Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: Bijou on December 26, 2012, 01:11:23 PM

Title: Cell phone question UPDATE POST 28
Post by: Bijou on December 26, 2012, 01:11:23 PM
When I call Sadie's cell phone it rings once and then goes to voice mail.  I leave a message.  Often I get no return call.  I get the impression sometimes that she didn't know I had tried to call. 
Yesterday I was talking to Clara, telling her that I couldn't reach Sadie to say Merry Christmas because her phone goes directly to voice mail.  Clara was surprised to hear that it rings only once because when she calls Sadie at that number it rings several times until she answers or eventually goes to voice mail. 
When I tried to call Sadie this morning I got the one ring and voice mail.  I called Clara and she tried calling Sadie.  Clara got through after a couple of rings and they had a long conversation.  She told Sadie I was having trouble getting through so Sadie called me. Right after I talked to Sadie, I had reason to call her back to tell her something.  Again, one ring and voice mail. 
I don't want to be paranoid, but can someone block a specific number to go directly to voice mail after one ring. 
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: SamiHami on December 26, 2012, 01:18:32 PM
I hate to say it, but that is exactly what it sounds like. I don't know if there is some way Sadie could have accidentally blocked your number? But if you are leaving messages and not getting return calls, perhaps there is some issue on Sadie's mind that you aren't aware of?
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: WillyNilly on December 26, 2012, 01:26:54 PM
Just to be clear - you  are 100% sure you have the correct number for her right?
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Bijou on December 26, 2012, 01:28:57 PM
I hate to say it, but that is exactly what it sounds like. I don't know if there is some way Sadie could have accidentally blocked your number? But if you are leaving messages and not getting return calls, perhaps there is some issue on Sadie's mind that you aren't aware of?
Thanks for the response.  I just wondered.  I couldn't get a definite answer online.  I think in the interest of my own self preservation I'm going to ignore it.  Start taking care of myself before the new year starts. 
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Bijou on December 26, 2012, 01:30:45 PM
Just to be clear - you  are 100% sure you have the correct number for her right?
Yes.  On her voice mail she says "This is Sadie, leave a message and I'll call you back."  I would recognize her  voice, anyway.  Also, Clara and I compared numbers and we are calling the same one.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: onyonryngs on December 26, 2012, 01:37:40 PM
I think she'd be able to hear the message, but if it rings once, it sounds like she hits the "ignore" button rather than letting it ring or her phone is off.  I'm pretty sure that she's getting the message & just not returning the call.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: jpcher on December 26, 2012, 01:47:54 PM
This doesn't deal with Cell phones, but maybe something along these lines?

I have an answering machine on my land line. I also have a voice message system (VMS) with my phone company which I always forget that I have.

If someone else calls while I'm on the phone they are immediately directed to the VMS . . . which I never check.

I've had people tell me that they've left messages. Me? "I never got a message from you!" 'til I check the VMS . . . ooops. Sorry!



Like I said, this is a land line. I'm not all "up" on cell-phone technology.

Just trying to give you hope for a "maybe" alternative. :-\
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: misha412 on December 26, 2012, 02:05:28 PM

I don't want to be paranoid, but can someone block a specific number to go directly to voice mail after one ring.

Depending on the phone and the service, the answer is yes. And it sounds like that is what she is doing.

For someone to just hit ignore all the time, the number of rings you hear would vary sometimes if she was not right on top of her phone. But because it is the same pattern each time, it sounds automatic to me. The one ring is likely the re-routing of your call from her phone to the answering service.

If she had blocked you completely, you would not be able to leave a message on most systems. She is getting your messages and only returning them if she wants.

Personally, I would be backing away from this relationship quickly and quietly. She is making her feelings known even if she is not saying anything. Taking care of yourself sounds like the perfect thing to do.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Mikayla on December 26, 2012, 02:27:18 PM
I hate to say it, but that is exactly what it sounds like. I don't know if there is some way Sadie could have accidentally blocked your number? But if you are leaving messages and not getting return calls, perhaps there is some issue on Sadie's mind that you aren't aware of?
Thanks for the response.  I just wondered.  I couldn't get a definite answer online.  I think in the interest of my own self preservation I'm going to ignore it.  Start taking care of myself before the new year starts.

