They're armed, they're
unprofessional and they're going to ruin your wedding day if you aren't careful.
(And stories of victimized vendors.)
Jun-Dec 2000 Archive
The priest at my friends' wedding confused them with another couple
during the ceremony. He spoke at length about how the couple would have to manage a
"mixed" marriage between their respective Catholic and Buddhist faiths until the
bride finally interrupted him to say that she's not Buddhist. His response? To say in a
really loud voice, "What do you mean you're not Buddhist? You told me you were!"
The congregation looked at one another complete shock as he continued to loudly defend
himself. I still believe the man had to be at least a little drunk.
My friends "Eric" and
"Jessica" commissioned our mutual friend "Bob" (names changed to
protect the stupid) to make their wedding costumes. The theme was Celtic/ Cavalier, the
women in Renaissance-style Irish garb, the men in blousy shirts, pants, pinned hats with
feathers (a la "The ThreeMusketeers"), swords and boots. Eric and Jessica knew
that Bob needed the money, and so they agreed to pay him double what the clothes were
worth for seven women's outfits (in the bridal party) and seven men's outfits (he had to
make the shirts and pants-- Eric had the foresight to buy the hats and swords for the rest
of the party earlier). Eric had arranged with Bob the outfits seven months in advance of
the wedding, and gave him the fabric to make the clothes four months in advance of the
Anyway, with the wedding approaching Bob kept reassuring Eric and Jessica "It's
okay, I'll have them done in plenty of time." At this point I should also mention
that Bob was notorious for taking on projects too big for himself-- and this was one of
The day of the wedding arrives, and Bob had only the women's outfits done! Five guests
who knew how to sew were hijacked by the groom, the brides' mother, and Bob and all of
them got down to sewing the men's clothes. Three hours after the ceremony was supposed to
start, the clothes were finally finished (although some folks were pinned into their
clothes) and the ceremony was performed.
Unfortunately the band they hired had another gig, and played as long as they could
stay, but in the end they had to leave just as the ceremony concluded. The wedding dance
was done to the tune of several CD's and the bride's portable radio.
As far as I know, Bob has not been commissioned to make clothes again.
Despite the blame placed at "Bob's" feet,
one has to wonder about a bride and groom who place a higher priority on appearances thus
inconveniencing their wedding guests who had to wait for three hours before the ceremony
There is a lady who owns a local bridal salon in
the mall where I work. My fiance and I had set our date and I had begun searching for a
dress so I go to this shop one afternoon. I had my youngest son with me. This
saleslady (who happens to own the store) ask me if he was mine. I said that he was, now
here is the tacky part.... she looks me over wrinkles her nose up at me and says
"Well, we won't be needing a white dress now will we??"
We were all at a gorgeous wedding of two friends
of hours at a lavish hotel. The wedding was supposed to have taken place outside on the
beach, but they were calling for rain. Instead, it was inside.
Well, just as they were about to say their vows, I looked to my right and saw a waiter
carrying a HUGE tray of glasses at the back of the room where the drink tables were. I
thought to myself, "Wouldn't it just be horrible if he dropped that? And why
the heck is he doing that during the ceremony?" And sure enough, 1/2 a second later
we hear a deafening crash and shatter!! The whole place was silent as death. Then people
started laughing! It was so horrendous. Then the oaf tried to get a broom and dust pan to
clean it up, but he was kicked out by another observant guest, who told them to wait until
AFTER the ceremony - duh!
I think they got a huge discount from the hotel. vendor0914-00
My wedding reception was held in a restaurant in North Florida. My husband and I had
interviewed the special events coordinator and got a good vibe from the woman - she
assured us the chef was excellent and would make a wonderful cake as well. We selected a
menu of cold cuts, crab rangoons, stuff mushrooms, the usual reception food.
A few days later we brought my mom in to pay the down payment, when the owner of the
restaurant (think that Cloris Leachman character from Young Frankenstein) breezes in and
informs us the coordinator and chef were both let go, and she is handling all the events
now! My fiance was ticked -- here we had been sold on one thing and now we didn't know
what to expect. Since time was short, we agreed to keep the reception there, but as a
precaution we got our cake somewhere else.
Day of the reception: turns out four other receptions were taking place that day, but
ours was the only one scheduled for our room. We make our grand entrance and I'm not two
minutes inside when I discover the menu we had ordered resembled nothing on the buffet.
Chicken wings and finger sandwiches -- no crab rangoons, no mushrooms! Fifteen minutes
after I arrived the owner comes up and asks if she can have the buffet cleared away! We
had the hall from 2-5, too. I learned later from my mother that she ended up having to
head off this woman everytime she saw her coming my way. Anyone who knows my family knows
well not to take away food. :-)
We cut the cake; there were no servers to distribute the slices as we had agreed upon
when making arrangements. Therefore, only the guests who bothered to come up to the table
and get cake were the only ones who got any. People were coming up to my mother asking
when the cake going to be served. Sure enough, I think the owner let the cake site an
entire ten minutes before she told her workers to box it up. My mother ended up taking an
entire tier home with her (which she served at a small gathering for our relatives) in
addition to the small tier she saved for us. My aunt took an entire tier back to South
Florida as well. We continued to party while this woman is supervising her workers, who
appeared to have been cleaning up the place and waiting for us to leave an hour before we
were supposed to. vendor1003-00
I just had to share the story of my first trip to a bridal salon. It was the
local location of a major, national chain of bridal stores. I'm not mentioning the
name in order to protect the guilty, but it's a very recognizable one to anybody who's
been looking for a gown.
