Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go


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I recently attended a very formal, elegant wedding. "Lydia" a friend that both the bride and I know came to the ceremony with another friend "Gina". I learn later on that "Lydia" invited not only a complete stranger as her date (to the reception only) but she has invited a second date for "Gina" . (unknowingly to the "Gina") But wait! there is more! Not only did these 2 guys show up in jeans and untucked and unbuttoned shirts, they brought a friend with them who appeared to not have showered for a month! How tacky!

Guests 0803/03


Showing up to a reception after skipping the ceremony is unarguably disgraceful.

However, I respectfully submit my opinion that not attending the reception of a wedding is also rude!

My new husband and I recently had a small wedding, 120 guests invited. The invitation included information about the reception immediately following, in the SAME location. Of the 85 or so people that RSVP’ed and attended our wedding, as many as 20 of them attended our ceremony, but then vanished before the food was served!

The RSVP count at small weddings is important- that is the number by which one purchases food, drinks, cake, etc. At a large affair, a few people more or less won’t mess up the budget.

When these people didn’t stay to celebrate, they essentially wasted our money! Pounds of food were wasted, and a whole tier of our beautiful cake went untouched.

Should couples who want to plan a small wedding take this into account, and ask people on the RSVP card if they’re staying to eat? What is the polite solution?   Guests 0806/03

When my now husband and I were planning our wedding, we discovered that our venue could not accommodate more than 150 guests. Thus, we were faced with the difficult task of cutting down the guest list. We decided not to invite my husband's father's aunt and uncle ("Earl" and "Janet") because my husband had never met them before and truthfully had no idea who they were.

A few weeks after the wedding, we received card from "Earl" and "Janet" that said:

"We did not receive an invitation. However, Congratulations, and Good Luck. Earl and Janet."     Guests 0825/03

Hi, great site! Here is my story about a guest from hell. I was married on June 30, 2001, on what the local news said was the hottest day south Jersey had seen in something like 50 years. Plus, the AC in the church was not working properly, so everyone was hot. Anyway, while we were having our receiving line, the bridesmaids stood in the doorway that led to the bride's room ( a small classroom where they had set up numerous floor fans) so as to stay out of the way of the guests filing past. One of my bridesmaids, I'll call her S, sat down in the bride's room by herself and pulled her dress up to her knees so as to cool down a little. None of the guests could see her, and she wasn't exposing herself in any way, just trying to cool off. Well, a guest and supposed best friend of S's, I'll call her B, spotted her in the room. After coming through the receiving line, B went into the bride's room and proceeded to berate S and tell her that she was a "disgrace to (my) wedding party" and that she looked like "trash". Later on, at the reception, B got into a fight in the parking lot with another one of the bridesmaids, E, because B was blatantly flirting with her boyfriend (sitting on his lap, feeding him drinks, etc). Finally, at the end of the reception, B invited numerous people back to her house for "the real party", and never said goodbye to either my husband or me. Rude B!!    

Guests 0904/03

This isn’t too cataclysmic, given the nature of some of these stories, but I thought I’d share!

Our wedding went off just beautifully, but when we watched the video when we got back, there was an interesting snippet from a guest at the end. See, we were going to Jamaica on our honeymoon, and I guess it’s known for marijuana (wouldn’t know about that, since neither hubby nor I indulge in such things). Anyway, this guest stands in front of the video camera and goes on and on about how he was sure that the groom and I would be "smoking all those illegal substances in Jamaica, and be sure to bring some back for him!"

This was especially mortifying as I was watching the video with my very religious parents at the time!

Guests 0909/03

 I have been with my partner for five years, and recently we were invited to his cousin's wedding. His cousin is a thoroughly lovely person, who works in computers and financed the entire event himself. (This is relevant!)

On the day of the wedding, we were due to be picked up by my SO's father, but we got a call an hour before the wedding saying they were running late and could we get over to his house? We made it barely 45 minutes before the wedding was due to start, a record considering the distance, to find everyone in the house still dressing (still showering in one case). Then we got stuck in traffic. Luckily, when we made it onto the road with the church on, the car with the bride in it was stuck behind us, so we had time to say hasty hellos to the people around us. I'd never met many of these relatives before, so I was on my best behavior. One aunt turned to me with a serious expression, and said, "Hello, I'm ****. I'm the rich aunt". Fine.... but how do you reply to that? "Hi, I'm ****. I'm the poor relation?" I opted for good behavior, and smiled and said only my name and a vague compliment about her hat.

