Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go


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Thank you Notes from Hell

Jan-Jun 2000 Archive

For my brother-in-law's wedding, my husband and I tried to do as much as we could for him and the bride. We hosted a party for all their friends after the rehearsal dinner. We gave them a very nice wedding gift along with a large sum of cash for their honeymoon. We also returned all the tuxes for the entire wedding party. In return, we received the following hand-written thank you...

"Dear Bro and Sis-in-law: We hate thank you's! Love, Anne and Greg"   enote0627-00

My "best friend" got married out of town, an entire day's drive from where I live. Because I had lost my job just before their wedding I was unable to purchase a wedding gift for the happy couple. I did however pay for and assemble all their wedding favors which I transported to the wedding.

My financial situation did not improve and was further aggravated by my husband's decision to file for divorce. Despite the fact that I was now living in a home I could no longer afford on my own and having little luck obtaining room-mates to defray my housing costs I felt badly that I still had not gotten them a wedding present, so just before their first anniversary I visited a local store and purchased a gift which I also had personalized. It was not terribly expensive (about $70) but that was a lot of money to somebody in my financial situation.

I gave the gift to them during lunch one day and received an E-MAIL in response. "Thanks for the gift. We already had one; thanks anyway." Apparently I gave them a duplicate of a gift they had already received. Granted, I suppose I should have remembered since I did attend the showers and wedding but I still thought it was incredibly rude. Especially when I felt like my transportation, accomodation, dress, accessories and favor expenses should have been present enough!

Needless to say, now that my financial situation is much improved I'm still not inclined to give them much in the way of gifts considering the response I got from the first one I bought them. It might have been a duplicate of something else they already had but to reply in such a rude way and via e-mail is in my opinion the height of rudeness.   enote0614-00

About 10 years ago, I worked for a rather large corporation. My boss's daughter Marlene was getting married. I knew Marlene and her FH Danny because they both also worked for the same company. Marlene, Danny and I were basically just acquaintances, but I was invited to the wedding anyway, and accepted. I made Marlene and Danny the most beautiful COUNTED cross-stitch there ever was. It was a medieval type scroll, with two cherub angels at the top, and roses in different shades of pinks along the bottom. On the inside of the scroll was stitched, "This certified that Marlene and Danny were united in holy matrimony, etc... and showed the date and year. It was an absolute masterpiece that took me 4 MONTHS to complete. Everyone that saw it raved about it's beauty. Imagine my astonishment when I never received a Thank You note! And when I asked my boss about not receiving one several months later, she just said, "Oh really, that surprises me." And still nothing. Of course by that time, neither Marlene nor Danny worked there anymore and I never heard from them again. I hope they choke on it! Now I'm making another one...FOR MY WEDDING!  enote0611-00

When I was a young bride, my aunts and cousins graciously joined together to give me a shower. For a variety of reasons my husband and I decided not to have a wedding locally but to 'elope with notice' instead. Since I didn't have the customary wedding preparations, I thought it was quite kind for my family to honor my marriage in that manner. My in-laws, as usual, did not show, but several family members and friends did. Within the first week I had written all the notes for those in attendance and was feeling quite proud of myself. Presents were mailed to the shower, family members I hadn't seen in ages had brought gifts. And we were extremely grateful for all of the help that we could get.

Four years later, when my husband and I were moving into a new apartment, we started to 'purge' our boxes of junk. I came across a neat pile of bound thank you notes, with 29 cent stamps no less! I was so mortified! I had written but not mailed the thank you notes!    enote0311-00

Thank you notes are becoming so routine that many decide to take the effieciency route.   Our office bought a baby gift for our boss- so why were we so surprised when we received one small thank you note in an inter -office mailer envelope and were instructed to cross off our names and send the thank you note on to the next person on the list.    Ten people contributed to this gift so I guess 10 personal thank you notes was out of the question!  enote0220-00

A very quick story about the worst "thank you" note I ever recieved. My friend (who lives in another city) had recently had a baby. I had been generous with gifts at the birth and had been more-or-less appropriately thanked.  A few weeks later I saw a very cute outfit and on impulse bought it for the baby. The thank-you note read ,"The outfit fits perfectly now but 'Jane' is growing so fast that future gifts of clothes will need to be bigger."   How greedy can you get? enote0111-00

My mother and sister recently attended a wedding for an old high school acquaintance. Upon entering the reception hall, next to the table displaying all their high school memorabilia (letterman's jackets, awards, etc., 10 years after we graduated which seemed pathetic in itself!), was a basket containing scrolls. My mother and sister, unaware of what these could possibly be, each grabbed one. Inside was a thank you note. The couple had pre-printed generic thank you notes to the guests. I couldn't believe how presumptive that was and how tacky. So, needless to say neither my mother nor my sister ever received a personal thank you note from the couple.             enote0111-00