Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "I'm afraid that won't be possible." => Topic started by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 01:37:03 AM

Title: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 01:37:03 AM
I hope this is in the right folder, I'm still new to navigating here.

Background: My boyfriend's coworkers and stepdad keep giving him "old man" shirts. I think they're hideous and the shirts paired with his receding hair line make him look 40 instead of 26. The problem? He can't think of a polite way to say no, so I'm hoping you guys and girls can help come up with a line like "I'm afraid that won't be possible." Any suggestions? Oh, and he won't donate or throw them out, tried that. Thanks!
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: MariaE on September 16, 2011, 01:53:58 AM
I don't think there's any polite way of refusing gifts that aren't inappropriate or toxic, sorry.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: shhh its me on September 16, 2011, 02:08:23 AM
  coworkers plural? and are these hand me downs or gifts (like secret Santa's) Hand me downs are easier to deal  with " thanks Bob but I still have the 5 shirts you gave me last month my closet if full, you should pass these on to someone who needs them"  IF they are actual gifts then there is nothing you can say except " thank you" , he can try to hint before the gift occasion. 

Does he wear the ones he has already been given?  He might have become "old man shirt" guy.  If you wear a sparkly unicorn sweater to work twice a week , you may get sparkle unicorns for EVER from coworkers for EVERY occasion........Mary, I went to Hawaii I got everyone a lei  except you sparkly unicorn for you , Hi all I'm back from Sweden chocolates for all Mary I had to look in 301 stores but here is a Swedish unicorn for you , have a baby Unicorn oneies ,  have surgery unicorn flower arrangement.  If he has become "old man shirt "guy then he best thing to do is never were a "old man " shirt to work again, it will take time for people to stop but they will eventually (especially if he replaces old man shirts with some other distinctive thing) 

Oh , you are not clear does he like the shirts? then it's likely a bad idea to try to change what he wears day to day.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: TeamBhakta on September 16, 2011, 02:10:37 AM
Weird question: Why are his co-workers buying him shirts ?  ???

As for the stepdad, the best bet is probably tap dancing around it with "Oh, Wayne, btw, thanks for the shirt you gave me for my birthday. And guess what my girlfriend bought me ? A ton of new shirts! lol I won't be needing new shirts for quite a while, I'll tell you that. Now our dresser and closet are packed, between the shirts you gave me and the ones she gave me  :D I told her 'honey, I love you, but no more shirts' "
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Iris on September 16, 2011, 02:22:15 AM
Another weird question: What's an "old man" shirt?

Possibility 1: I have to say that if his coworkers keep giving him shirts of a certain type then my suspicion is that they don't feel that he is dressing appropriately for work and are trying to give him a hint. If that is the case he needs to find a look that combines his preferences with what work considers appropriate and then the gifts should dry up.

Possibility 2: Perhaps he is wearing previously given old man shirts to work and so they think that is his preference. If that's the case then he needs to stop wearing them to work and then their gifts may fall in line with his preferences.

Possibility 3: Your boyfriend actually likes these kinds of shirts and is trying to be 'cool' to impress you. Then there's nothing to be done.

In any case MariaE was right, there is no polite way to refuse a gift directly, all you can do is hint as suggested above.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Spoder on September 16, 2011, 02:26:22 AM
  for EVER from coworkers for EVERY occasion........Mary, I went to Hawaii I got everyone a lei  except you sparkly unicorn for you , Hi all I'm back from Sweden chocolates for all Mary I had to look in 301 stores but here is a Swedish unicorn for you , have a baby Unicorn oneies ,  have surgery unicorn flower arrangement.  

Seriously, I have to stop reading Merry Mrs Martin's posts whilst drinking hot coffee. Something about this image just about *killed* me.  ;D

(Oh, and I agree with her post, too).
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: QueenofAllThings on September 16, 2011, 06:04:14 AM
OP, is it just that YOU don't like the shirts, or does he dislike them too?

If it's just you - well, women have been trying to upgrade their men's wardrobes for eternity. If it's him as well, you could try EBay or the Red Cross (why won't he donate them?)

It sounds like he likes them  ;)
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Yvaine on September 16, 2011, 06:46:11 AM

Another weird question: What's an "old man" shirt?

Possibility 1: I have to say that if his coworkers keep giving him shirts of a certain type then my suspicion is that they don't feel that he is dressing appropriately for work and are trying to give him a hint. If that is the case he needs to find a look that combines his preferences with what work considers appropriate and then the gifts should dry up.



