Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Techno-quette => Topic started by: AllTheThings on July 16, 2012, 11:10:16 AM

Title: declining facebook invitations
Post by: AllTheThings on July 16, 2012, 11:10:16 AM
By Facebook invitation, I mean one where it is clear that the person has handpicked certain people to come to a party or something like that, not something where the person has invited their whole friends list to gain publicity for an event.

Do you think it is a little rude to decline a Facebook invitation without writing a message, such as "Sorry I can't come, have a good time!" or "Thanks, but I have something else that day"

To me, writing a short message compared to just clicking no and saying nothing is comparable to:

A: Hey, want to come over tomorrow?
B: Sorry, I can't.

vs

A: Hey, want to come over tomorrow?
B: No. *blink*

What do you think?
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: CakeBeret on July 16, 2012, 11:15:05 AM
I think just declining the invitation is sufficient. A comment is perhaps nice, but not necessary. I put invitations for birthday parties, etc. on facebook and it would never occur to me that declining guests need to write a message. :)
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: s on July 16, 2012, 11:15:49 AM
I don't put a reason when I decline.  If the host wants to be so brazen as to interrogate me about why I can't come then they end up looking bad and not me.  If it's something where it's obvious they invited their whole friends list then I quietly remove myself from the event.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: AllTheThings on July 16, 2012, 11:17:52 AM
I don't put a reason when I decline.  If the host wants to be so brazen as to interrogate me about why I can't come then they end up looking bad and not me.  If it's something where it's obvious they invited their whole friends list then I quietly remove myself from the event.

I don't mean putting a reason, I just mean saying something like, "sorry I can't come, have a good time" to acknowledge that they invited you.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: s on July 16, 2012, 11:36:15 AM
I don't put a reason when I decline.  If the host wants to be so brazen as to interrogate me about why I can't come then they end up looking bad and not me.  If it's something where it's obvious they invited their whole friends list then I quietly remove myself from the event.

I don't mean putting a reason, I just mean saying something like, "sorry I can't come, have a good time" to acknowledge that they invited you.

Well I think something like that is entirely optional.  Personally I don't find it necessary to do so.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Penguin_ar on July 16, 2012, 11:43:22 AM
No need for a reply/ reason/ comment.  I've always seen the comment section more for those attending, or having a question about the event.   I would really only leave a comment after declining if  I either had previously accepted, on FB or verbally, and something came up, or if I had a relevant comment/ request such as "You can borrow my big punch bowl like you did last time, just pick it up anytime before the party" or  "I'd love to see pics!".
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Virg on July 16, 2012, 12:38:09 PM
AllTheThings wrote:

"I don't mean putting a reason, I just mean saying something like, "sorry I can't come, have a good time" to acknowledge that they invited you."

To me, declining the invitation is equivalent to saying "sorry I can't come".  It's not rude to decline a Facebook invite using Facebook's decline.  That's just how they work.

Virg
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: O'Dell on July 16, 2012, 02:59:48 PM
I think it's nice if someone says something rather than just clicking no, but I don't think it's rude not to. It does feel abrupt to me too, which is why I usually don't click anything unless I plan to go. :P
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Cat-Fu on July 16, 2012, 03:50:35 PM
I usually do say something, to acknowledge that I appreciated the invitation. I do the same with weddings, like include a note on the back of the RSVP card.

I wouldn't say it's rude not to, but it is a nice thing to do. :)
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Penguin_ar on July 16, 2012, 08:52:38 PM
I think it's nice if someone says something rather than just clicking no, but I don't think it's rude not to. It does feel abrupt to me too, which is why I usually don't click anything unless I plan to go. :P

See, for me if anything that is more rude, because then the host doesn't know if you haven't seen the invite, are coming/ not coming and forgot to rsvp or are not sure yet.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Moray on July 16, 2012, 08:55:05 PM
I think it's nice if someone says something rather than just clicking no, but I don't think it's rude not to. It does feel abrupt to me too, which is why I usually don't click anything unless I plan to go. :P

See, for me if anything that is more rude, because then the host doesn't know if you haven't seen the invite, are coming/ not coming and forgot to rsvp or are not sure yet.

