"I think this site is so underrated and
everyone needs to read a few posts and learn how not act. This whole site
serves as a wonderful cautionary tale of what not to do. "
Jan-Jun 2000 Archive
Years ago, when my husband and I were getting married, we both decided to have an
"adults only" wedding with a sit-down dinner. My future sister-in-law (the
mother of eleven) verbally attacked my mother in front of a group at a bridal shower for
me. She informed my mother that if her children were not invited, she would not attend. My
husband and I eloped.
Years later, when my own son was getting married, I gave him two lists - one of those
who he had to invite (such as aunts and uncles) and those I would like him to invite if
they had the room (including his many, many cousins and their spouses). In his entire
life, he had probably seen his cousins only two or three times each. And he had never met
any of their spouses. Because of numbers, my son chose to invite his aunts and uncles, and
not his cousins. Another sister-in-law contacted us because her nephews and neices
had not been invited. She and a nephew and their spouses had planned to take a vacation
and "hit" the wedding on the way. When I replied that I couldn't change it, she
became indignant. My sister-in-law and her husband went to the wedding, and left without
going through ther receiving line, eating or mingling at all. I don't know where our
nephew was. And frankly, I didn't care at that point.
I only wanted to invite friends and family to our small wedding, but my husband-to-be
insisted that his career would suffer if we didn't invite people from the office. Let me
explain that we worked for the same company, and I already disliked my fiance's boss, Ron,
because of his rudeness. All I could do was hope that on this occasion he'd be on his best
I normally dress rather conservatively. My wedding gown, although also conservative and
tasteful, showed off my curves and I looked and felt lovely. At the reception, during a
moment of quiet, Ron came up to me loudly exclaimed: "WOW! You look fantastic! Where
did you get the tits? They don't look that big at the office!"
I was only able to force a smile and say "I don't believe you've had a drink yet,
Ron. Let me point you to the bar." And then I pretended that it had never happened.
For the sake of my horrified guests and for myself, I wasn't about to allow one stupid
comment to put a damper on my happy day, and it didn't.
If I had it to do over again, I would never invite people just because of business.
Only those we love and care about should share that day. eguest0520-00
I recently attended a beautiful family bridal shower. The bride's mother and sister
went all out--they rented a party room in a local restaurant, with waiters to serve the
food; the sister made beautiful decorations, favors and prizes; and the attendees included
a large number of relatives and a big table of the bride's childhood friends.
Well, I noticed early on that the friends seemed to be drinking heavily and getting
kind of raucous, which seemed odd since they were all married women in their thirties.
Though there were carafes of wine and pitchers of beer and soda on the table, they were
ordering special drinks from the bar upstairs, which was a little rude in itself. I used
to work in catering and I know how extra drinks can really add to a party tab.
But the kicker was yet to come. There was one waitress at the party who, from her
accent, seemed to be of Eastern European or Russian decent. (I mention this because the
only explanation I have of what happened later is bigotry, pure and simple.) She was busy
at the friends' table, fetching drinks, cleaning up ashtrays, and as she walked away my
table noticed that some of the bride's friends had TAPED A HANDWRITTEN SIGN TO HER BACK
that said "I need a bath."
Well, the young woman went back to the kitchen before we could say anything, but I was
appalled. These were grown women, mind you, not kids at a birthday party. I was
embarrassed to even be at a party with them, even though it was the nicest bridal shower I
had ever been to in my life. And I was mortified for the hostesses of the party as well.
My husband and I got married 5 years ago in May. We planned a modest wedding of 250
guests. His family offered to pay for the bar tab, which I thought was a nice gesture,
especially since my husband's side of the family tends to drink quite a bit at family
events, and ours was the first family wedding in over 10 years on their side.
As I said, his family does tend to drink heavily at family events. Some of them don't
know when to stop, and fights, embarassing moments, and other assorted mayhem ensue. Of
course, I did not want this to happen on the happiest day of our lives, so I requested
that the bartender not serve any shots...not even for the dollar dance, remembering it was
always after someone started hooking shots that the trouble would start. I figured no
shots, no trouble...problem solved, right?
