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My youngest sister, now in her early 20s, announced in March
that she was getting married to someone she'd known for a month. Within minutes,
she was shrieking that wedding planning had her incredibly stressed out, but
that she felt duty-bound to have a wedding "for friends and family."
She also rebuffed offers of help, stating that she had to do everything herself.
Two weeks ago, she announced that the wedding would be August
14 (yes, three weeks from the date of the news), and that she was busily
constructing "formal" invitations on her computer. This is for a small
outdoor wedding with a reception at a greasy spoon, but no matter -- she must
have FORMAL invitations, and her fiancé could not help because he would not
make them "perfect." She also positively had to have her wedding dress
sewn that very weekend and told our mother not to give her any attitude about
it. Fortunately, she had refused to let Mom do bridesmaids' dresses as a gift to
the attendants, screaming that she wasn't having any attendants. She's now
having two, but they're borrowing dresses from a prior wedding. Anyway... the
Invitations are just starting to arrive in the hands of
potential guests. Yes, that's less than ONE WEEK before the wedding. In the mean
time, the bride has been on the phone demanding of people whether they're going
to attend and insisting on firm answers. I suspect many are saying
"yes" just to make her hang up.
The invitations are issued with our parents as hosts, to Mom's
horror, as they were not consulted or treated with basic courtesy on any issue;
indeed, the bride announced that the wedding was being held in a location two
hours from our parents' home because it was more convenient for her friends
(most of whom have since moved far away, some of whom have stopped speaking to
her). The invitations tell the guests that the ceremony will start
"promptly at 12:30," which is a hoot, since the bride is rarely less
than an hour late for anything. (That could be a problem, as her rental of the
site ends at 1:15. That's the site where she reserved it before asking what it
cost and was in tears to discover there was a substantial fee.) The invitation
also contained a mysterious piece of vellum with the guests' names scribbled at
the top, plus a printed card "apologizing for the inconvenience" of
sending invitations so late. The entire tone of the invitation suggests that the
bride is very grudgingly inviting people who are inconveniencing her -- which
may well be the case, as she threw a fit at being told that the groom's mother
might wish to include a few family members as guests.
One of my friends is threatening to take pictures of this
fiasco from a discreet distance, so that I can enjoy the full effect. (I wasn't
invited, having refused told the bride to stop plagiarizing papers from the
internet shortly before her college caught her and took action.) While this
would be tacky, "tacky" is kind of a theme here: we strongly suspect
that there's no marriage license (the bride was talking about getting it at
"city hall" in a jurisdiction where licenses are issued by the
county), and we're not sure whether the officiant (yes, Universal Life Church)
will show up. The bride and groom have also announced that they're having a
"real" wedding cake, but they're sure they can just stop by a bakery
and pick one up the morning of the wedding (oh, and neither of them has a
I told our mother that she has to email you the entire story
when the wedding is over. We'll see if she does it.
I received a bachelorette party invitation for a BTB who had
already had a wedding shower hosted by her mother and sister (incidentally,
they were also hosting the bachelorette event). On the back of the party
invitation was the following:
"This is also a lingerie shower. Please bring
something sweet and sexy. If you could bring something that will make
[BTB] blush, that would be great, too. We will have munchies and
drinks. If everyone brings a few dollars, we could even order out for
Oh, could we?? First of all, is this function a party or
is it a shower? Pick one, please. And you know, if I
had wanted to pay for the food, I could have just hosted the shower.
Then again, maybe they have a point; I guess there's no sense in only
hoping for gifts when you can just flat out beg for them!
My husband received an invitation to a business associates
reception not addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" but as Mr. John Doe
and Guest. The business associate knows he is married but either did not
relay that message onto his new wife or his associate really is not that bright.
We did not respond since we felt these people really had no clue about who
we really are and were just fishing for gifts. I really wanted to send the reply
in to the Groom and address it as "Mr. Jones and that other one". (The
new bride had sent out the invitations).
