|Looking for that perfect bridal shower gift? Every
bride needs a commonsense guide to the etiquette that really
matters. Let Wedding Etiquette Hell: A Bride's
Bible for Avoiding Everlasting Damnation by Jeanne
Hamilton be your guide.
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My mother has a friend whom I will call "Jane." Jane
and Mom have known each other for almost twenty years, and they used to be very
close and good friends. Not anymore. Three years ago, Jane's husband left her
for another woman; at that time, Jane weighed close to four hundred pounds and
would cry constantly about how she would never find anyone to love her again.
Jane has since lost a good 200 pounds, and her former
personality seems to have disappeared along with the weight she lost; she's gone
from "no one will ever want me" to "I can have anyone I
want." She actually criticizes my mother, who is "pleasingly
plump" and one of the kindest, most patient and generous people you can
imagine, for being overweight. She nitpicks everyone and generally drives
everybody crazy. My sisters and I avoid her like the plague, and Mom does too as
much as she can, because she has become the most overwhelmingly self-absorbed
person I've ever known.
This past summer, Jane remarried. My mother was asked to be
the matron of honor. Jane's daughter would be bridesmaid, and her two sons would
give her away. She had been dating the groom for all of four months. She sets
the date of her wedding for the end of July. Here are just a few of the amazing
details of this wedding:
1. She scheduled it for the day of my grandparents' wedding
anniversary, forcing our family to change its usual plans.
2. She actually coerced the pastor of our church into changing
his scheduled vacation so she can have him there for the wedding.
3. Even though it's JULY, she puts Mom and the bridesmaid in
black dresses. The only good thing about this is that they can pick out whatever
dresses they want as long as they're black. Mom, ever possessed of a sense of
humor, says she'll find something she can wear to the next funeral.
4. Jane printed a dummy copy of the wedding invitation off her
computer. Now, invitations done on a computer can be very pretty (my own were
done on my PC, and I was very pleased with them), so that's not the complaint.
The complaint is that she took said dummy copy into our church office -- she's a
deacon in our church -- and used the church's copy machine and ink and toner to
make her wedding invitations.
5. As if that weren't bad enough, she didn't pay for postage.
Her daughter (who is, if possible, worse than Jane herself) took the invitations
to work and ran them through the office postage meter. So they were printed on
the church's budget and mailed on the daughter's job's budget.
6. Anyone who informed Jane that they couldn't attend the
wedding was immediately read the riot act. "Well, why not? Why can't you be
there? It's so important to me that you be there! That's a flimsy excuse! I
really want you there!" My husband actually cheered when he found out he
couldn't get the day off from work...if it weren't for the fact that my parents
and sister were in the wedding, I would never have gone without him.
Well, we come to find that Jane and her groom,
"John" (who is kind of dopey, but seems mostly sweet and harmless) are
already married. They got married three weeks ahead of schedule at John's
church, which is half an hour away from where we live. My mother saw the photos.
They had a reception afterward in the basement of his church, and all the people
that John knows were invited. We are basically invited to the second wedding,
which we can only assume is about presents and attention for Jane. The absolute
kicker is that NO ONE was to know about this marriage other than Mom -- Jane
didn't even tell her three children. (They eventually found out. They weren't
too pleased.) Our pastor found out and read her the riot act, and ordered the
church secretary to print the bulletins for the event so that it read
"renewal of vows" rather than "wedding."
I'm sure it will come as no surprise that she never thanked my
mother for anything she did; never thanked my sister for singing the solo (a
song she absolutely hated); and never thanked anyone else for anything. As you
might guess...no one has gotten a thank-you note for their wedding gifts,
My cousin "Ted" had finally, after a long and
somewhat stormy relationship, become engaged. Most of us in the family had only
seen "Amy" at holiday gatherings, and barely knew her, but we were
very happy that Ted was happy, and wished them the best. Invitations were sent
and RSVP's were returned, and the entire clan gathered to celebrate.
Some months before the wedding, Ted indicated that he was
having legal troubles. As in, his fiancée had two children, one approximately 6
and one approximately 4, neither of whom was his. Their father(s) did not appear
in the picture at all. The difficulty was, DCFS had taken them away from Amy,
and were attempting to keep her from regaining custody of the children. I felt
this did not bode well for the marriage, but gave all the moral support that I
could. Ted planned to adopt both children after the marriage.
On the day of the wedding, both children were in attendance,
having been brought over by the couple who were providing foster care. The
children were included in the service, which was designed to include them and
create an entire new "family," instead of just a "newlywed
couple." It was very beautiful, and the children were good as gold. The
problem was the reception.