The wedding began, and the bride looked beautiful. The mass went (presumably) well, although I'm not Catholic so I can't be certain. But the priest chose to make a sermon in which he exhorted the congregation to remember how many marriages end in divorce and otherwise acrimoniously. Hardly the right subject matter for the happy occasion, surely?

After the sermon came Holy Communion. I am not Catholic, as I mentioned, and so I did not get up to take it. My SO stayed in his seat in solidarity with me, but we were pretty much the only ones and there were several whispers in my general direction, although I'm willing to accept these may have been innocent and I may have been paranoid.

After the wedding, we went outside to take photographs. The church had a wonderful garden joining the cemetery to the main church, with a gentle slope upwards. Perfect for photography... except the photographer grouped us in the car park and stood in the grotto (containing effigies of the Virgin Mary and the Infant Jesus) to take the pictures. Many of the males in the family are extremely tall. The groom is not one of the tall ones, and the photographer made several comments on this fact at the top of his voice.

After the photography, we made our way to the reception, in a wonderful hotel in the countryside. We made it safely into the waiting area, where we *waited* as the bridal party had their own pictures taken. I was introduced to several relatives and again was on my best behavior. At dinner we were seated at a table of ten. One couple were American relatives, and were most disparaging of myself and my SO's professions, or lack of them (we're both grad students). The male of the couple was very interested in the amount of money we earned, which obviously isn't very much at all, and proceeded to explain exactly why we're wasting our time with all these studies. Especially myself, because after all, I'm only going to waste it once I have children, right?

Also at the table was a couple who had married the year before. The female of this couple was wearing HER OWN WEDDING DRESS, shortened to knee length. A strapless white dress in silk, exactly like the actual bride's except for the length. She spent the meal discussing her wedding and how much better it was than this one.

The final noteworthy couple were smokers. I have always been taught that, if you choose to engage in such a habit, you ask the people around you if they mind before you light up. You also make an effort to keep the smoke away from them. Lastly, and most damningly, if you can't last more than the length of one course in a five course meal without a cigarette, you're an animal and not fit to be in decent company. This couple had never been taught these things, and merrily lit up between every course. Worse, as several people at this table were vegetarian, this couple were smoking as others' food was arriving, and making no effort to keep the smoke away from the food.

After the meal, the speeches began. They were all exactly as they should be, until the bride's father got up and informed the guests that the groom had had precisely nothing to do with the wedding preparations. (Remember I told you he paid for it all?). The intake of breath from all his relatives nearly drowned out the rest of the speech.

Guests 0924/03

I went to a wedding yesterday, and couldn't wait to get home to write this one in to you.

It wasn't really a wedding, but a reception, as the bride and groom had had a small wedding a few months before with family only. They had both been married before and had grown children and even grandchildren. The reception started out just great, the guest were nice and pretty well behaved considering the amount of alcohol being drank. This was in a nice hall, and the whole shindig, thought not formal, had cost big bucks and you could tell. Dinner had been served and cake etc. Most of the guests were on the back patio enjoying the beautiful night.

One of the guests, lets call her Barb. , went and got her truck and pulled it to the back of the patio and pulled out a wooden box, 3' X 4' X 2' and proceeded to growl at one of the servers to get her a stand for the box and an extension cord. She then proceeded to plug in this "box" and open up the doors to show off the stain-glass painted light bulbs she had for sale!!! Anyone that walked by was subject to her peddling. Barb, even went and got the bride and shoved an order form in her hands and asked her which ones she would like to order!!! Thank God the bride had class, and said that she wasn't interested and walked away.
Guests 0921/03

A co-worker of mine got engaged. I wouldn't exactly call her and I "close" but none the less about 10 other co-workers and me were invited to the wedding.

