|Looking for that perfect bridal shower gift? Every
bride needs a commonsense guide to the etiquette that really
matters. Let Wedding Etiquette Hell: A Bride's
Bible for Avoiding Everlasting Damnation by Jeanne
Hamilton be your guide.
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This is one of the best batches
of Bridezilla stories to appear in an update! Have fun!
girl who I will refer to as Bridezilla comes into the picture in June of ‘05,
a friend of a friend. She and her boyfriend just got engaged. I knew of them but
didn't really hang out with them until we all went to a Vegas weekend to
celebrate the birthday of a mutual friend. She seemed really fun, a little young
but a nice girl overall. Her fiancé seemed really cool too, very funny and got
along well with my boyfriend. We hung out with them frequently over that summer,
all very casual.
forward just 2 months later to August. It's me and my boyfriend, my other friend
Carrie and her husband, and Bridezilla and her fiancé out to dinner. At the end
of the meal, Bridezilla says she has an announcement to make and proceeds to ask
ALL of us at the table (whom she has only known for TWO months) if we would be
in her wedding. Even the guys. My boyfriend has this stunned look on
his face, I'm thinking are you kidding, I've known you just 60 days! But
it was so awkward in front of everyone that we all just kind of act cool and are
like Sure! I’m thinking okay she obviously doesn’t have that many
other friends and with all my friends now in the wedding, it will be a fun
party. Then they announce the men will be wearing kilts and my boyfriend again
looks like deer in the headlights. He is 6’5” and I am picturing Gladiator.
In the meantime she also asks another of our mutual friends Samantha to be in
the wedding. Samantha says yes too because she's too stunned to say no.
after we were asked to be in the wedding, Carrie thinks it would be fun to have
an engagement party at her house thinking it would be just an occasion to throw
a party with all our mutual friends.... well Bridezilla decides it will be a
family affair and invites all their family members (his side and hers who had
never met before and
both went through bitter divorces and are on the outs. We're talking big family
rifts). She tells us how psycho the mother-in-law-to-be is and she’s hoping
she won’t cause a big scene. Then says what a nightmare the fiancé’s sister
is and that she hates her and this b*tch better not ruin MY party and almost
starts hinting to me that she’d like family to say with me at my apartment
that weekend. I am getting frightened by these people and say quickly, you can
borrow an air mattress!
she proceeds to send out these invitations with her registry information and
tells everyone she expects engagement gifts and starts complaining about
some of the gifts that people start sending her. I thought gifts were for the
shower and wedding, but I digress… So I help the other bridesmaids go shopping
and we set up this beautiful party for her...I'm thinking this is way more than
I expected to do for this girl, but just go with it. But the very next day
instead of a thank you for the party, the bride reprimands me because my
boyfriend and I left "early" at midnight!
The party started at 3 so we had been going for 9 hours!!!
Apparently we were expected to party all night. I thought it was odd but
just overlooked it thinking she was just having a bratty moment.
she proceeds to tell Samantha how much she hates her fiancé’s sister (who is
the other bridesmaid) and she is hoping to pick bridesmaid dresses that the
sister hates so she will drop out of the wedding. Samantha says, hmm well do you
have any styles in mind cause two of the girls would prefer not to go strapless.
She says "jokingly", "But you'll wear what I say you will wear!
ha ha." Then 2 of other girls in the wedding want to start a family
this year and Bridezilla threw a fit that they can't be pregnant at HER wedding.
All this we think is just joking right? Then right as she is deciding on
the venue she asks if I will go and see it with her. Actually she wants ALL her
bridesmaids to go see it. I had a friend in town but juggled things to get over
there. She seems super annoyed cause we're late and things aren't going her way
and then says, where's your boyfriend? I wanted him to see it too!!! Are
you kidding?! He could care less!
Her own fiancé wasn’t even there!!!
2 more months. We are at a party and she asks me and other bridesmaids
when we will be available to go bridal dress shopping with her. Not
bridesmaid dress but bridal shopping for her dress. We're like, Um I don't think
I am interested in that sort of thing. Maybe you can ask your mom or the MOH? (I
have seen the MOH only twice at this point, I’m thinking this girl is in
hiding). She then says she wants to discuss her bachelorette party
and then leaves for a minute to go to the bathroom while
the bridesmaids are talking about possible dates. When she comes back she
tells us that we are not to discuss bachelorette dates without her present!!
THAT was the final
straw for me. I haven't even known her six months yet and she is just over the
top in her expectations, completely needy and demanding!
If she had been a close friend for years, it would have been a different
story, but this was too much. So the next day I called her and said I am
OUT of the wedding!! One of the most awkward conversations of my life. I just
let her down easy saying I'm not really into weddings (which is true) and I
would be more comfortable at the wedding as a guest.
She's like sure that's fine. Then tells the other bridesmaid that she
doesn’t “buy” my excuse and is going to have a talk with me. I’m
thinking, get this crazy girl out of my life.
So I call her up and leave a message that I have no desire to talk, I’m
really uncomfortable with everything now and how she is acting and to please
give me my space. She then proceeds to KICK OUT of the wedding the other
bridesmaids (my friends Carrie and Samantha)!!!
Then she emails me and says can she still leave pictures up of me on the
wedding website. I’m thinking that’s creepy but whatever I don’t care. So
now she has a website with pictures up of people she now longer talks to because
she just wants to show off the engagement party pictures.
And after all this,
the fiancé has not bothered to contact my boyfriend or Carrie’s husband so we
are left to assume they are no longer in this circus of a wedding!!
I used to work in Victoria's Secret, and one day a woman comes into the store
and asks me for my help. She is going to be a bridesmaid and she needs a bra to
go under the dress. I show her the selection of bras and one of them is the
exact same color as the bridesmaid dress (a very light green). Even
though we had that particular color, I suggested she get a nude bra. It would
look better under the dress than the green one because the nude blends with
the woman's skin. Also, she could wear that after the wedding. Her response:
"I don't know, I have to check with the bride first."
I know the bride decides the bridesmaids dress but I didn't realize her
jurisdiction extended to what underwear the bridesmaids would wear.
(The bride did agree with me that the nude one would work better, though).
My cousin "Rose" planned her wedding for the middle of June in the
deep south. Not so bad until I was asked to be one of twelve Bridesmaids. Then
found out it would be a formal wedding at 10:00 AM. Yes 10 o'clock in the
morning in a warehouse style church. They turned off all the lights and just
have the two candelabra for lighting. After all twelve bridesmaids, 4 flower
girls,2 ring bearers, Bride makes her grand entrance in the $1500.00 dress
that she has to turn sideways to fit through he door. The pastor had
the one of those book lights on to see the vows. Wedding goes fine. Then move on
to the reception. For months I had heard about the elaborate meal planned. KFC
for everybody. Needless to say marriage lasted about 3 months. Oh did I forget to
mention groom won bride in a poker game........
I was paralyzed in an accident some years ago.
