Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: jpcher on January 20, 2013, 03:36:00 PM

Title: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jpcher on January 20, 2013, 03:36:00 PM
The very first time that I invited my parents to dinner after I got married (toEx) when I was 21 years old.

I bought a corned beef, fixings for a potato salad (my fathers favorite, I really wanted to impress him with this) and fresh green beans. Cheese and crackers for apps, homemade apple pie for dessert (why oh why did I even attempt this? My mom makes the best apple pie in the world!)

The corned beef was sooo undercooked (I boiled it) it could have been used for a bouncey-ball.

The potato salad -- I bought the wrong potatoes (baking instead of red) which I boiled to death so the salad turned out more like mushy potato soup.

The green beans were probably the most edible thing on the table, even though they were overdone.

Apple pie? Probably maybe might have turned out okay? I put it in the oven before the meal started so that it would be hot and fresh for dessert. I forgot to set the timer. Yup. Burnt to a crisp.


My parents were extremely gracious.

Ex was extremely . . . well, let's not go there.

I never wanted to go into a kitchen again.



Do you have any kitchen disaster stories?

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: happygrrl on January 20, 2013, 04:00:23 PM
The first time I cooked corn on the cob, I boiled it for 2  1/2 hours.

I had to call my mom to ask how to hard boiled eggs. (Swear this is true!! I didn't know if you started with cold water, or boiled the water and then put the eggs in)

And the time of the tuna on the ceiling......and the grape juice on the ceiling.......
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 20, 2013, 04:09:19 PM
One of my first meals for my husband was an Italian dish.  I'm not Italian.  I had never cooked with certain specific ingredients before.

Recipe called for a minced clove of garlic.  I didn't know what a clove of garlic was, so I dutifully minced what I had (which took FOREVER!!) and confidently added it to the dish.

Now I know the difference between a garlic clove and a garlic bulb.   :-[
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on January 20, 2013, 04:10:41 PM
Oh, boy.  Where do I start. I'm a reasonably decent cook.  One of the ways one becomes a good cook is to experiment and actually try to expand your horizons. Of course things will go wrong from time to time.  Actually, I recently consoled a 20 year old woman when she had an Alfredo disaster, telling her a few of my kitchen horror stories. Ruining a few meals is part of learning how to cook.

So here are a few of my favorites...

I once blew up a pyrex pan while baking chicken.  And by "blow up" I mean 10 thousand little pieces that also managed to break the glass window in the oven.

While cooking fried potatoes, I got the oil too hot and didn't dry the potatoes enough.  This is a bad combination.  I wound up with third degree burns on my left hand from the splattering oil.

While attempting to prepare a white gravy, I accidentally mixed up the corn starch and the flour.  Glue, anyone?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on January 20, 2013, 04:39:49 PM
I once had a roommate who decided to make stuffed eggplant.  Instead of olive oil, or even just a plain cooking oil, she scooped out the flesh, and sauteed it in toasted sesame seed oil.  It has been my experience that eggplant acts like a sponge, and boy did it that day.  She used an entire bottle of sesame seed oil (2 cups or so).  The end result was ghastly.  All you could taste was the sesame seem oil, and at that level of concentration, it was more like crankcase oil.

A lot of expensive ingredients (well, for us, we were broke college students), and it was some kind of sludge scooped out of a diesel engine.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: BabylonSister on January 20, 2013, 05:00:10 PM
I've done the blow up pan too.  Mine was with crème brûlée.  For months I kept finding little bits of glass in my kitchen.


One thing I tried and failed: ravioli.  I couldn't flatten my dough enough and I made some awfully doughy ravioli with only very little filling inside.  That was gross. 


Once, my ex went to get the groceries and he brought back Swiss steak.  I looked online how to make it and it said to braise it.  It turned out very hard and chewy.


My worst disaster however was last year, when my freezer that was full of food came unplugged in the summer and I didn't notice until a few days later because of the smell.  I had to throw away so much food.  :'(  I also had a hard time getting the stink out of my freezer, despite lots of baking soda.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: otterwoman on January 20, 2013, 05:08:19 PM
*snip*
So here are a few of my favorites...

I once blew up a pyrex pan while baking chicken.  And by "blow up" I mean 10 thousand little pieces that also managed to break the glass window in the oven.


That might not have been your doing. There are many reports of the newer Pyrex baking dishes exploding. Did you report that to the CPSC?

http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine-archive/2011/january/home-garden/glass-cookware/glass-cookware/index.htm
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: KenveeB on January 20, 2013, 05:09:55 PM
Not my story, but my favorite of my mom's: When she was newly married, she decided to make rice pudding. She was upset because it came out so runny, but my dad dutifully ate what his new bride gave him. A few months later, someone at work was talking about her rice pudding recipe. She said, "And then you bake it at--" Mom interrupted, "You bake it?"

Yup, she served my dad raw rice pudding. :)

And he ate it!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: BabylonSister on January 20, 2013, 05:11:33 PM
You don't have to bake rice pudding.


http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/ (http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: MorgnsGrl on January 20, 2013, 05:12:25 PM
Finished putting the last of the ingredients for a crock of homemade chili into the pot. Turned to grab the glass lid and put it on -- clipped the edge of the lid on the edge of the crock and the lid shattered into a million shards of glass. Half of them went into the crock all over the food, the rest went into the stovetop and onto the floor. I had to throw out the food, obviously, and spend ages cleaning up broken glass, and I was so mad that I'd ruined dinner with one careless move.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: KenveeB on January 20, 2013, 05:14:49 PM
You don't have to bake rice pudding.


http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/ (http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/)

That's cooked, just not baked. Hers was assembled, not cooked. ;)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: turtleIScream on January 20, 2013, 05:35:11 PM
I am not the world's best meal preparer (although I am getting much better). I can cook individual elements well, and even pair dishes, but am not great at planning and timing everything to come together. My husband used to joke that if I said we were having pork for dinner, that's exactly what we here having and nothing more.

One day, I was so proud of myself. The spaghetti sauce was simmering, the pasta boiling, broccoli steaming, and salad was chilling in the fridge. Everything was coming together for a full meal. Pasta was done, so I carried the pot over and dumped it in the colander. Colander tipped in the sink, and my entire batch of pasta went down the disposal.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: BabylonSister on January 20, 2013, 06:08:09 PM
You don't have to bake rice pudding.


http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/ (http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/)

That's cooked, just not baked. Hers was assembled, not cooked. ;)


He ate her uncooked rice? Now that's love. :D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shakira on January 20, 2013, 06:14:22 PM
Not my story, but my favorite of my mom's: When she was newly married, she decided to make rice pudding. She was upset because it came out so runny, but my dad dutifully ate what his new bride gave him. A few months later, someone at work was talking about her rice pudding recipe. She said, "And then you bake it at--" Mom interrupted, "You bake it?"

Yup, she served my dad raw rice pudding. :)

And he ate it!

Not my story, but it's a good one! My old roommate was having some kind of potluck at work and everyone was required to bring something. Since he wasn't a great chef (or even a good one) he went to the store and bought one of those frozen apple pies. And took it work in the box. Where it sat in his desk for five hours until potluck time. And he proudly served up a half thawed, squishy, soggy, cold apple pie.  :P This happened several years ago and I still tease him about it.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: TylerBelle on January 20, 2013, 06:23:00 PM
Wanted to be like those chefs on tv, though didn't have parchment paper to line baking sheet, so I thought surely wax paper could substitute. Uhh... didn't work near as well as hoped ::).
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: QueenofAllThings on January 20, 2013, 06:41:00 PM
Well, there's the classic, which I've done once - forgetting to remove the bag of giblets from the chicken. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on January 20, 2013, 06:53:58 PM
It happened to my newlywed mother. She had Dad's mom over and was going to cook a lovely Sunday roast to impress her new MIL. She fixed it, put it in the oven, then suggested they all go for a relaxing Sunday drive. (This is in a new Los Angeles family-oriented suburb, and traffic was unknown at the time.) They came home to a roast the size of a golf ball. My mom cried.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Specky on January 20, 2013, 08:29:27 PM
While in college.  My roomie and I set up a crockpot so our dinner would be ready when we got back from class.  She ran back in the house at the last minute, so I didn't get to see what she had done.  As we were on our way home, she told me she had added rice (uncooked) to our dinner.  "Do you think 5 cups will do it?"   :o :o :o

 Rice E-X-P-A-N-D-S and a crockpot lid will ride up on a column of cooked rice.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Lynnv on January 20, 2013, 08:56:50 PM
I have so many, but a few of the more memorable ones:

I had leftover turkey so I decided to make a turkey casserole (like tuna casserole, but with turkey instead).  To this day, I can't figure out what went wrong.  But the dog wouldn't even eat it.  And he ate anything.  It was a gluey, pastey, horrible mess.  With turkey and green peas studded into the awfulness.  We had pizza for dinner.

The first time I ever tried to cook lamb chops.  It did not end well.  I forgot to set the timer on the oven after I pan seared them.  And I got caught up in a phone call with my mom.  Which ended when the smoke alarm went off.   :'(

Baking, in general, is not my best thing.  I am a decent cook, but a generally bad baker.  I have tried again and again and again to make pie crust, and seem to finally have it down so that it comes out a good percentage of the time.  But the failures still stick in my mind.  Dry, overworked, overwetted, soggy, horrible messes that ruined perfectly good pie fillings for a long time.  And we won't even talk about my attempts at biscuits-it is a series of painful memories that I am working hard to repress.

And one from my sister:
She used a very thin (cheap) aluminum pan to make poached eggs.  She boiled off the water and melted the pan and burned the eggs.  A smell I assure you I never want to smell again.   :o
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: marcel on January 21, 2013, 12:11:35 AM
I love cooking and baking, so off course things have gone wrong. However, there is nothing memorable enough to mention here (or I have repressed the memories.)

The last time though is when I had made my favourite cake, and took it to work. When i cut it, I found out the center wasn't cooked at all. I still don't understand how that happend.

I had to call my mom to ask how to hard boiled eggs. (Swear this is true!! I didn't know if you started with cold water, or boiled the water and then put the eggs in)
Did she tell you that it is both possible, mostly a matter of personal preference.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: faithlessone on January 21, 2013, 04:36:23 AM
When my best friend and I were about 12, we decided to make a coffee cake for her Dad's birthday. He was at work, and her mum (who was looking after us), was upstairs doing something or other. To this day, I have no idea how he actually managed to eat any of it - it was horrific.

For starters, we didn't have a recipe, so we were working off what we could remember from baking with our mothers before. (Which turned out to be not a lot!)

Here's a list of things I can remember about it going wrong:

- We didn't realise you had to dissolve the coffee granules (instant) in water before you added it to the mix, so the cake were seriously grainy and bitter tasting. (We used way too much coffee, as well!)
- We used plain flour, and no baking powder, so the cake didn't rise. At all.
- Because the cake didn't rise, we turned the heat up, and left it in there longer - which just resulted in slightly burnt, almost rock solid, severely over-cooked cake.
- We couldn't find any jam or cream to put in the middle, so we used lime marmalade. Incredibly expensive lime marmalade, which just made the cake taste even worse.
- We did manage to find icing sugar, but we added far too much water to it. So we added loads of coffee granules. These ones did dissolve a little bit, but it did result in quite lumpy, runny icing. Which we slathered all over the cake.

So, we ended up with a practically solid, over-baked, grainy, bitter cake, filled with sour/sweet marmalade, covered in bitter, lumpy, runny, mud-coloured icing.

Her dad choked down a slice, but we got in serious trouble for wasting ingredients, using the expensive marmalade, and using the oven without supervision!

(You'll be pleased to learn that I'm quite good at baking cakes now! ;D)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: CakeEater on January 21, 2013, 05:22:24 AM
I made a ricotta cheesecake o take to a party, forgot to put the sugar in it, and have never tasted anything so awful. All the while people were valiently trying to choke down their slice, and I was begging them to stop.

My Mum and aunt were making several different types of soup for a winter party once, and my cousin and I drained all the stock from the ham pot down the sink in order to be helpful. I was 16 at the time, so I really didn't know that the stock is kind-of an imprtant part of the soup. I think they boiled it again, and it was fine, luckily!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: SDG31000 on January 21, 2013, 06:18:44 AM
I am generally considered a pretty good cook and am a whizz at baking, but I have had my share of disasters.

I tried making sugar free flapjacks (oat cookies) for my DFIL who loves them but is diabetic.  So I replaced the brown sugar and golden syrup with Splenda and black treacle.  They looked ok, they smelt ok and until you swallowed they tasted ok....and then came the aftertaste.  If evil had a taste then this was it.  My DH is well known for eating anything and everything and even he managed one bite.  Never, ever again.

I once tried making Ina Garten's roasted potato soup recipe.  I ended up with a very large pot containing what looked and tasted like a mix of wallpaper paste and hagfish mucus.  Another recipe that was never tried again.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: o_gal on January 21, 2013, 06:28:49 AM
*snip*
So here are a few of my favorites...

I once blew up a pyrex pan while baking chicken.  And by "blow up" I mean 10 thousand little pieces that also managed to break the glass window in the oven.


That might not have been your doing. There are many reports of the newer Pyrex baking dishes exploding. Did you report that to the CPSC?

http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine-archive/2011/january/home-garden/glass-cookware/glass-cookware/index.htm

You can also blow up the old stuff, the stuff that's supposed to be indestructible. I had an old original type Pyrex glass 9x13 baking dish that I always made baklava in at Christmas time. One year, I made the sugar+honey syrup ahead of time so it would be ready - you bake the baklava for an hour at a low temp, then pour the syrup over it, then brown it at higher temp for just a few minutes. But after taking the syrup pan off the burner, I forgot to turn it off. I finished the browning, then set the pan to cool on top of the front and back burners, and the back one was still at the low temp for making the syrup. About 15 minutes later, we heard a massive explosion in the kitchen. I think it took us a couple of hours to clean up and find all of the glass.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 21, 2013, 06:50:46 AM
Oh boy!  We've got a few.  I'll start with the attack of the anetto.

For some reason, I tried to make my own anetto oil.  I had no recipe but a Lady at work told me to just sauté the seeds in oil.  She didn't tell me that the seeds pop with some force.

I hadn't put a lid on the pan.

I was cutting an onion with my back to the stove when SPLAT!  Something orange went zipping onto the cabinet.  Before I realized what was happening, the whole kitchen was spattered.  It was like the Fourth of July!

So, dodging small, hot missiles, I had to get a lid out and use it as a shield while I slapped it on the pan and turned off the heat. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 21, 2013, 08:59:18 AM


The last time though is when I had made my favourite cake, and took it to work. When i cut it, I found out the center wasn't cooked at all. I still don't understand how that happend.


When I was in elementary school and in 4H we baked this cake called "Busy Day Cake".   I had baked them before and they were delicious.  When time came for the County Fair where you had to submit a cake for judging, my cake turned out uncooked in the middle.  I tried again.  Same result. 

In desperation my Mom had me go to one of her friend's houses and "supervise" my technique to figure out what I was doing wrong.  Cake turned out perfect.

Went back home to bake one for the Fair and ... uncooked center.  I got a white ribbon (which means basically "Thanks for participating, but you are a total loser.") 

Eventually Mom called the stove guy for a different issue altogether and he determined that the thermostat for the oven was completely non functional.  Fixed it and from then on, perfect cakes every time.

Is it possible that your thermostat was just having a bad day?   :-\
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: RebeccainGA on January 21, 2013, 09:51:38 AM
Oh, the soups that I've mangled! Made one with pork stock, homemade pork stock at that, that was supposed to be spicy and sort of thick - glue. Glue studded with pork slivers and veggies. No amount of cooking would salvage it - I've been told that when you get that gluey texture, add a lot of water and boil it to cook the starch down. Nope. Still glue.

Another lovely recipe for a chicken stew, with Mexican spices and corn, black beans, and tortilla slivers. Yum - until I put the tortillas in, when it turned into, you guessed it, glue. I can't win!

At least that one I was able to salvage by scooping out the top 1/3 and serving it with chips, on the side. It was tasty!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 21, 2013, 10:57:41 AM
There was also the great barley inundation.

We were going to make a beef and barley soup.  I had to work and, since Mr. Thipu had the day off,  he said he'd make it.  We'd made soups together before and this recipe was quite similar. All seemed well.

There was one thing I hadn't counted on and that proved to be the problem. 

The soup we made together was a pea soup.  A batch used the entire pound bag of split peas.  For the barley soup, a third of a cup is usually enough. 

You guessed it.  Mr.Thipu used the entire pound bag of barley.  When I got home from work, the pot was absolutely choked with the stuff.  The lid was starting to pop up.  The dish wasn't soup anymore.  It was a beef and vegetable flavored barley. 

It wasn't bad but we were eating barley as a side dish and for breakfast for almost a week. 


Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on January 21, 2013, 12:23:43 PM
Quote
Now I know the difference between a garlic clove and a garlic bulb.

I would have eaten that dinner happily, even if everyone could smell me for blocks.  I LOVE garlic.

Not mine, but my daughter's.  To be fair, she was only 14 at the time.  She planned to make mashed potatoes, so she peeled the spuds and got out the masher.  I said "Where's your pot of boiling water?  Haven't you started it yet?"  "Boiling water?  What do I need that for?"  "Um ... to cook the potatoes."  "I have to COOK them, TOO?"
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 21, 2013, 12:29:35 PM
Quote
Now I know the difference between a garlic clove and a garlic bulb.

...   I would have eaten that dinner happily, even if everyone could smell me for blocks.  I LOVE garlic.  ...



We did eat it ... and survived!   ;D

But we lived in an eight unit apartment building back then and the hallways reeked of garlic for days!!  Fortunately we had tolerant neighbors there with great senses of humor.   ;)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: AuntyT on January 21, 2013, 12:36:43 PM
I've got a couple them:

My first attempt at a cake (age 13), I tried to fit a full cake mix into 1 heart shaped pan (it should have gone into two pans).  The during baking, it started to overflow from the pan and there was cake all over the bottom of the oven. I tried  to scoop out some of the batter from the middle while it was baking (and getting batter all over the oven door).  The end result was burnt edges and raw middle.

My latest one involved making garlic bread for a big family dinner.  There was 1 piece that wasn't quite done so I stuck it back in the oven while I was serving up everything else.  About half way through dinner, we notice that something seems a little off but just put off at to leftover smells from the BBQ.  After dinner, I noticed that the oven was still on and then pull out what used to be a piece of garlic bread and is now a piece of carbon.  It took me two hours of scrubbing to get the oven cleaned.  ::)

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 21, 2013, 12:40:47 PM
...   After dinner, I noticed that the oven was still on and then pull out what used to be a piece of garlic bread and is now a piece of carbon.  ...

Just think, if you had left it in there a few more hours maybe you'd have gotten a diamond!   :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Bethalize on January 21, 2013, 12:46:49 PM
When picking recipes from the Internet it behooves us all to remember that different locations use different scales of temperature. I thought 200 degrees Celsius was high for a meringue cookie. It was 200 degrees Fahrenheit (90 degrees Celsius). I cooked those babies at 400 degrees Fahrenheit. After fifteen minutes I thought they smelled rather cooked for something that should take an hour. They were utterly cremated.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: faithlessone on January 21, 2013, 12:58:51 PM
My latest one involved making garlic bread for a big family dinner.  There was 1 piece that wasn't quite done so I stuck it back in the oven while I was serving up everything else.  About half way through dinner, we notice that something seems a little off but just put off at to leftover smells from the BBQ.  After dinner, I noticed that the oven was still on and then pull out what used to be a piece of garlic bread and is now a piece of carbon.  It took me two hours of scrubbing to get the oven cleaned.  ::)

Somewhere there is a photo of me with a similarly cremated bit of garlic bread, and a very sad look on my face. It was the first time I'd cooked dinner for my housemates. I managed to make awesome pizza from scratch (including the base), a nice salad and a pretty good tiramisu, but somehow I totally forgot about the garlic bread in the oven. :(
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on January 21, 2013, 02:24:23 PM
Similar to the Pyrex dishes, once the glass plate on the bottom of my microwave shattered.  To this day, I don't know why, but have you ever tried to use a microwave without one?  It doesn't seem like a vital component...
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on January 21, 2013, 02:31:32 PM
Quote
the hallways reeked of garlic for days!!

This sounds fantastic! I would have loved to come home from work to that lovely scent.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on January 21, 2013, 02:33:14 PM
My in-laws were once steaming a Christmas pudding.  They put the pudding in its ceramic basin in a saucepan, added water, turned on the heat - then went for a nice long walk.  BAD IDEA - they hadn't added enough water.  They returned to find firefighters about to bash down their apartment door with an axe, because the hallway was full of smoke!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: bo on January 21, 2013, 02:40:20 PM
Kitchen disasters? Where do I start? I moved from my mother's house to with my husband, and I came from a single parent house hold where my mom worked a lot of hours. So I never had anyone to show me how to cook, so a lot wa trial and error. Now I am a decent cook, but my poor husband had to deal with a lot of bad meals in the start.