I planned on taking a guy from out of town I was dating to the wedding. I already invited this person to go with me. A few weeks before the wedding, we were talking about the wedding (which she did CONSTANTLY) cause our cubicles are all around the same general area....and I happened to mention my date was coming a day early to help me pick out and outfit to wear to the wedding. She looked at me blankly and said,..."what date? You know you aren't allowed to bring a date" I said, "what?" and she said,.."didn't you notice your invitation was only addressed to YOU not YOU plus guest?" I said, "well I just assumed,.." and she said,..."Nooooo we are trying to save money, and unless you are married or in a serious committed relationship, we ask that you don't bring anyone"...I was like what the hell? Soooo I had to go to this wedding stag, like a loser. When I got to the reception....I noticed there was NO assigned seating, so I ended up sitting with some people I didn't even know and I hated ever second of it. They had an open bar, but it was only wine, that's it. What if you don't drink wine? Then what?

I will have to say the whole "no guest" thing is the biggest etiquette faux pas EVER!!!     Guests 0915/03


Surprise!  Storyteller goes straight into Etiquette Hell for griping about a perfectly acceptable reason for the bride and groom to not extend the invitation to guests of guests.   Double boot into the abyss of my Etiquette Hell for whining about only wine being served at the open bar.  Some guests are incredibly ungrateful and demanding.  

This may have been partly bad etiquette on my part as well, but here it goes....

My boss "Katie" (who was also a friend) was getting married. She felt that it wasn't right to invite any co-workers (aside from other managers) because she didn't want anyone to feel left out. She made it clear "on the side" that the managers could bring other co-workers as their guests. She felt this was the best solution to the problem of inviting some people and not others. Anyway, my very good friend "Dana" was one of the managers, and she was bringing me as her guest, which "Katie" was aware of. Dana had a boyfriend (whom we all couldn't stand) and he was moving to another state the following day, so he would be too busy to attend the wedding. The wedding was to take place early on a Saturday morning, in a beautiful church in the hills near our homes. Although it is a short distance away mileage-wise, the road is quite windy and it takes a while to get there. I was supposed to meet Dana at her house at 7:30 that morning so we could be at the church by 10. Saturday morning arrives, I get up early, get dressed, and head over to Dana's. Her car is not in the driveway, but that didn't concern me. Her mother opens the door (she still lives at home) and tells me Dana is not there. She had gone to her boyfriend's house (an hour's drive from home) the night before (in the middle of the night, no less) and had not returned. Her mother was quite angry about this, as she had not bothered to tell her mother, and she had 2 children who lived in the home as well. Mom was stuck with the kids without being told about it in advance. Anyway, she wants me to call Dana and get her to come home. I go inside and call her cell phone, only to hear it ringing in her bedroom! So her mom digs and digs until she finds boyfriend's phone number. I call over there and he answers the phone, sounding quite groggy. I ask for Dana, and he puts her on the phone. She asks me where I am calling from, and at first doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm at her house waiting for her! She then wakes up and starts yammering a mile a minute that she'll get dressed, head home, change and head to the ceremony - she'll meet me there, since she'll be a little late. We agree upon this arrangement, I tell her mother about this and head out the door (after her mother warns me that she wouldn't hold her breath waiting for Dana if she were I). I get to the wedding on time, gather with our other co-workers outside the church, who ask where Dana is. I tell them a pared down version of the story, and tell them that she'll be here a little late. (Dana, by the way, is notorious for being late or not showing up at all). We start jokingly making bets about whether she'll actually show up or not. The ceremony ends, and still no Dana. At this point, Katie has noticed that she is not there, and asks me where she is. I explain to her what happened, and she's pretty shocked that Dana still hasn't managed to show up (keep in mind this is over 2 hours after the ceremony started). Katie and Groom go off to take pictures, and I begin to wonder if I should go to the reception, since I wasn't technically invited to the wedding, I was the "Guest" of a guest who didn't show up. The MOH (who was another manager) assured me that Katie wanted me there, it's Dana's problem, not mine. Everyone agrees, and though I feel uneasy about it, I go to the reception. The reception was lovely, everyone had a great time, Katie herself assured me that she wanted me there and not to feel bad about it. I ended up catching the bouquet, and all of the co-workers made jokes at Dana's expense. We all made jokes about me being the "uninvited invited guest" and managed to amuse ourselves with this.