This sounds like there's some sort of backstory?  I'm asking because I noticed last week that this always happens when I call my sister.  And I did the same thing you did - had my other sister call. 

But since there's no backstory or other issue, my sis knew we were testing it.  She was curious herself.  She has an iPhone, if that matters. 
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: gypsy77 on December 26, 2012, 02:37:13 PM
I do tech support for cell phones as my job. If it is ringing once, it's probably a phone setting. It's pretty easy to accidentally tick that setting off on some phones, depending on the operating system and maufacturer.

If as far as you know, everything should be normal between youand Sadie, I think it's worth sending her a text saying "hey, all my calls are going to voicemail after one ring. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas". That way, if it was accidental, and she doesn't know where to find the setting, chances are she'll call her carrier for support to get it fixed.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Bijou on December 26, 2012, 03:45:37 PM
Thanks all for the responses and the food for thought.  As far as I know there are  no issues but I suspect that asking about it would be unwelcome.
She is aware of the one ring problem already as I mentioned it to her when she told me that someone called her and she didn't make it to the phone before they hung up.  I was surprised and told her that it only rings once when I call.  I forget what she said about that.  If there were a problem like accidentally putting me on ignore or something she would have fixed it at the time and let me know what it was, etc. 
It didn't occur to me that it was some kind of blocking my calls or anything like that until Clara told me it rings more than once when she calls and sometimes after several rings goes to voice mail.
I'm sensitive about imposing on people so I know I wasn't calling her too often and she had to rein me in. 
This is just one of those things I believe would create awkwardness if mentioned.   I actually call her less and only if I have to since she is almost impossible to reach. 
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: oceanus on December 26, 2012, 03:46:03 PM
Quote
but can someone block a specific number to go directly to voice mail after one ring. 

Yes, however:
With some phones (cell and landline) if a person is on another call, there will be one ring then the caller bounces into vm.

With others, if the person has turned their phone off callers automatically go into vm.

Have you given Sadie a reasonable amount of time to return your call(s)?  If so, and she hasn't, there could be a reason.  I think you should stop calling for awhile.  If she wants to talk to you, she will call you.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Bijou on December 26, 2012, 03:59:14 PM
Quote
but can someone block a specific number to go directly to voice mail after one ring. 

Yes, however:
With some phones (cell and landline) if a person is on another call, there will be one ring then the caller bounces into vm.

With others, if the person has turned their phone off callers automatically go into vm.

Have you given Sadie a reasonable amount of time to return your call(s)?  If so, and she hasn't, there could be a reason.  I think you should stop calling for awhile.  If she wants to talk to you, she will call you.
The one ring then voice mail happens every time I call her cell phone and never happens when Clara calls.  It has never happens to Clara.  I have been with Sadie when someone calls and it does ring and ring  until answered.

What happened yesterday was that in passing Clara and I talked about calling Sadie.  We realized that I get one ring then voice mail and Clara does not.  It rings multiple times when she calls.  So this morning I called Sadie to say Merry Christmas.  I got one ring and voice mail.  I called Clara and told her it happened again and asked if she had talked to her.  She said no but said she was going to call her and would let me know if she had the one ring vice mail thing happen to her.  It didn't.  She called and Sadie answered and she told Sadie I was trying to reach her.  Sadie called me and we talked for a bit.  Then I had to call her back and the phone rang once and then to voice mail.  It is obvious to me, now, that my calls are somehow being routed directly to voice mail after one ring.  I don't know why.  I guess it is what it is. 
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: RebeccainGA on December 27, 2012, 11:38:17 AM
I know on my Android phone I can do that, deliberately (I have a bunch of sales call numbers set up that way). She may have done it accidentally, but it's possible that it's deliberate as well. Try calling from a land line that's not yours, and see what happens.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: kckgirl on December 27, 2012, 11:41:35 AM
I know on my Android phone I can do that, deliberately (I have a bunch of sales call numbers set up that way). She may have done it accidentally, but it's possible that it's deliberate as well. Try calling from a land line that's not yours, and see what happens.