Yeah, I'm not sure what an old man shirt is either-- if it's just a stuffy style or if they're "Over the Hill" gag shirts. But if he's 26, he seems too young to be getting the latter.

I also was thinking Possibility 1. Co-workers usually don't give each other clothes, so I think there's a distinct possibility that he's supposed to dress a certain way for work, hasn't been dressing that way, and the co-workers are trying to help him out by giving him something that fits the dress code.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Harriet Jones on September 16, 2011, 07:34:32 AM
I was wondering that, too -- are they the "standard" men's dress shirts like you might wear with a tie or is it like a polo shirt or even a guayabera (stereotypical Florida retiree shirt  ;))
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Twik on September 16, 2011, 11:21:44 AM
There is no way to say "No," to well-intentioned (and non-dangerous) gifts. At best, with harmless items such as shirts, you say "Thank you! That's so nice of you!" (although without any effusive gushing, which convinces the giver that you really, REALLY like it). Then, don't wear the shirts.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Betelnut on September 16, 2011, 11:52:59 AM
I'm envisioning plaid, button-down collared shirts, sort of lightweight?  Those look sort of cool and retro on some men...
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: shhh its me on September 16, 2011, 12:05:51 PM
Weird question: Why are his co-workers buying him shirts ?  ???As for the stepdad, the best bet is probably tap dancing around it with "Oh, Wayne, btw, thanks for the shirt you gave me for my birthday. And guess what my girlfriend bought me ? A ton of new shirts! lol I won't be needing new shirts for quite a while, I'll tell you that. Now our dresser and closet are packed, between the shirts you gave me and the ones she gave me  :D I told her 'honey, I love you, but no more shirts' "

Not a weird question , I asked my husband "under what circumstances would you give a coworker a shirt?" he answer was "none" and well maybe if his shirt was ripped or something.Once told the entire question He suggested .....BF likes these shirts and is buying them for himself and saying the shirts are gifts so he can keep them/not admit he likes them.

So I'm changing my answer to he may be making it up or he has not been metting the dress coded and coworkers are trying to help him.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 12:18:30 PM
OP here.

The worst part is some of them are USED shirts that the person can't wear anymore. I believe the coworker gets them as gifts, they don't fit or he doesn't like them anymore, and passes them over.

They're either Hawaiian shirts or ones with flames (in my area, there's a name for guys who wear these type of shirts, but I won't repeat it  :P). The problem is, he wears them so he doesn't hurt their feelings and while he thinks they're okay, he would even rather not get them anymore. He usually only wears these shirts when he absolutely nothing left clean in his closet, they're "last resort" shirts. To help with that problem, we went out and got 4 new collars shirts. He has plenty of shirts, that's not really an issue. With his Stepdad, it's easier to say no than a coworker, so I don't know why he can't just say it. Or donate the shirts. They're never purchased just for him, the flame shirt he got because it was too small for his stepdad and his last shirt... I don't know, it was definitely used. It's not like people are buying him shirts, wrapping them up, and giving them as gifts. It's not that kind of gift.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 12:22:23 PM
Possibility 1: I have to say that if his coworkers keep giving him shirts of a certain type then my suspicion is that they don't feel that he is dressing appropriately for work and are trying to give him a hint. If that is the case he needs to find a look that combines his preferences with what work considers appropriate and then the gifts should dry up.

No, it's not like that. He works for Home Depot and any collared shirt is fine. The ones he wears are a million times nicer than the ugly Hawaiian/Flame shirts.

Quote
Possibility 2: Perhaps he is wearing previously given old man shirts to work and so they think that is his preference. If that's the case then he needs to stop wearing them to work and then their gifts may fall in line with his preferences.

That's one of the problems, he wears them to be nice, even though he admits they're not the nicest shirts in his wardrobe and they're "everything else is dirty" shirts.

Quote
Possibility 3: Your boyfriend actually likes these kinds of shirts and is trying to be 'cool' to impress you. Then there's nothing to be done.

He says he really doesn't. What's worse... I thought one of the Hawaiian shirts belonged to his Mom because it looked like a woman's shirt. I was horrified  :P I'm not even a person big on fashion, but these shirts... my gosh, horrible.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 12:24:03 PM
I'm envisioning plaid, button-down collared shirts, sort of lightweight?  Those look sort of cool and retro on some men...