My husband's side of the family got wind of the "no shots" drinking policy
and decided to take matters into their own hands. With total disregard for our wishes on
our wedding day, they brought coolers full of jell-o shots and assorted other drinks to
our wedding reception! I was furious that they would be so inconsiderate of our
feelings...but said nothing and decided to focus on more important things and hope to god
they did not get out of hand. I was young, I was naieve, what can I say? One cousin and
his wife (a member of the cooler crowd) became so trashed that while they were slow
dancing in the middle of the dance floor, he lifted up his wife's dress over her
head...she had nothing underneath. Another of the cooler crowd, after hooking her share of
shots decided to attempt the limbo....in a skin-tight sweater dress...again with nothing
underneath. Of course, some the men with video cameras soon figured this out and stood
facing the limbo line for a good shot. Many people tried to keep her from embarassing
herself, but to no avail. She insisted she could "limbo lower now!"
Fortunately, the rest of the wedding and reception went off without a hitch and it was
a beautiful day. I still can't help but cringe to this day when I see a limbo line
I love this site! I wish I had stumbled on it before I got married. My story is about a
co-worker who I invited to our wedding. She and her boyfriend accepted our invitation, and
we included them in our final count for the caterers. A week before the wedding, she calls
our home, knowing that we would be at work, and left a message saying she had good news
and bad news for us. The bad news was that she and her boyfriend would not attend our
wedding. The good news was that her favorite baseball team made the playoffs, she obtained
tickets, and she was going! I was flabbergasted. I'm a big sports fan myself, but I put my
friends first ahead of my team. Needless to say we've have not spoken since.
Like everyone else, I love your web page.
Every New Year's eve, my parents host a party for all their siblings' families. About
40-50 people including friends of the family.
In 1998 one niece called and asked if would be okay if she brought a few friends, about
4. Host and hostess are very charitable and say fine, no problem. Niece's husband calls
back and asks if a few more could come along. Kids from his church, college students with
nowhere to go and all. Sure, host and hostess say.
Party gets underway and people are arriving, seems like all invited have shown up.
Except these college "kids" KEEP showing up! 26 in all. I guess they just
thought it was their invitation to extend. Mind you, this wasn't a "college
kegger", but a family party.
These kids ate and drank their fill and felt very comfortable "making themselves
at home". The party was outdoors under a pavillion, and because it was a rainy
evening, a few of them had sought refuge inside the host & hostesses' newly remodeled
home--all over their new furniture with muddy feet!
The niece and her husband obviously saw nothing wrong with their friends' uninvited
guests, because, would you believe, that they asked again this past New Year's Eve if they
could again bring a "few" friends? eguest0128-00
Son Garth married the sweetest girl last August. We love her as much now as we did when
we first met her as a high school girl 8 years ago. But her mother is as flakey as a
box of Wheaties.
We had decided, as per custom, that I as father of the groom, would spring for the
rehearsal dinner. A head count was done, and done again, to be sure. And then I calculated
a few extras because somebody always shows up as a boyfriend or long-lost uncle. I was set
to pay for about twenty-five meals at a fairly nice local bistro.
At the rehearsal my wife and I met the wedding party and a few special out of town
relatives and the numbers at that point were adding up just about the way I figured.
Imagine my surprise when a few hours later complete strangers started wandering into the
restaurant in droves. These were definately NOT people from the rehearsal. I watched
twenty-five COMPLETE STRANGERS show up before I even saw anyone I recognized! I wasn't
sure quite how to handle it, so I just took a deep breath, sidetracked the Mother of the
Bride and asked if these folks would all be partaking...she never batted an
eye..."Oh! Isn't it wonderful that Lindy's family could get to town in time for the
dinner! I told them all to come on over!" These were cousins, friends of cousins,
boyfriends of the friends of the cousins! We had 63 people for dinner that night.
Weddings do something funny to you. I fed them all, never said a word, (that's not
true...my wife got an earfull), but still have a weird taste in my mouth...like rancid
Back in the late 60s, most people didnt write their own ceremonies. My
cousin was getting married, and when it came to the part where the minister asked,
Is there anyone here that knows why this couple should not be joined together?
my grandmother (my cousins grandmother also) stood up and in a wavering voice said,
They cant get married, shes already married and has two children!
