Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => All In A Day's Work => Topic started by: BeautifulDisaster on September 06, 2012, 01:06:06 PM

Title: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: BeautifulDisaster on September 06, 2012, 01:06:06 PM
This going here because it's dealing with a coworker. In my personal life I would just disengage and cut the person off.

A coworker (Bee) is currently on maternity leave and came in today to show off the baby. She and another coworker (Sandy) were talking and she said something about how it was mine or other coworker's (Hailey) turn to have one.

It's a very well known fact to Sandy and Hailey that I am not, will not, under any circumstances ever have children. For a variety of reasons. They know this because we socialize outside of work and it's something that's come up as a topic of conversation as Sandy has children and Hailey eventually, one day would like to have one or two. Bee knows this because she heard Hailey and I discussing it one day.

So Sandy says it'll be Hailey because I'm not ever going to. Which is fine. She's doing it because before Bee went on mat. leave she would always tell me "oh you'll change your mind!" or "I didn't want children until I met my husband" or "I didn't want children until I got pregnant" (...after spending thousands and thousands on fertility treatments). So Sandy was trying to shut that line of thought down without shutting down the conversation completely.

Bee turns to me and says, and I quote, "You don't want children because you haven't met the right man for you."

I am married. I have been happily married for a few years. She knows this, she's met my husband.

I kind of stared at her, blinked twice and said "I can't believe you just said that", then turned my back to her and made a work related phone call.

To be perfectly honest I'm offended. I don't think I did anything wrong THIS time, but if comments like this continue I'm afraid I'm going to say something not very nice.

So how do I deal with her? Do I keep saying things like "I can't believe you just said that" or "What an interesting assumption" and cutting her off by continuing with my work? Or is there something else I can say/do to shut her down completely?

And what about outside of work? The office as a whole gets together outside of work every few months just to hang out and enjoy ourselves, especially around the holidays.

I work for a very laid back company. Discussing our personal lives and our families is part of our day. And up until this person was hired we all got along pretty dang well. This one person is managing to aggravate everybody but her managers (she has different managers then I do, my manager rocks) and the VP (who thinks she's the greatest thing to ever happen to the company).
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Twik on September 06, 2012, 01:17:59 PM
It's an unfortunate fact of human nature that people, at a deep level of their psyche, assume that what makes them happy would make other people just as happy, whether it's a child, a particular career, or possessions (or lack of them). While most of us realize that this is not a logical belief, and learn to tolerate other peoples' differences, there will always be people who can't get beyond "It's good for me, so it will be good for you." Someone who tells a married woman that she "hasn't met the right man yet" is clearly not someone whose cup of sensitivity is overflowing.

I'm afraid that, laid-back company or not, discussing your personal life at work is going to have to go by the wayside as long as she's around. If you can't, "I can't believe you said that!" in horrified tones is about the only thing that's likely to work - subtlety is pretty likely to woosh over this woman's head.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Moray on September 06, 2012, 01:21:55 PM
OP, I think you handled this beautifully. Hopefully your coworker will realize she put her foot in it and apologize, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: artk2002 on September 06, 2012, 01:24:52 PM
I kind of stared at her, blinked twice and said "I can't believe you just said that", then turned my back to her and made a work related phone call.

Perfect response!
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: DavidH on September 06, 2012, 01:27:11 PM
I suppose saying, "Thank you for that insight, you're absolutely right.  I'm going to call my husband right now and tell him we're getting divorced so I can meet the right man who will inspire in me the desire for children." would be rude.

Your response was fine, or you could be more explicit and ask if she really meant to imply your husband wasn't the right man for you.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: TootsNYC on September 06, 2012, 02:30:10 PM
If it comes up again w/ her, I think you don't bother w/ hints, etc., and instead go straight to the core, directly and matter-of-factly. And a friendly tone.

"Bee, I'm going to ask you not to pursue this line of conversation with me. We don't have similar outlooks, and I end up angry if you seem to completely dismiss mine. It's best if we simply do not discuss it together. I'm very happy that you're so happy with your baby. He sure is cute, and I can tell how much you love him."

