Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: Zilla on October 06, 2012, 07:56:48 PM

Title: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 06, 2012, 07:56:48 PM
I was helping a dear friend of mine with a party for her daughter.  The party was a success and scheduled from 1-3.  Aside from the usual unexpected siblings and some rowdy kids, it went pretty well etiquette wise too.  We heard a knock and friend went to answer the door at 3:30.  In comes a mom with her two daughters.  One that was invited.  The mom said, "Oh we completely forgot about this party and was driving by when I remembered.  We wanted to come and apologize for missing it." 

My friend said, "Oh okay, well I am sorry you missed it."  Mom stood there.  Her girls said, "Can we have some cake and ice cream?"  Flustered my friend said sure, let me get you guys some.  I unpacked the plates, napkins, found the cake server and went ahead and served them cake.  They were very disappointed we were out of ice cream.  As they ate their cake, I went back to cleaning up.  The mom just stood there waiting patiently for her girls to finish while we all cleaned up.  Then the girls put down their plates on the table instead of in the trash can that was right next to them and asked us for goody bags.  I told them we didn't have any left and the girls said but we were invited!  Friend stepped in and said that the party games and pinata were how the guests filled their goody bags so that's why we don't have one.  The mom piped up, "I always prepack goody bags, that way all invited guests can each get one."  Cue awkward silence.  Finally they asked if there was anything else for them to take.  I said I am not sure what you guys mean?  They pointed at the balloon decorations.  Friend gave them each a balloon and they asked for more.  At this point I had enough and walked away to clean up in a remote corner of the room.

I told friend that she shouldn't have even let them in and said that the party was over.  She thought they wanted to tell the birthday girl Happy Birthday (they didn't) and didn't expect them to act like that.  We were both very surprised.  Would we have been rude to tell them to leave?  How would you have handled it?
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 06, 2012, 07:59:38 PM
I never would have let them in the door.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Shoo on October 06, 2012, 08:01:42 PM
I never would have let them in the door.

Me either!
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 06, 2012, 08:03:18 PM
I'd never invite them to another party.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: NyaChan on October 06, 2012, 08:03:33 PM
That is truly horrible behavior.  You can tell from what they said and did that in their eyes, a birthday party is about what they as a guest can get out of it, and not about celebrating the guest of honor.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 06, 2012, 08:05:42 PM
Friend didn't know them, they are from her daughter's class and she has to invite the entire class.  Needless to say, I think she will turn them away at the door next time.  Hopefully. She is too nice. (I told her that too)


ETA:  I mean if they did that again, come late.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: couchpotato on October 06, 2012, 08:07:06 PM
Just curious, did they have a present for the birthday kid (or even speak to her)? Or did they just show up, take and complain, then leave?

At any rate, what a shame these 2 little ones are developing into a pair of gimmie pigs. SHAME on the mother.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 06, 2012, 08:10:48 PM
Just curious, did they have a present for the birthday kid (or even speak to her)? Or did they just show up, take and complain, then leave?

At any rate, what a shame these 2 little ones are developing into a pair of gimmie pigs. SHAME on the mother.


I know they didn't talk to friend's daughter because afterwards daughter asked me why didn't they say hi to her.  She is very shy and did stand near me when they entered but they never talked to her.    When friend's daughter saw they weren't going to say anything she went back to the arts and craft table to finish her artwork with my 2 kids.  I didn't notice if they did bring a gift but the gift table is by the door and I didn't see them come in the door.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 06, 2012, 08:16:38 PM
Friend didn't know them, they are from her daughter's class and she has to invite the entire class.  Needless to say, I think she will turn them away at the door next time.  Hopefully. She is too nice. (I told her that too)


ETA:  I mean if they did that again, come late.

Says who? The school? The school has the right to dictate with whom its students associate when they're not in school? I understand it's rude to talk about a party around those not invited but kids can be taught discretion.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Sharnita on October 06, 2012, 08:23:30 PM
Maybe if they hand out invites at[/i school they need to invite everyone?
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Minmom3 on October 06, 2012, 08:25:46 PM
Many schools have the rule that if you issue the invitation at the school, inside the classroom, you must invite each child in that room.  So, if you don't have a class list with contact info on it, you're stuck.  We got around it by the girls hand carrying invites to their friends houses.  Didn't make the parents a whole lot better as RSVP-ing, but I would never be willing to invite an entire class roster, it's just too many children for me to handle at all well...
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: CakeBeret on October 06, 2012, 08:27:46 PM
Friend didn't know them, they are from her daughter's class and she has to invite the entire class.  Needless to say, I think she will turn them away at the door next time.  Hopefully. She is too nice. (I told her that too)


ETA:  I mean if they did that again, come late.

Says who? The school? The school has the right to dictate with whom its students associate when they're not in school? I understand it's rude to talk about a party around those not invited but kids can be taught discretion.

A lot of schools have the policy that if invitations are going to be handed out at/around school, the entire class must be invited.

I am honestly horrified at the OP. That story should be in the dictionary, listed under "Boorish Behavior"!
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: andi on October 06, 2012, 08:31:01 PM
Uh -  I don't even know where to start with that!  Good gracious - what gall!
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 06, 2012, 08:42:04 PM
Honestly I have heard stories like mine and thought perhaps it was a bit embellished.  But then when it happened today, all I could think was holy moley people like them really do exist.