1. This one wasn't my fault, but my husband would count this as a disaster. I made tuna casserole one night with cooked celery. My husband is not a picky eater, but the few things he hate is cooked tuna. Now this man was raised to eat whatever was put in front of him and be polite about it. He couldn't even bring himself to eat the tuna casserole.

2. I too also had a disaster with cooked barely. I made in the crock pot beef and barely soup. I emptied the WHOLE bag in the crockpot. Imagine to my suprise when I went to check on the soup and found my crock pot overflowing with cooked barely. I had extra beef broth but a whole bag of barely makes a lot of barely soup!

3. Why I had extra beef broth is because of this. I made chicken and rice soup. It turned out wonderful, my husband wasn't home so I put the pot of soup covered away. When he came home and was starving I proudly took the soup out and you can tell what happend. I looked into the pot and wondered what happend to all my soup? The rice absorbed all the chicken broth.

4. I make pretty good chili and in order to save money instead of canned kindey beans I bought a bag of dried kidney. I never knew you had to soak them overnight or soak them at all :-[ So I threw them in with the rest of the chili to be cooked. And cooked and cooked. Anyone ever tried cooking unsoaked dried kidney beans? Yeah well it doesn't cook in a few hours :-\   The chili was wonderful tasting except the crunchy beans ::)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on January 21, 2013, 02:56:52 PM
I made toffee for my dad once.  I was supposed to add one teaspoon of vinegar - instead, I added one cup.  YUCK!  He gamely ate piece after piece, despite the fact that it tasted like pickles, while I yelled "DON'T, Dad, just throw it out!"
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: redsfan on January 21, 2013, 03:03:14 PM
I once got rice a roni to make with some hamburgers.  To do this, you first brown the rice in a little butter and then add water.  My mistake was making this in the larger pot of an old glass double boiler.  Water+hot glass= shards all over the kitchen.  DH said he came in and I was holding a handle with nothing attached. 

Luckily he has a sense of humor and ordered pizza for us while I scrubbed everything in the kitchen. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: stitchygreyanonymouse on January 21, 2013, 03:08:25 PM
To this day I still don’t know what I did wrong, but I tried making brownies out of a box mix one day when I was a teenager (something I’d done many times before), and must have accidentally substituted something, because the result was glued to the pan—we ended up having to throw it out, because the mixture was rock hard and wouldn’t even chip out of the pan.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: BabylonSister on January 21, 2013, 03:13:12 PM

4. I make pretty good chili and in order to save money instead of canned kindey beans I bought a bag of dried kidney. I never knew you had to soak them overnight or soak them at all :-[ So I threw them in with the rest of the chili to be cooked. And cooked and cooked. Anyone ever tried cooking unsoaked dried kidney beans? Yeah well it doesn't cook in a few hours :-\   The chili was wonderful tasting except the crunchy beans ::)


Only a few weeks ago, I decided to make myself some cabbage and split pea soup, one of my favorite cold weather dishes.  I grabbed the bag of split peas that was lurking in my pantry, and put everything in the crock pot.  Several hours later, everything was cooked but the split peas, instead of mushy, were still rock hard.  I allowed the soup to cook overnight and the next morning, they were still like little pebbles.  I gave up and blended the soup.  It was ... grainy.  And then I googled "why did my split peas stay hard?" and found out that old split peas will do that.  I guess they must have been lurking in my pantry for a long while. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: rose red on January 21, 2013, 05:20:23 PM
One time I was making canned soup and wondered why it was so salty.  After I finished, I realised I forgot to add one can of water.  :P

Just last week, I was making frozen dumplings.  I put them in a pan with a little bit of water to steam them up before frying.  I forgot and the water evaporated and the dumplings burned.  Wouldn't be so bad except for the smell that lingered for hours.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: snowfire on January 21, 2013, 06:26:11 PM
I once tried making Ina Garten's roasted potato soup recipe.  I ended up with a very large pot containing what looked and tasted like a mix of wallpaper paste and hagfish mucus.  Another recipe that was never tried again.
(http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/laugh2.gif)

I, too, would have LOVED the uber-garlic.  (My favorite pizza place has one called Death by Garlic...I love it!)

I've had the thermostat on the oven go on the fritz.  The smoke alarm went off before the timer did.  I had a carbonized manhole cover instead of a pizza. 

Also had a shocking experience with a waffle iron.  Apparently there was a short or something in the wiring and when I went to pour the batter in, I got zapped and flung waffle batter all around the kitchen....twice.  The large CLANG heard next was that waffle iron hitting the trash.

I was once making a red velvet cake from scratch and used AP flour instead of cake flour.  Three red frisbees.

We sometimes put a teaspoon of powdered ginger into the chili when we are making it.  This is for approx. 2 gallons of chili.  The top came off the spice jar and somewhere around 1/4 cup went in.  I tried to scoop it out but the chili was so bad the dog tried to bury it.  :o  She wouldn't eat even a little bit, and this dog was usually a mobile garbage disposal.

Not mine, but Aunt.  She was a so-so cook, good candy maker, but incredibly lousy baker.  Her pie crusts were so thick and tough that when I was cutting a pie that she made during a family thanksgiving dinner, I cut through the pan too. (I was having to use the point of the knife to perforate the crust before I could slice it.) Luckily, it was just a cheap foil pie pan.

Then there was the Great Pickle Boilover.  My GM's old stove had what we called a "cooker well".  It was a burner recessed into the stove top with a specific pot which fit down into it.  It was lovely for cooking things low and slow as the well held the heat well.  We were cooking the pickling solution for a batch of zucchini pickles which had a LOT of sugar in it.  It was happily simmering away when we turned away to do something else.  When we looked again, the solution had boiled up and over the pot, down the side of the stove, on the floor, down in the cooker well.  It took HOURS to scrub all that stuff off.  The sugar in it made it really stick badly.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Emmy on January 21, 2013, 06:34:50 PM
Most of my cooking fails come from misreading the directions.

I was making a new recipe that was chicken in a sauce with grapes and a little bit of heat.  I misread teaspoons for tablespoons and added 3 tablespoons of red pepper.  It was inedible.  DH and I were newlyweds and he was kind enough to say it wasn't too bad.

I got a new coffee maker as a wedding gift and used it for the first time a few friends stopped in.  The directions on the coffee said 'add a tablespoon of coffee per 6 oz water' and I misread it as a teaspoon.  Friends kindly drank their coffee without saying a word.  I poured myself a cup and it tasted like hot brown water.

Not enough liquid in the crockpot so the beef in my beef stew was all dry and chewy.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Silversurfer on January 21, 2013, 07:54:26 PM
I made the most amazing roast chicken and vegies a few years back. I was so impressed with myself when i opened the oven door and saw the perfectly brown crispy skinned chicken that i called my DH in to have a look.

As i was congratulating myself, i pulled the chicken out of the pan only to have the absorbent plasticy  black sachet thing fall off the bottom of the chicken. ( i now know from researching "Can you still eat a chicken if you cooked the plastic black thing with it?" that the plastic black thing is called a diaper. And no, you should not eat it.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 21, 2013, 08:26:35 PM
...   

I've had the thermostat on the oven go on the fritz.  The smoke alarm went off before the timer did.  I had a carbonized manhole cover instead of a pizza. 

Also had a shocking experience with a waffle iron.  Apparently there was a short or something in the wiring and when I went to pour the batter in, I got zapped and flung waffle batter all around the kitchen....twice.  The large CLANG heard next was that waffle iron hitting the trash.

I was once making a red velvet cake from scratch and used AP flour instead of cake flour.  Three red frisbees.

We sometimes put a teaspoon of powdered ginger into the chili when we are making it.  This is for approx. 2 gallons of chili.  The top came off the spice jar and somewhere around 1/4 cup went in.  I tried to scoop it out but the chili was so bad the dog tried to bury it.  :o  She wouldn't eat even a little bit, and this dog was usually a mobile garbage disposal.

Not mine, but Aunt.  She was a so-so cook, good candy maker, but incredibly lousy baker.  Her pie crusts were so thick and tough that when I was cutting a pie that she made during a family thanksgiving dinner, I cut through the pan too. (I was having to use the point of the knife to perforate the crust before I could slice it.) Luckily, it was just a cheap foil pie pan.   ...



I didn't repeat your entire post (for space reasons), but I just wanted you to know what a kick I got out of reading it.  You're very good at making disasters into humorous anecdotes.  I laughed so hard (and often) while reading of your culinary escapades!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on January 21, 2013, 09:25:51 PM
I pride myself in my cooking and baking skills. While my mistakes are truly few and far between, this one would have been number in in the top 100, and would have ruined my granddaughters first birthday party.

I begged and pleaded with my daughter to let me make the cakes. She wanted store bought, but I told her home made would be so much better. She settled on chocolate with cream cheese frosting.

The party was on a Saturday, so I started the cakes on Fri, so they could cool properly before I frosted them.

I was part way through the second batch of batter for the first cake when I first burned the baking chocolate melting it in the microwave. (The microwave smelled for 2 weeks.) Thankfully, this gave me food for thought, when I looked at the dishwasher where my ingredients were laid out. I had to through out 2 batches of batter because I forgot to put the baking soda and baking powder into the mix. I was just glad I caught this before the cakes were cooked.

I also had another problem, the chocolate, because I was now very short. I have some cocoa powder in the cabinet and also some ghiardelli hot cocoa mix up there as well.  With fingers crossed, I ad libbed the new ingredients while altering the sugar content, I also had to use my made in Mexico vanilla which has a hint of cinnamon.  I also cracked one when I flipped it out of the pan, so it had to be moved carefully.

Surprisingly, while they were a disaster, they tasted pretty good, and everyone raved about them.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: snowfire on January 21, 2013, 09:31:41 PM
Thanks, gramma dishes.  I'm glad to be able to give someone the giggles.  I can laugh about them now....

Despite what it sounds like, I'm a pretty good cook, but I keep a few of these, like the cake, in the back of my head for when I get a little too cocky.

(Evil Snowfire still snickers over Aunt's pie, but she and I despised each other. I was very relieved when we quit doing the big "Family" holidays.)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: afbluebelle on January 21, 2013, 09:48:57 PM
I've had my mishaps, but the worst kitchen mishap I ever had was when I was making chili.

I make good chili, but that day I'd realized that my roommate had taken a bunch of my spices with her for the weekend. I was in the middle of a prepping for a pot of chili, and barely had anything to work with. The only thing open on base was the Shoppette (like a convenience store), where I sent a couple of my friends to see if they had anything. They grabbed the last packet of premade chili spice mix. They also brought beer.

The chili was in the pot and set to simmer after frying, chopping, mixing, and (allegedly) drinking. We were trying to think of a way to get the cayenne pepper to add some heat, when the genius hit us! We should just use bear spray!

http://www.amazon.com/Guard-Alaska-Bear-Pepper-Spray/dp/B002NWY3LK/ref=pd_sbs_sg_4


Once the horrible burning clouds of death had aired out of the room and our vision was mostly restored, we shuffled back in to try the chili. It was pretty decent.  I'm just glad I took it off the burner when I aimed it in the bowl... and that I did the shooting in my roommate's bedroom and not in the kitchen. :P  Bear spray clears the sinuses really well!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: workingmum on January 22, 2013, 01:29:00 AM
The Devon Cake... my fellow Aussies will know what devon is.. but for everyone else, it is a lunch meat, kinda of a gross pinkish, grainy colour.

I was going to make my daughter's birthday cake and bought everything I thought I needed for this beautiful icing etc.... My sister and I are making the cake 9pm the night before her birthday. We just cannot get the almond icing to take the colour properly.. We made an extra trip to the supermarket to buy more icing in case the batch we had was bad. Still can't get it to look like the nice smooth pink in the book.,. What the hell, let's use it anyway we say (there may have been a few drinks consumed by this point)... so we ice the cake. Yup, it looks like a massive chunk of devon.. not very appetising at all! After re-reading the directions, turns out Marzipan is not Almond Icing  ;) Who knew huh??

Cue a distraught phone call to my mother to pick up a cake on the way over in the morning. I'm usually pretty good in the kitchen and have made some stunning cakes.. but this is one my sister will never let me live down!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: twiggy on January 22, 2013, 02:02:59 AM
When I was in high school, I had a friend who I had many "adventures" with. One day we were at her house and we decided to make some cookies. I was on board with this, because I was really interested in her brother, and what teenage boy doesn't love cookies? (I met him at school and was starting to be 'friends' with him when I met her. I didn't know they were related for about a month and a half)
So, back to these cookies. We were using her mom's go-to chocolate chip cookie recipe, guaranteed to be delicious. I was reading the ingredient list, and Friend was grabbing everything and putting it on the counter. It's important to note that Friend was child #5 of 6 in her family, so her mom bought almost everything in bulk. Things like flour/sugar/rice were in smaller, plastic bins.
We got to work, mixed up our dough, but we could only find one cookie sheet, so we resigned ourselves to baking several batches. But the first batch turned out really weird. Picture a fried egg. The center mass of each cookie (where the chocolate chips and nuts were) was bigger, but where the cookies had spread, was almost paper thin. Friend called her mom, described the problem we were having, and Mom said it sounded like we needed more flour. So, we added more flour. And more flour. And More flour. It was still not working. If anything our cookies looked worse. :'( So we decided it didn't matter how the cookies looked, we would eat the misshapen monstrosities anyway. I mentioned that I liked her brother, right? Around the time we decided to just eat them, he came home. Before tasting them myself, I offered him a cookie. He took one bite, then ran to the sink and not only spat it out, but he kind of retched a bit as well. I was almost in tears, until I absently nibbled on a cookie, and ran to the garbage can. As it turns out, our cookies were indeed lacking flour. Friend had mistakenly grabbed powdered sugar instead. We made cookie dough with no flour at all, and about 8 cups of powdered sugar. They were terrible. I was embarrassed that I had offered one to the Love of My Life.

I don't think I'll ever live that one down. You see, Friend is now my SIL; I married her brother, and my MIL knows far too many embarrassing Teen Twiggy stories since SIL and I got into a great many interesting situations together.

*Edited to remove huge emoticons
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: twiggy on January 22, 2013, 02:17:59 AM
This was a triumph/failure, depending on your point of view. My little brother, for a brief period, wanted to be a chef. The only problem was that he didn't know how to cook. So, one night I agreed to help him get through a recipe for lamb chops from his Williams Sonoma cookbook. It was very labor intensive, involving grinding whole spices with a mortar and pestle, assembling a spice rub, convincing Bro that he could use his bare hands to rub the spices into the lamb, etc. It was to be braised for 3 hours in a wine based sauce. So, pretty time and labor intensive. As I recall, it smelled heavenly. The sauce was divine, and the lamb was so tender you could cut it with a spoon: a dull spoon, using your non-dominant hand. What we hadn't considered was neither of us had ever tasted lamb. After slaving over a hot stove for hours, Bro and I discovered that we don't like the taste of lamb. Dad was on cloud 9. He loved it and asked us when we were going to make it again. Bro and I ended up having McDonalds for dinner
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on January 22, 2013, 02:51:28 AM
This was a triumph/failure, depending on your point of view. My little brother, for a brief period, wanted to be a chef. The only problem was that he didn't know how to cook. So, one night I agreed to help him get through a recipe for lamb chops from his Williams Sonoma cookbook. It was very labor intensive, involving grinding whole spices with a mortar and pestle, assembling a spice rub, convincing Bro that he could use his bare hands to rub the spices into the lamb, etc. It was to be braised for 3 hours in a wine based sauce. So, pretty time and labor intensive. As I recall, it smelled heavenly. The sauce was divine, and the lamb was so tender you could cut it with a spoon: a dull spoon, using your non-dominant hand. What we hadn't considered was neither of us had ever tasted lamb. After slaving over a hot stove for hours, Bro and I discovered that we don't like the taste of lamb. Dad was on cloud 9. He loved it and asked us when we were going to make it again. Bro and I ended up having McDonalds for dinner

Mmmm... lamb.  Aside from some awesome ground lamb burgers a month ago, I haven't had decent lamb in over a decade.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: SDG31000 on January 22, 2013, 04:04:59 AM
I forgot about my attempt at making caramelised onion chutney.  I can make jams and jellies with no problems, but for some reason I cannot get the hang of making chutney.  I thought I would have another go as my DFIL loves them.  All was going well until I tried getting the stuff out of the pan and into the jars.  It was steadfastly refusing to budge.  After much effort I got it into the jars and then decided to try a bit.  It turns out I made onion flavoured toffee instead of something spreadable.  The stuff was terrible, I couldn't get it out of the jars and ended up throwing all 6 of them away.  Now I buy chutney for DFIL and stick to baking instead.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Bethalize on January 22, 2013, 04:53:30 AM
Rhubarb jam. I wasted 2lb of rhubarb to make two teeny pots of jam. Apparently lemon helps jam set. Victorian lemons must have been smaller because this jam set so hard I didn't bother scraping it out the jars. Into the bin they went!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Emmy on January 22, 2013, 05:23:37 AM
A recent disaster.

I was making chicken soup.  I prepared the stock ahead of time and added the chicken.  I was taking the stock out of the fridge when I somehow drop it.  The fridge is right near the dining room with beige carpet (not my color choice, came with the house).  The pot tumbles out of my hand, lands mostly in the dining room and the impact sent chicken and stock splatters all the way across the room.  Ugh.

When I was in high school, I had a friend who I had many "adventures" with. One day we were at her house and we decided to make some cookies. I was on board with this, because I was really interested in her brother, and what teenage boy doesn't love cookies? (I met him at school and was starting to be 'friends' with him when I met her. I didn't know they were related for about a month and a half)
So, back to these cookies. We were using her mom's go-to chocolate chip cookie recipe, guaranteed to be delicious. I was reading the ingredient list, and Friend was grabbing everything and putting it on the counter. It's important to note that Friend was child #5 of 6 in her family, so her mom bought almost everything in bulk. Things like flour/sugar/rice were in smaller, plastic bins.
We got to work, mixed up our dough, but we could only find one cookie sheet, so we resigned ourselves to baking several batches. But the first batch turned out really weird. Picture a fried egg. The center mass of each cookie (where the chocolate chips and nuts were) was bigger, but where the cookies had spread, was almost paper thin. Friend called her mom, described the problem we were having, and Mom said it sounded like we needed more flour. So, we added more flour. And more flour. And More flour. It was still not working. If anything our cookies looked worse. :'( So we decided it didn't matter how the cookies looked, we would eat the misshapen monstrosities anyway. I mentioned that I liked her brother, right? Around the time we decided to just eat them, he came home. Before tasting them myself, I offered him a cookie. He took one bite, then ran to the sink and not only spat it out, but he kind of retched a bit as well. I was almost in tears, until I absently nibbled on a cookie, and ran to the garbage can. As it turns out, our cookies were indeed lacking flour. Friend had mistakenly grabbed powdered sugar instead. We made cookie dough with no flour at all, and about 8 cups of powdered sugar. They were terrible. I was embarrassed that I had offered one to the Love of My Life.

I don't think I'll ever live that one down. You see, Friend is now my SIL; I married her brother, and my MIL knows far too many embarrassing Teen Twiggy stories since SIL and I got into a great many interesting situations together.

*Edited to remove huge emoticons

I love that story.  I am also impressed you didn't manage to taste the cookie dough ahead of time.  I can't resist a little nibble of raw cookie dough, I'll even risk eating the raw eggs.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 22, 2013, 07:36:42 AM
This story was told to me by my mother.

She was a child during Prohibition and her father made his own beer.  Home brewing is now a science and the brewer can control things very well.  However, back in the days when it was illegal, home brewing was hit and miss. The second fermentation was achieved by putting a few raisins into each bottle before it was capped. 

In this batch, the bottles were capped and put out in the unheated back lobby to age.  A few days later, an ominous popping noise was heard.  The bottles were beginning to explode.  Someone had to go in and throw them into the yard because the back lobby was also used as a food larder. 

My Mother's little brother was 'armored' for the job with a saucepan for a helmet, thick mitts and pillows strapped to his chest and stomach.  Think of the illustration of Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum's battle. 

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: perpetua on January 22, 2013, 08:29:37 AM
I was once making a pasta bake which had a carbonara-type sauce to it. I'd made it before and it had been delicious, but this time while making the sauce, the lid came off the black pepper as I was sprinkling it and I dumped half a pot of the darned stuff in there. I scraped off what I could from the top - which was like the ashen remains of a very small volcanic explosion - but alas, most of it had already sunk into the sauce.

