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My friend, lets call her Tracy, and I have been friends for 13
years. I was there when she married her first husband, when she had her child,
etc., etc. Well, she tells me that she's met a great guy, wants me to meet him.
Fine, so we meet, and he's a nice enough fellow.
Fast forward 3 months, its Christmas, and he's proposing. He
calls me for advice on what ring to get. I give him some ideas, as well as her
ring size. So Christmas Day, she calls all excited that he proposed. He moves
into her and her mother's house, and things appear to be fine.
Fast forward again, 8 months. Its their one-year anniversary.
Their wedding date is to be on their two year anniversary, so we've been looking
at dresses and venues, flowers and shoes. I get a phone call on a Monday,
telling me that I need to take the following Friday afternoon off, because she
and "Nicky" are getting married. So I take the time off, schedule an
impromptu bachelorette party for the day before the wedding.
Well, the Thursday of the bachelorette party, Nicky gets
arrested! He gets bailed out 20 minutes before the jail clerk closes, and we
almost didn't have the bachelorette party. So, the wedding goes off, even though
the groom almost wasn't there. Everything's hunky dory, till Nicky doesn't show
up to a court date that's scheduled. So he gets arrested again, and I'm called
upon to provide $500 bail money, as the last time he got arrested wiped them out
financially. So being a good friend, I do. She calls me several times a week
after this, telling me that she never should have gotten married, its all been a
huge mistake. I told her to do what she needed to do, if divorce was the answer,
that I would support her 100%.
Its now been 6 months since, and she and I no longer talk,
because she was tired of my being unsupportive of her marriage, and that I
wasn't supposed to condone divorce. I also haven't been paid back the 500 bucks.
The only consolation is he eventually left her, telling her that she had gotten
too negative. No kidding, bud. He and I are now really good friends, and talk 3
or 4 times a week, and she's living with her mom and paying off her bills from
when he was jailed. So all's well that ends well. I'm just glad I didn't buy
them an engagement, housewarming, or wedding gift!
I was invited to a wedding of my then-boyfriend's friend.
He was in the wedding as an usher. We had been told that we'd both be
invited to the rehearsal dinner. About a week before this dinner, my
boyfriend called the groom and asked for all the details for this dinner since
we hadn't heard. The groom gives my boyfriend the info, and then tells him
that I'm not invited. My boyfriend asks why, the groom replies that there
wasn't enough room for me, and that it was being held at a small restaurant.
Well, I'm hardly a large person, and I know I wouldn't take up that much space!
I was appalled by that, and almost did not go to the wedding at all. I
believe that this all stemmed from the fact that I could not attend the bridal
shower the month before due to my being away on vacation. I had politely
told them why I couldn't go to the shower, when I called to reply to the invite.
In any case, I did go to the wedding, but I wouldn't speak to her again.
Hi Jeanne, My husband and I married two years ago
in a quiet wedding surrounded by our close family and friends. During the
process of planning and paying for the wedding (which we did mostly by
ourselves) we did everything we could to keep the budget in line and not let
things get out of hand. By and large, everything went well, but there were four
truly tacky moments that about drove us up the wall when they happened.
Tacky Moment #1: My DH and I made the decision to have our
reception at a restaurant to keep costs down. So the final headcount was very
important so we could get some idea what we'd be spending...anyway, about a week
after the invitations had gone out (seven weeks or so before the wedding,) my
seamstress, "Alice," called and said her daughter, "Mary,"
wanted an invitation to the wedding. Now, I like Alice, and I've talked to Mary,
once in a while, but Mary and I weren't close. But having nothing really
against Mary, DH and I decided to go ahead and send her one. It was still tacky,
Tacky Moment #2: My MOH and her then-husband stood up with me
at the wedding. I have been friends with MOH for years, although I've never been
comfortable with the rest of her family. About two weeks before the wedding, MOH
calls me and says her mother wants an invitation to the wedding. Why, I can't to
this day figure (unless it was the allure of a free meal); MOH's mom and I have
barely spoken ten words in the entire time I've been friends with her daughter.