As for inviting the whole class,  I am pretty sure it's school policy.  (I am not at her specific school) It is at my daughter's if they bring invitations to school.  I thankfully use evite/email route instead.  For friend, she doesn't know many people at this school and doesn't have email addresses.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: CakeEater on October 06, 2012, 08:54:20 PM
That's completely appalling! To make no attempt even to say Happy Birthday, and then to want food and balloons, and then to pass judgement on how the goodie bags were assembled to a party they didn't attend! People never cease to amaze.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 06, 2012, 09:00:53 PM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Sharnita on October 06, 2012, 09:03:20 PM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class. 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: MommyPenguin on October 06, 2012, 09:17:26 PM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

Not always.  Parents don't have contact information for other kids in the class.  Younger kids don't always know their own addresses, so kids can't ask their friends their addresses and mail the information.  Kids don't always ride the bus together or see each other outside of school, so they don't have any other opportunity to pass out the invitation.  It can be hard to manage to invite kids you know only from school without doing it at school.  I'm not saying it won't ever work, but sometimes there aren't a lot of other good options.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 06, 2012, 09:18:43 PM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Hillia on October 06, 2012, 09:21:57 PM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

If you're using the state resources (school space and time, whether in the classroom or on the playground at recess) to organize your social life, they do have the right to dictate some terms.  If you don't like it, find an alternative that doesn't involve the school.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 06, 2012, 09:24:05 PM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

If you're using the state resources (school space and time, whether in the classroom or on the playground at recess) to organize your social life, they do have the right to dictate some terms.  If you don't like it, find an alternative that doesn't involve the school.

This is one of the reasons my child attends a private school.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Sharnita on October 06, 2012, 09:24:33 PM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

Not always.  Parents don't have contact information for other kids in the class.  Younger kids don't always know their own addresses, so kids can't ask their friends their addresses and mail the information.  Kids don't always ride the bus together or see each other outside of school, so they don't have any other opportunity to pass out the invitation.  It can be hard to manage to invite kids you know only from school without doing it at school.  I'm not saying it won't ever work, but sometimes there aren't a lot of other good options.

I think the school's point is that doing it in class is not a good option.

I think that there are a lot of options but it might not meet the parental ideal.  It might mean having a much smaller party than parents envision, waiting to invite kids you don't know as well until the child is old enough to get contact information, etc.  The school is not there to provide a pool of children from which *you* can choose *your* birthday guests. 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: NyaChan on October 06, 2012, 09:44:45 PM
I'm not sure how I feel about this sort of school policy, but another reason I can think of is that if a problem happens to occur - hurt feelings, lost invites, etc., it is the school that would have to deal with it as that is when all the kids see each other.  Keeping this policy means that problems that happen with out of school socializing will have a more limited effect on the classroom.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Sharnita on October 06, 2012, 09:46:28 PM
I'm not sure how I feel about this sort of school policy, but another reason I can think of is that if a problem happens to occur - hurt feelings, lost invites, etc., it is the school that would have to deal with it as that is when all the kids see each other.  Keeping this policy means that problems that happen with out of school socializing will have a more limited effect on the classroom.

Additionally, with older kids, if a party get out of hand and has underage drinking, property damage or anything else the school doesn't want to have invites handed out in class. 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Pen^2 on October 06, 2012, 11:17:34 PM
What awful behaviour! I can see why your friend was taken aback and defaulted to being overly nice--it's not something you'd ever expect!

I wouldn't have let them in the door. People who don't know how to be polite often need a helping hand. I'd have said something like "the party's over, sorry you missed it, but here's the birthday girl so you can say 'happy birthday'." A request for cake/ice-cream/balloons/goodies would have been met with a confused, "the party's over, so that's not possible. But thanks for dropping by just to say 'happy birthday' to the birthday girl!" Further requests would have been responded to with "how strange, I thought you came here to see the birthday girl, not to get cake. That's really weird. But since the party's over, that isn't possible anyway. So thanks again for dropping by and see you later!" over and over until they got the point.

It might seem crass, but honestly, what they did was appalling! There's nothing rude in drawing attention to when others are being inappropriate if it helps them see what they're actually doing. Just follow it up with an emphasis on doing the right thing, or on what they should have done and now are about to do at your prompting. Most people are too embarrassed to do otherwise, especially if you do it nicely or in a confused way, rather than confrontationally.

I went to a school where you had to invite the whole class. I could understand the reasons for the policy, but I didn't like it. And just about every single time, the parents of the few kids you wouldn't have wanted to invite would bring along various uninvited siblings or small cousins as though it were an acceptable thing to do. I wish someone had the spine to turn them away rather than let them continue to impose on the birthdays of twenty children throughout the year. Just a "oh, thanks for bringing <invited child>, I'd better let you go now with <uninvited one> since you've obviously got something special planned for the two of you if you had to bring him/her with you just to drop off <invited child>. Hope you two have fun! Bye!"
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: oz diva on October 06, 2012, 11:37:01 PM
I don't suppose they gave the birthday girl a birthday present either. To my way of thinking you give a present you get cake and a goody bag. No present, no cake.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: MariaE on October 07, 2012, 01:46:21 AM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

If you're using the state resources (school space and time, whether in the classroom or on the playground at recess) to organize your social life, they do have the right to dictate some terms.  If you don't like it, find an alternative that doesn't involve the school.

