Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: Mental Magpie on November 21, 2012, 08:05:37 AM

Title: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Mental Magpie on November 21, 2012, 08:05:37 AM
I understand the concern from my one new neighbor and I am going to do what I can to stop my mom's dog (only here until Sunday) from getting into her yard.  When she told me she didn't think I was allowed to have dogs (I rent) I offered to give her my landlord's number so she could call and ask. I also understand that the trailer still parked in front of her house is a nuisance, but I didn't know my work schedule until I got here and won't be able to move it until next week. I am going to do what I can to get it more in front of my house. Her almost scolding tone annoyed me, but she is mostly blind and I understand she's just scared.

However, hearing from her that the other side neighbor is scared because she has a daycare over there and that I need to do something about it, really grinded my gears. I don't know exactly what Im supposed to do.  As long as my dogs stay out of the daycare yard, I have done something about it as far as I'm concerned.

My question is where to go from here?  I am annoyed (and stubborn), so I'm not entirely sure I'm thinking straight about this. On one hand, my concern is my dogs staying in my yard; if daycare lady has a problem she can come talk to me. On the other hand, I could put the first foot forward an go talk to her, but I'm not entirely sure I'm willing to only let my dogs out at certain times due to the daycare.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: sourwolf on November 21, 2012, 08:09:37 AM
I'd be really annoyed if there was a trailer parked in front of my house for a week!  I think you should definitely move it so it's not in the same place the entire time, even if you can't get rid of it until next week.  Frankly, I'm not sure how it's her problem that you didn't know your work schedule, but like I said, I'd be really annoyed if there was a trailer in front of my house for that long, not to mention the fact that it sounds like you got pretty snotty with her.  It would have been a lot better to just say that you'd asked the landlord and dogs were fine.  I really think you're making the situation worse, not better.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Knitterly on November 21, 2012, 08:17:21 AM
I'm sorry, but I think your stubbornness may be putting you in the wrong here.  You sound like you are being difficult. 

The best course of action would be to say something like "I am sorry about the trailer being in your way.  It will be gone in a week or so.  I am still in the process of moving and am not actually around yet."

It would be the most neighbourly for you to approach the daycare lady and discuss the dog situation with her like an adult and a good neighbour.  Maybe reassure her that the dogs are well trained and won't come into her yard (do you have a fence)?

Why are you not willing to put your dogs on a schedule that would also accomodate your neighbours?
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Zilla on November 21, 2012, 08:24:42 AM
Blind or not, a trailer in front of my house for another week would be very annoying to me as well.   I would get that moved pronto as it sounds like an error on the company's behalf of putting it in the wrong place.
 
As for your dogs and your mom's dog escaping the yard, I would immeadiately get tie downs and only let them out on the chain till they don't escape.  And especially it being a daycare next door. 
 
Sorry OP, those are not frivolous concerns and I would be apologizing if I was in your shoes.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Perfect Circle on November 21, 2012, 08:29:17 AM
Blind or not, a trailer in front of my house for another week would be very annoying to me as well.   I would get that moved pronto as it sounds like an error on the company's behalf of putting it in the wrong place.
 
As for your dogs and your mom's dog escaping the yard, I would immeadiately get tie downs and only let them out on the chain till they don't escape.  And especially it being a daycare next door. 
 
Sorry OP, those are not frivolous concerns and I would be apologizing if I was in your shoes.

I agree - these are not some petty issues she's brought to your attention.

The trailer needs to go ASAP - is there a reason it was in front of your neighbour's house in the first place? And the dog issue, you need to make sure your animals are safely contained in your own yard at any time by whatever means you have.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: WillyNilly on November 21, 2012, 08:30:01 AM
So let me get this straight, you have a dog (your mom's or not is not withstanding - its in your possession so for now its your dog) that got into her yard and you think anything she said to you was annoying?  I think you should have thanked her profusely cause I can tell you I wouldn't have spoken a word to you - I would have called the police and gotten the animal removed.  I would not stand for a dog in my yard at all for any amount of time.

And again with the trailer - are you 100% sure its legal?  Because I know in my city its illegal to A) illegal to park any vehicle unmoved for 24+ hours on a street and B) illegal to park any trailer/truck/commercial vehicle over night on the street.  So your neighbor talking to you first, no matter what tone or attitude she may have had, was actually her being quite nice and considerate of you.  Many people would just call to have it ticketed and/or towed.

Having a trailer parked in front of her home over a long holiday weekend is especially annoying probably if she's planning on having company.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: cheyne on November 21, 2012, 08:32:53 AM
It isn't her business whether you have dogs or not.  However, it is her business if your dogs are in her yard.  Do you have a fence?  Are the dogs leashed or tied up when outside?  If you are just opening the door and letting them out in an unfenced yard I can see her concern.

Please try to get the trailer moved ASAP.  Mostly blind or not, I can empathize with her if there is a trailer blocking her view of the street.