At the reception, Amy was so caught up in spending time with
the children that she literally spent no time with Ted. At one point, I looked
up at the head table, and every single one of the bridal party was gone except
for Ted, who was eating his dinner all alone, looking sad. My cousins noticed
this too, and ultimately Ted was brought down into the guest area so that he
would not have to be alone at his own wedding (!). The bride did not spend any
time at the reception talking to Ted until the foster care couple took the
children home to put them to bed. I felt so bad for him. I understand that Amy
missed her children, but this was supposed to be a celebration of their union,
not a play date. I know that people say a wedding is supposed to be "the
Bride's Day," but shouldn't she at least look at the groom? Shouldn't he be
This is a long one, so bear with me. Two years ago, my best
friend from childhood got engaged. We were both 20 at the time. I was thrilled
for her. I adored (and still do adore) her fiancé and truly believed that these
two, out of my many young friends getting engaged, were truly meant for each
other. All our lives we had promised each other that we would be the other's
maid of honor. However, over the past few years she had gotten really close to
her sister and felt it was only right to ask her to be the maid of honor. This
was fine with me because I lived 5 hours away and really just wanted to be part
of the wedding in anyway I could. She, of course, still wanted me to be a BM.
She really only wanted to have the 2 of us on her side because we were her two
closest and most consistent friends. Her fiancé only cared to include his 2
brothers, so he was fine with the arrangement. However, her mother didn't think
2 people on each side was enough and insisted the bride ask our childhood
neighbor to be in the wedding.
Well, it shortly became very apparent that the MOH didn't
really want to be involved in the wedding in any way and therefore all the MOH
responsibilities fell onto me. So for the next 2 years whenever we were together
our time was consumed with wedding planning. We had a blast. We would go try on
dresses together for hours on end and laugh about how silly some of the styles
were. This was how we had always thought it would be. However, as the wedding
drew closer (it was about a year away) things started to change. The bride would
constantly ask me to drive the 5 hours across the state for things I just
"had" to be involved in, which she really could have done on her own.
I was a college student paying my own way through college and only able to work
about 15-20 hours a week at a low paying job, so I just didn't have much money
to throw around. I do have to say, had she been grateful for the time and money
I put into the wedding I would have never thought twice about it.
One Thursday night I get a call from the bride telling me that
I HAD to be there the next night in order to go dress shopping with the other
bridesmaids and her mother. I had a fever of 102 degrees and had to work the
next night and the following morning. I knew this was important to her so I
called in to work and got people to cover for me and drove my sick self to see
her. We shopped all day long and she insisted I be the one to help her try all
her dresses on. So I spent the day lifting heavy dresses over her head and
trying to zip up the back of dresses that were way too small. Being sick, by the
end of the day I was exhausted and had to lie down on the floor in the dressing
room to try to get the energy to make it through the rest of the day. The bride
came in and started screaming at me that I was being a self centered brat who
was trying to ruin her wedding! Just because I had to take a break from dropping
dresses over her head. In the end, even though we all agreed on a dress for the
bridesmaids, her 15 year old sister pitched a fit and got to pick out these
hideous prom style dresses that were $50 more than the original dresses we
Cut to the month before the wedding. She decided to have her
bridal shower and bachelorette party right before the wedding. I expected to be
invited to the family shower since I had been her best friend for our whole
lives and knew all her family and close friends. However, she decided to have me
go the friend shower, the week before the bachelorette party, which I also
didn't get invited to until the Tuesday before. Needless to say I had to do a
lot of mad rearranging with my job in order to attend. I had never met a lot of
the girls at the party before and so I was a little uncomfortable. The bride
didn't care about any of this and instead of introducing me to people, she left
me alone and started whispering to people that I was after her fiancé! This was
completely untrue and there was no reason for her to think this. So as you can
imagine, when the bachelorette party came around none of her new friends liked
me or were very nice to me. It was so bad that when we came back from the bars
that night they kicked me and another girl out of the house, in a town where we
knew no one, and made us sleep in the car. There wasn't a peep from the bride in
the way of helping us out. The next morning all she had to say to me was "I
can't believe you slept so late and weren't in here hanging out with me when I
never get to see you!"
Finally the wedding rolls around and I just can't wait for it
to be over. My whole family was invited and was eager to attend. When I showed
up at the rehearsal she wouldn't even speak to me, for some unknown reason.
Then, when it came time to sign the marriage certificate, since her sister was a
minor, we all (her family and I) assumed that I would be the one to sign. So her
mother grabs me and as we start to walk up to the priest the bride grabs the
other BM (whom she never even wanted to be in the wedding in the first place)
and makes her sign before I could get over my shock. I was really hurt and ran
out to my car to cry as soon as I could leave politely. I couldn't believe the
way she was treating me after all our years of friendship and I wasn't even sure
what I had done to upset her. Then when I got to the rehearsal dinner she made
loud (untrue) comments degrading my date in front of everyone. I decided to go
and rest and start fresh for the morning.
