Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: NotCinderell on December 31, 2012, 10:04:15 AM

Title: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: NotCinderell on December 31, 2012, 10:04:15 AM
My mom lives in Chicago, and I live in the Providence, RI area.  She gets two weeks of vacation PLUS Jewish holidays (she works for a shul) every year.  My husband gets two weeks of vacation plus a couple of floating holidays, but that includes Jewish holidays, so our vacation time is either during Jewish holidays (and we celebrate all of them, including some you may not have heard of), or is very short.

My mom takes her two weeks every year as two week-long jaunts to the Dominican Republic.  This is one of those immutable truths, non-negotiable, blah blah blah.  My mom is planning on retiring in a couple of years and moving to the Dominican Republic for good. 

Now that the kids are big enough to need their own plane tickets, visiting my mom is expensive.  Also, she whines that she doesn't have enough room for the four of us (she has a 3-bedroom condo) and that we have to get a room in a hotel.  We also can't fit in her tiny car (comfortably seats four but not if two of those four are in carseats), so we need to rent a car when we visit her.  Of course, when she visits us, she can just stay with us, doesn't need to rent a car because our cars are big, etc.

She has decided that she wants to visit us over the last weekend of Passover.  Problem:  A friend of mine in Cincinnati has already invited me to visit HER and stay with her during the last weekend of Passover.  I have not seen this friend in a couple of years, and I really enjoy the Cincinnati community.  I'd stay with one friend, but I know I'd be invited to a few different friends' homes for meals, so it would be really fun and social for all of us.

Last summer, my mom was difficult with me while I was talking about making plans to visit her in Chicago.  We scrapped our plans and went to Seattle instead (our first big family vacation EVER that didn't involve visiting relatives out of obligation and wasn't just a quick weekend getaway) and had a blast.

Just now I'm talking to my mom about her possible visit and I said something about meeting in Cincinnati instead.  Mom's entire family is there.  She says she doesn't want to go to Cincinnati, that if I'm at my friend's house, she'll only get an hour or two with the children here and there.

Then she lays the guilt trip:  By the time this visit happens, it will have been OVER a YEAR since she's seen the children.  I remind her that she has the option of not going to the Caribbean two weeks out of the year, and she could instead use that time to see us.  She accuses me of "getting nasty." 

I tell her that we'll be going to Cincinnati those days and can't accommodate her, and I hang up.  She calls back a couple of minutes later and I ask if she's apologizing?  She says she is not and begins to yell at me.  I say we are going to go to Cincinnati, and I  hang up again.

Am I out of line?  I know it's wrong to hang up on my mother, but do I owe it to her to visit?
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: kckgirl on December 31, 2012, 10:12:26 AM
I don't think you're being unreasonable, but don't argue with her about it. If she calls and asks about a visit, just tell her you're sorry, but you've already told her you won't be home that weekend. Don't discuss her coming to Cincinnati, either. She wants to be the one in control of her time and travel, which is perfectly reasonable, so she can do what she wants when she wants, but you don't have to be there to accommodate her plans. It's her choice to not see her grandchildren in more than a year, but don't remind her of that either. Basically, I'd be a river and flow where it's easiest without argument.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: onyonryngs on December 31, 2012, 10:12:34 AM
You don't owe her a visit, but hanging up the phone isn't going to help smooth the situation out any.  She may have felt that you were "getting nasty" - one doesn't normally hang up the phone when they're being polite and reasonable.  Maybe write her an email and review it a couple times so that you can be sure it isn't coming from anger, and set out your plan for Cincinnati so that she can see that she'll get more time with your kids.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: MrTango on December 31, 2012, 10:15:14 AM
I think you were okay.

There's no reason why you should have to listen to someone (even your mother) try to guilt-trip you.

The only suggestion is that, unless she's yelling at you (raised voice into the phone), you should try to say something to "close" the call rather than just hanging up.  For example, "I've got to go.  Bye."

If she's yelling, I think you're fine just hanging up the phone
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: NotCinderell on December 31, 2012, 10:17:36 AM
Well, she hadn't started yelling, but the minute she starts calling me "nasty," I feel like the conversation is over.  I guess I feel like I can't have a discussion with someone who has effectively invalidated me as a reasonable and kind person.  If I'm such a horrible, mean person, then the discussion is already over.

I think it's a temper tantrum, actually,  If she doesn't get what she wants and is asked to compromise, I'm just a horrible person.