Fast forward to the next day - Dana never did show up, even though the reception lasted about 5 hours. She also didn't bother to call me that night. I get a call from her the next morning, apologizing for not showing up, asking if Katie was upset. She apparently had wanted to spend the day with her boyfriend, since he was moving out of state the following day (and she was so terribly upset that he would be so far away from her). I lost my temper, and proceeded to yell at her about how horrible it was to treat both Katie and myself that way, and that I hoped it was worth it to her to miss her friend's wedding, since that is something you can never get back. She cried (typical Dana behavior) and apologized up the ying yang (again, typical). She cried on and on about how I was right, blah blah blah. After this, everyone at work (and to this day - 7 years later) stopped inviting Dana to any events (since this was not the first time something like this had happened with her). She got her comeuppance, when her boyfriend dumped her (over the phone) the following day (just hours before his moving truck left), and told her that that very morning he had slept with another co-worker of ours (we had all suspected this for a long time) and was going to be with her now. He and the other girl ended up getting married a year or so later, and I, for one, never let her forget that she ditched the wedding to spend the day with this schmuck.

Guests 0925/03

I first found your site when I was planning my wedding in August 2000 and what a lifesaver it was! It certainly stopped me in my tracks if I felt a "bridezilla" moment coming on.

I am in the UK and we planned a traditional English wedding. As a result we invited all the members of both our families and our friends (around 150) both to the church and the reception. We got married in a small chapel that just about housed everyone, and of course as it was so small everyone in the church could hear every word said.

I had been concerned in advance of the day because my husband’s mum (now sadly deceased) had quite a severe drinking problem. She couldn't always be guaranteed to stay sober for these occasions but she was so proud of us both that she did make the effort and didn't drink (to which I am eternally grateful as I know how hard it was for her). Unfortunately we didn't figure in my husbands brother. He isn't an alcoholic, but does like a drink or five and cant hold his ale. He had recently split up with his girlfriend and wasn't very happy about the fact that he "had" to come to our wedding. We did tell him that if he felt he couldn't attend then we would understand, as he wasn't a member of the wedding party. But he insisted that he "had" to attend, to be honest I wish he hadn't.

I entered the church to see my now husband and my son (aged 11 and our best man) waiting for me, with my daughter aged 4 behind me as our only BM. They all looked wonderful and the church was beautiful and packed to the rafters! The ceremony started and we began to hear some muttering. We weren't too concerned as we had actively encouraged children to attend and assumed it came from one of them. The muttering got louder, to the point where the minister was taking us through our vows and had to stop and repeat them louder to be heard. As I repeated my vows to my husband I heard "How much more of this sh*t have we got to sit through, I want a f****** fag (cigarette)". I was absolutely gutted and my husband was furious. Luckily we made it through the rest of the service without interruption but the photos are ruined by this miserable faced brother with a cigarette in his mouth. We ditched the photos outside the church and went straight to the reception so that we could stop his brother mouthing off and swearing around our other guests. So we have no pictures at all of us at our church.

At the reception he became so drunk in 30 mins, I kid you not, that he had to be forcibly removed and driven home by my FIL. I have never been so embarrassed as all my dearest friends and relations witnessed all of this. Speaking to them since though no one really remembers it and they all said what a great time they had which is a relief.

We have never forgiven this behavior, mainly because when my husband talked to him about it after our honeymoon, he said that he was bored so what did we expect? Frankly this isn't an explanation I would have accepted from my daughter never mind a 35-year-old man. He thought the whole thing absolutely hysterical.

Oh well, we are still happily married, have another daughter and are trying hard for number 4, he hasn't had a girlfriend stick around for more than a couple of weeks because of his behavior. As they say, he who laughs last.............Guests 1017/03

Just when I thought I was all out of's another one.