Not having anything else in the house for dinner and figuring I liked spicy food so it couldn't be *that* bad, I decided to bake it anyway. The sauce, when poured over the pasta, wasn't the nice carbonara-ish colour it was supposed to be, but almost dark grey. To counteract it, I put some extra soft cheese into the sauce, thinking the creaminess would balance out the heat and maybe make it less grey. Except, no - all it did was screw up the consistency.

The end product was something resembling a very peppery, grey, rubbery rock, and after I'd choked down as much of it as I could I went to scoop the remainders out of the pot; it was stuck so fast it wouldn't even come out with a spatula. I ended up chucking the whole lot away, pot and all, and it hit the bottom of the bin with an actual thud.

The indigestion - which at first was *so* bad I almost went to A&E fearing a heart attack - started twenty minutes later and lasted an entire week.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Twik on January 22, 2013, 08:40:46 AM
I once made a new recipe - pineapple cheesecake. Large size, in a springform pan.

As I was putting it into the preheated over, I ... dropped the pan, hitting the oven door on the side, and sending goopy pineapple-cheese mix all over the kitchen. Some of it, of course, quickly cooking on the heated door.

Not good at all.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: GratefulMaria on January 22, 2013, 08:50:17 AM
I have years of burned food under my belt because I'd get sidetracked reading while I was supposed to be paying attention to what was on the stove.  I've even scorched soup while stirring and reading.

My mother had a spectacular combination Moving Day / Kitchen Disaster.  We were frantically packing and cleaning everything, and she had chicken soup going in a pressure cooker.  The gasket let go, scalding greasy liquid sprayed all over the immaculate kitchen, and the lid embedded itself in the ceiling.  My mother took one look at my shocked face gaping up at it, knew she just wouldn't be able to deal with it if I laughed (I was 14), and hissed, "Run!"
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 22, 2013, 09:10:02 AM
This is the story of the Demon Baguette.

It started innocently enough.  We had half a loaf of French bread left over from another meal and intended to serve it with some home-made soup.  We put it in the microwave to warm a little.

All seemed well when we sat down to eat.   Then, we started to experience a burned smell.  As we watched, the crust of the bread eerily darkened as smoke began to rise from the loaf.

A dash to the sink was in order.

We later determined that the bread was a little too dry and had caught fire from the inside. 

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: GratefulMaria on January 22, 2013, 09:15:16 AM
This is the story of the Demon Baguette.

It started innocently enough.  We had half a loaf of French bread left over from another meal and intended to serve it with some home-made soup.  We put it in the microwave to warm a little.

All seemed well when we sat down to eat.   Then, we started to experience a burned smell.  As we watched, the crust of the bread eerily darkened as smoke began to rise from the loaf.

A dash to the sink was in order.

We later determined that the bread was a little too dry and had caught fire from the inside.

Wait, it did this after you took it out of the m-wave???
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 22, 2013, 09:46:49 AM
Yes, it did.  I know it's hard to believe.  If we hadn't seen it, we would doubt the story ourselves.

We figured that it was in the microwave just long enough to ignite but not long enough for the damage to show until it got to the table. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on January 22, 2013, 10:14:20 AM
This one was courtesy of my daughter ... I had two loaves of banana bread in the oven, and I went downstairs to do some chores.  I'd set the timer to go off after an hour.  The timer went off, but I didn't hear it, because I was too far away.  No problem; daughter was in the livingroom, and she heard it.  However - she didn't call me.  Instead, she turned off the timer.

I suddenly remembered my banana bread a good hour after that, and it was burned to a cinder!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 22, 2013, 12:53:35 PM
Quote
the hallways reeked of garlic for days!!

This sounds fantastic! I would have loved to come home from work to that lovely scent.

I used to live near a town that had a warehouse for spices.  Every so often, the WHOLE TOWN would smell like garlic.   I called it Heaven.   ;D

Slightly OT.

When I was dating Mr. Thipu, he lived across the street from a facility that roasted coffee.  You didn't need a cup in the morning.  All you had to do was open the window and inhale.  That was also what we called Heaven  ;D

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: magicdomino on January 22, 2013, 01:22:16 PM

Baking, in general, is not my best thing.  I am a decent cook, but a generally bad baker.  I have tried again and again and again to make pie crust, and seem to finally have it down so that it comes out a good percentage of the time.  But the failures still stick in my mind.  Dry, overworked, overwetted, soggy, horrible messes that ruined perfectly good pie fillings for a long time.  And we won't even talk about my attempts at biscuits-it is a series of painful memories that I am working hard to repress.

And one from my sister:
She used a very thin (cheap) aluminum pan to make poached eggs.  She boiled off the water and melted the pan and burned the eggs.  A smell I assure you I never want to smell again.   :o

My mother must have had the same poached egg pan.  One blob of molten aluminum melted into the floor.   :o

Despite all manner of tricks and tips, I am a firm member of the cardboard pie crust club.  Fortunately, Pillsbury makes better crust than I do.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: lilfox on January 22, 2013, 01:23:04 PM
The first time my college friends and I decided to make a big multiple course dinner...  We were optimistic and decided on pot roast with potatoes, onions, and carrots, a big green salad, garlic bread, and brownies for dessert.  We also were not in possession of a cookbook and this was pre-internet days, so we decided to wing it.

Bad idea.  A) We didn't brown the roast before putting it in the oven.  B) We had no idea of temp + cooking time + weight, and it still wasn't done four hours after we'd planned for 1.5 hours.  Fortunately we salvaged the veggies after they appeared done (long before the roast).  So dinner went something like this:

5 pm - started prepping all the courses
6 pm - ate salad, added veggies to the roast, in anticipation of roast being done at 7 or so
7:30 - roast still mostly raw inside, veggies were done so we took them out
8 pm - veggies and bread
8-11 pm - check roast every 15 min, still not done.
11 pm - remove roast in defeat, slice, and microwave.

Amazingly, it was still edible and actually tasted pretty good (I chalk this up to low standards and hunger).  And the brownies made for an excellent midnight snack.

However, I don't learn quickly from experience and about every few years, I decide to make some multiple course meal where one dish unexpectedly takes 3x longer than the others.

Also let me just say, minced ginger does not belong in hummus.  Yuck.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 22, 2013, 01:44:29 PM
My youngest nephew was turning 2.  And absolutely loved Barney.  So I'd bought the character pan and a cake mix and was making him a Barney cake for his birthday.

But I was making it at my Mom's place, when she wasn't home.  With an unfamiliar stove.  One of those ones with two dials, one to choose the temperature and one to choose the cooking style (bake or broil).  Not knowing the stove, I set it to the right temperature but put it on broil.

It finally finished baking and I pulled it out.  When I flipped it out of the pan, the cake completely fell apart.  My SIL looked at me and said, 'Barney died.'  I had to run to town to the 24 hour grocery store and buy another cake mix.

But nephew did get his Barney cake.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on January 22, 2013, 01:57:18 PM
Well, just yesterday, I was making yellow cake cupcakes and the ingredients call for melted butter, eggs and milk.  I forgot to temper the eggs.  I don't think scrambled eggs work well with cake.  The second round was much more successful!

Then there was the time I was making fudge.  Instead of paying attention and reading the directions, which called for 2/3 cup of evaporated milk, I just used the whole can.  I didn't discover my mistake until it just wouldn't set.  I re-read the directions and realized what I'd done.  It made great chocolate fudge sauce though!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: siamesecat2965 on January 22, 2013, 02:19:54 PM

 I once tried making Ina Garten's roasted potato soup recipe.  I ended up with a very large pot containing what looked and tasted like a mix of wallpaper paste and hagfish mucus.  Another recipe that was never tried again.

While I don't ahve anything to add as I've never really had a major kitchen disaster, youre descirption of the soup had me in tears of laughter.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Snooks on January 22, 2013, 02:52:20 PM
When I was in high school, I had a friend who I had many "adventures" with. One day we were at her house and we decided to make some cookies. I was on board with this, because I was really interested in her brother, and what teenage boy doesn't love cookies? (I met him at school and was starting to be 'friends' with him when I met her. I didn't know they were related for about a month and a half)
So, back to these cookies. We were using her mom's go-to chocolate chip cookie recipe, guaranteed to be delicious. I was reading the ingredient list, and Friend was grabbing everything and putting it on the counter. It's important to note that Friend was child #5 of 6 in her family, so her mom bought almost everything in bulk. Things like flour/sugar/rice were in smaller, plastic bins.
We got to work, mixed up our dough, but we could only find one cookie sheet, so we resigned ourselves to baking several batches. But the first batch turned out really weird. Picture a fried egg. The center mass of each cookie (where the chocolate chips and nuts were) was bigger, but where the cookies had spread, was almost paper thin. Friend called her mom, described the problem we were having, and Mom said it sounded like we needed more flour. So, we added more flour. And more flour. And More flour. It was still not working. If anything our cookies looked worse. :'( So we decided it didn't matter how the cookies looked, we would eat the misshapen monstrosities anyway. I mentioned that I liked her brother, right? Around the time we decided to just eat them, he came home. Before tasting them myself, I offered him a cookie. He took one bite, then ran to the sink and not only spat it out, but he kind of retched a bit as well. I was almost in tears, until I absently nibbled on a cookie, and ran to the garbage can. As it turns out, our cookies were indeed lacking flour. Friend had mistakenly grabbed powdered sugar instead. We made cookie dough with no flour at all, and about 8 cups of powdered sugar. They were terrible. I was embarrassed that I had offered one to the Love of My Life.

I don't think I'll ever live that one down. You see, Friend is now my SIL; I married her brother, and my MIL knows far too many embarrassing Teen Twiggy stories since SIL and I got into a great many interesting situations together.

*Edited to remove huge emoticons

This reminds me of when I was at school, there was a truly awful project we had to do in cookery class which involved us all setting up cake stalls and selling to other pupils, so basically a huge popularity contest which my group lost badly every week.  One week a member of my group was off so two of us decided we'd make what she usually made, chocolate chip cookies, because everyone likes cookies and we thought they'd sell.  In a classic case of too many cooks spoil the broth we forgot the sugar from the mix.  Those were not nice cookies, unsurprisingly they didn't help us with our quest to be the "winning" team.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: twiggy on January 22, 2013, 03:05:46 PM
This reminds me of when I was at school, there was a truly awful project we had to do in cookery class which involved us all setting up cake stalls and selling to other pupils, so basically a huge popularity contest which my group lost badly every week.  One week a member of my group was off so two of us decided we'd make what she usually made, chocolate chip cookies, because everyone likes cookies and we thought they'd sell.  In a classic case of too many cooks spoil the broth we forgot the sugar from the mix.  Those were not nice cookies, unsurprisingly they didn't help us with our quest to be the "winning" team.

That reminds me of the 5th grade class store. We had a currency system, though I don't remember how we earned/spent the money. I do remember that once per quarter we had a class store day. Students, or groups of students set up booths and sold stuff to each other. I decided that I was going to make sugar cookies, but I couldn't find Grandma's recipe, and she didn't answer when I called. So I looked through a couple of Mom's cookbooks until I found a recipe with a pretty picture. Unfortunately I was unfamiliar with the recipe and some of the ingredients. Instead of buttermilk, I used a mixture of 1/2 milk, 1/2 butter. And I didn't have cream of tarter, so I just added more baking powder. Also, those cookies didn't get as golden brown as I was used to, so I kept them in the oven. They were terrible. Like little hockey pucks of floury rocks. I ended up painting them and selling them as paperweights. I don't know that I really sold very many though.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jpcher on January 22, 2013, 05:28:58 PM
That reminds me of the 5th grade class store. We had a currency system, though I don't remember how we earned/spent the money. I do remember that once per quarter we had a class store day. Students, or groups of students set up booths and sold stuff to each other. I decided that I was going to make sugar cookies, but I couldn't find Grandma's recipe, and she didn't answer when I called. So I looked through a couple of Mom's cookbooks until I found a recipe with a pretty picture. Unfortunately I was unfamiliar with the recipe and some of the ingredients. Instead of buttermilk, I used a mixture of 1/2 milk, 1/2 butter. And I didn't have cream of tarter, so I just added more baking powder. Also, those cookies didn't get as golden brown as I was used to, so I kept them in the oven. They were terrible. Like little hockey pucks of floury rocks. I ended up painting them and selling them as paperweights. I don't know that I really sold very many though.

Though your cookies were a failure to eat, I think you win the Ingenuity Award! ;D

Both for the 1/2 milk 1/2 butter to make up buttermilk (to a 5th grade mind, this makes a lot of sense to me!) and for painting/selling the cookies as paperweights!

Kitchen Disaster WIN! ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: JeanFromBNA on January 22, 2013, 07:04:32 PM
Quote
the hallways reeked of garlic for days!!

This sounds fantastic! I would have loved to come home from work to that lovely scent.

I used to live near a town that had a warehouse for spices.  Every so often, the WHOLE TOWN would smell like garlic.   I called it Heaven.   ;D

Slightly OT.

When I was dating Mr. Thipu, he lived across the street from a facility that roasted coffee.  You didn't need a cup in the morning.  All you had to do was open the window and inhale.  That was also what we called Heaven  ;D

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

Just found out that a small chocolate factory is moving in across the street from the office.  It's like a reward for all of my hard work.  ;)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: norrina on January 22, 2013, 08:19:29 PM
A few years ago, I was living in a house-share with a woman and her 11 y.o. son. She was the primary tenant, and I had moved in as a sub lessee after she had been living there for a few months already. This is important to the story.

One night, we were snowed in from a horrible storm, so I decided I was going to go ahead and braise the pork roast I had instead of crock potting it like I usually do, since I didn't have anything better to do. It is also important to the story that when I say "snowed in" I mean that the only road into/out of my neighborhood was completely gridlocked with stuck vehicles.

I was raised vegetarian, and don't cook meat very often even now. So I called my now-fiancé to ask how exactly one goes about braising a pork roast. He suggested that I sear it on the stovetop to lock in the juices before putting it in the oven. So I got some oil heated up in the dutch oven, then turned around to move the roast from the counter to the pan. In that instant the smoke detector started going off and there were flames shooting from the pan. My housemate's son was working at the computer in the kitchen when this happened and started freaking out. I was frantically trying to get at the lid to the skillet while at the same time mentally cataloging how quickly I could get to the baking powder in case the lid didn't work, while in the background there is a blaring smoke detector and a screaming child. I throw the lid on the pan and get the pan off the heat, and the fire instantly goes out, but the kid is still terrified, and the smoke detector has gone to a fire alarm because I didn't get the fire/smoke stopped quickly enough. I'm hollering for my housemate, both because her son needs her and (this is where me being a subletter/moving in later becomes important) because I was never told that the house had a fire alarm so I need her to disable it before the alarm company sends out the fire brigade.

The housemate finally comes downstairs (if there had been a real fire she would have been dead, and her son too if he had waited for her), but by then the fire company had already been notified. We tried to call the alarm company, but were told the fire company had to come out to confirm that everything was okay. Except, remember the storm and the clogged roads? 5 hours later we got a call from the fire company that they were very sorry but they simply couldn't get to our house.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Twik on January 23, 2013, 10:05:47 AM
One of my friends got married at university. She had a punch and appetizers reception in a small hall on campus.

The appetizers were heated in the oven, and one tray decided to smoke. The alarms went off. Firemen arrived. It was an exciting reception! (Fortunately, she had a great sense of humour about the event, and made jokes afterwards about the Halifax Fire Department arriving to object to her marriage.)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: hermanne on January 23, 2013, 12:38:48 PM
Not a complete disaster, as I was able to salvage it...

For DD's first birthday, I decided to make her a layer cake. My pans are the silocon kind, where you have to put a baking pan under the cake pan. One of the baking pans I used was thin and old, and it kind of warped in the oven. Thus one end of the cake pan was much higer than the other, resulting in the cake being waffer-thin on one side.

I sliced off the thicker end to patch the thin one, and hid it with frosting.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Snooks on January 23, 2013, 02:34:56 PM
Every time I have attempted to make éclairs I have failed miserably.  I follow the recipe to the letter yet they always end up flat as a pancake.  It really irks me that I can't make them.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: littlelauraj on January 23, 2013, 03:33:38 PM
There are some things that I'm pretty good at, and canning is one of them.  Last year I made a recipe for cranberry mustard to can and it was great.  So a couple of days ago I thought I'd give the beer mustard recipe I have a try.  It said to try different types of beer, so I used the vanilla porter that I've been drinking.  Well, vanilla porter + brown mustard seed = ear wax flavored mustard.  I went ahead and added the rest of the ingredients, just in case the malt vinegar and brown sugar were what makes the recipe.  Ooh, vinegary, sweet earwax flavored mustard.  I was disappointed to have to throw it out.   :(
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Seraphia on January 23, 2013, 04:06:58 PM
This reminds me of when I was at school, there was a truly awful project we had to do in cookery class which involved us all setting up cake stalls and selling to other pupils, so basically a huge popularity contest which my group lost badly every week.  One week a member of my group was off so two of us decided we'd make what she usually made, chocolate chip cookies, because everyone likes cookies and we thought they'd sell.  In a classic case of too many cooks spoil the broth we forgot the sugar from the mix.  Those were not nice cookies, unsurprisingly they didn't help us with our quest to be the "winning" team.

That reminds me of the 5th grade class store. We had a currency system, though I don't remember how we earned/spent the money. I do remember that once per quarter we had a class store day. Students, or groups of students set up booths and sold stuff to each other. I decided that I was going to make sugar cookies, but I couldn't find Grandma's recipe, and she didn't answer when I called. So I looked through a couple of Mom's cookbooks until I found a recipe with a pretty picture. Unfortunately I was unfamiliar with the recipe and some of the ingredients. Instead of buttermilk, I used a mixture of 1/2 milk, 1/2 butter. And I didn't have cream of tarter, so I just added more baking powder. Also, those cookies didn't get as golden brown as I was used to, so I kept them in the oven. They were terrible. Like little hockey pucks of floury rocks. I ended up painting them and selling them as paperweights. I don't know that I really sold very many though.

There's something about that age, isn't there.

It wasn't exactly a disaster on the score of shattering pans, but I once screwed up a seriously easy recipe, thanks to 12-year-old logic.

I was trying to make layer cookies. Basically, you make brownies in a pan, frost, then press rice crispy treats over the top and add sprinkles. So, doot de do, my brownies come out great, and I'm feeling pretty smart. I start getting down the ingredients for the rice crispy treats. Cereal, butter, sugar, corn syrup? What's corn syrup? Huh... Well, it's yellow liquid in the picture - what's yellow liquid in this cupboard? Oh hey! Here we go. Vegetable oil. Corn's a vegetable, right? And oil and syrup are synonyms, so they must be the same thing. This will totally work.

...

It did not work. I had about two gallons of oiled cereal before I finally called Mom at work to ask why my rice crispy treats wouldn't thicken, and were flying around the bowl when I tried to stir. At least I didn't burn the brownies.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 23, 2013, 06:54:49 PM
This is a story a friend tells about his own kitchen disaster.  I wasn't there to see it and can't vouch for it's authenticity but it's a great tale.

BG/. Joe is very careful about his appearance.  His trousers always have creases that are knife-sharp.  His ties always have the perfect dimple.  His expensive, leather-soled shoes are always shined to within an inch of their lives.  Joe is also quite a good cook.  (end of BG)

Joe was hosting Thanksgiving dinner for his mother, his brother and several friends.  The bird was a bit too large for Joe's roasting pan.  He didn't feel like investing in a new one so he bought a foil pan for the occasion. 

The company was assembled and the turkey was resting. The house was filled with good cheer and the aromas of delicious food.  Glasses of wine were being enjoyed at the table. 

  Mother was to do the honors and had possession of the carving knife and fork when Joe entered the kitchen to make the gravy.  He took the pan out of the oven...

...and it broke...

...all over rhe floor.

Joe slipped and fell into the morass of drippings. 

His brother ran to help and also fell. Mother heard the commotion and, still holding the carving fork ran to the kitchen to see her sons pleading on their knees, 'Don't take another step forward!'

A gravy-less dinner was eventually served.  Fastidious Joe and his brother attended in bathrobes and slippers.   



Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Julia Mercer on January 23, 2013, 09:18:13 PM
Well, vanilla porter + brown mustard seed = ear wax flavored mustard. and  Ooh, vinegary, sweet earwax flavored mustard.