This time, DH and I said no. I told MOH that we'd tried so hard to hold the
costs down that we simply couldn't afford to add the cost of two dinners (MOH's
mom and dad.) That, and the final headcount had already been given to the
restaurant...which I figured MOH would have known about, since she was on her
SECOND marriage at the time. MOH never mentioned anything else about it, but it
still leaves me shaking my head.
Tacky Moment #3: DH wanted his longtime friend,
"Andy," to stand up with him at the wedding as his BM. So, he calls
Andy, but the line is constantly busy. We send Andy an invitation. No RSVP,
nothing. DH emails Andy four or five times over the next few weeks. No response.
By this point, DH figured that Andy wasn't coming, so he makes plans to have
another friend of his stand up with him. One week before the wedding, Andy calls
up out of the blue, saying his email was up and running (which may have been
true, or not---I still don't know) and could he still be in the wedding. DH had
known this guy since they were in grade school, and he badly wanted him to be
there, so we go ahead and make arrangements for another tux rental, which we
paid for, as we had paid for the tux rentals of all the guys...but still, having
to add someone at the last minute made things fairly stressful financially.
Tacky Moment #4:One of the people we'd invited was a
couple of friend whom I'd known since I was a teenager; I'd begun working for
them at our local Renaissance Festival and over the years, considered them more
friends than employers. When we sent the invitations out, we got an
almost-immediate RSVP from them, saying they'd be thrilled to come to our
wedding. A week before the wedding---and after all the arrangements had been
finalized---we get a call from them saying they won't be coming after all,
because "something came up." Now, by this point, I'd known them for 11
years, and frankly, I felt that was a pretty lame excuse. So I asked my friend,
"Annie," what was really going on. Turns out they "suddenly"
remembered they had to set up their booth for the Renaissance Festival. Which
was totally bogus for one reason: our wedding was at the very end of April, and
the booth-owners have to have their booths set up well before that. Guess Annie
didn't figure I'd know that...but anyway, DH and I never
did receive any other explanation for their behavior, other than that they
apparently suddenly decided they didn't want to go. We both would have
understood had something tragic or truly unexpected happened, but the
"something came up" excuse struck us both as being extremely tacky. I
mean, if you've changed your mind about going to a wedding, for whatever reason,
why wait until the last minute to tell the bride and groom
Once again, Jeanne, great site---and thank you for keeping me
sane when I was planning my wedding.
A few years ago, my then-best friend was asked to be the maid
of honor in a wedding for a couple who had been her friends in high school. I
didn't know the couple very well, (as they were four years older than me, like
my then-friend) but I had graduated with both of their younger siblings, neither
of whom I considered anything more personal than classmates.
Surprisingly, I received invites for both the bachelorette
party and the wedding--even though I wouldn't have recognized the bride and
groom if I passed them on the street. Turns out that they were my then-friend's
idea, who begged me to come because she "didn't like any of the other
bridesmaids'." I went ahead and attended the bachelorette party, which was
held at my friend's house and in of itself pretty weird. I ended up leaving
early because the whole affair was just bizarre.
The wedding came the following week, which was held in the
private party room of a golf club. Not counting the parents and grandparents,
there were maybe ten guests. After the bride and groom kissed, the wedding party
(and their families) headed out to get their pictures taken, and one of the
groom's creepy aunts informed us guests that if we wanted to eat, we needed to
hurry up and set up the reception before the bride and groom got back! Needless
to say, I was pretty annoyed, but since both the bride and groom's families were
of fairly affluent areas, I figured moving a few tables around would be fair in
exchange for the lavish dinner.
Not only did the ten guests move the tables around, but we
were expected to serve the food, punch and cake to the wedding party! And
although I'm not usually this snippy, the food they were serving? Several large
sub sandwiches from Mr. Goodcents, a big plastic bowl of Kool-Aid and a generic
cake from Hy-Vee.
I'm getting married in a few months, and I'm using their
wedding as the prototype for the kind of wedding I DON'T want to have.
