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  • December 14, 2017, 02:19:33 AM

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Author Topic: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"  (Read 3788 times)

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Annes_White_Lady

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #45 on: December 07, 2017, 05:16:45 PM »
BG:  So, I'll approach this from a different prospective here.  I'm a DV Survivor.  Without going into details, let's just say it was bad.  Really bad.  And, it included stalking which I feel is relevant to this thread.

One thing I learned from this page is that I can only control my own response to a situation.  I didn't ask my friends to un-friend my ex, despite the very bad situation.  What I did do was draw a very strong line and told everyone that there was to be no contact there any more.  And I asked people to respect that.  I blocked my ex.  I blocked his family.  When I found mutual friends who were spying on me for him, I blocked them, too.  At one point, I blocked my own children to get the message across that I will not tolerate unhealthy behaviors from anyone.  But I never went so far as to ask my friends to un-friend him.  That is their choice to make.  Many of them made it on their own over time when they realized the extent of the situation.  A few did not.

She can learn how to block him.  In fact, she actually *wants* to block him first because of the way Facebook handles blocking.  Have her set her privacy settings properly.  When you look at a mutual friends' list, the blocked people will not show up.  Comments won't show up.  Pictures won't show up.  The only thing she'll probably notice is that comment counts are often "off".  You see that a post has 5 comments but only has 1 when you got to view comments. That's because someone you blocked was commenting on that same post.

Given all this, she shouldn't have asked you to un-friend him.  She could have asked for help in cutting him out of her life (if that was her intent in the un-friending request).

TootsNYC

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #46 on: December 07, 2017, 05:34:20 PM »
The friend can block her ex (and should) but it wonít help the issue that arose here, where OPís husband posted a photo with the friend in it. I donít think FB would prevent the ex from seeing the photo on the husbandís page, if the husband and the ex are FB friends.

Wouldn't the blocked ex-husband have been unable to see the picture if she'd been tagged in it? I thought that was how it worked.



(and DH isn't friends with the ex, but DH did tag -me-, and so the picture would appear to my friends.)

Harriet Jones

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #47 on: December 07, 2017, 05:45:10 PM »
He might be able to see the picture, depending on your husband's privacy settings.  If he set the permissions to friends only and the ex is no longer is his friend, he most likely wouldn't be able to see it. 

TootsNYC

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #48 on: December 07, 2017, 06:16:58 PM »
but what if she's tagged in it?

I thought that would block him from seeing the entire picture. It doesn't?

Harriet Jones

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #49 on: December 07, 2017, 06:23:35 PM »
 He wouldn't see that she's *tagged* in something.  I don't think it would block the picture, though. I'm not absolutely certain.

Two Ravens

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #50 on: December 07, 2017, 07:24:36 PM »
but what if she's tagged in it?

I thought that would block him from seeing the entire picture. It doesn't?

I don't think it matters in her situation. She'd have no way of knowing if every picture of her on Facebook was properly tagged.

Allyson

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #51 on: December 07, 2017, 09:07:28 PM »
I would happily comply with any request that directly involved her.  Don't post pictures of her? No problem! Don't tag her? Sure! Take someone else off my friends list?  Eh, not unless we were best friends.  I'd do it for my BFF or my brother or something, but less than that, sorry, no! I wouldn't hate her for it or think it was unreasonable necessarily, but I wouldn't do it. There are easier ways for her to get the privacy she wants and I'd help her with that.

diesel_darlin

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #52 on: December 08, 2017, 03:47:41 AM »
When my ex husband decided that he no longer wished to be married to me, I blocked him. I later blocked his family because they enjoyed stirring the drama pot and I'm not going down that road.

The only thing that I asked of our friends was to respect the fact that we weren't happily married anymore and were going to divorce. This meant that what he was doing was none of my business, and what I was doing was none of his. I didn't want flying monkeys.

I never asked anyone to quit associating with him, or to unfriend him. But if I sent a text saying hey I wanna come over, they should tell me not today or something, because I would have been terribly upset if they let me come over and he was in their house.

He left without a word and stayed gone for several days before he told me over the phone that he no longer wished to be married. That was a really hurtful way to end things and I completely cut off all contact with him after that. He made a new Facebook and tried sending me a friend request. I promptly blocked it. So I definitely wasn't interested in a possible accidental encounter at a friend's house. Not the time, not the place. Everyone was pretty much respectful of my wishes except for the few that thought they needed to tell me how unattractive his new girlfriend was. I reminded them that I wasn't interested in that conversation, and they eventually stopped.