Thank you, you owe me a new laptop, lol!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 23, 2013, 09:34:25 PM
...   Ooh, vinegary, sweet earwax flavored mustard.  I was disappointed to have to throw it out.   :(

Just curious ... how does one know the flavor of earwax?   ;)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Adelaide on January 23, 2013, 09:53:16 PM
The food was relatively edible, but this was more of a logistical failure on my part. I decided to fry some squash in my apartment. The kitchen has a lower ceiling than the main room (I live in a studio) and after awhile I happened to glance up at the ceiling to see so much smoke that it looked like I was having a rave. The alarm went off and the fire department had to come out. It was humiliating having 5 guys in full fire gear walk into my 500-square foot apartment and ask me things like "Did you have the fan on?" No. "Did you have a window open?" No.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: redsfan on January 24, 2013, 12:19:10 AM
...   Ooh, vinegary, sweet earwax flavored mustard.  I was disappointed to have to throw it out.   :(

Just curious ... how does one know the flavor of earwax?   ;)

Bernie Botts Every Flavor Beans, of course   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Rohanna on January 24, 2013, 12:49:36 AM
Quote
the hallways reeked of garlic for days!!

This sounds fantastic! I would have loved to come home from work to that lovely scent.

I used to live near a town that had a warehouse for spices.  Every so often, the WHOLE TOWN would smell like garlic.   I called it Heaven.   ;D

Slightly OT.

When I was dating Mr. Thipu, he lived across the street from a facility that roasted coffee.  You didn't need a cup in the morning.  All you had to do was open the window and inhale.  That was also what we called Heaven  ;D

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

When we lived in Carlisle you could smell the cracker factory (Carr's, I think) baking. Used to make me hungry as heck cause it smelled *fantastic*.,
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: littlelauraj on January 24, 2013, 06:37:06 AM
Funny, we have a running joke about figuring out the rest of Bertie Bott's flavors now.   ;)  I'd rather have the next batch of mustard be edible.   :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: katcheya on January 24, 2013, 08:13:38 AM
I was 15.  My mom and stepdad's "anniversary" was coming up.  I was going to make them dinner!  Soup to start, entree, then dessert.

I flipped through my mom's recipe books and found a good-looking recipe for rice and mushroom soup.  We had all the ingredients, except for garam masala, which was described as a spicy spice.  I looked through our cupboards and settled on cayenne pepper as a substitute!  Figured a 1-for-1 substitute would be fine.  Into the soup goes 1 tablespoon of cayenne pepper.

It was WAY too spicy.  Everyone but my stepbrothers (who are spicy food fanatics) had tears running down their cheeks.  The next time I made the soup, I settled on a few dashes of cayenne pepper, and it's been a regular on the menu ever since!  ...except that time I accidentally dropped half a jar of dill seeds into it.

I also make some very tasty cheesy Western sandwiches.  My aunt had visited one weekend, and brought some absolutely amazing, locally-made cheddar cheese.  A few weeks later, we only have a tiny bit of it left, and I decided to make those sandwiches.  The eggs were done, the cheese was nicely laid on top, and somehow, I managed to drop the sugar into the pan.  What a waste of a good cheese!!!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: KimberlyM on January 24, 2013, 12:55:29 PM
I have tons of these stories!  I grew up on takeout, drive thru's and restaurants.  My mom still doesn't cook.  When my first husband and I split up and I moved out the garage was packed to the gills with old pizza boxes.  That's how I cooked.

I eventually taught myself to cook (and am quite good at it now, after lots of trial and error!) by watching the food network obsessively. 

But, my husband still talks about the first time I made pork chops.  My oldest was a toddler at the time so it took me a bit longer to start eating than DH.  He was dutifully choking down what can only be described as a salt lick until I took my first bite, spit it in my napkin and told him to stop (he didn't want to hurt my feelings).  Now on the rare occasion dinner is a spectacular failure we grade it on the "salt pork scale".  Nothing has ever topped it, but there have been some close seconds...

The crockpot balsamic chicken and pears recipe I got off the internet looked wonderful, the result, however was a crock pot full of a greyish paste with a heavy vinegar flavor.  Then there was the phyllo wrapped beef "thing".  The recipe made a ton and no one would touch it!

The biggest disaster wasn't the food though.  I make toffee every year at Christmas time, generally 20+ batches as people have come to expect receiving it.  One year I waited too late to get started and was up most of a weekend trying to get it all done.  Somehow I managed to dump 305 degree toffee liquid on my thumb, it solidifies quickly and hardens, attempting to peel it off was taking my skin with it, so I was trying to melt it with water...I had blisters and pain for weeks, I probably should have gone to the ER, but now it's just a reminder scar everytime I pull out the candy thermometer!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: EveLGenius on January 24, 2013, 01:07:54 PM
My father is a notable cook.  He is perhaps most notable for his blueberry-buckwheat pancakes, which are speckled gray all over with occasional blackened bits and taste like plastic, and for his hot-dogs-and-rice.  Did you know that cooking rice and hot dogs in the same dish results in pink rice?  The flavor is... indescribable.

The incident that has gone down in family legend, however, is the time my father received a bread machine for Christmas.  While he had never given any indication that he wanted a bread machine, when his friend mailed one to him, he was delighted.  So delighted that he insisted on using it RIGHT THAT SECOND.  The fact that we did not have bread-making ingredients did not slow him down in the slightest.  He was perfectly happy to use half whole-wheat flour and half cake flour, substitute baking powder for baking soda, use the leftover margarine when he didn't have enough butter, and when he ran out of margarine, the last teaspoon was olive oil.  Oh, and the yeast packet that had been unearthed from the spice drawer was listed "best used by [three years ago]." (Note: it's Christmas Day, so no stores are open.)

He assembled everything in the bread machine and turned it on.  The machine whirred quietly to itself, mixing the ingredients, and then paused to let the dough rise.  By the time the dough had risen, we had almost forgotten it was there, but when the machine started to knead the dough, we were reminded.  The poor machine started kneading with a gentle "wum... wum... wum..." sound, but soon changed to "wum...  wuuuumm... WUUM... WUUUeeeeem... WUU *CRACK!*"  At that point, it became completely silent, but the "baking" light turned on.

Two hours later, the house was filled with a not-unpleasant, but not-bread-like smell.  The machine gasped that it was finished, and Dad proudly got out a bread knife and the jam.  After about five minutes of swearing, a football-sized and -colored mass fell out of the bread machine onto the counter with a clunk.  The assembled family began giggling.  Dad tried to cut a slice of bread, but even with the bread knife was completely unable to penetrate the crust.  At one point, the loaf slipped out of his hands and fell on the floor with a noise approximately equivalent to that of a textbook being dropped from the same height.  The family by now was laughing out loud.  Dad expressed his firm desire to have a piece of that bread, and got out the hacksaw.  Ten minutes later, we were able to stop our hysterical laughter enough to prevent him from getting the hatchet, and someone hid the chainsaw.

The loaf, with a slightly scratched crust, retired in victory.  The bread machine disappeared into the attic, never to be seen again.  Dad will not allow discussion of his baking skills at any holiday gathering.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on January 24, 2013, 03:47:29 PM
That was a touching, lovely, HILARIOUS story!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Dr. F. on January 24, 2013, 04:46:15 PM
Laughing that hard with my ribs already hurting from coughing was painful, but worth it.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Jaelle on January 24, 2013, 04:58:06 PM
Quote
the hallways reeked of garlic for days!!

This sounds fantastic! I would have loved to come home from work to that lovely scent.

I used to live near a town that had a warehouse for spices.  Every so often, the WHOLE TOWN would smell like garlic.   I called it Heaven.   ;D

Slightly OT.

When I was dating Mr. Thipu, he lived across the street from a facility that roasted coffee.  You didn't need a cup in the morning.  All you had to do was open the window and inhale.  That was also what we called Heaven  ;D

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

When we lived in Carlisle you could smell the cracker factory (Carr's, I think) baking. Used to make me hungry as heck cause it smelled *fantastic*.,

My city smells like Cheerios.  ;D  (Seriously. They even sell T-shirts with that slogan on it.)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Sebastienne on January 24, 2013, 09:14:55 PM
I almost had one tonight! I was making pepperoni pizza from scratch, and it turns out the dried oregano I was about to put on top was actually mint. That would have been...interesting.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Bijou on January 24, 2013, 09:23:50 PM
I stir fried some lean strips of pork yesterday and had just enough for today.  It was in one of my plastic storage containers.  I added some cubed extra firm tofu, garlic, ginger, sesame oil and set it aside while I stir fried the vegetables.  Unfortunately i set it on the back burner, was going to use the front burner for the veggies, and you guessed it.  I turned on the wrong burner (electric stove).  I noticed the melting plastic smell and darn!!!!!  I had to toss the whole thing out!  I had to settle for tofu, which I was lucky to have some left in the package, and veggies.  I had been saving that pork all day for my dinner! 

I added a little fermented black bean and garlic paste to the tofu nd veggies to make it a little more wicked and less bland.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: JadeAngel on January 24, 2013, 10:22:42 PM
An honorable mention goes to my cousin who made her mother's special recipe banana muffins and didn't realise that 1 tsp baking powder was not one tablespoon.

We took one of the muffins outside and threw it against a brick wall and it exploded in a cloud of dust...


A second honorable mention to my aunt who cooked a lovely meal for her dinner guests including cauliflower cheese. Being young and inexperienced she cooked the cauliflower and then used individually wrapped slices of cheese melted over each serve.

No, she didn't take the plastic off the cheese first... I'm told it was a taste sensation.


Final award (although it was not technically cooking) goes to my aunt and uncle who had a quite legendary housewarming party (before I was born) which devolved into an all in food fight. People were grabbing things from the pantry and hurling them across the kitchen, when some bright spark decided to up the ante by throwing cream of corn. Unfortunately he didn't think to remove it from the can.

My uncle had to have seven stitches.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 25, 2013, 06:41:42 AM
This thread has been an absolute hoot!  All the stories have been wonderful but I nominate the 'Christmas Bread Machine' for the top prize.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mechtilde on January 25, 2013, 06:49:34 AM
"Lots of nutmeg" means different things to different people. Specifically it means a lot less nutmeg to a German lady born in the twenties than a Brit born in the seventies. It certainly doesn't mean a whole grated nutmeg...
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: siamesecat2965 on January 25, 2013, 10:25:08 AM
I just remembered my dad's one and only kitchen mishap. Now he was an amazing cook. He also took over the cooking when he took early retirement, and loved doing it.

However, while he was still working, he got it in his head he wanted to make these:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%B6nigsberger_Klopse

However, and I'm not sure why, maybe due to cost, he decided ground turkey would be ok to use. the end result looked NOTHING like these. He also mashed it up so much it resembled paste and glue. They were truly nasty. evne the dog wouldnt' touch them, and she usually ate anything!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: hermanne on January 25, 2013, 10:37:50 AM
I just remembered my dad's one and only kitchen mishap. Now he was an amazing cook. He also took over the cooking when he took early retirement, and loved doing it.

However, while he was still working, he got it in his head he wanted to make these:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%B6nigsberger_Klopse

However, and I'm not sure why, maybe due to cost, he decided ground turkey would be ok to use. the end result looked NOTHING like these. He also mashed it up so much it resembled paste and glue. They were truly nasty. evne the dog wouldnt' touch them, and she usually ate anything!

I love meatballs with caper sauce! And I've used ground turkey and it turned out good. (and now I want some!)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: siamesecat2965 on January 25, 2013, 12:00:31 PM
I just remembered my dad's one and only kitchen mishap. Now he was an amazing cook. He also took over the cooking when he took early retirement, and loved doing it.

However, while he was still working, he got it in his head he wanted to make these:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%B6nigsberger_Klopse

However, and I'm not sure why, maybe due to cost, he decided ground turkey would be ok to use. the end result looked NOTHING like these. He also mashed it up so much it resembled paste and glue. They were truly nasty. evne the dog wouldnt' touch them, and she usually ate anything!

I love meatballs with caper sauce! And I've used ground turkey and it turned out good. (and now I want some!)

It was so long ago I honestly don't know what he used, but they resembled giant balls of mush, in glue. NO idea what or how he made them.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Lynnv on January 25, 2013, 12:39:32 PM
DH was reading over my shoulder and reminded me of his dear Grandmother.  As she got older, she got more and more frugal about food and she also got a little dotty.  One Christmas in her later years, she cooked the entire feast and was so proud because she made oyster dressing.  But you know how expensive oysters are.  Fish is just the same, right?  And she had some fish sticks in the freezer (note: they were well beyond the expiration date and were pretty freezer burned), so she used those instead.  But didn't adjust the baking time at all.  So they had frozen fish-stick flavored dressing.  Shudder.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: EMuir on January 25, 2013, 01:12:40 PM
Our star disasters include:

- the pressure cooker that blew its seal and sprayed pig juice all over the kitchen.  The kitchen was never so clean after we were done.  The pets helped and we knew where we'd missed by noticing where they were still licking.

- the bottle of syrup that fell off the top of the fridge, popped open when it hit the counter, bounced back up in a beautiful pirouette and sprayed syrup everywhere

- dropping a full bowl of gravy so that it fell perfectly bottom-down onto the floor, causing a circular tidal wave (why are our pets getting fatter anyway?)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Julian on January 25, 2013, 07:32:23 PM
"Lots of nutmeg" means different things to different people. Specifically it means a lot less nutmeg to a German lady born in the twenties than a Brit born in the seventies. It certainly doesn't mean a whole grated nutmeg...

I found out a few months back that it is actually possible to have nutmeg poisoning - not from personal experience, but from auditing ER records which had reason for attendance on them.  I asked one of the doctors present who stated that yes, nutmeg can be quite toxic in anything other than 'sprinkle on your dessert' doses.

One of my many kitchen disasters.  Julian, aged around 10, learning to bake - at the time in the holiday house with the slow combustion wood oven.

The sponge cake was lovely and light - and looked like 2 pancakes joined with jam and cream.  Two teaspoons of flour isn't the same as two tablespoons.

The scones I was sure were done, but Mother Dearest who never baked a thing in her life but knew so much better, insisted they needed another 5 minutes.  Yup, burnt, charred little lumps...  they tasted pretty good once the char was knocked off though!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gypsy77 on January 25, 2013, 11:22:15 PM
This thread has reminded me of this old game show

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AFXK-bhMug

I really wanted to be on it, but my mom never wanted to sign us up for some reason.....
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: artk2002 on January 26, 2013, 11:44:47 AM
Well, there was the time I was sorting my stamp collection on the kitchen table, right next to the oven. My mom was taking the Thanksgiving turkey out of the oven when the pan slipped and it dropped a little. Nothing wrong there, nothing broken, but... This created a little gust of wind, the stamps flew up and landed right on the turkey. I still have the grease-stained stamps somewhere around here. The gravy came out great, BTW.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: White Dragon on January 26, 2013, 12:11:54 PM
Well, there was the time I was sorting my stamp collection on the kitchen table, right next to the oven. My mom was taking the Thanksgiving turkey out of the oven when the pan slipped and it dropped a little. Nothing wrong there, nothing broken, but... This created a little gust of wind, the stamps flew up and landed right on the turkey. I still have the grease-stained stamps somewhere around here. The gravy came out great, BTW.

Somehow, I suspect there is not enough postage in the world to let you mail a turkey. ;D ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: CrochetFanatic on January 26, 2013, 12:26:35 PM
This wasn't a huge disaster, but about ten years ago I saw a recipe for pasta with a lemon cream sauce.  It sounded good, and I followed the recipe to the letter.  The sauce curdled, and it smelled and tasted disgusting.

Me: *knocks on parents' bedroom door* We're having pizza tonight.
Dad:  :o I thought we were having--
Me: Don't ask...  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: White Dragon on January 26, 2013, 12:52:03 PM
I currently have stiches in my foot and have to keep it elevated, so I can only observe the disaster 5 feet from me.

DD made some absolutely delicious Eggs Benedict for the family.
She wasn't hungry earlier so she waited for the second (and final) batch before serving herself.

She made a lovely plate of breakfast and got a tray to eat in front of the TV. (Yeah, we do that a lot.)
Picked up the tray to re-position it and the plate slipped off, flipping upside down while falling and dumping everything on the living room carpet. :o

My living room has a yellow, gooey splatter in the middle if it.
The two eggs and the yellow spray look like Big Bird had a toileting incident.
There is hollandaise sauce on the couch, the footstool and in a crime-scene worthy spray pattern all over the floor.

DH, DS and DD scrubbed it, but the yellow marks remain. They spray treated and it looks like they'll have to rent a carpet cleaner.

Anyone know how to get hollandaise sauce out of carpet??  ??? ???

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 26, 2013, 01:28:12 PM
...   Anyone know how to get hollandaise sauce out of carpet??  ??? ???

Yes.  Rent a dog.   ;D

Your wonderful descriptive terms made your story so much fun to read! 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: White Dragon on January 26, 2013, 02:38:35 PM
...   Anyone know how to get hollandaise sauce out of carpet??  ??? ???

Yes.  Rent a dog.   ;D

Your wonderful descriptive terms made your story so much fun to read!

Thanks Gramma Dishes. I was trying to find the humour in it, as the whole mess was rather spectacular.

The dog would happily clean it up, but our dog hasn't yet realized that just because she wants to eat something means that she should eat something.

She hasn't ever eaten anything weird (like crayons), but we've learned the hard way that many foods don't agree with her.
Those culinary/gastric disasters have not been nearly so entertaining! :P
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Nora on January 26, 2013, 02:39:02 PM
I'm usually a decent enough chef, but I'm also incredibly easily distracted. I also like to feed begging animals scraps. This combination resulted in me one night absentmindedly adding the freshly chopped chilly to a hot wok containing only oil and copious amounts of garlic, thereby napalming the everloving Beezus out of myself and the dog. Seriously, a huge cloud rose like a phoenix from the wok, and all my mind did was go "bad move, Nora" before going uselessly and utterly blank. Then the burning started. Dh came running to see what the screams where about and encountered the dog blindly running into walls trying to get out of the kitchen, with me chanting "stupid, stupid, stupid" with my face under the tap, and while he's standing there wondering what we're carrying on about the cloud reaches the doorway.

I do believe we had sandwiches and ointment for dinner that night.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 26, 2013, 02:42:29 PM
^^^

 :o :) ;D

Great tale, wonderfully and humorously related.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on January 26, 2013, 02:45:56 PM
Oh, Nora, you have a gift with the language, you do.  The cat is wondering why I'm laughing so hard.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: White Dragon on January 26, 2013, 02:51:17 PM
Quote

I do believe we had sandwiches and ointment for dinner that night.

That sounds sort of meme-like for all the days we've all had where everything just goes sideways. :)

"What's going on?", glancing around at zombies and rubble.

"Oh, not much. It's been one of those days."

Dusts off remains of the kitchen counter, "What's for dinner?"

"Sandwiches and ointment again."
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: lady_disdain on January 26, 2013, 03:10:07 PM
Try an enzymatic cleaner - the stain are fatty and you need something that will dissolve fat.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: The TARDIS on January 26, 2013, 07:39:03 PM
I once made the classic mistake of forgetting to remove the stuffing from the bag on Thanksgiving. I burned the turkey too. Oops.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: GreenHall on January 26, 2013, 09:38:34 PM
I dumped The sugar container today...twice.  And this was after I placed a plastic bag on the just turned off burner...

...I warmed up leftovers for dinner, rather than risking any more mini-disasters.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: afbluebelle on January 27, 2013, 01:13:11 AM
I don't know if it qualifies as a disaster, but I have... issues with eggs.


I am really good at cracking and separating the white from the yolk, even without the plastic helpers. However, I almost always accidentally end up throwing away the part that I was supposed to use in the recipe. I kill a lot of eggs in my pursuit of yummy food goodness.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on January 27, 2013, 04:34:01 AM
Making pasta... I put the water on, get my sauce and spices set up and ready, open the pasta, a little while later I pick up the box by the wrong end.  ::Facepalm::  I managed to save most of it, but it was still the most annoying game of pick up sticks ever.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Nora on January 27, 2013, 06:57:48 AM
Quote

I do believe we had sandwiches and ointment for dinner that night.

That sounds sort of meme-like for all the days we've all had where everything just goes sideways. :)

"What's going on?", glancing around at zombies and rubble.

"Oh, not much. It's been one of those days."

Dusts off remains of the kitchen counter, "What's for dinner?"

"Sandwiches and ointment again."

I'm telling you, we looked like victims of a pepper spray attack that evening. Dh and I with puffy red eyes, the dog drooling unhappily from every orifice while he made unhappy noises ( it sounded earily like he was scolding us). Nothing tasted right for 3 days either. That was a lesson I only needed to learn once if I ever had one.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: KenveeB on January 27, 2013, 09:16:24 AM
I don't know if it qualifies as a disaster, but I have... issues with eggs.


I am really good at cracking and separating the white from the yolk, even without the plastic helpers. However, I almost always accidentally end up throwing away the part that I was supposed to use in the recipe. I kill a lot of eggs in my pursuit of yummy food goodness.

