Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Techno-quette => Topic started by: TheVapors on June 04, 2012, 01:55:18 PM

Title: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: TheVapors on June 04, 2012, 01:55:18 PM
This is purely a curiosity question. I'm interested to see how other people feel about phrases like "I'm leaving this thread." Or "I won't be back in this thread."

I dabble across many forums, some of which get more heated than others. (Think political or religious type heated.) On some of these forums, it seems commonplace for one or more people to make their last reply end in "I'm out of this thread now" or some variation of that.

I suppose on one hand it can be seen as a "if other questions are posed to me, I won't be able to see them". However, on the other hand it feels unnecessary, and maybe even a way to get in the last word or sometimes one last dig. And they often seem to be posted out of anger.

I posted this in Technoquette, because it's about situations on forums. No one I know has ever left an IRL conversation by going, "I'm leaving this conversation now." So, maybe it's more pronounced purely because it is online. It comes across as a rather dramatic way to leave. As in: "I am leaving now! Notice how I'm leaving!"

For myself, if a thread is no longer fun, or if it annoys/upsets me in any way, I just close out the thread and go elsewhere without mentioning my leaving. I don't return, and therefore I don't even see any further replies, so in my world the thread has stopped existing. And I go about my happy life. The most I can ever remember saying in a thread when I'm about to leave is, "I can see that we're both on the opposite spectrum here, and while we agree about X, we'll never agree about Y."

However, since it's commonplace in some areas to state that they're bowing out of a thread, I'm wondering how others see such phrases.

How do you leave a thread? Are using phrases like "I'm out of here now" unnecessary? Are they rude? Or needlessly dramatic? Or maybe they're great phrases to use, and everyone should leave a thread that way? Or maybe some people see it as rude to not note leaving a thread?

Your thoughts? :)
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Hijinks on June 04, 2012, 01:58:44 PM
Probably needlessly dramatic.  I've been guilty of it several times myself.  I'm trying to be better :)  But at least I don't go back and read the responses after I flounce!  It takes will power, but I just avoid the topic until it falls off the main page.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: AustenFan on June 04, 2012, 02:24:31 PM
Whenever someone says it I mentally picture them moping along under a rain cloud while the Charlie Brown music plays. I think it's pretty juvenile, especially when they continue to argue their point then announce they are leaving the thread. 

That said, I have seen some more acceptable ways it can be done here, along the lines of "Thanks for the great advice! My question has been answered so I won't be updating the thread."
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Judah on June 04, 2012, 02:36:46 PM
There have been times when I'm in the middle of a conversation that is getting heated because either I'm misunderstanding the other poster or I'm being misunderstood and there isn't any point to continuing.  In these cases I think it's preferable to say, "We are obviously misunderstanding each other and this conversation has become pointless so, I'm bowing out." to just leaving the other poster hanging. 
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: ettiquit on June 04, 2012, 02:56:52 PM
I think people here tend to very politely state that they're leaving a thread, and it doesn't seem to be "drama-llama" to me.  Of course, if you are going to bother state that you're leaving, I'd definitely be doing an internal eye-roll if you come back to argue some more.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: JenJay on June 04, 2012, 02:59:19 PM
I think it's fine when it's the OP bowing out because their reason for posting has been addressed, the thread has taken on a life of its own, and the OP doesn't wish to continue. Phrased like "Thanks for the feedback. I probably won't return to the thread so if anyone has further advice please PM me." I've also seen it work when someone's opinion differs vastly from the majority and that starts derailing the initial point of the topic. Person might say "I can see we'll have to agree to disagree, and I'm going to bow out now." I don't take that as sour grapes but rather acknowledging nothing constructive is going to come from further conversation, so let's don't beat the dead horse.

The "Well I guess you all just think I'm WRONG so I won't bother coming back!" stuff makes me  ???  ::)
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Bibliophile on June 04, 2012, 03:03:54 PM
I tend to just bow out of the thread, but sometimes it takes me awhile before I actually feel it's been beaten to death.  I think writing it begs for someone to say, "No, please don't go!" 