I was wondering that, too -- are they the "standard" men's dress shirts like you might wear with a tie or is it like a polo shirt or even a guayabera (stereotypical Florida retiree shirt  ;))


I would much rather they bring him these :P The 2 coworkers at work are bringing him their old shirts, they're easily in their 50's.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Minmom3 on September 16, 2011, 12:24:22 PM
*** *** *** have surgery unicorn flower arrangement.  If he has become "old man shirt "guy then he best thing to do is never were a "old man " shirt to work again, it will take time for people to stop but they will eventually (especially if he replaces old man shirts with some other distinctive thing) 

Oh , you are not clear does he like the shirts? then it's likely a bad idea to try to change what he wears day to day.

Very funny!  Is that supposed to be surgery or sugary???  I don't know which is worse, to be truthful.  Sprakly unicorn shirts sound ghastly!
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Yvaine on September 16, 2011, 12:24:45 PM
They're either Hawaiian shirts or ones with flames (in my area, there's a name for guys who wear these type of shirts, but I won't repeat it  :P). The problem is, he wears them so he doesn't hurt their feelings and while he thinks they're okay, he would even rather not get them anymore. He usually only wears these shirts when he absolutely nothing left clean in his closet, they're "last resort" shirts. To help with that problem, we went out and got 4 new collars shirts. He has plenty of shirts, that's not really an issue. With his Stepdad, it's easier to say no than a coworker, so I don't know why he can't just say it. Or donate the shirts. They're never purchased just for him, the flame shirt he got because it was too small for his stepdad and his last shirt... I don't know, it was definitely used. It's not like people are buying him shirts, wrapping them up, and giving them as gifts. It's not that kind of gift.

Ah, OK. Everybody he knows is into a particular tacky style, and they want him to love it too. ;D And if he's one of the thinner guys at work, he may be getting their too-small clothes like he is from stepdad. I think he should just say thanks and then donate the shirts.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 12:28:27 PM
Weird question: Why are his co-workers buying him shirts ?  ???As for the stepdad, the best bet is probably tap dancing around it with "Oh, Wayne, btw, thanks for the shirt you gave me for my birthday. And guess what my girlfriend bought me ? A ton of new shirts! lol I won't be needing new shirts for quite a while, I'll tell you that. Now our dresser and closet are packed, between the shirts you gave me and the ones she gave me  :D I told her 'honey, I love you, but no more shirts' "

Not a weird question , I asked my husband "under what circumstances would you give a coworker a shirt?" he answer was "none" and well maybe if his shirt was ripped or something.Once told the entire question He suggested .....BF likes these shirts and is buying them for himself and saying the shirts are gifts so he can keep them/not admit he likes them.

So I'm changing my answer to he may be making it up or he has not been metting the dress coded and coworkers are trying to help him.

LOL, no really, I've witnessed it twice in the last 2 weeks! Not the coworkers, but his stepdad dropped off a shirt for him (used) and his Mom gave him a t-shirt. We had a conversation trying to think of ways to politely turn down clothes, then 10 minutes later, his stepdad drops off the shirt. 30 minutes after that, we walked into the kitchen and his Mom had brought him a shirt. It was actually quite funny.

No, he's meeting the dress code. His non-ugly shirts are way nicer than the used shirts he gets.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: BeagleMommy on September 16, 2011, 12:30:03 PM
Since these are not gifts being purchase for him I would suggest "I appreciate the though, but I can't use any more shirts.  Thanks.". 

DH used to have the same problem with his father.  His dad always wanted to give him hand-me-down clothing.  It was usually something dad or another relative couldn't wear anymore.  One time it was a powder blude leisure suit that had belonged to DH's uncle (who had recently passed away).  The suit was 10 sizes larger than DH wore.

He usually said "Thanks, Dad" and "forgot" it when we left.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: magiccat26 on September 16, 2011, 12:30:51 PM
You say he won't donate the shirts...well depending on your relationship...just because HE won't donate doesn't mean the shirts cannot slowly "disappear".