This wasnt true our grandmother was a bit senile and had confused the
bride with another cousins wife that had just had her second baby.
The poor mother of the groom had to stand up and explain that her mother really
didnt understand what all was going on and lead her out of the church. Rather
embarrassing for all concerned. However, the happy couple is still married after 30+ years
and three kids. eguest0131-00
My mother-in-law and I have a typical in-law relationship. She tries to run my
husband's life and I get blamed for most of the problems. My husband doesn't have the best
relationship with her either, which I should have figured out early since I didn't meet
the woman until after our engagment despite the fact that she lived in the same town.
When we first married, we would visit her house occasionally, as she would ours, but we
never ate together. Partially because her second husband is a disgusting pig, partially
because she would comment constantly on how expensive food is, how long it takes to cook,
or if I was cooking, my lack of culinary skills. We moved into a new apartment with much
more room and she hinted for months to invite her and her husband over for dinner. So we
did for one Sunday afternoon. She called two days before to make sure I was making
something decent, since it was a 45 minute drive to our new apartment. I assured her that
I was making one of my best meals (very good, too): Cordon Bleu, fresh green beans, baked
potatoes, homemade rolls and strawberry shortcake. The cordon bleu takes hours of prep
itself. It must be flattened, sliced, assembled, rolled, chilled, pan-fried and then
As usual, she shows up an hour late. The meal has to be nuked for warmth. As I'm
setting the table and she's walking in, she immediately goes to the fridge to check for
any beer or alcohol. Now we weren't lushes, neither was she. No alcohol issues at all.
We're over 21. IT'S OUR HOUSE!! So as politely as I can, I tell her that what is in my
fridge/cabinets/pantry is my business alone. When she pays my rent we can discuss it
further. Why doesn't she sit down and I'll get dinner on the table. No can do. See, she's
late because she had to stop by the grocery store on the way into town. Turns out that
she's been craving lasagna all day and she'd rather have that. But don't worry, she can
make it herself. Just give her a little bit of room and about two hours. She hasn't been
invited to dinner in the 10 years since. eguest0311-00
I just got married 4 months ago so this is still fresh on my mind and still makes me
cringe! After I has cut the cake I was talking to my ex-fiancee (we're still friends) and
my ex-best friend (we've since had a bad falling out, but had nothing to do with this)
came up to us and said "Let's take a picture of what could have been!" RIGHT in
front of my husbands' father! He was so mortified that he didn't know what to say, he
walked away and wouldn't talk to her the rest of the night! I heard about his response
when I got home from my honeymoon and wanted to apologize to my father- in -law but
figured that I should just let in go-but I still hated her for that comment!
My husband and I were married on January 1, 2000. The Big Millennium Day! We had
thought that this would be an exceptional time for a very grand but very small affair. We
had told ALL of our guests well ahead of time that the event was to be formal. In our
logic, a special holiday and an evening wedding at an exclusive hotel would merit such
attire. Our invitations read Black Tie requested. Not only was the wedding to be intimate
and exclusive, but the dinner was a sit down five course meal. By all means, not an
everyday event in our lives.
Needless to say, we had complainers. I had a relative and her "significant
other" tell us that not only were they NOT going to the extra effort to buy
reasonable attire, they had every intention of coming to the wedding in matching Pittsburg
Steelers t-shirts, matching leather jackets, and cowboy boots!! When I asked why they
would do such a thing, their reply was that it is what they wear everywere (which is true
because I have never seen them in anything else, BUT the only time I see them is at the
fairgrounds) and that she could not wear anything but boots or gym shoes for any length of
time nor could she wear a dress due to her disability. I told them that it would not be
acceptable for them to come in that fashion, and their reply was that they just might not
be able to make it because they would be going out to a New Year's Eve party and they
would see how well they felt in the morning. Well, they did finaly show up, and their
attire, though not formal, but certainly not matching Steelers t-shirts.
My main problem with their attitude toward our wedding is that if it were the other way
around, and my relative had asked me to be at her wedding, possibly requiring all guests
to wear matching Steelers or Dale Earnhart t-shirts, I would have been happy to comply
with her wishes, no questions asked. I think that they overstepped their esteem I held for
them, and they truly hurt my feelings.