My dear sister, who spent every second planning her entire
wedding by herself, was very mindful of the cost of everything. My father
decided that he wanted to increase the guest list and offered to pay for the
additions, which was fine; however, this still did not leave room for all of the
people she would like to invite due to the cost constraints. So, I was
highly amused when, during her college graduation, a mother of one of the girls
I was on a team with in high school (I am four years older) whose younger
daughters were in high school at the same time as my sister (but not in her
class) stopped to ask her about her wedding plans (the woman was also
graduating). My sister replied with the usual chit-chat. So the
woman proceeds to tell my sister that she should invite her daughters to the
wedding. To which, my sister replies that it is small and she is trying to
keep the guest list down (never mind that she never associated with either of
the girls who were close to her age). So the woman says something about
how she could just add them in…they would probably like to go! Well,
gee, thanks. If my sister couldn't invite the people she really likes, I'm
sure she's just dying to add on two people to whom she never speaks.
Sheesh. I knew the woman was very loud and boisterous, but I never thought
she would have the gall to invite her children to someone else's wedding.
What is it about a wedding that brings out the tacky side of people?
My mother was recently invited to a wedding in which she
received a very nice invitation, It was the little typed note that accompanied
it that was the kicker.
Mr. and Miss John Doe do not have a lot of money so they are
asking that everyone pay their own dinner, it will be 20 dollars per person,
also in lieu of gifts please make a monetary contribution to help Mr. John Doe
move to Canada.
Needless to say my parents will not be attending the wedding
and if they are to send a gift it will not be money.
My step-son is getting married and the wedding
invitations came in a timely fashion. This is not so much an invitation faux pas
- they are a little over the top with purple flower petals adorning them - it is
the way the invites were addressed. Bizarre. My mother-in-law got hers first and called
me laughing hysterically. The envelope was addressed:
BGen. and Mrs. John (insert middle name) Jr. and Lea
Smith, U.S.A.F.., Retired
Huh? Who is Mrs. John and who is Lea Smith? Mine was even
Dr. and Mrs. John (middle name) III and Sue Smith and
Do the children belong to Mrs. John III or Sue Smith? And the
children are all over the age of 21 and should have had their own
invitations. I started calling everyone and almost all of the invites had
some strange/inappropriate wording. Our soon to be daughter-in-law
simply didn't have a clue. My 85 year old mother is beloved by everyone but
is wicked funny. Since my father died 10 years ago, my mother said her
invitation should have been addressed (if you follow the "etiquette"
the bride is using): Mr. and Mrs. David John Jr. Deceased and Lila
Moore. Needless to say the poor girl is going to get an anonymous gift of an
Here's a Tacky invite or lack of one.... After being invited
to an IL wedding (niece) and flying halfway across the country to attend
(thousands of $$). We were "told" that we were not invited to
the rehearsal dinner. That we "could meet up with the bridal
party" at a later time so we could all "get together" at the club
that they had designated. The *bride (said niece) couldn't wait to see us.
Fine. Insulted, yes. Devastated, no. So we do. After
flying 6 hours, hailing a cab, checking into the hotel, hailing another cab to
"downtown". Great club, fun place. As long as you are 21
or over. Carding at the door. Fine, except that several of the
"cousins" are not over 21. We manage it, get all cousins in.
Bride greets us. Very busy with BM's and wedding party. VERY
short greeting. Fine. Fun club. No tab, we all pay for
our own. Fine. Lots of dancing, lots of drinking, fun club.
Very late in the very long evening, we find out the Bride and Groom have left,
never said a word. So much for being so glad that we could attend, and so
happy to *see us.
My cousin, “Lynn” sent an invitation to me and my parents.
Clearly, we were not on her “A” list of invitees because the RSVP date had
already passed when she mailed the invitations, thus, we never could RSVP on
time. Also, she misspelled our surname and used my father’s nickname
instead of his proper name. Finally, she completely left off my name in
the invitation (all the more reason why she didn’t get a gift from me
personally) and included her gift registry information in the invitation.
People please, the correct way to do things is easily found out—go to the
library or consult a reputable website. I don’t understand why people
persist in being so tacky in this age of information.
