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Every bride needs a commonsense guide to the etiquette that really
matters. Let Wedding Etiquette Hell: A Bride's Bible for
Avoiding Everlasting Damnation by Jeanne Hamilton be your guide.
Jul-Dec 2000 Archives
Jan-Jun 2003 Archive
Jul-Dec 2003 Archive
Jan-Jun 2004 Archive
The Bridezilla I was supposed to be MOH to accused me of
attempting to sabotage her wedding... because I couldn't make the date she'd
chosen to look at bridesmaid's dresses as I had long-standing plans for
that day with visitors from overseas.
I was not aware weddings were supposed to be races. For some
background, I am 26 years old and living with my boyfriend of 2 years, my sister
is 23 and living with her boyfriend of 4 years.
My kid sister got engaged last December to a wonderful man –
and immediately started planning a massive expensive wedding. Because of the
money this would cost they’ve set the date for 2 years from now.
9 months after my sister’s engagement, my boyfriend
proposes, completely out of the blue – with a wonderful custom-made silver
ring (I am allergic to gold) set with an emerald. I of course accepted. Now,
neither of us like pageantry so we are planning a simple Druid ceremony with a
simple buffet lunch afterwards for close family and friends. As this can be done
on what we have in savings anyway we've set the date for next year.
It so happened my sister was away on holiday during this point
and found out about my engagement when she got back. Was she happy for me? No.
She punched me in the face.
Why? Because I was ‘doing this on purpose’ to ruin her day
(note, I will be getting married over a YEAR before her). She demanded my fiancé
take back the proposal and wait until after her wedding day.
Needless to say, that’s not going to happen and I am in the
process of trying to forgive my sister’s outburst. But I wanted to tell you
this in the hope that any would-be brides read it and realize – it’s not a
My best friend from high school was my MOH in my (small)
wedding. My only attendant and I bought her dress. She, in turn,
asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. We shall call her *Helena
and her future husband *Troy. I agreed, happily, while (I was) still
Side note: Helena is/was the godmother to my first child
and on a visit to NC we stopped to visit at her home in VA Beach, VA.
I was pregnant with my second child. I found her future husband
intolerable. He would berate Helena incessantly and it began to grate on
my nerves. The three of us went out one night (while hubby watched our
son) and he would not stop picking on her. Keep in mind, this woman
is highly intelligent (CPA), beautiful (stunningly beautiful) and kind.
Helena left to go to the ladies room and I turned on Troy and said "Look,
you can try to denigrate my best friend all you want, but it isn't working with
me. NOW STOP!" His response? When Helena returned to the
table - he looked at her and said "Jane (me) needs an (alcoholic) drink."
AND PROCEEDS TO ORDER ONE - I was 7 months pregnant!!!! I took a walk.
Norfolk has a beautiful Port. I also discovered what Troy had turned
December 2003. I was fast on my way to being divorced
(hubby on drugs/cheating) and I was working and taking care of 2 children (2y.o.
and 11 months) and I get the excited bride phone call "Dresses are picked,
I just need your measurements." No problem, I thought, this is exactly
what I need, a great wedding will be a fun distraction. As a seamstress I
can easily take my own measurements and I proceed to read them off over the
phone "34-24-34" (I am 5'8 and lost A LOT of weight when my hubby
left). She proceeds to berate me for lying and did I actually think I was
going to be THAT size? I tried to reiterate what had been going on and how
consumed I was by my impending divorce. She ordered me a 6 - which was
appropriate in 1993. It fit with slight (take in) alteration.
Life became worse on my end - divorce in the works and
all, but I paid for the dress and talked to her weekly. (The dress was/is
stunning-no fault there) but I ended up in the hospital in April for abuse and
exhaustion and lost my job. I called Helena (wedding was last weekend in
May) and told her I couldn't drive 3.5 hours to her bachelorette party one
weekend and hope to be there for the wedding. I was so tired by no help/no
child support/losing my job/two babies - I asked if I could be excused from her
wedding party - even attending. I would gladly send a present and I was
sure her parents would understand (we were pals too) I just couldn't
do it. I had been her best friend since 8th grade and she had picked two MOHs
(and 3 other BM), but she responded, "No, the "line" would be
uneven." I even suggested good friends that would fit my gown and I
would give it to them. No, I had to be there. I tried to explain
that I wasn't able, due to my health-but nope, had to be there.
I found kind neighbors to leave my babies with and drove to VA
Beach on Friday. I arrive at my (own expense) hotel to find a list of
things I "need" to be in the wedding. I don't know VA Beach and
have no clue where to find patent leather (black) heels (at least 3"-bride
is quite tall) and a French manicure (I bite my nails) . Also, we were
instructed to wear our hair down. I kid you not, I was so poor that I
hadn't had a haircut in about 2 years and my hair was too grown out. She
knew this. I told her I always wore in a "French twist/knot"
with bangs - would that be okay? Heavy sigh, yes as long as I wore HER
combs with pearls attached. No problem - but I was running out of money.
I did pay for two nights at the hotel in advance. Good thing.
I found a nail salon (fake nails for $30 bucks OMG!) and
a discount shoe store (THANK GOD!) and was prepped for the wedding.
The rehearsal was held in the Episcopal church and everyone
was drinking IN THE CHURCH. Do other people drink (seriously) in church)
The dinner was held at "Troy's" bar that he owned in the local's
section of VA Beach. His step brother was my escort for the wedding and a
bit too interested for me. I was exhausted, worried about my babies (never
left them before) still married, and I accepted his offer to drive me back
to the hotel (I had the car). This was beyond a "date rape" kind
of night. "NO" did not mean a whole lot to this man. TRUE
- and I don't expect you to put that in, but it is pertinent to later.