I received a glass decanter as a wedding gift from a college "friend" that
had a crack in the the bottom and was completely unusable. What really cracked me up was
the identifying number from her own wedding shower. Of course a gracious thank-you note
was sent. But I was in a quandry. What does one do with a useless and perpetual wedding
gift? My funny husband, who shoots trap and skeet took me to the shooting range. . . I
tossed and he blasted. What fun! eguest0319-00
I guess this would be a "Guests from Hell" story. And it is not one story,
but was an ongoing saga. I have a very large Italian family. When a member of the family
dies, along with the viewing, mass and burial, the family and close friends usually attend
a luncheon paid for by the deceased person's next of kin.
Well, my aunt (my father's sister) has an ex-husband, we'll call him Rufus, that can
only be described as a freeloader. After two kids, Rufus left her for an 18 year old. Now
he is unemployed and is out and out a very rude person. Rufus never sees his ex-wife or
his two children (now almost 20), but, he comes to every single funeral. He comes, dirty
and ragged, at the last few minutes of the viewing (which is over two hours long), never
goes to the following mass or burial, and is the first one at the restaurant for his free
meal. The family is always enraged, but let it slide, being a time of mourning.
The most recent funeral was were the family drew the line. My great-grandmother, who
was a very wonderful woman, died very suddenly. As my husband and I sat with Rufus' sons
(who are my cousins), Rufus comes into the funeral home, never once goes to the casket to
pay respects, but goes right to his sons to tell them that he's arrived. My cousins and I
are very upset and have been crying for some time, but nonetheless Rufus tells them that
he wants them to go outside and spend some time with him. My cousins promptly told him
that they want and need to stay inside with the rest of the family. Well, Rufus stands in
the middle of the quiet room and yells, I mean yells at his sons, "I want you to come
outside and spend time with me, I never get to see you two!" None of us knew what to
say. Everyone was staring and they were horribly embarassed and went outside with Rufus
just to get him out of the room (and get him away from enraged relatives). My husband
looked at me and was absolutely speechless.
That day Rufus was officially "uninvited" to the luncheon ("only family
and very close friends"). He argued and showed up at the restaurant anyway, but was
turned away. All for a free lunch! eguest0328-00
At our small home wedding back in 72, my mother reported that after we left for our
honeymoon, my husband's brother-in-law opened our refrigerator and noticed there "was
still beer left" so he helped himself to a six pack to take home like a doggy bag.
Our wedding gift from this guy.....$5 in a card. The price of a six pack back then.
Back in 1997, a beloved uncle died in a sudden and unexpected auto accident, of which I
will spare you the details...
My uncle had resided in the Chicago area. My father had to fly in from California, my
brother came in from Ohio, my husband came from Massachusetts, and because I'd been
spending a week in Florida with my mother when the call came, I flew direct from Florida
to Illinois for the funeral.
My husband could not seem to 'work with us' on this funeral.
For starters, the day his flight was supposed to arrive from Massachusetts, my husband
had somehow managed to 'miss' the flight and so my brother and I, after waiting and
waiting at the airport and numerous phone calls, were told that we had to wait around for
the next flight in, which my husband would be on.
It gets worse.
My husband refused to stay overnight in my aunt's home so that we would all be there
together to support one another in our grief, and all be there so it would be easier for
us to be ready to leave the house together the next morning for the funeral. Instead, we
had to part company for the night as my husband and I had to stay at a nearby hotel.
It gets worse.
The morning of the funeral, I was dressed and ready to go, and waiting for us to leave
the hotel in time to go over to my aunt's house to pick up her, my father, and my brother,
who had all stayed over with her. To my utter and everlasting amazement, my husband 'saw
fit' to climb into the shower at about the time we should have been leaving the hotel. The
car we had taken to the hotel was the only one big enough for all of us to ride together
to the funeral home. He knew FULL WELL the time of the funeral and the time we were
supposed to be leaving.
It gets worse.
When we arrived at my aunt's house, everyone had been beside themselves with concern
and anxiety that we were there so very late. I could not say a word, but was livid. My
husband put on a "what's everybody so upset about?" show, and I have never been
closer to hauling off and striking someone in my life. My husband would not even address
the issue of his lateness with my father. Not one word of apology or concern.
