Etiquette Hell

Hostesses With The Mostest => Entertaining and Hospitality => Topic started by: Danika on December 12, 2012, 02:02:10 AM

Title: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 12, 2012, 02:02:10 AM
My neighbors and I generally give each other cards for the holidays and a small gift (food, plant, ornament, etc.). There are 8 houses that do this and there's no gift exchange. We just leave them on each other's doorsteps when we have time. I usually bake some type of cookies and give them out. One of the neighbors, Becky, also usually has a small gathering at her house one night for the ladies. Dinner is potluck and she'll provide dessert.

One year, I baked 5 different kinds of cookies/treats and gave about 10 of each kind on a platter to each neighbor. Let's say the different kinds of cookies were A, B, C, D and E. A few days later, at the ladies' gathering, on the dessert tray that Becky provided were three of my 5 types of cookies, plus a few other things she'd added. I realized they were a gift, and hers to do with as she pleased. At the time, it amused me somewhat, because it made it clear to me that she clearly really liked cookie types A and B as she didn't provide any of those on the plate, but 8 or 9 of each of C, D and E were there. That indicated to me that she or someone in her family had tasted C, D and E and determined that they weren't as worthy of saving for later.

This year, I didn't have time to bake and so I bought the neighbors toffee from a specific company and each piece is individually wrapped in foil with their logo. At Becky's party a week later, there were various desserts and a bowl full of the toffee that I had given her.

I do understand that the gifts are hers to share. I just don't think that I, personally, would have offered people desserts that they would all recognize. Especially if the original desert giver were present. Would you do this?
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: blarg314 on December 12, 2012, 02:36:16 AM

I wouldn't be bothered at all by someone doing this, and might do it myself.  During the holiday season, putting out gifted treats to share can be a survival tactic, rather than a deliberate slight.

Cookies in particular don't last forever, and at Christmas it's easy to be overwhelmed by masses of baked goods and sweets - both stuff you've made/bought yourself, and stuff you've been gifted.  If you *don't* share them, you may end out throwing them out after they go stale, or when you hit a point in mid January where you don't want to face another gingerbread cookie or shortbread. Sharing the goodies can get the maximum enjoyment from the maximum number of people, without wasting stuff.

Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: wallaby on December 12, 2012, 02:43:49 AM

Assuming she is not doing or saying anything else to make you feel she does not appreciate your baking and/or choice of gift, I would not necessarily interpret the same way as you. In fact, I kind of think it is a compliment, in that she obviously thinks your baking and choice of toffee are high quality enough to serve to her guests! No hostess wants to serve yuck food. Regarding the cookies/treats that weren't served, perhaps they were just her particular favorites and she had already eaten them?

In my own home, we are typically flooded with all different kinds of treats at Christmas that we don't normally have in the house. If she has a similar over-supply of sweets, sharing with guests could also be her way of making sure they are eaten and not wasted (as per what Blarg posted while I was typing...).
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 12, 2012, 09:26:48 AM
I would probably serve them, too.  Because the only waste of Christmas baking for me is spelled 'waist'.   ;D
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: onyonryngs on December 12, 2012, 09:32:27 AM
I don't think it's inconsiderate at all.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Two Ravens on December 12, 2012, 10:34:24 AM
Why would you think that it is inconsiderate? Inconsiderate to who?

If anything, she is giving you an chance to see your gift enjoyed.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: LazyDaisy on December 12, 2012, 10:36:00 AM
Another vote for not rude, but maybe thoughtless. The only minor issue could be that it does have the appearance of "regifting" in front of the person who gave the gift. "I don't want these, here you take them." To spare your feelings, perhaps she should have passed them along to someone else privately so you wouldn't know.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Hmmmmm on December 12, 2012, 10:40:39 AM
Why would you think that it is inconsiderate? Inconsiderate to who?

If anything, she is giving you an chance to see your gift enjoyed.
POD'ing with this.

And given that if you gave her 10 cookies of 5 different types, that is 50 cookies.  While I don't know the size of her family that seems like a lot for them to consume, especially if they receive cookies from others or bake their own. 

I know a friend holds an open house each year and the majority of the sweets out are gifts from neighbors and friends who are in attendance.

Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: WillyNilly on December 12, 2012, 10:47:40 AM
Wait, inconsiderate?  I thought that's why people gave batches of cookies: To serve at their holiday get togethers!  You don't actually expect she and her family eat all the cookies themselves do you?

I think it was a compliment - as already pointed out no one wants to serve yucky treats at their party, she obviously deemed them party quality.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Deetee on December 12, 2012, 10:53:21 AM
Why would you think that it is inconsiderate? Inconsiderate to who?

If anything, she is giving you an chance to see your gift enjoyed.

Podding this to the nth.

I think it's a great thing to do. You get to see your gift enjoyed and she does not eat 50 cookies. I think this is the opposite of inconsiderate. I think it is reasonable and kind and hospitable.