The day of the wedding. I am told to meet the bride, the
MOHs and the other BMs at "their" hotel. I arrive at the
Sheraton (fountains, marble floors, suites) and am told we are dressing at
the church. I put on a smiley face and collect my stuff and
head off (on foot) to the church. We dress in a separate room and the
bride and the rest of her party proceed to finish a serious amount of liquor -
Schnapps, whiskey, champagne. I am not a prude, but a CHURCH?????
The kicker to the before wedding festivities was when we were presented with our
"attendant gifts". I thanked the bride, but noticed everyone
else was opening theirs. I thought I would wait till after the wedding,
but proceeded to follow suit. I am sure this is common other places, but I
didn't realize that it was tactful to give the gift of wedding jewelry to wear
during a wedding. I made a special effort to buy Helena a gift that spoke
of our friendship (for my wedding/crystal) and have seen my other relatives
and friends do the same. Nope, we were going to be STEPFORD BRIDESMAIDS.
If this is a normal occurrence - I apologize, but I think that is completely
tacky - we are already dressed the same - down to our nails and hair ('cept for
me, sorry) but really......ewwww factor. I want to clarify that I don't
expect a gift for being an attendant - a gift is a GIFT - something you don't
expect. I would have rather have nothing at all then a dictate to what I
The reception was a nice affair - within walking distance of
my hotel. I had to sit next to the step brother of the groom. I
avoided all contact with guests and family of the bride. Being so light
and not a drinker I matched the wedding party from the church.(on drinking)
I threw up on the date raper (more from exhaustion than
liquor) - and let my best friend's new husband know what a creep his step
The worst part - I walked home alone, barefoot in the dark at
1 am (not because I was too drunk or didn't know better, but because everyone
was at the Sheraton, except me and no one wanted to walk me home - I was a
"cold fish" AHHH) - I was lucky in a sense.
I lost my purse at the Sheraton (before the wedding) with
the remainder of my "getting home money" but managed to find five
bucks in my jacket pocket to get home.
This has stuck in my mind for 11 years. Not for how
"bridezilla" she was or b/c I put myself in a bad situation, but b/c
my best friend for so many years of my life was more consumed about her wedding
than my health. Jeanne, does this story make me selfish? I always
I first of all want to say, what a great site! I am so
addicted that my husband thinks that I have found an internet love! Well his not
all that wrong as I love your site so much!
My story was a few years ago, it was actually my cousin who
was the Bridezilla, she is normally a very nice person, but it seems that once
she got that engagement ring on her finger, everything changed!
The problem was the invitations. She had different invitations
printed for different guests. Personal you might think, but no! There was only 2
types of invites, one that invited you and your partner and clearly stating that
no children will be permitted at the wedding. Fine that is ok, but on the
other invitation she invites you and your whole family, children included. It
wasn't for kids over a certain age, it was just that she decided which children
she wanted and which children she didn't want. Her mother and my Mother (her
Aunt) tried to explain that it wasn't very polite in inviting some kids and not
others as there parents may feel rejected! Her response, "I don't care,
this is my wedding and I only want the children whom I think are pretty or good
looking there on my day, I don't want ugly children in my photo's!"
So out of the 220 invites she sent out, the guests that were
NOT allowed to bring children found out about her wish and most of them decided
not to come. So her wedding that she thought at least 180 people would attend,
was down to 115 or so and she was unhappy as the reception hall she had booked
holds 350 people, so knowing that her reception was going to look rather bare,
she reluctantly changes the "No Ugly Children" rule and re-invites the
guests that originally were told that they could not bring their children.
My Brother who is not very subtle at the best of time, gets
the second invite and is appalled at the ignorance of our cousin, so he decides
to go and tell her what a right B*tch she is being and to stick her invite where
the sun don't shine! Well after he does that she calls my Mother and tells her
what my Brother has done and demands that she gets him to apologize or that we
are all not invited to the wedding! So my Mother decides that my lovely Brother
is right and tells her to stick the invites as well! She was not happy at all
when her Mother said she had to apologize to both my Brother and Mother and if
she didn't they (her Mother and Father) wouldn't be contributing to their
wedding! But reluctantly she did and surprisingly the wedding was a lovely day.
She didn't like it 6 years later when I was organizing my
wedding, my Mother told her that I liked her idea of no ugly children allowed
and told her that her child was not to attend, she was only joking of course, my
cousin wasn't impressed at all.
My friend of quite a few years announced she wanted me to be
her bridesmaid. Lovely I thought.
That is until she turned into the bridezilla from HELL! She
became a bully and a really nasty piece of work. When I was really at the end of
my rag with her the last straw came. I phoned her as I had not heard anything
about a rehearsal. She told me that she thought she had told me and that it was
a couple of days later in the evening. I couldn't believe she hadn't said
anything! She would have no doubt allowed me to miss it and then slag me off for
not turning up. Lucky I phoned.
Just after the rehearsal when she had practically ignored me I
managed to get the balls up to ask her exactly why she was treating me so badly
and what she thought she was doing. She put on her 'little girl' voice "oh
but I thought it was you who didn't want to be bridesmaid, you're still my best
friend, like a sister to me'. (Basically she had made a new 'best friend' who
she was sucking up to and probably wanted her instead, which is why she made my
life so unbearable, but she didn't admit this). I said to her that at that
present moment in time this was exactly what I was thinking and if I was going
to get treated like this from now on, to pick another bridesmaid. Anyway, I did
end up doing it.
The fittings for the dress - being made by her mum - were a
farce. The dress was so tight I had to be poured into it and my boobs were
pushed so high they were virtually under my chin. I looked like a right buxom
wench - in a Catholic church, nice. My hairstyle she forced me to have made me
look bald and to top it all off she got me to pay for shoes which I'll never
I spoke to her a few times after the wedding but to be honest
I'll never be bridesmaid for anyone ever again. I haven't spoken to her for a
good couple of years since and I hope I never bump into her as I'll probably
give her what-for.