And then if she returns to it, say, "Bee, I've asked you not to pursue this line of conversation with me."
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: hobish on September 06, 2012, 02:47:21 PM
If it comes up again w/ her, I think you don't bother w/ hints, etc., and instead go straight to the core, directly and matter-of-factly. And a friendly tone.

"Bee, I'm going to ask you not to pursue this line of conversation with me. We don't have similar outlooks, and I end up angry if you seem to completely dismiss mine. It's best if we simply do not discuss it together. I'm very happy that you're so happy with your baby. He sure is cute, and I can tell how much you love him."

And then if she returns to it, say, "Bee, I've asked you not to pursue this line of conversation with me."

I would add that the next time she pushed we would be meeting with HR. I don't take dealing with HR lightly, but those kind of comments would have me feeling harrassed (and violent).
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on September 06, 2012, 02:58:15 PM
::Gape::
EvilTraska:  ::Gape::

This is the first time ever we've agreed.

So I'm forced to go to SnarkyTraska:  "Well, I tried, but your husband said that the one you've got is enough for him."
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: WillyNilly on September 06, 2012, 04:05:02 PM
So wait you didn't haul back your arm and slap her into next week with a force that would leave a cheek welt well into the child's college years?  I think then, your response was very good and amazingly even tempered.  And you are excused from ever speaking to her beyond the required work related conversations and few 'keep the peace' exchanged pleasantries.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Pippen on September 06, 2012, 04:27:04 PM
It seems to be one of those stock phrases people throw about without thinking. She is probably so wrapped up in her own little world others lives just fade into the background. Did she realise her mammoth blunder at all?

I can almost visualize the smug, condescending delivery of her comment.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: BeautifulDisaster on September 06, 2012, 08:13:20 PM
I'm glad for the affirmation that I did good. I wanted to say some not so nice things, but remembered I was in the middle of my office so needed to behave myself.

Pippen - I honestly don't know if she did. I suddenly became VERY absorbed in leaving a voicemail for one of our customers and just pretended she wasn't there until she left.

I already found her incredibly annoying - this just pushed it over the top. I now have absolutely no interest in being anything beyond coldly, professionally polite to her. I had already cut way down on the amount of things I shared with other people when she was in earshot that didn't directly relate to work, when she comes back next month I intend to cut that down even more.

She's got a very strong "cheerleader" type personality and wants to be involved in everything and everyone's work (yet...there are some of her own tasks she has weaseled her way out of doing). The problem is she's so self absorbed she does a horrible job at relating to other coworkers (on a personal and professional level).

Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: violinp on September 06, 2012, 08:16:02 PM
Say WHAT.  >:(  :o   ???

Your answer was perfect, OP.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: magician5 on September 06, 2012, 08:28:00 PM
I work for a very laid back company. Discussing our personal lives and our families is part of our day.

I don't care. Stop sharing so much - at least, when a co-worker starts misusing what are really confidences.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: LEMon on September 06, 2012, 08:40:15 PM
I'd like to say, "three cheers for Sandy for standing up for you."  I love it when someone else understands your point of view well enough to defend it.

Coolly, professionally polite is the way to go with Bee.  But I suspect she will wonder (possibly outloud) "why, oh, why doesn't she like me?"
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: snowdragon on September 07, 2012, 11:07:28 PM
you were nicer than I could have been...I want to calmly and cooly reach through the screen and strangle some sense into her.
 >:D

There is something wrong with that woman.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Iris on September 07, 2012, 11:25:46 PM
 ::) I agree with WillyNilly that the mere fact that you refrained from physically assaulting this woman means you did good. I am NOT a fan of violence, but that is so grossly offensive that many people I have met would have responded to that remark with their fists. If she is that insensitive all the time I'm secretly quite impressed that she's survived long enough to pass on her genes  ;)

Seriously, though, from now on just shut her down. Don't speak to her outside of professional necessity and DON'T relate personal information when she might hear it.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Lynnv on September 07, 2012, 11:30:25 PM
I heard that, unfortunately, regularly when I was single.  And I found it incredibly rude and condescending then. 

Someone who said that to me after knowing that I was in a relationship would not get nearly as polite a response as you have managed.  I have control over my temper most of the time, but belittling my DH would probably bypass all that control and cause the rather rough edge of it to come right out. 

