Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => Complete Silence => Topic started by: BeagleMommy on July 09, 2012, 01:04:02 PM

Title: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: BeagleMommy on July 09, 2012, 01:04:02 PM
My gym plays fantastic music over its PA system.  I took dance classes for years as a child and was on my high school's dance team.  Therefore, I have pretty good posture and (so I've been told) I unconsciously walk in time to whatever music might be playing.

I finished my workout and was walking to the stand where the cleaning solution is kept when a woman approached me.  I had never met this woman before and she was new to the gym.  She said:

"You know, just because you don't have as much weight to lose as some of us doesn't mean you should strut around here with your nose in the air.  Your body's not perfect either."  She stood there staring at me as if she expected me to say something in response.

All I could think of was  :o.  I stood there blinking stupidly for a few minutes then walked away to clean the machine I had used.  I kept thinking "I think she wants me to apologize for having good posture".

Maybe I should have used "That's an interesting assumption" but I was so flabbergasted that I couldn't come up with a response.  Now I'm wondering if I am unconsciously looking conceited.  I have about 10 pounds to go to reach my goal weight but I don't feel I'm better than anyone else.  Most of the people there are very encouraging toward one another.

Am I overthinking this?
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: dawbs on July 09, 2012, 01:07:46 PM
you're overthinking.

She rudely approached a stranger and 1-criticized her posture 2-commented on her weight 3-critcized her body and  4-showed her behind.

Approaching management and saying "hey, I don't want to cause problems, but the lady w/ the purple leotard this morning...I wanted you to know *insert tale here*; in case she's driving away your customers.  I was VERY uncomfortable that she was criticizing my body to me"
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: TurtleDove on July 09, 2012, 01:13:17 PM
How obnoxious. 
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: LB on July 09, 2012, 02:57:31 PM
I think she's feeling bad about herself and she's rudely taking it out on others.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Judah on July 09, 2012, 03:02:45 PM
I think she's feeling bad about herself and she's rudely taking it out on others.

Exactly.  This woman has issues and she's taking them out on you. Silence was the perfect response.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: audrey1962 on July 09, 2012, 03:55:33 PM
I think you did fine.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: wheeitsme on July 09, 2012, 04:09:07 PM
 :o

 :o

 :o

Okay, I just had the same response to her actions that you did. 

There are so many responses.  Most of them not polite.  My first one was "...Whergle?" followed a couple seconds later by "buh...?"


No.  I cannot see how you are "unconsciously looking conceited". 

As for her "You know, just because you don't have as much weight to lose as some of us doesn't mean you should strut around here with your nose in the air.  Your body's not perfect either." - how does she know how much work you put in to be healthy?  She not only has issues...she's a subscriber that has collected the back issues.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: FoxPaws on July 09, 2012, 04:47:35 PM
You're fine. She's nuts. If she paid as much attention to her own workouts as she did to other people's, she'd be a lot closer to "perfect" herself.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 10, 2012, 01:43:11 AM
You did much better than I would have and I don't think you're overthinking this.  I don't think that a complaint to management would be out of order.

"One of your patrons made me feel very uncomfortable.  *explanation if asked*.  I don't want her to drive away other customers but she isn't very supportive and I'm afraid she'll bring down the atmosphere of the gym by being so negative."
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Roe on July 10, 2012, 03:07:45 PM
Wowza!  I agree, speak to management about this.  Silence was the perfect response. 
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Twik on July 11, 2012, 04:41:03 PM
There are so many responses.  Most of them not polite.  My first one was "...Whergle?" followed a couple seconds later by "buh...?"

I believe that "Whergle" is quite polite, but "buh..." is going beyond the pale.  ;)
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Sanity Lost on July 11, 2012, 05:49:23 PM
 :o  ::)

It's okay OP, I got this in high school as well. Oh wait you're not in high school anymore?!

I was (and am) overly blessed by the boob fairy and have scoliosis, so my Dr. told me to walk with perfect posture. My Nana helped me by having me practice with the book on the head walk. I was also painfully shy in HS and self conscious about my size. So I got the rep of being snobby and of stuffing my clothes, which increased the self consciousness. It was an ugly cycle that I had to really work through.

Your response was best, though I also agree that you might want to give the management a heads up.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: bansidhe on July 11, 2012, 07:27:38 PM
You're fine. She's nuts.

Yep. That about covers it.

