Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: Wonderflonium on November 07, 2011, 08:03:53 PM

Title: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 07, 2011, 08:03:53 PM
I thought I'd start another spinster thread. I've pretty much decided that I'm going to be a spinster. Online dating is NOT going well. Occasionally there will be a guy who seems cute and interesting... and then we start e-mailing. Why are people so inappropriate with people they don't know? *sigh*

I'm already thinking about how much New Year's is going to suck... again.  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 07, 2011, 10:00:46 PM
Well, I am a spinster and have several friends who are same, in their fifties, and I have fun on New Years.  The nearest friend who is a spinster usually drives to my place, we go out to eat at a favorite restaurant and then go see a movie.  After that, we go back to my place, make some exotic sort of dessert and appetizers, pop corn, pour some glasses of good wine  and then run a movie festival  until we can't stay awake.  We sleep until noon the next day, have something yummy for breakfast (I have actually been known to attempt pancakes even though I am likely to burn them) and then we meet up with some other friends who are spinsters, married or some other declared status and we all go out some place nice to eat then head out to see as many movies as we can and we wish each other a Happy New Year and sort of hope we can do it all over again soon.

It's fun and it's taught us we're good as we are and if someone special comes along...well...they may actually have to wait at home next New Years while the girls go have a party time.

You are wonderful as you are Wonderflonium....and it doesn't require a date to make a New Year's wonderful.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: dinvancouver on November 08, 2011, 12:35:00 AM
I'm going to dive into ehell and ask for an invite.  I bring double chocolate cookies!
 ;D

kidding

maybe  >:D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 08, 2011, 01:16:15 AM
*waves* I'm baaaack!  :D  Spinsterish as ever!

Welcome, dinvancouver!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: workingmum on November 08, 2011, 02:05:47 AM
I'd like an invite too please! I'll bring the banana bread and triple choc praline tart...

I know what you mean about online dating though. Seems most men on the sites cant send more than one message without devolving into smut  :-\

On the upside, i dont have to shave my legs every few days, my bed is my own and on weekends when DD isnt here, I can hang in my daggy old holey PJ's and not bother with makeup and hair etc.. I can also duck out and grab whatever I like for dinner and I can have books all over the house without anyone complaining about the mess  ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 08, 2011, 07:11:32 AM
Yarnspinner, that sounds like so much fun! Unfortunately, I have exactly 0 single friends. Seriously. And only 3 of them are even dating; the rest are married. Yeah. It used to be OK because one set of friends always had a New Year's party, but last year they quit doing that and the couples started doing couple things. *sigh* I really can't have the party at my place for quite a few reasons. I've considered just going out to a party at a bar or something somewhere, but NYE is so crazy, I'd honestly prefer not to go out alone. I'm paranoid.

Blech.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 08, 2011, 07:14:14 AM
^ Yep, I have exactly zero single friends, too.  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 08, 2011, 07:25:04 AM
I'm here and I will bring onion tart, pasta primavera, and fruit salad (tonight's vegetarian feast).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 08, 2011, 07:26:22 AM
Mmmmmm, onion tart.....
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 08, 2011, 08:12:40 AM
I'm definitely on board. I'm trying to remember if there's ever been a New Year's Eve that I've had a date for. I remember being a beard for a recently-broken-up friend, but I think that's it.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are pretty awkward, for that matter, because more and more often it's just my parents and me celebrating together. I can't help thinking that they're looking at me and saying to themselves, "Another year and Petticoats is still alone. What happens when we die? She'll have no one!" It's not that they think I need a man to make my life whole; they just know I'm lonely sometimes and would like to see me happier.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 08, 2011, 08:52:45 AM
I'm definitely on board. I'm trying to remember if there's ever been a New Year's Eve that I've had a date for. I remember being a beard for a recently-broken-up friend, but I think that's it.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are pretty awkward, for that matter, because more and more often it's just my parents and me celebrating together. I can't help thinking that they're looking at me and saying to themselves, "Another year and Petticoats is still alone. What happens when we die? She'll have no one!" It's not that they think I need a man to make my life whole; they just know I'm lonely sometimes and would like to see me happier.

Count me in too; the last NYE I actually did anything was 2000; went to a party at friend's, single and married.  For me, its not a huge deal of a holiday; then again, I work in retail and am usualy working NYD.  And becuase I work so much, I prefer to stay home and relax.  I usually do something nice for dinner; I'll get appetizers and have some nice wine, and I honestly don't ever make it to midnight; I'm usually asleep by 11 or so.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 08, 2011, 09:41:13 AM
((((wonderflonium))))

Your second post makes a difference in what I was saying.  I spent a large portion of my younger years in that state and, I admit, am still wistful when at a wedding and married folks/established couples of whatever orientation get up to dance and I finally get escorted out on the dance floor by my eleven year old male cousin or my niece.  I do get a little sad on NYEve when the ball comes down and (if I am with a large group of friends/family) all the couples kiss.  I cry over the end of When Harry Met Sally (which I love) because of the NYE scene.   Then I take a deep breath, find things that are good about my life and go on.  I don't mean that to sound supercilious, BTW, but however I try to phrase that last line it just sounds snide, so I want you to know I mean it helpfully not snottily.

All I can offer as advice is what another friend said...she takes herself on vacation at that time of year.  A cruise if she can afford it, a mini spa thing if she can't.

 If that doesn't work, and you are in Connecticut and don't mind spending time with a couple of elderly chicks crabbing about their bosses, their even more elderly parents and arguing over whether or not James Spader is still s3x-y, but all means, you are invited to my Old Maids Party.  (And everyone else for that matter....the food sounds GOOD and the company even better!  Anyone out there like Trivial Pursuit, Book Edition?

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 08, 2011, 09:48:51 AM
Oh!  Another thought!  Is there a First Night festival in your area?  I worked on the one in my area one year and was part of the entertainment a couple of times as well, so there was no time to care about who I could and couldn't kiss when the ball came down (indeed, during Y2k, I was telling ghost stories to adults and children and having a kick-*** time so couldn't even worry if my computer would still work the next morning).

First night is great fun...it's still better if you have a friend, male or female, to wander about with, but sometimes, my friends and I split up and it's still fun to be at, say, the bluegrass concert, kicking and stomping your feet or sitting quietly to listen to chamber music or laughing at a raucous comedian. 

It's good for getting you out of yourself and as I am writing this, I think I am recommending it to my friend this year.  Good luck!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on November 08, 2011, 01:08:35 PM
Last year what I did was a personal retreat for both Christmas and New Years, since they were both three-day weekends. It was a combination of spa treatments, naps, exercise and personal stuff. I felt very relaxed at the end of it all and ready to deal with people again.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 08, 2011, 10:42:59 PM
The onion tart and pasta primavera were a huge hit and so was the fruit salad.  Check "Recipe Requests" folder for my fruit salad recipe, which is specifically not for teetotalers!

I also introduced them to my signature drink, the Viking's Kiss.  This is 1 part Cherry Kjafa to 3 parts Frexinet (black bottle).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 09, 2011, 06:49:24 AM
I also introduced them to my signature drink, the Viking's Kiss.  This is 1 part Cherry Kjafa to 3 parts Frexinet (black bottle).

I have no idea what either of those things are, and yet it sounds yummy. Is that weird?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 09, 2011, 06:56:54 AM
Try it sometime; it's a great aperatif.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 09, 2011, 06:57:38 AM
Are those just normal things I've never heard of, or do I need to go somewhere special?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 09, 2011, 07:30:13 AM
They're normal products, but not all liquor stores carry them.  Call the stores before you go so you don't end up feeling frustrated if you get to one that doesn't.  Also, prices will vary.  I paid $10 for a bottle of Frexinet and one of my guests has seen that same bottle near his office for $20.

As to the Cherry Kijafa, buy the original version.  The Kosher version is probably sweeter; too sweet for this drink and most other recipes using this wine.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 09, 2011, 08:05:24 AM
(timidly)  I can bring homemade Scottish shortbread to the party.  I think it may be why all my married friends make sure I have a seat at the table at Christmas. 

And Trivial Pursuit, Book Edition, sounds good to me. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 10, 2011, 09:07:41 AM
Quite some time ago, I created an account on The Knot so that I could look up things for weddings with which I was helping. I entered in fake information for the wedding date and used my ex (at the time current) boyfriend's name as the groom. I got an e-mail mentioning that we got married last weekend. *sigh* I'd completely forgotten about it or I would have changed that stuff. The really sad part is that I was with that guy forever and really thought I would marry him.

I'm going to go crawl in a hole now.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 10, 2011, 10:04:16 AM
Quite some time ago, I created an account on The Knot so that I could look up things for weddings with which I was helping. I entered in fake information for the wedding date and used my ex (at the time current) boyfriend's name as the groom. I got an e-mail mentioning that we got married last weekend. *sigh* I'd completely forgotten about it or I would have changed that stuff. The really sad part is that I was with that guy forever and really thought I would marry him.

I'm going to go crawl in a hole now.

Nooooooooo!!! Come out, Wonder! I'll, ummm...bake you cookies! (*Beckons encouragingly*).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 10, 2011, 10:05:37 AM
Cookies you say?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 10, 2011, 10:07:55 AM
Yes! Fresh, warm, chewy, triple-choc-chunk cookies!

There will also be icy cold milk.

And no boys allowed.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 10, 2011, 10:12:41 AM
OK, I'm in!  :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 10, 2011, 10:18:16 AM
OK, I'm in!  :D

*Scuttles off to pre-heat oven and set out doilies*  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on November 10, 2011, 10:21:34 AM
I am also spinsterish.  Fifty plus and my youngest is in her senior year of high school. We are going to tour a university next weekend.  Wow, in less than 9 months she will be gone. 

I am apartment shopping for something smaller. 

I haven't had a New Year's out since 12/31/99  and I haven't missed it.  I usually cook myself a prime rib steak, baked potato and a good bottle of wine.  Maybe a package of brownies and sleep late. 

This thread makes me think of a Spinster's Party for this year, I have several single friends, we could slumber party somewhere.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on November 10, 2011, 10:46:47 AM
The Most Boring Person Alive requests an invitation.

At least my art is okay.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 10, 2011, 10:49:29 AM
The Most Boring Person Alive requests an invitation.

At least my art is okay.  :P

If your art is only OK, mine scars people for life.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 10, 2011, 12:13:54 PM
Quite some time ago, I created an account on The Knot so that I could look up things for weddings with which I was helping. I entered in fake information for the wedding date and used my ex (at the time current) boyfriend's name as the groom. I got an e-mail mentioning that we got married last weekend. *sigh* I'd completely forgotten about it or I would have changed that stuff. The really sad part is that I was with that guy forever and really thought I would marry him.

I'm going to go crawl in a hole now.

Oh, ouch! Having something like that come at you when you'd forgotten all about it can't be pleasant.

If it helps... I'm writing a young adult romance, and for the main character's love life I'm naturally drawing a lot on my own experience of being in love... from almost 20 years ago. Yep, it's been that long since I've been in a romantic relationship, and I'm having to draw on my feelings about this guy who turned out to be a real flake and broke my heart.

Naturally, I'm drawing a lot on my imagination too, of course. But sometimes I'll think, where did that gesture (idea, exchange) come from? And remember. :(

I really would like to be in another relationship so that flake won't be "the only" [so many things in my life]. He doesn't deserve such status.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 10, 2011, 05:51:07 PM
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then the ex boyfriend calls. *sigh* Once again, he thinks I need to give him just one more chance. Of course he calls me today, when I got that "congrats on your wedding" e-mail after spending Sunday at my cousin's bridal shower. Which of course makes me wonder if he's my only chance....

Spoder, where on earth are those cookies?! I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed them.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 10, 2011, 10:08:26 PM
Wonder, that's truly awful timing.  Sorry!  While you're waiting for Spoder's cookies, can I offer you some snickerdoodles to tide you over? 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 10, 2011, 10:30:47 PM
*skids in breathlessly with heaping platter of fragrant warm cookies and tall, sweaty glass of ice-cold milk*

Sorry I'm late, had to come from Western Australia and was asleep 'cause of the time difference!  :D

*force-feeds cookies to Wonder*

I think you should *ignore him*, for what that's worth! After I left my ex-BF, he spent years (literally) trying to convince me I'd done the wrong thing. I hadn't, and although I was tempted a few times, I never went back. And even though I'm still single 6 years later, I am SO glad I never wavered.

Stick to your guns.

 :-*
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: buvezdevin on November 10, 2011, 11:54:01 PM
*mentally willing cookies and goodness to Wonderflonium and any other takers, and waving a Skinny Cow frozen dessert over the screen 'cause that's all I actually have at hand, but gosh darn it, something must get through*

I can't say enough the following, which we all know, but sometimes need to remember:  being part of a couple is good *if*:

1. Both parties are happy together and share an understanding of what the relationship is, what it is worth, and how to keep the relationship worthwhile (wobbles may happen, but the general understanding is key); or
2. I can't think of another reason

I send support, cookies, and the hope that any relationship you choose to pursue is because the person shows possibility of being a partner you *want*.  While I understand the temporary appeal of being pursued, aim for what *you* want, which is probably not so much to no longer be a "spinster" but to be appreciated for who and what you are.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 11, 2011, 12:08:01 AM
^ I agree with you, buvezdevin, one thousand times over!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: workingmum on November 11, 2011, 06:23:16 AM
Sorry to hijack your thread Wonderflonium.. i have had a date organised for the last week with someone who is 14 years older than me, thinking he would be over the juvenile crap.. he messages me tonight 45 mins before we are due to meet saying his 15 year old is sick and he needs to stay home with him, fair enough.. til he then send me a message saying that he's going to bed cause he's exhausted but thankful that his ex wife came over and watched a movie and helped out with the 15 year old.... I feel like crap now - I know his kid was sick, but c'mon.. he's 15 and was supposed to spend the weekend with his mother anyway. Just have the balls to tell me the truth!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 11, 2011, 07:32:15 AM
workingmum, that bites. It also supports my theory that they are all boys.  :P

Thanks everyone for the support. The ex is saying everything he should have been saying for years and offering to do everything he should have been offering before, so it's frustrating as crap. I'm trying to stay strong, though!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 11, 2011, 08:36:31 AM
workingmum, that bites. It also supports my theory that they are all boys.  :P

Thanks everyone for the support. The ex is saying everything he should have been saying for years and offering to do everything he should have been offering before, so it's frustrating as crap. I'm trying to stay strong, though!

(((Wonderflonium)))

I have no advice, but plenty of sympathy. Only you can judge whether he's worthy of you. Be true to what's right for you.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 11, 2011, 12:57:46 PM
I will leave you with my stock phrase - and mind you, I'm 45

"Boys are dumb"
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: random numbers on November 11, 2011, 03:16:46 PM
I think I said that three times in one hour the other night when I was out with my almost-divorced friend. I, myself, am late thirties, single, and apparently only attractive to guys that won't commit or are already committed (married).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DuBois on November 11, 2011, 03:22:23 PM
workingmum, that bites. It also supports my theory that they are all boys.  :P

Thanks everyone for the support. The ex is saying everything he should have been saying for years and offering to do everything he should have been offering before, so it's frustrating as crap. I'm trying to stay strong, though!

Do you think it's a case of he wants you now he can't have you, or do you think that there is a possibility he has changed? People do grow up (especially guys ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on November 11, 2011, 03:30:38 PM
Hello fellow spinsters!

If you care to join me, I have been boycotting new year's eve since 2005.  I find it to be the most contrived, ridiculously expensive, high pressure 'special occasion' on the calendar.  The huuuuge anticipation, the pressure that this must be the best.wildest.biggest.night.of.the.year, the price hikes, the vomit on the pavements, the screeching, the awkward conversations with friends of friends you don't know or care to know, and then the moment arrives, the clock strikes midnight and..... nothing changes.

I want no part of it, I either work a night shift or stay home and go to bed at 11 with a good DVD, usually sci fi.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 11, 2011, 03:46:10 PM
Let's not even start on Valentine's Day.   >:(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on November 11, 2011, 03:51:23 PM
Let's not even start on Valentine's Day.   >:(

Valentine's Day?  What's that? Nope, never heard of it, must not exist therefore can be safely ignored.   ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 11, 2011, 05:17:03 PM
The only thing I like about Valentine's Day is that my daddy gives me a giant Hershey's kiss every year.  ;D

workingmum, that bites. It also supports my theory that they are all boys.  :P

Thanks everyone for the support. The ex is saying everything he should have been saying for years and offering to do everything he should have been offering before, so it's frustrating as crap. I'm trying to stay strong, though!

Do you think it's a case of he wants you now he can't have you, or do you think that there is a possibility he has changed? People do grow up (especially guys ;)

He's promised change so many times over the last jillion years that I don't think he even knows what he's saying anymore.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on November 11, 2011, 08:39:47 PM
Let's not even start on Valentine's Day.   >:(

Valentine's Day?  What's that? Nope, never heard of it, must not exist therefore can be safely ignored.   ;)

A few years ago, some girlfriends and I started a new tradition. We get our favorite take-out dishes from all the restaurants in the area, bake cupcakes, make up drinking games to chick flicks, then have a slumber party. Sometimes one girl or another will be dating somebody, but V-Day with the girls stands, and she celebrates at another time with her man.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 11, 2011, 09:51:28 PM
Just checked back.  Workingmum and Wonderflonium, I am sending chocolate chip cookie dreams your way. 

Years ago I got dumped by a man whose adult daughter was in financial difficulties.  He told me he had to stop seeing me (we'd been going out for not quite three months) for a while so that he could straighten her out.  Never heard from him again...and I hate to say it, it was something of a relief because I always felt there was something I didn't know about.

Yeah, it was something big I didn't know about.  He and a coworker were having an in-office romance and shortly after the "issues with his daughter" they got married.  It didn't bother me exactly, because I had been wondering how to get OUT of the relationship...but I always wondered why, if he was in love with this other woman, he had to use his daughter's issues to break up with me.

In any event, chilled wine is also good if you can't get the cookies. 

I think I may agree with Siamesecat.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 11, 2011, 10:02:55 PM
....
I think I may agree with Siamesecat.

Me, too (sadly). 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 11, 2011, 10:46:18 PM
I will leave you with my stock phrase - and mind you, I'm 45

"Boys are dumb"

Yup.

I would add to that a quote from Wonderflonium '...and no matter how old they are, they're all boys'.  ::)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 11, 2011, 10:59:00 PM
Oh, and for my weekly update on the Spinster Situation:

So, there have been a couple of texts between me and the guy I went out with last Saturday night (the one from work). On Thursday, he sent me a lengthy and funny email, saying (amongst other things) that he had a really great time, that I am 'really cool' and that 'we'll have to do it again soon'. He added in some stuff about what he's been up to this week, and ended it with 'talk soon'. So I was thinking it was all looking really positive.  :D

It is now Saturday afternoon, and...*crickets*.  :(

If this is his idea of showing interest, colour me underwhelmed.  :-\

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: chibichan on November 12, 2011, 01:49:50 AM
Another Spinster chiming in ! I have been alone for the last 25 years .

Many moons ago , my male bar buddies and I jokingly made ourselves a club , comprising of those of us who were single and had nothing on the horizon .

We called ourselves The Unloved . We would all dress in black on Valentines Day and Christmas Eve ( The Unloved's second biggest holiday ) , meet up at the bar , drink all night and joyfully tell each other WHY we were Unloved :

Slurring : Yer a stinkin' DRUNK , thas why nobody loves ya ! " " Who would want ya with a haircut like that ? "

It was great fun . Known coupled- friends who dared to intervene with rays of hope and sunshine were referred to under our breath as " you Loved sack o' **** ...."  The couples found this rather amusing .

We were well known about town . We were never rude ( except to each other ) or offensive ( see previous parenthesis ) and The Unloved went on for many years .

I am now the only surviving Member .

Sigh . I still dress in black on Valentine's Day and usually go for a solo drink out on Christmas Eve , but it's more of a nostalgia thing . I am happy for my former Unloved friends . They ask about me when I come home to visit and I tell them I'm keepin' the Unloved alive !Somebody has to , right ?

   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 12, 2011, 01:53:08 AM
^ That's so funny and cool, chibichan!

Sadly, if I started an Unloved club now, I'd be the only member from the get-go.  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 12, 2011, 08:48:01 AM
Here's another spin on spinster-dom, courtesy of being a librarian.  If you've read some of my other tales of woe, you know that our library has gone from being a true community resource to being a daycare/day camp for the homeless and the mentally ill.  The other woman on my team and I are getting exhausted fielding come ons and suggestive compliments from these guys, some young enough to be our sons, some old enough to be our fathers and a LOT of them on enough anti-psychotic meds for a whole psych ward.

Last week she had just fended off one of our regulars (not physically--they never touch us) and sent him on his way and she just fell back in her chair and said "I would give ANYTHING to receive a compliment from someone who DOESN'T believe ewoks and elves are real."

Having just explained to a very, very pleasant gentleman who is on all sorts of medications for all sorts of disorders and delusions (one of those being a world in which he and I are married) that he and I are, in fact, NOT an item, I kind of had to agree.  This guy is getting to be impossible...now he is bringing in his equally delusional friends in the hopes that one of them will say something that will convince me otherwise.  Fortunately, he lives with his mother and I can tell from two times I have met her that she doesn't like me.  Now there's something a woman doesn't write about her would be suitors every day.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 12, 2011, 11:18:25 AM
Another thing that always comes up this time of year - the office Christmas party and the "Are you bringing anybody?  No?  Are you sure??  Oh ... well, we'll get you a single room, then" (the party this year is at a hotel out of town). 

So, this year, I decided to invite my best friend along for company (which is allowed - she came to one a few years ago), and we'll have a great time, and I won't feel as though my spinsterhood/singleness is being underlined and made obvious all night.

I actually like a lot of things about being single, especially the independence and the freedoms that come with it, but Christmastime really gets to me, and I always seem to need a lot of distraction and treats to keep me from getting all mournful and lonely and sorry for myself.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 12, 2011, 11:44:15 AM
I guess in that respect I'm lucky. I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve Christmas. It's always chock full of family and friends and I usually don't have time to think about not having anyone (romantically).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on November 12, 2011, 07:17:11 PM
I don't like going out. Being around people irritates me. Is that weird?  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 12, 2011, 07:20:59 PM
I don't like going out. Being around people irritates me. Is that weird?  :P

Nope. I go through phases. Even when I'm in a love people phase, I still need time on my own occasionally.

Sometimes I think about how getting married would mean I have to share my space, and I wonder why on earth I'd want to do that.  ;D

My aunt has the right idea. She was widowed 12 years ago. For the past several years, she's been dating a very nice man. She told me that she loved being married to my uncle, but she doesn't want to do it again. She likes that she and her boyfriend have their own houses and own spaces. I totally understand that.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 12, 2011, 07:34:36 PM
I've often said that if I ever get married that we'll be buying houses side by side so we can each have our own place.   ;D

I've kind of given up on finding a guy.  I've tried on line, I've tried an actual matchmaking service, I've tried joining a couple of softball teams.  And unless some of the guys and girls on my ball teams have divorced fathers, I haven't gotten anywhere.  My one team, almost all the players could technically be my kids.  Teenage pregnancies for the most part but possible.

So I'm still playing ball and skiing and gardening and doing all the things I want to do and I've stopped worrying about it.  If a guy drops in my lap, I'll give it a go.  But I'd rather be alone than have to deal with carp.

Any other singles north of Toronto?  I'll happily throw a NYE party.  I'd love to do a fondue party and then play some board games or cards or something.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 12, 2011, 11:48:51 PM

Any other singles north of Toronto?  I'll happily throw a NYE party.  I'd love to do a fondue party and then play some board games or cards or something.

I wish!

I guess I'm north of Toronto if you draw a line over the top of the globe and then just flip the thing upside down and keep going. Until you reach Western Australia.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 13, 2011, 12:27:53 PM
I always thought Katharine Hepburn had a good point when she said "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 13, 2011, 01:14:17 PM
I've often said that if I ever get married that we'll be buying houses side by side so we can each have our own place.   ;D

I've kind of given up on finding a guy.  I've tried on line, I've tried an actual matchmaking service, I've tried joining a couple of softball teams.  And unless some of the guys and girls on my ball teams have divorced fathers, I haven't gotten anywhere.  My one team, almost all the players could technically be my kids.  Teenage pregnancies for the most part but possible.

So I'm still playing ball and skiing and gardening and doing all the things I want to do and I've stopped worrying about it.  If a guy drops in my lap, I'll give it a go.  But I'd rather be alone than have to deal with carp.

Any other singles north of Toronto?  I'll happily throw a NYE party.  I'd love to do a fondue party and then play some board games or cards or something.

I totally agree!  I'm 45 and live alone, and have lived alone aside from living with my parents in my younger days.  Even if I were to meet someone I don't really think I could live with them unless they too had lived on their own, and were independent, AND unless I had somewhere as my own space I could retreat to.  I tend to be sometimes anti-social, and prefer my own company when I'm having a bad day, am tired ,etc.  I have friends who've been married for 20+ years and while I think its awesome for them, I just shudder as there is no way in my early 20's I could have ever settled down and stayed with someone for all thsi time. 

Robert B. Parker, the late author, and his wife apparently had either side by side, or apts right above one another in NYC.  I told my mom that would be the PERFECT situation for me!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 14, 2011, 11:13:17 AM
Just was stood up for a drink date Friday night.  Hadn't had that happen in years.  It was really strange.  Had called and confirmed a half hour prior to meet that we were meeting, only to have him no show and not answer his phone when I tried to reach him about why he was late.  Ended up getting a text at 4:40 am saying he had fallen asleep.  So I agree with Spoder, "If this is his idea of showing interest, colour me underwhelmed."
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 14, 2011, 11:23:44 AM
Just was stood up for a drink date Friday night.  Hadn't had that happen in years.  It was really strange.  Had called and confirmed a half hour prior to meet that we were meeting, only to have him no show and not answer his phone when I tried to reach him about why he was late.  Ended up getting a text at 4:40 am saying he had fallen asleep.  So I agree with Spoder, "If this is his idea of showing interest, colour me underwhelmed."

I agree too; if he's that tired he falls asleep then perhaps he needs to reschedule!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 14, 2011, 11:24:39 AM
Sorry to hear that, Reader!

I took several days off from online dating. Went back, found that not much has changed. Think I'll take some more days off. (Note to guys: You don't know me. Don't be inappropriate right off the bat!)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 14, 2011, 12:48:07 PM
(Note to guys: You don't know me. Don't be inappropriate right off the bat!)

Why is they do that you suppose?  I have had that happen too with internet dating sites, if they are thinking it will get a response out of me then are correct because I end up blocking them so they cannot contact me again.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 14, 2011, 12:51:54 PM
I really have no idea. Do they think we're going to be charmed? Seriously, if I want that, I'll just go to a bar, not pay however many dollars a month.  :P

I'm having another one of my "I'm going to be alone forever" days.  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on November 14, 2011, 03:29:02 PM
I been outta pocket and see that I missed an important segment of talk:

Valentine's Day, it was my wedding anniversary, sigh...

I now laughingly refer to it as the anniversary of my failure. 

 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Spoder on November 14, 2011, 06:18:58 PM
Just was stood up for a drink date Friday night.  Hadn't had that happen in years.  It was really strange.  Had called and confirmed a half hour prior to meet that we were meeting, only to have him no show and not answer his phone when I tried to reach him about why he was late.  Ended up getting a text at 4:40 am saying he had fallen asleep.  So I agree with Spoder, "If this is his idea of showing interest, colour me underwhelmed."

Oh wow...that is absolutely pathetic!! Sorry, I know this is one of my pet hates, since I had a friend who did this on my 30th birthday and it upset me no end, but the whole 'I fell asleep on the sofa' thing is the *worst*! Seriously, if you're so unexcited about a date that you fall asleep half an hour before it starts, why the heck did you agree to go?!

(And honestly, I don't even believe this excuse. To me, it points 99.999999% to 'big fat lie'. In which case, at least bother to come up with a plausible lie!).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 15, 2011, 08:48:58 AM
Just was stood up for a drink date Friday night.  Hadn't had that happen in years.  It was really strange.  Had called and confirmed a half hour prior to meet that we were meeting, only to have him no show and not answer his phone when I tried to reach him about why he was late.  Ended up getting a text at 4:40 am saying he had fallen asleep.  So I agree with Spoder, "If this is his idea of showing interest, colour me underwhelmed."

Oh wow...that is absolutely pathetic!! Sorry, I know this is one of my pet hates, since I had a friend who did this on my 30th birthday and it upset me no end, but the whole 'I fell asleep on the sofa' thing is the *worst*! Seriously, if you're so unexcited about a date that you fall asleep half an hour before it starts, why the heck did you agree to go?!

(And honestly, I don't even believe this excuse. To me, it points 99.999999% to 'big fat lie'. In which case, at least bother to come up with a plausible lie!).

Exactly!  I'd much rather someone (friend or date) called and told me hey, I'm really really really exhausted, and wouldn't be any fun (true or not) so let's reschedule our date/outing etc.  But to just not show and say "oh, i fell asleep" is pretty lame in my book.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 15, 2011, 09:18:30 AM
Reader, that's just bizarre!  Sorry to hear about it. 

I was thinking, not for the first time, that maybe I'm still in the spinsters' club after all these years because, in part, I'm more comfortable with it and like a lot about it.  In other words, if it really bothered me being single and I truly felt the need of a partner, I'd have done a lot more, taken more aggressive action, to change my situation - and I haven't.  I pretty much putter along, happy with my work and friends, enjoying the freedom to travel and pursue my interests. 

It's only occasionally, when I hit a lonely spell or come across an event or an experience I'd much rather share with someone, that I feel that "I wish" pang and think about changing the status quo.  But, I notice, I'm still just talking about it, not actually doing anything ... hmmmm.   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 15, 2011, 09:35:50 AM
(((Reader)))

I had a coffee meet and greet date scheduled with a guy.  The day we were to meet, I hadn't had a shower because my hot water heater was broken.  The technician was to be out early that afternoon to fix it and I'd planned to have my shower after work and head out to the date.  The tech was late, lied to me and was completely condescending to me.  I would have had just enough time for a quick, lukewarm shower and then head out to meet the guy.  But really?  I just wasn't feeling it.  So I called him, explained the situation and told him I wouldn't be very good company.  Could we reschedule for another time?  He was completely understanding and we did end up meeting and then out for a second date.  But we just weren't a match.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 16, 2011, 11:30:03 AM
I had an attack of the lonelies yesterday. I took a long weekend and spent it writing (NaNoWriMo); my novel-in-progress is a young adult paranormal romance, and after spending days creating tender, romantic scenes featuring nonexistent guys I'm in love with, I wanted to put my head down and howl. Oh, and then I went out to supper with a very young friend of my mom's, who showed us all the photos from his wedding and waxed eloquent about his bride (who is temporarily away).

I am 42, and the prospect of my getting married looks more distant than ever. I wish I could shake this idea that everyone's looking at me pityingly for not being married or having any prospects. But I feel like a cat lady in training, and the prospect of finding romance seems very, very unlikely.

Mind you, that's on a bad day. I don't always feel like that. But right now... kinda, yeah.

Sisters, can you talk me down from the ledge? Or keep me company on it?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 16, 2011, 12:13:56 PM
(hugs) Don't worry I'll bring cards so we can play some games while out on the ledge.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 16, 2011, 12:15:49 PM
Shove over and make room for me, too.  I'll bring the backgammon and cribbage boards.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on November 16, 2011, 12:16:13 PM
I'll bring the drinks :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 16, 2011, 12:16:42 PM
*dusting off the ledge and pulling up a seat* I've been there. I've so been there. When I was in my late 20s, my aunt used to remind me that she didn't get married until she was 29. Now that I'm 33, I'm treated like I'm the sad old spinster who can't hook a man. Luckily I have a (married, of course) friend who does understand, so I can vent to her, but it's hard.

Also, I find that as I get older, people are more interested in my cats. Am I just paranoid, or do they think that's all I have going on?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 16, 2011, 12:17:56 PM
I thought about bringing drinks but I was worried about falling off the ledge.   ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 16, 2011, 12:18:32 PM
I thought about bringing drinks but I was worried about falling off the ledge.   ;D

*LOL* I had the same thought! Man, too bad Spoder's gone; she volunteers to bring cookies.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 16, 2011, 12:19:23 PM
I can bring cookies.  I start my Christmas baking on Sunday.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 16, 2011, 12:20:53 PM
Yay for cookies Outdoor Girl!  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on November 16, 2011, 12:21:28 PM
I thought about bringing drinks but I was worried about falling off the ledge.   ;D

*LOL* I had the same thought! Man, too bad Spoder's gone; she volunteers to bring cookies.

But if we fall off the ledge then we can call the firefighters to come rescue us  :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 16, 2011, 12:24:53 PM
Still, it better be a low ledge!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on November 16, 2011, 12:38:18 PM
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then the ex boyfriend calls. *sigh* Once again, he thinks I need to give him just one more chance. Of course he calls me today, when I got that "congrats on your wedding" e-mail after spending Sunday at my cousin's bridal shower. Which of course makes me wonder if he's my only chance....

Spoder, where on earth are those cookies?! I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed them.

No, no, no, no, no!  Don't think like that!  I did, and I was miserable!  I was convinced that Person A was my only chance to get married.  He was a decent sort, but personality-wise we really weren't right for each other, and had we gotten married it would have been a disaster.  My sister did marry the guy she thought was her only chance (he told her that he was the best she'd ever get, so she'd better grab him before he was snapped up by someone else, and in retrospect I wish he had been) and she ended up divorcing him seven years and three kids later.

I know I'm not eligible for membership, but I didn't get married until I was 39 so I've been through a lot of the same things most of y'all have been through. 
 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 16, 2011, 12:57:49 PM
Sirius, you can be an associate member.  As long as you promise to bring drinks and cookies.  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 16, 2011, 01:15:48 PM
I volunteer to fall off the ledge because hey some of those firemen could be single!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 16, 2011, 01:19:08 PM
I volunteer to fall of the ledge because I'm probably going to do it anyway.  ;D (I'm wicked clumsy.)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on November 16, 2011, 01:20:34 PM
*pads the place below the ledge with a feather down mattress*  "I've fallen and can't get up!"   ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 16, 2011, 01:21:21 PM
*pads the place below the ledge with a feather down mattress*  "I've fallen and can't get up!"   ;D

More like, 'I've fallen and I can't reach my mojito!'   :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 16, 2011, 01:33:19 PM
 :) Sister ledge residents, y'all made me laugh. Thank you for your solidarity and support and good humor!

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on November 16, 2011, 01:36:50 PM
In one of my lectures yesterday the lecturer was talking about nursing in the late 19th and early 20th century, about how the nurses would train at 16ish and work until they got married at 22ish then they'd stop to be full time wives and mothers, only the spinsters stayed working as nurses and eventually ended up as the matrons running the hospitals. 

I was feeling strangely self-conscious throughout!  Goes to show though, there have always been women who for whatever reason just didn't get married, they still made a valuable contribution to society even in the days when the pressure to marry was even more extreme than it is now.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on November 16, 2011, 03:20:44 PM
On one hand, I do definitely feel that I contribute to society. Today I did two programs at the library- and have two other big ones tomorrow. Plus I spoke Spanish AND French- I am the only person in the branch who speaks either language.

On the other hand, it is like every single trait I have that is useful at my job (and at best useful, at worst harmless everywhere else), is a hindrance when it comes to romance. I had been talking to this fellow on OKCupid for almost a week. He finally points out that I mentioned my accent being noticeable about me, and asks me where I am from. I state it in a very matter of fact way- but blended into a paragraph also stating where I finished growing up/went to undergrad (and that my family still lives there), as well as my sounding like my father so accent did not match location, and how useful my speaking Spanish was for my job since we have so many Spanish speakers at my branch. I also discussed various other things, and asked him a few more questions.

I am afraid that this new information sent him running for the hills. I sent my last message yesterday morning. He would message me every single night with only one exception- his grandmother was in town visiting during the weekend. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, since this morning I was not able to really check OKCupid either. But it is not the first thing he found out about me. I am a US citizen born in a US territory, so it is not like I am trying to get a green card (or digging for gold).

So I cannot help but wonder if the Higher Power views me more as a useful tool than as a person with hopes/dreams/feelings/needs.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on November 16, 2011, 03:47:33 PM
On the other hand, it is like every single trait I have that is useful at my job (and at best useful, at worst harmless everywhere else), is a hindrance when it comes to romance......I am afraid that this new information sent him running for the hills.

I am not following this reasoning at all.  In my experience, the fact that I speak Spanish has been an icebreaker romantically, and I cannot imagine that having an interesting and foreign upbringing would be a turn-off either.  Is it possible to try couching your traits as positives rather than negatives?  For example, do you need to mention your accent in your profile?  Do you state it as a negative rather than an alluring positive (many men find accents quite enticing, which is why I am so confused by your stated experiences).  Try presenting everything about yourself positively rather than negatively and see if you get better results?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on November 16, 2011, 04:19:35 PM
Profile asks what is something that people notice quickly about me. I put my accent- and that it was hard to pin down/identify. That way I reveal that I have an accent ahead of time.

I do not know if men see something behind the details. Since this specific lad has not said anything explicitly about it, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.  But as I did state in another thread, I had one guy on the fourth date hold my hometown and ethnic background against me, saying that he "had never met a (my ethnic background) woman who had a long fuse". He also disliked the way I talked overall- but acknowledged that my accent was not something that I could change or control, just that he had problems with my voice getting too loud at inappropriate times.

It is possible that the fellow I had been writing to recently does not like the specific accent from the place- which may be moot, since I do not have it, and I stated so. He has not heard me speak yet, though.

Again, I am jumping to conclusions. But it will hurt a lot if he decides to drop me altogether and without explanation after this conversation- I can only assume the worst.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 16, 2011, 10:47:24 PM
Company on the ledge!  Cool!! 

whiterose, I hope it works out better than you're expecting/fearing.  You sound like an amazing and fascinating person to me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on November 17, 2011, 12:39:10 PM
I hope I'm not hijacking but I'm hoping to get some opinions from some fellow Spinsters :) I decided to bite the bullet and try online dating. I've been emailing back and forth with this one guy for almost two weeks. This is the first time that I've conversed with someone through an online dating site so I'm not sure how it all works. Is two weeks too long to be e-mailing back and forth without a date or phone offer? He hasn't responded today (he usually responds pretty quickly and at the same time) so I'm thinking he lost interest? Sigh, I hate that I care.  ::)

Anyway....love this thread. You guys are awesome!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 17, 2011, 01:00:33 PM
I don't think it's too long, but everyone is different. If you want to meet, ask him out for coffee. Don't be afraid to take the bull by the horns, so to speak.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 17, 2011, 01:14:34 PM
When I started contemplating internet dating, a married friend who met her husband online offered me this piece of advice: Meet in person as soon as you conveniently can. It's possible to build up what feels like a great relationship in emails only to find that in person you don't click, and it's better to learn that you're not right for each other before you've both invested a lot of time and emotional energy.

My first (and to date only) meet-up with someone I met through Match.com was a good corroboration of this rule. He and I had fantastic email, but in person we were very clearly not right for each other.

I would definitely suggest making concrete plans with this fellow to meet soon. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 17, 2011, 01:53:02 PM
When I started contemplating internet dating, a married friend who met her husband online offered me this piece of advice: Meet in person as soon as you conveniently can. It's possible to build up what feels like a great relationship in emails only to find that in person you don't click, and it's better to learn that you're not right for each other before you've both invested a lot of time and emotional energy.

I would definitely suggest making concrete plans with this fellow to meet soon. :)

I second this.  I did the same thing.  Spent weeks e-mailing and I thought he was great.  Meeting in person, not so much.  Ended up walking past him where we were supposed to meet because he didn't look like his profile pic.  Turns out his pics were over 2 years old, pre divorce, and he had packed on the pounds since then.  I have nothing against a few extra pounds, but since I am on the small size being more than twice my weight scares me off from dating you.  Now my profile states your picture must be current within the year to contact me. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on November 17, 2011, 02:22:46 PM
<sigh>

So I tried a speed dating thing last night.  (Yay Groupon!)

At the end of the night, you list your top guys, the ones you'd be interested in meeting up with for more than 7 minutes.  If any of them also put your name down, yay, they'll send you each other's email and first name.

...I got zero matches.

Zero.

(There, there, ego, you didn't really want to be unblemished, did you?  Crushed is a much more natural state of being.)

I'm 30, relatively socially competent, decently pretty, intelligent, and pretty darn funny (according to my friends) and I've never had a boyfriend.  And every time I "try harder" by putting myself out there...stuff like this happens.

I'm gonna curl up under my desk and whimper for a while.  Are there cookies left on that ledge?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on November 17, 2011, 02:41:44 PM
Thanks for the advice Wonderflonium,Petticoats, and Reader. I've been wanting to ask him for coffee or something but I was worried it might seem pushy since I initiated the first e-mail after I saw that he "wanted to meet me" on POF. But what the heck, if he writes back maybe I'll just go for it anyway.

((hugs))Giraffe, Esq. I have some ice cream to offer.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 17, 2011, 02:45:14 PM
(((Giraffe)))

Good for you for getting out there and trying, though. It takes guts. I figure every social interaction could lead somewhere, so nothing's ever really wasted effort. But I know how it is when it *feels* wasted--and demoralizing to boot. I'm sorry you didn't have a better experience.

I'm back on the ledge today myself. I'll bring plenty of cookies . . . and some chardonnay.

Thanks for the advice Wonderflonium,Petticoats, and Reader. I've been wanting to ask him for coffee or something but I was worried it might seem pushy since I initiated the first e-mail after I saw that he "wanted to meet me" on POF. But what the heck, if he writes back maybe I'll just go for it anyway.

((hugs))Giraffe, Esq. I have some ice cream to offer.

Yes, go for it! Can't hurt. See above re: no effort is ever truly wasted.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 17, 2011, 02:54:57 PM
(((Giraffee))) x2, plenty of room left on our ledge for you and plenty of cookies as well.

Praire_dances - that's the site I'm on too!  Not quite sure if I like that feature.  I get plenty of guys that click that button and then nothing. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: shmoggy on November 17, 2011, 03:01:52 PM
If you want to know if things will go anywhere with this person you should definitely meet as soon as you can.  (As long as you feel comfortable based on your chats.)

My story real quick:
I met my bf on okcupid and we hit it off right away online.  I really wanted to meet him but was nervous.  We went out on our first date and have been together ever since.  Only 6 weeks but it's been great fun and I enjoy his company and see a future with him.  We had talked online for nearly a month before we met and I have to be honest, he was DIFFERENT in person than online.  The longer I know him, the two "people" merge and I like them both, but it was definitely interesting to see how his words online sounded in person.  That's why I agree you should meet right away because online you can build this fantasy of how someone is but in person it may be completely different.  Good luck to you, I've been single for about 3 years and it's very different not being single.  The important thing for me to know about myself is that I CAN be single and still be happy.  A bf is just an enhancement to my already pretty decent life.  If that makes any sense.

I hope I'm not hijacking but I'm hoping to get some opinions from some fellow Spinsters :) I decided to bite the bullet and try online dating. I've been emailing back and forth with this one guy for almost two weeks. This is the first time that I've conversed with someone through an online dating site so I'm not sure how it all works. Is two weeks too long to be e-mailing back and forth without a date or phone offer? He hasn't responded today (he usually responds pretty quickly and at the same time) so I'm thinking he lost interest? Sigh, I hate that I care.  ::)

Anyway....love this thread. You guys are awesome!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 17, 2011, 04:24:40 PM
*hugs Giraffe* That sucks. I've actually wanted to try speed dating because honestly, I'm not pretty but I have a good personality, so I thought it might go better than online. I haven't found a place around here, and at this point, I'm not sure if I want.

Even though you got no matches, it doesn't mean no one was interested. It just means no one in whom you were interested was interested in you. It still sucks, but it doesn't mean that no one wanted you!!

A friend of mine who got married in October just posted pictures from her wedding. They are gorgeous, she is happy and glowing, and it is all wonderful. I'm really, really happy for her. I'm also dead jealous. *sigh* She got married in my dream venue. I'm tired of planning other people's weddings; I want to plan mine!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on November 17, 2011, 07:47:58 PM
Sirius, you can be an associate member.  As long as you promise to bring drinks and cookies.  ;D

I make a mean carrot cake.  Can I bring that?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 17, 2011, 08:07:52 PM
Absolutely.   :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 17, 2011, 09:48:43 PM
Tomorrow I will be making broccoli soup and if I'm feeling ambitious, Grasshopper Pie.  Anyone up for that?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 18, 2011, 06:58:26 AM
A friend of mine who got married in October just posted pictures from her wedding. They are gorgeous, she is happy and glowing, and it is all wonderful. I'm really, really happy for her. I'm also dead jealous. *sigh* She got married in my dream venue. I'm tired of planning other people's weddings; I want to plan mine!

(((Wonderflonium))) I know how you feel. I'm sorry.

I may have mentioned before that I live around the corner from a bridal gown boutique. I pass it very nearly every time I leave my house. The window display is like a constant taunt: "You'll never wear one of these! Mwahahaha!"

But that's on a bad day. Today (she says bravely, straightening her shoulders and fixing her jaw) will not be one of those days. Today, if I feel bad about something, it will be being stalled on my novel, which is a conundrum for the NaNoWriMo thread and not this one. :)

I wish us all good mojo today and this weekend. May we be reminded of the good things about being spinsters.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on November 18, 2011, 08:51:22 AM
I've come to realize that I will never be married and will always be alone, and I'm okay with it. It's better to be alone and be comfortable than live to with someone just for the sake of having someone and be miserable.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 18, 2011, 09:02:22 AM
I've come to realize that I will never be married and will always be alone, and I'm okay with it. It's better to be alone and be comfortable than live to with someone just for the sake of having someone and be miserable.

Preach on, sister! I want to get married, but I'd rather be single than settle.

I am sad, however, that I'll never get a wedding. *sigh* If I'm not married by 40, I'm throwing myself a killer birthday party.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 18, 2011, 09:05:38 AM
I've come to realize that I will never be married and will always be alone, and I'm okay with it. It's better to be alone and be comfortable than live to with someone just for the sake of having someone and be miserable.

Preach on, sister! I want to get married, but I'd rather be single than settle.

I am sad, however, that I'll never get a wedding. *sigh* If I'm not married by 40, I'm throwing myself a killer birthday party.

I'm there with you.  I didn't throw myself a killer party but I did have an 'All about me' day.  I had a 1.5 hour long massage, I got my hair cut, I got a mani/pedi, and I went out for dinner!  One of my best friends turned 40 two weeks after I did.  Her BF, now DH, organized a trip for her and invited other people along, including me.  So I flew across the country for a long weekend!   ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on November 18, 2011, 09:19:41 AM
I've come to realize that I will never be married and will always be alone, and I'm okay with it. It's better to be alone and be comfortable than live to with someone just for the sake of having someone and be miserable.

Preach on, sister! I want to get married, but I'd rather be single than settle.

I am sad, however, that I'll never get a wedding. *sigh* If I'm not married by 40, I'm throwing myself a killer birthday party.


Just don't post about it on here when you do, the idea that single adults deserve to be celebrated once in their life is not a popular one and seems to attract very mean spirited comments.  ::)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 18, 2011, 10:01:03 AM
I've come to realize that I will never be married and will always be alone, and I'm okay with it. It's better to be alone and be comfortable than live to with someone just for the sake of having someone and be miserable.

Preach on, sister! I want to get married, but I'd rather be single than settle.

I am sad, however, that I'll never get a wedding. *sigh* If I'm not married by 40, I'm throwing myself a killer birthday party.

I'm there with you.  I didn't throw myself a killer party but I did have an 'All about me' day.  I had a 1.5 hour long massage, I got my hair cut, I got a mani/pedi, and I went out for dinner!  One of my best friends turned 40 two weeks after I did.  Her BF, now DH, organized a trip for her and invited other people along, including me.  So I flew across the country for a long weekend!   ;D

Me Three!  I always take off on my birthday, at least halfa day, and as its right before Christmas, I go to the mall, and wander and look at all the pretty things, and then buy myself something.  last year's mall had a cheesecake factory so I got a slice of chocolate raspberry truffle, made a dinner of yummy appetizers, and had my cake.  it was nice!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on November 18, 2011, 10:07:02 AM
I have never really thrown a party myself- just have had outings to restaurants or other places.

The idea of a BWW intimidates me with all the planning and details- keeping track of all the details and stuff. I did not want a Quinceanera or debutante ball. I want to keep things rather simple. I am more countess than princess...yet would love to be princess for a day.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on November 18, 2011, 10:12:26 AM
I have never really thrown a party myself- just have had outings to restaurants or other places.

The idea of a BWW intimidates me with all the planning and details- keeping track of all the details and stuff. I did not want a Quinceanera or debutante ball. I want to keep things rather simple. I am more countess than princess...yet would love to be princess for a day.

I know it sounds weird but I just want an excuse to wear a ball gown while wearing roller skates. :) I can do that at my birthday party right? :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on November 18, 2011, 10:52:38 AM
I've come to realize that I will never be married and will always be alone, and I'm okay with it. It's better to be alone and be comfortable than live to with someone just for the sake of having someone and be miserable.

Preach on, sister! I want to get married, but I'd rather be single than settle.

I am sad, however, that I'll never get a wedding. *sigh* If I'm not married by 40, I'm throwing myself a killer birthday party.

I totally agree that I'd rather be single than settle.

But it's not the wedding I mourn as time keeps passing.  It's mommyhood.  I've wanted to be a mom since I was, oh, 6.  Maybe 5.  Perhaps even 4.  In other words, as far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a mother.

But I also do NOT want to try to adopt and bring a child, intentionally, into a single parent household.  (Religious beliefs, personal philosophy, etc.) 

While I'd love to wear the poofy ball gown, and dance in an elegant waltz, the rest of the wedding process is pretty much take it or leave it for me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 18, 2011, 11:26:39 AM
I'm so, so lucky that at least I don't have a strong desire for children. (I did back in the dark ages of my brief engagement, but it died along with my love for Mr. Flaky.) I'm also very lucky that my mom works with babies and doesn't pressure me to give her grandchildren. She adores babies and is wonderful with them, and would have made a wonderful grandmother.  :(

And I absolutely know that settling for a not-right mate is not for me.

But grilled cheesus, I get tired of years passing without love. The holidays are really ghastly since they seem like check-in points on life, and I'm dissatisfied with my career, too, so all around it's just kind of sucky right now.

Will y'all give me a gentle kick and a reminder that, at 42, I have not totally missed my window for romantic (and, for that matter, career) happiness?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on November 18, 2011, 11:29:00 AM
But grilled cheesus

Love this!  I tend to say "Cheese and Rice!"
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on November 18, 2011, 11:37:34 AM
I've come to realize that I will never be married and will always be alone, and I'm okay with it. It's better to be alone and be comfortable than live to with someone just for the sake of having someone and be miserable.

Preach on, sister! I want to get married, but I'd rather be single than settle.

I am sad, however, that I'll never get a wedding. *sigh* If I'm not married by 40, I'm throwing myself a killer birthday party.


Just don't post about it on here when you do, the idea that single adults deserve to be celebrated once in their life is not a popular one and seems to attract very mean spirited comments.  ::)

I think that's terrible!  If you want to celebrate your life, go for it, and tell the naysayers to stick a sock in it. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 18, 2011, 12:56:27 PM
But grilled cheesus

Love this!  I tend to say "Cheese and Rice!"

:) Glee introduced me to this phrase... not sure if it's the origin.

In other news, getting out for a little sunshine at lunch improved my outlook. My apologies for my attack of maudlinity.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 18, 2011, 01:29:48 PM
But grilled cheesus

Love this!  I tend to say "Cheese and Rice!"

:) Glee introduced me to this phrase... not sure if it's the origin.

I'm pretty sure one of the writers just made it up to describe the Jesus Finn saw in his grilled cheese. I say "Sweet grilled cheesus!" all the time, but sadly, my friends don't watch Glee and don't get it.

My parents would be WONDERFUL grandparents and they are dying for grandchildren. I kinda feel bad because even if I were to get married, I'm not sure I'd have kids. I just remind them that they shouldn't have literally put all of their eggs in one basket.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 18, 2011, 08:40:50 PM
That loud noise that you all just heard around the world was me sighing.

There's this guy on eHarmony that they said was a good match for me. I agree; I liked his profile, so I sent him questions. No answer. I nudged him. Nothing. He didn't even view my profile. OK, fine, whatever.

Well, guess who Match.com just tried to set me up with? *headdesk*

I really like his profile and I think we'd click, but I don't want to seem like some freak stalker.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 18, 2011, 08:55:57 PM
Ugh, how frustrating. Do you know that he's been online? Maybe he doesn't check in with eH very often?