I actually have used a form of this IRL though, rather than the hang-up with someone won't drop a subject.  Mainly it's just a "I'm not going to discuss this with you and if you continue to do so, I'm going to hang up the phone."
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Fidgets on June 04, 2012, 03:08:26 PM
Most of my forum time is spent on tech/geek/gamer forums and the culture there about announcing your departure-in-a-snit is "different".  In general, if they're just leaving due to a disagreement or perceived mistreatment by other posters, I find it pretty silly.  I have a few "flounce" LOLcat type pictures that I post one of or I simply post, "Bye!".  In a gaming forum I belong to, the usual response from everyone is, "Bye!  Can I have your stuff since you won't need it anymore?" and the post is known as the flouncer's "Goodbye, cruel fora!" post.   I think the flouncers are hoping that the other posters will be exposed for how "mean" they were to the flouncer and/or are hoping to be begged to stay.  It's rather sad, really.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: RingTailedLemur on June 04, 2012, 03:08:34 PM
I've said it, rarely, but in a kind of, "I am not ignoring you, I won't be looking at this thread to see any posts addressed to me any more" way.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: artk2002 on June 04, 2012, 03:11:50 PM
"Goodbye Cruel Forum" posts are rarely useful and often ridiculous. The really funny ones are the people who issue a GCF and then come back a little later. Me, I just stop posting/reading if I don't think a thread is useful.

A "we seem to be going around in circles about this topic, so perhaps we should let it rest/agree to disagree" is not a GCF.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: TheVapors on June 04, 2012, 03:18:39 PM
I hadn't thought about the OP-angle. I agree. For those situations that it's useful to know the OP has found their answers and won't necessarily be back to update. It's a good way to let everyone know, and I don't consider that dramatic in any way. Merely informative.

Fidgets: I lol'd, because it's so very true on some sites I visit. I've always loved the "Can I have your stuff?" response. The other response I've seen is NOT eHell approved:  "Previous poster has a severe case of butthurt and must see a doctor immediately."

I should clarify about one thing: While I've always found the "Goodbye Cruel Forum" posts to be hilarious (and probably fun for a different topic), I was specifically wondering about leaving a thread, and not necessarily leaving the entire community forever.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Tilt Fairy on June 04, 2012, 03:20:21 PM
I like them. I think they're exciting and dramatic and funny. The world needs more spice.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: TootsNYC on June 04, 2012, 03:22:09 PM
I like them. I think they're exciting and dramatic and funny. The world needs more spice.

LOL! That's one way of looking at it! And since I post on message boards/forums for entertainment, I think I agree with you.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Reason on June 04, 2012, 03:30:23 PM
"I am leaving this thread" is not the same as "I am leaving this forum." The way I use it is if I accidentally derail a thread with a comment that side tracks the original discussion. In which case I usually apologize and bow out.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: O'Dell on June 04, 2012, 03:35:18 PM
I've said it, rarely, but in a kind of, "I am not ignoring you, I won't be looking at this thread to see any posts addressed to me any more" way.

This is how I've said it when I've used it on a forum. But I'll say something similar IRL when I'm talking to someone face to face.

And there are times when I appreciate someone saying they will leave a thread if I'm getting annoyed at 2 or 3 people getting carried away. It's a bit of a relief sometimes knowing that one of them is not coming back. The remaining debaters seem more likely to settle down if they know that the other won't  be coming back to respond to them.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: ettiquit on June 04, 2012, 04:14:36 PM
I like them. I think they're exciting and dramatic and funny. The world needs more spice.

LOL!
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: AustenFan on June 04, 2012, 04:39:00 PM
"Goodbye Cruel Forum" posts are rarely useful and often ridiculous. The really funny ones are the people who issue a GCF and then come back a little later. Me, I just stop posting/reading if I don't think a thread is useful.

A "we seem to be going around in circles about this topic, so perhaps we should let it rest/agree to disagree" is not a GCF.