Long story short, because of my husband's selfish dawdling, my dear, heartbroken father
(German ancestry, so you're NEVER late for ANYTHING) was forced to arrive at the funeral
of his one and only little brother nearly an hour late in front of a gathering of more
than 200 people. Needless to say, the services began almost immediately (I hardly had time
to sit down, let alone greet in kindness any of the other members of the family and so
many friends who had been sitting or standing around for the better part of an hour),
because we were so very, very late. To this day I have never forgiven my husband for this
selfish, callous act. I firmly believe that he should have begged forgiveness of my father
that day, on bended knee, and until or unless he does this, I will never forgive him
causing such anguish to a grieving family. eguest0418-00
My sweetheart and I recently bought a house and we've been trying to have a nice
gathering of our different friends and relatives at least once a month. We've had
everything from backyard barbeques to elegant 5 course meals. It's been great fun! Except
Our February gathering was a Valentine cookie decorating party. We made dozens of
cookies in advance, decorated the house, bought all kinds of icing and candies to decorate
with. It was all set to be a really nice afternoon with friends and family.
One of my invitees was my friend Pat & his wife Sonya. She was carrying a mesh
backpack (like you'd take to the beach or the pool to put your swimsuit in) with a towel
in it. I thought that was a little odd, but I didn't ask.
About an hour into our decorating fun, when people's gorgeous decorated cookies were
all over the dining room table and some of us were beginning to taste the fruits of our
labor, this woman takes a FERRET out of the backpack and proceeds to let it crawl around
on her section of the table, feeding it bites of cookie. I don't even let my beloved cats
up on the table. And cats don't poop where they eat!
Gee, do you think I really need to start adding "No pets please" to all of
the invitations we send out!? eguest0419-00
Boy, is your website a hoot and a half!
I had to send in the following tale of wedding woe from a couple of years ago. I have
changed the names and some details to protect both the innocent and the guilty. My
husband's sister Marlene, a professional singer, was being married to her longtime beau, a
teacher named Kyle. Now please bear in mind that Marlene and Kyle are the nicest,
the NICEST couple you could ever hope to meet. Sunny dispositions, sweet temperaments,
just wonderful folks.
Now enter the woe part. Our sister-in-law Danielle (the wife of my husband's brother)
had inserted herself into practically every aspect of the wedding, the planning, etc. just
because a) she's pushy and she could and b) Marlene and Kyle are so nice that they
couldn't bring themselves to ask her to butt the heck out. Bear in mind that Danielle is a
psychiatrist and basically can't speak the English language properly; she has to insert
psychobabble into every conversation (during a family discussion once, she actually said
the words, "I want to own my anger and move past it," which left us all dying
with unreleased laughter).
We're on our way into the hotel where the rehearsal dinner is being held, and my
husband and I bump into Danielle and my husband's brother and their bratty 4-yr. old
daughter, Louisa. As our own three children's names did not appear on the invitations to
the rehearsal dinner, we knew they were not invited and did not bring them. Danielle says,
all astonished, "Well, where are the kids?" I say, "Well, we didn't think
that they were invited," not knowing how else to answer this question on the spur of
the moment. Danielle says smugly, "Oh, no, Louisa wasn't invited either, but I
wouldn't have her miss this!"
So at the rehearsal dinner, Marlene and Kyle welcome everyone and tell us all how glad
they are that we're there with them. They both get a little emotional and puddled up and
have to stop. It was very poignant. A little while later, Marlene and Danielle and I are
talking and Marlene expresses her embarrassment about having choked up during her little
welcome speech. "Did I make a complete fool of myself?" she says anxiously. I am
about to say, "Absolutely not-- everyone gets emotional around wedding-time!"
when Danielle butts in and says, "Well, it wasn't your BEST performance, no." I
was just aghast.
Then later on, Danielle and I are standing there visiting with nervous bridegroom Kyle,
who also happens to be a recovering alcoholic. There is alcohol at the rehearsal dinner,
but of course, he is not partaking. At one point, Danielle says, "So are you nervous
about tomorrow, Kyle?" to which he replies in the affirmative: "Of course I
am--you have no idea!" Then Danielle's brilliant conversational gambit in
response to that is, "Yeah--it must really make you want to have a drink!"
