Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => All In A Day's Work => Topic started by: BeagleMommy on December 21, 2012, 11:31:33 AM

Title: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: BeagleMommy on December 21, 2012, 11:31:33 AM
Today is the last day before my university closes for Christmas break.  There are a grand total of 6 of us in the office today.  Me, Annoying Coworker and 4 professors.  One of the professors' birthday is Christmas Day.

Annoying Coworker stopped at my window on her way to her desk and said that she had brought in bagels and donuts to celebrate Christmas and Professor D's birthday.  They were in the communal lunchroom.  Okay, nice gesture.  I said thank you and she continued to her desk.

When Professor D came in we all gathered in the lunchroom and wished her well.  I had a cup of coffee and then returned to my desk when the gathering was over.  I had already had my breakfast and the donuts and bagels are not something I would have eaten due to high carbohydrate content.

AC brought enough food to feed 18 people.  So far she has stopped by my window 8 times to remind me about the bagels.  Apparently, she bought them because she knows I can't eat sugar.

Well, I'm not eating 75 grams of carbs either.  She did this under her own volition.  It was not a planned event.

Every time she mentions the bagels I've said "Yes, you told me" and nothing else.  I am not about to justify my dietary needs to her.  Everyone in my office knows I 'm a diabetic and she's the only one who pushes food.  She seems to think that just because she provided something that didn't contain sugar that I can automatically eat it.

Is there anything else I should say or should I just let it die?  I'm keeping a running total of how many times she mentions bagels.  Maybe I'll treat myself to a sugar-free latte on the way home if she reaches 20.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: EMuir on December 21, 2012, 11:35:52 AM
Why don't you just kindly let her know that white flour (and rice flour, etc) turns to sugar in your body even faster than table sugar does?  She is probably well-meaning but just not informed. Once she knows she may feel sad that you can't enjoy what she brought, but it will educate her. (I'm a Type 2 and run into this situation as well.)
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: DottyG on December 21, 2012, 11:54:26 AM
I agree with EMuir.  That's something I didn't know, too.  You don't have to justify your health to her.  But if you do feel like helping her understand better, it wouldn't hurt.

Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: SamiHami on December 21, 2012, 11:57:39 AM
As annoying as she is, it really does sound like her heart is in the right place-she thought she got something you could enjoy and wants to make sure that you get some. I would say let it die without saying anything. No reason to make her feel bad.

If this is something that comes up often, perhaps you can just politely mention in conversation sometime (when she hasn't brought anything in) that you are restricted from/do no eat certain things, such as bagels/high carb food in addition to doughnuts and sweets. That way she won't be surprised when you decline next time she brings in treats.

Or, if you are so inclined, maybe you could bring in some goodies sometime, and mention to her that you really love this or that, as it is within your dietary restrictions. That might make her see that it's not just sugar that you have to avoid. Of course you are not obligated to educate her on your dietary restrictions, however it might benefit you do to so in the long run if it gets her to back off a bit.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: BeagleMommy on December 21, 2012, 01:23:48 PM
I have told her about the high carb problem with bagels and the like.  She just doesn't seem to get it.  I've also told her that I have to eat at scheduled times (unless my blood sugar drops) but she doesn't seem to get that either.  If I eat breakfast at 6:30 am I cannot have a bagel at 8:30 am or I will pay a heavy price for it.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture.  However, the constant pestering of "You know there's bagels" is driving me bonkers.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: WillyNilly on December 21, 2012, 01:25:08 PM
So white lie next time she comes by to remind you "yes thank you, I had one!"
Ok so you had one, last month when you planned out he carb-fest that is a bagel, but whatever, she doesn't need that detail.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: jpcher on December 21, 2012, 01:53:30 PM
Today is the last day before my university closes for Christmas break.  There are a grand total of 6 of us in the office today.

(snip)

AC brought enough food to feed 18 people
.  So far she has stopped by my window 8 times to remind me about the bagels.  Apparently, she bought them because she knows I can't eat sugar.

Are you sure that she's targeting you specifically?

Maybe she's stopping at every office to remind people that there's FREE FOOD! and wondering why there's so much left over? Maybe she feels unappreciated. "I brought all this food and nobody is eating it. What did I do wrong?"