It concerns one of the bridesmaids (dubbed "D.G." for this story, short for DRUNK GIRL) at a wedding I attended last year. D.G. is, well, to put it nicely an "extrovert" (and that's putting it VERY nicely. Personally, I think she's obnoxious. You'll soon see why). I was sitting at a table consisting of my best friend, her husband, his VERY conservative parents, another bridesmaid and this bridesmaid's boyfriend. D.G. comes over (drunk already, and it's not even 5 p.m.) to our table. I'm not even sure how it got to this (and perhaps it's best I don't remember), but next thing I know, D.G. in an embarrassingly loud voice, describes in blatant detail her latest sexual escapade with this boyfriend. She then, I kid you not here, BENDS OVER ON THE TABLE to illustrate said sexual position, complete with "appropriate" movements and vocal sounds! To say I was "uncomfortable" would be the understatement of the year.

I found out later (as I had to leave earlier than originally planned) that D.G. consumed even more alcohol as the night wore on and proceeded to pick fights with every single person she could, including the bride's mother! The groom finally had to "escort" her off the property when she got into a shoving match with another guest.

I’m not completely surprised at her antics, as I've heard worse about this woman. The general attitude of most people who know her is, "That's _____ for you!".

Guests 1028/03

I was the matron of honor at my sister's wedding three years ago. I had three children at the time; the two older girls were in the bridal party. My youngest daughter was three weeks old. At the reception at a nearby hotel, I had to leave at one point to nurse my daughter in the restroom. When I returned, my mom and my sister were both very angry. It turns out that most of the wedding party (except my sister, luckily for her) had been standing outside near the pool on the patio that adjoined the reception hall, enjoying the early fall sunshine. One of the bridesmaids, "W," had brought her verbally abusive jerk of a boyfriend as a guest. This guy had pushed the bridesmaids into the pool, ruining their beautiful silk bridesmaid gowns! The best man and the groom were also pushed in (I suspect that this boyfriend had an accomplice or two). The guys all thought it was hilarious, but the girls of course were extremely ticked off to say the least. The bridesmaids had to leave the reception. The groom and the best man had rented tuxes that needed to be returned in pristine condition in order to get their deposits back. I wonder, had I not been nursing my baby at the time, if I would have been out on the patio with the other guests and pushed in as well. This scares me thinking about what could have happened because my older daughters were by my side for most of the reception (but they were inside with my mom while I was nursing the baby) and they were non-swimmers; they might have fallen in the pool too. Some guests should never be allowed to drink alcohol during weddings!

Guests 1102/03

Hello! Someone recently told me about your website, and said I ought to submit my story, so here goes. I've changed all the names, and even the costume!

I had planned my and my then-fiancé's wedding to be a "period" affair. I had stated on the invitations that guests would be welcome to wear clothing from the Middle Ages and renaissance if they chose. I made my own dress and accoutrements, as well as the outfit for my husband, one bridesmaid, and part of that of another bridesmaid, an old and dear friend of mine, Gwen. The invitation went out not only to party and family members but also to the entire local group of folks with whom we do re-enactment, who are in balance mostly our friends. I knew this would mean that Carrie would be likely to attend, but counted on her good behavior, since she was nominally a friend of my husband's.

The day arrived and I was impressed and honored that so many of our guests had made an effort to dress up in clothes that they wouldn't normally wear, and appreciated that some of them had been rented just for the occasion. One of the folks who had dressed up in a rented costume was a mentally handicapped cousin of my husband. A sweeter guy you'll never meet, and his looks as well as his demeanor and speech capacity signal his mental ability. He came up to the head table to tell me how pretty he thought I was and was excited to show off his costume, which was a monk/Friar Tuck outfit, thoroughly Hollywood in execution. I told him how handsome he was in his outfit, and he positively sparkled. I was really happy that he had tried, and had felt so obviously complimented by some simple words.

The time at which he approached us was really the first chance we'd gotten to sit down and grab some dinner - we'd circulated while our party ate, pretty much trading off guest entertainment and greeting duties so that everyone in the party would get a chance to eat. Our wedding party had already eaten, and were beginning to circulate through the crowd, and Gwen was talking to some folks when she heard Carrie make nasty comments to her table about the quality of the cousin's costume! Gwen let me know after the event, because she didn't want me to think that "Carrie was a friend." I assured her that that hadn't been since Carrie had visited my home and criticized my (gratis) catering of a course for a nonprofit event while she was there.

