Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Dating => Topic started by: Cz. Burrito on November 15, 2011, 07:06:26 PM

Title: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,34]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 15, 2011, 07:06:26 PM
I'm still finding what transpired with a friend of mine to be utterly bizarre...

At the beginning of September, I went to a convention with some friends in Atlanta.  We've all been a part of the same social group for close to a decade and are all over the country.  It was great to meet up with them.  One friend in particular and I noted a bit of a spark, which we decided to pursue.  He lives 1,000 miles away from me, and came to visit a couple of weeks later.  A couple of weeks after that, we went to Chicago together.  At this point, we determine that this thing, whatever it is, is very real and we consider ourselves to be in a relationship.  A little bit after that, we reveal the relationship to the social group.  All told, about 6 weeks have passed since this whole thing started.

One friend of ours was absolutely incensed that we were concealing what was going on between us and cut ties with me over the reveal, which he referred to as "damage control."  (Not clear what the damage is here, but...okay.)  A decade-long friendship...ended over this...  ???

I'm 100% certain that my now-former friend way over-reacted, but at what point is it normal to disclose a new relationship?
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Yvaine on November 15, 2011, 07:10:02 PM
Your time frame sounds perfectly reasonable.

Which one was your friend unrequitedly interested in, yourself or your new partner?  >:D
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: #borecore on November 15, 2011, 07:10:30 PM
With friends you'd speak to regularly, I'd say 2-3 months is normal.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 15, 2011, 07:11:46 PM
What happened is pretty much what I would consider 'normal'.

Other friend is off his rocker.  Any chance that he had designs on you (or him, for that matter) and now feels like he missed his chance?  He may feel like that if he knew from the get go, he could have made his move and now it's too late.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: lady_disdain on November 15, 2011, 07:13:15 PM
Talk about an over reaction!

I think you were perfectly fine. First of all, there wasn't a relationship to disclose earlier! You went on a couple of dates, tested the water and decided to take the plunge. From your timeline, that was when you told people. What did friend want- to know all the dates you go on?

Second, I think it is always wise to be a little careful with relationships within a group of friends, as it can generate some conflict, a little tension and a lot of gossip. Even if you held off telling for longer, I wouldn't think anything of it.

Ending a 10 year friendship over this? That is way over the top. The only explanation I can see is that friend had a crush on yu himself and is upset that your new guy acted while he dithered.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 15, 2011, 07:14:10 PM
Your time frame sounds perfectly reasonable.

Which one was your friend unrequitedly interested in, yourself or your new partner?  >:D

We think he's interested in my new partner.  It's become a running joke.  If my partner posts something on his blog/facebook/etc and former-friend responds first, I'll get an email that says "Looks like FF likes me more than you!"   :)

But seriously, it does seem like FF expected my new partner to be his bachelor bar-going buddy and wingman, which is unreasonable even without me being in the picture (partner has kids and travels a lot for work).
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 15, 2011, 07:18:19 PM
Talk about an over reaction!

I think you were perfectly fine. First of all, there wasn't a relationship to disclose earlier! You went on a couple of dates, tested the water and decided to take the plunge. From your timeline, that was when you told people. What did friend want- to know all the dates you go on?

Second, I think it is always wise to be a little careful with relationships within a group of friends, as it can generate some conflict, a little tension and a lot of gossip. Even if you held off telling for longer, I wouldn't think anything of it.

Ending a 10 year friendship over this? That is way over the top. The only explanation I can see is that friend had a crush on yu himself and is upset that your new guy acted while he dithered.

The bolded is what my partner kept saying.  He can't believe that there was an expectation that he post "So, there's this person who I might be into and she might be into me and we're not really sure what this is and we're going to see each other in a couple of weeks, so I'd just thought I'd let you know that nothing is happening."

We were also definitely cognizant of potential fallout within the group.  We wanted to make sure that we had a solid idea of where we stood with each other first, and, honestly, we would have held out longer except that people had started guessing.

And former-friend never even said a single word to me after we disclosed our relationship.  This is a person I've invited into my home on numerous occasions, and he just cut me out without a word.  He's still cozying up to my partner, though.   :-\
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: LifeOnPluto on November 15, 2011, 08:04:39 PM
I think in general, it depends on the type of friendship you have. If you have a very close friend who you chat with at least once a day, it would seem weird to suddenly say "Oh, by the way! I've been dating a guy for the last six weeks!" I can see how that might be hurtful to your best friend, if you'd said absolutely nothing about it previously.

But in your situation, I don't think you were rude at all. Your former friend is overreacting.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Sterling on November 15, 2011, 08:47:38 PM
Yeah you did nothing wrong.  Once a person is past the teen years I think it pays to wait.  At 31 I would have to have been on at least 4-5 dates before I called it a relationship anyway.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: blarg314 on November 15, 2011, 08:59:30 PM
I would say that a good point is no later than when you want to start socializing as a couple, or the point when people are going to notice anyways.

So if it's normal in your group to invite steady SO's along with you, then telling people about a new SO adds them to the list.  Or if you tend to arrive and leave events together with a mutual set of friends it's probably better to tell people outright, because they will be guessing anyways.