 :-\

Just a thought.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Hmmmmm on December 21, 2012, 03:29:12 PM
I think a smile and a "Thanks, but I can't have anymore carbs today and as you know I'm on a very regulated schedule for my meals. Just know for the future that I won't be able to join in when goodies are brought to the office.   But I do appreciate the gesture and it is very sweet of you to bring in items for the office to enjoy."

IMHO, the above is not justifying your diet, it is educating a person you are in contact with on a regular basis. 
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 21, 2012, 06:35:08 PM
"Oh, I can't eat them, but I appreciate the thought!"
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: JenJay on December 21, 2012, 07:11:34 PM
"Oh, I can't eat them, but I appreciate the thought!"

Yes
I was thinking "That was sweet of you! I miss being able to eat bagels."  ;)
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Minmom3 on December 21, 2012, 07:36:23 PM
This.  She IS being a pest, but she wants to be appreciated for her offering - as do we all when we bring 'stuff' to the office!  Hopefully, saying something like this to her might diffuse her?
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Dinsdale on December 23, 2012, 10:35:23 AM
I don't think you need to lie...but a bit of misdirection might be called for - next time she stops by say something like "Yes, they're great!  That's so nice of you!".  You didn't say you had one, you didn't embarrass her, you gave her some strokes and you didn't lie.    ;D
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Clareish on December 23, 2012, 12:58:28 PM
To be honest, she's being a nut. Yes, her heart might have started in the right place, but badgering someone EIGHT times in ANY situation is way too much.

After about the 3rd time, I would say something like, "I really appreciate you thinking about me, but I can not have any. Please stop asking."

And any time after that, I would simply say, "You have already asked me x number of times. Stop asking."

You do not have to educate, justify, or explain to her, as it is really none of her business, and this is not a situation where you asked her to buy these items for you. This is a workplace, and she is spending an awful lot of time harassing a coworker about food.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Katana_Geldar on December 23, 2012, 02:38:50 PM
After a while I'd feel like putting up a sign that say 'Yes, I know there are bagels' and point to it when she asked.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Luci on December 23, 2012, 03:27:11 PM
She is not a nut except for pushing the issue.

When I was a kid, diabetes meant no sugar. It wasn't until about 25 years ago that I learned that diabetes means limited carbs, not just sugar and alcoho - as well as inumerable other issues that I (fortunately) don't have to understandl.

I'm wondering if this woman is working on the same sideways information that I grew up with.

She shouldn't push it, but I really think her heart is in the right place.

Just say 'thanks' and be done with it if you don't feel like enlightening her.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: suzieQ on December 23, 2012, 03:39:23 PM
DS tells me my Mom doesn't seem to get that he has to count carbs, not just sugar. She will tell him "don't forget to see how much sugar is in that (whatever)" instead of having him look at the carb content.  She loves him and she means well, she just doesn't seem to retain the info that carbs are the important "thing" he has to keep track of. To her, sugar is what matters.

Coworker may just not be retaining the info you gave her about carbs - thinking "diabetics can't eat *sugar*, or need to keep track of *sugar* intake" seems to be a very common misconception. We didn't know either, until J was diagnosed.

Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: SamiHami on December 23, 2012, 05:10:56 PM
DS tells me my Mom doesn't seem to get that he has to count carbs, not just sugar. She will tell him "don't forget to see how much sugar is in that (whatever)" instead of having him look at the carb content.  She loves him and she means well, she just doesn't seem to retain the info that carbs are the important "thing" he has to keep track of. To her, sugar is what matters.

Coworker may just not be retaining the info you gave her about carbs - thinking "diabetics can't eat *sugar*, or need to keep track of *sugar* intake" seems to be a very common misconception. We didn't know either, until J was diagnosed.

It's understandable really, when you consider that it's blood sugar that is monitored. It is easy for people to focus on sugar. Even the local diabetes initiative in my area is called "Project Sugar." So I can see why some people looking past that.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: kherbert05 on December 23, 2012, 05:36:01 PM
I would be politely direct with her.
Thank you, but I can't eat (X).
Or Thank you, but I can't eat until (Y time).


