Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: TealDragon on October 28, 2012, 07:02:36 PM

Title: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: TealDragon on October 28, 2012, 07:02:36 PM
I have a neighbor who is an older woman (70s-ish) and perfectly fits the stereotype of grumpy old lady who yells at the kids to get off her lawn. She lives across the street and about three doors down. I've had one conversation with her; when we first moved in, she came over to make sure we were not drug addicts and wouldn't be creating or selling any drugs or having any "hoodlums or rascals" hanging out on our curb that she'd have to look at or worry about breaking into her house. Now, I am very clean cut looking, my wardrobe involves a lot of cardigans and khakis and I own 7 different strands of pearls, so most people don't exactly jump to that conclusion when they meet me. My DF can look a little scruffy if he's just hanging around the house (which is his right) and physically looks a little intimidating, but also dresses himself well, and we are very interested in getting along with all of our neighbors and keeping the peace, and aside from an occasional afternoon of watching football, we are pretty quiet people. Aside from that one assumptive conversation, we have not spoken but if I happen to see her, I try to smile at her.

This morning, I was going out to get our newspaper when Mrs. Fussybutt was outside. She started calling out "Young lady! Young lady!" so I looked up at her and around and pointed to myself to see if she meant me. She made a face and said yes with a rude tone and came over to my yard. Then she told me that I needed to be aware that my planter boxes on my porch are almost dead and I need to keep up with my gardening better or else not keep one because it's unsightly and will make people think that this is a neighborhood that accepts delinquents and irresponsible college students. She said she knows who my landlord is and will let him know that I am letting his property fall apart because I'm "too busy partying and doing drugs or whatever you people do."

First of all, my planters are not dead at all, I've taken them in when it's too cold out, and she has no way of knowing their state unless she's been coming up on my porch, which I find creepy and meddlesome. Second, my yard and garden are well maintained and kept up because we enjoy using the yard and my attached next door neighbors enjoy gardening and I've told them that they are free to consider my actual garden space theirs because I don't have time to keep up with anything more than the small boxes on my porch. Also, my landlord hires a landscaper who comes bi-monthly to handle things like tree/hedge trimming and leaf clean up and lawn mowing, and this is included in my lease, so my landlord is well aware of the state of the yard. There is no HOA here and I really just don't think my yard is her business, unless maybe it posed a hazard to people. Third, it bothers me that she made the comments about a potentially dead planter box attracting the wrong sort, which basically amounts to young people. However I decided not to say anything about this to her because it would only lead to a fight. But probably at least half of these houses are occupied by college students since we live very close to a university and this is a neighborhood that is affordable and relatively safe. Fourth, the comments about me partying and doing drugs need to come to an end, like yesterday. Fifth, it took everything that I had not to address her as "Old Lady" when I went inside after all of the things that she said, but she did start the conversation off with me irritated at being addressed angrily as "Young Lady". What I ended up saying was "How kind of you to take an interest" and used an Icy Glare and went inside. I was too surprised to come up with anything else and it was 6am and freezing and dark outside, so I just wasn't in the mood to start anything with her.

I'm not sure how to deal with this woman, as being a pleasant (if silent and distant) neighbor and showing her that we are not delinquents or hoodlums has not had any effect. However, I will not be continually referred to as a drug addict/user/dealer when I and my DF are so vehemently against such things and live a completely opposite lifestyle. If she said this publicly, it would cost me my job because I work with children. If that happened and word of it ended up on the internet, it would very likely have a severe negative effect on my ability to pursue the career path I intend to (to become a barn manager and eventually build my own barn where people can board and take lessons). It would affect DF similarly as the field he is in grad school for is one involving government security clearances and having a sketchy past would prevent him from ever obtaining a high level position and current allegations of drug use would get him immediately kicked out of his program, no questions asked. And as for short term consequences, I have no idea if she is sharing these thoughts with other neighbors, but I'd hate for someone to get the wrong idea about us because some bitter old woman hates young people.

Also, I feel like the "young lady" thing is a separate issue. Unless I am a child and you are an adult and I'm in Big Trouble, I feel this is a very inappropriate way to address someone. However, in this case, we are both adults, and I do not appreciate being scolded like a little kid. I can't think of any situation where this doesn't come off in a very scolding manner or one that suggest the person being spoken to is inferior or a child. I'm not sure if those negative connotations are all my own or if others might feel the same way. Is it inherently rude to address someone this way, or are there times when it might be ok?

edit: left out a word
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: greencat on October 28, 2012, 07:17:21 PM
You may want to approach her and inform her that if she comes on your property again, as she must have in order to have seen your planters, or if she continues to refer to you as a criminal, you will be pursuing legal action. 