DH's parents LOVE to buy him clothes.  The problem?  DH's dad loves pink and purple (he's odd but the colors do look good on FIL)...so he buys the same colors for DH.  DH is a red head....he's also colorblind.  So, usually when I'm cleaning out the closets, these shirts seem to jump right into my donation box!  It's the oddest thing.   ;)
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 12:34:12 PM
They're either Hawaiian shirts or ones with flames (in my area, there's a name for guys who wear these type of shirts, but I won't repeat it  :P). The problem is, he wears them so he doesn't hurt their feelings and while he thinks they're okay, he would even rather not get them anymore. He usually only wears these shirts when he absolutely nothing left clean in his closet, they're "last resort" shirts. To help with that problem, we went out and got 4 new collars shirts. He has plenty of shirts, that's not really an issue. With his Stepdad, it's easier to say no than a coworker, so I don't know why he can't just say it. Or donate the shirts. They're never purchased just for him, the flame shirt he got because it was too small for his stepdad and his last shirt... I don't know, it was definitely used. It's not like people are buying him shirts, wrapping them up, and giving them as gifts. It's not that kind of gift.

Ah, OK. Everybody he knows is into a particular tacky style, and they want him to love it too. ;D And if he's one of the thinner guys at work, he may be getting their too-small clothes like he is from stepdad. I think he should just say thanks and then donate the shirts.

I told you, it's bad! I need to call the "What Not To Wear" people, stat! :P  He is tall and lean, so yeah, hand me downs are easy to give to him.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 12:36:25 PM
Since these are not gifts being purchase for him I would suggest "I appreciate the though, but I can't use any more shirts.  Thanks.". 

DH used to have the same problem with his father.  His dad always wanted to give him hand-me-down clothing.  It was usually something dad or another relative couldn't wear anymore.  One time it was a powder blude leisure suit that had belonged to DH's uncle (who had recently passed away).  The suit was 10 sizes larger than DH wore.

He usually said "Thanks, Dad" and "forgot" it when we left.

When he wakes up, I'll tell him that one. :) I like it.

Oh Geez! Lol I think it's more polite to OFFER a shirt, tell them there's no obligation, and donate it if the other person doesn't want it.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 12:41:42 PM
You say he won't donate the shirts...well depending on your relationship...just because HE won't donate doesn't mean the shirts cannot slowly "disappear".

DH's parents LOVE to buy him clothes.  The problem?  DH's dad loves pink and purple (he's odd but the colors do look good on FIL)...so he buys the same colors for DH.  DH is a red head....he's also colorblind.  So, usually when I'm cleaning out the closets, these shirts seem to jump right into my donation box!  It's the oddest thing.   ;)

"I don't know where the shirts went, I think Magiccat made them disappear." :P I think he's now worried that he'll offend people if he gets rid of them, I say his coworker and stepdad won't even notice. Guys don't notice these things anyway.

Lol, that's funny. I'm glad I'm not the only one with these stories. My Mom occasionally buys me clothes, but keeps the tags on them so I can return them if I want. She also always has her 3 daughters go through everything before she donates, but there's no obligation at all to take anything. She'll sometimes drop clothes off in my room and tell me "Whatever you don't want, just put them in the donation bag." That's how it should be.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 12:49:07 PM
  coworkers plural? and are these hand me downs or gifts (like secret Santa's) Hand me downs are easier to deal  with " thanks Bob but I still have the 5 shirts you gave me last month my closet if full, you should pass these on to someone who needs them"  IF they are actual gifts then there is nothing you can say except " thank you" , he can try to hint before the gift occasion. 

Does he wear the ones he has already been given?  He might have become "old man shirt" guy.  If you wear a sparkly unicorn sweater to work twice a week , you may get sparkle unicorns for EVER from coworkers for EVERY occasion........Mary, I went to Hawaii I got everyone a lei  except you sparkly unicorn for you , Hi all I'm back from Sweden chocolates for all Mary I had to look in 301 stores but here is a Swedish unicorn for you , have a baby Unicorn oneies ,  have surgery unicorn flower arrangement.  If he has become "old man shirt "guy then he best thing to do is never were a "old man " shirt to work again, it will take time for people to stop but they will eventually (especially if he replaces old man shirts with some other distinctive thing) 

Oh , you are not clear does he like the shirts? then it's likely a bad idea to try to change what he wears day to day.

This made me laugh out loud, that was awesome :P I'll read this post to him when he wakes up.

He mostly wears lightweight polos, which look really handsome on him. Thank goodness they're not everyday wear, it wouldn't have gone past the 1st date LOL
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: kudeebee on September 16, 2011, 12:55:44 PM
Why can't he say

"No, thanks.  Right now I don't need any more shirts."

