Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Techno-quette => Topic started by: gena264 on July 20, 2012, 12:33:54 PM

Title: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: gena264 on July 20, 2012, 12:33:54 PM
I have a friend that I strictly communicate with through texting and sometimes email. When we first started texting , our texting styles seemed the same. Things lately have changed.

Here is an example of the way my friend has been texting lately.

Friend: Hi
Me : Hi
Friend: What ya doing?
Me: Cleaning , you?
Friend:  (silence)

An hour later :
Friend :Sorry had to do such and such
Friend: hey
Me : No problem
Friend (silence)

Me: did you get my email ?
Friend"what ya doing?'
Me : nothing much, did you get my email?
Friend: (silence)

Friend: Hey
Me:Hey back
Friend:what ya doing?
Me: nothing exciting, you?
Friend: working, brb
Me: no problem
Friend: (silence for two days)

For me, if I am bothering to text someone to say hi or ask what they are up to, that means I want to have a conversation with them (even a small one) . I understand that things come up while texting which is no big deal. Usually the person says sorry have to go, nice talking to you or something.

Would this type of texting that I described above annoy you? Is there such thing as texting etiquette , besides being polite?
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: bah12 on July 20, 2012, 12:47:29 PM
It would annoy me because that's not how I use the texting function on my phone. 

I really send texts to get short messages across.  Ones where making a phone call to say one thing seems like an overkill (or is inconvenienced).  Like "I'll meet you at 7" or "meeting is running late, I'll call you later."  or even "do you want to meet for lunch later?"

I don't just text "hi" and if I send a 'whatcha doing?' text, it is because I want to follow it up with a "let's get together".  But in those cases, I usually just call.

I don't like have conversations over texting.  So, if it's going that way, I call.  Others I know communciate solely through texting, so I think that personal style has a lot to do with it.  Etiquettely speaking, none of it is rude though....
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Tilt Fairy on July 20, 2012, 12:50:08 PM
Your friend sounds like me. I'm such a pain like that. It's just that texting is such a chore, such a boring ordeal that I can only manage one word at a time and then I lose interest.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Amava on July 20, 2012, 12:53:41 PM
I don't text, but if people do this on some instant messenger it annoys me.

If they just want to say hi to me and storm off, then say so. Type something like: "Hey, how goes? Just stopping by to say hi, though!"

If they're in the middle of an IM convo with me and have to go... Well how hard it is to type "brb" or "gtg"? Seriously...

Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: WillyNilly on July 20, 2012, 12:58:18 PM
That would bug me to all get out!

I don't mind a text & run "hey haven't spoken in a bit, hope all is well.  Super busy will be in touch next week! XOXO"

or a back-n-forth "Hey what'cha doin" / "Not much, just TV, you?" / "waiting for a train.  Did you catch SVU the other night?  Hudson U *again*!" / "Srsly! Thats schools mad dangerous! Glee sux this season." / "Werd!  Trains here, gotta go!"

or practical "Running late, see you in 15"

or between SO's a random "I love you! XOXOXX"

But just a "hey" and drop?  That's just... that's just text abuse!  :P
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: LazyDaisy on July 20, 2012, 02:03:21 PM
If it weren't for the fact that Friend initiated the text thread, I would think friend is giving subtle clues that she doesn't want to have a conversation via text. She sounds...easily distracted is as nicely as I can put it. It would annoy me too, certainly, but I'm not sure it's rude. Text messages and emails are not a summons and the recipient can respond or not at their own pace. You two sound like you just have different texting styles -- maybe to her text isn't the same as a real time conversation.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: AllTheThings on July 20, 2012, 02:26:35 PM
I find this annoying too. I get annoyed when someone texts me something and I respond immediately with an easy question or something that requires a quick answer. However, it takes the person over an hour to get back to me. I'm thinking, where did you go ???
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Rhindle on July 21, 2012, 12:59:55 AM
This happened to me the other night, and I was pretty cheesed off. I did initiate the texting but I asked my  friend if he was busy. He said no but left messages dangling. Really, if you don't want to text, just say so!  It's less rude than taking 10, 15 minutes to reply each time. (This is someone who likes text conversations. Just wanted to point that out.)
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: greencat on July 21, 2012, 02:55:23 AM
To be perfectly honest, I do that when I don't really want to talk to the person texting me or I think they're being too demanding of my time.