Consult a lawyer for the actual how-to on the pursuit of the legal action in your area.

Kudos on the use of the E-Hell polite response!
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Chickadee on October 28, 2012, 08:10:54 PM
Well, since I'm not going to see 45 again, I don't mind "Young Lady" quite so much  ;) , but I do understand how you feel. Depending on the situation, there are times when I feel like I've done something Terribly Wrong when someone address me as "Young Lady".

Perhaps next time (hopefully there won't be one) you could introduce yourself to her:

"I don't believe we have properly introduced ourselves. I'm TealDragon." Hopefully she will remember her manners at that point and tell you her name.

If she doesn't, Smart-Mouthed Chickadee would ask if she prefers Mrs. Old Bat, or is just Old Bat okay. But then, Smart-Mouthed Chickadee isn't allowed out of her pen very often.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: gramma dishes on October 28, 2012, 08:18:37 PM


...    "I don't believe we have properly introduced ourselves. I'm TealDragon."   ...

I see your point, and it's a valid one, but I'm not sure I'd want this particular old woman knowing my name.   :-\

I'd preempt this woman and have a heart to heart with the landlord about her and her accusations.  He may have some suggestions on how to handle her. 
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: weeblewobble on October 28, 2012, 08:24:00 PM
I would pre-emptively contact my landlord and inform him/her that they may receive a call from Mrs. Old Bat regarding your "delinquent" planter boxes, and that said Old Bat has decided you are troublemakers for some reason and has been harassing you. If nothing else, you won't be put on the defensive and the landlord will be aware that neighbors are harassing his/her tenants. Which is bad for business.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Sharnita on October 28, 2012, 08:27:37 PM
I can't help but think it might be a nice area when people speculate "Maude, I hate to say it but I think college students might have moved in next door."  Kinda funny that in her mind those are people she finds disreputable.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: kglory on October 28, 2012, 08:30:15 PM
I'd be concerned about the drug use allegations, especially for your husband -- for government security clearances, they really do interview all your past neighbors from every place you've lived.   Not to mention, it's just insulting.

If she starts in again, talking about "partying and doing drugs and whatever you people do," I don't think you'd be out of line to cut in and politely but matter-of-factly say: "Ma'am, we are both working professionals, and we don't do drugs or condone that behavior."
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Amara on October 28, 2012, 08:30:36 PM
"My good woman," said in hushed whisper as you glance furtively around, "please keep your voice down. DH has to operate only under certain conditions which I cannot disclose to you. The government requires that our planters maintain a certain look. Messages, you know. And danger. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you so please stay completely away. I can't even know precisely what he reads in the flowers but I do know it's important."

 >:D
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: kherbert05 on October 28, 2012, 08:42:09 PM
\As far as the neighbors go - they probably already know she is a nut case.


Your current job and DF's grad program - if gossip from an fruitcake can hurt you - speak up now. Hey boss/professor I have a bit of a pickle. I have this crazy neighbor that accuses everyone under 30 of doing drugs and partying all night. I'm worried about her hurting my professional reputation. What would be the best way to handle this?

I would also call your landlord and let him know you are having a problem with a neighbor making false accusations.

I would see if the university has some type of legal aid for students office and see if they could send something official telling her to stop slandering you and to stay off the property.


I once had a volunteer at the museum making slanderous statements about me. (according to her all pictures of kids on a computer were dirty and illegal. I had a digital camera that I used to document activities at the museum.) My boss threatened her with legal action if she didn't stop. She stopped.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: DollyPond on October 28, 2012, 09:19:22 PM
Quote
"too busy partying and doing drugs or whatever you people do."

You people...really?
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: mindicherry on October 28, 2012, 10:01:21 PM
Make a phone call to the landlord (or better yet, put it in writing) letting him/her know that Old Crazy Lady Up The Street is "at it again" (trust me, if he has owned this property for more than a few years, I am sure he has dealt with her before)

The next time she comes running over to you at SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING (or any other time, but the 6:00am scolding, for me, gives you a "pass" to not worry about respecting your elders), just say "Please get away from me now.  I have no interest in what you are saying"...and then WALK AWAY and don't engage the crazy
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: TootsNYC on October 28, 2012, 11:03:47 PM
\As far as the neighbors go - they probably already know she is a nut case.