That's why I always put yolks in one bowl and whites in another, and don't throw away the extra until I'm done with the whole recipe. :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: White Dragon on January 27, 2013, 05:50:34 PM
I currently have stiches in my foot and have to keep it elevated, so I can only observe the disaster 5 feet from me.

DD made some absolutely delicious Eggs Benedict for the family.
She wasn't hungry earlier so she waited for the second (and final) batch before serving herself.

She made a lovely plate of breakfast and got a tray to eat in front of the TV. (Yeah, we do that a lot.)
Picked up the tray to re-position it and the plate slipped off, flipping upside down while falling and dumping everything on the living room carpet. :o

My living room has a yellow, gooey splatter in the middle if it.
The two eggs and the yellow spray look like Big Bird had a toileting incident.
There is hollandaise sauce on the couch, the footstool and in a crime-scene worthy spray pattern all over the floor.

DH, DS and DD scrubbed it, but the yellow marks remain. They spray treated and it looks like they'll have to rent a carpet cleaner.

Anyone know how to get hollandaise sauce out of carpet??  ??? ???

So....follow up...

DH broke down and bought a carpet cleaner (big house, pets, kids...cheaper in the long run.)
He scrubbed the stains.
He pre-teated the stains.
Moved the furniture so he could clean the carpet. Found more stains.
Lather, rinse and repeat.  ;D
I put a different cleaner down.
I scrubbed the stains.
I soaked the stains.
DH used the machine.
We used a third kind of cleaner.
DH used machine (lather, rinse, repeat).

My carpet still seems to be vaguely yellow. :-\

New house rule - no Hollandaise in the living room!!!!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Dazi on January 27, 2013, 08:48:18 PM
I'm actually a pretty good cook and generally a gook baker, but I've had a few baking disasters that come to mind.

1.  Still not sure what happened, but the day before Thanksgiving I had to clean the oven.  I was making pumpkin pies and much of the contents cooked over the pie edge and onto the heating element.  Surprisingly, the pies were Delicious, the resulting mess was not.  I always make sure to put a baking sheet under them now, but it's never happened again.

2.  Chocolate chip cookies that turned into cookie sheet cake.  Still tasted pretty darn good though they looked funny.

Now, I'm telling on some friends...

1.  1/2 tsp of cream of tarter is not 2 tablespoons...made great hockey pucks.
2.  When making your own homemade cream cheese frosting, you cannot use regular granulated sugar for powdered sugar...well, you can, but you need to thoroughly run it through a food processor first.  I don't know how to adequately describe it...it was sticky and grainy and weird.
3.  You have to cook chicpeas prior to making it into hummus.
4.  Do not add salt or tomatoes to beans until they are cooked well, otherwise they become impenetrable to water and remain rock hard.
5.  Don't substitute Cayenne pepper for paprika.  I was the only one who that it was great, everyone else was fighting over the milk.
6.  Buttermilk does not mean milk in butter (I've known several who've done this).  If you do need a substitute for buttermilk, you can pat a tablespoon of white vinegar or lemon juice in a cup and add milk to equal 1 cup, let sit for 5 minutes and use as directed.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: iridaceae on January 28, 2013, 04:49:26 AM
Years ago I was making tacos and only realized after the fact that I had bought chicken fajita seasoning instead. I thought well, how bad can it be?  Really,  really bad. I tossed all of it.

★************

I am told that my mother- a Finn who emigrated to the US after marrying dad - boiled corn on the cob for hours the first time she cooked it ; she had never seen corn on the cob before.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: starofwinter on January 28, 2013, 02:22:59 PM
I'm usually a decent enough chef, but I'm also incredibly easily distracted. I also like to feed begging animals scraps. This combination resulted in me one night absentmindedly adding the freshly chopped chilly to a hot wok containing only oil and copious amounts of garlic, thereby napalming the everloving Beezus out of myself and the dog. Seriously, a huge cloud rose like a phoenix from the wok, and all my mind did was go "bad move, Nora" before going uselessly and utterly blank. Then the burning started. Dh came running to see what the screams where about and encountered the dog blindly running into walls trying to get out of the kitchen, with me chanting "stupid, stupid, stupid" with my face under the tap, and while he's standing there wondering what we're carrying on about the cloud reaches the doorway.

I do believe we had sandwiches and ointment for dinner that night.

This reminded me of the time my mom tried to make buffalo sauce for my birthday dinner.  No one knows quite what went wrong, but it ended up with the cat in her carrier in the (fenced) backyard while we went to a movie for the next few hours.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Baby Snakes on January 28, 2013, 03:10:11 PM
Many moons ago when my DH and I were first dating, I invited him over to my apartment for dinner and I decided to make a Shepherd's Pie using my mother's recipe.  Well, he arrived for dinner and I proudly put my casserole dish on the table.  He takes one look at it and says "mashed potatos?"  I told him to dig in and when he saw the meat underneath, he called it Potato Surprise.  To this day, Shepherd's Pie is called Pototo Surprise in our house.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on January 28, 2013, 04:13:25 PM
I don't quite understand, Baby Snakes - what was disastrous about your Shephard's Pie?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Baby Snakes on January 28, 2013, 05:55:15 PM
I don't quite understand, Baby Snakes - what was disastrous about your Shephard's Pie?

Actually I was quite pleased with how well my Shepherd's Pie turned out, but had never heard it referred to as "potato surprise" :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Miss Tickle on January 28, 2013, 07:58:13 PM
The first time I tried to stir fry something I did it wrong. Very wrong.  I hadn't tried "frying" so I mixed up deep fry and stir fry. I added about three inches of oil to a Teflon wok and turned it up high. I popped the lid on so it would heat up faster.

I gathered up the ingredients and moved back over to the stove, then lifted the lid. Lucky I pointed it away, or I probably still be missing my eyebrows. I put the lid back on and we (of course there was a witness) took the pot outside to cool off. When I poured off the oil the Teflon went with it. Other than a few scorchmarks we got off easy, we could have burned down the house.

In an epic moment of one-up-manship, the next week (or so, not that long) my MIL ran out to show a house and left a pot on the stove.  Upon her return and discovery, she decided to do what we did, (move the pot) rather than what we should have done (nothing) and poured molten metal all over her kitchen and family room causing tens of thousands of dollars in damage.


The year we had take out Indian for Xmas was good. Invited my Mother over for dinner and spent the day preparing a beautiful stuffed leg of lamb.  It's faster than turkey, and we eat late, so I was planning on popping in the oven about 5:30 with sides to follow.  After preheating the oven I opened the door, reached in with my bare hands, grabbed the oven rack, and pulled it out. Even though it's been twenty years I still remember my exact thought at that moment.  Hm, that should have really hurt.

But no, in an heroic effort to save me from my own stupidity, my noble oven blew itself up to protect me. On Xmas eve, at 5 p.m. Since I didn't know how long I would be ovenless, my Mother took the roast home with her.  She told me it was delicious.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 29, 2013, 09:02:03 AM
I don't quite understand, Baby Snakes - what was disastrous about your Shephard's Pie?

Actually I was quite pleased with how well my Shepherd's Pie turned out, but had never heard it referred to as "potato surprise" :)

I'm just surprised he didn't know what Shepherd's Pie is.  It's one of the UK's great gifts to humanity. 

BTW, a local restaurant makes a variation that tops the casserole with Mac and cheese instead of potatoes.  You'd be surprised how much lighter it males the dish. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on January 29, 2013, 10:15:59 AM
Ohh, Baby Snake's boyfriend had never had Shephard's Pie before?  Now I get it.  I thought he was surprised to see it made with mashed potatoes, which is the only way I've ever had it.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: pearls n purls on January 29, 2013, 10:47:39 AM
I bought shepherd's pie at a deli before.  Instead of mashed potatoes, it had some sort of weird bread on top.  Not good.

This isn't so much a disaster, but I find it funny.  When I was a teenager, I decided to make a dessert.  The recipe called for mixing whipping cream with sugar.  The only type of whipped cream I had been exposed to was cool whip, so I emptied the tub of cool whip into a mixing bowl and mixed it with sugar.  It made it a little bit grainy, but it didn't ruin the dessert.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Baby Snakes on January 29, 2013, 11:06:04 AM
Ohh, Baby Snake's boyfriend had never had Shephard's Pie before?  Now I get it.  I thought he was surprised to see it made with mashed potatoes, which is the only way I've ever had it.

Maybe I need to clarify a bit.  My husband (then boyfriend) and I are American so Shepherd's Pie is not well known here.  I learned how to make it from my Irish mom.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on January 29, 2013, 03:41:54 PM
There was the year I was going to make Stollen for Christmas.  I start Christmas Eve, making the dough while staying at my parent's house, the coldest, draftiest house in the world.  It. would. not. rise.  I had to resort to setting the oven to 150, let the door open a few inches, and then placing the dough inside.  It finally rose.

But it been 2 hours by this point, and it just was not a happy dough.  Then, when forming the dough, I was supposed to form 2 braids and pinch them together.  Somehow, one braid was enormous, and the other was tiny.  When I set the small one on top of the large, it looked like an airplane propeller made out of braided dough.

Okay, it is finally done, and although rather propeller like, it smelled good.  I turned my head for a second, and the cat decides to check it out.  So, little kitty nibble marks on one of the propeller blades.  Chase her away, slice away kitty nibble marks, and decide to place it in the oven overnight, with some saran wrap on it.

In the morning, my father decides to turn on the oven first thing (why? - to this day no one knows), and only the smell of saran wrap starting to meld onto it warns us.  But it is on the other propeller, so it is balanced.  We sliced off that.

And after all of that: it was meh.  Not horrible, not great, and certainly not worth the work that went into it.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: lilfox on January 29, 2013, 04:28:33 PM
Ohh, Baby Snake's boyfriend had never had Shephard's Pie before?  Now I get it.  I thought he was surprised to see it made with mashed potatoes, which is the only way I've ever had it.

Maybe I need to clarify a bit.  My husband (then boyfriend) and I are American so Shepherd's Pie is not well known here.  I learned how to make it from my Irish mom.

At least your Shepherd's Pie was done with the typical ingredients.  What I grew up calling "Shepherd's Pie" is better described as layered turkey casserole (turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes, usually Thanksgiving leftovers).  I have no idea why my family called it that - we're all Americans - but it would have come as a big surprise to any UK folks.

I destroyed a roommate's pot once when I put on one serving of pasta to boil and then wandered out to the living room and called my mom while I was waiting.  An hour later I remembered to check...  totally scorched the bottom but fortunately had not yet caught fire.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on January 29, 2013, 04:46:40 PM
It is possible to utterly and completely destroy an All-Clad pan.  Lilfox's pasta story reminded me of my oldest son's attempt to cook grits when he was 11.  He put everything together like he was supposed to, but then got distracted for deity knows how long. I was outside working in the yard and came into flames shooting up out of the pan from the burning grits.  He learned his lesson about paying attention when he's cooking.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jpcher on January 29, 2013, 04:59:20 PM
Did you know that hard-boiled eggs can explode?

Yup. They can.

Here's the recipe -- put eggs in a pot of boiling water. Take a 3 hour nap. Wake up to loud popping sounds shortly followed by wrath-of-wife and a particularly rancid stench in the air. Enjoy!;D


-- Courtesy of my BIL
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: JenJay on January 29, 2013, 05:23:51 PM
Apparently shortly after my parents were married my Mom decided to cook her new husband his favorite breakfast which included crisp bacon. The story goes that Mom had never made bacon before so she fried and fried it, waiting for it to get crispy. Dad came running when the smoke alarm started screaming and explained to her that the bacon gets crispy after it's been removed from the pan, unfortunately it was far too late for the blackened strips she'd made.  ;D

My favorite story to tell on DH (A truly good cook who, to my envy, can create yummy dishes without recipes and correct a recipe beautifully by taste) decided to make orange chicken, except we were out of orange juice, so he used Sunny Delight. It was equal parts sickeningly sweet and bitter.

I have a lovely memory of deciding to make my family a cake from scratch when I was about 10. I recall it was a bit lopsided but pretty good. My Mom, however, recalls that it was extremely dense and chewy, tasted like dust, and she had to shush my brother when he took one bite and said "What is wrong with this?!"

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on January 29, 2013, 05:58:36 PM
My father's favorite story to tell about my mother:

My mother grew up as the oldest of 6 kids: 3 girls and 3 boys.  For a good portion of those years, her parents also cared for some weirdly related sibling group of five, so the household contained 11 kids and two adults.  My mother was responsible for all of the cooking until she got married and moved out of the house. This is the story of their very first meal as a married couple.

My mother was 17 and fresh out of HS.  Quite freshly out, actually.  My father had picked her up on the last day of school and they drove to Charleston, SC, the nearest place with a 24 hour judge that would allow a 17yo to get married without parental consent, got married at 3am and then found a hotel room.  The next day mom found a small apartment while dad found a job.  Both were successful.  Mom wanted to make the meal special, so when they met for lunch and exchanged the good news, she walked to the grocery store while dad got his few friends in the area to help him find some cheap, temporary furniture.  She got to their new apartment and started cooking.  She was cooking what she thought was a small meal. This small meal included:

-10lbs of mashed potatoes
-5lbs of meatloaf
-6 ears of corn
-a 6qt stock pot of collard greens.

Yup, plenty of food for two.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 29, 2013, 06:25:56 PM
Like the Shepherd's Pie story, this isn't quite a disaster but it's funny.

My mother and father were married when Dad was on leave during WWII.  She lived with her parents for the duration and didn't do much cooking because she worked in a defense plant. 

  When Dad got out of the Army and the couple set up housekeeping, my mother wanted to make a special meal for her new DH.  She knew that he loved beef stew and found a good recipe.  The only problem was that it contained peas and DH did NOT like peas. 

She made the stew without the offending vegetable and proudly served it in their brand-new home.  Her DH was appropriately appreciative.

'Gee, honey.  If this had peas it would be just like the stew we got in the Army'.   
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on January 29, 2013, 07:14:29 PM
Quote
Now I know the difference between a garlic clove and a garlic bulb.

I would have eaten that dinner happily, even if everyone could smell me for blocks.  I LOVE garlic.

Not mine, but my daughter's.  To be fair, she was only 14 at the time.  She planned to make mashed potatoes, so she peeled the spuds and got out the masher.  I said "Where's your pot of boiling water?  Haven't you started it yet?"  "Boiling water?  What do I need that for?"  "Um ... to cook the potatoes."  "I have to COOK them, TOO?"

I have a sensitivity to raw garlic and onions... love them cooked in food, but some (most) days even being around while they're being sliced and diced burns my nose and gives me a headache. So when cooking with onion & garlic, I buy jars of minced garlic, and dried diced onions; as a result, I measure garlic in spoonfuls rather than cloves.

One day I saw Alton Brown making chicken with 40 cloves of garlic, and thought it looked good. Mom & Dad bought me a crock pot that Christmas, and the little recipe book that came with it had a recipe, so I figured I'd give it a go, and make chicken with 40 cloves in the crock pot for dinner.

Problem 1: I never cook with whole chicken, and it didn't occur to me to thaw it beforehand. Sure, normally I'd thaw chicken before cooking, but usually I'm not putting chicken into a crock pot for a whole day. Bird wouldn't even fit, so I ran down to the store and got a whole chicken, not frozen, and cut into pieces. Much better.

Problem 2: I had NO IDEA how many cloves were in a bulb of garlic. So I guesstimated. I looked at a bulb, figured there were maybe 5 or 6 cloves to a bulb (imagining each clove was a wedge going from center to edge, much like a piece of pie), and bought quite a few bulbs of garlic. Even once I realized the error, well, they seemed really small. So I figured I should use extra.

The end result was a very tasty, tender, moist chicken that made all who consumed it walking vampire slayers. My breath after that dinner could kill Dracula at 100 yards. Thankfully, Dad was a good sport and Mom loves garlic.

The next day - after the leftovers had been sitting in garlic flavor in the fridge overnight - that tasty chicken made my tongue and lips tingle. I didn't dare eat any more after that.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on January 29, 2013, 07:42:56 PM
My father is a notable cook.  He is perhaps most notable for his blueberry-buckwheat pancakes, which are speckled gray all over with occasional blackened bits and taste like plastic, and for his hot-dogs-and-rice.  Did you know that cooking rice and hot dogs in the same dish results in pink rice?  The flavor is... indescribable.

The incident that has gone down in family legend, however, is the time my father received a bread machine for Christmas.  While he had never given any indication that he wanted a bread machine, when his friend mailed one to him, he was delighted.  So delighted that he insisted on using it RIGHT THAT SECOND.  The fact that we did not have bread-making ingredients did not slow him down in the slightest.  He was perfectly happy to use half whole-wheat flour and half cake flour, substitute baking powder for baking soda, use the leftover margarine when he didn't have enough butter, and when he ran out of margarine, the last teaspoon was olive oil.  Oh, and the yeast packet that had been unearthed from the spice drawer was listed "best used by [three years ago]." (Note: it's Christmas Day, so no stores are open.)

He assembled everything in the bread machine and turned it on.  The machine whirred quietly to itself, mixing the ingredients, and then paused to let the dough rise.  By the time the dough had risen, we had almost forgotten it was there, but when the machine started to knead the dough, we were reminded.  The poor machine started kneading with a gentle "wum... wum... wum..." sound, but soon changed to "wum...  wuuuumm... WUUM... WUUUeeeeem... WUU *CRACK!*"  At that point, it became completely silent, but the "baking" light turned on.

Two hours later, the house was filled with a not-unpleasant, but not-bread-like smell.  The machine gasped that it was finished, and Dad proudly got out a bread knife and the jam.  After about five minutes of swearing, a football-sized and -colored mass fell out of the bread machine onto the counter with a clunk.  The assembled family began giggling.  Dad tried to cut a slice of bread, but even with the bread knife was completely unable to penetrate the crust.  At one point, the loaf slipped out of his hands and fell on the floor with a noise approximately equivalent to that of a textbook being dropped from the same height.  The family by now was laughing out loud.  Dad expressed his firm desire to have a piece of that bread, and got out the hacksaw.  Ten minutes later, we were able to stop our hysterical laughter enough to prevent him from getting the hatchet, and someone hid the chainsaw.

The loaf, with a slightly scratched crust, retired in victory.  The bread machine disappeared into the attic, never to be seen again.  Dad will not allow discussion of his baking skills at any holiday gathering.

I'm not done reading this thread yet, but you win. I couldn't hit reply until I'd taken a few minutes to calm down, start breathing again, and could stop crying enough to see the screen. Still blurry, but I can see.

I am going to be giggling at this one for a WEEK!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on January 29, 2013, 08:42:10 PM

I tried making sugar free flapjacks (oat cookies) for my DFIL who loves them but is diabetic.  So I replaced the brown sugar and golden syrup with Splenda and black treacle.  They looked ok, they smelt ok and until you swallowed they tasted ok....and then came the aftertaste.  If evil had a taste then this was it.  My DH is well known for eating anything and everything and even he managed one bite.  Never, ever again.
Snip

Oh, do I sympathize with that.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on January 29, 2013, 08:49:27 PM
There was also the great barley inundation.

We were going to make a beef and barley soup.  I had to work and, since Mr. Thipu had the day off,  he said he'd make it.  We'd made soups together before and this recipe was quite similar. All seemed well.

There was one thing I hadn't counted on and that proved to be the problem. 

The soup we made together was a pea soup.  A batch used the entire pound bag of split peas.  For the barley soup, a third of a cup is usually enough. 

You guessed it.  Mr.Thipu used the entire pound bag of barley.  When I got home from work, the pot was absolutely choked with the stuff.  The lid was starting to pop up.  The dish wasn't soup anymore.  It was a beef and vegetable flavored barley. 

It wasn't bad but we were eating barley as a side dish and for breakfast for almost a week.

This happened on Friday to us! I had prepared the soup and asked DS to add the barley and peas. He added the whole box. DH used the salad spinner to get the broth out of some and salvaged the soup.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on January 29, 2013, 08:51:18 PM

This happened on Friday to us! I had prepared the soup and asked DS to add the barley and peas. He added the whole box. DH used the salad spinner to get the broth out of some and salvaged the soup.

Now THAT'S creative thinking!!   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Minmom3 on January 29, 2013, 09:00:31 PM
"Lots of nutmeg" means different things to different people. Specifically it means a lot less nutmeg to a German lady born in the twenties than a Brit born in the seventies. It certainly doesn't mean a whole grated nutmeg...

It might if you're making a batch of snickerdoodles...  My recipe has a nutmeg, freshly grated, in each batch.  The baking process, and the rest of the cookie ingredients tone it down considerably, so it's there in the cookie, but it's not in your face raw. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: norrina on January 29, 2013, 09:10:31 PM
This is not my own kitchen disaster, but that of my ex's then-20-year-old son. On this particular day, ex had gone out of town for a few days, and I had left for work at 8:00am. I had originally planned to go directly from work to an activity, but some little voice in my head told me to go home first. So I went home, at about 6:00pm, and as soon as I opened the front door I was greeted by a cloud of black, oily smoke. I ran for the kitchen, to find a pan of what appeared to be charcoal briquets on the still-on burner. The briquets had originally been pork neck bones.