Your treat is being enjoyed with friends and family which is exactly the right thing to happen to treats. This is the happy ending that holiday cookies are made for.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: bah12 on December 12, 2012, 10:56:45 AM
Add me on in saying it's not rude.  I do this myself.  We are overwhelmed with cookies and baked goods during the holiday seasons and if we didn't share them with houseguests, then we'd have to throw them out as there are literally too many for us to eat. 

I've seen this done with things I've provided as well.  I think it's pretty common.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 12, 2012, 11:05:43 AM
Another vote for not rude, but maybe thoughtless. The only minor issue could be that it does have the appearance of "regifting" in front of the person who gave the gift. "I don't want these, here you take them." To spare your feelings, perhaps she should have passed them along to someone else privately so you wouldn't know.

This is what I was feeling. Like she was regifting in front of me. But I'm glad that most people don't seem to think that I should feel slighted.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Rohanna on December 12, 2012, 11:17:16 AM
My husband does a cookie exchange at work specifically so that no one has to bake a zillion kinds of cookies for their family parties. Actually, we are baking a gross of cookies today (sugar-cookie cinnamon rolls :) ) because he has to bring them in this week. Trust me, I am not planning to personally consume 12 dozen cookies- they will be out for parties and general nibbling :)
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Two Ravens on December 12, 2012, 11:52:55 AM
Another vote for not rude, but maybe thoughtless. The only minor issue could be that it does have the appearance of "regifting" in front of the person who gave the gift. "I don't want these, here you take them." To spare your feelings, perhaps she should have passed them along to someone else privately so you wouldn't know.

This is what I was feeling. Like she was regifting in front of me. But I'm glad that most people don't seem to think that I should feel slighted.

I don't think you can call this 're-gifting' unless she gave the whole batch to someone. Think of it this way, if you have given her a bottle of wine, and she offered to pour a glass for anyone who wanted some, would that be re-gifting as well?
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Hmmmmm on December 12, 2012, 12:27:02 PM
Another vote for not rude, but maybe thoughtless. The only minor issue could be that it does have the appearance of "regifting" in front of the person who gave the gift. "I don't want these, here you take them." To spare your feelings, perhaps she should have passed them along to someone else privately so you wouldn't know.

This is what I was feeling. Like she was regifting in front of me. But I'm glad that most people don't seem to think that I should feel slighted.

Danika, Was it your expectation that the family would eat all of the cookies you provided?  I'm like WillyNilly, Christmas treats are to be shared with friends.  Regifting would be if she took your cookies, packed them up as individual party favors and handed them out to the guests to take home. 
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: jaxsue on December 12, 2012, 12:36:51 PM
Why would you think that it is inconsiderate? Inconsiderate to who?

If anything, she is giving you an chance to see your gift enjoyed.

ITA.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Moray on December 12, 2012, 12:49:45 PM
Honestly, I'd be flattered.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: dawbs on December 12, 2012, 12:52:01 PM
I'm in the "I thought this was the point of gifting cookies" camp.

Honestly, that's why I send several batches to my parent's house early--not for them to eat (although they're welcome to) but so they have something to serve at holiday gatherings.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Lynn2000 on December 12, 2012, 12:54:33 PM
Another vote for not rude, but maybe thoughtless. The only minor issue could be that it does have the appearance of "regifting" in front of the person who gave the gift. "I don't want these, here you take them." To spare your feelings, perhaps she should have passed them along to someone else privately so you wouldn't know.

This is the way I look at it, too. I wouldn't be storming out sobbing or anything, but I would kind of wonder if maybe she didn't like them so much. My mom bakes a lot of cookies to give to others, but we don't seem to know many other bakers so our house is not flooded with treats at Christmastime. :( So if we receive a treat and really like it, we keep it and eat it; if we receive a treat and don't like it as much, we'll take it to another holiday gathering (at which the original giver isn't present). Not to say we didn't appreciate the thought and effort of the original giver, but we want to spent our calories on the stuff we like absolutely the best, but don't want to see the rest go to waste--maybe someone else will really like what we didn't.

The thing I find funny about the OP's situation is that since everyone present received cookies from the OP, they're all going to recognize the cookies Becky put out as being from the OP. On the off chance she was trying to pretend she had made them, well, pretty silly plan!
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: WillyNilly on December 12, 2012, 12:55:31 PM
You know, I wonder too, if she was thinking you might be offended if she didn't put out some of your cookies.  Perhaps she was afraid you would think her opinion of your cookies was so low she was embarrassed to put them out, if she hadn't; she might have felt obligated to share them.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Moray on December 12, 2012, 12:58:48 PM
Another vote for not rude, but maybe thoughtless. The only minor issue could be that it does have the appearance of "regifting" in front of the person who gave the gift. "I don't want these, here you take them." To spare your feelings, perhaps she should have passed them along to someone else privately so you wouldn't know.