I think it's perfectly fine to keep a new relationship quiet for a while, particularly while you're figuring out if it is a relationship or not, and how it's going.   However, it's generally not very practical to have some people know, but expect it to still be secret from other people - once it's out, it's out.

Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: aiki on November 15, 2011, 09:40:09 PM
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

Seriously, I think it's very considerate of Former Friend  to put himself in timeout if he can't handle the fact that two adults of his acquaintance have started a relationship without his intimate involvement.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: JoyinVirginia on November 15, 2011, 10:15:13 PM
Your actions were very reasonable. Friends do not have veto power over relationships of their friends. This reaction is quite strange.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Winterlight on November 16, 2011, 08:19:12 AM
I'm 100% certain that my now-former friend way over-reacted, but at what point is it normal to disclose a new relationship?

Before the wedding.

Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 16, 2011, 08:20:35 AM
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

Seriously, I think it's very considerate of Former Friend  to put himself in timeout if he can't handle the fact that two adults of his acquaintance have started a relationship without his intimate involvement.

That's a very good way of looking at it.

(Of course, it would be even nicer if he would stop courting my boyfriend.  :P)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: MrTango on November 16, 2011, 08:25:30 AM
POD to the previous posters who said you were fine.

I have no doubt that your former friend had a crush on you and got jealous that you had the audacity to go out with someone else.   ::)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: ShadesOfGrey on November 16, 2011, 08:35:45 AM
Can I ask something - how did you "announce" the relationship? What was involved - was it an email, a get together to reveal it, did you just start making out in front of people telling people as they asked? I've never actually encountered an announcement of beginning a relationship and I'm wondering what's involved.

 >:D
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 16, 2011, 09:04:27 AM
Okay, I'm actually going to post the photo we used. 

A bit of a back story: I have a history of venting to these people about my young nieces posting photos of theirselves with their One True Love(s) all doctored up with movie quotes and hearts and such.  The very day that we "announced" ourselves, I had been talking about my niece posting one such photo with a Renee Zellweger movie quote (from Jerry Maguire).  My boyfriend did some research and found a quote that we found quite amusing.

More backstory: We're both recently divorced and somewhat bittered-up about it.  (This whole "wanting to be in a relationship again" thing took us both by surprise.)

Even more backstory: The idea of us getting together is hilarious in and of itself.  We have a history of being really, really polar opposites. 

We're a group of bloggers, so we thought, what better way to announce ourselves than by posting this...

(http://multiply.com/mu/somewoman/image/95/photos/165/600x600/1/DSC-0104-bastardized.jpg?et=yUrcfTXZapImqzECgv7Clg&nmid=493006372)

And we did clarify with text a few hours later that it was not a joke and gave a little more detail about how it happened.   178 comments of people finding it very, very amusing.  And then this guy.  In addition to not liking that we didn't announce it right away, he also took umbrage with the way that we announced it.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: rashea on November 16, 2011, 10:58:57 AM
I find it telling that the former friend cut off ties with you, but not with your new boyfriend.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: artk2002 on November 16, 2011, 11:17:28 AM
You did nothing wrong.  There's no reason why you need to check your relationship status with anyone other than your partner.  It does sound like your friend is jealous and/or has designs on your BF or you.  This is his issue, not yours.

Congratulations, by the way!  You both look cute and very happy in the picture.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 16, 2011, 12:48:37 PM
I find it telling that the former friend cut off ties with you, but not with your new boyfriend.

Me too.  Me too.   :-\
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: shhh its me on November 16, 2011, 02:33:11 PM
   OK your betsest best firend who you share every single minutia of your life with( you know the one you tell when you change brands of feminine hygiene products , how long the line was at the bank and if you see a cute waiter) might reasonable be hurt but it would still be , "holy over-reaction Batman" moment.

The reaction is not normal , either he loves one of you or something is seriously wrong.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: LadyClaire on November 16, 2011, 02:33:32 PM
What you did sounds perfectly normal. When DH and I started dating again, we kept it quiet for a while. One reason being that a mutual friend seemed to have feelings for him (DH and I had dated for a while and it didn't work out, then got back together a year and a half later), and we were trying to figure out how to break it to her gently that we'd gotten back together. We were quietly dating for about a month before we broke the news to everyone. In the end, the mutual friend decided we'd betrayed her and dropped both of us like a rock..and like your friendship, it was nearly decade long friendship down the drain because of it.

I'm guessing he had feelings either for you or for your partner.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: LEMon on November 16, 2011, 03:44:39 PM
You did nothing wrong.  Though I will add the cavat that if SO knew he would take it hard, he probably should have let him know before the picture.

At some point your SO is going to have to decide what to do about him.  Right now he is allowing FF to have his cake (ignore you) and eat it too (keep the contact with him).
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Steve on November 16, 2011, 03:50:15 PM
Congratulations, you have uncovered: a secret crush!


enjoy :)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Viscountess on November 16, 2011, 04:30:51 PM
I think you were fine revealing your relationship at a later date.  All it matters is that you and your SO are happy and felt it was a good time to share the news.  Former Friend is really overreacting, and like other PPs have stated, he is probably more upset you interrupted his bromance ideas. 
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: LifeOnPluto on November 16, 2011, 08:16:28 PM
Can I ask something - how did you "announce" the relationship? What was involved - was it an email, a get together to reveal it, did you just start making out in front of people telling people as they asked? I've never actually encountered an announcement of beginning a relationship and I'm wondering what's involved.