She used to call me the not-nice word for a female dog, so I think we've made progress in this direction.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: MorgnsGrl on December 31, 2012, 10:20:53 AM
Could you offer to pay part of her travel costs to come visit you? That might convince her that you DO want to see her, and you do want her to be able to spend time with her grandchildren. Given the costs of your entire family traveling to see her, and the fact that her home can't accommodate all of you, it seems easier and more sensible for her to visit you at your home than the other way around.

I don't think it's wrong to hang up on her if she's yelling at you or calling you names. You could say something like, "Mom, I'm not going to talk to you if you yell at me/call me names. I'm hanging up now. Bye."
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: bonyk on December 31, 2012, 10:21:27 AM
You definitely don't need to stay on the phone with someone who is calling you names.

The bottom line is, if your mom wants to see the kids, she will make it happen.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: onyonryngs on December 31, 2012, 10:22:46 AM
Could you offer to pay part of her travel costs to come visit you? That might convince her that you DO want to see her, and you do want her to be able to spend time with her grandchildren. Given the costs of your entire family traveling to see her, and the fact that her home can't accommodate all of you, it seems easier and more sensible for her to visit you at your home than the other way around.

I don't think it's wrong to hang up on her if she's yelling at you or calling you names. You could say something like, "Mom, I'm not going to talk to you if you yell at me/call me names. I'm hanging up now. Bye."

I don't think it's hanging up if you preface it with a warning.  It's a training method - like with dogs - if you do it enough, they'll hopefully get the hint and quit that type of talk before it gets to the point of needing to get off the phone.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: NotCinderell on December 31, 2012, 10:23:14 AM
Could you offer to pay part of her travel costs to come visit you? That might convince her that you DO want to see her, and you do want her to be able to spend time with her grandchildren. Given the costs of your entire family traveling to see her, and the fact that her home can't accommodate all of you, it seems easier and more sensible for her to visit you at your home than the other way around.

I don't think it's wrong to hang up on her if she's yelling at you or calling you names. You could say something like, "Mom, I'm not going to talk to you if you yell at me/call me names. I'm hanging up now. Bye."

Well, she was already planning on visiting us at home.  The problem is, we don't want to be home that weekend.  And she has the money to visit us.  Money isn't an issue.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: miranova on December 31, 2012, 10:24:21 AM
I think sometimes people do need to be called out on the manipulation and guilt. 

My MIL pulls the guilt trip all the time, it means "so much to her" for the children to come up TO HER, 2000 miles away.  She therefore informed us of the particular 2 weeks that she was free in the summer for this to happen.  It doesn't work that way.  We could not travel during that time so the guilt poured on.  When we tried to suggest different times for her to come here, the truth came out that she was already busy with FIVE additional vacations that summer.  My husband calmly told her that if we were her 6th choice, it must not mean that much to her after all.  I don't think he was nasty, I think it was a much needed dose of honesty to stop the guilt trip. 

Everyone has priorities.  If a 2 week Carribean vacation is her first choice, then she doesn't get to complain about never seeing the kids.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: NotCinderell on December 31, 2012, 10:24:40 AM
Could you offer to pay part of her travel costs to come visit you? That might convince her that you DO want to see her, and you do want her to be able to spend time with her grandchildren. Given the costs of your entire family traveling to see her, and the fact that her home can't accommodate all of you, it seems easier and more sensible for her to visit you at your home than the other way around.

I don't think it's wrong to hang up on her if she's yelling at you or calling you names. You could say something like, "Mom, I'm not going to talk to you if you yell at me/call me names. I'm hanging up now. Bye."

I don't think it's hanging up if you preface it with a warning.  It's a training method - like with dogs - if you do it enough, they'll hopefully get the hint and quit that type of talk before it gets to the point of needing to get off the phone.

I'm definitely going to use this in the future.   This is one to practice in the shower.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: SPuck on December 31, 2012, 10:26:21 AM
Sounds like as good as time as ever to spine up. You didn't do anything wrong by hanging up on her when she started calling you names. There was no reason for her to do that. She was wrong at that point and rude. I think at this point your plans have been made. Anytime she brings it up at this point just say "Our plans have been made. I am not talking about this subject any longer." Followed by. "I have to go bye." If she doesn't give up.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: NotCinderell on December 31, 2012, 10:26:21 AM
I think sometimes people do need to be called out on the manipulation and guilt. 