This is one of the reasons my child attends a private school.

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LifeOnPluto on October 07, 2012, 02:09:59 AM
If they'd come to the door, apologised profusely (both to the hostess, and to the Birthday Girl), it may have been a nice gesture to have asked them in, offered some leftover cake, etc.

But in this case? Nope. Your friend would have been fine in turning them away.

And the moment they started demanding party bags and balloons, was the moment they should have been asked to leave.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Rohanna on October 07, 2012, 05:55:16 AM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

If you're using the state resources (school space and time, whether in the classroom or on the playground at recess) to organize your social life, they do have the right to dictate some terms.  If you don't like it, find an alternative that doesn't involve the school.

This is one of the reasons my child attends a private school.

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

I went to private school from grade 4 on- same rule.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: bonyk on October 07, 2012, 06:51:21 AM
Here's how to get around the no contact for a school friend problem:

Type up a little sheet of paper:  Hello, my name is Name.  I'm Child'sMom.  Our number and address is ___________________________.  Would it be possible to give us your number and address so that we can plan playdates in the future?  Thanks!

Then attach a blank piece of paper for them to write their info on.  Have kid give them out to the few people he wants at the party.  It's not an invite, and the kids won't be interested in it because there's no pretty pics on it.  It's what I suggest to parents in my classroom who express frustration. 

If you don't hear back from them on this, you prob wouldn't get an RSVP either.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: TootsNYC on October 07, 2012, 06:58:45 AM
Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Sophia on October 07, 2012, 07:49:01 AM
...Type up a little sheet of paper:  Hello, my name is Name.  I'm Child'sMom.  Our number and address is ___________________________.  Would it be possible to give us your number and address so that we can plan playdates in the future?  Thanks!...

Brilliant!

...If you don't hear back from them on this, you prob wouldn't get an RSVP either.

This thought needed it's own praise, and it totally makes sense. 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: kherbert05 on October 07, 2012, 07:53:56 AM
Friend didn't know them, they are from her daughter's class and she has to invite the entire class.  Needless to say, I think she will turn them away at the door next time.  Hopefully. She is too nice. (I told her that too)


ETA:  I mean if they did that again, come late.


Says who? The school? The school has the right to dictate with whom its students associate when they're not in school? I understand it's rude to talk about a party around those not invited but kids can be taught discretion.


Usually that rule is actually "If you are going to hand out invitations at school you must either invite all the girls, all the boys, or everyone." It keeps the teacher from having to be the "bad guy". Because of some court rulings, most if not all public schools around here have stopped putting out school directories. When I as little you could opt out, but we had a directory with everyone's name, address, and phone number. 


Loren's and Brett's previous school had a rule that if you invited 1 child from the school you had to invite the whole grade level. It ticked sis off because her BFF from age of 2 had a daughter in the school. Even though their friendship predated attending the school by decades, she couldn't invite BFF's daughter without inviting the whole grade. The weird thing was the classes didn't mix. They even had different recess times. So Loren had kids at her party she didn't know. Most of the parents solved the problem by agreeing to decline invitations from the other class, unless the kids actually knew each other.You couldn't even do a girl's only party. It was a private school and in the handbook. I know some parents were working to change that especially because the  girls in Loren's grade were starting to want sleep over parties.  It was a minor reason a bunch of families left the school (a big tuition increase was the other)
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 07, 2012, 08:21:09 AM
The school my son attends has never had such a policy.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 07, 2012, 08:48:23 AM
Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.


The birthday girl came up by me when they came in.  Instead of greeting her is when they asked for the cake.  She stayed by me a few more minutes and then went back to the one table we hadn't packed up yet, which was the crafts.  (it was a circus themed party with tables of games etc)  I don't think it would have been a good idea to offer them to stay longer than necessary.


I went to both private and public schools as well as my kids.  Every school I had been in all had the same policy, if invites are handed out at school, every kid or all gender had to be invited.  I am okay with this policy.  If you wanted to invite just a few kids, then have kid ask for their phone number. 




At the last school I attended, the school issued a class directory sheet.  I loved it.  It said on the top that if you entered your info on this optional class list, it would be given to all parents in the class.  I loved loved loved this idea.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: SPuck on October 07, 2012, 09:10:13 AM
Usually that rule is actually "If you are going to hand out invitations at school you must either invite all the girls, all the boys, or everyone." It keeps the teacher from having to be the "bad guy". Because of some court rulings, most if not all public schools around here have stopped putting out school directories. When I as little you could opt out, but we had a directory with everyone's name, address, and phone number. 


