Vendornistas

They're armed, they're unprofessional and they're going to ruin your wedding day if you aren't careful.  (And stories of victimized vendors.)

Jan-Jun 2000 Archive
Jun-Dec 2000 Archive

The priest at my friends' wedding confused them with another couple during the ceremony. He spoke at length about how the couple would have to manage a "mixed" marriage between their respective Catholic and Buddhist faiths until the bride finally interrupted him to say that she's not Buddhist. His response? To say in a really loud voice, "What do you mean you're not Buddhist? You told me you were!" The congregation looked at one another complete shock as he continued to loudly defend himself. I still believe the man had to be at least a little drunk.     vendor0812-00

My friends "Eric" and "Jessica" commissioned our mutual friend "Bob" (names changed to protect the stupid) to make their wedding costumes. The theme was Celtic/ Cavalier, the women in Renaissance-style Irish garb, the men in blousy shirts, pants, pinned hats with feathers (a la "The ThreeMusketeers"), swords and boots. Eric and Jessica knew that Bob needed the money, and so they agreed to pay him double what the clothes were worth for seven women's outfits (in the bridal party) and seven men's outfits (he had to make the shirts and pants-- Eric had the foresight to buy the hats and swords for the rest of the party earlier). Eric had arranged with Bob the outfits seven months in advance of the wedding, and gave him the fabric to make the clothes four months in advance of the wedding.

Anyway, with the wedding approaching Bob kept reassuring Eric and Jessica "It's okay, I'll have them done in plenty of time." At this point I should also mention that Bob was notorious for taking on projects too big for himself-- and this was one of them.

The day of the wedding arrives, and Bob had only the women's outfits done! Five guests who knew how to sew were hijacked by the groom, the brides' mother, and Bob and all of them got down to sewing the men's clothes. Three hours after the ceremony was supposed to start, the clothes were finally finished (although some folks were pinned into their clothes) and the ceremony was performed.

Unfortunately the band they hired had another gig, and played as long as they could stay, but in the end they had to leave just as the ceremony concluded. The wedding dance was done to the tune of several CD's and the bride's portable radio.

As far as I know, Bob has not been commissioned to make clothes again.    vendor1116-00

Despite the blame placed at "Bob's" feet, one has to wonder about a bride and groom who place a higher priority on appearances thus inconveniencing their wedding guests who had to wait for three hours before the ceremony started.

There is a lady who owns a local bridal salon in the mall where I work. My fiance and I had set our date and I had begun searching for a dress so I go to this shop one afternoon. I had my youngest son with me.  This saleslady (who happens to own the store) ask me if he was mine. I said that he was, now here is the tacky part.... she looks me over wrinkles her nose up at me and says "Well, we won't be needing a white dress now will we??"    vendor0829-00

We were all at a gorgeous wedding of two friends of hours at a lavish hotel. The wedding was supposed to have taken place outside on the beach, but they were calling for rain. Instead, it was inside.

Well, just as they were about to say their vows, I looked to my right and saw a waiter carrying a HUGE tray of glasses at the back of the room where the drink tables were. I thought to myself,  "Wouldn't it just be horrible if he dropped that? And why the heck is he doing that during the ceremony?" And sure enough, 1/2 a second later we hear a deafening crash and shatter!! The whole place was silent as death. Then people started laughing! It was so horrendous. Then the oaf tried to get a broom and dust pan to clean it up, but he was kicked out by another observant guest, who told them to wait until AFTER the ceremony - duh!

I think they got a huge discount from the hotel.   vendor0914-00

My wedding reception was held in a restaurant in North Florida. My husband and I had interviewed the special events coordinator and got a good vibe from the woman - she assured us the chef was excellent and would make a wonderful cake as well. We selected a menu of cold cuts, crab rangoons, stuff mushrooms, the usual reception food.

A few days later we brought my mom in to pay the down payment, when the owner of the restaurant (think that Cloris Leachman character from Young Frankenstein) breezes in and informs us the coordinator and chef were both let go, and she is handling all the events now! My fiance was ticked -- here we had been sold on one thing and now we didn't know what to expect. Since time was short, we agreed to keep the reception there, but as a precaution we got our cake somewhere else.

Day of the reception: turns out four other receptions were taking place that day, but ours was the only one scheduled for our room. We make our grand entrance and I'm not two minutes inside when I discover the menu we had ordered resembled nothing on the buffet. Chicken wings and finger sandwiches -- no crab rangoons, no mushrooms! Fifteen minutes after I arrived the owner comes up and asks if she can have the buffet cleared away! We had the hall from 2-5, too. I learned later from my mother that she ended up having to head off this woman everytime she saw her coming my way. Anyone who knows my family knows well not to take away food. :-)

We cut the cake; there were no servers to distribute the slices as we had agreed upon when making arrangements. Therefore, only the guests who bothered to come up to the table and get cake were the only ones who got any. People were coming up to my mother asking when the cake going to be served. Sure enough, I think the owner let the cake site an entire ten minutes before she told her workers to box it up. My mother ended up taking an entire tier home with her (which she served at a small gathering for our relatives) in addition to the small tier she saved for us. My aunt took an entire tier back to South Florida as well. We continued to party while this woman is supervising her workers, who appeared to have been cleaning up the place and waiting for us to leave an hour before we were supposed to.    vendor1003-00

I just had to share the story of my first trip to a bridal salon.  It was the local location of a major, national chain of bridal stores.  I'm not mentioning the name in order to protect the guilty, but it's a very recognizable one to anybody who's been looking for a gown.  