An acquaintance of mine is getting married at the end of the
month. I didn’t get invited to the wedding and I wasn’t surprised by
this. But I was surprised to get this the two week ago. The names have
been change. I don’t even know what to say.
Sent: Thursday, July 07, 2005 9:19 PM
To: Kathleen Subject: Busy on July 30th?
Hey Kathy, > > Beth and I were hoping that you're free
on July 30th and can come to our wedding. If you are able to come can
you please send me your mailing address? I thought I had it but
appear to have lost it in the shuffle.
I'm sorry we weren't able to send you an invitation
sooner, my dad's family is huge and we had to make sure
we weren't going to exceed the reception hall limit before we could
invite more of our friends.
Also, we'll be serving steak, chicken or fish at the
reception, if you're able to come can you let me know what you'd
Hope to see you soon! Neil
Did they have to send me an email telling me I was on B list
and they didn’t have enough people to fill up the room.
I received the invitation to my brother’s wedding the day
after the wedding.
A "friend" was getting married to a guy we had all
known for years, as we all went to college together. I had met this girl my
first semester and by this point we had know each other for about 10 years. She
went on and on about her upcoming nuptials from the moment they got engaged. I
then received an invitation to the wedding shower, but no invitations to the
wedding had been received yet, so I thought nothing of it. Right before I was
going to RSVP that I would be in attendance at the shower, a friend mentioned
that she had received her invite to the wedding. So I gave it a few more days,
and a few more....no invitation.
I then found out that she had just sent out the B list invites
and that once they got a count of them, she would decide how many C list invites
to send out. WTF?
I then received and invite to the bachelorette party, at an
expensive restaurant followed by drinks out on the town. Needless to say I did
not attend, but was still admonished by one of her bridesmaids for not showing
up. The final straw was when she told the B list friends that they could bring a
date, but only if it was one of the C list people..........
I can't quite remember why we ever became friends.....
Hi, A friend that I bumped into in the street was excited to
invite me to his engagement party. I was really surprised when I opened the
invitation to discover that he is charging $20 per person to attend the wedding.
The engagement party is at his house and the $20 is for the barbeque and
"Give people an invitation
directing them to cater your wedding reception and you hand them proof positive
of what they may have suspected for years, that you are one tacky
Jeanne Hamilton, Wedding Etiquette Hell: A Bride's Bible To Avoiding
Everlasting Damnation , page 57
I received a wedding invitation for a friend's wedding and was
very excited to attend. I knew the groom well and many of my friend's and
acquaintances would be attending as well. Just as a side note, not many people
cared for the bride and the joke was that when the minister asked if there was
anyone that had doubts about their union to rise and speak, the congregation
would erupt with chaos. And the bride pretty much let everyone know she didn't
care for them either. The wedding was in the bride's hometown located about 7
hours away. I received an invitation for a cocktail party on Friday
evening. The rehearsal party was before that.
My friends and I showed up at the appointed hour to attend the
party. When we walked into the club we noticed that there was a small room that
was set up with a full bar and a table with cheese and crackers and fruit but we
were the only people there besides the bartenders. We thought that perhaps this
room was for another party and our cocktail party was located
upstairs where the noise was coming from. When we reached the top of the
stairs was walked onto a room with about 20 tables of ten people having dinner.
We recognized this as the rehearsal party that was still taking place.
Horrified, we walked back downstairs to wait for them to finish dinner.
When we were back in the reception room a few other people had
arrived and we told them about what we saw. There were a total of 10 people that
were not included in the rehearsal dinner but were invited to attend the
cocktail party. I was raised to understand that all out of town guests were
invited to a rehearsal party of some sort the night before the wedding but also
understand that this is not customary for others. However, the 10 of us
that were to stay downstairs for the next hour and a half until the
dinner ended, were embarrassed that we were so blatantly excluded. We became
known as the "B-List" for the rest of the
weekend. We laughed it off and had a lovely time at the wedding the next night
but I'm still in awe that this southern bride that prided herself on her
southern charm and hospitality could be so rude. And tacky.
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