Just after she was married (this'll show you what sort of
person she is) I said I had the info on a house I wanted to buy with my partner.
- She's already bought hers with her husband. When I told her all about it
she was adamant that she needed me to fax the info to her there and then so she
could have a look apparently "because it sounds so nice and I'm so excited
for you". This roughly translated to (in my eyes and my partner's) 'you
sound like you're getting a better house and if I have the info I can make an
offer that's better than yours when I get the estate agent's number'.
My advice - NEVER be a bridesmaid for someone you think of as
a friend. Weddings bring out the all-time worst in people.
I had been going out with my boyfriend (now fiancé) for 18
months when his brother got married. I had been friends for many years with
the bride to be also and we had met brothers who were farmers in a small
country town. We were city girls born and bred.
The happy couple had their engagement party 12
months previously, at the groom's family's farm. Most of the bride to be's
friends came from Melbourne (about 2 and 1/2 hours drive) and were expected to
follow a poorly printed map down dirt roads to find the farm. There was no
accommodation available and guests were expected to camp the night. This was
interesting for most of the guests from a major city whose only experience of
camping was in Girl Guides! I offered many times to come early and help
set up for the engagement party and the bride to be gracefully refused. I found
out later that she bagged me to all her fiancé's family about my 'no show' to
help set up for the party.
The party was fun; the bride to be didn't bother to socialize
with any of her city friends. The next morning the guests/campers were told by
the bride to be that they were not welcome inside the farmhouse for a
shower, toilet or coffee and were to leave as soon as possible.
The bride to be became your typical small town gossipy woman who was jealous of
anyone else getting any attention. She had a kitchen tea; I was not invited as I
was not family even though I had been going out with her FBIL for 18 months.
The wedding loomed and the hens night was organized. I was not
invited, specifically. The bride to be redeemed herself at the hens night by
vomiting outside one of the two pubs in town and asking her FSIL to fish her
false teeth out of her pile of vomit. Lovely.
The bridal registry was set up and it was noted that there was
nothing under $50 on the registry. When this was questioned (some people
traveled 2 hours to the wedding, stayed at a motel and may not have been able to
afford $100 for a gift), I was told that the guests should spend at least what
it costs the bride and groom to feed them on the evening. Funny, I was always
taught that a gift is just that, a gift and not an expectation or entitlement.
My response to that comment was to purchase the bride and groom a $50 donation
to the Asthma Foundation. The bride to be has very bad asthma I thought
this would be a fitting gift for two people who seemed to think that a wedding
is an opportunity to get as many presents as possible.
The groom had decided that I was not worth acknowledging in
public due to whatever lies the bride to be had told him. I heard later than I
was only after the family's money and was driven by greed. Interesting that I
already owned my own home and was financially independent unlike the bride to
be, who moved to the small town with nothing but a trailer load of furniture,
clothes and a car loan. Whenever I saw the groom to be, he would refuse to
acknowledge me in any way. What was the saddest thing was this girl and I were
once friends. I didn't know what I had done wrong.
The MIL spent the last week before the wedding driving to
Bendigo (1 hour away) to pick up 150 plates the bride to be had hired.
Unfortunately the bride to be had hired the wrong size and the MIL had to drive
back to Bendigo to pick up another 150 plates. The rehearsal dinner was lovely
apparently; again I was not invited even as the best man's partner.
After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, the
MIL and groom's family were at the town hall until midnight the night before the
wedding setting the hall up. The bride to be's parents stated that they didn't
need to help set up the reception hall as they were paying for the wedding. The
bride to be also felt that she did not need to contribute at all to the
preparations at the reception hall. I was getting rather nervous
about the wedding day, as my boyfriend was the best man and I really didn't want
to go to the church on my own. All the groom's family and partners were
invited to the farm before the ceremony to travel to the church together,
as a family. I was not invited and drove to the church on my own. Charming.
After the ceremony there were photos outside the church of
both families and the bridal party; again I was not welcome in any of the
photos. At the reception I was placed on a table down the back of the room,
whilst all other family members sat together on the 'family tables'. At the
farewell circle, the groom deliberately kissed the person before me and after me
however just looked at me and kept walking.
The next morning we were all expected at the hall at 8am to
clean up. All the dishes and glasses needed to be washed, the room packed up and
cleaned out. I will never forget the groom's mother exhausted face as she
trundled trays of dirty plates into the dishwasher. The bride and
groom had no intention of helping and neither did the bride's parents as they
stated again that since they had paid for the wedding, they didn't need to clean
After the cleaning of the hall, the bride and groom had
invited 60 guests to the groom's parents farm for a BBQ lunch. My boyfriend and
I had to get to the butcher to pick up all the meat, pick up the BBQ, tables and
chairs etc. We got back to the farm to be met by the newlyweds. The groom
watched me lugging tables, chairs and setting up places and cutlery and did not
say a word. Not one offer to help, not one word of thanks. Possibly to be
expected since he refused to acknowledge my presence.
The groom proceeded to get blind drunk while watching his
mother, myself and a host of others feed the newlywed's family and friends. My
boyfriend cooked a BBQ for 60 people. The bride's father made crude jokes and
wore a massive cowboy hat, even though he was also city born and bred. The
bride opened all her gifts then sat down and drank herself stupid while we
cleaned up around her and her parents and the 6 car loads of family friends that
turned up. They made a quick speech of thanks, to the grooms parents only. Don't
worry about the hell my boyfriend had been through over the past weeks
organizing a bucks night, tables and chairs for the reception, all the alcohol
for the reception plus me crying every night asking him what I had done wrong
for his brother and FSIL to despise me so much.