This is the way I look at it, too. I wouldn't be storming out sobbing or anything, but I would kind of wonder if maybe she didn't like them so much. My mom bakes a lot of cookies to give to others, but we don't seem to know many other bakers so our house is not flooded with treats at Christmastime. :( So if we receive a treat and really like it, we keep it and eat it; if we receive a treat and don't like it as much, we'll take it to another holiday gathering (at which the original giver isn't present). Not to say we didn't appreciate the thought and effort of the original giver, but we want to spent our calories on the stuff we like absolutely the best, but don't want to see the rest go to waste--maybe someone else will really like what we didn't.

The thing I find funny about the OP's situation is that since everyone present received cookies from the OP, they're all going to recognize the cookies Becky put out as being from the OP. On the off chance she was trying to pretend she had made them, well, pretty silly plan!

You know, if she had sent the cookies home with the attendees, I could see your point. But that's not what happened here. Becky just set them out as part of the "nibbles". Like "Hey, I got these tasty things. Let's eat them!"
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: gramma dishes on December 12, 2012, 01:01:54 PM
You know, since there are a number of neighbors involved in this casual "doorstep" gift exchange it's entirely possible that some of the other treats there were also baked or made by a different neighbor or several of them. 

I wouldn't be offended at all.  I might giggle a bit about the ones that did NOT appear being the obvious family favorites, but I actually think she was just sharing the wealth here with your other neighbors, perhaps not even knowing (for sure at least) than you had also given other neighbors the same cookies.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 12, 2012, 01:12:36 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

When I bake stuff for my neighbors, I hope it is for their own consumption and for their family and friends. But I already gave the same cookies/treats to all of our other neighbors so 1) the other neighbors know these were from me and already have some at home so they might not be in the mood to eat more of them at someone else's house and 2) I feel embarrassed like this hostess is saying she has too many and/or doesn't like them and is trying to get others to finish the batch for her. It makes me feel like these are the rejects. Especially since the first time, Becky didn't offer any of A and B (the ones that are expensive and more like delicacies) and offered the C D and E types of treats which are more run-of-the-mill. But that first time, I mostly just took it as a compliment because A and B were painstakingly hard to make and used expensive ingredients, so I was glad to know they were truly appreciated.


You know, I wonder too, if she was thinking you might be offended if she didn't put out some of your cookies.  Perhaps she was afraid you would think her opinion of your cookies was so low she was embarrassed to put them out, if she hadn't; she might have felt obligated to share them.

I never considered that at all! Glad you pointed it out.


...I actually think she was just sharing the wealth here with your other neighbors, perhaps not even knowing (for sure at least) than you had also given other neighbors the same cookies.

It's generally the same group of us who give each other things, so she most likely knows who gave what. Plus, only two others and I tend to give edible items - one neighbor always gives fudge and the other always gives graham cracker bars. The rest give candles and house plants.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: DottyG on December 12, 2012, 01:22:04 PM
Quote
But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it.

And that wouldn't offend me at all.  I think it'd be a nice gesture to be serving it - regardless of when it is.

Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: DavidH on December 12, 2012, 01:22:14 PM
I suppose people have different standards about what they serve.  I usually think that what you put out for guests is what you think is good and something they'd enjoy, not something you need to get rid of since it's notgood enough for you. 

For the cookies, if it were one or two cookies, I can see why you'd be upset, but much as I enjoy cookies, if I were given 50 at one time, I'd like to think I wouldn't eat them all.  It a very generous gift, but one that almost has to be shared.  I think it was more about the quantity and a judgement that they were good enough for guests. 

For the wine example, I wouldn't have thought that serving it at a subsequent party would offend the giver.  Another interpretation is that they thought the wine good enough for company. 
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Aeris on December 12, 2012, 01:23:52 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 12, 2012, 01:32:11 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

I don't think that people would put out poor quality stuff for their guests, but I do tend to assume that if there's something that they like most, they will save it for themselves. For example, DH and I prefer Guinness over Fat Tire, but we really like both beers. And they're both good and worthy beers to serve guests. About 90% of our friends prefer Fat Tire. If I have plenty of Guinness and Fat Tire in the fridge and I know my friends are coming over in a few days, and I'm in the mood for beer, I'll drink the Guinness, knowing that I'll be sharing the Fat Tire when my friends come over.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Hmmmmm on December 12, 2012, 01:33:52 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

Aeries, thank you, that is what was bothering me about Danika's post, especially the wine example.  If given a couple of bottles of wine by a friend that I think are great, I'm definately going to serve them to guests.  And if Danika is in attendence at the party, I'm probably going to acknowledge it as a gift from her and give her credit for a great selection.  I wouldn't with the cookies because I'd assume the neighbors already recognized the cookies as hers since others receive them.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Deetee on December 12, 2012, 01:34:48 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

Yes, that is exactly what I was going to say. When I have guests over they get better (tastier, more expensive, more thought out) than what I serve myself on a regular basis.