At this point I find out from my sister that I am supposed to
get up in the morning and drive the 20 minutes from my hotel to pick her up and
take her to her hair appointment which was 2 minutes from my hotel room. This
seemed a little silly to me as her mother, the MOH, and the other BM lived in
the same house and in the house next door and were all going there too. However,
I sucked it up and went to pick her up. All the thanks I ever got was her
complaining the whole ride about how I wasn't nice enough to my mother (where
this came from, I'll never know). She didn't speak to me through the whole
wedding and reception and never thanked me once in 2 years for being in her
wedding or for all the help I had given her. The only saving grace of that
wedding was the groom thanked me multiple times and told me he loved me and
considered me family and her parents paid for my hotel room for one night as a
thank you and in consideration of all the money I had put into the wedding when
I didn't have it to spare. The bride and I are still friends, but I am still
incredibly hurt with the way she treated me. Bridezillas1229-05
My husband, I will call him Dylan, has had the same best
friend since middle school, I will call him Kyle. Kyle has been dating the
same girl since around the same time Dylan met him, about 15 years. I met
Dylan 5 years ago. Last Christmas we announced our engagement to friends
and family. We set a date for the middle of June. (Our wedding went
perfectly, Kyle was the best man) In April Kyle and his gf announced they were
engaged and had set the date for the week after ours. I was a little
irritated but didn't really mind as Kyle is a nice guy and we figured he didn't
mean any harm by it. His fiancé asks me to be her bridesmaid. I
don't particularly care for his fiancé but agree because it is obvious that she
is having great difficulty finding anyone to stand up for her (she doesn't have
many girlfriends). Mind you I am fairly busy with my own wedding plans.
I tell her as much.
In April she calls to invite me to her shower (given by her
MOTHER). I accept. When I arrive it is a total of 4 people (this
includes myself, the MOB and bride). I brought a teapot and various teas
as a gift. When she opens my gift she looks up and says, we don't drink
tea so this is pretty useless to us do you have a receipt? I did have a receipt
but not with me so I told her I would bring it later. When I bring it by
she looked at the receipt and scoffed "This is all you spent?"
It was a $40 teapot and the tea cost over $30. I just smiled and left
as soon as humanly possible.
The next week she calls and asks if I have time the following
day to go dress shopping. I had lunch plans but to be the good bridesmaid
I break those plans and agree. When we get to the bridal store she points
to a dress I can only describe as a hideous shade of orange and says "They
say you should pick out the ugliest dress you can for your bridesmaids so they
don't upstage you, can you try that on?" My jaw dropped but I quickly
recovered and dutifully went and tried the dress on. When I came out she
had the audacity to say "you could stand to lose some weight don't you
think?". Well, that was the dress she decided on after making me try
on over 20 different dresses. I grudgingly plunk down my credit card to
cover the $250 cost.
Fast forward three weeks. We received an invitation in
the mail for a Bar stocking party, I have never heard of such a thing but it
appeared that the bride and groom wanted the guests to bring a bottle of
premium liquor to a patio party to help stock their bar for the wedding. I thought
it was tacky of them to ask for us to pay for their liquor cost when the
bride paid over 6000 dollars for her dress and almost 8000 for flowers but since
my husband felt it would be rude for us not to attend we went.
OK fast forward to the day before the wedding (we had to cut
our honeymoon short so as to be there) The BTB is apparently on her period (You
would have thought that she would have picked a day on which this would not be
an issue) so she is complaining about her bloating, cramping, etc. We go
to the salon to get our nails done and she makes the manicurist redo her nails,
count em, 3 times before she is satisfied. All the while whining
about her acne (another symptom of the monthly curse). While leaving she asks me
to be at the church at 8 am. The wedding is at 6pm. I figured
she wanted to do finishing touches or whatever so I agree. I arrive
bright and early and she is not there. She wanders in around 11am. Immediately
starts arguing with the lady from the church about her flower arrangements.
She wants them where the candles (you know the ones you pray over or whatever)
are sitting. The woman calmly points out that they cannot be moved.
BTB freaks out starts crying and shouting at the poor woman about it being her
day and she wants things to be perfect. The lady is firm and will not
change her mind.
I remind the BTB we have hair appt.'s at 1 so we should go get
some lunch and head over. We arrive at the salon at 1 only to discover she
forgot to make the appointments. They are very busy and unable to
accommodate us so I pull out my cell and found a place. I drive her across
town, we go in and it is an African American salon (we are both Caucasian), this
is the point at which I realize this girl is a racist because she pulls me
outside and yells at me that she isn't going to have any and I quote "nappy
haired N***** touching my hair!" I am astonished to say the least. I
promptly walked in and sat down ignoring the stupid girl. I must
mention at this point that the stylist did an awesome job, my hair looked even
better than it did for my own wedding. Anyway, we leave the salon I
ended up tipping her stylist as she didn't feel a need apparently.