Loren's and Brett's previous school had a rule that if you invited 1 child from the school you had to invite the whole grade level. It ticked sis off because her BFF from age of 2 had a daughter in the school. Even though their friendship predated attending the school by decades, she couldn't invite BFF's daughter without inviting the whole grade. The weird thing was the classes didn't mix. They even had different recess times. So Loren had kids at her party she didn't know. Most of the parents solved the problem by agreeing to decline invitations from the other class, unless the kids actually knew each other.You couldn't even do a girl's only party. It was a private school and in the handbook. I know some parents were working to change that especially because the  girls in Loren's grade were starting to want sleep over parties.  It was a minor reason a bunch of families left the school (a big tuition increase was the other)

Seriously, how big were the grade levels? I can't imagine inviting more than 50 kids to a children's party.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Hmmmmm on October 07, 2012, 10:05:05 AM
Here's how to get around the no contact for a school friend problem:

Type up a little sheet of paper:  Hello, my name is Name.  I'm Child'sMom.  Our number and address is ___________________________.  Would it be possible to give us your number and address so that we can plan playdates in the future?  Thanks!

Then attach a blank piece of paper for them to write their info on.  Have kid give them out to the few people he wants at the party.  It's not an invite, and the kids won't be interested in it because there's no pretty pics on it.  It's what I suggest to parents in my classroom who express frustration. 

If you don't hear back from them on this, you prob wouldn't get an RSVP either.

I'm really curious.  Every school (private and public) my children attended had a student directory.  Parents knew that unless they opted out, the minimum information that would be published was the parent's name, home address, and home phone number.  They could opt to include additional info like a second patent address or cell numbers and email addresses.  Only about 10% of families opted to not have their info published, with the majority adding cell and email.

Is this not the norm in other areas?
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Hollanda on October 07, 2012, 10:20:59 AM
How bloody rude.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: JenJay on October 07, 2012, 10:22:26 AM
How I hope I would have handled it:

Late Girls: Can we have some cake?
Me: I'm sorry, there isn't any more cake. The party is over.
LG: But we just want some cake. You must have more!
Me: No, sorry, the party is over. The cake is gone.
LG: Can we have our goodie bags?
Me: At the end of the party I gave the extra goodie bags away, sorry.
LG: But Those were ours!
Me: You didn't come so I gave them away. I need to finish cleaning up now. Goodbye.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Miss March on October 07, 2012, 10:23:53 AM
So I take it that they didn't drop off a gift for the birthday girl, they just wanted cake and favors?
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: LeveeWoman on October 07, 2012, 10:38:03 AM
Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.


The birthday girl came up by me when they came in.  Instead of greeting her is when they asked for the cake.   She stayed by me a few more minutes and then went back to the one table we hadn't packed up yet, which was the crafts.  (it was a circus themed party with tables of games etc)  I don't think it would have been a good idea to offer them to stay longer than necessary.


I went to both private and public schools as well as my kids.  Every school I had been in all had the same policy, if invites are handed out at school, every kid or all gender had to be invited.  I am okay with this policy.  If you wanted to invite just a few kids, then have kid ask for their phone number. 




At the last school I attended, the school issued a class directory sheet.  I loved it.  It said on the top that if you entered your info on this optional class list, it would be given to all parents in the class.  I loved loved loved this idea.

Did your friend witness this?
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: FauxFoodist on October 07, 2012, 12:56:33 PM
While, personally, I couldn't imagine allowing in anyone who would show up after the party was over and then asked to be invited in, I totally could see DF doing that if I were not around since he grew up with a swinging door on his house (meaning people came over ALL.THE.TIME uninvited -- even helped themselves to the food in the kitchen).  Since I know DF would feel a bad host or, worse, a bad Christian, for not offering his hospitality when asked for it, he would feel obligated to let these people in.  He also would've given the balloons and apologized for not having more goody bags.  Me?  Not so much (but, again, they would've been turned away at the door -- fake-smile plastered on my face and saccharine-tone as I "apologize" and let them know that the party is over (DF wouldn't have seen a problem...but he's not the one who would've been involved in doing the bulk of the prep nor would he have realized that he was teaching his child that being polite to outsiders is more important than not letting them get away with hurting his child).
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 07, 2012, 01:10:51 PM
Here's how to get around the no contact for a school friend problem:

Type up a little sheet of paper:  Hello, my name is Name.  I'm Child'sMom.  Our number and address is ___________________________.  Would it be possible to give us your number and address so that we can plan playdates in the future?  Thanks!

Then attach a blank piece of paper for them to write their info on.  Have kid give them out to the few people he wants at the party.  It's not an invite, and the kids won't be interested in it because there's no pretty pics on it.  It's what I suggest to parents in my classroom who express frustration. 

If you don't hear back from them on this, you prob wouldn't get an RSVP either.

I'm really curious.  Every school (private and public) my children attended had a student directory.  Parents knew that unless they opted out, the minimum information that would be published was the parent's name, home address, and home phone number.  They could opt to include additional info like a second patent address or cell numbers and email addresses.  Only about 10% of families opted to not have their info published, with the majority adding cell and email.

Is this not the norm in other areas?


We had those too but didn't receive them till about 4-5 months into the school year.  And you had to pay a dollar to put your information in the booklet.  Dd's last school did this but her current school does not.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 07, 2012, 01:15:09 PM
Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.


The birthday girl came up by me when they came in.  Instead of greeting her is when they asked for the cake.   She stayed by me a few more minutes and then went back to the one table we hadn't packed up yet, which was the crafts.  (it was a circus themed party with tables of games etc)  I don't think it would have been a good idea to offer them to stay longer than necessary.


