Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: MOM21SON on January 08, 2013, 03:01:54 PM

Title: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: MOM21SON on January 08, 2013, 03:01:54 PM
We are getting a new roof!  Yay!

We are using a well known to the area roofer.  My area had a rash of hail storms and there are many many many roofers out actually working.  I would say the work is being equally shared from what I can see just driving around.  So many new roofs going on.

So we are using the same roofer my neighbor used quite a few months ago.  She is very happy with the work and he gave us the best quote.  Today they put the sign in the yard and parked their equipment trailers in our driveway.  Work starts tomorrow.

My neighbor just came over to give me a heads up.  She said that when they were doing her roof, they harassed the young woman across the street when she came out to check her mail.  From what she told me it was very vulgar.  The woman's husband told her not to tell the owner of the roofing company, "he just will not use them."

Now, my neighbor is very busybody and does blow things up.  I also know that the woman across the streets husband is very protective of his wife.  Many things he says and does, I find insane.

I planned on not being home during the next few days while they are working.  Do I have a obligation to hang out and listen?  I would hate for something like that to be happening.  However I find it VERY hard to believe that it happened the way it was explained to me or even that it happened at all.

Oh, my neighbor was not home when they did hers either.  So she heard second hand.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: Shoo on January 08, 2013, 03:04:07 PM
If it were me, I'd speak to the guy in charge and just tell him you heard a rumor, no way to prove it or disprove it, but you heard it, and you want to make sure nothing like that happens while they're working for you.  Just a heads up.

Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: LazyDaisy on January 08, 2013, 03:07:15 PM
I wouldn't get involved at all with a third-hand story even if I completely believed the sources, let alone if I didn't. Best to stay out of it unless you have some first-hand experience.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: whatsanenigma on January 08, 2013, 03:24:48 PM
I would just stay out of it if I were you.  Without first hand evidence, it's more likely than not that you'd just stir up unnecessary, unwarrented, trouble by acting on what you've heard from the secondhand, possibly unreliable, source.  Besides, even if the employees of the roofing company you hire do say something crude to someone else, that isn't your fault, and the person actually spoken to is likely more than capable of taking whatever actions, if any, he or she feels that are necessary regarding calling police, complaining to the management of the company, etc.

Of course, if you hear something first hand, or if something is directed at you, that would be a different story and you would want to act in whatever way you found appropriate.  But based on the "information" you have now, I honestly think there is no good you could do by acting on it, and if anything, only possible harm. 

ETA: Congrats on the new roof!  :D
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: shivering on January 08, 2013, 03:25:15 PM
No, you don't have any obligation to hang around. Also, if you don't believe the story and it's all hearsay from not entirely credible sources, why would you say anything to the roofers?

Do you ever have the chance to talk to the neighbor without her husband around? You can ask her directly if she had any issues with the workers. If not, just let the roofers do their work.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: bopper on January 08, 2013, 03:33:26 PM
Red flags:

Third hand source
Husband may be exagerating
"Don't tell owner" (Because he would investigate?)

I think I would just ignore it at this point.  The neighbor with a problem should contact the owner or the police if they have an issue.
Also, most likely for roofers, they have very transient workers and any problem workers are probably gone by now.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: MOM21SON on January 08, 2013, 03:39:30 PM
No, you don't have any obligation to hang around. Also, if you don't believe the story and it's all hearsay from not entirely credible sources, why would you say anything to the roofers?

Do you ever have the chance to talk to the neighbor without her husband around? You can ask her directly if she had any issues with the workers. If not, just let the roofers do their work.

I didn't say I was going to say anything to the roofers.  I asked if I should hang out and listen.

The people across the street are very private.  He is gone days at a time(military)and in the last 2 years, I have seen her maybe 5 times.

He always waves when outside and I have spoken to him maybe 10 times.  The neighbor that told me this tale is my direct next door neighbor and likes to be "in charge"
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: whatsanenigma on January 08, 2013, 03:45:12 PM
No, you don't have any obligation to hang around. Also, if you don't believe the story and it's all hearsay from not entirely credible sources, why would you say anything to the roofers?

Do you ever have the chance to talk to the neighbor without her husband around? You can ask her directly if she had any issues with the workers. If not, just let the roofers do their work.

I didn't say I was going to say anything to the roofers.  I asked if I should hang out and listen.

If you were intending to be in your house anyway, I wouldn't go out of my way to not listen, but if you weren't planning on hanging around, I wouldn't change plans just to do that, to listen on purpose.  I think odds are very very low that there is any truth to the story and even if there is, I don't think you are obligated to babysit the roofers.  The person they speak to (on the very slim chance they do) should handle it in whatever way seems correct to that person, and maybe that would involve talking to you and maybe it wouldn't.