I think coldly and professionally polite is a good way to go from here forward.  If you didn't work with her, I would suggest avoiding even that, but work sometimes makes us acknowledge people who we would normally avoid like the plague. 

She was at least 15 light-years over the line and headed for the edge of the galaxy at speeds previously thought impossible, except in sci-fi. 
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 08, 2012, 12:48:30 AM
I also know that I don't want kids and I get this all the time.  I don't have a DH.  But I've found the overly long, just this side of awkward pause and saying "Wow!" *pause* "thanks for your opinion" in my most sarcastic voice, works like a charm.  During the awkward pause it helps to go from friendly to frozen glare in stages so they see the transformation.

It's second nature to me now and I've used it with family members, friends, and the occasional stranger as well
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: snowdragon on September 08, 2012, 08:01:37 AM
I am 50, unmarried and I refuse all dates and I get this. My stock answer is "That's because that person does not exist" .  It stops them short, and I can extract myself.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: RooRoo on September 08, 2012, 10:28:56 AM
Fallon, your response was perfect. Here are some suggestions.

Do start keeping a log. Every ding-dangity time she says you haven't met the right man yet, write it down with date, time, place, and your response. Keep one of those little notebooks with you. If Sandy is a good friend, get her in on all of this, and ask her to keep a log, too.

You could even do it in front of her. When she asks about it, you can wryly tell her that you think she doesn't realize how often she tells you to leave your husband.

Now for RooRoo's scripts.

1: a toned down version of David H's suggestion. Ask her, directly and seriously, "Are you really telling me to  leave my husband?" If she responds with anything resembling "No," then say something like "Then don't. say. that. again." Use an assertive tone of voice.

1a. At this point (and/or later), she'll probably accuse you of being too sensitive.

You, in a serious but friendly tone: Well, how would you like it, if, every time I saw you, I said, 'You shouldn't have children! Nobody should! The child-free life is marvelous! Give your baby up for adoption!'

Cow*: "Bla bla but I wasn't saying..." 

You: "You telling me I haven't found the right man yet is the same thing. You're telling me to leave my husband."

2: Cow: "Oh, you just haven't met the right man."

You: Raise eyebrows, silently look her in the eye for a few seconds... "Isn't (local sports team) doing well/badly this season!" (Or any other subject that has nothing at all to do with families or children.)

3. Raise your eyebrows, look her in the eye for a few seconds... Turn away. Ask or tell Sandy (or anyone but Cow!) about something you have in common. You can escalate this further by being even more obvious. "How about that local sports team?" Without naming any team, just saying "local sports team."

4. If, after a few doses of this, she still doesn't get it, it's time for the Cut Direct. Instead of following the Absolute Silence Look with beandip, you follow it by turning your back on her. If you're at your desk, ostentatiously (but silently) get back to work. Afterwards, talk to her only if your work requires it, with no smiles.

If even this does not work, then it's time to take your logs and go above her head. You have done everything you can, short of throwing a screaming fit. She is creating a hostile working environment for you, based on your lifestyle choices. It might be hard for them to take it seriously, especially if they have children. There is always somebody that rides their hobby horse too hard. But telling you you haven't found the right man, when you're married?  >:( Be sure to point out that she is telling you to leave your husband.

*  ;) It's just an abbreviation for "Coworker." Honest!  >:D
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: HonorH on September 08, 2012, 02:42:33 PM
1: a toned down version of David H's suggestion. Ask her, directly and seriously, "Are you really telling me to  leave my husband?" If she responds with anything resembling "No," then say something like "Then don't. say. that. again." Use an assertive tone of voice.

I agree with this. I would bet money that she wasn't really thinking and just blithered her way into foot-in-mouth disease. By making her realize that she just suggested that your husband is the wrong man for you, you'll drive home just how offensive her statement was. Plus, if she has the nerve to say that yes, she actually did mean that, she's unlikely to find any sympathy at all amongst your officemates.