As if!!!! eguest0430-00
Great page! All these stories make me feel lucky our wedding went off so well; however,
there always has to be something to talk about the next day...
Evil Guest #1: We had our reception at a Veteran's Hall, which was simple, but meant
something to me and my parents which is why we chose it. My fiance's sister-in-law's
parents, Richard and Jane, had invited themselves to our wedding, and in the spirit of
getting along with my new brother-in-law and his wife (who I'd met once), we smiled and
sent them an invitation. To my horror, at the reception, Jane approached my father and
proceeded to inform him that she was against the armed forces and thought anyone who had
been in the military was horrible. My poor father, who had been in the Navy, was so
appalled he couldn't think of anything to say.
Evil Guest #2: My uncle Jim, in the receiving line, informed my new husband, "If
you ever hurt her, I'll kill you." It was inappropriate, but we thought he was trying
to be cute, so we laughed it off. Sorry to say, Jim was serious, so he repeated it several
more times to my husband, as well as several other guests. He also hit on every woman
there, single or not, and tried to get into a fight with one of the groomsman (Mark). Mark
was a gentleman and ignored Jim, which was lucky for Jim, since Mark has a Black Belt in
Living in Japan, in an area that doesn't have a
lot of foreigners, sometimes you have to be friends with people you don't like too much
because otherwise you'd have no social life at all.
There was a visiting professor from Manila, who at first seemed
pretty cool. My husband and I took him under our wings, helping him to cope with culture
shock, showing him around, etc.
My husband wanted to have a 'taco party" for his
students--Mexican food is a rarity in this part of Japan, and thought the students would
have fun trying a new kind of food. We invited the visiting professor--I'll call him
"J"--and told him that the party started at 6:00. He accepted our invitation,
and told us he was looking forward to it.
Well, the day of the party, it's 6:00 and the students are all
there and we're ready to make the tortillas and no J. We waited for about 20 minutes, and
I finally said we should start without him. So the students and I had a good time making
the making the tortillas, cooking the meat fillings, etc. After we ate, we sat around
talking and the students left about 9:00. Still no J. My husband and I cleaned up the mess
and sat down to watch a video.
At 11:00 he knocks at our door. "Sorry, I was on the
Internet and lost track of time." I was irritated, but invited him in. At 11:30 he
looks at me and says, "So, where are my tacos?" I was speechless. "Uh, the
party was five and a half hours ago--there are no tacos." He shrugged, and
then proceeding to drink all of the beer we had in the refrigerator.
A few months later, he was returning to Manila, and wanted to
throw himself a party. He asked if we would host it, because he was living in a very small
apartment. We agreed, and told him how many people he could invite. (Our apartment is
bigger than his, but not that much bigger.) We planned a menu, and told him the party
would start at 5:30.
At 6:00 the day of the party, our apartment is filled with a lot
of people we don't know and the "guest of honor" still hasn't arrived. I called
him, and he said that he "lost track of time" again and would be coming over
shortly (he lived about a 5 minute walk away). At 7:30 he still hadn't showed up. I called
him again. "Oh, I'm on my way..." Finally, at 8:00, we sent everyone home. At
8:30 he arrived. "Where is everyone?" "Where were you???" I
asked. "It was your party and your friends and you never came!!!!"
His response? In my country, people aren't so concerned with
schedules and being on time.
Needless to say, I was pretty happy to see him
This is a story about my sisters wedding. Everything had gone off without a hitch till
the time of the reception. My cousin who has a problem with alcohol decided to show up at
the party. He was all right for a while - he even had a "chaparone" to keep him
in check but soon his buddy left, and he became very drunk. He proceeded to proposition
every female at the party from the age of 19 to 70. He offended everyone there, dancing
with his zipper down and telling the guests, " The big boy just wants to get
out!" His parents and siblings ( my father's only living relatives) left in
disgust and left us to deal with him. He finally left under threat of bodily harm, and
never apologized. My sister still has not spoken to him even after 7