That's what I meant to say!

I also enjoy on forums when you can see the user stats and as soon as a GCF post is made that user signs out and suddenly(!) there is a lurker monitoring the thread. Who they think they are fooling is beyond me...
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Fidgets on June 04, 2012, 05:33:03 PM
"Goodbye Cruel Forum" posts are rarely useful and often ridiculous. The really funny ones are the people who issue a GCF and then come back a little later. Me, I just stop posting/reading if I don't think a thread is useful.

A "we seem to be going around in circles about this topic, so perhaps we should let it rest/agree to disagree" is not a GCF.

That's what I meant to say!

I also enjoy on forums when you can see the user stats and as soon as a GCF post is made that user signs out and suddenly(!) there is a lurker monitoring the thread. Who they think they are fooling is beyond me...

Or the ones that have a distinctive pattern of typos and those same typos suddenly appear under the nym of a "new" poster.  Or, better yet, the exact same sig line.  ;)

Oh, no problems with an, "I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree" followed by radio silence or a, "Thanks for all the help, everyone!" followed by the same.  I was thinking more along the lines of, "You won't have to worry about me dirtying up your cozy little clique with my obviously unwanted opinions..." yadda-yadda-yadda.  Reading a 40-something-year-old guy doing his best imitation of little Ralphie from "A Christmas Story" ("It was.....SOAP POISONING!!!!") is both sad and (admittedly) entertaining, but only worthy of a "Bye!".

ETA: I think you called it right, TheVapors--a lot of times it does smack of, "I had my say, so bye!". And thank you for the laugh; one of the boards I'm on does a, "Calling Dr. BH!  STAT!!" post on such occasions.   ;D
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Venus193 on June 04, 2012, 08:24:35 PM
I've left threads with statements as well.  In one spectacular example a few years ago it was because someone else was insulting me and would not accept my statements about the situation.  I didn't post again in the thread, the other person was gagged for a few days, but never returned.

If I post a thread looking for a specific answer and get a satisfactory one, I say so and thank the posters in the hope that the thread drops off the radar.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Pinky830 on June 04, 2012, 09:05:56 PM
I read a thread once on a subject matter that I knew a lot about, but the particular question made me angry. I actually don't remember the specific question and I'd just as soon not try. I felt the need to weigh in briefly, I posted as polite a response as I thought I could make, and I concluded by saying it was the only post I would make. I was afraid I would be asked more questions on the subject and I didn't think I could remain polite if I said any more. I was afraid it was a passive-aggressive response, but I wasn't really sure what else to do.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 04, 2012, 09:20:17 PM
I've left threads in other forums but never really bothered with any exit statement, I just stopped going back.  There've been times I've even deleted the link to that forum from my list of bookmarks to remove the temptation to go back, cause I know if I do I'll be tempted to read the thread updates, which would only tick me off further.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: still in va on June 04, 2012, 09:23:53 PM
not so much here, but on a couple of other forums, if i've been involved in a lengthy debate with a poster, it's grown late, and i am falling asleep over my keyboard, i will definitely post something along the lines of "hey guys, late here, and it's gonna take me ages to get the keyboard impressions out of my forehead.  off to bed, will be back in the AM."  i want them to know that i'm suspending the debate due to eyes closing and brain clicking off. 

i have stated something along the lines of "okay, this ain't working, i'm out of this thread."  i did it once here and was reminded by a mod when i came back a day or so later that i had declared my intention to leave the thread, so it might behoove me to adhere to that stated intention (paraphrased).

a forum that i was a member of a few years back used to have flounce threads.  we required pictures of appropriate flouncing costumes.  it was a contest to see who could find a picture of gowns with the most, well, flounces.  that happened after several posters did the whole GCF thing and flounced off in high dudgeon.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: DottyG on June 05, 2012, 01:39:07 PM
Quote
No one I know has ever left an IRL conversation by going, "I'm leaving this conversation now."

Sure they do.  In face, we have a whole folder (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?board=50.0) at this site dedicated to this very thing.

Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: TheVapors on June 05, 2012, 01:41:56 PM
Quote
No one I know has ever left an IRL conversation by going, "I'm leaving this conversation now."

Sure they do.  In face, we have a whole folder (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?board=50.0) at this site dedicated to this very thing.

I said "No one I know" I also meant those exact words. I do not know anyone that has left a conversation while saying, "I am leaving this conversation now."

Bean dip? Sure. Not the phrase I used, though.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: DottyG on June 05, 2012, 01:46:45 PM
Oh.  I thought you meant the concept.

Ok then.

ETA:  Actually, though, I have heard that used in real life (I realize you said no one you know - I'm just now relating my own experience here).  When things have gotten a little heated or seem to be headed down that path, I've heard a phrase like that used.  The tone is usually a kind of apologetic sounding one, but I've heard it.
 
 
 
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: SingActDance on June 05, 2012, 02:29:45 PM
It's pretty easy to distinguish when it's a "I'm tired/no longer interested so I won't be checking back" and when it's "Here is why I'm right and that's that. Peace out!"

I can't stand the latter. It's the technological equivalent of shoving your fingers in your ears going, "Lalalalala, I can't heeeeaaaaar yoooooouuu." So many think that saying "That's just the way it is" ends the argument. It does not.

Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: DottyG on June 05, 2012, 02:31:55 PM
Quote
It's pretty easy to distinguish when it's a "I'm tired/no longer interested so I won't be checking back" and when it's "Here is why I'm right and that's that. Peace out!"

Good point.  I agree.

And I have to say that the times I've heard this phrase (or one like it) in real life were more like the former.  Or ones where a person knows the situation has the potential for getting heated, so they're gently nipping things in the bud.

Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: hobish on June 05, 2012, 02:49:53 PM
I've said it, rarely, but in a kind of, "I am not ignoring you, I won't be looking at this thread to see any posts addressed to me any more" way.

That is how i mostly see it used, and i see nothing rude about it.
I have definitely used, "I am ending this conversation" or "This conversation is over" in real life.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: NotTheNarcissist on June 05, 2012, 03:59:47 PM
I've only said that once ("I'm done with this" on a thread).

I only did it because I defended an OP who was getting slammed. I took up for her, but apparently I didn't word things well because she slammed me instead of the 20 or so others that were piling it on her. I let my emotions get the better of me. I've been on online forums since 1998 & once, only once, have I done this.

Since i enjoy classic movies, I like to imagine a Scarlet O'Hara overly dramatic type picking up her floor-length dress & blurting "I'm done with you, all of you! You're all mad do you hear me?" & swooshing elegantly out of the forum thread with nose in air.

Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Tea Drinker on June 05, 2012, 04:46:48 PM
"It's late here, I won't be posting again tonight" is very different from "I'm tired of arguing with the hive mind on this board/blog" (or whatever phrasing people use to mean that everyone else in the conversation disagrees with them). I've seen the latter produce replies like "stick the flounce" meaning "I'm sure we'll be hearing from you again within a week," or sarcasm if the person does return to the thread. So while it's debatable in terms of etiquette, there is a bridge-burning aspect to announcing "You won't have me to kick around anymore."
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Virg on June 06, 2012, 12:02:46 PM
TheVapors wrote:

"No one I know has ever left an IRL conversation by going, "I'm leaving this conversation now.""

When you're in real life, this sort of statment isn't necessary because you can exit for real.  The empty space where the person once stood is indication enough.  In an online forum, however, if one leaves nobody knows it, so if you wish to exit while making sure the other posters know you won't be returning, you have to post something to that effect.

Virg
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: rachellenore on June 06, 2012, 01:57:45 PM
If you're debating with someone then there is no other way to get across the point that you no longer wish to discuss something with them than by saying you're leaving.

And as others have said, this exists in real life as well. You wouldn't bean dip a debate thread since that would be off-topic.

Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: TheVapors on June 06, 2012, 02:38:25 PM
TheVapors wrote:

"No one I know has ever left an IRL conversation by going, "I'm leaving this conversation now.""

