Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: lissybug on October 30, 2012, 09:40:08 PM

Title: Bringing kids
Post by: lissybug on October 30, 2012, 09:40:08 PM
So i'm a member of a roller derby league. There's only about 17 members at the moment. About half of the group have kids. Generally, kids arn't at training (twice a week). Every now and then someone does have to bring their child, but its usually a small baby (so he just sleeps the whole time) or a older child (she just plays her game console or reads the whole time).

We often do social events etc that we make family friendly. And we also go on trips to attend other league games etc which arnt so family friendly ie long drive on mini-buses, watch game, go out for some drinks after, long drive home.

We recently got a new member who has 3 children,  ages 4,6,8. She has a habit of bring her 2 youngest to training probably about once every 2 weeks. The mum tries to set them up with toys in the corner but these kids cannot sit still for more than 10 mins. The littlest one especially is always trying to run after her mum. Its becoming quite dangerous for everyone involved, as we only have a small space to roll around. No one has really said anything at this point because it feels a bit hypocritical tell her to find a babysitter when we let the other ladies who have the baby and older kid bring them. Is there a polite way of telling this woman to stop bringing her kids without being mean about it?

Also when we ask the group about whether people can attend upcoming trips, she's started making comments about wanting to come but how hard it is with the kids. It seems to us like she's hinting for someone to be all like 'oh well sure, bring the kids along!'  So far we all kind of just stay quiet when she says this. Is there a better way to handle it?
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: AuntyEm on October 30, 2012, 09:53:38 PM
Can you just say that it is too bad that her kids are at that age when they are too big to keep in a playpen (or whatever the baby is in) and too little to leave unsupervised in a hazardous environment and that you hope she can find childcare so she can go on the trips.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: White Lotus on October 30, 2012, 10:03:27 PM
Maybe whoever is in charge, if there is anybody like a coach or sponsor, might set a formal policy excluding kids who are too old to park in a playpen barring emergency?  Kids old enough to sit quietly with a book or a game can most likely safely be left at home for a couple of hours, with a phone check in or two.
Maybe hiring a group sitter or two (older sibs, maybe?) to keep the little ones out of the way and bringing all the kids to some side room at your practice rink is a plausible solution if enough agree? There have to be more solutions, but at base she needs to get politely yet firmly clued in to the ways of the team, and especially that, at practices, the team cannot be interrupted.  She also need to be clued in on which trips are kid-friendly and which are adults only.  That is not impolite; it is explaining the rules of the group.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: FoxPaws on October 30, 2012, 10:29:24 PM
I'm not exactly sure how roller derby works, but for the practice situation, I would say anytime Baby gets in the way, Mommy gets pulled out of the game/off the floor to go and deal with her and does not get back in until the next quarter/break/turnover in the game...i.e. make the interruptions strictly her problem. This can be presented as a standard rule: anytime you have to leave the game to handle a personal issue - be it a ringing phone, a wardrobe malfunction, or a crying child - you forfeit the right to play that quarter/session/term.

As for the outings - remember, hints don't require a response. Unless she flat out asks if she can bring the kids, she's just making passing comments. No one has to respond in any way. If she does ask, you can use, "I'm sorry, but that isn't possible. We'll be having [family friendly event] next month, but the road trips are for team members/adults only."

Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: Giggity on October 30, 2012, 10:58:31 PM
My league has a "no non-skaters at practice" rule. Occasionally it is waived, for emergencies, but woe be unto the girl who tries it two practices in a row.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: Roses on October 30, 2012, 11:10:47 PM
Someone (perhaps the team leader) should have a frank conversation with her about safety, both for the skaters and her children.  I think safety trumps etiquette here. 

"Skater, if your children are unable to stay in x area during practice, you will need to make other arrangements for thier care while we practice to ensure we and they do not get hurt.  Children are not allowed in X area while practice is occuring."

As for the trips, perhaps you could pose these as a weekend away for the team, no families/spouses/kids and set the policy now?
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: sparksals on October 30, 2012, 11:56:30 PM
I'm not exactly sure how roller derby works, but for the practice situation, I would say anytime Baby gets in the way, Mommy gets pulled out of the game/off the floor to go and deal with her and does not get back in until the next quarter/break/turnover in the game...i.e. make the interruptions strictly her problem. This can be presented as a standard rule: anytime you have to leave the game to handle a personal issue - be it a ringing phone, a wardrobe malfunction, or a crying child - you forfeit the right to play that quarter/session/term.