Text messaging is also asynchronous conversation - I don't expect people to respond to me immediately.  Sometimes texts take a little while to deliver, and sometimes the other person is busy and can't text back immediately - and for the purpose of this sentence, "busy" includes any other activity that person would like to do.  I think that if you're texting someone expecting them to immediately be able to hold an extended conversation with you, it's like you're trying to force the person to talk to you with no regard for that person's wishes.  If they can and want to, great.  If not, I don't think you should be offended by it.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Penguin_ar on July 21, 2012, 07:20:36 AM
It's not polite, but I don't think it is rude- the beauty of texting is that you can stop and re-start at any time, and it's not as if you were having a deep conversation at the time.

What do you know of this friend's circumstances (family/ work etc)? I often IM with people and then suddenly stop because one of my three little kids need me. I try to type "gtg" or something, but sometimes there is no time for that.  Or, I think I just have to quickly change a diaper but then there was a major issue and rather than getting back to the computer 5 minutes later, it is 2 hours later.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: TootsNYC on July 21, 2012, 11:08:55 AM
To be perfectly honest, I do that when I don't really want to talk to the person texting me or I think they're being too demanding of my time.


But as someone else pointed out, this person is starting the conversation.

And I agree that I wouldn't expect immediately replies from someone who was *answering,* but I would also expect the sender to be able to respond, or get to the point (if there's a logistical reason)

This would annoy me, and I would stop answering any "hi" texts from her at all. Why "answer the phone" if you're going to have a convo like that?
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: JacklynHyde on July 21, 2012, 11:45:43 AM
"Hey, friend, I was over on my texting plan last month.  Can you limit your messages to the really important ones?  Email and IM are free so you can use that if you just want to check in."

I've used this honestly (I did go over) and with great success.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: gena264 on July 21, 2012, 02:57:41 PM
Thanks for all the responses. I really think I am going to either seriously limit the time I text with this friend or just stop communicating all together. It has really become very annoying. I had asked friend a question via text, no response. Then friend initiated contact thru email so I asked again if friend received my question . Friend replied what ya doing? as if they never saw my email asking a question . So that would be TWO times friend ignored my question. I responded what I was doing and asked AGAIN, ' did you see the email I just sent?" Silence from friend. I waited about an hour and emailed " ok I give up, have a great night". The next day friend emails and says , " sorry , my phone took a road trip with out me lol"... STILL not answering the question. I am just so frustrated and it just isn't worth it anymore to talk to this person. 

Any ideas of what I could possibly tell friend when/if I get the 'what ya doing?' text again in the future? I already tried to tell friend we should switch to email only due to different texting styles. Friend got extremely upset and deleted me from facebook. We are in our early 40's so that struck me as extremely immature.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Pippen on July 22, 2012, 07:48:47 PM
I am a bit jaded but I hate texting. In my mind it should be used to communicate intent not protracted volleys of back and forth 'stuff'.

I.e "Am just leaving now will be at your in 20 mins"

as opposed to "What are you doing?" That is what phone calls are for.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: greencat on July 22, 2012, 08:08:21 PM
I would actually suggest looking to see if your phone or provider can block texts from your friend's number - then you can always tell her you didn't get it, must be something with your phone, she should e-mail you next time!  That is, if you want to continue being friends with someone who is being not just immature but childish.  My just-out-of-high-school friends have better communication skills.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Ceallach on July 22, 2012, 10:43:01 PM
I dislike it when people disappear.   I also dislike it when I SMS and they don't reply at all (unless they didn't get it - and I assume they haven't got it yet if they don't respond).   I'll say to DH "Did you get my text?" and he'll say yes.  "Why didn't you reply?"  and he'll say he didn't think it needed one.  But to me, it needs acknowledging, otherwise I assume he didn't get the information. 