A close friend met his wife-to-be on the internet, and after
six months of dating, decided to get married. He had never met most of her
family, and she had met none of his (they lived overseas). When they met,
her mother was terminally ill, and to my friend's credit, he supported his
girlfriend through her mother's illness and her eventual death. The
problem was when they decided to announce their engagement and wedding,
which was to take place two weeks from the announcement: at her mother's
My BIL married a girl 23 yrs his junior several years ago. The
numerous examples of breathtaking tackiness, rudeness, etc...would take hours to
write but would include the bride's brother (35 yrs old) wearing his baseball
cap during the entire ceremony and reception, one lady wearing bedroom slippers
to the reception, a VFW hall employee almost making everyone sick by scooping
ice out of the galvanized metal washtub that was holding soda cans (and
providing a fun place for the unruly kids to play in the ice, suck on it,
etc....) and dumping it into the large bowl of punch (I made her throw it all
out). and on and on and on....
But the moment that lives in my mind for ever, that just
seemed to capture the spirit and essence of that holy occasion, was when the
bride's mother escorted the bride down the aisle (no dad in picture) with her
pack of cigarettes and Bic lighter clutched in her other hand. I guess it
would have been okay except that the Marlboro Red on the pack just clashed so
badly with her own dark pink gown.
I mean, couldn't they have had a nicely embroidered pillow and
bearer for the cigarettes and lighter?
My family and I attended the wedding of relative whom I had
never met. My dad asked us to represent the family, and don’t worry the
Parents of the Bride sent an invitation to us. Keep in mind the
ceremony was well planned and classy, the reception was fine - (Mexican food and
an open bar) and we wish the couple well. Our first impression of everything was
positive. We walked into the church, smiled at strangers, sat in a
cushioned pew and watched at the ceremony neared. My wife spotted the FOB
who is a cousin of my father. Down to the right of the altar was a large
round-bellied man when a red face, closely shorn red hair, and a very long
scraggly goatee with no mustache. I thought to myself that he must be the
best man since he was chatting with the minister. Well lo and behold, as
the organ played and the bridal party began to enter, the goateed man (who
looked like he would feel comfortable with no shirt and overalls) stood up
straight and smiled proudly. He was the groom! My four year old son
pointed at the red-faced smiling groom and announced, “He’s a poop head!”
My wife and I shushed him. I promise you that we said nothing to prompt my
son’s attitude as it was totally unacceptable, but the elderly couple in front
of us did have a laugh.
The first bride’s maid was a wirily tattooed brunette in
full chaw on gum all the way down the aisle. She was the trimmest.
One of the bride’s maids tragically resembled Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s
daughter Anne from the BBC production of Pride and Prejudice. The bride looked
well put-together though: four less-than-glamorous bridesmaids, a goober for a
groom, bleached hair, and six months on SlimFast did the trick.
As the entire party arranged themselves, the preacher
announced that the FOB has a ‘few words to say’ which prompted the FOB to
stand and pull a handwritten note on lined paper from his breast pocket.
Sounded like a nice touch -- we were wrong. His speech began like this:
“Four months ago, the two of you came to me and announced that you were going
to get married and I told you why it was a bad idea then...” and he proceeded
to spend the next twenty-five minutes telling them (and everyone present) again.
He admonished them that what they thought was love at first was only lust and
infatuation, and what seemed ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’ about your new spouse
will quickly turn to hard reality. We ducked and covered using the elderly
couple ahead of us as shields, and my wife tried in vain to find that ‘focal
point’ that you learn about in La Maze classes. The bride was classy
though, during the old man’s harangue, the thirty-two-year-old looked lovingly
into her groom’s eyes.
As I have mentioned, the groom was apparently no great prize,
but that did not warrant such a horrible and unsupportive speech by the FOB.
It then occurred to me that the groom’s family was also in attendance as well
and surely must’ve been thoroughly insulted.
We found the reception line and I introduced myself and my
family to the bride and groom. “Hi, I am your second cousin from....”
to which the bride pointed to the groom and asked, “Him?” My wife and
I pointed to her and corrected, “You!” in unison. We thought that it
was funny, -- as they could not be faulted for not knowing us.