Since then, and based not only on this cheap shot but on the sum of her behavior, Carrie has not been welcome in our house.   Guests 1106/03

Aside from a few very minor snafus, my wedding was perfect...beautiful, and the happiest day of my life. BUT. A couple who is good friends with my in-laws have two children, near my husband and my ages, although we've never been friendly with either one. As our wedding was a small affair, we invited only the parents. (Note, we eliminated a lot of people who we would have liked to have there, but simply did not have room for). When the response card came, it said there would be 3 attending (the invitation was very clearly for two only). My mother-in-law phoned them to see what the scoop was, and discovered that they were bringing their daughter because "it will be nice for her to see what she's in for." Okay, so after festering briefly we sucked it up and just calculated an extra guest into everything. Lo and behold, on wedding day, there were FOUR in their party--their daughter (not even an original invitee!) had brought a date. No one besides her and her parents had any clue who the guy was, and I'm certain we'll never see him again. They spent the entire reception groping each other in the corner. Another guest later told me that they were very touchy-feely during the Catholic wedding ceremony as well. Lucky us--the mystery man is in a number of our reception photos!

Guests 1117/03

A few months after my husband and I were married an extremely small civil ceremony, my parents threw us an absolutely lovely reception at a hotel with a nice banquet room. Many of our family and friends traveled to join us. It was a truly memorable event that everyone thoroughly enjoyed, and there is that one guest that we still talk and laugh about to this day, three years later. "Honey" was the girlfriend of one of my husband's best friends, "Buddy," from high school. They were seated at a table with some of our college friends and Honey reportedly had a mouth that would put a longshoreman to shame. She was beautiful with very exotic features, though it was hard to tell behind her makeup, and at first glance I though her tight, revealing dress was see-through, but it was actually just about the same color as her skin. She was spied in the ladies restroom pulling herself further out of her low cut dress as she did not have a Barbie doll bust line. My SIL told us later she thought Honey was a professional of the oldest profession, and quite a few other friends inquired if she was really this guy's girlfriend. Honey ate little but packed away the beer and apparently got a little frisky with Buddy at the back of the banquet room. I don't think any clothing was removed but I'm told there was quite a bit of grinding going on. However, before of retiring to their room, Honey decided she wanted to dance with my husband. No problem, I start dancing with Buddy, he's a nice guy and a good dancer. Honey on the other hand was putting on quite a show of bumping and grinding with my very red-faced husband. I think she was trying to use him as a stripper's pole, lost her balance (the booze helped), and my too kind husband held out his hand to try to steady her. This of course only encouraged her more, and she doubled her bumping and grinding efforts. The other guests stopped dancing to watch, and my 90-year-old great aunt, seated right next to the dance floor, was holding an auction to sell her front row seat to the highest bidder. We both knew my poor husband needed rescuing, but when Buddy tried to step in he was firmly told with multiple expletives that she was dancing with the groom and she would take care of Buddy later. So Buddy and I just kept dancing, though I think the band prolonged the song they were playing not wanting to see the show end. I don't remember if there was applause when it finally did end. Both Buddy and I jumped in when it looked like Honey was going to give my husband a nice, big, farewell kiss, but I think she might just lost her balance again. Buddy carried Honey upstairs to their hotel room soon thereafter, and we still get a good laugh out of it.

Guests 1204/03

My FH and I went to a wedding in New Mexico [ 4hr flight] this summer. It was a very small wedding - maybe 30 guests. FH was the best man. I was the only guest who was non-family. I had only met the groom 5 or 6 times, since they live two provinces away, and had never met the bride. So the groom says to me... I need a few favors....

1. Can you complete the songlist for me? He just brought his laptop and hooked it up to a speaker system instead of getting a DJ. I'm sorry why is a guest doing this on the morning of your wedding? Don't think so.

2. Can you drive me to the ceremony? Again, WTF! I don't even know the roads in the city I'm in, let alone getting you to the ceremony on time. That was a No.

3. By the way... since you're the only guest that isn't family, can you stay inside and start the wedding music. I'm sorry, shouldn't I be outside sitting in a chair with the rest of the guests? Now I'm starting to get annoyed.

4. Oh yes, and dear "guest"... we only have the photographer for about an hour... can you take my digital camera and take the rest of the pictures after the photographer leaves? Wow. Jaw hits the floor. FH trying to calm me down.