I am a moderately successful writer and my identical twin brother is a very
successful pianist. My brother and I, despite living on opposite coasts, had
always enjoyed a fairly close relationship, despite certain personality flaws on
my part. My brother is a very sweet, giving man, who unfortunately has zero luck
when it comes to marriage. His first marriage to a woman he met while attending Julliard
fell apart within a couple of years, and although they divorced
amicably, they have not maintained contact with one another. His second bride,
however, was a huge Bridezilla, and nearly ruined my relationship with my
brother with her unbridled selfishness and greed.
"Al" met "Vi" while he was performing a concert in Spain
with a major orchestra there, as a guest. She was a cellist, and they seemed to
hit it off very quickly. My brother was going to be a guest with the orchestra
for several months, and they began to see a lot of each other. By the end of his
tenure with the orchestra, Vi found out she was pregnant. Coming from a Catholic
family, and perhaps spurred by my brother's not-so-modest financial standing,
she began to push him toward marriage. Now, my brother is a stand-up guy, and
although he had reservations about going to the altar so quickly, especially
after his short-lived first marriage, given the circumstances he agreed to the
marriage. Vi would move back with him to the United States, and although my
brother wanted a modest wedding (his first had been very tasteful and modest,
but given his financial situation at the time, it wasn't surprising), Vi had her
heart set on a white wedding with all the trimmings. My brother suggested they
wait until after the wedding so that Vi wouldn't look obviously expecting during
the wedding, but she wanted the wedding soon. Very soon. Before she was
obviously showing soon. My brother was left with approximately two months to
finance and plan a pull-out-all-the-stops white wedding.
The only say Al really had in anything was in his best man and groomsmen. Vi
had asked her best friend to be her maid of honor and five, count'em, FIVE of
her "closest friends" from Spain to be her bridesmaids. Fortunately,
she didn't want a shower of any kind (I am not even sure they have them in her
culture), but she wanted Al to fly her ladies in from Spain (along with her
parents, who were unhappy with the whole situation to begin with), and put them
up for ONE MONTH leading up to the wedding so that they would be available for
their many "emergency fittings". As I said, my brother isn't bad off,
but even the most successful pianists aren't exactly rolling in it. My brother
asked me to be his best man (as I said, we were on pretty good terms), as I had
been in his previous wedding, and some fellow musicians to be his groomsmen. As
I wasn't very well-off financially (my career was beginning what would prove to
be fifteen-year slump), he offered to pay for my travel and tux, but I declined,
promising him that I would get there on my own (I have this distinct pride
problem, amongst other faults).
Meanwhile, Vi had become quite friendly with a female musician my brother was
friends with and demanded she become another bridesmaid, so my brother had to
add another groomsman. But here is where things get good: I received in the mail
a very long, typed letter, supposedly from my brother, saying that our
relationship had been strained for a very long time. It claimed that I had been
cold, distant, and unsupportive of his future nuptials (although not in so many
words) and that he thought it would be best if we broke off contact. I was being
formally asked to step down as his best man and not to attend the wedding at
all. I was so angry that I threw out the letter and didn't speak to my brother
for seven years.
I got frequent updates about Al from my rare calls from my mother (I get my
personality flaws from her, and yes, we are both somewhat cold and distant),
namely that the wedding was tense, with the two sides of the family refusing to
speak to each other (largely due to the language barrier), the bride accusing
the new bridesmaid she insisted on adding at the last moment (my brother's
friend) of having an affair with Al and throwing her out of the wedding party
and then arbitrarily telling one of the groomsmen that meant he was out, too
(and demanding both of their attendant gifts be returned), and eventually, the
Bridezilla from hell leaving both my brother and her daughter two years after
the wedding because she "missed home" and that it was
"cruel" of Al to force her to live in a strange country away from her
family (she had wanted to live with my brother. If she had wanted to stay in
Spain, I have no doubt Al would have packed his things and moved there to be
But the story is far from over. Seven years after the wedding, my mother
died. The first time I heard from my brother in seven years was a curt call
informing me of this fact and when and where the funeral would be. I saw Al
after the funeral and we made tense small talk, when he dropped the bomb:
"Why didn't you want to be in my wedding? You could have just told me if
you didn't want to be my best man, and you could have at least have come to the
wedding. You didn't have to be so nasty about it." Excuse me? Something was
seriously not right here.
After we talked it out some more, pieces began to come together. Vi had told
Al that I had called and said that I refused to come to the other side of the
country where my brother could flaunt his success, and that I hated Vi (I had
never met her, and, in fact, still never have) and wanted no part of their
marriage. I told him about the letter I received, and he called his friend back
home to ask if she had heard anything during her brief tenure as Vi's friend,
where more pieces began to come together: Vi had had her heart set on one
particular place for her reception, a beautiful mansion. Unfortunately, the
mansion was not wheelchair accessible, and she knew that my brother would never
consent to have a reception there as I could not attend. She made a comment
about how things would be easier without me in the picture, and within days I
was, although the friend didn't really think much of it at the time. Apparently
she just thought I had opted not to attend or something had come up. Because I
wasn't there, Al hadn't even noticed the reception site was not wheelchair
accessible. As far as we can tell, the note was written for her by someone with
a much better command of the English language (not the friend, of course) and
then forged Al's signature on it. My brother was livid, and was never more happy
to be rid of someone in his life (although their daughter still spends her
summer vacations with her mother in Spain).
My brother is now about to try marriage for the third time, to the sister of
the friend who Vi accused him of having an affair with. I really hope things go
better for him this time around. And yes, I was asked to be the best man again.
This time, nothing short of my brother coming to my home and telling me to my
face that I am disinvited will keep me away.
I became friends with a co-worker named "Autumn" and was asked to
be her MoH. This was the first time I was ever asked to be in a wedding, so I
wanted to make sure I was a great MoH. I helped her with planning, listened to
her stress about vendors, and was a shoulder for her to cry on. We talked at least once a day and spent
a lot of time making sure plans were in order. She came from a poor family so
part of my gift to her was to throw her and the groom an engagement party. It
was a costume party on Halloween and all her friends and family attended. I had a friend DJ
for us and decorated a hall complete with some wonderful food. I even had a
small cake made for them. Some may think I went a little overboard, but at the
time she seemed like such a genuine person who deserved a little attention.
Fast forward to the wedding day. I have spent hours hanging swags of
Christmas lights and tulle in the reception hall so she is happy. The bridal
party is exhausted. We get up early to make sure her things are in order and
that she makes her hair appointment. We even miss lunch in order to adhere to her schedule. I managed
to bring a granola bar and a soda along for the car ride. The bride is stressed
out and snapping at everybody. We are all rushing around to make sure she is
After a long Catholic ceremony, we head off to the reception. I pay extra special
attention to the bride and make sure she has everything she needs. I fetch her
plates of food so she doesn't have to get up from the head table. I do anything
she asks. I just want her day to be special. Again, at the time we all thought she deserved
The reception ends, the bride and groom leave for their honeymoon. The
bridal party and I make sure everything is cleaned up so she isn't charged extra
fees by the hall. We bring her gifts to her house and have her dress cleaned. Everything is
ready for their return.