All that said, though, I doubt you'll have to deal with her about this again. Chances are that she's replayed the conversation in her head, realized just how badly she's stuck her foot in it (up to her waist and rapidly sinking deeper) and is anxious to avoid you at all costs.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: rabbit_woman on September 09, 2012, 03:53:37 AM
Some people will always want to reassure themselves that the life choices they have made are the right ones. If you have made the completely opposite choice, it will make them question their choices, might make them feel insecure in themselves, and then the only way for them to reassure themselves is to undermine you! That's why people do it, I think, over all sorts of issues- I have had my faith questioned and belittled, my choice to be meat free challenged, my choice to work part time, my choice not to drive, and many many times, I have had close friends say to me "why don't you just try for a baby, you would make a great mum!" Well, I just don't want to, and my husband feels the same way!

I don't think there is a lot of harm in it, though, and always try to be aware of people's motives behind their words - they are not trying to make me feel bad, but themselves feel better!
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: greencat on September 09, 2012, 05:18:49 AM
I suspect that she may have briefly brainfarted away that you're married.  However, if that wasn't the case and she repeats herself, you should say "Bee, you are being offensive.  Quit insulting my husband by suggesting that he's not the right man, and quit insulting me by saying that I don't know what I want."

As I'm sure she'll repeat the baby-related comments, just scratch the first half the the "Quit insulting" sentence to respond to those :(

Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Nuala on September 09, 2012, 09:56:58 AM
If she were to say that again, I would likely lean in and very quietly say to her, "You must never insult my husband like that again." Let her understand how far over the line she is.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: nuit93 on September 10, 2012, 01:14:10 AM
If she were to say that again, I would likely lean in and very quietly say to her, "You must never insult my husband like that again." Let her understand how far over the line she is.

I agree.  Though I would like to think she had a momentary case of mom-brain brought on by lack of sleep and forgot that you were, in fact, married.

Either way, she was way out of line and owes you an apology.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: It's good to be Queen on September 11, 2012, 11:07:40 AM
Like many people I say that I won't have children, when in fact I can't have children.  (If you say you can't it is amazing how many people ask why and then tell me about the latest fertility treatments or assure me I can adopt, etc. none of which is helpful to me.)  I would never question anyone's desire to have or not have children because you are flirting with a very touchy subject.  For her to keep insisting is rude and it is not wrong of you to subtly point that out to her.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: BeautifulDisaster on September 11, 2012, 10:50:28 PM
Thank you all for the ideas of how to handle her in the future. I am so very glad I posted this on Ehell before I mentioned it to my family. Being validated here made it easier when finding out certain members of my family agree with this coworker. It sounds like these ideas are going to be getting *alot* of use.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: nuit93 on September 12, 2012, 12:17:09 AM
Being validated here made it easier when finding out certain members of my family agree with this coworker. It sounds like these ideas are going to be getting *alot* of use.

Ouch, I'm sorry to hear you have family members who think that way!

Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Redsoil on September 12, 2012, 07:47:02 AM
I'd be saying to her:  "Isn't it funny how some people just can't accept others' personal choices?  It seems to me that they must be missing something in their own life to be so controlling/narrow-minded."

Let her stew in that.  Bet she doesn't bring it up again.  Use it for family members also.  It turns the tables nicely from the focus being "there's something wrong with YOU" to "She's saying there's something wrong with ME!!!" 

Ask me how I know...  *snerk*  (And yes, it can be phrased more strongly at need, but still remain polite.  Ask me again how I know.)
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 14, 2012, 11:16:23 AM
That woman's unbelievable.   ::)

Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Jones on September 14, 2012, 03:58:48 PM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Tigger on September 14, 2012, 04:11:49 PM
Holy Poop!!   :o  Really ? Who says this?

OP, I am happily married with a kid and two cats and we live in a small suburb wayyy outside the big city where I work.  I have friends who have all different lifestyles and choices.  I can't imagine anyone I know saying that.  I also know that my lifestyle is not for everyone.  In fact one of my best friends would just about die if she lived in the boonies where I live.  Yet, she says she's happy that I'm happy.