I went to both private and public schools as well as my kids.  Every school I had been in all had the same policy, if invites are handed out at school, every kid or all gender had to be invited.  I am okay with this policy.  If you wanted to invite just a few kids, then have kid ask for their phone number. 




At the last school I attended, the school issued a class directory sheet.  I loved it.  It said on the top that if you entered your info on this optional class list, it would be given to all parents in the class.  I loved loved loved this idea.

Did your friend witness this?


I don't know 100 percent as I was cleaning up sideways to the girls but could see friend's daughter next to me.  But I do know after they left she remarked that they never approached her daughter.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: 25wishes on October 07, 2012, 01:44:14 PM
I guess you should consider yourself lucky they did not demand ask you to go to the store to get some ice cream for their cake. Wow.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: SCAJAfamily on October 07, 2012, 02:00:48 PM
Ugh I'm so sorry.  This happened to us once at S's 8th grade graduation party.  The invite said drop in from 1-5pm.  Some relatives came at 4:30.  I had to take C to a class and came back at 6pm and they were still here.  Dh didn't want to kick them out but I basically told them the party was over and they needed to leave.  You would have thought I had asked them to jump off a bridge.  The invite was very specific and they didn't bother showing up until the end.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: artk2002 on October 07, 2012, 02:56:59 PM
I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: MariaE on October 07, 2012, 03:04:32 PM
I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 07, 2012, 08:58:52 PM
I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.


Unless that kid is the bully.  This was why we didn't have parties to avoid having to invite "that" kid the bully.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Coruscation on October 07, 2012, 09:49:10 PM
Zilla beat me to it. I have actually invited the entire (small) class except for the child who was bullying my daughter. DD is tender hearted and didn't want exclude her but I refused to have her in my house. I didn't give out the invitations at school though.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: sourwolf on October 07, 2012, 09:56:28 PM
I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.

I could actually see this as another opportunity to bully the student.  He/she might be teased about being the "forced" invite before the party and then teased/ignored at the party.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: MariaE on October 07, 2012, 11:42:35 PM
I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.

I could actually see this as another opportunity to bully the student.  He/she might be teased about being the "forced" invite before the party and then teased/ignored at the party.

I was the bullied child in my class, I can honestly say that never happened. The policy was set in stone so it was never questioned, never debated, and nobody talked about who was only there because they had to be invited. It was just the rule.

Yes, that meant I had to invite my bully as well. She never bullied me at birthday parties (mine or others), only at school. Did I mind inviting her? No, it was the rule. The option of not invitingnher was never even raised.

Sure, I stopped inviting her after grade 6, but I stopped inviting 10 other girls at that time too.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: FauxFoodist on October 07, 2012, 11:56:07 PM
How long has this policy been in place?  When my younger sister was in 6th grade in '84-85, there was no such policy.  I remember not being happy about not being invited to a party but such is life.  I got over it quickly.  I remember a friend of mine (who had a persecution complex) complaining about not being invited to the party of another friend of mine (Friend 1 assumed that Friend 2 was not inviting anyone Asian since Friend 2 is Caucasian -- not true since I was invited and was another Asian friend; Friend 1 wasn't the most pleasant person AND, most importantly, wasn't friends with Friend 2, so there really wasn't a reason she'd be invited, especially since many others in class were not invited).
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: NyaChan on October 08, 2012, 01:42:33 AM
I think it is very school specific.  I started post-K school in 93-94, I think, and it was never instituted at my elementary, middle, or high school.  We did have directory books at all of them though, so inviting people at school was done either very discreetly or outside of school. 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: oz diva on October 08, 2012, 03:37:01 AM
Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.

At the last school I attended, the school issued a class directory sheet.  I loved it.  It said on the top that if you entered your info on this optional class list, it would be given to all parents in the class.  I loved loved loved this idea.
This is standard at our school. We are also told not to use it for any other purposes, ie not to spam.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Kimberami on October 08, 2012, 06:58:31 AM
I remember the pain of being excluded from a birthday invitation that a child passed out during class in the first grade. 
At my daughter's school, parents have the choice of either mailing invitations to certain children in class or inviting the entire grade level (60+ children).  I really think they are trying to discourage invitations being given out at school.  I will instead send cupcakes to her class on her birthday. 
It is so hard to fathom the gall of some people!  To insinuate that the hostess was rude for failing to make up goody bags for children is beyond belief! 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: YummyMummy66 on October 08, 2012, 07:32:20 AM
In our school district, (two elementary schools, one middle 5-8 and one high school 9-12), this is how we do it.

(And this is basically the elementary schools' rules.  At junior/middle and high school, you know the numbers of your friends, etc. who you would invite to a party.

Either the whole class is invited or it is either all boys invited or all girls invited to a party, if you are handing invitations out at school.   You cannot just hand a few invitations to a few people in your class.  Also, I am not sure, but I don't think you can hand out invitations to other kids in other classes.  This is per your class only.  Anything else must be done outside of school.

It is not the teacher's job to hand out invitations or to see that they get to other students in the school.