My MIL pulls the guilt trip all the time, it means "so much to her" for the children to come up TO HER, 2000 miles away.  She therefore informed us of the particular 2 weeks that she was free in the summer for this to happen.  It doesn't work that way.  We could not travel during that time so the guilt poured on.  When we tried to suggest different times for her to come here, the truth came out that she was already busy with FIVE additional vacations that summer.  My husband calmly told her that if we were her 6th choice, it must not mean that much to her after all.  I don't think he was nasty, I think it was a much needed dose of honesty to stop the guilt trip. 

Everyone has priorities.  If a 2 week Carribean vacation is her first choice, then she doesn't get to complain about never seeing the kids.

Thanks.  I particularly needed to hear this.  If I said to my mother what your husband said to his, the fur would fly.  Not that I don't think that he was reasonable in saying it.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: cheyne on December 31, 2012, 10:28:38 AM
No.just.no.  If grandma wants to see the kids she will make it happen.  You have spent enough of your time and money to make life easy for her.  I can't believe that she thinks it's OK to make a family of four with 2 small children travel to her when she won't return the favor.  How does your DH feel about all the money and time to go to visit your mother?

As for the phone calls, give her one warning then say "got to go, bye!" in as cheery of a voice as you can muster. 

She will either visit you, get mad or get over it.  Sometimes "the fur has to fly" for people to see that they are being unreasonable and they don't always get their own way.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: JenJay on December 31, 2012, 10:29:59 AM
It sounds like your Mom expects you to drop everything and accommodate her when she chooses to come visit you. You've already made plans to go to Cincinnati and you even invited her to meet up with you there, she declined. You don't owe her any further accommodation.

You've invited her to come see you during her vacation, she chooses not to. You've offered to come see her during your vacation, that doesn't work either. Short of sitting at home all the time, just in case she feels like coming out, it sounds like there's not much you can do to please her so don't drive yourself crazy trying.

Personally, I think anyone who would resort to cursing at me deserves to be hung up on, but if it bothers you then maybe throw out a quick "Okay, this is getting ugly. gotta go!" before the click.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: MorgnsGrl on December 31, 2012, 10:32:17 AM
Well, she was already planning on visiting us at home.  The problem is, we don't want to be home that weekend.  And she has the money to visit us.  Money isn't an issue.

It's too bad if she wants to visit you on a particular weekend when you already have plans, but that's not really your problem. She doesn't get to decide you have to be available when she wants you to be. Maybe you could offer some other options as far as time goes and she'd get focused on rescheduling?
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: learningtofly on December 31, 2012, 10:36:23 AM
I've lived this and watched this. All of boss's vacation time was spent on Jewish holidays and while I know he cherished the time he had with his kids and sometimes extended family, he needed a vacation. It was nice for him the few years the holidays didn't fall in the middle of the week and he could take his family away.  Everyone deserves a vacation now and then that is just fun.  Cincinnati sounds like a great way to see family and have a great time. Your kids may prefer time with grandma over time with your friends.

I've dealt with whining grandparents and the holidays/not seeing the grandkids. It is a two way street. You've offered her time with her grandkids, just not how's she wants it. If she chooses not to accept your offer then it is her fault she goes so long without seeing all of you.  You can celebrate the holidays anywhere you wish. My MIL hates when we go somewhere else for a holiday. However, she is not the only family we have and she has learned to live with it.  Note: she isn't being left by herself either. Just hates that we're not there. Pointing out that she uninvited us a few times and made us think we were not needed didn't help.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: yokozbornak on December 31, 2012, 10:38:28 AM
I think sometimes people do need to be called out on the manipulation and guilt. 

My MIL pulls the guilt trip all the time, it means "so much to her" for the children to come up TO HER, 2000 miles away.  She therefore informed us of the particular 2 weeks that she was free in the summer for this to happen.  It doesn't work that way.  We could not travel during that time so the guilt poured on.  When we tried to suggest different times for her to come here, the truth came out that she was already busy with FIVE additional vacations that summer.  My husband calmly told her that if we were her 6th choice, it must not mean that much to her after all.  I don't think he was nasty, I think it was a much needed dose of honesty to stop the guilt trip. 

Everyone has priorities.  If a 2 week Carribean vacation is her first choice, then she doesn't get to complain about never seeing the kids.

This exactly.  We have dealt with a similar situation with my mom, and it's obvious she wants us to make her a priority, but she doesn't give us the time of day unless it's convenient.  We have just stopped playing along.