Your current job and DF's grad program - if gossip from an fruitcake can hurt you - speak up now. Hey boss/professor I have a bit of a pickle. I have this crazy neighbor that accuses everyone under 30 of doing drugs and partying all night. I'm worried about her hurting my professional reputation. What would be the best way to handle this?

I would also call your landlord and let him know you are having a problem with a neighbor making false accusations.

I would see if the university has some type of legal aid for students office and see if they could send something official telling her to stop slandering you and to stay off the property.


I once had a volunteer at the museum making slanderous statements about me. (according to her all pictures of kids on a computer were dirty and illegal. I had a digital camera that I used to document activities at the museum.) My boss threatened her with legal action if she didn't stop. She stopped.

I would like to simply sign on here.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: CaffeineKatie on October 29, 2012, 05:17:18 AM
Oh lordy--nutty neighbors!  I've had a few and used dead silence to great success--I'd stand there, no response, until they ran out of steam in their rant and began to realize they just looked like a fool.  However, if this woman's flakiness can have longterm effects on your careers, I think the earlier suggestions of threatening legal action are good ones.  She's crossing the line; I doubt she will stop her bahavior, but at least she might pick a new target.  (My evil twin wants you to tell her "Wow, you're hallucinating again--I better call the police and have them take you in for medical observation."  I better stuff evil twin in the closet again >:D)
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: figleaf on October 29, 2012, 06:17:09 AM
I agree with all those who recommended speaking up now with your landlord, and mentioning the old battleaxe's comments to anyone in your workplace who might be in a position to be influenced by her slanderous comments.

My work involves the security clearance process, and I can assure you that if one neighbor made such damaging comments during an interview, the investigator wouldnt take them as gospel, they would be required to prove or disprove them, and interviews with all of your other neighbors and landlord would discredit the battleaxe. I would, however recommend that your DF  be proactive and tell his security officer or background investigator about her shenanigans at the outset of his investigation. They'll still have to talk to her, but they'll be forewarned.

As for dealing with her personally, I would be icily polite, and immediately cut her off if she starts with the partying and drug talk. "Ma'am, you are making a baseless assumption about my DF and me, and it is clear that you have trespassed on my legally rented property, as well as on my good will. Rest assured, my landlord has been made aware of your comments and behavior, and my next step will be to contact the authorities to report your trespassing and slander. Do not approach me or DF again or come onto this property."

She hasn't made any attempt to be neighborly with you, and has been aggressive and assumptive when she has interacted with you. Your last reply to her is a good segue into telling her she needs to back off if she approaches you again. Make sure she knows you will not tolerate her spreading lies about you.

Good luck, it is so hard when you have unpleasant neighbors.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: jane7166 on October 29, 2012, 07:14:31 AM
Well it's a good thing we don't need security clearances because our dead impatiens lingered in our plant boxes for over 2 weeks. 

If someone said that to me, I hope I would remember to say,icily, "Thank you for your concern.  I will give that matter all the attention it deserves."
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Redsoil on October 29, 2012, 07:45:10 AM
"Given that both my husband and I are clean-living, responsible people who live a quiet life, I have to wonder at what sort of nasty mind you have to make such baseless assumptons.  I'm sure you would be extremely upset if someone said something like that to you, and I certainly don't appreciate it.  If you continue to harass me or spread untrue gossip, I'll be taking legal action."

No point fudging with this one.  Call her on it, and back it up!
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Roses on October 29, 2012, 09:49:36 AM
Agree - I would call the landlord and ask him if he knows this women and how he's dealt with her in the past, you would like some tips since she's become quite aggressive and accusatory.

I think I would respond to her next time she showed up with with...."What an interesting assumption.  I think it would be best if you stayed off our property and left DH and I alone or we will be forced to address your slanderous accusations by contacting a lawyer and the local authorities."
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Shoo on October 29, 2012, 10:22:30 AM
I think I'd take a different approach.  I'd kill her with kindness and say, "Thanks so much for letting me know!  I will do my very best to take care of them (it).  Bye now!"  And then go inside.    Regardless of the condition of my landscaping, no matter what she says, I'd agree with her and promise to do my best.  I wouldn't get confrontational with her, I'd just take the wind right out of her sails.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: TurtleDove on October 29, 2012, 10:24:58 AM
The OP would have a better read on her own personality and how the neighbor bat would react, but I would likely approach this with humor, as though the NB made the most hilarious joke. "Partying and doing drugs? Hah!  Not unless you consider paying bills and going to bed at 10:00 partying!"  And just refuse to acknowledge that she could possibly actually believe what she is saying.  Be blissfull and stupid, as though you don't realize she is trying to be insulting.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: JenJay on October 29, 2012, 10:45:48 AM
I'd ignore her completely unless approached and accused again, then I'd say "This is the third time you've accused me of neglecting my home and abusing drugs. Both are horrible, untrue statements, and I'll thank you not to make them again. Have a good day." then turn and walk away.