Also, we do not have a directory, so we cannot fiind out addresses of students this way to mail them personally.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: SuperMartianRobotGirl on October 08, 2012, 08:05:08 AM
At our school, you only have to invite everyone, or all boys or all girls, if you hand out invitations at school. It can be a very public way of excluding someone. I however always mail invitations so this is not an issue for me. I don't want that many kids at a party. Plus my kids have friends through church, and kids through other activities, and if I invite every kid from every one of those groups, I'd have a bazillion people.

But anyway, as to the OP, you have to get used to kicking people out. "Sorry you missed the party, but we aren't having cake anymore. It's time to go. Maybe next time! Bye!"
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Sharnita on October 08, 2012, 08:06:43 AM
As far as directories, there are probably many reasons schools have them or don't. It would be a significant cost as far as copying goes. MAny districts have such a strict limit on copies that teachers can only make class sets of tests and reading materials.

Also, in some areas they just aren't practical. If the population in your district moves a lot, changes phone numbers, etc. There is really no point.  In high crime areas it is also really unwise.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: sourwolf on October 08, 2012, 09:45:22 AM
I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.

I could actually see this as another opportunity to bully the student.  He/she might be teased about being the "forced" invite before the party and then teased/ignored at the party.

I was the bullied child in my class, I can honestly say that never happened. The policy was set in stone so it was never questioned, never debated, and nobody talked about who was only there because they had to be invited. It was just the rule.

Yes, that meant I had to invite my bully as well. She never bullied me at birthday parties (mine or others), only at school. Did I mind inviting her? No, it was the rule. The option of not invitingnher was never even raised.

Sure, I stopped inviting her after grade 6, but I stopped inviting 10 other girls at that time too.

We had very different experiences.  I was the bullied child who was invited to the party and given a hard time because the birthday girl "had" to invite me.  My parents were well meaning but clueless telling me "well she wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you to come."  I was ignored at the party, and then, at school the week after, made fun of for being a stuck up snob. 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Sharnita on October 08, 2012, 09:55:57 AM
I think the intent of most schools is probably to discourage handing out invites in class as opposed to dictate guest lists
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Redneck Gravy on October 08, 2012, 09:57:29 AM
When my daughters were in private school there was a printed directory of students/parents addresses & telephone numbers.

Policy was if you sent invitations to school they were given to the teacher.  There had to be enough for everyone in the class (and it was preferred that you not put names on them) and the teacher would put them in the go home bags on Fridays.   

If you did not want to invite everyone in the class you could mail/deliver using the directory.  There were NO exceptions to this policy.

 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Jones on October 08, 2012, 10:46:10 AM
I wish there was a directory for Jean Bean's school. I don't even know for sure how many children are in her class yet; class pictures were only just taken and won't come home for another ~3 weeks. There is a rule about inviting "all" kids in class, but I told her we are doing a Family Only party this year, and she can get phone numbers herself next year; we're bringing cookies to class on her birthday (teacher approved) so she has her special moment amongst her peers.

We had similar experiences as described in the OP. A couple years ago, we invited a little girl (very loosely related) to Jean's birthday. Her mom, dad, older brother all showed up. After doing the craft and handing out goodies, the little girl asked me when I would be handing out gifts to the guests "to make it even." I explained it was only the birthday girl's birthday, but we'd given her craft + accessory. "Is that all?" the child whined. Her mother stood by and said nothing.

Some time later we were invited to a family/ friends party for the older brother of the Gimme Child. We gave him a gift of a two person playset. The mother came over to my husband and me and said something along the lines of (sorry, it's been a while but I'll try to remember exact wording) "You know, when you give one of my kids a gift, it's a lot easier to give a gift to each. It's just how my kids are."

She was aggrieved some time later to discover I had unfriended her on Facebook. We may be loosely related but that doesn't mean I have to pay her kids to come to my daughter's birthday parties, or pay for the privilege of going to theirs.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 08, 2012, 11:04:59 AM
Ugh I'm so sorry.  This happened to us once at S's 8th grade graduation party.  The invite said drop in from 1-5pm.  Some relatives came at 4:30.  I had to take C to a class and came back at 6pm and they were still here.  Dh didn't want to kick them out but I basically told them the party was over and they needed to leave.  You would have thought I had asked them to jump off a bridge.  The invite was very specific and they didn't bother showing up until the end.

When DH had a birthday/graduation from boot camp party years ago, my in laws sent my parents an invitation that said it would be from 1-4.  Not "Drop in from 1-4", but "Party is starting at one".  I wasn't living at home at the time, but for that week I was staying there and was going over to the IL's earlier than my parents and I'm sure I said "See you at one!", as I was going over to help set up.

Well they were late, which knowing them was not surprising, but I was still embarrassed and gave them a ring to see if they were at least on their way out the door.  Nope. It was 1:30 and they hadn't even gotten dressed. "We didn't think it actually began at one, we thought we could arrive whenever!" Then my mother acted put out, like my ILs were the unsophisticated ones for actually expecting people to show up at one when the invitation says 1-4.

Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Airelenaren on October 08, 2012, 05:17:17 PM
To be honest, at least to me (with English as my second language), both phrasings would have had me thinking it would be okay to drop in at any point within the time frame.

"Drop in from 1-5" would sound to me like "arrive at any point between 1 and 5", with no mention of how long the party would go (just that 5 is the latest point to arrive).