For his stepdad, "XX, I appreciate your thinking of me, but I don't need any more shirts.  Why don't you donate them to Goodwill?"

If anyone leaves the shirts, throw them away or donate them immediately. Don't even bring them in the house.  I know there are clothing bins all over our city, he could find one that is close and drop off unwanted items on his way home.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 16, 2011, 12:59:10 PM
Hawai'ian/Flame shirts?

I'll take them!
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 01:01:18 PM
Hawai'ian/Flame shirts?

I'll take them!

*boxes them up and sends them your way* :P
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 16, 2011, 01:02:17 PM
Hawai'ian/Flame shirts?

I'll take them!

*boxes them up and sends them your way* :P

I'm actually quite serious. Hope they're 2X!

Or if they're smaller, The Sweetie can wear them in her drag persona, Vinnie. Vinnie loves tacky shirts.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 16, 2011, 01:08:07 PM
Hawai'ian/Flame shirts?

I'll take them!

*boxes them up and sends them your way* :P

I'm actually quite serious. Hope they're 2X!

Or if they're smaller, The Sweetie can wear them in her drag persona, Vinnie. Vinnie loves tacky shirts.

They're Mediums. I'm going to see if I can talk bf into getting rid of them, we'll see :P
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Wonderflonium on September 16, 2011, 01:33:29 PM
Hawai'ian/Flame shirts?

I'll take them!

*boxes them up and sends them your way* :P

I'm actually quite serious. Hope they're 2X!

Or if they're smaller, The Sweetie can wear them in her drag persona, Vinnie. Vinnie loves tacky shirts.

Pix or it didn't happen.  ;D
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 16, 2011, 02:29:20 PM
Hawai'ian/Flame shirts?

I'll take them!

*boxes them up and sends them your way* :P

I'm actually quite serious. Hope they're 2X!

Or if they're smaller, The Sweetie can wear them in her drag persona, Vinnie. Vinnie loves tacky shirts.

Pix or it didn't happen.  ;D

Will have to get them off my home computer. But I can throw you a bit of her routine:

(done in a fierce Joisey accent)

"So, when dey axed me to come here, dey sed the audience would be women who love women. I t'ought, 'Cool! I love women too!  I love dem magazines!'

But I gotta say, when I got here, I t'ought, 'Hm. Da women here don't look like da women in da magazines. Youse guys look more....square.'"

"square" is pronounced "skway-yuh" and comes with hand gestures.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Shiraz_Much? on September 16, 2011, 02:47:14 PM
 ;D :D

Love it!
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Wonderflonium on September 16, 2011, 06:49:47 PM
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Bibi on September 19, 2011, 11:45:47 AM
Look, if he says he doesn't want them but won't donate or throw them out you must hush up and endure.  He doesn't care.  You must forget it.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 19, 2011, 11:42:15 PM
Look, if he says he doesn't want them but won't donate or throw them out you must hush up and endure.  He doesn't care.  You must forget it.

But I can't. They're so bad  :'( And a HUGE turnoff.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Twik on September 20, 2011, 08:53:05 AM
You know, I think people end up doing what they want. And if your BF insists on wearing these shirts, I suspect it's that he actually likes them, or at least not having to buy other shirts.

If this is a huge turnoff, perhaps you need to consider another BF. However, before you go that far, how about *you* buying him a good number of shirts that you would like him to wear? Tell him that it'll hurt *your* feelings if he doesn't wear them.

The results should tell you a lot about his style preferences, as well as how he will treat you compared to others, in future.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 20, 2011, 01:39:18 PM
You know, I think people end up doing what they want. And if your BF insists on wearing these shirts, I suspect it's that he actually likes them, or at least not having to buy other shirts.

If this is a huge turnoff, perhaps you need to consider another BF. However, before you go that far, how about *you* buying him a good number of shirts that you would like him to wear? Tell him that it'll hurt *your* feelings if he doesn't wear them.

The results should tell you a lot about his style preferences, as well as how he will treat you compared to others, in future.