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 18, 2011, 09:04:28 PM
Happy weekend, fellow spinsters.  :)   I just wanted to pop in and say that recently I did something I've never had the guts to do before.  I had met a guy a while ago, and we seemed to hit it off, and so in a recent email exchange, I made an overture and basically suggested we go out if that appealed to him.  I know it may not seem like much - heck, it may seem flat-out ridiculous and nothing worth talking about - but in my somewhat limited dating experience, I have never, ever made the first move.  I don't know if it's lingering self-esteem issues or being raised somewhat traditionally, a mix of both, or what.   

I freaked out before sending the email and nearly passed out afterward, but I kept thinking, "you need to do this, you need to learn to take the initiative, you need to quit sitting around waiting for things to come to you, because they really don't."

He did say no, because it turns out he is involved with someone, but he did it in a very nice and considerate way, so, all in all, I'm still happy I did it.  Whew! 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 18, 2011, 09:07:38 PM
Giraffe, the children angle does really complicate things.  :(   If I were in your position, I think I'd feel exactly the same way.  I'm like Petticoats - I never really had that strong an urge to have children, which I guess is just as well, given how things turned out!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 18, 2011, 09:11:06 PM
Good for you pinky!

So, I responded to Petticoats and the site ate it. Basically, yes, I know he checks eHarmony all the time. I have no idea why he didn't look at my profile. I guess I'm just that hideous.  :-\

The thing is, we like a ton of the same stuff and have very similar senses of humor. Part of me wants to contact him on Match, and part of me thinks I should just leave him alone.

I've been cuddling with a kitty instead (against her will, but I don't care).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 18, 2011, 09:20:19 PM
Thanks, Wonder!  :) 

I don't know what I would do in your situation with the two sites/profiles thing.  I would be tempted to pursue it, because having a similar sense of humor is a huge deal for me, but I would have the same kind of concerns you do about pursuing it in another context when there wasn't a response in the first.  Then again, who knows how guys think? and maybe it's just a timing thing and he will look at your profile later?? 

In the meantime, cats are good.  My two will have plenty of company this Thanksgiving since my experiment didn't result in a date! 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 18, 2011, 09:25:13 PM
Pinkyblue, that's worth celebrating. I'm awfully shy about taking the initiative myself, and I agree that this was a great step to take, regardless of the outcome. Yay you!

Wonder, you are not hideous or anything like it! This doofus clearly has his own issues.

But since you do seem to have interests and a sense of humor in common--and I'm starting to find just how rare this is in the online dating world, even though with the sheer quantity of guys out there one would think the pool of real possibilities would be larger--maybe give it a few days, and drop him a Match email, just briefly saying what you told us: that it looks like you have these things in common.

Or not, of course, as ye list. :) I know I'd be reluctant to try again after getting no response. But hey, I'm 42 and dateless, so I'm thinking my instincts have not served me particularly well...

Also, as Pinkyblue said, cats are good. I miss my dog a lot; she was a good snuggler. I need to go hang around some of my neighbors with dogs and sneak in some tummy rubs and ear fondling. On the dogs, of course, not the neighbors.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 18, 2011, 09:31:39 PM
I'll be spending the night with my parents tomorrow night, which means I get to see the doggie. My baby pup is a super cuddler, so that will help. The cats don't like to cuddle as much as the doggie.

I'm going to take time to think about this dude. Right now, I'm trying to do some work because I was a bit of a slacker today, but I just want to go to sleep and then get up in the morning to do stuff for my friend's baby shower.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 18, 2011, 09:32:51 PM

Wonder, you are not hideous or anything like it! This doofus clearly has his own issues.


Amen to that (forgot to address that in my post).  I keep thinking, this dating thing would be a lot easier if it weren't for guys being so danged difficult and impossible to figure out! 

And thanks, Petticoats.  I've just about stopped hyperventilating, hours later!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 18, 2011, 09:46:18 PM
I'll be spending the night with my parents tomorrow night, which means I get to see the doggie. My baby pup is a super cuddler, so that will help. The cats don't like to cuddle as much as the doggie.

I'm going to take time to think about this dude. Right now, I'm trying to do some work because I was a bit of a slacker today, but I just want to go to sleep and then get up in the morning to do stuff for my friend's baby shower.

Yay for doggie cuddles! And I think sleeping on the question of nonresponsive guy is a good idea. Sometimes a little rest and distance help. (Forgive me if I sound like I'm trying to hand down wisdom from on high--I'm more commiserating and encouraging, even if the tone isn't coming through.)

Pinkyblue, it was not until I got on the right prescription meds that I stopped completely freaking out about all things date related. So I feel you. :) 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 18, 2011, 10:00:39 PM
Petticoats, you're totally being encouraging! I really appreciate the feedback.

I'm going to go curl up under my nice warm down comforter and try to get some sleep.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 18, 2011, 11:12:00 PM
(a bit off-topic)  Speaking of pets who console us while we're disappointed and/or thinking out what we want to do, I think I will lose one of my kitty-comforters tomorrow.  She has to go to the groomer.  She HATES going to the groomer.  Worse, her sister never recognizes her when she comes back from the groomer and growls and hisses at her for days.  I live in a small space and will end up running around separating them and calming them down until sister figures out that, hey, that strange-smelling cat is actually NOT an interloper and is OK.   

Well, all that may make trying to write a decent online dating profile look like an easy task.  Always looking for the silver lining .....
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 19, 2011, 04:09:45 PM
Hmm. Just got this email from a guy on Match:

"Inquiring minds want to know...

Konichiwa. Ur dazzling smile and volcanic intellect drew my attention. Being an editor sounds like a sexy career. It dazzles science geeks like me. LOL. Check me out"

Beh? Does he think that an editor is like a fetish librarian--tight skirt, hair bun, and glasses that I slinkily remove?

I dunno. Just seems... I hate text speak too. I guess <she says reluctantly> I should look at his profile...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on November 19, 2011, 04:39:28 PM
Hmm. Just got this email from a guy on Match:

"Inquiring minds want to know...

Konichiwa. Ur dazzling smile and volcanic intellect drew my attention. Being an editor sounds like a sexy career. It dazzles science geeks like me. LOL. Check me out"

Beh? Does he think that an editor is like a fetish librarian--tight skirt, hair bun, and glasses that I slinkily remove?

I dunno. Just seems... I hate text speak too. I guess <she says reluctantly> I should look at his profile...

You should look. Doesn't mean you are going to buy!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 19, 2011, 04:54:24 PM
:) I went ahead and had a look. Like every other guy who contacts me or whom I'm matched with, he's a fitness fanatic (I'm out of shape and pudgy) and wants kids someday (see foregoing discussion, besides which, dudes, it says in my profile I'm 42).

He's got a PhD, though, which is pretty awesome. I do like smarts. (But then I get intimidated if I think they're smarter than me. I'm a piece of work.)

All adds up to a big "I don't know." I'm going to mull.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on November 19, 2011, 07:19:16 PM
Hmm. Just got this email from a guy on Match:

"Inquiring minds want to know...

Konichiwa. Ur dazzling smile and volcanic intellect drew my attention. Being an editor sounds like a sexy career. It dazzles science geeks like me. LOL. Check me out"

Beh? Does he think that an editor is like a fetish librarian--tight skirt, hair bun, and glasses that I slinkily remove?

I dunno. Just seems... I hate text speak too. I guess <she says reluctantly> I should look at his profile...

I hate textspeak, too, and usually ignore online dating site communiques full of it...but other than LOL, which isn't so bad, he only has *one* egregious textspeak -- "Ur."  (Which, aside from being annoying textspeak, also manages to confuse me because my brain fills in, "the biblical city?")  I wonder if he's *not* comfortable with textspeak and is trying to be cool?  Because the rest of it is articulate!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on November 20, 2011, 08:12:16 AM
I went and asked that guy and his response was "I'd definitely be down to meet. I really haven't before so Im not sure the protocol but I could drive down there at some point if that's easiest." That's good right? I tend to over anyalize so I'm reading it as "Eh, I could meet but I don't really care either way".

Petticoats, did you end up emailing the match.com guy?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 20, 2011, 08:44:50 AM
I went and asked that guy and his response was "I'd definitely be down to meet. I really haven't before so Im not sure the protocol but I could drive down there at some point if that's easiest." That's good right? I tend to over anyalize so I'm reading it as "Eh, I could meet but I don't really care either way".

Petticoats, did you end up emailing the match.com guy?

Prarie_dances, that sounds like a really positive reply! I don't get the "don't care either way" vibe at all. Good for you!

Me, I'm still mulling. He seems nice, and quite smart, and it turns out that English may not be his first language, so some of the writing quirks would be explained. But I just don't know that we have much in common. I need to put up a photo that shows more of my figure so fitness freaks will stop getting in touch with me--that is not my lifestyle at all.

Can you tell I'm good at taking the glass-half-empty view?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on November 20, 2011, 12:48:33 PM

Prarie_dances, that sounds like a really positive reply! I don't get the "don't care either way" vibe at all. Good for you!

Me, I'm still mulling. He seems nice, and quite smart, and it turns out that English may not be his first language, so some of the writing quirks would be explained. But I just don't know that we have much in common. I need to put up a photo that shows more of my figure so fitness freaks will stop getting in touch with me--that is not my lifestyle at all.

Can you tell I'm good at taking the glass-half-empty view?

Thanks :) I hope so. He seems like an interesting guy.

Petticoats, makes sense. This is match.com? A few of my friends have said the same thing. They get matched with people the complete opposite of what they're looking for. I'm the same way. Hope you find someone more your match :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 21, 2011, 08:02:06 PM
I bit the bullet and e-mailed the guy I've been matched with twice. I don't have a lot of faith, but whatever.

Another college classmate just got married. She's not someone I like very much, but her wedding looked beautiful (mutual friends posted pictures). I'm wicked jealous.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 21, 2011, 09:02:24 PM
Hoping for happy outcomes for all of you who keep being brave enough to try to connect and keep saying "yes" to opportunities that come along ... I need to take a leaf out of your book(s). 

I feel as though I'm going to have to try online dating at some point soon, but it still pretty much scares me to death, so ... I may be in the club for a long, long time! 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on November 21, 2011, 09:53:19 PM
Just wanted to ask a question. Does anyone know if on facebook after you friend someone, will they cease to show up on your friend list/searches until they approve your request? Because if not, I think that guy I mentioned blocked me. Which is odd. We set up a date for next week but he wasn't comfortable exchanging phone numbers. He asked if I had facebook. I said yes but that I wasn't comfortable giving out my last name and if we could find a happy medium between the two. He then gave me his name and said what photo he had on facebook so I could match the correct name to the right person. I went on check his profile- he seemed legit so I friended him. I went on not to long ago to check something and out of curiosity typed in his name to see if we were friends yet. He didn't come up at all. My sister decided to check and he comes up in her search.  :-\
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 22, 2011, 10:03:59 AM
Wonder, good for you! I hope you get a favorable reply.

I've probably mulled myself out of the window of replying to the guy who sent me that interesting but offbeat email. I kind of wanted to write just to say his email had made me smile, which it did, but I have no idea where to go from there. Looking at my profile, I think my first priority should be reworking it to give a better idea of what I'm like and who I'm looking for. Well, that and losing 50 pounds.

Prairie, I wish I knew what to tell you, but Facebook increasingly confuses me. I also wish they had a "do not want" option for when they recommend mutual acquaintances as friends. FB keeps trying to get me to friend a man who seriously broke my trust years ago. I will not friend him, no matter how many friends we have in common, and I'm sick of having his face in my sidebar. (Although I can't help but wonder: does FB keep recommending me to him too?)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 22, 2011, 12:08:09 PM
Was messaging a guy off the site I am on all last week.  He asked to meet, when would be a good day which I replied Sunday, and for my phone number.  Told me for two days he was going to call me.  Sunday comes and go no word, and no messages on the site.  So it seems he has lost interest, or found another girl he liked better and has pulled the disappearing act.

Went to see a friend's band on Saturday.  Was sitting with a group of friends, who then went up to dance.  Since I have been sick I was taking it easy and was sitting at the table by myself.  Up comes this cute man who starts hitting on me.  Seems normal, can carry a conversation and is an Army Sergeant who is a recruiter now after been in two tours oversees.  We chatted for about 20 minutes before he left with his friends to go to another bar.  I know he was in to me, leaning in, a light touch on the hand.  So when he asked for my number I gave it to him.  Today is day 2 since then and no call from him.

So now I am 0-2 in less than a week.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 22, 2011, 12:43:44 PM
(((Reader))) That does sound really disheartening. I'm sorry.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 22, 2011, 12:54:03 PM
I'm so sorry Reader. Of course, the second guy may be following the 3-Day Rule. (According to Barney from How I Met Your Mother, "We wait 3 days to call a girl because that's what Jesus wants us to do."  ;))

So, the guy I was matched with twice read my e-mail. He did not look at my profile or reply.

I'm going to need more cats.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 22, 2011, 01:58:29 PM
I'm so sorry Reader. Of course, the second guy may be following the 3-Day Rule. (According to Barney from How I Met Your Mother, "We wait 3 days to call a girl because that's what Jesus wants us to do."  ;))

So, the guy I was matched with twice read my e-mail. He did not look at my profile or reply.

I'm going to need more cats.

Ah, Wonder, I'm sorry. But I still think it was a good thing to do to email him.

And I think you have created our club motto: "I'm going to need more cats."
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 22, 2011, 02:31:19 PM
*LOL* Yay me!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on November 22, 2011, 08:04:47 PM
 ;D  "I'm going to need more cats."  ;D 

I vote for it as our mantra/motto! or I will, as soon as I can stop laughing like a hyena. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 22, 2011, 08:15:21 PM
;D  "I'm going to need more cats."  ;D 

I vote for it as our mantra/motto! or I will, as soon as I can stop laughing like a hyena.

I wish I could have more.  If I had a house I would have six.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on November 22, 2011, 09:27:59 PM
I don't want more! I'd have to get a bigger bed! :o

Right now I have a lump with toes snoozing on the other side of my bed. Did you know that a very very determined twenty pound cat can take up almost as much room as a human? And some cats can snore and hog the covers much better than most humans?? I didn't, until I got these two. I don't want to find out how much room six cats would take up!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 23, 2011, 09:05:00 AM
Need your guys advice.  The guy I had been messaging on the site I am on that pulled the disappearing trick when we had tentative plans to meet on Sunday sent me a message this morning.

Last time we communicated through the site was on the 17th, we were supposed to meet on Sunday the 20th so I had given him my number so he could call and finalize details.  It's been radio silence since the 17th and he never called.  Then I get this message this morning: "Hi Jxxxx....I'm so sorry that I didn't call this weekend.
My friends held me captive. How are you?"  Which to me seems lame and fishy, especially since I saw him logged in on the site after the 17th with him not contacting me.  And who allows his friends to dictate his actions and did he really spend the entire weekend attached at the hip to his friends? 

So should I give him a second chance or not?  Currently I am sitting in the not side, because my theory is he was contacting another girl and possible meet with her over the weekend only to have it not work out or her blow him off and now he is going back to his second choice which would be me.  Because I am a very firm believer in something that I learned in psychology class back in college that people who want something or to do something will make it happen.


Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on November 23, 2011, 09:09:20 AM
Reader, if you have never met this man before and are interested in him, I would cut him some slack and at least meet him.  At this point he owes you nothing - you aren't exclusive, you aren't even dating!  I agree he should have handled the situation differently, but if you do have interest I would not write him off just yet.  Good luck! 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on November 23, 2011, 09:51:09 AM
I'm afraid I wouldn't be so forgiving. 

I read his message as 'Something (someone?) better came up so I ditched you, now I'm testing the water to see if you're enough of a doormat that you'll tolerate this kind of treatment.'

I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but I think you'd be wasting your time with this one.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on November 23, 2011, 10:33:10 AM
;D  "I'm going to need more cats."  ;D 

I vote for it as our mantra/motto! or I will, as soon as I can stop laughing like a hyena.

Dogs are better than people.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on November 23, 2011, 10:37:25 AM
I'm afraid I wouldn't be so forgiving. 

I read his message as 'Something (someone?) better came up so I ditched you, now I'm testing the water to see if you're enough of a doormat that you'll tolerate this kind of treatment.'

I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but I think you'd be wasting your time with this one.

I don't entirely disagree, but in this case the guy does not know Reader at all and has nothing to compare in terms of whether "someone better" came along.  If they had already met I would completely agree with you, but in this situation, when they are just testing the waters, I think it was not an excellent move on his part but I would not take it personally and would give him a shot if I was otherwise interested.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on November 23, 2011, 10:40:07 AM
Reader, I'm somewhat in between TurtleDove & Winterlight. I'd e-mail him back and see what he says (ie a less vague excuse). However, I'd start focusing on others.

btw,thanks Petticoats. It was a Facebook glitch and he did end up friending me. I agree facebook is confusing these days.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 27, 2011, 04:57:02 PM
How did everyone's holiday go (assuming y'all are American and observed Thanksgiving)?

Mine wasn't too bad, all told. I did get some more bad eHarm matches. And on T-day my mom got out some old photos of me, which just reminded me how much fatter and older I've gotten <sigh>. My primo man-attracting years are definitely behind me. I'm less crazy than I was then, which is good, but the chassis hasn't aged as well.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 27, 2011, 06:48:20 PM
Mine was OK. I'm really not ready to go back to work.

Online dating is not going well.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on November 27, 2011, 07:54:09 PM
How did everyone's holiday go (assuming y'all are American and observed Thanksgiving)?

Mine wasn't too bad, all told. I did get some more bad eHarm matches. And on T-day my mom got out some old photos of me, which just reminded me how much fatter and older I've gotten <sigh>. My primo man-attracting years are definitely behind me. I'm less crazy than I was then, which is good, but the chassis hasn't aged as well.

Re the bolded:  I thought I was way past my prime when I met Mr. Sirius - I was 37 and queen-sized.  In other words, by the rest of the world's standards not a prime catch.  But by this time in my life I'd finally realized that it was my life and it was up to me to make or break it, and I wasn't going to break it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 27, 2011, 08:39:17 PM
How did everyone's holiday go (assuming y'all are American and observed Thanksgiving)?

Mine wasn't too bad, all told. I did get some more bad eHarm matches. And on T-day my mom got out some old photos of me, which just reminded me how much fatter and older I've gotten <sigh>. My primo man-attracting years are definitely behind me. I'm less crazy than I was then, which is good, but the chassis hasn't aged as well.

Re the bolded:  I thought I was way past my prime when I met Mr. Sirius - I was 37 and queen-sized.  In other words, by the rest of the world's standards not a prime catch.  But by this time in my life I'd finally realized that it was my life and it was up to me to make or break it, and I wasn't going to break it.

I definitely think that age and experience can make someone more of a catch, and I know I'm in a better place now than ten or twenty years ago (even if I don't always talk the talk in this thread!). But going strictly by exterior, I feel the change has not been for the better in my case. Granted, I'd rather have my present inner self than my past outer self... but my realistic/cynical side says the outer self counts for a lot in the dating world.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 27, 2011, 09:30:36 PM
I know what you mean. I feel the same way.

Also, I'd like to go back in time to kick teenaged me in the rear end for not realizing how cute she was.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 27, 2011, 09:33:36 PM
Good thing about being alone: There was no one to judge me when, at 9:40 PM, I gave in to a massive craving and hit the grocery store for sugar snap peas, broccoli, celery, dip, and string cheese.

After a feeding frenzy, I'm happy and sated. Plus, I have lunch for tomorow!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on November 28, 2011, 11:43:11 AM
Okay I decided to give the guy on the site a break and emailed him back on Saturday.  So far no communication back.  I also called the Sergeant I met 2 weekends ago giving him the benefit of the doubt that with the holiday he might have been busy.  His reason for not calling was he supposedly lost my number.  So he asked me to friend him on facebook which I did this morning.   So we will see how that goes.  Also I went to a local 80's night last night and met another guy that wanted me to dance with him only for the rest of the night.  I went to get a drink of water after being out for a smoke with him, only to come back to him dancing with another girl.  So I packed it up and went home and put my spinster pjs (the ones with cats all over them) and crawled into to bed with my cats.   I do wonder if the truly do sell cat pjs.  Would be a nice solution to not run out of bed space but add more cats lol. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 28, 2011, 11:53:04 AM
Reader, it's great that you're following up and continuing to go out and meet new people. I hope that not all of these guys will be as lame as the capricious dancer. Fie on him.

Pajamas + cats sounds very cozy. I'm starting to weaken in my stance about not getting another dog (mine died a few years ago). It's not logistically practical right now, but when I was on Regretsy I found myself cooing over pictures of Helen Killer's chihuahua. I will be a crazy dog lady instead of a crazy cat lady. At least that's one decision made. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 28, 2011, 12:05:45 PM
Reader, it's great that you're following up and continuing to go out and meet new people. I hope that not all of these guys will be as lame as the capricious dancer. Fie on him.

Pajamas + cats sounds very cozy. I'm starting to weaken in my stance about not getting another dog (mine died a few years ago). It's not logistically practical right now, but when I was on Regretsy I found myself cooing over pictures of Helen Killer's chihuahua. I will be a crazy dog lady instead of a crazy cat lady. At least that's one decision made. :)

I luuuuuuuuuuuuurve Regretsy!

Cat pajamas:

http://www.google.com/#q=cat+pajamas&hl=en&prmd=imvns&source=univ&tbm=shop&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=Y83TTtHTGYnI0QH2r6nNBg&sqi=2&ved=0CJQBEK0E&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&fp=d9d741c6a5fd51a4&biw=1024&bih=566
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 28, 2011, 04:28:53 PM
Cats do not need pj's:

(http://i756.photobucket.com/albums/xx204/Venus193/Cat%20Pictures/Carmencita2.jpg?t=1317988805)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 01, 2011, 09:10:18 AM
I had a surprisingly pleasant spinster's Thanksgiving this year, very restful and non-stressful.  I also seem to have gone into one of my "meh" phases about relationships/dating - not feeling worked up about it one way or the other.  Maybe it's because there's a lot of pre-Christmas activity and gatherings going on now, keeping me busy and focused on other things - nothing wrong with that! 

If we're going to have a Boring competition, I will sign up.  That's one of the hurdles I face when I think about trying online dating and writing a profile.  I don't do anything interesting, I have no creative talents, I work and take computer classes and read and watch movies and try occasionally to write and travel when I can - there's not a whole lot of to highlight.  I guess I'm more of a "your activity looks interesting, I'd like to try that" than a "join me in my passion for X" person. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on December 01, 2011, 10:24:06 AM
Will be spending Christmas alone.........again. That's fine with me since I couldn't care less about Christmas anymore. I haven't even wrapped a present in years. For the last ten years or so Christmas "shopping" has been asking people for their Amazon.com WishList.

At least I got a good deal on a new laptop on CyberMonday, so I can play with that.  ;D

You can't be the Most Boring Person Alive.  I've held that title for years!

I'm the Most Boring Person Alive! I AM! I AM! I'm 38 and live by myself in an apartment the size of a closet and do my grocery shopping during the week so I don't have to go out on weekends. I'd have a cat but building doesn't allow pets.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on December 01, 2011, 11:40:47 AM
You can't be the Most Boring Person Alive.  I've held that title for years!

I'm the Most Boring Person Alive! I AM! I AM! I'm 38 and live by myself in an apartment the size of a closet and do my grocery shopping during the week so I don't have to go out on weekends. I'd have a cat but building doesn't allow pets.  :P

<snicker> If we are having a boring contest... I go out grocery shopping when I need some excitement. Last week I went to the 24hr store at 2 am just for the heck of it.

However, I do not have an apartment the size of a closet. I need all the room I can get to store the rollerblades, craft supplies, etc that I am planning to use someday. Really I am! Just as soon as I finish surfing the net... ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Yarnspinner on December 01, 2011, 12:12:56 PM
;D  "I'm going to need more cats."  ;D 

I vote for it as our mantra/motto! or I will, as soon as I can stop laughing like a hyena.

I wish I could have more.  If I had a house I would have six.


Oh, I miss my kitty.  I haven't wanted to get another since Kitty Such passed, especially since I'm rarely home lately...not out dating or anything, just trying to make some social obligations and because work is...well, it's work.  But I do miss having the baby waiting for me at the door naggging me for treats.

The last few days have been rough...and today I was excited because I am getting together with other cheerful spinsters for a bizarre Christmas gathering:  pizza, brownies and watching "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil."  It has been an evil week and I was excited to have this to look forward to...but I woke up this morning with what was either a short term stomach flu or something I ate (and I can imagine what it was because I haven't been eating THAT much) or, most likely, a return of the stress related IBS  (Did I mention that this has been the week from h*ll in a long line of weeks from same?) 

I'm feeling better and finally had something to eat and will probably go back to bed, but...now I feel guilty that I may still try to go to the movie tonight.

Meanwhile, I am feeling fat, unloved and have been weeping because whenever I get five minutes to myself I either get sick or something else awful happens.  And there's been the tears over the fact that I haven't accomoplished any of the things I promised to do before this year is up....the novel is unwritten, the walls unpainted, the weight is still here....and I want someone to hug me and say "Honey, it's going to be okay.  It's okay7."

But I know from second hand experience that because I have someone to share a roof with doesn't equal him givng me lots of props.

Sigh...is there still room on the ledge?  I'll be sixty in three years and if I haven't gotten anything done by then, I am at least having a tattoo of a cat inked on my right shoulder and my family be darned.

Sorry this is so disjointed...I just have not been sleeping (thanks work) and I am not thinking straight. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 01, 2011, 12:22:24 PM
*hugs Yarnspinner* Honey, it's OK. I promise it is. I totally know what you're going through.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on December 01, 2011, 12:37:28 PM
I know what you mean. I feel the same way.

Also, I'd like to go back in time to kick teenaged me in the rear end for not realizing how cute she was.

I'd like to kick 21-yo me and tell her, "Don't get involved with this guy.  He's bad news."  I almost married him, too, that's the creepy part.  I'm glad my Deity was watching over me and we decided mutually to end it.  Then I heard a few years later he was in prison for selling cocaine.  And he said I was stupid for letting him get away?  Not even.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 01, 2011, 12:44:42 PM
I know what you mean. I feel the same way.

Also, I'd like to go back in time to kick teenaged me in the rear end for not realizing how cute she was.

I'd like to kick 21-yo me and tell her, "Don't get involved with this guy.  He's bad news."  I almost married him, too, that's the creepy part.  I'm glad my Deity was watching over me and we decided mutually to end it.  Then I heard a few years later he was in prison for selling cocaine.  And he said I was stupid for letting him get away?  Not even.

Yeah, I'd like to tell 19-year-old me to just ignore that guy instead of setting myself up for 10+ years of on and off heartache.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 01, 2011, 12:48:01 PM
Resources for spinsters (heh):

First, I recommend the song "To Whom It May Concern" by The Civil Wars. I actually recommend anything by them (and if John Paul gets divorced, I have dibs!), but this song is awesome.

Also, some inspiration from Dar Williams:

Love took a long time, it followed me here
And it landed on light feet, and love whispered in my ear
Love spoke of my past as a valuable test
And smiled, and said she who loves last, loves best
'Cause you know life is hard, but now you also know your mind
So now you're going out love, but on your own side this time.

ETA: The Dar Williams song is "In Love but Not at Peace." It's on the album "The Honesty Room." "To Whom It May Concern" by The Civil Wars is on the album "Barton Hollow."
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 01, 2011, 12:55:30 PM
(((Yarnspinner))) Be gentle with yourself. We all have things we meant to get done this year. Your list is pretty similar to mine, actually. You're only human, and surviving another year in that incredibly stressful job is in itself an accomplishment.

Wonderflonium, thanks for your post and the musical inspiration. I'll have to look those songs up.

I saw my therapist yesterday, and she reminded me that even though the world can sometimes make us feel like freaks for being single, a huge proportion of women are single, and "something that common can't be a pathology," I think is how she put it. She's also gently trying to nudge me into being more active in internet dating. I know I need to... and I will... sometime.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on December 01, 2011, 05:09:01 PM
I've been on okcupid for a couple of years and never really seemed to  find many matches even when they showed 80+ in comparison questions. Recently, I decided since my profile content was not getting me what I wanted, I erased it all and started over. Spoke from my heart about what a sap I am. Didn't get many responses at all from this one, except one day I got a message from some guy who said he had a lot of things in common with me even though his questions showed a low 70 score. Turns out he didn't answer many questions at all, hence the low score.

When I agreed to meet the guy, I found out we do really have more in common than the site let us share. And to think, I was not going to respond to him because he his messages to me were barely one-two lines of text. Turns out, a big difference we had...he is not a computer geek and had to have his friends help him with filling out the profile. He's a sweetie in person though.

I learned from this: it's not about the number of guys who make contact, but rather the quality of his character. The guys we want probably look pretty boring on profiles too. :/
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 02, 2011, 09:05:33 AM
Yes, that's one of the frustrating things about online dating. All of the profiles seem to look the same: a couple of sentences saying they're looking for honesty and sincerity. Who isn't? I know that there are probably a lot of great guys whose profiles just don't reflect their individual qualities. For that matter, I'm not really happy with my own profile. I definitely need to rewrite it. Sometime.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 02, 2011, 09:07:40 AM
I think my profile is different and interesting, but it doesn't seem to help. Maybe I can find a way to reword it so that it doesn't attract men old enough to be my dad.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 02, 2011, 09:45:06 AM

Petticoats, please tell your therapist that I think she's WONDERFUL.  That is one of the most useful phrases I've ever heard.  I've been simply telling people that 'women outnumber men 3-2, and that means *some* of us are never going to marry', but I think people have stopped listening to me.  Not that I get many questions about my dating life, ever, or even why I never married.

Like most of you, I decided that remaining single was better than settling for less.

It certainly is.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 03, 2011, 06:52:31 PM
Match.com keeps sending me men with radically different political viewpoints than mine. *sigh*
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Yarnspinner on December 03, 2011, 08:40:32 PM
*sniff* Thank you Wonderflonium and Petticoats....when I'm not so tired and feeling healthy, I can be logical....but when I'm tired (which is often these days) and feeling lousy, the whole world suddenly turns grey and muddy.

I did not get out to that movie night with the other spinster girls, but I did go to a theatrical version of "It's A Wonderful Life" with some other friends.  Loved it.....BUT, in keeping with the title of this thread, one of my friends (another librarian) and I said at the same time "I love this story except for the five minutes that take place HERE"...that would be the part where George finds out that, without him to marry her, Mary Hatch became (fateworsethandeath) a LIBRARIAN!  Have NEVER understood this.

"George, your brother died young, because he died, all the soldiers on the transport carrier were killed, your uncle is in an insane asylum, your mother is a mean, bitter old woman and the whole town has been destroyed by Potter.  But the WORST thing, the most horrible thing in the world that could happen is:  Mary's a single librarian.  Oooooooh.  Shudders!"

Also, I want to know:  how did not getting married affect Mary's vision so adversely?  Married to George, she apparently has 20/20 vision (or else she's very vain).  NOT married to George, she has myopia....and an ugly hat.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 04, 2011, 11:55:34 AM
I'm so glad my therapist's words have been helpful! I think she said that 40% of women now are single. I'll have to check the exact figure. But she's great. She also reminds me, when I need reminding, that there are lots of people in bad relationships, and I think about some of the people I know and realize that you can still be both alone and lonely even *within* a relationship, and that must be terrible.

*sniff* Thank you Wonderflonium and Petticoats....when I'm not so tired and feeling healthy, I can be logical....but when I'm tired (which is often these days) and feeling lousy, the whole world suddenly turns grey and muddy.

I did not get out to that movie night with the other spinster girls, but I did go to a theatrical version of "It's A Wonderful Life" with some other friends.  Loved it.....BUT, in keeping with the title of this thread, one of my friends (another librarian) and I said at the same time "I love this story except for the five minutes that take place HERE"...that would be the part where George finds out that, without him to marry her, Mary Hatch became (fateworsethandeath) a LIBRARIAN!  Have NEVER understood this.

"George, your brother died young, because he died, all the soldiers on the transport carrier were killed, your uncle is in an insane asylum, your mother is a mean, bitter old woman and the whole town has been destroyed by Potter.  But the WORST thing, the most horrible thing in the world that could happen is:  Mary's a single librarian.  Oooooooh.  Shudders!"

Also, I want to know:  how did not getting married affect Mary's vision so adversely?  Married to George, she apparently has 20/20 vision (or else she's very vain).  NOT married to George, she has myopia....and an ugly hat.

Yarnspinner, THANK you! That always got me riled up too, not to mention confused. At the start of the movie, Mary's very popular with boys. Why should she do a 180 and become a dried-up little old maid? And yes, the whole stereotype of the spinster librarian makes me gag.

I remember reading an essay about the movie by a woman writer, and she made a similar protest. She also made the out-of-left-field comment that Mary was pretty enough that, if she hadn't married George, she could have become a prostitute. Uh...wha? That's the only alternative?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 04, 2011, 12:04:24 PM
Hehe, the "being single and a librarian" was lampshaded the other day by a friend fo mine on Facebook.

I am also single AND a librarian. I am happy. One could change. The other one I am NOT willing to give up. For real- I am sensitive about giving up my career. I do not plan on having kids- but that does not make it moot, because there are possessive people out there who cannot stand their mates working and interacting with other people.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 04, 2011, 04:05:28 PM
I'm so glad my therapist's words have been helpful! I think she said that 40% of women now are single. I'll have to check the exact figure. But she's great. She also reminds me, when I need reminding, that there are lots of people in bad relationships, and I think about some of the people I know and realize that you can still be both alone and lonely even *within* a relationship, and that must be terrible.

I totally agree!  I'm single, and happy about it 90% of the time.  Yes, there are times I wish I had someone to go out for a nice dinner with or do something else as a couple.  Sure, I can go out alone, an have done so, but sometimes its nice to have a companion that's not one of your female friends.  But  then I think how wonderful it is I'm sitting here now watching football in my loud, comfy, flannel pjs, and figuring out waht to have for dinner that won't necessitate any major cooking on my part!
 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Mopsy428 on December 04, 2011, 06:46:44 PM
Can I join? This year, we've had four engagements in the family. FOUR! And THREE were from the Saturday before Thanksgiving to the Friday after Thanksgiving: ONE WEEK! Three engagements in one week!! I'm very happy for the couples, but I'm tired of having zero luck with men. And I think I'm going crazy because I think people are saying, "Oh, poor Mopsy...so unlucky! That one there is doomed for a lifetime of spinsterhood!"
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 04, 2011, 06:52:30 PM
Welcome to the club!

Four engagements... darn. I mean, that's craziness! I'd have lost my ever-loving mind. Definitely hang out here; we have cookies and vodka (where there is Wonderflonium, there is vodka  ;)).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on December 04, 2011, 06:55:09 PM
(where there is Wonderflonium, there is vodka  ;)).

We would get along fabulously!  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 04, 2011, 11:06:52 PM
Welcome to the club!

Four engagements... darn. I mean, that's craziness! I'd have lost my ever-loving mind. Definitely hang out here; we have cookies and vodka (where there is Wonderflonium, there is vodka  ;)).

I knew there was a reason I liked you! ;)

Mopsy, welcome to our clubhouse, where it is always acceptable to wear hair curlers, granny panties, and cheese-dip-stained sweats (speaking for myself, at least).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 05, 2011, 07:00:44 AM
I had a pretty good first date yesterday. I do not know yet whether I like him that way or not- but the date was good enough to merit a second one.

Like all people I have dated, he has pros and cons. No dealbreakers or things pushing it so far, though. Hopefully he will accept my invitation to a second date :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 05, 2011, 07:19:36 AM
That's great, whiterose!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 05, 2011, 09:10:26 AM
Yay, whiterose!  Good luck. 

A friend and I had a day away this weekend, and we tried to get some photos of me, thinking ahead to having to put photos up on an online site if I ever get my courage up, and they were all dreadful ... another hurdle!  :( 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 05, 2011, 09:26:10 AM
Yay, whiterose!  Good luck. 

A friend and I had a day away this weekend, and we tried to get some photos of me, thinking ahead to having to put photos up on an online site if I ever get my courage up, and they were all dreadful ... another hurdle!  :(

I feel your pain! I am really not photogenic. At all. It's like that episode of "Samantha Who?" in which they are trying to take a good picture of Andrea and it Will. Not. Happen. Now, she's gorgeous (played by Jennifer Esposito), but it is possible for even the most gorgeous people to not photograph well. I'm a loooooooooooooong way from gorgeous, which makes it even worse.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on December 05, 2011, 10:19:41 AM
I'm a loooooooooooooong way from gorgeous, which makes it even worse.  :P

But you are most certainly gorgeous on the inside.   ;D   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 05, 2011, 10:21:49 AM
I'm a loooooooooooooong way from gorgeous, which makes it even worse.  :P

But you are most certainly gorgeous on the inside.   ;D   

Aw, thanks! *blush* If only that were obvious across a crowded room.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 05, 2011, 12:33:19 PM
So I haven't been friended by the guy that asked me to friend him on facebook.  If he was not interested in asking me out why did he go through the whole song and dance of giving me every contact number he has, then say he lost my number after I called a week later, and when I called him he could have just politely declined my drink invitation instead of blowing me off?

 
So why this isn't exactlly ledge inducing, just reaffirming my spinsterhood lol.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 06, 2011, 08:29:08 AM
Maybe he's one of those people who has trouble being direct when confronted. I used to be that way--I had crippling anxiety about confrontations, and it meant I would sometimes give a favorable answer when pressed in person and then backpedal on the phone or over email. I'm not proud of it.

But then, this guy could have taken the out over the phone... I give up. Maybe he's just a flake.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 06, 2011, 10:20:02 AM
Yay, whiterose!  Good luck. 

A friend and I had a day away this weekend, and we tried to get some photos of me, thinking ahead to having to put photos up on an online site if I ever get my courage up, and they were all dreadful ... another hurdle!  :(

I feel your pain! I am really not photogenic. At all. It's like that episode of "Samantha Who?" in which they are trying to take a good picture of Andrea and it Will. Not. Happen. Now, she's gorgeous (played by Jennifer Esposito), but it is possible for even the most gorgeous people to not photograph well. I'm a loooooooooooooong way from gorgeous, which makes it even worse.  :P

This made me laugh beacuse I was ata friend's Sunday for brunch, adn we wanted a photo of the three of us, in front of the Christmas tree.  Her DH was enlisted to take said photo, and we specifically told him, DO NOT take any shots wiht our lower halves in the photo.

He didn't quite get it, and at one point, we saw him turn the camera to get a full length view, and we all yelled "NO" - he finally got it when I told him "b**bs up only"
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 06, 2011, 08:40:33 PM
Sad update:

I asked him out for a second date via email. He said he only felt a "friendly" connection- and that it was very rare of him to be interested in someone, and that I was a nice and good person and he wished me the best.

Honestly, the more I thought about him, the more I was concerned. He gave a very stingy first impression overall. He said he did not go to movies at the theatre due to prices, did not have cable tv due to price, had a used car that he did not plan on replacing till it died, never bothered getting braces (could have used them), did not offer to pay for my pastry and tea, and so on. None of those things are problematic when isolated- but together they did make me raise an eyebrow. Plus he admitted to not being a big reader of either books or magazines- so that could be another incompatibility. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt on both- after all, he could have school/medical debt, and he has a bachelor's degree from my state's flagship university and a stable professional job. But it still gave me a very miserly first impression of him- I did not get a gold digger vibe, though, just a cheapskate one. Not 100% sure why is his being so frugal bothering me so much- but it did make me ponder.

Rationally, I understand we were not the optimal match for each other. Emotionally, I wish he would have given me a second chance. After all, first dates are awkward since both people are nervous. And his messages during the couple of weeks we had written to each other were so kind and thoughtful, not to mention well written.

Maybe I make a better friend than consort.

Maybe the same qualities that are an asset as a friend/employee/neighbor/etc., are a major hindrance when it comes to romance.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 06, 2011, 09:32:28 PM
Whiterose, you don't want to get involved with a cheapskate.  This is bad enough on a first impression but over time it will feel worse.  People like that are also usually emotionally stingy as well.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on December 06, 2011, 09:44:43 PM
Whiterose, you don't want to get involved with a cheapskate.  This is bad enough on a first impression but over time it will feel worse.  People like that are also usually emotionally stingy as well.

Very insightful.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 06, 2011, 09:58:01 PM
Thanks.  I learned that one the hard way.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: dinvancouver on December 07, 2011, 12:58:00 AM
For the online d.a.ting: A writer I really like (Advice Goddess) advises that you should only exchange a few email messages and then meet (something short, no dinners).  She gave a whole long explanation with research to back it up.  It boiled down to not building a fantasy about the guy AND having a very low sunk cost on him.

Sunk cost is when you have already invested in something, so you think you should keep investing to get a return.  Instead of a return you just end up losing more.

Warning: the Advice Goddess is not PC and sometimes she is not safe for work.  Her columns are great.  Hilariously blunt.

O/T: is advice supposed to be advice or advise?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on December 07, 2011, 02:11:26 AM
For the online d.a.ting: A writer I really like (Advice Goddess) advises that you should only exchange a few email messages and then meet (something short, no dinners).  She gave a whole long explanation with research to back it up.  It boiled down to not building a fantasy about the guy AND having a very low sunk cost on him.

Sunk cost is when you have already invested in something, so you think you should keep investing to get a return.  Instead of a return you just end up losing more.

Warning: the Advice Goddess is not PC and sometimes she is not safe for work.  Her columns are great.  Hilariously blunt.

O/T: is advice supposed to be advice or advise?


I think one is a noun and one is a verb. So the Advice goddess advises people.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on December 07, 2011, 02:20:19 AM
Sad update:

I asked him out for a second date via email. He said he only felt a "friendly" connection- and that it was very rare of him to be interested in someone, and that I was a nice and good person and he wished me the best.

Honestly, the more I thought about him, the more I was concerned. He gave a very stingy first impression overall. He said he did not go to movies at the theatre due to prices, did not have cable tv due to price, had a used car that he did not plan on replacing till it died, never bothered getting braces (could have used them), did not offer to pay for my pastry and tea, and so on. None of those things are problematic when isolated- but together they did make me raise an eyebrow. Plus he admitted to not being a big reader of either books or magazines- so that could be another incompatibility. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt on both- after all, he could have school/medical debt, and he has a bachelor's degree from my state's flagship university and a stable professional job. But it still gave me a very miserly first impression of him- I did not get a gold digger vibe, though, just a cheapskate one. Not 100% sure why is his being so frugal bothering me so much- but it did make me ponder.

I was with him right up until "he doesn't want to pay for tea".

Someone who is very frugal with money is OK. Someone who won't spend a few coins on you is not. You should be worth more to him than his car or his movie choices.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on December 07, 2011, 05:31:57 AM
Whiterose, you don't want to get involved with a cheapskate.  This is bad enough on a first impression but over time it will feel worse.  People like that are also usually emotionally stingy as well.

Absolutely.

Oh the stories I could tell about my ex's stinginess.  He earned a good salary as an engineer but begrudged every penny that left his account unless it was spent on his immediate desires.  So we had to spend hours at the supermarket comparing prices so we didn't accidentally spend £0.65 when we could have spent £0.55, but ski-ing holidays and Xbox games were bought with a second's hesitation.

There's nothing wrong with being sensible with money, but being miserly is something different entirely.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 07, 2011, 06:42:07 AM
Again, I am not entirely sure why his being so frugal bothered me so much. I sometimes offer to go dutch on first dates. I can afford the things I want, do not expect presents, and am not high maintenance. And I have been hit on by gold diggers before- and this time I certainly did not detect any gold digger tendencies. 

I AM a stickler for dental hygiene and good teeth, though. Hence my currently having braces for the second time around. So maybe his not bothering getting braces when he could have used them and was likely to be able to afford them did strike a dissonant chord. After all, good teeth can only help him, right?

I do have some very miserly relatives who would do anything for money, did not give to charity, and would not purchase anything unless it was deeply discounted. Some even refused to spend money on anything beyond absolute basic needs. Though I am financially responsible (eg- I have no debt) and sometimes jokingly refer to myself as a cheapskate, the truth is that I do not always wait for sales, do give to charity, and do have hobbies and take trips that do involve spending money. So maybe I am sensitive due to this.

I am probably better off without him. But he was single, childfree, and did not want kids- plus is my type in physique, was educated and professional, and his personality was a good mix for mine other than the miserliness and apathy about reading. I am already 34. I do not want somebody who has kids or want kids.  I do like younger men. I look very young for my age- lampshaded by someone we visited yesterday who said that I look much younger than my brother, even though I am almost 2 1/2 years older than him. There are things that I can negotiate and compromise. But there are some that I cannot.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on December 07, 2011, 06:48:37 AM
You can have good teeth without having perfectly straight teeth.  ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on December 07, 2011, 01:51:30 PM
When I met Mr. Sirius I was so used to dating life's losers that I was fully prepared to pay my own way and probably part of his.  It was a real surprise that he paid my way.  There's a difference between being frugal and being a tightwad.

Venus is absolutely right about stinginess.  I also learned that the hard way dating men who were so tight they squeaked with their own money but were very generous with my money. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 07, 2011, 02:07:38 PM
I don't think I've ever dated a cheapskate, but I did unintentionally deeply offend a date once by offering to chip in for the pizza. I thought I was just being a good sport and doing the right thing, but I guess he took it as a comment on his ability as a provider or something.

Then there was a guy that a student of mine fixed me up with. (First and last time I let one of my students do that.) She told me that she had given him firm instructions to pay for the first two dates and refuse any offer of mine to pay. So I felt like I could earn a few free karma points with him by offering to pick up the check on the second date. He actually took a while to think about it, and then took me up on it. I felt like an idiot--a rather poor idiot, too, because I didn't earn much as a teacher.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 07, 2011, 02:10:54 PM
Venus is absolutely right about stinginess.   

I POD.  I dated a man who would at a whim drop piles of money into his car/band/hobby he had going, only to be a tightwad on going out unless it was something for him, insisted I had agreed to pay for all the groceries when we were working out he would pay the mortgage on his house where we both would live and I would pay all the house bills while we were at the store and he had just placed multiple items into the cart that only he would eat, complained we ate out too much, and then it fell on me to to not only search for recipes, but make up the grocery list because he did not want to eat the same stuff all the time, and the majority of cooking fell on me.  It's not any wonder after I called him out about his lack of support with these things and others that we broke up shortly afterwards.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 07, 2011, 03:24:45 PM
A previous guy insisted on paying even if I invited him. He may have been intimidated by my picking up the check once- among other things  :'( I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, since gender roles are likely tighter in his mother's family's native country than in the US of A.

I was hit on by a gold digger once. He had no job, no degree, no career goals, no car, and no license. He wanted me to pick him up for the first date. I honestly think it is a good idea to meet at a public place for the first date. Another guy absolutely insisted on picking me up- maybe because he knew I  lived at home and he wanted to ingratiate himself with my family so that if I rejected him, the family could still root for him. He ended up declaring his feelings for me on the second outing (can't even call it a date- he invited me to hang out with some of his friends).

Sadly, it seems that the guys who like me, I am usually out of their league- and the greater the discrepancy, the more obsessed they are to the point that one was abusive and stalked me  :'( While the guys I have liked have not necessarily been out of my league, they tend to not like me back. I can count at least two- possibly three- that ended up with women from a particular group that tends to be stereotyped as being submissive, while mine is stereotyped as being feisty  :-[

Maybe I just lack something crucial to romance (but not friendships/a stable job/living alone/contributing to society/being successful otherwise), and I should just stick to service  :-\
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 07, 2011, 04:20:34 PM
I gave up a long time ago.   Most men look at me and feel they can do better (as in younger, thinner, prettier) and maybe Blanche is right in that they want women who are less intelligent.

Too bloody bad.

I refuse to dumb myself down for anyone or anything.  If someone is intimidated by my intelligence he is not worthy of my time or respect.  And there can't be love without respect.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on December 07, 2011, 04:25:40 PM
I gave up a long time ago.   Most men look at me and feel they can do better (as in younger, thinner, prettier) and maybe Blanche is right in that they want women who are less intelligent.

Too bloody bad.

I refuse to dumb myself down for anyone or anything.  If someone is intimidated by my intelligence he is not worthy of my time or respect.  And there can't be love without respect.

There are plenty of men who want intelligent women!  There are plenty of men who prefer women who make them feel superior.  It is a matter of finding the ones that want what you have to offer, and who have what you seek.  The matching of wants and needs is the trick.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: dinvancouver on December 07, 2011, 05:50:46 PM
snip

O/T: is advice supposed to be advice or advise?

[/quote]

I think one is a noun and one is a verb. So the Advice goddess advises people.
[/quote]

Thanks Blue!  With any luck I'll remember  ;D

I've never run into someone who would let me pay.  Even when I was the one who had asked if he wanted some lunch.  Course, I haven't been on a lot of dates - so that really doesn't say much.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 14, 2011, 03:28:11 PM
I thought I'd bump this up so we can check in with each other as desired/needed.

Me, I'm doing pretty well these days with spinsterhood. I've been busy. I also watched Michael Winterbottom's controversial movie 9 Songs, which has pretty much put me off the idea of a scrabble-inclusive relationship, at least until I get the nausea under control. Ick.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Melde on December 14, 2011, 06:02:01 PM
I am not sure I am old enough to be considered a spinster, but I can see it fast approaching.  UNfortunately, and I don't know if there is anyone else out there like this, guys do not seem to be interested in even spending a couple hours with me. They won't ask me out for even coffee, never mind a date. And I am too shy to ask if I am not getting any indication they are interested. And they never are. :( I don't know anymore.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DuBois on December 15, 2011, 05:02:17 AM
I thought I'd bump this up so we can check in with each other as desired/needed.

Me, I'm doing pretty well these days with spinsterhood. I've been busy. I also watched Michael Winterbottom's controversial movie 9 Songs, which has pretty much put me off the idea of a scrabble-inclusive relationship, at least until I get the nausea under control. Ick.

That is one gross film. I watched it with an ex, never again. The ex was worse than the film ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 15, 2011, 08:27:01 AM
It just occurred to me that I can't remember when I last checked my online dating profiles. I've been too busy with the holidays.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 15, 2011, 10:11:57 AM
It just occurred to me that I can't remember when I last checked my online dating profiles. I've been too busy with the holidays.

I've been busy myself with holiday plans and my writing, and it really is good to have distractions. I haven't been musing much on my single state with so much else on my plate.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on December 15, 2011, 11:48:34 AM
I'm trying to work up the nerve to try online dating next year. I've got to get out of my rut but the idea of it all keeps making me want to go read for six hours.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 15, 2011, 05:15:49 PM
Did the voicemail personals once and swore never to do this sort of thing again.  It was a huge waste of time and money.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 15, 2011, 06:45:12 PM
I get dates, but not relationships.  :-[

Regarding my speaking Spanish, it is actually two separate issues:

- when they find out that I speak several languages (which is a MAJOR plus at my job, and which my friend think is cool), many men I am interested in are intimidated by my intelligence and knowledge, and they feel insecure and flee.

- when they find out that Spanish is my first language (which again, is an asset at my current job, which most of my friends have no issue with, and accent-bashing comments are just general xenophobic ones instead of specific ethnic-bashing ones), some men I am interested in assume that "Latina = hot temper", cannot see ANYTHING else about me, and flee.

It is like every.single.trait I have that is an asset (or at worst, neutral) everywhere else, is a drawback when it comes to dating and romance.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: katiescarlett on December 15, 2011, 08:23:04 PM
Can I join the Spinster's Club? ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 16, 2011, 09:12:14 AM
Of course you can join, Katiescarlett--even though your namesake had three husbands. ;)

I was reading an article yesterday about the huge role that scent plays in choosing a mate, and that in particular women are likely to respond very strongly to a man's scent (not an applied, artificial one, like aftershave, but his actual, natural body odor). It made me wonder in a rather defeatist way what the good of internet dating is when you won't get to smell a guy until you meet in person. I wonder if technology will advance to the point that we can smell each other over the internet; that way we could do a much more efficient job of screening. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 16, 2011, 09:35:46 AM
I finally checked one site last night. I had a wink from one guy who is 11 years older than me and one from a guy who lives 6 hours away.

*sigh* I mean, I'm glad someone's at least a little interested, but could I please have someone at least a little closer to my age and a reasonable distance away?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reason on December 16, 2011, 10:13:05 AM
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.

Of course, I don't really belong in this thread, being male.. and married, but that's my 2 cents. I also don't know what a wink is.