I know that moving and starting a new job are tiring and frustrating.  But remember that first impressions stick with people a long time.  These people may be your neighbors for several years, so a little extra effort on your part now can make the transition smoother for you and your neighbors.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: cicero on November 21, 2012, 08:39:02 AM
I hate to dogpile here (sorry! pun un-intended!)

but PPs are correct. If you are allowed to have dogs then you are allowed to have dogs - *that* i s not her business. but your dogs cannot get into her yard, period end of discussion.

and if i were running a day care center, and my neighbor's dog was getting out of its yard, i would be *very* concerned.

Since you want to do the right (ehell approved) thing, why not take a deep breath, regroup, and start over. get the trailor moved asap. do *whatever it is you need to do* to make sure the dogs do not escape. and take over a plate of freshly baked cookies to both neighbors, apologize, and say that you "hope we can put this behind us"
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Mental Magpie on November 21, 2012, 08:40:43 AM
To clarify: I did say I understand about the trailer and that I'm going to move it. I realize it is not her fault and I did apologize to her profusely. I have no issue with the blind neighbor and am tryin to do what I can to address her concerns. As far as being "snotty" I was anything but and I'm not sure where you got that from. I have an abbreviated summary of our discussion so as not to overload with the minutiae.  It actually started with her telling me how the previous people weren't allowed to have a dog, me explaining that I'm allowed and that 2 of them are extra just until Sunday. She expressed again that she didn't think I was allowed, so, trying to put a good foot forward, I offered to give her my landlord's number and that I wouldn't mind if she checked.

Again, I have no issue with the blind neighbor. I understand her concerns an apologized to her profusely. I was annoyed at her scolding tone because I know I deserved it. The trailer and my Kim's dog getting into her yard have been addressed (he crawled under the fence). I nee to know how to proceed with the daycare neighbor. None of the dogs have gotten into her yard.

My concern is the daycare neighbor and how to handle that situation.

As far as not being willing to put my dogs on a schedule, I'm not entirely sure. It was my gut reaction; I will think on it more an get back to you.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: sourwolf on November 21, 2012, 08:43:39 AM
It's snotty to say "call the landlord and ask" when you could have said "No, I spoke to the landlord and it's ok to have a dog."
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: onyonryngs on November 21, 2012, 08:46:13 AM
Why not just take the dogs out on leashed walks until Sunday?  If you're not able to fortify the fence so that you are 100% sure they're not going to get out, that seems like the right thing to do.  I realize it can be a bit of a hassle, but that's what you sign up for when you have pets.  You can't let them out unsupervised when you know the fence is an issue.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Zilla on November 21, 2012, 08:46:46 AM
To clarify: I did say I understand about the trailer and that I'm going to move it. I realize it is not her fault and I did apologize to her profusely. I have no issue with the blind neighbor and am tryin to do what I can to address her concerns. As far as being "snotty" I was anything but and I'm not sure where you got that from. I have an abbreviated summary of our discussion so as not to overload with the minutiae.  It actually started with her telling me how the previous people weren't allowed to have a dog, me explaining that I'm allowed and that 2 of them are extra just until Sunday. She expressed again that she didn't think I was allowed, so, trying to put a good foot forward, I offered to give her my landlord's number and that I wouldn't mind if she checked.

Again, I have no issue with the blind neighbor. I understand her concerns an apologized to her profusely. I was annoyed at her scolding tone because I know I deserved it. The trailer and my Kim's dog getting into her yard have been addressed (he crawled under the fence). I nee to know how to proceed with the daycare neighbor. None of the dogs have gotten into her yard.

My concern is the daycare neighbor and how to handle that situation.

As far as not being willing to put my dogs on a schedule, I'm not entirely sure. It was my gut reaction; I will think on it more an get back to you.

Using terms like Annoyed and Stubborn is what threw me off.
 
As for the daycare neighbor, if your dogs are completely under your control and you don't have a single incident with them escaping/barking incessantly, I wouldn't do anything until she personally approaches you.  (you said blind neighbor was the one that mentioned the daycare neighbor right?)
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Redneck Gravy on November 21, 2012, 08:48:44 AM
Addressing one issue at a time: The trailer parked in front of your neighbor's house?  Move it.  Not having enough information about it, is it a small travel trailer or a small moving van type trailer?  Can it be pushed up into your yard for the next week?  If you have the time to pull in front of your house why isn't there enough time to move it where it belongs - does it have to be towed out of town? 

If you have taken care of the fencing issue with the dogs then it has been taken care of. 

Go talk to the daycare and find out what her concerns are then you can address those. 

And I would not give anyone my landlord's number to call and confirm anything about my personal business.  You have a dog, you are allowed to have a dog, it's no one else's business what renting arrangements you have.   The last thing a landlord wants is someone calling to constantly complain about a renter and quite frankly if there are loose dog issues near a daycare that would red flag me about liability issues. 

Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 08:54:17 AM
It's snotty to say "call the landlord and ask" when you could have said "No, I spoke to the landlord and it's ok to have a dog."

I don't agree.  It sounds like the neighbor wasn't willing to believe OP when she said that the landlord said she was allowed to have it and so Op was going the extra mile and offering contact info so that the neighbor could check for herself.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: O'Dell on November 21, 2012, 08:57:02 AM
To clarify: I did say I understand about the trailer and that I'm going to move it. I realize it is not her fault and I did apologize to her profusely. I have no issue with the blind neighbor and am tryin to do what I can to address her concerns. As far as being "snotty" I was anything but and I'm not sure where you got that from. I have an abbreviated summary of our discussion so as not to overload with the minutiae.  It actually started with her telling me how the previous people weren't allowed to have a dog, me explaining that I'm allowed and that 2 of them are extra just until Sunday. She expressed again that she didn't think I was allowed, so, trying to put a good foot forward, I offered to give her my landlord's number and that I wouldn't mind if she checked.

Again, I have no issue with the blind neighbor. I understand her concerns an apologized to her profusely. I was annoyed at her scolding tone because I know I deserved it. The trailer and my Kim's dog getting into her yard have been addressed (he crawled under the fence). I nee to know how to proceed with the daycare neighbor. None of the dogs have gotten into her yard.

My concern is the daycare neighbor and how to handle that situation.

As far as not being willing to put my dogs on a schedule, I'm not entirely sure. It was my gut reaction; I will think on it more an get back to you.

The first bolded: Ditto sourwolf. It was your suggestion for her to call your landlord that came off as snotty. I'll trust that your tone wasn't snotty when you said it.

The second bolded: I know that you know that is your problem and not hers. The good news is that now you've identified that scolding triggers your stubbornness and can lead to you being unreasonable, you can work on changing that. Is that maybe why you wanted feedback from the folks here?

You've gotten enough feedback on the trailer and dog issues, but I want to suggest that you should just do something to contain the dog, preferably visible such as a chain or only letting the dog out when you are there with him, and then pretend that the neighbor lady never told you about the daycare lady's concerns. You can still go over to introduce yourself and apologize for any inconvenience you may have caused moving in or having the dog around. But don't let on that it was discussed between the neighbor lady and you. You don't know how accurate the report is and it will just be awkward.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: sourwolf on November 21, 2012, 08:58:04 AM
It's snotty to say "call the landlord and ask" when you could have said "No, I spoke to the landlord and it's ok to have a dog."

I don't agree.  It sounds like the neighbor wasn't willing to believe OP when she said that the landlord said she was allowed to have it and so Op was going the extra mile and offering contact info so that the neighbor could check for herself.
We read the OP in different ways -
Quote
When she told me she didn't think I was allowed to have dogs
To me that's not saying she didn't believe the OP after the OP said it was ok, it's saying that she didn't think dogs were allowed and instead of the OP saying they *were* she offered the landlord's phone #.  (Which, I agree with the PP who said if I was the landlord I'd be pretty annoyed that the OP was offering my phone # to the neighbor.)
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 08:59:14 AM
OP mentioned there is a fence.  I assume it is visible.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: onyonryngs on November 21, 2012, 09:01:36 AM
OP mentioned there is a fence.  I assume it is visible.

Visible, yes.  Contains the dogs, no.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Tilt Fairy on November 21, 2012, 09:03:06 AM
Im very sorry but I think you actions and justifications for those actions are completely in the wrong. I understand that it may be difficult for you to want to curb your dogs natural instinct to bound and run around but you absolutely have to. Your dog is your responsibility and it is unfair and unforgivable to impose this on your neighbours. You may have to keep the dog in the house at times if the alternative is that he pesters your neighbours. I love animals and especially dogs but you have to be a responsible dog owner and that means taking steps to ensure that nobodies peace, harmony or property is disturbed by your dog. A large dog bounding into a garden that is unknown and of unknown temperament to someone, can be scary for most people, even if they are dog lovers. I can only imagine it might be even more frightening for small children or in this case an elderly lady who is blind. When you're a dog owner, you don't just "try your best" or "do what you can" to stop dogs escaping - you absolutely have to make sure they don't. Could you build a higher fence? Can you put the dog in a very long, loose leash?

With regards to the trailer situation, it would be a nuisance to anyone but for someone who is visually impaired, it might make it harder for her to navigate as well as like you said, make things more scarey. But regardless of whether she had an impairment or not, it would be annoying for anyone. Even though you were unaware of your work schedule, could you have moved it the first day you got back from work? Can you leave it for the time being at a friend or family's house who lives nearby before you figure out a permanent place for it?