"Party from 1 to 4" would sound to me like "the length of the party will be from 1 to 4", with no indication of when to arrive, just that it should be after 1 and the party would end at 4.

I think the only safe way to get the message across is to specifically state "the party will start at x and end at y, please make sure to drop in between z and x".
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: MummyPumpkin83 on October 08, 2012, 05:54:06 PM
To be honest, at least to me (with English as my second language), both phrasings would have had me thinking it would be okay to drop in at any point within the time frame.

"Drop in from 1-5" would sound to me like "arrive at any point between 1 and 5", with no mention of how long the party would go (just that 5 is the latest point to arrive).

"Party from 1 to 4" would sound to me like "the length of the party will be from 1 to 4", with no indication of when to arrive, just that it should be after 1 and the party would end at 4.

I think the only safe way to get the message across is to specifically state "the party will start at x and end at y, please make sure to drop in between z and x".

English is my only language and I agree with the above. Although the from 1 to 4 is more common and i would make sure I was there at 1.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: QueenfaninCA on October 08, 2012, 06:38:03 PM
I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Actually you have the choice. The policy is usually not "you have to invite the whole class", but "if you hand out invitations at school, you have to invite the whole class". So as long as you invite the guest in a different way than handing out invites at school, it is perfectly OK to only invite a few kids from the class.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Hillia on October 08, 2012, 06:47:50 PM
We had the invite policy when I was in parochial school in California in the late 60's.  All the girls, all the boys, or the whole class.  That's why I didn't have a birthday party from age 6 til I was in high school; I was allowed to invite 1 friend for a full day of fun activities (zoo, amusement park, etc).
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: jane7166 on October 09, 2012, 05:01:29 PM
As far as directories, there are probably many reasons schools have them or don't. It would be a significant cost as far as copying goes. MAny districts have such a strict limit on copies that teachers can only make class sets of tests and reading materials.

Also, in some areas they just aren't practical. If the population in your district moves a lot, changes phone numbers, etc. There is really no point.  In high crime areas it is also really unwise.
In high school, especially junior year, it's just a tool for photographers and SAT tutor providers to drum up business.  Our mailbox was constantly stuffed with junk from colleges, photography studios, tutors, etc.  And, these directories were only supposed to be used by students and parents.  Riiiight.

I remember, back in the dark ages, as a senior, a salesman came up to our house and asked for Janey.  He was there to sell me china since all women got married right out of high school, dontcha know.  He didn't make a sale. 
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: bah12 on October 09, 2012, 05:09:06 PM
Back to the OP, while I don't think it would have been rude to turn them away at the door, I don't actually blame the friend for letting them in.   I, too, probably would have assumed that they legitimately wanted to apologize for missing the party and to wish the birthday girl well.  It would have not occurred to me, right away, that they would act so appallingly. 

That being said, I'm sure the hostess now knows not to invite this family to future parties.  Hopefully, she can find another way to hand out invites as to avoid the "invite everyone in the class" rule.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: artk2002 on October 11, 2012, 07:53:33 PM
As far as directories, there are probably many reasons schools have them or don't. It would be a significant cost as far as copying goes. MAny districts have such a strict limit on copies that teachers can only make class sets of tests and reading materials.

Also, in some areas they just aren't practical. If the population in your district moves a lot, changes phone numbers, etc. There is really no point.  In high crime areas it is also really unwise.
In high school, especially junior year, it's just a tool for photographers and SAT tutor providers to drum up business.  Our mailbox was constantly stuffed with junk from colleges, photography studios, tutors, etc.  And, these directories were only supposed to be used by students and parents.  Riiiight.

I remember, back in the dark ages, as a senior, a salesman came up to our house and asked for Janey.  He was there to sell me china since all women got married right out of high school, dontcha know.  He didn't make a sale.

Our school has a directory, but you practically sign your life away to have access to it. A tutoring company recently got hold of it and spammed the list and the administration came down hard on them, as well as sending out an e-mail apologizing and reminding people that they aren't to release the directory. When we had paper directories, they provided a shredding service at the beginning of the year so that you could get rid of your old one.

There are a number of people in the directory who are extremely private (and with good reason), so everyone is expected to be careful with it.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Marguette on October 12, 2012, 11:16:19 AM
I wouldn’t say you shouldn’t have let them in. Not unless you can see the future and you could have predicted what their attitude and behaviour was going to be like.

What should you have done? Nothing different. I think that in the face of their “demands,” the awkward silences, the lack of goody bags, and the final grudging “gift” of a mere balloon couldn’t have been better if you had planned it that way.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: yam on October 13, 2012, 06:22:55 PM
Not all parties give out goody bags. On top of everything else, to assume there were goody bags and ask for them was also rude.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye., liLacrosey
Post by: LilacRosey on October 16, 2012, 10:36:47 PM
That is so obnoxious I hope you wenrent there all day and you had a good time. I cant imagine how I would have resoponded to that  >:(
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: BeagleMommy on October 18, 2012, 12:08:25 PM
Wow...just....wow!