After she gets back from 2 weeks of being away, I see her at work. She stares
at me and says nothing. I figure she is just tired. 2 more weeks go by and the
times I do see her briefly, she ignores me. Something isn't right. I finally
confront her and ask her what is the matter.
She says she is pissed at me for disrespecting her and her husband.
I am stunned!
I ask what she means and she says that I didn't take my bouquet of flowers
Now, mind you, the bride chose tulips for us to have which after 8 hours had
fully opened and then wilted and got crushed. If I could have done something
with them, I really would have put them in water. Other bridesmaids threw theirs
away for the same reason. We didn't mean anything bad by it. I apologize to her, and
explain this. She reacts again with the same "you disrespected us"
bit. I am stunned and leave it at that. I can't believe after all I did and
after spending close to a thousand dollars she thinks I am disrespecting her.
It has been 1 year since that wedding and I have never received a thank you
or anything. The bride totally blew me off and stopped talking to me. In fact,
she made sure that I didn't receive the photos I had ordered from the photographer. She
never gave him my check.
I have learned a valuable lesson: not to be such a doormat, and that people
aren't always as they seem.
I dated a guy for 14 years, but never married. He had a twin sister
"Janet" that I was friendly with, but we honestly had nothing in
common. All she cared about was her body, boyfriends and making sure
everyone was looking at her wherever she went. Drama followed her through many
failed relationships and friendships. I am an honest person (sometimes too much
so), and she always said she admired my way of "telling it like it
is". She valued my advice and friendship more than I valued hers, but
I was involved with her family, so I made the best of it. We had a
mutual friend "Crystal" who eventually became closer with me than with
Crystal and I were roommates and stayed close, while my break-up with Janet's
brother left me no reason to stay in touch with Janet. Crystal and I stayed
casually in touch with Janet and saw each other maybe once a year. Crystal
sometimes went out with Janet, since they were both single and liked bars/clubs,
while I did not.
Then comes the engagement announcement. At almost age 40, Janet is getting
married to a guy who is 25. What a surprise. Janet says "of course you and
Crystal will be bridesmaids, right?" I dread the idea, but figure if
Crystal and I do this together, it won't be so bad. I hardly even know Janet
anymore - it's been 7 years since I dated her brother! The wedding is over
a year off, yet Janet thinks we should go buy dresses now. Crystal attempts
to politely put her off a while, at least until Xmas passes, due to financial
Crystal and Janet weren't having fun at their outings to bars anymore
and it is obvious their friendship is strained. Meanwhile, my ex (Janet's
brother) is now dating someone new, and Janet wants to add her into the
bridesmaids. When Crystal again mentions she is a little strapped for dress
shopping funds (still over 9 months until the wedding) Janet gets mad and tells Crystal
she could offer someone else her spot since "she isn't willing to spend the
money". Crystal agrees (especially because this wasn't really posed as a
question), but is then told, "Don't worry - you can watch the wedding
video!" Suddenly being uninvited to the wedding really hurts her, but Janet
claims only family and bridal party are invited.
I am in shock at how rude this is and feel terrible that Crystal is so
hurt. Knowing she would have plenty of time to get other people, I call
Janet and tell her (nicely) that I don't feel I can participate, while Crystal
is sitting at home upset on the wedding day. Janet goes NUTS. She starts
screaming, her family is in the back ground screaming. Then she asks "So,
you picked HER over ME???" Um, you're asking if I am picking a friend
I hang out with at least once a month, lived with for years, and still talk to
regularly over YOU? Yes!
The screaming went on and on. It became almost comical. (almost) I finally
hung up and was so relieved. No elaborate restaurant shower to pay for (she
requested this). No bachelorette party to pay for (which I am sure would end with
some sort of jealous scene with her fiancé). No gifts, stupid dresses or
She vowed never to speak to me again, for which I am grateful. I learned my
lesson - if you are hesitant to be involved in a wedding - DON'T BE!
Wow. Reading these stories makes me want to never have single female
friends. My story is rather odd and takes place in the fall of
2001. A friend of mine I'll call Jen had been seeing this guy for
about 2 years. Also Jen did not drive nor did she have a job. She
was completely dependent upon others for transportation and monetary
support. When Jen and I wanted to go to the movies or just have
pizza, I had to drive to the other side of town to meet her because she couldn't
drive to my place and refused to take city transportation or have her fiancé drive her.
In the summer of 2001, I was living overseas.
I was due to return home on September 13, 2001. That did not happen (if
you will recall all air traffic was suspended to the US during that time).
When I finally DID make it home (two long weeks later) I was bombarded with frantic calls from
Jen - every day - three sometimes four times a day. What did she
want? She was getting married and wanted me to DRIVE her around town since
her fiancé refused to have anything to do with their wedding. I had
been stranded in a foreign country not knowing when I would be able to see my
family again. The only thing I wanted to do when I arrived back in the
States was to be with my family. Jen, however, thought I more important
things to do - like chauffer her all over town so she could arrange her
wedding. The selfishness and audacity of brides is simply stupefying.
My boyfriend had to go to his cousin's wedding this summer. He asked if I
join him as his date for a fairly ho-hum family event, to which I agreed (one of
the perks of a relationship such as ours is that he has to come to mine too!).
About a month before the wedding, he finds out that only immediate family and
their spouses are invited- so that means that even long-term significant others
that are not betrothed were to be excluded from the event. This caused quite the
uproar, but as I myself had only been "girlfriend" for 5 or so months,
I was not going to cry too hard over this one. I figured that for budget
purposes the cuts had been made and c'est la vie!
The week following the wedding, I met some additional relatives of the
boyfriend- also "cousins" but in this case they were SECOND cousins
(we'll call them Cousin 1 and Cousin 2). The topic of the wedding came up, and
how tacky it was to not have been invited to the wedding, and wasn't I steamed.
(Um, not really, but I could tell by where Cousin 1 was steering the discussion
that this was going to be interesting.) I then found out that Cousin 1 and
Cousin 2- a married couple- were excluded from the wedding invite as they were
merely "second cousins" and therefore not technically
"immediate" family. However, they were NOT excluded from receiving a
gift registry (they gave the B&G a very nice $300 Wedgewood piece-
information that Cousin 2 was all to eager to make public knowledge). Also,
Cousin 2 assisted in the giving of the shower, the post-shower pack up of gifts,
and she helped the bride tote all the loot home.
Now, if this wasn't enough of an insult, it would also appear that there were
not any Wedding Budget Woes as I had previously assumed. The Bride and Groom are
VERY well off. In fact, Cousin 1 & 2 are insurance providers and they had
very recently completed a comprehensive appraisal for the B&G of the home
and all of the contents for insurance purposes- which included (are you ready
for this?) the $50,000, 4-carat, diamond monstrosity that adorned the hand of
this oh-too-tacky-for-words bride.
Is it just me, or does this one say- "Hi! I'm marrying your cousin, and
money is no object (obviously) but please feel compelled to get me an expensive
gift and, by the way, I don't want you at my special day. Gee, thanks!"