When you're in real life, this sort of statment isn't necessary because you can exit for real.  The empty space where the person once stood is indication enough.  In an online forum, however, if one leaves nobody knows it, so if you wish to exit while making sure the other posters know you won't be returning, you have to post something to that effect.

Virg

Thank you. Yes, that was my point in typing that. It's not necessary in real life. So how does it come across when it is typed out in a forum.

Maybe I shouldn't have included anything about a comparison, because I didn't post this while wondering about why one would do that online vs IRL ways one might extract oneself from a conversation.

Merely about thoughts on posting about leaving a thread on various forums...online only. The usefulness it might have in some situations, or rather if it's just leaving in a huff or more noticeable due to the fact that it must be written out.

ETA: I've gotten some wonderful and varied responses from people giving their thoughts on leaving threads and whether or not they post that they're leaving a thread in different situations. I didn't want this to turn into a "Well, duh, TheVapors stuff like that happens all the time IRL" as that wasn't what I was going for in my OP in the slightest.

I was simply talking about online forums, and how people leave threads.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Mikayla on June 06, 2012, 06:56:53 PM
I just leave the thread without comment.  And the reason has to do with "let's agree to disagree".   This sounds perfectly reasonable, but it seems in many cases, people say it *after* they've just rebutted something.  So to me, it's no different than if you started your post by saying "I need to rebut what you just said, but then I'm checking out".

That's why I just stop posting in the thread.  There's a risk, I guess, that it looks like I walked away in the middle or I'm avoiding a question, and that's certainly not how I behave IRL.  In fact, I own the last word! But in this forum, if I've said all I have to say, I just take that risk.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 06, 2012, 09:38:57 PM
I've said it, rarely, but in a kind of, "I am not ignoring you, I won't be looking at this thread to see any posts addressed to me any more" way.

That is how i mostly see it used, and i see nothing rude about it.
I have definitely used, "I am ending this conversation" or "This conversation is over" in real life.

I've used that on several occasions with my kids when they're trying to debate a rule or consequence of breaking one.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Allyson on June 06, 2012, 10:31:10 PM
I think it is almost always unnecessary. Most people only post on a thread once or twice, and do not come back to it, and there is no need for commentary on the matter. It seems a little bit self-centered, as though the poster thinks that everyone is waiting for their reply. It is drawing attention to the fact that they are gone, whereas if they just had stopped posting, people would probably not have noticed.

There are a few exceptions to this, but for the most part it just seems to be making a point that you are not happy with the direction the thread is going, or are upset in some way. People do not go around to every thread they stop posting in if they, say, go on a business trip. It just makes me think of that thing people do where they talk so much about how they do not care it becomes obvious they do care.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Nemesis on June 07, 2012, 03:30:48 AM
Unless you are the OP, I think such a statement is very unnecessary. This statement is particularly annoying if the poster was previously in a heated argument with another poster. If one wants to leave the thread, one leaves it gracefully. One does not need to announce one's departure so as to make a dramatic exit. It is needless and, in my humble opinion, quite inflammatory.

Of course, if the OP does not wish to reply in a heated thread any longer, the OP could ask the forum moderator to simply lock the thread without making any dramatic statements.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 07, 2012, 04:10:13 AM
I have posted things like "You know what?  You're not changing your mind, I'm not changing my mind, I'm going to bow out, see you around."  It's not to be dramatic, or to get attention, or for people to ask me to stay.  It's basically because usually, I'm one of two to four participants, and if I were to drop off of the face of the Earth, it would be noticed.  It's a case of "just so you don't think I just walked away, here's me actually leaving".  It just seems courteous not to leave a debate partner hanging.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: StarFaerie on June 07, 2012, 06:46:53 AM
Depends on how it's said. If it's a "I don't think this argument is going anywhere so I'm out" kind of sentiment then it's all good and I respect the poster for it. But if it's a "Here's a parting shot and now I'm leaving so you can't rebut my argument or lack thereof" or a "I'm all hurt, boo-hoo, and now I'm flouncing from this thread" type sentiment then it is LOL-worthy and that's the response they'll get from me, at least internally but sometimes posted also, depending on the forum.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: lmyrs on June 07, 2012, 03:08:26 PM
Exactly. There is a big difference between:

"Let's agree to disagree. I don't think we'll ever convince eachother."

and

"Here's another iteration of why I'm right and you are not. But, we're not going to agree so bye."

