Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: oopsie on January 18, 2013, 11:40:14 AM

Title: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 18, 2013, 11:40:14 AM
This morning, I got a call just after 8am.

Background: the call was from the woman mentioned in this thread:

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=123698.0;topicseen

I don't like this woman and have tried to make a cut direct with her - something I thought would be easy to do when they moved.

When she called just after 8am, she woke me up. I hadn't heard from her since just after they moved to a town over an hour away this past summer. She started by making small talk which involved her asking me questions about my life (what have I been up to?, were we going on any vacations this year?, etc.) I answered her questions politely but did not go in to any detail.

There was a lull in the "conversation" where she stopped her questions to me and I guess, was waiting for me to start asking her questions about her life but when I didn't, she said "well this is turning out to be an awkward conversation."  ???

Anyway, she finally got on with it and told me that she was calling because she had invited a friend of her DD (who is also a good friend of my DD) over for the weekend and thought maybe our DD could also come. It was very last minute so I had to decline. She then went on to tell me all about her life since they moved and how great things were, yadda, yadda, yadda.

When I got off the phone with her, I couldn't help but feel miffed by the whole thing. It's like she was put out by my not being enthused by her phone call. Meanwhile I'm thinking "Lady, it's just after 8am, you woke me up, I don't really want to have a conversation with you right now, we're not BFFs (in fact I would love never to see or hear from you again ever) and all for a last minute, second thought invite for DD?"

Personally, I think any phone call before 9am unless an emergency or from close friends or family (a know your audience kind of thing) is a no-no but it got me thinking...is there an "etiquette approved" time to call someone in the morning?
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Shoo on January 18, 2013, 11:46:57 AM
I hate to say it, but once again you've been far too nice to this woman.  You should have told her she woke you up and you're not awake enough for a conversation.  Then say sorry, goodbye, and then hang up.

And I do think 8 a.m. is too early to call someone's home.  I wouldn't call someone before 9 a.m. unless I knew with 100% certainty they were up and awake.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: jaxsue on January 18, 2013, 11:49:33 AM
I think 8 am is a bit early to call someone unless you know without a doubt that they are up for the day and available. In my case, that would only be my work supervisor; I know she's up at 6 am, as I am. Our workday starts early. And even then, I text instead of call.

I know a couple of people who get upset if you call before 11 am (they don't work nights). Yet they will call me at 10:30 at night, which is far too late for non-emergency calls for me. Yeah, a little respect the other way around would help.  :P
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: jaxsue on January 18, 2013, 11:50:21 AM
I hate to say it, but once again you've been far too nice to this woman.  You should have told her she woke you up and you're not awake enough for a conversation.  Then say sorry, goodbye, and then hang up.

And I do think 8 a.m. is too early to call someone's home.  I wouldn't call someone before 9 a.m. unless I knew with 100% certainty they were up and awake.

What Shoo said.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Cami on January 18, 2013, 11:54:44 AM
I do not call people in my personal life before 9am or after 9pm. The only exception would be my sister.

I am not a morning person and if you wake me up, you will get a very groggy and highly irritated version of me and will quickly learn that calling early is not your best possible option. In other words, do not feel compelled to continue a conversation when you have been woken up. A phone call is not a court subpeona -- you don't have to answer and if you answer, you do not need to continue a conversation.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: bah12 on January 18, 2013, 11:55:19 AM
I don't know that there's a set time.  I'm up at 5am everyday (even weekends), and most people that know me well, know this.  So, getting a call at 8am is not an issue.  For someone that I don't know well enough to know when they'd be up and ready for a conversation, I probably wouldn't even try before 9:30 or 10am unless I had arranged with them to call earlier.   Emergency calls are the exception of course.

