Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => All In A Day's Work => Topic started by: Annoyed in America on January 05, 2013, 06:33:41 AM

Title: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Annoyed in America on January 05, 2013, 06:33:41 AM
I work in a small office.  Sometimes one of us will bring in purchased goodies, enough so everyone gets one.  Said goodies are not cheap.  One person NEVER reciprocates.  He will always take one (or more), sometime say a quiet thanks (not always).  I find it rude that in 5 years he has never once brought in or given a single treat.  Treats are brought in about every other week.  Is it okay to bring in treats and distribute them to everyone else and leave him out?
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: bonyk on January 05, 2013, 06:48:15 AM
I think it would be.  What you could do is start a sign-up sheet to 'organize' who is bringing in treats  and encourage him to choose a week.  He may just be clueless, and need a little push to participate.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: lady_disdain on January 05, 2013, 07:23:11 AM
Yes, it would be, as long as the treats are being brought in for the office. While he may not be bringing in treats, are you sure he isn't reciprocating in other ways (voluntarily doing the heavy lifting, changing the water bottle at the cooler, etc)? Ok, I may be an optimist.

The best way to go around this would be to organize a breakfast club, a tea party, snack society or whatever, where the members rotate bringing in treats. Then, it is clearly spelled out what the expectations are and the rules for participating?
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Annoyed in America on January 05, 2013, 07:48:48 AM
A little clarification here...He doesn't do any heavy lifting (in fact he avoids doing anything not specific to his job).  He won't speak up when supplies are needed, but will wait until they are completely gone and right after supplies were ordered and delivered to mention "Oh BTW we are out of ...."  I am 32 years older than him and I frequently have to actually lift heavy supplies.  He can sit there and watch someone struggle and not get out of his chair or offer to help. 
On a side note he has money...He lives with his parents, pays no rent, has no bills whatsoever.  I think he puts his money in the bank and watches the balance grow.  He spends it on nothing. No girlfriend, very few friends.
When going through doors he never holds them open for women, he pushes through first.  I guess I am weary of his stingyness in every facet of his personality.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: peaches on January 05, 2013, 08:39:53 AM
I Is it okay to bring in treats and distribute them to everyone else and leave him out?

I wouldn't do this in a workplace. It could create hard feelings and drama, and in my experience, bosses hate drama.

What you're describing is voluntary. The employer didn't assign this duty (bringing treats) to employees, and may consider it trivial and unnecessary. 

I agree that the behavior of this one employee is annoying. He is taking advantage. But you don't have to bring treats if you don't want to.

Iím not saying that good manners, cooperation and teamwork are not important in the workplace. They are, and I believe most employers appreciate these qualities. What employers donít appreciate is one employee pointing out the bad manners of another.

I would weigh the benefits versus the hazards of making an issue of this.

Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: POF on January 05, 2013, 08:49:03 AM
I Is it okay to bring in treats and distribute them to everyone else and leave him out?

I wouldn't do this in a workplace. It could create hard feelings and drama, and in my experience, bosses hate drama.

What you're describing is voluntary. The employer didn't assign this duty (bringing treats) to employees, and may consider it trivial and unnecessary. 

I agree that the behavior of this one employee is annoying. He is taking advantage. But you don't have to bring treats if you don't want to.

Iím not saying that good manners, cooperation and teamwork are not important in the workplace. They are, and I believe most employers appreciate these qualities. What employers donít appreciate is one employee pointing out the bad manners of another.

I would weigh the benefits versus the hazards of making an issue of this.

POD

I had to eliminate treats because it got contentious.  People were bringing in treats - keeping them at their desks for "certain people". Besdies the hard feelings, chatter and drama - I said no more.

Want to bake and bring it in ? Fine - it goes in kitchen.  Oh kitchen is shared by a lot of people.... too bad.  Bring it in and go to the break room with friends and share it.

Birthdays - once a qtr I bring in a cake.

I had people having little appetizer parties set out on their desks .  ( This is in a dept I took over - so I quickly stopped it )

I would be very cautious.

Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Girlie on January 05, 2013, 09:11:49 AM
A little clarification here...He doesn't do any heavy lifting (in fact he avoids doing anything not specific to his job).  He won't speak up when supplies are needed, but will wait until they are completely gone and right after supplies were ordered and delivered to mention "Oh BTW we are out of ...."  I am 32 years older than him and I frequently have to actually lift heavy supplies.  He can sit there and watch someone struggle and not get out of his chair or offer to help. 
On a side note he has money...He lives with his parents, pays no rent, has no bills whatsoever.  I think he puts his money in the bank and watches the balance grow.  He spends it on nothing. No girlfriend, very few friends.
When going through doors he never holds them open for women, he pushes through first.  I guess I am weary of his stingyness in every facet of his personality.