(And on a personal note, boyfriend says that the food was gross, the bride
looked sour, and most of the guests felt somewhat slighted in one form or
another and couldn't wait to escape this "exclusive" event. I'm SO
glad I got to stay home!)
First, let me say that this story was told to me by a relative as we were
discussing my mother a few years after she died (she died on the operating table
while receiving surgery for advanced breast cancer when I was in my mid-20s.
This becomes important later in my story). So while I have no way of knowing
whether this actually happened, trust me: I know my sister, and I certainly
wouldn't put it past her, as the behavior I *have* had the chance to witness
from her fits this MO pretty well.
First, my mother always had problems with infertility. She had my sister (who
I will call "Cindy") when she was 26, but this was after years of
effort (she had married fairly young). So when she found out she was pregnant
again at 43, when my sister was almost seventeen, she was both stunned and
elated. My sister, who had lived the pampered, spoiled life of the only
"miracle" baby of a fairly well-to-do family, wouldn't stand for this,
despite being almost an adult and no longer really in need of my mother's
undivided attention. (My father also was rather against this pregnancy, as he
thought they were too old and had been looking forward to Cindy moving out and
getting to enjoy his middle age in peace, but other than being the primary
reason why my sister was so spoiled, his issues have nothing to do with
anything.) But my mother saw through the pregnancy, which was rather difficult
(this became fuel for guilt trips later in my life), and had me. And instantly,
Cindy despised me and my entire existence.
My sister pretty much married the first man that came around. She was
nineteen when she was married, and this takes us to our story. You see, my
sister put, in bold print no less, on all of her wedding invitations "NO
CHILDREN". Fair enough, although she made it very clear to my mother on
more than one occasion that "NO CHILDREN" meant "NO [MY
NAME]", and harped on her about having someone to watch me on that day. My
mother insisted that she would work it out. Keep in mind my parents were paying
for the wedding, my mother was planning it and taking care of all the
arrangements as Cindy either "didn't know how" or was "too
busy", and my parents were still sending her on her honeymoon in the
Poconos (we lived in an NYC suburb) as their wedding gift. All my mother wanted
pretty much from the day my sister was born was to partake in the pleasure of
the mother of the bride's role (it's a fairly involved role) in her daughter's
traditional Jewish wedding (yes, she married a Jewish man. Daddy wouldn't have
it any other way), and all of this seemed like a small price to pay for that
The day of the wedding comes, and as luck would have it, there was no
babysitter for not-even-two-year-old me. All of our friends and family would be
at the wedding and reception, and my mother didn't want to leave me with a
stranger. My sister fought with her long and hard, suggesting her she hand her
off to members of our synagogue, although my mother tried to explain that most
of the people we were close to would be at the wedding, and it would be rude to
solicit those who weren't invited at the last second. My mother was very
conscious about being rude and breaching etiquette, even if she wasn't, and it
was killing her to have to ask her only daughter to break her one rule of her
wedding just for her. And would you believe it, my sister actually told my
mother if she was going to come with me, then not to bother coming. My mother
was absolutely devastated.
Some very angry and upset relatives (including my father, in an
uncharacteristic display of siding with my mother over her) all approached Cindy
and told her she was being incredibly cruel and unfair. Many even offered to
leave (with their gifts), and told my mother they would watch me and not attend
the wedding. Either they appealed to her better nature or her greed, but my
sister came out and, like she was being the most generous person on the face of
the Earth, announced that my mother would be allowed to bring me, as long as
someone else held me while she stood up for her part in the ceremony. My mother
forgave her totally, and I apparently slept through the entire ceremony.
But this wasn't the end. Oh, no. My mother wanted to attend the reception,
which is also loaded with traditional Jewish customs that she didn't want to
miss. She kept me close to her, and some relatives who hadn't had a chance to
see me fussed over me. Well, my sister was livid to have any trace of attention
taken from her on *her* day, and began to say nasty things to anyone and
everyone who would listen about how her mother had planned this all along
because she wanted to show me off, and she couldn't believe her own mother would
do this to her on her own wedding day. Fortunately, many relatives who knew my
mother well told her exactly what they thought of her slandering my mother and
what an ungrateful little prat she was being.
My sister did not outgrow any of this, unfortunately. Although she did get
close to my mother during my "petulant phase", where I quit college
and ran to the city to pursue a chancy artistic career and refused to have any
contact with my mother, taking her concern and offers to help as hope that I
would fail and have to get a "real" job, and spent a great deal of
time slandering me and trying to make my mother realize I was a bad seed all
along, she refused to have any contact with my mother after I was involved in a
hit and run, expected not to survive, and wound up in a coma for three weeks
only to wake up and find out I was permanently paralyzed from the waist down. My
mother tried many times to get in contact with her, seeking support (by this
point my father had completely withdrawn from the family emotionally), but never
heard from her. Cindy later told a family member who asked her why she was
avoiding my mother "well, she needs to focus on [my name] right now, and
obviously doesn't have the time to waste on me". She had actually had her
fourth child just before my accident, who my mother didn't get to see again for
over two years.
And my sister also refused to believe my mother had cancer when I called her
angrily and told her. I had to physically go to her home and drag her to my
mother's to get her to believe me. She started visiting and bringing her kids
around again, but she was pregnant with her fifth child (at, coincidently, age
43) and actually was angry when my mother's private nurse (who happened to be my
partner and was taking care of her as a personal favor to me) refused to wait on
her and cater to her every whim, and angry at everyone else who wouldn't pay
attention to her. Yes, being pregnant is obviously a condition as deserving of
attention as a close family member dying of cancer. She had the baby about a
month before my mother died, so fortunately she was no longer imperiled by her
delicate state (it wasn't a difficult pregnancy at all, despite her age) and was
able to properly grieve with the rest of us.
Despite my mother's dying wish for us to learn to get along, I haven't spoken
to her much since our mother died. Although, interestingly, one of her sons has
been living with me for the past three or so years, since he was about
I don't know if this counts as bad etiquette or not-- it is a simple story but
it's made me question the loyalty of one of my dearest friends and that makes me
feel very sad. My husband and I have a very close mutual friend, D, who has been
our confidante and room-mate in college. He takes his friendships very
seriously and has always assured us that we will never lose his love or his
loyalty. It is with this in mind that, upon our engagement, we asked him
to be our Best Man--if anyone is worthy of the honor, it is D. He was
extremely flattered and wholeheartedly accepted.
Shortly after accepting this position, D moved across the country, but he has
had the means to visit 3-4 times a year (he has family and other loved ones in
the area) and assured us he would be there. My husband and I came up with a cute
little idea that all the groomsmen (and important guy friends) would stay the
night with him the evening before the wedding, while I and the bridesmaids would
stay at my future MIL's -- in effect, creating two separate but hopefully
equally enjoyable slumber parties. We asked the members of our wedding
party, who grew increasingly scattered across the country as time went on
(everybody graduated college and moved), if they would be willing to spend the
night before the wedding with the bride and groom, and everybody agreed.