If I were you, I would move the trailer asap and visit both the neighbours house in a friendly manner and maybe even with a store-bought or baked cake and apologise to neighbour 1 for having kept the trailer there for so long - but it is now moved and reassure her and neighbour no.2 that the dogs will not run into their garden. This does not mean saying you will try your best to make sure it doesn't happen. You have to reassure them that you have or will actively take steps that will cause 0% chance of the dog running into their gardens.

*Sorry, I posted that before I read your clarification. Yes if I were you, I would approach the daycare neighbour and introduce yourself and tell her about how you will contain her dog to keep her mind at peace. Be friendly, take her concerns into consideration and don't be defensive. She's looking after children so even one small dog escape mistake, even if it just happens once, could be very concerning. Parents may be reluctant to leave their kids their if there is a chance a dog might run in (even though i'm sure your dog is lovely). If you legitimately listen to her worries and be friendly and accommodating about being a good neighbour and dog owner, I can't see how the conversation will go anything but well.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 09:03:17 AM
OP mentioned there is a fence.  I assume it is visible.

Visible, yes.  Contains the dogs, no.

According to OP, that has been addressed.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: O'Dell on November 21, 2012, 09:05:33 AM
OP mentioned there is a fence.  I assume it is visible.

Even if there is a fence, it's not doing it's job. Any fix that MM uses should be visible so that the neighbors can *see* that the dog won't get away again. That way any concerned neighbors seeing the dog out can *see* that MM has done something about it rather than watching and worrying that it will happen again. (I say this from long experience with neighbors letting their dogs get out...hunting dogs which ran hither and yon after domestic and wild animals  ::))
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 09:08:41 AM
OP mentioned there is a fence.  I assume it is visible.

Even if there is a fence, it's not doing it's job. Any fix that MM uses should be visible so that the neighbors can *see* that the dog won't get away again. That way any concerned neighbors seeing the dog out can *see* that MM has done something about it rather than watching and worrying that it will happen again. (I say this from long experience with neighbors letting their dogs get out...hunting dogs which ran hither and yon after domestic and wild animals  ::))

The dog dug under the fence which means the fix was down below and probably not easily seen, especially to a blind neighbor. SInce that is the only person who has expressed concern I don't know what else she is to do.  I wouldn't let them onto the property to examine it.  I suppose they could check it from their side if they wished.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Shoo on November 21, 2012, 09:10:37 AM
You should really make sure your trailer is parked legally, or else you risk getting a huge daily fine.  I wouldn't wait on this.  Where I live, a trailer cannot be parked on the street AT ALL if it is unhitched from its tow vehicle.

Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 09:11:50 AM
You should really make sure your trailer is parked legally, or else you risk getting a huge daily fine.  I wouldn't wait on this.  Where I live, a trailer cannot be parked on the street AT ALL if it is unhitched from its tow vehicle.

That does sound like something to follow up on.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: O'Dell on November 21, 2012, 09:18:07 AM
OP mentioned there is a fence.  I assume it is visible.

Even if there is a fence, it's not doing it's job. Any fix that MM uses should be visible so that the neighbors can *see* that the dog won't get away again. That way any concerned neighbors seeing the dog out can *see* that MM has done something about it rather than watching and worrying that it will happen again. (I say this from long experience with neighbors letting their dogs get out...hunting dogs which ran hither and yon after domestic and wild animals  ::))

The dog dug under the fence which means the fix was down below and probably not easily seen, especially to a blind neighbor. SInce that is the only person who has expressed concern I don't know what else she is to do.  I wouldn't let them onto the property to examine it.  I suppose they could check it from their side if they wished.

My suggestions had nothing to do with the fence or letting people onto the property to inspect it. I won't repeat my suggestions on containing the dog from my first post.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: ilrag on November 21, 2012, 09:23:49 AM
OP it sounds like you made some missteps when you first moved in.  I understand that you fixed the fence - are you sure that there's no place your dogs can escape again?

Bad first impressions can take a while to correct. If I were you I'd make an extra effort to be nice and show the neighbors that it was just moving crazies that got you started on the wrong foot, but don't expect them to get over it right away.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: JenJay on November 21, 2012, 09:25:49 AM

My concern is the daycare neighbor and how to handle that situation.


I would go over, knock on her door, and introduce myself. I'd give her a slip of paper with my name and phone number and reassure her that two of the dogs are only visiting until Sunday, you've fixed the area of the fence the dog had snuck under, and she's more than welcome to give you a call if she has any more concerns about the dogs.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: jaxsue on November 21, 2012, 09:30:38 AM
Am I right in that there are 3 dogs currently, and 2 of them until Sunday? OP, your new neighbor sees 3 dogs, and at least one of them has gotten loose and run into their yard. Honestly, I'd question whether a renter can have that many dogs (yes, I realize 2 are moms and will be there short-term, but first impressions and all). When I rented, I was allowed 1 cat. Even bringing in another cat for catsitting purposes was not allowed. I'd check that out with your landlord as well.