Are you sure that he doesn't have a social disorder of some sort?
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: LeveeWoman on January 05, 2013, 09:18:47 AM
Can we keep medical diagnoses out of this?
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Sharnita on January 05, 2013, 10:03:02 AM
I agree with peaches.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: DollyPond on January 05, 2013, 10:08:42 AM
A little clarification here...He doesn't do any heavy lifting (in fact he avoids doing anything not specific to his job).  He won't speak up when supplies are needed, but will wait until they are completely gone and right after supplies were ordered and delivered to mention "Oh BTW we are out of ...."  I am 32 years older than him and I frequently have to actually lift heavy supplies.  He can sit there and watch someone struggle and not get out of his chair or offer to help. 
On a side note he has money...He lives with his parents, pays no rent, has no bills whatsoever.  I think he puts his money in the bank and watches the balance grow.  He spends it on nothing. No girlfriend, very few friends.
When going through doors he never holds them open for women, he pushes through first.  I guess I am weary of his stingyness in every facet of his personality.

Are you sure that he doesn't have a social disorder of some sort?

I work with someone like this who DOES have a social disorder.  We have all adopted the attitude of laughing it off as "That's just how he is" and dealt with it that way.  That way there are no hard feelings.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: oogyda on January 05, 2013, 10:15:37 AM
I Is it okay to bring in treats and distribute them to everyone else and leave him out?

I wouldn't do this in a workplace. It could create hard feelings and drama, and in my experience, bosses hate drama.

What you're describing is voluntary. The employer didn't assign this duty (bringing treats) to employees, and may consider it trivial and unnecessary. 

I agree that the behavior of this one employee is annoying. He is taking advantage. But you don't have to bring treats if you don't want to.

Iím not saying that good manners, cooperation and teamwork are not important in the workplace. They are, and I believe most employers appreciate these qualities. What employers donít appreciate is one employee pointing out the bad manners of another.

I would weigh the benefits versus the hazards of making an issue of this.

This.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 05, 2013, 10:16:57 AM
If I were comfortable doing this - and I wouldn't know unless I was there - I *might* have a chat with the stingy young man.

'You know, SYM, you always seem to enjoy the treats that everyone brings in.  But I've never seen you bring anything.  You wouldn't have to bake; you could just bring in some donuts once in a while.'  And see what happens.

I don't think you can avoid giving him treats if he still doesn't bring in something.  But if he is socially awkward, someone telling him specifically that he is expected he participate in the bringing of the treats might make the light bulb turn on.  I don't think you can do anything about the 'Oh, btw, we're out of X' after the order has gone in but have you specifically asked him, 'SYM, could you please help me move this copier paper to the store room?'

I'm not socially awkward (I don't think) but I can be oblivious.  It might not occur to me to jump up and help someone do something unless they specifically ask me to.

ETA a missing word
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Harriet Jones on January 05, 2013, 10:23:41 AM
He just sounds clueless/oblivious to me.  If you feel comfortable doing it, say something.  Otherwise, I think you're going to have to accept the situation as it is.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Kaypeep on January 05, 2013, 10:28:10 AM
If I were comfortable doing this - and I wouldn't know unless I was there - I *might* have a chat with the stingy young man.

'You know, SYM, you always seem to enjoy the treats that everyone brings in.  But I've never seen you bring anything.  You wouldn't have to bake; you could just bring in some donuts once in a while.'  And see what happens.

I don't think you can avoid giving him treats if he still doesn't bring in something.  But if he is socially awkward, someone telling him specifically that is expected he participate in the bringing of the treats might make the light bulb turn on.  I don't think you can do anything about the 'Oh, btw, we're out of X' after the order has gone in but have you specifically asked him, 'SYM, could you please help me move this copier paper to the store room?'

I'm not socially awkward (I don't think) but I can be oblivious.  It might not occur to me to jump up and help someone do something unless they specifically ask me to.

POD.  I hired my friend's brother as a temp for data entry one summer.  He was a great worker but clueless about the social norms of an office.  He would clip his toenails at his desk.  When offered treats he accepted but never reciprocated and even had the wherewithal to go into someone's desk to get MORE candy since he knew she kept it there.  He wasn't sneaky or malicious, he just didn't realize these things were innappropriate.  I mentioned the treat issue to my friend and she told her mom (who brother lived with.)  Mom talked to son and the next week he came into the office with a giant bag of cookies, going around to everyone to offer them and share.  Thankfully we were a great group of people (If i do say so myself) and he was the only guy and most of the women were moms, so they really took him under their wing and tried to teach and help him a lot because they knew he wasn't malicious or greedy or stingy, just clueless.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: rigs32 on January 05, 2013, 10:30:47 AM
People voluntarily bring things in.  That does no require him to reciprocate.  There is a woman in my office that bakes.  A lot.  The rest of us are supposed to start bringing in treats because she does?  That's not a fair expectation.  In your small office many people bring in treats.  That doesn't necessitate that the remaining employees must do the same.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: camlan on January 05, 2013, 10:38:28 AM
It really sounds as if he doesn't know how to work with people.

