Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Dating => Topic started by: sweetonsno on February 07, 2012, 03:03:35 PM

Title: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: sweetonsno on February 07, 2012, 03:03:35 PM
This is related somewhat to the pre-rejection question, but there's a second layer.

I attend a wine tasting on a regular basis. A couple of years ago, a former classmate ("Carl") walked in. I greeted him and chatted with him. After that, he started coming in frequently as well. I figured out pretty quickly that he had a little crush on me. I wasn't interested in the least, so I was polite but not particularly friendly.

The problem is that he's been implying to other people (or even, apparently saying outright) that we are, or have been, dating. I consider this a serious overstepping of boundaries. However, as he has never said this in front of me, I'm not sure that it's right of me to call him out on it.

The reason I know this is that other people at the wine tasting have been asking me if we're together, or asking how he is. I do not see or speak to him outside of the tastings. Aside from when I first saw him and greeted him with a hug, I haven't had any physical contact whatsoever. Basically, I can't see any reason why he might possibly think that we were dating, or even that I was interested, other than wishful thinking.

If this was just a crush, then I'd continue to do what I have been doing: focusing on other people at the tastings, encouraging him to date/pursue other interests (if it comes up), talking about my love interests, keeping conversation mostly superficial, etc. However, if he's actively telling people that we're dating, that's a problem. I object to starting false rumors on principle, but this seems even worse, as if it continues, he could actually put off potential partners.

So, e-hellions, what is your advice?

Edited for html
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: rashea on February 07, 2012, 03:19:41 PM
If I saw someone at a wine tasting and one of them was sort of being "friendly" with another, I might wonder if they were together too. It doesn't sound like he's telling anyone, unless you have mroe evidence of that.

I think I'd just tell people that you aren't together when they ask.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Editeer on February 07, 2012, 03:47:20 PM
1. (in response to "are you seeing him")
"Oh, Carl and I aren't d@ting--we're old friends. "

2. (in response to "How is Carl" questions)
"Don't know--I haven't seen him since the last tasting.  How's that vintage of bean dip?
If they say, "But I thought you were d@ting," go back to #1.

If someone tells you, "But Carl said/suggested/implied that you were d@ting," then you go to #1, but you also need to have a talk with Carl.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: WillyNilly on February 07, 2012, 03:54:22 PM
Well what did you say when the others made the comments and asked the questions of you?  You could have cleared it up right then.

Classmate: So how's Carl?
You: Hmmm, not sure, I only ever see him here at these classes and its been a while
Classmate: Oh, I thought you were dating...
You: dating?  No I only met him here and have never socialized with him outside of here. We have never dated.

If anyone ever says to you he told him you two were dating, I'd call him out on it.  In class.  it can be a private conversation but it should happen publicly.  And you should be direct and specific "Mary told me you told her you and I were dating.  Why would you say that?"
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: sweetonsno on February 07, 2012, 04:46:57 PM
Editeer... that's exactly the problem. He apparently has been saying/implying that we're an item. Sample conversation:

Mark: How's your boyfriend?
Me: What boyfriend?
Mark: You know, that guy who comes in here, what's his name...
Me: You don't mean Carl, do you?
Mark: Yeah, him.
Me: He's not my boyfriend.
Mark: Really? I thought...
Me: No. I never see him outside of the tastings. Did he say that we were
Mark: Well, um... yeah, he kind of did.

And WillyNilly, we graduated more than ten years ago, so calling him out in class isn't an option. I only ever see him at the tastings.

I guess what I'm really asking is how to broach the subject with Carl. It seems like a strange thing to say out of the blue, and I'm not sure how it might come up in regular conversation.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: bah12 on February 07, 2012, 05:10:47 PM
So, if someone actually told you that he said you were together, why can't you call him out on it?

"Carl, my friend Mark told me that you said we were dating.  Did you tell him that and if so, why?"