As the wedding rehearsal was scheduled for the night before our Sunday wedding,
this seemed to work out well for everyone.
Well, after D learned of this "boys' time", he began to conspire
with another out-of-town friend, B, on throwing my FH a bachelor party.
They told my FH it was going to be really awesome and my FH began to get really
excited about it. My future MIL threw me a wonderful wedding shower but FH
hadn't gotten any kind of individualized attention like that. As excited
as he was, though, FH began to worry things would get out of hand. My FH
is a very open-minded guy but for very complex reasons he was extremely
uncomfortable with the idea of having an exotic dancer at the party. I
don't mean he's just shy, I mean he has personal and ethical reasons for not
wanting any part of it.
Well, when he confided to the Best Man and our friend B that he didn't want
any kind of stripper or exotic dancer, and explained that it was really
important that they honored that, both of them apparently decided it was no
longer worth throwing a bachelor party and quickly dropped the plans.
However, my FH was optimistic that the boys would still get some time the night
before the wedding to just hang out in a very low-key way.
Our Wedding Rehearsal was rather unexpectedly shifted to Friday instead of
Saturday. Unfortunately this conflicted with just about everyone's plans
but somehow people drove in from all over the country and everyone was able to
make it except the Best Man, who had already booked his flight into town.
The Rehearsal went off without a hitch and the rehearsal dinner was really
enjoyable too. I spent all day Saturday setting up everything for the
ceremony and reception with the aid of my closest relatives. Meanwhile, my
FH returned to home an hour away and proceeded to clean our filthy house so that
we did not return from our honeymoon only to find utter mayhem.
After I finished setting up for the following day, I returned to MIL's house
hoping to spend the last part of the day de-stressing. I more or less got
my wish of having the girls spend the night with me, though everyone got there
really late due to various schedule issues, so we had just enough time to watch
a movie and then collapse in exhaustion. I was really hoping my FH was
getting some of the attention that he deserved, so I called him to see what's
Last I'd checked, he was back at our apartment getting some quality boy-time
with the Best Man, our friend B, my Uncle M (who is roughly our age), and our
friend J (who actually lived with us) would be returning later.
Well, when I found out what had happened, I couldn't help but feel
really angry. Apparently our beloved Best Man left with our friend
B, and rather than spending the night with my FH as he'd requested, they went to
someone else's party, got completely plastered, and didn't show up until the
next morning at the wedding site. In the meantime, my AMAZINGLY GRACIOUS
Uncle M helped my FH clean the entire apartment. So while I had at least
most of the women I loved surrounding me, my poor FH was cleaning house with
While such self-centered behavior is typical of our friend B, it came as a
slap in the face from our Best Man. As far as I'm aware, there's no
written law of wedding etiquette that says you have to spend the night with the
bride or groom on the eve of their Wedding Day. But I think, if you are
asked about something months in advance, and you firmly agree to do it, then you
should do it, especially knowing how much it would mean to the groom. I
feel like they led him on in so many ways by telling him they were going to
spend special time with him, throw him a party or whatever, but in the end they
couldn't even be bothered to stick around the night before. You really
find out who cares about you in the course of getting married--and I have found
the answers are often surprising. In this case it was Uncle M who came
through for us, helping my FH clean without a single complaint, a truly selfless
act and just one example of the thousands of generous and selfless gestures we
received from those who made their love and support so delightfully clear.
(Since we're on the subject of "follow-through"-- If you send
back an RSVP for a wedding, then please show up! Of the 70 RSVPs we
received, a total of 35 people actually showed up. These were not
"friends of friends", these were people close to us that proclaimed
"I wouldn't miss it for the world!", called to double-check they had
directions, and then never showed-- never sent a card or called or anything,
just didn't show up. If we had known our guest list was to be reduced by
half, we could have reduced our food costs by half as well.)
Our wedding day was absolutely perfect, one of the most amazing days of our
lives-- I for one am changed forever just by the sheer force of generosity we
experienced from so many people who love us so much. Once you are on the
receiving end of such love it is hard to ever be the same again. I'm not
trying to mar that memory but when you claim to care about someone, and you make
a commitment to that person, why not keep the commitment or at least explain
why you can't? What happens if you don't is that people end up feeling
very hurt and confused. My husband was hurt quite deeply and I guess I'm
feeling a bit overprotective about it.
First, a little background. I had known this girl, let’s call her Bessie,
since our freshman year of college. Bessie was a fun, down-to-earth person and
she and I quickly became close. After a few not so stellar boyfriends, she
started dating “Mike,” who was a really nice guy, and I was very happy for
her. However, after a few years, Bessie started to change (at this time, I was
just starting grad school and she was working). Mike had more money than she did
and, after they moved in together, she bought a whole new wardrobe, new car, new
furniture, started wearing lots of make-up, went out to fancy dinners, etc. Now,
Mike was not in the least pretentious or snobby, nor did he encourage her to do
I was very excited for Bessie when they announced their engagement and
promptly bought her this really nice wedding planner as a gift and she selected
me to be co-MOH with her roommate. Things quickly went downhill from there. I
would leave her messages asking how wedding planning was going and what I could
do to help, she would never answer me to let me know what was going on. Also,
she apparently expected me and her other friends to pay for all her meals and
drinks and drive her everywhere because she was now engaged…
A few months into grad school, my father was laid off and my mother was
diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, obviously a huge blow that devastated me.
When Bessie first heard the news, she said she and Mike were going to a movie
and offered to buy my ticket if I went with them. I thanked her, but declined.
That was the last nice thing she would offer me. During the following months,
she never asked me how my mother (or I!) were doing, and would only talk about
One night, she went out for drinks with my roommate and me. I
was telling them that I had been having these strange dreams, and when I looked
them up in a dream dictionary, all of the symbols indicated that “things would
be getting better.” I said, “I don’t know if they will be getting better
or if they’re wishful thinking kind of dreams.” Martini glass raised, Bessie
disparagingly said, “Oh now, MY NAME, things aren’t really that bad, are
they?” My roommate and I’s jaws dropped and I said, “Well, yes, it could
be worse. I suppose my father could be dying as well.” “Oh, that,” she
unapologetically said, “sorry.”
A few months later, my mother had several strokes and my father took her home
for hospice care. I had been driving back and forth from school to home on the
weekends (a 3 hour drive each way) to visit. One day, I walked out of my
apartment to discover my car was stolen. My car that was not fully insured…. I
had given Bessie rides before, to the gym, school, mall, etc., but she did not
once offer to give me a ride when I did not have a car. In fact, the day after I
tearfully told her (I was hysterical) about my car being stolen, she called me
to ask me to drive to her place to pick up my bridesmaid’s dress!
I could tell of numerous occasions when she was unbelievably selfish and
inconsiderate, but I will jump forward to the weeks preceding the wedding. Now,
keep in mind I was in graduate school, living off student loans, and my father
was unemployed and taking care of my dying mother, so I obviously did not have a
lot of money.