I think silence was a fine response, but should she approach you again (hopefully she won't) you may need to advise her not to speak to you again or you'll call security/management/the police/whomever.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Xandraea on July 11, 2012, 07:58:32 PM
I've been taking ballroom dance lessons for 6 years or so and my instructor suggests practicing dance posture always, so it becomes automatic, or "muscle memory".  It sounds like you learned the same thing in your years of dancing/dance team.  I for one, always admire those who walk with poise and feel I can often recognize a dancer now by their walk.  It's a good thing!  (I also tend to walk to the beat of whatever music is playing, too)

I agree with others, that lady was out of line, and your complete silence was definitely the right response.  If she approaches you again I'd definitely go to management and let them know she may be making others uncomfortable as well with her bold negativity toward others.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: portabella on July 12, 2012, 11:26:37 PM
Wow.
A few blinks and silence were fine.
Or "(pause) "Ooookay.  Well, thanks for sharing that."  ::)
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Ceallach on July 12, 2012, 11:42:35 PM
What a sad, pathetic, insecure little human being.   ???  Sorry that you encountered her. 

I probably would have been silent too - desperately trying to process the bizarre insult and outrageous rudeness of the person in front of me!    The only polite verbal responses I can think of would be along the lines of "Excuse me??!!" said in a "WHAT did you say!!"  shocked tone. 
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Xandraea on July 12, 2012, 11:55:51 PM
What a sad, pathetic, insecure little human being.   

When I saw this my first thought was Buzz Lightyear telling Woody, "You are a sad, strange little man. You have my pity."  Am I the only one?  :)   (Also perhaps a semi-appropriate response this woman, with the gender switched of course.)
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Ceallach on July 13, 2012, 12:12:39 AM
What a sad, pathetic, insecure little human being.   

When I saw this my first thought was Buzz Lightyear telling Woody, "You are a sad, strange little man. You have my pity."  Am I the only one?  :)   (Also perhaps a semi-appropriate response this woman, with the gender switched of course.)

Lol!     Yep that's about right -  I don't say it in a mean way, I definitely say it in a head shaking, you have my pity way.   

How unhappy a person must be to take offense just because a skinnier, prettier person happens to walk past them!  Her insides must just be eaten up with self-loathing and misery. 
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: QueenofAllThings on July 17, 2012, 05:12:25 PM
The fact that you took dance classes is irrelevant - You were walking across the room (admittedly, a heinously conceited act  ;) ) and some whack-a-doodle with issues decided to drop her crazy on you.

Don't give it another thought.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Calypso on July 17, 2012, 08:07:00 PM
I've been taking ballroom dance lessons for 6 years or so and my instructor suggests practicing dance posture always, so it becomes automatic, or "muscle memory".  It sounds like you learned the same thing in your years of dancing/dance team.  I for one, always admire those who walk with poise and feel I can often recognize a dancer now by their walk.  It's a good thing!  (I also tend to walk to the beat of whatever music is playing, too)

I agree with others, that lady was out of line, and your complete silence was definitely the right response.  If she approaches you again I'd definitely go to management and let them know she may be making others uncomfortable as well with her bold negativity toward others.


I can always tell a bellydancer or someone who does Nia because they have what I think of as a "soft" back (I don't know how else to call it; it's this lovely, relaxed yet elegant way of holding your back muscles). I *love* the way the different types of dance "mark" their practitioner's forms...

OP, you did just perfectly, although "whergle" or "buh" would have been ok too  8)
And congrats on becoming so fit!
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Marbles on September 09, 2012, 11:40:52 PM
I think you did well. I'm pretty sure my response would have been "what the ehell are you talking about?"
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Dollenganger on September 14, 2012, 06:49:34 PM
I would have said "well  -- that was excellent -- You take your medication today?
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: cass2591 on September 14, 2012, 07:04:35 PM
I would have said "well  -- that was excellent -- You take your medication today?

No. That serves no purpose.  Not only is it also rude, but why engage with someone like that and possibly escalate the situation into a war of words? Let it go.

Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: Shea on September 15, 2012, 09:55:05 AM
It seems that this woman feels bad about herself and decided to take out her insecurities on you. Sure, maybe it would have been good to say "What an interesting assumption", but confronted with that level of rude, insulting presumption, who among us would have the presence of mind to respond in such a way? Not me, probably. Complete silence was a perfectly appropriate way of handling it.
Title: Re: This Was the Only Response I Could Think Of
Post by: TheaterDiva1 on September 15, 2012, 02:58:27 PM
Seriously, if I saw you "strutting" around to music while working out, I wouldn't have thought you were conceited.  I would've thought you were just having fun - something that rude lady should try once in a while!