I too think you were too nice to this woman.  You should have told her it was too early and that you couldn't talk. 
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: LeveeWoman on January 18, 2013, 11:55:40 AM
I would've told her I was asleep, said "good-bye" and then hung up the phone.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: EMuir on January 18, 2013, 11:58:53 AM
It would depend how well I knew the person.  If a casual call and I didn't know them, I'd wait until after noon.  They could be sick and trying to sleep.  Of course I also turn off the ringer on the phone in my bedroom and only take calls on my cell, and people who have that number know that if they call that number while I'm sleeping and there isn't someone bleeding, I will be very angry. :)
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: DaDancingPsych on January 18, 2013, 11:59:27 AM
I agree that 9am is the cut-off point. I think that you would have been fine to say, "I'm sorry, but this is not a good time to talk." No reason to let her continue on, especially when you don't care to have her in your life.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: rose red on January 18, 2013, 12:00:12 PM
I usually don't call before 9:30am unless it's an emergency.  Next time, you can say "Now is not a good time for me to talk.  Is there anything you need that can't wait?"
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Hmmmmm on January 18, 2013, 12:00:52 PM
I agree with others that you were too nice. As soon as you knew who it was, you could have said, "I'm sorry, now is not a good time to talk.  I'll call you back later in the morning."

Unless I know someone is up I don't call before 9am. The only exception would be if I absolutely had to catch someone before they left for work, but then I'm pretty sure they are up getting ready to go to work. 
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Jones on January 18, 2013, 12:03:18 PM
 :-[ I was going to say 8 am. Most people I know are up by then unless they have a funny shift.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Sharnita on January 18, 2013, 12:04:06 PM
I would actually say 8.  I realize 9 is when a lot of businesses open but those people did not beam in from bed where they were sound asleep a moment before. On a weekend I would wait until 9.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: jemma on January 18, 2013, 12:05:56 PM
I think that unless you have special information about someone's schedule, 10 to 8 is acceptable for calls to homes. Even if people get up earlier for work, they may be sleeping in at home.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 18, 2013, 12:06:33 PM
9 am to 9 pm is my calling window, unless I know otherwise.  My Dad is up early so if I need to get a hold of him, I'll call him in the morning between 7 and 8, before I go to work.  And I have friends that are 2 and 3 time zones behind me so while it might be 10 where I am, it is 7 or 8 where they are.  These friends are about the only ones who call me after 9 but they call before 10 so it works out fine.

If the phone rings at an inconvenient time, I just don't answer it.  I let it go to the answering machine.  If I hear on the machine that it is someone I do want to talk to, I'll either grab it while they are leaving the message or call them right back.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: QueenfaninCA on January 18, 2013, 12:13:32 PM
9am. Yes, I'm up earlier, but I need to get a kid to school on time. And we don't have a lot of spare time built in for mommy being on the phone instead of getting herself and kiddo ready to leave. Yes, I have been rather short (but still polite) to my MIL as she seems not to understand that I can't chat with her while packing kiddo's lunchbox and chasing after kiddo to get dressed.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: The TARDIS on January 18, 2013, 12:15:08 PM
POD with those who say a certain time unless otherwise told.

By the way, it's utterly vexing when my phone rings while I'm trying to dematerialize! Don't people know it's dangerous to talk on the phone while maneuvering through a time vortex?! I might cross the wrong time stream and hit a younger version of myself!*


*Don't call me while I'm driving! I never pick up! Oh, all right, not everyone knows I'll be driving at the time. I still hate it. Everyone who knows me knows to call twice in rapid succession if it's an emergency and I'll pull over to answer if I'm able to.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: snowdragon on January 18, 2013, 12:21:44 PM
I would not have answered the phone. I am not up at that time and I refuse to answer the phone - if it's an emergency they'll call back.   Nor would I have engaged with someone I did not want to talk to...I think I would tell her "I am not willing to discuss this with you to all her questions" She'd get the message eventually
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Moray on January 18, 2013, 12:23:45 PM
Normally, I'd say about 9am unless the person works graveyards.

In this case? I don't know that I'd answer this woman's calls at all. Maybe setting her ringer to "silent" would be a good idea.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: stargazer on January 18, 2013, 12:29:34 PM
I generally would say 9-9 but would not be upset if someone called at 8 as I know a lot of people get up earlier than me.  I would have let my daughter go since you said your daughter is very good friends with the kids as well.  When I was in school, almost EVERYTHING was last minute when it came to staying overnights somewhere else.  That would not bother me.  I find it a bit sad - I know you said it was too last minute, but the impression I got is that because you don't like her, you are preventing your daughter from spending this time with her friends.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 18, 2013, 12:33:34 PM
I find it a bit sad - I know you said it was too last minute, but the impression I got is that because you don't like her, you are preventing your daughter from spending this time with her friends.