I think that instead of hanging up in anger, just do as some of the other posters suggested, "Mom, this conversation is going nowhere and you have resorted to calling me names.  I am going to hang up and we can speak again when everyone is calm."  That way, you remain in control of both the conversation and your emotions.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: TootsNYC on December 31, 2012, 12:05:27 PM

Well, she was already planning on visiting us at home.  The problem is, we don't want to be home that weekend.  And she has the money to visit us.  Money isn't an issue.

So just continue your plans. There is only ONE sentence for you to say from here on out when this topic comes up. (Cut and paste!!)

"Sorry, Mom, we're not going to be home that weekend. Let us know if there's another time you'd like to visit."

No matter what she says, or whines about not seeing the children. "Sorry, mom, we're not going to be home that weekend. Let us know if there's another time you'd like to visit."

Don't get into what her other plans are--don't even ask, don't put out so much effort in trying to arrange for her to visit. She can come when she wants. You'll travel when you can afford it (in terms of time or money), and that's it. There is no guilt--these are facts, and guilt has nothing to do with it.

You might send her an email and say, "These are the times we have off and will be at home. You of course can visit when you'd like, even if we're working or in school--it might be more boring, but you'd see us in our 'real lives.' "

Don't get into how much it means, etc. Stick strictly to the logistics. And when she tries to pour the guilt on, suddenly the cat's on fire or something--"Sorry, Mom, gotta go. Send us an email when you've decided when you can come."
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 31, 2012, 12:18:43 PM
POD to Toots!  "We won't be there that week, mom.  We're happy to see you some other time - let me know next time you might be free to come visit and we'll see what we can do to make some room in our schedule.  Otherwise we do intend to come out and see you sometime. It probably won't be soon, though, since it's so much more expensive for us to travel."  Redirect if she tries to justify her own vacation choices - it's none of your business or your responsibility how she chooses to spend her time, so it really don't matter
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: NotCinderell on December 31, 2012, 05:02:43 PM
I forgot the wonderful Toots Technique.  I'll keep it in mind.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: bloo on December 31, 2012, 06:53:41 PM
Last summer, my mom was difficult with me while I was talking about making plans to visit her in Chicago.  We scrapped our plans and went to Seattle instead (our first big family vacation EVER that didn't involve visiting relatives out of obligation and wasn't just a quick weekend getaway) and had a blast.

Go visit your friend and then all y'all go to Seattle. It was so awesome for us when we took our first real vacation (i.e. NOT visiting relatives). Don't think another thing about your mom. You already know she's 'difficult'.

Apologize for hanging up, though. It's understandable but not good, all the same.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: bopper on January 02, 2013, 10:16:23 AM
Maybe as Toots says, rephrase.

"I am going to Cincinatti then" sounds like you are choosing the Cincinatti friends over her.

"We are not available that weekend, what is another good time" sounds like you want to see her but just not that time.  You shouldn't say that she should give up her Dominic Republic vacation because she has already said that is a time she is not available.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: NotCinderell on January 03, 2013, 09:31:55 AM
UPDATE

Called Mom yesterday.  Told her that we had thought it over, and that this was a weekend that my husband was going to have to take off work anyway, so we were going to use it for our limited vacation time and actually take a vacation.  Mom says she's decided that she's going to visit my cousin in New York instead and that because we won't be available this single weekend out of the year, she's not going to be able to visit us at all this year.  Then she brings up once again that she ONLY gets TWO WEEKS of vacation. 

I suggested that she was welcome at any time to spend any of that two weeks with us instead of going to the island, but that we also only got two weeks and we didn't want to stay home for all of it.  She accused me then of trying to make her feel bad.  I said that I wasn't trying to make her feel anything, but the facts were that this was a matter of her priorities and choices.  She started yelling at me, and I said, "This is getting ugly.  I'm going to hang up now."  And I hung up.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: LeveeWoman on January 03, 2013, 09:35:03 AM
UPDATE

Called Mom yesterday.  Told her that we had thought it over, and that this was a weekend that my husband was going to have to take off work anyway, so we were going to use it for our limited vacation time and actually take a vacation.  Mom says she's decided that she's going to visit my cousin in New York instead and that because we won't be available this single weekend out of the year, she's not going to be able to visit us at all this year.  Then she brings up once again that she ONLY gets TWO WEEKS of vacation. 

I suggested that she was welcome at any time to spend any of that two weeks with us instead of going to the island, but that we also only got two weeks and we didn't want to stay home for all of it.  She accused me then of trying to make her feel bad.  I said that I wasn't trying to make her feel anything, but the facts were that this was a matter of her priorities and choices.  She started yelling at me, and I said, "This is getting ugly.  I'm going to hang up now."  And I hung up.