Bessie did not want her bridal shower to be “at someone’s
house,” (heaven forbid!), but at a restaurant. The other MOH sent out
invitations from the list Bessie had given her. We kept asking Bessie and these
people who was coming, but got no answer. We reserved a big table at a
restaurant and got decorations and party favors for the expected 25 guests.
About 6 people (in addition to the 2 other bridesmaids) showed up… We paid for
everyone’s dinner and drinks. Afterwards, we took her out for her bachelorette
party. She did not want a stripper or anything wild, so we took her to this nice
piano bar and then to another bar, played all these games, bought all her
drinks, etc. She did not once thank me for the shower or party nor express she
was having a good time. Since I was broke, I had planned that my participation
in the wedding and paying for my bridesmaid’s dress, shower, bachelorette
party, and all the other times I had taken her out for dinner and drinks to
celebrate, would be my wedding present. However, she would drop hints about
things she wanted me to get and even once suggested I buy them a new couch!
By the time the wedding came around, I was absolutely fed-up and wanted to
kill her. All along, Bessie insisted that her wedding would be “formal,” and
mocked other people’s tacky weddings, but then announced they did not want to
have a sit-down dinner, only have hors d'oeuvres served, even though it was an
evening wedding. They did not want to “see old people dance,” hence would
not have any music. Even though traditionally the bride takes the bridesmaids
out for lunch before the wedding to thank them, she announced there would be no
time for that. When we did find some time after the morning rehearsal to all go
to lunch, the other MOH ended up paying for Bessie’s lunch! At the rehearsal
dinner, she gave us cheap snowflake necklaces to wear with our dresses as our
The ceremony and “reception” were held in the same venue. The ceremony
itself was beautiful, but reception was the most boring thing I’ve ever been
to. There was no music nor traditional toasts and only hors d'oeuvres were
served (even though the ceremony started at 5). Thank God there was an open bar!
The other bridesmaids and our dates sat around the whole night at a round table,
just drinking and talking. The bride did not even stop by our table to say hi or
thank us, even though it was a very small wedding (the gracious groom did and
thanked me personally for my help).
Now, I have to admit to a little wedding faux pas of my own…. I was so mad
about the whole thing that I brought two dates to the wedding, my boyfriend (now
fiancé) and roommate, and only informed Bessie about it at the last minute.
After the wedding, at around 11 pm, the three of us drove to Taco Bell in our
formal attire and ordered tons of food, as we were absolutely starving! I also
did not get her a wedding present, as she was a greedy materialistic selfish
witch who had already taken enough of my money and emotional well-being.
I'm 22 and I just got my Dads wedding invitation in the mail. (2nd wedding).
Now, Dad lives over the other side of the country, so it will cost me $500 to go
to the wedding. I work and study, so this is a bit of a problem, but when I
asked Dad for a hand, it was, "Oh, no, we're skint planning the
is fair enough, except he wasn't planning the wedding- his bride-to-be, Heather
is. Heather has been unemployed for a while but doesn't have a problem spending
a few thousand of dad's dollars on a designer dress, etc. So, luckily I got a pay
rise and could go.
However, when I opened the invitation I found a bridal
registry list in it for David Jones. For two people (38 and 50) to do a bridal
registry when they've been living together for seven years seems tacky enough. However, when I logged on to check out what was available, it was all brand name,
top of the range stuff, such as an $800 dinner set, $120 table cloth, a $500
coffee machine- basically, it was all things Heather had seen in magazines and
never been able to afford. So, I was pretty annoyed at being asked to sponsor my
new step-mother life style seeing as she has never been able to achieve it
herself, and that's when I found this brilliant site!
Ps- she wants me to read Shakespeare at the wedding...and there will be
bagpipes. Save me.
I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend Julie's wedding and accepted. The
wedding party was huge, 12 bridesmaids and 12 groomsmen, plus assorted ring
bearers and flower girls. Okay, whatever. A few months later, another bridesmaid
and I each get an email (email! not even a phone call!) from the bride, telling
us that two of the groomsmen had dropped out of the wedding party, one because
of finances and one for some other undisclosed reason. She had asked the groom
to find replacements, but since he already had to come up with 12 groomsmen in
the first place to accommodate partners for all her bridesmaids, he was
completely out of friends or family to ask. So, since the "wedding party
can't be unbalanced," (that's a direct quote) the bride was officially
kicking us out of the wedding party. She went on to say that she was sorry but
there was just no alternative, and we were the lucky ones to be un-selected
because, although she considered us wonderful friends, we were the "least
close" to her of all the bridesmaids. I was astounded. Never had I heard of
kicking someone out of the bridal party, ever. We went to the wedding and all
was well, although it was awkward when people said things like, "I thought
you were one of Julie's bridesmaids!" I told them the truth, and the
astonished looks on people's faces was priceless. I haven't had much to do with
ceremony esthetics takes priority over relationships, it's time to cut that
relation ship lose and sail on to find more hospitable shores.
I had been friends with Jill since 4th grade. While we drifted apart toward
the end of high school, we kept in touch from time to time while we were in
college. Her boyfriend, later fiancé, attended the same college I did, and
occasionally we would get together when she visited him.
Jill and Jack got engaged. She is happy, he seems, well, disinterested. I had
concerns about this. They are planning a small wedding that they are financing
themselves--punch and cake after a small ceremony.
One evening I got a call from the bride to be. And these are her exact
words..."I really need a brunette in the wedding party. My sister and I
were talking about who it should be, and she thinks you are pretty, so would you
like to be a bridesmaid?"
I honestly thought she was joking. I do have a warped sense of humor, as do
my friends. I wasn't really inclined to do this, but my mom convinced me that it
would be fun--shopping for dresses and parties, so I agreed.
A few weeks later, another phone call. "We have the pattern and material
for your dress, when can you pick it up?" I knew we would be making the
dresses, with the budget and all, no problem. But I thought at least I'd get to
shop a little!
The wedding is now approaching, and I haven't heard anything about a shower
or bachelorette party. I called the MOH. She wasn't home, so I left a message.
Days went by. No call. I made a second call. No response.
I felt sorry for Jill, thinking she was being ignored. So I invited her out
to dinner and gave her a filmy nightgown as a fun gift. She was appreciative.
Now it is the week of the wedding. The bride called to tell me to be sure my
dress is clean and ironed!!! Hmmm. Never would have thought to do that, good
thing she mentioned it.
Day of the wedding. Groom is late. I had serious concerns that he might not
show up, based on his rude comment at the rehearsal dinner--"I don't want to
Well, the groom did show. The wedding was nice. The bridal party was nicely
balanced with blondes and brunettes. Yes, it was true, Bride--blonde, Groom--
brunette. MOH--blonde. Best Man--brunette. Me--brunette, my escort--blonde. One
more bridesmaid--blonde, her escort--brunette.