We get back to the church and we go upstairs to get dressed
and her dress was so tight that we had to safety pin the top so it would stay
closed (I am laughing on the inside at this point, serves her right).
The rest of the wedding goes off without a hitch. I never received a
thank you card for the bridal shower gift or wedding gift and upon
returning home I informed my husband that we would not be seeing them socially
anymore. He still talks to Kyle since he and his wife are now
separated (it has only been 2 months since the wedding) and are planning to get
a divorce. He has no idea how lucky he is to be rid of that cretin!!
"Once you have
completed the casting list, er...um, selected the attendants for your wedding,
you next get to experience the joys of finding a bridesmaid dress that pleases
the varied fashion preferences of all your attendants. Once the bridesmaid
dress of your dreams has been swathed across the smorgasbord of sizes, and the
reality of bulges in the wrong places has smacked face-to-face with your dream
of everyone in sleek, fashionable sheaths, you have the character-building
opportunity to replace fantasy with reality and learn the adult life skill of
Jeanne Hamilton, Wedding Etiquette Hell: A Bride's Bible for Avoiding
Everlasting Damnation, page 38
I agreed to be a BM for my friend who soon after turned
into Bridezilla. She demanded that all BM's grow our hair long so we could
wear it up, no nail color allowed, tans were encouraged, etc. I spent
nearly $1,000 to participate (shower, b'ette party, gifts, etc.) & I thought
after "I do" I thought it was over. I was soooo wrong!
After she returned from the honeymoon, we met for dinner to look at some
pictures from the "big day". She brought her lap top
because her father had created a slide show, set to music, of the wedding.
(I was in none of the slide show pictures.) I excitedly told her that
my boyfriend and I had begun looking for rings! She shared my excitement
& agreed to look at some jewelers with me. At the first store, two
ladies helped me shop. They noticed her ring and asked when she got
married. ALL THEY DID WAS ASK ONE QUESTION & she pulls out the lap
top! Cue the cheesy country love song and roll the slide show! She
could not stand that the focus had shifted and her big day was OVER. Bridezilla
returned AND as usual, the sequel was worse then the original!!!
A couple of years ago, my wife "Sakura" was invited
to be a bridesmaid in one of her sorority sister's wedding. "Beth"
wanted to get married the June after they all graduated from university, so,
needless to say, she was going to school full-time while trying to plan an
enormous wedding. When Sakura suggested that Beth hire a wedding planner (her
family is ridiculously well-off and could more than afford it), Beth went into a
tirade about how she "could do it as well as anyone and are you saying that
there's something wrong with my vision?!?!" Yes, she said vision.
Meanwhile, Beth was having screaming arguments with her
parents over where the wedding was going to take place, what was going to be
served, what musicians to hire, etc. And of course, she made the ladies she was
living with listen to a play-by-play recap after every hissyfit, throwing a
tantrum if they didn't immediately reassure her that she was in the right.
When they all went shopping for bridesmaid dresses, she
criticized Sakura's figure, saying that she "really should do
something" about how "flat" she was, and that the dresses Beth
wanted would look terrible on her. Another bridesmaid was told to "keep
from putting anything too ethnic" in her hair and "make sure she gets
it professionally straightened."
Her registry was at several very expensive stores (I think the
least expensive thing on the list was $60). Apparently Beth forgot that many of
the guests attending would be just-graduated students who were a bit lacking in
During the reception, she dragged aside yet another poor
bridesmaid to shrilly berate her for her boyfriend's lack of suitable attire. He
was wearing a conservative suit, but with a kind of garish tie. It wasn't
offensive, just not subdued. Apparently this called for an abusive public
dressing down of his girlfriend. To give her credit, the bridesmaid gave Beth
several pieces of her mind regarding her behavior and left before the pictures
Finally, the thank-you notes were a generic mass mailing,
computer generated and not even having a personal salutation.
Oddly enough, Beth has never been invited to anyone else's
wedding that I know of. Go figure.
I once had a college roommate, Bebe, who consistently amazed
me with her lack of couth and common sense. After years of partying and
indiscriminate sex, she met the "man of her dreams" who had swept her
off her feet. They got engaged about six weeks after they met and planned
a wedding after her graduation which was just a few months away. I truly think I
am the only friend she had; she could be a sweet girl but, mainly, she was just
a huge mooch who turned everyone off immediately. Luckily, her fiancé,
Shep, was also a notorious mooch so I felt good that they had found each
She called me one day to ask if I wanted go with her to look
at wedding dresses. The bridal shop was a well known business about thirty
minutes from her hometown. She told me that no one else wanted to help her
pick out her dress. Her sister was her only attendant and she didn't live
nearby. When I arrived at her apartment, she shouted from
the bathroom that she would be ready in a few minutes. I exchanged
pleasantries with her new roommate, Tallulah. Tallulah couldn't stand Bebe
and tried to spend as little time around her as possible. Like I said, I
felt sorry for Bebe but I did understand that she was weird and abrasive.
