that Jill did not return her phone calls about 4 days before the wedding.  I have to admit, even I could not get a hold of the bride during this time.  I finally did get together with Jill and her fiancé, "Jack" about 2 days before the wedding to finish a few last minutes items.  

Jill was doing some damage control over the last 2 months, so you can imagine how panicked she was at this time. In my presence, she called Diane and was informed by Diane's rather irrational new husband that they decided that neither Diane or himself would attend the wedding as Jill did not return Diane's phone calls!  Diane refused to talk to Jill on the phone, but you can hear her in the background, sniffing and crying hysterically.  Jill at this point had enough and said fine have it your way and hung up.    I just could not believe the immaturity--can you imagine letting go a 5-year friendship because your friend was busy completely the plans of her eminent nuptials?  What a bridesmonster!!!!   Needlessly to say, one poor groomsman did not get to stand up during the ceremony but did get in the bridal pictures.  However, Jack and Jill's wedding was very beautiful.   To this day, neither Jill or Diane have spoken to each other.

Bridezillas0327-04

My friend, the Royal Bridezilla , asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Knowing I am the crafty type, asked me to help her with her veil. I designed and made her veil and headpiece. Then she asked me to decorate her guestbook. So I did. Then she asked me to decorate the toasting glasses. So I did. I was becoming a little dismayed as I was trying to finish the veil, headpiece, glasses and guestbook, working long shifts as a firefighter, and she was phoning every 4 hours to find out if I had finished her wedding items yet. (The wedding was still 3 months away).

My patience began to wane when she called my house at midnight one night, (I was working dayshift the next day which required me to get up at 4:30 am), stated she was on her way to my house with the wishing well, and, she says, "I know that with your job you have soooo much time off that you'd love to decorate the wishing well." (I would?) Being the good little bridesmaid, I inform her that she could drop it off, but that I needed to sleep for dayshift the next day, and wouldn't get to it until my shift was over. She replied, "Oh, I thought you could do it TONIGHT" At MIDNIGHT???? I wait for her to arrive, and when she shows up, she hands me the wishing well and asks, "So what are you planning for my shower?" Um, I'm not the maid of honor. I told her I hadn't heard of any plans, but I'd check with her sister (THE MOH). She spins around and stomps off.

Grow a spine and tell this bridezilla she must be out of her mind calling someone at midnight and that she can wait to drop off this newest craft project during decent hours tomorrow.  Sheesh!  Being civil doesn't mean "Doormat".

I did help with the "crafty stuff" and planned the shower, (apparently the other two bridesmaids were just so busy they couldn't lift a finger), paid for the shower (still haven't been reimbursed from the other two BMs for that), etc etc. But I did this all with a smile (and gritted teeth).

A few days before her royal wedding is due to happen, she calls me (again at midnight before a dayshift), and asks me what my parents are getting her for their wedding present. She tells me she hoped it wasn't money because that was too cold and impersonal, and could I direct them to the wedding registry they have? I informed her that no, I wouldn't do that, and she replies, "well, your dad's CEO of a major corporation, they should be getting us both money and a registry present, don't you think?" I just about bit through my tongue over that one. The day before the wedding arrives, and she informs me that her fiancé hasn't told his parents he was getting married, and would I go over and talk him into marrying her . I didn't go over (I'd never met the man before, was I supposed to beat him into marrying her?), and told her if he wasn't going to marry her, then I WOULD. (yes, I'm female).

My now husband and parents both attending her wedding for the sheer entertainment of it all. I still cringe when I think about it.

Bridezillas0404-04

Several years ago, I worked with Groom at a large medical facility. He and Bride had already moved in together, and were buying a house. He was also in the process of adopting Bride’s children from a previous marriage. Groom had never been married.

 Some of us started to notice that when things got tough, Bride got sick. She was in and out of the hospital, usually with vague nonspecific ailments. Although she and Groom were both employed at the facility where I worked, she insisted on going to another facility, which cost a lot more $$$. They had become engaged and were planning a wedding. We, his co-workers, were prepared to be pleased for him but all were a bit surprised they were planning a formal church wedding. He told us that he wanted the wedding. We knew otherwise- he obviously was not that involved nor concerned with all the details. Then she got sick again and had exploratory surgery. He came to work and talked about how poor they were, how he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to pay the house payment and utilities, etc.

 Groom was well-liked, and his co-workers felt sorry for him. Someone came up with the idea of taking up a collection for him. Everyone contributed; one person gave $400. Several of us also took bags of groceries to him, to help out. Of course, this money was to help him out with his expenses. Before he got involved with Bride, he had a nice nest egg. It was now all gone.

 Shortly after he was presented with the donated money, several hundred dollars’ worth, he announced to us at work one day that he and Bride used it “to pay for the flowers for the wedding.” What??? No one said anything, but we were all shocked and appalled; none of us had any intention of paying for part of the wedding! In fact, several of us had encouraged him to consider a much smaller ceremony.