The cake was delicious. The party was over. I made plans with my then-husband
and parents to go out to dinner. As I gathered up my clothes, I realized I had accidentally
picked up someone's slip, so I decided to drop by the bride's
parents' house to return it. It was easy to find the house because of the
numerous cars parked up and down the street and the enormous party going on!
Yes, there was a huge party to celebrate the wedding! I dropped off the slip,
and the bride's father asked if I wanted to stay for a drink. No thanks, I have
Not only that, but the third bridesmaid (blonde) let it slip that there had
been a bridal shower but I hadn't been invited, because "we knew you
wouldn't want to come."
So I guess the bride wasn't kidding when she said she needed a brunette
bridesmaid LOL. It would have been easier to put a brunette cardboard cutout up
at the altar!
I don't remember how long the marriage lasted, but it did end in divorce.
Hope this made you laugh--it did me!
became engaged to a man who was divorced four times over. Nothing like a big
wedding to announce that you are going to become the fifth Mrs. Groom.
The wedding was planned for a northern beach in November. Nice and frigid
weather to put your bridesmaids in skimpy dresses. The bachelorette party was planned with care, a hosted dinner at a nice restaurant for 8 or 9 of
her friends followed by visits to 3 or 4 clubs. But no. Bridezilla wants a
larger couples party and increases the dinner list to 17. When informed that the
hosting party cannot afford dinner for 17 Bridezilla cooperates by increasing
the guest list to 19 then suggests that invitations could be sent out asking for
donations. The hosting party informs Bridezilla that she would rather die than
do that and the guest list will not exceed 10. Bridezilla bumps it up to 12,
which was accepted since really, what was the alternative? Another argument
My little sister Marie’s wedding was a tragedy for the family. She as
the first of the four children to get married and apparently didn’t have any
good examples to follow. She got engaged over the summer of 2004 to a
young man none of us had ever met. She was 19, an unemployed college
student; he was 21 and unemployed. My parents learned that they were
engaged when they stumbled across an email Marie received from a distant family
friend that happens to be a mortgage broker. My parents asked why this
family friend was emailing her, and she explained that he was helping her and
her fiancé buy a house. The fact that my parents asked her, “You’re
engaged? To whom?” foreshadowed how little we would all be involved in
the wedding preparations.
While my family is not very religious, Marie had recently converted to
Mormonism. Her fiancé is Mormon as well, and she had met him while he was
on his mission. They both wished to have the ceremony in the temple in
Salt Lake City, which was her fiancé's hometown but a thousand or more miles
away her nearest relatives. Part of the Mormon faith requires that only
Mormons are allowed in the temple, so none of our family would be allowed to
witness the wedding ceremony.
Marie selected the following June for her wedding because it sounded nice to
her, even though the date conflicted with my brother’s college final exams and
my sister Amanda’s high school graduation. She asked my sister Amanda
and me to be bridesmaids, and we both happily accepted. The entire family
offered to help with anything she needed, from helping her shop for dresses to
attending bridal shows to decorating the reception hall. However, Marie
informed us after about a month into her engagement that all the planning was
finished and that we did not need to do anything. Apparently her fiancé's
sisters had taken care of everything for her. She did, however,
insist that my mother hand-sew her dress from scratch. My mother was
grateful to be included at all and agreed to purchase all the materials as well.
Marie also conned my grandmother into paying for those same materials, and Marie
pocketed the cash.
Though Amanda and I were supposedly bridesmaids, she ignored our requests for
instructions and offers to help. I received an invitation to the wedding
but did not attend since I was not actually allowed inside the building.
My parents and Amanda attended (at the expense of Amanda’s high school
graduation ceremony), but had to stand on the sidewalk outside the temple while
Marie’s ceremony occurred. Marie also forgot to tell my family the
selected colors for the wedding. Her fiancé's family all showed up in
matching red outfits—red dresses for all the women, red ties for all the
men—while my family dressed in their finest, but unmatching, outfits. In
the wedding photos it looks like my parents were people passing by who tried to
jump into someone else’s wedding pictures.
Though I did not attend the wedding I sent a generous gift. She never
acknowledged receipt of the gift—never sent a card, did not call, did not
email, has not even mentioned it over the last year though I have seen her and
spoken to her several times. I learned that she also received a very
expensive gift—a Roomba, the robot vacuum—that was not on her registry.
Apparently the Roomba was on someone else’s registry and was sent to her by
mistake. Not only did they not return it, they are still rejoicing in
their good fortune to have received an extra gift.
Someone out there a bride and groom are missing a Roomba. I humbly
apologize for my sister’s embarrassing behavior.
I became involved with Meg's wedding by a string of co-incidences. I had known
her mother for years, and loved her to bits. I decided to give Meg's Mum, let's
call her Allie, a call to see how she was. It turned out Allie was going out of
her mind trying to organize Meg's wedding. Since I was in the month after my
final exams at uni but before my job started, I offered to come down to help
out. Oh, how I wish I hadn't.
Money: Allie is an MD of a thriving company, so she was quite happy to spend
money on Meg's wedding. Meg had come to the decision that if she ordered
"friends" to perform wedding tasks for free, then Allie could give her
the money she'd saved for things for her new house. To put this into
perspective, Allie had paid the deposit on Meg and John's future house and had
already filled it with furniture, so it was not like Meg was going without. Meg
expected the same standards from people who offered to help out that she would
have got from professionals with years of experience. Mostly it was me offering
to help and I'm not exactly and expert.
Guest list: Meg had decided John's friends were not allowed to attend the
wedding. Now some of John's friends are a little scruffy, but they are dear
people and I'm sure they would have made the effort for a wedding. That and it's
John's wedding too.
Meg had decided rather than issuing proper invitations and having people RSVP
she would have informal invitations put up on internet message boards she was on
(for sports teams she supported, her university, music she liked etc.) This
meant that the total number of guests was 100 - 150 people. Nice and specific.
The Dress: In an attempt to save money, Meg bought a hideous off-the-peg
dress. To put it into perspective, Meg is stunningly attractive but also quite
overweight. She chose a shapeless, bright red off the shoulder dress which made
her arms look huge and she looked a bit like an off color sausage. But what Meg
wants she gets. None of us could dissuade her.
Catering: I was left in charge of catering because I enjoy cooking.
mind that I was cooking for 100 - 150 people, which is ridiculous for one person
to cover. And the 50 people range made estimating a nightmare.
I used to be a Girls' Brigade, like Girl Scouts, leader and used my contacts
to borrow the kitchens at the local college. It was fine for me to use them as
long as I left it spotless and had a member of staff with me when I was on premises. Fine with me. Since it
was summer and we were having a buffet at the
reception, I went for cold items that could safely be chilled overnight and
served at the wedding. Now I'd prefer to cook from scratch but this was for 150
people so there was no way I had time, not when I also had to co-ordinate with
the band playing the reception and my phone was given out to give directions to
the wedding. Anyway, I spent about 13 hours making wedding food, and it would
have been more but the member of staff had to go home.