Don't go there. This is not at all true.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: stargazer on January 18, 2013, 12:38:43 PM
I said that is the impression I got.  You have more than ample reason to dislike this woman but that came through your post more than anything else for me.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 18, 2013, 12:42:09 PM
I said that is the impression I got.

That's fine but you are mistaken.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: jedikaiti on January 18, 2013, 12:45:40 PM
Personally, if someone calls me at 8am, they are likely to be greeted with a polite but groggy query as to why they feel the need to wake me. My work allows for great flexibility in scheduling (unless circumstances dictate otherwise), and as I am a natural night owl, I tend to work a skewed schedule. DF usually works nights, and anyone who knows us knows  that it's probably best to text us with an awakeness query before calling. In fact, if I am inclined to call someone at a borderline or questionable time, that's what I usually do - text to see if they're up, and wait for a reply that it's OK before I call.

(YMMV - most people I know who would be awakened by a text will usually turn off their phones overnight or have it away from their bedroom.)
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Sharnita on January 18, 2013, 12:48:54 PM
That seems to assume everyone has the same definition of what a borderline hour is and that everyone has unlimited texting to play with.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oceanus on January 18, 2013, 12:50:40 PM
I agree with the 9AM – 9PM window for casual calls.

However, OP, from what I’ve read you don’t want to hear from this woman at all.  Isn’t that the real issue?  (i.e., if she had called at 12noon 3PM, whatever………you would not have been happy.  Right?)
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 18, 2013, 12:54:15 PM
I agree with the 9AM – 9PM window for casual calls.

However, OP, from what I’ve read you don’t want to hear from this woman at all.  Isn’t that the real issue?  (i.e., if she had called at 12noon 3PM, whatever………you would not have been happy.  Right?)

100% correct! In a perfect world, lol! However, a 9am or later phone call would not have prompted this thread...
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: MrTango on January 18, 2013, 01:04:27 PM
When I was at a job that required me to call people at their homes, my personal rule was that I wouldn't call anyone until 9:00am their local time.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: siamesecat2965 on January 18, 2013, 01:24:42 PM
My general rule of thumb is 9am-9pm. There are exceptions, however. My mom, who I call sometimes when I get home from job #2, anywhere from 9:30-10pm. But she's a night owl like me, so I know unless something is really wrong, like she's sick, she's up. And in the am, I will sometimes call her starting around 8:30 - again, I know her scheudle, and while she may not be 100% awake, she's up and willling to talk. and if not, she has no problem telling me so!

I ahve other friends who are early risers, and will sometimes call me early. Sometimes I'm up, but not in the mood to talk, so I let it go. And call back later.

But for people I don't know well, or don't know their "habits" 9 to 9 is what I try and follow.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: MizA on January 18, 2013, 01:32:24 PM
On weekdays I've off, the phone does not exist before 0900. Weekends, it's 1000. My friends and I usually text.

Because I work shift, I could potentially be asleep at any time. It's easier for me to just turn my phone off if I do not want to be disturbed, and call people back later. My DF is a self-employed IT guy, so his phone is always on. Mind you, if people call before 0800, or after 2300, he bills them off-hour rates.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Eden on January 18, 2013, 01:32:34 PM
Count me in on the 9-9 rule as well unless I know something else is okay. That's my same window for texts as well.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: AylaM on January 18, 2013, 01:34:33 PM
I like the 9am to 9pm as an acceptable window if you don't know the person's schedule.  If you do, you should try to call at a time that you know they'll be awake.

I'm a natural night owl as well and if left unchecked I will slowly shift from normal hours to going to bed at 3am and waking at 11am.  This worked well while I was in school as my classes didn't let out until ten at night.

When I am on that schedule I am annoyed at 8am calls, but resigned to 9am calls.  If a friend calls at 9am I'd be annoyed as they would likely know that I won't be awake for a few hours.  But businesses and such I don't mind because I realize that my schedule is not normal.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: jedikaiti on January 18, 2013, 01:36:12 PM
That seems to assume everyone has the same definition of what a borderline hour is and that everyone has unlimited texting to play with.