The second one takes a "parting shot" in that you ensure that you are getting the last word. It shuts down the debate but only after you've gotten your points in one more time. It's immature and unneccessary.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: AnnaJane on June 08, 2012, 12:40:26 AM
I've also done this one or two times when discussions on other forums became too much. You have to know when to walk away sometimes, when remaining in the debate will only lead to anger on your part, but will not convince your opponent. For little things it may be unnecessary and over-dramatic to make such a post but in my case, the posts were so hate-filled and disturbing that it wasn't worth it to keep arguing.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: MariaE on June 08, 2012, 01:43:31 AM
Exactly. There is a big difference between:

"Let's agree to disagree. I don't think we'll ever convince eachother."

and

"Here's another iteration of why I'm right and you are not. But, we're not going to agree so bye."

I've done the former and had the other person come back with "Can I take your leaving as you being unable to refute my arguments?" Oooooohboy it took ALL my self control not to respond to that one! It's been a couple of days now and I'm still steamed.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Venus193 on June 08, 2012, 06:21:09 AM
Some idiot on a TV board really irritated me with his ignorance and I finally decided it was a waste of my time to respond to him, so I said so.  He then attempted to goad me by saying I was running away because he was "calling me out."  Since when are forums supposed to be duels?  I checked his posting history and saw he was a troll. 

BTW, that was his last post on that board.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Hijinks on June 08, 2012, 08:53:51 AM
That's why I never revisit the thread after I say I'm leaving.  To keep going back and checking the responses negates the reason that I left in the first place.

Recently I got into an argument in a FB thread and someone seemed to be really mad at me for reasons that I couldn't really fathom when I was just being honest about my views.  So I just said "You seem to be mad at me so I'll just bow out now."  Haven't been back to look at it.  I figured if they wanted to continue to bash me, they could, but since I said I wouldn't be back, it would be kind of silly for them to do so.  But that's on them.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: MariaE on June 08, 2012, 10:00:25 AM
That's usually what I do as well, but I had forgotten I got emailed the comments there.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Winterlight on June 08, 2012, 02:58:26 PM
I've done the agree to disagree thing one Friday when I got into a disagreement with someone and was about to leave. I didn't have net access at home and it seemed like we were going in circles, but I didn't want to end things on a flounce. They politely accepted it and that was the end.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Amanita on June 19, 2012, 02:25:37 PM
I've done it once- on an NYC travel forum, another member pretty well raked me other the coals in a discussion over paying respects at the WTC site. That poster pretty well lambasted me, accusing me of some rather unsavory motives, even dragging in what her mother might allegedly say, if she was there. (Just an aside- when you're arguing with me, I don't care what your mom/SO/Whoever would have to say if only they were here- they're not here, so leave them out of it, I'm only interested in your opinion)
It was obvious that nothing I could say was going to change that person's mind, or even convince them that I wasn't some attention seeking nutjob (just for wanting to offer respects in a manner appropriate to my faith), so finally I said it. "We're not going to agree on this. Think what you want about me, I'm done defending myself to you." True to my word, I didn't revisit that thread, I was truly done with it. I wasn't looking for attention or sympathy, I wasn't hoping anyone would beg me to stay. It was simply not productive to continue that argument, and I didn't need the increased blood pressure.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Surianne on June 19, 2012, 08:29:03 PM
I've said this before here and always thought it was the polite thing to do -- I thought it was best to let posters I was arguing with know I wasn't continuing the debate, so that they wouldn't spend energy on trying to convince me, and so that others would know I wouldn't be replying to future questions.  Until now I didn't know it was considered to be passive aggressive, so I'm glad this thread was started.  Definitely not the impression I intended to give!
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: portabella on June 23, 2012, 10:52:42 PM
I've seen lots of "I'm leaving this board" threads (not here, but . . .)

