Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => The Ehell Guide to Never Behaving Badly => Topic started by: Garden Goblin on May 18, 2012, 01:22:18 PM

Title: Age Etiquette
Post by: Garden Goblin on May 18, 2012, 01:22:18 PM
1 - Unless you are my medical provider, you do not need to know my age
2 - Existing on this planet for X years does not automatically make you the superior of someone who has existed on this planet for X minus Y years.
3 - People get old.  You will too.
4 - Old people and young people are allowed to have lives, interests, hobbies, etc...
5 - Regardless of era, music should be played at a volume reasonable for all present
6 - Age does not automatically confer wisdom, nor does lack of age automatically indicate the absence of intelligence
7 - Not all old people are deaf and/or senile
8 - Not all young people are deaf and/or dumb
9 - Neither being the oldest or youngest in the room grants you the automatic and indisputable right to the last slice of pie, especially if you've already had a piece.
10 - The stereo does not need to be turned up to 11, whether it be playing the oldies or the hits of today
11 - Neither great age nor great youth confer the automatic right to determine the channel setting of the television
12 - Respect is a privilege, not a right.  It can be lost.
13 - Neither great age nor great youth confer the right to say what you please or behave without regard for the wellbeing of anyone else.
14 - A 49th birthday is not automatically more special than a 5th birthday, barring other extenuating circumstances, priority will be given to invitations in the order in which they arrive.
15 - If my fillings are rattling, the music is too loud, that has nothing to do with not understanding the music of your generation, whichever generation that may be.
16 - Both old and young people are allowed to exist in public
17 - Neither the very old nor the very young exist solely for the purpose of entertainment
18 - Both the very old and the very young occasionally require additional aid and patience, you did once, you will again
19 - Your generation achieved X, my generation achieved Y, the next generation will achieve Z, none of which makes any of us superior to any other
20 - The music of your generation is just as irritating at high volume as the music of other generations
21 - Every generation blames the one that came before and the one that came after, all with the same level of accuracy.
22 - Neither retainers nor dentures need be openly displayed and left on the dinner table for someone else to deal with
23 - The topic of bowel movements does not need to come up at the table, regardless of the great age or great youth of the individual involved
24 - Your parents also complained about 'kids today'
25 - Fix your hair, pull up your pants, and get away from my stereo
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Nika on May 18, 2012, 01:34:11 PM
*Applauds*
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Mad Goat Woman on May 19, 2012, 01:57:24 AM
26. If I can hear the music with my hearing aids out and bedroom door closed, it's too.dingdangity.loud. Turn it down! (And I happen to be 25...)
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: nuit93 on May 19, 2012, 06:16:50 PM
Older people can have love lives too.  They even *gasp* have sex!
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Black Delphinium on May 19, 2012, 06:38:41 PM
"When I was your age..." or "When I get to be your age..." are loaded phrases, think very carefully before using them.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: marcel on May 20, 2012, 04:51:17 AM
"When I was your age..." or "When I get to be your age..." are loaded phrases, think very carefully before using them.
But neither of these phrases is a s bad as the phrase "When you get older" Which is officialyy in the book of phrases one should never say to an adult.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: snowdragon on May 20, 2012, 01:02:15 PM
Age - either young or old is not an automatic pass to the front of the line. If your family dictates that's the case, then it works that way ONLY in situations where it's only your family - out in public or in other people's homes/event, other rules apply.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: dks64 on May 21, 2012, 01:48:23 AM
1 - Unless you are my medical provider, you do not need to know my age

Not if you look under 35-45 (depending on the restaurant) and you order alcohol.. I can't serve someone who looks under 35 without a valid ID. Honestly... I don't care how old people are. People are too hung up on the number. 99% of the time, I look at an ID, hand it back, and have already forgotten the year. Really.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: LadyStormwing on May 21, 2012, 09:53:40 AM
1 - Unless you are my medical provider, you do not need to know my age

I would rephrase that as "Friends, acquaintances, ...etc, you do not need to know my age." (I can't think of a good way to word that right now.)

Employers need to know the ages of their employees to make sure they are in compliance with state and local labor laws. A labor law violation fine can be upwards of $10,000. There are certain tasks employees under the age of 18 can't do, such as work around heavy machinery, or work more than X feet off the ground. There are some exceptions for farmhands, but not many.