I don't really use texting for casual chitchat though, more for planning things or communicating information.  So it's clear when there's an "end" to the conversation.  I think when it's general chitchat then it's hard to have an expectation of a continual flow of response.  Not that you're wrong per se, I think it just seems your friend has a different expectation to you of how texting should work.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Sharnita on July 22, 2012, 10:49:35 PM
when she initially texts you can you respond with "call me"?
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Isometric on July 22, 2012, 11:21:42 PM
Your friend sounds like me. I'm such a pain like that. It's just that texting is such a chore, such a boring ordeal that I can only manage one word at a time and then I lose interest.

This is me as well. Obviously if it's important you'll get a text straight away, but text chit chat is low on my priority list!
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: fountainof on July 26, 2012, 10:17:40 AM
I guess I might be guilty of some of these texting issues.  I just don't keep my phone 100% attached to me so I may send a text and not look at my phone for hours.  To me I guess I have always considered it more like short email.  I don't expect an immediate response.  If I need an immediate response I call the person.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Twik on July 27, 2012, 11:22:07 AM
Actually, this is a technological improvement. People like this used to use the telephone directly, so you'd get someone who'd call up, say "Hi!", and then expect you to do the work of continuing the conversation, even though if you'd really wanted to talk, you would have called them.

You know, conversations like this:

X: Hi!

Me: Hi! How are you?

X: Ok.

Me: ...

Me: So, what are you up to?

X: Not much.

Me: Really.
X: ...

Me: How about those Leafs?

X: ...

Me: Weather hot enough for you?

X: ....


Doing this by text is actually a great improvement.
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Mikayla on July 28, 2012, 12:52:14 PM
I am a bit jaded but I hate texting. In my mind it should be used to communicate intent not protracted volleys of back and forth 'stuff'.

I.e "Am just leaving now will be at your in 20 mins"

as opposed to "What are you doing?" That is what phone calls are for.

I don't hate texting at all, but I agree with the rest of this.  Most of the younger people in my family (ages 12-18 or so) say they really hate talking on the phone.  My fear is they don't know how. 
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: Alpacas on July 28, 2012, 04:48:23 PM
This kind of texting style is one of me pet peeves (i think that's the expression).

To me messaging is about wanting to talk to someone.
But if i am on-line, and suddenly one of my friends writes me and then doesn't respond when i answer, it really annoys me.

i always try to explain it like this "you would never call someone on the phone and not talk to him then, would you?"
To me, that's what they're doing.
They're initiating a conversation and then don't participate.

It doesn't really help either that i was raised to  be punctual so if someone lets me wait for 20 minutes or more for an answer, i feel disrespected (as they couldn't respect our conversation enough to answer)
I would not have a problem if they simply said "Sorry gotta go and do the laundry." or " brb." or anything like that. But they don't.

The problem with letting someone wait for 20+ minutes is, that you start to do other things then.
You clean your flat, you start sketching, you play a game, and then, when the answer's finally coming after deity knows how long, you rather continue with your "distraction" than talk now. because  now you lost the talkative mood.

I'm probably considered a SS by my friends because of that, but everytime i don't get an answer for more than an hour, without being given a reason, i simply log off from the messengers. (who needs to be on-line in a messanger, if there are no messages
Title: Re: Would This Annoy You? re: Texting
Post by: gena264 on July 29, 2012, 07:25:49 AM
That is exactly how I feel Alpacas! I wouldn't mind at all if my friend (or anyone) texted me and then said something like " sorry, something just came up, I need to go now" or 'brb'... What bothers me is when someone initiates a conversation saying, " what are you doing?" or "hi" and then when I respond, they are nowhere to be found.. and then they are back again 2 hours later as if nothing happened, starting the same pattern over again!