But in any case, I would stay out of it at this point if I were you, and just go about my already-planned business, and not go out of my way to hang around.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: Amava on January 09, 2013, 12:05:35 AM
I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, I don't think it is your responsibility to monitor how people who work on your house behave.
The person who has a problem with their behaviour (either by overhearing it, or by being the one who it is directed to) should take it up with the company themselves.
Not your problem.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: Winterlight on January 09, 2013, 07:55:42 AM
You've got third-hand evidence at best. I'd stay out of it unless you do hear something. And no, I don't think you need to monitor the roofers.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: siamesecat2965 on January 09, 2013, 08:09:11 AM
I'd let it go unless they say something or act inappropriately to you. Third hand knowledge could be nothing at all, and there's no sense in stirring up something that's may turn out to be a complete non-issue.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: gen xer on January 09, 2013, 08:24:40 AM
 Count me in with the everyone else who is saying not to give it too much thought or weight.  If something happened between the roofers and your neighbours that was their issue to deal with.....and it doesn't have to be yours.

I guess it can be summed up as not to go looking for trouble where it doesn't exist.  I sure wouldn't change my plans and hang around the house on the off-chance that an inappropriate exchange could happen....and if it did....you know what?  It has nothing to do with you.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: Girlie on January 09, 2013, 09:33:52 AM
My advice is to do exactly whatever it was that you were planning to do while they're there.

If it comes to light later that while on your property, they actually were making crude remarks to your neighbors, then I think you really should say something to the owner.

As is, let it go.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: TootsNYC on January 09, 2013, 01:03:06 PM
If it were me, I'd speak to the guy in charge and just tell him you heard a rumor, no way to prove it or disprove it, but you heard it, and you want to make sure nothing like that happens while they're working for you.  Just a heads up.

This is what I'd do as well. They deserve to know what their reputation is, so they can work to change it. It doesn't matter that YOU think the neighbor and HER source are not necessarily credible--because other people might believe them. And the supervisors could really benefit from knowing this.

I'm not sure I'd bother to go with the warning "don't do it while you're working for me."
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: BeagleMommy on January 09, 2013, 01:13:00 PM
I don't see any reason to change your plans.  As others have said, you got this information third hand.  If you come home one day and happen to hear something that would be the time to say something.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: m2kbug on January 09, 2013, 01:17:06 PM
It's not your job to babysit the roofers.  I can't imagine this company would allow this behavior.  They put up a sign and if anyone is harassed, that person can call the company.  I wouldn't blame the homeowner for crass behavior of workers, and nobody else should either.  I wouldn't worry too much about that. 
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: Drawberry on January 13, 2013, 04:29:19 PM
If you are concerned about the treatment a young lady might receive at the hands of individuals you've hired, perhaps it would be appropriate to strike up a conversation with her? Not necessarily about her possibly being harassed, as it might be something embarrassing she didn't want passed around or may be something your neighbor fabricated that could end up circling around and causing trouble. Perhaps something that implies you just want to be neighborly and keep the disturbances down, such as; 

"Hey so and so, I am having some roofers over during x and y times when I may not be home. If they start bothering you please let me know so I can talk to them about it. I hope the noise wont' be too much trouble."

That way you take off any implications you've heard something unsavory happening, are not confronting the roofers about something they may very well not have been involved with, and can maintain the privacy of the young lady if something DID happen that she does not wish to pursue.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: MOM21SON on January 13, 2013, 05:46:06 PM
The roof is done and it is BEAUTIFUL!  Anyway, I was in and out most of the day and heard nor saw anything.

Drawberry, the woman hardly ever, I mean that I see, comes out of her house unless it is with her husband.

I have plenty of reason to believe that one or both neighbors were lying. 

It really doesn't matter now, because it is over.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: Raintree on January 14, 2013, 12:17:19 AM
Glad it worked out!

Based on my own experiences as a teen (the age group that seems to get picked on the most by harassing men) I absolutely believe that roofers or other workers would call out vulgar and unbelievable things to a woman who stepped out to check her mail. My friends and I used to take detours to avoid walking past homes where there was any kind of construction/renovation going on for that reason.

Still, you have no evidence against THESE workers, so I guess I agree with everyone else. And it sounds like the issue turned out to be a non-issue in your case anyway.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: Drawberry on January 14, 2013, 11:10:54 AM
The roof is done and it is BEAUTIFUL!  Anyway, I was in and out most of the day and heard nor saw anything.

Drawberry, the woman hardly ever, I mean that I see, comes out of her house unless it is with her husband.

I have plenty of reason to believe that one or both neighbors were lying. 

It really doesn't matter now, because it is over.

I misunderstood and thought that the woman had personally told your less than trustworthy neighbor and was somehow in a casual relationship with her neighbors.Sorry for the misunderstanding, but I am glad all is well now and no problems arose.
Title: Re: When you don't believe a tale.
Post by: Eeep! on January 14, 2013, 05:09:53 PM
The roof is done and it is BEAUTIFUL!  Anyway, I was in and out most of the day and heard nor saw anything.

Drawberry, the woman hardly ever, I mean that I see, comes out of her house unless it is with her husband.
I have plenty of reason to believe that one or both neighbors were lying. 

It really doesn't matter now, because it is over.

This would make me wonder when in the world they were making the comments.  I really doubt they would do them if the husband was there!  So yeah, I'm with you - someone is lying.

I'm glad your roof is done! :)