Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "So kind of you to take an interest." => Topic started by: Knitterly on September 26, 2011, 04:35:03 PM

Title: Feel free not to visit
Post by: Knitterly on September 26, 2011, 04:35:03 PM
"Your house is messy and dusty.  You need an air purifier."
"No, thank you."*

Very fortunately, I was not a part of this conversation.  I think my husband is glad of it, because with all the interesting hormones raging around my body and mixing with the sleep deprivation, my response may not have been as e-hell approved as his was. 

Background #1: Mr. Knitterly and I are finishing our basement.  We're past the drywall mudding/sanding/priming.  Unfortunately, sanding drywall is a very messy job, and despite our air filter, some of the dust has escaped the basement.  So the house is a little dusty and needs to be cleaned.  It's on my to-do list.

Background #2: I just had a baby (12 days ago).  As adorable and tiny as she is, producing an entire human being is hard work.  She may look small, but she didn't feel small, and it takes time to recover.  In fact, I've been trying to do too much and have been ordered to take it easy for another week or so.  So the house hasn't been vacuumed in about a month, the floors need to be washed, and yes, there is dust to deal with.

The thing about babies is, apparently everyone wants to visit after they are born.  I'm okay with this, so long as the visitors understand that my house is going to be a bit of a wreck for a few more weeks.  I wasn't up to cleaning much in the two weeks before she was born, and am less up to cleaning now.  If friends and family want to come see Little Knit, that's fine, but only on the understanding that I'm not going to be cleaning for their visit.  I am more than happy provide other niceties, though, like tea, coffee, and food.

B-i-l and his wife and their two kids descended on Saturday to visit the baby.  Interestingly enough, they did very little visiting of the baby and seemed fairly disinterested in her.  A fair portion of S-i-l's time was spent reining in her 2 year old and trying to make him understand that he shouldn't hit the baby on the head or shake the bassinet or throw things.  It wasn't an entirely pleasant visit.  B-i-l was interested in the progress of the basement and did little more than glance quickly at the Knit on his way out the door.  For some reason, I felt like I was under scrutiny.  I couldn't put my finger on why.  Turns out, it was just one of those gut things, because later on my husband had an interesting conversation with his brother.

B-i-l felt the need to point out to Mr. Knitterly that our house is "messy and dusty" and we need an air purifier.  Specifically, we need the air purifier that his wife sells through her MLM company.  Also, because our house is so dirty, we can't let our baby play on the floor (because I would totally put a 12 day old infant on the floor anyway?).  There was more to the conversation than that, but those were the key points.  I'm not entirely sure what my husband said to put him back in line, but it was definitely a variation of "so kind of you to take an interest."  I believe it was along the lines of "We appreciate your concern, but we don't need an air purifier.  The house will be back to normal soon enough."

In the meantime, I've let my husband know that his brother is more than welcome to not visit anymore if he finds our home so distastefully dirty.

*("No thank you" was not the actual response.  The conversation was more detailed than that.)
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: Yvaine on September 26, 2011, 04:45:42 PM
The MLM thing says it all, IMO. But then I'm pretty anti-MLM. Don't even take it as a comment on your actual housekeeping. He probably says that to everybody, as part of his sales pitch. It's like those vacuum guys who act like you're living in squalor if you don't have the exact vacuum cleaner they sell, and have the faked filters to "prove" it.

And I think you are well within your rights to not have this boor over at your house until he is able to make a social visit rather than a sales pitch.
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 26, 2011, 04:48:31 PM
I'm sorry for the family drama, and also constitutionally unable to resist passing along a cheapo trick for handling dust during work:

Take a cheap box fan and duct-tape a square air-conditioner filter to the back of it. Place it next to your workspace, facing away. The fan pulls the dust through the filter a treat.
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 26, 2011, 05:16:18 PM
The MLM thing says it all, IMO. But then I'm pretty anti-MLM. Don't even take it as a comment on your actual housekeeping. He probably says that to everybody, as part of his sales pitch. It's like those vacuum guys who act like you're living in squalor if you don't have the exact vacuum cleaner they sell, and have the faked filters to "prove" it.