5. After the dinner, the couple does say thank you personally. It was nice and very appreciated. I'm glad they appreciated my SERVICES... but I would have appreciated just being a guest.

6. Here's the top of the wedding cake... after saying thank you to me, They put me on the spot... They've decided to honeymoon in New York and would like to stay a few nights with FH and I. As in tomorrow night. Wow. Unprepared. Shouldn't you have made honeymoon plans months ago. Shouldn't you have asked us months ago? So now I'm your DJ, Photographer, and Bed&Breakfast wench?

DON'T THINK SO. FH didn't even get a gift for being best man.

Well, I always try to be as nice as possible, and always let people stay in our spare room if they are from out of town. I explained to them that it was extremely short notice and really would have appreciated not being put on the spot.

So I said that they were welcome to stay one night until they found hotel accommodations. I explained to them that I have a strict no-sex rule in the spare bedroom [ we are not a hotel, I don't want to listen to it, and on top of it... it's the bed that I grew up sleeping in and I don't want people having sex my childhood bed] and when I told them that they laughed. They said that I couldn't possibly stop them from having sex on their honeymoon.

Well, they came to New York, they stayed in a hotel, and griped about the added cost. I think they got off pretty good having to only pay for the hotel, since they didn't have to pay for a DJ, or photographer.

Guests 1206/03

My so and I had newborn son and we received an invite to the wedding of his youngest uncle. In it, there was a "no children" policy. None. Nada. Niet. So we declined the service - I was not going to be separated from my nurseling for more than 4 hours and we felt the reception was long enough to be apart. We hired a sitter and we went to the reception.

There, someone kicked over my breast pump bag and spilt milk on the floor. Ok.. that's not so bad. No one knew it wasn't just a purse.... I had to clean it up and the idiot didn't apologize.

What was worse was this one couple arrived with a toddler and stayed for an hour!!! My breasts were full of milk and I was aching to nurse my son and _they_ dared to bring a child to a "NO CHILDREN" wedding???? My son would have been sleeping most of the wedding - this was a toddler who ran around and disturbed everyone. If we had to pay for a sitter, why didn't they?

Then there were the teenagers who were running around getting drunk by stealing drinks from the adults. GRRR. No children means no children and teenagers are children! There was a freeflowing free bar and everyone was getting drunk! No one under the drinking age - 19 in B.C. - should have been there!
Guests 1210/03

I love your site! After reading some stories I really started feeling better about what happened when I was planning my wedding. This is long, but quick read. My family lives in the northeast and my fiancé's family lives in the west. Planning a wedding to make both sides of the family happy was almost impossible. So my fiancé, Alex and I decided to get married in Venice, Italy and only bring those people closest to us. We decided to take 4 people with us and pay for all their accommodations, private tours around the city and basically live it up for 1 entire week. The only things our guests had to pay for were airfare (around $700) and dinner on the nights we didn't take them out. This celebration was costing us about the same as a nice wedding for a small number of people in the US and we got to go for an entire week. I tell my best friend, Jane, that I would love for HER to be there. She said that she and her boyfriend Dick would love to go. They had only been dating for 3 months, but Jane is in her 30's and swore that Dick was the one and they would be married by the time our wedding came around in 1 year. Dick is a Lawyer and makes very good money. If Dick attends we have to get an extra room, and the extra room will cost us $500 a night. So I told her that he could go, if he pays for half of the extra room costs. She says that "money is not a problem". Then Dick loses his job and Jane says that she can't "bear to part with Dick for even 1 week". I really wanted her to be there, so I told her that since Dick lost his job, we would pay the extra costs and he can still go. Then she tells me that I shouldn't book too many day trips in Venice because Alex and I will want some time alone. If we wanted time alone we would elope, we were bringing people to spend time with those people. It was obvious she and Dick wanted to be alone and turn our wedding into their vacation. Fast forward to 6 months before the wedding and Dick gets another job making really good money again. Jane brags about how he wants to buy a house, new car, etc. They never even offer to pay for any of the costs for Dick to come to our wedding celebrations. I bit my lip and didn't say anything. Then one day I talk to Jane and she tells me that she and Dick plan on making a 3-week vacation out of my wedding. They have looked into taking a 2-week European cruise that will drop them off in Venice, where they can meet us for the wedding. My jaw hit the floor. Jane forces me to invite a man that my fiancé and I have nicknamed "the most selfish person on the planet", they are not married or engaged and they didn't even offer to chip in ANY money for Dick's part of the trip or the extra room we have to get because of him. Then she has the nerve to tell me they are taking a 2-week European cruise before freeloading at our wedding! I was REALLY ticked off and my fiancé was nice and didn't say anything. I finally called Jane and told her that we were incurring too many expenses with the wedding and that we couldn't afford to take Dick, but we would still love for her to come. I really don't want her anywhere near my wedding at this point, so I told her she would have to share a room with my brother and he snores really loud. Luckily, she has turned me down and I'm bringing someone else who will be tons of fun. I don't regret the decision to give Jane the boot at all, and after reading some of the stories here, I'm glad that I didn't wait until the wedding to realize my mistake.
Guests 1212/03