I did! I bought him 4 new shirts. He does only wear the ugly ones when he has nothing left, so to me, it sounds more like laziness on washing clothes. He's a typical guy, waiting until there's nothing left to do laundry. We plan on moving in together in January or February, I'll make sure the laundry gets washed regularly. :P Then we'll know for sure. I do notice that the shirts I bought him are at the bottom of the hamper, so he does like to wear those first. They fit him too, the shirts he gets from others tend to be a little too big (width wise). It's not flattering to his lean shape.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: LazyDaisy on September 20, 2011, 03:15:58 PM
Who normally does the laundry? I'm not SUGGESTING that you purposely ruin the BF's clothing, but accidents involving knocked over bleach bottles or mysteriously appearing ink/grease/paint stains have been known to happen.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 20, 2011, 03:39:20 PM
Who normally does the laundry? I'm not SUGGESTING that you purposely ruin the BF's clothing, but accidents involving knocked over bleach bottles or mysteriously appearing ink/grease/paint stains have been known to happen.

I'm not gutsy enough to do that and honestly, even with an ink stain, as long as his work apron covered it, he would probably still wear it.  :P I'm just going to make sure he has nice, clean shirts at all time. Problem solved... or those shirts or getting torched  >:D I've shown up to his place and washed his clothes before because I can't stand looking at an overflowing laundry basket. I'm a neat freak with mild OCD.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: gramma dishes on September 20, 2011, 04:04:19 PM
Somehow things like that always get accidentally torn -- in some incredibly conspicuous place.

Then they become shirts that are great for washing walls, cars, and dog poop off the bottom of our shoes.   8)
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Wendy Moira Angela Pan on September 20, 2011, 05:08:20 PM
Don't ruin his stuff because you don't like it! How would you feel if he did that to you. That would be a dealbreaker for me. A partner who intentionally sabatoged my posessions would be out on their ear befor they could say, "Ooops a mistake accident!"
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 21, 2011, 12:08:23 PM
Don't ruin his stuff because you don't like it! How would you feel if he did that to you. That would be a dealbreaker for me. A partner who intentionally sabatoged my posessions would be out on their ear befor they could say, "Ooops a mistake accident!"

Like I said, I wouldn't do that, I will just keep his nice clothes clean so he has no excuse. Then once they've been sitting in his closet for a while, he'll have to get rid of them because he's not using them and they're taking up space :P
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Yvaine on September 21, 2011, 12:36:27 PM
Don't ruin his stuff because you don't like it! How would you feel if he did that to you. That would be a dealbreaker for me. A partner who intentionally sabatoged my posessions would be out on their ear befor they could say, "Ooops a mistake accident!"

I agree. I've always resolved to never become one of the wives who throws out her husband's old shirts. Whenever I've had an SO who wore ratty old clothes, I left those alone but made sure to keep giving them good-looking clothes as gifts and then complimenting said SO's hotness in the outfit.  ;)
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: LazyDaisy on September 21, 2011, 01:03:36 PM
I'm sorry if my post offended people. I was joking, of course. This isn't a case of the OP hating her BF's favorite clothes and wanting to change him whether he's willing or not.

The BF claims to also hate the "gifts," but doesn't want to hurt his stepfather and coworkers feelings; it would provide HIM with a way out of wearing the shirts without having to say to the givers "I think you have awful taste in clothes and I don't want your gift." Even if the shirts aren't really ruined, they can disappear and if asked about, they "got ruined in the wash," or while working on the car or doing yard work etc. rather than thrown away or donated.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: VorFemme on September 21, 2011, 01:07:42 PM
Possibility 1: I have to say that if his coworkers keep giving him shirts of a certain type then my suspicion is that they don't feel that he is dressing appropriately for work and are trying to give him a hint. If that is the case he needs to find a look that combines his preferences with what work considers appropriate and then the gifts should dry up.

No, it's not like that. He works for Home Depot and any collared shirt is fine. The ones he wears are a million times nicer than the ugly Hawaiian/Flame shirts.

Quote
Possibility 2: Perhaps he is wearing previously given old man shirts to work and so they think that is his preference. If that's the case then he needs to stop wearing them to work and then their gifts may fall in line with his preferences.

That's one of the problems, he wears them to be nice, even though he admits they're not the nicest shirts in his wardrobe and they're "everything else is dirty" shirts.

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Possibility 3: Your boyfriend actually likes these kinds of shirts and is trying to be 'cool' to impress you. Then there's nothing to be done.

He says he really doesn't. What's worse... I thought one of the Hawaiian shirts belonged to his Mom because it looked like a woman's shirt. I was horrified  :P I'm not even a person big on fashion, but these shirts... my gosh, horrible.

Time for a terrible accident in the laundry with the worst of these - a bleach spill, the sleeve gets wrapped under the agitator & rips, or possibly you try ironing the shirt & scorch it..............