We had just started on the trip (I maintained that she would
have to drive and, since it was her dress that we were looking for, that she
would have to buy the gas) when Bebe apologized for not being ready when I
arrived. She then proceeded to tell me that the reason that she was tardy
is that she had developed a big yeast infection and was trying a new over the
counter treatment and was itching like crazy. Okay, yuck. Just drive.
Anyway, she was relieved that it was just an yeast infection and not VD since
she and Shep were getting it on like loud teenage rabbits. She was always
trying to regale me with stories of Shep's ladykilling single days and how lucky
she was to have roped this stud.
Finally, we make it to the bridal shop. Now, Bebe, is
attractive (she would tell you so, anyway) and she was dressed casually in a
sleeveless sweater with appropriately fitting blue jeans and boots. We
both looked fine. The shop had only a few customers when we arrived but we
were promptly ignored by a clerk as soon as we approached the counter. The
woman actually saw us and went to the back. We waited patiently until
another clerk made her way over to us and rather condescendingly said,
"Yes, did you need some help?" I have no idea what is wrong with
these people but they should have remembered that they were working in a shop in
the middle of Missouri, small town, and prom season is over. I would have
walked out and gone to another shop but, to Bebe's credit, she chose this moment
to be patient. Bebe wanted to try on four or five sleeveless
wedding gowns, and yes, honestly, she probably would purchase one of the dresses
at this shop, after her mother was consulted. The clerk slapped an armful
of dresses on a chair and told Bebe to call her if she needed help. Bebe
tried one on after another, and she, indeed, looked lovely. She was having
a great time and she was quite careful not to rip or tear. She was doing
very well with only minimal assistance (zipper) from me.
Bebe found the dress she liked, wrote down the number, and
told the clerk that she would be back. The clerk nodded and told us to
have a nice day. Honestly, I don't know what was up with these people. In
the car on the way back home, I asked Bebe if she was sure that she wanted to
come back to this rude place? Wouldn't she be happier going to a bridal
shop in Kansas City or someplace? Bebe said "yes," she had
noticed that they were rude and that had decided that she probably wouldn't come
back. She had recorded the dress label and number and figured that she
could probably get it elsewhere just as cheap. I told her that I was sorry
that she had had such a bad experience during this happy occasion when she
replied "Piss on 'em, I'm not wearing any underwear anyway."
I suppose I should preface this by explaining that Gail and I
had been very close friends since freshman year in high school. Soon you
will understand why I do not speak with her very much any more...except when she
calls me to gloat about her perfect life. :)
At the tender age of 19 I met a fellow that proposed to me
after knowing me for a whole month. I, being stupid, said yes. (but
that is a whole different story) I asked Gail to be my Maid of Honor.
Was something we had always talked about when daydreaming in high school.
The wedding was VERY small, only 30 or so people...and had to be planned in two
weeks, thanks to the United States Navy.
I found out that Gail said her parents were very upset that
they were not invited. <shock> I was completely unaware that
they wanted to be invited, seeing as how they despised me. They even once
grounded Gail from "having contact" with me, said I was a horrible
influence. Needless to say, they were invited and were even nice enough to
give us a lovely gift.
The wedding was nice, despite the fact that Gail cried during
the entire ceremony. Nothing like having your best friend bawling her eyes
out right next you to really calm you down :\ . I used to think it was due
something sweet like "my best friend is moving away" but now I'm
pretty sure it was "She got to have a wedding before I did"
Fast forward a few years... (and throw a divorce from that
weenie in there somewhere) Having snagged the best friend of the man
of my dreams, it was Gail's turn to get married. She called me the day
after the proposal and asked me to help out, and be in the wedding party etc...
That was the last I heard from her for two months. No invitation, nada.
She calls to remind me where she was registered. Then
she informs me that my invitation was "lost" (and the next day
she told me she had it, but just never mailed it thinking that she would see me)
I asked her about bridesmaids dresses in a way that would confirm my thoughts.
Sure enough, it was never even considered to have me in the wedding party.
And I'll never forget these words "But you can keep the book for us, if you
really wanted to help"
Then she proceeds to ask about my date for the wedding (My fiancé'
and her DO NOT get along) as "I just put your name and a +1" on
the list. Um, did she think I was going to bring someone other than him?
He just so happened to be the groom's best friend since 6th grade!
So, I made the choice not to attend the wedding. And she
can forget being invited to mine.