For the wine, I generally have box wine on hand for myself, but buy a nice bottle if I have guests. If someone brings me a bottle that doesn't get opened, I will often save it for guests, not because I don't like it, but precisely because I like to share the best stuff with my honoured guests.
Ditto for the cookies. If I didn't think the cookies were delicious (and it wasn't just a preference thing) I wouldn't let my guests eat them. I would be less inclined to put out someone that is below par.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Judah on December 12, 2012, 01:38:00 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

This is it exactly. 
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: LazyDaisy on December 12, 2012, 01:38:29 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

I don't think that people would put out poor quality stuff for their guests, but I do tend to assume that if there's something that they like most, they will save it for themselves. For example, DH and I prefer Guinness over Fat Tire, but we really like both beers. And they're both good and worthy beers to serve guests. About 90% of our friends prefer Fat Tire. If I have plenty of Guinness and Fat Tire in the fridge and I know my friends are coming over in a few days, and I'm in the mood for beer, I'll drink the Guinness, knowing that I'll be sharing the Fat Tire when my friends come over.

This is the way I operate with wine unless I'm having a very small party and I know that all others will really appreciate the higher end wine -- like if I were having a wine tasting party for oenophiles. That's not to say I'm serving "2 buck Chuck" at a general party but they aren't getting the absolute best.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Hmmmmm on December 12, 2012, 01:41:35 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

I don't think that people would put out poor quality stuff for their guests, but I do tend to assume that if there's something that they like most, they will save it for themselves. For example, DH and I prefer Guinness over Fat Tire, but we really like both beers. And they're both good and worthy beers to serve guests. About 90% of our friends prefer Fat Tire. If I have plenty of Guinness and Fat Tire in the fridge and I know my friends are coming over in a few days, and I'm in the mood for beer, I'll drink the Guinness, knowing that I'll be sharing the Fat Tire when my friends come over.

So using your beer analogy.  Say a friend gave you and your DH a 6 pack of Guinness and a 6 pack of Fat Tire.  It's been a cold week so you and your DH drink all the Guinness.  You have a party that weekend and you put out the Fat Tire to share.  It's not because you didn't like the Fat Tire it's because the Guinness is already gone. 

Becky's family my enjoy 2 of the cookies more than the other 3 but it doesn't mean they don't like the cookies.  Or Becky could be one of those that saves the "best for guests" so had her kids eat the cookies that she thought her guests would like less. 

And since Becky even shared the bought candies you gave, I think she is one of us who believe that consumable gifts given at Christmas are meant to be shared.  I had a co-worker who made the best peppermint candy and I really wanted to hoard it all to myself.  But I felt guilty if I didn't put some out on a Christmas tray for my friends and family to get to try.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: WillyNilly on December 12, 2012, 01:42:48 PM
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

I love a good bottle of wine.  But my DH doesn't drink wine and the people I have over in small batches tend towards other drinks.  So I save my best bottles of wine for parties where I can share them with other wine drinkers and not worry about not finishing a bottle in 2 days before it goes stale. For me to serve a gift bottle of wine at a party is me wordlessly saying its one of my good wines.  The cheap stuff I'll open on my own to have a glass or two to drink and use the rest for cooking and I don't fret if 2 weeks goes by and I end up pouring the last bit out.

Serving wine at a party for me isn't "getting rid of it", its the absolute highest compliment to the wine possible IMO; its sharing it, and wine shared is a blessing of a special sort.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Deetee on December 12, 2012, 01:54:41 PM
The whole idea that serving something to guests means that I don't like it is so completely and utterly contrary to my ideas of good hosting, I find it baffling and actually a bit rude towards the hosts.

A good guest assumes that a host is providing the best hospitality that they can. That is why (as a guest) we do not complain about the taste of the food or the comfort of the chairs or the quality of the conversation (except in the car ride home with our spouse). Someone has opened their home to us and provided us with their hospitality.

A good host tries to provide a warm environment including food and drink that they think their guests will enjoy.

edit: Just to make clear, the more I enjoy something or appreciate it, the more I want to share it with people. Delicious food and drink is tastier with friends!
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 12, 2012, 02:03:42 PM
So using your beer analogy.  Say a friend gave you and your DH a 6 pack of Guinness and a 6 pack of Fat Tire.  It's been a cold week so you and your DH drink all the Guinness.  You have a party that weekend and you put out the Fat Tire to share.  It's not because you didn't like the Fat Tire it's because the Guinness is already gone. 

If I had those two types of beer in the fridge already, I'd generally serve the one that most guests would like most. But if some friends gave me 6 packs of those beers previously, I wouldn't want to share them at the party they were at because I wouldn't want my friends to think I didn't save them and enjoy them myself. I wouldn't want them to think I was regifting. So I might buy a third brand to share at the party, so I was clearly not regifting.

she is one of us who believe that consumable gifts given at Christmas are meant to be shared.