And I think you are well within your rights to not have this boor over at your house until he is able to make a social visit rather than a sales pitch.

Sounds to me like they came with the express purpose of pushing the air purifier since they didn't even pay attention to the baby while they were at your house.   

Congrats on the baby! :)
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: Knitterly on September 26, 2011, 05:28:05 PM
The odd part is, the air purifier conversation happened later on, after they'd left. 

Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: BeagleMommy on September 27, 2011, 09:49:32 AM
Congratulations on the arrival of Little Knit!  Don't pay attention to BIL.  He knows not of what he speaks.  Air purifyers only clean the air not the surfaces.
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: NutMeg on October 05, 2011, 05:23:51 PM
I'm a little confused as to how the air purifier is supposed to dust your house.

Congraats again on the little one!
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: wyozozo on October 05, 2011, 05:47:22 PM
I'm a little confused as to how the air purifier is supposed to dust your house.

Congraats again on the little one!
If it will, where do I order one?
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: supernova on October 05, 2011, 06:36:17 PM
I'm a little confused as to how the air purifier is supposed to dust your house.

Congraats again on the little one!
If it will, where do I order one?

It had better fold laundry too, or I'm not interested.   8)

Congratulations on your new arrival! 
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: Twik on October 06, 2011, 04:03:16 PM
The MLM thing says it all, IMO.

Yeah, You weren't being criticized, you were being sold an expensive air purifier.
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: MassachusettsMomx4 on November 26, 2011, 08:25:06 PM
Am I alone in thinking that it might have been a nice thing for the BIL and family to help you pick up around your house and/or bring along something for you guys to eat?  Just a nice gesture since you quite very recently delivered a baby? 
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: nuit93 on November 27, 2011, 11:11:11 PM
The MLM thing bothers me.

If they wanted to be helpful, they'd have spent a few hours cleaning your house.  And perhaps left the 2 year old at home...
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: bopper on December 20, 2011, 12:26:30 PM
If they wanted to be helpful, they'd have spent a few hours cleaning your house.  And perhaps left the 2 year old at home...

Exactly! They should come over and help!!
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: magicdomino on December 20, 2011, 01:00:49 PM
The MLM thing bothers me.

If they wanted to be helpful, they'd have spent a few hours cleaning your house.  And perhaps left the 2 year old at home...

Exactly.
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: gmatoy on December 25, 2011, 10:54:15 PM
Add me on the list of people who think they could help, not criticize. (But then, I'm the type that (when told of a pregnancy) will offer to come and stay at the baby's house and do the night "walking the floor" duty.
Just because I remember those endless years. (My DS didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 years old and didn't do it every night for another year.)
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: JillyJ on December 25, 2011, 11:04:31 PM
I agree with the PPs that your BIL was trying to sell you a product, but I couldn't help but cringe a little while reading your post.  A 12 day old baby should not be being exposed to construction dust.  Regular household dust is bad enough, and with the construction there could be all sorts of harmful contaminants in the air.
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: CakeEater on January 13, 2012, 02:48:53 AM
Add me on the list of people who think they could help, not criticize. (But then, I'm the type that (when told of a pregnancy) will offer to come and stay at the baby's house and do the night "walking the floor" duty.
Just because I remember those endless years. (My DS didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 years old and didn't do it every night for another year.)

Will you be my friend?  ;) I have babies like yours.
Title: Re: Feel free not to visit
Post by: Steve on January 13, 2012, 05:52:32 AM
I would not worry too much about the dust really. Most of it is on the floor, your 12 day old, as you said is not there. If the baby's room is clean and the work is not in progress at the time the baby is there, I doubt there will be a lot of inhaling. Most of the dust will have settled.