There are certain brands I don't eat. They don't list peanuts  - they don't have peanut warnings but I've landed in the  ER  after eating them. So when they are offered I say no thank you. If pressured I say I can't eat X brand.


If she pushes after that - shut her down and tell her to drop the subject.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: baglady on December 26, 2012, 05:13:04 PM
Would it have been possible to take one or two "for later" instead of eating one right then?

Then you could truthfully tell her, "Yes, I got some!" And when you get them home, you could toss them, put them out for the birds, or freeze them for sometime when you *can* fit a bagel into your daily carb quota.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: PastryGoddess on December 26, 2012, 07:46:49 PM
I don't think the OP should take food items she doesn't want, just to appease her coworker's feelings
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Shoo on December 26, 2012, 09:56:08 PM
I don't think the OP should take food items she doesn't want, just to appease her coworker's feelings

Me either. 

If this happens again, I see nothing wrong with you speaking up and just saying to her face, "I don't WANT any.  I can't have them.  Why is that so hard for you to understand?"
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: baglady on December 26, 2012, 11:44:34 PM
I don't think the OP should take food items she doesn't want, just to appease her coworker's feelings

I do. I think it falls under the "accept a gift graciously" rule, and the "a gift is the recipient's to do with as she wishes" rule.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: DragonKitty on December 27, 2012, 12:34:17 PM
The problem is, if she takes one, it will only encourage the co-worker to buy more of them and try to shove them onto the OP.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: MrTango on December 27, 2012, 12:54:20 PM
The problem is, if she takes one, it will only encourage the co-worker to buy more of them and try to shove them onto the OP.

Agreed.

the OP should absolutely not have to accept food that she cannot eat.  She owes the Co-worker no explanation beyond "no, thank you."

The only rudeness here is the co-worker continuously stopping by the OP's desk to remind her about the bagels.

*Edited for wording*
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Midnight Kitty on December 27, 2012, 01:26:45 PM
I used to work with a woman who was a "food pusher."  She was always bringing in food, then carrying it from person to person, telling them "take one."  She liked to socialize, so she would make the rounds repeatedly until the food was gone.  I am not fond of deep fried food and most Japanese & Korean dishes.  She would come around with malasadas (an especially greasy form of fried dough).  The look of the grease on them would turn my stomach.  I learned to say, "Just say 'no' to fried dough!"  When she tried to push Japanese delicacies on my, I would say, "Those are wasted on me. Give them to someone who likes them."

I found her incredibly annoying, yet many people thought she was a motherly, nurturing person.  ::)
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: ACBNYC on December 27, 2012, 01:56:13 PM
I don't think the OP should take food items she doesn't want, just to appease her coworker's feelings

I do. I think it falls under the "accept a gift graciously" rule, and the "a gift is the recipient's to do with as she wishes" rule.

I disagree. A box of chocolates directly handed to her would be a gift, but bagels and doughnuts brought in for the whole office and left in the conference room/kitchen are not.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: lowspark on December 27, 2012, 02:11:31 PM
Thanks, I've taken what I wanted.

No lie. You wanted nothing and you took same.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: SnugsMom on December 27, 2012, 02:18:17 PM
I agree that you should be direct about why you don't/can't eat bagels.

OT-  When I saw the title of this thread my mind immediately went back to the Classic eHell story about the HOA & the Racist Bagels.  Gave me a good chuckle.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: TootsNYC on December 27, 2012, 04:50:47 PM
I don't think the OP should take food items she doesn't want, just to appease her coworker's feelings

Me either. 

If this happens again, I see nothing wrong with you speaking up and just saying to her face, "I don't WANT any.  I can't have them.  Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

well, what would be wrong with that is that the OP has never said any of those things in the *first* place. So now being impatient, etc., over an explanation that has never been given would really be mean.

Explain things, please! Just say, 'It's so nice of you! Unfortunately, dense carbohydrates like bagels are even worse for me than sugar. So I can't have any. Is anyone else eating them? Will you be able to take the leftovers home?"
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: PastryGoddess on December 27, 2012, 07:16:47 PM
The OP said thank you when she was informed of the bagels by co-worker. 