Or just clean the closet and toss the OLD shirts into a box - the box could be for the local charity thrift shop, it could be for cleaning rags, or it could be taken to the local pound to be used as bedding material (cut off the buttons). 

If he feels like he needs a shirt or two of last resort - pick the least ugly............
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 21, 2011, 09:22:41 PM
Time for a terrible accident in the laundry with the worst of these - a bleach spill, the sleeve gets wrapped under the agitator & rips, or possibly you try ironing the shirt & scorch it..............

Or just clean the closet and toss the OLD shirts into a box - the box could be for the local charity thrift shop, it could be for cleaning rags, or it could be taken to the local pound to be used as bedding material (cut off the buttons). 

If he feels like he needs a shirt or two of last resort - pick the least ugly............

You people are too funny :P
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Coruscation on September 21, 2011, 11:22:35 PM
But I can't. They're so bad  :'( And a HUGE turnoff.

There you go, the solution. Be turned off any day he wears the shirts.

Seriously, I once told dh he reminded me of my grandfather when he wore a certain item of clothing and it had an anti romantic effect on me. Haven't seen it since.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: DragonKitty on September 22, 2011, 09:05:25 AM

Seriously, I once told dh he reminded me of my grandfather when he wore a certain item of clothing and it had an anti romantic effect on me. Haven't seen it since.

POD trying this one!!
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on September 25, 2011, 02:44:51 PM
But I can't. They're so bad  :'( And a HUGE turnoff.

There you go, the solution. Be turned off any day he wears the shirts.

Seriously, I once told dh he reminded me of my grandfather when he wore a certain item of clothing and it had an anti romantic effect on me. Haven't seen it since.

I did tell him that, so hopefully that got the message through. I don't see my bf very often because of distance and our work schedules, so I don't know if he just doesn't plan to wear them when I'm around or if he doesn't wear them anymore. The last 2 days that I've been at his house, he's worn the shirts I bought, so that's good :D He looks so handsome in the new shirts, they're very flattering for his skin tone and body type. The others... not at all.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: NotTheNarcissist on September 29, 2011, 03:42:46 PM
There is a college / university town near where I live that sells Hawaiian shirts @ a "retro" resale clothing shop for a pretty penny. Might as well make some money if donating is not an option.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Danika on October 11, 2011, 05:46:58 AM
But I can't. They're so bad  :'( And a HUGE turnoff.

There you go, the solution. Be turned off any day he wears the shirts.

Seriously, I once told dh he reminded me of my grandfather when he wore a certain item of clothing and it had an anti romantic effect on me. Haven't seen it since.

I was dating a guy in college, very tall, thin and handsome, who tried to impress me with his new cologne. It was the same scent my short, bald and heavyset grandfather wore! My brain to mouth filter wasn't working that day and I quickly gasped and said "You remind me of a short, fat, bald man: my grandfather!"

My then boyfriend switched to a new scent. Sadly and ironically, it was the same cologne my father wore! Aaak.

But, OP, I think that these PPs are on to something.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on October 11, 2011, 01:11:26 PM
But I can't. They're so bad  :'( And a HUGE turnoff.

There you go, the solution. Be turned off any day he wears the shirts.

Seriously, I once told dh he reminded me of my grandfather when he wore a certain item of clothing and it had an anti romantic effect on me. Haven't seen it since.

I was dating a guy in college, very tall, thin and handsome, who tried to impress me with his new cologne. It was the same scent my short, bald and heavyset grandfather wore! My brain to mouth filter wasn't working that day and I quickly gasped and said "You remind me of a short, fat, bald man: my grandfather!"

My then boyfriend switched to a new scent. Sadly and ironically, it was the same cologne my father wore! Aaak.

But, OP, I think that these PPs are on to something.

Lol. When I see these shirts, it's a similar reaction. No matter how hard I try, I can't see them as anything other than what a short, older guy with a beer belly wears (his step Dad). I haven't seen these shirts since I flat out told him they turn me off, luckily.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: jedikaiti on November 09, 2011, 05:23:51 PM
I agree. I've always resolved to never become one of the wives who throws out her husband's old shirts. Whenever I've had an SO who wore ratty old clothes, I left those alone but made sure to keep giving them good-looking clothes as gifts and then complimenting said SO's hotness in the outfit.  ;)

I've never tossed out any of my BF's clothes (well, I have, but not without his explicit permission). I have, however, stuffed a couple of t-shirts that are no longer fit for anything but waxing the car into a drawer in the bathroom, underneath my hair dryer.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on November 09, 2011, 05:42:16 PM
Still no recent sightings of the shirts :)
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Danika on November 09, 2011, 06:34:49 PM
Still no recent sightings of the shirts :)

Great update! Is he still getting them as gifts? Or have the "gift" givers figured out that he no longer wants their hand-me-downs?
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on November 09, 2011, 10:54:11 PM
Still no recent sightings of the shirts :)

Great update! Is he still getting them as gifts? Or have the "gift" givers figured out that he no longer wants their hand-me-downs?