To top off this charming extravaganza, we returned to the farm
on the Monday to continue to help clean up (the happy couple had gone on
their honeymoon) from the BBQ to find the groom's 90 year old nanna picking up
the empty beer cans the groom and his mates had left all over the front lawn
after their 12 hour drinking marathon.
Well my story from hell is short but sweet. When my Uncle got
married, the Bride's family paid for the wedding as is tradition. The guest list
consisted of 250 people. My Uncle was confined to inviting 15 guests including
his attendants. My Uncle was informed that he would have to pay for any extra
guests, however, he did not go beyond the limit as the Bride would not allow him
to spend any of "their" money to allow more of his friends and family
to share his day. The rest of the guests were friends and family of the Bride
and the Bride's parents business associates. I could be wrong, but I thought
this was very inconsiderate and tacky.
A few years ago, when my husband and I started dating,
a friend of ours started dating a coworker of mine. Fast forward to
Christmas of that year, and they were engaged. We gave our congratulations
to the young man, inwardly wondering if the wedding would happen. You see,
this was his fiancée's third engagement. Both previous engagements had
been broken off within one month of the wedding day. I was somewhat
shocked to find out that the first engagement was ended because the bride was
interested in a young man who became her second fiancée. I was not all
that surprised when the second engagement was called off because the bride to be
was interested in the young man, our good friend. Much as I understand
cold feet and the right to back out of a wedding, I was still amazed that this
had happened twice already to this young woman.
My husband was asked to be a groomsman, and agreed, figuring
since he was not a bridesmaid, he'd only be out the cost of a tuxedo if the
wedding did not go through. We did not ever voice our worries to this
young man, being as he was our friend, and it was his decision to make, and we
respected our friendship with him.
Let's backtrack to after the engagement at Christmas.
Upon hearing the news, I congratulated the young woman when I saw her at work
the next day. Figuring that we were friendly with one another (we often
went to lunch together and double dated), I thought she would at least say thank
you. Instead, she shot me a very dirty look and asked me where I had heard
she was engaged. When I told her from her fiancée, I got another look,
and she turned and walked away.
The wedding is set for June. The bride asks me to attend
the wedding rehearsal in March, telling me that since I had been married before,
and had participated in so many weddings previously (I come from a huge Catholic
family), any advice or suggestions I could give them would be much appreciated.
In May, wedding shower invitations are sent out, and I'm a bit
hurt that I was not sent one. My then boyfriend asks the groom if I was to
attend, and the groom states that they ran out of stamps, and to consider my
boyfriend's invitation as one for me as well. My boyfriend and I go to the
store they are registered at, and proceed to spend quite a lot of money on the
entire bathroom set they registered for: 8 bath and hand towels, 8 wash cloths,
2 bath rugs, a contour toilet rug, and the toilet lid cover, as well as other
small odd and ends for the bathroom. Since my then boyfriend made a very
decent salary, and I myself worked two full time jobs, we figured that there was
nothing wrong with purchasing such an expensive gift. Especially since the
couple were friends of ours, and really had not that much. We figured that
since we were in a position to help them out, why not?
We attend the shower, hosted by a relative of the groom's.
The wedding is not that far off, and at this point, my boyfriend has not
received any direction at all in what he needed to do for his tuxedo.
After trying for the first two hours of the shower to get the groom to just tell
my husband the name of the shop, we're approached by the bride again, who hands
us an invitation. It seems they are constantly running out of stamps, and
then asks us to deliver another invitation to another friend of ours.
Finally, its gift time. A few gifts before ours, the bride and groom open
up towels, just like the ones my boyfriend and I had purchased. My
boyfriend and I look at one another, and I felt somewhat annoyed that the person
who had purchased the towels did not let the store know that they had purchased
them. When the bride opens our gift, she says "More towels?" and
then gives my boyfriend and I a dirty look. This really annoyed me.
My boyfriend and I made sure to tell the store when we purchased the towels that
we were purchasing them off their gift registry. The bride then says
"Well, we'll just take these back." As far as I know, there's
nothing wrong with doing that, but I find it rude to tell the person who gives
you the gift that you are returning it.
Fast forward to the wedding. It's not only their wedding
ceremony, its a chance for their minister to try and convert anyone and everyone
there to their religion. I ignore this. The wedding is over with,
and the reception which the bride has been bragging about for the past six
months begins. There was no food whatsoever for the evening wedding, other
than a few mints and peanuts which quickly ran out, and the wedding cake, which
wasn't large enough for the amount of people attending. The punch, which
is the only available beverage, runs out within fifteen minutes.
Then comes the moment that made me want to fly into a rage. I
approached the bride and groom to offer them my congratulations, and am promptly
treated with more rudeness that I have ever seen in my life. It was almost
as if the bride was offended that I dare offer my congratulations to her.
The groom does not even acknowledge me, which was extremely strange, because
there was only myself, the bride and the groom standing there. I excuse
myself after a moment of uncomfortable silence, and go find my boyfriend.
He asks me what's the matter, and I tell him we'll discuss it in the car.
The bride and groom finally leave, and when they do, they leave their
guest annoyed and hungry. Turns out, they treated anyone who tried to
congratulate them with the same rudeness they showed me. I understand
trying to throw a wedding on a budget, but why schedule a wedding for the
evening if you are not going to provide anything other than a small can of
peanuts and one bag of mints for your guests?
My then boyfriend was angry when I told him how I had been
treated. Its been two years since their wedding, and we've fallen out of
touch with the couple. To add injury to the insult I had at the rudeness I
was shown at the reception, the bride and groom never sent out a thank you note,
telephone call, or even bothered with an email. I'm not asking for a
parade or anything, but even a small note saying "thank you for the
towels" would have been more than adequate.
When my husband and I became engaged, we joked that if
the couple ever got us a wedding present we would not send them a thank you
note, but I doubt that would have happened, since I was raised differently.
