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Author Topic: How many invites does grooms family get?  (Read 2382 times)

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gellchom

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Re: How many invites does grooms family get?
« Reply #30 on: January 07, 2018, 02:51:44 PM »
I know this isnít really the question, but Iíve always wondered what I would do if I were to marry into a large family now.  ( Iím in my mid forties, itís not likely to happen, but Iím a daydreamer!)

In one persons scenario, one side may have only 20 out of 200 invites because one side may not have a big family.  If I were to marry at this late stage, I wouldnít mind having a wedding with 20 to 30 people, with my side being a mere 8, because thatís the most family I can think to invite, and that includes plus ones.  But I would hate a wedding with 200 people of whom I know only 10. 

I would beg for a small wedding.  To be honest 20 year old me was the same, and it seems a bit strange to be in a situation where you are one half of the guest of honour but your other have has 4 times the amount of well wishers.  I know itís a personal thing but I canít be the only one who would be uncomfortable with that.

It's not always quite as stark as you might imagine, Zhaleh -- being surrounded mostly by strangers at your wedding.  By the time they were married, my daughter and her husband knew many of each other's extended family and close family friends, some very well (in fact, they both knew a few of each other's relatives better than they knew a few of their own cousins that they hadn't seen in some time).  That isn't always the case, of course, but often it is, although it's hard to factor that into the picture when we are thinking in the abstract.  And if it's in a culture/community where there are several events over the days before the wedding, people get to know each other then, too, and start to feel like one group by the wedding itself (the guests more than the busy HC, probably, but at least beyond feeling like strangers).

Also, often in situations like this, where a big disparity in how many can attend is caused by distance, the out-of-town family hosts a party before or after the wedding in their town.  So at least it sort of balances out.

Twik

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Re: How many invites does grooms family get?
« Reply #31 on: January 08, 2018, 01:24:36 PM »
Going back to the original post, it would seem odd and unfair if the groom's family wanted more invitations and was told that they couldn't have them solely because they weren't hosting the wedding. If loving, kindly Grandma Mary on the groom's side is excluded, but "those people who used to live behind the bride's house while she was growing up - I bet they'd love to come!" are invited, there's definitely something wrong, and I'd advise the groom to think long and hard about the family he's marrying into, and why his intended isn't sticking up for him.

If it's simply because the groom only has twenty people he wants to invite, that's perfectly cool. It's bad enough when people insist the wedding party must be completely even in gender and number - it would be sillier still to apply that rule to the guests. "Let's see, each side is allowed two parents and/or stepparents, 4 siblings - you don't really care for your brother Robert do you? - four aunts/uncles, six cousins and three friends from college."
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gellchom

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Re: How many invites does grooms family get?
« Reply #32 on: January 08, 2018, 03:27:52 PM »
I think thatís a good illustration of what Toots meant by ďfair, not equal.Ē  50-50 intuitively sounds fairest in the abstract.  But in peopleís real lives, it probably wonít work out just that way.  So while in some cases it might be a good starting point, it doesnít make for a good firm rule, especially for weddings other than tiny ones. 

Outdoor Girl

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Re: How many invites does grooms family get?
« Reply #33 on: January 08, 2018, 05:53:56 PM »
We decided on, beyond immediate family, aunts, uncles and first cousins and friends.  Further afield relatives got added to the list once we knew how many spaces we had left.  In my case, there were none to add.  In DF's case, not only did he have a lot more relatives on the short list, he had dozens more on the long list.  Which is how we've ended up with 1/3 my side, 2/3 his side with all of the people on the 'if there's room list' being from his side.
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SamiHami

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Re: How many invites does grooms family get?
« Reply #34 on: January 08, 2018, 05:56:01 PM »
We decided on, beyond immediate family, aunts, uncles and first cousins and friends.  Further afield relatives got added to the list once we knew how many spaces we had left.  In my case, there were none to add.  In DF's case, not only did he have a lot more relatives on the short list, he had dozens more on the long list.  Which is how we've ended up with 1/3 my side, 2/3 his side with all of the people on the 'if there's room list' being from his side.

That seems perfectly reasonable to me.

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lorelai

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Re: How many invites does grooms family get?
« Reply #35 on: January 09, 2018, 12:21:53 AM »
This question to me feels inherently sexist and feels like it comes from a time when the bride's family paid for the whole shindig. Even in my own culture where parents play a heavy cultural and financial role in weddings, this is not a question that would need to be asked.