I guess that it was no surprise that the in-laws did not sit
together; the parents of the bride strategically sat in a corner to themselves
and my wife overheard MOG say, “I refused to ride in the limo with them, and I
made sure that I got here early so that I would not have to sit at the same
table with them.”
As the guests arrived and found tables, we said ‘hi’ to
the FOB, caught up on old time and chatted for awhile, and then he anxiously
told us that ‘no one has blessed the food.’ He took it upon himself -
I do not think that he was ordained. What really made this a tacky reception was
the leathered, feathered (and spillin’ out all over) friends of bride and
groom. The dance floor was full of white-trash hootchie-mamas in dresses
two sizes too small. Tattoos, cleavage, and bare midriffs. In front of
children - no less. They were either outside smoking or inside dancing. Our
children played and made friends outside and we quietly slipped away without
notice. The thank you card must have gotten lost in the mail.
When my son and his wife sent out their save the date card,
they included a website. As we were calling them to congratulate them on
the cute cards with a great picture of them both, we were also pulling up their
The website contained an announcement that they have decided
that it wasn't fair for the bride to have to change her name, that she didn't
want to keep her maiden name, and they felt that hyphenation was too unwieldy,
so they are both changing their names to a new name they created which is
basically an anagram relating to one of their hobbies - word puzzles. I
perhaps should point out that both the groom's last name, and the bride's last
name are relatively normal names with long and proud family histories.
This sounded like a joke, like something you would dream up
while smoking pot. But no, they are serious. Apparently it was not
something they felt any concern with discussing prior to announcing it to the
world. It is not enough that they picked a name which will subject their
children to many puns once they achieve school age, but the name itself is a
joke. Aside from the issue of the particular name they picked out, there
are indeed some good reasons why 99% of couples do not go this route.
5. Many of their old friends who do not happen to know the new
name will have a hard time tracking them down in years future.
4. Forget that budding political career. Your name
will be a joke
3.The name change will have to be revealed every time you
apply for a job. This is not so much an issue for women, but for my son,
it will be much different. If you were the average, unenlightened employer
and you discovered that a male job applicant had changed his name, what
questions would you have? The ones that came to my mind are:
Are you in a witness protection plan (or on the lam)? Are you
dodging creditors (or a warrant)? Do you share the last name of a notorious
criminal or participant in a public scandal? Did your parents so abuse you that
you can no longer stand to have the same last name? (I should point out
that is not the case; until this, we had no reason to question our
2. Your children will probably also change their names
because the new name has no history or tradition.
1. The groom's father and grandfather will have to spend
the rest of their lives wondering why you want to guarantee that none of their
grandchildren will carry the family name.
Of all the stupid wedding ideas I have heard - this takes the
About three years ago, my mother was getting married to the
man she'd been living with for about eight years, who was the father of her then
four year old son, my half-brother. At the time, I was fifteen years old.
My mother asked me to be in her wedding as one of her bridesmaids, but I wasn't
sure if I'd even be able to attend, due to extracurricular activities and
medical issues, so I declined. I managed to attend the wedding, and I even
helped her set up.
The wedding was memorable, but not necessarily in a good way.
Even now, I cannot think of the wedding and not shudder for the
following reasons: 1) She was going to have it at her house, in her
backyard, at night, in early January. While we live in a southern state
that doesn't get snow very often, it's too chilly in January to wear
formalwear outside at night, even with a jacket or coat on. 2) She
demanded that everyone, whether serving in the wedding or merely attending, wear
black. 3) She and my stepdad-to-be were drunk hours before the
wedding even started. In fact, my mother actually cut into the wedding
cake several hours before the wedding to have a piece. 4) She wore a
white dress. She's had three children with three different men, and she's
been married three or four times. What's more, the dress was so
see-through, everyone could see what kind of underwear she was wearing, as she
refused to wear a slip under the dress. 5) She yelled at me for not
letting her use my makeup while we were getting ready. First of
all, all of her makeup was in her room where she was getting ready, right on her
dresser. I put it there myself because she had left it in my room, and she
had enough makeup for a small army. Second of all, even if she didn't have
her makeup, she couldn't have used my makeup and look good. We
have totally different skin tones; I'm extremely pale, and she has a very deep
tan. Any of my makeup, which looked natural on me, would have looked
rather weird on her. 6) The reception was inside the house, but
that's not the problem. The problem is that the DJ played the music loud
enough to where it could be heard a few houses away. The young children at
the wedding and reception remained outside to protect their delicate ears from
the loud music. was the only one who made sure they didn't hurt themselves, as
all the adults were busy drinking up a storm. The whole thing lasted from
about 8 P.M until about 1 A.M. Yes, the children were there the whole
time. 7) Two people, my cousin B and her brother's girlfriend,
J, got into a fist fight. They both had brought female friends to the
wedding, and my cousin A liked B's friend, but not J's friend. 8)
One of the neighbors called the police because of the loud music. My
mom proceeded to tell off the police officer.