I wouldn't worry too much about her harming your reputation in general, because I'm sure everyone in the neighborhood is fully aware of her issues. I would speak to your landlord about her and mention not only the wild accusations but the potential for them to hurt your careers if someone conducting a background check were to approach her. Maybe he'd be willing to put something in writing for you stating 1) you are a wonderful tenant, and 2) the neighbor is a nut job who thinks anyone under 50 is a drug-addicted hooligan.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Hmmmmm on October 29, 2012, 10:49:51 AM
While normally I deal with busy bodies with kindness, accusing you of illegal activies really goes beyond my ability to turn the cheek.  As other suggested, I'd contact your landlord and inform him of the issue.  And then the next time I saw her, I'd approach her and say "Miss, the last time we spoke, I was so astounded by your accusations, I didn't really know what to say.  But I want you to be aware that I've contacted our landlord to inform him of the slanderous and unfounded statements you made about me and my husband engaging in illegal activities.  I am also documenting the conversation for my records.  I suggest you keep your comments to yourself and stay away from my property or I will take legal action.  I will not be harrassed by people like you."
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Jones on October 29, 2012, 11:08:02 AM
I'd have a hard time not saying, "Actually, my name is Ms. Y, and I would appreciate it if you called me that in the future." Then, turn a deaf ear when she says Young Lady, or  >:D "Sorry, were you talking to me? My name is Ms. Y, flattered though I am at being referred to as both "young," and a "lady"!"
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: katycoo on October 29, 2012, 12:13:53 PM
Honestly I think any response other than a cheerful "ok" is feeding the trolls. Your ok doesn't mean you'll comply, just acknowledging her threats. What do you care?
I promise, your job/future career will not be jeopardized solely on the basis of the unsubstantiated rantings of a old lady.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Firecat on October 29, 2012, 01:25:18 PM
I'd have a hard time not saying, "Actually, my name is Ms. Y, and I would appreciate it if you called me that in the future." Then, turn a deaf ear when she says Young Lady, or  >:D "Sorry, were you talking to me? My name is Ms. Y, flattered though I am at being referred to as both "young," and a "lady"!"

Would it actually be rude to respond to "Young Lady" with "Sorry, neither"? And then walk away while she's either gaping or trying to parse the response?
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: heartmug on October 29, 2012, 01:29:30 PM
Dead plants in planter boxes = hoodlums doing drugs.  I never put that together before.  Thanks.  Off to check my neighborhood.

In all seriousness, I think this is a person to be ignored.  I agree that the whole neighborhood already has her number.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: JeanFromBNA on October 29, 2012, 01:30:06 PM
You've only had two verbal interactions with her in how long?  Really, I wouldn't waste time getting worked up over this.  Don't engage the crazy.  She wants attention.  Don't give it to her.  Next time she call out to you, just smile and wave and go in the house/car as if she were just saying hello. 
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: gramma dishes on October 29, 2012, 02:19:19 PM
...  Next time she call out to you, just smile and wave and go in the house/car as if she were just saying hello.

I agree with this (or I would just ignore her completely and pretend I neither saw nor heard her), but I would still mention it to the landlord.

If she escalates you may have to move on to steps two and three.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Just Lori on October 29, 2012, 02:29:57 PM
Don't try to have a rational discussion with an irrational person.  Walk away.  Give your landlord a heads up, and otherwise stay away from this woman. 
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Giggity on October 29, 2012, 02:41:33 PM
It would affect DF similarly as the field he is in grad school for is one involving government security clearances and having a sketchy past would prevent him from ever obtaining a high level position and current allegations of drug use would get him immediately kicked out of his program, no questions asked.

Wow, so even an unfounded allegation would get him fired? That's wild.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: TealDragon on October 29, 2012, 08:33:42 PM
It would affect DF similarly as the field he is in grad school for is one involving government security clearances and having a sketchy past would prevent him from ever obtaining a high level position and current allegations of drug use would get him immediately kicked out of his program, no questions asked.