This was a small house. From the kitchen to the guest bedroom was less than a dozen steps. I had started hollering ex's son's name as soon as I opened the front door, and when I yanked open the door to the guest room after grabbing the pan off the stove and turning it off, still shouting, he was dead asleep. In a supremely non-etiquette-approved moment of rage, I upended the pork neck bone briquets and ash over him, screaming in rabid fury, and he finally blinked at me blearily before rolling over and going back to sleep. The smoke detector between the kitchen and the guest room was silent, despite having worked when I tested it only a few weeks prior, so I suspect it burnt out its battery trying to wake him up.

The $100 pan that he had "cooked" the neck bones in was a lost cause, and I finally got the kitchen renovations that were years overdue, since we were most likely going to have to repaint anyhow to get rid of the oily smoke residue. I couldn't sleep in the house for 2 days; it smelled like there had been a house fire, and I feel very lucky that there wasn't one.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: lady_disdain on January 29, 2013, 09:19:36 PM
While nowhere near as dramatic as the previous posts, here is my own piece of kitchen advice.

If a recipe says that a sauce, dressing or marinade needs to rest for 24hrs in the fridge for the flavours to blend, don't try to balance the spiciness before that, specially if said recipe contains dried peppers or mustard powder. You see, those are some of the flavours you are waiting to develop. So, the sauce will taste disappointingly bland after you finish mixing it up. So you add more pepper flakes or mustard and it is still bland. Resigned, you put it away until some innocent soul tastes it the next day, with a triple batch of pepper. Said person will curse you (but the dressing was delicious, in my opinion, and no one else could steal my salad because of the heat as a bonus).
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on January 29, 2013, 09:30:01 PM
lady_disdain, you reminded me ...

I once made a wonderful stir fry dish for dinner guests. What I had somehow forgotten was how few people can eat a habanero chili even though, I swear, I cut it up into the tiniest pieces and only used one in a dish for eight people.

I nearly killed my guests. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: NyaChan on January 30, 2013, 12:32:24 AM
Yeah, I used one in a dish with 20 servings and it actually was still spicy, so I'm not surprised a whole habanero pepper killed 8 people :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: amylouky on January 30, 2013, 04:13:58 PM
At least your Shepherd's Pie was done with the typical ingredients.  What I grew up calling "Shepherd's Pie" is better described as layered turkey casserole (turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes, usually Thanksgiving leftovers).  I have no idea why my family called it that - we're all Americans - but it would have come as a big surprise to any UK folks.

I actually made that with our t-day leftovers this year.. it was yummy!
But I do like traditional Shepherd's Pie, too, as long as the mashed potatoes aren't runny.

The best (worst?) kitchen disaster I've witnessed involved my cousin (who was my room mate at the time) trying to make macaroni and cheese. Now.. he was NOT a cook by any definition of the word. His idea of cooking chicken was to stick a breast on a plate and microwave until it wasn't pink any more, then drown it in barbecue sauce.

Anyway, he decided to make a huge pot of mac and cheese one night, like 3 boxes of Kraft dinner. He used a dutch oven for this.. boiled all the macaroni, took it to the sink to drain, turned around to put it back on the stove and.. the handle broke. The entire pot of macaroni fell, and macaroni went everywhere. Did you know that freshly cooked noodles are VERY slippery?

I was in the other room, I just heard a big CRASH! followed by a THUMP! followed by a stream of profanity. I ran into the kitchen to find cousin just sitting on the floor surrounded by (and somehow covered in?) macaroni, looking utterly dejected.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on January 31, 2013, 08:01:49 AM
Yeah, I used one in a dish with 20 servings and it actually was still spicy, so I'm not surprised a whole habanero pepper killed 8 people :)

Oh yes, there's a fun story about habanero peppers in a book written by a native of India who didn't like spicy food until he went to University in England. 

The first time he tried a habanero, he mentioned that he experienced a certain deafness.  His companion explained that this was a proof of the existence of God.  The deafness mercifully made sure you wouldn't hear yourself scream. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: MayHug on January 31, 2013, 09:08:15 AM
I was a very young bride. My mom was a great cook, but she never really taught us five girls. She was the care-taker for her younger siblings from the time she was 11, and felt she missed out on her childhood. She didn't want us to be the same.

The first meal I cooked after I was married, was fried chicken. I remembered seeing my mom do it and thought I could handle it. I floured it, got the grease hot, fried it to a golden brown. It looked great. My new husband took one bite of it and it was frozen on the inside! Uhmm, ya,I didn't realize you had to let it thaw first! Bless his heart he tried to eat it, but I wouldn't let him!

Another time, I was going to bake sugar cookies. I thought the butter smelled a little off, but used it anyway. Well it was off, because it was garlic butter! My husband had put garlic salt in the butter for his garlic toast. ( it was in the original container and not labeled)

Fortunately for both of us, I've gotten to be a pretty good cook in the last 34 yrs! And our daughter was always in the kitchen with me and learned to cook fairly well too. I'm sure her husband is grateful!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: White Dragon on January 31, 2013, 02:12:19 PM
This wasn't quite a disaster, but it was really funny!
DragonSon is 16 and a very capable cook. He didn't have school yesterday, and being the only person home, he was asked to make dinner. (That's usual for our household - if you're off work/school, you cook dinner for those that are out all day.)

This was yesterday.
When I left for work, Son was in the freezer, getting out some meat for dinner.
Fast forward to 5 pm. I call home and have the following conversation:

Me: "Hi Son. I was just wondering what was going on with dinner. Dad is going to be running a little late. Is dinner something you can slow down?"

Son "Well....."

Me: "Well...what?"

Son: "Well, I took something out for dinner, right?"

Me: "Yes, I know. And?"

Son" "Well, I read what was printed on the package and thought it was a typo, so I took it out."

Me: "And???"

Son: "Well, I thought it was pork chops, but it turned out be pork hocks  :o...so...we're having spaghetti...."  ;D

I laughed. Dinner was still good.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on January 31, 2013, 05:02:57 PM
Flexibility is a wonderful thing!

DH is the most wonderful, patient and kind husband ever.

About 10 years ago, DH and I discussed filling a spray bottle with canola oil, so we could use that for baking and cooking instead of buying the commercial cooking oil spray.

Soon after that discussion, I was baking DH his favorite chocolate Bundt cake, and found the spray bottle of what appeared to be oil. I used it, made the batter and baked the cake. When DH got home, he had a slice of cake and mentioned an off flavor. I used degreaser to spray the pan. I nearly poisoned my husband!  :-[

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jpcher on January 31, 2013, 05:19:36 PM
Flexibility is a wonderful thing!

DH is the most wonderful, patient and kind husband ever.

About 10 years ago, DH and I discussed filling a spray bottle with canola oil, so we could use that for baking and cooking instead of buying the commercial cooking oil spray.

Soon after that discussion, I was baking DH his favorite chocolate Bundt cake, and found the spray bottle of what appeared to be oil. I used it, made the batter and baked the cake. When DH got home, he had a slice of cake and mentioned an off flavor. I used degreaser to spray the pan. I nearly poisoned my husband!  :-[

Yikes! I'm glad DH was okay!

The bold above reminded me of a minor disaster. Years ago my mother gave me an oil spray mister (similar to this: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=11318517) which I really loved using . . . you might want to consider something like this (. . . and label it ;))

"Disaster" struck when I came home with a fresh bottle of olive oil to refill the mister and couldn't find it anywhere.

LDH threw it away because it was empty. ::)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on January 31, 2013, 05:36:09 PM
I have two Mistos now. One for canola and one for extra virgin olive oil.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: amandaelizabeth on January 31, 2013, 06:30:14 PM
Our family really enjoy getting together and celebrating Christmas.  The fact that our celebrations are accident prone is not a problem, as the accidents are celebrated in later years after recovering from the present disaster.  The accidents were usually caused by my father's wish that we were all having a good time and being well looked after.

There are two major things that made this the Christmas Accident of the Century.  The first is that as we live in the southern hemisphere our Christmas Days are in the middle of summer, so in our family we traditionally have a cold buffet for our celebratory meal after the Great Turkey Debacle.   The second is that my parents had moved onto the shore and their water supply was either rainwater or drawn from a borehole.  This meant it had to be filtered to make it potable.

So on Christmas morning the extended family all arrive ( about 30 of us all up) and we are drinking tea and admiring what Father Christmas brought us in our stockings, when my father called my eldest brother into the kitchen.  As the buffet was all set out on the kitchen table and benches, we thought they were going to add the final touches. 

A short while later there was a high pitched shriek and then some obscured mumbling and then some yelling.  My brother called for his wife, who disappeared into the kitchen, came back a short while later and then went back in with an arm load of bath towels.  More silence and then my SIL reappeared and asked my other brother to go and see if he could help.

A few minutes he rushed back through the room and out the front door and down the driving shouting some very uncomplimentary things about my father intelligence.  We folowed gingerly after him, and arrived in time to see turn and run  into the back garden.  By this time the neighbours we gathering too.  The next thing we knew was there was a fountain coming from the bore hole pump and my brother was soaked through.  The other brother then emerged from the kitchen, also soaked though.  'thank the deity he turned the water off' was his cryptic remark.  My mother cut the water off at the borehole and we all went back into the house through the back door.  At least we tried to, but the kitchen was awash with water.

When we were back inside my brothers took turns to explain that Dad had tried to change the water filter.  He thought he had turned the water off, but didn't.  So brother took out the filter and got soaked and the kitchen was soaked through . My  other brother had broken the pipe between the borehole and pump in his panic and the pressure was enough to keep the water coming.


Christmas lunch was bobbing gaily in flooded kitchen, nothing we could find was salvageable.  The only thing we could do, was put it into the dustbin.  As there was no water, we packed up our things and went to the nearest relatives house and ate what was in her deep freeze.

My mother was incoherent  with rage  (well we were all a bit miffed) but eventually she managed to ask Dad why he had decided to change the filter on Christmas day.  He explained that the filter lasted a year, and that if he changed it on Christmas Day, he would be sure to remember to change it in a years time. 

The following year Mother decided we would have a barbecue instead, but we ended up with oven chips and fish fingers after Dad blew up the barbecue but that is another story altogether
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: snowfire on January 31, 2013, 09:39:39 PM
The following year Mother decided we would have a barbecue instead, but we ended up with oven chips and fish fingers after Dad blew up the barbecue but that is another story altogether

You do realize that after that comment you just have to share the story, don't you? ;D

After a few holidays like that, I think the appropriate answer to "What shall we do for holiday dinner?" is "Make Reservations."
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: andi on January 31, 2013, 09:53:48 PM
Quote from: White Dragon link=topic=124391.msg2876099#msg2876099

Anyone know how to get hollandaise sauce out of carpet??  ???

So....follow up...

DH broke down and bought a carpet cleaner (big house, pets, kids...cheaper in the long run.)
He scrubbed the stains.
He pre-teated the stains.
Moved the furniture so he could clean the carpet. Found more stains.
Lather, rinse and repeat. 
I put a different cleaner down.
I scrubbed the stains.
I soaked the stains.
DH used the machine.
We used a third kind of cleaner.
DH used machine (lather, rinse, repeat)
My carpet still seems to be vaguely yellow. :-\


White Dragon-  I don't know where you live, but if you're in the US and near a Bed Bath and Beyond, go in and ask for "Folex" spot remover- its non toxic and works wonders - spray it on and let it dry. No scrubbing or rinsing. Works great on old stains (and it's cheap)

New house rule - no Hollandaise in the living room!!!!
[/quote]
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: JadeAngel on February 01, 2013, 08:02:14 AM
Our family really enjoy getting together and celebrating Christmas.  The fact that our celebrations are accident prone is not a problem, as the accidents are celebrated in later years after recovering from the present disaster.

Ah yes, we have Christmases like that - the most famous was the great pudding catastrophe of 2007 when my Grandfather warmed a little brandy, poured it over the pudding, lit it to make the pretty blue flame and then walked out into the living room with the pudding, tripped and fell into the Christmas Tree.

We saved the pudding, it was delicious. The tree was not so fortunate...
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ica171 on February 01, 2013, 01:42:23 PM
My mom made shepherd's pie (really cottage pie) when I was growing up and it's great comfort food to me now. However, if I try to make it from scratch instead of with Campbell's vegetarian vegetable soup and boxed mashed potatoes, it tastes wrong.

I'm a pretty decent cook and baker, but I remember one incident from a few years ago. I was making potato soup on the stovetop. It was a big batch, so I was using a tall stockpot. Everything was going along fine, I had it on low but with that stove low was not very low. It was gas, and it was difficult to get it low enough to just simmer but still keep the burner lit. Anyway, I tasted it and discovered the bottom had burned. The taste had gone through the whole batch and it couldn't be saved. I was probably most upset by the loss of all the delicious and not-cheap bacon and cream.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: amandaelizabeth on February 03, 2013, 12:28:49 AM
For Snowfire

You cannot say that our family did not learn from the previous year's accident.  However this had a cascade effect and things just keep trending downwards.

We gave up barbeque's at the river after the year the bank collapsed and the portable grill floated away with our food.   It was cheese rolls for dinner

So the next year Dad built a permanent barbecue in the garden just in time for Christmas.  Unfortunately he combined it with a waterfall and fountain for my mother's new ornamental fish pond. He finished it on Christmas Eve and did not have a chance to try it out.  Unfortunately the wind blew the water from the fountain over the grill so it would not stay alight.  Cheese rolls for dinner

  Which led to the following year's great Turkey Debacle. 

Microwaves were very new and they were hard to find in NZ.  Dad was intrigued by them, and put forward the argument that with a microwave he could cook a big turkey roast dinner from scratch without making the house unbearably hot.  We agreed but we should have known better
Early on Christmas Morning, I got a panicked phone call from my mother (and she had nerves of steel) asking me to come around and help as she thought Dad had finally lost the plot.  I could hear bangs and crashes in the background and Dad swearing loudly.

I rushed around to find my mother sitting outside.  "Your father is in the kitchen".  I gingerly stuck my head round the door to find Dad chasing a frozen turkey with an axe.  It was much as I imagined ice hockey would be.  He struck the turkey, the turkey flew off around the floor  bounced off the cupboards and seemed to catch Dad's ankles on the rebound.  It appears that Dad had read you could defrost and cook in a microwave just like that.  What he hadn't taken into account was that the turkey was too large to fit into it.  He had tried  to cut it up with knives and a saw but the bird was solid.  So now he was trying to chop it up with an axe.
Once again cheese rolls for dinner

And so the years went by.  There was the year that one of my SIL was confident she could manage a full roast dinner.  The non-cooks retired to the garden for a family game of cricket.  One of the grandchildren skyed the ball straight through the kitchen window.  Guess what was underneath the window on the kitchen bench and was now covered in glass fragments.  Yup the turkey.  Cheese rolls for dinner again that year.

One of my brothers actually we suggested we cut out the accident and just plan to have cheese rolls.  He was shouted down, after all we all had a unique family bond - we survived Christmas dinner.

When my parents moved out to the beach, we decided we would try a barbecue again.  My mother researched proper gas barbeque's and marked out the big flash one she would buy.  Unfortunately she had picked up a bug just before the holidays but Dad was totally confident he could manage.  (Sound of ominous music)   We turned up on Christmas day to find that instead of the big flash grill Mum had selected, Dad had bought instead a very cheap one from our equivalent of Walmart.  It was an assemble yourself one and the instructions were not in a language know to anyone in our family.  One of my brothers and Dad were arguing about what bit joined to which other bit, assisted by various grandchildren.

The rest of us were inside drinking sherry and eating cake.  We could hear the debate outside "you light it" "No you light it".  Eventually some one did.  There was a loud bang, a grandchild came rushing in and grabbed a fire extinguisher and rushed out again.  Another one came in and got the first aid box.  My mother remarked she had some rather nice fish fingers and could do them with over chips.  Made a change from cheese rolls.

And in case anyone is still reading and wondering why we did not go out to a hotel for a meal, well we did.  The hotel had a power cut and a waitress spilt a full jug of Orange juice down my mother's back.  We judged the accidents not up to our normal standard. 





Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: MinAvi on February 03, 2013, 01:11:49 AM
For Snowfire

You cannot say that our family did not learn from the previous year's accident.  However this had a cascade effect and things just keep trending downwards.

We gave up barbeque's at the river after the year the bank collapsed and the portable grill floated away with our food.   It was cheese rolls for dinner

So the next year Dad built a permanent barbecue in the garden just in time for Christmas.  Unfortunately he combined it with a waterfall and fountain for my mother's new ornamental fish pond. He finished it on Christmas Eve and did not have a chance to try it out.  Unfortunately the wind blew the water from the fountain over the grill so it would not stay alight.  Cheese rolls for dinner

  Which led to the following year's great Turkey Debacle. 

Microwaves were very new and they were hard to find in NZ.  Dad was intrigued by them, and put forward the argument that with a microwave he could cook a big turkey roast dinner from scratch without making the house unbearably hot.  We agreed but we should have known better
Early on Christmas Morning, I got a panicked phone call from my mother (and she had nerves of steel) asking me to come around and help as she thought Dad had finally lost the plot.  I could hear bangs and crashes in the background and Dad swearing loudly.

I rushed around to find my mother sitting outside.  "Your father is in the kitchen".  I gingerly stuck my head round the door to find Dad chasing a frozen turkey with an axe.  It was much as I imagined ice hockey would be.  He struck the turkey, the turkey flew off around the floor  bounced off the cupboards and seemed to catch Dad's ankles on the rebound.  It appears that Dad had read you could defrost and cook in a microwave just like that.  What he hadn't taken into account was that the turkey was too large to fit into it.  He had tried  to cut it up with knives and a saw but the bird was solid.  So now he was trying to chop it up with an axe.
Once again cheese rolls for dinner

And so the years went by.  There was the year that one of my SIL was confident she could manage a full roast dinner.  The non-cooks retired to the garden for a family game of cricket.  One of the grandchildren skyed the ball straight through the kitchen window.  Guess what was underneath the window on the kitchen bench and was now covered in glass fragments.  Yup the turkey.  Cheese rolls for dinner again that year.

One of my brothers actually we suggested we cut out the accident and just plan to have cheese rolls.  He was shouted down, after all we all had a unique family bond - we survived Christmas dinner.

When my parents moved out to the beach, we decided we would try a barbecue again.  My mother researched proper gas barbeque's and marked out the big flash one she would buy.  Unfortunately she had picked up a bug just before the holidays but Dad was totally confident he could manage.  (Sound of ominous music)   We turned up on Christmas day to find that instead of the big flash grill Mum had selected, Dad had bought instead a very cheap one from our equivalent of Walmart.  It was an assemble yourself one and the instructions were not in a language know to anyone in our family.  One of my brothers and Dad were arguing about what bit joined to which other bit, assisted by various grandchildren.

The rest of us were inside drinking sherry and eating cake.  We could hear the debate outside "you light it" "No you light it".  Eventually some one did.  There was a loud bang, a grandchild came rushing in and grabbed a fire extinguisher and rushed out again.  Another one came in and got the first aid box.  My mother remarked she had some rather nice fish fingers and could do them with over chips.  Made a change from cheese rolls.

And in case anyone is still reading and wondering why we did not go out to a hotel for a meal, well we did.  The hotel had a power cut and a waitress spilt a full jug of Orange juice down my mother's back.  We judged the accidents not up to our normal standard.

Bwah Ha ha ha ha!! My sides hurt!!

Very well written - you should write a book..'How to survive Christmas'
 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on February 03, 2013, 07:40:17 AM
Amandaelizabeth, that is absolutely hilarious.  The only problem is that now I want a cheese roll. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on February 03, 2013, 01:59:35 PM
Amandaelizabeth, could you please, please (pleeeeeeasee) start a thread titled "Amandaelizabeth's Holidays and Other Disasters, Accidents, Intentional Mis-Happenings, Calamities, Hazards, and Misfortunes"? Your stories are guaranteed to bring hysterics laughter to any day.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: snowfire on February 03, 2013, 02:42:58 PM
Amandaelizabeth, those are priceless!!!!  Your family has kitchen disasters down to a fine art.  No wonder the restaurant couldn't measure up, they were amateurs!

I love the one about your Dad and the frozen turkey. Too bad there wasn't video, that would have been Youtube gold!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on February 03, 2013, 03:21:38 PM
Amandaelizabeth, could you please, please (pleeeeeeasee) start a thread titled "Amandaelizabeth's Holidays and Other Disasters, Accidents, Intentional Mis-Happenings, Calamities, Hazards, and Misfortunes"? Your stories are guaranteed to bring hysterics laughter to any day.

