Weddings From Hell

The Whole Thing from start to finish is a disaster

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I have hesitated to submit this story for fear of being thrown into Ehell myself, but here goes.   A few years ago, I was the MOH for a bride I'd been best friends with throughout high school and for a few years afterwards.  The bridesmaid (BM) was also my best friend and the bride's best friend.

When Bride asked us to be in her wedding, BM and I were reluctant as we could not stand Groom.  A particularly nasty individual, he'd thrown a hissy fit when we were late returning from the hospital where we were deciding whether or not Bride's mother should be taken off of life support.  The big hurry?  He wanted to go home to play video games.  But I digress.  BM and I finally decided that we should keep our mouths shut and show support for Bride, so we agreed.

One of our biggest mistakes was forgetting that Bride seemed to think we were made of money.  Where she got this, I'll never know, since I was a full-time student with a part-time job, and the BM, while having a full-time job, was also a widow with three children under the age of 5.  Maybe it was because we were able to afford things like utilities and rent.  BM and I had to refrain, on multiple occasions, from suggesting that perhaps Bride might have a bit more money if Groom got a job or at least watched their children instead of making her pay to have them in daycare while he lazed around the house all day. 

BM and I began discussing how much we could possibly manage to squirrel away for the bachelorette party and decided we could probably swing drinks and dinner at a nice restaurant (for us - think Olive Garden).  However, Bride insists she wants her bachelorette party at Le Really Expensive Naked Man Club, hereafter referred to as Le Club.  As luck would have it, BM had coupons for half the cost of the normally ridiculously high cover charge at Le Club, so we tell Bride we can afford to take her there, but we could only afford about 2 drinks, 1 lap dance and a little left over for tips.  (Probably a faux-pas on our part.)

We arrive at Le Club, only to find out that we must use the really expensive valet parking.  Okay, fine, BM won't drink either.  ( I wasn't planning to drink as DD.)  Once inside, it turns out Le Club is under new management, and won't accept the cover charge coupons.  BM and I regroup to decide what to do.  Bride is whining and whining and won't stop whining about seeing the naked men.  Fine.  Bride will get 1 drink, and it won't be a mixed drink either.  We get in for $60 for the 3 of us.  Bride alternates between giving us migraines by yelling at the naked men and giving us migraines because we won't buy her drinks.  Finally, the bachelorette party from hell ends.

A couple of weeks before the wedding, we have two incidents.  I begin to worry that BM and I won't have a clue what to do at the wedding because it's a Catholic wedding and neither BM nor I are Catholic.  Heck, I'm not even Christian and have never participated in a Christian wedding before.  I express my concern to Bride, who assures me she has it under control.  The other incident involves BM's boyfriend, who suddenly starts getting very controlling and jealous.  This is so not on with BM, and she begins trying to pull away from this relationship.

3 days before the wedding, Bride informs me that the wedding rehearsal will be in BigTown at 4:30 pm.  This is a bit of a problem as FOB, BM and I all live in BigCity about an hour and a half away.  Actually, more than a bit of a problem as I, being the only member of the wedding party in BigCity with a vehicle, was driving, and my boss refused to let me leave before 5 pm (my normal quitting time).  Bride, by the way, was aware of this, as I had told her we could be in BigTown for rehearsal by 7 pm. 

Bride says it's still not a big deal.  We'll have another rehearsal the morning of the wedding anyway.  Fine.  So, after work, I pick up FOB.  FOB is a regular pain in the neck, and I was not thrilled about this.  He proceeds to start griping about the politics of my country of origin the entire way to picking up the BM.  We arrive at BM's house.  She's very flustered and not quite ready to go.  Remember BM's controlling boyfriend?  Well, she broke up with him and he's now calling every 10 minutes and has been following her around, so she can't even get her paycheck cashed.  I take her, and about 15 minutes later, we're on the way to BigTown.

The trip in and of itself is the ordeal from hell.  BM's phone is going off every 10 minutes, but she, understandably, couldn't turn it off as she'd left her 3 young children with her mother for the weekend and wanted to be reachable.  Unfortunately for all of us, the silent mode on her phone was broken.  The ringtone she had at that time still makes us start twitching.  The FOB is in the back seat, going on nonstop about how horrid the Groom is (agreed), what awful things he plans to say at the wedding when the priest asks, "Who gives this woman?", and bashing the Catholic church in general.  Homicidal fantasies are starting to play out in my head.