Several years ago, my friend "Melinda" became
engaged. Like many in our group, she and her husband decided to have a Pagan
handfasting, with the legal ceremony later on. Melinda asked me to officiate at
the handfasting and I happily agreed.
Melinda had decided to wear a white wedding dress for the
ceremony. She bought fabric and dropped it off with a seamstress another friend
had recommended. The woman never called her in for fittings and she began to
fret about getting her gown. Two weeks before the handfasting, Melinda called
me. "I'm going to go over to the seamstress right now. If she hasn't done
anything on my dress, I'm picking you up and we're going to buy a pattern so you
can make my dress." A couple hours later she arrived at my door and we
headed out to the fabric store. She picked out a fairly simple pattern and
showed me the fabric. It was very old and not in great shape; apparently she'd
bought it at a garage sale.
We bought more fabric, ribbons, etc and I headed home to start
working. It took me most of the next two weeks to finish the dress. Fortunately,
it was summer and I didn't have to worry about classes! My schedule was
basically to sew until my hands hurt, stop for something to eat, and go back to
sewing. Fortunately, Melinda was available for fittings, though she spent one
describing her sex life in unnecessary detail.
The dress was finished and we had the handfasting. Melinda
thanked me for the dress, and informed me that this was my gift to her (never
made any offers to pay me for my work.)
Not long before the handfasting, Melinda had discovered she
was pregnant. So by the time the legal wedding came around, she could no longer
fit into the dress I had made. Instead she borrowed a white maternity dress from
The wedding was going to be during the school year, but my
college was less than two hours away, so it would have been no problem to come
home for the day. However, Melinda called me up and told me I would not be
invited. "We are having the ceremony in my in-laws living room and there's
no space for friends. Only the groom's family will be there [Melinda's mother
was dead and she was not close in touch with her father]." I was
disappointed after my close involvement with the handfasting, but understood.
A few weeks after the wedding, Melinda invited me over to
watch the video. Imagine my surprise when I saw a few of our friends at this
"family only" ceremony! Clearly she had lied and just didn't want me
there for some reason.
A few years later, the subject of her wedding came up while we
were talking with some other friends. One woman asked me if I'd thought it was a
nice ceremony. Before I could try to reply, Melinda jumped in and said, "Oh
she wasn't there. She was away at college and couldn't make it."
I'll keep it brief, but when the bride's father is referring
to her as "the bride from hell" you know it's just not right. My
favorite part of being her bridesmaid was my "attendant gift." The
bride gave her girls jewelry she wanted us to wear for the wedding, but was
quick to tell me she didn't think I'd care for it so I could feel free to give
it back to her after the wedding because she really liked it and had not bought
a set for herself.
I would love to share this story with your site. I
formally worked for a company in which day travel was a normal part of the week.
In order to save on gas, my coworkers and I would often travel together to sites
we each needed to visit that happened to be in the same area. Therefore,
we got to spend a lot of time with each other and I grew to be friends with one
employee in particular, Carla.
Carla was an enthusiastic spirit and acted like a good friend
would, sharing her life stories and trials and going out for lunch with me.
When she announced her engagement I was thrilled for her since I thought we had
grown so close. During the next year leading up to her wedding I helped
her with all sorts of details. I mulled over invitation choices, helped
edit her wording, gave her advice and input on flowers, color schemes, food
choices and anything else she needed help with. She was sewing her own
dress and I spent some time at her home helping her out with the design. I
even allowed her to use our lunch hours on the road for her wedding errands.
Instead of sitting down to lunch we would drive to stores where she needed to
look at dress patterns or talk to the vendors.
When the months grew closer to her wedding, her sister decided
to throw her a wedding shower and Carla gushed about the party. She told
me she would be inviting EVERY female from work to the party BUT that she was
only going to ask her close friends at work, and here she specifically said
“such as you”, to the wedding itself. I thought this was a bit rude at
the time, but I was just out of college and this was one of the first
“friends” of mine who was getting married. I thought that perhaps this
was customary and at least I knew I would be going to the wedding.
The shower was held about three months prior to the wedding
and I came with a nice gift in tow as did a lot of the women from my department.
I was expecting a dinner as the shower was held in the evening between 4:30 and
7 and she told me there would be food, and I was expecting something grand based
on Carla’s description of her rich Uncle who was hosting the party and always
had things catered. Sure enough, I arrive and her Uncle’s house is a
small mansion, however the only food provided was a few finger sandwiches and
some chocolates and pretzels. Not enough to feed everyone. At this
point I was feeling sorry for my coworkers and anyone else
who had gotten invited to this shin-dig and brought a nice gift, but wouldn’t
get to partake in the wedding. Little did I know I should have been
feeling sorry for myself too.