 The wedding invitations went out. We as a group got one. My husband and I attended, as did a co-worker and her boyfriend, and two married female co-workers who came together. We were all a bit surprised that the church was mostly empty. The bride walked up the aisle in her white wedding gown, train, veil, and all. She had been preceded by her bridesmaids. One bridesmaid was Groom’s rather pear-shaped sister. The bride had chosen above-the-knee, hot-pink satin atrocities. They didn’t flatter any of the bridesmaids, but the choice was particularly unfortunate for SIL. Bride also chose very high narrow heels for them, so the SIL teetered unsteadily up the aisle.

Wedding over. We go to the reception. No receiving line, of course. Those of us co-workers who attended all sat together at one table. None of the other guests acknowledged us at all. Neither set of parents ever acknowledged we were there. They were so busy with their small groups of friends we didn’t want to interrupt. Groom came over to speak to us, for about 3 seconds. Bride stalked over, glared at us, and dragged him away. I felt like a party-crasher. He talked later about eating leftover reception food for a month. Obviously they had nowhere near the number of guests they expected.

 To end this story, when Bride divorced him a year or so later, she used Groom’s credit card to pay the lawyer.

Bridezillas0429-04

My friend since 8th grade got engaged to a really nice guy.  We'll call her "Kim" and we'll call him "George".  Kim called me and asked me to be a bridesmaid.  Something told me not to do it, but I thought I was just being silly.  Soon after I agreed to be a bridesmaid she started to make nasty comments about how my FI and I should get married since we had a son together and that since I'm a single parent I'm going to go to hell.   Once she even emailed me and told me that I couldn't be happy for her because I was jealous that she was getting married before me.    

Kim called one day to tell me that she wanted a deep red color for the bridesmaid dresses, but we could pick out any style of dress we wanted.  I asked her if she'd like to attend a bridal show with me.  She told me she couldn't make it, but to go and check it out.  I went to the show and I marked the bridesmaid dresses that I liked and made a different mark for the ones that I thought Kim would like.  I saw a beautiful dress and it came in crimson.  As soon as I got home I called Kim and told her about this dress that came in crimson that I thought she'd like us to wear in her wedding.  All I heard was a deep sigh and then she told me how stupid I was.  She told me I was stupid because I never went to college like she did and how she graduated with a degree in art.  Then she told me she wanted a deep red, not crimson.    

I called Kim's house just to talk on afternoon and the lady that take care of the pets told me that Kim was at her parents' house.  I called the farm and Kim acted mad that I found out she was home.  Kim asked what I was doing and I told her I was bored and wanted to just talk.  She said she had to take her mom shopping, so I let her go.  I got an email from Kim saying that instead of taking her mom shopping she picked up some of the other bridesmaids and went looking at dresses.  She said I had to have my measurements done and pay the deposit on the dress.  I called her to ask why she didn't let me go with her to look at dresses.  She told me that the dresses only come in size 8 or 10 and that I was just way too fat to even get in a dress so why would I come with. 

A few days later Kim called me to tell me that I was in charge of doing everyone's makeup since they don't wear makeup, and they're just too stupid to figure out how to put makeup on correctly like we do.  Funny, they all graduated from college!!   Kim sent me a postcard with information about shoes and the color she wanted them dyed.  I went to the shoe store and the color didn't look right to me, so I called Kim and told her and then she went off on me about how I'm so stupid and didn't graduate with a degree in art.  So I ordered that color.  When I took the shoes into the bridal shop to get fitted the lady asked me if I was color blind.   

The MOH emailed me wanting to know if I could help pay for the bridal shower and at the time I was the only one working.  My FI had just got laid off from work and I was supporting us and our son.  I told her I really couldn't afford it.  The bridal party emailed each other and decided that if each pitched in $20 we could have a bridal shower.  So for my $20 I bought a half a sheet cake.  The day of the shower I picked the cake up and took it to the church that the shower was at.  I couldn't stay because I was working overtime at work and really needed the money.  Like a week after the shower I got a Thank You card in the mail from Kim.  She wrote in it that since I couldn't make it to her shower the least I could have done was pay for more of it than what I did.   

Kim said she was stuck on some things on her wedding, could I show her some of the things I'm having for my wedding.  I showed her and she told me how tacky a basketweave cake is and how much she hates all my ideas, which I figured was going to happen.  She told me her first dance song would be "I'll Always Love You" and I told her it wasn't that kind of a love song.  Then she asked what we were using and I told her "At Last", we've been together for a long time, but just haven't been able to afford to have a wedding so the song was fitting.  She said she'd never heard of the song and that the idea was tacky.    