The age difference rule:

"Take the older person's age and divide it by two, then add 7. That's the youngest person they are allowed to date without raising the eyebrows of society."
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 16, 2011, 11:09:56 AM
I haven't necessarily ruled him out, but based on... well, lots of things, some of which don't make sense (:P), my preference is someone within 5 years of my age, and my upper limit is/was 8. However, if his profile looks good, I'll probably still contact him.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 16, 2011, 12:22:37 PM
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.


The age difference preference isn't necessarily arbitrary. In my own case, I know that I'm not attracted to men more than a couple of years older than me, and I've had a lot of years to become aware of my own preferences and impulses. I would (and do) rule out men 11 years older than me because not since I was 13 and crushing on a 24-year-old TV star have I been attracted to a man that much older than me. It may sound arbitrary to an outsider, but for me it's just the way I'm wired.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on December 16, 2011, 12:42:32 PM
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.


The age difference preference isn't necessarily arbitrary. In my own case, I know that I'm not attracted to men more than a couple of years older than me, and I've had a lot of years to become aware of my own preferences and impulses. I would (and do) rule out men 11 years older than me because not since I was 13 and crushing on a 24-year-old TV star have I been attracted to a man that much older than me. It may sound arbitrary to an outsider, but for me it's just the way I'm wired.

Makes total sense to me.  I'm opposite -- I'm often attracted to men significantly older than me, and nearly NEVER attracted to men younger than me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on December 16, 2011, 12:47:06 PM
Regarding age, my first husband was within a month of my age.  The father of my child is 8 years younger than I am.  My second (late) husband was 9 years younger than I am.  My current boyfriend is 8 years older than I am.  I think I am attracted to people, not age groups, especially because so many people do not look their age!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: ilrag on December 16, 2011, 12:50:39 PM
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.

Of course, I don't really belong in this thread, being male.. and married, but that's my 2 cents. I also don't know what a wink is.

The age difference rule:

"Take the older person's age and divide it by two, then add 7. That's the youngest person they are allowed to date without raising the eyebrows of society."

This isn't an actual rule that means anything, it's something guys in their late 20's say to feel better about hitting on college chicks. Generally when I hear a man say something like that it's red flag central.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reason on December 16, 2011, 01:48:15 PM
There is nothing wrong with guys in their late 20's hitting on college chicks, provided everything is consensual and on an equal level.

My point is that age is just a number and nobody wants to miss out on a special relationship just because they were held back by some preconceived notions. Wonderflonium clearly has other reasons for refusing this particular romantic engagement which are perfectly valid, but age alone means nothing.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DuBois on December 16, 2011, 02:09:48 PM
There is nothing wrong with guys in their late 20's hitting on college chicks, provided everything is consensual and on an equal level.

My point is that age is just a number and nobody wants to miss out on a special relationship just because they were held back by some preconceived notions. Wonderflonium clearly has other reasons for refusing this particular romantic engagement which are perfectly valid, but age alone means nothing.

I think that the problem is when the guy (or woman) ignores what is said in the profile, though. I actually really, really like older men : 10 years older is a perfect difference for me. But if someone disregarded what I said in my profile (be it about age, or another issue) then I would wonder what they thought they were looking for, or if they realised who I was. It is as if they are not 'listening' for want of a better term. Does that make sense?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 16, 2011, 02:13:42 PM
There is nothing wrong with guys in their late 20's hitting on college chicks, provided everything is consensual and on an equal level.

My point is that age is just a number and nobody wants to miss out on a special relationship just because they were held back by some preconceived notions. Wonderflonium clearly has other reasons for refusing this particular romantic engagement which are perfectly valid, but age alone means nothing.

Well, that's simply not true. I would not date a 19-year-old or a 65-year-old.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reason on December 16, 2011, 02:39:36 PM
Because you would not do it, does not mean someone else would not do it. There are enough happy coupling between 65 years and 19 year olds to void that theory.

Sorry to derail the thread actually. I am bowing out.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on December 16, 2011, 02:48:48 PM
I gave up a long time ago.   Most men look at me and feel they can do better (as in younger, thinner, prettier) and maybe Blanche is right in that they want women who are less intelligent.

Too bloody bad.

I refuse to dumb myself down for anyone or anything.  If someone is intimidated by my intelligence he is not worthy of my time or respect.  And there can't be love without respect.

That's me, too, Venus.  I refuse to dumb myself down for anyone. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: angilamae on December 16, 2011, 04:11:45 PM
i want to join too!  I write on here that I have a boyfriend but he is more of friend I was once involved with and now just hang out alot with.  Our relationship is wierd.

Anyways, in my heart I am a spinster.  38 years old never married and my longest actual relationship (not these wierd ones) was 7 months.  he was 10 years younger.

My sister has been married twice, all my friends are either in long term relationships or married.  I feel the crazy cat ladies coming on.  I just need a wedding dress to live in to complete the picture.

I was on a dating site (match) and got a lot of hits but i was too scared to go out with anyone.  For some reason I still get emails from the site even though I cancelled.  I get viewed and emailed alot, which is good but I am too cheap right now to rejoin.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 16, 2011, 04:46:42 PM
Sounds like you'll fit right in, Angilamae. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 16, 2011, 05:26:11 PM
How does one qualify as a Crazy Cat Lady?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 16, 2011, 08:07:55 PM
I am 34, but look MUCH younger than my actual age. I get confused with students- even middle schoolers. I wonder if I am what TV Tropes refers to as "legal jailbait".

I am attracted to younger men- partially for that reason. While I would not rule out slightly older men- I do not like it when men way older than me message me. Would they have the energy to keep up with me? Would they share my interests? That, and I do not want someone who has children, since I am childfree. Does not keep this from having people not meeting my requirements at all messaging me. Yet the ones whom I like rarely message first. Or do not message me back. Or lose interest before meeting me. Or just give me a couple of dates before giving up on me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Melde on December 16, 2011, 08:49:28 PM
How does one qualify as a Crazy Cat Lady?
The last scuplture I did was a bronze cat. Do you think that would count?  :D

Here is a question for the panel: I am 27 and have never been out on a date. On the off chance that it happens, how do I handle the whole lack of experience thing? 'Fess up? Fake it til you make it? I am almost afraid to find someone interesting just because of the expectations
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on December 16, 2011, 09:08:19 PM
How does one qualify as a Crazy Cat Lady?
The last scuplture I did was a bronze cat. Do you think that would count?  :D

Here is a question for the panel: I am 27 and have never been out on a date. On the off chance that it happens, how do I handle the whole lack of experience thing? 'Fess up? Fake it til you make it? I am almost afraid to find someone interesting just because of the expectations

IMO, 'fake' it on the first date unless it comes up for some reason in the conversation. They don't need to know your experience (or lack of it) if you just met. And a guy who is interested in a second or third date is less likely to care about things like that. He may not be a dating machine either! :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on December 16, 2011, 09:12:29 PM
How does one qualify as a Crazy Cat Lady?

From what I understand -

1) Live alone
2) Have multiple cats
3) Mutter to yourself a lot

Of course, by that definition there are a lot of crazy cat ladies (and gentlemen) out there. :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: angilamae on December 17, 2011, 03:04:07 AM
How does one qualify as a Crazy Cat Lady?

well I think when i consulted my cat about what to wear, I think I was well on my way.  Hemingway liked the purple dress, Poe, the black and cream.  I went with the Purple.  Poe has no fashion sense.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 17, 2011, 09:35:30 AM
Well, a customer just asked me out  ???

Unfortunately, he is, well, the complete and total opposite of my physical type  :-[

He was respectful and a good customer. But I would not go out with customers anyway. And he is, without going into detail (don't want to be offensive), very much the opposite of the type that turns me on. I do hope he finds the right woman.

But for real, regardless of that, it was my first time seeing him, we had barely spoken except for transactions at the library, and why would he all of a sudden ask me out simply because I am single and was there today? He was a nice guy- but for real, the last two customers who asked me out (one within my type, another one not at all either) at least were regular repeat customers who had known me for a while.

Does it make me a bad person to be attracted to certain physical features (some that I possess to a degree, some that I do not, again, trying not to be specific due to its being a sensitive issue) and not others, if I am respectful towards everyone otherwise, do not wish malice towards anyone, do not avoid any group in particular, and have friends of all kinds? It is not that I am ignored by men who are my type- on the contrary, the one that I dated the longest was very very much my type- but it is frustrating to be hit on by ones whom you will never be attracted to.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DistantStar on December 17, 2011, 09:37:16 AM
Can having one cat qualify you if you have lengthy conversations with her?  Cause I'm 34, never married (almost once, though he turned out to be a mama's boy and we're talking nuclear-level breakup six months prior to the wedding) and only have the space for one cat.  But I do talk to her, and I live alone!

I would like to get married if the opportunity came along but at this point it's not a major life priority.  I do okay on my own.  A man would be a bonus, not a requirement.  And over the last few years every man I meet who seems attractive in any way is either married, or gay, or both!

ETA:  Almost 35.  Not until March.  Silly fingers!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 17, 2011, 09:39:46 AM
Does it make me a bad person to be attracted to certain physical features (some that I possess to a degree, some that I do not, again, trying not to be specific due to its being a sensitive issue) and not others, if I am respectful towards everyone otherwise, do not wish malice towards anyone, do not avoid any group in particular, and have friends of all kinds? It is not that I am ignored by men who are my type- on the contrary, the one that I dated the longest was very very much my type- but it is frustrating to be hit on by ones whom you will never be attracted to.

Of course it doesn't make you a bad person! We can't help who we're attracted to. All we can help is what we do, or don't do, about it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 17, 2011, 09:51:25 AM
I guess I am just sensitive because I have been accused of being a bad person because of it.

And I have only been mad at my BFF once in the 14 years I have known her. I said I was not attracted to people with those physical features. And she asked "What if God asks you to be with a (person of that physique)?" I was like "well, I will have to say NO. God knows very well (I do not keep it a secret from anyone) that I am crazy about (physical features total opposite of that). It would be the equivalent of 'if your child asks for bread, would you give him a stone?'". It did hurt my feelings. And this is one of the reasons why I am highly skeptical about destined soulmates- I just do not feel attracted to someone of those features- and I have yet to meet anyone who had those features but who was otherwise all I ever wished for and then some.

I can imagine it is pretty transparent what I exactly mean. I apologize ahead of time if this is offensive in any way. But one does not choose sexual preference any more than what one chooses sexual orientation.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 19, 2011, 11:59:19 AM
Okay I am big girl and can handle rejection.  But what boggled me over the weekend was instead of a guy saying he wasn't interested after exchanging phone numbers and setting up a potential dinner date, not only did he not call to cancel, but when I logged into POF to see if he had sent a message cancelling I found he had actually deleted his profile. 

But it wasn't all bad.  On the night of said date instead of moping I decided to clean my basement up.  3 hours later I was tired, and dirty but felt like I really accomplished something and didn't think about the guy at all.

But on another note this totally to myself do not, I repeat do not watch The Notebook if you get cancelled on or stood up. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: AlephReish on December 19, 2011, 02:24:37 PM
Oh, that movie is a horror - the only time I've ever watched it was just after a miserable break-up. A bottle of wine plus that movie left me sob-screaming. And my poor friend trying to cope with me.

At least we can finally laugh about that... several years later.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on December 19, 2011, 03:49:47 PM
The points made about the preferred physical type are valid.  However, I think you should decide which parts of that are negotiable versus non-negotiable.  I always preferred dark hair and blue eyes; what hair Mr. Sirius has is grey, and he has dark brown eyes.  But that's okay.  What wouldn't have been negotiable would have been things that are more like personality traits than physical traits, e.g. never bathing, constant swearing, no desire to learn and mocking those who like to read, that type of thing. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 19, 2011, 08:08:21 PM
Well, this is different. A YOUNGER guy actually showed interest. The thing is, I'm 33, he's 26.

I think I'm going to e-mail the 26 year old and the 44 year old and see what happens. Apparently guys in their 30s just aren't into me.  :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on December 20, 2011, 12:49:10 AM
I'm so not looking forward to my trip home for the holidays this year, where my sis is married with kids, one bro is married and they're starting a family this year, and the other bro is getting ready to propose. And they will all ask me, "So, how's your love life?" And I'll have to make the very few bad dates I've had since I last saw them sound really, really funny. Then they'll ask about my closest friends, most of whom have gotten engaged, married or had a baby in the past year.

I love them all, and I am so happy for all of them, but seriously, sometimes I don't want to be the jolly single girl.

They'll also ask about grad school, and I'll make more jokes about how freaking hard it is, and how much I love living on beans and rice. Is it too much to ask Santa for a partner and a stable income?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 20, 2011, 09:17:50 AM
... sometimes I don't want to be the jolly single girl.

Yes, exactly - that role gets really old (and exhausting!) after a while!  I think part of the reason I become more aware of being single during the holidays, and less able to be cheerful and philosophical about it, is that so many of the gatherings seem to focus on family/friends "summing up" where they and you are as the year's end approaches, and the topic is so much harder to ignore than during the rest of the year.   

Good luck with your visit home, and I hope it won't be as tough as anticipated!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 20, 2011, 01:10:48 PM
... sometimes I don't want to be the jolly single girl.

Yes, exactly - that role gets really old (and exhausting!) after a while!  I think part of the reason I become more aware of being single during the holidays, and less able to be cheerful and philosophical about it, is that so many of the gatherings seem to focus on family/friends "summing up" where they and you are as the year's end approaches, and the topic is so much harder to ignore than during the rest of the year.   

Good luck with your visit home, and I hope it won't be as tough as anticipated!

Yes, even in my case, where I don't have long-unseen relatives coming together, that "summing up" feeling is in the air. I am prone to the  "I'm still in exactly the same place as last year" train of thought.

Hugs, mbbored, and strength for getting gracefully through all the coupled hoopla!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 20, 2011, 10:57:37 PM
Well, this is different. A YOUNGER guy actually showed interest. The thing is, I'm 33, he's 26.

I think I'm going to e-mail the 26 year old and the 44 year old and see what happens. Apparently guys in their 30s just aren't into me.  :P

You'll have to update us!  :)  I haven't had a similar older-than experience (yet) but as it turned out, my last two relationships were with guys 8 years and 5 years younger, respectively.  It wasn't the age factor that led me to end things, either - rather, it was more serious compatibility and goal issues - so, I tend to think that an age gap in and of itself isn't necessarily, or absolutely, a problem.  (But what do I know?!)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 21, 2011, 06:23:50 AM
It is hard to be jolly at times. Especially when you are expected to be serving others 24/7/365 without wanting anything for yourself.

Do any other spinsters here dislike volunteer work as well? Is anyone else as jaded about it as I am?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 21, 2011, 06:56:16 AM
I haven't done any volunteer work in a long time.   The idea that being a spinster means I'm no good for anything else is one of the reasons.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on December 21, 2011, 07:02:25 AM
It is hard to be jolly at times. Especially when you are expected to be serving others 24/7/365 without wanting anything for yourself.

Do any other spinsters here dislike volunteer work as well? Is anyone else as jaded about it as I am?

I've always enjoyed the volunteer work I've done, and it certainly hasn't been the preserve of spinsters, I've met married folks, retired people, students, teenagers, divorcees, bachelors, young unmarried couples...

Being single has never been my motivation for volunteering though.  :-\
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 21, 2011, 09:51:00 AM
I just do not like being told or expected what to do.

Plus I have resentment from secondary school. To the principal, community service was more important than academics. Her favorite phrase was "empty 4.0". She did not care one bit about academic competitions (such as Spelling Bees). My strength was academics. You could not be in NHS unless you did A LOT of community service through their service organization. I did it just to be in NHS. I did not win the school's special award- four girls who did a lot of service did. I was class valedictorian- but the principal made me change my speech to make it seem like I was chosen rather than I earned it through my own merits. Again, this adds to it.

I understand that most people enjoy volunteer work. And that it is atypical and unhealthy for me to not enjoy it. But it is NOT a substitute for a romantic relationship. Why should I have to pick up the slack for others- or do extra simply because I am single? Isn't my service profession, my donations to charity, and my being kind to others overall enough?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on December 21, 2011, 01:07:09 PM
It is hard to be jolly at times. Especially when you are expected to be serving others 24/7/365 without wanting anything for yourself.

Do any other spinsters here dislike volunteer work as well? Is anyone else as jaded about it as I am?

My mother was terminally ill, and as the remaining single child I was expected to quit my job and take care of her 24/7.  I was actually told this by other family members.  No mention was made about how I was going to continue paying my bills or looking after the mobile home I owned or my three cats.  I did what I could for my mother, and nearly ended up with a nervous breakdown at that, what with the relatives who kept telling me I "wasn't doing enough."  (You'll be pleased to know that I found the backbone somewhere to tell these people to either help or shut up.)

Now, 23 years later, I will move Heaven and Earth to care for my husband.  I'm not so sure what I would do for some other family members.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 21, 2011, 04:31:39 PM
Quote
I understand that most people enjoy volunteer work. And that it is atypical and unhealthy for me to not enjoy it. But it is NOT a substitute for a romantic relationship. Why should I have to pick up the slack for others- or do extra simply because I am single? Isn't my service profession, my donations to charity, and my being kind to others overall enough?

I could go on for pages about having to pick up the slack for married-with-children colleagues who got to leave at 5:30 why I slaved over a hot keyboard until 8 or 9 every night for weeks at a time.

Quote
My mother was terminally ill, and as the remaining single child I was expected to quit my job and take care of her 24/7.  I was actually told this by other family members.  No mention was made about how I was going to continue paying my bills or looking after the mobile home I owned or my three cats.  I did what I could for my mother, and nearly ended up with a nervous breakdown at that, what with the relatives who kept telling me I "wasn't doing enough."  (You'll be pleased to know that I found the backbone somewhere to tell these people to either help or shut up.)

A good friend of mine was the Tita of her family because she was the youngest and the only unmarried daughter. She lost two years' income and the possibility of advancement over this.

One of her married sisters had purchased a two-family home and told her that the upstairs was to be for their mother; she and her two teen daughters would take care of her.  When the time came she changed her mind and rented out the apartment before telling the single sister she was reneging on the deal.  They haven't spoken since.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on December 21, 2011, 04:34:39 PM


I could go on for pages about having to pick up the slack for married-with-children colleagues who got to leave at 5:30 why I slaved over a hot keyboard until 8 or 9 every night for weeks at a time.


I can only assume that the situation is different in the US, because here in the UK being a mother has a massively detrimental effect on your career.  women without children earn 95% compared to men (on average) but women with children only earn 75%!  Women with children are far less likely to be in senior positions and far more likely to be in menial, unskilled jobs.  Working mothers have a total of seven hours "me time" per week against almost 17 hours for working non-mothers.  (stats are from The Guardian!)

No amount of early finishes is worth that!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 21, 2011, 04:42:05 PM
There has been much discussion of the "Mommy Track" in the US and while mothers may not advance to higher positions than single women, single women often pay for advancement by becoming not only spinsters but what I call "corporate nuns" because that kind of work life doesn't allow for much in the way of a personal one.  The US corporate world hasn't caught on to the concept of work/life balance.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 21, 2011, 08:17:37 PM
Oh I will gladly cover for colleagues who need to take care of their families- as long as I do it on my own free will.

The key being that I made the choice to cover for them.

When something is expected/required/forced of me, you bet I will resist it. And I am not just talking about a paid job or volunteer work. Things like religious worship and traditions also fall into this.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on December 21, 2011, 09:35:40 PM
I'm looking forward to the long weekend (only working half a day Friday and have Monday off). Being a spinster and all, I need my 'me time'.

Plus I can't wait for the holidays to be over with.  >:D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DuBois on December 22, 2011, 02:03:04 AM


I could go on for pages about having to pick up the slack for married-with-children colleagues who got to leave at 5:30 why I slaved over a hot keyboard until 8 or 9 every night for weeks at a time.


I can only assume that the situation is different in the US, because here in the UK being a mother has a massively detrimental effect on your career.  women without children earn 95% compared to men (on average) but women with children only earn 75%!  Women with children are far less likely to be in senior positions and far more likely to be in menial, unskilled jobs.  Working mothers have a total of seven hours "me time" per week against almost 17 hours for working non-mothers.  (stats are from The Guardian!)

No amount of early finishes is worth that!

Catherine Hakim says that that is because of choice, not structure, and I think that there is more truth to that theory than in given credence.

ETA My mother worked, and earned a lot of money. A lot of mothers I know work and make good money. Being a mother is not for everyone (I wouldn't want the job) but it isn't an automatic track to poor pay and bad treatement.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on December 22, 2011, 05:31:55 AM


I could go on for pages about having to pick up the slack for married-with-children colleagues who got to leave at 5:30 why I slaved over a hot keyboard until 8 or 9 every night for weeks at a time.


I can only assume that the situation is different in the US, because here in the UK being a mother has a massively detrimental effect on your career.  women without children earn 95% compared to men (on average) but women with children only earn 75%!  Women with children are far less likely to be in senior positions and far more likely to be in menial, unskilled jobs.  Working mothers have a total of seven hours "me time" per week against almost 17 hours for working non-mothers.  (stats are from The Guardian!)

No amount of early finishes is worth that!

Catherine Hakim says that that is because of choice, not structure, and I think that there is more truth to that theory than in given credence.

ETA My mother worked, and earned a lot of money. A lot of mothers I know work and make good money. Being a mother is not for everyone (I wouldn't want the job) but it isn't an automatic track to poor pay and bad treatement.

In countries where there is more gender equality in parenthood, such as Scandinavia where fathers get much more parental leave, there is less gender inequality in the workplace.

If the structure starts allowing for more choice and the results don't change much, then I'll give the theory a bit more credence!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 22, 2011, 09:27:36 AM
Quote
I understand that most people enjoy volunteer work. And that it is atypical and unhealthy for me to not enjoy it. But it is NOT a substitute for a romantic relationship. Why should I have to pick up the slack for others- or do extra simply because I am single? Isn't my service profession, my donations to charity, and my being kind to others overall enough?

I could go on for pages about having to pick up the slack for married-with-children colleagues who got to leave at 5:30 why I slaved over a hot keyboard until 8 or 9 every night for weeks at a time.

It was quite the opposite at one of my other jobs.  A co-worker managed to get his girlfriend pregnant, with twins. He got ALL of the overtime that I had begged for, simply because 'he has children to support now'.
My answer?  "WHY should I be penalized because I know how to use birth control??"

Zing! I love that. What was the response? Hemming and hawing, I suppose...

Spinster update: I'm crazy busy right now with personal projects, apart from the whole Christmas preparation juggernaut, so the good side is that I'm too occupied (and happily occupied) to think about my lack of love life.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on December 22, 2011, 09:33:23 AM
I became a widow in July and a friend of mine set up a Match.com profile for me.  I never used it, though I continue to get 10-15 emails per day (that I don't read or respond to) even though I canceled the account.  I can't really figure that out but so long as I am not being charged I guess that's fine.  I would like for my account to be taken totally down though! 

Anyway, the point of my post is that this morning I got a facebook message from an ex that said: "You came up as a Daily Match for me today!  I knew we were meant to be together!"  Hah!  By the way, I am in a serious relationship with someone else, which is why I took my profile down.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on December 22, 2011, 09:34:58 AM
I became a widow in July and a friend of mine set up a Match.com profile for me.  I never used it, though I continue to get 10-15 emails per day (that I don't read or respond to) even though I canceled the account.  I can't really figure that out but so long as I am not being charged I guess that's fine.  I would like for my account to be taken totally down though! 

Anyway, the point of my post is that this morning I got a facebook message from an ex that said: "You came up as a Daily Match for me today!  I knew we were meant to be together!"  Hah!  By the way, I am in a serious relationship with someone else, which is why I took my profile down.

I took my last online dating profile down after the site told me that my 'best match' was the ex I'd had a fairly traumatic breakup with less than a year before.  Talk about last straw! 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 22, 2011, 09:38:18 AM
...
Spinster update: I'm crazy busy right now with personal projects, apart from the whole Christmas preparation juggernaut, so the good side is that I'm too occupied (and happily occupied) to think about my lack of love life.

Me, too!  Between work being incredibly busy for this time of year and all the last-minute Christmas hustle and bustle, I really haven't been thinking about the personal side of things much, which is a relief.  I'm going to have a few days off next week, and a friend of mine is going to help me out by trying to take some decent photos of me (yeah, that's likely ...) in case I get my courage up enough to try the online approach in the new year. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 26, 2011, 07:33:27 PM
I. Give. Up.

Two guys contacted me first. I e-mailed back. They read the messages and then... nada.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 26, 2011, 08:05:34 PM
Wow, that would drive me nuts - I was the kid always asking "why?" (and still am, pretty much).  Sorry to hear that .....
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 27, 2011, 12:29:27 PM
Ugh.  I dislike that as much as when they pull the disappering act.

Had a meet and greet last night.  I think it went well.  Now I just have to be patient and see if he would actually like to go on a date.  He got bonus points for saying he isn't the type to vanish, and he didn't try to over step any personal space boundaries for a first time meet. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 29, 2011, 12:12:14 PM
Ugh, just found out my ex boyfriend of 4 years is enaged to his new girlfriend that he has only known 2 years.  It doesn't help that it totally does not go with what he told me at the time of our break up.

But on the plus side the guy I did meet off the site would like to see me again.  Too bad I seem to be getting a flake vibe from him.  Consdering it's Thursday and I got a message from him saying he is still trying to figure out what we are going to do on our date with no day, or time nailed down, given with it's a holiday weekend and Saturday night is New Year's Eve I'm trying to give him a little slack, because I'm not sure myself whether or not I would want the added pressure of being out on that night on a first date.  But at the same time there is tons of activities going on all weekend in my city so there is plenty to choose from.

Or I could just be thrown off kilter given the news I heard about my ex and just need to calm down. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Betelnut on December 29, 2011, 12:34:04 PM
Do any of you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself when you see losers on TV that, yep, have boyfriends or husbands?

A couple of nights ago on Discovery Health Channel: 

A woman who has been smelling/sniffing gasoline every 10 minutes for 30 years.  Yep, has a boyfriend.  (My Strange Addiction)

A woman who carries arounds, dresses and interacts with Teddy bears as if they are children--yep, a boyfriend.  (My Strange Addiction)

A woman who has only eaten "cheesy potatoes" and nothing else since childhood.  Yes, married.  (Freaky Eaters)

Of course, the men probably aren't top of the drawer but it still sort of made me sad for myself.  I'm not crazy yet I'm alone which usually doesn't bother me in the least.  But jeez, these women are nuts yet...

Sigh.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on December 29, 2011, 12:58:21 PM
Do any of you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself when you see losers on TV that, yep, have boyfriends or husbands?

A couple of nights ago on Discovery Health Channel: 

A woman who has been smelling/sniffing gasoline every 10 minutes for 30 years.  Yep, has a boyfriend.  (My Strange Addiction)

A woman who carries arounds, dresses and interacts with Teddy bears as if they are children--yep, a boyfriend.  (My Strange Addiction)

A woman who has only eaten "cheesy potatoes" and nothing else since childhood.  Yes, married.  (Freaky Eaters)

Of course, the men probably aren't top of the drawer but it still sort of made me sad for myself.  I'm not crazy yet I'm alone which usually doesn't bother me in the least.  But jeez, these women are nuts yet...

Sigh.

I do get angry. It is unfair. If I were in charge, things would be fair. If I were in charge, finding a mate would be a merit based reward.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Larrabee on December 29, 2011, 05:03:20 PM
Do any of you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself when you see losers on TV that, yep, have boyfriends or husbands?

A couple of nights ago on Discovery Health Channel: 

A woman who has been smelling/sniffing gasoline every 10 minutes for 30 years.  Yep, has a boyfriend.  (My Strange Addiction)

A woman who carries arounds, dresses and interacts with Teddy bears as if they are children--yep, a boyfriend.  (My Strange Addiction)

A woman who has only eaten "cheesy potatoes" and nothing else since childhood.  Yes, married.  (Freaky Eaters)

Of course, the men probably aren't top of the drawer but it still sort of made me sad for myself.  I'm not crazy yet I'm alone which usually doesn't bother me in the least.  But jeez, these women are nuts yet...

Sigh.

I do get angry. It is unfair. If I were in charge, things would be fair. If I were in charge, finding a mate would be a merit based reward.

It already is in a lot of ways though, you would probably not want to be with any of those men!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 29, 2011, 07:06:23 PM
EHarmony is having a free communication weekend this coming weekend, at least in Canada.  I might have to dust off my profile and have a look at the men it has matched me with in the last few months.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: threepenny on December 30, 2011, 09:04:43 AM
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.

Of course, I don't really belong in this thread, being male.. and married, but that's my 2 cents. I also don't know what a wink is.

The age difference rule:

"Take the older person's age and divide it by two, then add 7. That's the youngest person they are allowed to date without raising the eyebrows of society."

Good point.  If I'd gone running because my SO is 17 years older than me, I'd be one unhappy woman right now, rather than one with a perpetual smile...

ETA:  Oh, and before that, I dated for a while a man 12 years younger than me....  The only limits are those arbitrarily placed on oneself...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on December 30, 2011, 09:13:49 AM
The only limits are those arbitrarily placed on oneself...

POD, whether for age or profession or _____.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 05, 2012, 01:29:01 PM
I was getting depressed by the thread "is a woman's dating life over when she's 30-something" and thought I'd resuscitate this one. Anyone have any stories to share? I got a few promising-looking matches on Match, but from their description of what they're looking for, I don't think they'd be interested in me. That's about as much of a dating opportunity as I've had lately. What about y'all?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on January 05, 2012, 01:54:57 PM
Me too.  I had a good meet and greet with a guy who is 40, so older than me at 34, about 2 weeks ago off the site I am on.  But by his actions since then not so impressive.  Spotty communication through the site and this guy has my phone number, said he wants to take me out again, but has not asked and I haven't heard from him in more than three days, even though I asked him twice to different things.  So I am back to the drawing board so to speak for me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 05, 2012, 02:45:17 PM
eHarmony had a free communication weekend from Dec. 30 to Jan. 2.  I know a lot of people are busy but only one of my matches responded to my communication overature and he didn't reply back after the 'Must Haves/Can't Stands' stage.

I was debating whether or not to sign up fully and pay but with response like that?  Why bother?

Maybe I'll try Match - do they operate a Canadian site?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 05, 2012, 06:01:50 PM
I'm so mad at Chemistry righ now. They've sent me two different notifications about a guy who has expressed an interest in me (of course, that could be shorthand for "briefly looked over your profile before mentally rejecting you"), but they won't let me look at his profile until they've extorted money from me. I guess I must have been unknowingly on a free trial to this point, because this is the first time they've held me up this way. "Interested in Jesse?" they chirp. Well, I don't know, do I, because you won't let me look at his bloody profile. And I'm not going to shell out thirty bucks just for that privilege. ARGH.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on January 06, 2012, 12:09:33 PM
I have never tried those dating sites (well I have looked at them, just not registered) but my feeling is that if for under $100 you might find the love of your life it's worth it.

Or after a year you can say wow I wasted $100 on some really bad dates that I got to tell everyone on Ehell about.  I think it just depends on how willing you are to try something new and/or what your goal is.
 
I have a friend that thought those were "desperate" sites until she tried one and she is having a great time with someone she met on there.  Her expectation was not necessarily to meet the love of her life but to meet someone normal and she has.   Okay, there were a couple of frogs first. 

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 06, 2012, 12:56:50 PM
Oh, I don't have a problem with shelling out a certain amount of money. But I've already shelled out the money for two other dating sites, and I don't like being held up by a third, which wants considerably more than $100 a year. And they are absolutely capitalizing on that voice that says "it's only $XX, and he could be your perfect man!" Or he could be like all the other mismatches, but I won't know unless I fork over the money.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 18, 2012, 09:35:55 AM
The Valentine's Day thread in the Holidays folder made me think it's time to revive this thread. The big marketing push toward V-Day always makes me feel like a failure for not being in a relationship, and this will be my 20th anniversary of not having a suitor. But I am perverse enough to think that that might actually be a fun milestone to celebrate... if only I had more single friends to celebrate with.

Internet dating-wise, my only recent story is a guy who sent a couple of amiable emails and then dropped out of sight. I hadn't figured him for a great fit for me, so no big deal, but that's been the only activity of late.

How are my sister spinsters?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 18, 2012, 09:38:28 AM
I finally made it out skiing Monday night with a buddy from work.  He mentioned a friend that he used to work with that skiis, too, and that he should call him to come out with us.  I jokingly asked if he was single.  Apparently he is.  :)  So we'll see if anything comes of it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 18, 2012, 09:42:19 AM
I finally made it out skiing Monday night with a buddy from work.  He mentioned a friend that he used to work with that skiis, too, and that he should call him to come out with us.  I jokingly asked if he was single.  Apparently he is.  :)  So we'll see if anything comes of it.

Cool! Good luck. :) And hey, even if you don't click with him, he may have other single guy friends you might be compatible with.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on January 18, 2012, 12:20:25 PM
Still a spinster.  Never heard from the last guy about going out again. Then I started to chat with another, but he too did the disappearing act after he asked what my job was.  So I responded honestly and said I have 2, only to never hear from him again.  But I've been chatting with a new guy over the past week or so that I'll be meeting on Sunday.  Points for him because he didn't pull the disappearing act once I told him how much I work, and he's into horror movies just like I am.  I'll report back after our meet.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mandycorn on January 18, 2012, 03:59:18 PM
My friend and I were comparing spinster war-stories last weekend and she told me a doozy. Apparently she needs to totally rework her profile at one dating site because the last three men she's met from it have all announced within minutes of meeting her that they have concealed weapon carrying permits and brought guns on the date.

Now she's fine with guns in general, but the whole "hmm, maybe I'll bring and talk about my gun on the first date, that won't be the least bit intimidating for the girl I'm meeting" train of thought sort of left her cold. Kind of makes me wonder if they even thought about how their actions could be interpreted or if they'd be surprised to know how weird it made her feel.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on January 19, 2012, 09:26:54 AM
I can't blame her- that is not something I'd want to hear either. *shudders*
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on January 19, 2012, 09:38:08 AM
My friend and I were comparing spinster war-stories last weekend and she told me a doozy. Apparently she needs to totally rework her profile at one dating site because the last three men she's met from it have all announced within minutes of meeting her that they have concealed weapon carrying permits and brought guns on the date.

Now she's fine with guns in general, but the whole "hmm, maybe I'll bring and talk about my gun on the first date, that won't be the least bit intimidating for the girl I'm meeting" train of thought sort of left her cold. Kind of makes me wonder if they even thought about how their actions could be interpreted or if they'd be surprised to know how weird it made her feel.

Did they talk about the guns because they made the very interesting assumption that because she is registered in the political party in the US of A (I am making an interesting assumption here) that supports the right of individual citizens to bear arms, that she is into weapons and wants to hear all about them? That is the only conclusion I can reach- if she did not list "guns" as one of her interests in her profile.

Anyhow, still a spinster here. The only thing I like about Valentine's Day is that Target sells Raspberry Hugs- which are DELICIOUS!!!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on January 23, 2012, 10:18:26 AM
Still a spinster here, not even trying to date.  I just plain gave up a couple of years ago.  I used to hate V-day, but now it's just depressing.  I see it as just another holiday that's designed to make me feel like a loser and a pariah.

I guess I don't really understand this.  If you are not even trying to date, why would it depress you and make you feel like a loser and pariah?  Enjoy the day and be your own Valentine!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on January 23, 2012, 11:40:06 AM
Reporting back after my meeting on Sunday.  We ended up talking for 6 hours!  Looked like his picture, and since I read body language pretty good I could tell he was nervous which was endearing and a change from the last few guys I've been out with, and ended with him being a gentleman and walking me to my car.  He also wants to see me again and said he would call.  So here's to waiting to see if he calls, which I hope he does, because we had so much to talk about there were topics that we didn't touch on that I want to talk to him about.   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on January 23, 2012, 12:10:26 PM
Reporting back after my meeting on Sunday.  We ended up talking for 6 hours!  Looked like his picture, and since I read body language pretty good I could tell he was nervous which was endearing and a change from the last few guys I've been out with, and ended with him being a gentleman and walking me to my car.  He also wants to see me again and said he would call.  So here's to waiting to see if he calls, which I hope he does, because we had so much to talk about there were topics that we didn't touch on that I want to talk to him about.

I am excited for you!  That is the start of what could be something amazing!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: lellah on January 23, 2012, 12:22:54 PM
I prefer the term "old maid" myself for myself.   :)  I'm not single this V-Day, but I will be spending it much the same way I have spent it in my fabulous single past.  So many people feel lonely on that day, and that makes the day such a great opportunity to bring light into the lives of those people.  It's actually one of my favorite days of the year for that reason.  Some ideas I love:

-Call up a local women's shelter or homeless shelter and see what you can do for women living there.  Last year I put together little gift bags with fancy lotions and lipglosses for the ladies at a battered women's shelter and included a note to each of them telling them that they are strong, beautiful, and people of value. 

-Babysit for free.  But don't just sit around the house with a bunch of other people's children.  Go out.  See a movie, play frisbee, go roller skating, take a tumbling class.  Have crazy, kidsy fun.  Bonus points if the kids in question belong to a low income single mom, and you send her off for the day armed with a gift certificate for a salon or spa for some "me" time.  I did this the year before last.  I also bit through my lip falling off a trampoline.  Soooo... if you're clutzy, exercise caution and bring your insurance card. 

-Hang out with the elderly.  Bring over dinner and a movie from their youth.  Of just pop by a nursing home and get to know the people there.

-Make it a day of random good deeds.  This year, a girl friend and I are taking the day off work and hitting the town in tiaras and feather boas to feed parking meters, pay for people's fast food, give single roses to strangers, and generally act like maniacs. 

I really want to encourage you guys to have an awesome, happy day.  Because, clearly, single or attached you're awesome people who have a lot to share with the world.   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on January 23, 2012, 12:36:43 PM
Bravo, lellah!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Moray on January 23, 2012, 01:31:21 PM
I prefer the term "old maid" myself for myself.   :)  I'm not single this V-Day, but I will be spending it much the same way I have spent it in my fabulous single past.  So many people feel lonely on that day, and that makes the day such a great opportunity to bring light into the lives of those people.  It's actually one of my favorite days of the year for that reason.  Some ideas I love:

-Call up a local women's shelter or homeless shelter and see what you can do for women living there.  Last year I put together little gift bags with fancy lotions and lipglosses for the ladies at a battered women's shelter and included a note to each of them telling them that they are strong, beautiful, and people of value. 

-Babysit for free.  But don't just sit around the house with a bunch of other people's children.  Go out.  See a movie, play frisbee, go roller skating, take a tumbling class.  Have crazy, kidsy fun.  Bonus points if the kids in question belong to a low income single mom, and you send her off for the day armed with a gift certificate for a salon or spa for some "me" time.  I did this the year before last.  I also bit through my lip falling off a trampoline.  Soooo... if you're clutzy, exercise caution and bring your insurance card. 

-Hang out with the elderly.  Bring over dinner and a movie from their youth.  Of just pop by a nursing home and get to know the people there.

-Make it a day of random good deeds.  This year, a girl friend and I are taking the day off work and hitting the town in tiaras and feather boas to feed parking meters, pay for people's fast food, give single roses to strangers, and generally act like maniacs. 

I really want to encourage you guys to have an awesome, happy day.  Because, clearly, single or attached you're awesome people who have a lot to share with the world.

Those are all great suggestions for ways to "share the love", but I have to admit that I get sick of being told to volunteer as a substitute for being in a relationship. Please understand this isn't directed at you, it's more of a general gripe. Even recently single (and in no shape for a new relationship), I get this a lot.

I'll be grumpy about V day, or even enjoy it by wallowing in my alone-ness if I darn well please, thank you very much :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: lellah on January 23, 2012, 02:16:05 PM
  Those are all great suggestions for ways to "share the love", but I have to admit that I get sick of being told to volunteer as a substitute for being in a relationship. Please understand this isn't directed at you, it's more of a general gripe. Even recently single (and in no shape for a new relationship), I get this a lot.

I'll be grumpy about V day, or even enjoy it by wallowing in my alone-ness if I darn well please, thank you very much :)

Sometimes a girl just needs to take a day to get champagne drunk and listen to Dusty Springfield and cry.  Which brings me back to the feather boas I mentioned earlier.  :)  I like my sadness mixed with fabulosity whenever possible. 

Seriously, though, it's crappy people are trying to impose their notions about single ladies needing to put a ladle on it (Beyonce at a soup kitchen joke: fail) on you instead of being suitably empathetic to someone lately broken up.  I don't want you to think for a minute, Kindly Internet Stranger, that I was piling on with those Nosy Nellies and Helpful Hannahs.  I say, feel what you feel in whatever way you need to. 

This isn't directed at any one particularly, but I personally refuse to attach my happiness to anyone but myself.  I have a SO at the moment, and I am happy with him.  But my life was awesome without him and will be awesome if it continues without him again.  Volunteering and practicing random acts of kindness are a big part of where my happiness lives. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Moray on January 23, 2012, 02:21:24 PM
  Those are all great suggestions for ways to "share the love", but I have to admit that I get sick of being told to volunteer as a substitute for being in a relationship. Please understand this isn't directed at you, it's more of a general gripe. Even recently single (and in no shape for a new relationship), I get this a lot.

I'll be grumpy about V day, or even enjoy it by wallowing in my alone-ness if I darn well please, thank you very much :)

Sometimes a girl just needs to take a day to get champagne drunk and listen to Dusty Springfield and cry.  Which brings me back to the feather boas I mentioned earlier.  :)  I like my sadness mixed with fabulosity whenever possible. 

Seriously, though, it's crappy people are trying to impose their notions about single ladies needing to put a ladle on it (Beyonce at a soup kitchen joke: fail) on you instead of being suitably empathetic to someone lately broken up.  I don't want you to think for a minute, Kindly Internet Stranger, that I was piling on with those Nosy Nellies and Helpful Hannahs.  I say, feel what you feel in whatever way you need to. 

This isn't directed at any one particularly, but I personally refuse to attach my happiness to anyone but myself.  I have a SO at the moment, and I am happy with him.  But my life was awesome without him and will be awesome if it continues without him again.  Volunteering and practicing random acts of kindness are a big part of where my happiness lives.

No worries! (For what it's worth, your joke made me LOL)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 23, 2012, 02:34:06 PM
Reporting back after my meeting on Sunday.  We ended up talking for 6 hours!  Looked like his picture, and since I read body language pretty good I could tell he was nervous which was endearing and a change from the last few guys I've been out with, and ended with him being a gentleman and walking me to my car.  He also wants to see me again and said he would call.  So here's to waiting to see if he calls, which I hope he does, because we had so much to talk about there were topics that we didn't touch on that I want to talk to him about.

Reader, that's great! I hope he continues as well as he's started.

I'm thinking that maybe for Valentine's Day (my 20th single-with-no-date in a row), instead of getting a friend to hide all the sharp objects and generally being all miserable, I'll write myself a short story featuring my ideal V-Day date. I can create my perfect man and spend the evening with him, and I won't even have to clean up the house for him.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: magicdomino on January 23, 2012, 02:38:09 PM
Years ago, after my mother's longterm gentleman friend died, I sent her flowers for Valentine's Day.  While I was at it, I picked up a bunch for myself.  Talking about it afterwards, we realized that neither one of us had ever received flowers (or jewelry, or dinners out) for Valentine's day.  My father gave her heart-shaped boxes of candy, but she wasn't sure if Gentleman Friend had ever given her anything, and I have never received anything.  So, I sent flowers every year until she passed away, and I still make a point of picking up a bouquet because nobody appreciates me nearly as much as I do.   ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on January 24, 2012, 06:37:32 AM
I prefer the term "old maid" myself for myself.   :)  I'm not single this V-Day, but I will be spending it much the same way I have spent it in my fabulous single past.  So many people feel lonely on that day, and that makes the day such a great opportunity to bring light into the lives of those people.  It's actually one of my favorite days of the year for that reason.  Some ideas I love:

-Call up a local women's shelter or homeless shelter and see what you can do for women living there.  Last year I put together little gift bags with fancy lotions and lipglosses for the ladies at a battered women's shelter and included a note to each of them telling them that they are strong, beautiful, and people of value. 

-Babysit for free.  But don't just sit around the house with a bunch of other people's children.  Go out.  See a movie, play frisbee, go roller skating, take a tumbling class.  Have crazy, kidsy fun.  Bonus points if the kids in question belong to a low income single mom, and you send her off for the day armed with a gift certificate for a salon or spa for some "me" time.  I did this the year before last.  I also bit through my lip falling off a trampoline.  Soooo... if you're clutzy, exercise caution and bring your insurance card. 

-Hang out with the elderly.  Bring over dinner and a movie from their youth.  Of just pop by a nursing home and get to know the people there.

-Make it a day of random good deeds.  This year, a girl friend and I are taking the day off work and hitting the town in tiaras and feather boas to feed parking meters, pay for people's fast food, give single roses to strangers, and generally act like maniacs. 

I really want to encourage you guys to have an awesome, happy day.  Because, clearly, single or attached you're awesome people who have a lot to share with the world.

Those are all great suggestions for ways to "share the love", but I have to admit that I get sick of being told to volunteer as a substitute for being in a relationship. Please understand this isn't directed at you, it's more of a general gripe. Even recently single (and in no shape for a new relationship), I get this a lot.

I'll be grumpy about V day, or even enjoy it by wallowing in my alone-ness if I darn well please, thank you very much :)

Thank you! I am just as sick and tired of being told to give my love to others through service. Why should only singles have to do service? I have become very very jaded against volunteer work to say the least.

I am having a very stressful time at work due to being short staffed. I am going through severe allergies. I have to make time to clean the house, go to the gym, take guitar lessons, and perhaps see my friends or read a book. I do not even have the time and energy to play video games. Yet it is not enough. Apparently since I am single, I am expected to spend every.single.minute of my free time heavily serving others (including, but not limited to, doing volunteer work).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on January 24, 2012, 09:21:21 AM
Why should only singles have to do service? I have become very very jaded against volunteer work to say the least.

... Apparently since I am single, I am expected to spend every.single.minute of my free time heavily serving others (including, but not limited to, doing volunteer work).

I don't think lellah was at all suggesting that only singles do things for others.  Lellah mentioned that she is NOT single and this is how she spends her VDays.  I would suggest doing things that make YOU feel good, which oftentimes will include doing things for others.  I know I do quite of bit of volunteering and despite an incredibly tragic romantic history I have rarely been single.  I do it because it is part of being my best self.  If it isn't part of yours, that is absolutely fine!  So long as you are doing what you need to do to be happy and your best self (which often leads to the glow that attracts a mate!)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DuBois on January 24, 2012, 09:34:21 AM
Why should only singles have to do service? I have become very very jaded against volunteer work to say the least.

... Apparently since I am single, I am expected to spend every.single.minute of my free time heavily serving others (including, but not limited to, doing volunteer work).

I don't think lellah was at all suggesting that only singles do things for others.  Lellah mentioned that she is NOT single and this is how she spends her VDays.  I would suggest doing things that make YOU feel good, which oftentimes will include doing things for others.  I know I do quite of bit of volunteering and despite an incredibly tragic romantic history I have rarely been single.  I do it because it is part of being my best self.  If it isn't part of yours, that is absolutely fine!  So long as you are doing what you need to do to be happy and your best self (which often leads to the glow that attracts a mate!)

Yeah, POD. I think poor lellah has drawn a lot of  unnessecary heat for her post.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: lellah on January 24, 2012, 10:08:46 AM
Why should only singles have to do service? I have become very very jaded against volunteer work to say the least.

... Apparently since I am single, I am expected to spend every.single.minute of my free time heavily serving others (including, but not limited to, doing volunteer work).

I don't think lellah was at all suggesting that only singles do things for others.  Lellah mentioned that she is NOT single and this is how she spends her VDays.  I would suggest doing things that make YOU feel good, which oftentimes will include doing things for others.  I know I do quite of bit of volunteering and despite an incredibly tragic romantic history I have rarely been single.  I do it because it is part of being my best self.  If it isn't part of yours, that is absolutely fine!  So long as you are doing what you need to do to be happy and your best self (which often leads to the glow that attracts a mate!)

Oy.  I would never suggest that only singles do stuff for others.  I'm paired up (although unmarried) and recently started in on training to be a CASA volunteer, for instance.  I think people have a lamentable tendency not to value the time of the unmarried.  Sort of a "oh, you're not caring for your kids and husband, so clearly you have nothing going on" attitude.  And that's lousy, whatever form it takes.   >:( 

I also think marrieds often have a wrong-headed notion they know just how singles should meet other singles, and their advice is almost always silly.  Maybe that's my opinion because the only person who asked me out at a soup kitchen, was an elderly client of questionable mental health.   :) I really did not mean to give the impression that I'm arguing for either position. 

If posters are as stressed and overtaxed as they describe, I would argue instead for a new set of flannel sheets and an early bedtime and send along my heartiest wishes for a speedy improvement in circumstances.

But, I'm not at all convinced that what I've described counts as heavily serving others.  Everything I mentioned are things I personally find fun--shopping for cosmetics, doing crazy kids stuff, watching old movies, etc--that also help brighten others' day.  I meant to suggest a one-two punch of fun for you, good for others is a great way to spend a day when one might otherwise feel down. 

Valentines Day is a weird day, full of dumb pressures for both single people and attached people.  I'm personally no fan of celebrating anything with pricey meals in crowded, garishly decorated restaurants and giant pink teddy bears or of making people feel crappy for not having someone in their lives to buy them giant pink teddy bears.  I truly do feel like we'd all be happier if we took off some of the pressure to make it the most Romantic Day Ever and focused on things that are both truly fun and useful.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on January 24, 2012, 10:26:02 AM
Please understand that service is not a substitute for romance for various reasons. Romance includes equanimity, scrabble, mutual support, etc. And service is one-sided: no matter how good it may feel, the giver is still doing the giving and the recipient is still doing the receiving.

In my case, the root cause for my dislike has nothing to do with bad luck in romance. Back in secondary school, the principal valued community service (not my strength) much more than academics (my strength). She would penalize me for going to academic competitions (where I was representing the school) by not excusing my absences for them. She would talk constantly about the "empty 4.0": and what would fill up the "4.0" was not drama club or athletics, but only the community service. Yet one time I was expected to reschedule a dental appointment (I must have been 16) in order to attend some community service event (I refused to). Another time, they called me at my house expecting me to come do volunteer work at the orphanage: and they would not easily accept my explanation that "mother and father are out and they took both cars and I am home alone and have no license yet". So I was not valued for what I shone in. It was like academics- which was my talent- was not important.

Back on topic, on the 14th I work the whole day as well, and have at least one program. Since I work the late shift, I will be going to the gym and doing Zumba before work. I will be bringing goodies to the colleagues. If a friend needs anything, you bet I will be there. Isn't that enough?

And the singles meeting others through service...well, one online friend raised in a state outside the South did wonder if the service advice was given by people thinking that I would meet like-minded compassionate people that way. Nope- it was more of a substitute that would make the need go away. And by lowering standards, she wondered if the standard I had to lower involved "he has to have a British accent". Nope- try more like "he has to understand, read, write, and speak good English".
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: lellah on January 24, 2012, 10:56:45 AM
Please understand that service is not a substitute for romance for various reasons. Romance includes equanimity, scrabble, mutual support, etc. And service is one-sided: no matter how good it may feel, the giver is still doing the giving and the recipient is still doing the receiving.

In my case, the root cause for my dislike has nothing to do with bad luck in romance. Back in secondary school, the principal valued community service (not my strength) much more than academics (my strength). She would penalize me for going to academic competitions (where I was representing the school) by not excusing my absences for them. She would talk constantly about the "empty 4.0": and what would fill up the "4.0" was not drama club or athletics, but only the community service. Yet one time I was expected to reschedule a dental appointment (I must have been 16) in order to attend some community service event (I refused to). Another time, they called me at my house expecting me to come do volunteer work at the orphanage: and they would not easily accept my explanation that "mother and father are out and they took both cars and I am home alone and have no license yet". So I was not valued for what I shone in. It was like academics- which was my talent- was not important.

Back on topic, on the 14th I work the whole day as well, and have at least one program. Since I work the late shift, I will be going to the gym and doing Zumba before work. I will be bringing goodies to the colleagues. If a friend needs anything, you bet I will be there. Isn't that enough?

And the singles meeting others through service...well, one online friend raised in a state outside the South did wonder if the service advice was given by people thinking that I would meet like-minded compassionate people that way. Nope- it was more of a substitute that would make the need go away. And by lowering standards, she wondered if the standard I had to lower involved "he has to have a British accent". Nope- try more like "he has to understand, read, write, and speak good English".