Even if the co-worker brought them with the idea that everyone could eat them, including diabetics like the OP, the OP does not need to JADE her reasons to CW or anyone else for that matter.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: LilacRosey on December 27, 2012, 08:56:12 PM
Oh no I thought it was cream cheese that was bad for you, not the bagels themselves I thought carbs was sugar :( I love bagels :(. Anyways, I think if you told her 8 times already you should just say to her that you appreciate it but you cant eat bagels so please stop remindingyou!, LilacRosey
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: lowspark on December 28, 2012, 08:09:50 AM
I don't think the OP should take food items she doesn't want, just to appease her coworker's feelings

Me either. 

If this happens again, I see nothing wrong with you speaking up and just saying to her face, "I don't WANT any.  I can't have them.  Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

well, what would be wrong with that is that the OP has never said any of those things in the *first* place. So now being impatient, etc., over an explanation that has never been given would really be mean.

Explain things, please! Just say, 'It's so nice of you! Unfortunately, dense carbohydrates like bagels are even worse for me than sugar. So I can't have any. Is anyone else eating them? Will you be able to take the leftovers home?"

But she did explain it before:
I have told her about the high carb problem with bagels and the like.  She just doesn't seem to get it.  I've also told her that I have to eat at scheduled times (unless my blood sugar drops) but she doesn't seem to get that either.  If I eat breakfast at 6:30 am I cannot have a bagel at 8:30 am or I will pay a heavy price for it.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture.  However, the constant pestering of "You know there's bagels" is driving me bonkers.

However, I agree that losing patience and replying angrily is not the answer.
That's why I suggest just saying "I've taken what I wanted, thanks."
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: BeagleMommy on January 02, 2013, 11:51:28 AM
Thanks, all.  Just to clarify, every time she walked by to remind me about the bagels I simply said "Thanks."  I nevery got angry with her.  Just sort of noncommital.

This is the same woman who told me I was rude for not eating the gargantuan muffins at the new dean's welcome party, told me there was no such thing as gouda cheese, and that I was a snob for liking opera.  She normally doesn't speak to me unless she has to (which is fine with me).

I found out later that only 2 people in the office (Annoying Coworker and one other person) actually ate anything.  Like I said, it was our last day before Christmas break and only 6 people were in the office anyway.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Jocelyn on January 02, 2013, 06:07:26 PM
Oh no I thought it was cream cheese that was bad for you, not the bagels themselves I thought carbs was sugar :( I love bagels :(. Anyways, I think if you told her 8 times already you should just say to her that you appreciate it but you cant eat bagels so please stop remindingyou!, LilacRosey
Carbs are sugar or starch. Pasta, rice, potatoes and bread all contain carbs; so does dairy and fruit. Anything that tastes sweet, or tastes sweet if you chew it long enough (your saliva will convert starch to sugar) has carbs in it, somewhere.
We diabetics plan when we eat carbs, and what kind we eat, and balance it with the protein and fat we're eating. Carbs can affect different people differently, and they affect us differently based on what else we're eating and how active we are. It's very annoying to have someone start telling you that they know another diabetic who eats thus-and-such. It's a matter of 'so what?' What works for one person won't work for another, and just because a person's a diabetic doesn't mean that s/he isn't overeating.
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 02, 2013, 07:12:00 PM
Somewhat OT, but many, many years ago I worked with a guy who was a vegetarian, but he ate the most unhealthy food I've ever seen a vegetarian eat.  He was at least 60 pounds overweight.  He ate sweets and carbs like they were going out of style, all the while insisting that his diet was healthier than mine because I consume dead animal flesh.  I haven't seen him in at least 15 years, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's diabetic by now. :-\
Title: Re: Bagels - Here We Go Again
Post by: bopper on January 03, 2013, 08:07:23 AM
Another thing you could try...

Right now you are just saying "Thanks" or "I am aware you brought in bagels".  But you are not acknowledging her intentions.

"Thanks for letting me know! That was nice of you to think to bring them in!"

if she keeps bothering you then "It was super nice of you to bring that in and I appreciate your effort...unfortunately high carb density items like bagels doesn't fit into my diet but I know Bob took two!