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  • December 18, 2017, 01:14:00 AM

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Author Topic: no kids - except for.....  (Read 8556 times)

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crella

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Re: no kids - except for.....
« Reply #75 on: September 03, 2017, 07:33:46 PM »
Heres' the point that I think you've all missed.   And why it will cause hurt feelings.

The bride didn't say - Oh, we are only inviting nieces and nephews, or we are only inviting cousins, or anything like that.   She made it clear to the world that she wants an adult-only reception.   How on earth can you have an adult-only reception with children there?

Because they are the wedding party, not guests.

Harriet Jones

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Re: no kids - except for.....
« Reply #76 on: September 03, 2017, 07:39:50 PM »
Heres' the point that I think you've all missed.   And why it will cause hurt feelings.

The bride didn't say - Oh, we are only inviting nieces and nephews, or we are only inviting cousins, or anything like that.   She made it clear to the world that she wants an adult-only reception.   How on earth can you have an adult-only reception with children there?

Because they are the wedding party, not guests.

Plus, as PP have mentioned, they may not even be at the reception. A couple of kids in the wedding party is *not* the same as having many many kids there.

gramma dishes

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Re: no kids - except for.....
« Reply #77 on: September 03, 2017, 07:40:44 PM »
Heres' the point that I think you've all missed.   And why it will cause hurt feelings.

The bride didn't say - Oh, we are only inviting nieces and nephews, or we are only inviting cousins, or anything like that.   She made it clear to the world that she wants an adult-only reception.   How on earth can you have an adult-only reception with children there?

Because they are the wedding party, not guests.

And they may be in the wedding but never make an appearance at the reception.

kudeebee

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Re: no kids - except for.....
« Reply #78 on: September 04, 2017, 07:11:13 PM »
Heres' the point that I think you've all missed.   And why it will cause hurt feelings.

The bride didn't say - Oh, we are only inviting nieces and nephews, or we are only inviting cousins, or anything like that.   She made it clear to the world that she wants an adult-only reception.   How on earth can you have an adult-only reception with children there?

1. They may not be at the reception.
2.  They may be at the reception for the meal and then whisked away with a babysitter.
3.  They are part of the wedding party.

FauxFoodist

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Re: no kids - except for.....
« Reply #79 on: September 06, 2017, 11:25:34 PM »
This topic reminds me of the first post on this link, http://www.tickld.com/x/fbk/horrified-wedding-guests-share-the-worst-behavior-theyve-ever-seen-at-a-wedding.

I love the HC's spine and hope that it made the SS-guest think twice about ever pulling this again after traveling all that way just to have to spend the time in their hotel room with her DD while her DH attended the wedding (DH was the friend of the bride).

The bottom line here is the OP's friend needs to remember that the wedding is not about her and there could be consequences for her if she tries to force the issue like in the link.

Twik

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Re: no kids - except for.....
« Reply #80 on: November 10, 2017, 08:50:52 AM »
I'll state that the only exception I see with this is for nieces and nephews.  Unless the number of nieces and nephews of the B&G goes well into the double digits, I think inviting some and not others is probably going to cause problems.

Whether the B&G want to accept these problems is up to them.

yeah, this is going to cause problems.

As your sibling, I might understand that you are actually closer to our other siblings' kids, but refusing to invite mine (if ages are similar) is saying to me that you don't ever want to become closer to my kids.

That's phenomenally hurtful. I'll be honest--I'd be pissed off.



You see, I'd just never look at it that way. Not inviting my (hypothetical) children to this wedding says nothing about whether any future relationship might exist.

And second-guessing the guest list is generally rude.
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Kiwipinball

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Re: no kids - except for.....
« Reply #81 on: November 11, 2017, 09:08:45 AM »
I'll state that the only exception I see with this is for nieces and nephews.  Unless the number of nieces and nephews of the B&G goes well into the double digits, I think inviting some and not others is probably going to cause problems.

Whether the B&G want to accept these problems is up to them.

yeah, this is going to cause problems.

As your sibling, I might understand that you are actually closer to our other siblings' kids, but refusing to invite mine (if ages are similar) is saying to me that you don't ever want to become closer to my kids.

That's phenomenally hurtful. I'll be honest--I'd be pissed off.



You see, I'd just never look at it that way. Not inviting my (hypothetical) children to this wedding says nothing about whether any future relationship might exist.

And second-guessing the guest list is generally rude.

For almost anyone else, I would agree. But I'd be really hurt if my sister didn't invite my (hypothetical) children but invited others. Extremely hurt. And it would send a message to me. If she invited no children, it wouldn't bother me.

The flip side of this, of course, is if a HC makes it more difficult for guests to attend (no children, destination, whatever), they need to be even more gracious/understanding if guests can't or won't make it. A friend of the family recently got married (her parents and my parents have been friends for a long time, she and I are the same age and were reasonably close growing up; my sister is three years older and not particularly close). Due to the venue, chidlren were not invited. Although my sister probably could have found child care, she didn't feel like it and politely declined. I'm not 100% sure if she would have gone if the kids could go - it would have been more likely. She wasn't mad her kids weren't invited, it just influenced her decision. The HC's child was at the reception, but that makes sense and no one (that I saw) was offended. The HC wasn't at all bothered that my sister didn't come. I think she was mainly invited because they felt weird inviting my parents and me and not her. But the point is, my sister would have been rude to have a fit that her kids weren't invited. The HC would have been rude to have a fit that she didn't come. Obviously when people have closer relationships, these behaviors could be more hurtful, but as others mentioned, that's a rel@tionship issue, not an etiquette one.