We arrive at Bride and Groom's apartment.  They have not bothered to clean and there are roaches everywhere.  I'm having a meltdown and want to stay in a motel, my treat to the BM, but we can't find a room anywhere.  Okay.  Fine.  The BM's phone has now gone off approximately 50 times.  The FOB is hitting on the BM.  The Groom keeps asking me to have sex with the Bride.  I'm female, Bride is female and I'm not a lesbian, so I have no idea where he's coming up with this.  Finally, at midnight, the BM's phone stops ringing.

The next morning, we get up and BM, Bride and I are trying to run some last-minute errands.  Only problem is that Groom's Aunt and Uncle agreed to watch their children while we do this, to keep them out of our hair and my car (they're uncontrollable brats).  But, Aunt and Uncle decided they needed to stop and get Aunt's hair done instead.  Groom refuses to watch the children, FOB refuses to watch the children.  BM decides only Bride and I have to run these errands, as I have one of the only two working cars.  We go, and then, an hour later, the Bride's soon-to-be MIL from Hell shows up, so we go pick up BM to finish the errands she needs to be there for.

We arrive at the church, and Bride, trying to have a nice moment, tells us about the outfit she bought for her daughter to wear that matches the wedding colors.  Then, it's time to get ready amidst the 70th phone call from BM's psycho ex-boyfriend.  Bride is a rather large girl, but insisted that she had to wear white (not cream, not ivory, white) for her wedding and the only white dress she could afford is a few sizes to small for her (even though there was cream dress for the same price in her size).  We manage to barely squeeze her in and cover her back because we can't close it.  BM is a rather well-endowed girl and she's falling out of her dress.  I am wearing a strapless dress, and I've apparently lost a bit of weight from the stress, as you can see right down my dress.  It is immediately dubbed the "Hooters Wedding". 

Bride calls MIL from Hell frantically, to see if she can bring safety pins.  She does, and also brings Bride and Groom's daughter, whose outfit she's changed into something she thinks is "more appropriate".  There was nothing wrong with the outfit Bride bought for her daughter, and the MIL outfit doesn't match the wedding colors.  Whatever.  We're too busy trying to think over the BM's phone and trying to figure out what to do in a Catholic wedding.  Which is when the fuss starts.  Apparently, it's a huge deal and also a sin that the BM is black and the MOH (me) is Jewish.  Oh, the horror.  BM and I are now ready to bury ourselves in a very large vat of tequila.

The wedding itself manages to go off without too much of a hitch, although a few people were audibly appalled that I didn't kneel in front of the cross on my way up the aisle.  (Perhaps a faux-pas.  It was my first Christian wedding...I had no clue.)  Thankfully, the FOB manages to behave himself during the "who gives this woman?" part of the ceremony.  We later discovered that he was drunk.

After the ceremony, the entire wedding party goes back to Bride and Groom's apartment to change into more casual attire for the reception.  A pay-your-own-way reception at an establishment specifically chosen because it had "the best margaritas in town".  At the reception, BM and I are ostracized because we are of the wrong race (BM) and wrong religion (me).  Fine.  At least we got to enjoy our margaritas in peace. 

The trip back was semi-uneventful, except for FOB griping about weddings and Catholicism again.  And, oh yes, the BM's phone.  She and I spent the rest of the trip betting on the time his next call would come in.  Upon our return, a good friend of the BM's, Bride's and myself asked how the wedding went as he was required to work that day and couldn't make it.  Rumor has it he thanked his boss profusely for forcing him to work that day after hearing about the "Hooters Wedding".

As you can imagine, it was also the marriage from hell and the divorce from hell.  

WeddingsFromHell0103-07

Last April, my husband and I were married.  From the very beginning, things were very difficult to plan out because of how my parents acted.  They insisted that we spend no more than $1000 on the whole wedding.  Well, for weddings these days, that's pretty much impossible.  Aside from that, my parents came up with all these ridiculous ways of saving money.  For example, no music at the reception, because, "That's just some new thing that couples do to out-do each other."  Turns out...my parents had music at their wedding. With everything we did, there was always some snide remark from my parents on how expensive things were, when in fact, they weren't.  We found a hotel to host the reception and got a great deal because they catered and gave us a discount when we reserved 20 rooms for guests.  But that just wasn't good enough for them.  We had the option of having a bar at the reception, as well.  We thought we'd save money by having the guests pay for their drinks.  My father in law told us that having a free bar was going above and beyond, but my parents would have none of that, and put down $1000 to pay for drinks.  