It’s overly dramatic and kind of a pathetic ploy for people to post long, sappy farewells or “please don’t go!” ::)  Usually people who play the “I’m leaving this board” card are upset at others and they want to make a big brouhaha with a grand exit.  Often they slink back in, and they get “Welcome back!  We missed you!”  ::)

I’ve never bought into all that.  If one wants to leave or has to leave due to lack of time, dwindling interests, etc. they should just go.  If they’ve made special friends they can PM or email.  But just go already.  Sheesh.

Quote
Whenever someone says it I mentally picture them moping along under a rain cloud while the Charlie Brown music plays.

:D  :D   This!  Soooooo juvenile.  ::)

As far as "I'm leaving this thread", well, better to just say "Thanks for advice . . ." )if all is well).  If someone made you angry or people aren't telling you what you want to hear, then don't come back to the thread.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Hollanda on June 24, 2012, 03:20:33 AM
I have left threads when the main point has been exhausted. Don't think I've ever said anything though?
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: Fleur on June 24, 2012, 03:54:38 AM
I think it is almost always unnecessary. Most people only post on a thread once or twice, and do not come back to it, and there is no need for commentary on the matter. It seems a little bit self-centered, as though the poster thinks that everyone is waiting for their reply. It is drawing attention to the fact that they are gone, whereas if they just had stopped posting, people would probably not have noticed.

There are a few exceptions to this, but for the most part it just seems to be making a point that you are not happy with the direction the thread is going, or are upset in some way. People do not go around to every thread they stop posting in if they, say, go on a business trip. It just makes me think of that thing people do where they talk so much about how they do not care it becomes obvious they do care.

I'm not sure that I agree with the bolded. I'm not sure about this forum, since I've only been on here a couple of days, but on other forums I always notice if someone has left, particularly if that person has been arguing vigorously. It looks odd to see someone who has seemed heavily invested in a discussion just drop out. That said, I totally agree that there are flouncy ways of leaving a thread. But just saying 'I've said my piece, and I'm bowing out now' seems quite good netiquette to me.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: FauxFoodist on June 24, 2012, 01:50:26 PM
I agree that the flounce is a bit over the top.  I recall one heated thread where the poster kept posting she was leaving, she was taking a break, she was going to go follow the Coke Rule and KEPT COMING BACK.  Someone even posted in reply that the point of the Coke Rule wasn't to announce it to everyone and even a mod had to intervene and tell the poster, basically, look, you already said you were leaving so why do you keep responding and, I think, told the person to put a lid on it for a little bit or it would be done for her (which, I think, finally shut her up).

I've only once felt the need to announce my exit from a thread because the other poster kept arguing the same points over and over with me, even though I addressed the points multiple times.  By the third or fourth time addressing them, I pointed out that I'd already addressed them upthread and was no longer going to respond on those matters.  Oddly, my post was the very last on that thread so I guess neither that poster nor anyone else had anything further to contribute.  The other poster was quite annoying.  I wondered why the same things kept getting brought up by that poster when they had already been addressed, and the discussion was getting brain-hurty and feeling like a huge waste of time.
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: JacklynHyde on June 24, 2012, 04:26:10 PM
Would it not be more useful to ask the moderators to close the thread?
Title: Re: Your thoughts on: "I'm leaving this thread."
Post by: artk2002 on June 24, 2012, 04:38:57 PM
Would it not be more useful to ask the moderators to close the thread?

Depends on the topic and how the thread is going. One person doesn't usually get to veto an entire thread. Just because they aren't continuing to discuss it doesn't mean that others can't. You'll find that the mods respond to close requests if a thread is getting out of hand, or going around in circles, but they leave productive threads going, even if one or more people have dropped out.