I don't think you can start making him bring in treats, but you can address the other issues. If there's something heavy to be moved, just ask him to help. If the door slams in your face because he didn't hold it for you, say something. If he doesn't mention the office is out of supplies until after the order has been put in, the person in charge of supplies should speak to him about this.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of any of this. No big sit-down talk with the boss or anything like that. Just normal office talk, where one person asks another for help or says "Ouch!" when a door hits them in the face. Said in the moment and not mentioned again. Unless this young man is truly clueless, he'll start to realize that he can't just ignore everyone in the office.

Someone could, I suppose, make a joking comment about the treats. "Hey, you seem to enjoy the treats all the time. When are you bringing in your favorite?" That happened in one office I worked in. The secretaries were always bringing in treats and their bosses enjoyed them greatly. Someone commented on the fact that the bosses never reciprocated. Just one sentence, said once. The bosses took that to heart and started bringing in doughnuts or bagels. One guy even had his wife walk him through baking a batch of cookies. Sometimes all it takes is gently pointing out the behavior.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: AustenFan on January 05, 2013, 05:17:05 PM
Treats are brought in about every other week.  Is it okay to bring in treats and distribute them to everyone else and leave him out?

If you want to be viewed as a mature professional this exclusionary tactic isn't going to do it. It's going to single you out as a petty troublemaker.

The undercurrent of both your posts is that you're coworker doesn't do things you have arbitrarily decided he should do, and that he should be "punished" for not behaving as you think appropriate. Would it be nice if he helped with heavy things/held doors/etc? Yes, but taking punitive action against him based on unvoiced social expectations in a work environment is just initiating drama and hard feelings.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: oceanus on January 05, 2013, 07:06:59 PM
Quote
[snip] On a side note he has money...He lives with his parents, pays no rent, has no bills whatsoever.  I think he puts his money in the bank and watches the balance grow.  He spends it on nothing. No girlfriend, very few friends. [snip]

OP, I don't know how you know all these things, but whether he has money, what he does with his money, whether he has a girlfriend, and how many friends he has is not your business.

It's clear you don't like him, and you may have your reasons.

However, as far as the "treats" issue, he might just be clueless. I'd suggest a list be passed around giving everyone the opportunity to sign up.  As someone else said, deliberately excluding him is juvenile and just creates drama.

Quote
It really sounds as if he doesn't know how to work with people.
I'm not sure that's the case, but if so it's a supervisory issue.

Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: MOM21SON on January 05, 2013, 07:15:46 PM
He may be thinking the exact opposite.  Maybe he wishes it would stop.

People at my work bring treats in all the time and frankly I wish it would stop.  It makes me feel like I HAVE to bring something, so I do.  Even if I do not partake in most treats, some I do, I still feel like I have to do it.  I don't bake, it cost me a trip to the store and a purchase.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Amava on January 05, 2013, 07:18:35 PM
He may be thinking the exact opposite.  Maybe he wishes it would stop.

People at my work bring treats in all the time and frankly I wish it would stop.  It makes me feel like I HAVE to bring something, so I do.  Even if I do not partake in most treats, some I do, I still feel like I have to do it.  I don't bake, it cost me a trip to the store and a purchase.

Ooooh, I know that feeling! It's uncomfortable.
And for people who wonder why, if he doesn't like the treats, he partakes in them, maybe he thinks it's rude to refuse something that is offered?
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: oceanus on January 05, 2013, 07:28:08 PM
The last 2 posts remind me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine was sick and tired of all the office parties and cakes for every trivial occasion - such as someone returning from sick leave.   (Remember the song - "Get well, get well soon", etc.)  ;D ;D

(There are offices where people seem to have made birthday party coordination and collecting money for gifts into a second career - almost as if it's written into their job description.)
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: MOM21SON on January 05, 2013, 08:41:37 PM
He may be thinking the exact opposite.  Maybe he wishes it would stop.

People at my work bring treats in all the time and frankly I wish it would stop.  It makes me feel like I HAVE to bring something, so I do.  Even if I do not partake in most treats, some I do, I still feel like I have to do it.  I don't bake, it cost me a trip to the store and a purchase.

Ooooh, I know that feeling! It's uncomfortable.
And for people who wonder why, if he doesn't like the treats, he partakes in them, maybe he thinks it's rude to refuse something that is offered?