Since it was going to be my second wedding, my husband and I decided to just go
to Las Vegas and have a simple ceremony there. We were even able to work
in a very small reception and dinner (there was a reception that got cancelled
last minute that we got an excellent deal on.) But throughout all of our
planning, we never once eluded to an over board wedding. We explained to
family and friends that since we were having a wedding out of town, we did not
expect people to show up, but if they did, we would be grateful. The
twenty people there said it was a very lovely wedding, and with the focus on
what we were really doing, made it beautiful. Everyone who attended had a
wonderful time. So you can imagine my surprise when the bride from that
wedding two years ago stated that the wedding my husband and I had was cheap and
nothing but trashy. Considering she wasn't there, I'd like to know how she
came to that conclusion?
I'm a calligrapher / artist. Believe me, I have lots of
stories to tell, but this Bridezilla story sticks in my mind from years past.
We'll call her Judy.
Judy came to me for ideas on invitations. She was from
California and had no friends locally except for work associates, She described
her wedding as intimate family and friends. I design custom
invitations and other wedding paper products. She and Don were getting married
in September and she approached me in August to create these invitations which
by the way turned out really great, no problems there... we became quick
friends and she insisted that I attend the wedding and asked if my then very
young daughter could be a flower girl...
It was the day of the wedding which was originally planned to
happen at the town square under the Gazebo. But when we arrived the service had
been moved to a church down the road. We found this out because there was a
piece of paper written in marker on the banister! We arrived at the church where
she had evidently sent an in office memo to work friends, emails to family and
let them know the change of plans. The church was filled. I was just glad to
arrive. Wedding at 5:00 the invite read, but Bride and Groom hadn't
arrived yet.... not at 5:30 either.... or at 6:00.... no, it was about 6:15 when
they strolled in the door and excused themselves as they were busy taking
pictures and time RAN AWAY!
The reception followed and at the end of the wedding the
church cleared out like there was a fire. We drove about 30 minutes to the
reception which was overly filled; nowhere to sit. The wine was gone, the booze
was gone, the beer was gone, the pop was gone and if you weren't at a table,
food was also gone. A hall that only was meant to fit 100 people now was wall to
wall with at least 150 or more people. We ended up leaving and
having dinner at McDonalds. Talk about poor planning.
I have always firmly believed that a couple’s wedding should
be about what they want, feel & share together – if that means they get
married in a bowling alley, then so be it. Its when Bridezilla shows her ugly
head that I stop feeling all sappy, lovey-dovey and prefer to exclude myself
from festivities altogether. Recently, my boyfriend’s sister (“Emma”)
& cousin (“Lucy”) reared their Bridezilla heads simultaneously:
Their weddings were planned only 5 weeks apart.
Each one claimed she had chosen her date first. No biggie except that wedding
party, guests, etc are forced to spend, spend, spend with little relief time in
Lucy had her event first…..along with 3 showers, yes 3
showers. One by her fiancé's family (which her entire family was invited to),
one by her family (which I also had to attend), and one @ work. She and I worked
together at that time – I didn’t get her anything for that one. Especially
since they had a money tree for her.
Lucy also spent about a month refusing to order a German
chocolate cake for the groom’s cake, despite the fact that it is fiancé's
favorite. Her reasoning? “Its ugly and I don’t like it.”
One of the groomsmen in Lucy’s nuptials lived out of
state & couldn’t make it at the last minute. Since everyone knows you’ll
go to real hell (not just etiquette hell) for having an uneven number in your
wedding party, they sucked in Emma’s fiancé as a groomsmen – I believe it
was a week or less prior to the wedding.
His sister only had one shower, thank goodness!
However, her FMIL wasn’t exactly helpful during the whole planning process.
I believe one phrase was….”Its not my fault she decided to sell her house in
the middle of my wedding planning. I’ve got piles of laundry to do at
home, but that doesn’t stop me from doing what I have to do!”
Fortunately, hers was the only one of the two in which I was a member of the
wedding party. But don’t get excited – her MOH dropped out and she
needed a replacement bridesmaid so I was honorably chosen.
This part isn’t so Bridezilla and isn’t the bride’s
fault. Our dresses are chosen & the deposit put down. One of the
other bridesmaids goes to pick up her dress and is told they all have to be paid
for before they can be picked up. I go to pay for mine & pick it up
– the last one to pay. I told two of the bridesmaids I would get their
dresses for them at that time. Problem is, I got stuck paying all the
taxes/fees they charged for holding the dresses and having them delivered from
another boutique. It wasn’t very much more than what the other girls had
to pay – but to this day no one has even offered to pay me their share of
My best friend from grade school clear through high school,
"Sylvia", announced to me that her boyfriend had proposed and that she
was getting married! Sylvia and I had always been this close. One never saw one
of us without the other! I was delighted for her, and since we had been best
friends for so long, I immediately started gushing about maid-of-honor stuff,
and telling her I was going to throw her the best bridal shower ever, and how
much fun we were going to have planning everything, and on and on. I was
blabbing and bubbling over so much that it took a minute before I noticed that
she wasn't saying anything. I looked at her and her face had a definite
deer-caught-in-the-headlights look. My bubbling fizzled.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
From her expression, I was thinking perhaps she was pregnant
(back in those days we still used quaint little phrases like "having to get
married" and the like) and they were eloping. Definitely/ something/ was
"Uhhh, ummmm..." she said, very carefully looking
anywhere but at me, "I've asked Kay to be my Maid of Honor."
Kay? /*Kay?*/ Kay was not even close to a best friend! She was
more of an "acquaintance". I could not believe it!
I simply stared, and I finally managed to swallow a few times
and stammer, "Why, Syl? /*Why*/?"