Same here, Penguin_ar. I'm sending the invite because I want an RSVP, even if it's a no. I don't think there's any obligation to include a reason, but if you really would have liked to have been there, say so!
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Ceallach on July 16, 2012, 09:00:02 PM
To me it completely depends on the invitation.   If it's family, then yes I'll usually post a little note about why I can't come / wishing them all a happy occasion etc.   If it's more of a wider/generic group then I won't, although I might send my apologies to the host directly.   The thing is, usually your post can be seen by all invitees, not just your host, and if there's a bunch of strangers on it then I might not be interested in communicating with them. 
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Venus193 on July 16, 2012, 09:52:21 PM
Is there any polite way to tell people to stop sending you requests in Farmville or other similar areas?  I have no desire to get involved with any of that stuff and this is getting on my last nerve.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: diesel_darlin on July 16, 2012, 10:23:09 PM
Is there any polite way to tell people to stop sending you requests in Farmville or other similar areas?  I have no desire to get involved with any of that stuff and this is getting on my last nerve.

I have the solution to that one! Go to the app center, in the list on the left hand side of the screen. Its near the bottom. Click on that, and the game requests will appear. There is an X beside of each one. Click the X, and Facebook will ask you if you want to block all game requests from that particular person, or the game itself. Just click on "Block Farmville" and no more Farmville requests will come to you. :)
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Isometric on July 17, 2012, 12:19:48 AM
For a handpicked guest event, I would post a little comment. For a mass-invite type event, just "no". I used to do "maybe" because "no" sounded too harsh, but I just bite the bullet now.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: katycoo on July 17, 2012, 01:20:16 AM
It depends on the type of event.

EG. I handpick invitees for a sales party, but I don't need a personalised declination.

My birthday party OTOH I'd like a response, even if vague "Sorry I can't make it"
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Allyson on July 17, 2012, 09:57:18 AM
Definitely depends on the event. A 40 person party or similar, I will probably just click 'no' or not click anything. A six or seven person event where my presence was deliberately included, I would say something more.

I think Facebook is a bad way to invite people for more 'serious' things because invitations can easily get missed, though.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: Jones on July 17, 2012, 11:19:57 AM
Is there any polite way to tell people to stop sending you requests in Farmville or other similar areas?  I have no desire to get involved with any of that stuff and this is getting on my last nerve.

I have the solution to that one! Go to the app center, in the list on the left hand side of the screen. Its near the bottom. Click on that, and the game requests will appear. There is an X beside of each one. Click the X, and Facebook will ask you if you want to block all game requests from that particular person, or the game itself. Just click on "Block Farmville" and no more Farmville requests will come to you. :)

I recently discovered the "-Ville" games were very sneakily telling me that people were playing and wanted to be my "neighbor," when in fact the people listed were NOT playing and NOT interested in it whatsoever. Your FB friends may think they are helping you out by sending you stuff when you aren't interested. Just quietly block Farm/Castle/Cityville etc. on your App center and don't worry about any big announcements.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: TootsNYC on July 17, 2012, 11:51:31 AM
Is there any polite way to tell people to stop sending you requests in Farmville or other similar areas?  I have no desire to get involved with any of that stuff and this is getting on my last nerve.

I have the solution to that one! Go to the app center, in the list on the left hand side of the screen. Its near the bottom. Click on that, and the game requests will appear. There is an X beside of each one. Click the X, and Facebook will ask you if you want to block all game requests from that particular person, or the game itself. Just click on "Block Farmville" and no more Farmville requests will come to you. :)

If you can say "block all game requests from that particular person," I'd choose that. Because people who play Farmville will probably start up with Hidden Chronicles.

Also know that sometimes it's easy to end up clicking on "invite your friends" without realizing that's what you've done. And new game players often don't realize what happens when they do that.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: squeakers on July 17, 2012, 10:10:27 PM
Is there any polite way to tell people to stop sending you requests in Farmville or other similar areas?  I have no desire to get involved with any of that stuff and this is getting on my last nerve.

I have the solution to that one! Go to the app center, in the list on the left hand side of the screen. Its near the bottom. Click on that, and the game requests will appear. There is an X beside of each one. Click the X, and Facebook will ask you if you want to block all game requests from that particular person, or the game itself. Just click on "Block Farmville" and no more Farmville requests will come to you. :)

If you can say "block all game requests from that particular person," I'd choose that. Because people who play Farmville will probably start up with Hidden Chronicles.

Also know that sometimes it's easy to end up clicking on "invite your friends" without realizing that's what you've done. And new game players often don't realize what happens when they do that.

It does actually have that option "Ignore all requests from Name".  I never use that because there might be some app I would want to use and they might invite me to it/I might ask them.
Title: Re: declining facebook invitations
Post by: JacklynHyde on July 18, 2012, 09:06:46 PM
If I am close to the person issuing the invitation and sincerely wish I could make the event, I send my regrets with a little note.  "Sorry I'm missing your tea party, but my mother-in-law has already requested our presence at her home that day."  If it's to a major, gigantic event with hundreds of attendees, nobody really cares if I show or not, so why mention it?