I have a coworker that insists I have some, I mean, lays it down at my desk and leaves.  99% of the time I toss it and tell him how great it was.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: cicero on January 06, 2013, 02:10:24 AM

On a side note he has money...He lives with his parents, pays no rent, has no bills whatsoever.  I think he puts his money in the bank and watches the balance grow.  He spends it on nothing. No girlfriend, very few friends.
When going through doors he never holds them open for women, he pushes through first.  I guess I am weary of his stingyness in every facet of his personality.
I just want to say that this is a judgement call on your side that has no real validity. you have *no* idea what he does with his money and how much he has or doesn't. I'm sure there are many people who *appear* on the surface to have money and yet use their money for things that we know nothing about.

as for your original question - he may be clueless and since he is young you might point it out to him in a nice way. he may not realize that others are bringing in things on their own dime. he may not realize that it would be nice if he participated. some people are like that.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: greencat on January 06, 2013, 02:53:23 AM
I think you would be doing him a service to pull him aside and tell him "Clueless, I don't know if you realized this, but the treats that you've been eating are things that people are paying for out of their own pockets, not things purchased by the office, and people have noticed that you never contribute."

As far as not lifting and not opening doors - I've had a few men tell me they were no longer comfortable automatically jumping in to perform these tasks on the basis that the other person was older/female, because of the discrimination inherent in the assistance.  Do you hold the door for him when you go through it first?  Additionally, he may have some medical issues you are unaware of that prevent him from lifting things entirely - I've known several apparently strong men who were unable to lift any weight whatsoever due to injuries. 
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Annoyed in America on January 06, 2013, 09:13:47 AM
Quote
[snip] On a side note he has money...He lives with his parents, pays no rent, has no bills whatsoever.  I think he puts his money in the bank and watches the balance grow.  He spends it on nothing. No girlfriend, very few friends. [snip]

OP, I don't know how you know all these things, but whether he has money, what he does with his money, whether he has a girlfriend, and how many friends he has is not your business.

Annoyed replies "Like I said it's a small office."  We all know each other, what we do in our spare time and many family members have come into the office to visit.  It's a casual but professional environment. 
I think there is merit in the idea that it may be a social issue, on his part.  Is this something I have to adjust to?  He is a good worker, but seems so rigid in all aspects of his life.  In some ways I pity him, but any kindly suggestions I have made in the past are met with derision on his part.
I guess I will have to turn a blind eye on the annoying behaviors and appreciate the quality of his work product. Thanks to all of you for your input.  You have all given me food for thought.




It's clear you don't like him, and you may have your reasons.

However, as far as the "treats" issue, he might just be clueless. I'd suggest a list be passed around giving everyone the opportunity to sign up.  As someone else said, deliberately excluding him is juvenile and just creates drama.

Quote
It really sounds as if he doesn't know how to work with people.
I'm not sure that's the case, but if so it's a supervisory issue.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: POF on January 06, 2013, 09:19:11 AM
I think you would be doing him a service to pull him aside and tell him "Clueless, I don't know if you realized this, but the treats that you've been eating are things that people are paying for out of their own pockets, not things purchased by the office, and people have noticed that you never contribute."
 

As a manager -I need to tell you that a staff person would be repriomanded for commenting on this ( treats ) in my organization.  Treats are being voluntarily brought in.  They should either be available to everyone or shared to specific people during lunch or break.  Coworker has NO obligation to provide treats to the office... no one does.

I am dealing with a similar situation... my rule ... treats go in lunch room and are gifted to the office in general OR they are managed on your free time ( lunch or break ) but not during work time.

I would be very cautious before telling a coworker to bring in  treats.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: lady_disdain on January 06, 2013, 09:30:42 AM
Annoyed replies "Like I said it's a small office."  We all know each other, what we do in our spare time and many family members have come into the office to visit.  It's a casual but professional environment. 
I think there is merit in the idea that it may be a social issue, on his part.  Is this something I have to adjust to?  He is a good worker, but seems so rigid in all aspects of his life.  In some ways I pity him, but any kindly suggestions I have made in the past are met with derision on his part.
I guess I will have to turn a blind eye on the annoying behaviors and appreciate the quality of his work product. Thanks to all of you for your input.  You have all given me food for thought.

Making "kindly suggestions" to a coworker you both pity and despise has a way of coming across as a busybody. Stay out of his private life and, yes, appreciate the quality of his work product. The bottom line is that that is what he was hired to do.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: #borecore on January 06, 2013, 10:18:06 AM
Stay out of it.

I can't really understand being annoyed about one person not caring to bring in treats -- and I've never tallied who does and doesn't bring things in in my workplace, honestly. It seems very petty to count who does and doesn't bring things in, and how often. BUT since you do care, please keep it to yourself. There could be a dozen reasons he doesn't want to or doesn't think to bring in treats to share with his co-workers. It's in no way an obligation of an employee.

And your concerns about his not helping you when you think he ought sound pretty sexist/ageist, actually. It's hardly more of his responsibility to perform your job duties because he's a young man than it would be if he was a woman five years your senior. I would keep these to yourself unless he's doing something directly negative that affects your work and his, and if you think he's actually not doing well at his job, tell his supervisor -- don't tell him directly.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: AnnaJ on January 06, 2013, 07:37:15 PM
I don't mean to dogpile, but another vote for not saying anything.  The whole treat idea sounds voluntary, and if something is voluntary there really is no obligation to participate in any way.  And no, there is no way to give things to everyone else except this person without looking petty.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Annoyed in America on January 06, 2013, 08:58:51 PM
Stay out of it.