If Carl denies it, then you just correct the misconception when it comes out.  If he doesn't, then have "the talk" with him.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: sweetonsno on February 07, 2012, 05:18:05 PM
Thanks... I'll bring it up with Carl if anyone else asks about it. I just hate hurting people's feelings.  :-[
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: lellah on February 07, 2012, 05:26:43 PM
Thanks... I'll bring it up with Carl if anyone else asks about it. I just hate hurting people's feelings.  :-[

Yeah.  This guy has kind of earned having his feelings hurt a little.  What's he trying to do?  Socially pressure you into going out with him?  Using your reputation to boost his own?  Warn off other guys until he gets his nerve up to ask you out?  None of that is laudable.  None of that is even acceptable.

And he's lying about you.  Maybe he's not telling everyone you eat children for breakfast with toast and juice, but the fact remains that he's lying.  About you.

It's your dating life and your reputation.  Take it back like a snatched purse.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Ceallach on February 07, 2012, 06:39:21 PM
So, if someone actually told you that he said you were together, why can't you call him out on it?

"Carl, my friend Mark told me that you said we were dating.  Did you tell him that and if so, why?"

If Carl denies it, then you just correct the misconception when it comes out.  If he doesn't, then have "the talk" with him.

I agree with this.    Obviously don't come off accusatory (e.g. "Why did you tell people we're dating?")  but more mystified and wanting to clear up whether he did say that to people or not. Make sure you ask it outright as bah has stated (did you tell him that) not just beating around the bush.  It will be interesting to see how he responds. I suspect he'll deny it.

And don't feel bad about telling people you're not dating. It's the truth! And it's not a hurtful truth, it's just fact.

"I'm not sure who started that rumour, but I barely know Carl, he's an old college friend. How about that beandip?"
"I only see Carl at these events, we've never dated.  How about that beandip?"
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: LifeOnPluto on February 07, 2012, 08:26:19 PM
I suspect Carl is going to deny ever telling people you are dating him. I reckon he'll claim that the third party must have completely misunderstood the situation, etc. In which case, you can say "No worries, mistakes can happen" and move on.

On the off-chance he says "Actually now that you bring up the subject of dating, would you like to go out with me?" you can politely turn him down and ask him to be careful not to imply to anyone that you and he are dating.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: blarg314 on February 07, 2012, 08:39:48 PM

I would react more strongly if someone asks you about your boyfriend.  "Boyfriend?  But I don't have a boyfriend!"  "Carl?  Oh good grief, no!  I barely know the guy."

For Carl, I'd back off, and go to polite but distant. Don't be rude, but don't really respond to his conversational overtures. If he pushes it, then laugh and say "Oh, people have been assuming we're dating, and I don't want to give the wrong impression. It might scare off eligible guys."

The only time I've experience something like this was with a guy who was nice, but fairly young, socially awkward, and very inexperienced. The novelty of being friendly with a woman was unusual enough for him that he greatly over-estimated the nature of the relationship. If he doesn't fit in that category, I'd be kind of wary about him, because implying to people that you're dating someone who you only interact with in public social situations is getting kind of creepy.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: dawbs on February 08, 2012, 07:35:13 AM
IMO, this is not a 'worry about hurting feelings' sort of situation, so much as it's a "Ha, I'll use her niceness/desire-not-to-hurt-feelings as a bludgeoning tool to bully her/manipulate her into doing what I want"

IN the words of Admiral Ackbar--It's a trap!  The desire to not hurt someone can be used and abused and this sounds like a classic case of this.  My hinky meter is off the charts

Embrace the inner anger (and there should be some--this guy deliberately put you in an embarrassing situation and is trying to force your hand) a bit here and remember, you're not hurting him so much as he laid himself down on the railroad tracks and hoped you'd self-destruct the train rather than run him over.

Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: suekel on February 08, 2012, 08:20:12 AM
Thanks... I'll bring it up with Carl if anyone else asks about it. I just hate hurting people's feelings.  :-[

Yeah.  This guy has kind of earned having his feelings hurt a little.  What's he trying to do?  Socially pressure you into going out with him?  Using your reputation to boost his own?  Warn off other guys until he gets his nerve up to ask you out?  None of that is laudable.  None of that is even acceptable.

And he's lying about you.  Maybe he's not telling everyone you eat children for breakfast with toast and juice, but the fact remains that he's lying.  About you.

It's your dating life and your reputation.  Take it back like a snatched purse.