How you spend Valentines Day is really none of my business.  Work all day.  Show up at someone else's office and work all day there while wearing a false mustache.  Wash the feet of lepers.  Dress your feet in leopard.  Whatever.   :)   

I'm not trying to guilt you or anyone else into volunteering.  I've had a lot of single, sad V-Days in my life.  And I've had a few dating, disappointing ones too.  The thing that made Valentines Day a day I enjoy was changing the way I celebrated, not who I celebrated with.  It was an insight that really made me happier, and I was trying to share that with others because I thought it was a worthwhile one. 

I certainly know that service doesn't stand in for relationships of any kind.  But I also believe that there are lots of kinds of relationships that can enrich our lives, and that I'm happiest when I'm pursuing as many of them as I can. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: magicdomino on January 24, 2012, 12:40:02 PM

How you spend Valentines Day is really none of my business.  Work all day.  Show up at someone else's office and work all day there while wearing a false mustache.  Wash the feet of lepers.  Dress your feet in leopard.  Whatever.   :)   

I'm not trying to guilt you or anyone else into volunteering.  I've had a lot of single, sad V-Days in my life.  And I've had a few dating, disappointing ones too.  The thing that made Valentines Day a day I enjoy was changing the way I celebrated, not who I celebrated with.   It was an insight that really made me happier, and I was trying to share that with others because I thought it was a worthwhile one. 

I certainly know that service doesn't stand in for relationships of any kind.  But I also believe that there are lots of kinds of relationships that can enrich our lives, and that I'm happiest when I'm pursuing as many of them as I can.

And this is the important thing to remember.  I celebrate Valentine's Day by baking goodies for the office (good excuse to eat cupcakes/cake/cookies), buying myself flowers, and snuggling with someone who really loves me -- my cats.  :D  Lellah celebrates by showing love for others.  The OP may enjoy celebrating Valentine's Day by loving herself with a spa treatment or manicure.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on January 24, 2012, 02:01:01 PM
Please understand that service is not a substitute for romance for various reasons. Romance includes equanimity, scrabble, mutual support, etc. And service is one-sided: no matter how good it may feel, the giver is still doing the giving and the recipient is still doing the receiving.

In my case, the root cause for my dislike has nothing to do with bad luck in romance. Back in secondary school, the principal valued community service (not my strength) much more than academics (my strength). She would penalize me for going to academic competitions (where I was representing the school) by not excusing my absences for them. She would talk constantly about the "empty 4.0": and what would fill up the "4.0" was not drama club or athletics, but only the community service. Yet one time I was expected to reschedule a dental appointment (I must have been 16) in order to attend some community service event (I refused to). Another time, they called me at my house expecting me to come do volunteer work at the orphanage: and they would not easily accept my explanation that "mother and father are out and they took both cars and I am home alone and have no license yet". So I was not valued for what I shone in. It was like academics- which was my talent- was not important.

Back on topic, on the 14th I work the whole day as well, and have at least one program. Since I work the late shift, I will be going to the gym and doing Zumba before work. I will be bringing goodies to the colleagues. If a friend needs anything, you bet I will be there. Isn't that enough?

And the singles meeting others through service...well, one online friend raised in a state outside the South did wonder if the service advice was given by people thinking that I would meet like-minded compassionate people that way. Nope- it was more of a substitute that would make the need go away. And by lowering standards, she wondered if the standard I had to lower involved "he has to have a British accent". Nope- try more like "he has to understand, read, write, and speak good English".

That principal had no bloody business working in education if she forced you to miss academic competitions.  Was there a note of sexism in her motive?

As to lowering standards, since when are men expected to lower theirs?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on January 24, 2012, 03:53:38 PM
Please understand that service is not a substitute for romance for various reasons. Romance includes equanimity, scrabble, mutual support, etc. And service is one-sided: no matter how good it may feel, the giver is still doing the giving and the recipient is still doing the receiving.

In my case, the root cause for my dislike has nothing to do with bad luck in romance. Back in secondary school, the principal valued community service (not my strength) much more than academics (my strength). She would penalize me for going to academic competitions (where I was representing the school) by not excusing my absences for them. She would talk constantly about the "empty 4.0": and what would fill up the "4.0" was not drama club or athletics, but only the community service. Yet one time I was expected to reschedule a dental appointment (I must have been 16) in order to attend some community service event (I refused to). Another time, they called me at my house expecting me to come do volunteer work at the orphanage: and they would not easily accept my explanation that "mother and father are out and they took both cars and I am home alone and have no license yet". So I was not valued for what I shone in. It was like academics- which was my talent- was not important.

Back on topic, on the 14th I work the whole day as well, and have at least one program. Since I work the late shift, I will be going to the gym and doing Zumba before work. I will be bringing goodies to the colleagues. If a friend needs anything, you bet I will be there. Isn't that enough?

And the singles meeting others through service...well, one online friend raised in a state outside the South did wonder if the service advice was given by people thinking that I would meet like-minded compassionate people that way. Nope- it was more of a substitute that would make the need go away. And by lowering standards, she wondered if the standard I had to lower involved "he has to have a British accent". Nope- try more like "he has to understand, read, write, and speak good English".

That principal had no bloody business working in education if she forced you to miss academic competitions.  Was there a note of sexism in her motive?

As to lowering standards, since when are men expected to lower theirs?

I doubt it was sexism. She was the female principal of an all-girl school. I honestly do not know what the reason was. But community service was much more important to her than academics.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on January 24, 2012, 04:12:57 PM
I don't see how this principal could get away with this for as long as I suspect she did.  It would seem that she would find a way to keep academic competition and community service out of conflict.

Methinks there was an intent to sabotage you.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Portugal79 on January 24, 2012, 07:29:06 PM
hello all, fellow spinster joining the club. and currently hating the people who treat me like a leper. because i am single and am now planning my next holiday...to which i go alone, and do exactly what i want...and i love it  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 24, 2012, 08:19:47 PM
Welcome, spinster sister!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: emeraldsage85 on January 24, 2012, 08:24:57 PM
I'm a little late but I'd like to join this thread too. Speaking of internet dating, mine hasn't gone well either. It seems like no one can send an email with proper spelling any more. And when I ask for a picture I usually get one that shows a body part I'd really rather not see before I meet the guy.  :-\ I shouldn't have to ask specifically for a picture of their face, right?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on January 25, 2012, 02:40:34 AM
I'm a little late but I'd like to join this thread too. Speaking of internet dating, mine hasn't gone well either. It seems like no one can send an email with proper spelling any more. And when I ask for a picture I usually get one that shows a body part I'd really rather not see before I meet the guy.  :-\ I shouldn't have to ask specifically for a picture of their face, right?

Oh dear! ??? That's not good.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on January 25, 2012, 08:36:18 AM
I'm a little late but I'd like to join this thread too. Speaking of internet dating, mine hasn't gone well either. It seems like no one can send an email with proper spelling any more. And when I ask for a picture I usually get one that shows a body part I'd really rather not see before I meet the guy.  :-\ I shouldn't have to ask specifically for a picture of their face, right?

Try adding to your profile that you will only consider people whose profile show a recent picture.  I got that too at first when I first joined my site, and I even got a man whose profile picture he was using was over 3 years old and quite a few pounds lighter than his current frame.  I have no problems with a few extra pounds, and most of the men I have dated in the past have not had a washboard stomach at all, but I felt tricked when I went to meet him, because I ended up walking past him at first because I didn't recognize him.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 25, 2012, 08:48:17 AM
I am baffled at how many men don't put photos of themselves up, or whose self-description consists only of a sentence like "I love fishing." I always reject these out of hand. I guess maybe I should add a note, as Reader suggested, to let them know that the absence of a photo is a dealbreaker. It just seems so obvious to me.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on January 25, 2012, 11:04:18 AM
In case I haven't mentioned this recently, how many of you are the woman whose friends automatically match up with someone incredibly unacceptable?  As in the following dealbreakers:


Really, don't we all deserve to have standards?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on January 25, 2012, 11:19:47 AM
LadyJane, I heard that one more times than I can remember.  Yet men don't tell each other they need to lower their standards.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on January 25, 2012, 12:37:03 PM
In case I haven't mentioned this recently, how many of you are the woman whose friends automatically match up with someone incredibly unacceptable?  As in the following dealbreakers:

  • He's beyond ungrammatical and you're an English teacher
  • He's all about hunting/fishing/camping and you're into luxury vacations at 5-star hotels
  • His vocabulary is limited to 4-letter words and you're a Jane Austen fan
  • He's so repulsive you can't look at him

Really, don't we all deserve to have standards?

Ooooh, but aren't opposites supposed to attract?

/sarcasm

I usually do not use (or comprehend) sarcasm...unless seriously provoked. And this is one of the things that does provoke me enough to bring out the sarcasm: that I have to "expand"/"relax"/"modify"/"open" my standards to make them "realistic", while at the same time I have to be pretty much perfect (yet not show off my intelligence or accomplishments) in order to have someone decent (decent meaning not abusive/not felon/not vicious/not philanderous/not completely lazy or financially irresponsible).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on January 25, 2012, 12:48:38 PM
(yet not show off my intelligence or accomplishments)

No, no, no!  The trick is to find someone who appreciates your intelligence and accomplishments!  These men exist!  I know it!  Don't waste time hiding who you are, embrace it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reason on January 25, 2012, 01:26:02 PM
I agree with Turtledove. There is no need to be perfect and intelligence and accomplishments are both very attractive qualities.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: magicdomino on January 25, 2012, 01:52:33 PM
In case I haven't mentioned this recently, how many of you are the woman whose friends automatically match up with someone incredibly unacceptable?  As in the following dealbreakers:

  • He's beyond ungrammatical and you're an English teacher
  • He's all about hunting/fishing/camping and you're into luxury vacations at 5-star hotels
  • His vocabulary is limited to 4-letter words and you're a Jane Austen fan
  • He's so repulsive you can't look at him

Really, don't we all deserve to have standards?

He's "nice" and he has a job.  What more do you need?   ;)

One of my better blind dates was spent laughing about how little we had in common.  He was nice, and I have to give my sister credit, very good-looking.  I hope he found me nice enough.  But every time one of us brought up a subject, the other preferred the opposite.   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DistantStar on January 25, 2012, 06:56:21 PM
Why, if I haven't gotten married by my mid-30s, would I (or any of us) not want to have standards?  As in, I've survived just fine this long with a few bumps along the way, I'm not going to settle now.  It's like some people think we're all just desperate for a maaayuuuun or something.  Oh, it'd be nice, but it's not a life requirement.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sterling on January 25, 2012, 07:08:54 PM
When I was single I use to have friends try and hook me up with guys that were not right for me at all.

I am a 5 ft tall Pagan liberal who is sarcastic and a little wild.  I like going dancing in Goth gear and reading.  I'm highly educated.

My best friend tried to pair me up with a 6 ft 7 inch devote Baptist who doesn't drink or dance.  He believed women should be stay at home moms with no career and on our first date even said that women didn't need any education past high school and should defer to men in all things.

I asked her later why she thought we would be good together.  She said "Your both single with good jobs and lonely."

I kept my standards and described the perfect guy for me.  And I found him.  There are things about him that are not what I would have chosen but we work together well and I am glad I waited till I found the right guy for me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on January 25, 2012, 07:13:13 PM
Why, if I haven't gotten married by my mid-30s, would I (or any of us) not want to have standards?  As in, I've survived just fine this long with a few bumps along the way, I'm not going to settle now.  It's like some people think we're all just desperate for a maaayuuuun or something.  Oh, it'd be nice, but it's not a life requirement.

My default position is that I will end up alone and with 32 cats ( said jokingly, nothing at all against being alone and having cats, although I might go for 2 or 3 cats instead ) - so anything under my standards would fall under less appreciated than alone with cats, so why not just be alone with cats?
Granted, I have a long time to go before it becomes an issue, but I've been single long enough that I don't mind so much staying single (that said I'm actually pretty optimistic with what internet meeting is turning out to be for now/for me - I love that boost in confidence and it cuts my social awkwardness by 2 - I have trouble with social cues IRL)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on January 25, 2012, 07:22:12 PM

How you spend Valentines Day is really none of my business.  Work all day.  Show up at someone else's office and work all day there while wearing a false mustache.  Wash the feet of lepers.  Dress your feet in leopard.  Whatever.   :)   


Whow, I think I just found what I'm going to do this year! even if it's just going grocery shopping like that (I think I don't work or have class that day this year).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on January 25, 2012, 07:30:30 PM
I decided a long time ago that I am a Crazy Cat Lady In Training.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: emeraldsage85 on January 25, 2012, 08:10:12 PM
In case I haven't mentioned this recently, how many of you are the woman whose friends automatically match up with someone incredibly unacceptable?  As in the following dealbreakers:

  • He's beyond ungrammatical and you're an English teacher
  • He's all about hunting/fishing/camping and you're into luxury vacations at 5-star hotels
  • His vocabulary is limited to 4-letter words and you're a Jane Austen fan
  • He's so repulsive you can't look at him

Really, don't we all deserve to have standards?

A friend of mine set me up with someone she considers a very dear friend to her. She thought we'd hit it off. I had to tell her that he's a very nice man but he's gay. She then told me she knew that. I can laugh about it now but I'm still confused as to why she'd set me up with someone who plays for the other team.  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on January 25, 2012, 08:16:37 PM
No cats for me. Only mice. And goldfish.

Regarding the principal trying to sabotage me? On one hand, she did direct the "empty 4.0" lecture and other guilt trips towards everyone, so I do not think it was personal or that it started/ended with me. On the other hand, she made me change my valedictorian speech to say "it is an honor to have been chosen for this award", when my original was "it is an honor to have won this award". Implication was that I had to be grateful that they chose me, that I did not simply earn it through my own ability and effort, that it was not a merit based reward and more like a favor. She even called my grandmother to tell me to call her (from my neighbor's house- phone had been disconnected early since I was moving in 3 more days to FL, and this was 1995 and things were not so efficient back there) so that she could tell me what to fix on the speech. Guess academically oriented nerds who would rather study or ace the spelling bee instead of doing community service were not.her.thing.

I do fear being seen as  a loser simply because I am single. That people are judging me and trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I could not care one bit about other people's marital statuses- yet I do fear the worst.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Yvaine on January 25, 2012, 08:18:54 PM
In case I haven't mentioned this recently, how many of you are the woman whose friends automatically match up with someone incredibly unacceptable?  As in the following dealbreakers:

  • He's beyond ungrammatical and you're an English teacher
  • He's all about hunting/fishing/camping and you're into luxury vacations at 5-star hotels
  • His vocabulary is limited to 4-letter words and you're a Jane Austen fan
  • He's so repulsive you can't look at him

Really, don't we all deserve to have standards?

A friend of mine set me up with someone she considers a very dear friend to her. She thought we'd hit it off. I had to tell her that he's a very nice man but he's gay. She then told me she knew that. I can laugh about it now but I'm still confused as to why she'd set me up with someone who plays for the other team.  ;D

I had a college friend who tried to set me up with a guy who was gay and another guy who was legally underage and in high school. :o
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 25, 2012, 08:34:11 PM
Wow, I'm starting to feel a lot better about my scanty experience of being set up. Even my worst case was perfectly pleasant. I mentioned him a while back in another thread: the guy who led with the story of his last long-term girlfriend dying in his arms. Yup. That was his opener. Nice fellow, just... not used to making small talk, I think. :)


I do fear being seen as  a loser simply because I am single. That people are judging me and trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I could not care one bit about other people's marital statuses- yet I do fear the worst.

This bugs me too, but I'm slowly realizing that I'm not as anomalous as I sometimes feel. I'm also growing to really appreciate the freedom. I think I've taken it for granted for a long time, but now I'm actively starting to recognize that there are definite advantages to being footloose and fancy-free. And it's just as likely that people are watching me and thinking "lucky girl, she gets to choose the restaurant / movie / car she wants" as it is for them to be thinking, "no wonder she can't catch a man, with those hips." :)

Unfortunately, single vacation supplements are among the disadvantages. After that other thread I want to go on a cruise, but I don't want to pay extra for having the nerve to want a cabin to myself. Hmph.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DistantStar on January 25, 2012, 11:11:27 PM
I only have one cat.  But I am generally an animal nut and if I had more time and space...be afraid.  :D

As for the single vacation thing, yeah, it sucks.  I work at a resort, and say a ski package is $$$.  For two people, the rate (truthfully, and as advertised) is 1/2$$$ apiece.  The single rate turns into 2/3$$$ because the base room rate in the package doesn't change, while the difference is between the cost of one and two passes.  I don't know the details on cruises but I expect it's a similar situation.  Travel with a friend, I say.  Better deals all around.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Adios on January 26, 2012, 02:36:11 AM
I decided a long time ago that I am a Crazy Cat Lady In Training.

Sounds like fun, but best if we don't give that one an acronym  ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on January 26, 2012, 05:45:30 AM
I get that.   ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on January 26, 2012, 07:26:00 AM
I do appreciate the freedom and autonomy.

But I also wonder if all the service and good deeds I have done have been in vain. Why have I not been rewarded for being good with what I wish for the most.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: magicdomino on January 26, 2012, 09:29:35 AM
I only have one cat.  But I am generally an animal nut and if I had more time and space...be afraid.  :D

As for the single vacation thing, yeah, it sucks.  I work at a resort, and say a ski package is $$$.  For two people, the rate (truthfully, and as advertised) is 1/2$$$ apiece.  The single rate turns into 2/3$$$ because the base room rate in the package doesn't change, while the difference is between the cost of one and two passes.  I don't know the details on cruises but I expect it's a similar situation.  Travel with a friend, I say.  Better deals all around.

Cruises are indeed a similar situation, which is why I've gone on a cruise only once, and don't go to resorts (In all fairness, resorts aren't my thing anyway).  Unfortunately, when I go on vacation, my friends:  a) don't have the money this year, b) are going somewhere else with family members, d) are really nice people but we have different tastes in entertainment, or d) not interested or not physically able.   I've gotten used to traveling by myself.  Oddly, while I'm shy by nature, it's easier to talk to people overseas, perhaps because I will never see them again.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 26, 2012, 07:11:30 PM
I'm starting to think about Valentine's Day plans. It's such a shame Hysteria isn't showing in theaters here, because that seems like it'd be tremendously fun viewing, especially on Valentine's. Especially especially if I could talk some girlfriends into going as a group, all bearing feather dusters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FWReqkTWfA

Barring that, I may just treat myself to a writing evening and write a saucy story. ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on January 26, 2012, 07:27:26 PM
Since the day falls on Tuesday this year I will just be watching my novelas.  The one in my latest sig photo is almost a Mexican version of Jane Eyre.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 26, 2012, 07:51:47 PM
Since the day falls on Tuesday this year I will just be watching my novelas.  The one in my latest sig photo is almost a Mexican version of Jane Eyre.

How neat! I love Jane Eyre in pretty much all its permutations, including I Walked With a Zombie.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on January 27, 2012, 08:23:11 AM
Reporting back, he called.  We have our first date this Saturday.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on January 27, 2012, 08:56:52 AM
Yay Reader!

I have bellydance class on VDay, so I will have people to commiserate with. And chocolate.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 27, 2012, 10:41:21 AM
Reader, that's great! I hope you have a fabulous time. You may end up being a "graduate" from the Spinster Club. :)

Winterlight, I'm jealous. My gym has canceled its bellydance class. I miss BD. (And fitting into my BD outfits.)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on January 27, 2012, 11:28:51 AM
Even if I do end up graduating, I will always remember my sisters and will be willing to climb out onto to the ledge with cookies and a nice wine even if it's just to offer hugs, a ear for listening or to keep anybody there company.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on January 27, 2012, 12:08:11 PM
Even if I do end up graduating, I will always remember my sisters and will be willing to climb out onto to the ledge with cookies and a nice wine even if it's just to offer hugs, a ear for listening or to keep anybody there company.

Aw, that's what I like to hear!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 08, 2012, 09:14:56 AM
I finally made it out skiing Monday night with a buddy from work.  He mentioned a friend that he used to work with that skiis, too, and that he should call him to come out with us.  I jokingly asked if he was single.  Apparently he is.  :)  So we'll see if anything comes of it.

No go.  It appears he is still involved with the Ex, who may become not the Ex because of their child.  Even if that wasn't the case, it would still be a no go because he's a smoker.  (I'm allergic, my Mom died of lung cancer - it is one of my major deal breakers.)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on February 08, 2012, 09:22:29 AM
I finally made it out skiing Monday night with a buddy from work.  He mentioned a friend that he used to work with that skiis, too, and that he should call him to come out with us.  I jokingly asked if he was single.  Apparently he is.  :)  So we'll see if anything comes of it.

No go.  It appears he is still involved with the Ex, who may become not the Ex because of their child.  Even if that wasn't the case, it would still be a no go because he's a smoker.  (I'm allergic, my Mom died of lung cancer - it is one of my major deal breakers.)

Oh, I'm sorry. :( But still, good for you for getting out there.

I've been busy with other things and haven't really been active on the internet dating side of things, which is pretty much my only dating opportunity. Any of our other sistren have any news?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on February 08, 2012, 10:55:32 AM
<sigh>

Can I have some hugs out here on the ledge?

I've asked friends to keep an eye out for guys to set me up with.  (In principle, I don't like blind dates, but hey, I'm swallowing pride here!)  However, religion is a hugely important factor for me, and I don't really have any close local friends who know single guys of said religious persuasion. 

So I asked MommyPenguin (a super close, trusted friend) to keep an eye out for potential dates for me.  Her hubby is an engineer in the military, I'd love to marry an engineer (my dad's an engineer and I'm a clone of my mom -- I see how the typical engineer personality complements mine really well) and am fine with being a military spouse.  Plus, they both know me well and I trust their opinions (and judgment as to whether someone is a TrueFollower(tm) of the religion or just one who randomly shows up at church every now and then). 

Of course, she lives a 5-hour drive/1-hour flight away in OtherState. 

So MrMommyPenguin was chatting with a coworker and something came up and he was like, wow, I think he and Giraffe would get along well.  And so the Penguins are willing to try to set me up with said coworker -- perfect timing as I'm going there for a visit soon.

MommyPenguin, at MrMommyPenguin's request, asked for advice on how to approach Coworker.  And all the responses are, "Oh, don't do blind dates, they're so awkward" / "Oh, just set up a bigger gathering and let them meet and see if they click" / "Oh, you're in Other State?  Really?  Why even bother?  Doesn't sound like it would work."

ARGH.  This isn't a whim!  This isn't just "Oh, hey, he's cool,  you're cool...oh, you're right, we hadn't thought this through."  I don't have local family ties, I have a job that would let me move, my entire family has done long-distance relationships so clearly it's in the blood, and stop naysaying!

Plus, tangent argh -- I HATE "set up bigger gathering and let them meet to see if they click" setups.  My childhood best friend had another friend she knew I'd love.  (Platonic.)  For TWO YEARS, she told us about each other and made a point for us to see each other at any gathering we both attended.  Never clicked.  We'd both awkwardly say hi, look panicked, and sigh in relief as one or the other got called away. 

(Childhood Best Friend was right, though!  The three of us went to a summer camp and we. just. clicked.  And became best friends, for over a decade now.  But the "casual" circumstance was too casual.  We had to be in a situation where we were forced together for a longer period of time, because then we really talked and the click had time to, well, click!)

So, anyway.  I'm just so frustrated that after a long time of having friends look for me, there's a potential guy and all the advice we can get is "don't even bother...unless you do X" without paying any attention to OUR specifics as to why (a) these hurdles aren't really as big as they say and (b) "X" won't work.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 08, 2012, 11:04:33 AM
Based on what you've just posted, ignore the advice in the other thread and go for it!  Considering I was set up on a blind date with my mother involved, I don't really have a fear of them.   ;)

We ended up dating for a while but the ex came back in the picture so that was the end of that.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on February 08, 2012, 11:08:01 AM
Climbing out on the ledge for hugs for you Giraffe, Esq.  Do I need to bring wine or cookies or both with me?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on February 08, 2012, 12:08:39 PM
Hugs, Giraffe! I saw your other thread and noticed the trend of the responses. I agree that the large gathering in lieu of a real date can be a bust, and especially in a long-distance situation like this I think it's a good idea to have a  more focused meeting.

I think it'd be entirely approriate for Mr. MommyPenguin to ask his friend, "Hey, are you open to dating someone? Because my wife and I know a great woman, who happens to really click with engineers, and she's going to be in town this weekend. I thought you might like to meet her."

I don't see a problem with your friend(s) just being up front about it. Of course, I'm not averse to matchmaking, myself, although in my case it seems like my friends have as few opportunities to meet eligible men as I do. I hope this will gel for you, Giraffe.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on February 10, 2012, 11:50:04 AM
Thanks, Outdoor Girl, Reader, and Petticoats.

Turns out MrMommyPenguin went ahead and talked to Coworker.  Coworker first said he's not really interested in dating right now, but then said if they were going to have any type of get together while I was there, he'd be interested in coming.  So we're trying to plan a board game night with another couple the Penguins know.  We'll see.

And!  I went to an alumni event last night and then out to dinner with some of the other alumni, and somehow the topic of finding me a guy/being willing to be set up on blind dates came up.  (I was the only single person in the group.)   The fiancé of one of the other alumni said he knows some guys who fit my main criteria!  (CertainReligion and interested in having a stay-at-home mom for a wife.)  And he's willing to set me up with them!

So I have no idea if these will lead to TehOne (tm), but after going 30 years of life with only, oh, four or five dates, ever?  It's very exciting!

Oh, and Reader -- cookies are always welcome, but I prefer rum in my diet coke over wine.  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 10, 2012, 11:53:10 AM
One of my Dad's rum specials coming up!

(Into another bottle, mix equal parts white, amber and dark rum.  Add in about 1/3 part cherry whisky and 1/6 part pomegranate whisky.  It has had past iterations with spiced rum and coconut rum, too.  Then just pour out the size shot you want.  It is surprisingly smooth.)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on February 10, 2012, 02:13:44 PM
Rum it is for Giraffe, Esq. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on February 10, 2012, 09:01:17 PM
I met an interesting guy at a party a month ago. We were both busy the following weekend, made plans for the next one. Except we both had work issues pop up, he was out of town last weekend, so we scheduled again for this week. I called him earlier this week to firm up plans, left a voicemail. Haven't heard back from him and we're supposed to go hiking on Sunday. I'm somewhat tempted to say no if he does call tomorrow.

In other news, I found crab legs for an amazing deal, so I'm going to have a great Valentine's Dinner.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on February 13, 2012, 11:41:57 AM
Bumping since V-Day approacheth. Also wanted to say Giraffe, Esq--how great to have some promising leads!

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on February 13, 2012, 10:05:42 PM
Good luck to all of you who've got leads and possibilities!  :)  Since breaking off a relationship a few months ago, I've gone into one of those "I'm indifferent" phases, which are actually quite peaceful, and it's nice that this one happened to extend sufficiently to encompass Valentine's Day.  I don't get worked up about the day myself (to me, it's the epitome of the Hallmark holiday, and besides, I got proposed to on V's Day years ago which led to a bad marriage and eventual divorce, hardly reasons for celebration!).  There sure is a lot of hoopla about the day generally, though, which can make things annoying and/or awkward for us members of the club. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on February 13, 2012, 10:11:47 PM
I've mentioned it previously on this forum, but my friend Sean was served with divorce papers on Valentine's Day... at his place of work.  His own birthday is the 17th. So I guess he'll never buy a heart-shaped box of chocolates again himself.

I'm going to be shopping in Target with a married friend tomorrow morning.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on February 13, 2012, 10:14:59 PM
Oh I'm having a fun old rollercoaster ride. The boy and I started seeing each other in late July last year, nothing official we just hung out and really liked each other, and then we hung out some more and still really liked each other, and then introduced some kissing and one on one meetings (which definitely weren't dates  ;) )

But then I went away for a week in January, and when I got back some well meaning friends had cornered him and told him he needed to clean up his act and, well he panicked and decided it was all getting too serious and broke it off... (positive thing to come out of it; well meaning friends learned important lesson about minding their own business)

Recently, because we stayed friends, I've been seeing that look again. That one I was seeing last July. That one that's telling me that he's forgetting all the reasons why the two of us being together is a Really Bad Idea and given enough time (and a snootful of booze) will attempt to go back to the kissing and one on one meetings which definitely are not dates...

The question now is, will I let him?  ???
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on February 13, 2012, 10:34:58 PM
JadeAngel - why are they not dates??????
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on February 13, 2012, 10:52:04 PM
JadeAngel - why are they not dates??????

Because dates require formal asking out by the interested party, and some preparation and planning beyond 'Lets hang out and play pool'

I'm joking.

They were dates in everything but name, I just never called them that because it maintained the illusion that we were 'just good friends' - who spent the later part of the night making out anywhere we found a horizontal surface  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on February 13, 2012, 10:56:52 PM
JadeAngel - don't be a hookup - be a DATE!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on February 14, 2012, 08:04:26 AM
I don't think JadeAngel indicated that they're hooking up.

Well, today is the 20th V-Day since I was last in a relationship. I'm on a roll. :) I do miss the smooching, I have to say. I wouldn't mind a buddy like JadeAngel's to share some smoochage with.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on February 14, 2012, 10:29:41 AM
Well, so much for bellydance class. Recovering from a cold+vicious cough= not going tonight- it's not fair to everyone else to listen to me hack.

I'm going to go sulk for a bit now.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on February 14, 2012, 10:55:32 AM
Aw, Winterlight, I'm sorry. That's cruddy.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on February 14, 2012, 12:32:15 PM
Today would be my 32nd Anniversary  (wow have I really lived that long)

instead I have now been divorced for 14 years (and I couldn't be happier)

Happy Valentine's to all, I consider this a day not just for lover's but for sweet's lovers!

Long live Chocolate! 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on February 14, 2012, 08:45:48 PM
Well, today is the 20th V-Day since I was last in a relationship. I'm on a roll. :)

Whoa, me too (just counted).  Ah well.  I told someone today I was, in fact, celebrating Valentine's Day.  I was celebrating the fact that I was not in a bad relationship.   ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on February 14, 2012, 08:46:46 PM
Oh, and the ex proposed on Valentine's Day, ages ago.  Ick. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on February 14, 2012, 10:06:54 PM
I don't think JadeAngel indicated that they're hooking up.

Well, today is the 20th V-Day since I was last in a relationship. I'm on a roll. :) I do miss the smooching, I have to say. I wouldn't mind a buddy like JadeAngel's to share some smoochage with.

Yep the smoochage is nice... however TurtleDove makes a good point. I can't keep smooching with him if he isn't ready/willing to make a commitment. The first time he kissed me his exact wording was 'I'm not in a good place to have a relationship but I *have* to kiss you' the wording at the end was 'I'm not in a good place, you need someone who is able to be with you the way you deserve'

The light at the end of the tunnel is that I see him trying to change... but yeah, must avoid being sucked back into quasi-relationship status.

(He gave me a 'Danger Mouse' keyring for Valentines, because I love Danger Mouse and he thought I would like it but was careful to specify that this didn't mean we were having a 'thing' unquote. Not sure how to take this... but, Danger Mouse!!!  ;D )
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on February 15, 2012, 08:48:44 AM
Valentine's Day is over. Yay!


Now the Easter candy is out! Cadbury Eggs = Yummy!!!  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on February 15, 2012, 08:54:45 AM
Well, today is the 20th V-Day since I was last in a relationship. I'm on a roll. :)

Whoa, me too (just counted).  Ah well.  I told someone today I was, in fact, celebrating Valentine's Day.  I was celebrating the fact that I was not in a bad relationship.   ;)

That was a very cheering idea that occurred to me as well, especially as I see so many unhappy and/or ending re.lationships around me. I am so relieved not to be unhappily entangled.

I don't think JadeAngel indicated that they're hooking up.

Well, today is the 20th V-Day since I was last in a relationship. I'm on a roll. :) I do miss the smooching, I have to say. I wouldn't mind a buddy like JadeAngel's to share some smoochage with.

Yep the smoochage is nice... however TurtleDove makes a good point. I can't keep smooching with him if he isn't ready/willing to make a commitment. The first time he kissed me his exact wording was 'I'm not in a good place to have a relationship but I *have* to kiss you' the wording at the end was 'I'm not in a good place, you need someone who is able to be with you the way you deserve'

The light at the end of the tunnel is that I see him trying to change... but yeah, must avoid being sucked back into quasi-relationship status.

(He gave me a 'Danger Mouse' keyring for Valentines, because I love Danger Mouse and he thought I would like it but was careful to specify that this didn't mean we were having a 'thing' unquote. Not sure how to take this... but, Danger Mouse!!!  ;D )

JadeAngel, I totally agree that you deserve a real beau who will commit--I hope I didn't sound like I meant otherwise. I can just see how very tempting it would be to accept smooches on less-than-optimal terms. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on February 15, 2012, 06:21:32 PM
JadeAngel - why are they not dates??????

Because dates require formal asking out by the interested party, and some preparation and planning beyond 'Lets hang out and play pool'

I'm joking.

They were dates in everything but name, I just never called them that because it maintained the illusion that we were 'just good friends' - who spent the later part of the night making out anywhere we found a horizontal surface  ;D

Wait, are you in my relationship too? >< -
I'm in a bit of the same situation, as in, he could as well be my 'boyfriend' but for the label (or lack thereoff ) that we have.
But, since he is not in a 'dating place', in a 'serious' or 'long term' or what-have-you, we are not 'dating' per see so I miss on couple's stuff and PDA and actually knowing that I have a boyfriend.
Which is stupid because we clicked well together, we probably spend as much time as a couple IMing everyday, we have not-dates too... ( And he's a gentle guy, affectionate if he thinks you're not looking - otherwise he plays tough, well read, understand his fellows humans, 9 year my senior but the age difference is not felt at all - so he kind of raised my expectation a lot for future candidates)
( but I know where he's coming from: breaking up with previous soon-to-be-married ex can put a crimp on a guys "let's be open and have feelings and possibly get hurt" ).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on February 15, 2012, 07:43:28 PM
( but I know where he's coming from: breaking up with previous soon-to-be-married ex can put a crimp on a guys "let's be open and have feelings and possibly get hurt" ).

So long as you are happy with the status quo, great.  But he is telling you he does not want a relationship with you.  You deserve better!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on February 15, 2012, 08:27:44 PM
( but I know where he's coming from: breaking up with previous soon-to-be-married ex can put a crimp on a guys "let's be open and have feelings and possibly get hurt" ).

So long as you are happy with the status quo, great.  But he is telling you he does not want a relationship with you.  You deserve better!

I know  :-\, for now I'm ok with it, he was always upfront about it at least, it kept me from developing amorous feelings although I'm starting to think that I'll soon have to put an end to this to avoid being sucked up in a "well maybe he'll change!" situation ( I'm not saying it doesn't happen of course, I just know for him it won't any time soon) since I'm getting attached.
Plus, he's 32, I'm 23, he'll soon get back into that peer/family/society pressure of "when are you getting settled-married-have kids" and the whole I'm a responsible adult - while I'm barely finishing my master this year ( I'm not even sure I'll be in the same city/country in two month)
I told myself, as long as we are having fun and I'm not getting angsty about it it's ok - and it's refreshing to have someone I can use 'big words' with, at least I think I could keep him as a good friend.

( and meanwhile I'm trying to inch closer to a guy in my class, see if maybe he would be interested and if one day I could 'make a move'. But he's the kind who would need a big, blinking lighted sign spelling "hey! I think I like you, would you want to go have a drink someday?" "blink blink, nudge nudge" "yes, I'm trying to hit on you")


Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on February 15, 2012, 08:36:57 PM
Carotte, your post made me smile.  You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and a healthy attitude about things.  :)  I didn't realize how young you are!  You have plenty of time to determine what you want, and it seems you are realistic about the situations you are currently in.  That, in my experience, is a MAJOR asset!  I just didn't want you to sell yourself short - in my experience and in the experience of my friends, men who say they don't want a relationship mean it, and women who hope they change find they wasted days, weeks, months, YEARS of their lives. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on February 15, 2012, 08:54:17 PM
Carotte, your post made me smile.  You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and a healthy attitude about things.  :)  I didn't realize how young you are!  You have plenty of time to determine what you want, and it seems you are realistic about the situations you are currently in.  That, in my experience, is a MAJOR asset!  I just didn't want you to sell yourself short - in my experience and in the experience of my friends, men who say they don't want a relationship mean it, and women who hope they change find they wasted days, weeks, months, YEARS of their lives.

So true, as they say the only time you can change a man is when he's in diapers  :P

I am in a similar position to Carotte, the major difference being that my guy is four years younger than me as opposed to nine years older and the main issue is that he still lives at home with his parents not because he has to, he has lived out of home before, just because it was more convenient and also financially more suitable (he's been able to put aside large chunks of his wages because he doesn't have to pay rent), so I think he feels that he needs to establish himself a little bit more in his work and by getting his own place in order to feel more like he is 'equal' with me and perceived as equal with me, who has a 'career' that I quite love and rented property to live in, and that he could 'take care' of me if it was required.

Personally I don't need these things, I think he's great just the way he is, but I recognise that he needs these things for himself before he can share them with me. So we shall see...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on March 06, 2012, 11:49:42 AM
*Climbs back out on the ledge, carrying a huge banana split sundae and spoons for all*


I have been dating a guy for about 4 months. We seemed to hit it off great and had a lot in common. At first I was ok with not being able to see him when he had his kids. I figured it would take some time for him to trust me. Well, recently his kids take up even more of his time and he has done nothing to include me in any of it, even though it would be possible. As a result, all the time I have to look forward to having with him is one dinner a week, no weekends, no day time outings.   :'(   He is very passive when it comes to pushing his 'ex' to pursue divorce proceedings. He's letting her get the benefit of his time/money after 2 years of living apart but no effort has been made on either of their parts to finalize the divorce.    I'm done with him but I am so sad that I let my heart open up, only to be disppointed that he is 'just not that into me'  *sigh*
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on March 06, 2012, 11:56:03 AM
I'm done with him but I am so sad that I let my heart open up, only to be disppointed that he is 'just not that into me'  *sigh*

:(  Did you express your discomfort with what he was offering you and ask to be more involved?  I would at least be straight with him about what you need and see whether he makes any changes.  He might not know that or why you are upset, and depending on the ages of his kids, he might legitimately not realize you want to be involved (and may have legitimate reasons for not involving you more).  Talk to him about this!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on March 06, 2012, 12:28:22 PM
I'm done with him but I am so sad that I let my heart open up, only to be disppointed that he is 'just not that into me'  *sigh*

:(  Did you express your discomfort with what he was offering you and ask to be more involved?  I would at least be straight with him about what you need and see whether he makes any changes.  He might not know that or why you are upset, and depending on the ages of his kids, he might legitimately not realize you want to be involved (and may have legitimate reasons for not involving you more).  Talk to him about this!

Thank you for your concern.  I have several times over the last month asked him if I could be more invloved and even provided direct examples on things I could do with him and his boys. For example, I'd love to go watch him coach the little league team games on some Saturdays. I told him I didn't even expect him to talk to me because he would be too busy.  He came up with a ton of excuses why I wouldn't *want* to do that.

He has not even invited me over to his house to play games with his son's on Friday or Saturday nights. I have invited him to bring his son's over to my house where we could play video games, play with my puppy, watch movies and such but "<older son> would not be comfortable because it's not his house."  He mentioned meeting for lunch at local pizza place one Sunday, and then a half hour before called and said that <younger son> wanted to go to McDonalds instead. Seeing as how I had a headache and wasn't up for fast food/playground, I took a 'rain check' that has never been honored even though I have suggested various places over the last month or so.

I just don't think he is the right frame of mind to include anyone into his boys life at this point in his life. It may change in the future, but I deserve more than I am getting from him right now.  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on March 06, 2012, 12:30:38 PM
I just don't think he is the right frame of mind to include anyone into his boys life at this point in his life. It may change in the future, but I deserve more than I am getting from him right now.  :(

Ah.  You are absolutely right.  I am sorry.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on March 06, 2012, 12:48:23 PM
I just don't think he is the right frame of mind to include anyone into his boys life at this point in his life. It may change in the future, but I deserve more than I am getting from him right now.  :(

Ah.  You are absolutely right.  I am sorry.

I concur, you're right.  You do deserve more than that.  {{{hugs}}}  I've got brownie mix at home, after work I'll whip up a batch and bring 'em out to the ledge, 'k?  Unless you want hash-brown-crust quiche.  That's already made!

{{{hugs}}} again.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on March 06, 2012, 01:01:30 PM
I knew I could count on you guys. *offers some of her sundae after adding more chocolate*

Girrafe, Esq, I can has both?  ;D    Mmmmm brownies!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on March 06, 2012, 01:06:24 PM
((hugs))) I have chocolate pudding and chocolate pie in the fridge I can bring out to the ledge.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on March 09, 2012, 11:04:26 PM
So sorry to hear it turned out that way, WhiteTigerCub.  It's incredibly hard when we get our hopes up, reasonably enough because a connection seems promising, then run into obstacles or warning flags later on.  I begin to think I'm permanently parked on the ledge, so if any goodies are in short supply, I'll volunteer to bring or bake them.  :) 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on March 10, 2012, 01:35:45 PM
Hugs too, it's at least a good thing to realize it now than keeping grasping at nothing. Hard to do and stuff, but maybe better in the long run.

I don't want to give myself any hope or false ideas, but oh my would I like the coffee I had this afternoon to be a chance to get down from this ledge.
Sweet, really cute, seems really nice and very well educated, curious and intelligent guy. The kind I'm starting to think is too perfect to be true ( proof: he's in my country for his studies so he probably won't be around for a long time, not that I'm looking for a husband or anything).
But I don't really know if it was a date*, if he's actually looking for someone or if he would like to see me again. Holly Dalek this whole "dating/looking for someone" is hard.

*because we meet through a dating website, that kind of double as a 'just meeting new people for friendship' kind of deal, so for all I know he just wanted to spend some time with someone who has similar interest ( but happen to be a single person of the opposite gender persuasion )
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on March 10, 2012, 04:18:08 PM
(((hugs))), WhiteTigerCub, and crossed fingers, Carotte.

I had a "wink" from a guy on Match, whose profile was (gasp!) articulate and straightforward, someone I thought I really might click with. I wrote him back and haven't heard a thing... I think it's been about a week now. I guess he had second thoughts. :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on March 10, 2012, 07:37:40 PM
One week is starting to get a bit much ( but you never know). Does a wink involve a message? or is it just like a 'poke', kind of a 'hi, I was on your profile, liked it, you can make a move if you want to' ?
 

After reading the "bad dates" topic on ehell I'm starting to think that I
1) had a lot of luck with the 3 or 4 odd dates that I might have had (counting the ones I'm not actually sure were dates)
2) hopefully never made into the crazy girl-folder of those guys, probably just the naive/no use for me folder and that
3) it's a good thing to have standards and be prepared/ok to spend some time alone rather than suffering with a stupid-head (back up plan: get cats, lots of them).
Ehell also taught me that it's still polite to decline anything if I don't feel ok with it, no need to be a doormat for the sake of 'etiquette'.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on March 11, 2012, 10:28:34 AM
One week is starting to get a bit much ( but you never know). Does a wink involve a message? or is it just like a 'poke', kind of a 'hi, I was on your profile, liked it, you can make a move if you want to' ?
 

After reading the "bad dates" topic on ehell I'm starting to think that I
1) had a lot of luck with the 3 or 4 odd dates that I might have had (counting the ones I'm not actually sure were dates)
2) hopefully never made into the crazy girl-folder of those guys, probably just the naive/no use for me folder and that
3) it's a good thing to have standards and be prepared/ok to spend some time alone rather than suffering with a stupid-head (back up plan: get cats, lots of them).
Ehell also taught me that it's still polite to decline anything if I don't feel ok with it, no need to be a doormat for the sake of 'etiquette'.

Yes, a wink seems to be like a poke. There's no message.

I definitely concur with the importance of having standards and boundaries!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on March 12, 2012, 09:45:06 AM
I was just reading this article about singleness:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/some-people-never-find-the-love-of-their-lives-and-live-to-tell-about-it/2012/01/13/gIQAB0S43Q_story.html (http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/some-people-never-find-the-love-of-their-lives-and-live-to-tell-about-it/2012/01/13/gIQAB0S43Q_story.html)

I liked some parts of it, but it struck me that all the people they talk about have had very active dating and romantic lives, even if no one person ever "stuck." I think if I'd had more romance in my life--even if it wasn't the really long-term kind--I wouldn't feel so down now.

Looking back, it seems like for a long time I had too many anxieties to pursue the romantic possibilities that offered, or to seek better ones; whereas now that I feel like I'm a better-adjusted person, I'm no longer young, thin, or pretty, so I'm really out of luck in finding someone. <sigh>
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on March 12, 2012, 09:56:02 AM
Looking back, it seems like for a long time I had too many anxieties to pursue the romantic possibilities that offered, or to seek better ones; whereas now that I feel like I'm a better-adjusted person, I'm no longer young, thin, or pretty, so I'm really out of luck in finding someone. <sigh>

No, no, no.  First, you can still find someone even if you are exactly how you are today.  You just might not have as many options, and you might have to open up your mind to dating someone who is not young, thin, or handsome.  Focus on the "I am a better-adjusted person" part and forget the "I am not young, thin or pretty" part (and you are probably judging yourself too harshly!)! 

Second, putting your efforts into being the best "you" you can be will bring you personal satisfaction and will likely attract people to you.  I know it is cliche, but it is true: being happy and exuding joy is a giant part of what makes people attractive.  Don't give up!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on March 12, 2012, 10:53:28 AM
Looking back, it seems like for a long time I had too many anxieties to pursue the romantic possibilities that offered, or to seek better ones; whereas now that I feel like I'm a better-adjusted person, I'm no longer young, thin, or pretty, so I'm really out of luck in finding someone. <sigh>

No, no, no.  First, you can still find someone even if you are exactly how you are today.  You just might not have as many options, and you might have to open up your mind to dating someone who is not young, thin, or handsome.  Focus on the "I am a better-adjusted person" part and forget the "I am not young, thin or pretty" part (and you are probably judging yourself too harshly!)! 

Second, putting your efforts into being the best "you" you can be will bring you personal satisfaction and will likely attract people to you.  I know it is cliche, but it is true: being happy and exuding joy is a giant part of what makes people attractive.  Don't give up!

I appreciate the support, TD. :) It's not that I'm really looks- or youth-oriented. I'm just facing an unpleasant truth about my viability in the marketplace. I might be happier, though, if I didn't read articles about being single!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on March 12, 2012, 11:56:38 AM
I am happily in a solid relationship, but seven months ago, on paper, I should have thrown in the towel and given up: I was an approaching 40, divorced AND widowed woman with PTSD who is also the single mother of a toddler parented by yet another man. Who would want someone with that baggage? On paper, no one. In reality, it turns out a pretty awesome guy did and does.

On paper he would be a pushing 50, divorced father of three teenagers. Yuck! I am not interested in that at all! Except it turns out I am.

Don't give up or make boxes for yourself or others!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on March 15, 2012, 11:31:48 AM
(((hugs))), WhiteTigerCub, and crossed fingers, Carotte.

well, no dice, didn't hear from him since ( he might also be really occupied, I know that I myself sometimes can take days/week to have the time to answer ). I'm not gonna loose any sleep over that, but he did seem like a nice guy just to know ( not date or anything, I'm always happy just meeting new people for the sake of working on my social anxiety ), I just hope I didn't come across as crazy or weird or something.
I know I talked a lot ( I'm a nervous talker, it's either I don't pip a word or talk a mile a minute ) but I tried to ask questions and stuffs..
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on March 15, 2012, 11:55:09 AM
(((hugs))), WhiteTigerCub, and crossed fingers, Carotte.

well, no dice, didn't hear from him since ( he might also be really occupied, I know that I myself sometimes can take days/week to have the time to answer ). I'm not gonna loose any sleep over that, but he did seem like a nice guy just to know ( not date or anything, I'm always happy just meeting new people for the sake of working on my social anxiety ), I just hope I didn't come across as crazy or weird or something.
I know I talked a lot ( I'm a nervous talker, it's either I don't pip a word or talk a mile a minute ) but I tried to ask questions and stuffs..

I'm sorry you haven't heard from him. But I'm glad you sound like you're doing just fine despite that!

I didn't hear back from the wink guy on Match after I emailed him. I got matched on Chemistry with a guy who sounded like someone I might really hit it off with, and for once took the initiative and emailed him. Nothing so far.

Yesterday I was feeling quite down about my lack of love life. But I'm on an even keel today, thank goodness.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on March 18, 2012, 01:30:45 PM
I hope you got a reply Petticoats!

I know I'm still a bit puzzled by a good handful of conversations that had started ( never by me actually ), but somehow stopped short after a few messages ( well I mean I never received an answer ).
Karma I guess because I realize that I've done it too, so from now on I'll try to 'finalize' convos when I rather not continue instead of not answering.
A simple 'It was nice talking to you but I don't think we have much in common, I don't think carrying this conversation further would get us anywhere.' or something along those lines.
Hopefully if more people start using this kind of things dating won't be such a headache... (who am I kidding, but I think it's still the right thing to do).
That said I still think that there's no need to answer a first message when you don't want to, it's the ups and down of life.

And I decided that no-news-guy mentioned earlier had either to go back to his country because Ninjas abducted his family and are preventing him from using the internet, or that he spent the last week with amnesia after having been hit by a bus because he was in a rush of going back home to write me an email to tell me he had a great time, he is now wondering why he has that feeling of having lost something and will one day wake up remembering my name but not my phone number, and forever be looking out in the faceless crowd, hoping one day to be reunited.*

*( Ok, I swear I did not act like that with him, if I had he would have all the right in the world to never contact me again. And I didn't actually fell for him like that, it's just that without news, well, you have to guess right, so I can at least make up something that would make a good movie.) (and that's what you get when you go around riding a bike without a helmet in a busy city, it's not the fault of the poor bus-driver who now has to go on leave to calm his nerves).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on March 28, 2012, 01:55:24 PM
Carotte, your scenario made me laugh--and sympathize. I haven't heard back from either of the guys I sent emails to. I can only surmise that they're suffering from amnesia too. :)

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 02, 2012, 10:49:45 AM
I thought I'd revive this thread since it's spring, and everything in nature is pointing to romance, and also because Easter is the 20th anniversary of the end of my only (to date) romance... for both good and ill. I could use a little support from my sistren, just to remind me I'm not alone, if nothing else. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on April 02, 2012, 11:00:10 AM
You've got my support.  :)  I've kept an eye on this thread, because I seem to have the worst luck with men, and I think the current guy I am dating is following this trend of bad luck.  We saw each other last Tuesday, I sent him a facebook message the following day on Wednesday with no reply.  So I figured he would call, but when I had not heard from him by Saturday I gave him a call, got no answer.  And today I still have no response back.  Which just seems really weird because we have been dating since the end of January, so at this point I feel like I'm in limbo with our current dating status.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 02, 2012, 11:05:27 AM
Yikes, Reader. Limbo is such an unpleasant situation to be--just not knowing where you stand. I hope he turns up with an excellent explanation. :)  And thanks for the sisterly support!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 02, 2012, 11:32:08 AM
Well, sisters, I did it.

I joined eHarmony.

I have heard mixed reviews. It may work for me. It may not. I am hard to match- I acknowledge it.

But it is worth giving it a shot. The timing is right this time.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on April 02, 2012, 12:04:57 PM
Fingers crossed for you!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 02, 2012, 12:10:10 PM
Best of luck, Whiterose! Maybe you'll "graduate" from the group. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on April 02, 2012, 08:42:07 PM
Hello, sister spinsters!  I hope you all get something positive out of spring fever.  I've been very "meh" about the whole issue since my last entanglement and haven't been doing anything at all in terms of dating, but it's been six months or so, and I find I'm having "well, what if I ..." thoughts now that a reasonable amount of time has passed.  I still think I probably need to try online dating, but the obstacles of photos and profile remain.  :)  And, I confess, though I'm not intimidated by much at this point in my life, putting my face and name out there on the Internet ... seriously scary!!!!   :'(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 03, 2012, 05:48:56 AM
I know it has only been two days. But it seems to be the same song as usual- the ones who show interest in me are not ones that I am interested in, and the ones that spark my interest do not seem to return it. Some of the matches are very good- and I like the What If feature. Some of them have dealbreakers.

I know it has only been two days so far. But there is a reason why I do not believe in miracles- because they do NOT happen to me  :'(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 03, 2012, 08:18:28 AM
(((Whiterose))) If it's any consolation, I know how you feel. It's hard, no question.