You handle that with grace and dignity and you should be proud.  I'm not sure I would have been so nice  ;D
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Kaypeep on September 14, 2012, 04:41:08 PM
I like the PP who suggests pointing out that she just insulted your husband.  But I've had luck in the past with this:

CoWorker:  You just haven't met the right man.
YOU:  Nope, you're still wrong. To be the right man for me, he wouldn't want kids either.   
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Cat-Fu on September 14, 2012, 04:45:41 PM
Yikes, what an awful thing to say. I hope she's just suffering from severe baby-brain and forgot that you're married. :( (Not that it makes it much better of a thing to say...)
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 15, 2012, 12:45:48 AM
Start to laugh. When she looks at you funny, say, "You're joking, right?" When she denies it, however subtly, say, "Because I can't believe anyone would say that and be serious about it. That's just ridiculous!" as you continue to laugh, shaking your head as you walk away.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: LifeOnPluto on September 15, 2012, 02:25:28 AM
She probably says this to her single friends all the time, and just forgot that you were married.

I'd have gone with some variant of "You do know I'm married, right?" and waited for her response.

As for how to treat her in future - very coolly and distantly. I wouldn't engage in any "friendly" chats with her.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: JoyinVirginia on September 15, 2012, 08:05:46 AM
Start to laugh. When she looks at you funny, say, "You're joking, right?" When she denies it, however subtly, say, "Because I can't believe anyone would say that and be serious about it. That's just ridiculous!" as you continue to laugh, shaking your head as you walk away.
I like the laughing response. ”oh, you are such a Kidder, you should do comedy!”
And then be far, far away from workplace!
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Lynnv on September 15, 2012, 10:03:34 AM
She probably says this to her single friends all the time, and just forgot that you were married.

The only thing that changes is that, if she forgot OP was married, then she only meant to be rude to one person instead of two.  I suppose that makes it slightly less rude-but it is still a rude and nasty thing to say to someone.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Venus193 on September 15, 2012, 11:23:26 AM
I had to look twice at your post to make sure this wasn't someone I worked with back in the 90s; now I see this could be a younger relative of hers.

The 60-ish woman worked for the company for at least 15 years and the victim of her verbal poison was there for 7.  The younger woman had been involved with the same boyfriend that entire time and he would come to meet her at the end of the day two days per week when he got off earlier.  Everyone knew him.

One day the younger woman came in and announced she was pregnant.  Everyone else in the department was congratulating her when this fishwife said "Are you sure you know who the father is?"  There was a racist overtone to this comment that I will not describe here.

When I heard about this a few months later I asked the victim "What did you say to her?"  She replied "Nothing.  I was too shocked that she would have the nerve."

Unfortunately nobody could give this woman the cut direct but we also stopped talking about anything personal with her hearing.  We extended that radius by 100% for safety's sake.  She was not terminated until a downsizing, as the company feared an age-discrimination lawsuit.

I would have raised an eyebrow and said "Excuse me?" in the most condescending tone I could manage.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: LifeOnPluto on September 16, 2012, 10:09:07 PM
She probably says this to her single friends all the time, and just forgot that you were married.

The only thing that changes is that, if she forgot OP was married, then she only meant to be rude to one person instead of two.  I suppose that makes it slightly less rude-but it is still a rude and nasty thing to say to someone.

Oh yes - don't get me wrong! It's still a rude thing to say, even if the person is single.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 17, 2012, 09:10:24 AM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: artk2002 on September 17, 2012, 11:02:34 AM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Why do I hear Wesley wheezing "twu wuv" while Miracle Max pushes on his chest?
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: violinp on September 17, 2012, 02:16:30 PM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Well, by that definition, I had at least two soulmates just in high school.  :P
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: jedikaiti on September 17, 2012, 02:19:58 PM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Well, by that definition, I had at least two soulmates just in high school.  :P

Heck, at that age I had a new one every week!
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: MissRose on September 17, 2012, 03:25:48 PM
Those questions are simply too personal.  Your reasons for things like: getting married, having kids, etc should not be asked in any setting.  Some people may not wish to do something due to financial things, others medical reasons, and others no reason they want to give.  The reasons need to be respected, plain and simple.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 20, 2012, 06:42:56 AM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Well, by that definition, I had at least two soulmates just in high school.  :P

Heck, at that age I had a new one every week!