For the folks I am most likely to call, I usually have a pretty good idea of what their borderline hours are, and I'm not talking about multiple times/day texting - in fact, among those I converse with most, I usually have the more limited texting plan (not unlimited, and actually quite low). So it's a system that works quite well for me, and might for others as well.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Judah on January 18, 2013, 02:52:04 PM
If my phone rings between 9pm and 9am I expect to hear that a loved on is in the hospital or dead.  If that's not the case, the caller will get an earful from me.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: ------ on January 18, 2013, 03:31:13 PM
I have a general rule that calls between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. are acceptable, unless I know the person deviates from that schedule - or time zone differences. For example, my brother lives on the west coast and I'm east coast, so we try to keep that in mind as well as typical "dinner hour" - but other than that 9-9 is the rule I live by.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: CluelessBride on January 18, 2013, 03:48:48 PM
I would actually say 8.  I realize 9 is when a lot of businesses open but those people did not beam in from bed where they were sound asleep a moment before. On a weekend I would wait until 9.

But just because they can't beam directly there doesn't mean they need to be up by 8 am to get to work at 9.  I (intentionally) live only 10 minutes from work and it only takes me 10-15 minutes to get ready most mornings - less if I shower the night before. If I needed to be in by 9 I would set my alarm for 8:20-8:30. And then the time I do have I use to get ready, so even though I'd be awake I wouldn't want to field a call.

In the absence of knowing a person's schedule I'd limit calls to between 10 am and 8 pm to be safe.

Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Judah on January 18, 2013, 04:10:46 PM
I would actually say 8.  I realize 9 is when a lot of businesses open but those people did not beam in from bed where they were sound asleep a moment before. On a weekend I would wait until 9.

But just because they can't beam directly there doesn't mean they need to be up by 8 am to get to work at 9.  I (intentionally) live only 10 minutes from work and it only takes me 10-15 minutes to get ready most mornings - less if I shower the night before. If I needed to be in by 9 I would set my alarm for 8:20-8:30. And then the time I do have I use to get ready, so even though I'd be awake I wouldn't want to field a call.

In the absence of knowing a person's schedule I'd limit calls to between 10 am and 8 pm to be safe.

And just because they may be up at 8am, doesn't mean they're ready to face the world at that hour.  I'm up at 5am for work during the week, and because I'm used to getting up early, I just naturally wake up early on weekends too, but I really don't want the phone ringing at 7am just because I might be awake.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Surianne on January 18, 2013, 04:32:39 PM
On a weekday, unless I knew otherwise I'd go with 8am.  Later on weekends.

OP, I don't know the backstory but it sounds like you really hate this woman -- can you block her number?
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 18, 2013, 04:43:16 PM
OP, I don't know the backstory but it sounds like you really hate this woman -- can you block her number?

I don't hate her but I definitely dislike her. I could block her number but I wouldn't want her daughter (who I do like) not to be able to call my DD. I have no issues with them maintaining their friendship.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: SpikeMichigan on January 18, 2013, 04:46:02 PM
 Your attitude about the time of the call may be linked to your dislike of this chick!
 
 I think in an emergency, or if its somebody who you know for a fact has the same schedule as you, early is fine. Otherwise.. after about 9, I guess. Depends on the context, the night before...etc.

 I remember calling one of my friends at about 4pm, and she seemed completely out of it, wasnt really responding, and I quickly realised...'Um...did I just wake you up?'. Apparently so. I maintain that wasn't an unreasonable time to call!

 
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Girly on January 18, 2013, 04:47:51 PM
Well, first, if it's a social call, I'd say to my friend "Why in the heck are you calling me so early?" in a good-natured way.

If it's a business call, I'd either answer the phone, or let it go to VM.

It sounds to me, OP, like most of your frustration is that you don't like this woman. I'm not sure why you stayed on the phone with her so long once you realized it was her. A simple "Can I call you back later? We usually get up around 9am and I'm a little groggy" would have ended the call, and let her know in the future to not call so early.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 18, 2013, 04:49:45 PM
Your attitude about the time of the call may be linked to your dislike of this chick!

I admit, it certainly doesn't help.

I remember calling one of my friends at about 4pm, and she seemed completely out of it, wasnt really responding, and I quickly realised...'Um...did I just wake you up?'. Apparently so. I maintain that wasn't an unreasonable time to call!

4pm?? Yeah, I'd have to agree with you on that one! I have a client who I woke up when I called at 11am one morning (he's unemployed). Now, I try never to call him before noon, lol!!
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 18, 2013, 04:52:22 PM
Well, first, if it's a social call, I'd say to my friend "Why in the heck are you calling me so early?" in a good-natured way.