At the rehearsal dinner I was sitting with the other bridesmaids and we were talking when one of the girls starts saying she can't wait for the wedding to be done, that Kim has been so nasty to her throughout the whole thing.  Then the other girls start telling their Kim stories.  Not one of the girls could really say one nice thing about Kim.  When we went to decorate the reception hall Kim started to scream that we needed to use all the confetti she bought because she couldn't return it.  We had so much confetti on the tables it looked horrible.  Then the chick decorating across from me looked at me and made a nasty comment about the bride.  In the contract with the hall it states you can't use confetti,  and the lady that oversees it had a cow that we had confetti on the tables, Kim told her, " Too bad".   

The day of Kim's wedding we were getting dressed and the MOH asked her what the first dance song was going to be, and Kim looked at me like a deer in headlights.  Kim said "At Last" and I wanted to knock her through the window of the church.    When we got to the reception I was so mad,  there on the cake table was the 3-tier basketweave cake that Kim told me was so tacky.  I also noticed that Kim took almost all of the ideas that I was using for my wedding reception and used them for hers.  Her wedding was June of 2001  and I haven't talked to her since that day.     

Bridezillas0502-04

I'm not sure where in wedding hell this goes, but it's about my aunt. We'll call her L. Aunt L was getting married for the second time. This is not an important feature. The wedding was beautiful, Aunt L was lovely, her daughter was her MOH, and looked lovely as well. No problems, perfect ceremony. 

Cut to reception. A freezer full of frozen lasagnas sitting in the kitchen of the reception hall. No one to cook them or serve them. My father and his brother, G, along with G's son, J, start cooking, and then carrying hot food out to the reception. My cousin, C, and I start making punch. We make, and serve punch for almost the entire reception. Here I am thinking, how horrible that her caterer would do this to her. But no, she had none. She made the food herself, the week before the wedding, and arranged for NO ONE to cook it.

I think the worst part of the whole thing was when C and I sat down to rest (after over an hour of making and carrying punch out to the reception) and have a glass of punch. My step-mother rushed over to us and said, "That's not for you, it's for the guests!"

Last time I checked, when you invite people to your wedding, they are guests! I was so angry at her, I couldn't talk. And later, when I discovered what Aunt L had done, I was hurt, because after all that work, I didn't even get a thank you!

Bridezillas0516-04

My story is about someone I have known for years, who is now my sister in law. She got engaged and has steadily become one of the most ill mannered, rude, selfish and nasty people I know.

To begin with, she asked me if I would be a bridesmaid, to which I gave a resounding "yes." Little did I know how bad things were going to get...

Within two months of my answer, she'd invited several other friends, as well as sister's of the groom, to be in the bridal party. She came to me to complain that there were too many women in the party, which I took as a subtle hint that she would be really happy if I would bow out. So, I told her I didn't need to be a "bridesmaid" and that I could just help my daughter (who's under 2) handle being the flower girl. I also suggest that the groom's sisters, while nice people, don't HAVE to be in the bridal party. It's YOUR wedding, after all... When she cried that she couldn't hurt their feelings, blah blah blah, and that she didn't have a ring bearer, I made a joking suggestion - that they should use the groom's poodle (toy variety) as the ring bearer, and his younger sister could walk her down the isle. Little did I know that this would be EXACTLY what she would do...

Then, to help her out, I took her out of town to look at gowns. Her Maid of honor was going through a lot of personal problems, and it was just as easy for me to take her to my home town to check some things out. She was awful. We had dinner with my parents, and she was rude (making people trade places with her at the table so she could watch TV while we ate - after making them change the channel to what SHE wanted to see). Smart me, I had us staying in a hotel, so my parents weren't too inconvenienced, and she was so loud and obnoxious, my daughter (who at the time was less than a year old) couldn't sleep. So, the second night of our stay, I actually left my tiny, first born child with my parents, so she could sleep.

This was only the beginning. She was upset because she was a larger size than she'd ever been in her whole life, and cried to me about how awful it was to shop for a wedding gown when you're fat. Having been overweight most of my life due to health problems, this really hit a nerve. I told her I totally understood, since I'd gone through the same thing when I got married and all of my adult years.

We managed to get home without me killing her, and I told her that maybe her M of Honor ought to take a few trips with her. Months went by, and her M of Honor hadn't done anything - no bachelorette party, no communication about ordering bridal party attire, etc. So, Bridezilla asked me to help her run around again to look at things. Against my better judgment, I agreed to help out. She finally gets to sorting out what kind of dresses the bridal party is wearing - the exact opposite of anything I would have picked for me to wear. By this point, she'd insisted that I get the same outfit as the rest of the bridal party, even though I'm just minding the flower girl, she wanted me in the pictures, I am her brother's wife, la la la... It's got to be one of the worst outfits in captivity for me.