 >:D

Ha! That reminds me of how people would "announce" their relationships back in my university days. One you'd have two acquaintances - eg Jim and Sue - being politely distant towards each other. The next day, Jim and Sue would stroll in holding hands. They'd give each other little pecks on the lips, and gaze off into each other's eyes, and call each other pet names, etc. No verbal announcement was ever made, but for the rest of us, it was like "Oh, guess Jim and Sue are a couple now."
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: aiki on November 16, 2011, 09:42:34 PM
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

Seriously, I think it's very considerate of Former Friend  to put himself in timeout if he can't handle the fact that two adults of his acquaintance have started a relationship without his intimate involvement.

That's a very good way of looking at it.

(Of course, it would be even nicer if he would stop courting my boyfriend.  :P)

I suspect that he's trying to keep up a front of "normal" in the face of bitter, bitter disappointment and not succeeding terribly well. Treat it with ignore, give him some time to get over it, and you might get your friend back when he realises he's been behaving like a donkey's rear.

You guys look cute together.  ;D 
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: magician5 on November 16, 2011, 10:09:13 PM
So ... the private details of your personal life can reasonably be demanded from you by your acquaintances? You don't EVER have to tell anyone about anything in your life, you are entitled to whatever privacy you desire.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Winterlight on November 17, 2011, 09:00:57 AM
I find it telling that the former friend cut off ties with you, but not with your new boyfriend.

CynicalWinter agrees.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 17, 2011, 09:08:07 AM
At some point your SO is going to have to decide what to do about him.  Right now he is allowing FF to have his cake (ignore you) and eat it too (keep the contact with him).

Oh, definitely.  I don't want to push the issue at the moment...but at some point in the future, yeah.  Very yeah.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: bopper on November 17, 2011, 02:50:07 PM
One time I got a bridal shower invitation in the mail. At first I had no idea who it was for. But looking at the hostess and some deduction led us to figure out it was fo the B2B of one of my DH's very good high school friends that he keeps in touch with...one that we had NO idea he was even seeing anyone!
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: MerryCat on November 18, 2011, 12:37:08 PM
I find it interesting that Former Friend lays all the blame at your feet, while still courting your BF. It takes two to make a relationship, doesn't it?

I have a friend like this, "Mike". He's weirdly possessive of another one of our guys friends, "Bob",  to the point of having a man-crush on him. He's hated every girlfriend Bob's ever had, and even refused to acknowledge some of them. I'm talking about giving these girls the cut direct in social situations for no apparent reason. Then, when Bob starts pulling back from the friendship, Mike blames the girlfriends. Well, Bob's married now, and Mike has had to learn to play nice or lose his friend altogether. Unfortunately, the damage is done, and they're not as close as they used to be.

OP, I suspect it's going to be the same in your case. As your relationship progresses either Former Friend is going to have to play nice, or lose his friendship altogether. Of course, he'll probably blame you for that, but having someone to blame is poor consolation for losing a friend.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: MyFamily on November 19, 2011, 10:32:24 PM
First of all, OP, I just have to say that I remember when you went through all the awful stuff with your ex and I've got a big grin knowing you are dating someone now.  Very nice.

Back to the point of your post - I agree with everyone you did fine.  Announcing something like that too early is a very bad idea, especially since you needed to spend some time together to make sure there was really something to announce.

I do think your bf needs to talk to this guy, though, because it isn't okay for him to be friendly with someone who can treat you this badly.  You deserve better than that.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 20, 2011, 07:23:48 PM
First of all, OP, I just have to say that I remember when you went through all the awful stuff with your ex and I've got a big grin knowing you are dating someone now.  Very nice.

Aw, thanks.  I was totally swearing off relationships, and then it happened just like everybody said it would..

And, yeah, at some point Former Friend is going to have to become an issue.  At this point I'm not inclined to make it one for couple of reasons-- our relationship being so new, and FF not being local to my boyfriend (they don't see each other very often and haven't seen each other since this happened).
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: CakeEater on November 20, 2011, 08:51:25 PM
I liked your photo! :)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: weeblewobble on November 21, 2011, 06:09:14 AM
It's funny that some singles always seem to have that one friend that keeps them from having a successful relationship- whether it's because they fear change and don't want to make room for a partner in their relationship, they don't want to be the only single person in their group of friends, or because they want all of the single's attention focused solely on them. 

CB, I sincerely hope that this friend doesn't cause problems in your relationship.  I wouldn't weep because he "cut you off."  But I agree with PP that BF shouldn't let this guy snub you and then continue to spend time with him.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: LibraryLady on November 22, 2011, 05:04:18 PM
That is a very nice photo of you two.  You look very happy.

LL
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 19, 2012, 01:35:42 PM
A little update:

This "friend" sent my boyfriend a book about how monogamy goes against our instincts and everything we've evolved to be.  Yes, really.  Boyfriend started reading it and has been enjoying sharing particularly egregious and ill-founded excerpts with me. I doubt he will finish the book any time soon.  We've shared lengthy discussions with point-by-point rebuttals of the book.