I can't really understand being annoyed about one person not caring to bring in treats -- and I've never tallied who does and doesn't bring things in in my workplace, honestly. It seems very petty to count who does and doesn't bring things in, and how often. BUT since you do care, please keep it to yourself. There could be a dozen reasons he doesn't want to or doesn't think to bring in treats to share with his co-workers. It's in no way an obligation of an employee.

And your concerns about his not helping you when you think he ought sound pretty sexist/ageist, actually. It's hardly more of his responsibility to perform your job duties because he's a young man than it would be if he was a woman five years your senior. I would keep these to yourself unless he's doing something directly negative that affects your work and his, and if you think he's actually not doing well at his job, tell his supervisor -- don't tell him directly.
ere.

Bottom line...no more office treats.  Since it is a small office tallying isn't necessary, since he NEVER has brought in a single thing and it is painfully obvious to the other 3 people there. And I am above him in the office hierarchy and in a position to make office policy.  He doesn't perform any of my office duties, but I do have a direct influence on his raises and bonus'.  THE END.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: oceanus on January 06, 2013, 09:09:10 PM
Quote
but I do have a direct influence on his raises and bonus'

???

What does that have to do with the issue of "treats"?
You said yourself he's a good worker, so just what is it you're getting at?
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Yvaine on January 06, 2013, 09:18:11 PM
Stay out of it.

I can't really understand being annoyed about one person not caring to bring in treats -- and I've never tallied who does and doesn't bring things in in my workplace, honestly. It seems very petty to count who does and doesn't bring things in, and how often. BUT since you do care, please keep it to yourself. There could be a dozen reasons he doesn't want to or doesn't think to bring in treats to share with his co-workers. It's in no way an obligation of an employee.

And your concerns about his not helping you when you think he ought sound pretty sexist/ageist, actually. It's hardly more of his responsibility to perform your job duties because he's a young man than it would be if he was a woman five years your senior. I would keep these to yourself unless he's doing something directly negative that affects your work and his, and if you think he's actually not doing well at his job, tell his supervisor -- don't tell him directly.
ere.

Bottom line...no more office treats.  Since it is a small office tallying isn't necessary, since he NEVER has brought in a single thing and it is painfully obvious to the other 3 people there. And I am above him in the office hierarchy and in a position to make office policy.  He doesn't perform any of my office duties, but I do have a direct influence on his raises and bonus'.  THE END.

It sounds rather like you're considering retaliating against him professionally. Please tell me I'm misreading--this would be an overreaction to his being clueless about a voluntary social thing that isn't related to his work performance.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: oceanus on January 06, 2013, 09:39:48 PM
Unfortunately people sometimes get quite offended and bent out of shape when someone doesn’t attach the importance to trivial peripherial “fitting in” issues that they do.  It’s a shame, because there are better ways to handle this. Raises and bonuses based on cookies and brownies – that’s a new one. :D  If OP is planning such a “policy”, hope she has a plan to handle the repercussions.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Sharnita on January 07, 2013, 05:38:08 AM
Unfortunately, raises and bonuses based on cookies and such probably isn't all that new.  And while an employee theoretically has recourse proving that decision have been based on those kids of things is harder than one might realize.  Then waiting for the slow wheels of justice to turn and hoping htat they turn in your favor ...

If there are duties in his job description he is not doing on a regular basis then of course that should be addressed.  Hidden, unspoken expectations that he is being judged on and put on double secret probation speaks to a lack of focus on what is truly important.  The treats people brought in were something to make people happy and to lighten the mood, not a yardstick or test.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: zoidberg on January 07, 2013, 06:49:37 AM
As someone who worked in HR: If I ever got wind of one of the managers making decisions of raises and bonuses based on people bringing in treats or not, there would be hell to pay. It might happen, especially in small offices, but it's incredibly unprofessional.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: pharmagal on January 07, 2013, 06:50:59 AM
Bottom line...no more office treats.  Since it is a small office tallying isn't necessary, since he NEVER has brought in a single thing and it is painfully obvious to the other 3 people there. And I am above him in the office hierarchy and in a position to make office policy.  He doesn't perform any of my office duties, but I do have a direct influence on his raises and bonus'.  THE END.

That rates up there as one of the most unprofessional things I have seen.

Raises and bonuses dependant on bringing in treats and doing things out side of his job description?  When I believe you previously stated that he performs his job well? 

A workplace shouldn't be high school.  Nor should it be a popularity contest. If I were him, and I caught I whiff of what you think you can do, I'd be straight on the phone to an employment lawyer.