Great analogy!  I agree that if others are saying he has implied you are a couple, you need to nip it in the bud with him.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Twik on February 08, 2012, 08:48:37 AM
If I saw someone at a wine tasting and one of them was sort of being "friendly" with another, I might wonder if they were together too. It doesn't sound like he's telling anyone, unless you have mroe evidence of that.

I think I'd just tell people that you aren't together when they ask.

Well, if all it takes is being "friendly", the world would be awash with a lot of wild passionate affairs that aren't actually happening. I think it's highly presumptuous to assume that any man and woman within 3 feet of each other who aren't obviously hostile are dating. (In fact, the very face that she gave him a hug when he arrived should be a big clue that they are not actually together.)

I once attended a business lunch with myself and two male colleagues. I was seen by a friend, who wanted to know how long I had been with my (married, much older) colleague. I was extremely offended.

To the OP - if you want to be cruel, you could, each time it was mentioned, do a spit-take and giggle "CARL? You think I'm dating CARL? Oh, that's hilarious! You're so funny!"
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: weeblewobble on February 08, 2012, 08:51:14 AM
IMO, this is not a 'worry about hurting feelings' sort of situation, so much as it's a "Ha, I'll use her niceness/desire-not-to-hurt-feelings as a bludgeoning tool to bully her/manipulate her into doing what I want"


I tend to agree with this. I rank it right up there with a co worker who makes outrageous claims to the client/boss in a business meeting, i.e. "Oh, sure we can complete this incredibly complicated project with the ridiculous feature you requested by impossible deadline!  No problem!" because they want to impress said client/boss.  You know this is impossible, your co-worker knows this is impossible, but he is counting on you not saying anything because you don't want to make a scene and embarrass him. Only, after the meeting, you're the one left with the dirty work.

And in this case, it's worse, because he's trying to force intimacy with you that you haven't agreed to. The dirty work is being put on the spot and explaining your personal life. That takes it to a near-creepy level.  I would vehemently deny dating him to whoever asks, (i.e. "Carl?  Where did you get that idea?  I barely know the guy.") and if it's appropriate to the event, show up with a significant other or close friend willing to appear as such (you don't have to lie, just blur reality a little.) It puts Carl in the position of having to defend his lie and you don't have to say anything.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Sabbyfrog2 on February 08, 2012, 01:44:14 PM
Thanks... I'll bring it up with Carl if anyone else asks about it. I just hate hurting people's feelings.  :-[

Yeah.  This guy has kind of earned having his feelings hurt a little.  What's he trying to do?  Socially pressure you into going out with him?  Using your reputation to boost his own?  Warn off other guys until he gets his nerve up to ask you out?  None of that is laudable.  None of that is even acceptable.

And he's lying about you.  Maybe he's not telling everyone you eat children for breakfast with toast and juice, but the fact remains that he's lying.  About you.

It's your dating life and your reputation.  Take it back like a snatched purse.

This. is. brilliant.

Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Twik on February 08, 2012, 01:52:07 PM
EvilTwik is whispering that if you *really* want to torpedo Carl's reputation, after laughing hysterically about the thought of you and Carl being an item, ask, "... you know about Carl, right? No? What don't you know? Oh, I've said too much already, let's change the subject...."
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Editeer on February 08, 2012, 04:26:09 PM
So, if someone actually told you that he said you were together, why can't you call him out on it?

"Carl, my friend Mark told me that you said we were dating.  Did you tell him that and if so, why?"

If Carl denies it, then you just correct the misconception when it comes out.  If he doesn't, then have "the talk" with him.

I agree with this.    Obviously don't come off accusatory (e.g. "Why did you tell people we're dating?")  but more mystified and wanting to clear up whether he did say that to people or not. Make sure you ask it outright as bah has stated (did you tell him that) not just beating around the bush.  It will be interesting to see how he responds. I suspect he'll deny it.




I agree with these posts. If Carl is saying or implying things that aren't true, it's appropriate to call him on it, politely.
Another way to word it could be--

"Carl, several folks seem to think that we're boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't know where they could have gotten that impression. Do you?"