If it's a business call, I'd either answer the phone, or let it go to VM.

It sounds to me, OP, like most of your frustration is that you don't like this woman. I'm not sure why you stayed on the phone with her so long once you realized it was her. A simple "Can I call you back later? We usually get up around 9am and I'm a little groggy" would have ended the call, and let her know in the future to not call so early.

Not going to happen, lol!!
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: CluelessBride on January 18, 2013, 04:59:25 PM
I remember calling one of my friends at about 4pm, and she seemed completely out of it, wasnt really responding, and I quickly realised...'Um...did I just wake you up?'. Apparently so. I maintain that wasn't an unreasonable time to call!

Absolutely a reasonable time to call. Although I wouldn't hold it against someone if they seemed groggily annoyed if I woke them up. Just because its reasonable to be calling doesn't mean its fun or less disorienting to get woken up.

I had someone accidentally call me at 4:30am on Black Friday once. I'd been up until about 12:30-1am cleaning up from Thanksgiving and the phone ringing sent me into a panic. It was a brief phone call (basically it went "ooops! I didn't mean to call you in the middle of the night, so sorry, go back to sleep"), but the damage was done and I couldn't get back to sleep even after I got my heart rate back down. So I just started my day.

Then later that afternoon I was obviously tired and decided to take a nap. I'd been asleep maybe half an hour when the same friend called and woke me up again. To apologize for waking me up in the middle of the night. At which point she realized she'd woken me up again. Oops.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: MariaE on January 18, 2013, 04:59:56 PM
I'm going to split the difference and say 8:30am-9:30pm on weekdays. 10-10:30pm on weekends.

Any earlier or later than that and I text first.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Lady Snowdon on January 18, 2013, 05:07:33 PM
My workplace rules state that it's acceptable to call people from 8 am their time to 8 pm their time.  Personally, I try to not call people before about 9 am, except in cases where I know they're likely to be up (I call my mom around 8:30 am, because she's up and usually doesn't have anything going on around that time).  9 pm is my deadline for night-time calls.  I go to bed early, and don't like being woken up by the phone!
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: MrsJWine on January 18, 2013, 05:07:48 PM
Unless I know someone's schedule, I don't call before 10 am or after 8 pm. I get up long before 10, but I'm getting myself and kids ready the whole time, and I'm so not a morning person that I'm just barely restraining myself from ripping everyone's faces off as it is. Throw in a phone call, and there will be a Mr. Hyde moment.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 18, 2013, 05:29:50 PM
Depends on the person, really.  My MIL I won't call till after 10, as I know she's not a morning person, but I wouldn't hesitate to call my best friend at 8 because she's an early bird like I am and is usually up by then during the week. Even on her days off she rarely sleeps past 8:30 my time (7:30 hers).  Even then I don't really call her in the mornings unless it's important, as we usually email each other. 

Last time I had need to call her in the morning was 14 months ago after Piratebabe was born to let her know.  I think DH did call his mom shortly after Piratebabe was born 6:20 am) and she probably said "Great!" then went back to sleep after she and DH hung up. 
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: blarg314 on January 18, 2013, 07:10:57 PM

I would say 9am-9pm as a general rule, unless I know the person is an early bird or night owl.

That's for simple phone calls, though. If I'm calling someone for a chat, rather than a simple question, or exchange of information, I would probably phone in the evening after dinner or, on a weekend, not before about 11 am.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Tea Drinker on January 18, 2013, 09:44:27 PM
I'd say after 9 a.m. unless I knew otherwise: either that earlier was okay, or that I needed to wait until later.

Earlier than that, I think it's reasonable to ask "What's the emergency?" unless the person tells me before I can ask. Having once been awakened at 6:30 by a neighbor calling to let me know there was a fire in the building (I hadn't heard the doorbell), I know it's possible that someone really would need to wake me at that hour, even though I'm not a medical professional. But it isn't likely. And the neighbor in question didn't waste time on chit-chat.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Winterlight on January 18, 2013, 10:12:27 PM
I vote 9am-9pm if I don't know the person well. If I do, then I should know what a safe time is.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Cosmasia on January 18, 2013, 10:32:12 PM
It really depends on the person. For me, nine in the morning is waaaay too early and I will not be picking up a call from someone I know at that time regardless of whether I'm up or not, unless we've talked about it beforehand and I therefore know they'd only call because of an emergency.