And as for how much money he does or doesn't have, it is absolutely none of your business what he chooses to do with the money he has earned.  For all you know he could be donating it all to a charity.  Or saving to pay cash for a house.  How dare you?
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Giggity on January 07, 2013, 06:53:35 AM
Is it in his job description to bring cookies?

If not, you can't base any job decisions on his failing to do something he doesn't have to do.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Yvaine on January 07, 2013, 07:06:16 AM
Unfortunately, raises and bonuses based on cookies and such probably isn't all that new.  And while an employee theoretically has recourse proving that decision have been based on those kids of things is harder than one might realize.  Then waiting for the slow wheels of justice to turn and hoping htat they turn in your favor ...

True. I think I just always naively thought that the bosses, even to themselves, told themselves it was really for some trumped-up work reason and didn't flat-out admit it was over cookies.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: TheBardess on January 07, 2013, 07:28:27 AM
Bottom line...no more office treats.  Since it is a small office tallying isn't necessary, since he NEVER has brought in a single thing and it is painfully obvious to the other 3 people there. And I am above him in the office hierarchy and in a position to make office policy.  He doesn't perform any of my office duties, but I do have a direct influence on his raises and bonus'.  THE END.

That rates up there as one of the most unprofessional things I have seen.

Raises and bonuses dependant on bringing in treats and doing things out side of his job description?  When I believe you previously stated that he performs his job well? 

A workplace shouldn't be high school.  Nor should it be a popularity contest. If I were him, and I caught I whiff of what you think you can do, I'd be straight on the phone to an employment lawyer.

And as for how much money he does or doesn't have, it is absolutely none of your business what he chooses to do with the money he has earned.  For all you know he could be donating it all to a charity.  Or saving to pay cash for a house.  How dare you?

I absolutely agree with what pharmagal said. Every word.

OP, I'm going to be brutally honest here- this is one of the pettiest threads I have ever seen. You seem to be carrying an inordinate amount of anger towards your co-worker for not doing a completely voluntary action. Would it be nice if he occasionally brought in treats to the office? Sure. But he is under absolutely no obligation to do so. Bringing in goodies is a voluntary action. Nobody has to do it. It's a nice thing to do, and it would be nice if your co-worker reciprocated, but this is not something that is required or essential. It really doesn't matter why he doesn't do it. The fact is, he doesn't have to, for whatever reason he choose not to, and penalizing him for not doing something that is totally voluntary and not at all related to his work duties is petty, vindictive, and just plain wrong.

And as other posters have said- his financial affairs are none of your business. None. Frankly, if this is the kind of pettiness, scrutiny, and grubby score-keeping that goes on in your office, I cannot say it is a place I would care to work. Middle and high school were bad enough the first time around, thanks.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: bopper on January 07, 2013, 08:47:47 AM
I agree with whoever said a broad hint would be best.
"Cow-irker, do you have a favorite kind of (cookie, bagel, breakfast treat)?  Maybe you could bring in some next week."

Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Dalek on January 07, 2013, 09:00:14 AM
OP:
Please don't retaliate by affecting your coworker's livelihood. That is just cruel. Yeah, I get his stinginess is irritating but I think you either need to eliminate office treats if they're causing drama or just tell him it's his turn to bring something.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: gorplady on January 07, 2013, 09:02:59 AM
Bottom line...no more office treats.  Since it is a small office tallying isn't necessary, since he NEVER has brought in a single thing and it is painfully obvious to the other 3 people there. And I am above him in the office hierarchy and in a position to make office policy.  He doesn't perform any of my office duties, but I do have a direct influence on his raises and bonus'.  THE END.

That rates up there as one of the most unprofessional things I have seen.

Raises and bonuses dependant on bringing in treats and doing things out side of his job description?  When I believe you previously stated that he performs his job well? 

A workplace shouldn't be high school.  Nor should it be a popularity contest. If I were him, and I caught I whiff of what you think you can do, I'd be straight on the phone to an employment lawyer.

And as for how much money he does or doesn't have, it is absolutely none of your business what he chooses to do with the money he has earned.  For all you know he could be donating it all to a charity.  Or saving to pay cash for a house.  How dare you?

I absolutely agree with what pharmagal said. Every word.

OP, I'm going to be brutally honest here- this is one of the pettiest threads I have ever seen. You seem to be carrying an inordinate amount of anger towards your co-worker for not doing a completely voluntary action. Would it be nice if he occasionally brought in treats to the office? Sure. But he is under absolutely no obligation to do so. Bringing in goodies is a voluntary action. Nobody has to do it. It's a nice thing to do, and it would be nice if your co-worker reciprocated, but this is not something that is required or essential. It really doesn't matter why he doesn't do it. The fact is, he doesn't have to, for whatever reason he choose not to, and penalizing him for not doing something that is totally voluntary and not at all related to his work duties is petty, vindictive, and just plain wrong.

And as other posters have said- his financial affairs are none of your business. None. Frankly, if this is the kind of pettiness, scrutiny, and grubby score-keeping that goes on in your office, I cannot say it is a place I would care to work. Middle and high school were bad enough the first time around, thanks.