And that's not a concept I had ever considered until this thread. I think I don't think of gifts (other than perhaps hostess gifts during a party) as things that are supposed to be shared. Maybe just how I was brought up or I've never really been in a situation like this before.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Moray on December 12, 2012, 02:13:17 PM
So using your beer analogy.  Say a friend gave you and your DH a 6 pack of Guinness and a 6 pack of Fat Tire.  It's been a cold week so you and your DH drink all the Guinness.  You have a party that weekend and you put out the Fat Tire to share.  It's not because you didn't like the Fat Tire it's because the Guinness is already gone. 

If I had those two types of beer in the fridge already, I'd generally serve the one that most guests would like most. But if some friends gave me 6 packs of those beers previously, I wouldn't want to share them at the party they were at because I wouldn't want my friends to think I didn't save them and enjoy them myself. I wouldn't want them to think I was regifting. So I might buy a third brand to share at the party, so I was clearly not regifting.

she is one of us who believe that consumable gifts given at Christmas are meant to be shared.

And that's not a concept I had ever considered until this thread. I think I don't think of gifts (other than perhaps hostess gifts during a party) as things that are supposed to be shared. Maybe just how I was brought up or I've never really been in a situation like this before.

I guess I'm a little puzzled as to why you'd give so many cookies if you weren't expecting them to be shared. With all the other holiday goodies (including the fudge and cookie bars from the other members of your group), 50 cookies seems like an awful lot for a family to consume all on their own.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Deetee on December 12, 2012, 02:25:43 PM
So using your beer analogy.  Say a friend gave you and your DH a 6 pack of Guinness and a 6 pack of Fat Tire.  It's been a cold week so you and your DH drink all the Guinness.  You have a party that weekend and you put out the Fat Tire to share.  It's not because you didn't like the Fat Tire it's because the Guinness is already gone. 

If I had those two types of beer in the fridge already, I'd generally serve the one that most guests would like most. But if some friends gave me 6 packs of those beers previously, I wouldn't want to share them at the party they were at because I wouldn't want my friends to think I didn't save them and enjoy them myself. I wouldn't want them to think I was regifting. So I might buy a third brand to share at the party, so I was clearly not regifting.

she is one of us who believe that consumable gifts given at Christmas are meant to be shared.

And that's not a concept I had ever considered until this thread. I think I don't think of gifts (other than perhaps hostess gifts during a party) as things that are supposed to be shared. Maybe just how I was brought up or I've never really been in a situation like this before.

Hmmm, interesting, it sounds a bit like you think that good hosting requires new stuff, where some people think it requires simply good stuff.

Additionally some people feel it is more polite to share a gift that they are given (to show how much they enjoy it) and others feel that the sharing shows that you don't enjoy it.

It is quite interesting how the same (good and decent) motivation "I want to be a good host" or "I want to demonstrate my appreciation for this gift" can lead to very different actions. 

I think the best is to assume that if someone treats an item differently than you would, just give it the best spin (within reason-if they are using your wine as a cleaning product, there is no kind way to take that-true story) and assume they are a saver or a sharer etc... and this is how they demonstrate their appreciation.


Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: rose red on December 12, 2012, 02:28:28 PM
The first time I read the OP, I missed that the family got 50 cookies.  Yikes!  That's a lot and I love cookies.  I may not put them out for the party because I figure the other guests may have gotten the same gift from the OP, but I would take the leftovers to work to share.

In general though, I don't think it's rude to put out the treats, but I would try to acknowledge the person in some way if possible.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: DottyG on December 12, 2012, 02:41:33 PM
Quote
The first time I read the OP, I missed that the family got 50 cookies.

50 cookies from the OP plus whatever the other families gave each other.  It sounds like there's a potential for quite a bit of food being passed around.

Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 12, 2012, 03:22:10 PM
Yeah, that one year I did give 50 cookies/treats. Each family has on average 4 members. So I figured over the course of a week, each person might eat 1-2 cookies a day. I have a real sweet tooth, so I thought that wasn't much. ;) Even with the stuff they'd get from other neighbors.

I think the best is to assume that if someone treats an item differently than you would, just give it the best spin (within reason-if they are using your wine as a cleaning product, there is no kind way to take that-true story) and assume they are a saver or a sharer etc... and this is how they demonstrate their appreciation.