Pinkyblue, I know what you mean about putting yourself out there. I worry about old boyfriends and former students seeing my dating profile--and seeing how fat I am in the photos, which is a whole 'nother issue.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on April 03, 2012, 01:36:09 PM
A few weeks ago I woke up to an email from a friend that I have known for about 15 years. 

Through the last few years he has escorted me to a few holiday parties and I to a wedding with him.  I have hit on him a few times with no hit back so I just blew it off as not interested.  Friends only. 

WoW! The email said that he has always wanted us to get together and if I am interested he would like to try "dating", etc.  After I cleaned the coffee off my monitor I said "let's go".  We are having a wonderful time. 

He said a friend of his told him to go for it, we aren't getting any younger. He just needed the nudge.  Having a great time, I am not sorry we wasted the previous years as friends but this is so much more fun!

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 04, 2012, 08:32:47 AM
Redneck Gravy, that's great! I'm so happy for you.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on April 04, 2012, 03:57:12 PM
Hopefully this will not deem a post in the "bad dates" thread ( I haven't decided if I'm willing to meet him yet) but there's a guy with whom I've exchanged a handful of messages over a dating site who has been checking my profile every day for the past week or so. It's getting extremely creepy. My guess is that he checks my last logging date/hour since I don't answer every message as soon as I read them even tho I usually read them daily.
But it screams desperate and weird possessive behavior, the kind of person you expect would end up confronting you with a "so I see that you log everyday but you don't answer me! are you talking to other people? to guys! you loose morals you!".

The rest of his demeanor online is polite and non-threatening, maybe he's just over-eager to meet a girl but well, it's kind of a turn-off for me so I'll wait a bit with this one..
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on April 05, 2012, 08:44:55 AM
It's offical, I'm a full memeber again.  Climbing out onto the ledge to sit awhile.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 05, 2012, 10:44:07 AM
I'll bring the rum specials and join you.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on April 05, 2012, 12:06:22 PM
Oh good, cause I'm going to need them since this seemed to just come out of the blue.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: QuiltLady on April 06, 2012, 09:19:05 AM
Oh wow, I'm a member of a club that I didn't even know about!   ;D  Been single for 12 years and for the last 2 or more I haven't even attempted to find anyone.  I tried the online dating thing and whoa... I probably don't need to elaborate on how very inappropriate some people are.

I was even more discouraged when I met a man actually IN REAL LIFE and he asked for my number and if he could call me.  He works in the same building as I do but not for the same company.  I gave him my number and he called that day while I was driving home from work.  We spoke for a few minutes and then he brought up (can't think of the term that's often used here, board games?).  I said, "That's not something I will be discussing."  He actually mocked me!!  In a high pitched voice he repeated what I said!!!  I said goodbye and hung up.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 06, 2012, 09:23:15 AM
It has been almost one week.

None of the matches I have sent guided communication or icebreakers to have replied- even though several have looked at my profile.

I am going to have my brother's girlfriend look at my profile and give me some tips next time I see her.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 06, 2012, 09:55:23 AM
It has been almost one week.

None of the matches I have sent guided communication or icebreakers to have replied- even though several have looked at my profile.

I am going to have my brother's girlfriend look at my profile and give me some tips next time I see her.

I've been thinking that perhaps I should get a friend to rewrite my  profiles. I pride myself on my writing, so it would be a blow to my pride to do that, but I have to wonder if my profiles are why I'm not getting any responses. Well, that and the fact that my photos show that I'm an overweight middle-aged woman in glasses, but that's not something a rewrite can help.

I took a look at the Craigslist personals for the first time the other day, since I have an internet acquaintance who met her boyfriend that way, and I was pretty revolted--couldn't bring myself to look past the first page. Is there a way of screening out the obscene ones?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 06, 2012, 10:57:00 AM
I am a slender woman with curves in all the right places. I am in my 30s and look much younger for my age. I dress stylishly in clothes that flatter me. So I do not think the problem is with my physique or pics.

Having said that, it still hurts that the last person I had feelings for said absolutely nothing about my physique  :'( People- relatives, friends, colleagues, strangers, other people I have had feelings for- tell me I am pretty...so why did he not think that I was good looking?

It is likelier that it is something else, though. So I will have bro's GF check it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Mopsy428 on April 07, 2012, 10:37:16 AM
Apologies if this has been mentioned before, but I'm tired of articles that claim that biological adults are pushing off "adulthood" by delaying marriage and having kids.  ::) Believe me, when I was a little girl, I thought my uncle was old when he got married at age 30. I said that I would be married at that age. Well guess who's nearing 30 and doesn't have a SO? But life happens, and sometimes we don't find the right person that soon after we reach the age of majority. Plus, adulthood isn't all about getting married and having kids.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on April 07, 2012, 07:26:34 PM
Apologies if this has been mentioned before, but I'm tired of articles that claim that biological adults are pushing off "adulthood" by delaying marriage and having kids.  ::) Believe me, when I was a little girl, I thought my uncle was old when he got married at age 30. I said that I would be married at that age. Well guess who's nearing 30 and doesn't have a SO? But life happens, and sometimes we don't find the right person that soon after we reach the age of majority. Plus, adulthood isn't all about getting married and having kids.

Thank you. I'm tired of not being considered a real adult simply because I haven't married. I'm a homeowner, I have a career, I'm financially independent: I think I count as an adult.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on April 08, 2012, 07:13:17 AM
Ditto to the above two.  You have to wonder about people who really believe that.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on April 09, 2012, 11:54:21 PM
The light at the end of the tunnel is that I see him trying to change... but yeah, must avoid being sucked back into quasi-relationship status.

So the good update is that two months of me staying firm lit a fire in his tailpipe and we got back together officially in late March, with all the proper relationship steps (going on actual dates, telling people we are a couple, talking about the things which affect us and so on and so forth) He's gotten a job and cleaned up his act and he's making noises about moving into his own place in the next few months.

The funny thing was once he decided it was on, it was ON! and he wanted to see me every day and sent me smoochy texts and bought me flowers... I'm actually having to be the one putting the brakes on every so often (which is nice)

Howevah - I am a little upset about one teeny, tiny, very inconsequential little thing. Next week we have officially been together for one whole month and he decided we should go to dinner to celebrate, which is very cute - takes me back to teenage years when one month was something to celebrate! (lol!) But then his best friend who he rarely gets to spend time with called and was having his birthday dinner on the same night. So he called me and asked if it was okay if we postponed our date for one night, which was fine by me, it's only the one month anniversary so one extra day is hardly the end of the world.

But part of me is going Waaaah! that I didn't get an invite to the birthday - even though logically I know that we've been together such a short time I haven't even met his friend yet, in fact I'm not sure he knows I exist, so there's no way he's going to invite a girl he doesn't know to his birthday dinner. Not to mention of course that if the BF offered to ask if I could come I would have to say no, because requesting a plus one when the offer hasn't been made by the inviting party is just plain rude.  ;)

I'm sure once the friend knows about me I'll get an invite to the next dinner, but I want to be the official girlfriend NOW!! (said in my very best Verruca Salt tone)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on April 10, 2012, 12:12:41 AM
JA, I'm sure your BF will spend the birthday dinner talking about his awesome GF.  :)

I'm an intentional member of the club.  I spent the better part of my early and mid 20's in one relationship or another (without being a serial monogamist) and I've got no interest in giving up my single-freedom for now.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 10, 2012, 06:58:11 AM
Update on the eHarmony adventure.

I had gotten up to exchanging open ended questions with someone I really liked. We would go through guided communication every day.

Then all of a sudden, yesterday he was not there at all. He has not replied to the open ended questions (stage 3 of guided communication). I do not know if he has decided to close things, is just leaving me hanging there, or legitimately could not get into the site yesterday (emergency situation, work, etc.). I wonder what in my profile scared him off :(

Frankly, I am just sick of giving without receiving. I am extremely tempted to fold my arms and close my wallet forever if there truly is nobody meant for me :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 10, 2012, 09:48:06 AM
Whiterose, I'm sorry he's left you hanging. Hopefully he'll let you know soon whether it was intentional or not. Silence can be interpreted so many ways; it's a terrible limbo to be in.

Edited to add: JadeAngel, I'm really happy that things are going so well for you!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 10, 2012, 09:59:08 AM
I'm on eHarmony, too.  I haven't joined so any communicating I do has to be on the free weekends.  So usually, my matches and my responses are pretty quick.

I've had a number of occasions where we've used the guided communication and he stops responding after I've sent my answers to the 'Can't stands'.  I know which one is causing this response but it is something that is really important to me so I'm not willing to take it out.  But it does sometimes leave me hanging.

I've often had the same reaction to something they've sent me.  But when that's the case, I do immediately close the match so they aren't left hanging.

At the end of the next free weekend, I close out any matches that haven't responded since the previous free weekend.  I've been debating whether or not to join but whiterose's experience isn't exactly selling me on the idea to shell out more money.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on April 10, 2012, 10:21:38 AM
@ whiterose, I would give him a few more days, there are so many things that can get in the way that I usually allow a good 3 days before writing someone off. I'm myself guilty of reading any new message and leaving the replying for later, even if I am interested in the guy, I'm not playing hard to get, more like plain procrastination, plus I take ages to answer a simple email, like a good half hour for 3 lines.
( and unless they stalk my profile like the guy I mentioned, they don't know if I've been online since, and I don't stalk theirs )

One thing to keep in mind is that there is also the possibility that he was already speaking with someone else and maybe they are starting something ( I'm having 6 different conversation, 2 that would be in the 'friendship' folder, 4 for the 'potential dating' folder ( minus one for the stalker) and one expressed the wish to see me - if I do see him and if it went well, I would take a few days to see where it's going and inform the others/not accept another invitation. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on April 10, 2012, 10:44:43 AM
What do those sites charge?  Not that I'm willing, but I'm curious and none of their ads give a clue.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on April 10, 2012, 10:59:18 AM
Oh wow, I'm a member of a club that I didn't even know about!   ;D  Been single for 12 years and for the last 2 or more I haven't even attempted to find anyone.  I tried the online dating thing and whoa... I probably don't need to elaborate on how very inappropriate some people are.

I was even more discouraged when I met a man actually IN REAL LIFE and he asked for my number and if he could call me.  He works in the same building as I do but not for the same company.  I gave him my number and he called that day while I was driving home from work.  We spoke for a few minutes and then he brought up (can't think of the term that's often used here, board games?).  I said, "That's not something I will be discussing."  He actually mocked me!!  In a high pitched voice he repeated what I said!!!  I said goodbye and hung up.

Scrabble. And yeah, I think that's a sign to hang up the phone- yech!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 10, 2012, 11:08:36 AM
What do those sites charge?  Not that I'm willing, but I'm curious and none of their ads give a clue.

EHarmony is about $30/month for a minimum 3 month committment and unless you cancel before the end of the third month, they automatically charge your credit card for another period matching the same one you signed up for.  You can sign up for longer for a cheaper monthly rate.  They do often run deals that takes it down to $15/month for 3 months.  But this is the main reason I haven't paid to join - it is the automatic credit card charge that concerns me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on April 10, 2012, 11:11:04 AM
I'm also interested in what the "guided communication" "open questions" are?

Personally I'm on OKCupid, it's free and quite efficient. ( but mostly for a 20/30' somewhat geeky demographic )  You get matched by answering questions and they give you a 'match' 'friend' 'enemy' percentage. When you see someone's profile you can see the questions he answered and his answers ( I like to check that they are not pedo-nazi,homophobic cat-eater,drug-dealer axe wielding maniacs. )
You can also say what you are looking for - For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, long-distance penpals, activity partners, casual s*ex. ( and filter the profiles to not get those that only put 'casual se*x' for example )   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 10, 2012, 11:24:35 AM
Guided communication on eharm is when you select questions to send your match from eharm's list of questions, which have multiple-choice answers. I'm guessing (because I've never gotten that far with an eharm match) that open communication means the questions don't come with multiple-choice answers and your match is free to answer in his own words. It used to be that the multiple-choice ones always had an "other" option that he could fill in in his own words, but it's been a while since anyone has sent me questions, so I'm not sure if that still applies.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 10, 2012, 11:29:13 AM
Yes, it would be in the round of questions that are not multiple choice. Which is the third round. I sent him first questions, he sent me some. I sent him my Must Haves/Cannot stands, he sent me his. I sent him the open ended questions...no reply :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on April 10, 2012, 11:36:06 AM
What do those sites charge?  Not that I'm willing, but I'm curious and none of their ads give a clue.

EHarmony is about $30/month for a minimum 3 month committment and unless you cancel before the end of the third month, they automatically charge your credit card for another period matching the same one you signed up for.  You can sign up for longer for a cheaper monthly rate.  They do often run deals that takes it down to $15/month for 3 months.  But this is the main reason I haven't paid to join - it is the automatic credit card charge that concerns me.

You can (or at least could) turn that auto credit card charge off.  I don't remember where it was, but there definitely used to be an option to turn off the auto-renewal.  Because I was peeved once when the end of my 3 months at $15 a month (or whatever deal) came around and suddenly I was charged $60 for a single month.  (They've since lowered their prices, I believe.  Probably to be more competitive -- they were leaps and bounds more expensive than any other, but touted their specialized matching system as worth it.)  (Um...based on my word choice...can you tell I'm a tiny bit dissatisfied with eHarmony?)

Called customer service, got it turned into three months or something like that, and promptly found out how to turn that auto-renewal OFF.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on April 10, 2012, 08:42:26 PM
I get a lot of dates from OKCupid.  And it's free unless you want to pay $5/month for some extra features.  Some of the widgets on the site are really fun to play with too!  And their blog does really interesting stuff with statistical analysis.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 10, 2012, 08:47:48 PM
I checked to see whether he had logged in today (giving the benefit of the doubt). He did :(

Are any of these open ended questions problematic? They were all chosen from a list that eHarmony provided.

1.If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?
2.What do you think are the three best traits you have to offer a partner?
3.Are you doing what you love? If not, what would you rather be doing?

Are they off-putting? Would you have picked other questions? Would you have asked to go straight to direct email communication and thus bypassing this third step? Or would that sound even more desperate? I am assuming it is one of the questions, since he did send me his "Must haves/Can't stands" after I sent him mine- so I am guessing it is not one of those that turned him off.

Advice, please, so that I know for future reference.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on April 10, 2012, 08:57:57 PM
Give him a day or two.  I get irritated when guys freak out that I'm not immediately responding to their messages.  Sometimes I just check my messages real quick and don't really have time to write out a proper response.  Also, does e-harmony have a phone app?  If it does, his phone might have logged him in automatically without him actually being online...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 10, 2012, 09:00:59 PM
It does have an app...that does not work on my particular smartphone, so I have no way to know how it works.

So that may be it.

My brother's cell phone Facebook app keeps him always logged to chat- whether he is actually available or not.

But I still wonder if the questions are problematic in any way per se.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on April 10, 2012, 09:04:43 PM
I think maybe those questions might just be a little hard to answer on the fly.  I'd probably take a day or two to come up with a well-written response.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on April 10, 2012, 10:08:20 PM
I think maybe those questions might just be a little hard to answer on the fly.  I'd probably take a day or two to come up with a well-written response.

I don't seen any problem with the questions, they are not very intrusive or personal - they could even be asked in a job interview! But they could take a bit of time to be answered like greencat said.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 11, 2012, 05:52:42 AM
Well, I did check eHarmony this morning at 6:30 AM (we are in the same time zone)- and it said he was "active today". So there may easily be an app that keeps him logged in. Hopefully.

Hopefully it is that and he is taking his time to answer the thought-provoking questions.

Hopefully I did not scare him off.

Most of the other matches have done nothing for me. There are a few maybes- but they are just maybes right now.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on April 11, 2012, 09:38:07 AM
Well I am back on POF, and so far I am not impressed by the few messages that I have received so far.  One discussed scrabble in a poem using imagery wording, then asked if I wanted some and the other was a direct request for scrabble, sigh.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on April 11, 2012, 10:35:31 AM
I can't quite wrap my head around someone asking for scrabble online?

Dear me - tell me this is not common?!  Egads
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Moray on April 11, 2012, 10:47:08 AM
I can't quite wrap my head around someone asking for scrabble online?

Dear me - tell me this is not common?!  Egads

Well, there are a lot of people who use dating sites specifically to find scrabble partners, so yes, that's common. POF and OkCupid in particular have a bit of a reputation for it, actually.

Asking someone for casual scrabble who hasn't specifically indicated they're looking for that? I hope that's not so common, since it's pretty presumptuous.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on April 11, 2012, 10:59:51 AM
POF does have multiple options to state what you are looking for, including not looking for anything serious, just dating, to looking for just scrabble.  Where my profile clearly states I am looking for a relationship.  I also have it mentioned at the end of profile that failing to read my entire profile will result in any messages being unanswered. 

I've been on the site for a year now, and have come across good guys and bad guys.  You just have to weed through the bad ones, but it can get tedious sometimes.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 11, 2012, 11:00:40 AM
In POF, I did request that nobody who had "messaged others for Scrabble encounters" could message me.

Still got one or two- although the way they phrased it was not directly or explicitly (such as "spending the night at your house" or the sort).

The ones I did get to meet IRL were good people- just not for me. One I even set up with my BFF because he was such a good match for her- did not work out due to the long distance, but both acknowledged that I made a good judgment call.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on April 11, 2012, 08:32:23 PM
Well, I did check eHarmony this morning at 6:30 AM (we are in the same time zone)- and it said he was "active today". So there may easily be an app that keeps him logged in. Hopefully.

Hopefully it is that and he is taking his time to answer the thought-provoking questions.

Hopefully I did not scare him off.

I think if he was scared off by those questions then he wasn't right for you anyway. I may be in the honeymoon stage right now (as my mother said to me yesterday - you just spent five hours with him and now you've spent another two on the phone. What DO the two of you find to talk about?  ;D) but previous to that I was single for nearly ten years, and sometimes it seemed like I was destined to be alone forever. The right guy is out there, you have to hang in there... just think that somewhere out there a guy is going about his business, doing his grocery shopping, watching TV, with absolutely no idea that he's destined to meet you and fall madly in love...  ;)

And don't write him off, the delay might mean that he's giving your questions real serious thought, and delaying answering them until he can sit down at the computer and really consider his answer, not just dash off some hurried response in a few minutes before dinner.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on April 11, 2012, 08:37:24 PM
I can't quite wrap my head around someone asking for scrabble online?

Dear me - tell me this is not common?!  Egads

Depends on the site. I was slow to discover that on RSVP saying that the 'Shawshank Redemption' is your favorite movie is code for 'only interested in scrabble' - If I had known that earlier I would have wasted a lot less time.

Unfortunately there are a lot of guys out there who are only after one thing, and after a little while you learn to spot them and take evasive action, but there are others who are genuinely looking for a relationship. The problem then is that the ratios are so off on these sites (far more serious women than men) that often they will be swamped with messages and contacts, and unless you immediately stand out to them as someone they would like to be in a relationship with, you often get put on the backburner while he explores other options  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 11, 2012, 08:56:07 PM
Bad news:

He closed me :(

And I was so illusioned about him.

He closed me instead of answering the questions or sending an explanation.

Wonder what in me scared him off so early that he did not even bother answering the questions or exchanging emails with me.

Sadly, I only had a couple other maybes- which I did not like anywhere near as much as this one fellow.


It has gotten to the point where I can only cry on one day of the year- and we are nowhere near it. Why can I not cry anymore? Because of this one unmet need. Why bother having emotions, if your emotional needs will not be met?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on April 11, 2012, 09:00:49 PM
Bad news:

He closed me :(

And I was so illusioned about him.

He closed me instead of answering the questions or sending an explanation.

Wonder what in me scared him off so early that he did not even bother answering the questions or exchanging emails with me.

That sucks  :( I'm sorry it didn't work out Whiterose.

There could be any number of reasons why, but you'll never really know what they are, so for now give yourself permission to be disappointed in him - because it's him NOT you (and be nice to yourself - I reccomend some very good chocolate) and then pick yourself up and try again...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 12, 2012, 09:29:33 AM
It is just such an odd breaking point.

If it had been after I had sent him my "Must Haves", I MAY have understood- after all, perhaps he wanted children, or perhaps he was not creative at all.

But I wonder what exactly scared him off from my questions.

I AM disappointed in myself.

I AM disappointed in him.

Most of all, I am disappointed, not so much in God per se, but in organized religion, for failing to meet my needs. It's like they have deemed me good enough to do the work, but not to receive the benefits. Frankly, I do not know if I can ever go to a house of worship again- patience has a limit, and so does social justice.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 12, 2012, 11:18:31 AM
I've had a number of guys stop responding after they receive my 'Can't Stands'.  Maybe he sent his Can't Stands automatically before he thought about your answers and then decided that you didn't mesh well with him and just closed you out at that point.

I know it's hard but try to not take this personally.  I find on-line dating is like trying to pick a guy up at a bar.  Even with eHarmony, it is still very superficial and people close profiles over the smallest thing.  I have done it myself so I can't blame anyone else.

One thing I'm considering the next time I get a free weekend is sneaking my e-mail address into an 'Other' reply so that we can correspond more freely and try to meet in person early on.  I find I can tell whether or not there is something to build on by the first or second meeting.  I usually meet them for coffee the first time, dinner the second and if we don't click by the end of that, there isn't a third meeting.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 12, 2012, 12:14:24 PM
(((Whiterose))), I'm sorry it didn't work out.

But please don't focus on "what scared him off." I think it's unlikely that you or your questions scared him off. Any number of things could have happened; maybe a compatible new woman just moved into the apartment next door, for example. Please don't take this one experience as an indication that you need to do anything different.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Morty'sCleaningLady on April 12, 2012, 12:32:17 PM
(((Whiterose))), I'm sorry it didn't work out.

But please don't focus on "what scared him off." I think it's unlikely that you or your questions scared him off. Any number of things could have happened; maybe a compatible new woman just moved into the apartment next door, for example. Please don't take this one experience as an indication that you need to do anything different.

Exactly!!!!!!

EHarmony has a crazy ratio of women to men;  I think it's something like 8 women to every man.  This guy simply had more women to chose from than you did men and someone else caught his fancy.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 12, 2012, 01:17:04 PM
(((Whiterose))), I'm sorry it didn't work out.

But please don't focus on "what scared him off." I think it's unlikely that you or your questions scared him off. Any number of things could have happened; maybe a compatible new woman just moved into the apartment next door, for example. Please don't take this one experience as an indication that you need to do anything different.

Exactly!!!!!!

EHarmony has a crazy ratio of women to men;  I think it's something like 8 women to every man.  This guy simply had more women to chose from than you did men and someone else caught his fancy.

And what did she have that I did not?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on April 12, 2012, 04:42:42 PM
(((Whiterose))), I'm sorry it didn't work out.

But please don't focus on "what scared him off." I think it's unlikely that you or your questions scared him off. Any number of things could have happened; maybe a compatible new woman just moved into the apartment next door, for example. Please don't take this one experience as an indication that you need to do anything different.

Exactly!!!!!!

EHarmony has a crazy ratio of women to men;  I think it's something like 8 women to every man.  This guy simply had more women to chose from than you did men and someone else caught his fancy.

And what did she have that I did not?


Proximity?

If there is a cute girl next door that is interested in him and a cute girl online who looks interesting/interested as well, he might just decide to date the neighbour first. Or maybe someone on the site answered his questions before you did and he is now dating her. It isn't always something bad.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on April 12, 2012, 05:19:09 PM
(((Whiterose))), I'm sorry it didn't work out.

But please don't focus on "what scared him off." I think it's unlikely that you or your questions scared him off. Any number of things could have happened; maybe a compatible new woman just moved into the apartment next door, for example. Please don't take this one experience as an indication that you need to do anything different.

Exactly!!!!!!

EHarmony has a crazy ratio of women to men;  I think it's something like 8 women to every man.  This guy simply had more women to chose from than you did men and someone else caught his fancy.

And what did she have that I did not?


Proximity?

If there is a cute girl next door that is interested in him and a cute girl online who looks interesting/interested as well, he might just decide to date the neighbour first. Or maybe someone on the site answered his questions before you did and he is now dating her. It isn't always something bad.

I POD that, or maybe he was talking with someone for longer or who knows.

The only thing I could advice against ( not that this is what you did wrong ) is checking someone's profile too often when you are waiting for an answer ( but I'm talking like every friking day for a good 3 weeks, not once or twice, you're safe) because I can tell you that this can freak out someone, it either screams stalker or desperate ( or both in my case ).

I'm actually wondering, should I tell my 'stalker' that he's freaking me out? If he stops I'll probably leave him a chance since he seems like a nice guy, but if he keeps on like that I'm going to block him ( even if he seems like a nice guy, maybe too eager to meet someone or without enough social skills).
Is saying "you know, I don't change my profile every day, you don't have to check it that often"  too harsh?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 12, 2012, 06:28:59 PM
I may have looked at his profile every day :( I do not know if it shows on eHarmony. He was simply so cute!

I will not do it again- just in case.

He sent me his Must Haves on Sunday. I sent him the questions later that day. And he closed the match on Wednesday evening :( I have no clue if he looked at my profile in between- again, I have no way to know how eHarmony shows that someone looked at your profile, if it is only the first time or it shows by day or time or what.

ETA- eHarmony profiles have a dynamic section involving multiple choice questions that a person can answer. The questions that show up in the profile change each time. Plus nearly every time I visit, I answer new questions. Would this not somehow justify looking at a person's profile every day to see if he/she has answered new questions?

Again, I do not know if my looking at his profile every day (if it shows up in his news feed) is what scared him off. But now I know for the future.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Teenyweeny on April 13, 2012, 08:52:53 AM
For those trying online dating, may I strongly recommend you take a different tack? Why not try joining a local meetup group? If you haven't been on it before, meetup.com is a website which lists social/hobby groups in your area. Seriously everything from knitting circles, to book groups, to mountain climbers.

Look for a group that sounds fun in your area, and go along. I've always had good experiences, and it's a low-risk way to meet like-minded people. Expanding your social circle is a great way to increase the likelihood that you'll get to know somebody that you would like to date, and if you meet them through a shared interest then they're already more likely to mesh well with you.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 13, 2012, 10:21:59 AM
For those trying online dating, may I strongly recommend you take a different tack? Why not try joining a local meetup group? If you haven't been on it before, meetup.com is a website which lists social/hobby groups in your area. Seriously everything from knitting circles, to book groups, to mountain climbers.

Look for a group that sounds fun in your area, and go along. I've always had good experiences, and it's a low-risk way to meet like-minded people. Expanding your social circle is a great way to increase the likelihood that you'll get to know somebody that you would like to date, and if you meet them through a shared interest then they're already more likely to mesh well with you.

In theory it's a great idea, but in my case, most of my interests just lead me to groups full of women. It's also difficult for me to make myself join in new activities with groups of strangers, being an introvert.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 13, 2012, 10:27:31 AM
Petticoats, I have the same issue.

Although I did bite the bullet and join a couple of softball teams.  It didn't work out dating wise because either everyone was already coupled up or they were almost young enough to be my kids.  But I'm still playing ball and getting some exercise!

I may try meetup because I need to just make some friends, never mind finding someone to date.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on April 13, 2012, 08:54:37 PM
I check meetup.com fairly regularly but seem to have the same issues.  I also notice that, at least in my area, whatever looks interesting to me always seems to be already filled with a huge wait list. 

I need to get creative.  Anyone know where you can buy that?  I didn't come with it, apparently.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 15, 2012, 06:21:17 PM
UPDATE!

I requested to re-open communication with the bloke I was interested in.

Turns out he had been burned by too many fakes that even used RealID in eHarmony. Those fakes tended to pose as Hispanics (which I am) or Russians (which I am not- I am actually of Spanish ancestry), so he was very jaded. I even told him where I was from originally (a US territory, hence I was born a US citizen) so that he would have zero worries that I would be searching for a gringo to marry me so that I would get a green card.

He asked me a question about a recent current event in order to verify how real I was- which I was able to answer correctly!

I am in disbelief that there would be fakes in eHarmony. Myriads of Pisces and Fine Eros I understand, since they are free. But certainly not eHarmony, which costs an arm and a leg and an eye of the face.

But then, I have read at least two different stories in a blog about bad courtship stories involving a guy passing himself as a woman on his profile (and one even on the phone) in order to get a date with a straight guy. Plus lesser extent stories about people misrepresenting age, weight, and even race.

So I do not blame him for being burned. This is a very happy update. It was a lucky shot in the dark.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 16, 2012, 08:03:11 AM
Glad to see your update, Whiterose!

One of my matches from Chemistry this weekend seems like a possibility...possibly. Not a great one, but at this point I know I need to start ruling people in instead of out.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on April 16, 2012, 03:08:33 PM
Argh I so dislike the dating scene.  Had a nice lunch date on Saturday, which extended form lunch to walking around downtown (even at one point the guy refered to it as a first date).  At the end we exchanged phone numbers and hugged.

Then comes Sunday when he sends me a text that says he had fun, thanks me for showing him around town (he's from another close by city) and says to keep in touch.  So I text him back that I had fun and that he was welcome.  Waited a bit then asked him a question, he answered, then I commented back and then silence the rest of the night.  Not quite what to make of this one. 

Currently my theory is to wait a few days to see if he contacts me again, or should I be proactive and contact him first after a few days?  Especially since we both enjoy sushi, it's what we had for lunch, and I just heard about a new place from a friend over the weekend.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 16, 2012, 03:26:06 PM
Either way, I'd wait a few days. But having a new sushi place to recommend is a good non-stalkery reason to get in touch. Glad you had such a great first meeting/date!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 17, 2012, 06:40:14 AM
Well, he wrote me back.

And now I am not so sure if our senses of humor are compatible- or if he is trying too hard to be witty.

He said nothing offensive or even sarcastic. But similar things that I would not blink an eye at from say, a colleague that I only see in special big meetings, I do not know if they are a good match for me in a significant other.

For example, when I asked him if he was in any clubs at the university we  went to, he replied with "I was in one where we wore funny pajamas and threw punches and kicks into the air" instead of saying "I was in karate club (or whichever martial art it was)".

And when I told him I went to library school, he said "do they teach you how to guard library secrets like in the TV series 'The Librarian'?".

Now I am concerned that I may not be cool enough for him. That I may be too "matter of fact" and literal in my humor. While irony does not bother me one bit, derision does- and I am afraid that one day, I may not get his humor, and he may put me down because of it :(

Is this a valid concern? Am I overreacting? He did not get quite get sarcastic- though I fear he may be, and I really really dislike sarcasm,  and do not get along with sarcastic people. Is he simply trying hard to be funny and witty? Or are comments like these the hallmark of a sarcastic person?

That's the arson and murder. Now the jaywalking. I have a very German first name, even though I am of Spanish ancestry (turns out my mom read a book that was originally written in German and gave me the name of the main character). Well, he wondered if my parents lived in Germany before moving to where I was born- I gave him the much tamer real explanation. Had it been Joe Schmoe the random customer who came up with this reason for my name, I would not have blinked an eye- but now I wonder if he will ever have a problem with my hometown and ethnic background, since it has.happened.before. Again, harmless per se- but I wonder if he will be able to deal with how eccentric I am.

Probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but given what has happened to me, I cannot be too careful.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 17, 2012, 08:57:36 AM
Whiterose, I think until you meet this guy, it's going to be impossible to get a sense of his "tone." FWIW, it sounds to me like he's just trying to be amusing and interesting, but that's something that you really need to meet him to find out for  sure.

My own internet dating venture is not as lively. :) I did get a weird little quiz yesterday from a guy on Chemistry who seems like the closest to compatible I've seen in a while (who actually got in contact), but I'm having my doubts about him... while knowing that meeting in person is the only real way to know if we'd click. <sigh>
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 17, 2012, 09:55:48 AM
Hopefully he is just trying to be amusing.

I just do not have the gift of snark and am worried that he may pick up on that and put me (or others) down. Or that he may speak in sarcasm all the time- a language that I just cannot pick up, and honestly am not interested in doing so- instead of providing straightforward answers or requests.

Hopefully he is just trying to be funny and make me laugh and keep me interested. Again, without tone of voice or body language I cannot conclude much. And he has truly not made any interesting assumptions yet- let alone put me down.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on April 17, 2012, 02:34:47 PM
I wouldn't start assuming things until you can get better acquainted or actually meet, maybe he's trying to be interesting will not turn out to be sarcastic at all.
But I'd also advise against putting too much 'hope' into this conversations until you get to know him better - I know that one of by problem is to get attached to quickly and easily and I always need to refrain myself from picturing myself in a relationship before I actually know that the guy is interested in one, even with me. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on April 17, 2012, 06:14:02 PM
Besides disliking sarcasm and snark, I also dislike constant criticism.

And snarky people tend to engage in constant criticism.

I have deep issues with this- to the point of trauma.

Hence I fear that using humor that is not the style I would use = being snarky/sarcastic = constant criticism of me and others in the long run.

Curiously, it was one of those eHarmony advice emails that helped me put my finger on my concern- it mentioned "constant criticism of everything" as a major turnoff and reason why relationships do not work. THAT is why I am so concerned.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on April 18, 2012, 02:02:23 AM
Snarky/sarcastic people are not always constantly critical of others. It may just be their humour style. We are currently having morale problems at work, and we have a lot of snark/sarcastic humour going to keep us sane. Some people are funny with it, some are critical without being at all amusing (I don't like constant critical comments either). It depends on the person.

I say meet him before you decide anything. He may be a nice guy.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: WolfWay on April 18, 2012, 04:09:27 AM
I am a slender woman with curves in all the right places. I am in my 30s and look much younger for my age. I dress stylishly in clothes that flatter me. So I do not think the problem is with my physique or pics.

Having said that, it still hurts that the last person I had feelings for said absolutely nothing about my physique  :'( People- relatives, friends, colleagues, strangers, other people I have had feelings for- tell me I am pretty...so why did he not think that I was good looking?

It is likelier that it is something else, though. So I will have bro's GF check it.
I have read research where they found that the personal adverts for woman that attract the most number of responses by men are adverts written by men (on behalf of the women in question).  It seems that men are better at describing the characteristics that will make the woman appealing to other men.

So rather than have your brother's girl friend look it over, try getting a male friend to look it over and help you rewrite it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on April 20, 2012, 11:55:57 AM
So I sent the guy I met last Saturday about checking out the new sushi place I had heard about from my friend yesterday morning.  So far no answer back.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 20, 2012, 12:14:46 PM
So I sent the guy I met last Saturday about checking out the new sushi place I had heard about from my friend yesterday morning.  So far no answer back.

Hopefully he's just been delayed. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on April 23, 2012, 11:39:18 AM
All the response I got from the message I sent him was a text on my phone last Friday night saying Happy Friday, so I replied the same back and silence again.  So At this point I do not believe he is interested.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on April 23, 2012, 11:40:32 AM
Well, poop. I'm sorry.  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 01, 2012, 06:27:08 AM
Well, the fellow I have been talking ton in eHarmony and I have finally traded phone numbers!

I asked him if he wanted to meet in person- he said yes, but that he wanted to chat on the phone beforehand.

I told him I would call him tomorrow at 7PM (after I get out of work, but before Body Flow).

How long should I make the call? Would it be too late to suggest we meet this Saturday? After all, I work next Saturday, and he seems to have an M to F job.

Hopefully I will not be congested from my cold anymore- I sound awkward when I am congested.

Besides making the IRL date, what questions should I ask (other than how was your day/week)? How do I let out just enough while keeping the mystery? We live about an hour apart- is meeting at a restaurant in between but still in my county considerate and good form? Is The Olive Garden harmless and inclusive enough of a restaurant? Should I suggest we meet for lunch or dinner?

Due to Body Flow being at 7:30 (albeit across the street from my place), I do not want to make this call too long. But I do not want to be too abrupt/direct/focused/to the point/bottom lining/no nonsense either, since I do not want to scare him off and I am direct enough as it is already. If I ask him about his day, a couple general questions about his family (how is his niece doing, how many siblings), last place he traveled to, and then suggest we meet at the Olive Garden in between us this Saturday, would that be about fine?

As you can tell, I am awkward when it comes to this things and have not had much luck in romance.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Teenyweeny on May 01, 2012, 06:38:06 AM
1) I think setting up a Saturday meeting is fine. I've always heard don't set up a weekend date after Wednesday, otherwise you look too available. But you'll be right on Wednesday, so it's all good.  ;D

2) Location: I'd actually arrange to meet for a late afternoon coffee. It's good because it's low investment (you can bail after half an hour if it's bad), but it can turn into dinner if things are going really well. Meeting half way is nice, I think. Have somewhere close to the coffee location to suggest for dinner, and travel in separate cars, if you are driving. Safety first!

3) I'd aim for the call to be no longer than 20 minutes, actually. So your time frame sounds good. Ask him about his week, his plans for the upcoming week, his job and family. But try not to 'interview' him. Let your questions flow from what he's saying to you. It shows that you listen, and he'll open up more. So if he mentions his job, ask him how he got into that line of work. Does he like it? etc.

Good luck :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on May 01, 2012, 08:53:23 AM
See Cuteliness folder for photos of my new furbaby.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on May 03, 2012, 08:48:53 AM
Well, the internet has been useful for me, I think I might be out of here for a while!
Short of him being married/3 kids (highly improbable) or a serial killer (doesn't seem like it) or some other deal breaker I might have just found one of the last perfect guys out there, perfect for me at least. It's been a few days and I'm still sporting a stupid grin from all the bubbly happiness of it all.

So I wish everyone here some bubbly happiness too, from a SO or from cats, or dogs, or what have you.
What we don't have (yet) shouldn't keep us from being happy, we should make the best of what we have or of what we want, and never settle for less that what we are worth ( and for that mater we are all worth everything )   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 03, 2012, 06:13:33 PM
Well, I had a wonderful first conversation on the phone with this fellow. I only ended it because I had to go to my group fitness class.

I have a date for Saturday afternoon- late lunch at a chain restaurant. He did remember that I was vegetarian.

If it goes well, can I suggest we go out again right there at the end? Or should I just say good bye, email him thanking him the next day and saying that I would like to see him again? Or should I leave it totally open to him?

By nature, I tend to take charge. It is the way I am- decisive, take charge...but not domineering or bossy. However, I do know this can and does scare insecure men off.

What do you all suggest?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: wolfie on May 03, 2012, 06:39:14 PM
Have you considered going to a counselor? A lot of the questions you are asking about are really hard to answer without actually knowing you in person. A counselor would be a neutral person who could look at your body language and help you come up with a natural conversation - also they could answer questions a lot more quickly then we could. We could give you a lot of advice but without really knowing you we might end up giving you advice that blows up on you later or lands you someone who isn't right for you afterall.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 05, 2012, 04:18:06 PM
Well, my first date with this fellow went great!

He paid for both lunches- which impressed me, since the previous guy I had gone on a date with turned out to be a cheapskate.
And he was very happy that I was whom I said I was and did not misrepresent myself at all- sadly, he had gotten people who were much heavier IRL than what their profile pictures would have indicated (I had no idea this was even possible, or that people really did it). Plus he was impressed with how good my grammar and spelling were.

He even lampshaded that we had a lot in common, and replied he had a great time too when I stated it originally.

I will email him tomorrow to thank him again and to tell him that I would like to see him again- to please call me sometime. We both have to work next Saturday, but when there's a will, there's a way.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on May 06, 2012, 07:52:28 AM
That's great!! ;D ;D ;D

And yes, it seems to be pretty common to pick a picture that makes you look your best - even to the point of having a pic that is seriously cropped, photo-shopped, or years out of date. Kind of sad, really.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 06, 2012, 11:16:17 AM
Well, all my pics are flattering. The oldest one is about 6 years old. Newest one is less than a month old. I have several full-body ones. While I do wear flattering clothes and strike poses that are graceful, in no way did I retouch them to make myself look slimmer. I may be a tad heavier (5 lbs or so) in the older ones, since I had not started going to the gym daily back then. But yesterday's fellow did state that I represented myself well.

I sent him an email this morning thanking him again, letting him know that I would like to see him again, and to please give me a call. But I will not email him again because I do not want to pressure him- at least not for another week or so.

I certainly want to see him again! He seemed to have had a great time and acknowledge how much we had in common.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on May 10, 2012, 08:56:56 PM
On a positive/hopeful note, I'm taking a trip soon and am going to try and get some decent pictures taken to use if/when I get up my nerve to sign up on an online dating site.  Still kinda scary. 

Something very sad and weird, though - I found out quite by accident that a guy I had a blind date with a few years back committed suicide recently.  I was pretty shocked.  He had a big family and they were all really close, so I can't imagine how awful it was for them.  More than that, I'm sad that things got so bad that he felt that was his only choice (though I would never, ever judge anyone for his/her choice in that regard).  Anyway, he was a very decent, smart, sweet-tempered guy, and he deserved better.  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on May 11, 2012, 08:13:59 AM
Pinkyblue, trip pictures are both great and a potential pitfall.

They are great because you're out somewhere, smiling, happy, and someone else evidently likes being around you enough to take a picture of/with you.

The pitfalls of trip photography are twofold - first, photos with multiple people in them don't do so well because it's hard to immediately identify the person whose profile it is (unless it's just one other person of a different gender.)

Second, sometimes the way you look after you've been out sight-seeing or hiking or whatever all day isn't going to make for the best-face-forward photograph you want to put up.  Try to do pics when you're going out for a nice meal if you can - and if you photograph outdoors, do it close to sunset when the light is all golden.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on May 11, 2012, 07:06:21 PM
Well, I just canceled and removed my profile from the three matchmaking sites I was subscribed to. They've netted me nothing but one pleasant lunch with a non-starter, and I'm feeling like *I'm* a non-starter now, since I've gained still more weight and my self-confidence has bottomed out again. I admit, I also got ticked off because I thought I'd been careful with all three sites and had everything set not to auto-renew, but I just got gouged for $100 by one of them, and that made me mad enough to do what I'd been considering anyway: disappear myself.

So, on this Friday night it's me in my comfy clothes, sipping wine and eating tortilla chips and settling in for an evening with a real hunk: movie star Joel McCrea. There are worse ways to end the week... and I didn't have to shave my legs.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 12, 2012, 09:46:03 AM
Hugs to you, Petticoats.  :'(

In other news...

I have a second date tomorrow with this fellow! We are going to a local science museum. Hopefully that will provide for plenty of interaction. I have read several sites about second date tips. It will be my first time going on a second date since 2009. Hopefully it will go well and there will be a third one :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on May 12, 2012, 09:59:15 AM
Yay Whiterose!  Museum dates are always good :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on May 12, 2012, 10:45:39 AM
Pinkyblue, trip pictures are both great and a potential pitfall.

They are great because you're out somewhere, smiling, happy, and someone else evidently likes being around you enough to take a picture of/with you.

The pitfalls of trip photography are twofold - first, photos with multiple people in them don't do so well because it's hard to immediately identify the person whose profile it is (unless it's just one other person of a different gender.)

Second, sometimes the way you look after you've been out sight-seeing or hiking or whatever all day isn't going to make for the best-face-forward photograph you want to put up.  Try to do pics when you're going out for a nice meal if you can - and if you photograph outdoors, do it close to sunset when the light is all golden.

Thanks, greencat - these are all terrific suggestions, and you brought up a lot of points I hadn't thought of.  And it's funny that you brought up the close-to-sunset timing, because I've often thought, the light that time of day where I live is so beautiful, I just need someone to come over with a camera right then!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on May 12, 2012, 10:47:01 AM
Hugs, Petticoats - still lots of room out here on the ledge, with good company, and nice weather this weekend.  :)

Good luck, whiterose!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on May 12, 2012, 11:16:27 AM
Thanks for the hugs, y'all. I'm glad to have such good company on the ledge. :)

And whiterose, good luck!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on May 12, 2012, 05:23:18 PM
May I join you? I've got dark chocolate truffles and strawberry ice cream.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on May 13, 2012, 12:40:24 PM
By all means join us, Winterlight. You'd be welcome even without the yummy treats... but I am never going to turn down yummy treats.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 13, 2012, 04:19:16 PM
Second date went great!

I do not want to go into details because I do not want to jinx things.

But we should be going on our third date this coming Saturday, as long as he does not have to work.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on May 13, 2012, 09:27:55 PM
Congrats, Whiterose! I hope the good streak continues. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on May 15, 2012, 02:21:58 PM
Climbing back out on the ledge and need massive amounts of alchol, no food for this one.

Had what I thought was a very nice date last Sunday.  Guy seemed nice, and interested and said he wanted to see me again.  He called on Monday wanting to see me this week because he would be out of town over the weekend.  So we set up another date for tonight.  Given the past few guys I have meet of the site, and the fact this new guy said I could run a background check on him I decided to do some internet searching.  Found him on a business networking site and everything seemed to match up with what he told me.  Till I got to the end of his page where he referenced a book he had written, curious because he didn't mention it, I followed the link to check his book out.  It's a book on how to seduce women (but it can also be used to get an unattainable girl to date you).  Then I found a link to the adventures of him and his co-author and found out he wrote about our entire date, including the techniques he used from his book, and how I am only a 7 and he's pretty confident he wouldn't date me.  This was after he had confirmed our date for tonight.  Plus he saw another woman on Monday and is seeing her on Wednesday again, has another different girl for Thursday night, and that weekend out of town is with another girl.

I plan on going tonight, only to call him out on his lies and then leave.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on May 15, 2012, 03:09:26 PM
 :o Reader, holy cats! That is horrible. What a rotter that guy is. I'm so glad you did the check so you won't get hoodwinked, but what a terrible feeling to know you've been used in such a calculating way. I'm so sorry you had that experience, especially when he seemed to be a promising prospect. That was really dirty pool on his part.

Maybe from the ledge we can drop water balloons on him.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on May 15, 2012, 04:00:35 PM
Passing over the rum special.  Or it could be a mojito, since the mint in my herb bed is coming along nicely.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on May 15, 2012, 04:04:55 PM
Stories like that make me happy to no longer be interested in dating.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on May 16, 2012, 12:45:41 PM
I love the balloon idea, but can we fill them with shaving cream instead  >:D?

I did end up meeting him last night.  Totally busted him.  He admitted to everything.  Writing the book (which now he says he regrets he ever did), dating the other girls but according to him he has not played scrabble with any of them, but he did tell me how many times he had been out with each one (one he hasn't met in person yet) and he is looking for a relationship but he wasn't sure out of us all was his best fit, so he was trying to get to us before making a final decision, the post on the site was skewed to the market they are trying sell to by his coauthor, I got apologized to 5 times, a promise that the post would be removed (and it was when I checked today), and he is still interrested in dating me but he had figured he had blown his chance with me. 

To all of this I basically responded that he had broken my trust, and I didn't think it was possible to earn it back.  He said he was willing to try.   It was at this point that I sprung and listed conditions for him, first and foremost number one being that the post had to come down, he would have to be honest with me from that point on, he would have to choose between us all because I won't date him while he is dating other women. 

Most of you are probably shocked by my above statement, but let me explain.  I do not believe it is possible to have any type of relationship with this man.  I willing admit here that all these statements where I told him where I could continue to see him are nothing but lies.  But I left them open (I can always claim later I couldn't get over the trust issue) so I have an out, I said all of these to obtain one and only one goal, the only reason I kept the date for and that was to get that post removed.  Do I like the fact that I lied to him, no, but in this case I made an exception of my personal morals because of his behavior towards me, and to keep my private life free from being fodder for his site.  I also don't think I'll hear from him again as I have no reason to contact him now, unless he chooses me to date then he will contact me.  If he does I promise to come back for an update.  I also am actually in a very good spot over this, and while I'll still take that rum special or mojito I no longer feel like I need massive amounts of alcohol, and feel good that I did talk this over with him, if I had taken my friends advice and cancelled or stood him up, the post would still be up and that upset me more than dealing with this guy.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on May 16, 2012, 01:24:23 PM
It is okay to lie to protect yourself from horrible behavior by others. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on May 16, 2012, 01:29:53 PM
Reader, does your date know you posted about him here?  How is this different from what he did?  Just something to consider.  If you otherwise like him, it may be worth it to give him a chance.  It seems like he did what you asked of him to regain your trust.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on May 16, 2012, 03:03:03 PM
I think writing about the happenings to vent to a supportive forum is rather different than writing about them for commercial gain and the prurient entertainment of a mass market audience...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on May 16, 2012, 03:18:33 PM
Re TurtleDove:  Yes he does.  I told him last night after I had posted my first post during the talk we had last night, as I couldn't ask for honesty and expect it if I couldn't be honest with him.  I do like him, that I can admit, and would possibly like to give him a chance, but I can't date someone I don't trust.  See update just below.

Update on the site.  The post was removed this morning, but then re-posted with name changes to the girls, places he mentioned including the bar we met at, and slight details changed, but listed as his coauthor wrote it instead of him. But it is still basically the same post. So I fired off a message through the site I met him on asking what was up with the changes because he had told me the entire post would be removed.

He said he told his coauthor to delete it last night because he wants to get past this and start over, but that his coauthor did not listen because he wants the story up there for marketing purposes and page ranking.  He also said he figured out this morning how to delete it himself (normally the coauthor handles running of the site) because he didn't want to wait for the coauthor to take of it because it might have taken longer due to the time zone differences.  But didn't because I had messaged him to let him I appreciated the swift removal of the site and thanked him for doing so (thanks e-hell for enabling me to stay polite in with everything going on) after I posted the first update.  He got email notification of the change the same time I messaged him.  He has sent off another email to his coauthor to re-delete it again.  But says he will do it himself if it's not done by the time he gets off of work.  And I got another apology. 

So at this point I just don't know what to believe right now.  The only thing I do know is that I refuse to to make any decision until my head is clear and I know exactly where I stand. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on May 16, 2012, 03:43:09 PM
Just checked the site and the post is gone again  :) so that was quick.  Makes me lean towards that this guy might be telling the truth.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 19, 2012, 05:14:34 PM
To say that our third date was fantastic is an understatement!

He does want to see me again- but coordinating will be hard due to our schedules.

Hopefully he will call me again when he said he will- and he always has.

But hopefully I did not scare him off. He could tell I was nervous- I was shaking. He told me to relax. I told him I was trying to impress a great guy- and that by nature I am a nervous person (very very true).

Hopefully my being nervous did not scare him off. He says he has dated quirky people- and I am very much outside the box. But I do fear scaring him off like I scare guys off- although in this case, it would not be due to my intelligence or assertiveness, which are the usual reasons.

Any tips on how to relax?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on May 19, 2012, 10:55:10 PM
Whiterose,
Once, when I was just out of high school, I went home (actually to his hotel room) after a rock concert with one of the band members.  I, being 18, was very impressed with his stardom and his attractiveness.  He proceeded to urinate all over the toilet seat and didn't clean it up and I was very much not impressed with that.  I keep this story in mind when I start thinking of someone as being superhuman and feeling nervous about being around them.

Also, most people find a certain degree of nervous shyness to be attractive. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on May 22, 2012, 09:30:43 AM
He has let me know he isn't going to be dating any of us, but wants to be friends.  I'm not heart broken over it, as I met someone over the weekend on Saturday, and we had a nice day at the lakeshore on Sunday.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on May 22, 2012, 03:19:39 PM
I'm knocking on the door of 40 (I'll be 39 in July). Never been married. No kids. No interest in dating.


No regrets.  ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Mopsy428 on May 22, 2012, 08:10:25 PM
I've had a few dates with a really nice guy. He likes the same things I do, and he's really smart. He picked me up from my parents' house to go get ice cream last Sunday (since I was having dinner at my parents', and they live near the ice cream place), and my mother met him. That was fine. Then my mother says later, "Oh. Maybe once you get to know him, things won't work out. Maybe he's afraid of commitment like the last one."

Thanks, Mom.  ::)

My last boyfriend, from out of the clear blue, said that he just couldn't commit and broke up with me. I was stunned. We did discuss marriage a little bit. Then my cousin got engaged, and he seemed to think that I would be looking for a ring right away. It was bizarre and completely unexpected.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 22, 2012, 09:28:18 PM
I am very annoyed that it will be difficult to schedule dates with the guy I am seeing during the month of June.

It seems like I will only be able to see him on Sundays. Which hopefully he does not mind- that is the only day of the week he is guaranteed to be off. But due to work, family visits, and other previously scheduled events, it will be tough. On the 24th of June (hopefully we will still be together), there will be a family reunion in Pigsburg 2 hours north of where I live. If he feels comfortable, I will take him there to meet my family- though he will be the only one who is not fluent in Spanish.