My "best friend" exhaled noisily and then blurted it
out in a rush. "Well, I know your family's poor and you wouldn't be able to
afford the dress I picked out and besides you're too flat-chested to look good
in it, Kay's got a better figure."
I was crushed. Totally crushed. I mumbled, "Well,
$***," and turned and started to leave. I wanted to be as far away as I
could from her because I knew I was going to cry, and even back then I was not a
crying sort of person. Syl's mother began to lecture me about my "potty
mouth" as I ran out the door.
I did not go to the wedding. I felt like everybody knew why I
was not invited to be in it, and everyone would be staring at me and thinking
what a flat-chested loser I was.
Dang, it still hurts all these years later!
I know that weddings tend to make people a little crazy, but
my college roommate’s took the cake….
My college roommate, Anna, was getting married shortly
after I became engaged myself—and her wedding was the same weekend as her
birthday. I arrived at her home on the day of her birthday party, eager to
see college friends again, only to be whisked to the kitchen and told that I
needed to help out by polishing a truckload of family silverware. Ok,
fine. I got to work, finishing just as the first birthday guests were
arriving. I went out to a group of friends, all of whom were excited about
my engagement and wanted to see my ring, but when Anna saw what we were talking
about, she raced over to drag me away, hissing that this weekend was about her
and her wedding, not my tiny little ring. I was pretty hurt, but I chalked
it up to stress and tried to maintain a good attitude about the weekend...
The next day we headed out to the wedding site—an old
(fairly rustic) house in the country. I was given a room and told to bathe
only after everyone else, because there wasn’t enough hot water to go around,
and the family was more important. When I found a HUGE bug in my room and
tried to tactfully request bug spray, Anna’s father picked up a can lying
nearby and threw it across the room, nearly hitting me in the head. And
that wasn’t the end! In the afternoon, we had to decorate for the
wedding itself—PUTTING UP THE TENT, HANGING LIGHTS ON ALL THE POLES, AND
DRAPING FABRIC EVERYWHERE—IN THE MUD. At this point I was really fed up
and wanted to leave, but felt stuck. Anna’s sister would periodically
come check on the bridesmaids’ progress, and point out things we needed to
fix. But finally it was done, and we went to the rehearsal dinner (where
everyone had apparently decided to toast the happy couple with original
poetry—never laughed so hard in my life).
The big day arrived. Anna spent the morning in
tears because someone had given her fiancé as a wedding gift the same thing she
had gotten for him and because none of the groomsmen would tell her about the
bachelor party. Finally we all made it through the wedding and back to the
reception—where I was happy to see that we were apparently in for a feast (we
weren’t given breakfast, so I was pretty darn hungry) because of all the
silverware laid out. As it turned out, the meal was a salad and entrée—never
did figure out why we needed a soup spoon or fish fork (maybe because they look
good). And when it came time to do the toasts, only the bride and groom
were given champagne—everyone else was told just to raise their glasses and
toast them. I have never been so happy to leave a place in my life . . .
but the silver lining was that I realized Anna wasn’t a friend I need to have
in my life anymore, and I was able to keep her out of my own wedding (which I am
sure she could also have turned into “her day” somehow). Talk about
One wedding, two horror stories. Just two. There
are many more from this one single wedding alone. but I think you'll agree
that these two are bad enough.
I helped plan my aunt's wedding for her (she was
marrying the world's biggest jerk), helped with decorating, making party favors,
even personally made all the shower food. And by this, I mean sitting
there with a paring knife carving radishes. I love doing that stuff still,
so it was a lot of fun. She credited her sister for the food. Never
even said a verbal thank you for the time. Credited everything I did to
someone else. Oh, but this gets worse, probably record-breakingly worse.
Time came around that she finally chose her bridesmaids a
month and a half before the wedding. Somehow I wasn't surprised that most
of my female relatives were part of the wedding. The bridesmaids dresses
all needed altering. She asked me if I could do it. $100 each.
The alterations would have cost about $200 elsewhere, but this was my aunt.
So I postponed a dress order I already had (meaning I had to miss my guaranteed
deadline and give a steep discount) and turned down a few other potential
So I flew six freaking hours (including airport wait
time, checking in, all that-the flight itself was 2 hours) to her place to
start the dresses. Paid my own ticket, she was going to reimburse me.
I was going to stay at her Southern California condo for a week to do the work.
I got down there and plans had changed. Someone else came in unexpectedly
and could I please find a hotel? She'll pay me back. Well, end
of the week and no dresses. She decided before I got there to go with
someone else and "forgot" to tell me. Okay. Maybe she was
busy. Night before the wedding I was back down there and some
beadwork on a couple of the dresses needed to be fixed. So I passed up
going out with everyone else for the night to stay in my hotel room beading.
She'd pay me the next day.
Well, at about 9pm that night I found out someone had
complained to her that I was doing so much work and not even in the wedding.
So she added me in and asked me to read a Bible passage. Okay. No
problem. She hadn't even printed the programs yet! So she asked my
then-fiancé (now mercifully long-gone, never-married ex) to do it. Print
and fold 400 invitations for a 10am wedding. She had changed her mind that
day and decided on having programs. He did that while I memorized the long
passage-if I look at what I'm supposed to be reading, I never make eye-contact,
so I memorize.
Next morning nice and early I get to the church and the
officiant goes over the program with me, what to do, all that. I'm not
Catholic and this was a Catholic wedding. My time to go up and do
the passage comes. I was supposed to flip the page of the book with
everyone's passages in it, as my aunt's request. So I do that and glance
down and see a different passage with my name at the top. I was startled
and wondered if she changed the passage and didn't tell me. The original
seemed irrelevant to a wedding. In my shock, I looked at my aunt and then
at the officiant who ran over. I whispered what was going on, and he said
that was the passage. So I ended up looking like an idiot. And
read a passage from the King James version of the Bible I had never read before.