In the next few months Carla continues to seek my help and
advice and take us on excursions to do her wedding errands. Finally with a
month away she announces that she is SO happy all her relatives are coming to
the wedding since they have all returned their response cards. This is
where it starts dawning on me that I did not get invited. She must have
been reading my mind because she then goes on to say how sorry she is that she
couldn’t invite anyone from work as she and her fiancé decided that no one
from their respective work places would attend. The reception was just too
expensive to be paying for extra people so she didn’t invite anyone from work.
I was upset, but I didn’t say anything.
After her wedding she comes back to the office with pictures
galore and starts fawning over them with everyone. When she came to show
me the pictures she began by describing who was in each picture and what their
relationship to the bride and Groom was. This is where she lost my
friendship. She pointed out a group of young people and described them as
her husband’s coworkers. Oh! But I thought you said no one from
either or your workplaces were invited. She then says “you should have
been there, it was so much fun”. Well if you had invited me…
A few months later Carla invited everyone (male and female)
from work to her house warming party. I did not attend. Then, over
three years later after I had left my job with that company and had not had any
contact with Carla in at least two years, she invites me to her baby shower!!!
I don’t think so.
Carla did give me a lesson though. Now that I am getting
married I will be sure that everyone who attends my shower gets an invitation to
the wedding. Although it is tempting to have her invited to the shower and
not the wedding. But, I don’t work like that. I would rather be a
generous bride than a stingy two-faced one.
Ok, so I love my friend Anna, but sometimes we run into
trouble about money. She's no heiress or anything, but she definitely comes from
more of it than I do and doesn't seem to understand when people have less than
her. It seems to strike her as rude when people are poorer than she is. Anyway,
when she got engaged she and her husband decided that they wanted to get married
in a tiny village in Ireland. Neither of them are Irish, no one has family
there, I guess they just thought it would be romantic. The only problem is that
everyone they know, or almost, is American and lives in the states.
Anyway, there was absolutely no effort made whatsoever to
assist the less well-off to attend this extravagant, far-flung affair. Not only
would people have to come up with international plane fair, but seeing as the
town was a good four hours away from the nearest airport it also meant a car
rental, and staying in the expensive bungalows which were the only lodging
available. The total cost to attend for me, a single person putting herself
through graduate school, would have been at the very least $1,000. Needless to
say, I could not come up with the money. I was filled with guilt about this,
apologized, and was depressed that I had not been able to make a better life for
myself as the other people she knew. But not a single shred of sympathy was
shared, not a dollar was offered to help with my ticket . . . even though she
told me a story about her parents buying tickets for a neighbor . . . no one
even offered to pick me up from the airport or share a car rental with me.
Nothing! And I am not a casual acquaintance at all, but one of the bride's best
friends for many years.
In the months leading up to the wedding, Anna was totally
obsessed with all of the material possessions she was getting --- the right
bedspread, the right throw pillows. She traipsed all over the country attending
no less than four bridal showers! And did I ever get a thank you for my gift? Of
course not! She was completely obsessed with her registry and expected me to
commiserate on her quest for the perfect pillow case, even though I was eating
top ramen and she and her fiancée had already been living together for years in
a house stocked with kitchen supplies and nice decorations. Oh, and did I
mention she scheduled the wedding to take place over my finals week? I was
trying to sell my possessions on ebay just to make enough money to buy the
ticket, when I finally got a grant for my tuition. But it was just for that -
tuition and nothing else. I told Anna about the grant, thinking she'd be happy
for me, and she immediately suggested that instead of sleeping on the couch in
her other friend's cottage that I rent my own cottage for $300 a night!!!!! I
realized that literally starving for months just to be unappreciated and snapped
at was out of the question, so I didn't go to my friend's wedding.
Okay let me say this is a wedding that was apparently horribly
awful and has since ruined a friendship that could have been semi-decent.
My husband and I, while we were in college, became friends with this fellow
named Tom. He was one of my husband's frat brothers and we always used to
hang out. Tom never had much luck with the ladies as they were always
dumping him and he never had more than maybe 5 girlfriends ever, needless to say
he was not the most experienced fellow on the block. Tom met an
overbearing, overweight, and overly sensitive girl named Pam, it was his
sophomore year in college, her junior. They date for three months, break
up over the course of those three months because she cheated on him, proceed to
get back together and then find out they're Pregnant. Not because of the fallibility
of contraceptives, mainly because they didn't BOTHER to use ANYTHING. They
both also claim to be incredibly religious and have spent countless
time looking down upon those people who have pre-marital relations.
So Pam is pregnant, but ultimately so vain. Our
friendship continues and she decides that she wants Tom to propose.