As for the outings - remember, hints don't require a response. Unless she flat out asks if she can bring the kids, she's just making passing comments. No one has to respond in any way. If she does ask, you can use, "I'm sorry, but that isn't possible. We'll be having [family friendly event] next month, but the road trips are for team members/adults only."

My gym does something like this.  They have  free child care, but the parent will be paged if the child is acting up or needs to be changed.  If the parent does not come when paged, then the child is no longer welcome in the child care facility. 
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: YummyMummy66 on October 31, 2012, 05:27:19 AM
Yes, I think you should speak to her, as with her kids running after her, this is becoming a dangerous situation, not only to the children, but also to the other roller derbie ladies.  If a little kid comes running through your practice, you could get hurt trying to avoid said child.

I think she needs to be told that if she cannot find arrangements for her children, it might be best if she is not part of the team just now.

And I would nix the kids on the bus thing for long trips right off the bat.  Tell her, hey, we would love to  have you on one of our trips, but there are no children under the age of 12 or none at all allowed on these trips.  Hope you can find child care like the rest of us have to do!

who is watching the third child? 
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: Redsoil on October 31, 2012, 06:41:40 AM
I think EtiquetteE has it.  Polite and succinct. 

As for the trips away?  Simply shut her down by saying that these trips are not designed to accommodate children, so if she wants to come, she'll have to make arrangements for her children to be cared for while she's away.  No ifs or buts.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: MyFamily on October 31, 2012, 10:03:54 AM
The difference between this woman's children and the other children is that the other children don't disrupt the practice.  Life isn't fair and just because you allow some children to attend who stay out of the way and don't put anyone at danger means that this woman can bring her kids who are at a stage in life where they are going to come and disrupt the practice because they want Mommy's attention.

And you'll have this problem again with the woman who brings her baby - they will reach a stage where they are most likely simply unable to sit in an area for a long period and not demand attention.  So, my suggestion is to make a rule that basically says children are allowed on an infrequent basis (ie no more than 1 or 2 times in a 3 month period) and that if the child disrupts the practice two times during any one practice, they are not allowed to return for a year. 
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: O'Dell on October 31, 2012, 10:30:31 AM
I agree with EttiquettE. Don't ask her not to bring the kids, ask her to deal with her kids safely. That's what others are asked to do, right?

If she can't comply, then give her a choice: find a way to make it happen or drop from the league until she can make it happen. Leave the solution up to her.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: Zilla on October 31, 2012, 10:36:22 AM
I would simply point out that to please keep the kids out of the skating area for theirs and the skaters safety.  I know it's obvious that it shouldn't have to be said but I would just to point it out.  Then if the kids do chase after her, I would suggest that it seems that they are unable to stay put and perhaps they would be better off at home.
 
And I would enforce that with any kids, not just hers.  If the other kids that comes never ever gets in the skating area, she should be able to see that and know it isn't her kids, just the safety aspect.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: mj on October 31, 2012, 10:41:26 AM
Since it is dangerous, I think the Mom needs to be talked to before the next time it happens.  Is there a leader/captain of the group?  If so, I think this person needs to have a private conversation with her explaining the safety rules and coming to some sort of solution. 
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: ilrag on October 31, 2012, 12:38:07 PM
I was on the BOD and helped coach my league for years.

The rule was if your kid disrupts practice they don't get to stay. It doesn't' matter if they physically get in the way, have a temper tantrum when the coach is speaking, or what ever else you can think of. Anything else is unfair to all of the skaters.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: BeagleMommy on October 31, 2012, 01:02:03 PM
Have the team/league captain talk to mom before she brings the kids again.  I've only seen roller derby once, but I did notice how fast the skaters move.  The thought of anyone, let alone a child, disrupting the skating could result in serious injury to either the interrupter, the skater or both.

My suggestion would be to have all members sign a paper stating that if children enter the skating rink during practice it will result in a three-game suspension of the skater responsible for the child.  After two such incidents the skater will be dismissed from the league.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: MOM21SON on October 31, 2012, 02:43:20 PM
Our derby league has 2 babysitters that I know of and their names and contact information are always available on the team website and facebook wall.  The coach often gives a shout out on FB, "Hey ladies, soandso is available tonight to babysit if you want to practice."
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: Giggity on October 31, 2012, 03:05:19 PM
Full-sized women get the hell beat out of 'em on the track. That is so very much NOT a place for children.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: MOM21SON on October 31, 2012, 03:07:30 PM
Full-sized women get the hell beat out of 'em on the track. That is so very much NOT a place for children.