When everything was said and done, the wedding and reception cost under $6,500 which my husband and I are still proud of. Then there's the actual wedding.  One of the major problems we had was finding someone to preside over the ceremony.  We did not want a religious wedding, but in our area, the only way to get a justice of the peace to marry you, you'd have to go down to the court house and have no actually ceremony at all.  My parents swooped in and said that my father's brother was a priest and assured us that he'd do everything how we'd want it.  So we accepted...cautiously. Then came the emails between me and my uncle.  He consulted me on everything, assuming I knew everything.  My husband was never consulted on anything and it made him very frustrated because it seemed like just about EVERYONE was leaving him out of things and he was always trying to play "catch up" to figure out what the heck was going on.  I explained to my uncle that my husband's parents are divorced and not on good terms.  We didn't want to make them uncomfortable and even made arrangements so that they wouldn't have to sit next to each other.  It even turns out that my father in law had asked my husband not to be involved in the wedding.  I didn't know about this, but had my uncle consulted him as well, that wouldn't have been a problem.

At the rehearsal, my uncle ran through the ceremony at light speed and not a darn thing I told him we wanted was done.  My husband's parents were forced to stand with us at the front, and he even wanted his brothers there, as well.  I told him up-front that we didn't like what was being done and we wanted to change it.  He simply said, "No, it's too late now."  The four groomsmen (bless their hearts) stood up to my uncle for us and said, "They don't like what you're doing.  What is so difficult about changing things?"  Again, he said it was too late and it would be too difficult to change now.  The best man again asked what was so difficult and my uncle's reaction was basically that of a spoiled child who stomped his foot and plugged his ears, screaming, "I can't hear you, nah nah nah nah nah nah!" So things went how my uncle and parents wanted it to go.  

Our friends in the audience came to us after the ceremony and even complained to us that they couldn't get pictures of my dress because my parents who were standing on either side of me - dragging me up the aisle as it were - were blocking pictures.  On top of that, they had no idea who any of the people's roles were.  Can you imagine trying to figure out a who's who with 4 bridesmaids, 4 groomsmen, 4 parents, 3 brothers, 1 sister, 3 grandparents, a great-aunt, and 5 cousins all massed around a bride and a groom?  The best man described it as "a gang wedding."  I couldn't agree more. I haven't spoken to my uncle since the wedding and I honestly don't plan to in the future.  My husband and I plan to renewing our vows at a later date with a ceremony the way we actually want it...and my family is not invited.

WeddingsFromHell0110-07

First of all let me just say that I as a person am not a big fan of weddings, I've never wanted one for myself and I still don't.  Then there is my childhood friend "N" who is the complete opposite. She has dreamed of being married since we met (we were twelve)  Over the years we would sit and daydream about her "perfect" wedding.  (Just to warn you, this is a very long story but I'll try to keep the details to a minimum)  Now I love my friend but she can be somewhat selfish and bossy, very "my way or the highway" (and proud of it) and by the time she was engaged and planning the wedding, her closest friends knew when to put their foot down when she was being too greedy or demanding.    

First I'll start with the planning stage: As MOH I knew that I had certain duties to perform. According to N, these duties included whatever she didn't want to pay for, saying things like, "Oh, that's MOH's job." Catering the reception for example. After a few weeks of this, I consulted etiquette books and actually had to show her what was and what wasn't expected of the MOH.     We spent the months prior going shopping for dresses, decorations and venues.  Somewhere in the middle of this, she had made friends with a woman in her building and recruited her to be a bridesmaid as her sister would be VERY pregnant when the wedding rolled around and could not attend.  This woman who I'll call "B" came along on a few of our outings, she was rude, obnoxious and the other BM's and I didn't like her very much.  (The bride informed us that she was only in the wedding so that B could buy her stuff, since the rest of us were wise to her greedy ways.)  All of us being in our mid to late twenties (and some of us being single moms) we didn't have a lot of money to spend and told her so from the beginning.     

Fast forward to the bachelorette party which was held in my apartment.  We were to start at my place with gifts, drinks and fun stories about the bride and then go to N's favorite bar for drinks and dancing.  While still at my place, B proceeds to get belligerent and shamelessly hit on and grope our gay friend (the only male in attendance).  We get to the bar, where B decides to sit in the car and pout.  The bride, feeling obligated to get her out of the car and into the fun, goes outside to talk with her.  Half an hour later, I go to see what's keeping them. I find B in tears and the bride wondering what's wrong with her.  I tell N to get back inside and enjoy her party.  When she leaves, B tells me that she is "tapped", she has spent so much money on this wedding that she can't feed her kids and has taken too much time off of work.  She is convinced that this is MY fault, because I'm the MOH and should be doing these things.  I finally get her in the bar where she proceeds to drape herself on one of the BM's boyfriends.  N has had enough and sneaks out to the car to sleep and misses half of her own party.   