So, thanks, "friend," for giving us yet another thing to bond over.   ;D

Yes, that's over 6 months that he's been at it now.   :P
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: jedikaiti on March 19, 2012, 02:15:42 PM
It might be rubbing salt in FF's self-inflicted wound, but I kinda hope your SO is posting some of the funnier ones to FB with your joint rebuttals.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Sophia on March 19, 2012, 02:24:45 PM
My male friends usually hear very very very late about relationships.  Not because there is any possbility or desire for a relationship, but because I've noticed my male friends get boyfriends confused.  Female friends can keep guys you've dated straight in their minds.   So, I wait until we are very very serious, and he has met my parents, THEN they can meet those friends.  My female friends usually hear about every guy before the first date. 
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Calypso on March 19, 2012, 02:30:25 PM
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

 

Dang. I now have the image of Lady Gaga doing a video for "A Fine Bromance" in my head and it won't. get. out......... 8) :o ;D ::)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Winterlight on March 19, 2012, 03:56:12 PM
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

 

Dang. I now have the image of Lady Gaga doing a video for "A Fine Bromance" in my head and it won't. get. out......... 8) :o ;D ::)

I've got Ella and Louis- a clearly superior version. *is smug*
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: JenJay on March 19, 2012, 06:18:31 PM
I find it telling that the former friend cut off ties with you, but not with your new boyfriend.

BINGO! I don't know what twisted his undies but it's pretty obvious he thinks it's 110% all YOUR fault! What a jerk.

Cute pic and best wishes!!
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: Calypso on March 19, 2012, 07:43:50 PM
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

 

Dang. I now have the image of Lady Gaga doing a video for "A Fine Bromance" in my head and it won't. get. out......... 8) :o ;D ::)

I've got Ella and Louis- a clearly superior version. *is smug*

Thanks, that's much better  8)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
Post by: blarg314 on March 19, 2012, 09:21:16 PM

This "friend" sent my boyfriend a book about how monogamy goes against our instincts and everything we've evolved to be.  Yes, really.  Boyfriend started reading it and has been enjoying sharing particularly egregious and ill-founded excerpts with me. I doubt he will finish the book any time soon.  We've shared lengthy discussions with point-by-point rebuttals of the book.


Oh good grief!

Cutting off ties abruptly can be a sign of a someone who is really hurt and trying to retreat to hide it. Sending books about non monagamy to one of the couple, on the other hand, is a pretty blatant come on.

I think your BF needs to write him and tell him point blank that he's not interested, and to back off.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: saffron on March 19, 2012, 11:13:43 PM
I'm sorry but I just have to laugh at the fact that FF sent your BF a book! I can't even imagine what that guy is thinking - I mean ( and I know this is a huge generalization) it doesn't seem like something a guy would typically do. I just keep imagining little scenarios where FF is at Barns and Noble going : 'do I get the book about how monogamy is unrealistic or the one about how true love is just an illusion.... hmmmm....better go with the monogamy one - more subtle'   :o

Seriously though - you and BF seem to be dealing with this in a incredibly restrained manner. Although I do have to wonder just how far FF plans to push the envelope. Have you discussed the possibility of FF taking his issue too far and how you plan to deal with it? It might be a good idea for you and BF to get on the same page  - united front and all that...

Love the picture! Personally I find your announcement very funny and you guys look happy.
 
Also: inquiring minds want to know  - was there a card or anything with the book and did FF spring for gift wrap?  :P

Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: jedikaiti on March 19, 2012, 11:23:58 PM
If the book's any indication, FF the SS may be providing us with lots of entertainment until OP and SO get either sick of him, or bored with him!
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Steve on March 20, 2012, 05:10:13 AM
I bet he will be making a move on BF before this thread gets locked :)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: mharbourgirl on March 20, 2012, 06:14:26 AM
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 >:D
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: squashedfrog on March 20, 2012, 06:57:50 AM
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 >:D

Cough!! Blort!!! Snort!!!! ;D  ;D  ;D
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 20, 2012, 08:58:06 AM
Also: inquiring minds want to know  - was there a card or anything with the book and did FF spring for gift wrap?  :P

No gift wrap, sadly.  It was an e-book, which means that it's extra easy for BF to send me screencaps of it.  >:D

For those who are curious, it's this book (http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehistoric-Origins-Sexuality/dp/0061707805).

It's kind of unbelievable.

I LOL'ed at the suggestion of "He's just not that into you."   >:D ;D
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: JenJay on March 20, 2012, 09:52:54 AM
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 >:D

Bahahaha!! I love it! Can you imagine? Teehee  ;D
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: ilrag on March 20, 2012, 10:14:20 AM
I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 20, 2012, 10:22:55 AM
I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.

I agree with your assessment.  I have another friend who loves this book.  This friend is a bit of a...playboy.  He also was recently burned by a girl who he thought he loved, so reading this book just fit perfectly into his worldview at the moment.