I agree. That's why I wanted to post here. I think on a small level, I saw what Becky was doing as regifting my gifts to her right in front of me and I was shocked. But now I see that most people would not see it that way and I should have been flattered not hurt. The fact that I thought it was regifting was what made me think she didn't like those cookies, because people only regift things they don't want to keep for themselves. But she must not see it as regifting. She sees it as sharing with friends.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: yokozbornak on December 12, 2012, 03:23:19 PM
I also don't think it's a slight.  Also, I want to add that for some people (like me!) having 50 cookies in the house is just an invitation to overeat so I always try to get them out of my house as quickly as possible.  It's not a reflection on the giver, but an indication of my lack of self-control.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 12, 2012, 03:29:31 PM
I also don't think it's a slight.  Also, I want to add that for some people (like me!) having 50 cookies in the house is just an invitation to overeat so I always try to get them out of my house as quickly as possible.  It's not a reflection on the giver, but an indication of my lack of self-control.

Another good point I hadn't thought of! I'm glad I started this thread.

I think I made a wide variety of cookies, again, assuming people are like me. I have many allergies, so there are some things I automatically can't eat. And then there are other things I really prefer (chocolate) versus things I don't like much (plain sugar cookies) and so I think that getting one type of thing only, in a small amount, is limiting for the recipient. If I am the recipient. I was thinking of my eating habits, and only mine.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: MayHug on December 12, 2012, 03:34:30 PM
I too make cookies/candies for my neighbors at Christmas time. They don't generally reciprocate but that's fine they are mostly elderly.

Last year was kind of funny. One neighbor came over to ask if I had any extra because she was having family over the next day and needed more! lol
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Lynn2000 on December 12, 2012, 04:16:32 PM
Additionally some people feel it is more polite to share a gift that they are given (to show how much they enjoy it) and others feel that the sharing shows that you don't enjoy it.

It is quite interesting how the same (good and decent) motivation "I want to be a good host" or "I want to demonstrate my appreciation for this gift" can lead to very different actions. 

I think the best is to assume that if someone treats an item differently than you would, just give it the best spin (within reason-if they are using your wine as a cleaning product, there is no kind way to take that-true story) and assume they are a saver or a sharer etc... and this is how they demonstrate their appreciation.

I think this is a good point. It's kind of like how in some cultures, if someone gives you a present you open it right away in front of them; and in others it's considered polite to take it home, unwrap it in private, and thank the giver later. The first time my co-worker did the latter with a gift we gave him, we were all kind of thrown, and thought maybe he felt uncomfortable receiving it or didn't want it or something. But then later he explained that it was his cultural tradition, and he was trying to show respect for our gift and be polite.

For the record, I wouldn't put out/bring to a gathering food I thought was horrible, like there was something actually wrong with it. But I might bring something that wasn't to my taste, in the hopes that other people would really like it, and it would fulfill its purpose and not go to waste. It's a delicate situation though I must admit.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: blarg314 on December 12, 2012, 07:54:06 PM

1-2 cookies a day per person doesn't sound like much.  But if you're getting food treats from at least three people (maybe more - there's relatives, friends and coworkers as well as neighbours), plus the stuff you bake or buy yourself, plus stuff served at holiday parties, or treats shared at work. That could add up to a *lot* of holiday treats to work your way through.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: mmswm on December 12, 2012, 08:20:24 PM

1-2 cookies a day per person doesn't sound like much.  But if you're getting food treats from at least three people (maybe more - there's relatives, friends and coworkers as well as neighbours), plus the stuff you bake or buy yourself, plus stuff served at holiday parties, or treats shared at work. That could add up to a *lot* of holiday treats to work your way through.

This is one of the major advantages of having teenage boys in the house.  I never have to worry about how I'm going to consume all the treats I get.  Of course, I might have to worry about whether or not I'll actually be able to eat any of them, as cookies and other baked goods disappear from my kitchen at an alarming rate.

Back to the OP: I think it's not rude to offer the cookies. Assuming she doesn't have my problem with the appetites of teenage boys, I think it's a lovely way to share the treats she received.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Onyx_TKD on December 12, 2012, 09:14:34 PM
I also don't think it's a slight.  Also, I want to add that for some people (like me!) having 50 cookies in the house is just an invitation to overeat so I always try to get them out of my house as quickly as possible.  It's not a reflection on the giver, but an indication of my lack of self-control.

Another good point I hadn't thought of! I'm glad I started this thread.

I think I made a wide variety of cookies, again, assuming people are like me. I have many allergies, so there are some things I automatically can't eat. And then there are other things I really prefer (chocolate) versus things I don't like much (plain sugar cookies) and so I think that getting one type of thing only, in a small amount, is limiting for the recipient. If I am the recipient. I was thinking of my eating habits, and only mine.

The idea of giving a variety of cookies is kind and thoughtful, but I think if you're going to give so many cookies, then you need to assume that many people will consider them something to be shared. First, because of the many reasons posters here have given for why they share holiday treats, but also because of the sheer number of sweets the recipients may otherwise have.