Now for the wedding itself, where to start.  After spending over $300 dollars on our dresses alone, the BM's and I were quite strapped for cash and had informed N many times that we would be doing our own hair, nails, etc.  On the night before the wedding, N informs us where we're getting our hair and nails done and that it'll be about $50 each.  We remind her that we don't have any money, it just can't be done.  She throws a fit and finally tells us that they'll go down to about $20 each.  We relent and head to the salon the next morning.  The woman doing N's hair is doing mine as well, so she does me first and guess what I got?  CORNROWS!!! So tight that I had a terrible headache all day.  Sadly the bride's hair was pretty much the same and she was not happy with it.  When N leaves, I go to pay my bill and they tell me it's $90!!!  Apparently, the girl who did my hair was independent and had her own pricing.  My dad had to pay this as I only had $20 on me. (BTW, the night before the wedding, B got drunk and hit and draped herself all over my DAD, who was there to give N away at her wedding.)   

As a side note, during the invitation stage, the Bride very rudely insisted that NO ONE was allowed to bring a guest, including husbands/boyfriend's/girlfriend's, because she was convinced that there wouldn't be enough room or food. As a result, the Bride's side of the church was almost completely empty.   The decorations weren't working out the way N wanted them and she was getting more and more upset.  MOB decided at the last minute that she simply could not fly up and attend her own daughter's wedding, even though N had purchased a non-refundable ticket for her.  She is even more upset.  

The groom's family... how do I put this, I (nor the Bride) have ever seen them sober. EVER!  For this reason, she bans alcohol from the reception, no biggie...it's her wedding.  While we're getting dressed, the groom's family has placed a keg of beer in the CHURCH's kitchen and has tapped it before the wedding even begins.  N's level of stress is steadily rising.  The judge that she hired was specifically told that there would be NO prayers, NO mention of religion, this would be a celebration of love and the joining of two lives.  He shows up in full catholic attire, complete with a pope's hat, and tries to get all the BM's and me to kiss him before and after the ceremony.  During the ceremony itself, the Groom and his family are WASTED.  He is actually weaving and sweating at the alter!  The "judge" proceeds with a very long sermon, THREE prayers are said and he is stepping all over her dress! (she still can't get the footprints off of it)  

As soon as they are announced, the Bride retreats into the bathroom, stating that she is going home.  The BM's and I do everything we can to calm her and cheer her up so that she can enjoy her reception.  B on the other hand keeps trying to get her all mad and riled because of everything that's going wrong. (Including making faces and not so quiet protesting noises during the entire ceremony)  The music starts and everyone starts actually having a good time, the Bride lightens up and things go a little more smoothly. As we are all cleaning up the hall, B and one of her skanky friends rudely inform everyone that the food provided was paid for by them and that NO ONE had better dare to take any home!    I have since vowed that if I ever get married, I'm eloping and will NEVER participate in another wedding as long as I live!! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

WeddingsFromHell0119-07

I swear that everything in this story is completely true unless otherwise stated. All names have been changed to protect involved parties privacy, and to spare them embarrassment.

We all knew this was a wedding headed for disaster as soon as the engagement was announced. Tammy and Joe met as a one night stand at a party. Three one night stands, and a divorce later (her second, at 22 years old), they decided to start seeing each other exclusively. Tammy and Joe decided to get married when they realized Tammy was pregnant. She miscarried the child shortly afterward, but they still wanted to get married. They were just going to go down to the local courthouse, but those plans changed when the family of the groom found out that Tammy was over $150,000 in debt. Tammy and Joe delayed their wedding until Tammy could declare bankruptcy. They also decided they wanted a big fancy wedding instead of a small courthouse affair.

The first speed bump came when Tammy's family said they were too poor to contribute anything to the wedding. In their defense, they had recently spent $10,000 on Tammy's sister's wedding just that summer. The burden of expenses landed heavily on Joe's mother Julie, and Joe himself. Julie paid for the catering, the DJ, and the fabric for Tammy's wedding dress. Joe paid for the venue - a beautiful historic farm in Salt Lake City, Utah. Tammy's aunt kindly offered to make her dress for her.

Unfortunately, three days before the wedding, Tammy's aunt got horribly sick and couldn't finish the dress. Apparently Tammy's family felt sorry for her, so they all ponied up some dough for Tammy to buy a new wedding dress, and gave it to Tammy's mom, Maryanne. When Tammy tried to get the money from her mother, turns out she had already spent it. Poor Tammy had to sell her car to buy a wedding dress. I'm not sure if I entirely believe this myself, but most of the family does believe it.

