Thank you Notes from Hell

Jan-Jun 2000 Archive
Jul-Dec 2000 Archive

A friend of mine went to his college roommate's wedding. The wedding was far away and my friend had just graduated from college. He didn't have much money but saved up enough to make it to the wedding and stay a couple of days. He didn't send a gift because he had spent so much. He was saving up some more cash before sending something.

Dear Jeanne I don't know if this is done elsewhere, but here on Staten Island (NY), it has become the custom for the bride and groom to convey their thanks via a card, supplied by the wedding photographer, with a wallet-sized, formal portrait of the couple slipped into the front -- and a one-line expression such as "Thank you for sharing our special day", printed on the inside, "personalized" by merely the signature of the pair. Of course, this means the thank you cards are not sent out until months after the wedding since the newlyweds typically wait for production by the photographer of all the "proofs", agonize over which picture to use for the thank-you's, and then put in their order. The extreme delay and the cursory gratitude is irksome enough, but what's with these wallet photos for everyone (am I really going to carry around the portrait of a couple I never met until I attended their wedding, to which I was invited because the MOB works for me)??    enotes0808-00

I attended a Bridal Shower about two years after we moved here to Ohio from New Jersey. The shower was very lovely, and the bride really did take the time to verbally thank everyone during the event. Half way through the shower, the attendants brought around small envelopes to all guests and asked them to fil in their names and addresses 'for a drawing'. Names were called and small favors were presented to the winners. A few weeks later, in my mailbox was the envelope with my handwriting. Inside, was a nicely written thank you from the bride.

But the idea of preparing one's own thank you is beyond ignorant! About a year ago, I was at another shower - again, envelopes were given out - the bride even asked me if I filled mine in....I acted as though I was preoccupied and never filled one in! I got a nice thank you from her - with her own writing on the envelope! Now I know this creepy game and will never be caught!  enotes1020-00

I work in a small, six-person department within a large company. We're all sit next to each other and have become quite friendly, even on occasion doing things together on the weekends. One of my coworkers got married in June, and spent the months before the wedding using us at work as a sounding board to complain about how various people in his family were acting and how hellish some of the planning was. I didn't mind this; I figured we were friendly, neutral people to vent to.

Anyway, he invited me to his wedding and I couldn't attend, although I sent a very nice present and had it shipped to their home. I know he received it, because the day after they received it, he told me it had arrived and said thanks. After he got back from his honeymoon, though, he continued the venting. "Ugh, I have to write thank-you notes this weekend." Or "We were supposed to write thank-you notes last night, but we watched a movie instead." Then, "My wife is done writing thank-you notes to her family, but ugh, I still have to write mine."

I figured he was maybe bringing this up to let us know that ours had not been forgotten, but I guess that gave him too much credit. I think that he was really just so clueless that he didn't think that bitching about having to write thank-you notes to someone you owed a thank-you note for was in bad taste.

About three months after his wedding, he said, "My wife finished up all of our thank-you notes this weekend, thank god." But a month later (four months after the wedding!), I still have never received a card for my gift. enotes1201-00