Good for you!
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2
Post by: JenJay on January 03, 2013, 09:37:14 AM
Good job!! You didn't ask, but can I offer you some hugs? DH and I also have a relative who vacations out of the country every year but has told us straight out that they will not come visit us here in Virginia (we're from Oregon). The attitude is like "Well it was your choice to move. Why should I have to give up my annual trip to X?" Valid point but... not awesome.  :-\
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2
Post by: NotCinderell on January 03, 2013, 09:38:40 AM
Good job!! You didn't ask, but can I offer you some hugs? DH and I also have a relative who vacations out of the country every year but has told us straight out that they will not come visit us here in Virginia (we're from Oregon). The attitude is like "Well it was your choice to move. Why should I have to give up my annual trip to X?" Valid point but... not awesome.  :-\

I think with my mom this is actually a passive-aggressive dig at me for celebrating Jewish holidays.  Mom is non-observant, you see.

And thanks.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2
Post by: Hmmmmm on January 03, 2013, 09:45:32 AM
Good job!! You didn't ask, but can I offer you some hugs? DH and I also have a relative who vacations out of the country every year but has told us straight out that they will not come visit us here in Virginia (we're from Oregon). The attitude is like "Well it was your choice to move. Why should I have to give up my annual trip to X?" Valid point but... not awesome.  :-\

I think with my mom this is actually a passive-aggressive dig at me for celebrating Jewish holidays.  Mom is non-observant, you see.

And thanks.

So why was she wanting to spend Passover with you? 

Glad you are standing your ground.  To me part of being a mom is wanting to make things easier for your kids.  Having one person travel is a lot easier than a family of 4.  She is not prioritizing you.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2
Post by: yokozbornak on January 03, 2013, 09:47:09 AM
You did a good job, OP, but I am so sorry your mom is acting this way.  Her guilt is not your problem.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2
Post by: NotCinderell on January 03, 2013, 09:52:45 AM
So why was she wanting to spend Passover with you? 

Because she gets a 4-day weekend that weekend.  Don't worry, she'll still manage to tell me how awful the food is because it's Passover.  (I'm an excellent cook and am very good at Passover work-arounds, so I know my cooking isn't really the issue)
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2
Post by: Hmmmmm on January 03, 2013, 12:22:37 PM
So why was she wanting to spend Passover with you? 

Because she gets a 4-day weekend that weekend.  Don't worry, she'll still manage to tell me how awful the food is because it's Passover.  (I'm an excellent cook and am very good at Passover work-arounds, so I know my cooking isn't really the issue)

So a non-observent Mom wants to come and intrude on one of your family's most holy celebrations because it is convienient for her and while there will criticize the custom's associated with this celebration?

Honestly, I'm usually on the side of the moms because I had a really good mom and I still miss her so in most situations can't imagine someone not going out of their way to spend time with their mom. But, please do not let her make you feel guilty about this or any other situation in the future. 
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? (epic length)
Post by: TootsNYC on January 03, 2013, 12:34:08 PM
UPDATE

Called Mom yesterday.  Told her that we had thought it over, and that this was a weekend that my husband was going to have to take off work anyway, so we were going to use it for our limited vacation time and actually take a vacation.  Mom says she's decided that she's going to visit my cousin in New York instead and that because we won't be available this single weekend out of the year, she's not going to be able to visit us at all this year.  Then she brings up once again that she ONLY gets TWO WEEKS of vacation. 

I suggested that she was welcome at any time to spend any of that two weeks with us instead of going to the island, but that we also only got two weeks and we didn't want to stay home for all of it. She accused me then of trying to make her feel bad.  I said that I wasn't trying to make her feel anything, but the facts were that this was a matter of her priorities and choices.  She started yelling at me, and I said, "This is getting ugly.  I'm going to hang up now."  And I hung up.

Mistake!!

I actually don't think you did a good job (except for how you hung up--that was good!)

Don't go into such detail. Just say, "Oh well, that's too bad. Let us know if you can find time to come after all. The earlier you decide, the more likely that we'll be available."

Don't talk about her priorities and choices; don't lecture.

Stick ONLY to the facts. That's the *point* of the cut-and-paste technique. You *don't* argue, you don't talk about any underlying thing. You refuse, refuse, refuse to get into any other aspect of the entire conversation.

It's totally true that this is about her priorities--but it's also about yours, you know. Both of you have choices. You *could* choose to put your mom/grandmother first. You are choosing just as much as she is.