If it's something "official", as in not a social call, I'll be annoyed by the time but definitely not show it. I accept that a doctor/business/government person is probably going to be making their round of calls before noon.

Luckily I don't know anyone who calls me in the morning :P if I did I'd have to ask them to stop, to be honest. Politely of course. But unless there's an emergency I really don't want to talk to anyone other than my partner in the morning.

As for me, I mostly just don't make social calls unless it's afternoon. My cut off in the evening depends on who I'm calling/my knowledge of their preferences. If I don't know their preference, then I'll likely not call them after 19:00-ish in the evening.

Edit: all of this also works pretty well because I'm more of a text/private message/skype chat person. I don't phone people just to have a social "how's it going?" chat and I don't like when people call me for that either, because I'm just not a talk-on-the-phone person.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: LifeOnPluto on January 18, 2013, 10:56:21 PM
I think that in general, 8am is a silly time to phone someone for a chat.

If it's a weekend, chances are they'll be having a sleep in. If it's a week day, it's likely they'll be busy getting ready for work, and won't have time to talk.

I think you would have been fine in saying "I can't really talk right now. You actually got me out of bed."
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: CakeEater on January 19, 2013, 01:37:59 AM
I'm a bit surprised by the general consensus on 9-9. I would have said 8-8. I don't think 8am is really that early for a weekday, and I wouldn't call someone after 8pm except in emergency.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: MariaE on January 19, 2013, 02:12:01 AM
I'm a bit surprised by the general consensus on 9-9. I would have said 8-8. I don't think 8am is really that early for a weekday, and I wouldn't call someone after 8pm except in emergency.

I'm really surprised people say 9-9 too, but because of the 9pm. I don't think 9:30pm is too late to call unless I know otherwise.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Raintree on January 19, 2013, 03:58:45 AM
At 8 AM, I am either sleeping or frantically rushing around getting ready for wherever I have to be, so it's too early to phone. If it's a business call, I'm thinking, "Seriously, you couldn't wait till a decent hour?" and it doesn't put that business in my good books. If it's a chatty call, then, just, like....go away. You're seriously expecting me to be chatty this time of day?

On a weekend, anything before 11 is an intrusion. Then again, I just turn off my phone before I go to bed to avoid this kind of thing.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: atirial on January 19, 2013, 05:48:22 AM
I would have said 9 (unless it's an emergency or the person has told me earlier is fine), because before then most people I know are busy trying to get up, deal with work and start their day.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Amava on January 19, 2013, 05:59:17 AM
My phone and I have a good understanding with each other.
People can call / text me at any time of the day and night.
But I will pick up / reply when it is convenient to me.

Of course, that only works when you either turn off your phone or leave it somewhere where you won't hear it to wake you up(not always possible for people who are expecting emergencies).

As for the landline. My only landline phone is downstairs, it's not very loud,  and if I'm asleep it needs to seriously keep ringing for a long while to wake me up. So family /can/ reach me in case of emergency (and with emergency, I mean, someone is dying) but they know they have to keep trying. Same when I'm in my bath, or eating dinner, or up to my elbows in cooking. I am very comfortable ignoring the phone and getting back to people when it suits me.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Penguin_ar on January 19, 2013, 06:05:36 AM
In general, I would say 8am-8pm.

On a personal level, I will almost always hang up on people/ tell them to IM me if it is after 7pm because my kids have an early bedtime and the phone ringing/ me talking on it will disturb the bedtime routine and sleep.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Isilleke on January 19, 2013, 08:34:12 AM
My mother gets a lot of calls around 7 AM for her work. While I think this is way too early and she's most of the time not even awake, it is necessary so I can't really complain about that.

My window during the week would be 9AM - 8PM. During the weekend it would be from 10/11AM - 9PM.
I do need a lot of sleep (9 hours minimum) and I'm not a morning person, so even if you called me at 10 there's a good chance I'll still be sleeping. But I do think it's an acceptable hour and if I feel in the evening that I'll need my sleep I just turn my phone off.