Setup for the wedding brought even bigger disaster. Maryanne and the rest of Tammy's family arrived at the barn first to set up decorations. Once there, Maryanne took it upon herself to rearrange the tables, and make the caterer change her setup three times. The caterer got into a shouting match with Maryanne, until things became so heated that she took her staff, and left. She called Julie, the woman who paid for her services, and explained that she would not return until Julie arrived. When Julie did finally arrive, the caterer's good tablecloths had mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again. Of course, Julie curtly told Maryanne to back off.

Rather than fight with the caterer, Maryanne turned her attention to setting out the centerpieces. Being a Western themed wedding, they brought lanterns as decorations. They would have lit them, but Julie noticed what they were doing and explained that, one cannot just light up lanterns inside of a rented wooden barn. Thankfully, Maryanne relented.

What great wedding doesn't have a memorable ceremony? Certainly not this one. Tammy hired her uncle, a bishop in the Mormon church, to officiate her ceremony. He began by giving the young couple some marriage counseling. His worthy advice consisted of choice phrases like, "Always be quick to apologize when you fight," to which Tammy chimed out, "Don't look at me!" His advice to Joe, "It's not always Tammy's job to clean up". Their apartment is littered with Tammy's clothes that don't fit, because she keeps gaining weight, and never picks up after herself. Then he stammered through the vows, reading them directly from the Bible. It was supposed to be a nondenominational ceremony since he's Catholic, and she's Mormon, but he just went with the version in the Book of Mormon. Then he said, "I now pronounce you, Man and Wife", at which point the maid of honor gently reminded him that he needed to have them exchange rings. He managed to pronounce her Latino name quite smoothly, but he stumbled over Joe's Dutch last name, and never did get it right.

In the bishop's defense, Tammy had been mumbling curses at him in Spanish under her breath throughout the ceremony. Also, Mormon bishops rarely perform weddings, since all good Mormon couples marry in the temple. So don't judge him too harshly.

The reception actually went quite smoothly as far as anyone outside of the immediate family could tell. Towards the end of the night, Tammy wandered over to the groom's side to complain to all of us that the DJ didn't play any of the songs she wanted. She gave him CD's with a star next to each song she wanted to hear. Julie, kind soul that she is, inquired with the DJ as to the status of Tammy's requests. The DJ replied that yes, he had played all of her songs, however, her family's complaining made him so nervous that he dropped his glasses, stepped on them, a broke the lenses. He tried to play the music she wanted, he was just too blind to see the tracks.

There's so much more to tell about this fiasco of a wedding, but the story's long enough as it is. The moral of the story is, treat the people you hire kindly. They are professionals, and, usually, know what they're doing. Also, beware the Bridezilla monster's MOM!!!

WeddingsFromHell0306-07

 My now-husband and I dated for 5 years before we got engaged and during that time, while recognizing that his family was very different then mine, there was never any reason to think conflicts would arise.  Then we got engaged and everything/everyone changed.  Within days of our engagement his parents told us to pass on to my parents that they wanted to contribute to the wedding expenses.  This was an unexpected and lovely gesture by the parents of my husband whom, was ten years my senior and a very independent, successful person and had long since left their nest.  My parents recognized this as well, although not putting any stock into it since the gesture had, at this point, not been made to them personally (and, getting ahead of myself, an intelligent decision on their part considering the offer/subject was never again put on their or anyone else's table). 

The engagement period was made extremely stressful and more and more tacky as we drew closer to the big day.  My parents went all out, the ceremony and reception to be in one of the most elegant locations this major city as to offer, yet like every wedding, numbers were an issue.  The room max was 185, yet 160 would make the room layout, etc ideal.  We asked my family and his to send us an estimate number of invitees so that we could determine if this venue would work and need the estimate asap, so that if not, we could still hold our date at alternative locations.  Based on their feedback, it would be perfect. 

Flash forward months to when we request the guest list from both sides.  In-laws have now added 75 more people then that which they initially told us.  Not only does this make our wedding at this location impossible (even with us, the bride/groom cutting friends, but my parents, who are paying, cutting their own friends), but my FH doesn't even recognize a name on this "new" list. 

Further, upon asking his parents who some of these potential guests are, they can't establish any sort of connection within this century.  With a huge shove, he tells them to cut the list back to something remotely near the initial number they gave us and was of course, met with hostility.