My boyfriend is firmly a monogamist (we were both cheated on by our spouses and have the same expectations of a monogamist relationship).  We both agree that the book is firmly lacking scientific justification and context.  BF is a philosopher and has big problems with the way the arguments are laid out.  His reading the book isn't a big deal-- it's not like he's going to suddenly change his life based on a book-- but I think it is a big deal that this "friend" is still harping on him about extracting himself from this relationship, granted he's being slightly more subtle now.  I'm certainly fed up with it and BF has just about had enough himself.

I don't think that this "friend" is actually after my BF-- those are just amusing jokes.  I think the real problem is that "friend" fancies himself to be all-wise while at the same time being terrified of relationships because he hasn't had one in 25 years.  This person is on the record as saying that he regrets that BF didn't tell him about us sooner so that he could have put a stop to it.  Like that would have happened.  There's a lot more to it, but the reasons don't matter. He's being a giant jerk and should leave us alone.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: squashedfrog on March 20, 2012, 11:57:27 AM
I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.

I agree with your assessment.  I have another friend who loves this book.  This friend is a bit of a...playboy.  He also was recently burned by a girl who he thought he loved, so reading this book just fit perfectly into his worldview at the moment.

My boyfriend is firmly a monogamist (we were both cheated on by our spouses and have the same expectations of a monogamist relationship).  We both agree that the book is firmly lacking scientific justification and context.  BF is a philosopher and has big problems with the way the arguments are laid out.  His reading the book isn't a big deal-- it's not like he's going to suddenly change his life based on a book-- but I think it is a big deal that this "friend" is still harping on him about extracting himself from this relationship, granted he's being slightly more subtle now.  I'm certainly fed up with it and BF has just about had enough himself.

I don't think that this "friend" is actually after my BF-- those are just amusing jokes.  I think the real problem is that "friend" fancies himself to be all-wise while at the same time being terrified of relationships because he hasn't had one in 25 years.  This person is on the record as saying that he regrets that BF didn't tell him about us sooner so that he could have put a stop to it.  Like that would have happened.  There's a lot more to it, but the reasons don't matter. He's being a giant jerk and should leave us alone.

yuck! what a cretin!   Can I ask what your chaps says to him when he says those horrible things?  Does he ever actually give a reason for trying to split you up, or has your BF asked him why he keeps trying it?
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Twik on March 21, 2012, 11:41:39 AM
Quite honestly, there's worrying about wedding bells breaking up that old gang of mine - and then there's creepy and controlling. This has gone beyond "Why are you getting serious? I'm not serious with anyone, and I assume everyone is exactly like me." If someone tells me that he would have "put a stop to" a relationship I'm developing, I think that's reason to stop my relationship with him. There's something wrong with him if he doesn't realize how inappropriate that sounds.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Mental Magpie on March 21, 2012, 12:42:07 PM
Quite honestly, there's worrying about wedding bells breaking up that old gang of mine - and then there's creepy and controlling. This has gone beyond "Why are you getting serious? I'm not serious with anyone, and I assume everyone is exactly like me." If someone tells me that he would have "put a stop to" a relationship I'm developing, I think that's reason to stop my relationship with him. There's something wrong with him if he doesn't realize how inappropriate that sounds.

Pod.  There is nothing wrong about buying someone a silly book, but when the buyer has said he would have "put a stop to it", does other things, then sends the book: he is very clearly and actively trying to break up the couple.  That is not okay.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 21, 2012, 01:37:55 PM
yuck! what a cretin!   Can I ask what your chaps says to him when he says those horrible things?  Does he ever actually give a reason for trying to split you up, or has your BF asked him why he keeps trying it?

That particular line was sent via email, so my BF did not have an immediate response and I'm not certain if he ever did respond to him.

The last time I talked to him about this, he was formulating a "final contact" email in his head.  I don't know that he will send it, but he is quickly coming to the conclusion that these are not things that friends say and do.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Firecat on March 21, 2012, 01:48:08 PM
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 >:D

Bahahaha!! I love it! Can you imagine? Teehee  ;D

BWAAAHAAHAAA  ::snork:: - seriously, y'all are killing me here...I can't laugh too loudly at work, and rolling on the floor kicking feebly is right.out.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Twik on March 21, 2012, 01:50:56 PM
Czarina, has "Friend" ever acted like this with anyone else? He'll soon find himself quite lonely if his reaction to people finding Significant Others is not "Congratulations" but "NOOOOO! You can't do that!"
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 21, 2012, 02:03:50 PM
Czarina, has "Friend" ever acted like this with anyone else? He'll soon find himself quite lonely if his reaction to people finding Significant Others is not "Congratulations" but "NOOOOO! You can't do that!"

Yes, he has tried to do this with two other couples.  It's definitely a pattern and some people (fewer than you would hope) are starting to see through it.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: jedikaiti on March 21, 2012, 02:23:30 PM
yuck! what a cretin!   Can I ask what your chaps says to him when he says those horrible things?  Does he ever actually give a reason for trying to split you up, or has your BF asked him why he keeps trying it?

That particular line was sent via email, so my BF did not have an immediate response and I'm not certain if he ever did respond to him.

The last time I talked to him about this, he was formulating a "final contact" email in his head.  I don't know that he will send it, but he is quickly coming to the conclusion that these are not things that friends say and do.

