Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go


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Amusing or Horror stories involving children



Nearly 4 years ago, I attended the wedding of my friend "Lynn". "Lynn" and I have known each other since 2nd grade (we're in our mid-20s now) and were best friends all throughout high school. I was not asked to be a bridesmaid, but that's another story. ;) Wedding goes well... then the reception... time for the bouquet-toss... so I get up with the other single ladies and assemble behind Lynn on the dance floor... You can guess who catches the bouquet... Suddenly, I am leapt upon (literally) by Lynn's new SIL, who is 11! She's clawing at the bouquet, trying to snatch it out of my hands... I stand up straight (I'm nearly 5ft9), one hand holding the bouquet, the SIL under my other arm. (I think I actually picked her up off the floor.) Her mom rushes over, yelling at her to get off me... So who is the big etiquette-breaker, the Kid from Hell or me because I didn't let her have the bouquet?     wRugrats0107-02 It's best to not feed the beasts.

I attended two family weddings with my now-ex that I will never forget... The first wedding was that of my ex's cousin and her boyfriend of several years. These two already had a three year old daughter and were deciding to "make it official". So off we dutifully traveled 5 hours to attend their Catholic ceremony. We sat on the bride's side of the church, everyone in my ex's family nicely attired in their Sunday best. The groom's family sat across the aisle, but they all seemed to have come directly from the dog track... tee-shirts and all.

The wedding started with a horrible soloist who couldn't carry a tune if it had handles. As the priest droned on with the couple facing him on the kneeler, their daughter, who was sitting with grandma, started calling for mommy. The grandmother succeeded in shushing her for a few minutes, but the kid wouldn't stop. Finally, in desperation, she gave the little girl her purse. The child jumped up and started doing laps around the sanctuary, squealing gaily. The priest, to his credit, kept right on going. Finally, the little girl ran right up on the altar, sat squarely down on the kneeler between mom and dad, and facing the congregation proceeded to open grandma's purse, take out her compact and start powdering her face! Nobody made any effort to stop her... it was actually funny, if somewhat tacky.   wRugrats0406-02

Just had to tell you a quick story that happened at my friend's birthday party in which he'd planned to surprise my other friend and propose to her. And unfortunately the "Wicked Witch" of the party was my own son, "Darian". These 2 friends are my 4 year old son's godparents whom we'll call Bob and Clare.

I can honestly say that my son is normally very well behaved and we constantly receive compliments on how well mannered he is. One of his latest phases is to tell women (relatives, store clerks, his teachers) that he wants to marry them. It's typical of his age and most people laugh. Naturally, he also wanted to marry his "Aunt Clare."

Well it's Bob's birthday, his closest friends are in attendance and all has been going great. Bob gets down on one knee and asks Clare to marry him. She says yes and everyone claps and cheers. Then, the Horror happens. Darian storms up to couple, points his finger at the groom-to-be and shouts, "Uncle Bob, you ruined my life! Aunt Clare was going to marry me! I'm mad at you! You ruined my life!!!"

Needless to say, both my husband and I, horrified and embarrassed beyond belief, apologize profusely, quickly take Darian aside and get him calmed down. We'd prayed he was only joking, but no, he really was mad.

Luckily for us, the couple laughed it off and even plan on having Darian as a guest at their wedding, despite our insistence that we understood if he wasn't wanted. My husband and I are both in the wedding and her sister has volunteered to "rein him in" should he try to disturb the ceremony.

So, here's to lots of praying that my friend doesn't have her own story to tell about the kid who ruins her wedding.     wRugrats 1216-02

I love your site and have passed it along to all of my friends. My story is about a wedding I attended a number of years ago. I was an invited guest but since the parents of a small infant I babysat were also attending, I was to be her sitter as well. (I was still in high school at this time.) The ceremony itself was uneventful. It was when we arrived at the reception hall that things began to get ugly. First of all, the groom and probably most of the bridal party were extremely intoxicated. The groom was actually making out with one of the bridesmaids. We are not talking about a friendly peck on the lips; this was a full groping. The worst part was that no one seemed the least bit phased by it, not even the bride’s family or the bride herself. More drunken rowdiness occurred and then the ex-girlfriend of the groom arrived. She was not invited and in fact the newlyweds had a restraining order against her. She began yelling and calling them all sorts of expletives and someone called the police. The cops showed up and had to escort her off of the premises.

Now comes the part that involves my babysitting job for the day. The baby was quite young and still breast feeding. Her mom had made quite a few trips to the ladies room throughout the day to feed her. However, her mom had also been making quite a few trips to the bar and had easily gone through 2 bottles of champagne on her own. Well apparently breast feeding while intoxicated leads to a drunk baby. While mom was prancing around the dance floor, I was stuck caring for a poor, sick baby who was throwing up quite a bit and with me wearing most of it. I felt so bad for her and was worried she might get dehydrated. I ended up having to find ride home for myself, the baby, and her drunk parents. I then stayed at their house until they had sobered up enough to attend to their sick and now "hung-over" baby daughter. I don’t usually pass judgment, but these people were and probably still are trashy and tactless.    wRugrats 1206-02

I married at the age of 30 a VERY handsome widower who had two (adopted) children from his first marriage. This was a simple affair at the local registry office (I guess this equates to city hall in the US). The two little darlings were a boy of 14 and a girl of 12. After the ceremony, we left for the reception in our apartment with them in the back seat. First thing I heard was from the girl: 'Oh, I guess I'll have a little something to look after quite soon.' I turned around: 'WHAT?' I said. The boy then put in his contribution: 'Oh, come on, Dad, we know you've only married her because she's in the club!' 'Well', I said, 'Just you wait. You are about to witness the longest gestation period in history.' My new husband did not support me against them then, nor at any time during our marriage. I stuck with him until both kids left home (18 years) and at the age of 49 finally attained self-esteem and am happier now than I have ever been in my life.
wRugrats 1015-02

Not only did Jane the Pain bring her uninvited three year old to my wedding, but at the reception (at a hotel) she had her husband come up to me, the bride, and say, "Our son got tired. Arrange for his dinner to be sent up to our hotel room."       wRugrats 0812-02