I arrived for my appointment and was told my salesperson was still in the dressing room
with another bride. So, I was handed off to a junior salesperson who looked to be
still in high school. She asked me what type of dress I was looking for, and I told
her that I wanted a simple, long-sleeved dress with a minimum of beads and sequins in
ivory. So, she proceeded to show me several simple dresses that were either totally
strapless or had the teeniest spaghetti straps. I explained that those just weren't
my style and weren't suited either to my age (42 at the time this happened) and figure
(not quite what it would have been if I'd married just out of college). She sighed,
heavily, and then took me off to look at several long-sleeved dresses that had enough
beads and sequins each to outfit a Las Vegas chorus line. I explained that massive
amounts of frou-frou weren't my style either. She said, "Well, then I don't
know what to do."
So, I told her that I'd read in some wedding magazines about wearing a very light
pastel bridesmaid or special occasion dress. We weren't planning a really lavish
wedding and something like that would have been just fine. So, she proceeds to march
me past the bridesmaid/special occasion dresses to the Mother of the Bride section where
she pulled out a dark taupe dress that was the living embodiment of the "Wear a beige
dress and keep your mouth advice" jokingly given to the mother of the groom.
Truly, it was the ugliest dress I'd ever seen and I wouldn't even have wished it on the
world's worst mother-in-law. By this point, I was starting to get a little frazzled
and asked if my salesperson was now available, figuring that the girl who'd been helping
me was probably brand new on the job and still had something to learn about sales.
She disappeared into the fitting room and clearly told the saleswoman I was being
"difficult." After a few minutes, the saleswoman came out of the store and
marched me over to one simple, sleeveless dress and said, "Here. This is
it. This is the only one we can sew sleeves into." I looked at her and
asked if it was really true that there was only one dress in this ocean of dresses that
would meet my needs. She launched into a tirade about how she was getting married in
six months, how she had wanted a simple, long-sleeved dress, how the dressmakers just
aren't doing those this year, and, if she couldn't get the dress she wanted working in the
store, what on earth made me think that I could?
If that wasn't bad enough, she then put her hand on my arm and said, "You know
what I tell my *older* brides. I tell them to just buy a nice white suit and scale
back their wedding plans." At that point, I fled the store in tears.
Fortunately, I found a very nice independent store and a lovely dress. I continued
to be reminded of my experience at the first store, however, because they sold my name and
address to other wedding vendors. For months I would get direct mail or phone calls
saying, "I understand you recently bought a dress at [name of the bad, bad
Just last night I made the most unbelievable
mistake in all my 15 years of providing music to the wedding arena. In short, I forgot my
tuxedo. Most of the time I suppose that wouldn't be a big deal since, the D-J is often
pushed into a corner and, not seen much throughout the night. However, this couple
required me to provide M-C duties at all points of the receptions events. All in full
view, (directly in front of the head table), and, with the majority of these just prior to
Since the weather was a bit on the unpredictable side in my town, I decided to wear an
old black sweatshirt that was always comfortable for setup and breakdown. It is covered
with a giant sun image in representation of a record label that I often use for club play.
I also was wearing a pair of the most baggy jeans known (also comfortable).
Just as I finished the majority of the setup and sound check, I noticed the guests were
starting to come in. This hall usually lets people in as early as thirty minutes before
start so, I checked the time and noted there was about fifteen minutes before the
contracted start time. Though I wasn't exactly behind schedule, I was a bit pressed for
time in changing clothes and, arranging the music schedule for the introduction and,
announcement of the wedding party.
That's when I discovered I had no tuxedo. I had to perform all the M-C duties for
a very formal event looking like I was just dragged in from the street! I'm not a novice
to weddings so, I went ahead and did the deed just as if I was in proper attire. I was
able to get my clothes delivered by a very helpful spouse who understands my occasional
loss of intelligence. By the middle of dinner I was in full dress and ready to finish the
night tucked away in the corner!
The most incredible thought on this one was the very generous tip I received at the end
of the night. According to the Bride and Groom, nobody even noticed my dressing faux pas.
Not even the coordinator, who was appointed to assure the events were carried out as the
bride and groom desired. I think I'll keep the tuxedo anyway, just in case!
My husband and I were married in May, 2000. We had wanted the
regular minister at our church to officiate, but since she was not available, she
recommended a retired minister who performs weddings. We will call him Reverend Grass.
We met with Rev. Grass, a seemingly mild-mannered 70-ish man. We were a bit concerned
when he showed a tendency to forget details, like one of our appointments with him, but
decided that anyone could forget things.
The day before our wedding, Rev. Grass and my husband and I met in the hotel bar to
socialize a bit before the informal rehearsal. We bought him a beer, and he proceeded to
drink it rather quickly and order himself another. I looked at my watch. We had ten
minutes to get up the hill to the mansion porch on which we were getting married in a
quaint town in the Poconos.
The rehearsal went well, and we arranged rides to get to the house that my then future
MIL rented to host a family party. My MIL and her two young children were unfortunate
enough to end up riding with Rev. Grass back to the house. She relayed the horrifying tale
of his driving 70 mph one second, 30 mph the next. Swerving. Scaring the daylights out of
her and her children.
The party went relatively well...the Reverend was flirting with my husband's
grandmother (the Reverend was married, by the way), but nothing harmful.
The wedding went well. The Reverend did mispronounce the name of my ring (Claddagh)
after we had gone over it several times, but that was easy to brush off. The story that I
heard after the reception is the kicker...
Apparently the Reverend got friendly with my first mother, Lonnie (long story), and
took her friendliness a bit too seriously. When he was leaving the reception, he bent over
to say goodbye to her, and went to kiss her on the lips. I saw this and asked her about it
later. She said, "Honey, he stuck his tongue in my mouth!" I could not believe
I guess that it's more funny than horrifying, as I am not a prude, but you just
wouldn't expect this of a minister (even a Unitarian one)! vendor1110-00