It's also a law that ID must be provided to purchase alcohol or tobacco. Stores can be shut down and owners arrested for failing to do so, especially those who sell alcohol to minors. (You must be 21 to purchase/consume alcohol in the US, 18 to purchase tobacco products.)
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: TurtleDove on May 21, 2012, 10:24:08 AM
I don't really understand why people are sensitive about having others know their age - can someone explain it to me?  I don't exactly broadcast my age, but I also don't lie about it or make it a closely held secret.  If anything it seems like people would want to inflate their age as they get older to elicit comments of "You look AWESOME for being ____!!!!"   8)
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Martienne on May 21, 2012, 10:29:42 AM
I feel the same way, TurtleDove, and I say this as a person who actually has a phobia about aging. I've had a panic attack for each birthday from 29 on. I earned the right to claim those birthdays!
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: kitty-cat on May 21, 2012, 01:32:42 PM
Yes I'm young. Yes I have a cane. I don't like it, but I'm pretty sure you don't like having one either.

(In other words, not all young people are in perfect health. Just because I'm only 21, that doesn't mean that I don't need the cane.)
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Garden Goblin on May 21, 2012, 02:11:43 PM
I don't really understand why people are sensitive about having others know their age - can someone explain it to me?  I don't exactly broadcast my age, but I also don't lie about it or make it a closely held secret.  If anything it seems like people would want to inflate their age as they get older to elicit comments of "You look AWESOME for being ____!!!!"   8)

I don't really care if people know how old I am.  However, outside of particular circumstances (buying liquor, visiting the doctor, filling out a form for which the birth date is required, etc..), I find I am only asked my age when someone is making some kind of stereotype or judgement about the issue.  Thus, while I tend not to care if folks know, I do get annoyed when folks ask or when they try to use my age to make an opinion I hold somehow invalid or behavior I engage in not allowed.

From the incident that sparked this post, I'm 'too old' to sit on my husband's knee or to sit behind him on the couch while he sits in the floor and give him a neck rub.  I'm also too young to have a headache or sore knee.

I'm also 'too young' to know anything about A) music, B) children, C) politics, and D) religion.  I'm also apparently too old to know anything about A) music, B)children, C) politics, and D) religion.  I must have missed the window.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: AreaWoman on May 21, 2012, 05:45:44 PM
Please, for the love of puppies, do not make assumptions about someone's age based upon appearance alone.  Yes, I do look very young for someone who has been in the working world for 15 years.  Yes, I'm sure it would be flattering if this were not a professional context.  No, I don't like being told I am a mere child, particularly since experience is a highly valued commodity in my business.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on May 22, 2012, 08:31:39 AM
Please, for the love of puppies, do not make assumptions about someone's age based upon appearance alone.  Yes, I do look very young for someone who has been in the working world for 15 years.  Yes, I'm sure it would be flattering if this were not a professional context.  No, I don't like being told I am a mere child, particularly since experience is a highly valued commodity in my business.

Thank you! I get mistaken for much younger than I actually am a lot of the time.

An addition to this rule: Don't tell the younger-looking person they'll appreciate looking younger when they're older. It's insensitive to the fact that everyone thinks they're really young now, and it's hard to be taken seriously now.

For the record, this comes from many people asking how my "12-year-old" self drove to Wal-Mart/Target/other shopping area. I'm 21; it's getting old.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: BeagleMommy on May 22, 2012, 09:35:07 AM
Not every older person dislikes current music/movies/literature.  I like some of the music my 20 year old DS likes (not all of it), he likes some of the music of my generation (not all of it) and my 68 year old mother is currently reading "50 Shades of Grey".

Amazing, ain't it?!
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Editeer on May 22, 2012, 12:49:29 PM

An addition to this rule: Don't tell the younger-looking person they'll appreciate looking younger when they're older. It's insensitive to the fact that everyone thinks they're really young now, and it's hard to be taken seriously now.

As a formerly young-looking person, I absolutely agree. Being young-looking was really not a good thing when I was in my teens and twenties. (Now that I'm 49, I do appreciate it--but being taken for 30-something doesn't mean I'm taken less seriously. Being taken for 12 or 16 or 20 is very different.)
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: audrey1962 on May 22, 2012, 01:33:25 PM
"You weren't born yet, so you wouldn't know about..."