I had read the passage in the NIV, but not KJV.
After the wedding, while pictures are being done, my mom took
a bunch of me since I had made my own gown, several layers of silk chiffon,
to die for. Several people were watching the pictures and complimenting
me. Dear ol' auntie sent one of her bridesmaids, one of my cousins, over
to steer the people to her. Whatever. I was more comfortable taking
pictures without a crowd. On the way out, my aunt called me over and
asked me to change into something else because I was getting too much attention
for my dress. It was pale pink and lilac, totally wedding-appropriate.
Word had simply spread that I made it, and that was upsetting her-everyone
wanted to see the pretty dress her niece made. (She was in an ugly 1980's
design, and this was in 2001, three years ago).
Okay. I head back to the hotel to change. All I
had were jeans for the drive home the next day (couldn't afford more plane
tickets, and the eight-hour drive was up the coast and pretty), and the outfit I
wore the day before during the BBQ before I ended up doing beadwork. So I
At the reception, I went to sit down at the table where my
family was supposed to sit. She comes over and rudely asks me to sit in
the back. In the area behind the railing at the very back of the room.
Separated. A few people were there, and the food was buffet-style.
By the time we were "excused" to go get food, the meat and everything
was gone, just some green beans left. Oh well. And water was $4 per
glass. I don't know how they got off on charging for water.
My then-fiancé and I started to dance and were asked to
stop. We were good dancers and not trying to show off, but
my aunt didn't want anyone to dance better than her. Then my aunt
asked me to go get a few bottles of wine for my cousins and pay for it-she'd pay
me back. I didn't do this. No way. The money wasn't my concern
here. My concern was that not a single cousin of mine was over 18. I
wasn't even 21 myself, not even old enough to buy alcohol. We left
pretty early, got some decent dinner, and went out and had fun. I was sick
After the honeymoon I called and asked her if she
got the gift I gave her. A few weeks before the wedding she was at her
parents' house and I was there too and gave it to her. She asked me to put
it in the car unopened so she could open it later. It was a photo album
with the cover engraved and had tons of Swarovski crystals on it. What she
told me was that she didn't like it, so didn't think a thank-you letter or
acknowledgement was received. I also never did get reimbursed for the
ticket or the hotel for the time I went to her place to work on the dresses. I
never did get paid for spending the night before the wedding working on
beadwork. I never received a thank-you in any way, shape, or form for
ANYTHING. I later found out that she was jealous that I was engaged before
she was and at a younger age (I was 18 when I got engaged, she was 28, and I was
engaged a year earlier). Well, I got the final laugh when I found
out they had filed for divorce before six months was up and were arguing over
who should have to pay the remaining balances for wedding expenses, all $24,000
(the amount STILL due) of it!
This bride was the daughter of the most famous divorcing
parents in New Mexico; the custody battle of the century. Her father wanted only
to continue to be an involved loving father of his two little girls, but was
thwarted by her venomous, overbearing, control freak mother, dubbed the
"Anti-Dad" by the court of appeals, in legalese, "a contumacious
mother." This squeaky clean father tried and tried again to be with his
girls. As a result of his many unnecessary loses in the legal system, dad
organized the successful state fathers movement which ultimately resulted in
changing the law to remove the anti-father bias. However, the new law did not
apply to dads' old case and he endeavored fifteen years in the judicial system,
36 trial pleadings, and four trips to the Supreme Court. He ultimately won every
legal challenge but the Anti-dad always made sure he lost the emotional battle
by poisoning his girls' hearts.
Finally, after coming out of bankruptcy court from the
$250,000.00 worth of legal fees and child support, the bride reached the age of
majority. She moved to Denver, CO. and became engaged to be married. When she
announced to dad her engagement, the first question he asked was, can
"I" give away the bride. She replied in the affirmative and dad
cheerfully offered his financial help as well as any other support she needed.
She accepted and after dad's leg work and financial contributions, the bride
announced to dad at the eleventh hour that she now wanted her mother to also
give her away. Dad explained politely that given mother's history he preferred
not to walk down the aisle with the mother again, but that he would respect the
brides' wishes and come to the wedding, just not walking down the aisle with the
The bride seized this opportunity to ostracize him. Despite
his text messages, and letters pleading with her to inform him if he was even
welcome to attend the wedding, she ignored his every overture. Dad did not get
to attend the wedding and did not get to give away his little girl, now grown
up. She continues to qualify as a bridezilla as she has refused ever since to
even speak to him.
When I was a junior in college, I lived with three other
girls. One of whom, we'll call her Tammy, became engaged. This girl
was hard to live with from the get-go, and took us years of turmoil with
emotional problems (I don't blame her for this but it's tiring when someone
always wants to be a victim and demands attention).
After the wedding invites were extended, Tammy instigates a
huge fight with everyone, sending an email that in short says that she's sorry
she's wasted years of friendship on us, as we don't really care about her.
She can't really list any reasons for why we don't care, but anyway. My
other two friends were so upset by this that they decided not to go to her
wedding. Tammy moves out. I decide to go, and arrive on time at the church
with my date about 25 minutes before the wedding is set to start.
When I arrive, the bride's mother and attendants grab me and
say, "There you are, where have you BEEN?!!?" and promptly pin a
corsage on me. No one, especially not Tammy, had bothered to tell me that
I was supposed to "help out" on the wedding day, and they promptly
plunked me down at the guest book and card table at the entrance to the church
to greet guests, who had already been arriving for a while. I had to sit
there until the very second the wedding started, when I was finally allowed to
escape and join my boyfriend. The wedding was beautiful, but I was nervous
for the rest of it, wondering what else I might be expected to do!
Here's one for your Bridezilla file: Shortly after
getting engaged, a good friend of mine offered her help with wedding planning.