As far as I know, no new shirts have been offered to him.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: Wolfgirl on November 22, 2011, 09:48:18 AM
sparkle unicorns for EVER

HA! This might just be my new favourite phrase /threat (accompanied by an image of a giant pink Sparkle Unicorn advancing until it eclipses your entire field of vision)...
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: baglady on November 23, 2011, 11:12:33 PM
This thread has me picturing Charlie Sheen in those bowling shirts he wore on "Two and a Half Men" and Tom Selleck wearing Hawaiian shirts as Magnum, P.I. Both of them had a certain je ne sais quoi that allowed them to look the height of cool (and in Tom's case, hot!) in those most uncool of shirts.

Can BF use something like that to deflect future offers? Even if he has to lie a little?

"Dude, I appreciate your offering me these shirts, but I just don't have whatever it takes to make them look good on me. You look like Magnum in a Hawaiian shirt. I look like Magnum's 98-pound-weakling kid brother. If you can't wear them anymore, I know of this secondhand shop that would kill for them ... ."
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on May 18, 2012, 05:47:48 AM
Update: On my boyfriend's birthday 2 nights ago, his step father gave him ANOTHER ugly shirt. It doesn't fit him and while I like the color, it's the ugly bowling type shirt with Asian characters all over it. Horrible. I helped my bf go through his clothes today and he donated stuff that he didn't want/need/wear. I've bought him a lot of clothes since this thread started and he's looking a lot better. We've moved from shirts to pants though. The pants with non-fashionable tears, paint, and other crap stuck on them are being phased out. He went from looking like a 45 year old to a 27 year old.  ;D AND we got him new shoes (his looked like they were shredded by a dog).

He had clothes in his closet from elementary school. No joke.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: MariaE on May 18, 2012, 05:53:28 AM
He had clothes in his closet from elementary school. No joke.

I have clothes in my closet from elementary school too. It still fits, it still looks good and I still like it. No problems there :)

I think my oldest article of clothing that I still wear on a regular basis is probably from 1991 or 1992.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on May 18, 2012, 01:28:49 PM
He had clothes in his closet from elementary school. No joke.

I have clothes in my closet from elementary school too. It still fits, it still looks good and I still like it. No problems there :)

I think my oldest article of clothing that I still wear on a regular basis is probably from 1991 or 1992.

No, just no  ;) Some of it was an old school uniform. He had a shirt that used to be bright white that was now cream with sweat stains all over the collar. He had this really ugly vest from an 8th grade dance. I have some clothes from high school, but they're in good condition and not hideous. It's not like he's worn any of it in over 10 years, it was just taking up space. He would look at his closet and think "I have clothes, I don't need to go shopping."

Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on May 20, 2013, 11:35:05 PM
1 year later, the shirts are long gone!  ;D AND he plans on tossing out more old clothes within the next week or so.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: z_squared82 on May 22, 2013, 11:00:42 AM
Yay! I love purging.

Just saw this thread.

Did your boyfriend ever ask the coworkers *why* they were giving him their old shirts? I find asking Why stops a lot of people in their tracks. Asking them to articulate/verbalize their reasoning helps bring into perspective  that maybe it's not such a good idea. Or helps you think of a good way to refuse.
Title: Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
Post by: dks64 on May 22, 2013, 03:12:41 PM
Yay! I love purging.

Just saw this thread.

Did your boyfriend ever ask the coworkers *why* they were giving him their old shirts? I find asking Why stops a lot of people in their tracks. Asking them to articulate/verbalize their reasoning helps bring into perspective  that maybe it's not such a good idea. Or helps you think of a good way to refuse.

No, he didn't want to ask, he didn't want to come across as rude. My assumption is he wore them, so they figured he wanted more. Now that he dresses better, the offers stopped (thank god).