The first story concerns my fiancé’s brother, I'll call "J" who came from across the border to share our special day with us. He brought his serious g/f and this was the first time that I got to meet this "J" and his g/f/ and the 1st time his parents would see him in years and the 1st time ever that his parents would meet the g/f and my parents. Whoa! heavy- lots of firsts, which means people should be sensitive and behave their best.

Well, during the party, my future in-laws (as nice as they usually are, although they do tend to be on the "anal retentive" side) took it upon themselves to point out "unclean" spots on the tables at the restaurant (they arrived before us) and generally being kind of rude to the owner who was my acquaintance and who gave us many free meals at our favorite weekend hangout which was this restaurant.

He made a point of telling me how "stiff" my in-laws were and I was very embarrassed.

At the party, "J" proceeded to get high all throughout, and my mother yes, my mother followed him around and got high with him too, as well as telling everyone what a crush she had on one of my fiancé’s friends who was present (he's 26, she's 47)

Gifts were optional- especially for people my age since I knew they didn't have much money to spare. Prior to the party some of my friends actually asked me and whined-

" I don't actually have to get gifts do I?". Not with that attitude- I don't want them!

However if it was I going to an expensive party like this that cost my parents a lot of money I would not arrive empty-handed and of course it is the thought that counts so even flowers would be nice. But my best friend, "P" not only arrived late with my other friend, making her late against her will too- completely empty handed, but her hair appointment had gone wrong, so she pouted and had bad negative vibes throughout the whole party, and even went as far as telling one of my fiancé’s friends that she's mad at me because ever since I met my fiancé I don't hang out with her as much (geez I wonder why?). She hardly talked to me the whole night. Some people that I didn't know very well I invited too, and it turned out that they were way more gracious than some of my close friends or relatives!

Fast forward, to the day after- "J" and his g/f are still staying with us, and we have a dinner party to go to at which the future in-laws and my parents would be.

Well , the morning of the dinner-party "J" keeps whining about his mother whom he doesn't get along with, he also whines that he wants to be taken to hike some wild mountains that are about a 4-hour drive away. So we do our best and take him to some wilderness spots that are about 2 hours away. Not good enough for "J", we arrive at some park which is not "wild" enough for "J" and he proceeds to FREAK OUT big time on the parking lot. He starts yelling at my fiancé for not keeping his word to entertain him, and how hard it is for him to get 3 days off work (which is a lie because he takes frequent trips to music festivals and takes 2-3 days off for those), and other unfair insults. My fiancé got so upset at this, and he's the most even-tempered and accommodating guy- he starts shaking his fist, and getting the most upset I have ever seen him. I still get sooo angry thinking about this. Geez, I though "J" was here to meet me and see his parents, and attend the party not to be driven around the country.

So since he didn't get what he wanted, he made us drive him to some other hiking place, and the hike "stretched" into late afternoon, making us late for the dinner party which was what "J" wanted all along- to get revenge on his mother.

Need I also mention that "J" and his g/f (who is a nice girl- I don't know how she can stand him) made us late for our own engagement party the night before, because they took so long getting ready, but didn't have a ride to the restaurant.

Well, as you must by now understand our wedding plans are postponed until further notice!

Guests 1210/03