I have a couple of types of Christmas cookie that I make every year. They are my favorites and a Christmas tradition for me, so although I may or may not make other types of cookie as well, I always make those two. In addition, we always have my mom's fruitcake as well, so that's another dessert. If I received 50 cookies from someone, I would appreciate it, but no matter how wonderful and delicious those cookies were, they could not replace the sentimental value of our core traditional Christmas cookies and fruitcake. So, I would have 50 cookies, plus my two batches and the fruitcake. If one or more other people decided to give me cookies...well, the number of cookies would keep skyrocketing, at a time of year when most people are already eating lots of delicious but fattening food.

If knowing your cookies will be shared instead of consumed just by the family bothers you, for whatever reasons, then I'd suggest cutting back to much smaller numbers of cookies. I think 50 is just too many to expect that they won't be shared. Also, like others have said, sharing cookies with party guests isn't a rejection, and it's not really even giving them away. It's inviting people the host cares about to come enjoy their bounty of sweet treats with them. And it's a way for them to enjoy and use the lovely gift you gave from without overdosing on sugar or regretting that they've ruined their diet.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: DottyG on December 12, 2012, 11:04:08 PM
Just as a tangent, I don't get any of these rich treats that everyone else seems to be inundated with every year. :( I always hear that people do, but I don't. Kinda makes me feel bad. :(

Maybe that's something you could consider, actually! Look around and see who's not getting goodies and spread the love around! Instead of giving tons of goodies to one person, give fewer to more people.

Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 13, 2012, 03:23:50 AM
:( Dotty. I would like to send some to you!
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: jpcher on December 13, 2012, 06:08:54 PM
I agree. That's why I wanted to post here. I think on a small level, I saw what Becky was doing as regifting my gifts to her right in front of me and I was shocked. But now I see that most people would not see it that way and I should have been flattered not hurt. The fact that I thought it was regifting was what made me think she didn't like those cookies, because people only regift things they don't want to keep for themselves. But she must not see it as regifting. She sees it as sharing with friends.

Isn't this site wonderful? I've often posted a concern of mine just to find out that many people think differently. Then the epiphany occurs and I think "Oh. There's other ways of looking at the situation."

Through your follow-up posts, I understand how you might have felt slighted. What you've posted makes sense to me. However, I'm in the boat that Becky did nothing wrong.

IF! On the other hand, Becky claimed that she baked those goodies herself, then this would have been a "Send Becky To E-Hell" thread. I hope you got kudos for the shared gift.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: TurtleDove on December 13, 2012, 06:41:48 PM
:( Dotty. I would like to send some to you!
Me too!  Decadent treats are amazing, but they become stress inducing (for me at least) when I get too many!
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: DottyG on December 13, 2012, 07:35:41 PM
It's probably a good thing that I'm not inundated with them.  I am trying to lose weight, and I suppose I don't need tempting treats around!  But it does kinda strike a little chord in me sometimes when I hear about everyone's having soooooo many parties to go to this time of the year and sooooooo much food they have to try to keep from eating this time of the year.  I'm not an unlikeable person!  At least, not in real life - I can't vouch for here! :D  I have friends and family.   I guess I'm just quiet enough that people don't realize that I'm not partaking in all the same kinds of celebrations they are.  Maybe people don't realize I haven't been invited to all the parties?

Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: veryfluffy on December 15, 2012, 12:13:55 AM
I've just read this whole thread and now have an uncontrollable urge to go bake at least five kinds of christmas cookies to give away. Probably gingerbread stars, vanillekipferln, sugar cookies, chocolate pinwheels...what else?

Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: DottyG on December 15, 2012, 12:53:20 AM
Snicker doodles

Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Danika on December 15, 2012, 12:59:05 AM
Photos like the 5 varieties I made that one year.

The ones that Becky didn't share - hopefully, that means she liked them most, because they're a serious pain to make and the ingredients are pricey - were these two:
Baklava
Linzer Tortes

And the others were:
Cathedral Cookies
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Snowman cookies - just dough with flavored extract

Hopefully, I can figure out how to resize these so they're smaller images.
 (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8f/Baklava_-_Turkish_special,_80-ply.JPEG)
(http://libbyscookies.com/images/DSC_4554.jpg)
(http://www.sptimes.com/2004/12/01/cookiegallery/photos/photo13.jpg)
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/50/Chocolate_chip_cookies.jpg)
(https://s3.amazonaws.com/luuux-original-files/bookmarklet_uploaded/Snowmancookies_NY1.JPG)
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: LadyR on December 15, 2012, 12:27:32 PM
I love Cathedral cookies, if you were my neighbour those are theo nes I'd be hoarding.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: artk2002 on December 18, 2012, 03:09:51 PM
I think that assigning some sort of negative motivation for someone wanting to share a gift with others is a good way to make yourself very unhappy. I found that trying to parse single actions, out of context, just made me nuts, so I stopped.