And parking a trailer in front of my home for days at a time, with no explanation from its owner, would definitely make me unhappy. It's not the same as a car. It's big, it's unsightly, and in many places it's illegal.

As a PP said, you only have one chance to make a first impression. You have some fences to mend here.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 09:32:46 AM
That assumes there is any daycare situation at all. It is possible the neighbor has invoked them to give her complaints more muscle.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Tilt Fairy on November 21, 2012, 09:45:36 AM
That assumes there is any daycare situation at all. It is possible the neighbor has invoked them to give her complaints more muscle.

Speculation that it's a lie is based on no evidence and is irrelevant anyway. Daycare or not, the dog shouldn't be running into the garden. It doesn't matter if the garden is full of kids 24/7 or is empty and unused 24/7.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 10:05:52 AM
It isn't running into a garden anymore. It dug its way out, OP fixed the problem.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Knitterly on November 21, 2012, 10:32:53 AM
OP, in your followup post, you mentioned apologizing (profusely).  But that information is not in your opening post, and it has been my experience that this is where people get the information they go on for the rest of the thread.  Maybe you could edit your original post to indicate that you did apologize? 

My opinion is that you should put your stubbornness aside, and make the first move in going to talk to Daycare Neighbour.  After all, she wasn't the one who took the sharp tone with you.  It could very well be that she voiced a brief concern to the other neighbour who just sort of ran with it. 

As others have mentioned, first impressions go a long way.  Going over with a plate (or a tin if you're not inclined to bake) of cookies would go far - at least with me.  Maybe you can say something like "I found out that one of my dogs dug their way out while I was not home.  One of the other neighbours mentioned that it was concerning as you own a daycare.  I just wanted you to know that I have taken care of the situation and it won't happen again."

Don't offer to put your dogs on a schedule.  She may not insist on it or even think about it.  It may very well be that all she needs is to know that you have taken care of the situation and that it won't happen again.

The trailer situation will take care of itself as I presume you have already made plans to get the trailer out of there as soon as all your things are in your house.

Maybe you can also take a plate or tin of cookies over to the neighbour who complained and say something like how you regret getting off on the wrong foot, reiterate that you've fixed the problem with the fence and assure her that the dog won't get out again (and maybe let her know that you only have the one and that the other two left or will be leaving with your mother).

These are just ideas.  I do think that the first impression could be easy enough to fix.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: BabyMama on November 21, 2012, 10:45:07 AM
I'd just like to note that some people see a new homeowner as a "changing of the guard", if you will, and feel like they can voice their concerns right away. When we moved into our house, the next door neighbors (who didn't even live there, they rent the house out) came over to scold us about the pile of gravel rocks in our yard (I assume the previous homeowners had recently graveled the driveway, ended up with extra rock, and didn't know what to do with it so just left it there.) Yes, we agree it's unsightly, and will do something about it--after we have moved our furniture inside, though, OK?   ::)

That said, I can see the other issues too. My grandma is getting more feeble and doesn't see as well, and we've been reminded several times to make sure our dogs are not underfoot (not us in particular, but my sister and uncle have young dogs that are pretty lively, so it's a valid concern.) And a trailer in front of my house would be annoying too, especially if I didn't know when it was going to be gone.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: TootsNYC on November 21, 2012, 10:46:11 AM
The daycare neighbor hasn't approached you. So I wouldn't bother approaching her.

Just figure out how to make extra sure the dogs *can't* get out of your yard. Get a long chain for them. Or if they're only visiting for a week, then just keep them inside and do potty breaks on a leash.

The trailer is annoying, but you know what? It's a public street. As long as its' *legal* to park it there, I don't think you need to be that apologetic anymore.

Get rid of it as fast as you can, and put it in front of your house or in your drive if at all possible.

I'd just like to note that some people see a new homeowner as a "changing of the guard", if you will, and feel like they can voice their concerns right away.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: stargazer on November 21, 2012, 10:48:24 AM
It isn't running into a garden anymore. It dug its way out, OP fixed the problem.

Please quote where she fixed the problem because I must have missed that post.  Her first post said this :"I am going to do what I can to stop my mom's dog (only here until Sunday) from getting into her yard" which is NOT the same as actually fixing it. 
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Isisnin on November 21, 2012, 11:15:53 AM
Another viewpoint ... OP, you don't actually know that the daycare neighbor (DN) said anything about your dogs.  You only know for sure that the blind neighbor (BN) says daycare neighbor mentioned concern about the dogs.  Daycare neighbor may not have said anything or perhaps when blind neighbor mentioned your dogs to the daycare neighbor, DN may just have mumbled some social nicety thinking that it was pointless to disagree with BN.  You learned that yourself OP, when BN continued to say your LL wouldn't like the dogs even though you had explained that they were ok.

So I wouldn't approach the DN about the dogs.  Just be sure to normally courteous about them.