Any further details would need an INAH thread. Hopefully he will understand that on that particular weekend, I will NOT be able to meet up with him :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on June 04, 2012, 12:37:59 PM
Just thought I would check in and see how everyone is doing.  I think the guy I met 3 weeks ago and I are at a stall.  It's either that he's not sure of what he wants, or we both work so much and have conflicting schedules.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on June 04, 2012, 04:12:33 PM
I'm sorry things aren't going smoothly, Reader. As for me, I've been feeling a bit like a dateless freak lately, but fortunately (?) I have other things to worry about that prevent that from being the main worry on my mind. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on June 04, 2012, 04:18:52 PM
The guy I am seeing and I had the talk at the end of our fifth date!

Things are going so well. It is amazing how good a match he is for me.

I am super happy! Finally, my hard work and long wait have paid off. Hopefully it will work out.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Black Delphinium on June 04, 2012, 05:35:25 PM
The guy I am seeing and I had the talk at the end of our fifth date!

Things are going so well. It is amazing how good a match he is for me.

I am super happy! Finally, my hard work and long wait have paid off. Hopefully it will work out.
Crossing fingers for you!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on June 05, 2012, 11:34:57 AM
Congrats Whiterose!  I'm glad to hear things are working out for you. 


Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on June 05, 2012, 11:26:34 PM
Still spinstering out here on the ledge, myself.  :)  I'm still in that "not really bothered" frame of mind, though, and I have a lot going on, both positive and negative, so I'm not focused on dating/romance at the moment and am OK with that.  Happy to hear good news from other club members, though!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on June 06, 2012, 08:42:01 AM
Still spinstering out here on the ledge, myself.  :)  I'm still in that "not really bothered" frame of mind, though, and I have a lot going on, both positive and negative, so I'm not focused on dating/romance at the moment and am OK with that.  Happy to hear good news from other club members, though!

Right there with you on all counts. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on June 06, 2012, 10:26:41 PM
So, I thought I'd give the online dating thing another stab, since several girlfriends have had luck lately on OK Cupid. I made a profile, and they ask you answer a series of questions. A surprising number of them are about your scrabble preferences! While I'm totally open to Scrabble, that's something I much rather talk about after I get to know a person, not post for the public to see.

Anyways, I've skipped those questions, and decided to look for guys who've done the same. I messaged a guy last night who seemed nice and in his first email, he asked me over to "rub his magic lamp." Ugh!

This does not bode well.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on June 07, 2012, 04:46:51 AM
I had a bad experience in the 90s with the voice-mail personals (Match.com was at least two years in the future).  Of the 40 net responses I got to my ad I chose to meet 8 of them.  The first one lied about his race.  It was all downhill after that.  No on-line dating sites for me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on June 07, 2012, 06:15:34 AM
A colleague's son met his gf (now wife) through OKCupid.

The one I met through that site ended up being a cheapskate. Plus he did not read for pleasure or information at all. And there were a few other things. But main problem was that he was a miser. Not a gold digger (I met one of those IRL years earlier)- just a complete and total tightwad.

On the other hand, I have been dating this fellow from eHarmony for over a month now :) I did not really communicate- let alone meet up- with anyone else. He did have some issues with fake profiles and people misrepresenting themselves on eHarmony...but once he met me and saw I was for real and looked like my online pics, he let it expire :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on June 07, 2012, 06:21:25 AM
I've had a number of decent dates through OKCupid.  I've met guys that I've become good friends with and some that I've briefly dated.  I am very, very, very careful about who I go out with though - I only respond to one in ten or fifteen messages at best. 

That low response ratio is because I've had a large number of absolutely horrific messages.  I hit the "report" button frequently on that site - and a number of uncouth men have found their profiles removed by a moderator following sending me a particularly bad message. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on June 07, 2012, 08:21:55 AM
I guess I'm just one of the people for whom online dating doesn't work. There were very, very few guys who contacted me and even fewer whom I contacted, and I only ever met up with one in person. Possibly I'm bad at writing my own profile, but I've had a bit of practice over the years.

When I quit one of the paid sites lately, their exit questionnaire asked, "What could we have done to make your experience more successful?" I answered, "Help me lose 20 years, 50 pounds, and 70 IQ points." Yeah, kind of bitter. :)  I know I would be a fantastic girlfriend for the right guy, but I don't think I'm going to find him online. If ever.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on June 07, 2012, 08:42:46 AM
Petticoats, have you had a friend who is both close and likely to be brutally honest look over your profile and your photo selection?  I've done it for a few people and it helped - often people choose photos which aren't the most flattering overall because they disguise some minor flaw the person is most sensitive about, or they use an obviously outdated photo.  Likewise what you write in your profile might not be showcasing the best features of your personality.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on June 07, 2012, 09:27:29 AM
I've never done internet dating, but friends have.  Those who focus on what they don't want, who come across as condescending or judgmental, who focus on what the other person needs to do for them, or are negative in general, do not do well.  Those who focus on what they themselves bring to the table seem to get far better results.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on June 27, 2012, 10:53:22 AM
I hope everyone who was getting out there is still doing so (I think it was Reader and whiterose?). I'm at the point were  I figure it would nice if something happened, but I'm content if it doesn't. However, the last of my close friends (except one) just got engaged. I'm happy for her, but I'm feeling a little left behind and like I'm some sort of anomaly. It's okay to be in your mid-twenties and not contemplating marriage, right?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on June 27, 2012, 12:40:46 PM
I'm still out there.  But with no updates.  Keep getting the I am very busy and working with minimal contact.  We were texting last night and as soon as I asked if he was working late that night, he ignored the question, and then when if I asked if he was off of work already I got no response back.  Plus I haven't seen him in two weeks.  I'm giving him till this weekend and then I'm going to break it off, as know I am getting the distinct impression he just isn't that interested in seeing me as he has made zero effort since two weeks ago Sunday to see me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on June 27, 2012, 01:00:41 PM
I'm still out there.  But with no updates.  Keep getting the I am very busy and working with minimal contact.  We were texting last night and as soon as I asked if he was working late that night, he ignored the question, and then when if I asked if he was off of work already I got no response back.  Plus I haven't seen him in two weeks.  I'm giving him till this weekend and then I'm going to break it off, as know I am getting the distinct impression he just isn't that interested in seeing me as he has made zero effort since two weeks ago Sunday to see me.

I'm sorry.  It may be better to just not contact him and move on now.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on June 27, 2012, 02:00:07 PM
He is borrowing a hard cover book of mine that I want back and do not want to replace otherwise I would.  I also have a book of his I need to return.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on June 27, 2012, 08:42:27 PM
It's okay to be any age and not contemplating marriage Prairie_dances.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Truluv86 on June 27, 2012, 10:28:26 PM
Hey Prairie_dances, I'm 26 and am not contemplating marriage. Sure, it would be nice to be like (what seems like) everyone else my age and jump aboard the serious relationship/marriage wagon, but I've never been anywhere remotely near doing that with anyone and don't know that I will ever meet the right person.

I know that part of my problem is that I don't really have any friends/hobbies/work opportunities/family looking for me, or any of the usual ways people meet other people to date. I've tried online dating with OKCupid and have met two guys so far, but we pretty much stopped talking shortly after we met.

 But while I wonder what the people around me must think of my perpetual singledom I also (usually) feel like I am not that bothered by not having a SO. Most people around me who are in relationships don't seem happy in them, and I often catch myself thinking "I'm so glad I don't have to tell someone where I'm going/constantly check in" (or whatever their latest squabble is about), or thinking of my time constraints or the fact that I'm not a very 'touchy-feely' person as reasons why I'm happy single.

However, I kind of feel like the world is leaving me behind, the friends I had/people I knew in high school and college have moved on and gotten married and/or had kids, but I haven't changed much at all (my best friend while growing up got married, had a kid, and moved away and now we barely have any contact). And that bugs me, but not enough to get any more proactive about it than creating an OKCupid account (I live in a small town filled with retirement homes though so there isn't really anywhere for me to go to meet people my own age).

I just keep worrying that while it doesn't bug me a whole lot now, and there are a lot of advantages to not having a SO, I am letting life pass me by, and I'm going to regret it later.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on June 28, 2012, 08:16:33 AM
I'm doing something new: I'm meeting with a matchmaker tonight. I found a local matchmaking business that looked appealing, and I spent half an hour on the phone last night with one of their matchers, and so far I've got a good vibe about her and the company's approach... except that I haven't been able to get any concrete information yet about cost. This makes me fear the worst, but we'll see.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on June 28, 2012, 06:36:33 PM
I surely do hope so it's normal not to contemplate marriage in your mid 20s!

I've been with someone I've meet on OkCupid for around 2 months now, and it's been quite wonderful, we're really quite a match.
It's my first real 'serious' relationship and it kinds of freaks me out tho*, I don't want to jinx everything by admitting to myself that I could potentially spend quite a while with him, plus I know it's kinda foolish to think that after barely 2 months, we're still getting to know eachothers, for what I know he'll have that annoying habit that makes me mad and is a dealbreaker  ::).

*I freak-out easily with things I'm not used too, I might have to teach him how to deal with someone having a panic attack...

But yeah, just wanted to say, there's always hope for everyone, so that's cool, and OkCupid can be quite ok :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on June 28, 2012, 09:16:45 PM
Glad to hear things are going well Carotte and sorry to hear Reader.

Thanks, Truluv86 and greencat! I'm basically okay with singledom and I don't even think if I were in a relationship I'd be interested in marriage right now. However, with all my friends pairing off like it's Noah's Ark, I'm starting to get a little worried. Like Truluv86 mentioned, I wonder what they think about my perpetual singledom. I tried a few dating site a while back but it wasn't for me. Once I figure out job stuff, I might get back in the game, but will see.

 I hope things work out for everyone :) Good luck with the matchmaker, petticoats.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on June 29, 2012, 09:25:49 AM
Good luck with the matchmaker, petticoats.

Thanks. :) It seems like a great program, but it's expensive (I mean, in terms of my budget)--and it's not a month-to-month thing where the cost is spread out; it's an up-front lump sum, and I just don't know if I can justify it right now. I had pretty much made up my mind to, and then my dad reminded me that I have an expensive car-maintenance outlay coming up. I don't know.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on July 02, 2012, 12:03:43 PM
Absolutely no contact from him over the weekend.  I am done, I'm hoping someday I'll get my book back but it looks doubtful.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on July 02, 2012, 08:34:00 PM
Reader, I'm sorry. :(  Will virtual strawberry margaritas help make up for the loss of your book and the perfidy of man?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on July 03, 2012, 08:54:09 AM
Definitely!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on July 03, 2012, 11:53:06 AM
Reader, I just wanted to chime in to say that the man may have turned out to be a jerk, but don't give up on your book yet!

When I met my now-husband, he was upset that someone he had dated a few months before me had not returned two of his books, one of which was out of print.  (She did the slow drift thing, too.)  He still had a book of hers, as well.  So I told him to write to her (nothing to lose, right?) and he sent her a quick email that said, basically, "I'm not trying to resume contact but I want my books back, and I want to return your books to you."  He gave her his address, and asked her to mail the books, and asked her if she wanted him to mail hers.  A couple days later, she responded with her address, and about a week later he had his books back.

If this guy cares about books at all, he may respond to a plea on behalf of your book.  If not, at least you tried.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on July 04, 2012, 02:01:19 PM
What are you all doing for the 4th of July (if you celebrate it), fellow spinsters?  I have some tentative fifth-wheel-type plans, but if they don't work out, that's OK.  I can actually see some of the local fireworks for free from where I live, anyway!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Sirius on July 04, 2012, 03:02:55 PM
When I was single I use to have friends try and hook me up with guys that were not right for me at all.

I am a 5 ft tall Pagan liberal who is sarcastic and a little wild.  I like going dancing in Goth gear and reading.  I'm highly educated.

My best friend tried to pair me up with a 6 ft 7 inch devote Baptist who doesn't drink or dance.  He believed women should be stay at home moms with no career and on our first date even said that women didn't need any education past high school and should defer to men in all things.

I asked her later why she thought we would be good together.  She said "Your both single with good jobs and lonely."

I kept my standards and described the perfect guy for me.  And I found him.  There are things about him that are not what I would have chosen but we work together well and I am glad I waited till I found the right guy for me.

I was there, too.  I kept my standards, and eventually found the right guy for me.  If I'd relaxed my standards I shudder to think what I could have ended up with - the possibilities are the prisoner, the addict, or the two-timer.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on July 04, 2012, 04:25:41 PM
What are you all doing for the 4th of July (if you celebrate it), fellow spinsters?  I have some tentative fifth-wheel-type plans, but if they don't work out, that's OK.  I can actually see some of the local fireworks for free from where I live, anyway!

My July 4th tradition is watching 1776, which I am doing at the moment.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on July 05, 2012, 11:25:44 AM
Night before I had a meet and greet off the dating site I'm on and it went well.  Was a third wheel when I joined my girlfriend and her boyfriend at a local lake for swimming, then we had beers at my favorite brewery before watching the local fireworks.  Even managed to meet another guy while at the brewery lol. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on July 18, 2012, 12:59:40 AM
Does anybody else ever get told that you're not a "real grown-up" because you're not married with children? Because I get that all the time and I'm tired of it.

I own a house. I pay my bills (on time). I have a pet that I'm solely responsible for. I pay taxes. I work hard to pay for all of the above and to be able to put some extra in savings. Until I went back to school, I worked full time in jobs that required a high level of government security clearance. I've been a caregiver for grandparents and parents. I've traveled around the world on my own dime.

How the #*%^ do I do all that while still counting as a kid? Do one of those teen moms from MTV count as more of a grown-up than I do because they have a child?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on July 18, 2012, 05:23:00 AM
I thought I would be seen that way, but I got lucky with most of them.  However, not for the right reasons.  They also respected my status as a Corporate Nun (all work and celibate).  What they considered evidence of adult status was Home Ownership.

Which I didn't see the sense of when the mortgage would have been 5x my rent at the time.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on July 18, 2012, 09:01:30 AM
I have date number 3 with P this Friday, who I met from POF on 7/3.   :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on July 18, 2012, 10:31:43 AM
Good luck, Reader!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on July 18, 2012, 11:22:42 AM
Ditto, good luck Reader!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on July 23, 2012, 12:04:01 PM
It's offical we became a couple last Friday night!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on July 23, 2012, 08:02:26 PM
Yay!  Congrats :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Pippen on July 23, 2012, 08:50:37 PM
I see it as a blessing. Back in the day for a woman to live an independent life she would have to join a religious order and many did to avoid the burdens of marriage and numerous children. Me and religion did our parting a long time ago. I always have a huge amount of respect for the lives our great grandmothers and beyond lived and I also knew the toll it took on them. Marriage and partnerships are wonderful, but they are not for everyone and I know they are not for me. To have the choice is a special and hard won thing for which I am extremely grateful.

Plus no man in their right mind would have me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on July 23, 2012, 10:22:48 PM
Pippen!  You are wonderful and amazing and so very kind.  Don't sell yourself short.  I'm not saying you need to go get in a relationship, but if you're not dating because you don't think that you're worth it rather than because you just don't want to, get back on that horse, sister.

I know a woman I personally find odious due to her personality.  I think the best way to describe her personality is "rude high strung raging harpy."  She's almost 60 but looks like she's a roughly-lived 75.  She's overweight.  She has severe health problems at least partly because of her life-long smoking habit.  Her income is social security benefits - she's not wealthy or even comfortable.  How do I know her?  She married my friend, a wonderful man twenty years her junior, a few years ago. 

I'm single-on-purpose myself as I actually don't want a serious relationship at the moment.  Going out on dates is a lot more fun when the goal is to have fun rather than to try and find someone I want to stay with for a long time.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on July 26, 2012, 12:29:32 PM
A sort of update: I looked up reviews for the matchmaking company I'd pretty much decided to go with, and there are a lot of vehemently negative ones... some of them fairly recent. There are raves, too, but I'm kind of concerned, especially since the payment (a hefty one) is all up front. Someone whose opinion I respect was also very down on the idea--not about this company specifically, but about these services; he says he knows people who've used matchmakers and they were not happy with the process. So now I'm in a bit of a quandary.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on July 26, 2012, 02:04:37 PM
Petticoats - spend the money you would have spent on the matchmaking service doing something to make yourself more awesome.  Do a wardrobe makeover.  Splurge on a salon visit.  Go have an experience - visit interesting places, learn a skill, do something you've never done before.  If you don't feel attractive at your current weight, spend it on a personal trainer or a dietician - not a gym membership, but actual appointments working with real people.  I figured out that I attract better quality men and have better dates if I treat it like I'm looking for a job and build my "resume" of "stuff that makes me awesome." 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on July 30, 2012, 11:53:34 AM
Checking in on my sisters, even though P and I are still doing well, anyone need cupcakes?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on August 03, 2012, 11:16:18 AM
I somehow missed your reply, greencat. Thank you for the kind suggestions. I think I'm probably going to save the money, in part because my main goals for the remainder of this year are all to do with my writing career, and I'm going to need all the time I can scrape together to meet my goals--so investing the time in matchmaking may not be a bright idea just now.

I have made a sort of gesture toward feeling better about myself in that I've dropped wheat and corn from my diet and am transitioning toward low-carb (I just haven't given up chocolate and wine yet, lol). It would be awesome if my weight could be adjusting downward while I work on my writing, but I know that's a lot to ask. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on August 20, 2012, 11:18:27 AM
How are all my sister spinsters?

I'm a little weirded out but trying to keep an open mind. A matchmaker put me together unofficially with a guy, and he wants to talk on the phone every day for hours, and seemed pouty and offended when I indicated that I have other claims on my time. He's coming on terribly strong, and doesn't understand why I'm trying to reserve judgment about our potential together until we meet face to face (which we will on Wednesday for dinner). He has a lot of good points, but I'm already feeling smothered.

The "weirded out" comes where he somehow put together my identity (the matchmaker doesn't give out last names) and has been all over the internet (he's some kind of computer genius) digging up everything on me. He rhapsodizes about the me that he's constructed from all this. I think he doesn't get why I'm not already able to tell whether I'm similarly smitten.

Any of y'all have new stories from the trenches? Or reassurances?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on August 20, 2012, 11:23:48 AM
That makes my every hackle stand on end, Petticoats!  That may not mean anything, though, I'm notoriously private and don't do social media at all or date at all anymore.  Off the market permanently. 

I've also had a guy come on really strong and it not end up being a big deal.  Once the initial excitement of the chase wore off he dumped me and went on to the next gazelle that caught his interest.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on August 20, 2012, 12:27:31 PM
Petticoats, personally, I would cancel the face to face and call the matchmaker about what has been going on.

Maybe he is just really, really, really eager but he's crossed the line into seriously creepy IMO.

No joy on the dating front for me but I'm still playing softball, gardening, going camping with friends and family, etc. and I'll be skiing come snow.  I know, I know, that's a four-letter word but I'm of the opinion that as soon as it is too cold to do any more garden work, bring it on!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on August 20, 2012, 01:04:23 PM
Thank you, Lorelei_Evil and Outdoor Girl. I was afraid I was being paranoid or commitment-phobic, so it really helps to get your take. I also had lunch with one of my smartest and most trusted friends and  described to her what my conversations with this guy have been like, and she thinks I should call off the face-to-face also, or at the very least change the restaurant location to one a lot farther from my workplace and borrow one of my parents' cars so that he wouldn't be able to find me later by scouting for my car. The fact that she thinks these measures are called for says a lot. :(  She's known me for more than 10 years, and she says she has faith in my hinky meter.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on August 20, 2012, 03:20:10 PM
Don't be afraid to say "Dude, you're creepy, stop calling me."
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on August 20, 2012, 03:33:00 PM
The thing is, I *am* afraid to say that. He knows who I am and apparently is a genius at ferreting out information on the web. He said he stopped searching before it really violated my privacy. But if he gets miffed, what's to stop him? For all I know, he can find out where I live and work.

I wrote to the matchmaker earlier today with the "lite" version of my impressions of him (including good as well as bad). But she hasn't responded yet.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Pippen on August 20, 2012, 05:06:32 PM
The thing is, I *am* afraid to say that. He knows who I am and apparently is a genius at ferreting out information on the web. He said he stopped searching before it really violated my privacy. But if he gets miffed, what's to stop him? For all I know, he can find out where I live and work.

I wrote to the matchmaker earlier today with the "lite" version of my impressions of him (including good as well as bad). But she hasn't responded yet.

Whoa! A bit of light Googling, sure it is only to be expected but the rest is just super creepy and I would be cutting off contact with him immediately. It is not endearing, it is invasive and he sounds like a control freak who has constructed an ideal and would dang well expect you to live up to it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on August 21, 2012, 09:06:05 AM
The thing is, I *am* afraid to say that. He knows who I am and apparently is a genius at ferreting out information on the web. He said he stopped searching before it really violated my privacy. But if he gets miffed, what's to stop him? For all I know, he can find out where I live and work.

I wrote to the matchmaker earlier today with the "lite" version of my impressions of him (including good as well as bad). But she hasn't responded yet.

Whoa! A bit of light Googling, sure it is only to be expected but the rest is just super creepy and I would be cutting off contact with him immediately. It is not endearing, it is invasive and he sounds like a control freak who has constructed an ideal and would dang well expect you to live up to it.

Yeah, at the very least he has some serious problems recognizing or respecting boundaries. I got my therapist to move our appointment up to today so I can discuss it all with her. The matchmaker offered to talk to him about my concerns, and I told her I'd get back to her. She says he's "very kind and very genuine," which may be true, but he needs some training up...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on August 21, 2012, 11:53:51 AM
I'd cease using the matchmaker's services if she's still telling you that he's "very kind and genuine" after he's doing what he's doing.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on August 21, 2012, 12:11:32 PM
Red Flags flapping in the breeze and warning bells ringing !  

He may be the nicest, most genuine guy in the world but he is coming across as a future stalking, controlling whackaloon. 

Someone needs to point this out to him!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on August 21, 2012, 12:22:42 PM
I'd cease using the matchmaker's services if she's still telling you that he's "very kind and genuine" after he's doing what he's doing.

I'd also ask for my money back.  Matchmakers are supposed to screen out loons like this.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Carotte on August 21, 2012, 03:45:22 PM
There was a guy on OkCupid that checked my profile almost every freaking day, I guess to see if I had been online because I wouldn't answer his messages right away. He came up as mostly over eager and clueless (and the kind of guy that gets friendzonned everytime) - It had made me a bit weary to answer him and after a while I would put if off for 5 or 6 days or come up with excuses, and around the same time I started talking and seeing my now boyfriend so when I was closing up my profile I sent him a message to tell him I thought he was I nice guy and all but he really crept me out with his stalking so he might want to consider that for the next girls. He replied and thanked me for telling him that, that most girl were just dropping off the face of earth and would stop or never respond and that he would take my advice.

So what I wanted to say: he sounds creepy and could very well be just really clueless, maybe it's his way off showing you that he's interested in you and  all that and he doesn't realise it's bothering you.
You could start by telling him, gently, and see how he reacts. If he reacts badly to this more than normal request I wouldn't follow through with a date, if he seems to try and rectify himself I would give him a chance.
The problem is that we're not mind-readers, so if you have no idea that you are doing something wrong and no-one tels you then there's little chance for you to change it, it's what/how you do after you're told that really says something about someone.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on August 21, 2012, 09:39:50 PM
I just block guys I'm just not interested in as a matter of policy, because even the normal looking ones will sometimes go off the deep end if you reject them.  If they bothered to send me a really, really nice message, I might send them a simple and kind reply and then block them.

On the other hand, I ended up ending a real life friendship because the guy was stalking me on dating sites we were both on and couldn't get why I thought it was really creepy that he kept looking at my profiles and then making pervy comments about my pictures...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on August 22, 2012, 08:40:44 AM
I talked to my therapist, and she suggested he may have Asperger's or what she calls "IT brain"--a different, sciency wiring, different from my humanities brain. She proposed benign explanations for some of the stuff that disturbed me. Then I got to the inappropriate sexual references and she stopped trying to find excuses for him.

I emailed the matchmaker to let her know why I don't want to move forward with this. It may well be that he is Aspy and/or socially tin-eared and just doesn't get boundaries. But even if that's the case, I don't want to have to train him up. :)  (By the way, this was a favor the matchmaker offered for free; I'm not officially a client of hers.)

The rotten part is that all my communication with him has been by phone,* so I feel like I have to talk to him to cut things off. I got his voicemail last night, so all I could do was cancel dinner and ask him to call me. I really am dreading the conversation.

* I don't have his email; the only reason he has mine is that he made that weird mental leap and figured out who I was (and I do have a public online presence) based on my first name.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on August 22, 2012, 08:46:20 AM
I talked to my therapist, and she suggested he may have Asperger's or what she calls "IT brain"--a different, sciency wiring, different from my humanities brain. She proposed benign explanations for some of the stuff that disturbed me. Then I got to the inappropriate sexual references and she stopped trying to find excuses for him.


This struck me as odd - regardless of why he behaved as he did, he made you uncomfortable!  If he were your dad or brother or something then sure, it would make sense to learn to deal with his idiosyncracies.  But to start out a dating relationship like that....why bother pursuing it, regardless of whether there is a "benign" explanation!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on August 22, 2012, 09:06:52 AM
I talked to my therapist, and she suggested he may have Asperger's or what she calls "IT brain"--a different, sciency wiring, different from my humanities brain. She proposed benign explanations for some of the stuff that disturbed me. Then I got to the inappropriate sexual references and she stopped trying to find excuses for him.


This struck me as odd - regardless of why he behaved as he did, he made you uncomfortable!  If he were your dad or brother or something then sure, it would make sense to learn to deal with his idiosyncracies.  But to start out a dating relationship like that....why bother pursuing it, regardless of whether there is a "benign" explanation!

I don't know that she was encouraging me to pursue a relationship as much as letting me know that there might not be any harm in meeting him once to test my impressions of him in person. She's a big believer in desensitization and facing your fears, and I am so unused to dating that (initially) she thought one date with him could help me work through some of my social anxieties. OTOH, even if he hadn't creeped us both out, he made it emphatically clear that he's only interested in marriage, so a test date wouldn't really have been fair to him anyway if I already knew I didn't see a future for us.

ETA update: The matchmaker said she'll take it from here, so I don't have to worry about the "breakup" phone call. So there's that advantage in working with a matchmaker. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: GraceSullivan on August 24, 2012, 09:13:16 PM
I talked to my therapist, and she suggested he may have Asperger's or what she calls "IT brain"--a different, sciency wiring, different from my humanities brain. She proposed benign explanations for some of the stuff that disturbed me. Then I got to the inappropriate sexual references and she stopped trying to find excuses for him.


This struck me as odd - regardless of why he behaved as he did, he made you uncomfortable!  If he were your dad or brother or something then sure, it would make sense to learn to deal with his idiosyncracies.  But to start out a dating relationship like that....why bother pursuing it, regardless of whether there is a "benign" explanation!

I don't know that she was encouraging me to pursue a relationship as much as letting me know that there might not be any harm in meeting him once to test my impressions of him in person. She's a big believer in desensitization and facing your fears, and I am so unused to dating that (initially) she thought one date with him could help me work through some of my social anxieties. OTOH, even if he hadn't creeped us both out, he made it emphatically clear that he's only interested in marriage, so a test date wouldn't really have been fair to him anyway if I already knew I didn't see a future for us.

ETA update: The matchmaker said she'll take it from here, so I don't have to worry about the "breakup" phone call. So there's that advantage in working with a matchmaker. :)

Uh, no, no test date with the guy that's pinging your primary survival instincts.  Very glad also that you can 'breakup' through the matchmaker.  I also hope that the matchmaker takes your account of him into consideration and is careful about who she tries to match him with; or drops him as a client all together.

So, you ladies inspired me several months ago when I was catching up on e-hell posts--this one caught my eye considering my own spinster status.  So I re-freshed some on-line dating site profiles that I had out there in the ether, and ended up meeting a very nice guy.  We were 6 hours apart unfortunately, which made getting to know one another difficult.  After meeting half way several times, he really just started to...irritate me.  He had several mannerism which at first I didn't really notice, but then made me want to punch him in the face (not really, but that demonstrates my level of irritation).  I wondered if it was me, because he really was a good guy.  Very intelligent, well read, goofy sense of humor, good job. 

After second guessing myself for a couple of weeks, I kind of cooled things off.  Well, he starts sending texts very frequently.  I told him before we started to date that I wasn't one to talk on the phone a great deal, and that I was okay with texting to communicate information (i.e., where to meet up and when type of things), but not to hold conversations (if you know what I mean...?).  After getting several texts which consisted of the word 'poke' (which annoys me slightly more then the sound of nails on chalkboards), I was about done.  I came to the realization that just because a guy really might be a great catch, doesn't mean that I want to catch him, or that I should want to catch him. 

I think what also clinched it is that my parents are in the process of getting a divorce, after 45 years.  Really, its for the best.  But when I visited this past summer (they still live near each other), I could see my mother's intense irritation at my dad.  And I figured if I was already annoyed by great guy's quirks, it was better to cut him loose sooner rather than later.

So I'm single once again, which is my usual state of being.  I do wonder if I've become stereotypically "set in my ways," but I've always been a go with the flow kind of gal.  I do know that I am picky, it takes a lot for me to be attracted to someone (and its not usually related to looks), and I'm not willing to settle.  I'm comfortable single, and am not willing to 'endure' just to have a guy in my life.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on August 25, 2012, 03:53:15 AM
I had what I thought and he said was a really good first date last night. We had a solid hug and he promised he'd call me to set up a second date. Now I'm being my usual anxious self, sitting up at 2 am, and replaying all the ways I might have messed up last night. Yay for overthinking!

Also, one of my girlfriends said I should text him tomorrow to tell him I had a good time. What does E-Hell think? For the record, I contacted him online, suggested we meet for a drink, and picked the day, time, and place.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: NyaChan on August 25, 2012, 04:02:28 AM
Is it ok if I join in on the spinster thread?  I realized this last break when I went back home that my parents' friends have stopped blessing me with wishes for a good husband/marriage/kids - apparently I'm on the shelf  :-\ 

Oh well.  mbbored, I'd say that if you weren't planning on texting him until your friends told you to, I wouldn't do it unless you actually want to and feel comfortable doing it.  I forced myself to do it once after my mom & sister pressured me to text a guy I had gone to coffee with through a matchmaking thing even though my instincts told me to hold off and low and behold - I got a text in response only after his mom called to say he wasn't interested.  You set up the first date right? It has only been one day since that date, so I'd give him a shot and some more time to set things up himself for a second date.   
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Honeypickle on August 25, 2012, 08:28:14 AM
mbbored- whatever you do, DO NOT contact him. He has already said he will contact you. Give him a chance!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 10, 2012, 05:01:09 PM
So I met someone on eHarmony's free weekend over Labour Day.  We'd managed to exchange real life email addresses before the free part ended and emailed back and forth a bit.  I suggested we meet up sooner than later on Thursday and never heard from him.  Email from him today that he met someone over the weekend and they are going to give it go.

Figures...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on September 10, 2012, 08:10:51 PM
I'm sorry, Outdoor Girl. It sucks to get one's hopes up and have them dashed again.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 10, 2012, 08:46:29 PM
A few of the guys I play ball with are in their early 20's.  I almost want to ask them if their father's are single!   ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on September 10, 2012, 09:40:35 PM
Sorry to hear that, Outdoor Girl.  I had almost the same thing happen last time I ventured out, only it was someone in real life who made tentative plans with me and a few days later phoned to say "well, actually, see, I heard from this girl online after we talked, and I really think she's the one ...."  Ouch, either way.  Good luck (to you and all of us)!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on September 11, 2012, 11:10:52 AM
I think I may soon have to eject myself from the spinster's club - I think things are moving into a more committed-relationship oriented direction with the guy I've been seeing on a casual basis for the past five months!  Lately we've both been bringing up how very compatible we are with each other - and he just asked me out for Halloween :) 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 11, 2012, 12:07:18 PM
You can stay as an honourary member as long as you provide cookies and alcohol.   ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on September 11, 2012, 01:26:15 PM
I haven't ejected myself yet - haven't had the State of the Union conversation with him yet.  I think I'll do it after the big romantic date we're doing Thursday.  I'm still kind of questioning my motivations for doing so - I'm not really tired of being single yet, but we are so awesome together that other people are kind of boring me by comparison.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on September 19, 2012, 03:01:48 PM
So thinking about getting back into the game again. What's a good way to meet someone besides the online thing?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on September 19, 2012, 04:20:20 PM
Talk to your friends - ask them if they know any singles with the proper characteristics.  Have them introduce you in social settings rather than the blind date setup thing though.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JadeAngel on September 21, 2012, 12:37:39 AM
So thinking about getting back into the game again. What's a good way to meet someone besides the online thing?

Well I met mine through an online social group like Meetup which I found better than the online dating because you get to meet and get to know people without the pressure of being on a 'date' from the start.

Also some charities are organizing things like cooking classes or tree planting days for singles - if I was single I would definitely do that, the opportunity to potentially meet someone and also do something fun for charity at the same time. Find something that appeals to you - there is truth to the idea that if you're happy and busy and living your life to the full the right guy is likely to come along. And if he doesn't, you're happy and busy and living your life to the full...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on September 21, 2012, 10:17:42 AM
So I'm single once again, which is my usual state of being.  I do wonder if I've become stereotypically "set in my ways," but I've always been a go with the flow kind of gal.  I do know that I am picky, it takes a lot for me to be attracted to someone (and its not usually related to looks), and I'm not willing to settle.  I'm comfortable single, and am not willing to 'endure' just to have a guy in my life.

I know I have!  I'm 46, single, never been married, never lived with anyone.  Last serious r*lationship ended oh, about 16+ years ago, and I can count on one hand the number of dates I've been on since.  Of course, I haven't made much of an effort in that regard, and honestly, 95% of the time, I'm happy.  I'm very stubborn, independent and soo very set in my ways.  I refuse to settle, and like you, do NOT need to have a man in my life, contrary to what others may think.

I'm also very lucky and thankful my mother, like many parents do, does not push me in that regard at all.  Her comment?  "I just want you to be happy"  Which is fine by me.  And hwo knows, if i meet someone, so be it, but if i don't that's ok as I'm not going to stress out over something that may never happen!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on September 21, 2012, 10:24:31 AM
Yep, me too.  I'm happiest on my own. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on September 21, 2012, 11:21:28 AM
Yep, me too.  I'm happiest on my own.

i look at it this way.  I can come home on the nights I'm not working at my second job, put my jammies on immediately.  Park myself on the couch, and have whatever I want for diinner.  Cheese, crackers, cereal.  i control the remote as well as the temperature.  who wouldn't want that?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Twik on September 21, 2012, 11:22:45 AM
I really don't know if I'm happiest on my own. I've never experienced anything else, so how exactly would I know?  ???
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: prairie_dances on September 21, 2012, 01:42:24 PM
Quote
I really don't know if I'm happiest on my own. I've never experienced anything else, so how exactly would I know
Exactly. I've never done the boyfriend thing so I'm not sure which I prefer yet. I do know that I like my life as it is so far but I'm looking for someone to share some of that with. But if I don't find some one, I'm good  ;). Thanks for the suggestions also! I think I'll try a few of them out.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DollyPond on September 21, 2012, 05:28:25 PM
Same here.  Never married.  Had a roommate one time for about 6 months and hated it.  Very happy all by myself.

My friends once commented:  We've known you when you were in relationships and when you weren't.  You are much happier when you aren't in a relationship.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on September 21, 2012, 05:50:04 PM
I am happier with my boyfriend than what I was when single.

BUT

I was happier single than when dating the wrong person. And by wrong I do not just mean abusive toxic bacon fed knave. Wrong also means a perfectly pleasant person who is not the optimal match for me or whom I feel nothing special for.

If I had to return to being single, I would still have a very full life. I would keep enjoying my career, traveling, learning new things, and taking care of my pets and hobbies. However, I am still ecstatic to have finally found the right person.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on September 21, 2012, 06:22:07 PM
I am happier with my boyfriend than what I was when single.

BUT

I was happier single than when dating the wrong person. And by wrong I do not just mean abusive toxic bacon fed knave. Wrong also means a perfectly pleasant person who is not the optimal match for me or whom I feel nothing special for.

If I had to return to being single, I would still have a very full life. I would keep enjoying my career, traveling, learning new things, and taking care of my pets and hobbies. However, I am still ecstatic to have finally found the right person.

More or less this.

I was incredibly unhappy dating guys who were awful for me - for reasons varying from serious personality deficiencies to abuse.

I was moderately happy dating dating guys who were good partners but not good long-term matches for me.

 I was perfectly happy being single for awhile, then I was perfectly happy dating, as in, meeting new people and going out on dates with them, and now, I'm perfectly happy dating just one person who happens to be very right for me.  He's not perfect - but he is awesome, and he feels the same way about me.

This time around the dating block, I intentionally did not just jump into things with the first guy that I thought I had something with.  I made it clear I wasn't willing to jump right into exclusivity and would be seeing other people until I decided otherwise.  This actually helped eliminate the clingy and controlling types right off the bat, and helped me avoid a few other pitfalls (even guys who are good at pretending they're not jerks can't keep the act up for more than 6 weeks.)

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 03, 2012, 08:21:30 AM
Crawling out back onto the ledge as I rejoin my sisters in being single.   :'( 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 03, 2012, 09:20:21 AM
Passing over the Christmas cookies - shortbread, whipped shortbread, cranberry white chocolate shortbread, pecan balls and almond crescents.  And if you can wait until tomorrow, I'll add the decorated gingerbread.  I'm baking it tonight, decorating it tomorrow night.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on December 03, 2012, 11:55:07 AM
I've got hot spiced cider and hot chocolate with peppermint marshmallows- which would you like?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 03, 2012, 12:17:17 PM
I'll take it all. Thanks  :)  Doesn't help that the break up happened during the start of my cycle making me extra weepy, and that he's not over the damage done to him by his ex-wife yet.  He was a really good guy, he broke up with me face to face, apologized to me for hurting me and wasting my time because he thought he was ready for a relationship.  He was as upset as I was.  Plus the spot he's in now, is where I was 2 years ago after I broke up with an ex of 4 years, so I knew a lot of the feelings he was telling me about last night having been there.  His break up was for different causes than mine, so I can understand why it's hurting him so much.  But I miss him so much already, I think I might need a vat of chocolate to go swimming in.  ;) Has anybody invented that yet?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on December 03, 2012, 07:49:13 PM
Here's one, or at least how to do it.

http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=304&category_id=9

Or you could do a chocolate bubble bath.

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Chocolate-Bubble-Bath
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on December 03, 2012, 07:58:38 PM
On one hand, I want to try that.  On the other hand, I'd rather use the chocolate internally  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 04, 2012, 11:29:00 AM
Here's one, or at least how to do it.

http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=304&category_id=9

Or you could do a chocolate bubble bath.

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Chocolate-Bubble-Bath

Wow!  Don't think the pool one is feasible for me now, but the chocolate bubble bath looks good.  I'm thinking it would be even better if you were eating chocolate at the same time.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 04, 2012, 12:30:50 PM
(((Reader))), I'm so sorry. It must be a double-edged sword that he was a stand-up guy about breaking up, too, because if he'd been a jerk it might have been easier to console yourself for the breakup.

I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 04, 2012, 01:18:57 PM
I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

It's funny; last night at work, the manager who was on had her BF come in to pick out a gift for his mom. They're both divorced and met on a d@ting website. he seems nice enough, but after he left, I was asking her what she's getting him for Chanukah, etc., what does he like, hobbies, etc. I kind of got the feeling she's settling, as she wasn't 100% enthusiastic, and this apparetnly is his ONLY forary into the d@ting scene since his divorce, a number of years ago.

While I don't doubt he's a nice guy, she's the type who MUST be with someone, and from other comments she's made, it seems like they are together for lack of anything better, harsh as that may sound. 

I think I'd still rather be single than with someone just for the sake of NOT being alone.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 04, 2012, 03:08:44 PM
It does feel that way.  I have one friend asking why I'm not mad at him.  Maybe be I'll be able to get angry about not hearing from for most of the weekend until he could tell me to my face, but currently all I feel is sad. I know I am in mourning for the loss of the relationship, and I know I have to emotionally calm down from that before I can logically look at things better.  Especially so close to the holiday as I was so excited to have someone to shop for.  I always refuse to watch any of the enagement commericals if I am single around the holidays. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 04, 2012, 09:55:06 PM

It's funny; last night at work, the manager who was on had her BF come in to pick out a gift for his mom. They're both divorced and met on a d@ting website. he seems nice enough, but after he left, I was asking her what she's getting him for Chanukah, etc., what does he like, hobbies, etc. I kind of got the feeling she's settling, as she wasn't 100% enthusiastic, and this apparetnly is his ONLY forary into the d@ting scene since his divorce, a number of years ago.

While I don't doubt he's a nice guy, she's the type who MUST be with someone, and from other comments she's made, it seems like they are together for lack of anything better, harsh as that may sound. 

I think I'd still rather be single than with someone just for the sake of NOT being alone.

Oh, I agree with you. It's still possible to feel very alone even in a relationship, if it's not the right relationship for you (general "you"). It's just been such a long time since I've had anyone to smooch, if you'll pardon the Calvin & Hobbes terminology. :)

Reader, I think you're fine feeling what you're feeling. I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling sad; let yourself grieve as much as you need to. (((hugs)))
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 04, 2012, 10:49:51 PM
Reader, I'm sorry to hear about your disappointment.  It really takes courage, going into a new relationship with all the hope and prospects associated with that, so I really admire you for giving it another try and also for having some empathy and understanding for the guy, based on your own history.  Still ... it's a rotten shame! and I agree, it's a rotten time of year to be going through a break-up.  Hugs!

I agree with whoever said it's good to hear again from our fellow spinsters at this time of year ... company is appreciated, though I'm sure we'll all cheer if anyone leaves for a great opportunity.  :)  I've kind of set up camp semi-permanently on the ledge, it seems.  I've dabbled in this and that possibility in the last year, but nothing and nobody truly worthwhile has come along. 

It's OK, though; I've been branching out in other ways, both personal and professional, and amongst other things, I bought my first home this year.  Yay!  So, again, life is good as it is, and if someday I chance to run into someone who proves to be the kind of partner I want - well, then, life will be even better.  But I'm not drooping and languishing around waiting for that.  ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 05, 2012, 12:38:16 PM
Pinkyblue, good for you and congrats on the house! I really admire your approach to life.

I've been prioritizing my writing life this year, and that's exciting and fulfilling. The only problem is that sometimes I realize uncomfortably that I've become the cliche of a woman who writes romance novels but has no romance in her own life. Still, though... I'd rather be writing than not. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 05, 2012, 12:46:58 PM
Most of the truly successful romance writers are happily married, interestingly.

I have tried many times to write romance novels until I realized that because no man has ever love me I am absolutely unqualified to write them.  Maybe I should have tried mysteries.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 05, 2012, 01:07:18 PM
Congrats on your house Pinkyblue.  How exciting.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 05, 2012, 01:07:55 PM
I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   ;)

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 05, 2012, 01:15:26 PM
Most of the truly successful romance writers are happily married, interestingly.
Yes, many of the successful romance writers I've met through networking are happily married. Many of the successful women writers, period, are married. I suspect part of the secret is having someone to help with the burdens of day-to-day life, like shopping and cooking and cleaning and laundry and all those chores that leach writing time out of the day. :)

On the other hand, being single allows me to idealize men a little, which probably helps me create heroes readers can love...

I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   ;)

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?

I can identify so much! Both with the dating-poor environment and failed experiments with matchmaking and online dating, and knowing I'd be a nicer girlfriend than some of the partnered women I see. Granted, I'm not as pretty as I was when I was young, but I'm saner and better company. :) And yeah... battery-operated boyfriends are lousy kissers. ;) I'll take those cookies with the rum, TYVM!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on December 05, 2012, 01:27:24 PM
I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

I'm selfishly glad it isn't just me! This year has been depressing on the romantic front, and the holidays aren't helping.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 05, 2012, 01:29:22 PM
I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

I'm selfishly glad it isn't just me! This year has been depressing on the romantic front, and the holidays aren't helping.

It's *definitely* not just you. (((hugs)))
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on December 05, 2012, 01:31:06 PM
I can, too. 

By the time I got my working life established it seems the ship had already sailed.  I was ready to start looking at 30, and I almost never meet a single man.  People marry really young here.  I'm 41, and have started to wonder how culture has created this generation of single women.  I know in my case, it was jammed down my throat that I could have it all.  Great job, fabulous career, husband, house, kids, etc.  Everybody knows that's a myth, but a lot of people believed it.  I meet plenty of bitter divorced men, some with kids, a few without, but the bitterness is a common current that the dream didn't work out.

I don't deal well with being punished by a man for some other woman's trangressions.  I'll make plenty of mistakes just myself, I don't need to do her penance too, know what I mean?  So I've been out of the pool for quite a while, and the way things look it will stay that way.

It it happens, it happens.  If not, I have a pretty good life.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 05, 2012, 02:39:57 PM
I have long ago come to the conclusion that most people approach marriage as something one gets "lucky" about rather than treating it as they would treat hiring someone for a job.  We tend to have a few specific requirements, just as an employer looking for an executive might, but we don't take an active role in seeking this out.

Hence, we take chances and make compromises an employer wouldn't.

I didn't want to have children and I still don't regret this decision.  I once thought that I would someday marry some divorced gentleman who already had children who would be living with his ex, but never looked around actively.

That men never really found me attractive is another factor.  The ship has not only sailed, but the pier has been dismantled.  I'm OK with that.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on December 05, 2012, 02:49:58 PM
The ship has not only sailed, but the pier has been dismantled.  I'm OK with that.

Why? If you are okay with that, then great, but I haven't gotten that sense from you and I don't think you have to be resigned to the idea that your ship has sailed!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 05, 2012, 03:13:26 PM
One of my issues is that, thus far, men who find me attractive, I don't find attractive and vice versa.  But I'd rather be single than settle for someone far less attractive than I'd like.  And by attractive, I mean the whole package, not just looks.  I mean, if he was drop dead gorgeous but dumb as a box of rocks, I might enjoy looking at him for a while but I wouldn't find him attactive in the long term.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on December 05, 2012, 04:08:35 PM
After my last prospect abruptly went from "We've been seeing each other for almost 6 months and we're getting more serious," to me needing to tell the guy to lose my number, I am looking, but not very hard.  It's kind of hard to start a new relationship around the holidays with all the demands that friends and family place on your time.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 05, 2012, 10:07:45 PM
The ship has not only sailed, but the pier has been dismantled.  I'm OK with that.

Why? If you are okay with that, then great, but I haven't gotten that sense from you and I don't think you have to be resigned to the idea that your ship has sailed!

After a number of failed attempts over two decades to correct the spinster situation I decided I was better off not making a fool of myself.  I am at an age when most men want someone younger -- much younger -- and I'm also very accustomed to being my own person.

Finally, it's been so long that there is no room in my life for romance anymore.  The idea is even almost alien to me.  There are more reasons, but nothing I want to post about.

Caso cerrado.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 05, 2012, 10:18:40 PM
Pinkyblue, good for you and congrats on the house! I really admire your approach to life.

I've been prioritizing my writing life this year, and that's exciting and fulfilling. The only problem is that sometimes I realize uncomfortably that I've become the cliche of a woman who writes romance novels but has no romance in her own life. Still, though... I'd rather be writing than not. :)

Aw, shucks, thanks!  :)  It's a perspective that was very, very hard-won but definitely worth it in the end. 

I'm intrigued to see that you are a writer and am excited to hear that you're persevering.  That's one area I'm trying to not so much branch out into but return to after many years' loss of faith in my abilities.  I've recently developed a friendship with someone who is encouraging me to return to writing, so that's something very positive in my life right now (though, of course, scary as heck!!).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 05, 2012, 10:23:08 PM
Congrats on your house Pinkyblue.  How exciting.

Thanks so much, Reader, especially as you have so much on your mind (and heart) right now.  I am surrounded by unpacked boxes and freaked-out cats ("what is this 'upstairs' and 'downstairs' of which you speak?! and where the heck is the food??"), but I'm amazed and shyly proud that I managed to pull this off all by my lonesome, thanks to hard work, saving and doing without, planning, and very, very good choices (thanks to my last decade's worth of work experience) when it came to choosing an agent, loan broker, etc. 

I'll finish reading all the other posts now and get back on topic, but I so appreciate the kindness and warmth received from my fellow spinsters, I can't just let that pass.  May you ALL find what and/or whom you're looking for!  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 05, 2012, 10:30:33 PM
I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

It's funny; last night at work, the manager who was on had her BF come in to pick out a gift for his mom. They're both divorced and met on a d@ting website. he seems nice enough, but after he left, I was asking her what she's getting him for Chanukah, etc., what does he like, hobbies, etc. I kind of got the feeling she's settling, as she wasn't 100% enthusiastic, and this apparetnly is his ONLY forary into the d@ting scene since his divorce, a number of years ago.

While I don't doubt he's a nice guy, she's the type who MUST be with someone, and from other comments she's made, it seems like they are together for lack of anything better, harsh as that may sound. 

I think I'd still rather be single than with someone just for the sake of NOT being alone.

I'm sure I've said this ad nauseam, but better to be living a good life on your own than to be living your days in an unsuitable partnership simply to be identified as being "with" someone.  If there's anything I learned from my divorce, it's that it's FAR better to be alone (which does not or need not = "lonely") than to be in a bad relationship. 

Women who structure their lives and choices around needing someone/anyone as a partner, no matter how below par, I just have nothing in common with.  I've encountered so many who think that an awful, unfulfilling, and/or abusive relationship is "better than nothing."  It makes me blink and stare and lose the power of speech. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 05, 2012, 10:35:23 PM
I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   ;)

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?

LOL, Outdoor Girl, and +1 to the batteries comment. 

Reading your description, I don't get it, either.  Then again, I don't get a whole lot about this male-female thing, apparently, or I'd be posting different comments.  I don't meet single men in my line of work, either, and that's where most of us spend the majority of our time.  I've been advised many times to try the online option(s), but I haven't mustered up the guts to do that yet.  Plus, I photograph badly, at least I think so, and they say men are primarily visual, likely more so online, so ... yeah, well.   :'(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on December 05, 2012, 11:56:37 PM
I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   ;)

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?

LOL, Outdoor Girl, and +1 to the batteries comment. 

Reading your description, I don't get it, either.  Then again, I don't get a whole lot about this male-female thing, apparently, or I'd be posting different comments.  I don't meet single men in my line of work, either, and that's where most of us spend the majority of our time.  I've been advised many times to try the online option(s), but I haven't mustered up the guts to do that yet.  Plus, I photograph badly, at least I think so, and they say men are primarily visual, likely more so online, so ... yeah, well.   :'(

If it makes you ladies feel better, I read a study the other day that indicated that although men judging women on their attractiveness falls moderately close to the bell curve, women judging men on their attractiveness rate 80% of men as "below average."  We're actually pickier on a visual level!



Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 06, 2012, 10:09:37 AM
I was reading a magazine in a waiting room last night.  Someone sent in a quip that never fails to make her laugh:

The worst thing about starting a new relationship is remembering to fart silently.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 07, 2012, 03:52:33 PM
My friend A used to tell me that quip when she was first dating her husband.

Managed to watch about an hour off tv last night after work and I had to get up for water, etc., or switch the channel over 5 times because of the sheer volume of the enagement and happy couple jewerly commericals. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on December 07, 2012, 06:43:26 PM
So, I was wondering if this club is accepting new members?  ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on December 07, 2012, 07:34:45 PM
Always! 

*Hands Diesel the customary chocolates and wine*
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on December 07, 2012, 08:13:59 PM
Wine and chocolate. WOOT!  8)

Im technically married, but the separation/divorce is in the works. Looking forward to living the spinster life for a while.  ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on December 07, 2012, 10:07:40 PM
Welcome to our ledge. Cookies are to your right, booze to the left. Straight ahead are the pillows and afghans.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 07, 2012, 10:11:21 PM
I'm back from my work Christmas party and I have Christmas cookies and rum specials on offer.  I'm almost always the only single there.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 08, 2012, 01:40:08 PM
I'm back from my work Christmas party and I have Christmas cookies and rum specials on offer.  I'm almost always the only single there.

(((hugs))), Outdoor Girl. That is a particularly unfun thing about spinsterdom. For me, especially, it's the annual celebrations. I see the same people every year, happily coupled, and each year I show up alone (and self-conscious about it).

I've been thinking about giving internet dating another try. My track record with it is dismal, but I'm just not in a situation to meet new prospects in real life. But I feel like I need to lose a lot of weight first... for my own self-confidence if nothing else.

But that would mean denying myself the consolation of spinster cookies and wine. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 18, 2012, 11:53:02 PM
I'm with you guys.  For the past decade or so, I've gone to office Christmas parties alone or with a friend.  It's still fun, but there's always that "aren't you bringing 'someone'?" factor. 