Where is the like?
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: Giggity on October 31, 2012, 03:09:03 PM
Stuck inside my bearings, which direly need cleaning, I suspect.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: ilrag on October 31, 2012, 04:22:31 PM
Depends on where you skate and how often. If you skate indoors they're probably fine.  :)
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: MOM21SON on October 31, 2012, 04:32:13 PM
Depends on where you skate and how often. If you skate indoors they're probably fine.  :)

Well, providing that apppropriate dress is worn, dirt talk is not used.  depends on the team I guess.  The team I am familar with certainly should not have children at their halfnaked potty mouth practices. 
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: MeeLee on October 31, 2012, 04:34:04 PM
I can relate to this. We had a woman who would bring her teenage son to "watch" her baby. What happened was that he would put on skates and wheel around with the baby in its stroller. Someone ended up telling her she couldn't do it anymore, and she quit. So everyones happy. Our practices don't mind kids as long as they are far away from where there is skating. It's worked out for the most part.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: ilrag on October 31, 2012, 05:50:30 PM
Depends on where you skate and how often. If you skate indoors they're probably fine.  :)

Well, providing that apppropriate dress is worn, dirt talk is not used.  depends on the team I guess.  The team I am familar with certainly should not have children at their halfnaked potty mouth practices.


Hahahah oh man, I was referring to cleaning bearings.

As for the 1/2 naked potty-mouth parts? Pretty standard for any adult team I've been a part of. Except in derby you're more covered up because rink rash hurts a bunch worse then wiping out on grass.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: MOM21SON on October 31, 2012, 05:55:47 PM
Depends on where you skate and how often. If you skate indoors they're probably fine.  :)

Well, providing that apppropriate dress is worn, dirt talk is not used.  depends on the team I guess.  The team I am familar with certainly should not have children at their halfnaked potty mouth practices.


Hahahah oh man, I was referring to cleaning bearings.

As for the 1/2 naked potty-mouth parts? Pretty standard for any adult team I've been a part of. Except in derby you're more covered up because rink rash hurts a bunch worse then wiping out on grass.

ETA,  hahaha the bearings, you need to clean them lol.  Maybe thats my problem.

LOL, our girls have rink rash in places that should not be shown in public.  Trust me, I have a potty mouth and can't keep up with them.

Don't get me wrong, fun ladies, having a great time.  It is their time, they pay for the rink rental.  They should be able to enjoy themselves.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: steelstress on October 31, 2012, 06:45:25 PM
She just needs to be told by an authority figure of the league/team/whatever that if the child interrupts ONE more time, then the child needs to be taken home, not only for the child's and skaters' safety, but to protect the league from any liability should an accident happen. 

Since this has become a pattern, the next time this happens, the child will not be allowed inside in the future.  Straight up and direct.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: weeblewobble on October 31, 2012, 07:29:39 PM
I agree with EttiquettE. Don't ask her not to bring the kids, ask her to deal with her kids safely. That's what others are asked to do, right?

If she can't comply, then give her a choice: find a way to make it happen or drop from the league until she can make it happen. Leave the solution up to her.

Exactly.  The issue isn't bringing the kids, it's her inability to get the kids to stay put.  This is a ridiculously dangerous situation.  The coach/organizer needs to speak to her about it, ASAP.  All that person has to tell her is that the kids have to stay out of the skating area.  If they can't stay out of the skating area, they can't come to practice.  She has to make other arrangements for them.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: sparksals on October 31, 2012, 10:00:04 PM
Depends on where you skate and how often. If you skate indoors they're probably fine.  :)

Do you know what roller derby is?
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: Ciarrai on November 01, 2012, 09:59:43 AM
Depends on where you skate and how often. If you skate indoors they're probably fine.  :)

Do you know what roller derby is?

I believe she's talking about cleaning the bearings on her skates, not about the topic at hand regarding children.
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: ilrag on November 01, 2012, 10:10:37 AM
Yes, like I said on the first page I played, coached and helped run a league for years.

I also already clarified that that post was referring to cleaning bearings.  (It's time consuming and messy so if you don't have to do it, skip it. If you skate in doors generally you get much less dirt in your bearings.)  ;D
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: sparksals on November 01, 2012, 12:24:00 PM
Yes, like I said on the first page I played, coached and helped run a league for years.

I also already clarified that that post was referring to cleaning bearings.  (It's time consuming and messy so if you don't have to do it, skip it. If you skate in doors generally you get much less dirt in your bearings.)  ;D

I missed that.  I thought you meant if they were skating indoors, the kids would be fine.  LOL
Title: Re: Bringing kids
Post by: weeblewobble on December 10, 2012, 07:03:38 AM
Hi lissybug, Any update to this situation?