Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "Have you tried the bean dip?" => Topic started by: JacklynHyde on December 09, 2011, 07:39:53 PM

Title: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: JacklynHyde on December 09, 2011, 07:39:53 PM
This news article is, sadly, from my home town news outlet:
http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/2011/12/09/dublin-bean-dipping-in-schools-causes-concern.html

"DUBLIN, Ohio - The mother of a Dublin middle schooler said Friday that her daughter was traumatized after being exposed to "bean dipping."

The mother, who did not wish to be identified, said that bean dipping is a new activity in the schools where a boy touches a girl under her breasts to see if they bounce and then makes fun of her."
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Shoo on December 09, 2011, 07:44:10 PM
This might be the most clever subject line I've seen here on Ehell.  :)
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: dietcokeofevil on December 09, 2011, 08:04:28 PM
So do they get made fun of them for bouncing or not bouncing?
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Luci on December 09, 2011, 10:14:58 PM
I really do not get it. When girls got their bras snapped in my junior high (1956-1959), the guys usually got a light smack from the snapee and a cold shoulder from the rest of her friends. No adult intervention needed. Assembly about harrassment? Sometimes "playground justice" is all that is called for.

I hate violence, as anyone can tell by my taste in movies and books, but I guess I can accept it in small, carefully administered doses.

Isn't it amazing what little things can be handled so simply but blown up into news?
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Twik on December 10, 2011, 12:09:24 AM
Unfortunately, Luci, things have changed since the 1950s. My friend who drives a school bus required training on how to deal with things like full-blown sexual assault in the back as she is trying to negotiate rush-hour traffic. There's no longer, for many children, a line beyond which they cannot go.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Garden Goblin on December 10, 2011, 12:10:43 AM
Isn't it amazing what little things can be handled so simply but blown up into news?

Bullying and sexual harassment really aren't little things, and can't be handled 'simply'.

Not to mention, if the girls do retaliate, often that will result in them being the ones in trouble because they were 'asking for it' and 'boys will be boys'.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: BabylonSister on December 10, 2011, 12:25:52 AM
Isn't it amazing what little things can be handled so simply but blown up into news?

Bullying and sexual harassment really aren't little things, and can't be handled 'simply'.

Not to mention, if the girls do retaliate, often that will result in them being the ones in trouble because they were 'asking for it' and 'boys will be boys'.


Additionally, many schools have a "zero tolerance" policy with violence, and retaliating, even in self-defense, is considered as much of a punishable offense as hitting first.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on December 10, 2011, 12:37:10 AM
Isn't it amazing what little things can be handled so simply but blown up into news?

Bullying and sexual harassment really aren't little things, and can't be handled 'simply'.

Not to mention, if the girls do retaliate, often that will result in them being the ones in trouble because they were 'asking for it' and 'boys will be boys'.


Additionally, many schools have a "zero tolerance" policy with violence, and retaliating, even in self-defense, is considered as much of a punishable offense as hitting first.

POD. If I'd smacked a boy for doing that, we both would've gotten at least in-school suspension.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Luci on December 10, 2011, 02:45:43 AM
Isn't it amazing what little things can be handled so simply but blown up into news?

Bullying and sexual harassment really aren't little things, and can't be handled 'simply'.

Not to mention, if the girls do retaliate, often that will result in them being the ones in trouble because they were 'asking for it' and 'boys will be boys'.


Additionally, many schools have a "zero tolerance" policy with violence, and retaliating, even in self-defense, is considered as much of a punishable offense as hitting first.

I know that, and that is exactly my point. By the way, I do not believe in spanking, but I do believe in self defense.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on December 10, 2011, 04:35:26 AM
Isn't it amazing what little things can be handled so simply but blown up into news?

Bullying and sexual harassment really aren't little things, and can't be handled 'simply'.

Not to mention, if the girls do retaliate, often that will result in them being the ones in trouble because they were 'asking for it' and 'boys will be boys'.


Additionally, many schools have a "zero tolerance" policy with violence, and retaliating, even in self-defense, is considered as much of a punishable offense as hitting first.

Oh, it's worse than that.  Two boys jump a third.  The victim doesn't even fight back, just "turtles" until help can arrive.  He's suspended along with the other two bcause he was "involved in fighting."
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Garden Goblin on December 10, 2011, 09:35:03 AM
I know that, and that is exactly my point. By the way, I do not believe in spanking, but I do believe in self defense.

The light smack you advocated doesn't help either.  It's often considered 'cute' and 'playful' and is the desired reaction.  I tried the 'smacking the hand away' defense myself.  I ended up having to escalate it all the way to breaking the boy's nose (after trying many other options - informing teachers who used the 'oh he likes you' and 'boys will be boys', etc...) in order to deal with the situation.  The boy was literally leaving bruises on my chest and the chests of the other girls with the misfortune to develop early. 

Girls should not be taught that such behavior is normal or that they need to accept it.  The girls should also not be taught that their only recourse is violence.  The school needs to take this behavior seriously and deal with the boys in question, without making excuse or justifications.  And if the schools won't do anything, then yes, the public needs to be made aware of their inaction.  If bringing the school's incompetence in the matter of bullying to the news is the only way to get a result, then yes, it is newsworthy.

If it could be handled 'so simply', it wouldn't be an ongoing problem that continues well into adulthood.  I suggest you check out sites like 'hollaback.com' and others to see just how widespread and heinous this kind of issue really is.  I'm in my 30s and have been subjected to this kind of behavior while on a mode of public transportation by a man in a business suit.  If he (and his ilk) had been taught such behavior was wrong when he was in elementary school instead of having it laughed off, the world would be a much better place.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: HorseFreak on December 10, 2011, 10:06:28 AM
I really do not get it. When girls got their bras snapped in my junior high (1956-1959), the guys usually got a light smack from the snapee and a cold shoulder from the rest of her friends. No adult intervention needed. Assembly about harrassment? Sometimes "playground justice" is all that is called for.

I hate violence, as anyone can tell by my taste in movies and books, but I guess I can accept it in small, carefully administered doses.

Isn't it amazing what little things can be handled so simply but blown up into news?

Grabbing at a girl's breasts is a lot worse than snapping the back of a bra strap. No one should have to tolerate having their private areas touched.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Garden Goblin on December 10, 2011, 10:19:16 AM
Grabbing at a girl's breasts is a lot worse than snapping the back of a bra strap. No one should have to tolerate having their private areas touched.

It may be worse, but it's part of the same behavior and even directed at the same general area of the body.  And it can also leave bruises and hurt, both on the chest and back.  The bra strap is a private area.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: HorseFreak on December 10, 2011, 10:28:11 AM
Grabbing at a girl's breasts is a lot worse than snapping the back of a bra strap. No one should have to tolerate having their private areas touched.

It may be worse, but it's part of the same behavior and even directed at the same general area of the body.  And it can also leave bruises and hurt, both on the chest and back.  The bra strap is a private area.

I wasn't trying to imply that either was acceptable, but instead addressing the previous comment that they were equivalent and no big deal.
Title: Re: This is NOT the bean dip you were looking for!
Post by: Garden Goblin on December 10, 2011, 12:31:01 PM
I wasn't trying to imply that either was acceptable, but instead addressing the previous comment that they were equivalent and no big deal.

Sorry, I've just heard the attitude that bra-snapping is 'no big' and 'oh that's not harassment, it's just a bit of fun' too many times.