We also got her to settle on a dress for my daughter. It came, and she took one look at it and decided she didn't like it after all. Bear in mind, to this point, I'd paid something like $300 all told, with shoes (dyed to match the evil dress, of course), my outfit, my daughter's outfit, etc. I told her she could order whatever else she wanted, but please try to make sure it's going to fit her... Growing toddlers are not easy to fit, nor do they wish to stand still while you fuss for alterations...

Another slap in the face was just around the corner. All this time, her brother has not been asked to participate AT ALL in this whole affair, and word gets to me that, in order to fill out the ranks of men, they've invited the groom's sister's internet boyfriend from out of state to be in the bridal party. Bear in mind, they don't know him except from email, and one very brief visit. I was LIVID. After taking months of abuse, and watching her leave her only sibling out of the whole thing, I mentioned it to my mother in law. It hadn't even dawned on her that he wasn't in the wedding party, or that he'd never been asked if he'd want to...

Well, the excuse we get back is laughable - originally, we were worried that if we had both my husband (the bride's brother) and myself in the bridal party, it would be too distracting for everyone to have us running around chasing the toddler, who's acting as the flower girl. Well, since I'm NOT in the bridal party (at least as far as I understand it) that's not a problem. That same day, both the bride and groom call my hubby to ask him to be in the wedding, as an usher (hello, this is almost as insulting as leaving him out all together). My husband, just being glad to feel he can be useful to this project, agrees...

There's a trip to Disneyland planned for the bride's maids, etc. A few weeks before we're all supposed to go on said trip, Bridezilla calls me and asks if I can chip in extra money, since it's an expensive trip, and the other girls are having a tough time getting the money together. I am FLOORED. She knows that we've had to have serious repair work done to our house, and we just spent a LARGE sum of money doing it, I've just shelled out for all the wedding gear, AND a shower gift, as well as their wedding gift. I wind up telling her that I can't go, because it's just not fair to my family to spend all that money for just me to go, and to leave her brother home for an entire weekend with our daughter. She is beyond nasty to me, yells at me for being "selfish" and generally makes an ass out of herself. Oh, she also gets angry with me for suggesting that a head table of 22 people is excessive and is going to make her VERY unhappy.

This is all right before Easter, which, in this family, is a BIG DEAL. All of us are supposed to get together for Easter dinner and all I want to do is stay home, because I KNOW the sole topic of conversation is going to be her, and her wedding. I do not want to hear another word. I even stoop so low as to ask my mother in law to change the subject, so that her daughter and I do not wind up in a yelling match.

Further dealings with my sister in law, now the ultimate Bridezilla, do not improve much. While we finally get back on speaking terms, she feels no need to treat me as anything but a servant. Because the rest of her bridal party is made up of people who live out of town, out of state, out of country, or (at least mentally) on another planet, I agree to deal with several other aspects of getting things going, including her wedding web site. When we have appointments to meet each other, she is ALWAYS late, never says she's sorry, and yammers on about how busy she is, and how she has to get to somewhere else.

The weekend of the wedding, things just keep going. The afternoon before the wedding the next day, we're all supposed to attend the rehearsal lunch, and then go to rehearsal. The mother of the groom, who wanted to decorate, was nearly an hour late, and my husband, myself, and another friend wind up pitching in to make sure it's done. The mother and father of the groom are ready to kill each other, and people are calling every 5 minutes for directions, instructions, etc. The bride and groom are 30 minutes late to their own lunch... I still don't know why. We rush through lunch, and get a phone call from the coordinator the bride hired to handle things in the 11th hour. She informs us that all the men, and I have to go to the bridal shop to try out our outfits. Bear in mind, I had my fitting a month earlier, and though this ought to be in hand... So we all rush up there (a 45 minute drive from lunch) to find that they did all the alterations except the straps on the bodice. No one knows where anyone else is, and things are dissolving into chaos.

The coordinator also told me that she left my shoes at the shop, and I needed to pick them up... So I asked for them, and they tell me they don't have them, the coordinator does. So, I call her back, and ask her to look again, at which point she starts arguing with me that she can't possibly have them, blah blah blah. I'm getting ready to flip, because I have less than 30 minutes to get things sorted out and get to rehearsal, with my husband and daughter. We finally get a call back that yes, she DOES have them. We hop back in the car and rush over to make it in time... NO ONE ELSE is ready for rehearsal on time. No one. The bride, groom, and several other people are either milling about, or nowhere to be found.

We finally start rehearsal a hour late, and I find out that my daughter and I are slated to climb down a set of stairs... Which my child can't navigate because they're too tall for her short little legs. After begging for someone to take pity on both of us, things get sorted out so that my husband and I both walk her down, so she's basically swinging down each step. FINALLY, we're through, and we can go on to dinner, etc. We wind up just eating a light snack, since we're both too tired to drag back into town to get anything else, and crash for the night.