I have to agree with TheBardess here.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Lynnv on January 07, 2013, 09:08:01 AM
Bottom line...no more office treats.  Since it is a small office tallying isn't necessary, since he NEVER has brought in a single thing and it is painfully obvious to the other 3 people there. And I am above him in the office hierarchy and in a position to make office policy.  He doesn't perform any of my office duties, but I do have a direct influence on his raises and bonus'.  THE END.

That rates up there as one of the most unprofessional things I have seen.

Raises and bonuses dependant on bringing in treats and doing things out side of his job description?  When I believe you previously stated that he performs his job well? 

A workplace shouldn't be high school.  Nor should it be a popularity contest. If I were him, and I caught I whiff of what you think you can do, I'd be straight on the phone to an employment lawyer.

And as for how much money he does or doesn't have, it is absolutely none of your business what he chooses to do with the money he has earned.  For all you know he could be donating it all to a charity.  Or saving to pay cash for a house.  How dare you?

I absolutely agree with what pharmagal said. Every word.

OP, I'm going to be brutally honest here- this is one of the pettiest threads I have ever seen. You seem to be carrying an inordinate amount of anger towards your co-worker for not doing a completely voluntary action. Would it be nice if he occasionally brought in treats to the office? Sure. But he is under absolutely no obligation to do so. Bringing in goodies is a voluntary action. Nobody has to do it. It's a nice thing to do, and it would be nice if your co-worker reciprocated, but this is not something that is required or essential. It really doesn't matter why he doesn't do it. The fact is, he doesn't have to, for whatever reason he choose not to, and penalizing him for not doing something that is totally voluntary and not at all related to his work duties is petty, vindictive, and just plain wrong.

And as other posters have said- his financial affairs are none of your business. None. Frankly, if this is the kind of pettiness, scrutiny, and grubby score-keeping that goes on in your office, I cannot say it is a place I would care to work. Middle and high school were bad enough the first time around, thanks.

I agree as well.  If you have a problem with him professionally, then bring it up to him.  Don't save it up and blindside him at review/raise time.  If you are his supervisor, it is part of your job to let him know when he is not doing his and how he can do better.  Not helping your employees to improve and only counseling them by giving a bad review and a bad raise is a hallmark of an unprofessional and just plain bad supervisor, IMO. 

You said he doesn't offer to help with heavy lifting-ask him for help and let him know that, especially in a small office, he may sometimes need to help with things outside of his job description.  He doesn't let people know when supplies are out-tell him that it is part of his job and he needs to do so.  If he fails to help when help is asked for or fails to note when he uses the last of something after you have made clear it is part of his job, then it certainly fair to base part of your review on these things.

Counseling him on job issues is something that you should be doing on an ongoing basis and should be part of his review.  However, basing his raise and review on the fact that he fails to spend his own money on what you consider appropriate (treats for you) is petty, mean and wrong.  And I am with the PP who said that they are glad not to work in a place where this kind of pettiness is so ingrained that you think it is right to base his raise and review on it.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: IDriveADodgeStratus on January 07, 2013, 09:11:34 AM
Bottom line...no more office treats.  Since it is a small office tallying isn't necessary, since he NEVER has brought in a single thing and it is painfully obvious to the other 3 people there. And I am above him in the office hierarchy and in a position to make office policy.  He doesn't perform any of my office duties, but I do have a direct influence on his raises and bonus'.  THE END.

That rates up there as one of the most unprofessional things I have seen.

Raises and bonuses dependant on bringing in treats and doing things out side of his job description?  When I believe you previously stated that he performs his job well? 

A workplace shouldn't be high school.  Nor should it be a popularity contest. If I were him, and I caught I whiff of what you think you can do, I'd be straight on the phone to an employment lawyer.

And as for how much money he does or doesn't have, it is absolutely none of your business what he chooses to do with the money he has earned.  For all you know he could be donating it all to a charity.  Or saving to pay cash for a house.  How dare you?

I absolutely agree with what pharmagal said. Every word.

OP, I'm going to be brutally honest here- this is one of the pettiest threads I have ever seen. You seem to be carrying an inordinate amount of anger towards your co-worker for not doing a completely voluntary action. Would it be nice if he occasionally brought in treats to the office? Sure. But he is under absolutely no obligation to do so. Bringing in goodies is a voluntary action. Nobody has to do it. It's a nice thing to do, and it would be nice if your co-worker reciprocated, but this is not something that is required or essential. It really doesn't matter why he doesn't do it. The fact is, he doesn't have to, for whatever reason he choose not to, and penalizing him for not doing something that is totally voluntary and not at all related to his work duties is petty, vindictive, and just plain wrong.