Uh, you weren't born in 1776, but I assume you know about the American Revolution.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: audrey1962 on May 22, 2012, 01:36:43 PM
I don't really understand why people are sensitive about having others know their age - can someone explain it to me?  I don't exactly broadcast my age, but I also don't lie about it or make it a closely held secret.  If anything it seems like people would want to inflate their age as they get older to elicit comments of "You look AWESOME for being ____!!!!"   8)

People use my age to stereotype me. I am also judged based on how old I look and people make assumptions about my intelligence and capabilities.

As others have said, being young looking is not always a compliment. When I am at work, I don't want to be judged based on how I look. I want to be judged based on my accomplishments.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 22, 2012, 01:51:59 PM
"You weren't born yet, so you wouldn't know about..."

Uh, you weren't born in 1776, but I assume you know about the American Revolution.

Oh that irritates me so much! In another thread I mentioned a gentleman who used to say "You're not old enough to know who Lucille Ball is!" Um, "I Love Lucy" is in syndication and is still played during the day on some channels.  Even my kids know who Lucy Ricardo is.

I look younger than I am, and while I don't get carded so much anymore, there have been times when I've been talked down to.  A couple years ago, I went into Home Depot with my best friend, my kids and my DH.  The woman gave a sticker to my boys and to myself, saying to me "I didn't want you to feel left out" but she didn't offer one to my friend and kept talking down to me.  My friend, once we got back into the van, huffed and said "She probably thinks I'm your mother!" 

I was equally annoyed, as I was 31 at the time and the way the woman talked to me it was like she thought I was 15 or something.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: readingchick on May 30, 2012, 06:03:49 PM
I also look younger than my age (and get carded when trying to buy alcohol), and agree with the point cabbagegirl made. If I don't like being mistaken for being younger now, what makes people think I'll like it when I'm much older?
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on May 31, 2012, 07:27:30 AM
I also look younger than my age (and get carded when trying to buy alcohol), and agree with the point cabbagegirl made. If I don't like being mistaken for being younger now, what makes people think I'll like it when I'm much older?

I've personally heard something to the effect that I will look 50 when I'm 70. Then, I'll be much more beautiful than any of my friends and can lord it over them. Yes, because that's what I would do to dear and loving friends.  ::)  >:(

It doesn't bother me when I'm carded though; my 50-something dad got carded for alcohol, and he has receding gray hair and wrinkles. I won't even go into that story.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Arianoor on June 22, 2012, 04:39:22 PM
Please, for the love of puppies, do not make assumptions about someone's age based upon appearance alone.  Yes, I do look very young for someone who has been in the working world for 15 years.  Yes, I'm sure it would be flattering if this were not a professional context.  No, I don't like being told I am a mere child, particularly since experience is a highly valued commodity in my business.

POD times a billion ka-zillion!

Quote from an electrician (working for the GC that I hired!), "What are you?  12?"
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Emmy on June 26, 2012, 07:02:51 PM
Don't use age to tell somebody where they should be in life.  For example, don't say "you are X years old, you should start thinking about buying a house in the suburbs and starting a family.

Do no tell somebody they 'are not getting any younger'.  Nobody is getting any younger and I'm sure even the dumbest of people knows that.

I am surprised at the amount of people in professional careers that made comments about my age and having a family.  I got my wisdom teeth out at 32 and the nurse asked if I had any children.  I replied I did not and she said "oh, most people your age have children".  When purchasing life insurance, the agent asked DH and I if we had children.  We replied we did not.  He said, "I guess you won't be having any if you don't have them by now (I was 34, DH 37).  I found those comments annoying and invasive and we hadn't been trying for children.  I can't imagine how offensive comments like that would be to a couple who has been struggling with infertility.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Nikko-chan on June 26, 2012, 07:18:50 PM

An addition to this rule: Don't tell the younger-looking person they'll appreciate looking younger when they're older. It's insensitive to the fact that everyone thinks they're really young now, and it's hard to be taken seriously now.

For the record, this comes from many people asking how my "12-year-old" self drove to Wal-Mart/Target/other shopping area. I'm 21; it's getting old.

Oh this! So much... when I was 17 someone tried to set me up with their 12 year old nephew, under the mistaken assumption that I was 13. My mother had to set them straight.