What I actually dislike more is when people call around 6PM. Here in my country that's the normal dinner time and I just don't get why anyone would call around that hour.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Thipu1 on January 19, 2013, 09:36:20 AM
We normally call SIL and MIL on Saturday mornings.  MIL's in our same time zone and SIL is one zone earlier.  We usually call at about 9:30 our time. 

MIL is usually up around 7 and, because she's gotten into WII tennis, she often blows us off because of her appointment.   ;D. We'll happily call back later in the day.

SIL is also usually up because they have a family tradition of Grandpa's Saturday Pancakes and the kids are there. 

Of course, an emergency call can come at any time but 9 to 9 seems reasonable, unless the person you're calling is ill.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Yvaine on January 19, 2013, 09:59:43 AM
9-9 if I don't know you well.

9 to about 10:30 if you're most of my close friends.

1pm to 2am if you're one particular night owl I know.  ;)
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Maggie on January 19, 2013, 10:34:34 AM
If you are trying to give someone the cut direct why answer it to start with?  Then you don't have to worry about telling her it is to early to call.  You can also choose whether or not to return the call later.  After a cup of coffee and the world looks sane again!
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: TootsNYC on January 19, 2013, 10:39:01 AM

I don't like this woman and have tried to make a cut direct with her - something I thought would be easy to do when they moved.

When she called just after 8am, she woke me up. I hadn't heard from her since just after they moved to a town over an hour away this past summer. She started by making small talk which involved her asking me questions about my life (what have I been up to?, were we going on any vacations this year?, etc.) I answered her questions politely but did not go in to any detail.


Since you don't want to have a conversation with her, the best way to handle it is to seize control of the conversation and end it.

So you should have said, when she asked how you were, "I'm fine--is there a specific reason you called?" Then deal with that as BRIEFLY as you can (and as directly--no excuses, etc.).  In other words, TELL HER or ASK HER to "get on with it." (just not those words, naturally)

This is part of the indirect way of telling her, "I'm not very interested in you personally." And you need to send it *sooner* so that you don't put her in the awkward position that you put her in. You answered her social questions, etc., but refused to do the other half of the equation. That wasn't polite. So next time, immediately send the conversation straight to the "business" aspect of it, and then get off the phone.

In your case, since you DO want to continue the contact for the girls' sake, you also get the convo over to what you ARE willing to be in touch about, and then you should be warm and enthusiastic about the kids and their friendship.

Then, for ANYONE who was awakened by a phone call or who doesn't want to stay in the stupid phone call, you say, "I'm going to go--I was in the middle of something."

If it's someone you might want to train to call you later, you say, "I was sleeping--I only get to sleep a little later on the weekends."


But in general, I would say, on a weekend, I would NEVER call someone before 9:30am unless I had absolute reason to know for certain that they're awake. On a weekday, I wouldn't call them in the morning PERIOD (again, unless I absolutely knew their morning schedule for certain).
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Bijou on January 19, 2013, 03:18:40 PM
It depends on the person.  If they are early risers then whenever you know they will be available.  I am a very, very early riser and there are at least two people who will call me as early as 6am.  I do the same with them.
Most people, though, not before 9am and some maybe later. 
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: luvmyboys on January 19, 2013, 08:33:37 PM
my rule is weekdays 9 - 9  and weekends 10 - 10
Unfortunately my in-laws refuse to abide by this rule, makes me nuts. 
I would have told that woman that I was sleeping and gotten off of the phone. 
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: kareng57 on January 19, 2013, 09:21:16 PM
Not the same kind of situation - but if it's a school-volunteer event then 9 am can be too late.  The particular co-ordinator will have left her house by then.

The particular situation was when I'd volunteered to be at the school at 9 am to count the money collected for the hot-lunch days (I usually had to bring my well-behaved younger child with me).  A couple of times I couldn't attend because he was suddenly sick.  While around 8 am wouldn't have allowed the co-ordinator enough time to find another volunteer, I wanted her to know that I wasn't simply a no-show who'd forgotten about it.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 19, 2013, 11:18:29 PM
That wasn't polite.

And then there are others telling me that I was too polite. Can't please everyone I guess.  ;)
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: oopsie on January 19, 2013, 11:25:10 PM
If you are trying to give someone the cut direct why answer it to start with?  Then you don't have to worry about telling her it is to early to call.  You can also choose whether or not to return the call later.  After a cup of coffee and the world looks sane again!