Food:  FFIL takes me aside at a family function to "let me know" that he hates weddings that serve only chicken rather then steak.  I am not a person with filters, so it took everything I had to stop myself from telling him that if he wants steak, maybe he should pay for it, or anything, at least! (or reminding him that he didn't spring for it at his daughter's wedding...)

Invites go out and I get three phone calls the next day all of which express their anger and distaste for them, "who picked those"; why aren't we listed as hosts?  (hmm)

Following that comes the phone calls expressing their feelings about what we registered for, the hotels that we had packages for the guests, etc.

Three weeks till big day:  Our own fault, we didn't stand firmer about the difference between the estimated number of invitees his parents told us and the list they later gave us. (Well, after awhile the fight didn't seem worthy considering this was supposed to be a "happy" time between FF & I).  Needless to say, 20 more random guests got invited and by now it was time to confirm to the club our numbers and, shocker...3/4 of the people on his parent's list had still not responded (including siblings) and all 20 of the new, but necessary invitees were never heard from.

We delegated to his mother the task of calling these people to see if they were coming.  7 of which reside in the same home together actually told his mother that they would come if she or her husband picked and dropped them off!!!  Some would say that's the point where you express your regrets that they can't come and chalk them up as a no, but my FMIL not only marks them all as "having the steak," but also arranges that one of my FH's siblings will be their chauffer rather then attend our wedding pictures of which my FH wanted his family at and also, paid $7000 for. 

One week before wedding:  FMIL wants to know if her friends from out of town can sit with them at the head table...after hearing the "no" she decided to withhold the rest of her seating chart preferences = big mistake momma, at this point we've got no problem sending you and your friends elsewhere (of course we didn't, a mistake on our own behalf).

Two nights before rehearsal dinner:  Call from FMIL goes like this: your mother tells me you've been searching for months for a white tuxedo-styled pant suit for the rehearsal.  Are you sure you want to wear white in September?  Oh by the way, your parents have a brunch planned at the hotel the morning after the wedding for family, in-laws, etc after you two leave for your trip, but I don't like the menu options there, so I have invited our side of the family to a brunch at our house instead.  ...hmm can you figure out why there isn't love??

-Rehearsal night:  Bride greets FMIL.  FMIL says, you still wore the white suit?

-Wedding day/evening:  Our wedding was an evening, black-tie optional affair so my FI and used the time in between to have our wedding party taken around the city for pictures, etc

When we arrived at the ceremony/reception location, I ran into my FMIL and family (minus the family that had been designated to pick up the multiple new invitees, which ended up being 2, although 20 responded) where they said nothing to me except ask when pictures would start.  WHAT?  At this point I would have welcomed the token, pretty dress, or you look nice, or this place looks great, etc.  Besides the fact that paying a bride even a token compliment on the day she's marrying the son was too hard to muster up, she says this:  No necklace?

Well, just plain tacky, in my opinion doesn't even describe some of those events. Update:  Not only did 1/4 of those invited by my in-laws not show up, but we (3 years later) have yet to receive a card or gift from almost the entire list of their invitees...

And yes, we are still married :)

WeddingsFromHell0312-07

I have a story for you though I should say most of the wedding was fantastic, and luckily everything turned out OK in the end. I was attending my cousin's wedding, and at the reception I noticed a crowd forming at the other end of the hall (it was a large wedding, and my family and I were seated at the very far left while this crowd was the very far right. I couldn't quite see what was going on, but then noticed an older gentlemen looking very gray and slumped at his chair. I thought maybe it was too much drink at first, but then later on get the scoop: while eating some of his fish, this gentlemen, neighbor of the groom's family, had started choking on a bone. Nobody noticed at his table at first, until his wife saw him turn gray and gasp for breath. She ran to the head table, where, luckily, a groomsmen was an EMT, and he had to perform Heimlich Maneuver on the guest. The gentlemen in question was a bit large, so this did not work at first. I should say that the reception facility organizer was in the room at this time, and was just watching what was going on without giving any kind of assistance. This was a very busy facility and I ASSUME they had to have had first aid training or know how to work with a choking victim, or, at the very least, would call for an ambulance. But no, she did nothing. Luckily the EMT groomsmen managed to pound this elderly fellow enough that he dislodged the food and he began -- finally! -- to breathe.

WeddingsFromHell0315-07

I am a police officer and was summoned to a local bar for a disturbance.  We arrived to find a drunken wedding party that had come to the bar after the reception to add to their already high intoxication level.   The father of the bride began making a scene in the parking lot to the point where he needed to be arrested.  The groom, who had already been warned to calm down, then proceeded to tell us that if his new father-in-law was leaving in handcuffs that we had better arrest him too.  We obliged him and promptly placed him under arrest as well.   After they were served with summonses at the police station, they were released to their waiting family in the lobby, including the bride in her beautiful white wedding gown.   Their wedding album must have looked like an episode from COPS.                            