I think your friend would have been justified in telling them the party was over and not letting them in the house.  Apparently, these two little darlings, learned their manners from their mother.  She was the one who was particularly miffed about the goody bags.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: bopper on October 23, 2012, 11:53:39 AM
I wish there was a directory for Jean Bean's school. I don't even know for sure how many children are in her class yet; class pictures were only just taken and won't come home for another ~3 weeks. There is a rule about inviting "all" kids in class, but I told her we are doing a Family Only party this year, and she can get phone numbers herself next year; we're bringing cookies to class on her birthday (teacher approved) so she has her special moment amongst her peers.


Do you have a PTA? Can you suggest to the PTA that the create one? Our PTA creates a directory out of PTA members who are interested in sharing their info.  It gets more people to join the PTA and is entirely voluntary.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Hmmmmm on October 23, 2012, 02:15:39 PM
I wish there was a directory for Jean Bean's school. I don't even know for sure how many children are in her class yet; class pictures were only just taken and won't come home for another ~3 weeks. There is a rule about inviting "all" kids in class, but I told her we are doing a Family Only party this year, and she can get phone numbers herself next year; we're bringing cookies to class on her birthday (teacher approved) so she has her special moment amongst her peers.



Do you have a PTA? Can you suggest to the PTA that the create one? Our PTA creates a directory out of PTA members who are interested in sharing their info.  It gets more people to join the PTA and is entirely voluntary.

Yep, and it can actually be a fund raiser for the PTA.  We sold advertisements for area businesses.  Families could also do an add for like $10 for a half page... Things like "Have a great year 2nd grade class! from the Hmmmmm family."  Then we sold the directories for $5 each.   When I did the directory for our really small elementary school (500 students total)  we covered all of our printing costs and still made around $500 to $800 each year.  And since my DD has a mid Sept bday, I always got them out within 2 weeks of start of school. 

My DD's HS sells them for $10 each and does commerical advertisments and makes several thousand dollars in profit on the directory.   
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Jones on October 23, 2012, 03:15:10 PM
This is a fantastic idea, and we do have a PTA.

Unfortunately, I will be unable to present it to them, as all PTA meetings are during the business day (around 2-3 PM) and direct contact info for PTA leadership has not been distributed to the rest of the parents.
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Zilla on October 23, 2012, 04:03:35 PM
This is a fantastic idea, and we do have a PTA.

Unfortunately, I will be unable to present it to them, as all PTA meetings are during the business day (around 2-3 PM) and direct contact info for PTA leadership has not been distributed to the rest of the parents.
The irony of that statement because if you had last year's directory...:)
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: Jones on October 23, 2012, 04:09:50 PM
I know, I know...sigh  ;D
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: mindicherry on October 23, 2012, 06:18:59 PM
This is a fantastic idea, and we do have a PTA.

Unfortunately, I will be unable to present it to them, as all PTA meetings are during the business day (around 2-3 PM) and direct contact info for PTA leadership has not been distributed to the rest of the parents.
We have a school directory that includes the whole elementary school (that parents can "opt out of" if they don't want their info in there) that we pay about $7 each year, but it usually doesn't come out until November.

Because of that, every year the teachers have sent home a form on the first day of school that they will come up with a class list (once again, giving parents the ability to opt out) within the first week of school and send it home (for free).

My oldest just moved to the middle school (where the individual class listings aren't offered) and I still have 2 kids in the elementary school.  Before this year, only about half of the teachers that we have had have offered this "service".  This year they passed the rule that NO invitations (even if you are inviting the whole class or just boys/girls) may be distributed in school...so every single teacher is offering it to their classes.

Can you talk to the teachers and ask if that can be done?  Or even ask her that, if you make up the form and agree to type out the "class directory, could she just pass out the forms to the students and have them returned to you so that you can make the list?

** Edited to add:  and have you checked the website for the school for the PTA emails?  All of the Home & School Board members have ALWAYS been listed on our school website!
Title: Re: Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.
Post by: bopper on October 24, 2012, 01:14:30 PM
I wish there was a directory for Jean Bean's school. I don't even know for sure how many children are in her class yet; class pictures were only just taken and won't come home for another ~3 weeks. There is a rule about inviting "all" kids in class, but I told her we are doing a Family Only party this year, and she can get phone numbers herself next year; we're bringing cookies to class on her birthday (teacher approved) so she has her special moment amongst her peers.


Now they just send spreadsheets so the cost is lower.
Also, most schools have a mail slot for the PTA ...you could give it to the school office and ask that it be passed along.
Or your school website might have a link. If they don't, you could suggest they add it.

Do you have a PTA? Can you suggest to the PTA that the create one? Our PTA creates a directory out of PTA members who are interested in sharing their info.  It gets more people to join the PTA and is entirely voluntary.

Yep, and it can actually be a fund raiser for the PTA.  We sold advertisements for area businesses.  Families could also do an add for like $10 for a half page... Things like "Have a great year 2nd grade class! from the Hmmmmm family."  Then we sold the directories for $5 each.   When I did the directory for our really small elementary school (500 students total)  we covered all of our printing costs and still made around $500 to $800 each year.  And since my DD has a mid Sept bday, I always got them out within 2 weeks of start of school. 

My DD's HS sells them for $10 each and does commerical advertisments and makes several thousand dollars in profit on the directory.