Oh and the guy at the gas station made a comment one time that I would be 'asking my mom for this (the credit card) in a few years' (as in when i was 16 or 17)... when I was already 23...
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: nuit93 on June 26, 2012, 08:15:32 PM
Do no tell somebody they 'are not getting any younger'.  Nobody is getting any younger and I'm sure even the dumbest of people knows that.

I may have to respond to this with "I'm not?  When did this happen?  I thought I did the spell correctly!".  Just to mess with people.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 26, 2012, 09:40:32 PM
Don't assume that older people are incapable of having fun.  In a discussion about ages of when we want to have kids, someone said that 30 was too old to be having children.  I said that Dark Mother was 32 when she had me and that age seemed normal to me.  He then replied quite condescendingly, "Yeah, but when did she stop doing stuff with you?"  I grinned and said, "At the ripe age of 53 this year*, she went white water rafting with us."  He was completely perplexed and didn't say another word about it.

*This conversation was a few years ago.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 26, 2012, 09:47:47 PM
I have to laugh when my middle son thinks I'm younger than I am because 33 seems so ancient to him and I don't seem that old.  (he's 9).  He asked me how old my bf was and at the time she was 55 and he said "And she's still alive?" No, I never told her that and don't plan to! Nor my MIL since she's that age now.

Though I've known some 55 year olds who seem ageless while others seem like they're already 80.  Age really is more an attitude than a number, I think.   Heck, my great-aunt was in her mid 80's when she rode on a Sea Doo.

My bf is one of the ageless ones, as many times I have to remind myself there's 23 years between us.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: JennJenn68 on June 27, 2012, 12:03:17 PM
For young teenagers:  Don't make the mistake of commenting how "really old" historical figures were when they accomplished the things for which they were famous...

My son is studying the War of 1812, and was summarizing biographical data on the major figures involved.  As I was passing through the TV room with a mountain of laundry, he piped up, "Wow!  Tecumseh was really old when he won that battle!  He was born in 1768, you know."

I stood stock still for a moment, gently set down the Laundry Mountain From Hades, and then I quietly pointed out that I had, in fact, been born in 1968 and that since this is now 2012, I am precisely the age that Tecumseh was when he was "really old".  The look of horror on his face was priceless!  (I'm not sure how much the horror involves the "oops" factor and how much involves that somebody "old" like me could have been a major figure in the War of 1812... Kids!) ;D
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: jeni on June 29, 2012, 02:55:19 AM
I heard a terrible ageist comment at work a couple of years ago.  Our company offers free flu shots for staff and a nurse had come in to give them, it was young looking female nurse.  So our female Deputy CEO says to her 'does your mum know you're out?'.

I was so shocked that anyone could say this and more so that our female DCEO said it!  From memory the nurse laughed it off, but I thought, how rude and patronising.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: TheaterDiva1 on June 29, 2012, 06:09:30 AM
Quote
10 - The stereo does not need to be turned up to 11, whether it be playing the oldies or the hits of today

What if I was listening to Spinal Tap?  ::) :P
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 29, 2012, 08:09:12 AM
It's irritating and rude, imo, to insinuate that the problems of the world are solely the fault of the younger generations.  Spoiled children, oversharing, and the downfall of your idea of music are not new things. :)

Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: dks64 on June 30, 2012, 02:33:08 PM
It's irritating and rude, imo, to insinuate that the problems of the world are solely the fault of the younger generations.  Spoiled children, oversharing, and the downfall of your idea of music are not new things. :)

Agree.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on July 03, 2012, 09:48:41 AM
A cashier said to me that I would be perfect to work with police to help catch pedophiles. Not sure whether to laugh or facepalm.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 03, 2012, 10:56:37 AM
It's irritating and rude, imo, to insinuate that the problems of the world are solely the fault of the younger generations.  Spoiled children, oversharing, and the downfall of your idea of music are not new things. :)

Agree.