A small Faux Pas, compared to the epic stories I've read on
your site, but here goes: My brother and sister-in-law had a lovely wedding,
with a large reception at a beautiful country club. No cans of any kind were
allowed, as they didn't want beer cans in their pictures and videos. Their faux
pas was their seating plan. They set up several tables by the bridal table, with
cards reading "Family" propped up on them. Her family consisted of
hundreds of Mormons from all over the country, whereas my family consisted of 2
brothers, 2 sisters, a mother, her husband and an old uncle who had traveled
from Michigan to attend. By the time our side of the family arrived, the Mormons
had taken over the family tables, leaving the groom's family nowhere to sit
together. A suggestion was made that some of them move, but they insisted they
were 'FAMILY'. Everyone from the Groom's family was scattered, I (sister of
groom) sat by the pickle delivery man for the FOB's restaurant, my old uncle sat
somewhere behind a wall with complete strangers, only my mother and her husband
managed to find seats together. They are still together and have two lovely
children, but I still resent having to sit next to the pickle man.
The groom and his now-wife have been together for about 10
years, since they were teenagers. They are very young at heart and we love them
dearly, don't get me wrong. He is very normal, she is very...interesting. She
has lots of tattoos and piercings, while he has not a one. Whatever, that's
their deal, right?
They planned and paid for their own wedding, and we supported
their decision to do this in Las Vegas, NV as the hotel wedding packages can be
very reasonably priced. The chapel was quite lovely, a baroque style with gilded
angels and everything. There was a mediocre guitarist playing acoustic music,
setting a romantic tone...until he plugged in his small amplifier and began
playing the music for the bride to walk in to. It was WHITE WEDDING, by Billy
Idol. I'm not kidding. The bride looked lovely on the arm of her father, in her
strapless white dress and tattooed arms. After the wedding, the newly married
couple departed the chapel to ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST, by Queen.
We adjourned for a delicious meal at a restaurant called THE
PINK TACO at a local casino hotel. They opened a few gifts there, one of which
was a sex kit which included a number of frankly embarrassing items. The groom's
grandmother was there with us and just couldn't watch, though she never would
let them know how embarrassed she was. Thankfully, the food really was
Love your site! My horror story involves the wedding of 2 my
boyfriend's close friends from university. We flew cross-country to attend this
wedding, and were graciously invited by the couple to stay in their home with
the rest of the wedding party and another out of state couple, instead of paying
for a hotel. This was an especially kind gesture, as we were both broke, mucking
through entry level jobs in New York City, and the airfare and $250 gift had
already been a hardship.
Everything went beautifully until the actual morning of the
wedding, when the bride decided that we were not her guests, but her staff. My
boyfriend and I as well as the other couple from out of state were asked to
clean the house "for after the ceremony," pick up the wine from a
wholesaler and deliver it to the restaurant where the reception was being held
(WHAT?), obtain a microphone and amplifier to facilitate guest speeches at the
ceremony (?), and do all this with enough time to make ourselves look
presentable and make the 30 minute drive to the church. I'm not certain if it is
actually possible for 4 people to do this with no notice and a 4 hour window of
opportunity, but we tried our best, doing a rapid fire cleaning, borrowing a
microphone and amplifier from a neighbor with a band, calling the wine
wholesaler and getting everything ready... and then we suddenly realized we did
not have a car. The bride had promised us use of her car, as she was traveling
with her parents, and left her keys. Her maid of honor took the car. And told no
one. Panic ensued. We ultimately called a taxi and spent a fortune in cab fare
running these odd errands. We arrived at the church AS THE BRIDE AND GROOM
EXITED. We missed the entire ceremony. I won't even go into the Hell that was
the reception. Best part? No thanks whatsoever. Not even a card for the stupid
$250 gift. I do hope I'll be allowed to torture them at my wedding.