You may want to speak to your LL about the BN.  Especially if she now has your LL's phone number (she may have it anyways).  She could be the type that complains a lot - even under the guise of neighborly concern.  By explaining to your LL that there was one "getaway" of one dog and the problem has been corrected and won't reoccur, the LL would be ready for any call from the BN.  And the LL may mention whether or not the BN is a complainer.

Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 21, 2012, 12:18:02 PM
The trailer and my Kim's dog getting into her yard have been addressed (he crawled under the fence). I nee to know how to proceed with the daycare neighbor. None of the dogs have gotten into her yard.

Here's where MM said the issue with the dog(s) escaping was addressed.

Magpie, I would wait until you see the daycare neighbour out and about.  Introduce yourself, have a little chat and then just casually mention that BN was concerned about the dogs being next door to the daycare.  And ask if she would like your phone number in case there is ever an issue that needs to be addressed.  I wouldn't march over and knock on her door or anything.

If the trailer is legally allowed to be on the street, you don't need to move it.  But if there is space and you can move it more in front of your own house, that would definitely be better.

I was sort of BN a few years ago.  My neighbours moved in on a very snowy day.  Our driveways are shared at the bottom and their moving truck was angled in such a way that he was partially in my driveway.  Additionally, their car was parked in front of my house.  I needed to clear the driveway and I was definitely miffed at these inconveniences.  I didn't say anything to them, however, and just cleaned my driveway, grumbling under my breath the whole time.  And then when I got inside and started to relax, I rolled my eyes at myself.  I sure wouldn't want to have to move on a day like that!  They introduced themselves a few days later and we've been friends ever since.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: stargazer on November 21, 2012, 12:51:59 PM
OP, if, in the 35 minutes between your first and second post, you were able to fix both the trailer issue and dog issue, why didn't you just do so before this?
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Pippen on November 21, 2012, 01:05:13 PM
It could be one of those 'I'll believe it when I see it." situations where despite assurances people are skeptical anyway. You might just need to give them a say in handling the dog situation. Instead of saying the dog is just there until Sunday ask them what they require from you to make them feel more comfortable about the situation and then follow through on the requests or at least negotiate some compromise. That really shows you are listening to their concerns and taking action on them.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: bansidhe on November 21, 2012, 01:05:37 PM
For those posters who are suggesting that the OP put the dogs on chains or tie-outs: this is dangerous, tends to produce behavior and aggression problems in dogs, and in many areas, it is illegal.


My concern is the daycare neighbor and how to handle that situation.


I would go over, knock on her door, and introduce myself. I'd give her a slip of paper with my name and phone number and reassure her that two of the dogs are only visiting until Sunday, you've fixed the area of the fence the dog had snuck under, and she's more than welcome to give you a call if she has any more concerns about the dogs.

Pod to this. Even if daycare neighbor hasn't said anything to anyone and the dogs haven't caused any problems there, it's probably good to introduce yourself. OP's dogs are big (and fuzzy and adorable!) so some people may be frightened of them. Knowing that the owner is a decent person may help alleviate some of that - and anyway, it's just a nice thing to do.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: TurtleDove on November 21, 2012, 01:13:53 PM
Even if daycare neighbor hasn't said anything to anyone and the dogs haven't caused any problems there, it's probably good to introduce yourself. OP's dogs are big (and fuzzy and adorable!) so some people may be frightened of them. Knowing that the owner is a decent person may help alleviate some of that - and anyway, it's just a nice thing to do.

I agree with this.  I like to look at photos of dogs.  That said, I am afraid of dogs.  Not a clinical phobia, but I think sometime animal lovers forget that many people are legitimately afraid of dogs - especially certain breeds and dogs over a certain size.  I used to have a neighbor with a pitbull tied up in the yard that would bark and lunge at me (its chain allowed it within inches of the sidewalk) at me every time I ran past and it scared me every time to the point I would scream in fear.  I guess my point is that even adorable dogs (that pitbull was adorable....from a distance) can be scary for adults, let alone children.  I think it makes sense to introduce yourself and see if there is any way to have the dog issue not be "an issue" with the daycare.  The daycare lady may be concerned she will lose business.  I know I would not want my child around dogs when I am not there because, well, like I said, I am afraid of them.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: TootsNYC on November 21, 2012, 01:28:55 PM
It could be one of those 'I'll believe it when I see it." situations where despite assurances people are skeptical anyway. You might just need to give them a say in handling the dog situation. Instead of saying the dog is just there until Sunday ask them what they require from you to make them feel more comfortable about the situation and then follow through on the requests or at least negotiate some compromise. That really shows you are listening to their concerns and taking action on them.

No, that gives them way too much control.

Especially since there hasn't even been an incident w/ the daycare people, and there's only been one incident w/ the Blind Neighbor.

Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: onyonryngs on November 21, 2012, 01:35:44 PM
Pod to this. Even if daycare neighbor hasn't said anything to anyone and the dogs haven't caused any problems there, it's probably good to introduce yourself. OP's dogs are big (and fuzzy and adorable!) so some people may be frightened of them. Knowing that the owner is a decent person may help alleviate some of that - and anyway, it's just a nice thing to do.

Ok, wait, maybe I missed something.  I thought it was mom's 2 dogs that were getting out.  So OP has 2 of her own so there are 4 dogs total that are getting out?  I still don't think it's a good idea to leave dogs in a backyard unsupervised (if the issue with the hole has been addressed - I read the "addressed" as just being addressed with the neighbor), especially in a new neighborhood they're not used to yet.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 01:38:31 PM
I believe there are 3 dogs but 2 will be gone shortly. Only one has gotten ou and that was only one time.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: stargazer on November 21, 2012, 01:43:55 PM
I believe there are 3 dogs but 2 will be gone shortly. Only one has gotten ou and that was only one time.

No, the OP has at least two from what she has posted before.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Kiwichick on November 21, 2012, 02:09:44 PM
I believe there are 3 dogs but 2 will be gone shortly. Only one has gotten ou and that was only one time.

No, the OP has at least two from what she has posted before.

I'm fairly sure they are very large dogs too so I understand the concern for having them run amok around wee kids.

OP you say three times you'll 'do what I can' to keep the dogs in and/or move the trailer. Honestly if I got that vibe from a new neighbour I wouldn't bother discussing any problems in future I'd got straight to animal control or another appropriate authority.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Dr. F. on November 21, 2012, 03:38:25 PM
I believe there are 3 dogs but 2 will be gone shortly. Only one has gotten ou and that was only one time.

No, the OP has at least two from what she has posted before.

I'm fairly sure they are very large dogs too so I understand the concern for having them run amok around wee kids.

OP you say three times you'll 'do what I can' to keep the dogs in and/or move the trailer. Honestly if I got that vibe from a new neighbour I wouldn't bother discussing any problems in future I'd got straight to animal control or another appropriate authority.

Um, I'm not sure what you want the OP to do above and beyond what she can? ???

One of my dogs escaped the day I moved into my new place. It was a new place, and he was confused. He hasn't done it since.  I don't see how a single, isolated incident equals "allowing big dogs to run amok around a day care!!!"

Of course, all dog owners should do all they can to restrain their dogs. No argument. But, wow.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Kiwichick on November 21, 2012, 03:50:29 PM
No need for the snark.  I'd expect her to absolutely keep her dogs in her yard and out of mine, not 'do what she could'.  If it means keeping all three inside all day every day too bad. 

Please don't ramp up the drama by misquoting me and putting words in my mouth I didn't say "allowing big dogs to run amok around a day care!!!" I said I understood the neighbours concern. As far as the neighbours know MM lets her dogs run amok because that's what they've seen in the short time she's lived there.

I've owned big dogs myself and people are more wary of them around little kids simply because they can knock them over with their tails and quite often their teeth are level with the kids faces.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Zilla on November 21, 2012, 03:50:38 PM
I believe there are 3 dogs but 2 will be gone shortly. Only one has gotten ou and that was only one time.

No, the OP has at least two from what she has posted before.

I'm fairly sure they are very large dogs too so I understand the concern for having them run amok around wee kids.

OP you say three times you'll 'do what I can' to keep the dogs in and/or move the trailer. Honestly if I got that vibe from a new neighbour I wouldn't bother discussing any problems in future I'd got straight to animal control or another appropriate authority.

Um, I'm not sure what you want the OP to do above and beyond what she can? ???

One of my dogs escaped the day I moved into my new place. It was a new place, and he was confused. He hasn't done it since.  I don't see how a single, isolated incident equals "allowing big dogs to run amok around a day care!!!"

Of course, all dog owners should do all they can to restrain their dogs. No argument. But, wow.
I took her response as per the bolded as I will do the best I can but if it happens, shrugs.  That's the vibe I get as well plus with OP being annoyed and stubborn comment.  It's very different if she had posted, "The dogs got out but I did this and that to ensure it won't happen again."  She never used that wording to give confidence or assurance the neighbor was asking for.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 03:58:13 PM
It sounds as if they have seen one dog get out once. To me that is quite different from them seeing dogs running amok. It happened once, with one dog, ftom OPs description. Characterizing that as if the only thing neighbors have seen are dogs running amok seems deliberately falsr anf uncharitable.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: ladyknight1 on November 21, 2012, 04:03:47 PM
OP, as long as you prevent the dogs from escaping your yard, you will be able to overcome these issues. Will you continue to watch Kim's dogs on a regular basis? If so, you may need to replace or reinforce the fence. You didn't ask for them, but here are some ((hugs)).

