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(Foot-In-Mouth Disease and Silly Mistakes)

2000 Archive


When the woman who used to care for my child got engaged, she invited me to the engagement party. Let's call her Lucy. I was kind of surprised, but also touched, that she wanted me to be part of the celebration. I was living 200kms away and Lucy knew I would have to travel with my 2 year old child, and spend the weekend in her city.

The party was being held at a golf club and on the invitation were details of the cost of the meal ($25) and that drinks were available at club prices. No worries I'll budget for it, I thought. I rang Lucy to find out if she was registered for gifts anywhere or if there was anything in particular she wanted. I often make quilts as gifts and thought I would make one for her as a wedding gift. Anyway, Lucy says, don't give us an engagement gift, you have to pay for your meal and drinks, just come and enjoy the party. So I did. It was a good night, I enjoyed catching up with some people and as I was 6 months pregnant with my second child, also enjoyed a night out without children! However, at the party there was a table piled high with engagement gifts! I was embarrassed at arriving empty handed.

The next day my child and I were invited to Lucy's house for afternoon tea. Her mother, sister, grandmother and future MIL were there. We all sat around talking about the party the night before, what fun we had, how nice Lucy looked, etc. etc.. Then Lucy proceeds to bring out all the gifts she received the night before. I was so embarrassed as she had told me not to bring anything, but by her bringing out the gifts, implied to me that she didn't really mean for me not to bring anything! I cringe to this very day. Lucy did invite me to her wedding, saying she understood if I couldn't attend because it would mean leaving my children for the weekend. Like, invite me or not, but leave it up to me to accept if you do!! I almost went, but as my baby was only 5 months old and being breasted I couldn't leave him for two hours, let alone a weekend.     Oops0314-01

This is not so much a faux-pas as an embarrassing oops. My fiancé’s sister got married last year. Like many brides, she became very emotional during the ceremony, so much so that she began to cry. Subsequently, she began to laugh at herself for crying -- she was trying to be unobtrusive about it, but seeing as the entire room was silent, everyone could hear. I think she was a little overwhelmed because right after the minister asked her if she vowed to be faithful, she let out a loud snort. It actually worked out for the best since everyone chuckled. This broke the tension in the room and stopped her (and her MOH) from crying.  Oops0411-01

My husband and I got married 5 months ago and I will never forget what one particular guest said to me during the reception. *Phil* is a good friend to both my husband and I but has a tendency to be very tacky at times. However, I never in my wildest dreams imagined that he could be so rude to say to me what he did. You know how during the reception people will clink their glasses with their silverware to get the bride and groom to kiss? Well, one guest took this tradition a little too far and had us kissing almost non-stop. But that's a different story. Phil actually said to me "So, if you guys kiss when someone clinks their glass, if I slam 2 beer bottles together would you guys get up on the bar and f*@K?" I couldn't believe it!!! I was so upset that I just walked away from him. Later when he tried to apologize to me I made him get down on his knees in the middle of the dance floor in front of everyone and beg me for my forgiveness. I figured he deserved the same kind of embarrassment that he caused me.    Oops0702-01

My sister Nancy had 3 attendants. I was the MOH, and the bridesmaids were our other sister Jody, and Kate - one of Nancy's oldest childhood friends. We all were wearing long chiffony style gowns. After the ceremony (which was *long* because the groom's brother, an Episcopal priest, conducted the ceremony and he insisted on a full slate including serving communion to all the guests) we bridesmaids needed to use the bathroom, and we went in to the church's ladies room and used the facilities and washed up a bit. When we exited the church, with the door to the building locking behind us as we did, we found everyone was gone. We were the only folks left. The rest of the bridal party and all the guests had gone on ahead to the reception, and we were left behind with no phone, no purses, no money, and no transportation to the reception! The reception site (groom's home) was about 2 miles away and it was a pleasant day, so we decided to start walking. Well, we had to walk down a long busy main road for much of the way, holding up our long chiffony gowns to keep them out of the dust, and mincing along in our dyed and coordinated, but quite uncomfortable, wedding shoes. This was a southern town as I said, and we had any number of good-ole-boys in their pickup trucks honking and hootin' and hollerin' at us as we walked by. With our uncomfortable shoes it took us nearly 45 minutes to walk to the reception. By the time we got there it turned out all the toasting had been done and the reception was going full-swing. Until we walked in the door, hot and dusty, no one even noticed we were missing! It turns out that the groom had assigned his best man the job of getting the bridesmaids to the reception, but the best man had completely forgotten about it, and so had everyone else!    Ooops0707-01

My fiancé and I attended my aunt's wedding last September in a city about five hours from our own. Other than our relatives we did not no any of the other guests. We were seated with people whom my aunt thought we would be compatible with, a few unknowns and my parents. One particular couple at our table were a riot and we were having a wonderful time with them through dinner and speeches. Some time later in the evening my sister, who was not seated with us, asked if she could talk to me alone. She proceeded to tell me that one of the guys at her table was very attracted to my fiancé and was going on and on about how sexy he thought he was, and hoping he would have a chance to meet him sometime throughout the night. I have no prejudices at all, but after a few drinks I tend to say things I regret in the morning. I then went back to the table I had been seated at and went into a humorous recount of what my sister had said. I told them that the guy at the other table wanted my boyfriend and that he could fight me for him. ( remember I am a little intoxicated at this point, and becoming increasingly vulgar ) The couple next to me whom I had clicked with all night just sat there and didn't say anything. I finally turned to them and said "Can you believe that guy is hot for my fiancé." They still sat there not saying a word. My Mom then stood up and asked me to join her in the lady's room. There she told me that the fellow at my sisters table that was so head over heels for my boyfriend was the son of the couple I had just finished ranting and raving to. Not to mention they were my Aunt's next door neighbors. Open mouth insert foot!!!   Ooops0430-01