Besides, the thing is that with a lot of pop stars with music to appeal to teenyboppers are probably being managed or produced by people who are either parents or old enough to be parents to these teenyboppers.   
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: purplemuse on July 06, 2012, 01:08:22 PM
A little bit of a tangent, but age is still a factor:

Statements like "They don't make marriages like that anymore" (IME, usually said by older couples) when speaking of an older couple who has been married a long time is kind of insulting to younger couples. Just because someone's marriage has only lasted 5 years so far doesn't mean they're not going to make it to 50+.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Martienne on July 06, 2012, 01:16:11 PM
The same assumption made just because a couple met when they were young is insulting as well. I don't know how many people blatantly assumed my husband and I were going to break up at some point early on just because we were only 15 and 16 when we started going out. We knew the odds weren't in our favor, but that didn't make it any less aggravating to hear remarks about "when you two break up."

ETA: FTR we are 32 and 33 now.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: wolfie on July 06, 2012, 01:19:55 PM
A little bit of a tangent, but age is still a factor:

Statements like "They don't make marriages like that anymore" (IME, usually said by older couples) when speaking of an older couple who has been married a long time is kind of insulting to younger couples. Just because someone's marriage has only lasted 5 years so far doesn't mean they're not going to make it to 50+.

Plus the older you are when you get married the less likely you are to make it to 50+ years. A lot of the people who made it that far go married right out of high school. I don't think having the median age for marriage go up is really a bad thing. It just is.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Mopsy428 on July 09, 2012, 07:52:15 PM
Do not call women "little girl". One, I can assure you that I am *not* a "little girl", and two, I'm pretty sure you'd be turning purple if I called you a middle-aged *something or other* or an "old ___________".
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 09, 2012, 11:18:51 PM
Do not call women "little girl". One, I can assure you that I am *not* a "little girl", and two, I'm pretty sure you'd be turning purple if I called you a middle-aged *something or other* or an "old ___________".

Totally this.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: violinp on July 10, 2012, 12:02:50 AM
Do not call women "little girl". One, I can assure you that I am *not* a "little girl", and two, I'm pretty sure you'd be turning purple if I called you a middle-aged *something or other* or an "old ___________".

Totally this.

Hoo boy, I would be giving death glares if someone referred to me in that way.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 10, 2012, 01:26:57 AM
Do not call women "little girl". One, I can assure you that I am *not* a "little girl", and two, I'm pretty sure you'd be turning purple if I called you a middle-aged *something or other* or an "old ___________".

Totally this.

Hoo boy, I would be giving death glares if someone referred to me in that way.

Diddo except that I'd laugh in their faces first.  I'm 5'7" and what I like to refer to as "sturdy" or that I have hips like a brood mare.  I am also quite muscular because I prefer to be that way.  Next to "a girly girl", the most ironic thing you could say about me would be that I was a "little girl".  That would be what caused me to laugh before I glared.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Nika on July 10, 2012, 11:10:04 AM
Also, when you find out someone's age, do not say "Aw, you're just a BABY!"

 ::)
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: MamaMootz on September 08, 2012, 11:29:53 PM
And don't say the phrase "Don't you think you're a little OLD to be doing that?"

The response in my head to this phrase is not printable on E-hell.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: JonGirl on September 09, 2012, 07:19:45 PM
And don't say the phrase "Don't you think you're a little OLD to be doing that?"
The response in my head to this phrase is not printable on E-hell.
I agree. Who gets to decide that? That annoys me as well.
And evil JonGirl is old enough to know better and young enough not to care!  >:D
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 09, 2012, 08:50:14 PM
And don't say the phrase "Don't you think you're a little OLD to be doing that?"
The response in my head to this phrase is not printable on E-hell.
I agree. Who gets to decide that? That annoys me as well.
And evil JonGirl is old enough to know better and young enough not to care!  >:D

I've heard this before as well about my love of all things related to Captain Jack Sparrow.  "Aren't you too old for that?" Many times I've wanted to say many not so nice things but I held the EvilPirate back. I think next time I'll just say "Not as long as Johnny Depp's older than I am!"  :-* One person that used to say that to me was my mother's bff.   This was after I told her that DH had just bought me a jolly roger. :) 
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Jules1980 on September 09, 2012, 09:43:29 PM
And don't say the phrase "Don't you think you're a little OLD to be doing that?"
The response in my head to this phrase is not printable on E-hell.
I agree. Who gets to decide that? That annoys me as well.
And evil JonGirl is old enough to know better and young enough not to care!  >:D

I've heard this before as well about my love of all things related to Captain Jack Sparrow.  "Aren't you too old for that?" Many times I've wanted to say many not so nice things but I held the EvilPirate back. I think next time I'll just say "Not as long as Johnny Depp's older than I am!"  :-* One person that used to say that to me was my mother's bff.   This was after I told her that DH had just bought me a jolly roger. :)