Regardless to their being a daycare in the neighborhood or not, this sounds like a residential area. I don't see why there would be harsher rules about dogs because someone has a home-based daycare.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Kiwichick on November 21, 2012, 04:08:27 PM
It sounds as if they have seen one dog get out once. To me that is quite different from them seeing dogs running amok. It happened once, with one dog, ftom OPs description. Characterizing that as if the only thing neighbors have seen are dogs running amok seems deliberately falsr anf uncharitable.

Again, don't misquote me. I didn't characterise it as they the only thing they have seen, I said I could understand 'the concern for having them run amok around wee kids'.  Misquoting me and second guessing my motives seems fairly false and uncharitable too. 

A dog's owner is responsible for keeping the dog under control.  Having the dog out of her control in her first week of living there would put me on notice that the new neighbour may not be that concerned about her responsibilities.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Sharnita on November 21, 2012, 04:10:13 PM
Just thought to wonder if the day care is required to maintain the fenceline for the safety of their kids in general? They wouldn't want kids to slip out, hurt themselves, etc. That might be why there was only a problem on one side.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Jaelle on November 21, 2012, 04:32:36 PM
I agree with Sharnita. Folks seem to be acting very uncharitable toward the OP.  ???  The way I'm reading it, one dog (who won't even be there past Sunday) got out and in the neighbor's yard, once. The OP believes she has fixed the situation. (Hence, "will do what I can." What more can she do?)

I also took the "call the landlord" thing as a way to deal with someone who just wouldn't believe her. I thought it was more polite and reassuring than just "well, I am," myself.

To address the question, I think it would be nice to introduce yourself to the daycare owner. I don't think I'd even bring the dogs up unless she/he asked ... if she/he does, then you can address it.

As far as the trailer, I agree with TootsNYC. It's a public street. Just get it out of there as soon as you can.

Good luck, OP.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: WillyNilly on November 21, 2012, 04:38:28 PM
I took her response as per the bolded as I will do the best I can but if it happens, shrugs.  That's the vibe I get as well plus with OP being annoyed and stubborn comment.  It's very different if she had posted, "The dogs got out but I did this and that to ensure it won't happen again."  She never used that wording to give confidence or assurance the neighbor was asking for.

To be honest that's how I read it too.  That she would try to keep the dogs contained but wasn't all that super concerned and that she thought the neighbors should have a level of understanding that dogs sometime escape. 

IMO once is one time too many and she needs to make extra super duper sure the dogs are contained, there should be zero wiggle room with this issue.  If the dog dug under the fence once, it can do it again - so the dogs cannot be out in the yard unsupervised unless the fence has been set down in to the ground or some sort of barrier has been installed or whatever one does to stop a dog from digging.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: ladyknight1 on November 21, 2012, 04:41:21 PM
The daycare neighbor hasn't approached you. So I wouldn't bother approaching her.

Just figure out how to make extra sure the dogs *can't* get out of your yard. Get a long chain for them. Or if they're only visiting for a week, then just keep them inside and do potty breaks on a leash.

The trailer is annoying, but you know what? It's a public street. As long as its' *legal* to park it there, I don't think you need to be that apologetic anymore.

Get rid of it as fast as you can, and put it in front of your house or in your drive if at all possible.

I'd just like to note that some people see a new homeowner as a "changing of the guard", if you will, and feel like they can voice their concerns right away.

I highlighted the bit that makes perfect sense to me. Even in tightly controlled home owner association communities here, you can have your trailer/RV/etc parked on the street for a week per month. In many of our neighborhoods, houses are on flag lots, and have next to no frontage, so it would be in front of the neighbor's home. I don't understand why the OP is being criticized for that.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: Isisnin on November 21, 2012, 05:55:29 PM
I agree with Sharnita. Folks seem to be acting very uncharitable toward the OP.  ???  The way I'm reading it, one dog (who won't even be there past Sunday) got out and in the neighbor's yard, once. The OP believes she has fixed the situation. (Hence, "will do what I can." What more can she do?)

...

I agree with Sharnita also.  And now Elephantschild also.
Title: Re: Already making enemies and I just moved in
Post by: jaxsue on November 21, 2012, 06:35:52 PM
I believe there are 3 dogs but 2 will be gone shortly. Only one has gotten ou and that was only one time.

No, the OP has at least two from what she has posted before.

I'm fairly sure they are very large dogs too so I understand the concern for having them run amok around wee kids.

OP you say three times you'll 'do what I can' to keep the dogs in and/or move the trailer. Honestly if I got that vibe from a new neighbour I wouldn't bother discussing any problems in future I'd got straight to animal control or another appropriate authority.

Um, I'm not sure what you want the OP to do above and beyond what she can? ???

One of my dogs escaped the day I moved into my new place. It was a new place, and he was confused. He hasn't done it since.  I don't see how a single, isolated incident equals "allowing big dogs to run amok around a day care!!!"

Of course, all dog owners should do all they can to restrain their dogs. No argument. But, wow.

I believe you could make your point without being snarky.