Wow, so even an unfounded allegation would get him fired? That's wild.
It depends on how it is approached, but basically, yes. Allegations of illegal activity are considered unacceptable and while they are supposed to look into these things, they usually don't look very hard. People in his program have been kicked out for less. Apparently they have this story that circulates at the beginning of every year to the new grad students about a guy who broke up with his girlfriend and she got back at him by going to someone fairly high up in the food chain and saying that he regularly drove drunk and was an alcoholic who had guns without a license. Because it came from someone so close to him (and the story says she put on a good show), they really didn't pursue it and he was kicked out. No idea if this is true or just something they say to scare people, but that is the environment there. I have to think that if someone was wrongly kicked out, they'd be able to get back in somehow if they could prove it, I'm not sure if that would involve lawyers or something else, but would surely be a lot of hassle and time and money.

So yes, I'm probably panicking over nothing, when I realized the potential consequences I think my brain went a little crazy, and I appreciate the reassurances and pulling me back down to earth.  :P

I will definitely contact my landlord. I think we'll hold off on anything work related because there's no point in creating drama that doesn't need to be there. I may call the non-emergency police and see what they say about it. She makes me so mad every time I talk to her, so I think maybe ignoring her completely would be the best choice. No need to get my blood pressure up over some grouchy dingbat.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Sharnita on October 29, 2012, 08:40:09 PM
I can understand your concern. while there is no proof of those things (obviously) proving something didn't happen can be pretty difficult.  The whole justice system is set up in recognition of that.  However, I also understand there might be a few specific jobs that are so sensitive that they would want to know absolutely that it wasn't true.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: PastryGoddess on October 30, 2012, 12:55:59 AM
Speaking here as someone who works in and around the DC area and deals with a lot of people who have various levels of security clearances.   

Investigators have a pretty good BS detector.  Unless he is going to be certified for a very high security clearance such as Top Secret, SCI, or SAP, the investigators will probably not even interview your neighbors.  While yes, allegations of impropriety are bad, the investigators do a very thorough job of investigating those allegations, if they determine them to be valid.  If they think that there is some truth to the allegations, they'll ask him point blank and give him the opportunity to explain...then they'll go and verify he's telling the truth :) 

They are very thorough.  I'm on a loan with my parents and they have to do a re-certification every 5 years. I have to do a phone interview with the FBI.  That's probably not going to happen with your neighbor. Of course you don't want your neighbor to go off spouting things like DRUGS! S3X! ORGIES! all over town, so you'll need to monitor whether or not she is actually targeting you or if she is equal opportunity crazy.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: postalslave on October 30, 2012, 11:53:55 AM
As a person who used to be a "hoodlum that does drugs" I can assure you my planters were always the picture of perfection.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Ida on October 30, 2012, 10:34:42 PM
I think the magic word/nuclear bomb here is "Alzheimer's" and you should be very careful where you plant it. Surround it with sympathetic noises and be sure it's watered appropriately.


What's really sad is that it might be accurate.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Giggity on October 30, 2012, 10:57:07 PM
Whoa, way too close to medical talk.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: YummyMummy66 on October 31, 2012, 06:10:39 AM
Speaking here as someone who works in and around the DC area and deals with a lot of people who have various levels of security clearances.   

Investigators have a pretty good BS detector.  Unless he is going to be certified for a very high security clearance such as Top Secret, SCI, or SAP, the investigators will probably not even interview your neighbors.  While yes, allegations of impropriety are bad, the investigators do a very thorough job of investigating those allegations, if they determine them to be valid.  If they think that there is some truth to the allegations, they'll ask him point blank and give him the opportunity to explain...then they'll go and verify he's telling the truth :) 

They are very thorough.  I'm on a loan with my parents and they have to do a re-certification every 5 years. I have to do a phone interview with the FBI.  That's probably not going to happen with your neighbor. Of course you don't want your neighbor to go off spouting things like DRUGS! S3X! ORGIES! all over town, so you'll need to monitor whether or not she is actually targeting you or if she is equal opportunity crazy.

Sorry, but I disagree.  My next door neighbors son applied to be a police officer in Baltimore, Maryland. We live in PA. We did have someone come down and do a neighborhood check regarding this neighbor's son.  I don't believe he was applying for a top secret position either.  So, yes, some businesses' do do neighborhood checks.