I'm assuming that he can't see things I'm tagged in, but if he can, I'm not concerned about it. I'm too busy living life.

kckgirl

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #53 on: December 08, 2017, 08:11:15 AM »
but what if she's tagged in it?

I thought that would block him from seeing the entire picture. It doesn't?

I have blocked a person who I regularly see in photos from family members. If the person is tagged along with others with whom I am friends, I see the picture, but not that person's name or comments.
Maryland

cicero

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #54 on: December 09, 2017, 12:56:04 PM »
Here are some of my thoughts on the issue:
- if she doesn't want her ex to be able to see what she's up to, then *she* should remove *herself* from FB. FB isn't a *need*; it's a *want*. if she isn't on FB, then people can't tag her.
- as others already said - *she* should block him (and anyone else she feels it's necessary to block). if she blocks him - she won't see him, she won't see posts he is tagged in, etc. (SHe may or may not be able to see pictures he is tagged in, I don't remember). She also needs to up *her* security so she is as invisible as possible. you can certainly point her in the right direction for this.

Anything else - is on her.

I agree with  Annes_White_Lady if this is a DV (or other possibly dangerous situation). I did not get that impression here. and again - she can solve this issue by not being on FB at all. She can *try* to control the actions of *every other person in the world* and request /demand that people unfriend him, don't tag her, etc., but obviously she will not be successful in doing that. I was also in a bad situation with an ex who was refusing to get divorced and using family members to gain information about me. I told my siblings and father flat-out: "I can't tell you who to be friends with. But I wil tell you that *while we are going through this divorce process* if you are in contact with EX, I will not share *anything* with you because I have to protect myself and my child. Once the divorce is finalized, you can do whatever you want".

SO my take is this:
If you want to remain FB (or RL) friends with him, you should do so. As a favor to her, I would stop tagging her in photos.
I would tell her that she should do what she can to protect herself (you got some good scripts here).

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Mary Lennox

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #55 on: December 09, 2017, 01:36:21 PM »
There is a lot of mis-information in this thread that needs correcting.

Blocking someone stops them from seeing your activity on facebook. It does not stop you from seeing what they do.

Link to the FB help page about blocking: https://www.facebook.com/help/131930530214371?helpref=faq_content

TurtleDove

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #56 on: December 09, 2017, 01:48:56 PM »
There is a lot of mis-information in this thread that needs correcting.

Blocking someone stops them from seeing your activity on facebook. It does not stop you from seeing what they do.

Link to the FB help page about blocking: https://www.facebook.com/help/131930530214371?helpref=faq_content

I am reasonably certain blocking goes both ways. I have blocked people and I cannot see what they do unless and until I unblock them. If anyone has blocked me, I cannot undo the block.

TootsNYC

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #57 on: December 09, 2017, 01:50:30 PM »
That FB page also doesn't address the quesetion of "if you're tagged in a photo or post on someone else's timeline or page, will the blocked person be able to see it?"

I had thought that the answer was, "they will not be able to see ANYthing that you are tagged in." But now I'm thinking that is probably not true.

My friend may well have blocked her ex. But maybe he can still see her if she's tagged in a photo.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2017, 01:53:38 PM by TootsNYC »

Harriet Jones

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #58 on: December 09, 2017, 04:00:30 PM »
That FB page also doesn't address the quesetion of "if you're tagged in a photo or post on someone else's timeline or page, will the blocked person be able to see it?"

I had thought that the answer was, "they will not be able to see ANYthing that you are tagged in." But now I'm thinking that is probably not true.

My friend may well have blocked her ex. But maybe he can still see her if she's tagged in a photo.

He won't see that she's been tagged, he may still be able to see the photo.

And blocking definitely goes both ways. I block people so I don't see them. (mostly trolls and spammers in FB groups)

kckgirl

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Re: "please unfriend my soon-to-be ex, so he doesn't see what I'm up to"
« Reply #59 on: December 10, 2017, 06:19:18 AM »
That FB page also doesn't address the quesetion of "if you're tagged in a photo or post on someone else's timeline or page, will the blocked person be able to see it?"

I had thought that the answer was, "they will not be able to see ANYthing that you are tagged in." But now I'm thinking that is probably not true.

My friend may well have blocked her ex. But maybe he can still see her if she's tagged in a photo.

It's kind of strange when I see a blocked person in photos from family members. They tag the person, but the name doesn't appear when I see the picture. I also don't see their comments on any pictures, but I *do* see the pictures. Fortunately, it doesn't happen often any more because the family members don't post much.

The friend can change her settings so she'll see photos she's tagged in. She can then remove the tags, but not the pictures.
Maryland