So, the day of the wedding comes, and we're all rushing around, getting ready. We have breakfast, the baby takes a nap, and we're all ready to go at 1:30 pm. The scheduled time we're supposed to be in pictures. No one is at the site, and we haven't a clue what's going on, until I go to another building, and find out that all the girls having their hair done are now behind schedule, and we're running late... An hour late. So, they start shooting pictures of the men who ARE ready...

Why are they late? Because the Maid of Honor didn't like her hair - and she went before the bride. I still can't sort this one out, but we're moving ahead. Well, pretty soon, the strain begins to tell, because my daughter is hot (it's in the 90's) and cranky, despite the nap. We wind up in our hotel room, with the child in nothing but shoes and a diaper, trying to calm down. 5 different people then come to yell at me that I need to be in pictures or both of us do... I finally wind up losing my cool with the last person through the door - the photographer. I basically threaten to kill whoever it is, as I am trying to dress and calm my daughter and I am, by now, VERY aware that they're finally ready for us.

Once the picture mess was over, we were put in yet another room to wait to start the ceremony. That's another hour or so wait, as a bunch of the guests refuse to sit down, for some odd reason. They finally get seated, we get through the ceremony, and it's off to another room to wait for our "grand entrance." By now, ALL of us are tired and worn out, and fed up with the hour or so waits. So, what happens? Most of the bridesmaids, including the maid of honor, start doing shots. By the time we got out to dinner (guess how much later? Yep, about an hour!) they were all in various states of drunkenness, with the maid of honor leading the pack towards passing out. Her speech, what I heard of it anyway, was an incoherent ramble. While they got drunk, my husband, having been overheated and worn out for some time, goes into a full blown asthma attack. This is the shining moment of the day, as the bride actually stops and shows concern for her brother...

Once we made our entrance, my husband took off to catch his breath, and my child and I ran out to change clothes. By then, we didn't care what any of us looked like - besides, as punishment for suggesting that nearly 200 people didn't need to watch a toddler eat at the head table, we got stuck at the absolute back of the room, farthest from the head table, the cake, etc. The upside - we were seated with all of their cousins, and a good friend, whose partner was also in the wedding party with us. Yes, that's right - one of the wedding party was seated at the head table, while her partner was put all the way in the back, with us. Talk about thoughtless - these people flew from Europe to be there, and they wound up separated for the seating because the bride didn't want her pictures "ruined." Said partner didn't know anyone but us at the wedding, aside from the bride's parents...

But, what's the kicker to all of this? Both the bride and I have worked in the wedding and party industry, and know the ins and outs REALLY well. She's acted as if she had no clue how anything is done, and I can't believe that she's turned out to be far worse than the worst brides we ever dealt with in the business!

If I've gotten one thing out of all of this, it's that it's FAR easier to work with Bridezillas as one time clients than as family members that you have to try to salvage some sort of long term relationship with, for the sake of your family...

Bridezillas0610-04

I do not harbor any grudge against this former friend, but I thought I would share my story because I think any attempt to make brides & grooms be considerate of their friend's lives/circumstances is a good thing.

I've known very considerate brides who almost err on the side of not asking for enough help, and those who demand EVERYTHING unreasonably without any consideration for the time, money & energy involved.

This bride was of the latter persuasion.

The Bride, I'll call her "C", showed her true colors and view on friendship through the process of her wedding. Not that brides are the only ones!!! Her groom exhibited rude, demanding and "brat-like" behavior much like his bride on many occasions leading up to the event. There are too many incidents involving this couple to go into, so I'll just share one:

C expected that her bridesmaids be involved in every detail - from picking out the ribbon that would decorate the cake to shopping for our own dresses - demanding our input and often choosing what she wanted anyway. Fine. Her purgative.

C expected participation not just on the day of the wedding, but in many events leading up to - including helping with home-improvements (so their home would be ready for wedding guests), a bachelorette weekend, pre-wedding sleep-over, multiple showers and "party-favor-making/invitation addressing" parties. We were TOLD - not asked - when to come over to help. Some bridesmaids, including myself, began to feel like slave labor.

Now, I personally, had discussed with C prior to all these activities, the fact that my only sister was getting married a few weeks before (in a different state) and that my main energies for the summer would go to supporting my family & sister in HER day. C said she understood and only expected me to support her where/when I could.

The night before one of the "party-favor-making" parties, I got food poisoning. C lived only a block or so away, so she helped me by going to the grocery store and getting 7UP for me. When she dropped it off and saw how sick I was, she told me not to worry about coming to her house for the "party" the next night and just to rest. I thanked her for making the offer and told her how much I appreciated it. (C and I had been friends for a couple years and I knew she had made the offer begrudgingly).

The party passed - I stayed home that night & went to bed early.

