Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: PennyandPleased on October 03, 2012, 08:48:08 AM

Title: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: PennyandPleased on October 03, 2012, 08:48:08 AM
On Sunday my parents hosted a casual family get-together just for the heck of it.

My (stupid) aunt showed up with my 3 little cousins, all of which were ridiculously sick with flu/cold like symptoms! We were all really angry and disappointed in my Aunt for dragging the poor little kids out in public when they were so sick but that is not the point of this post...

My parents have a small, cozy, quiet TV room at the back of the house and my Mom got the kids comfortable in that room with blankets and hot chocolate, etc. They were so sick and never moved from that spot the whole party.

When my Aunt and the kids were heading out my Aunt says to my cousins: "Go give Cousin Penny a hug!!".

I didn't mean to but I gave my Aunt an "Are you serious?" look. She then asked me "what my problem was" and I said quietly, so the kids could not hear: "they are super sick, I don't want to hug them. I can't get sick I have too much going on at work right now". (All true, work is KILLING me this month and I have a lot of my plate personally as well.)

My Aunt was clearly offended that I didn't want to hug my cousins and told me to "grow up" but just ended up shuffeling the kids out the door. I honestly think the kids were way too dazed to notice anything. I did give them a very nice "hope you feel better, love you" good bye.

Was I rude for not wanting to hug 3 extremely ill children? Or should I have just given them all a quick hug and hoped for the best?
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Shoo on October 03, 2012, 08:55:05 AM
No, of course you weren't rude for not wanting to hug them.  Your aunt put you on the spot, so your look of shock is probably what upset her.  Might have been better to just playfully put up your hands in the stop position and say, "Whoa there!  It was great seeing you kids but you're too germy for me to hug right now!  But it was so good to see you guys!"  And then ruffle their hair or something (then go wash your hands).  The more light hearted the better. 
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 03, 2012, 08:56:30 AM
Wow, your Aunt was Captain Clueless, wasn't she?

You weren't rude.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Zilla on October 03, 2012, 08:59:11 AM
With all due respect, but are you kidding?  She was the rude one to bring the kids first off, and then rude again to insist they hug you and then even ruder to call you out on it.


Um no.  You were perfectly in the right and clear.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: bopper on October 03, 2012, 09:05:13 AM
She was the rude one for bringing sick kids unannounced.
She is trying to transfer her guilt on to you...
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 03, 2012, 09:27:02 AM
Your aunt is a special snowflake whackaloon! Even if everyone were just honky dory with being exposed to those germs, what about the misery her kids had to endure?
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: NyaChan on October 03, 2012, 10:36:14 AM
You are absolutely in the clear, in fact I think you were very good to keep your voice quiet so that the kids would not be hurt.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: cattlekid on October 03, 2012, 11:38:30 AM
You were not rude in the least and I POD the previous posters that said that Aunt was a SS for bringing them in the first place.

Personally, I would have beat feet out of there as soon as the germy kids showed up.  I live with a chronic illness that has compromised my immune system.  I can't be around sick people at all.  I would have apologized to my mom and dad and other guests and zipped out of there as soon as possible.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Venus193 on October 03, 2012, 12:17:00 PM
Your aunt was beyond Special Snowflake for this one.

Of course you weren't rude.  Etiquette does not require you to compromise your health or safety.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: BeagleMommy on October 03, 2012, 02:14:01 PM
Ugh.  Those poor kids.  You were not rude.  Aunt was wacky!
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Giggity on October 03, 2012, 02:22:13 PM
Was I rude for not wanting to hug 3 extremely ill children?

Why would that be rude?
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: heartmug on October 03, 2012, 03:16:11 PM
Not rude at all!  And the way you handled it was just fine.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Winterlight on October 04, 2012, 09:56:36 AM
Ugh.  Those poor kids.  You were not rude.  Aunt was wacky!

This. Poor babies- I'd have been inclined to send her- and them- home. Being dragged out to a non-essential event when you're sick and miserable is no fun.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on October 04, 2012, 10:04:00 AM
Was I rude for not wanting to hug 3 extremely ill children?

Why would that be rude?

Some people might think it's mean to not hug a child because it's not their fault they're sick. Well, duh! That still doesn't mean I want to hug a kid who's A) sick and probably B) miserable. I'm a vocalist, and if someone had told me there were sick kids in the house, I would have got up and left. I am told to do everything in my power to avoid being sick by my teachers, and I don't blame anyone of any profession for wanting to not be around someone with a disease like the flu or a cold.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: CrochetFanatic on October 04, 2012, 10:18:56 AM
I don't think you were rude.  Put on the spot, yes, but not rude.  It was rude of her to bring the kids, not to mention inconsiderate for all around, the kids especially.  We've had this kind of thing happen, too.  It's even worse when the parent just stands there, smiling beatifically while their kid (old enough to know better) coughs in your face, then becomes offended when you smile and say, "Could you please cover your mouth, sweetie?"
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Giggity on October 04, 2012, 10:42:17 AM
Was I rude for not wanting to hug 3 extremely ill children?

Why would that be rude?

Some people might think it's mean to not hug a child because it's not their fault they're sick.

She didn't ask about mean. She asked about rude.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Pippen on October 04, 2012, 01:50:14 PM
As an aside, I cannot stand people who tell their children to hug or kiss other people. It just seems wrong to me to force children into physical contact with people they may or may not want to have contact with. Is that weird? Maybe it is just me but I my Mum used to do it to me and I hated it.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: CakeEater on October 04, 2012, 06:39:42 PM
Sometimes kids don't know when it's appropriate to hug, shake hands etc. When I do it, I'm cluing them in, not forcing them into physical contact. I certainly wouldn't ask them to hug anyone they weren't close to, and I wouldn't force them into it, if they seemed uncomfortable.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Pippen on October 04, 2012, 07:14:18 PM
I find most kids are pretty huggy and you have to peel them off like limpets if the genuinely want to be close to you and express their affection. Most adults who ask a child "Can I have a hug?" tend to get a pretty honest answer and sometimes that is a very emphatic 'no!'. Telling them to hug someone just doesn't sit right with me. Asking them if they would like to is better but it still has the air of a command about it. I am fully on board with kids doing as they are told (within reason) but their personal 'bubble' is up to them to manage. A child coming to an adult from a position of wanting to do something affectionate is fine. (Unless they have something off their nose. Arrgh! Get away from me!)
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on October 04, 2012, 08:18:25 PM
Was I rude for not wanting to hug 3 extremely ill children?

Why would that be rude?

Some people might think it's mean to not hug a child because it's not their fault they're sick.

She didn't ask about mean. She asked about rude.

And to some people, mean=rude. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear earlier.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: Moray on October 04, 2012, 08:25:33 PM
Was I rude for not wanting to hug 3 extremely ill children?

Why would that be rude?

Some people might think it's mean to not hug a child because it's not their fault they're sick.

She didn't ask about mean. She asked about rude.

And to some people, mean=rude. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear earlier.

Well, some people need to realize that just because they think it, doesn't make it so. To be more specific, if they choose to be offended by silly things, that doesn't automatically make those things rude.
Title: Re: S/O Sick Children - nope don't want to hug them!
Post by: buvezdevin on October 04, 2012, 09:28:38 PM
So... Snakes in a restaurant, and being asked/told to hug sick kids... Good to know there are two such universal "no, definitely always not okay" subjects.  *nods emphatically in complete agreement*