Pity that the friend is unlikely to learn from this (or any other friends he loses for similar actions) and will, instead, blame everyone else.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: blarg314 on March 21, 2012, 07:20:31 PM
Czarina, has "Friend" ever acted like this with anyone else? He'll soon find himself quite lonely if his reaction to people finding Significant Others is not "Congratulations" but "NOOOOO! You can't do that!"

Yes, he has tried to do this with two other couples.  It's definitely a pattern and some people (fewer than you would hope) are starting to see through it.

Ah, I've met one or two people like that. Coupling up is evil - it puts the man under female control and he can no longer have fun (fun defined as things like spending weekends at strip bars, or out at clubs picking up women, or being able to say yes to random sex).  His life will be over, and it's friend's duty to save him from the evils of a relationship so he can revel in the joys of single life.

It reminds me of a series of really bad Molson commercials, where poor henpecked guys can to be forcibly rescued from things like dinner with the in-laws or furniture shopping to go to a dive bar and drink watery beer with their friends.

But yeah, he's going to find himself without very many friends after a while.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 21, 2012, 08:01:19 PM
Czarina, has "Friend" ever acted like this with anyone else? He'll soon find himself quite lonely if his reaction to people finding Significant Others is not "Congratulations" but "NOOOOO! You can't do that!"

Yes, he has tried to do this with two other couples.  It's definitely a pattern and some people (fewer than you would hope) are starting to see through it.

Ah, I've met one or two people like that. Coupling up is evil - it puts the man under female control and he can no longer have fun (fun defined as things like spending weekends at strip bars, or out at clubs picking up women, or being able to say yes to random sex).  His life will be over, and it's friend's duty to save him from the evils of a relationship so he can revel in the joys of single life.

It reminds me of a series of really bad Molson commercials, where poor henpecked guys can to be forcibly rescued from things like dinner with the in-laws or furniture shopping to go to a dive bar and drink watery beer with their friends.

But yeah, he's going to find himself without very many friends after a while.

Very early on (we'd been dating for less than two months), BF went to a bar with "friend," who proceeded to say " isn't it killing you to be surrounded by all these beautiful women and not be able to do anything?" BF's answer was something along the lines of "uh, no."
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Allyson on March 22, 2012, 12:48:04 AM
Ah, yes. The idea that no men want to be married or seriously dating--they must have been tricked into it by women. I've met people who subscribe to that theory, and all I can say is that if you hate the idea of being with only one person so much, then don't do it. But assuming that everyone else must feel the same way you do is just obnoxious.

This guy probably also figures all women everywhere just want to get married and are looking to 'trap' a man. Basically dating/life is a big contest between men and women--if the man wins, he gets casual sex. If the woman wins, she gets married. I don't understand how this view makes any sense, but enough people seem to feel this way!

I have no problem with the concept of non-monogamy and know plenty of couples in various kinds of open relationships. But sending that book would be like sending a very religious person a book on why atheism is the only way. It's just rude.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Isometric on March 22, 2012, 12:55:18 AM
No advice, but that picture is so funny!

You guys look really sweet together! I hope you'll be very happy. I'm sorry your "friend" doesn't feel the same way.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Twik on March 23, 2012, 08:11:20 AM
Going back to the OP, Mr. Antimonogamy actually cut ties with Czarina Burrito because she had started dating one of his friends. This is not polite behaviour, it's not even normal or balanced behaviour.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Jones on March 23, 2012, 09:28:01 AM
OT: Reading over this thread I am totally reminded of Barney Stinson from HIMYM.

/back on topic

You two look sweet together, best of luck; sounds like you have quite the winner!
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 23, 2012, 10:30:36 AM
Going back to the OP, Mr. Antimonogamy actually cut ties with Czarina Burrito because she had started dating one of his friends. This is not polite behaviour, it's not even normal or balanced behaviour.

It's utterly Bizarro World behavior.  I think it's an understatement to say that he has issues with relationships.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: jedikaiti on March 23, 2012, 10:32:56 AM
Going back to the OP, Mr. Antimonogamy actually cut ties with Czarina Burrito because she had started dating one of his friends. This is not polite behaviour, it's not even normal or balanced behaviour.

It's utterly Bizarro World behavior.  I think it's an understatement to say that he has issues with relationships.

I suspect his issues have issues.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: wheeitsme on March 23, 2012, 10:41:23 AM
Going back to the OP, Mr. Antimonogamy actually cut ties with Czarina Burrito because she had started dating one of his friends. This is not polite behaviour, it's not even normal or balanced behaviour.

It's utterly Bizarro World behavior.  I think it's an understatement to say that he has issues with relationships.

I suspect his issues have issues.

...and those issues be from a lifetime subscription package.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Black Delphinium on March 23, 2012, 10:56:02 AM
Going back to the OP, Mr. Antimonogamy actually cut ties with Czarina Burrito because she had started dating one of his friends. This is not polite behaviour, it's not even normal or balanced behaviour.

It's utterly Bizarro World behavior.  I think it's an understatement to say that he has issues with relationships.

I suspect his issues have issues.