Months later - AFTER the wedding in fact, the friend's of C's that were involved in the wedding hubbub started comparing stories. Up until that point, none of us had talked about things out of loyalty for C. But we were all separately so frustrated with everything that had happened we finally started sharing our individual experiences with each other.

One of the things I learned was that, on the night of the "party", C had sat there and complained to everyone in the room (her mother, aunt, and all the other bridesmaids) that I didn't come to "support her" that night. She asked all of them why they thought I would "be such an UN-supportive friend" and speculated I was "jealous of the fact that she was getting married" because I was still single. Never, at any point, did she tell them I had been sick and SHE HERSELF had excused me from coming.

Needless to say, C and I had a "discussion" after she returned from her honeymoon. Although we left thing amicably, are no longer friends.

There may be some brides who disagree - but I don't think other people's lives should stop because a friend is getting married.

Bridezillas0617-04

 *Tori* was a bridezilla from the 9th circle of hell.  She had asked me a few months back if I would be a hostess at her reception and that it would entail greeting guests and telling them where to hang their jackets and where to put the gifts.  I said, "Sure."  She told me that she’d make a list for me and get it to me so I could look it over.  I never saw the list until the night of the rehearsal.  I think she did that on purpose.

 My fiancé (who was in the wedding) and I both left work early to drive the 2 ½ hours to the rehearsal.  We arrived at 5pm like she'd told us but it turned out the rehearsal didn't actually start until 6.  She had told us 5 because she thought we'd be late.  After measuring the decorations so that she was sure they were equidistant from each other she handed me a list of things I (and the other hostess) had to do at the reception. This included leaving the ceremony early, mixing the punch and getting the punch bowl ready, getting the veggies, dip, cheese and crackers out of the fridge and onto the serving platters, getting all the water pitchers full, lighting the candles, and setting up the bar.  She also announced that I would be driving the other hostess because I drove fast and would get us there quicker.  Thanks for asking me…

 She also informed us that we had to make sure the drinks and food didn’t run out so we ran around like crazy trying to keep the punch, water, and appetizers full while everybody at the reception waited for the bridezilla and the groom to show up.  I thought (and so did the other hostess) that these crappy duties would end when the caterers served the food.  Nope.  My fiancé and I waited in line at the buffet table and we had just gotten our plates when The Step-Mom cuts us off at the pass.  She asked if I was the hostess and I said yes.  She then informed me that the punch bowl and the veggies were running low and I had to replenish them.  She then walked away.  The other hostess didn't get to sit down for very long before she was told she had to cut and hand out slices of cake.

 If this bride had been my best friend from childhood I would have been happy to accommodate her.  However, she is just an acquaintance and I’m only around her when I’m forced into a double date.  She basically turned me into a free waitress for the night and didn't say thank you to me or the other hostess even once.  To make things worse, I got ranch dip on my brand new dress from trying to keep the appetizer tray full and my feet hurt like crazy from running around the reception hall for 4 hours in high heels.

 I did make her mad at one point and that made me feel better.  The DJ started playing It's a Wonderful World and I love that song!  I grabbed my fiancé and went into a private corner and slow danced with him for the whole 2 minutes of the song.  Turns out I wasn't supposed to dance with Rick until Mike and Martha had the first dance.  Didn't matter that I was nowhere near the dance floor...  If looks could kill the bride’s glaring eyes would have left me 6 feet under.

 I’m not sure what the proper thing is to do now.  I’m unsure if I’ll bring it up to her and get it out in the open or just write her off as a bridezilla…

Bridezillas0315-04

The following shows that bad behavior is not limited to traditional brides or weddings.

This past December as my wife and I were planning our wedding, a dear friend, we will call him Tim, told us about two friends of his, we will call them Jim and Bob, who were also planning a Commitment Ceremony. We had never met the couple, but swept up in the feelings generated by our own event, offered whatever help we could through Tim. We understood the frustrations and anxiety of a ceremony.

The week before the ceremony, Tim called and asked if I would do the pictures. This was to be a home ceremony on an extremely limited budget. They did not know what they would be doing about photos, and Tim knowing I do amateur photography asked if I would help. I willingly agreed, and said my wife would also video the ceremony. It was scheduled for December 21, a Sunday evening.

The following day, Tim called and said they had changed their minds and were moving the ceremony to Christmas Eve. I really wanted to help them out, so I called my mother, who we were supposed to spend Christmas Eve with, and rescheduled my family’s gathering to accommodate their change.

A few days later, I received another call from Tim, saying they had changed the date again to December 23rd, at 7:00 p.m. They want me there by 6:00 p.m. to set up. I agreed, as I really wanted this to be a special day. I had never met the couple, but had been assured by Tim that they really appreciated my help. I had asked that they call me so we can discuss plans, but they kept putting it off.