How do you do it? I have one unwelcome caller that I'd like to send straight to voice mail every time.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: oceanus on December 27, 2012, 11:52:14 AM
Quote
Sadie called me and we talked for a bit.  Then I had to call her back and the phone rang once and then to voice mail.  It is obvious to me, now, that my calls are somehow being routed directly to voice mail after one ring.  I don't know why.  I guess it is what it is. 

Well, on one hand she did call you and the two of you talked – but only because another person told her you wanted to talk to her.  It appears she has you on some auto-ignore feature that automatically bounces into voice mail.  Otherwise, she would have fixed/changed/made an adjustment.  IMO there's something else going on that has nothing to do with cell phone technicalities.  Like you said it is what it is.  I wouldn’t waste anymore time speculating, and I’d stop calling her.

Earlier this year I called someone a few times who I hadn’t heard from in ages.  I left a couple of vms.  Then I sent a text.  Instead of calling and talking to me she texted that she would call me later that week – she never did.  I let it go.  I was puzzled, but I don’t play those kinds of games and I don’t need that type of friendship.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: penelope2017 on December 27, 2012, 12:14:19 PM
To me it sounds like she hits ignore when you call, and by telling a mutual friend who then confronted her about it, Sadie was awkwardly  put on the spot to then call you. Even if we want to try to look at it as it was an accidental setting, which it doesn't sound like to me, it doesn't change that Sadie doesn't call you back either. For some reason Sadie isn't interested in talking to you as much as you are to her, and if she feels smothered, complaining to another friend who then intervened probably didn't help. Is there a reason you didn't bring the one ring issue up to her directly,like when you heard her cell ringing?

Either way I agree Is wait for her to make next call.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: RebeccainGA on December 27, 2012, 12:40:25 PM
I know on my Android phone I can do that, deliberately (I have a bunch of sales call numbers set up that way). She may have done it accidentally, but it's possible that it's deliberate as well. Try calling from a land line that's not yours, and see what happens.

How do you do it? I have one unwelcome caller that I'd like to send straight to voice mail every time.

On my phone, you open the contact's address card, and there's an option to 'block caller'. Sends them straight to voicemail.

Of course, that only works if they use a real number. If they do the 'blocked number' or 'private caller' thing, you have to install an app - which DP has done, and it works well.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: kckgirl on December 27, 2012, 12:47:38 PM
I know on my Android phone I can do that, deliberately (I have a bunch of sales call numbers set up that way). She may have done it accidentally, but it's possible that it's deliberate as well. Try calling from a land line that's not yours, and see what happens.
How do you do it? I have one unwelcome caller that I'd like to send straight to voice mail every time.

On my phone, you open the contact's address card, and there's an option to 'block caller'. Sends them straight to voicemail.

Of course, that only works if they use a real number. If they do the 'blocked number' or 'private caller' thing, you have to install an app - which DP has done, and it works well.

Great! Thank you.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: oceanus on December 27, 2012, 12:56:08 PM
To me it sounds like she hits ignore when you call, and by telling a mutual friend who then confronted her about it, Sadie was awkwardly  put on the spot to then call you. Even if we want to try to look at it as it was an accidental setting, which it doesn't sound like to me, it doesn't change that Sadie doesn't call you back either. For some reason Sadie isn't interested in talking to you as much as you are to her, and if she feels smothered, complaining to another friend who then intervened probably didn't help. Is there a reason you didn't bring the one ring issue up to her directly,like when you heard her cell ringing?

Either way I agree Is wait for her to make next call.