That's not accusing him of saying anything, or even asking him outright if he did. But it definitely lets him know that you know what he's doing, and that you are not OK with it. Personally, I would find that less awkward to say than to ask him directly, "Why did you say that?" (Although this conversation would feel very awkward no matter what!)
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: sweetonsno on February 08, 2012, 05:41:45 PM

I would react more strongly if someone asks you about your boyfriend.  "Boyfriend?  But I don't have a boyfriend!"  "Carl?  Oh good grief, no!  I barely know the guy."

For Carl, I'd back off, and go to polite but distant. Don't be rude, but don't really respond to his conversational overtures. If he pushes it, then laugh and say "Oh, people have been assuming we're dating, and I don't want to give the wrong impression. It might scare off eligible guys."

The only time I've experience something like this was with a guy who was nice, but fairly young, socially awkward, and very inexperienced. The novelty of being friendly with a woman was unusual enough for him that he greatly over-estimated the nature of the relationship. If he doesn't fit in that category, I'd be kind of wary about him, because implying to people that you're dating someone who you only interact with in public social situations is getting kind of creepy.

This actually might be what is going on. He's thirty, awkward as heck, and quite inexperienced. He might think that the fact that I am nice to him and greet him with a smile means that I am interested. I used to chat with him for a few minutes at the tastings, but recently have stopped saying anything but hello at the tastings (except in a group conversation).
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Ceallach on February 08, 2012, 09:47:13 PM

I would react more strongly if someone asks you about your boyfriend.  "Boyfriend?  But I don't have a boyfriend!"  "Carl?  Oh good grief, no!  I barely know the guy."

For Carl, I'd back off, and go to polite but distant. Don't be rude, but don't really respond to his conversational overtures. If he pushes it, then laugh and say "Oh, people have been assuming we're dating, and I don't want to give the wrong impression. It might scare off eligible guys."

The only time I've experience something like this was with a guy who was nice, but fairly young, socially awkward, and very inexperienced. The novelty of being friendly with a woman was unusual enough for him that he greatly over-estimated the nature of the relationship. If he doesn't fit in that category, I'd be kind of wary about him, because implying to people that you're dating someone who you only interact with in public social situations is getting kind of creepy.

This actually might be what is going on. He's thirty, awkward as heck, and quite inexperienced. He might think that the fact that I am nice to him and greet him with a smile means that I am interested. I used to chat with him for a few minutes at the tastings, but recently have stopped saying anything but hello at the tastings (except in a group conversation).

That seems wise, avoid any appearances that might support the rumour. 

Do update us when you get the chance to ask him about it!
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: PeterM on February 09, 2012, 01:50:24 AM
Someone needs to inform Carl that the ol' fake girlfriend trick only works when you tell people that she lives a fair distance away. Canada is traditional, for Americans. You can also go with "I met her at camp," but only if you're young enough that it isn't creepy and/or illegal.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Mikayla on February 09, 2012, 02:43:15 PM
Editeer... that's exactly the problem. He apparently has been saying/implying that we're an item. Sample conversation:

Mark: How's your boyfriend?
Me: What boyfriend?
Mark: You know, that guy who comes in here, what's his name...
Me: You don't mean Carl, do you?
Mark: Yeah, him.
Me: He's not my boyfriend.
Mark: Really? I thought...
Me: No. I never see him outside of the tastings. Did he say that we were
Mark: Well, um... yeah, he kind of did.



For something like this, I think it's imperative to know exactly what was said before you respond.  And I'm still not clear on that.  For one thing, on the bolded, your question and Mark's response are rather vague.  What is "kind of did"?  Also, is Mark a reliable person?  Have others said the same thing?

I sound like an interrogator, but that's because I agree with you that if he's actually saying the two of you are dating, this is bothersome.  I just haven't seen anything that proves this. 

Obviously, you want to detach from Carl as quickly and politely as you can, but if he's actually lying to people, I personally would say something more strongly worded to him.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: bopper on February 10, 2012, 02:50:31 PM
It is also possible that these fellow wine tasters only see you at wine testings, and whenever you are there Carl is there. Carl probably tries to sit near you. So the other tasters begin to associate you two together.  Carl may also talk to you and talk about you.  So alot of this could be because of all that and not necessarily because he is explicitly saying anything.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: sweetonsno on February 10, 2012, 03:04:25 PM
Editeer... that's exactly the problem. He apparently has been saying/implying that we're an item. Sample conversation:

Mark: How's your boyfriend?
Me: What boyfriend?
Mark: You know, that guy who comes in here, what's his name...
Me: You don't mean Carl, do you?
Mark: Yeah, him.
Me: He's not my boyfriend.
Mark: Really? I thought...
Me: No. I never see him outside of the tastings. Did he say that we were
Mark: Well, um... yeah, he kind of did.