Even if they did share the cookies that they didn't like as much, what of it? Nobody likes every kind of every food. That doesn't mean that there's something wrong with the cookies, it just means that there isn't a match. Why get hurt by that? And, as people have pointed out, that's only one of many possible interpretations of what's happened. Without any evidence, other than the cookie census, why feel insulted?

I thought that this was a good summary:

The idea of giving a variety of cookies is kind and thoughtful, but I think if you're going to give so many cookies, then you need to assume that many people will consider them something to be shared. First, because of the many reasons posters here have given for why they share holiday treats, but also because of the sheer number of sweets the recipients may otherwise have.

...

If knowing your cookies will be shared instead of consumed just by the family bothers you, for whatever reasons, then I'd suggest cutting back to much smaller numbers of cookies. I think 50 is just too many to expect that they won't be shared. Also, like others have said, sharing cookies with party guests isn't a rejection, and it's not really even giving them away. It's inviting people the host cares about to come enjoy their bounty of sweet treats with them. And it's a way for them to enjoy and use the lovely gift you gave from without overdosing on sugar or regretting that they've ruined their diet.

The only time I might be concerned is if I saw them dumping the cookies in the trash. Even then, I'd try to find out what was wrong.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Sharnita on December 18, 2012, 03:24:42 PM
To me, seeing it served elevates it to "good enough to serve to guests".
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: artk2002 on December 18, 2012, 03:29:17 PM
To me, seeing it served elevates it to "good enough to serve to guests".

A much happier interpretation!
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Katana_Geldar on December 18, 2012, 04:47:38 PM
My sister used to work in a donut shop, that meant at the end of the day she'd be bringing jones donuts.

But there got to be too many for us to eat.

So my Dad started giving them away to friends and relatives. When we visited they'd offer donuts.

And after a while (and a nightmare of my Dad's that involved him being attacked by a pink donut) everyone told her to stop.

I know if I was given 50 cookies for Christmas I would share them. There's no way me and FH would eat them all.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on December 18, 2012, 10:56:46 PM
If someone is throwing a party at which they intend to serve cookies, and they have 2 dozen fresh tasty home-baked cookies someone gave them, it doesn't make a lot of sense to go buy other cookies for the party. 

Today I gave a coworker a box of gourmet salsas.  I chose this gift for her because she occasionally brings in chips and salsa for the group.  Within an hour, she announced that there would be chips and salsa at work on Thursday.  I was amused and flattered; she understood why I chose that gift for her, and it gave her a chance to do her signature thing.  Only problem is that I'm not scheduled to work on Thursday :( .  I may go in anyway.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: Happy2BCF on December 27, 2012, 11:01:21 AM
Every year I do a Christmas cookie baking marathon - I bake at least a dozen different kinds of cookies which I then wrap up & gift to friends.  One year one of our neighbors told me she hoped I didn't mind but she had plated my cookies to serve at a holiday party (she did give me credit for the baking!).  I took it as a compliment that she thought my cookies were good enough to serve to her guests.  Please consider taking Becky's actions the same way - your cookies were just too good to not share!
I did feel sorry for my neighbors kids though - I don't think they got any cookies that year.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: TootsNYC on December 31, 2012, 02:46:53 PM

Danika, Was it your expectation that the family would eat all of the cookies you provided?  I'm like WillyNilly, Christmas treats are to be shared with friends.  Regifting would be if she took your cookies, packed them up as individual party favors and handed them out to the guests to take home.

My thoughts exactly--especially with foil-wrapped toffees.

I would not have considered this regifting, and if I were having a party and still had toffee in the house, there's no way I wouldn't offer it to my guests.

And w/ the toffees, I would assume that *you* liked those toffees yourself, and that I could offer you a chance to eat some.

(I think it might be safe to assume that Becky's family liked cookies A and B enough to eat all of them, but that doesn't mean she rejected the other cookies. And I know my *own* reaction would be to make Becky's stash next year bee all cookies A and B, since it seems she likes them so much.)
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: TootsNYC on December 31, 2012, 02:53:38 PM

IF! On the other hand, Becky claimed that she baked those goodies herself, then this would have been a "Send Becky To E-Hell" thread. I hope you got kudos for the shared gift.

But of course, she didn't.

And I don't think Becky needed to tell her guests where she got those cookies.
In the first place, she didn't need to, because she's not obligated to.
And in the second place, she didn't need to because I'm sure they all recognized them--they all got very similar assortments.
Title: Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
Post by: TootsNYC on December 31, 2012, 02:56:33 PM
Quote
But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it.

And that wouldn't offend me at all.  I think it'd be a nice gesture to be serving it - regardless of when it is.

I'd also assume that the REASON she brought out that wine on this day was so that *I* could have some of it (I must like it if I gave it as a gift, right?), and so that I could see that she was enjoying the wine.

I never expect a couple to drink an entire bottle of wine by themselves--almost everyone I know would drink wine with a larger group, four people at least.

And I'm in the camp of always saving the BEST wines for company. For an occasion.