Seconded.   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: andi on February 03, 2013, 06:56:31 PM
You family sounds awesome!!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Jones on February 03, 2013, 08:45:46 PM
Tonight I decided to make hand-sized fried pies with apple filling. It has been around 10 years since I made fried pies, and my parents larder wasn't stocked the way that mine is. Apparently, when replacing Crisco with lard, I need to crank up the oil heat a bit more because those suckers soaked up the oil.

Daughter, age 7: "These are great! I give you a 100 for them."
Me: "Thank you. Next time I'll make them a little different though, so they won't be so fatty."
Daughter: "Fatty? Oh. I give you 50 for them."
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Morrigan on February 04, 2013, 09:11:17 AM
I don't have too many kitchen disasters.

DH has had several, though.

Two stick out in my mind.

Did you know you can burn stuff in a crockpot?  That's on low?  With plenty of liquid?  Because DH did.  He turned honey chicken into charcoal.  I'd cooked it before, and it turned out just fine.  He followed my recipe.  To the T.  But instead of delicious honey chicken, we got charcoal.  No, actually, we got chinese because we couldn't eat the charcoal.

And another time, DH sent me a picture of food on the grill.  I asked if it was bacon.  He said, no, it was hotdogs.  Apparently he'd cooked them on high for more than 5 minutes.  They were sad and shriveled by the time he pulled them off. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on February 04, 2013, 02:25:39 PM
I didn't know that you could actually ignite brownies until I accidentally blew up a pan of them.

I had baked some brownies in a Pyrex dish, took them out of the oven, and set them on top of the (electric) stove top to cool. Later, while I was sitting in the living room, I heard a BOOM from the kitchen, and went to investigate.

Seems that the burner was turned on - low, but on. I don't remember fiddling with it, but my best guess is I bumped it or something, or it looked like it might be on, and in checking I turned it on? No clue. At any rate, the pan detonated and there was glass and brownie everywhere, and brownie in flames sitting right on the burner. Grabbed the fire extinguisher to put out the flames, and spent all that night (and a chunk of the next day) cleaning up the mess. Months later, when I moved, I was still finding extinguisher stuff in nooks and crannies - it made a far bigger mess than the glass and brownies!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: lady_disdain on February 05, 2013, 08:42:29 AM
My guess is that the Pyrex cracked and exploded, since it isn't designed for direct heat, such as a burner. Then, the brownie came in contact with the burner and ignited.

But what a mess! And no brownies to comfort yourself with.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 05, 2013, 10:10:31 AM
I love AmandaElizabeth's stories.  I don't remember any major kitchen disasters from childhood because my parents were both pretty good cooks. But I do remember my oldest sister's husband just didn't come to the family with the "kitchen common sense" gene as my Dad referred to it.

He once went out to a gas grill, loaded it up with lighter fluid, turned on the gas and was a nano-second away from throwing a lit match in before Dad stopped him. 

He decided to make pina coladas and my mom's blender was acting up.  He put the blades directly on the blender and turned it on.  We were all ducking from the flying blades.

He started cooking rice, decided he was making too much so put a few cups of halfway cooked rice down the sink and turned on lots of hot water. The plumber got a big laugh out of that one.

He tried cooking eggs in the shell in the microwave.

After 20 years in the family, he did turn out to be a pretty darn good cook, learning to make one of the best Prime Rib roasts I've ever tasted.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amava on February 05, 2013, 10:14:57 AM
^ "What doesn't kill you, makes you a better cook!

What a dangerous young man he was, though.  :o
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on February 05, 2013, 10:22:43 AM
I just remembered one of my favorite stories from when I was a kid.  My father was making a stir fry.  He had an outdoor gas burner that got *really* hot.  He came in with the wok and set it on the kitchen counter.  Did I mention that the gas burner got hot?  And the pan over the flames also got really hot?  It was hot enough to singe a nice little hole in the kitchen counter.  The best part though was his solution to the burn hole in the middle of the counter.  Instead of replacing it, he cut out a chunk of the counter and inset a glass cutting board.  I must say that cutting board was my favorite feature of that kitchen, and my mother liked it so much that she's had my father do that to both the houses they've lived in since then.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: andi on February 05, 2013, 10:34:23 AM
I love Pyrex but it does scare me now. I blew up a bowl in the microwave a couple weeks ago. Cooking rice - same way I always have - it just exploded about halfway through the normal time.

My brother started 2 different grease fires in our old house - forgetting the stove was on and went doubt other business. My oaernts were not amused. (brother was in his 20's so old enough to know better)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on February 05, 2013, 11:01:16 AM
I love Pyrex but it does scare me now. ...

Pyrex used to be so sturdy.  Then a few decades ago they stopped using the kind of glass they had been using all along and started using a different kind of glass.  Their theory was that the "old" glass was more like to break on impact and they thought that would be more dangerous than having glass shatter into pieces with the (supposedly) more rounded edges of the newer glass.

The only Pyrex piece I ever broke was a small ramekin sized dish (oversized custard dish) that I dropped from about two inches off the floor while putting it away in a lower cabinet.  It hit nothing else going down and the floor was cushioned vinyl (so not super hard like tile).  I was stunned that it would break so easily.  :o

Interestingly, I think Pyrex baking dishes manufactured in Europe STILL use the older glass. 

I still have a couple of really old Pyrex dishes that were my Mother's.  I feel safer with them than my "new and improved" Pyrex pieces.  I use the newer ones, but maybe a little more carefully.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Giggity on February 05, 2013, 11:07:03 AM
I made bacon jam Friday afternoon. YAY! I doubled Martha Stewart's recipe, so I fried up three pounds of bacon. You're supposed to pour off all but a tablespoon of bacon grease. I grabbed the closest container ... flimsy Tupperware. It doesn't hold molten bacon grease as well as you'd think. The entire bottom melted out and yeah, bacon grease down the side of the cabinet.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on February 05, 2013, 11:10:36 AM
I made bacon jam Friday afternoon. YAY! I doubled Martha Stewart's recipe, so I fried up three pounds of bacon. You're supposed to pour off all but a tablespoon of bacon grease. I grabbed the closest container ... flimsy Tupperware. It doesn't hold molten bacon grease as well as you'd think. The entire bottom melted out and yeah, bacon grease down the side of the cabinet.

 ???  I must confess that I've never heard of bacon jam.  How is it used?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 05, 2013, 11:20:01 AM
I made bacon jam Friday afternoon. YAY! I doubled Martha Stewart's recipe, so I fried up three pounds of bacon. You're supposed to pour off all but a tablespoon of bacon grease. I grabbed the closest container ... flimsy Tupperware. It doesn't hold molten bacon grease as well as you'd think. The entire bottom melted out and yeah, bacon grease down the side of the cabinet.

 ???  I must confess that I've never heard of bacon jam.  How is it used?

We put it on homemade buttermilk biscuits.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on February 05, 2013, 11:47:07 AM
My guess is that the Pyrex cracked and exploded, since it isn't designed for direct heat, such as a burner. Then, the brownie came in contact with the burner and ignited.

But what a mess! And no brownies to comfort yourself with.

Yea, pretty much. I was just really glad nobody was in the kitchen at the time.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Luci on February 05, 2013, 01:18:46 PM
Early in our marriage, my husband, the science teacher, put a Pyrex container of left-overs on the gas stove. It shattered, rice and glass shards shot all over the place. He did manage to clean it up. (I don't know how he did it, but I truly admire that.) I asked him what he was thinking, and it was that his beakers in the lab were Pyrex made by Corning and they went on the Bunson burners all of the time. How can I gripe at him about that? I just explained that cooking and lab equipment were made for different purposes, and he said he had just learned that.

I got an email years later - one of those that are full of misinformation, usually - about different years and Pyrex. I checked on Snopes at the time, and it seemed to confirm the email. I just looked for it again, and Snopes seems to be not quite so sure - check 'Exploding Pyrex' in their search. I do remember that the Pyrex in question was about the new stuff and mine was old.

I've always known not to shock Pyrex, like putting it from the oven onto a damp cloth.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: MissRose on February 05, 2013, 02:04:07 PM
This happened to my sister not me (but her cooking skills have greatly improved, and she now makes great chicken soup and lasagna among other things)

*I came home from work during my uni years and she had a fire under the burner where she was deep frying food.  I moved the pan and put out the fire with baking soda

*Another time during the same time period mentioned, she was cooking a box of broccoli and cheesy rice.  Our mother's stove heated things really fast and my sister did not remember that.  The garage stunk of burned cheesy rice that took a while to be removed from the cooled pan!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Snooks on February 05, 2013, 03:09:16 PM
The only time I've had a pyrex bowl break it split clean down the middle, we think it was caused by vibrations on the worktop.  My mum and I just stared at it in shock, thankfully it was empty.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Giggity on February 05, 2013, 03:43:13 PM
I made bacon jam Friday afternoon. YAY! I doubled Martha Stewart's recipe, so I fried up three pounds of bacon. You're supposed to pour off all but a tablespoon of bacon grease. I grabbed the closest container ... flimsy Tupperware. It doesn't hold molten bacon grease as well as you'd think. The entire bottom melted out and yeah, bacon grease down the side of the cabinet.

 ???  I must confess that I've never heard of bacon jam.  How is it used?

In and on everything! It's good on eggs, burgers, grilled-cheese sandwiches ... a dollop in your soup ... heck, I figure that's why God created all the spoons in my silverware drawer.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Carotte on February 05, 2013, 06:06:32 PM
Not really a cooking disaster, more like a post cooking.. I had tried to make deep fried donuts (they weren't great) to take to a party. went to the party, forgot to turn off the fire under the oil. No one was home, fortunately nothing happened, but since then we have a fire extinguisher at home :).

(That might be why now, when I leave my SO's apartment (he leaves before me) I'm always deeply afraid I've left a burner on and have him come back to a burned up building. I need to start double checking before leaving or I'll end up too afraid to even use it to boil water.)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 05, 2013, 06:20:53 PM
I made squash soup.  It had finished cooking and the last step was to puree it.  It was getting close to my bedtime so I decided to go ahead and do it in batches in my blender.

Except it was too hot.  The first batch squirted out a little so the next batch, I didn't put as much in.  It EXPLODED - all over my face and chest.  I quickly took off my shirt.  Thank goodness I was wearing my glasses because I ended up with burns on my forehead.  Without glasses, I'd have had burns on my eyelid, if not my cornea.

I still make the soup; I still blend it.  I use the hand blender first, let it cool quite a bit then put it in the blender.  The hand blender leaves it too chunky, for my taste.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: lady_disdain on February 05, 2013, 06:23:29 PM
Since we are talking about sisters...

My sister was not a cook when she moved out on her own. Her routine was to stop by the supermarket, pick up frozen lasagna, put it in the microwave for 25 minutes, shower while it cooked, eat a hot meal.

One day, instead of frozen lasagna, she decided to pick up some kind of savory pie. Instead of reading the instructions, she just went on with her script: put it in the microwave, shower for 20 minutes, come out to find the apartment filled with black smoke, the microwave turntable cracked from the heat and a lump of charred pastry.

The pie only required 3 minutes, since it wasn't frozen. She has yet to live that one down.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on February 05, 2013, 06:37:55 PM
Pre-Disaster:  My 13yo, the same one who blew up the well pump yesterday, is attempting to make brownies on his own.  Stay tuned for a future disaster story!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jpcher on February 05, 2013, 06:43:28 PM
Pre-Disaster:  My 13yo, the same one who blew up the well pump yesterday, is attempting to make brownies on his own.  Stay tuned for a future disaster story!

Have Faith! ;D

and gently let him know that disasters are a good learning experience!

Who knows, maybe he's better suited for the kitchen environment. ;D

(waiting for updates!)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on February 05, 2013, 06:57:17 PM
Pre-Disaster:  My 13yo, the same one who blew up the well pump yesterday, is attempting to make brownies on his own.  Stay tuned for a future disaster story!

Have Faith! ;D

and gently let him know that disasters are a good learning experience!

Who knows, maybe he's better suited for the kitchen environment. ;D

(waiting for updates!)

Son: Mom, why doesn't this look like it does when you do it?
Me: (looking at the box)  Because you're making chocolate cake, not brownies.

I keep the box stuff on hand for exactly this reason.  It gives the kids some experience with doing stuff on their own, but without the total disaster potential of doing everything completely from scratch.  First rule of baking: read the box/recipe. At least he got the mix put together reasonably well.

I guess we're having cake for dessert.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Luci on February 05, 2013, 07:18:41 PM
If our nephew tried anything, his wife automatically dialed 91--as a precaution.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Jones on February 05, 2013, 07:30:56 PM
Pre-Disaster:  My 13yo, the same one who blew up the well pump yesterday, is attempting to make brownies on his own.  Stay tuned for a future disaster story!

Have Faith! ;D

and gently let him know that disasters are a good learning experience!

Who knows, maybe he's better suited for the kitchen environment. ;D

(waiting for updates!)

Son: Mom, why doesn't this look like it does when you do it?
Me: (looking at the box)  Because you're making chocolate cake, not brownies.

I keep the box stuff on hand for exactly this reason.  It gives the kids some experience with doing stuff on their own, but without the total disaster potential of doing everything completely from scratch.  First rule of baking: read the box/recipe. At least he got the mix put together reasonably well.

I guess we're having cake for dessert.
Heh, my sister was about 14 when she decided to make a casserole for dinner. Pasta, cream soup, tuna fish and cheese; simple. Well, she mixed in the soup with the pasta before pouring off the water. When asked why she hadn't poured off the water, she blankly said "You don't pour it off in Hamburger Helper..."

Yes, her only dinner cooking experience to that point had been HH and similar, and somehow we hadn't mentioned "pouring off water" before that point in time.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on February 05, 2013, 07:34:46 PM
Pre-Disaster:  My 13yo, the same one who blew up the well pump yesterday, is attempting to make brownies on his own.  Stay tuned for a future disaster story!

Have Faith! ;D

and gently let him know that disasters are a good learning experience!

Who knows, maybe he's better suited for the kitchen environment. ;D

(waiting for updates!)

Son: Mom, why doesn't this look like it does when you do it?
Me: (looking at the box)  Because you're making chocolate cake, not brownies.

I keep the box stuff on hand for exactly this reason.  It gives the kids some experience with doing stuff on their own, but without the total disaster potential of doing everything completely from scratch.  First rule of baking: read the box/recipe. At least he got the mix put together reasonably well.

I guess we're having cake for dessert.
Heh, my sister was about 14 when she decided to make a casserole for dinner. Pasta, cream soup, tuna fish and cheese; simple. Well, she mixed in the soup with the pasta before pouring off the water. When asked why she hadn't poured off the water, she blankly said "You don't pour it off in Hamburger Helper..."

Yes, her only dinner cooking experience to that point had been HH and similar, and somehow we hadn't mentioned "pouring off water" before that point in time.

Oh, dear.  Fortunately, I have my act together enough to have had them help me cook "real" food.  My 10 year old is my baker though.  He can do a cheesecake with almost no supervision, though due to the weakness in his wrist,  he does require some assistance in pouring batter into the springform pan and getting it in and out of the oven. The cake, so far, as turned out okay, but now I need to go provide some assistance in turning it out of the pan.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: guihong on February 05, 2013, 07:49:50 PM
I just had an embarrassment, though thankfully I didn't make a mess or waste food  :-[.

The other day, I bought a new manual can opener advertised as "easy on hands and easy opening".  Tonight, when I tried to open a can of green beans, I nearly took my hand off and mangled much of the lid.  I complained to DH about the "carp" can opener, and why can't advertising be truthful, etc. etc.

DH looked the can opener over, and then said, " Gui, you were holding the opener upside down"  ::).
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on February 05, 2013, 08:18:10 PM
Mini-Disaster.  DS has never attempted to turn a cake out of a pan.  It didn't go well.  I had the foresight to have him do it over a large sheet cake pan, so any mess would be at least partially contained.  This was good planning on my part, as when he turned the pan over, his bottom and slipped and he dropped the cake pan and the cooling rack.  We wound up with a bunch of crumbled cake bits.  Not willing to admit defeat, he made some instant chocolate pudding and served the cake bits with the pudding.  I'd say the whole thing was a success.  We got a tasty dessert out of it, even if we had to go to Plan C to get it. :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on February 05, 2013, 09:15:26 PM
(Very) sharp knife. Onions. Thumb.

Last week, I was chopping onions when *sliccccce* I somehow get the edge of my left thumb in the way and ... suddenly there is blood everywhere. It was pouring out so fast I had to hold my thumb tightly against the bar soap I keep on the sink because I couldn't let go long enough to get to anything else. I turned the water on intending to wash it then cover it with a clean paper towel until I could get to the bathroom, but the flow was so heavy I couldn't lift my thumb off the soap. Eventually, I did wash it, sort of, then had to struggle to open the cabinet where the paper towels were and tear them off. It took three of them so fast did they get stained.

I went to the bathroom and washed it again. But I couldn't leave the thumb alone long enough to get out a bandage without having blood everywhere. So I heaved a sigh, grabbed a pillowcase within reach and wrapped that around it while I attempted, with one good hand to get the band-aid open. It wasn't easy but I did.

Ultimately, it took those three paper towels, one after the other, one pillowcase (tossed later), and three band-aids, one after the other, before the bleeding slowed to a crawl. The next day I was able to see that I had apparently sliced down around six layers of skin. The wound is not large but it is deep--and unbelievably painful even a week later. In fact, yesterday I thought that if it didn't feel better today, though it looks like it is healing nicely, that I would go to my doctor. But it does feel better even if when I hit the wound against something like the topside of a can, I shriek. Better than last week's screaming in the market when I hit it against a shelf corner, though.

The onions were a total loss.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Kaora on February 05, 2013, 10:33:26 PM
Confession time: I once shattered a Pyrex glass measuring cup by idiocy.

I thought, for some dumb reason, I remembered reading about being able to heat up a Pyrex cup, and wanted to boil water in it.

Double Stupid: I forget some basic thermodynamics and took the measuring cup right off the stove burner I had it on.  I was having an extra special day.

Thermal shock set in quick and it shattered in my hand.  I do NOT know how I escaped getting hit by flying shards, but I was scared good.  After the shock, I saw some of the shards were the size of my palm, and they went right by me.

I have no idea, but I thank whoever is watching me it didn't.

This one is gross out: I was also washing dishes in Home Ec class, and heard a crack in the water.  I took my finger out of the water and looked at the new slice bleeding out like "Ooh, that's nifty, how did that happen."

Teacher noticed fairly quickly, told me and my sliced tip of finger to get to the nurse's office.  I ended up with a bandaid on it for a month, and retrained myself to type with nine fingers.  I still don't type with the injured one.

My sister and I once participated in making cookies.  We thought to use parchment paper for them.  We forgot one essential detail, as we started smelling smoke and this burning smell.  Did we mention the cookies baked at 450 F?  Luckily, they were pretty much done, so the cookies were good, but there's a book called Fahrenheit 451 for a reason. :P

I've also done the run of the mill stupid stuff (boxed pasta, and putting in 2 1/2 cups of water versus a 1/2 cup of water, accidentally putting in a TBSP extra of Crisco (those were some unique tasting cookies), and managed to crisp an easy donut recipe that both my mum and my sister can do.  They're supposed to be soft and fluffy; mine were hard.  Exact same recipe, too.

However, I CAN cook.  When I get it right.  I improved a spaghetti sauce recipe when cooking dinner for my family, and it ended up being the best sauce we ever ate.  You just don't let me bake. :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: athersgeo on February 06, 2013, 04:44:34 AM
I'm a mostly-decent cook. In general, if my recipes don't work, it's usually because the recipe calls for too much spice. However...

1) I'm a great clipper of recipes from newspapers and magazines. This particular one came from a newspaper. It was for an Italian desert that involved some form of grain (I can't remember what it was originally; I ended up having to substitute Quinoa), dried crystalised fruit and milk. It all seemed very simple. I followed the instructions to the letter, and yet...I ended up with about three times as much filling as I should have had, and the end result was sufficiently disgusting, texture-wise, that I couldn't eat more than a mouthful. Ooops...

2) My FSIL is a great sweet baker - mostly in the line of brownies and muffins, but she also does various cakes and whatnot too. My brother has a sweet tooth. So, for Valentine's Day last year she decided to try her hand at Kendal Mint Cake...and set fire to their kitchen. I don't believe any serious damage was done (other than to the pan she'd been using) - but I do know she's never planning to try THAT again!