I'm still apprehensive about online dating, though it's pretty clear that's the next/only step.  Aside from the concrete challenges of the photo, profile, etc., I am just still so private-minded, it's hard for me to consider putting myself "out there" on the web, and, also, I really don't have a thick skin, so I'm not sure how well I'd handle the craziness and crudity I hear and read so much about.  Maybe I'm just hearing all the bad stuff, but still ... it's off-putting.  :(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 19, 2012, 12:00:23 AM
Uh.... is there an age cap for this spinster thing?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 19, 2012, 12:11:16 AM
Gosh, I hope not!  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 19, 2012, 12:15:10 AM
If you'll let someone as young as I am in I would like to be a part of this club... I have a feeling I won't get married. Heh.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 19, 2012, 09:51:54 AM
I'm with you guys.  For the past decade or so, I've gone to office Christmas parties alone or with a friend.  It's still fun, but there's always that "aren't you bringing 'someone'?" factor. 

I'm still apprehensive about online dating, though it's pretty clear that's the next/only step.  Aside from the concrete challenges of the photo, profile, etc., I am just still so private-minded, it's hard for me to consider putting myself "out there" on the web, and, also, I really don't have a thick skin, so I'm not sure how well I'd handle the craziness and crudity I hear and read so much about.  Maybe I'm just hearing all the bad stuff, but still ... it's off-putting.  :(

I'm thinking seriously about venturing back into internet dating. Maybe I'm lucky, or chose the right sites, but I never really encountered nastiness, and the weirdness level was pretty low. But that was with paid sites. I've been looking at OK Cupid and I get the impression that it has a lot more of a hookup culture than Match.com or eHarmony. And I know I'm truly in a bad place when I start looking at the Craigslist personals. Those can get downright skin-crawly.

Of course, I only ever had one online match progress to the point of actually meeting in person, so it wasn't particularly useful. <sigh>
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on December 19, 2012, 12:18:48 PM
Uh.... is there an age cap for this spinster thing?

Welcome to our ledge. Cookies are to your right, booze to the left. Straight ahead are the pillows and afghans. Since the holidays are in full swing, we're banning commercials- especially jewelry ones.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 19, 2012, 01:37:09 PM
Uh.... is there an age cap for this spinster thing?

Welcome to our ledge. Cookies are to your right, booze to the left. Straight ahead are the pillows and afghans. Since the holidays are in full swing, we're banning commercials- especially jewelry ones.

I totally agree! 

For me the second worst is going out to events (like the Christmas Tree exhibit at our local museum, which I still haven't done yet) that are also big attractions for families all together on the holiday.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 19, 2012, 04:07:48 PM
Want to ban the perfume ads, too?

Just kidding; I'm a fragrance addict.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 19, 2012, 06:30:56 PM
I don't have a functioning TV, so I don't know about fragrance ads, but the radio is overrun with jewelry ads.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: caz on December 20, 2012, 06:14:15 AM
Want to ban the perfume ads, too?

Just kidding; I'm a fragrance addict.

Inevitable!  ???

Sorry, Chanel!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 20, 2012, 06:41:20 PM
Well, I just deleted my account with OK Cupid. They sent me an email tonight suggesting that I "go out with a bang," pun intended, since the world is ending tomorrow. Stay classy, guys.  ::) Also: way to rub salt in the wound. We're done. (I'm sure that upsets them terribly.)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on December 20, 2012, 06:54:21 PM
Oh, ew. I will rethink using them.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on December 20, 2012, 07:10:28 PM
Weird - I'm a member and haven't received an email like that...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 20, 2012, 08:16:24 PM
Weird - I'm a member and haven't received an email like that...

LOL. Awesome, maybe they just save it for the really hopeless cases.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Octavia on December 21, 2012, 07:42:00 AM
I'd be honored to join the group, being happily single for over a year now and with no burning desire to change my status. I am a project manager in a large manufacturing facility, I perform my own home repairs, I installed my own car stereo (over 500 Watts), and I own more power tools than most construction contractors. I'm a woman who has become the man I used to want to marry  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on December 21, 2012, 08:53:20 AM
I'd be honored to join the group, being happily single for over a year now and with no burning desire to change my status. I am a project manager in a large manufacturing facility, I perform my own home repairs, I installed my own car stereo (over 500 Watts), and I own more power tools than most construction contractors. I'm a woman who has become the man I used to want to marry  ;D

Welcome!  I salute you!  Don't know if I'll ever install my own car stereo, but I do dream of owning a bunch of power tools, (I'm currently dreaming of a hand held drill), as I just got started building my collection of tools up last year.  I never thought I would need my own set because when I did share living space with a boyfriend he always had a set.  All I ever had was a small set geared towards women, with a small hammer, screwdrivers, etc.  My first thing to snag was a normal hammer, and man do I love it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Octavia on December 21, 2012, 09:12:57 AM
I'd be honored to join the group, being happily single for over a year now and with no burning desire to change my status. I am a project manager in a large manufacturing facility, I perform my own home repairs, I installed my own car stereo (over 500 Watts), and I own more power tools than most construction contractors. I'm a woman who has become the man I used to want to marry  ;D

Welcome!  I salute you!  Don't know if I'll ever install my own car stereo, but I do dream of owning a bunch of power tools, (I'm currently dreaming of a hand held drill), as I just got started building my collection of tools up last year.  I never thought I would need my own set because when I did share living space with a boyfriend he always had a set.  All I ever had was a small set geared towards women, with a small hammer, screwdrivers, etc.  My first thing to snag was a normal hammer, and man do I love it.
You've got a good start on the tool collection! I started out by getting the Sears Craftsman Club card and watching for sales on their tools. First it was a hammer, screwdriver sets, then a collection of wrenches, a level, an electric drill, and more and more until I had to buy a tool chest for everything. Oh, and the shop vac, which can also be used as a leaf blower.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on December 23, 2012, 01:49:41 AM
I, uh, definitely own more tools and have more construction/home improvement/car repair skills than any of my male friends. 

However, while dating, I've noticed that many men actually find this to be attractive.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on December 25, 2012, 01:44:30 PM
Merry Christmas to my fellow spinsters who celebrate today!  :)  I hope you're all doing OK - or better than OK! 

My holidays this year turned out to be the "alone but not lonely" kind, for which I'm thankful, because if ever I get down in the dumps about being single, it almost always happens at Christmas time, and it's No Fun At All when that happens.  I've had a lot of interesting things happen lately and am starting some new projects, which are keeping me occupied and happy.  I'll be with friends later in the day for their dinner and gift exchange, and they don't make me feel like a fifth wheel, so - this holiday season gets a B+/A- from me.  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on December 25, 2012, 02:58:56 PM
Home alone with a cold.  Called Brunhilde yesterday afternoon to let her know and didn't realize then that I would feel even worse today.

Off to make more tea.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on December 25, 2012, 04:58:52 PM
Had to work all day today, and have to work tomorrow, preventing me from visiting my family (partly my own fault, because I volunteered to work to avoid the extended family, only to find out that my immediate family also had enough of them and aren't going there this holiday either.)

I am spending my holiday with my favorite boys:  my cats and Dean and Sam Winchester (I've gotten two episodes behind on Supernatural!)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on December 28, 2012, 08:50:55 AM
Well I am not in a relationsh!p again.  Just two busy people that can't/won't commit to more but I am okay with it.  Will probably try again in the spring when we both slow down a bit.

Spent Christmas day with my daughters & grandsons.  We all cooked a little and cleaned up a little so none of us were overwhelmed with cooking or cleaning.  We all got a good nap, the weather was horrendous so we all stayed indoors, it was pleasant. 

So for us three - the only males in sight are 6 months and 3 years old, ha,ha. 

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 31, 2012, 08:17:04 PM
Christmas is OK for me - I have my Dad, brother and nephews to spend it with.  And my brother and I made it through several days without fighting or sniping at each other!   :)  I'm even going up there at the end of the month for a couple of days since I'm taking a course in his city.  Saves my employer a bit of money.

My issue is New Year's Eve.  I do have friends but they all have families and are an hour and half away.  I'd like nothing more than to have a house party with lots of finger food and card or board games, champagne at midnight.  But I just don't know anybody well enough in my current city to do this.

So I'm sitting here by myself, having my own little Harry Potter marathon.  I've just started the first movie; I'll probably watch at least part of a second one tonight and watch a bunch of them tomorrow.  And I'm currently enjoying a rum special.   :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on December 31, 2012, 11:41:11 PM
I hear you- I was on my own for both this year. Not so easy.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on January 02, 2013, 12:09:44 PM
I spent my New Years with a friend.  Instead of the happy time I thought we would spend, I ended up listening to her talk about all the things upsetting her about her marriage.  Which was fine, as she never normally does this, and she really needed an ear to listen and a big hug.  Then get home and have an almost 2 hour conversation with my ex.  Guess he was lonely, and also wanted me to come over to talk and meet his new dog.  Then all by myself on the New Year, except when I was out picking up my old mug from my brewery to make room for this year's mug and having a few beers. Did manage to finish off "Deadlocked" by Charlene Harris while I was there.  ;D

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on February 14, 2013, 09:40:57 AM
Bumping up the thread to rally sister-spinster support on the loathsome Valentine's Day. Anyone else in a spectacularly bad mood?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 14, 2013, 09:47:14 AM
I have a bottle of sparkling wine in my fridge from New Years that I was thinking about drinking tonight.  Except for the fact that I have to work tomorrow and I don't particularly care to do that with a massive hangover.   :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on February 14, 2013, 09:50:46 AM
I have a bottle of sparkling wine in my fridge from New Years that I was thinking about drinking tonight.  Except for the fact that I have to work tomorrow and I don't particularly care to do that with a massive hangover.   :P

I know what you mean! I'm turning toward ice cream more and more often as my drug of choice because it doesn't have the hangover effect. Tonight it's salted caramel gelato. Mmm.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Betelnut on February 14, 2013, 09:57:43 AM
I have a bottle of sparkling wine in my fridge from New Years that I was thinking about drinking tonight.  Except for the fact that I have to work tomorrow and I don't particularly care to do that with a massive hangover.   :P

I know what you mean! I'm turning toward ice cream more and more often as my drug of choice because it doesn't have the hangover effect. Tonight it's salted caramel gelato. Mmm.

Aw, but it has other nasty side-effects!

Valentine's Day never bothers me.  I'm used to not being in a relationship (never have been) so it's no big deal to me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on February 14, 2013, 10:18:31 AM
Yeah, it's just another day for me, too.  The crowds annoy me.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 14, 2013, 10:27:15 AM
Nope, just another day for me too. Although I don't have to work at my second job, so I think I'll just go home, and maybe watch a movie. And plan my post-valentine's day chocolate shopping spree :) - when its half off
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on February 14, 2013, 10:28:52 AM
I have always been anti Valentines day. Bless those who enjoy it, but I don't think it should take Hallmark telling my s/o that he should be getting me cards/flowers/candy on this day. I would much rather be surprised on the 25th of March or some random day just cuz he loves me.

Im the Valentines day Grinch. HAHAHAH :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on February 14, 2013, 10:59:09 AM
Just another day for me too.  Been avoiding watching any unrecorded tv, so I can fast forward through all the comericals.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Nikko-chan on February 14, 2013, 11:24:08 AM
I am.... going on an anti valentines day date... odd huh? *Grin*
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: pinkyblue on February 14, 2013, 09:51:54 PM
This is so funny ... I was thinking about posting on our thread today as well ... you guys beat me to it! 

I went through the day in a rather "whatever - don't care" mood.  Can't really recall a good Valentine's Day - the last time I got flowers on this day, they were from a semi-stalker (ugh!).  I mostly ignore the whole thing on my own behalf while being pleased for those who have nice things/gifts/experiences thanks to the holiday.

General update:  I'm currently talking to a friend of a friend and am going out for lunch with him next week.  I do enjoy talking to him and he has a sense of humor, which is essential, but I'm afraid it's one of those "he's a genuinely nice and decent guy, but there's no spark" situations.  Guess we'll see. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on February 15, 2013, 06:08:54 AM
I have a standing appointment on Thursdays that's half a block away from a Godiva shop, which was the busiest I have ever seen it.  I will have to claim my free chocolate truffle next week instead.

Half price heart boxes today... best thing about Valentine's Day.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on February 15, 2013, 09:24:27 AM
I wound up going on an anti Valentines day date too! A girlfriend took me out for dinner, drinks, and shopping! :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on February 15, 2013, 09:46:20 AM
I took myself out to dinner and bought a couple of magazines I'd been wanting. I did not choose a "date" kind of place, so service was just fine.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on February 15, 2013, 09:50:55 AM
A friend of mine sent me a unexpected box of goodies, with valentines from her children.  It was very thoughtful and sweet of them.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 15, 2013, 10:14:12 AM
I have a standing appointment on Thursdays that's half a block away from a Godiva shop, which was the busiest I have ever seen it.  I will have to claim my free chocolate truffle next week instead.

Half price heart boxes today... best thing about Valentine's Day.

I'm heading out shortly to take advantage of those!  adn hopefully get some other "valentine" wrapped regular candy for work.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on February 15, 2013, 10:35:10 AM
4 Russell Stover heart boxes:

(http://media.salon.com/2011/02/valentines_day_candy_taste_test-slide-1.jpg)

(https://s3.amazonaws.com/luuux-original-files/bookmarklet_uploaded/DSCN0851_2.JPG)

and the checkerboardy one I couldn't find a picture of.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 15, 2013, 11:49:01 AM
I am disappointed; Target had very little left, and it was only 30% off, and CVS was picked clean. I did manage to find several small, russell stover heart boxes, but i really just wanted one big one. co-worker is going to her CVS and promised to get me one if she sees it.  hahahahaha
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on February 15, 2013, 12:47:52 PM
I ended up staying in and catching up on Walking Dead and Survivor.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on February 15, 2013, 01:01:52 PM
I did check one Duane Reade on the way back from breakfast and they had almost nothing.  They don't stock as much holiday candy as other drug store chains.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on February 15, 2013, 01:42:53 PM
Aren't the black and white episode of WD just great?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on June 04, 2013, 12:07:02 PM
Checking in on all my fellow spinsters.  I'm still out on the ledge, there are a couple of interests, but I don't think they have much chance of staying power.  One is very religious, while I'm not and is about a month post break up with his out of state girlfriend, and the other I have hanged out with 4 times with him not evening make the move to kiss me.  And these were preceded by a quite a few men messging me just to play scrabble, or men that were way too old for me to date.  While my friends (who I love, I was in their wedding) just celebrated 8 years together today and the birth of their 3rd child a few months back  :'(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 04, 2013, 12:12:13 PM
No prospects what-so-ever for me.  I've been doing the eHarmony free weekends but haven't gotten any responses back.  I am playing softball twice a week and having a lot of fun with my teammates but none of them are prospects.  Some of them are young enough that I'm tempted to ask them if their Dad's are single.   ;D

I turn 45 tomorrow.  When the eHell did that happen?!?!?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: NyaChan on June 04, 2013, 12:15:39 PM
I have one early prospect - my mom is really really pushing him.  It is the son of one of her friends, someone we've known for almost 20 years now, though I've never actually spoken to the son before.  Kind of uncomfortable, but I'm trying to remain optimistic!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on June 04, 2013, 12:20:40 PM
I've been kind of ledge-adjacent myself lately. Not feeling as bad as sometimes, but definitely wistful, not to mention pessimistic. I've thought about returning to eHarmony or Match.com, but can't work up any enthusiasm considering the lack of results from previous times. <sigh>
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on June 04, 2013, 12:30:04 PM
I wish you all the best of luck.

I'm outta the game.  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on June 04, 2013, 12:52:51 PM
Thinking same.  I have enough to contend with in my life.  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on June 04, 2013, 01:09:42 PM
I'm looking at 40 this weekend.

Bah.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on June 04, 2013, 01:13:23 PM
Ouch!

The end of the road for me was when I realized that the only interest I was getting was from married guys looking for a mistress OR divorced guys wanting me to raise their children.

I retired.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 04, 2013, 01:14:07 PM
Winterlight, we should get together and celebrate our birthdays.  I have all the makings for mojitos, including the fresh mint in my garden!  Anyone else want to come?   :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on June 04, 2013, 02:15:57 PM
Ouch!

The end of the road for me was when I realized that the only interest I was getting was from married guys looking for a mistress OR divorced guys wanting me to raise their children.

I retired.

I refer to myself as the 'unhappily married man magnet" I seem to ONLY attract those who are married, but not happy and perhaps looking for some scrabble or something on the side. Um no. not happening.

I'm 47, have two jobs and very little free time. Most of the time, I'm happy. I joked at my recent 25th college reunion I'd love to get married if I didn't have to LIVE with my husband. And I was half serious! I'm so used to just me and set in my ways, it would be tough, but if mr. right comes along, fabulous, if not, so be it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on June 04, 2013, 06:12:39 PM
I gave up on dating.  I might try again later this year, but for now, I'm happy being single. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on June 04, 2013, 06:35:22 PM
Checking in on all my fellow spinsters.  I'm still out on the ledge, there are a couple of interests, but I don't think they have much chance of staying power.  One is very religious, while I'm not and is about a month post break up with his out of state girlfriend, and the other I have hanged out with 4 times with him not evening make the move to kiss me.  And these were preceded by a quite a few men messging me just to play scrabble, or men that were way too old for me to date.  While my friends (who I love, I was in their wedding) just celebrated 8 years together today and the birth of their 3rd child a few months back  :'(

How about you take the lead and kiss him? Or ask if he wants to kiss?

That is, if you actually want to kiss him. Because there is a difference between "would not mind- and may even be flattered- if he kissed me" and "I want to kiss him".

Then again, I am an aggressive person.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on June 04, 2013, 06:50:00 PM
Maybe the rest of you can advise me how to convince my shrink that I'm out of the game permanently and don't want to get back in?  He seems to think I should come out of retirement on this and I don't want to.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on June 04, 2013, 06:59:18 PM
Winterlight, we should get together and celebrate our birthdays.  I have all the makings for mojitos, including the fresh mint in my garden!  Anyone else want to come?   :D

I'll bring the pina coladas!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 04, 2013, 07:36:08 PM
As long as you don't make me drink them.   :)  Not a fan of the coconut.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Waterlight on June 05, 2013, 03:31:45 AM
Hi everybody!  So cool that there's a support thread for others like me here!   8)

I'm 43 (well, 44 in a couple of weeks), and I gave up on d@ting a year or so ago.  I have had so many people suggest eHarmony or Match.com as a way to meet a potential partner--Been There, Done That, and I wasn't happy with the results at all.   ::)

And the only interest I was getting IRL was from married men looking for something on the side, or single men looking for casual Scrabble--neither of which I PERSONALLY agree with from a moral standpoint. (YMMV.)

I've been in a few serious (i.e. to the point where marriage was discussed) rel@tionships--but after my last Very Bad Mistake in that area, I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be in another bad rel@tionship.

As long as there are drinks offered, I'd like a virgin mojito, please.  (I'm clean and sober and can't have the hard stuff!)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Stormtreader on June 05, 2013, 09:37:47 AM
Hi!
Im another married man magnet it would seem, I always joke that im not hitting my target market somehow since married men, gay men and women seem to think im great :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on June 05, 2013, 10:00:08 AM
I turn 40 on July 25th.

No marriage, no kids, schizoid personality, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on June 05, 2013, 10:17:44 AM
Maybe the rest of you can advise me how to convince my shrink that I'm out of the game permanently and don't want to get back in?  He seems to think I should come out of retirement on this and I don't want to.
If he brings this up out of the blue I am not sure what to do aside from change the subject, but if you are bringing it up in any way at all I would just stop mentioning it.  Make it clear that since you are fine with being single, it just wouldn't be a topic to discuss.  Just like you wouldn't discuss in depth your decision to wear pants, or to drink water.  It's just not an issue!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 05, 2013, 10:25:41 AM
As long as there are drinks offered, I'd like a virgin mojito, please.  (I'm clean and sober and can't have the hard stuff!)

I quite often make them when I want a refreshing drink.  They're really good.

I 'cheat' making mine:  I buy the Rose's Lime Cordial, cut the mint leaves fresh out of the garden and stuff them in the bottle of cordial to infuse and then leave it in the fridge.  When I want to make mojitos, I pour the cordial and rum (or not) into a glass, add club soda and ice and a sprig of fresh mint for garnish.  If I want it a bit sweeter, I'll used a little maple syrup, rather than simple syrup.

Stormtreader, that's it, exactly.  I don't have married men hitting on me but I have lots of friends who are married men who, fortunately, have very secure wives who don't worry about them doing things with me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on June 05, 2013, 10:27:36 AM
You can also fake the taste of red wine by combining 3 parts unsweetened pomegranate juice with one part apple juice.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: NyaChan on June 05, 2013, 10:45:02 AM
Maybe the rest of you can advise me how to convince my shrink that I'm out of the game permanently and don't want to get back in?  He seems to think I should come out of retirement on this and I don't want to.

"I hadn't realized you were going into matchmaking!  Do have cards made up yet?  I have a friend or two that might be interested.  Luckily, I will not be requiring your services as I am content as is."
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on June 10, 2013, 10:28:58 AM
I may not attract married men (yet), but I'm pretty tired of the men that are shoved in my path.

As a 30 year old single woman who goes to church, it feels like everybody there knows somebody who would be "perfect" for me, which translates to "they're single too!"

There was the guy who believed we were dating and were fated to marry even though he never had a conversation with me.

There's been the man who's old enough to be my father and is bitterly divorced, to the point where his ex-wife has a restraining order, his kids refuse to see him and he's barred from his children's school (and quite frankly, I don't blame them!)

Now there's the boy who's almost 10 years younger than me and has some kind of social anxiety order or mental handicap so that he never makes eye contact, but instead stares at my chest and pants heavily.

If these are my only choices, are they really surprised I'd rather be single?

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on June 10, 2013, 12:01:02 PM
I may not attract married men (yet), but I'm pretty tired of the men that are shoved in my path.

As a 30 year old single woman who goes to church, it feels like everybody there knows somebody who would be "perfect" for me, which translates to "they're single too!"

  If these are my only choices, are they really surprised I'd rather be single?

You just hit on my one very huge pet peeve about being single and people trying to "find" someone for you. Just because i am single and they are doens't mean we have anything in common!  My mom' BF tried to do this to me on more than one ocassion. I told my mom I think she sees me as her third daughter she needs to marry off! 

One time at Easter, with the son of a friend. She actually wanted her one daughters to go with me to her friend's house, where the son was, to "introduce" me. Thankfully both her daughter, who I am friendly with and me put the veto on that idea. And she really means well, but I just wanted to say to her "so besides the fact we are both single, do we have ANYTHING in common at all? do you know?" and also tell her there could be 100 reasons he's still single too, one of them being perhaps he doesn't care for the ladies!!!!

And then there are those well meaning, but clueless people, like my one friend, who said to me once "we need to find you man" Really? why is that? adn then proceeded to tell me her pastor was single, but desperate. oh, and did I mention I live in NJ and she's in TX?

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on June 10, 2013, 01:41:12 PM
Checking in on all my fellow spinsters.  I'm still out on the ledge, there are a couple of interests, but I don't think they have much chance of staying power.  One is very religious, while I'm not and is about a month post break up with his out of state girlfriend, and the other I have hanged out with 4 times with him not evening make the move to kiss me.  And these were preceded by a quite a few men messging me just to play scrabble, or men that were way too old for me to date.  While my friends (who I love, I was in their wedding) just celebrated 8 years together today and the birth of their 3rd child a few months back  :'(

How about you take the lead and kiss him? Or ask if he wants to kiss?

That is, if you actually want to kiss him. Because there is a difference between "would not mind- and may even be flattered- if he kissed me" and "I want to kiss him".

Then again, I am an aggressive person.

He doesn't really give me good opportunity to try, as all the time we are hanging out is with his firends and I wouldn't be comfortable having a first kiss with an audience.  It might be a moot point anyways as I didn't hear from him all weekend.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on June 11, 2013, 03:26:25 PM
Just got to congratulate my third friend in 3 days after they told me they had gotten into a relationship  ;D  Makes me wonder what's in the water around here and why haven't I gotten a dose?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Waterlight on June 11, 2013, 08:25:20 PM
I may not attract married men (yet), but I'm pretty tired of the men that are shoved in my path.

As a 30 year old single woman who goes to church, it feels like everybody there knows somebody who would be "perfect" for me, which translates to "they're single too!"

  If these are my only choices, are they really surprised I'd rather be single?

You just hit on my one very huge pet peeve about being single and people trying to "find" someone for you. Just because i am single and they are doens't mean we have anything in common! 

THIS is why I'm skeptical of anyone's attempts at matchmaking.  In my family, women generally marry very young--at 18 or 19.  One of my cousins got married while she was still IN high school (her fiance was about to be deployed to Iraq, which IIRC is why the wedding was moved to an earlier date).

So by the time I was 20, my family was desperate for me to find someone.  I got set up for an introduction by an uncle.  I wasn't interested, but I hadn't grown a polite spine at the time, so I ended up meeting the guy.  He seemed nice enough, but the only thing we had in common was that we were both single.

My mother still asks if I'm going to try online d@ting again, but for the most part my relatives backed off when they found out I was (because of some medical issues that would be TMI if I went into them here) ...let's say, past childbearing age.   Once I could no longer have children, they didn't see the point in my d@ting or getting married, I guess.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 11, 2013, 09:25:40 PM
I was giving the captain of my ball team a hard time tonight.  I told him that I joined ball teams in hopes of meeting men and that after 4 years, it wasn't working.  He laughed and said he was trying.  I told him it wasn't all bad - I'm in better shape now than I've been in years.  I'm still way too heavy but I can do more.

Edited to fix typos
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on June 11, 2013, 11:09:15 PM
I'm waiting to be fully mobile again before I start trying to date - I feel too vulnerable trying to date without my own car and in my current physical condition (in a walking boot/fracture boot/cam walker due to a severe ankle sprain) hopefully, both those issues will clear up by the middle of July.  I wonder what kind of insanity I'm going to find online dating this time?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on June 20, 2013, 09:11:26 PM
The other day I was catching up with a friend and asked her if she was dating anybody (frequent topic of conversation for us). She sighed and said she didn't know then asked me the same. I also said I didn't know.

How do two smart women in their 30s with decent social skills not know if they're dating anybody? This seemed ridiculous to us; by this age it should be clear.

She was seeing a guy two or three times a week for a month before she left for a week long work trip. While she was gone, he stopped responding to her messages.

I've been spending more time with a man from my social circle. We've gone out a few times for drinks, just the two of us, and at a party last weekend he never left my side and kept finding excuses to touch my shoulder or arm. This weekend he's taking me to a bluegrass concert, which we both love. Are we dating? I don't know.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on June 21, 2013, 07:27:01 AM
You're "keeping company" according to my 80 year old mother.  :) 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on June 21, 2013, 08:20:22 AM
If you want to be in a relationship, I think it is important to talk to the person you are seeing about what they are looking for and how they view your time together. For me, I either find we both want to be in a relationship (with each other) and the relationship takes off, or I learn the other person either doesn't want a relationship or not one with me and I can stop wasting my time. If you are happy just hanging out then enjoy it! But if you really want a relationship, push the issue sooner rather than later. Not in a "let's get married tomorrow" way but in a "here is what my goals are - do we fit into each other's goals?"
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on June 22, 2013, 09:57:31 PM
If you want to be in a relationship, I think it is important to talk to the person you are seeing about what they are looking for and how they view your time together. For me, I either find we both want to be in a relationship (with each other) and the relationship takes off, or I learn the other person either doesn't want a relationship or not one with me and I can stop wasting my time. If you are happy just hanging out then enjoy it! But if you really want a relationship, push the issue sooner rather than later. Not in a "let's get married tomorrow" way but in a "here is what my goals are - do we fit into each other's goals?"

Thanks to your advice I decided to go into today's event just to have fun with him. After the concert we had a nice conversation and decided that we're a couple. It feels a little odd since it's been 5 years since I've considered myself to be in a relationship of any kind. We agreed to take it very slow but for now we enjoy spending time with each other and have most of the same goals.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on June 23, 2013, 07:23:52 AM
That's awesome, mbbored!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on June 23, 2013, 08:36:41 PM
I'm currently working on something with a longtime friend - I had some idea that he was interested, and I wasn't completely disinterested in the past, but we both, I think, had a problem with the age difference between us, because he had never tried to make a move before.  Fortunately, the years since we met have made that age difference seem like it's not an issue any more.  I'm not completely sure we're compatible as a couple, but I guess we'll see.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on July 03, 2013, 02:17:22 PM
Another one bites the dust.  Had a promising couple of dates with a guy last week ( I thought) that I met of the online dating site I'm a member of.  He went out of town for the weekend for a car show, said he would call when he got back.  When he didn't call, I logged back into the site a couple of days later to find his profile deleted.  So I sent a text asking about the show and got no response.  So I went from being "we have so much in common" to no contact.   ???
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 04, 2013, 05:01:03 PM
Another one bites the dust.  Had a promising couple of dates with a guy last week ( I thought) that I met of the online dating site I'm a member of.  He went out of town for the weekend for a car show, said he would call when he got back.  When he didn't call, I logged back into the site a couple of days later to find his profile deleted.  So I sent a text asking about the show and got no response.  So I went from being "we have so much in common" to no contact.   ???

oh that stinks. why can't they just be honest and say hey, this isn't working out or i don't feel a spark, etc. rather than just dropping off the face of the earth?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on July 04, 2013, 07:53:33 PM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

On Sunday I hurt his feelings when I turned off my phone and didn't respond to texts while I was at church.

On Monday I hurt his feelings when I didn't respond to any of his chat invites while I was at work.
 
On Tuesday I hurt his feelings when I refused to cancel my usual Tuesday night commitment to talk to him on the phone "because he had a bad day."

On Thursday I hurt his feelings when I turned him down for a last minute date because I already had plans with friends.

On Friday I hurt his feelings when he showed up at my work place and I didn't immediately jump into his arms and then I couldn't get coffee with him.

On Saturday I hurt his feelings when I didn't want to hold hands all the way through dinner.

Then on Saturday again I REALLY hurt his feelings when I declined to go on any more dates with him.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 04, 2013, 08:42:05 PM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

On Sunday I hurt his feelings when I turned off my phone and didn't respond to texts while I was at church.

On Monday I hurt his feelings when I didn't respond to any of his chat invites while I was at work.
 
On Tuesday I hurt his feelings when I refused to cancel my usual Tuesday night commitment to talk to him on the phone "because he had a bad day."

On Thursday I hurt his feelings when I turned him down for a last minute date because I already had plans with friends.

On Friday I hurt his feelings when he showed up at my work place and I didn't immediately jump into his arms and then I couldn't get coffee with him.

On Saturday I hurt his feelings when I didn't want to hold hands all the way through dinner.

Then on Saturday again I REALLY hurt his feelings when I declined to go on any more dates with him.

Methinks you possibly dodged a bullet on this one. He sounds a tad needy
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on July 04, 2013, 10:52:48 PM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

On Sunday I hurt his feelings when I turned off my phone and didn't respond to texts while I was at church.

On Monday I hurt his feelings when I didn't respond to any of his chat invites while I was at work.
 
On Tuesday I hurt his feelings when I refused to cancel my usual Tuesday night commitment to talk to him on the phone "because he had a bad day."

On Thursday I hurt his feelings when I turned him down for a last minute date because I already had plans with friends.

On Friday I hurt his feelings when he showed up at my work place and I didn't immediately jump into his arms and then I couldn't get coffee with him.

On Saturday I hurt his feelings when I didn't want to hold hands all the way through dinner.

Then on Saturday again I REALLY hurt his feelings when I declined to go on any more dates with him.

Methinks you possibly dodged a bullet on this one. He sounds a tad needy



Agreed.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: blue2000 on July 05, 2013, 06:52:48 AM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

On Sunday I hurt his feelings when I turned off my phone and didn't respond to texts while I was at church.

On Monday I hurt his feelings when I didn't respond to any of his chat invites while I was at work.
 
On Tuesday I hurt his feelings when I refused to cancel my usual Tuesday night commitment to talk to him on the phone "because he had a bad day."

On Thursday I hurt his feelings when I turned him down for a last minute date because I already had plans with friends.

On Friday I hurt his feelings when he showed up at my work place and I didn't immediately jump into his arms and then I couldn't get coffee with him.

On Saturday I hurt his feelings when I didn't want to hold hands all the way through dinner.

Then on Saturday again I REALLY hurt his feelings when I declined to go on any more dates with him.

Methinks you possibly dodged a bullet on this one. He sounds a tad needy



Agreed.

He sounds a little... immature to me. Don't people usually do this sort of thing in high school?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on July 05, 2013, 09:09:53 AM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

On Sunday I hurt his feelings when I turned off my phone and didn't respond to texts while I was at church.

On Monday I hurt his feelings when I didn't respond to any of his chat invites while I was at work.
 
On Tuesday I hurt his feelings when I refused to cancel my usual Tuesday night commitment to talk to him on the phone "because he had a bad day."

On Thursday I hurt his feelings when I turned him down for a last minute date because I already had plans with friends.

On Friday I hurt his feelings when he showed up at my work place and I didn't immediately jump into his arms and then I couldn't get coffee with him.

On Saturday I hurt his feelings when I didn't want to hold hands all the way through dinner.

Then on Saturday again I REALLY hurt his feelings when I declined to go on any more dates with him.

Yikes! I couldn't date someone that fragile- or who thinks he is.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: NyaChan on July 05, 2013, 09:22:14 AM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

On Sunday I hurt his feelings when I turned off my phone and didn't respond to texts while I was at church.

On Monday I hurt his feelings when I didn't respond to any of his chat invites while I was at work.
 
On Tuesday I hurt his feelings when I refused to cancel my usual Tuesday night commitment to talk to him on the phone "because he had a bad day."

On Thursday I hurt his feelings when I turned him down for a last minute date because I already had plans with friends.

On Friday I hurt his feelings when he showed up at my work place and I didn't immediately jump into his arms and then I couldn't get coffee with him.

On Saturday I hurt his feelings when I didn't want to hold hands all the way through dinner.

Then on Saturday again I REALLY hurt his feelings when I declined to go on any more dates with him.

Yikes! I couldn't date someone that fragile- or who thinks he is.

Yikes is right.  That just sounds painful to deal with.  Glad you don't have to anymore!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on July 05, 2013, 06:05:31 PM
How needy and clingy.

I can only imagine that he would have become possessive once you became a couple. Not just jealous of other men in your life- possessive about your platonic friends, family, and possibly pets and hobbies.

He needs to get a hobby or two himself. And possibly new friends as well.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: nuit93 on July 05, 2013, 06:18:14 PM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

On Sunday I hurt his feelings when I turned off my phone and didn't respond to texts while I was at church.

On Monday I hurt his feelings when I didn't respond to any of his chat invites while I was at work.
 
On Tuesday I hurt his feelings when I refused to cancel my usual Tuesday night commitment to talk to him on the phone "because he had a bad day."

On Thursday I hurt his feelings when I turned him down for a last minute date because I already had plans with friends.

On Friday I hurt his feelings when he showed up at my work place and I didn't immediately jump into his arms and then I couldn't get coffee with him.

On Saturday I hurt his feelings when I didn't want to hold hands all the way through dinner.

Then on Saturday again I REALLY hurt his feelings when I declined to go on any more dates with him.

Sounds like a real winner.  /sarcasm off
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on July 05, 2013, 09:15:42 PM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

On Sunday I hurt his feelings when I turned off my phone and didn't respond to texts while I was at church.

On Monday I hurt his feelings when I didn't respond to any of his chat invites while I was at work.
 
On Tuesday I hurt his feelings when I refused to cancel my usual Tuesday night commitment to talk to him on the phone "because he had a bad day."

On Thursday I hurt his feelings when I turned him down for a last minute date because I already had plans with friends.

On Friday I hurt his feelings when he showed up at my work place and I didn't immediately jump into his arms and then I couldn't get coffee with him.

On Saturday I hurt his feelings when I didn't want to hold hands all the way through dinner.

Then on Saturday again I REALLY hurt his feelings when I declined to go on any more dates with him.

(http://kungfumoviemadness.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/neo-dodges-bullets.jpg)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on July 06, 2013, 10:58:18 AM
So that friend I decided to date? Sooo did not work out. Our first date was Saturday and we agreed to see each other the following Saturday.

Methinks you possibly dodged a bullet on this one. He sounds a tad needy



Agreed.

He sounds a little... immature to me. Don't people usually do this sort of thing in high school?

By the end I felt so middle school! The scary part is this man is in his mid 30s.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 09, 2013, 12:36:22 PM
Bumping this thread...

This is entirely of my own making.  I developed a little crush on one of the guys I play ball with.  I was never going to do anything about it because I was pretty sure he was quite a bit younger than me - hard to tell because he's bald - and it would make things really awkward if he wasn't interested, you know?  Plus, I didn't know if he would find me at all attractive as I'm a bigger woman.

Turns out, I am potentially his type but about 15 years too old.  Found this out last night when he brought his girlfriend to the game.  I'm guessing it's a new thing since this is the first time I've seen her and I've played with him since May on Sundays and occasionally against him on Thursdays.

But I'm just feeling a little dumb.  I hope nothing that was going through my head came out on my face last night.

So looking for ideas to meet men, here.  I've done the on-line thing with no success; I've done a matchmaking service, which was quite expensive, with no success; I've joined 2 different ball teams and met some great people but no guys; no joy at work as everyone is married/attached; single neighbours all quite a bit younger than I am; asking friends to introduce me to other friends hasn't worked, either.  I don't *need* a man in my life but I'm really tired of buying batteries.   :P
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on September 09, 2013, 12:56:38 PM
Have you tried Meetup.com?  It's for meeting people who are interested in the same things and it's not a dating site so there is no pressure.

I'm out of the dating game, but if I were still in this is a good way to find kindred spirits.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 09, 2013, 01:03:24 PM
The meetup groups here are few and far between, from what I understand from another single friend.  But maybe I'll try it again - someone to go skiing with would be good.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on September 09, 2013, 01:15:57 PM
My last meet up was a cluster of bad miscommunications.  I thought we were meeting at 6, he thought I would get there between 6/7 and then text him, and then wait for him to walk up. I mis read his e-mail that said he would shoot for 6, and read it that he would be there at 6. So I replied I would see him there.  He took my response from earlier in the conversation when he asked what time would be good to meet up (6/7 my reply). 

That would have been fine, but after waiting for 30 minutes, only to be told after I left that he was so frustrated that I left he sent me an e-mail.  We had been communicating via text for 20 mins at this point.  When I got a chance to read the e-mail (no smartphone for me), it was all diatribe on how the mistake was my fault, and how because I didn't wait more than 30 mins for him to show up (he walked up to the bar I drove 20 mins to get there), (20 since I first texted him after waiting 10 mins already) I was in the wrong, and he also accused me of standing him up and not wanting to meet after all.  So now I'm glad I didn't get to meet him.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on September 09, 2013, 01:21:35 PM
My last meet up was a cluster of bad miscommunications.  I thought we were meeting at 6, he thought I would get there between 6/7 and then text him, and then wait for him to walk up. I mis read his e-mail that said he would shoot for 6, and read it that he would be there at 6. So I replied I would see him there.  He took my response from earlier in the conversation when he asked what time would be good to meet up (6/7 my reply). 

That would have been fine, but after waiting for 30 minutes, only to be told after I left that he was so frustrated that I left he sent me an e-mail.  We had been communicating via text for 20 mins at this point.  When I got a chance to read the e-mail (no smartphone for me), it was all diatribe on how the mistake was my fault, and how because I didn't wait more than 30 mins for him to show up (he walked up to the bar I drove 20 mins to get there), (20 since I first texted him after waiting 10 mins already) I was in the wrong, and he also accused me of standing him up and not wanting to meet after all.  So now I'm glad I didn't get to meet him.

I think you dodged a bullet on that one. While I'm sure it was frustrating on both sides; his reaction was a bit over the top. Miscommunications happen; and if he were really serious about wanting to get together, he wouldn't have freaked out, and simply said, ok, let's try this again.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on September 09, 2013, 02:13:46 PM
My thoughts exactly.  Especially since he sent another e-mail, probably becasue I didn't reply to his last one.  Here it is: "Sucked to realize I wasn't worth 5 more minutes of your time when it was clear I wasn't standing you up, since I stated I was on my way.   Also tried to call you right away to explain but you didn't answer the call.


So anyway, it's probably best we found out this way that we are not compatible.  I've lost interest.  Wish you the best."

Wow huh?  And if he called that's news to me, I never had a call, and my phone registers no incoming calls in a week (all my friends text).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on September 09, 2013, 04:28:13 PM
Yikes, Reader. He does sound like a bullet dodged. And Outdoor Girl, I'm so sorry that happened. (((hugs)))

I've had some nasty spells of romantic loneliness lately and have been trying to think of ways to meet dateable men. I'll be changing jobs soon, so I guess I could look for one where I encounter a wider array of people... but that in itself puts me out of my comfort zone. I guess I need to leave the comfort zone behind, but... eek. I guess I could try online dating some more. I just don't feel very confident right now, not in the best frame of mind to compose a profile that's attractive and interesting.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on October 02, 2013, 12:39:47 PM
(((hugs for all)))

Crawling out onto the ledge again.  Got up the courage to ask a friend out that I had a crush on for over a month.  We went out last Sunday. I thought it went well.  When I went to inquire about a 2nd date, he let me know he doesn't have the same feelings for me.  :'(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 02, 2013, 12:54:41 PM
Well, crap!  I'll join you tonight when I get home and come bearing a pitcher of mojitos.  To hell with the glasses; we'll just pass the pitcher back and forth.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on October 02, 2013, 01:38:51 PM
Sounds good to me :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on October 02, 2013, 01:47:03 PM
Reader, I'm so sorry, that's rotten. (((hugs)))

I could use the support of my sistren too. No particular incident, just still painfully dateless. I'm going to an awards banquet on Saturday and won't have anyone to sit with since the friends I'd counted on seeing won't be there. I have a fabulous new dress and lovely new shoes for the occasion, and no one to wolf-whistle at me... unless I return to my local CVS, where the possibly drunken panhandler may have more compliments for me. How bad is this: the last time he commented appreciatively on me, I didn't even get offended. I just giggled foolishly. That is how starved I am for male validation, apparently.

It ain't pretty.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on October 03, 2013, 09:39:35 PM
Went to a meetup last week and got home to find a message on my profile from a male attendee who didn't even speak to me at that event.  He had joined less than two weeks previously and is probably new to the city, but this creeped me out.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Teenyweeny on October 04, 2013, 04:08:42 AM
Went to a meetup last week and got home to find a message on my profile from a male attendee who didn't even speak to me at that event.  He had joined less than two weeks previously and is probably new to the city, but this creeped me out.

I get that from time to time. The last one was some dude telling me that I 'look exactly like Scarlett Johansson'. Well, we're both white female in our late 20s. Otherwise, no. Jog on mate, jog on.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Twik on October 04, 2013, 09:46:37 AM
Went to a meetup last week and got home to find a message on my profile from a male attendee who didn't even speak to me at that event.  He had joined less than two weeks previously and is probably new to the city, but this creeped me out.

I wouldn't necessarily find it creepy. He could be shy enough that he prefers writing to speaking to new people. However, if you're getting "that vibe" from the whole situation, listen to it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on October 17, 2013, 07:11:29 PM
Well, I got my divorce papers in the mail yesterday! Spinsterhood here I come!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on October 18, 2013, 09:09:37 AM
Well, I got my divorce papers in the mail yesterday! Spinsterhood here I come!

<in eerie voice> Join ussss!

Still dateless over here. I'm doing NaNo this year, and one guy on the boards said he met his wife through NaNo, so there's even more temptation for me to noodle around on the boards instead of actually outlining my novel or doing my other chores, like job hunting. I guess my best chance at this point is finding a new job that throws me into the company of a dateable pool of acquaintance.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on October 18, 2013, 01:39:22 PM
And the kick in the guts this week.  Guy I asked out weeks ago, that had no feelings for me texted me 2 nights ago.  Started off innocently asking what was going on this weekend, as in "You always seem to be in the know" (I read 3 local free papers that can be picked up at lots of locations, use facebook to following venues, etc.).  Since we are staying friends, I originally took it as a compliment, until instinct made me ask if he had nothing to do (was planning on inviting him to a few events that my friends and I are going to) or if was for date ideas.  It was for date ideas :(.  My recourse was then to say then I charge $20 an hour for research.  His reply, he'll do his own research.  >:D

This was after a potential date (I thought) had messaged me through the dating site.  When I got his response he was only seeking a NSA/FWB type thing.  Which I am not seeking at all.  Bleh
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on October 18, 2013, 03:54:16 PM
And the kick in the guts this week.  Guy I asked out weeks ago, that had no feelings for me texted me 2 nights ago.  Started off innocently asking what was going on this weekend, as in "You always seem to be in the know" (I read 3 local free papers that can be picked up at lots of locations, use facebook to following venues, etc.).  Since we are staying friends, I originally took it as a compliment, until instinct made me ask if he had nothing to do (was planning on inviting him to a few events that my friends and I are going to) or if was for date ideas.  It was for date ideas :(.  My recourse was then to say then I charge $20 an hour for research.  His reply, he'll do his own research.  >:D

This was after a potential date (I thought) had messaged me through the dating site.  When I got his response he was only seeking a NSA/FWB type thing.  Which I am not seeking at all.  Bleh

Oh, man. Talk about a one-two punch. I'm so sorry, Reader.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on October 19, 2013, 09:41:47 AM
Well, I got my divorce papers in the mail yesterday! Spinsterhood here I come!

We have cookies! And good booze. :)

And ouch, Reader. What a jerk.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on October 19, 2013, 07:57:35 PM
Reader, he stinks.  >:(

Pass the booze please  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on October 19, 2013, 08:17:08 PM
Tonight I'm serving spiked apple cider- rum or calvados?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on October 19, 2013, 08:57:58 PM
Tonight I'm serving spiked apple cider- rum or calvados?

Ooh, normally I'd say rum but I've never tried calvados.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 19, 2013, 09:21:16 PM
I have decorated gingerbread cookies.  They are left over from a potluck last night.  There are maple leaves, oak leaves, pumpkins, moose and the gingerbread men, decorated in hunter orange.

Reader, maybe it would help if you bit the head off one of the hunters?   ;D

I've already had my rum special for the evening but would anyone else like one?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on October 19, 2013, 09:28:09 PM
While, on some level, I want to start dating again, because I do enjoy having a special someone, I've come to the conclusion that I have enjoyed being mostly-single for the past three years a great deal more than I enjoyed being mostly-in-relationships for the six before that.  I'm not sure I want to give up the freedoms of singlehood for the promise of stability a relationship offers, and I definitely don't feel like dealing with the turbulence of trying to find a suitable partner right now.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on October 20, 2013, 06:39:45 AM
I sometimes feel like an oddball for being a spinster, but since men don't like me "that way" I stopped fighting it.  My dignity doesn't like being injured.

Since then I have become accustomed to being permanently single and it would be too much work to be in a relationship.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on October 20, 2013, 10:34:33 AM
I worry that, at my age, after 22 years of no romantic attachment, even if I miraculously find someone I may be too set in my ways to get married. At the same time, sometimes I feel like I'm starving. I hate that I've basically--except for a short time half my life ago--been excluded from this huge, important part of the human experience. I don't feel like I'm living a full life without love in it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on October 20, 2013, 05:00:44 PM
I had a major lightbulb moment about ten years ago:  You have no control over whether anyone loves you.  You can't choose your parents and you can't make anyone love you no matter what you do.

That realization has saved me from displaying much undignified behavior.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on October 20, 2013, 06:38:30 PM
Tonight I'm serving spiked apple cider- rum or calvados?

Ooh, normally I'd say rum but I've never tried calvados.

It's an apple brandy, so you get twice the apple yumminess and a big old hit of booze. *g*
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: mbbored on October 20, 2013, 09:24:40 PM
Tonight I'm serving spiked apple cider- rum or calvados?

Ooh, normally I'd say rum but I've never tried calvados.

It's an apple brandy, so you get twice the apple yumminess and a big old hit of booze. *g*

Well, I know what I'm buying the next time I'm at the grocery store.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on October 21, 2013, 01:06:06 PM
Cookies and any booze is good.

But I did get a nice compliment the other day at the grocery store.  Went after work, hair in a bun, what was left of my makeup after 11 hours, in my work uniform from my cleaning job.  Nice man in front of me started up small talk and then asked for my number.  Made me feel 10 feet tall walking out the door. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on October 21, 2013, 02:57:35 PM
Cookies and any booze is good.

But I did get a nice compliment the other day at the grocery store.  Went after work, hair in a bun, what was left of my makeup after 11 hours, in my work uniform from my cleaning job.  Nice man in front of me started up small talk and then asked for my number.  Made me feel 10 feet tall walking out the door.

That's really nice. :) Certainly nicer than my most recent unsolicited compliment--from a possibly inebriated panhandler. His remarks weren't actually offensive, though, and I'm starved enough for male validation that I giggled foolishly instead of stalking by while pretending not to have heard. Eesh.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 27, 2013, 05:15:37 PM
I was at our year end baseball banquet Friday night.  I ended up having a great time and stayed way later than I'd intended.  I ended up on the dance floor with people I didn't know when the song I requested came on.  And one of the guys I was dancing with ended up at the same time as me and he bought me a drink!  He made a sexual innuendo without being really crude.  He was too drunk for me to even consider pursuing anything more but it did stroke my ego that someone found me attractive, even if he was wearing beer goggles at the time.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: DollyPond on October 27, 2013, 09:37:44 PM
Tonight I'm serving spiked apple cider- rum or calvados?

Ooh, normally I'd say rum but I've never tried calvados.

It's an apple brandy, so you get twice the apple yumminess and a big old hit of booze. *g*

Well, I know what I'm buying the next time I'm at the grocery store.

Another good "additive" for hot apple cider is the Italian liquor Tuaca.  It is cinnamon, vanilla and citrus flavored.  Put whipped cream on top and the drink is called "Hot Apple Pie"
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on October 27, 2013, 09:51:20 PM
Tonight I'm serving spiked apple cider- rum or calvados?

Ooh, normally I'd say rum but I've never tried calvados.

It's an apple brandy, so you get twice the apple yumminess and a big old hit of booze. *g*

Well, I know what I'm buying the next time I'm at the grocery store.

Another good "additive" for hot apple cider is the Italian liquor Tuaca.  It is cinnamon, vanilla and citrus flavored.  Put whipped cream on top and the drink is called "Hot Apple Pie"

My favorite liquor to add to apple cider (or apple juice) is Fireball Whiskey.  It's whiskey that has a sweet cinnamon flavor - it generally tastes like RedHots candies.  However, I tend to refer to it as the "alcohol of bad decisions," as it's 66 proof but doesn't taste strongly of alcohol.


I'm currently in a holding pattern with my personal life.  I want to start dating again, but I'm rather hesitant since I am hoping for an improved job (better pay and benefits) that comes with a rather different working schedule.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on October 28, 2013, 11:23:43 AM
I sometimes feel like an oddball for being a spinster, but since men don't like me "that way" I stopped fighting it.  My dignity doesn't like being injured.

Since then I have become accustomed to being permanently single and it would be too much work to be in a relationship.

I do too, but for me its because of how society views us mature ladies who are still single, never been married, and not d@ting anyone. I always say if I could have anything I wanted, just one thing, it wouldn't be a "man". I would be to be financially secure for the rest of my life. 

While I would enjoy being involved with someone, I am also very very very set in my ways, and stubborn. I find it very hard to imagine myself living wiht someone else, and sharing ALL my time with them, or most of it. 

I cracked up some classmates at my 25th college reunion when I said I'd love to get married as long as I didn't have to live with my husband!  They all thought I was joking, but I wasn't. Then again, most of them got married within a couple years of graduation, and still are. So their path in life has been very different than mine!  I guess they can't imagine NOT being with someone, when that's all I've really ever known, and am quite happy with my "me" time.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on October 28, 2013, 12:08:07 PM
Agreed.  After all this time I wouldn't have time for a relationship and would need a huge living space to be able to live with anyone.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on October 28, 2013, 01:05:27 PM
Agreed.  After all this time I wouldn't have time for a relationship and would need a huge living space to be able to live with anyone.

Even my own mother and I, who I get along with well, know we can't live together. Next door, yes, but in the same abode, so not happening!