Lizzie :Lizzie was Meg's best friend. She had recently been in a car accident
and had a nasty back injury. She only got out of hospital a few days before the
wedding and wasn't supposed to leave bed. But how DARE she even consider not
coming to Meg's wedding. How DARE she be in extreme pain and a back brace. After
screaming at Lizzie down the phone it was decided that Lizzie didn't deserve to
be a bridesmaid, which probably had a great deal to do with the fact she had a
back brace and would look "ugly" in all the photos. Lizzie, feeling
terrible, traveled across the country to be there, despite the fact she had to
take so many pain killers to do so she was barely awake.
The Morning: The morning of the wedding came and I was trying to take as much
pressure as possible off Allie. Meg had decided the dress needed altering (she
had gained weight and it needed to be quite drastically altered if she was going
to get into it). Now I own a sewing machine and have made prom dresses before
but this was a wedding dress and there were six hours before the wedding. I
offered to phone around to see if I could find somewhere to do alterations,
since I did not want to single handedly ruin the dress. How dare I suggest this,
did I call myself a friend? Not really, I hadn't even been invited to the
Anyway, I altered the dress to save arguments and did a pretty good job. Not
precisely what was wanted, but that would have been impossible without a good
few meters of the same fabric - which we didn't have. At this point I had to
dash off to transfer the food from the college to the venue so I missed an hour
or so of temper tantrums.
When I came back she was moaning about the table centerpieces. Allie and I
had spent three entire days making them as Meg refused to let us buy them. Apparently
they looked cheap and tacky, despite the fact I swear you couldn't
tell the difference between those and the ones in the catalogue. Then the limo
ordered wasn't big enough. The dress was all wrong and I'd ruined it, you could
see all the stitches (remember, I did it in about an hour and you could definitely
not see the stitches.)
The Wedding: I was at the venue when Meg and party arrived. It seemed that her
150 person estimation was a tad, shall we say, ambitious. Mutual friends of her
and Lizzie refused to turn up as Meg had been so rude, her friends from school
would not come as she had blamed them for her not getting into her first choice
university (she failed most of her exams). Friends from one of the message boards
would not come as they were also John's friends, and even the "nice"
ones wanted no part in the fiasco. And so on. The final number of guests
was...18. Basically, Meg's family, John's direct family and Lizzie and I. I was
mortified for everyone involved. I mean Meg was a cow but to have no one there
on your wedding day... I phoned round anyone local and begged them to come
along, since even a scruffy person would surely be better than no one. Everyone
said the same thing, they had washed their hands of Meg after years of outrageous
I debated whether to warn her or not, and decided I had to as I couldn't just
let her walk in to see no one. I pulled Allie to one side and asked her how to
best approach it. Allie's face fell. Meg had always said she was so popular and
we, foolishly, believed her. We both agreed we should say that not as many
people as we hoped had arrived, so she would be partly prepared but not totally
stressed out. Basically, there is no right way to say "you have no
Meg screamed at me, I had given everyone the wrong directions, I had
sabotaged her wedding because I was so jealous of her. She actually started
ripping at my hair and hitting me with the bouquet. I decided I would just
leave, since I obviously wasn't welcome, went back to Allie's and packed my
bags. I felt as guilty as anything but there was nothing I could do. Apparently
Meg has told everyone I deliberately went out of my way to ruin her wedding,
taking the dress in so it no longer fit, sending guests to the wrong place,
telling them the wrong weekend. Not that this bothered me, I don't think a
single person would have believed her.
My husband and I have a circle of friends from college. Of these
friends, one in particular (whom I shall call Aaron), was even a groomsman in
our wedding. He is a lovely, caring, kind, generous person. He is
also completely blind when it comes to love. His choice of partner was a
girl that none of us cared for in the least. Out of all his friends, not a
single one liked this girl. At first, having only met her briefly (she did
not attend our college), I felt sorry for her - our friends could be quite
caustic, and I know how it can be to be on the outs with an unforgiving group
like that. Also, of the group, only my husband and I and Aaron and his
girlfriend (whom I'll call Bridget) are involved in serious relationships.
My husband and I entered that circle as a couple, whereas Bridget and Aaron
started dating after he became friends with us. I thought perhaps our
friends were a bit jealous of her. I determined to be friendly and
sweet and make up my own mind.
My friends were completely right. She was not the most intelligent
person and has a very unfortunate habit of blurting out whatever is on her mind,
no matter the circumstances of place or time. Additionally, while all our
friends were polite to her, she would frequently talk badly about them in front
of them. Over time, Bridget also proved herself to be clingy and
suspicious, though without cause. Aaron stopped hanging out with the group
of friends as frequently, but my husband and I remained on good terms with them
and frequently went out with them. After all, Aaron was our friend, and
she was his choice, and that was that.
In due time, Aaron and Bridget get engaged, to no one's surprise, but many
people's unvoiced displeasure. Every time we meet, I am bombarded by
wedding plans and always politely ask about their progress (while our own
wedding is trashed by her as not being good enough). I give her pointers
on how to save money, since they are on a budget. I often mention how
pleased I would be to help out in any way with the wedding. Though she
talks about dress shopping or other things, she never actually seeks my help.
Which is fine by me.
And then about three weeks before their wedding, a very good and dear friend
of mine passed away. I was extremely distraught at his passing, but the
following weekend, while my husband was out of town, I agreed to go out to
dinner with Aaron and Bridget and another friend I do often get to see. I
accepted, since I thought it was better than another night of weeping, but
warned them I might not be the most entertaining of company. Aaron and our
friend were sensitive to my mood and tried to keep my spirits up, and I did my
best to be pleasant. Bridget however, blithely ignored everything and kept
telling me to cheer up and that I needed to get drunk and get over it (the loss
of a dear friend that happened only days before!). Then she told me that
since I'd offered to help with wedding plans, I needed to come over the next day
and help her address invitations (going out three weeks before the wedding?!)
and put together the programs. Please note that she had never requested my
help that weekend before that evening. I politely told her that I had
promised to attend Mass in my friend's honor and would be unable to come.
Inside I was livid.
But that was not the worst of it. When the wedding finally rolled
around, my husband and I attended, of course. It was miserable - outdoors
in August in Texas - hot and sweaty and mosquitoes everywhere. The wedding
itself was ok - nothing special except for the things which went wrong (the
bride did not think to cover the loose corset back of her gown, so we were all
treated to a great deal of skin, a white bra and blue underwear during her time
at the alter). What made me so angry was that the ceremony was based on
the ceremony my husband and I had personally written. Of course, every
wedding will have similar elements, but they took the most personal things and
chose the same readings and everything. I was angry and hurt. The
real topper was that they took the program that I had personally designed and
changed the names, leaving everything intact, even the same font (I had emailed
a copy to all the bridal party to check for accuracy). And of course, at
the back of the program was a thank-you that my husband and I had written to our
guests, in their program, word for word, apart from removing the prayer for
safety for my brother in Iraq.
I suppose I should be flattered that she wanted to copy me, but I still get
angry that in all her stealing from us, she couldn't even be bothered to write a
unique thank you.
Page Last Updated July 30, 2007