(Before they were pregnant she didn't even really want a long term relationship
with this guy!) Tom finally proposes when the baby is born and Pam decides
she wants to get married within 6 months of that. Pam and I haven't known
each other forever, but she constantly tells me I'm her best friend and thanks
me a ton for always being someone she can count on support (insert my
version of complain and nag unmercilessly) from. Pam then divulges her
bridal party plans, everyone people who she no longer speaks to are included in
her 6 person bridal party, but I am not. She does say however that she
would like me to read a passage during the ceremony. I am overwhelmed that
she would include me and am genuinely happy. My husband was selected to be
Tom's best man.
Pam proceeds to buy anything and everything needed for a
wedding going into debt for over $10,000. Neither Tom nor Pam have a job
and no one's else will pay for this wedding, but that does not inhibit Pam's
spending. She still has yet to buy a dress and claims that she needs
my invaluable opinion. I call her several times to see if there is a time
when she'd like to go dress shopping or if she needs help with the wedding.
Well she wants help in the form of me spending 2 days writing in calligraphy all
of her 200 + invitations. I do it, because I don't mind helping as I
thought we were actually good friends. I continue to ask Pam about getting
together as couples and hanging out and of course we have a daughter also around
the age of their child, so sitters are not an issue. They continue to not
answer phone calls or return messages. Whenever we do make plans it takes
3 tries, to complete. First try, they bail last minute, Second try they
deny we made plans, and Third try they show up for about 5 minutes and leave
early. This behavior continues until up to 1 month before the wedding.
At this point we have bought my husband's tux and my dress for the wedding.
Our daughter is not invited to the wedding, which is actually understandable, as
she might interrupt the ceremony, so I procure a babysitter.
Three days after I get a sitter, I receive a voicemail from
Pam. She says and I quote, "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind
acting as the general babysitter at my wedding and keeping an eye on all the
children during the ceremony and just keeping general tabs on them at the
reception. There are going to be 7 kids total and they go from age 2 years
to 8. I would prefer you do this to read that passage we talked
about. Thanks so much." I was livid, but at this point trying
to remain level headed since my husband was the best man.
Again my family and I try to make plans with them and are
blown off. My husband finally calls his friend Tom (who is spineless and
has no ability to say anything to his Bride to Be) and tells him the truth.
That he doesn't feel like a best man or a best friend anymore, since they never
want to spend anytime together. Also he doesn't understand how this
happened as distance is NO ISSUE, they live 5 minutes away. My husband
trying to be gracious and understanding says that if Tom would like to select a
new best man that would be okay, because he wants Tom to have someone he really
loves up there. Tom says he'll call my husband back. Tom calls back
and says that he would like to select a new best man and it is going to be the
Bride's Brother (whom he's known for all of 4 months). At the point we
assume, that we'll still be invited to the wedding, since we thought we were
just being demoted and she still wanted me to baby-sit.
Well it is now 3 weeks before the wedding and we have received
no invitation. I find out through a mutual friend that she doesn't
want us there, should we cause a scene. And said mutual friend whines to
me about having to be the new babysitter. Well the wedding date passes and
we eventually hear from them. My husband gets an apology from Tom about
his horrible behavior and the Bride to Be has nothing to say to me. I
still am cordial and polite, they finally come visit us in our new home.
Pam begins to tell me about the wedding despite my disinterest
and she begins to complain about her MIL. Her MIL is a saint and I am good
friends with the woman. I won't say anything mean about her it isn't in my
nature. Pam then proceeds to ask me if I want to watch the wedding video
and I politely decline. Now let me ask the general population would you
ask someone you disinvited to your wedding, without even actually disinviting
them to watch the video, when they clearly aren't interested??? Thank god
that wedding was over, now my husband and I simply wait patiently for the
I am engaged to a wonderful man I am very in love with. He
planned a beautiful proposal, and gave me a lovely ring, which he had spent
quite a bit of time searching for, etc. I get along splendidly with his family.
My family lives out of state, so they have truly become my family. My fiancé
has a cousin that has been seeing the same girl for ten years. She lives at
home, so does he etc. She refused to marry him until he bought her a very
particular VERY expensive ($30,000) ring. RED FLAG! Anyhow, this past
Christmas, he wrapped the ring, put it under the tree, and promptly FORGOT about
it! Well, on Christmas day, he was playing his brand new Playstation, and she
unwrapped the ring. She was shocked, and said "OH XXXX" WITHOUT TAKING
HIS EYES OFF OF THE GAME, he said "Oh yeah...will you marry me?"
She said yes, his mom was horrified, etc. They opted for a long engagement,
because she refused to marry him until he built her a certain house. I got
engaged to his cousin 6 months later. To this day I still have not met this
woman, but she sent her aunt to "check out" my ring (I discovered
later that this woman was her aunt) When her aunt reported back that my stone
was larger (My ring came from a wholesaler, and thus in our budget) she made him
return the ring that she had insisted on for TEN years, and is threatening to
call off the wedding....everyone hopes she does!!
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007