Ha! I know, me too!
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: BeagleMommy on September 24, 2012, 02:53:22 PM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Well, by that definition, I had at least two soulmates just in high school.  :P

Heck, at that age I had a new one every week!

Ha! I know, me too!

Jeez, if that were the case DH and I never would have met.  I was convinced that my soulmate was the blond, blue-eyed, stepped right out of a fashion magazine guy in my theater group.  I went out with DH because I didn't have anything to do one night.  The rest is history.

OP, the woman is nuts.  Maybe she's got a serious case of baby-brain going on, but I doubt it.  I think I would have responded with "Did you really say that out loud?".  In the future just do the coldly polite.  It's all she deserves.
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Sterling on September 24, 2012, 03:52:49 PM
Wow I should go tell my husband we need to split up.  When I first met my husband I thought he was a jerk :P

Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: amandaelizabeth on September 24, 2012, 06:05:21 PM
My Father died recently.  My mother has some health issues, and during the service was invited to say something about Dad.  She was a bit stuck for words (a recent stroke has affected her speech process) so the Vicar asked her what she thought of Dad when she first met him "A cocky wee sod" she replied.  62 years of marriage and 4 children followed that first thought.  Obviously not soul mates though
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: VorFemme on September 24, 2012, 06:28:08 PM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Why do I hear Wesley wheezing "twu wuv" while Miracle Max pushes on his chest?

Because we saw the same movie and I was hearing it, too?
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Iris on September 24, 2012, 06:34:43 PM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Why do I hear Wesley wheezing "twu wuv" while Miracle Max pushes on his chest?

Because we saw the same movie and I was hearing it, too?

He clearly said "To blave"  :D
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: violinp on September 24, 2012, 07:06:22 PM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Why do I hear Wesley wheezing "twu wuv" while Miracle Max pushes on his chest?

Because we saw the same movie and I was hearing it, too?

He clearly said "To blave"  :D

LIARRR! LIARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  ;D
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: Ceallach on September 24, 2012, 07:44:29 PM
My Father died recently.  My mother has some health issues, and during the service was invited to say something about Dad.  She was a bit stuck for words (a recent stroke has affected her speech process) so the Vicar asked her what she thought of Dad when she first met him "A cocky wee sod" she replied.  62 years of marriage and 4 children followed that first thought.  Obviously not soul mates though

When I first met my DH, my first thought was "Oh that guy's short".    (Not in a mean way, but I was sitting on a bar stool at the time with a group of friends.  DH had just arrived and knew the guyfriend sitting next to me so walked up to say hello.  So I look to the side and his head is lower than mine and I just remember thinking he was really short, which he is rather for a guy....).    So not exactly a hollywood romance.   No drama, no passion.  That all came later!   :D

Anyway, I don't mind so much when people insult me, but insulting my marriage and my husband is a big no-no.   I would have not hesitated to react greatly offended to what the woman in the OP said.   I wouldn't hold a grudge for it and would accept her apologies, but at the time I would deliberately respond shocked and offended so that she would realise how utterly unacceptable her comments were.   
Title: Re: "You just haven't met the right man"
Post by: VorFemme on September 24, 2012, 09:06:54 PM
I've noticed a lot of the people who say "Oh, you haven't met the right man yet" are people who believe in the One True Love, the Soulmate, the Accident of Fate to Whom No One Else can Compare. I've wanted to ask those people "Oh, what happens if the right man died in infancy?" but I haven't yet.

This is, however, the first time I've heard of someone saying it to a person who is currently in a happy, committed relationship.

I know a guy like the bolded. Ironically his "soulmate" is divorcing him. If I were still speaking to him the temptation to say "So you still believe in soulmates?" would be too tempting. His definition of a soulmate is someone you loved at first sight. That was crucial. If there was no love at first sight, that person is not your soulmate, according to this guy.  And according to him your soulmate is the only person you could have true love with.  ::)

Why do I hear Wesley wheezing "twu wuv" while Miracle Max pushes on his chest?

Because we saw the same movie and I was hearing it, too?

He clearly said "To blave"  :D

LIARRR! LIARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  ;D

Why am I now hungry for a nice mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwhich - with the mutton sliced extra thin?