At a wedding I went to a few years ago, the wedding program
listed the names of everyone participating in the wedding party and/or ceremony,
along with their relationship to the couple ("friend of groom,"
"sister of bride," etc.). All except for the mother/son duo of wedding
singers. Their names were listed, but not how the couple knew them. This became
important to me later on, after they began to sing. Or rather, attempted to
sing. They were HORRIBLE.
The mother had one of those over-vibratoed pseudo soprano
voices, and the son was this kind of whiny tenor, and both were totally off-key.
And yet, they sang FOUR DUETS during the course of the (otherwise brief) wedding
ceremony. This is when I started wondering about the relationship. Because, if
you didn't know these people and they were "professionals," what on
earth would possess you to hire them? And if they were friends or relatives who
had to be included to keep the peace, why FOUR songs? Wouldn't a token ONE song
be more than adequate?
Anyway, with each song they just got worse and worse, and it
was just agonizing for all involved. Especially, apparently, for one small child
in the front row of the church. Who vomited, loudly and enthusiastically, just
after the last quavering note of the last song faded away, in the short period
of silence before the couple began their vows. My dad leaned over to me and
whispered "Editorial comment?", and it was all over. We spent the rest
of the service trying to contain our guffaws as tears streamed down our cheeks
from the effort. I think the neighboring families thought that we were extremely
moved by the wedding, as we sat there gasping for breath, convulsing and crying.
Hi Jeanne, I have very little knowledge of
etiquette beyond basic good manners, but I thought this story - while maybe not
exactly bad etiquette is definitely bad taste and you might enjoy it. I am a New
Zealander - but I want to say first before I tell the story, this is not usual behavior
in my country!
I worked in a hotel for a year and a half. During that time one
of my workmates got married and had his reception at our hotel, which I ended up
working. He and his bride agreed on a rugby themed wedding, and in this theme
the wedding party (except the bride) all wore rugby jerseys and the colors were
the team colors and there were rugby posters on all the walls at the reception.
The flowers were designed to look like goal posts and the head table had flowers
in a pair of rugby boots.
My favorite part however (and the bit that pushed it over the
edge) was the wedding cake. The cake was quite simple, but as decorations they
had two small figurines of famous rugby players about 2.5 inches tall one was
left in its original team colors (the grooms team) and the other had been
repainted to match the brides family's favorite team colors. The biggest
problem I have with this is that the figurines were toys that had been sold at
McDonalds the year before, and were easily recognizable as such. Nothing says
wedding to me like McDonalds toys on the cake.
Again though - this is not usual behavior for New Zealand
A few years ago a friend of mine from high school was getting
married. I had not stayed in touch with “Paul” but his mother
“Patty” and my mother were best friends who talked everyday. I was
living 200 miles away, having moved out of my mother’s house 6 years ago yet
one invitation for the both of us went to my Mother’s house.
My Mother was a very good baker and used to make lady locks
for holidays, etc. In case you are unfamiliar, lady locks are small hand
made cookies. The dough is hand rolled then wrapped around clothespins
that have been covered in foil and then baked. Then it was my job to fill
each one with icing. By hand. As you can imagine it takes a large
amount of time to make such a treat. For their wedding my mother made over
200 dozen (yes that’s 2400 cookies) for the wedding reception (for free).
These had to be made months in advance then frozen and stored properly…you get
My mother and I joined together to buy a gift off the registry
for the shower and also a cash gift of $100 for the wedding. This was in
addition to all those freakin cookies.
We attend the wedding which consisted of about 400 guests and
a bridal party of 24. A very large, showy-type affair in a fire hall where
they invited practically everyone they knew even though they both came from
small families. The favors are placed on the tables at each place setting.