I arrived for my appointment and was told my salesperson was still in the dressing room with another bride.  So, I was handed off to a junior salesperson who looked to be still in high school.  She asked me what type of dress I was looking for, and I told her that I wanted a simple, long-sleeved dress with a minimum of beads and sequins in ivory.  So, she proceeded to show me several simple dresses that were either totally strapless or had the teeniest spaghetti straps.  I explained that those just weren't my style and weren't suited either to my age (42 at the time this happened) and figure (not quite what it would have been if I'd married just out of college).  She sighed, heavily, and then took me off to look at several long-sleeved dresses that had enough beads and sequins each to outfit a Las Vegas chorus line.  I explained that massive amounts of frou-frou weren't my style either.  She said, "Well, then I don't know what to do."

So, I told her that I'd read in some wedding magazines about wearing a very light pastel bridesmaid or special occasion dress.  We weren't planning a really lavish wedding and something like that would have been just fine.  So, she proceeds to march me past the bridesmaid/special occasion dresses to the Mother of the Bride section where she pulled out a dark taupe dress that was the living embodiment of the "Wear a beige dress and keep your mouth advice" jokingly given to the mother of the groom.  Truly, it was the ugliest dress I'd ever seen and I wouldn't even have wished it on the world's worst mother-in-law.  By this point, I was starting to get a little frazzled and asked if my salesperson was now available, figuring that the girl who'd been helping me was probably brand new on the job and still had something to learn about sales.

She disappeared into the fitting room and clearly told the saleswoman I was being "difficult."  After a few minutes, the saleswoman came out of the store and marched me over to one simple, sleeveless dress and said, "Here.  This is it.  This is the only one we can sew sleeves into."  I looked at her and asked if it was really true that there was only one dress in this ocean of dresses that would meet my needs.  She launched into a tirade about how she was getting married in six months, how she had wanted a simple, long-sleeved dress, how the dressmakers just aren't doing those this year, and, if she couldn't get the dress she wanted working in the store, what on earth made me think that I could?

If that wasn't bad enough, she then put her hand on my arm and said, "You know what I tell my *older* brides.  I tell them to just buy a nice white suit and scale back their wedding plans."  At that point, I fled the store in tears.  Fortunately, I found a very nice independent store and a lovely dress.  I continued to be reminded of my experience at the first store, however, because they sold my name and address to other wedding vendors.  For months I would get direct mail or phone calls saying, "I understand you recently bought a dress at [name of the bad, bad store]...."

vendor1008-00

Just last night I made the most unbelievable mistake in all my 15 years of providing music to the wedding arena. In short, I forgot my tuxedo. Most of the time I suppose that wouldn't be a big deal since, the D-J is often pushed into a corner and, not seen much throughout the night. However, this couple required me to provide M-C duties at all points of the receptions events. All in full view, (directly in front of the head table), and, with the majority of these just prior to dinner.

Since the weather was a bit on the unpredictable side in my town, I decided to wear an old black sweatshirt that was always comfortable for setup and breakdown. It is covered with a giant sun image in representation of a record label that I often use for club play. I also was wearing a pair of the most baggy jeans known (also comfortable).

Just as I finished the majority of the setup and sound check, I noticed the guests were starting to come in. This hall usually lets people in as early as thirty minutes before start so, I checked the time and noted there was about fifteen minutes before the contracted start time. Though I wasn't exactly behind schedule, I was a bit pressed for time in changing clothes and, arranging the music schedule for the introduction and, announcement of the wedding party.

That's when I discovered I had no tuxedo.  I had to perform all the M-C duties for a very formal event looking like I was just dragged in from the street! I'm not a novice to weddings so, I went ahead and did the deed just as if I was in proper attire. I was able to get my clothes delivered by a very helpful spouse who understands my occasional loss of intelligence. By the middle of dinner I was in full dress and ready to finish the night tucked away in the corner!

The most incredible thought on this one was the very generous tip I received at the end of the night. According to the Bride and Groom, nobody even noticed my dressing faux pas. Not even the coordinator, who was appointed to assure the events were carried out as the bride and groom desired. I think I'll keep the tuxedo anyway, just in case!   vendor1029-00

My husband and I were married in May, 2000. We had wanted the regular minister at our church to officiate, but since she was not available, she recommended a retired minister who performs weddings. We will call him Reverend Grass.

We met with Rev. Grass, a seemingly mild-mannered 70-ish man. We were a bit concerned when he showed a tendency to forget details, like one of our appointments with him, but decided that anyone could forget things.

The day before our wedding, Rev. Grass and my husband and I met in the hotel bar to socialize a bit before the informal rehearsal. We bought him a beer, and he proceeded to drink it rather quickly and order himself another. I looked at my watch. We had ten minutes to get up the hill to the mansion porch on which we were getting married in a quaint town in the Poconos.

The rehearsal went well, and we arranged rides to get to the house that my then future MIL rented to host a family party. My MIL and her two young children were unfortunate enough to end up riding with Rev. Grass back to the house. She relayed the horrifying tale of his driving 70 mph one second, 30 mph the next. Swerving. Scaring the daylights out of her and her children.

The party went relatively well...the Reverend was flirting with my husband's grandmother (the Reverend was married, by the way), but nothing harmful.

The wedding went well. The Reverend did mispronounce the name of my ring (Claddagh) after we had gone over it several times, but that was easy to brush off. The story that I heard after the reception is the kicker...

Apparently the Reverend got friendly with my first mother, Lonnie (long story), and took her friendliness a bit too seriously. When he was leaving the reception, he bent over to say goodbye to her, and went to kiss her on the lips. I saw this and asked her about it later. She said, "Honey, he stuck his tongue in my mouth!" I could not believe it!

I guess that it's more funny than horrifying, as I am not a prude, but you just wouldn't expect this of a minister (even a Unitarian one)!  vendor1110-00