And as other posters have said- his financial affairs are none of your business. None. Frankly, if this is the kind of pettiness, scrutiny, and grubby score-keeping that goes on in your office, I cannot say it is a place I would care to work. Middle and high school were bad enough the first time around, thanks.

I'm just gonna agree with all this and follow it up with a slow clap.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: oceanus on January 07, 2013, 09:14:43 AM
The Bardess said:
Quote
[snip]OP, I'm going to be brutally honest here- this is one of the pettiest threads I have ever seen. You seem to be carrying an inordinate amount of anger towards your co-worker for not doing a completely voluntary action.[snip]

Yes indeed, and Iím wondering why OP even posted the thread. 

Situation reminds me of a job I had back in the day when people regularly went out together at lunch on Fridays and got drunk.  The supervisor went with them.  Well, I didnít care what they did at lunch; I had no desire to join them.  I ran errands and did my own thing.  They also regularly socialized at each otherís houses, and I did attend once but it was all mean-spirited gossip and more drinking.  So once was enough for me.  These were unpleasant people, and I had no desire to bring them into my personal life.

I was really resented for that.  One co-worker even went to big boss and complained, but was told he would have to accept it.   I couldnít wait to get out of that place.

Next time someone brings in treats (if that ever happens), the guy should immediately grab them all, eat a few, and take the rest to a homeless shelter.  ;)

Brownies and cookie policy.  Gimme a break.  ::)
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: yokozbornak on January 07, 2013, 09:42:30 AM
Now I'm beginning to understand why he might not want to bring treats.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: oceanus on January 07, 2013, 09:45:48 AM
Um hmm.  OP's attitude and remarks are revealing. 
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Redneck Gravy on January 07, 2013, 09:56:13 AM
I work in a small office.  Sometimes one of us will bring in purchased goodies, enough so everyone gets one.  Said goodies are not cheap.  One person NEVER reciprocates.  He will always take one (or more), sometime say a quiet thanks (not always).  I find it rude that in 5 years he has never once brought in or given a single treat.  Treats are brought in about every other week.  Is it okay to bring in treats and distribute them to everyone else and leave him out?

If in the past five years if someone hasn't mentioned this to him I would find more fault with the staff than with the employee! 

Good gravy - doesn't anyone there mentor? 

Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Girlie on January 07, 2013, 10:08:39 AM
Can we keep medical diagnoses out of this?

Sorry, I wasn't trying to diagnose anyone. I was merely trying to offer the suggestion that there are sometimes reasons that we are unaware of (and that are none of our business) why someone doesn't act in a way that we determine as socially "acceptable."
No offense meant.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: EMuir on January 07, 2013, 10:31:13 AM
I bring in treats to work but I have no expectation of others reciprocating.  Maybe the other three people in the office feel pressured to keep bringing in treats because there seems to be some expectation from the OP that everyone should?  In that case, maybe the "no treats" policy would be best for everyone after all.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Red1979 on January 07, 2013, 12:53:26 PM
Rule #1 of gift giving:  You give a gift with no expectation of return.  (In this case the "treats").  If you can't give a gift without expecting something in return its no longer a gift, but a business transacation and you either need to not give the item or spell out all of the terms clearly.

Rule #1 of work:  You judge employees on their *work* performance.  Use any other personal criteria (like giving/not giving treats) and you are setting yourself and your entire company up for legal repercussions.  (Setting aside of course, the morality of docking someone the raise/bonus they've earned for petty non-work issues.)
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: bbgirl on January 07, 2013, 01:21:56 PM
Your post and attitude are both extremely petty and unbecoming of someone who says they are a professional.  It's much easier to look outward to nitpick the faults of others than it is to look inward at ourselves and diagnose what may be the root of the problem. 

Perhaps this coworker doesn't like to bring treats in to people who routinely judge him and look down on him and thereby is displaying the behaviors you've outlined. Maybe you're an unpleasant person to work under...based on your OP and follow up I can deduce that as the case.

Base his raises and bonuses on work related issues..and since you've said he performs those then rise above the pettiness and forget the rest.  To do otherwise is a big statement on who you are as a person, and frankly, I hope it's a lot nicer than what you've shown here.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: Moray on January 07, 2013, 01:30:08 PM
Rule #1 of gift giving:  You give a gift with no expectation of return.  (In this case the "treats").  If you can't give a gift without expecting something in return its no longer a gift, but a business transacation and you either need to not give the item or spell out all of the terms clearly.

Rule #1 of work:  You judge employees on their *work* performance.  Use any other personal criteria (like giving/not giving treats) and you are setting yourself and your entire company up for legal repercussions.  (Setting aside of course, the morality of docking someone the raise/bonus they've earned for petty non-work issues.)

Well said!

OP, I strongly encourage you to rethink your proposed actions and the motivation behind them.
Title: Re: Stingy co-worker
Post by: cass2591 on January 07, 2013, 01:36:42 PM
OP, if this was on the level you quite likely weren't getting the answer you wanted. Thread locked.