I don't have call display. The first thing that usually goes through my mind when I get an early morning phone call is that it's an emergency involving my family.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: zyrs on January 20, 2013, 12:12:04 AM
Back when everyone had landlines and some people had party lines, my elementary school had a paper they sent home about phone etiquette with 9 am to 9 pm weekdays and 10 am to 9 pm weekends.  So that is what I follow unless I know the other person's schedule.

My mother was scandalized by how late it was okay to call at the time, all of us kids were in bed by 7:30pm and the phone would have woken us up.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: MariaE on January 20, 2013, 01:56:51 AM
Not the same kind of situation - but if it's a school-volunteer event then 9 am can be too late.  The particular co-ordinator will have left her house by then.

Depending on where you live, 8am might be too late for that as well. I've always started school at 8am - now I start work at 8am. If people need to get hold of me before I leave for work, they have to call between 7-7:30.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Shopaholic on January 20, 2013, 02:30:31 AM
I don't call people before 9 am in a weekday unless I know they're up or discussed the time if my call with them earlier. I'm not a big fan of early morning calls either, despite being up at 6 and out of the house at 7. My brain needs its time to deal with the world.
On a weekend, not before 10-11.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: cicero on January 20, 2013, 03:08:56 AM
this is an interesting thread.

i hadn't really thought about it much - i don't make that many outgoing calls - but I would lean more toward an 8-8 than a 9-9. but that's me.

we are up quite early in my house - DS is up around 4 and I around 5. however, since i live in an apartment building with terrible acoustics (e.g., we hear other people's phones ringing, alarm clocks, etc) i wouldn't want someone to phone me too early because it might disturb other people. and also, while i *usually* wake up early, there are days that i sleep in so don't assume that i'm up early.

it also depends who i'm calling - my sister who has 4 kids of varying ages and so someone is usualy up by 7? my bestie who has no children at home and she and her husband are up by five?

but i agree with PPs- OP you didn't need to stay on the line with her at all. If you are trying to cut her out of your lfie, then cut her out of your life (as best as you can, knowing that you want your DD ot remain friends with hers). if she calls at 8 AM or at 4 PM or whenever - once you've established that this is a social call, you can say "sorry gotta go, cat's on fire"


Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: --- on January 20, 2013, 06:26:50 PM
Unless there is an emergency or we are expecting an early call, the roommate and I will not tolerate phone calls before 10 am or after 8 pm. We really don't care if our jobs need us to come for the day or someone just wants to chat, we really don't want to talk to someone when we've got our morning chores to do. Most people at my job know not to call prior to 2 pm, they've gotten more then their fair share of lectures.

We also don't call prior to a certain time or after a certain time with other people either. While the roommate and I are often early risers anyways, we know not everyone is.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: Cosmasia on January 21, 2013, 11:30:41 AM
I'm a bit surprised by the general consensus on 9-9. I would have said 8-8. I don't think 8am is really that early for a weekday, and I wouldn't call someone after 8pm except in emergency.

Well people are different :P for example I'm kind of opposite from you.
8 in the morning is, for me, completely unacceptable and would be met with a (polite) explanation that I do not take calls at that hour unless it's an emergency.

After 20 in the evening I usually still have enough energy to talk to someone who wants it as long as they aren't demanding my attention for a long time - and I'm fine with texts at any time of the clock be it dinnertime or 2 in the morning, because I can answer those at my own convenience.
Title: Re: What is an acceptable time to call someone in the morning?
Post by: CakeEater on January 21, 2013, 02:52:49 PM
I'm a bit surprised by the general consensus on 9-9. I would have said 8-8. I don't think 8am is really that early for a weekday, and I wouldn't call someone after 8pm except in emergency.

Well people are different :P for example I'm kind of opposite from you.
8 in the morning is, for me, completely unacceptable and would be met with a (polite) explanation that I do not take calls at that hour unless it's an emergency.

After 20 in the evening I usually still have enough energy to talk to someone who wants it as long as they aren't demanding my attention for a long time - and I'm fine with texts at any time of the clock be it dinnertime or 2 in the morning, because I can answer those at my own convenience.

Yes. Yes they are.

Which was one of the reasons I was surprised by the consensus earlier in the thread.