Jul-Dec 2000 Archive
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Jul-Dec 2003 Archive
I attended the wedding of a female friend of my husband.
Apparently the bride and groom never discussed the cake feeding issue. As
they went to feed each other the piece of cake, the bride smashed it in
the groom's face. He became so enraged that he actually punched her in the
face. It was horrifying. What made this even more appalling was that the
groom was an ordained minister. Needless to say the marriage didn't last.
Last year I attended the wedding of the daughter of a
cousin. It was a lovely first class affair. Unfortunately though the best
man got so inebriated during the cocktail hour before the reception that
when it came time to make the toast he proceeded to announce that the
bride was pregnant and expecting a baby boy. This had been kept totally
secret by the bride and groom (well maybe not by the groom!). Not even the
parents of the bride knew.
I hesitate to go so far as to call this toast "tacky"
but it's certainly the most amusing I've ever heard after attending many
weddings. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
The involved parties are as follows:
Bride- Jane Bride's mother - Nancy Groom - Bill Groom's
father - Fred
You may notice there is no mention of the Bride's
Father, or the Groom's Mother, both of whom had been completely out of the
picture since the bride and groom were very young children. However, Jane
and Bill were not raised by "single" parents. In fact, although
Nancy and Fred never officially married, they had lived together (with
Jane and Bill, the bride and groom) since the bride was about 4, and the
groom was 7. The bride and groom, although not blood relatives, had been
raised together, basically as brother and sister for 14 years, and they
both called Nancy Mom and Fred Dad. Which led to this joint toast from the
"We would like to propose a toast to our son and
daughter on their wedding day."
Somehow, the oddness of the situation struck me at that
moment. I just never really thought I'd see one set of parents toast to
their kids marrying each other. (I hear though that they are very happy,
and at least they knew they'd be compatible I suppose - they certainly had
time to get used to living together before the wedding!).
Several years ago I was asked to sing at a friends
wedding in Nebraska. The only family members who lived there were an aunt
and uncle, not the bride nor the groom nor any of the future in-laws. It
was chosen because it was halfway between the bride's family from N.
Dakota and the groom's family from Texas. Everyone was flying in for this
event. I flew in three days prior to the wedding to help the MOB get
things ready. I had never met the MOB prior to this event and so we
introduced ourselves when I got off the plane. She was a sweet lady and we
got along famously. The bride and groom would arrive the next day, so it
left just the two of us to get the cake, food for the reception, and the
reception hall decorated in exactly 2 1/2 days. No problem. That went off
without a hitch.
The etiquette faux pas came during the reception. In the
middle of the toast from the MOB to the bride, she proceeded to exalt me
and tell everyone how wonderful I was and how she wouldn't have been able
to get anything done without me. I was horrified! And I felt terrible for
the bride who just smiled uncomfortably. It would have been one thing to
tell me or her daughter in private, but to cut her daughters' toast short
and toast me in the middle of the reception was just unbelievably tacky. I
appreciate the sentiment, but there is a time and a place for everything
and that was neither.
I attended my cousin "Bob's" wedding in a
beautiful art museum in a Midwestern state. Everything was very elegant
and polished...except the maid of honor, a college friend of the bride's.
During her toast, she said she knew that "Bob" and her good
friend "Jane" had hit it off right away, because a few hours
into their first date, "Jane" came knocking on her door
half-dressed and asked to borrow a condom!
I have an amusing wedding toast story from a few years
ago. My ex-boyfriend never does or says anything seriously… he was
incredibly irresponsible and just plain goofy. Well, he was the best
man in his friend’s wedding and of course as best man it was his duty to
give a toast. The bride and I were friends and she begged me to make
sure he completed his duties (knowing how absent-minded he is)… she sent
me all sorts of articles from theknot.com, bridal magazines, you name it.
They barely got their tuxes ordered on time, among other things.
Anyway, a few months before the wedding, I started
getting on my ex-bf about writing out his toast – I offered to help and
even write it for him. I’ve written a lot of speeches and it’s
something that I enjoy. He kept saying that he was going to write
it. Well, as you can probably guess, no amount of nagging (or even
threats!!) accomplished the task. He didn’t even THINK about what
he was going to say. At the reception, he was put completely on the
spot – the DJ just announced (early, even before dinner) that the Best
Man had “something to say.” I thought that he was going to set a
new record for the 50 yard sprint – but he just stood there like a deer
in the headlights.
His speech went as follows, “Gee, wow… I wasn’t
really ready for this… (dead air)… uhhh…. Wow, everybody’s
looking at me… those lights are in my eyes….. uh… well, I just
want to congratulate B and K, uh, I’m very happy for B… uh…
and OH! Thanks to K’s parents for the great party and free
booze… That’s all I’ve got, Thanks!” Everyone just sat
in stunned silence for a minute, looking at each other like, “Was that
for real??” The bride was obviously mortified, and I couldn’t
help but laugh, because things happened pretty much as I thought they
would. Thanks for reading.
Page Last Updated May 18, 2007