My cousin, who is several years older, and just ended a 4 year relationship, keeps nagging me to go online dating. Which, when I'm good and ready, I may try. But at the moment, i have two jobs, and work 6 days a week. I have a coupld of free evenings, and Sunday. And have enough to do in that little free time I do have, without trying to squeeze in time for/with someone else.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 28, 2013, 01:13:54 PM
I have joked for many years that if I ever get married, hubby is going to have to buy the house next door.  Except, I'm not sure I'm really joking!  I've lived on my own for so long now that I'm not sure I could handle living with someone else.  We'd definitely need to get a different house - mine is too open concept for us to have our own spaces, which we'd need so I wouldn't kill him.

My Dad lived with me for a month or so when he had some surgery.  We survived but when he started talking about moving in with me, I cringed.  It may still happen but if it does, we'll be doing some renovations so he has his own little apartment with his own bathroom, bedroom and kitchenette.  We'd have dinner together but we'd need to have completely separate spaces.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on October 28, 2013, 01:42:21 PM
I'm the same way. I don't know if I could share my space now; I love having a place to myself. But conjugal visits would be a must. ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: random numbers on October 28, 2013, 02:45:50 PM
I loved this idea the first time I read about it:

"Parker and his wife Joan separated at one point but then came to an unusual arrangement: she lived on one floor of a large townhouse, he on another, and they shared the others. This living arrangement is mirrored in Spenser's private life: his girlfriend, Susan, had an aversion to marriage and living together full-time. Living separately suited them both, although they were fully committed to each other."

Robert B. Parker (deceased) and his wife.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_B._Parker#Personal_life
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Black Delphinium on October 28, 2013, 02:51:27 PM
Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter have an arrangement like that.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: daen on October 28, 2013, 03:05:40 PM
For what it's worth, I thought I would have a difficult time adapting to sharing a small house with my husband. I had lived there, alone, for years, and I had my own way of doing things.  Surprisingly, we've had virtually no problems getting used to each other, bar a difference of opinion or two about when the TV should be on or off.

Not that this ease of adaptation is universal by any stretch, but it does happen occasionally.

/end threadjack
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on November 12, 2013, 03:01:39 AM
I think, that barring future revelation of major character flaws, that I might have finally met Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now.  He's my perfect guy physically, and I find his personality (interests, demeanor, intellect) as attractive as the outer packaging.  He's also interested in me.  And single.  He just moved into the area for work, so that isn't as big a surprise as it should be.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 12, 2013, 08:29:44 AM
Still no prospects here. I'm looking to change jobs, and I have to admit, it's occurred to me that it might be smart to look for work somewhere that I'll meet possible romantic prospects. Publishing is dominated by women, so maybe it's time to leave publishing. Any suggestions?  :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 12, 2013, 08:47:27 AM
Find work in Alaska, the Yukon, the North West Territories or Nunavut?  The proportion of men to women in especially the smaller towns is definitely in our favour.   ;D

greencat, here's hoping it works out.  You can still drop by for the cookies and booze.    ;)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 12, 2013, 09:55:48 AM
Find work in Alaska, the Yukon, the North West Territories or Nunavut?  The proportion of men to women in especially the smaller towns is definitely in our favour.   ;D

greencat, here's hoping it works out.  You can still drop by for the cookies and booze.    ;)

I've read that it's actually incredibly uncomfortable to be a woman in Alaska and other places where the ratio is so skewed--there's an expectation that you *owe* it to the men there to go out with them and party with them, and it sounds like they can be pretty boorish. Besides, I'm from Georgia. I'd die in that cold. :)

Has anyone created a dating service for inhibited intellectuals? That's more my speed.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 12, 2013, 10:18:56 AM
LOL.  Yeah, me too.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on November 12, 2013, 10:22:08 AM
As an Alaskan woman, I can say that I never experienced that. The guys I knew were perfectly polite and took turn-downs philosophically.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 12, 2013, 10:47:04 AM
As an Alaskan woman, I can say that I never experienced that. The guys I knew were perfectly polite and took turn-downs philosophically.

That's good to hear. I'm still going to try to avoid moving anyplace that's so cold, though.  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 12, 2013, 11:43:03 AM
Yesterday in Target I was looking at this:

(http://img2.targetimg2.com/wcsstore/TargetSAS//img/p/11/17/11170826.jpg)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 12, 2013, 12:00:02 PM
LOL.  That's AWESOME.  My two would love it.  Or at least Sassy would.  Peggy'd get to one of the first levels and say, 'This is as good a place as any for a nap.'
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: nuit93 on November 12, 2013, 12:13:40 PM
Yesterday in Target I was looking at this:

(http://img2.targetimg2.com/wcsstore/TargetSAS//img/p/11/17/11170826.jpg)

Isn't that one of the sets that can be bought by individual piece?  We have a couple of them.  The old cats wouldn't go near them but the littlest loved it when she was a wee kitten!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 12, 2013, 04:57:55 PM
Yes.  I didn't buy because I realized I don't have adequate space for even half of that.  Anyway, the first priority was to get enough Fancy Feast to get past New Year's Day.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on November 12, 2013, 05:43:51 PM
I need to buy this cat furniture.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 13, 2013, 11:16:04 AM
I feel for you.  It would upset me greatly if I couldn't cuddle and kiss my furbabies.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Julian on November 14, 2013, 09:40:10 PM
Being single has its positives.

I don't have to share my bed.  Oh wait...  yup, I do, the dogs take it over, hog the warm spots and steal the blankets.

I can go anywhere and do anything.  Except Housemate gets worried if I'm home late, and wants to go everywhere with me when I'm not working...

I can schlub off odd jobs till I'm ready to do them.  Oh no, I can't - Housemate nags until I do them.

Hmm, all the disadvantages of 'relationship' with none of the advantages??

Move over girls, I'm coming out on the ledge to join you...   :-\
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on November 14, 2013, 10:02:25 PM
I'm just hoping that my budding relationship with Mr. Handsome, Kind, and Smart doesn't fizzle with my upcoming change in my work schedule.  I swear I'm cursed - I can either have the time and money to have a relationship or someone to have one with!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on November 15, 2013, 12:08:31 PM
I had dinner with a couple of single female friends Tuesday evening, of course the discussion turned to happy/unhappy relationships. I said my bro & sil are the unhappiest couple I know, I keep wondering why they stay together and are miserable. 

My friend A says, "probably because they are afraid they will die sad and alone like us."   :o

I said, "I'm not sad and I don't think I am going to die alone.  I have kids, siblings & friends around." 

Friend B said, "I'm with you, I have kids and friends too and I'm not sad either."

Friend A had nothing else to say.  I'm concerned that she is so unhappy that she really does believe she is going to die sad and alone.  Of all my friends she is the one complaining regularly about being alone, she is also the one that does nothing to change that.  I was just shocked that she lumped us in with her.  The topic died a rapid brutal death and was not brought up again during dinner.



 

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 15, 2013, 12:16:00 PM
I had dinner with a couple of single female friends Tuesday evening, of course the discussion turned to happy/unhappy relationships. I said my bro & sil are the unhappiest couple I know, I keep wondering why they stay together and are miserable. 

My friend A says, "probably because they are afraid they will die sad and alone like us."   :o

I said, "I'm not sad and I don't think I am going to die alone.  I have kids, siblings & friends around." 

Friend B said, "I'm with you, I have kids and friends too and I'm not sad either."

Friend A had nothing else to say.  I'm concerned that she is so unhappy that she really does believe she is going to die sad and alone.  Of all my friends she is the one complaining regularly about being alone, she is also the one that does nothing to change that.  I was just shocked that she lumped us in with her.  The topic died a rapid brutal death and was not brought up again during dinner.



 

Yup. i am convinced there are plenty of couples who stay together for that very reason. But I'm like you and your other friend. WHile i don't have kids, i have friends and family, and enjoy being alone. If you had to ask me the one thing I woudl change about my life, its not that I'd want a partner, its that I wish i could be financially stable for the rest of my life, and be able to buy a house, be debt free, travel, and have fun. THAT is the only thing I'd change.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on November 15, 2013, 12:46:23 PM
Friend A had nothing else to say.  I'm concerned that she is so unhappy that she really does believe she is going to die sad and alone.  Of all my friends she is the one complaining regularly about being alone, she is also the one that does nothing to change that.

The sad truth is that this may prove to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  It is not common for a person to be attracted to someone who is visibly unhappy and complaining while doing nothing to change it.  :(  I hope your friend can take notes from you, Redneck Gravy!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on November 15, 2013, 01:33:04 PM
Friend A had nothing else to say.  I'm concerned that she is so unhappy that she really does believe she is going to die sad and alone.  Of all my friends she is the one complaining regularly about being alone, she is also the one that does nothing to change that.

The sad truth is that this may prove to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  It is not common for a person to be attracted to someone who is visibly unhappy and complaining while doing nothing to change it.  :(  I hope your friend can take notes from you, Redneck Gravy!

B i n g o  !
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 15, 2013, 03:06:02 PM
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lynn2000 on November 15, 2013, 03:43:44 PM
I also like the idea of having separate spaces in a shared dwelling... I think I would really need that if I lived with someone else. I am way too used to living alone and having things my own way. Even stuff like, putting something down and knowing no one will move it, so it will be right there when I go looking for it. That sort of thing happens with my parents all the time, that one of them will deliberately put something somewhere for a reason, and the other one will go and move it for another reason. ::) I wouldn't call that a reason to never have someone else in the house ever, but it's certainly discouraging. Or weird things showing up in the fridge when you don't know what they are, how long they've been there, if anyone really plans to eat them. My dad is infamous for doing this. My fridge is almost embarrassingly empty, I know what everything is, *I* put it there, and I can throw it out or eat it whenever I want without consulting anyone.

Of course there are downsides, too, sometimes things I've never even thought about before. For example, I'm trying to move into a new position at work, and my boss (who is an alarmist, I must admit) was telling me how it would be so much easier to move me to this position if I had a spouse who was also employed at the company. They do "spousal hiring" as a perk to lure/keep good employees, allowing their spouses to bypass a lot of the usual channels for gaining employment. But obviously there's no equivalent thing for a single employee. Great, thanks for putting that in my head. ::)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Honeypickle on November 15, 2013, 04:33:46 PM
"I was just shocked that she lumped us in with her."

If she doesn't have children, and you and your friend do, don't you think your response was a little cruel? Being alone with no partner is very different to being single with children.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lynn2000 on November 15, 2013, 04:51:26 PM
"I was just shocked that she lumped us in with her."

If she doesn't have children, and you and your friend do, don't you think your response was a little cruel? Being alone with no partner is very different to being single with children.

Well, she does at least have friends, though, since she was eating with two of them. It wasn't a very good reflection on how she felt about them, either.  :-\ I would be kind of shocked, too, if a single friend tried to say "all of us" were "sad and alone"--sometimes I do feel that way myself, but it's not a very good characterization to hear from someone else. I do feel kind of bad for her, though. Maybe you guys could make getting together a regular thing, maybe go out and do some activities together for fun (if you don't already)?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on November 16, 2013, 11:46:29 AM
I think I may be turning in my membership card!  I went out with the guy from last week and a few other people including one of my few close female friends to a movie, and when he went to the restroom, she turned to me and said "He's gorgeous, he's nice, he's smart, he's charming...Is he a robot?"

I swear I did not go to Build-a-Boyfriend. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Redneck Gravy on November 17, 2013, 12:20:52 PM
"I was just shocked that she lumped us in with her."

If she doesn't have children, and you and your friend do, don't you think your response was a little cruel? Being alone with no partner is very different to being single with children.

We each have two children.  We are about the same age as are our children.  The three of us have been friends for at least 20 years and we do go out/get together at least once a month plus our birthdays and a holiday dinner. 

I think calling me "cruel" was a bit assumptive before you found out if she had children. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 17, 2013, 03:53:05 PM
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

Me too. Its just me and mom. And while I hope to be as independent and healthy as she is, and her mom was, the thought is a bit scary.

On a lighter note, and i can't post the cartoon, but my mom sent me an email with a bunch of Maxine cartoons. One said 'A man without a woman is a bachelor, a woman without a man is a genius" it made me giggle.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Stormtreader on November 18, 2013, 04:59:24 AM
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

Me as well - Ive never really been a kids person but I do wish I had that security of someone being around for me when I get old and doddery. My family has never been close at all, so im pretty much looking at doing it alone. Although I have thought that really my ideal scenario for kicking the bucket is the rest of the WoW raid saying "you know, shes been AFK for quite a long time now...." :p
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 18, 2013, 05:37:52 AM
The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: TurtleDove on November 18, 2013, 06:59:55 AM
I like Venus's approach. If you can be interested in other people and interesting to them as well, you might not find a romantic partner but you will not be alone.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Twik on November 18, 2013, 07:24:47 AM
The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: guihong on November 18, 2013, 07:39:50 AM
I admit I have kids, but the "Who will take care of you when you're old?" argument was trotted out as early as high school, when I doubted I ever would!  I don't think having kids is a guarantee that they will take care of us later.  I'm handling that myself (moving myself into a senior's home before I'm forced to, like my dad).
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 18, 2013, 08:35:01 AM
The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.

Yeah, being an introvert and not belonging to a faith community makes it pretty hard to build a circle of friends. When I lived in a college town I was active in the community theater and made a lot of friends that way, but in a bigger city it's harder to find a community. Not impossible, of course, but harder.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 18, 2013, 09:51:46 AM
The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.

Yeah, being an introvert and not belonging to a faith community makes it pretty hard to build a circle of friends. When I lived in a college town I was active in the community theater and made a lot of friends that way, but in a bigger city it's harder to find a community. Not impossible, of course, but harder.

Thankfully I do have that going for me. I have a good group of friends, and some single cousins, close to my age, and we constantly joke about hanging out on the porch, in our rocking chairs. Except the one I couldn’t live with, and the feeling is mutual!

But I think I’ll be ok.  Unlike a former neighbor. She’s about 20 years older than I am, so in her late 60’s, with multiple health problems, very limited income, and the best way I can describe her, is very unworldly. She has never lived more than 5 miles from where she does now, has been her same apt for 40+ years, and my former landlord, who is still hers, is contemplating selling. I have another friend who still lives there as well. The problem is, Sue, as I’ll call her, seems to think that when/if the house is sold, the new owner will continue to keep it as a rental property. The problem with that is a. the house is old b. I’m not entirely sure all 4 apts in that house are legal, and c. very little maintenance has been done. Its basically only good for a teardown.

She has some family, but not close, and very few friends. Her world is very small. My friend who still lives there told her about the possible sale, and suggested she might want to apply for low-income senior housing, for which she would qualify, but there is also a waiting list. she has chosen to bury her head in the sand thinking that he won’t sell, and that the new owner will keep things as they are, which really is the most unlikely scenario. Its kind of sad really, but you can’t force someone to do anything.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 18, 2013, 10:31:06 AM
My family is small but I do have one brother that I (mostly  ;)) get along with.  He has two sons.  The boys are my heirs.  I've let them know not to bump me off because I'm not worth all that much yet.   ;D

I will make all my own plans and move into an arrangement that will suit before I need to.  But my nephews are aware that they'll be helping make decisions, same as they'll have to do for their father.

I'm lucky because we have a good relationship and I'm sure they'll help me out a little as I need it.  But I intend to hire people to do the things I can no longer do easily - I've been planning for my retirement and I'm sure I'll be able to afford it, unless something unforseen happens.  I'm as healthy as I can be with some chronic issues and do my best to eat well and get some exercise.

And I still play the lottery in hopes of supplementing my retirement plan!    :D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 18, 2013, 11:38:02 AM
I still buy lottery tickets, too.  Never needing a job again would be wonderful.

I also highly recommend Meetup.com.  It leads to groups of people who are interested in things you are interested in and the vast majority are not age-based.  People of all ages are interested in making jewelry, cooking gourmet foods, dining out, attending live performances, going to movies, reading, pets, and almost anything else you can think of.

For example, I am probably the oldest person in my horror group and nobody cares.  The organizer is young enough to be my son but he appreciates my knowledge of classic horror movies and my ability to write the copy for event notices.  I am therefore an assistant organizer.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 18, 2013, 11:49:06 AM
I still buy lottery tickets, too.  Never needing a job again would be wonderful.

I also highly recommend Meetup.com.  It leads to groups of people who are interested in things you are interested in and the vast majority are not age-based.  People of all ages are interested in making jewelry, cooking gourmet foods, dining out, attending live performances, going to movies, reading, pets, and almost anything else you can think of.

For example, I am probably the oldest person in my horror group and nobody cares.  The organizer is young enough to be my son but he appreciates my knowledge of classic horror movies and my ability to write the copy for event notices.  I am therefore an assistant organizer.

My mom, who is almost 79, and a widow, joined several "singles" groups, some wiht folks her age, and one through her church. where she is by far, the oldest in the group. Which is mostly ladies, and none or very few men. But she did it for the company, and to get out, not to "meet" someone new. And they all love her.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Venus193 on November 18, 2013, 12:12:51 PM
It's proof positive that age doesn't have to define you.  Neither does marital status or any other individual thing.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 18, 2013, 12:17:18 PM
I play ball on a couple of teams where almost everyone is younger than me by 10 to 15 years.  A few are even 20 to 25 years younger.  I've told both teams that I'll play as long as I'm able and they still want me to play.  I'm not a good player but I show up for every game and don't bail last minute with or without a phone call to the captain the way some people do.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on November 20, 2013, 01:46:08 PM
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

The loneliest time of my life was when I was technically 'with' someone.  We were living together!

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that coupled people can't experience loneliness too, and I think that must be an exquisite torture. The end of my one and only relationship was rather like that. I was the only one still in the relationship by the end.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on November 27, 2013, 09:28:55 AM
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

The loneliest time of my life was when I was technically 'with' someone.  We were living together!


Sounds like my marriage.  :-\
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: kajunchick on December 29, 2013, 09:49:45 AM
I've been reading this thread but never posted, I guess. I am a single mom with three kiddos (my younger two are adopted), and I'm coming up on the fifteenth anniversary of my divorce. This is not exactly how I pictured my life would be.

I stay pretty busy most of the time, not dating and I'm okay with that, but when it hits, it hits hard. I was caught off-guard this Christmas, looking up ideas for family portraits on pinterest, when I noticed that all the pictures had something in common. A dad. I just started sobbing, and I had to call my best friend to vent.

She's awesome, though, and I love her support. She offers me her husband for snake killing and taking my son fishing. :)

I am reading a really good book called My Single Mom Life by Angela Thomas, and I guess that's what got me thinking of all these things. It's from a Christian perspective, so if you're of that persuasion, I highly recommend it. Anyway, that's my holiday rant. Not on the ledge, but I creep out every now and then. :) May all of you have a very happy new year!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on December 29, 2013, 11:18:29 AM
I'm back in the club myself, just in time for the holidays!  :-[  The guy I'd been seeing turned out to be a flaky...well, I can't call him the rest of the words I usually use for him here on ehell.  He did not pass my 6-week test.  Guys who are not actually nice guys can't usually maintain that front of being a nice guy for more than 4 or 5 weeks, thus my 6-week evaluation period.

I'm still trying to meet new people though.  Meetup groups are amazing in my area.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Petticoats on December 29, 2013, 07:02:27 PM
I'm hoping that in 2014 I'll work up the courage and follow-through to try some meet-up groups and/or online dating again. I'm losing some weight and feeling better about how I look, which should help. And if this new job comes through (pleaseohplease) I'll be in a different social circle and may possibly meet someone new that way--even though the workplace seems very estrogen-centric, like my current (soon to be past) one, you never know when someone will think you're a great match for a guy friend...

At this point, it's literally been half my life ago that I was with someone, and that's just ridiculous. I don't want my last relationship to keep on receding farther into the rear-view mirror without anything new to succeed it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 03, 2014, 01:07:19 PM
I need a man, dagnabbit.

No, not for any of the usual reasons one might need a man.

Because of the extreme cold, I'm getting some dry, itchy skin on my shoulder blades.  That I can't reach on my own to apply lotion!

I have a massage appointment scheduled for Tuesday.  I may take a bottle of my moisturizer with me and ask her to give me a good coat down at the end of the appointment.  (I don't find the lotion they use for lubrication very nourishing.)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on January 04, 2014, 08:39:56 PM
In lieu of a man (or a daily massage- I wish!) try one of these:

http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/store/jump/productDetail/Health_&_Beauty/Bath_&_Body/Personal_Care_&_Grooming/Lotion_Applicator/60626

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 04, 2014, 09:01:18 PM
I'll have to see if I can find something like that up here.  I was wondering if there would be something like that available.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on January 05, 2014, 01:25:41 PM
I can't link, but Google "Reachmate lotion applicator" I have the same issue and it's fabulous! Comes in several lengths and pads are remove able and washable. They fond bend as shown, but work like a charm
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on January 17, 2014, 05:04:05 PM
I am officially divorced.  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Julian on January 17, 2014, 06:16:44 PM
I am officially divorced.  :)

<Passes the virtual champers!>

Welcome to the club!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 17, 2014, 06:56:24 PM
I can offer a rum special - I'm enjoying one right now so at least then I could say I have company, even if it is virtual.   ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on January 17, 2014, 08:44:59 PM
Yum! Fizzy and strong too! Thanks!  8)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Stormtreader on January 30, 2014, 04:20:20 AM
Well im back here again, just in time for valentines day on my own again  :(

Turns out when he sat me down at the end of our third date and said "so, do you want to date?" what he actually meant was "do you want to be friends with benefits?". He "meant to say something last week but didnt get around to it" and this only came out when I asked if we were doing anything for valentines day.  >:(
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on January 30, 2014, 07:39:08 AM
What a creep!  I call BS on "meant to say something last week" too. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on January 30, 2014, 08:42:42 AM
Well, bless his heart. Can't imagine why you split. /eyeroll
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on May 19, 2014, 11:43:18 AM
I had a long post typed but realized it was TMI.

The short version is that I seem to have been implanted with the mind and hormones of an 18 year old boy.  I think it is because of impending menopause.

I so wish I could handle casual right now...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on May 19, 2014, 01:57:56 PM
My current job has rendered my schedule incompatible with 90% of people's schedules, and I don't have time to properly meet someone.  I'm considering online dating again, but...
(http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/260/729/c62.jpg)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on May 20, 2014, 09:56:58 AM
Having lost some weight, and feeling good about how I look, I've toyed with the idea of dipping my toes into the online dating pool. Then I think wait, you get ONE day a week off, and find it hard to make time for your friends…how would making time for a perfect stranger be any different/easier? So I’m living vicariously through a relative’s online dating escapades. Which I have to say are quite entertaining, but also make me want to shake her as she’s used a couple of them to get something she wants. She’s also the queen of TMI. She’s been “seeing” someone for a month or so. Who she apparently hit it off quite well with.  And while I don’t care how she conducts her private life, simply telling me that she spent the night at his place on their second date is more than enough info. But she also felt the need to tell me that he had small hands, which, when I told her isn’t always true, was, and that his scrabble technique was not up to her liking, I wanted to put my fingers in my ears and sing “lalalalalalalalala”
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: whiterose on May 20, 2014, 12:15:59 PM
Actually, online dating may be the easiest way to meet prospective romantic partners if you have a full time job plus an active social life, but are not meeting prospects otherwise.

It worked for me. I work full time, have many friends, several social activities, take group fitness classes at the gym often, belong to professional organizations, and travel for leisure and business relatively often. But no luck in romance. Until I joined eHarmony. Two very happy years and counting.

An online dating site will lead you to screen out for compatibility and commonality (and possibly even chemistry) before having to go on a date IRL. It can be very efficient. It is a system that many people enjoy using.

Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on May 21, 2014, 02:43:35 PM
Actually, online dating may be the easiest way to meet prospective romantic partners if you have a full time job plus an active social life, but are not meeting prospects otherwise.

It worked for me. I work full time, have many friends, several social activities, take group fitness classes at the gym often, belong to professional organizations, and travel for leisure and business relatively often. But no luck in romance. Until I joined eHarmony. Two very happy years and counting.

An online dating site will lead you to screen out for compatibility and commonality (and possibly even chemistry) before having to go on a date IRL. It can be very efficient. It is a system that many people enjoy using.

I agree. My problem is I don't have/aren't ready to make enough free time to do it properly. I don't know anyone who knows anyone in my age group that's single and available, so online really is my only option.

And I've never really dated a lot in my life, and certainly not recentlyl, so I'm a bit gun shy. Not to mention just plain shy, and uncomfortable in dating situations. But when I'm ready, I'm all in. Just don't know when that will be :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 17, 2014, 10:45:28 AM
I've been tempted to post in the 'hook-ups' section of a dating website, to deal with my issues.  But I'm so shy in dating situations, as well as having an allergy to latex, that I'm not sure I'll ever go through with it.  (Did you know that a box of non-latex c0ndoms costs 25% more than latex, for half as many?  I didn't buy them.)

Today, I did something really silly.  I made a list of the people I would invite to my non-existent wedding.  I saved it, titled, 'The list that will never be used'.   :P

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Miss Misery on June 17, 2014, 10:56:26 AM
The great thing about having a schizoid personality is that when you're all alone....you just love it.  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: cass2591 on June 17, 2014, 06:31:55 PM
I've been tempted to post in the 'hook-ups' section of a dating website, to deal with my issues.  But I'm so shy in dating situations, as well as having an allergy to latex, that I'm not sure I'll ever go through with it.  (Did you know that a box of non-latex c0ndoms costs 25% more than latex, for half as many?  I didn't buy them.)

Today, I did something really silly.  I made a list of the people I would invite to my non-existent wedding.  I saved it, titled, 'The list that will never be used'.   :P

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis...

Maybe you are.

And maybe you should post in the hook up section because this is not the forum to bemoan your lack of a sex life. This is the second time I've had to mention it to you, so please be more circumspect in your posts.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: JoW on June 17, 2014, 09:14:23 PM
I'm facing a job change and a move to a different city.  That means selling my house.  Last time I did that I had a spouse.  This time, by myself, will be a whole lot harder. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on June 17, 2014, 09:49:13 PM
I've established that my work schedule is more or less incompatible with developing a relationship at this point in my life - it would have been great when I was in college and most potential partners were working retail or food service, but it's terrible now that most of my potential partners are young professionals with 9-5 jobs.  I do have two days off a week, but unfortunately they're not the right two days for the singles scene, and I have enough friends that my time tends to end up pretty well occupied.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on June 17, 2014, 10:04:19 PM
I've just given up. After going through a divorce, I simply don't have the desire to go back through all the rigamorole of dating. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: random numbers on July 16, 2014, 10:25:51 PM
My ex, (we have a mostly good post relationship thing) I think is dating someone. I don't really want to know, and I hope he's doing well with it, but that means my plus one is gone. I don't even know if I want a relationship, but I'd like, you know, someone. Vacation buddy, plus one, whatever. Something. 
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 07, 2015, 10:43:33 AM
Reviving an old thread...

I have a date this weekend.  We're still trying to nail down when and where.  dating site ran a free communication weekend thing from Friday through to today.  And we progressed very quickly through the process and are emailing back and forth now, with pictures sent and some good conversation on both sides.  Good spelling and grammar, too.   ;D

So we both agreed to cut to the chase and meet up ASAP to see if there is anything worth pursuing, relationship wise.

If it doesn't work out, I'm going to pay to sign up for the full service for a couple of months and see if I can make any progress.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on January 07, 2015, 11:20:23 AM
Reviving an old thread...

I have a date this weekend.  We're still trying to nail down when and where.  dating site ran a free communication weekend thing from Friday through to today.  And we progressed very quickly through the process and are emailing back and forth now, with pictures sent and some good conversation on both sides.  Good spelling and grammar, too.   ;D

So we both agreed to cut to the chase and meet up ASAP to see if there is anything worth pursuing, relationship wise.

If it doesn't work out, I'm going to pay to sign up for the full service for a couple of months and see if I can make any progress.

Oh good luck! I've decided, my game plan is to pay off a bunch of stuff this spring (with a combo of my bonus and presumed tax refund, including a loan with a pretty significatn monthly payment), which will allow me to quit my second job, and am going to dip my toes in the online dating waters. I'll probalby wait for one of those free weekends too, and see how it goes.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: diesel_darlin on January 07, 2015, 11:34:13 AM
Good luck ladies! Im just gonna be over here perfecting my "you kids get off my lawn" voice.  ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 07, 2015, 12:57:47 PM
And the meeting just got bumped to tonight.  I knew he was free and my plans fell through so I texted him to see if he wanted to bump it up.  Which means I only have the rest of today to freak out instead of several days.  And I won't have time to spend hours on hair and makeup - I'll only have about an hour to get home, change, and put on a little makeup.  Which is good.  I'm a low maintenance kind of girl; better to start off as you mean to go on, right?
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 07, 2015, 08:43:05 PM
Ended up only have 10 minutes to change my shirt and throw on a bit of make-up.  Glad I didn't have time to obsess.

We're meeting again on Sunday.

He might not be Mr. Right but he's definitely going to be Mr. Right Now.  I'm not sure we have enough in common to make a long term go of it but I'm keeping an open mind.

And I know he finds me attractive, which is awesome.

I hope my new glasses are in by Friday...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: daen on January 07, 2015, 09:15:05 PM
Ended up only have 10 minutes to change my shirt and throw on a bit of make-up.  Glad I didn't have time to obsess.

We're meeting again on Sunday.

He might not be Mr. Right but he's definitely going to be Mr. Right Now.  I'm not sure we have enough in common to make a long term go of it but I'm keeping an open mind.

And I know he finds me attractive, which is awesome.

I hope my new glasses are in by Friday...

Glad the first date went well.

For what it's worth, I wasn't too sure about the first guy I met through online dating after the first date, but it turned out pretty well. (We've been married 5+ years.)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 11, 2015, 02:07:32 PM
Well, my new glasses came in but all for nought.  He cancelled.

Back to the drawing board...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Reader on January 12, 2015, 02:59:34 PM
I've established that my work schedule is more or less incompatible with developing a relationship at this point in my life - it would have been great when I was in college and most potential partners were working retail or food service, but it's terrible now that most of my potential partners are young professionals with 9-5 jobs.

I feel your pain.  Even though I work 55 hrs M-F with weekends off, I find most suitable dating partners put off by my schedule.  Not that I'm in any hurry.  Been single since I dumped my controling, alcoholic, possibly crazy ex back in July.  Rather be out here on the ledge with you lovely people than be constantly accused of cheating (how like I said I work 55 hrs a week and we lived together), and have my privacy violated (he checked my phone while I was sleeping, and becasue I let him use my home computer (saved passwords were not my friend here) he also read my facebook messages.)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Winterlight on January 12, 2015, 06:18:33 PM
I'm moving back home to live with my dad, which I'm guessing is going to kill my dating life. He's not doing well since mom died, so I got a new job locally and will be going back soon. I get the feeling, though, that moving in with Dad in your 40s is not exactly going to look cool. Oh, well.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on January 12, 2015, 07:58:37 PM
I'm moving back home to live with my dad, which I'm guessing is going to kill my dating life. He's not doing well since mom died, so I got a new job locally and will be going back soon. I get the feeling, though, that moving in with Dad in your 40s is not exactly going to look cool. Oh, well.

There's a big difference between moving in with your aging parent to take care of them and moving back home because you can't afford to live on your own.  I went on a few dates with a guy who was taking care of his grandparents when I was in my early twenties, and even then the difference was pretty clear to me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 12, 2015, 08:23:50 PM
I agree.  I would date a guy living with elderly parents so they could stay in the family home.  I wouldn't date the guy living in his parents' basement, playing video games all day.

And guess who sent me an email today?  Make up your dang mind, man.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 14, 2015, 05:44:53 AM
I now definitively know it's him, not me.  The first time he cancelled out, I thought maybe I'd come on too strong.  Then he emailed me, trying again.  And cancelled again.  Definitely him.  Men Suck!

On Sunday, after I went from sad to mad, I texted a girl I play ball with.  We're going out on the town on Friday.  It'll be fun to just let loose a little.  If we have fun, maybe we can make it a regular thing.  Not looking to pick up, since guys don't pick up girls like me in bars, even when I was that age, but just get out of the house and have some fun.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 26, 2015, 10:06:04 AM
I think I must have a loser magnet attached to me somehow.  Talked to another guy last night - fortunately didn't meet him.  Whole lotta baggage with that one.  I sent him a message on the site, telling him it was because of the distance between us, which is at least partially true, but it's really because, after talking to him, I have no interest in this guy.

And I discovered that I love my new smart phone.  It has a block feature.   ;D  Which I kind of have to thank the last guy for, since it was because of him that I started the process of getting my own phone, rather than depending on my work cell.

Still haven't made it out with the girl I play ball with since her grandmother had a stroke and then passed away.  Poor girl.  But in the midst of it, she changed her relationship status on Facebook to 'In a relationship' so now, she might not have the time to go out with me.  I'll have to see.

I just found out that one of my best friend's cousin is an avid skier and lives not too far from me.  Great guy and we could have a lot of fun skiing together.  He's gay, though, unfortunately.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lynn2000 on February 09, 2015, 04:04:17 PM
Historical note: I was doing some family history work this weekend and came across some original marriage documents from England. Man, they sure had a lot of marriage paperwork in the 1800s! I usually found at least three documents attesting to each marriage. Anyway, the groom was usually listed as a "bachelor" and the bride as a "spinster." The first time I saw that I was like, "Huh? She was only 21!" Then I realized that was just the term they used for any woman who hadn't been married before. So at some point it must not have had the connotation of "too old to be unmarried."

Holiday story: My grandma had a tradition of giving each of her grandchildren a book for Christmas, with cash hidden in the pages.  ;D After she passed away my uncle took over this tradition. However, as the grandkids (his kids, nieces, and nephews) grew up it seems like he wanted to start phasing it out, so he started making arbitrary rules about who was no longer eligible. Out of college. Out of high school. Finally it came down to just me, the youngest. I have been out of high school and college for a long, long time, even considering that I got advanced degrees. I still keep getting the book and cash (these days, it is not a book I'm interested in, and not much cash, <$5). Why is that, I wonder? Let me look around at my cousins and think about what is different between us. Oh yes, I see, I'm the only one not married. ::)

This year my uncle gave me a book, with a little cash (like $2), and also vouchers from where he had donated to a local charity. Other kids, like my cousins' kids, had gotten cash; other adults, like my parents, had gotten the vouchers. I went over to thank him for the gift, and he said, "The cash is the kid gift, and the vouchers are the grown-up gift. You're kind of in between, so you get both." I'm 35. I've lived on my own for over ten years. And I have a PhD. Obviously none of that counts for as much as a wedding ring, though... But hey, maybe next year, right? Since I'm in between instead of firmly a kid. ::)

A nice story: I have four cousins (other side) who are brothers. One just got married and two have long-time girlfriends. The fourth just moved to a new area and is lonely. His dad connected him with his girlfriend's kid's art teacher's niece, or something like that, and now the two of them are apparently having substantial phone conversations! I thought that was nice, although the two people are still 1000 miles apart. It's just kind of hilarious to imagine my uncle as a matchmaker--he's kind of a gruff, cynical, opinionated sort of man.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 20, 2015, 11:10:26 AM
Another date tomorrow, with someone somewhat promising.  I've had some interest from guys just looking to hook-up but since that's not all I want out of this, I've been passing on that, tempting though it may be.

I've definitely had some interesting conversations, though, with various people.  Some of whom I have no interest in meeting but the conversations are interesting.  It's all practice, right?  I can use all the help I can get.  I'm great in writing; not so good face to face.  Shyness is my downfall, for sure.  I think the information age might actually be helping me, now, because I can get my point across in writing.  Which just wasn't done when I was 'normal' dating age back in high school and university.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 20, 2015, 12:21:39 PM
Another date tomorrow, with someone somewhat promising.  I've had some interest from guys just looking to hook-up but since that's not all I want out of this, I've been passing on that, tempting though it may be.

I've definitely had some interesting conversations, though, with various people.  Some of whom I have no interest in meeting but the conversations are interesting.  It's all practice, right?  I can use all the help I can get.  I'm great in writing; not so good face to face.  Shyness is my downfall, for sure.  I think the information age might actually be helping me, now, because I can get my point across in writing.  Which just wasn't done when I was 'normal' dating age back in high school and university.

Yay for you! Hope it goes well!  I feel the same way about writing vs. face to face. i am also very shy (although those who know me as an adult only find that very surprising!) i always felt really awkward making small talk, and would freeze up.  I do so much better, even with my female friends, and former classmates I've reconnected with via social media. i'm working on getting out of my second job, and once i do, I think i may try the online dating thing. My friend offered to help me with my profile. i just have to get up the actual confidence to meet someone. i constantly feel like they're looking at me and thinking wow, she's not very (pretty, funny, etc.) which I know is silly, but still can't help it.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 20, 2015, 12:39:04 PM
And I continue to think that you are my only slightly older sister that my mother never told me about.  None of my friends, coworkers or teammates think I'm shy.  But I used to be painfully shy.  It's only in the last few years that it has improved.  In large part to some of my teammates on my one ball team.

What has helped me is to have sort of a set list of things to ask in my head and try to work them into the conversation organically.  It's still difficult but at least I'm getting out there.

Be prepared for the weirdos, though.  Although one I had this week was extremely entertaining.  I think he tried his schtick on the wrong woman, though, because the night after he was messaging me, he came back on line with a different user name and profile.  So I think someone who was less amused than me reported him.

The smart phone has come in so handy because it is so easy to block unwanted numbers!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 20, 2015, 01:37:18 PM
And I continue to think that you are my only slightly older sister that my mother never told me about.  None of my friends, coworkers or teammates think I'm shy.  But I used to be painfully shy.  It's only in the last few years that it has improved.  In large part to some of my teammates on my one ball team.

What has helped me is to have sort of a set list of things to ask in my head and try to work them into the conversation organically.  It's still difficult but at least I'm getting out there.

Be prepared for the weirdos, though.  Although one I had this week was extremely entertaining.  I think he tried his schtick on the wrong woman, though, because the night after he was messaging me, he came back on line with a different user name and profile.  So I think someone who was less amused than me reported him.

The smart phone has come in so handy because it is so easy to block unwanted numbers!

I KNOW! Seems like every time you post something, its like I've posted, and vice versa. too funny!  I was horribly, painfully shy as a child, and even into my adult years. I moved midway thorough elementary school, and started 4th grade when everyone had been together since K or before. Add to that coke bottle bi-focals, glass lenses with the giant line across, braces and being shy, i was the target of everyone.

Jr. high and HS weren't much better. Even to ask someone a question i would freeze up. And geeing up for my HS reunion, i wondered why i didn't have too many memories of doing things with people, etc. other than my one group of friends. I had other friends IN school, classes togther, but didn't hang out outside of school.  I finally realized, and still sometimes feel that way, that if i had asked someone to do something outside of school, i was sure they would look at me and say "why would i want to hang out with you?" which i know wasn't true, but i just had no self confidence back then! 

I joke that i am so outspoken now i'm making up for lost time!

Part of it too is i really haven't d@ted all that much in general. But I'm also at the point in my life where I know i have to suck it up and make the effort if i want something.

As far as weirdos, my cousin went through a whole bunch, and kept me entertained with all her stories. Wow. But she's now seeing someone she met last summer, and they are talking marriage; in a month or two. Which i think may be too soon, but its not me.

So I'm going to go into it with an open mind, and see what happens.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 20, 2015, 01:42:35 PM
Being the overweight girl who was one of the smartest in the room didn't make for great dating material in high school and university.  But now I'm discovering that there a number of men who prefer heavier, smart girls.  Not a lot but some.  I was really discouraged there for a couple weeks after the guy blew me off but this week, it's turning around.  And being convinced it was him and not me helped a lot.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 20, 2015, 01:44:00 PM
Being the overweight girl who was one of the smartest in the room didn't make for great dating material in high school and university.  But now I'm discovering that there a number of men who prefer heavier, smart girls.  Not a lot but some.  I was really discouraged there for a couple weeks after the guy blew me off but this week, it's turning around.  And being convinced it was him and not me helped a lot.

I hear you. I wasn't heavy in HS but then was. Working on that, and its doing wonders for my confidence! hahahahahaha. I'm also at the point where i don't give a "rat's behind" what anyone else thinks of me. Take me as i am, or get lost :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 20, 2015, 01:54:47 PM
That's part of it, too.  You want me?  You get aallll of me, warts and all.  I might not throw them all at you on the first date but by the third, you're going to know all you need to know about me to make a decision as to whether we're moving forward or not.

A big one for me is casual cursing, with the exception of the f-bomb.  It's the way I talk, casually.  I grew up with it and it continues because a lot of my friends are blue collar, for lack of a better term.  So if it is going to bother you that I say dam and hell?  Yeah, we're not going to get along long term because that's just ingrained.  I control it in 'polite' company but day to day?  It's a lot of effort.  Or social drinking.  In my family, alcohol was always around.  As kids, my brother and I started having wine with dinner, if my parents were having it, at a fairly young age.  So it's normal to have a beer when you come in from yard work, a glass of wine with dinner if we're all together and the same with a night cap.  If you aren't OK with that, we're not going to be a good match.  I might not drink at home by myself very much but when I'm with my family?  We drink.  Nobody gets drunk.  Tipsy maybe but not drunk.

So on a first date, if it is an appropriate time of day, I order a beer or a glass of wine with my meal.  And usually drop a curse word or two at an appropriate place in the conversation.  Weeds out the incompatibles in a hurry.  I know you're supposed to be on your best behaviour for a first date but I'd rather not waste time on someone who is going to be offended by my blue collar roots.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 20, 2015, 02:18:26 PM
That's part of it, too.  You want me?  You get aallll of me, warts and all.  I might not throw them all at you on the first date but by the third, you're going to know all you need to know about me to make a decision as to whether we're moving forward or not.

A big one for me is casual cursing, with the exception of the f-bomb.  It's the way I talk, casually.  I grew up with it and it continues because a lot of my friends are blue collar, for lack of a better term.  So if it is going to bother you that I say dam and hell?  Yeah, we're not going to get along long term because that's just ingrained.  I control it in 'polite' company but day to day?  It's a lot of effort.  Or social drinking.  In my family, alcohol was always around.  As kids, my brother and I started having wine with dinner, if my parents were having it, at a fairly young age.  So it's normal to have a beer when you come in from yard work, a glass of wine with dinner if we're all together and the same with a night cap.  If you aren't OK with that, we're not going to be a good match.  I might not drink at home by myself very much but when I'm with my family?  We drink.  Nobody gets drunk.  Tipsy maybe but not drunk.

So on a first date, if it is an appropriate time of day, I order a beer or a glass of wine with my meal.  And usually drop a curse word or two at an appropriate place in the conversation.  Weeds out the incompatibles in a hurry.  I know you're supposed to be on your best behaviour for a first date but I'd rather not waste time on someone who is going to be offended by my blue collar roots.

Hehehe. Aside from the beer, which I don't care for, me too. I posted something on FB; a pic of a tee shirt that said "I'm a classy, intelligent well-education woman who says the f-bomb a lot" only it used the actual word. My one friend commented "that is totally you"

My mom says I have no filter. and sadly, sometimes, I don't. But i can behave when I need to.

Funniest thing ever; i was taking a friend's mom home from a party her family had, since she lives near me, and not my friend. Her mom is very prim and proper, and someone did something stupid, and i dropped the fbomb. Oops. I was so embarassed but she laughed so it was ok.

But good luck with your meeting! I'll keep my fingers crossed for yoU!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Snooks on February 20, 2015, 03:00:31 PM
Historical note: I was doing some family history work this weekend and came across some original marriage documents from England. Man, they sure had a lot of marriage paperwork in the 1800s! I usually found at least three documents attesting to each marriage. Anyway, the groom was usually listed as a "bachelor" and the bride as a "spinster." The first time I saw that I was like, "Huh? She was only 21!" Then I realized that was just the term they used for any woman who hadn't been married before. So at some point it must not have had the connotation of "too old to be unmarried."

My parents got married in the 1970s and I'm fairly sure my mum is listed as a spinster.  My more recent (<10 years) just says single for both of us.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on February 20, 2015, 04:07:34 PM
After giving up on online dating (it's a scary place!), meetup groups (moderate success, but nothing serious) and then dating my way through the few guys in my social circle I was interested in, I'd kind of given up.  However, I went to a holiday party, and hit it off pretty well with one of the other attendees.  Not only have we both known the host of the party for a long time, but we have several other un-connected mutual friends - all of whom speak well of him.  We went out to some group outings together during January and the beginning of this month, and we went out on an actual date last weekend - yes, Valentine's weekend.  We're going out again this weekend - hopefully things will continue going well!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 20, 2015, 05:38:54 PM
Cool!  That is really how I'd prefer to meet someone but it just hasn't happened.  I've be trying that for 20 years.  So on-line it is.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 20, 2015, 06:56:01 PM
Cool!  That is really how I'd prefer to meet someone but it just hasn't happened.  I've be trying that for 20 years.  So on-line it is.

Me too. All my friends are younger than I am, and don't know any nice single guys
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on February 21, 2015, 12:10:07 AM
Cool!  That is really how I'd prefer to meet someone but it just hasn't happened.  I've be trying that for 20 years.  So on-line it is.

Me too. All my friends are younger than I am, and don't know any nice single guys

I had the opposite problem where most of my friends were older, to the point where the single guys they did know weren't in my age range of interest.  I typically dated guys who were close to my age, and if there was a significant gap, the guy was the younger one.

This guy is older, but not so much older that it bothers me, although a few years ago, it would have.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 21, 2015, 08:29:21 AM
I find that a lot of men my own age or just a little older seem so much older than me.  So the range I look at runs from about 38 to 50 - I'm 46.  But there aren't a lot of men who are OK with the woman being older than they are.

Based on averages, women live longer than men.  We're supposed to go for younger!  LOL

My Aunt was 6 years older than her husband and my Mom was 4 years older than my Dad.  My brother is 6 years younger than my stbxSIL.  So it's a bit of a family tradition.

My current city friends are all a lot younger than I am so they're no help in introducing me to anyone.  Unless the youngest ones have single fathers...
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 21, 2015, 07:32:50 PM
So my lunch date lasted 6.5 hours...  Lunch was good, we went on a bit of a hike on snowshoes.  I wasn't really sure but he was interested in doing something else so I suggested going back into town to get a hot drink.  And we sat in the coffee shop for almost 3 hours and another 1/2 hour in my car.

I'm not ready to delete my on-line profile but there will be a second date and we'll see how it goes.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Nikko-chan on February 21, 2015, 08:27:57 PM
So my lunch date lasted 6.5 hours...  Lunch was good, we went on a bit of a hike on snowshoes.  I wasn't really sure but he was interested in doing something else so I suggested going back into town to get a hot drink.  And we sat in the coffee shop for almost 3 hours and another 1/2 hour in my car.

I'm not ready to delete my on-line profile but there will be a second date and we'll see how it goes.

Oh that is awesome outdoor girl!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: HannahGrace on February 21, 2015, 08:37:36 PM
So my lunch date lasted 6.5 hours...  Lunch was good, we went on a bit of a hike on snowshoes.  I wasn't really sure but he was interested in doing something else so I suggested going back into town to get a hot drink.  And we sat in the coffee shop for almost 3 hours and another 1/2 hour in my car.

I'm not ready to delete my on-line profile but there will be a second date and we'll see how it goes.

That sounds great!  Also I support your inclination toward slightly younger men... I ended up marrying someone 10 years younger :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 02, 2015, 10:02:11 AM
Bumping this thread to say...

I think I'm out of the club.  It's been over three months since that first date and we are still together.  We've managed some hurdles, mostly in his life at the moment, with no arguing or gnashing of teeth.  I've been pushing him to get a few things done that he's been procrastinating on and worried that I'm nagging but he doesn't feel that way.  We're spending more and more time together each week and I can't believe how easy it has been to integrate him into my life.  I've been alone so long that I thought I'd feel smothered or feel like he was constantly underfoot when together but I haven't felt that way at all.  I was worried about being able to sleep, sharing a bed.  Except for having to wear earplugs due to his snoring?  I sleep better when he's there.  And I definitely did not expect that!

Things are going so well that we have been talking long term.  Not planning per se but discussing it.  And we find we are on the same page on almost everything.  It is so surreal.

After 25 + years of looking - and hoping - I've found someone who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread and he keeps telling me that I've shown him more respect and caring in 3 months than he got in the 20 years of his marriage.  He is so not what I thought I was looking for.  But it's working.

So I'm happy to come out on the ledge with you all anytime and bring cookies and rum specials but I don't think I'm going to need to have the favour returned.  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: siamesecat2965 on June 02, 2015, 11:03:52 AM
Bumping this thread to say...

I think I'm out of the club.  It's been over three months since that first date and we are still together.  We've managed some hurdles, mostly in his life at the moment, with no arguing or gnashing of teeth.  I've been pushing him to get a few things done that he's been procrastinating on and worried that I'm nagging but he doesn't feel that way.  We're spending more and more time together each week and I can't believe how easy it has been to integrate him into my life.  I've been alone so long that I thought I'd feel smothered or feel like he was constantly underfoot when together but I haven't felt that way at all.  I was worried about being able to sleep, sharing a bed.  Except for having to wear earplugs due to his snoring?  I sleep better when he's there.  And I definitely did not expect that!

Things are going so well that we have been talking long term.  Not planning per se but discussing it.  And we find we are on the same page on almost everything.  It is so surreal.

After 25 + years of looking - and hoping - I've found someone who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread and he keeps telling me that I've shown him more respect and caring in 3 months than he got in the 20 years of his marriage.  He is so not what I thought I was looking for.  But it's working.

So I'm happy to come out on the ledge with you all anytime and bring cookies and rum specials but I don't think I'm going to need to have the favour returned.  :)
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Sorry, I had to shout. I just hope, when I'm ready to get out there and look, I have the same results. I'm terrified of not being able to "adjust" or put up with someone in my life, constantly, after being alone for so long. But so many people have told me if and when you meet the right person, you will know. And your story gives me hope!  So keep it up, and keep your fingers crossed for me :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Nikko-chan on June 02, 2015, 11:17:37 AM
That is awesome outdoor girl!!!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Luci on June 02, 2015, 11:44:40 AM
That is awesome outdoor girl!!!

Hope it works out. We know you'll keep us posted!

Just be happy.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Lynn2000 on June 02, 2015, 01:31:14 PM
Congrats, Outdoor Girl! I remember your posts here, and whenever you mentioned your boyfriend in other threads I got a little smile on my face, glad it was going well for you. :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 02, 2015, 02:37:02 PM
Thanks, everyone.   :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Ginger G on June 02, 2015, 03:13:16 PM
That's great Outdoor Girl, I'm happy for you!  I started dating my DH when I was almost 41 and we got married when I was 46 (one and a half years ago).  I had pretty much given up on finding anybody that was compatible for me for the long run, so I thought I would be in the spinsters club for life (not that there's anything wrong with that).  Anyway, best wishes to you and your guy!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on June 02, 2015, 03:22:15 PM
I've put my dating life on hold until I'm sure about a potential change coming up at work that will significantly affect my schedule.  I'm so busy anyway I'm not sure when I'd be able to go out on dates!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on August 21, 2015, 02:40:26 PM
Bumping to say...

Today is the 6 month anniversary of our first date.  We've had to postpone celebrating for logistical reasons but plan on a nice dinner out on the Labour Day weekend.

We still have yet to have any sort of a fight.  Barely even any mild disagreements.  We both have tempers so it's weird that there have been no issues that way.  And a bit of a relief.  Nice, calm, rational conversation beats yelling any day.  Even for someone who *likes* to yell sometimes.  (That would be me.)

Still talking long term but he has to get divorced before anything can happen, though there are some preliminary things we can do.  His ex is dragging her feet and has unrealistic expectations of what she should receive in support and in the division of assets so that's stressing him out but not stressing our relationship.  But she's apparently talking about moving back to her hometown so that may hurry the process along a little so she can get everything finalized before she goes.

I've been helping him help out his parents.  They have a wood burning furnace and so have to get the wood in and under cover so it's good and dry before winter.  We did most of it the first weekend in August.  I think his parents will be really mad at him if we ever break up.   ;D
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Nikko-chan on August 21, 2015, 02:56:49 PM
Awesome update!
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on August 21, 2015, 03:27:22 PM
I've also un-spinstered lately!  We've been dating two and a half months...and I could not have special ordered someone more perfect for me.
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: Outdoor Girl on August 21, 2015, 03:32:08 PM
Awesome.

Comes when you least expect it, doesn't it?  Though I wish it could have come around 10 to 20 years earlier...  :)
Title: Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
Post by: greencat on August 21, 2015, 03:38:08 PM
I had actually stopped trying to date when a mutual friend started inviting him out to our big group outings.  He wasn't initially looking to date either but we really hit it off and both decided we didn't want to be single anymore.  I did everything short of hiring a skywriter to make sure he got the message that I was interested in him  ;)