But, I do agree that an investigator will know a bullcrap story from a real one and which stories need to be checked out versus those that do not.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: PastryGoddess on October 31, 2012, 10:07:29 AM
Speaking here as someone who works in and around the DC area and deals with a lot of people who have various levels of security clearances.   

Investigators have a pretty good BS detector.  Unless he is going to be certified for a very high security clearance such as Top Secret, SCI, or SAP, the investigators will probably not even interview your neighbors.  While yes, allegations of impropriety are bad, the investigators do a very thorough job of investigating those allegations, if they determine them to be valid.  If they think that there is some truth to the allegations, they'll ask him point blank and give him the opportunity to explain...then they'll go and verify he's telling the truth :) 

They are very thorough.  I'm on a loan with my parents and they have to do a re-certification every 5 years. I have to do a phone interview with the FBI.  That's probably not going to happen with your neighbor. Of course you don't want your neighbor to go off spouting things like DRUGS! S3X! ORGIES! all over town, so you'll need to monitor whether or not she is actually targeting you or if she is equal opportunity crazy.

Sorry, but I disagree.  My next door neighbors son applied to be a police officer in Baltimore, Maryland. We live in PA. We did have someone come down and do a neighborhood check regarding this neighbor's son.  I don't believe he was applying for a top secret position either.  So, yes, some businesses' do do neighborhood checks.

But, I do agree that an investigator will know a bullcrap story from a real one and which stories need to be checked out versus those that do not.

Yes every type of clearance is different.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: FenigDurak on November 01, 2012, 06:41:16 PM


...    "I don't believe we have properly introduced ourselves. I'm TealDragon."   ...

I see your point, and it's a valid one, but I'm not sure I'd want this particular old woman knowing my name.   :-\

If this woman is daring enough to peer into the house to spy window boxes, it's a safe bet she's rifled through any mail left in the mail box (unless OP has the interior mail slot).
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: BeagleMommy on November 02, 2012, 01:44:47 PM
POD to the PastryGoddess.  Any investigator who has to run background checks on employees/applicants has the ability to detect who is disgruntled, who is telling the truth and who is just shy of crazy.

DH and I both had background checks done when we applied for government jobs in Washington, DC.  The agency we worked for did background checks beginning at age 16 and running through to your present age.  They talked to all our neighbors (different agencies have different levels).

I would contact your landlord and let him know you suspect she is coming onto your property without your permission.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: lurkerwisp on November 02, 2012, 04:17:07 PM
I don't know if it helps any, but I admitted to the investigator who called about DH's college roomie that he was an alcoholic at the time and he still got his high security job in DC.  So your concern that someone will contact your neighbors is valid, but I wouldn't worry too incredibly much about them not granting clearance on the word of a nonprofessional contact.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: Jocelyn on November 03, 2012, 11:08:19 PM
I think I'd take a different approach.  I'd kill her with kindness and say, "Thanks so much for letting me know!  I will do my very best to take care of them (it).  Bye now!"  And then go inside.    Regardless of the condition of my landscaping, no matter what she says, I'd agree with her and promise to do my best.  I wouldn't get confrontational with her, I'd just take the wind right out of her sails.
I'd be afraid that this would encourage her to create a longer list of things I needed to do, and the entitled feeling that, having identified them, I would be obliged to recreate my home to her standards.
Title: Re: "Young Lady!" and a nutty neighbor issue
Post by: mmswm on November 03, 2012, 11:43:38 PM
I agree with the advise to talk to your landlord.

All of the talk of security clearances reminded me of a story about one of my father's friends.  My dad's friend is an engineer at a company that works with high level government contracts.  For years he wanted to apply for a promotion, but kept putting it off because one of the questions on the clearance paperwork asks about former/present drug use.  My dad's friend had smoked quite a bit of weed as a kid, but had long since stopped.  He thought that a "yes" answer on that question would automatically disqualify him, but lying would be just as bad.  He eventually decided that he had nothing to lose, and went ahead and submitted the paperwork with a truthful answer.  He was then called in for the interview.  It goes well until the interviewer got to that question. My dad's friend mentioned that was the question that worried him the most and assured the interviewer that it was something that was long ago left in his past.  The interviewer then reviewed the paperwork and told him "well, you were a teenager in Southern California in the 70's.  If you'd said you never smoked weed I'd have thought you were a liar."

I know that's stereotyping, but I still get a chuckle out of that story every time he tells it.