Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go

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Perfect Brides and Grooms

They really do exist!


I was once a guest from Hell and I have never seen a bride and groom (or anyone else on the planet) behave more graciously. I had been dating my boyfriend only for a couple of months by the time of his good friend's wedding (who I also knew, but not well). The bride was French and the wedding was outside Paris. My BF and I decided it would be fun to spend a weekend in Paris (we live in London), so I would go with him but not go to the wedding. We asked friends for advice about whether to tell the groom I would be in town because the last thing on earth we wanted to do was to make him feel like he had to invite me, but wondered if he would be just as upset if I was in town without telling him. Our ingenious plan was to tell him I would be in Paris, but that I had plans with friends during the time of the wedding, so he would be off the hook. Sure enough, at 9am the DAY BEFORE HIS OWN WEDDING, the groom calls my BF asking him to invite me to the wedding. Says it's no problem, they'd really love for me to come. 

Now, I've never planned a wedding myself but I know enough to know that can't be true (adding another person to the catering arrengements, changing the seating chart, etc.), but I went anyway, thinking it would be ruder to decline at that point than to go. At the reception, the bride and the groom actually THANKED ME FOR BEING ABLE TO COME AT THE LAST MINUTE! At least three times. It was remarkable. And after the brunch the next day, whilst spending time with her family, the bride slipped away and said to BF and me, let me get you some chapagne! We're looking at each other with that look that says "we drank until 4am at a spectacular reception (great DJ, amazing chateau, everything was perfect) and we couldn't possibly drink more, but we have to go along with this!" As the BF looks for glasses for us all to have some, she says, "no I mean take a bottle to drink tonight!" (That night was the BF's birthday and she actually remembered that in the middle of her wedding weekend.) I have never in my entire life seen a bride so on top of all her guest's needs in all my life. It was inspiring, and so much fun to reflect back on after reading all of the bridezilla stories!

Perfect Brides 0814/03


Love the site, and unfortunately I have a story about unintentionally spoiling my cousin's wedding. My cousin Carrie was getting married just before Christmas, and my father and my siblings drove down to Florida for the wedding and to spend Christmas with my deceased mom's relatives. I was fifteen at the time and very excited, as this would be the first wedding I'd ever been to. Carrie was my favorite cousin to boot, and I was happy to be included in her special evening.

We got there two days before the wedding, and everyone was having a wonderful time. Carrie's fiance Andrew fit in perfectly with the rest of us, and things were going great. While many of the adults went to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, some of the kids (older teenagers) decided to order Chinese food and rent a movie. I hated Chinese food, so another cousin went out of her way to get me some KFC, which I scarfed down happily. It tasted a little weird, but not remarkably so. 

The next day, I literally woke up projectile vomiting. I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. I was staying at my cousin Katie's house (Katie was Carrie's oldest sister and her MOH) and poor Katie, bless her heart, was trying to tend to me and wedding errands at the same time. Katie's husband Dave, like Katie a nurse, appointed himself my caretaker so Katie could help Carrie. At around noon, he called my dad, and the two of them bundled me to the local ER. By now things were getting very ugly, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that I was in the throes of a massive case of food poisoning. The doctor told my father that he wanted to admit me right away. I overheard that, and immediately burst into tears. "But I want to go to Carrie's wedding! We came all the way from New Jersey! I want to go!" My dad and Dave tried to soothe me, saying that Carrie would understand, but I was hysterical. The doctor said that he would run an IV and give me some drugs, and if I responded well to those he would release me. So he put in the IV line and gave me a couple of shots, and within a couple of hours I felt a little better. Actually, I felt horrible, but at least I wasn't throwing up anymore. The doctor looked askance, but after me insisting (otherwise known as lying through my teeth) that I felt much better, he signed the release forms at around 4:30. The wedding was at six.

I went back to Katie's house and got dressed for the wedding. By now word had spread about my illness, and Katie's phone was ringing off the hook asking after me. When Carrie called, I made it a point to speak to her and said, "I wouldn't miss your wedding for anything." Katie quickly did my makeup for me, worrying out loud that I was pale as a ghost, but I kept saying I was okay and promised to take it easy. She and Dave (who was an usher) left for the church, and Dad came by to pick me up. Whatever drugs the doctor had given me were wearing off, and I was feeling horribly sick to my stomach. The sweat was pouring off me as we got out of the car, but I pasted a smile on my face and joined my family in their pew. The wedding began. The bridesmaids walked down the aisle, lovely in their hunter-green gowns. I was biting the inside of my lip bloody, trying to keep from throwing up. Carrie, a vision in white silk and lace on her father's arm, began her march to her soon-to-be husband. The videographer walked backward in front of the pair, capturing every moment ... including me, rudely shoving Carrie out of the way and barreling out of the church to be sick in the bushes. As it turned out, loudly sick. Yes, the video camera had a very sensitive microphone, and as Carrie and Andrew exchanged their vows I could be clearly overheard puking my guts out. I've seen--and heard--the video.

The reception was being held in the parish hall, and my dad and a couple of my male cousins managed to sneak out of the wedding and get me over there. When the ceremony ended, Carrie and Andrew didn't stop for the photographer, but went straight for the hall to check on me. By that time I was sitting on a toilet in the ladies' room with a wastepaper basket on my knees because I didn't know which end would erupt next, and as it turned out that's where I spent most of the evening. I managed to stagger out once or twice, but in the end I was driven back to the ER, there to be admitted. I was in the hospital for three days. Carrie and Andrew, God bless them, even called from their Cancun honeymoon to see about me. It's been almost twenty years, but I still feel terrible that I spoiled Carrie's wedding, even though Carrie swears otherwise. When I got married several years ago, Carrie was pregnant with her fourth child and was having a horrible case of morning sickness. Guess who had to leave in the middle of my ceremony to go throw up? Fortunately, she felt better after some crackers and ginger ale, but several members of my family swear it was karma, and to this day Carrie and I joke about each other's weddings making us sick!

Perfect Brides 1012/03


 

Do you know a wonderful bride and groom who should be immortalized for their graciousness?  Send us the story!


Page Last Updated May 18, 2007