We'll call her "C". I had not yet picked any bridesmaids, being
as my fiancé and I wanted a long engagement. C was a wonderful help
during the planning phase, and I asked her to be a part of our big day.
She was very excited, and accepted.
About a year or so before what would become our wedding day,
my fiancé and I were talking about wedding plans. We had priced several
different types of weddings in our home town, and while there were several that
we could definitely afford without going into debt, it was still going to be a
great deal of money. This was my fiancé's first wedding, and my second,
and we did not expect our parents to pay for it. My fiancé's parents very
kindly gave us a set amount of money to use for the wedding, and my dad, after
knowing how bad my first abusive marriage was, offered an amount of money as
well. Both these gifts were much appreciated, being as my dad was in the
process of paying for half of my younger brother's wedding at the time.
And planning a second wedding was very stressful. My
heart just wasn't in it. All I wanted was to be married to my wonderful
fiancée, and the wedding plans we were making were taking away from the true
importance of the event. After much discussion, we decided to trash the
plans we had, and use the money for a down payment on our first home. We
figured that a home was a much better way to spend money than just on a one day
event. What was important to us was that we would get married, even if it
was in jeans and t-shirts (believe it or not, we even considered doing that at
one point, lol.).
Talking to our respective parents, we offered the money they
had given us back to them after explaining what the situation was. Both my
father and my fiancée's parents told us to keep the money and consider it an
early wedding present, and that they were impressed and proud of our decision to
use what money we had been saving for our first home.
After much more discussion, my fiancé and I decided to elope
to Las Vegas. Neither one of us had been there over the age of 21, and we
had been planning on a trip there in the near future. After finding a
wonderful chapel that would provide us with everything we wanted for our special
day, we were even more elated to find out that it would only cost $550.
This price included everything: hour long reception with music, cake, champagne,
photographer, flowers, guest book, unity candle, a DVD of our ceremony, a bunch
of little extras, and internet viewing of our ceremony for those who would not
be able to attend. It was a dream come true, and the coordinators at the
wedding chapel were wonderful, doing everything they could to personalize our
wedding to what we wanted. We were ecstatic.
We sat down with our bridal party and explained the situation
to them: that we did not want to have what would basically be an overblown
party when we could better spend the money on our first home. No wedding
party clothing had been purchased at the time, in fact, all that had been spent
was the time of the wedding party helping us out with odds and ends up to that
point, and it wasn't that much time anyways since the wedding was still so far
off we had not set an official date. We told each member of the wedding
party that while we did understand that since we were essentially having a
destination wedding, not all of the party would be able to attend, and that was
totally fine with us. There would be no hurt feelings on our part.
We did plan an evening out before we left for our wedding for the bridal party
as a way of thanking them for the work they had done up to that point.
Shortly after our engagement, my friend C began seeing a nice
young man who we'll call "T". Eventually, C began attending T's
church, and converted to his religion. I've had friends my whole life of
different religions, and my whole take on the situation is that if you're happy
in your religion, that's wonderful, but be respectful of those who practice
As time went on, C became more and more religious. Fine
with me. She seemed truly happy in her faith. Then the lectures
started. C would lecture me on "living in sin" with my fiancé,
and how it was wrong for me not to get married in a church, and how a marriage
was not really a marriage without God's blessing. I ignored a majority of
it, just leaving it as that was what C believed.
About a month before our wedding was our bridal shower.
C claimed she was unable to attend due to money problems. I told her to
not worry about getting us a present, that all I wanted was for her to be there
for the celebration of our upcoming marriage. At this point, C was still
planning on attending our wedding as one of my bridesmaids. She never
showed up to the shower.
About a week before the wedding, I called C to find out what
her travel arrangements had ended up being because my fiancé and I were
planning on having a dinner for everyone who made the trip out to see us get
married, and I wanted to have an idea of what would work best for everyone.
It turned out that C was not coming to my wedding as she felt it was wrong to
attend since my fiancé and I would not be getting married in a church, and she
could not support it.
I was very hurt. I could understand her not attending
because of the expense involved, but her reasoning just seemed wrong and
disrespectful of my and my fiancé's religious beliefs. I decided to just
let it go, and concentrate on what was most important: marrying my dear fiancé.
We had a wonderful wedding and a wonderful honeymoon, minus some small car
trouble on our way home (we had decided to take a road trip as our honeymoon).
About a month after our wedding, we were elated to find out
that we were pregnant. I had been diagnosed with endometrioses about a
year before our wedding, and we were certain that having a baby would involve a
lot of medical help. At this time, I was working with C's boyfriend, T.
C was in a near by city finishing off her college degree. C never once
called to congratulate my husband and I on our wedding. When I made the
announcement at work, T was very happy for us and gave me a big hug telling me
that I was truly blessed to have gotten a wonderful marriage and a baby so
closely together. I asked him to pass the news on to C.
I did not hear from C again until this afternoon, one week
before my due date. It seems that C and T are getting married in a week
and a half, and C wants me to stand up as her matron of honor. Their
wedding date is amazingly enough the day that my doctor has scheduled to induce
me if I do not go into labor before then. When I told C I was happy for
her, and that I would love to be there, but it was absolutely impossible
considering I would be in labor, or recovering from labor and delivery, C threw
a fit. Never mind the fact that she's given me a week and a half before
her wedding, never mind the fact its in the middle of the work week and my
husband will have to take the day off of work, and never mind the fact that she
expects me to shell out $300 for a maternity bridesmaid gown I will most likely
never wear again, even if its not hideous. I'm considered selfish because
I'm pregnant, and won't be able to attend her wedding because it conflicts with
my giving birth. I just laughed and laughed. I hope T realizes
what he's getting in a wife. He's a wonderful young man. Too bad his
bride to be has no idea how selfish she is! lol
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007