I plan on taking the Pheneas and Ferb route and say, "Why, yes.  Yes, I am." as I continue on with said activity.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: White Lotus on October 02, 2012, 11:39:48 AM
Please do not assume I am stuck in the music and arts of my teens and twenties, or, worse, those of my parents. I like new things.  Lots of new things.
For example: I am too young to have swooned over Frank Sinatra, so tickets to a tribute show at a casino are not my idea of a great birthday present. I do enjoy recorded concerts on PBS when I am in the mood, but I have no desire to relive my parents', or even my, teenage years as "the best, and apparently only years that count of my life."
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: TylerBelle on January 17, 2013, 01:11:16 PM
If you are in a grouped together with people where most are of similar age, and one or two may be a generation (or two) older, unless by request, don't separate them by referring to them with a parental name (ie., Mom, Dad, Granddad, Grandma). And it can be vice versa, if there are few younger folks in the group (with names like youngster, etc.). Overall I'd imagine most in general would want to be just one of the group, regardless of any age difference. :)

Being a parent is about the best thing in the world, but in the terms I'm referring to can have the connotation of the similar age people clique together with the older person almost like a chaperone.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Onyx_TKD on January 17, 2013, 02:57:30 PM
If you are in a grouped together with people where most are of similar age, and one or two may be a generation (or two) older, unless by request, don't separate them by referring to them with a parental name (ie., Mom, Dad, Granddad, Grandma). And it can be vice versa, if there are few younger folks in the group (with names like youngster, etc.). Overall I'd imagine most in general would want to be just one of the group, regardless of any age difference. :)

Being a parent is about the best thing in the world, but in the terms I'm referring to can have the connotation of the similar age people clique together with the older person almost like a chaperone.

I'm not really sure what you're trying to describe here. Are you talking about calling an unrelated man "Dad" just because he's a generation older than most of the group, or are you saying that someone shouldn't call their parents "Mom" and "Dad" when most of the group is of the son/daughter's generation? In the former case, I don't think it has anything to do with the age composition of the group--I would say that calling someone other than your own parents or grandparents by (grand)parental names is inappropriate unless you know they want you to, period. In the latter case, I think it's very much an internal family matter--it's unreasonable to expect family to forgo familial titles unless it makes them more comfortable.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: snowdragon on January 17, 2013, 03:34:15 PM
If you are in a grouped together with people where most are of similar age, and one or two may be a generation (or two) older, unless by request, don't separate them by referring to them with a parental name (ie., Mom, Dad, Granddad, Grandma). And it can be vice versa, if there are few younger folks in the group (with names like youngster, etc.). Overall I'd imagine most in general would want to be just one of the group, regardless of any age difference. :)

Being a parent is about the best thing in the world, but in the terms I'm referring to can have the connotation of the similar age people clique together with the older person almost like a chaperone.

I'm not really sure what you're trying to describe here. Are you talking about calling an unrelated man "Dad" just because he's a generation older than most of the group, or are you saying that someone shouldn't call their parents "Mom" and "Dad" when most of the group is of the son/daughter's generation? In the former case, I don't think it has anything to do with the age composition of the group--I would say that calling someone other than your own parents or grandparents by (grand)parental names is inappropriate unless you know they want you to, period. In the latter case, I think it's very much an internal family matter--it's unreasonable to expect family to forgo familial titles unless it makes them more comfortable.

Actually there are people who would have a real problem with not being called proper generational title....be that parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle, no matter what the circumstances. My aunt does not stop being my aunt just because of the group we are in...and I don't stop being my nephew's aunt because his friends are around.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 17, 2013, 03:35:47 PM
If you are in a grouped together with people where most are of similar age, and one or two may be a generation (or two) older, unless by request, don't separate them by referring to them with a parental name (ie., Mom, Dad, Granddad, Grandma). And it can be vice versa, if there are few younger folks in the group (with names like youngster, etc.). Overall I'd imagine most in general would want to be just one of the group, regardless of any age difference. :)

Being a parent is about the best thing in the world, but in the terms I'm referring to can have the connotation of the similar age people clique together with the older person almost like a chaperone.