...and those issues be from a lifetime subscription package.
Lol
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: bah12 on March 23, 2012, 05:21:06 PM
I think I might be a little confused...and my answer is going to go a bit against the grain.

I'll start by saying that I think your picture is adorable!  I also don't think, in general, that there's anything wrong with keeping a new relationship under wraps.  Especially in the beginning when you're still exploring your feelings for each other.  When I first got together with my now DH, we didn't immediately tell our friends what was going on.  We didn't make a huge announcement, but we did eventually start being more open around our friends.  Holding hands and then admitting that we were together.  But, I don't think there's anything wrong with "announcing" the togetherness either.

But...

Unless I'm missing something, I can kind of see why the friend had a strong reaction to your particular situation and I hope I can explain it well.  When I first saw the picture, I thought you were announcing an engagement.  I had to go back and re-read the thread to find out that you were just dating.  And while there is nothing wrong with announcing an engagement, the quote itself does seem to kind of slam the ex-spouses.  Since the divorces are recent, if the friend is at all close to your ex, I can kind of see why he had a negative reaction to it.  Maybe it was like his initial reaction was that this new romance overlapped with the ex and/or you were rubbing it in the ex's face.

Now, all that being said, if that is what he was thinking, he could have explained it to you and you could have explained that he misunderstood.  Depending on the situation, this might be something that would set me aback, but I wouldn't end a 10 year friendship over it!
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 23, 2012, 09:36:30 PM
I think I might be a little confused...and my answer is going to go a bit against the grain.

I'll start by saying that I think your picture is adorable!  I also don't think, in general, that there's anything wrong with keeping a new relationship under wraps.  Especially in the beginning when you're still exploring your feelings for each other.  When I first got together with my now DH, we didn't immediately tell our friends what was going on.  We didn't make a huge announcement, but we did eventually start being more open around our friends.  Holding hands and then admitting that we were together.  But, I don't think there's anything wrong with "announcing" the togetherness either.

But...

Unless I'm missing something, I can kind of see why the friend had a strong reaction to your particular situation and I hope I can explain it well.  When I first saw the picture, I thought you were announcing an engagement.  I had to go back and re-read the thread to find out that you were just dating.  And while there is nothing wrong with announcing an engagement, the quote itself does seem to kind of slam the ex-spouses.  Since the divorces are recent, if the friend is at all close to your ex, I can kind of see why he had a negative reaction to it.  Maybe it was like his initial reaction was that this new romance overlapped with the ex and/or you were rubbing it in the ex's face.

Now, all that being said, if that is what he was thinking, he could have explained it to you and you could have explained that he misunderstood.  Depending on the situation, this might be something that would set me aback, but I wouldn't end a 10 year friendship over it!

I can definitely see what you're saying.  Former Friend actually only met my ex 3 times.  He liked him, but they didn't have a relationship independent of me.  Most of my friends would be slamming my ex far more than that photo does after how he behaved toward me (nobody else from this group who ever met my ex even liked him at all, though of course they never told me at the time; I think Former Friend sees a bit of himself in the brokenness of my ex and views my divorce as a rejection of my ex even though it was the other way around).
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Twik on March 26, 2012, 11:12:06 PM
bah12, I can't see any slam against previous spouses. And even if there had been, and the friend had been best buds with Czarina Burrito's ex, the most he should have done is shrugged and though, "You know, she's not as nice as I thought. Maybe I won't hang out with her much any more." This is far different that going into a snit, first about "you didn't let me know in the right way!" and then trying to interfere with their relationship.

To attempt to break them up is bizarre and indicates some sort of unhealthy thought processes.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 27, 2012, 09:07:56 AM
Achievement Last Straw, unlocked.

Former Friend posted a diatribe to this group yesterday, which my boyfriend screencapped and sent to me.  He is so far beyond logic that not even a devil's advocate would be able to justify his thought process.  I hesitate to post any of it because I don't want it indexed by search engines.  It's about me, but doesn't call me by name, instead referring to a "Bad Actor," who he calls a sadistic misanthrope.  He goes on to say that he tried to save his good friend from the Bad Actor, but was too late, for the Bad Actor already has him in her crosshairs.  The whole thing is 11 paragraphs long. 
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: squashedfrog on March 27, 2012, 09:16:11 AM
Has he mentioned your BF by name CzarinaBurrito?  I think your BF really needs to kick him very publicly to the kerb, he is now insulting you in front of everyone.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Steve on March 27, 2012, 09:20:31 AM
Are you sure it is about you?
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 27, 2012, 09:22:17 AM
He has not mentioned my boyfriend by name.  It's ridiculous.  He accuses the "Bad Actor" of being passive-aggressive, yet goes on to post a diatribe about specific people and specific situations that he won't name.  It is still not clear where I wronged him, but apparently he now sees through the "Bad Actor's" facade.

I am positive it is about me.  The details (or, at least, his interpretation of the details) match up too closely. 
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: ilrag on March 27, 2012, 09:30:33 AM
Wow, what does your guy think of it?
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 27, 2012, 09:34:30 AM
Wow, what does your guy think of it?

