Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: ILoveMyCello on December 26, 2012, 07:54:36 PM

Title: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: ILoveMyCello on December 26, 2012, 07:54:36 PM
Hi, I have dated a guy for a little over a year on and off (we did take a 2 month break early into it). Things have gotten really great, especially these past few months  ;D We are both 27.

My family is not the greatest, so he invited me to spend Christmas Eve with his family. This wasn't the first time I have met his relatives, but this was the first holiday we spent together. It was wonderful. I had a really great time, and I brought little gifts for his parents and disabled brother and they got me a few little things as well. I had Christmas Eve dinner with them and then we went to church together.

My question is, is it good etiquette to send them a nice thank you card, or is it putting it on a little bit too much?

Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: Surianne on December 26, 2012, 08:07:20 PM
Not at all, I think it's a fabulous idea. Just be sincere, don't gush -- "Thanks so much for having me over, I had a great time with [X thing your really enjoyed" and I think they'll love it.

I'm in a similar situation -- my family can be pretty trying.  So when someone else includes me in their kind, functional family, it means a lot.  I've never had a negative response to a sincere thanks.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: Hmmmmm on December 26, 2012, 08:12:01 PM
It is never improper to send a thank you note to the hosts of a party or dinner gathering.  I think they will appreciate a short not acknowledging your enjoyment of the evening.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: Shakira on December 26, 2012, 08:40:12 PM
Send the card! They sound lovely :)
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: LeveeWoman on December 26, 2012, 08:44:08 PM
Hi, I have dated a guy for a little over a year on and off (we did take a 2 month break early into it). Things have gotten really great, especially these past few months  ;D We are both 27.

My family is not the greatest, so he invited me to spend Christmas Eve with his family. This wasn't the first time I have met his relatives, but this was the first holiday we spent together. It was wonderful. I had a really great time, and I brought little gifts for his parents and disabled brother and they got me a few little things as well. I had Christmas Eve dinner with them and then we went to church together.

My question is, is it good etiquette to send them a nice thank you card, or is it putting it on a little bit too much?

It is NEVER "too much" to send a thank you note to people who have hosted you.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: RegionMom on December 26, 2012, 10:13:11 PM
Yes, send the note.
Keep it simple, no gushing.

I sent a few thank-you notes to my college boyfriend's parents, since they knew me from high school, and I now know them as my in-laws. 

It is always good to err on the side of polite. 
:)
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: Deetee on December 26, 2012, 10:32:26 PM
Did you take any pictures while you were there? If so, it's nice to combine those. It seems a little less formal than a thank-you note, but gives you an excuse to send the note. Of course, send the note even if you didn't take pictures, but I find they go nicely together.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: crella on December 26, 2012, 10:34:29 PM
Yes, a note would be very nice. Three years ago at New Year's my son brought (the future) DIL with him for us to meet her, and we had a great time together. I was impressed by the thank you note I got a few days later. They mean a lot.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: oceanus on December 26, 2012, 10:35:15 PM
Agree with PP - send a short note.  Glad you had a nice time.  :)
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: Winterlight on December 27, 2012, 08:27:48 AM
I'm with everyone else- a nice note is never inappropriate in this situation.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: Nuala on December 27, 2012, 03:29:09 PM
My question is, is it good etiquette to send them a nice thank you card, or is it putting it on a little bit too much?

My daughter has been dating her beau for seven and a half years.  Most years Beau would spend Christmas morning with his family and then see us in the afternoon, when he would be the only one opening gifts.

Last year, he opened presents with his family in the morning, then came to our house and joined in our present exchange.

He sent be a beautiful note thanking me for including him in our celebration. It meant very much to me and did not seem over the top at all.

So I would definitely recommend sending a note.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: camlan on December 27, 2012, 03:52:07 PM
Absolutely correct to send a thank you note for their hospitality.

It's called a "bread and butter" note, or a "Collins" after Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice.  In the olden days, back in the 1950s, you sent a thank you note or made a thank you phone call for a dinner party. Or you sent flowers the day after a dinner party. You always wrote a thank you note for an overnight stay.

So there's a long, established tradition that you would be following.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: Honeypickle on December 27, 2012, 03:56:08 PM
Definitely send the card. And I'm glad it went so well!
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: gramma dishes on December 27, 2012, 03:57:34 PM
Yes, send the note.  I can assure you that it will NOT make a negative impression.  They sound like wonderful people and it is nice that they were so happy to include you in their family holiday celebration.
Title: Re: Thank you note to boyfriend's parents?
Post by: snappylt on December 28, 2012, 03:24:44 PM
I agree with the others.

Send the note - a simple one is fine.  I suspect they'll think you are sweet to do so.