For something like this, I think it's imperative to know exactly what was said before you respond.  And I'm still not clear on that.  For one thing, on the bolded, your question and Mark's response are rather vague.  What is "kind of did"?  Also, is Mark a reliable person?  Have others said the same thing?

I sound like an interrogator, but that's because I agree with you that if he's actually saying the two of you are dating, this is bothersome.  I just haven't seen anything that proves this. 

Obviously, you want to detach from Carl as quickly and politely as you can, but if he's actually lying to people, I personally would say something more strongly worded to him.

I've had a number of people ask me if Carl and I were dating and seem surprised when I immediately said no. I asked three of them if Carl had said so, and they all said yes. I didn't press for details, though. I suspect that this wasn't Carl volunteering information about our "relationship." If I had to guess, I'd say that Carl responded to queries directed at him in the affirmative, or was deliberately vague rather than simply saying, "No, Sweet and I our not dating."

I haven't heard any more questions about it, so I suspect one of the guys who asked me and heard the truth has perhaps spread the word. (The other regulars often do things outside of the tastings.) I think I'll maintain a polite chill with Carl for now. I don't especially like creating drama. If it comes up again, though, I'll definitely call him out. Fingers crossed that my "Oh, God no!" reaction has corrected the misconception about my relationship status. 
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Twik on February 12, 2012, 07:05:48 PM
It is also possible that these fellow wine tasters only see you at wine testings, and whenever you are there Carl is there. Carl probably tries to sit near you. So the other tasters begin to associate you two together.  Carl may also talk to you and talk about you.  So alot of this could be because of all that and not necessarily because he is explicitly saying anything.

Again,  it's actually pretty offensive to start assuming people are "together" simply because they are of opposite gender and spend time within a few feet of each other now and then.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: travestine on February 12, 2012, 07:59:05 PM
Editeer... that's exactly the problem. He apparently has been saying/implying that we're an item. Sample conversation:

Mark: How's your boyfriend?
Me: What boyfriend?
Mark: You know, that guy who comes in here, what's his name...
Me: You don't mean Carl, do you?
Mark: Yeah, him.
Me: He's not my boyfriend.
Mark: Really? I thought...
Me: No. I never see him outside of the tastings. Did he say that we were
Mark: Well, um... yeah, he kind of did.



For something like this, I think it's imperative to know exactly what was said before you respond.  And I'm still not clear on that.  For one thing, on the bolded, your question and Mark's response are rather vague.  What is "kind of did"?  Also, is Mark a reliable person?  Have others said the same thing?

I sound like an interrogator, but that's because I agree with you that if he's actually saying the two of you are dating, this is bothersome.  I just haven't seen anything that proves this. 

Obviously, you want to detach from Carl as quickly and politely as you can, but if he's actually lying to people, I personally would say something more strongly worded to him.

I've had a number of people ask me if Carl and I were dating and seem surprised when I immediately said no. I asked three of them if Carl had said so, and they all said yes. I didn't press for details, though. I suspect that this wasn't Carl volunteering information about our "relationship." If I had to guess, I'd say that Carl responded to queries directed at him in the affirmative, or was deliberately vague rather than simply saying, "No, Sweet and I our not dating."

I haven't heard any more questions about it, so I suspect one of the guys who asked me and heard the truth has perhaps spread the word. (The other regulars often do things outside of the tastings.) I think I'll maintain a polite chill with Carl for now. I don't especially like creating drama. If it comes up again, though, I'll definitely call him out. Fingers crossed that my "Oh, God no!" reaction has corrected the misconception about my relationship status.

The person who "created the drama" was Carl.  This is a time when you have to stand up and make clear what your relationship is - to do otherwise strikes me as a bit PA. 