And you are also pressuring her, just as much as she is pressuring you. Perhaps it's in response to her initial pressure, but "she started it" is not a good place to be.

However, it's dangerous and potentially rude to talk about these issues in such detail. When it has been proven that this cannot be a productive conversation (which is the case for you), then you simply stick to the ONLY aspect of it that is important.

"That's too bad; we won't be available then. Let us know when you'd like to try again."

No other thing. Period. When she says, "that means that I won't see you for a whole year" in a guilt-inducing tone, the smart thing is to simply say, "That's too bad. Let us know when you'd like to try again."
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2
Post by: NotCinderell on January 07, 2013, 12:52:31 PM
UPDATE

Called mom last Thursday on an unrelated matter.  I told her what was going on (unrelated and not confrontational.  personal matter concerning my family) and she cut me off saying "I'msorrytohearthatbye!" really fast, in an obvious mocking of my attempting to disengage from her yelling at me. 

I have set her ringer to silent and will not call her for the foreseeable future.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: Addy on January 07, 2013, 01:12:52 PM
Wow, your Mom is a real piece of work, isn't she? A little less contact sounds like a great idea.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: PastryGoddess on January 07, 2013, 02:23:32 PM
 :o :( >:(
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2
Post by: LeveeWoman on January 07, 2013, 02:39:55 PM
UPDATE

Called mom last Thursday on an unrelated matter.  I told her what was going on (unrelated and not confrontational.  personal matter concerning my family) and she cut me off saying "I'msorrytohearthatbye!" really fast, in an obvious mocking of my attempting to disengage from her yelling at me. 

I have set her ringer to silent and will not call her for the foreseeable future.

I guess she showed you!  ::)

Stick to your guns, NotCinderell!
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: heartmug on January 07, 2013, 03:24:32 PM
I am so sorry to hear she is treating you like that, but good for you for standing your ground. 
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: Sophia on January 07, 2013, 03:27:13 PM
OP, I just noticed your username.  Ironic.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: NotCinderell on January 07, 2013, 04:33:58 PM
OP, I just noticed your username.  Ironic.

Ironic how?  I called myself NotCinderell on the original etiquette-hell board because I had just gotten married, and I was explaining that getting married didn't make me Cinderella.  But Delphooey had a character limit, so it couldn't be NotCinderella and had to be shortened.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: weeblewobble on January 07, 2013, 05:23:40 PM
OP, I just noticed your username.  Ironic.

Ironic how?  I called myself NotCinderell on the original etiquette-hell board because I had just gotten married, and I was explaining that getting married didn't make me Cinderella.  But Delphooey had a character limit, so it couldn't be NotCinderella and had to be shortened.

I think Sophia means that you, like Cinderella, work hard, have a good heart and are unappreciated, (if not downright abused) for your efforts.  It was a commiseration, not a jab. :)
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: Sophia on January 07, 2013, 10:01:55 PM
OP, I just noticed your username.  Ironic.

Ironic how?  I called myself NotCinderell on the original etiquette-hell board because I had just gotten married, and I was explaining that getting married didn't make me Cinderella.  But Delphooey had a character limit, so it couldn't be NotCinderella and had to be shortened.

I think Sophia means that you, like Cinderella, work hard, have a good heart and are unappreciated, (if not downright abused) for your efforts.  It was a commiseration, not a jab. :)

Yes, that was what I meant. 
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: NotCinderell on January 08, 2013, 01:09:00 PM
OP, I just noticed your username.  Ironic.

Ironic how?  I called myself NotCinderell on the original etiquette-hell board because I had just gotten married, and I was explaining that getting married didn't make me Cinderella.  But Delphooey had a character limit, so it couldn't be NotCinderella and had to be shortened.

I think Sophia means that you, like Cinderella, work hard, have a good heart and are unappreciated, (if not downright abused) for your efforts.  It was a commiseration, not a jab. :)

I didn't assume it was a jab.  I guess I wondered if that's what she meant but didn't want to be presumptuous to assume that she was comparing me to Cinderella.
Title: Re: My mom: Am I being unreasonable? UPDATE PAGE 2 AND 3
Post by: wyliefool on January 08, 2013, 01:38:07 PM
So when she moves to the DR fulltime are you all going to be expected to travel there to see her or will she now have lots of time to visit? Just wondering. Because altho flights might not be too expensive, since it's a big tourist destination, the whole passport thing is a pain and the destination itself isn't cheap.