Last year a friend of mine from college got married in her parent’s hometown. It was a fairly large wedding and most of the guests were from out of town. The bride’s father is a minister and had been asked along with a close family friend who is also a minister to help officiate at the wedding. The big day finally arrives with a gorgeous evening wedding service. Then we all head to the reception held at a beautiful old historic home. All the bride and groom’s family and friends are in attendance as well as other ministers and parishioners from her father’s church. At the end of the reception we all line up on the sidewalk holding candles as the bride and groom exit the reception. The affect was actually quite beautiful and I am thinking how wonderful everything has turned out this evening. Just as they are about to reach their car and we are all saying our joyous good-byes, the bride turns around and in front of her family, the groom’s family and all their friends who have traveled hundreds of miles to be there she shouts, " I bet you guys wont’ have as good a time tonight as we will!" As my mouth dropped to the floor I turned to see everyone else with the same expression. What a way to ruin such a beautiful moment by trying to make an incredibly tasteful joke. I felt so sorry for her family and the groom’s family. If that wasn’t tacky enough I found out that the next day the bride had recruited her MOH to drive her and her new husband two hours to a larger airport so that they could save money on their honeymoon. Some people never learn.  Ooops0717-01

My husband and I recently attending a friend's wedding. The reception location was about 20 miles/30 minutes from the church were the wedding ceremony was held. The route was a winding trek through the countryside, with very few stores or gas stations along the way. The thoughtful couple provided a very detailed set of directions with the invitations. The only problem was one of the last turns read as "right" instead of "left". Following the instructions the road ended at a maximum security prison. The guard would not provide any information other than "This is state property, please leave immediately." After wandering around the countryside aimlessly for another 30 minutes, we managed to stumble onto the right location. Otherwise, the wedding and reception were lovely.  Oops1025-01

Hi, I'm a college professor and used to teach high school. While teaching high school I made friends with a special student I'll call "Brandi". Brandi was dating this marine called "Trent" at the time. When I started teaching college Brandi started as a student and I bent a lot of rules and helped her get out faster so she could marry her precious Trent. This went on for years. I was thrilled to receive a wedding invitation this year. I drove 63 miles into deep country with my 1 year old daughter, leaving husband at home (THANK HEAVENS) and got to the church. It was deserted. It seems that Brandi had called off the wedding. It was a long 63 miles back home. Brandi knows my home phone, my home address, my work phone, my work email and my home email. It's been 4 months and I still haven't heard the first word from her.   Oops0108-01

This story involves a friend of mine who I will call Claudia per her request. Claudia got married last year and received the usual assortment of gifts that she had no use for. Her mother, I'll call her Jackie, was going to the wedding of a co-worker's son and asked Claudia if she had a gift that she could use. Claudia gave her these poseable bride and groom picture frames. Still in the box, no obvious tape marks, etc. Jackie goes to the wedding and a few days later the father-of-the groom calls her. When his son and new daughter-in-law opened the gift from Jackie they found a $100 gift certificate in the box to Marshall Fields with Claudia's name on it. Jackie (who isn't the brightest crayon in the box anyway) said, "Oh, we wondered where that went." BUSTED!!! In addition to the above faux pas, Claudia had to then call the friend who had originally given her the gift months earlier to say thank you. She had never even opened the frames in the first place and had no idea that the gift certificate was in there.     Ooops0119-01

A few months ago, my dear friend got married. She was the youngest child from a large family, and the groom the oldest from yet another large family. The bride's parents went all out for this wedding-it being their last. The groom's parents did the same, as it was their first. Needless to say, it was spectacular! I stood up in it, and every detail was attended to. Nothing was overlooked. When we got to the reception at a very lovely hotel, magnificent is the only word for it! The food was quite good, the DJ was great, everyone was having a great time. As the cake cutting time rolled around, my fiancé and I, both having graduated from culinary school, went to inspect the cake. Having a background in food, we tend to be a bit picky...we know a beautiful cake when we see one. And this was a beautiful cake. The flowers were all gum paste, done by hand...the ivy was life-like. We were so impressed by this five-tiered wonder. It was gorgeous. We made our way back to our seats, and waited with anticipation as this cake was being served. Surely something so beautiful would taste amazing! Well, the server placed the cake in front of us, and we both eagerly took our first bite. Something was a bit off to me--I tasted s'mores. My fiancé, who has an even more discriminating palate than I, had an odd look on his face. He asked me if I tasted something wrong. I couldn't place it...I knew that the burnt marshmallow taste shouldn't be there--but what could it be?? Suddenly we both realized--the beautiful cake (which was made by an aunt of the groom in her home) had been exposed to cigarette smoke. The frosting had absorbed the flavor of the smoke, and it tasted awful!!! We were so grossed out we put our forks down immediately, and didn't touch the cake at all. Whenever the bride raves about her beautiful cake, it's hard to not laugh. Hopefully we were the only ones who realized the off taste!     Oops0124-01