WeddingsFromHell0506-07

I am a police officer and was called to a local hotel for a disturbance.  When I arrived I found that the involved persons had been part of a large wedding at a nearby restaurant.   The hotel manager had us go to one guest room where we found that a mirrored glass closet door had been broken after two drunken guests had been wrestling.    We then were brought to the room of the groom and bride.  The groom was heavily intoxicated and proceeded to yell and carry on to a point where other hotel guests were checking out early as we spoke to him.  He was given a final warning to calm down at which point we began to leave.   Once outside the manager called us back in because the groom was starting problems again.  He was escorted off of the property and driven home by his grandfather.  In the parking lot the bride told her new husband that she wanted nothing to do with him and cried as she ran back to her room to spend her wedding night alone.     After clearing the rest of the drunken wedding party from the hallways we left.  I asked the groom's sister if there was any food left over from the wedding but I struck out.  Anyway, it was the best wedding I ever attended.                                                         

WeddingsFromHell0506-07

 While I did not attend this wedding  (I was in college and could not leave to attend), one of my best friends since Jr. High was the bride:   L meet her future husband, V, at her church.    Apparently, it was love at first sight.  However a few months later things started getting bad.  It seems that V had an ex-girlfriend, C, who was extremely vindictive.  C started harassing L with phone calls, notes on her car, etc.  L, being a great person ignored C for the most part.   However, there came a time when L could not ignore her anymore.  The night they were to get married, C used a pay phone (cells we not used much in the late 80's) to call the police.  It seems that V had a warrant out for his arrest (L never knew that he had been in trouble with the law) and C knew about it.  The police came to the wedding and arrested him during the ceremony.  They kindly allowed the ceremony to be finished before taking the groom to jail!   L, for some reason that defies all logical reasoning, went through with the marriage and spent her wedding night (in her gown) at the police station trying to bail out the groom.  The marriage only lasted a few years (thank GOD!), for reasons that are to numerous and horrible to recount.   When I heard about what had happened, I asked L why she had gone through with the wedding, she replied, "I was stupid!"

WeddingsFromHell0521-07

I haven’t attended too many weddings as an adult yet, but the worst to date was actually about six weeks ago, for one of my boyfriend’s friends from college. It was up in Cape Cod, so we had to reserve expensive rooms at the suggested hotel, which turned out to be more of a motel/glorified youth hostel. We walked into our room and it honestly looked like something out of The Shining...or maybe Girl Scout camp...I'm still not sure which one. Oh, and it smelled strongly of urine. I'm not super high-maintenance, but I have certain standards, thankyouverymuch. Needless to say we switched rooms right fast (not that the next one was a huge improvement).

Anyway, so we head to the wedding the next morning, and the ceremony is nice enough...but then we go to the reception. First of all, since it was an early wedding, it was a luncheon reception, which is all well and good, but it was a CASH BAR. The entire time. Not open during the "cocktail" hour, not even beer or wine, nothing. If you wanted a freaking Diet Coke you had to pony up. Now, I understand that most people don't want to get sloshed at 12 in the afternoon, and I fully recognize how expensive weddings are, but there are ways to cut costs and still look hospitable. It was just so tacky. At least if you're going to go the Cash Bar route, indicate it on the invitation so people know to bring CASH...because the place didn't take credit cards for individual orders! We had to start up one tab for our whole table of 12, which made things very complicated when we went to settle up. We drove 4 hours up there, paid wayyyyy too much for a crap hotel for 2 nights, and then they don't even pay for a few drinks...not cool, man, not cool.

Not to mention that they had a DJ who was literally like 75 years old with a penchant for 90's Disney songs. I mean, I love Disney as much as the next person, but when you play "A Whole New World," "Beauty and the Beast," "Be Our Guest," "Part of Your World," and "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" in consecutive succession, I have to wonder if you're a runaway Imagineer or something. Maybe that's why no one really danced...that, or the fact that the dance floor was about the size of postage stamp. Either one. And then there was the creepy photographer who had a weird obsession with our friend Jason. No joke, every time Jason turned around this guy was snapping his picture. I wouldn't be surprised if there were more pictures of him than the bride and groom.

So yeah, all in all, the wedding was pretty much awful. I kid you not, I've had more fun at the gynecologist.