Excellent point (re: complaining to another friend).  OP may not have "complained", per se, but she said something.  It's also clear that for whatever reason(s) Sadie isn’t interested in talking to OP.  This can be tough, and hurtful, if OP isn’t aware of any issue/problem.  But one can waste lots of time trying to figure out why another person is backing away and essentially ignoring them.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: MrsJWine on December 27, 2012, 01:08:01 PM
I hate talking on the phone in general, but there are some perfectly lovely people that I really hate talking on the phone with. It isn't about their personality so much as how awkward I feel talking to them on the phone. But if she's avoiding talking on the phone with you, it doesn't necessarily mean she has a problem with you, personally. It's possible she likes you perfectly well enough and is just discreetly avoiding phone calls. If things otherwise seem good, don't read too much into it.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Bijou on December 27, 2012, 01:27:13 PM
To me it sounds like she hits ignore when you call, and by telling a mutual friend who then confronted her about it, Sadie was awkwardly  put on the spot to then call you. Even if we want to try to look at it as it was an accidental setting, which it doesn't sound like to me, it doesn't change that Sadie doesn't call you back either. For some reason Sadie isn't interested in talking to you as much as you are to her, and if she feels smothered, complaining to another friend who then intervened probably didn't help. Is there a reason you didn't bring the one ring issue up to her directly,like when you heard her cell ringing?

Either way I agree Is wait for her to make next call.
I actually wasn't complaining to Clara.  I figured she had the same experience as I had with the one ring and then voice mail.  The only reason the subject came up was because at dinner on Christmas I told Clara that I called Sadie to say Merry Christmas and said it's hard to reach her because her cell only rings once then goes to voice mail.  This is when Clara said this isn't her experience with Sadie's cell.  It rings and rings until answered or eventually goes to voice mail.  It actually never occurred to me that I might be blocked until the next day.
I'm sure she doesn't feel smothered.  She used to be the one initiating most calls.  I would call her about things, but not a lot. 
Like I said, I need to take care of myself.  One of my new years resolutions is to do that.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Bijou on December 27, 2012, 01:31:59 PM
I hate talking on the phone in general, but there are some perfectly lovely people that I really hate talking on the phone with. It isn't about their personality so much as how awkward I feel talking to them on the phone. But if she's avoiding talking on the phone with you, it doesn't necessarily mean she has a problem with you, personally. It's possible she likes you perfectly well enough and is just discreetly avoiding phone calls. If things otherwise seem good, don't read too much into it.
It wasn't always this way and she doesn't mind talking on the phone.  She used to call me every day just to chat.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: oceanus on December 27, 2012, 02:19:15 PM
Something just occurred to me.  OP, you say you called Sadie several times and went into vm after one ring (immediately).  But I don’t recall you saying that you actually left a message.  You could have said “Hey, Sadie, Merry Christmas!  Call me when you get a chance.”

Quote
I told Clara that I called Sadie to say Merry Christmas and said it's hard to reach her because her cell only rings once then goes to voice mail.

Did you leave a message?

Or were you just hanging up when you reached her vm?  Because if so, she was getting several “missed call” notifications and hang-ups, and I can see where she would find that annoying; I certainly would.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: penelope2017 on December 27, 2012, 06:40:56 PM
To me it sounds like she hits ignore when you call, and by telling a mutual friend who then confronted her about it, Sadie was awkwardly  put on the spot to then call you. Even if we want to try to look at it as it was an accidental setting, which it doesn't sound like to me, it doesn't change that Sadie doesn't call you back either. For some reason Sadie isn't interested in talking to you as much as you are to her, and if she feels smothered, complaining to another friend who then intervened probably didn't help. Is there a reason you didn't bring the one ring issue up to her directly,like when you heard her cell ringing?

Either way I agree Is wait for her to make next call.
I actually wasn't complaining to Clara.  I figured she had the same experience as I had with the one ring and then voice mail.  The only reason the subject came up was because at dinner on Christmas I told Clara that I called Sadie to say Merry Christmas and said it's hard to reach her because her cell only rings once then goes to voice mail.  This is when Clara said this isn't her experience with Sadie's cell.  It rings and rings until answered or eventually goes to voice mail.  It actually never occurred to me that I might be blocked until the next day.
I'm sure she doesn't feel smothered.  She used to be the one initiating most calls.  I would call her about things, but not a lot. 
Like I said, I need to take care of myself.  One of my new years resolutions is to do that.