The day of the ceremony, I get a call from Tim, who does not drive, that the Jim had called him, and could we pick him up. Tim, a minister, is going to officiate at the ceremony, but they don’t have time to pick him up as planned. I agree, although it makes it tight time wise for me to get off work, meet my wife, pick up a tape and extra batteries (at our expense of course), pick up Tim and get to their house by the designated 6:00.

We get to their house and are met at the door with questions of where had we been, they were getting worried that we weren’t coming because we were 10 minutes late. No thank you for coming, no nice to meet you, nothing to acknowledge that we were giving an evening ten days after our own wedding and two days before Christmas to help strangers. We come in and start getting set up. The lighting was terrible. I suggested we turn the cake about ¼ turn to take advantage of better light, but Jim says no, it is too late to change anything. He is still running around half dressed and unshaven.

We are set up and ready as guests start to arrive at 6:50. Along comes 7:00 and Tim comes out to tell us things are running late. We stand around the living room, me taking pictures of guests, and everyone getting hungry. At 7:45, Tim comes out again and apologized to everyone saying Jim and Bob are almost ready, they will be out shortly. Along comes 8:30, at this point I am starting to get tired, I have worked a full day, and since I had to pick up Tim had not had time to eat since lunch. I also know I have to be at work early the next morning. We are finally told things are ready to start at 8:50, nearly two hours after it was scheduled to begin.

The ceremony went well, and was uneventful. We took the customary pictures. I wanted to get close ups, but Jim kept insisting that the arch be showing in every shot. If he saw me getting close, he stopped me to ask if the arch was still in the shot. He felt the arch was just too beautiful to crop out. Since it was two feet above their heads I had to do all full body shots to be proportional. The lighting in the dining room with the cake was bad, but I made the best of it.

We would have liked to leave after the cutting of the cake, and they said we did not have to help clean up, but they told Tim he was responsible for clean up, they were leaving for the honeymoon. Since we were his ride home, we helped to make it go faster.

The pictures were not what I would have wanted, but considering the cost, poor lighting, and that I was tired hungry and very frustrated by the time they were taken I felt they were the best I could do. I made sure I burned them all to CD and had them to Tim the following Sunday.

Unfortunately, we completely forgot about the tape in the video camera. We had good intentions of transferring it to VHS, but life intervened. The camera got stuffed in a closet with the tape still in it and forgotten.

In March I received a phone call from Jim. He was absolutely furious that we had not sent him the tape yet. We had not heard a single word from him since the ceremony. He also was terribly disappointed that there were no close up pictures. I reminded him that He wanted the arch in all the pictures, but he insisted I could have still gotten close ups with the arch. He also demanded that I mail the tape to him immediately. I told him I would have to find it. He started raving at me that I had single handedly ruined his day and that his family, who hadn’t bothered to show up, didn’t believe the ceremony happened because he had been unable to show them the video. I lied, told him dinner was burning, and hung up.

Tim then called me in tears. Jim had called him and said that if Tim was going to continue to be friends with someone like me he did not want to be friends anymore. Tim apologized repeatedly for Jim’s behavior, and thanked us for our assistance.

We did mail the tape to Jim, but they are planning another ceremony anyway, as things were not perfect enough the first time. They said the pictures were bad, Tim had not worn robes (they specifically told him not to) the video was late, and things had not gone to their plan. Tim has also not spoken to them since. I harbor no ill feelings toward Tim, he had no idea they would be that catty, but know I will think twice about offering to help strangers again!

Bridezillas0426-04

I must tell you of my favorite bridal story I tell just about everyone who wants to hear it.  I few years ago, “Blondie,” a friend of mine from high school, was getting married.  First off, we grew up in a small town, and friends were limited, so although we were not close friends, we stayed in contact.  She was going to college 3 states away; I was in our home state also attending college.  She calls me, very excited, to tell me that she and “Rodger” were getting married.  I found this odd, because up to this point they had just been “friends.”  She asked me if I would be her maid of honor, which I also found weird because we weren’t that close.  I agreed, and THEN she tells me the wedding is in her city, 3 states away, in December!  Now, this wouldn’t be a problem if we lived in the south, but I would have had to cross the Rocky Mountains to get there, not to mention that the wedding was scheduled for my finals week that term.  I resignedly agree to be her MOH, but I really shouldn’t have.

 A few months later, Blondie calls back in something of panic to say that Rodger, who is in the military, was going to be shipped off to training in Virginia (this was before September 11) and they had to move the wedding up from December to September.  The wedding was also being moved to our hometown, which was great for me—it was only 3 hours away!  I consoled her that this would work out great.  Her mom was doing much of the planning, and she is a very capable and kind person.  We also discussed dresses, and Blondie suggested she send me a catalog and I just pick a dress, as I would be the only attendant.  Keep in mind, I had absolutely no wedding experience at this point.  I didn’t know what kind of dress to get, or why she was having me choose it rather than her.  I picked a dress out that I liked and came in a good style for a big chick like myself (I’m a size 16).  Blondie ordered it and had it shipped directly to me.  I got the dress later and it fit fine, but the shade of green it came in was not what Blondie had in mind for her wedding (but she didn’t tell ME that).