I'm not really sure what you're trying to describe here. Are you talking about calling an unrelated man "Dad" just because he's a generation older than most of the group, or are you saying that someone shouldn't call their parents "Mom" and "Dad" when most of the group is of the son/daughter's generation? In the former case, I don't think it has anything to do with the age composition of the group--I would say that calling someone other than your own parents or grandparents by (grand)parental names is inappropriate unless you know they want you to, period. In the latter case, I think it's very much an internal family matter--it's unreasonable to expect family to forgo familial titles unless it makes them more comfortable.

Actually there are people who would have a real problem with not being called proper generational title....be that parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle, no matter what the circumstances. My aunt does not stop being my aunt just because of the group we are in...and I don't stop being my nephew's aunt because his friends are around.

I get what TylerBelle is saying.  If there are say 6 25 year olds in a group of 8 where the other two are 40, don't, being that 40 year old, call the 25 year old a youngster to that person.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: TylerBelle on January 17, 2013, 04:38:55 PM
I really wasn't speaking of a group of related people. It's more like say a 60 year old woman has a certain interest and she joins a group about that interest, and nearly everyone else in the group is around thirty years younger than herself. She hopes to be seen as just one of the group, fitting in like everyone else. Though some members think of her as and say she's "like the mom of the group," and perhaps even give her the nickname of "Mom," solely due to the age difference. Being a mom is wonderful, but in this instance, it has the dynamic of the younger-aged people are cliquing together, while the older lady is made to feel like more as everyone's chaperone.

My point is if you find yourself put into a group (for school, activities, sports, etc.) of mostly your own age while there may be one or two a generation older or younger, treat everyone the same. Don't presume older people in the group are going want to be bossy, or nurturing, or only there to supervise, etc., and younger ones are needing to be bossed, or disciplined, etc.     
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: MrTango on January 18, 2013, 02:37:59 PM
I just noticed that four points in the original post were directly addressing the volume of music.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: VorFemme on August 22, 2014, 11:14:26 AM
My dad is about to turn 80 this year.

My parents visited with us for dinner on the way to my sister's house yesterday.

Dad had just had two wisdom teeth pulled.

I had always been told that he didn't have any...apparently they finally tried to come in and got spotted on the X-rays!

Which actually makes sense, as Dad is a bit of a practical joker in some ways (he's not a Peter Pan who has refused to grow up but he does tend to act younger than he is in some ways - at work - he uses that to help him communicate with "all ages").

There may be some teasing about his "late" wisdom teeth for a few months!
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: lakey on August 22, 2014, 12:26:04 PM
Quote
13 - Neither great age nor great youth confer the right to say what you please or behave without regard for the wellbeing of anyone else.

22 - Neither retainers nor dentures need be openly displayed and left on the dinner table for someone else to deal with

23 - The topic of bowel movements does not need to come up at the table, regardless of the great age or great youth of the individual involved

I am almost full time caregiver for my 96 year old father who has advanced Alzeimer's. Understand that these three items MIGHT be the result of dementia. I reached a point where I would be in restaurants with my parents and be mortified by the topics of conversation and behaviors. My father and mother would say things that were inappropriate to people, things they would NEVER have said when they were younger. My mother would use swear words when she never had before.

Because my father's hearing was so bad, he spoke very loudly. So when he would be in a restaurant talking about his butt surgery, a lot of people were able to hear it. One time he made a loud comment about how the couple at another table looked poor. You can tell them that the comment is inappropriate, but they really don't see it.

The priest at my dad's parish is from Nigeria and black. He comes to the house once a month to give Holy Eucharists. One day, out of the blue, when my mom was still alive, she made a joke to him about how he didn't need to go to the beach to get a tan. He took it well, but I just cringed.

Again, #'s 13, 22, and 23 may very likely be due to onset of dementia. If your elderly relative never behaved this way before, and starts to, it may not be because he/she thinks age gives her entitlement, it may be a sign that you should get a doctor to evaluate her.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: ladyknight1 on August 22, 2014, 12:52:00 PM
Just because I went to high school in the mid-1980s does not mean I am stuck thinking that was the best time of my life, the only good period in music, etc.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: nuit93 on August 22, 2014, 01:35:51 PM
Just because I went to high school in the mid-1980s does not mean I am stuck thinking that was the best time of my life, the only good period in music, etc.