WeddingsFromHell0607-07

 I come from a large family. I have 3 brothers, and my mother has a sister that also has 4 children. we get together several times a year, as my  mom and aunt are very close and we all live about 3.5 hours from each other. The weeding from hell involves my cousin, the only daughter of my aunt. Naturally you may assume that with "Karen" and I being the only girl cousins we would be really close. Well, were not. We are only about 5 years apart in age, but I have always preferred the company of my brothers and the boy cousins. Anyway, Karen was getting married for the second time. She had a previous Shotgun wedding when she was 18, but that is a whole other EHell story.

  I used to work in a flower shop as a designer (you know where this is going) Of course, Karen asked for some tips to do a nice wedding with the flowers on a small budget. I knew she was fishing for me to offer to do them for her, so I let her hem and haw about it for a few minutes before I told her, "If you buy the flowers from a wholesaler, I will arrange them for you as your wedding gift." She and I then came up with other inexpensive decorating ideas, and when she mentioned her HTB has a house with lots of English Ivy growing in the front, I suggested she bring cuttings to the reception and we could decorate with those also. The wedding was set for 2 months from then, and I told her to call me soon and let me know what flowers she wanted and what bouquet styles, corsages, centerpieces...etc. she wanted so I could arrange to be there in plenty of time to get it all done.

A month goes by and I hear nothing. Then 2 more weeks. Finally my Aunt calls and asks if Karen has called me. When I told her no she immediately calls her daughter and finds out nothing has been done! She got her dress and shoes but that's all! So she then decides to have a silk flower wedding. Some people may think this is ok, but I am not one of them. I have been to many, and they were hideous (I admit to being biased-being from the floral industry, but come on!) Anyway, She got a friend of hers to do them, never calls me, nothing. So I am safe to assume I am just off the hook.

Fast forward to the day before the wedding. We arrive and my cousin informs us we have to be at the mansion at 10:30. The wedding is at 12 and we can't set up anything until they let us in at 10:30. This means everyone is expected to chip in and set up the wedding for her! Now I have no problem with this,  but a little warning would have been nice.

The wedding day arrives. I was up until 2 AM making bows and wrapping flower pots with bows and pretty paper for the steps gong into the mansion. (We live in the South, and the wedding site is a really pretty Plantation House.) We walk in to find nothing done. The chairs and tables were set up, but that's it. I ask my Cousin what I am to decorate with, and she points to some dollar store type bags and says "do whatever you can with that stuff" She then walks off to finish getting ready. So I take 5 minutes with my mom, we walk the floor plan, then I get to looking in the bags. It was bad. Cheap garlands, tea light candles, and some polyester/satin runners. No one knows what to do. We are all standing around wondering what to do when In walked the HTB's parents with armloads of Ivy (She at least got that part right). Now I met them for the first time the night before, and I found out the Bride told them I was in charge. So here they come and start asking me where to put the stuff, what they can do to help, then everyone follows suit. I am now in charge.

Now, to be clear, I have catered and decorated many parties, and I have to say I am very good at delegating tasks when setting up. However, no warning?!?! No asking?? Not wanting to look stupid, I tied my hair into a ponytail and set to work. When I had sapped all my energy from running from room to room, and sucked all the creativity I could muster in that short of a time frames, I have to say the place looked great.

The wedding went off ok, except no one knew what song to play, or when to start. Once again it's me to the rescue! I find the pastor, he's clueless. I find her brothers, they were given no direction. The bride says ask the pastor, so I realize this is a pass the buck kind of thing. Fine. We get the music figured out, have the wedding, I take off running afterward to help put out food, and finally It was finished. I will say this, during the reception, the Grooms Mother walks up to me, gave me a hug and told me "It was a pleasure watching you work." both parents thanked me, and my Aunt did as well. nothing from the Bride however, and when the reception was over (it was dry mind you, this is fine, but I really needed a cocktail by this point) Guess who became the cleanup crew??? That's right. you guessed it. the set up "crew"  Oh, did I mention that she didn't get a "throwaway bouquet" made? guess who had to tear apart centerpieces of silk flowers to make one?

This whole fiasco wouldn't have been too bad if not for one major thing. She never thanked me. Not in person, not a phone call. She did however send a thank you card to my parents thanking us all for our help. Let's keep in mind I am 32 and have not lived at home in over a decade. She knows my address, and if she didn't Her mom definitely did. I mean, it's not like we are 5 and tagging along beside our parents. I even gave her a separate gift, and I never got a thank you for that either. This marriage better last because I'm not going through that again.  

WeddingsFromHell0619-07