He thinks it's so far off the deep end as to be funny.  He also thinks he is done with this guy.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: ilrag on March 27, 2012, 09:52:38 AM
That's a bummer. It's one thing to have a friend with strong views that oppose what you're doing. It's another when they aggressively insult your choices. 
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: still in va on March 27, 2012, 10:00:38 AM
Wow, what does your guy think of it?

He thinks it's so far off the deep end as to be funny.  He also thinks he is done with this guy.

oooooh, i wonder how many paragraphs he's gonna write when BF tells him that he's done? 
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: TheVapors on March 27, 2012, 10:02:38 AM
Oh my goodness...

I've been reading along with this thread, though hadn't posted.

I hope that your boyfriend very specifically tells this "friend" how inappropriate his rant was, how off the wall it was, and then that due to his behavior he's now got one less friend to worry about.

He probably thought he was being sooooo clever, and that your boyfriend would read it and suddenly *gasp* wise up!

And I'm with Still In Va. How long is his rant gonna be when he's cut off completely? lol
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: still in va on March 27, 2012, 10:26:13 AM
Oh my goodness...

I've been reading along with this thread, though hadn't posted.

I hope that your boyfriend very specifically tells this "friend" how inappropriate his rant was, how off the wall it was, and then that due to his behavior he's now got one less friend to worry about.

He probably thought he was being sooooo clever, and that your boyfriend would read it and suddenly *gasp* wise up!

And I'm with Still In Va. How long is his rant gonna be when he's cut off completely? lol

oh goody!  drag your fainting couch right over here to the cynical corner with me.  i'll bring the snacks!   8)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Twik on March 27, 2012, 11:27:48 AM
So, this guy was a friend of yours for a decade (as per OP), and didn't realize you were Evil Incarnate until you - oh, the horror! - started dating a friend of his?

Seriously weird.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: TheVapors on March 27, 2012, 11:28:48 AM
Oh my goodness...

I've been reading along with this thread, though hadn't posted.

I hope that your boyfriend very specifically tells this "friend" how inappropriate his rant was, how off the wall it was, and then that due to his behavior he's now got one less friend to worry about.

He probably thought he was being sooooo clever, and that your boyfriend would read it and suddenly *gasp* wise up!

And I'm with Still In Va. How long is his rant gonna be when he's cut off completely? lol

oh goody!  drag your fainting couch right over here to the cynical corner with me.  i'll bring the snacks!   8)

It's on wheels! I'll push it on over ;)
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 27, 2012, 01:02:52 PM
So, this guy was a friend of yours for a decade (as per OP), and didn't realize you were Evil Incarnate until you - oh, the horror! - started dating a friend of his?

Seriously weird.

Yes.  As much as he keeps trying to rationalize this all in his head... he was totally fine with me until I started dating a mutual friend.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: JoyinVirginia on March 27, 2012, 02:29:36 PM
What will probably be the most annoying response to this is... Nothing. He may be expecting bf to suddenly  see the light. If bf instead just blocks him and ends communication, that will rob him of the chance to have the last word.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: squashedfrog on March 28, 2012, 08:47:26 AM
He has not mentioned my boyfriend by name.  It's ridiculous.  He accuses the "Bad Actor" of being passive-aggressive, yet goes on to post a diatribe about specific people and specific situations that he won't name.  It is still not clear where I wronged him, but apparently he now sees through the "Bad Actor's" facade.

I am positive it is about me.  The details (or, at least, his interpretation of the details) match up too closely.

Its really time for you BF to say something out loud.  This sucks.

BTW, I find it interesting that he is finding the most passive-agressive way imaginable to accuse someone-else of being passive-agressive.

Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Cz. Burrito on March 28, 2012, 08:56:18 AM

Its really time for you BF to say something out loud.  This sucks.

BTW, I find it interesting that he is finding the most passive-agressive way imaginable to accuse someone-else of being passive-agressive.

I spoke with a friend about this, and one particular part of the diatribe was something like "it is particularly telling that the Bad Actor has not been in contact with me."  Right...after he cut off contact with me and started disparaging me to my boyfriend to try to break us up...how exactly was that conversation supposed to go?  My friend said "I believe the accepted standard is to make up things about him without giving his actual name, and then post it in a blog entry where everyone else can see."
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: Mental Magpie on March 28, 2012, 09:09:11 AM

Its really time for you BF to say something out loud.  This sucks.

BTW, I find it interesting that he is finding the most passive-agressive way imaginable to accuse someone-else of being passive-agressive.

I spoke with a friend about this, and one particular part of the diatribe was something like "it is particularly telling that the Bad Actor has not been in contact with me."  Right...after he cut off contact with me and started disparaging me to my boyfriend to try to break us up...how exactly was that conversation supposed to go?  My friend said "I believe the accepted standard is to make up things about him without giving his actual name, and then post it in a blog entry where everyone else can see."

...and where everyone else knows exactly what he's talking about...it definitely sounds like you're not losing out on much.
Title: Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
Post by: JenJay on March 28, 2012, 05:24:51 PM
Woah! I'm sorry that something that started out kind of amusing in a raised eyebrow "O Rly?!" sort of way has taken such a sharp turn into crazy-town. At least he's made it easier for DBF to sever things.  :-\