A friend of mine who is a groomsman comes over and says how he and the groom
filled each of these baskets with yogurt covered pretzels and tied the tulle and
string one night while watching TV and drinking – a male bonding event.
After he leaves, our table of 10 checks out the favors to find there
are only 6 of them and 4 of which were empty baskets wrapped in tulle.
Apparently there were snacking while filling the containers and ran out of
pretzels but decided to wrap the netting around the empty basket anyway, maybe
thinking no one would notice? I don’t know.
Six months after the wedding, still no thank you….for
anything. The shower gift, wedding gift, cookies, nothing. Finally
we receive something in the mail about 7 months after the wedding. It is a
photocopied card that had a message printed inside via a computer printer,
“Thanks for attending and for your gift, Paul and Amber”. They
didn’t even sign the card. We waited 7 months for that??!! I
understand they had a lot of cards to send since they had 400 guests, but
don’t invite everyone you’ve ever known to an event if you don’t plan on
treating them properly!
Fast forward 5 years and it was MY turn to get married.
My Mother had passed away 18 months before and I invited Patty, not expecting
her to make the 200 mile trip plus hotel, etc. but I didn’t want her to feel
left out since my Mom was no longer our “connection”. She could not
attend but sent a beautiful card with a cash gift, which was very thoughtful and
very unexpected. Her and Amber attended the shower my friends had in our
home town and the gift from Amber was odd. It was a plug-in machine that
you added crystals to for an aromatherapy effect. I thought it was a
little strange for a wedding shower but I’m kind of a practical person that
only buys things from the registry. The next day we found the same item at
the mall at 3 different stores on the clearance table for 99 cents, yes 99
My RSVP cards were personalized in that they already had the
guest’s name pre-printed on the card so all they had to do was check one of
the two boxes and return the self addressed, STAMPED card. After everything we
did for their day they didn’t have the common courtesy to return the card to
let me know whether or not they were attending. They didn’t, btw. While
a gift should never be “expected”, if I am unable to attend a reception for
any reason I still send a gift or at the very least a congratulatory card to
acknowledge the event. Apparently I am among the few.
This is the story of my fiancé's cousin's wedding. After
dating long distance for about three months, "Jay" and
"Bree" discovered that Bree was pregnant, and, because of her family's
religious beliefs (her father is a pastor--can't remember exactly which
religion, but a quite strict one), it was assumed they were going to get
married. (They were both just out of high school, and both still lived with
My fiancé's dad called us and told us that they had set their
wedding date two months away (it turned out being three, because of scheduling
conflicts with their church). Even though my fiancé was in the wedding party,
we (and, it seems, a great number of other insulted guests, including close
family members) didn't receive invitations, and had to go by word of mouth. The
MOG, by the way, was mortified.
Like I said before, Jay called my fiancé, asking him to be in
the wedding party (and to be one of the Best Men...he couldn't decide, so chose
to have two). My fiancé agreed, but warned his cousin that because of his job
and where we lived (about an hour away), he wouldn't be able to do a lot of the
planning. His cousin (obviously oblivious to anything wedding/etiquette related)
told him it was ok. They talked several times afterwards, but Jay never
mentioned any specific time we should arrive, and when my fiancé said we would
come the morning of the wedding (a Saturday), he said it was all right, and that
he would call with the details later that day.
They seemed to be having their own problems...Bree's father,
at first so anxious to get his daughter married off, suddenly decided that he
didn't want anything to do with the wedding. Originally, he and Jay's uncle
(also a minister) were going to do the service together. Then, Bree's father
said he wasn't coming at all. Eventually (a week before the wedding), he agreed
to do a small part of the ceremony.
We heard that they had a registry (at Wal-Mart), so went to
check it out. Everything on this list cost either under $15, or over $50. Some
gifts were several hundred dollars (both their families are working
class--asking for a leather recliner from family members who didn't even get an
invitation seems really rude). The best items on this registry were plastic cups
that cost a dollar each, NASCAR bedsheets, and a Playstation 2. We ended up just
going to a department store and buying them towels (which Bree opened while we
were present, before the wedding, and exclaiming, "Great! We've already
gotten so many colored towels, I'm so glad we got some solid ones!")