 Skip to a week before the wedding.  I have a lovely head cold.  Blondie calls to let me know they are heading for home and would arrive soon.  I was missing two days of classes for her, and that was enough (I am slightly learning disabled and REALLY need to be in class to learn anything).  The wedding was on a Thursday, of all days.

 I depart and arrive at home on Wednesday.  I learn 2 things:  there is a second attendant who is the thinnest woman I have ever met (seriously, she looked ill), and they have bought different dresses for the attendants.  This in itself was not troubling, because they got the dresses on clearance.  However, the dress looked fantastic on super-skinny girl, while the biggest size they could find for me was a lousy 13.  I looked like I had a barrel stuffed into the bodice of green silk.  I obviously couldn’t even zip the zipper all the way up in the back, so we went off to the local fabric store to buy something to make a wrap to cover the back of the dress.  We found some tulle (which is see-through) in the same color as the dress.  There was no time to hem the edge, so I walked down the isle with frayed, see-through fabric safety-pinned to my shoulders.

 Other stupid things that happened:

 1.  The super-skinny bridesmaid is not too terribly smart.  She puts the roses that the bride had specially gone out and bought for the ladies to carry in the FREEZER.  They looked so pathetic.  We ended up using artificial roses.

 2.  The bride’s brother sings at the wedding.  He’s a great kid, and very smart, but he can’t sing.  He was so red the whole time, but I think besides the stage fright, he was horribly embarrassed that his sister made him sing when he can’t really.

 3.  The guests were given birdseed to toss at the couple as they left the church newly married.  The seed was doled out in little tulle packets, with the ribbon tied so tight no one could get them untied.  There was very little seed thrown, along with several youngsters who just hurled the entire packet at the couple (no eye injuries, thankfully).

 4.  The reception was held at the local (and only) bed and breakfast.  The actual reception was held in the enclosed gazebo out back, which holds about 10 people.  It was a small wedding, but there were at least 30 people there.

 The final straw for me was that after all the mess with the dress and feeling fat and being sick, Blondie got mad at me for not riding in the horse-drawn wagon with the rest of the wedding party when we left the church.  Never mind that I was ill, it was cold and raining, and the wagon was only partially covered!  I went home right after the ceremony (which was only 3 blocks from my parent’s house) and changed into sweat pants.  I went to the reception only to sign the marriage certificate.

 I got married two years later, and Blondie was surprised and hurt that I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.  I had 3 already and wasn’t about to ask her, since I hardly knew her anymore and I was still angry about the dress fiasco.  By the time my wedding rolled around, they had been shipped off to Germany and couldn’t make it anyway.

 Bridezillas0716-04

C and I got engaged at Christmas, 7 1/2 years after we first started dating. In January we asked his best friend and his GIRLFRIEND (not fiancée) to come to a bridal show with us. As the boys held seats for the fashion show L and I visited the booths and chatted with vendors. Imagine my surprise when I overheard her telling a vendor that HER wedding was to be the last weekend in May - exactly when my fiancé and I had set a date, and they weren't even engaged! I stared at her in utter disbelief. Her response - Oh, well, we're planning on getting engaged and didn't know how to tell you but we've chosen that date.

Her response to my engagement ring? "With something that busy, you will have trouble getting a wedding band."

They had an engagement party (with gifts expected), she had a shower (thrown by her mother), a money-raising jack and Jill (even though their wedding was paid for by their well-off parents), she had a money-raising bachelorette party and he had a bachelor party (which he complained to another friend wasn't a fundraiser - C planned it and refused to get in on the greed), they then had the gall to tell us that we had to get them another present because one part of the gift we had ordered from their registry was out of stock (we had still sent them over $200 in gifts). At their reception in order to get them to kiss you had to make a donation to a charity (not so bad, but they donated the money in their own names and took the tax receipt). Their gift expectations are all the more onerous as the friends they were fundraising off of either are getting married this year themselves or are not very well off either working in retail or still in school. It is now two months from the wedding and they haven't even started to do thank you cards.

Oh well, we moved our wedding to this coming August and everything will be fine. They got married in May and have yet to spend 3 days in a row together (and the groom doesn't even have a job). All our friends have already started a divorce pool! Unfortunately we are stuck with the guy as C's bestman but we know we won't continue putting the effort into seeing them after the wedding which should ensure we never see them again as they don't even attempt to stay in touch with us. C had to basically beg his best man to get fitted for his tux. His only words to me since their wedding - we should have all gotten married at the same time in one big ceremony, I can't believe I have to go through all this sh*t two more times this year!

 Bridezillas0720-04