This may be the first time you've had to handle a situation like this but if you're less than 30 yrs old and single, it probably won't be the last.  Now would be a good time to get in practise with saying "no, we aren't involved.  We went to high school together and I haven't seen him since. I can't imagine why he would think we're dating".  Don't wait for "word to get around" - the word should come from YOU.

There are those people (male and female) who take advantage of other peoples' good nature (even if unintentionally) and try to inflate their own reputations.  It could be that he told one small white lie (or lied by not clearing up a misconception) and now he's stuck and can't bring himself to be honest without loss of face.  It's up to you to set the record straight as often as is necessary, and to Carl if required.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Yentush on February 13, 2012, 02:04:36 AM
Show up a couple of times with different male friends, that should do it.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: atirial on February 13, 2012, 03:38:39 AM
Show up a couple of times with different male friends, that should do it.
Unfortunately, depending on what Carl says, people might then think the OP was cheating on Carl. It would be simpler just to correct them if it comes up, which has less risk of creating drama.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Danika on February 13, 2012, 05:49:29 AM
The person who "created the drama" was Carl.  This is a time when you have to stand up and make clear what your relationship is - to do otherwise strikes me as a bit PA. 

This may be the first time you've had to handle a situation like this but if you're less than 30 yrs old and single, it probably won't be the last.  Now would be a good time to get in practise with saying "no, we aren't involved.  We went to high school together and I haven't seen him since. I can't imagine why he would think we're dating".  Don't wait for "word to get around" - the word should come from YOU.

There are those people (male and female) who take advantage of other peoples' good nature (even if unintentionally) and try to inflate their own reputations.  It could be that he told one small white lie (or lied by not clearing up a misconception) and now he's stuck and can't bring himself to be honest without loss of face.  It's up to you to set the record straight as often as is necessary, and to Carl if required.

POD

Especially if you are single and there is anyone in the group that you may be interested in dating.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Mikayla on February 13, 2012, 11:39:43 AM
With the update, I agree with travestine.  It's horrible that you're in this position, but if you want to be fair to yourself, you need to clear it up quickly.  And this includes not only the direct repudiation of it to others, but to Carl himself. 

Before you put him on chill, can you find a way to tell him that whatever comments he's been making about you need to stop for good?  I guess  you could also tell him that people are beginning to spread the word that you and he are not an item, and he's going to look silly pretending otherwise.

What I'm not sure about is whether it would be rude to say this to him in front of others?   I honestly don't know.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: rashea on February 13, 2012, 12:06:08 PM
It is also possible that these fellow wine tasters only see you at wine testings, and whenever you are there Carl is there. Carl probably tries to sit near you. So the other tasters begin to associate you two together.  Carl may also talk to you and talk about you.  So alot of this could be because of all that and not necessarily because he is explicitly saying anything.

Again,  it's actually pretty offensive to start assuming people are "together" simply because they are of opposite gender and spend time within a few feet of each other now and then.

But it seems like people are asking, not assuming in this case.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Danika on February 13, 2012, 04:17:44 PM
It is also possible that these fellow wine tasters only see you at wine testings, and whenever you are there Carl is there. Carl probably tries to sit near you. So the other tasters begin to associate you two together.  Carl may also talk to you and talk about you.  So alot of this could be because of all that and not necessarily because he is explicitly saying anything.

Again,  it's actually pretty offensive to start assuming people are "together" simply because they are of opposite gender and spend time within a few feet of each other now and then.

But it seems like people are asking, not assuming in this case.

And if Carl has actually indicated that he and OP are dating, it's noteworthy that folks are still asking her to double-check, rather than just believing him. It tells me that they already doubt his story, for some reason.
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: MrTango on February 13, 2012, 04:22:29 PM
If someone asked me if I were dating [person], my response would be "No, why?"

If I got the impression that [person] was claiming to be dating me, my response to that question would be "[person] and I are not, and have never been, dating."

If that makes [person] look bad, then too bad for [person].
Title: Re: Actually, we aren't together and we never have been
Post by: Marguette on February 15, 2012, 03:46:24 PM
Here’s how it would play with me:

WineTaster: Where’s Carl?
Me: No idea.
WineTaster: [says something that suggests we are boy/girlfriend]
Me: What? Where did you get that idea? No way! I never even see him outside these events.
Winetaster: Well, Carl said…
Me: <snort>