When my fiancé and I arrived, we stopped at his parent's
place, where we were going to stay, and sat around waiting for Jay to call for
over two hours. Finally, my fiancé got worried and called Jay himself. He got
something along the lines of, "Oh! We're trying on the tuxes now. Maybe you
should come over." Right before the ceremony, my fiancé was told that, as
one of the best men, he was expected to give a speech. To add, he paid around
$110 for an ugly rented tux (white, made of really cheap, gross material), but
wasn't even given a gift.
The family didn't have a lot of money, which was
understandable, but the reception was far from classy. The meal was in the
church's basement (which wasn't bad), but then adjourned to the Groom's parent's
house for a keg. Most guests opted to go home, but as a member of the party (and
having nothing better to do), we decided to check it out. Only about 15-25
people showed up (mostly family or friends of the groom's sisters, who were in
8th and 10th grades), and after wondering where the Groom was (he disappeared to
show off the car he built for pretty much the entire party), and experiencing
the amusement of seeing drunk pre-teens, we left. To add to this, we didn't
receive thank-yous for showing up or giving a gift.
We are just hoping our own wedding will go better...!
I'm calling her out. She's marrying my best friend who is 6
months away from a PH.D., yet she is phonetically challenged. She says tamale
like toe male. She spells toaster "toster". She has no manners
whatsoever. So, my best friend gets engaged. Great, he's the last one of my
friends. We buy a nice engagement gift, yet receive no thank you card. My wife
is HUGE with appropriateness, but overlooks it. Six months after getting
engaged, the mother of the bride from hell plans an engagement party. Yes, SIX
months later. After fighting with my wife that we don't need to purchase another
gift, she wins. It's her reputation. MOTBFH (mother of the bride from hell) also
takes offense to us not attending, since the party is the on the day we return
from a long vacation. Apparently, my wife was supposed to make some food, but
nobody told her. Oh, that's right, they didn't bother to send an invite.
So, flash forward. A pre-shower planning meeting. My wife
offers our house for the shower. MOTBFH says that notion is white trash. Her
friend works at a hotel, she's getting a good price, taken care of. Tasks are
assigned. My wife is to make shower favors. Three weeks before the event, my
wife finds out that the shower date changed. She learned this through a
co-worker who is the neighbor of MOTBFH. Apparently, we weren't getting a shower
invite (because we're in the wedding), and nobody felt it was necessary to call.
So, we pay extra to ship the tulle bags, my prego wife makes 70 bags (since
nobody thought to add an RSVP to the invite we didn't get anyway), and it takes
5 hours. Shower day. My wife gets the cold shoulder, many of the bridesmaids
noticeably agitated. My pregnant wife, who also had spinal fusion surgery last
January, is assigned the job of carrying the gifts away, some very heavy. At the
end of the shower, the MOTBFH tells each bridesmaid that their share of the
shower comes to $106. Yep. No prior notice, nothing. Most pay, although unhappy.
I had an extra $120 this month, so I bought diapers, etc. So now, we don't pay,
wife is stressed. Feels that her rep is at stake, very upset, wants to pay. Over
my dead body. Everybody received a thank you card, in the poorest grammar,
except us. So now, no wedding gift. Last night, the bride said her friends in
the wedding need to dump their attitudes about costs. Refusing to pay for
manicures, updos, and make up is just 'poor manners'. After all, she's paying
$18 for each person in the party to eat. Hello? Dummy? My cost is $700 right
now. Oh, and we don't get to ride in the limo, and have to take her ADD nephew
to the reception in our car. Oh, and how about a thank you? Please woman.
The last straw was that MOTBFH paid $89 for two gold bands for
the ring bearer to carry, instead of just buying plastic. If MOTBFH, or
sisterOTBFH needed that $106, they fooled me. We don't even get a wedding
invitation either? Why, we're in the wedding. One big ghetto fabulous wedding!
Please respond, would you buy a gift?
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007