Right, but once Clara clarified it was not her experience, the next time it happened you still called Clara to again report this was happening, who then called Sadie immediately after she likely hit ignore on your call, and Clara called instead, chatted her up, and then said you were looking for her. From OP:

Yesterday I was talking to Clara, telling her that I couldn't reach Sadie to say Merry Christmas because her phone goes directly to voice mail.  Clara was surprised to hear that it rings only once because when she calls Sadie at that number it rings several times until she answers or eventually goes to voice mail.
When I tried to call Sadie this morning I got the one ring and voice mail.  I called Clara and she tried calling Sadie.  Clara got through after a couple of rings and they had a long conversation.


Even if Sadie hit ignore, she certainly wasn't going to tell Clara that - she was on the spot and then had to call you.

I know you said Sadie used to call a lot etc. People do change. Sometimes they get busy and have less time to devote to calls than they used to. I don't think that she's blocked your number but it does sound like she has less time to chat and simply hits ignore.

I agree that calling her way less, if at all, is a good move toward taking care of yourself going forward. Devote your time to people who value it.

Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: oceanus on December 27, 2012, 08:01:36 PM
Quote
Sometimes they get busy and have less time to devote to calls than they used to. I

However, OP mentioned Sadie had a long chat with Clara.  She made time for that. (Not trying to make OP feel bad, but as previously pointed out Sadie appears to not be that interested in chatting with OP.)  Add to that OP's repetitive calls (whether she left messages or hung up when she reached vm) and OP's mentioning the problem to Clara twice, thereby putting Sadie on the spot.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: MrsJWine on December 27, 2012, 08:53:43 PM
Quote
Sometimes they get busy and have less time to devote to calls than they used to. I

However, OP mentioned Sadie had a long chat with Clara.  She made time for that. (Not trying to make OP feel bad, but as previously pointed out Sadie appears to not be that interested in chatting with OP.)  Add to that OP's repetitive calls (whether she left messages or hung up when she reached vm) and OP's mentioning the problem to Clara twice, thereby putting Sadie on the spot.

I used to talk on the phone all the time, with anyone. I don't know what changed, but there are very few people for whom I'll pick up regularly anymore. And there are some people I make myself talk on the phone with because I care about them, and it's the only way to communicate with them. But I still like my friends for whom I won't pick up most of the time anymore.
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Bijou on December 27, 2012, 09:27:29 PM
Something just occurred to me.  OP, you say you called Sadie several times and went into vm after one ring (immediately).  But I don’t recall you saying that you actually left a message.  You could have said “Hey, Sadie, Merry Christmas!  Call me when you get a chance.”

Quote
I told Clara that I called Sadie to say Merry Christmas and said it's hard to reach her because her cell only rings once then goes to voice mail.

Did you leave a message?

Or were you just hanging up when you reached her vm?  Because if so, she was getting several “missed call” notifications and hang-ups, and I can see where she would find that annoying; I certainly would.
Oh, yes.  I always leave a voice mail.  I should have made that clear.  It would be very annoying to get a call from someone who just hangs up. 
Title: Re: Cell phone question
Post by: Bijou on February 06, 2013, 10:03:27 PM
Well, I found out why I cannot reach Sadie on her cell phone. 
I have my information blocked from showing up on caller ID.  Some people won't let a call through unless they can see who is calling.  It's a sort of blocking calls from private numbers.  Some people I call do have this is place so I have to dial *82 then their number.  Tonight I called her using *82 then her number and the call went through normally with several rings.  So, I'm glad that's solved!  In essence I was blocking my own self!  >:D
On a regular land line phone the operator tells you that you have to dial star 82 then the number in order to get through to those numbers, but on a cell you get no such message, thus my confusion (and paranoia... :P )