As someone who was in HS in the mid-late 90's, I have to agree.

I liked the music but HS is rarely the best time in any person's life.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: TurtleDove on August 22, 2014, 01:37:20 PM
HS is rarely the best time in any person's life.

HS was the best time of my life at that time, though, just like today is the best time of my life for right now!
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: VorFemme on August 22, 2014, 04:01:08 PM
You couldn't get me to go back to high school without paying me.

In fact, I've only been back once...to work as a substitute teacher!  I ran into one of my previous teachers (was journalism - later art, if I recall correctly).  It was nice to see her - but I found that I missed nothing about that school.

There was a fire a few years later (lightning - nothing to do with me, I swear) and my "old" school was rebuilt.  I haven't been back since and have no desire to go back for a reunion.

Unless I can hire a helicopter to land me and pick me up because that's the only way to fit it into my schedule (need to get busy on writing that best seller, I guess)! 

Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: BarensMom on August 22, 2014, 08:07:37 PM
You couldn't get me to go back to high school without paying me.

In fact, I've only been back once...to work as a substitute teacher!  I ran into one of my previous teachers (was journalism - later art, if I recall correctly).  It was nice to see her - but I found that I missed nothing about that school.

There was a fire a few years later (lightning - nothing to do with me, I swear) and my "old" school was rebuilt.  I haven't been back since and have no desire to go back for a reunion.

Unless I can hire a helicopter to land me and pick me up because that's the only way to fit it into my schedule (need to get busy on writing that best seller, I guess)!

Amen to the bolded.

In my city, the end-all and be-all of achievement amongst the youth of my time was to get a job at Evil Oil Company.  When I took a position there post-college, I found several of my HS classmates.  One year, the chairman of the reunion committee visited me in my office (for the very first time ever!) to encourage me to purchase $80 tickets for myself and DH to attend the 30th reunion at some local well-worn restaurant.  I told her, "I look at you people every day and go to lunch at restaurant once a week, what makes you think I want to spend $160 to do the same thing on my day off?"  Needless to say, she huffed herself off and I didn't hear a peep out of her for the 35th.
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: LadyStormwing on August 25, 2014, 09:24:15 PM
A. I occasionally work at my old high school. Even knowing what I know now, you couldn't pay me enough to go back as a student.

B. I look much younger than I am, enough so that if I appeared in said high school hallways without my ID, other teachers would ask me for my hall pass. One would think that my fashion choices (far different from those of a student's!) would have given me away, but apparently not.

C. For any adult, speaking to another adult, in front of the second adult's offspring: Unless that offspring is incapable of speaking for herself, please direct any and all questions regarding said offspring TO THAT OFFSPRING. It is among my biggest pet peeves when I'm out with my mother and we run into someone she knows, and that person asks, "And how old is your daughter now?" as if I'm not even standing there. (StormwingMom is really good about that, usually going, "She's right there, why don't you ask her?")
Title: Re: Age Etiquette
Post by: purplerainbow on February 16, 2015, 04:32:40 PM
Please do not make assumptions based purely on my age, about whether I should be sitting in certain seats on the bus.
I broke my knee as a teenager, but didn't have it treated. Several hard falls since have aggravated it. As such, I find it extremely uncomfortable to sit in seats with insufficient leg room, where I have no choice but to keep my knee bent at 90 degrees or more (even for a short amount of time), and especially in situations where my knee is pressed up against a surface such as a wall, barrier, or the seat in front. (I also have problems kneeling.)
Generally, I'm fine in daily life. I can walk fine, take the stairs, do all the normal stuff. Standing on public transport is just fine, too. And I do generally try to ensure I'm not taking up a seat someone else obviously needs, and will readily give up my seat for obviously pregnant/elderly/disabled people without being asked/prompted. If your need for the seat isn't obvious/visible, all you need do is ask.
But if I'm sitting in one of the "priority" seats, it's generally for the legroom, so as not to aggravate my knee. Not because I'm being an obnoxious, inconsiderate youth.  ::)

Also, please do not assume I am the font of all technological knowledge on account of being in my twenties.
Yes, in some cases I do know how to use that function on the PC, and will happily show you how. However, if you want to know how to use your new iPad/iPhone, you're better off asking our IT guy, who will gladly play around on your new toy to show you how it works.  ;)