3) When I was a very, VERY small person, my mother was making chips (fries) in her chip pan. As chip pans are wont to do, the dingdangity thing caught fire. My father's response to this? Sling the whole flaming mass out of the back door and down the back garden...! (Perhaps the most remarkable thing about this one isn't that we didn't burn down either the house or the garden, but the fact that after this mum continued to use a chip pan up until my father died in 2009... And yes, there were a couple of other near-misses with the darn things.)

4) Then there's gone-wrong-again apple sponge - mum decided to make an apple sponge for desert one Sunday lunch. Unfortunately, for reasons that we've never been adequately able to explain, the sponge didn't cook all the way through and was, in fact, quite soggy and batter-like in the middle. Mum was upset. She was even MORE upset when my brother and I demanded she make it go wrong again next time! (One person's kitchen disaster; another person's kitchen triumph...)

5) My late father fancied himself as a cook. And while he didn't do a lot of it in later life, I can remember eating quite a wide variety of dishes on a Saturday night (his night to cook). However, one he never repeated was making Steak and Kidney Pie with stout added to the gravy. He'd had it that way in a high class London restaurant and enjoyed it and thought it would be an okay thing to try at home - and it might have been, had he not used Guinness that was well beyond its use-by date...

6) When I was in my late teens, I worked as a kitchen assistant in a nursing home. The actual chef at the nursing home...wasn't. Notoriously, on one occasion, he made cupcakes that, when dropped, bounced right back up to your hand... Anyway. For the evening meals (which is what I saw to), there was a set of four weekly menus, which we rotated through and generally, chef made whatever it was supposed to be that night and I reheated it. (Or made sandwiches and soup, if that's what the evening called for.) So we get to bubble and squeak night, very early on in my career there. It's in this big, huge tray that has to go into the oven to reheat. I get it in there, stick it on and, fifteen minutes later, as the residents are filing into the dining room, I go to pull it out and...splat. The whole contents of the tray end up on the floor. I am absolutely mortified. One of the nursing staff asks what's happened; I explain. She stares at me for a moment. I think "I'm about to get the sack". Then she says "Wait, he did WHAT?!?" Turns out, what the chef had left me to heat up as bubble and squeak wasn't, in fact, anything remotely like bubble and squeak; it shouldn't have gone in the oven...and any way, none of the residents liked the stuff! I also learned that night that I could make soup and sandwiches for forty people inside fifteen minutes...

The sequel to this occured a month later. Chef had done exactly the same thing for bubble and squeak. When I arrived, one of the nursing staff took me off to one side and said "Don't suppose you could arrange for another accident to happen to the bubble and squeak, could you?" The NEXT month, there was no bubble and squeak on the menu - the nursing staff had finally got it changed!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Twik on February 06, 2013, 09:24:41 AM
Not me, but a roommate.

Rice Crispy Squares. A recipe on every box. A recipe, I always thought, that *no* one could mess up. Well, here's how to do it.

1. Go to store for marshmallows and rice crispies. Instead of regular rice crispies, buy the "holiday" kind with tiny green marshmallows already in it as decoration.
2. When mixing the marshmallows and butter together, eat half of the marshmallows, instead of adding them to the mix.
3. Since the melted mixture doesn't look right with half of the marshmallows missing, add 1/2 cup of water "because I think that's what Mom did to make it melt better".
4. Add the hot mixture to the rice crispies. The tiny marshmallows will also start to melt, turning the mixture an interesting blue-green colour, very similar to that found in the mold on month-old leftovers. Or the walking dead.
5. Put the zombie squares in a pan, and let cool.
6. Cut the squares and serve to your friends, who will note that the uncalled-for addition of water has made the square no longer crispy. In fact, the recipe could be renamed Zombie Rice Soggy Squares.
7. Wonder why you get to eat ALL the squares.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on February 06, 2013, 09:29:39 AM
Not me, but a roommate.

Rice Crispy Squares. A recipe on every box. A recipe, I always thought, that *no* one could mess up. Well, here's how to do it.

1. Go to store for marshmallows and rice crispies. Instead of regular rice crispies, buy the "holiday" kind with tiny green marshmallows already in it as decoration.
2. When mixing the marshmallows and butter together, eat half of the marshmallows, instead of adding them to the mix.
3. Since the melted mixture doesn't look right with half of the marshmallows missing, add 1/2 cup of water "because I think that's what Mom did to make it melt better".
4. Add the hot mixture to the rice crispies. The tiny marshmallows will also start to melt, turning the mixture an interesting blue-green colour, very similar to that found in the mold on month-old leftovers. Or the walking dead.
5. Put the zombie squares in a pan, and let cool.
6. Cut the squares and serve to your friends, who will note that the uncalled-for addition of water has made the square no longer crispy. In fact, the recipe could be renamed Zombie Rice Soggy Squares.
7. Wonder why you get to eat ALL the squares.

I'm totally making Rice Crispie treats with bluish food coloring for Halloween!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: GreenHall on February 06, 2013, 12:20:59 PM
Well, I think that beats my Rice VERY Crispy Squares from this weekend.
I LIKE making Rice Crispy treats using the microwave to melt the butter and marshmallows.  This time, the marshmallows weren't looking right, so I added extra time.
Apparently I got the melted marshmallows all the way to hard crack before I started adding the Rice Crispies.
Still tasty, just very very crispy/crunchy.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on February 06, 2013, 12:34:10 PM
I am going to be giggling over Zombie Rice Krispie Squares for the rest of the day.

What is Bubble & Squeak?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Twik on February 06, 2013, 01:25:06 PM
Quote
4) Then there's gone-wrong-again apple sponge - mum decided to make an apple sponge for desert one Sunday lunch. Unfortunately, for reasons that we've never been adequately able to explain, the sponge didn't cook all the way through and was, in fact, quite soggy and batter-like in the middle. Mum was upset. She was even MORE upset when my brother and I demanded she make it go wrong again next time! (One person's kitchen disaster; another person's kitchen triumph...)

Apparently the idea for Molten Chocolate Cake had a very similar genesis, although by a professional chef.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on February 06, 2013, 01:37:19 PM
I am going to be giggling over Zombie Rice Krispie Squares for the rest of the day.

What is Bubble & Squeak?

When I was a child, Bubble & Squeak was something served on the day or so after a meal of corned beef and cabbage.  Left-over boiled potatoes were mashed up, mixed with left-over cabbage and bits of corned beef. The whole thing was then fried into a cake and served up. 

It was delicious but it was a sure-fire artery killer.  We always assumed that the name of the dish came from reactions of the human digestive tract a few hours after the meal. 

I can understand why this would not be popular with older adults.     
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Snooks on February 06, 2013, 01:54:37 PM
2) My FSIL is a great sweet baker - mostly in the line of brownies and muffins, but she also does various cakes and whatnot too. My brother has a sweet tooth. So, for Valentine's Day last year she decided to try her hand at Kendal Mint Cake...and set fire to their kitchen. I don't believe any serious damage was done (other than to the pan she'd been using) - but I do know she's never planning to try THAT again!

Isn't Kendal Mint Cake just peppermint creams covered in chocolate?  Where did the fire come from? :o
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: blue2000 on February 06, 2013, 02:06:26 PM
I am going to be giggling over Zombie Rice Krispie Squares for the rest of the day.

What is Bubble & Squeak?

When I was a child, Bubble & Squeak was something served on the day or so after a meal of corned beef and cabbage.  Left-over boiled potatoes were mashed up, mixed with left-over cabbage and bits of corned beef. The whole thing was then fried into a cake and served up. 

It was delicious but it was a sure-fire artery killer.  We always assumed that the name of the dish came from reactions of the human digestive tract a few hours after the meal. 

I can understand why this would not be popular with older adults.     

I've heard it described as fried Brussels sprouts, bacon and potatoes. :-X Supposedly the name is the noise it makes as it is cooking. Your version actually sounds tasty!

But, yes, some people may not be a big fan of that. Especially cold. Eww! :P
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: athersgeo on February 06, 2013, 02:43:00 PM
2) My FSIL is a great sweet baker - mostly in the line of brownies and muffins, but she also does various cakes and whatnot too. My brother has a sweet tooth. So, for Valentine's Day last year she decided to try her hand at Kendal Mint Cake...and set fire to their kitchen. I don't believe any serious damage was done (other than to the pan she'd been using) - but I do know she's never planning to try THAT again!

Isn't Kendal Mint Cake just peppermint creams covered in chocolate?  Where did the fire come from? :o

It involved sugar syrup, which is what I assume caught fire. Kendal mint cake (the stuff you get actually in the Lake District, at any rate) is rather more dense than a peppermint cream, and doesn't feature chocolate (as far as I remember!)

As for bubble and squeak, it's supposed to be pretty much what Thipu1 said, but what the chef had left me with (to rehear in the oven) was a tray of broccoli, sliced cooked potato and maybe a couple of slivers of cabbage. It looked vile, smelled worse and should in now way have been inflicted on anyone, much less the inmates of a nursing home!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: NyaChan on February 06, 2013, 02:55:25 PM
Is a Kendal Mint Cake like a York Peppermint Patty?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Twik on February 06, 2013, 03:04:35 PM
Bubble and squeak described here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubble_and_squeak (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubble_and_squeak).

It does sound like a good way to use leftover vegetables, and the calories were probably of less concern when more people were manual labourers.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: andi on February 06, 2013, 06:29:18 PM
Oh - just in case it wasn't well known - expiration dates on dried foods should be taken into account, especially when it's over 2 years past

I accidentally made cornbread that was 2 years past due - oh very very bad. The one bite left a horrid taste in my mouth for days. 

Same goes for Durkees French Fried onions. Rancid oil is not good for you.  That mistake meant a last minute trip to the grocery store 5 minutes before they cooed on Thanksgiving Day
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Twik on February 06, 2013, 09:23:48 PM
This is a story about my best friend, who was a truly inspired cook. Dinners at her place were always a true joy. However, once she went a step too far.

It was a simple recipe, for chocolate mousse. To create a fancy presentation, the recipe suggested making chocolate cups. The method they recommended was to blow up balloons, and dip them in melted chocolate. Then, after the chocolate cooled, you pop the balloons, and end up with the cups in the shape of the bottom of the balloons.

So, my friend was in the kitchen creating these cups for dessert. She's so confident of her skills, she's wearing a white silk blouse while handling chocolate. But there was a fatal flaw in the plan - apparently, all balloons are not created equal. It appears that she had chosen balloons that were not heat-resistant. About 5 minutes after dipping, all four balloons burst, spraying molten chocolate all over the kitchen.

We guests heard the pops, and the shriek, and walked in, to a truly amazing scene. It was like a 3-dimensional Jackson Pollack painting, done in chocolate. After a few minutes of stunned silence, one guest asked, "I never thought I'd say this ... but can I lick your walls?"

When she moved out two years later, there were still chocolate stains on the stucco ceiling. The silk blouse was ruined. And we ate our chocolate mousse out of glass bowls that night.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Kaora on February 06, 2013, 11:28:41 PM
Also, never let me near syrups...

I once tried making some absolutely delicious sounding chocolate syrup out of one of Alton Brown's books.  It came out delicious, then I stuck it in a thin necked, glass bottle.  I think it was a salad dressing bottle.

I put it in the fridge, and when I went to have some more later, it froze.  I mean, it was a solid brown chunk stuck in a bottle where it was impossible to get to. O_o

My mum eventually helped me get it out (lots of warm water), but never again.

Of course, you think I would've learned from my first time...

I once heard of sugar syrup on Good Eats.  I decided I would make some for some iced tea, because I have a real sweet tooth.  I followed the directions, put it in a Pyrex glass cup and left in the fridge for later.

Went to retrieve it, and it also froze solid.  I couldn't get it out except hours of work washing it, chipping it, hoping I could fix it before my parents would get home.  Thankfully, they were away on a trip for a couple weeks. :o

Also, Dulce de Leche.  Geeze, is Alton Brown a bad influence on me. :P

I love love love the stuff, and have gotten plenty of it canned before.  Mum got the condensed milk for me, and let me try to make it while they were out for the day.

I followed the directions, only my mum said I could microwave it, so that is what I did.  I was stirring it every couple of minutes while it went around the microwave, and around 15 minutes in to its 20 minute time, it started smoldering.  Whoops.

I yanked it out and all was well, but no tastiness for me that day.  Smelled like badly burnt sugar for a few days, though.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: o_gal on February 07, 2013, 07:36:01 AM
Don't know if this is a "kitchen" disaster, but it did involve cooking, just over a grill outside of the kitchen.

The first time that we made maple syrup, we were boiling it off in a shallow pan on our gas grill (since that time, DH has built his own syrup evaporator that we use in the backyard at the fire pit.) Since we hadn't done this before, we were trying to be careful and watch the sap closely. But with 3 year old DS, it was mainly DH doing the watching while I did kid duty.

When you boil a liquid, as the liquid boils down, it starts to evaporate faster because you are dealing with a lesser and lesser amount of liquid. Our first batch turned not into syrup, not into sugar, but into this really, really sticky maple toffee (tasted OK but also a bit burnt). We were able to scrape what was left into a coffee cup, and get the pan clean. But it's really discouraging to be boiling about 5 gallons of sap down for hours only to end up with a coffee cup of thick, toffee-like stuff that can't be poured over pancakes  :'(
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 07, 2013, 10:53:47 AM
Don't know if this is a "kitchen" disaster, but it did involve cooking, just over a grill outside of the kitchen.

The first time that we made maple syrup, we were boiling it off in a shallow pan on our gas grill (since that time, DH has built his own syrup evaporator that we use in the backyard at the fire pit.) Since we hadn't done this before, we were trying to be careful and watch the sap closely. But with 3 year old DS, it was mainly DH doing the watching while I did kid duty.

When you boil a liquid, as the liquid boils down, it starts to evaporate faster because you are dealing with a lesser and lesser amount of liquid. Our first batch turned not into syrup, not into sugar, but into this really, really sticky maple toffee (tasted OK but also a bit burnt). We were able to scrape what was left into a coffee cup, and get the pan clean. But it's really discouraging to be boiling about 5 gallons of sap down for hours only to end up with a coffee cup of thick, toffee-like stuff that can't be poured over pancakes  :'(

Oh, you rookie!   :)  What you do with that nice toffee is that while it is still hot, you pour it on snow.  Then you use a popcicle stick to wind it up and make a lollipop.  Then you eat a dill pickle to kill the sweetness and have another one.  It is called 'sugaring off'.

We have a sugar shack and can get the sap down to about 3 gallons of almost syrup.  Then we finish it off in the house in a big soup pot, using a thermometer to measure when it gets to syrup.  Sometimes, the syrup will foam up and boil over.  That's the biggest mess you've ever seen.  You have to clean out all the burners and probably clean the oven because it drips down into it and the stove top will still be sticky everytime you touch it for about a month.

We used to have sugaring off parties.  People would come around 8, we'd have a pot of syrup swinging on a tripod over an open fire to boil it down to the toffee stage for pouring on the snow.  We'd have beverages in the snow; people would sit around the fire and talk, we'd eat the toffee when it was ready (only the kids did the dill pickle trick) and Mom would put on a midnight sugarbush supper.  Maple baked beans, maple glazed ham, tossed salad with maple French dressing, maple syrup pie, boiled maple loaf, maple syrup muffins and homemade bread.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: hermanne on February 07, 2013, 11:00:02 AM
^ Outdoor Girl, that sounds very Little House, aka "Dance at Grandpa's". Wish I could've seen it!  :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: o_gal on February 07, 2013, 11:52:07 AM
Don't know if this is a "kitchen" disaster, but it did involve cooking, just over a grill outside of the kitchen.

The first time that we made maple syrup, we were boiling it off in a shallow pan on our gas grill (since that time, DH has built his own syrup evaporator that we use in the backyard at the fire pit.) Since we hadn't done this before, we were trying to be careful and watch the sap closely. But with 3 year old DS, it was mainly DH doing the watching while I did kid duty.

When you boil a liquid, as the liquid boils down, it starts to evaporate faster because you are dealing with a lesser and lesser amount of liquid. Our first batch turned not into syrup, not into sugar, but into this really, really sticky maple toffee (tasted OK but also a bit burnt). We were able to scrape what was left into a coffee cup, and get the pan clean. But it's really discouraging to be boiling about 5 gallons of sap down for hours only to end up with a coffee cup of thick, toffee-like stuff that can't be poured over pancakes  :'(

Oh, you rookie!   :)  What you do with that nice toffee is that while it is still hot, you pour it on snow.  Then you use a popcicle stick to wind it up and make a lollipop.  Then you eat a dill pickle to kill the sweetness and have another one.  It is called 'sugaring off'.


Well, really really sticky toffee doesn't pour. Over pancakes or over snow. It was just a thick sludge in the coffee cup - you could spoon it out and eat it, if you really wanted to. I think it sat in the house waiting for someone to eat it for about a week before I cleaned out the cup.

Sap's running again! We should be having to put more sap jugs in our fridge today. We've been eating down everything to make room for them. We learned the hard (pun intended) way what happens if you have to store it for awhile and don't keep it cold. I'm sure the alcohol would have burned off with all that boiling, but that year we dumped it.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 07, 2013, 01:42:35 PM
Wow - you really over cooked it.

Ours isn't running yet and shouldn't run for a while yet - I hope.  I'm not ready to run to my Dad's every weekend!

The worst way to ruin a batch of syrup?

Stoke the fire really good, not realizing that there are cracks in the chimney.  When you Dad goes up in half an hour to do his turn at stoking, he notices that the sugar shack on fire - more of a low smolder, really.  Make your daughter wonder why you've come back down to the house several times and going back up to the shack.  Then use 2 or 3 fire extinguishers to put out the fire, a chain saw to cut down the still smoldering section of wall and toss it into the snow bank.  The chemical stuff inside ABC fire extinguishers?  Is really hard to clean out of a stainless steel pan.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: marcel on February 08, 2013, 09:26:34 PM
Yesterday I made some red cabbage, which needs to simmer for about an hour. I put it on, and then went to watch some tv. When I checked it out half an hour later, I found that I accidentaly left it on full heat :-[ So I didn't have dinner, and I lost one of my cast iron pans (luckily it was a cheap one).

(The smell was so bad, that at some point the woman who lives on the top floor came down because she was afraid there was a fire somewhere.)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: drzim on February 09, 2013, 02:01:28 PM
I admit that I am very amused by the fact that the kitchen disasters thread is much longer than the kitchen "successes" thread!

My most memorable was the time I wanted to cook breakfast for my mom on mother's day morning.  I had a recipe for cinnamon rolls all picked out from my Betty Crocker cookbook.  Alas, I was only 8 so my dad had to be involved.  Apparently, no one told him that there is a difference between baking powder and baking soda.  We ended up with hockey pucks that tasted horrible.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Elfmama on February 12, 2013, 11:41:30 PM
I don't know what I did to ruin the gingerbread muffins that I made, but I suspect that I left out the baking soda, because they didn't rise.  At all.  :P Not done in the middle either, IIRC.  I cut them into slices, put them back into the oven at about 175oF, and left them there until they were hard as rocks.

The dog thought they were the best treats ever.  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Katana_Geldar on February 13, 2013, 12:59:42 AM
I've managed to get making pastry in the food processor so that it's as good as store bought pastry!

Now it's great for my juices and pies.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Nikko-chan on February 13, 2013, 02:30:07 AM
I don't know what I did to ruin the gingerbread muffins that I made, but I suspect that I left out the baking soda, because they didn't rise.  At all.  :P Not done in the middle either, IIRC.  I cut them into slices, put them back into the oven at about 175oF, and left them there until they were hard as rocks.

The dog thought they were the best treats ever.  ;D

See I don't think that was a disaster... you at least got treats out of it for your pooch! What would have really been a disaster is if they would have burned!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Elfmama on February 13, 2013, 11:47:03 AM
I don't know what I did to ruin the gingerbread muffins that I made, but I suspect that I left out the baking soda, because they didn't rise.  At all.  :P Not done in the middle either, IIRC.  I cut them into slices, put them back into the oven at about 175oF, and left them there until they were hard as rocks.

The dog thought they were the best treats ever.  ;D

See I don't think that was a disaster... you at least got treats out of it for your pooch! What would have really been a disaster is if they would have burned!
My mother burned waffles once.  Mom usually burned the first one of a batch, but this time she really outdid herself.  Even the dog wouldn't eat it -- he gave it decent burial in the back yard.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Mediancat on February 13, 2013, 02:23:30 PM
My disaster, which is fairly minor, involved making some italian bread sticks. I took bread sticks, brushed them with melted butter, then sprinkled italian seasoning, red pepper and what I thought was garlic on top, then baked them.

They came out nice and golden brown. I had some marinara sauce ready to dip them in. One bite; two bites; okay, what's wrong --

Oh.

What I had thought was garlic powder, turned out to be cinnamon sugar. Cinnamon sugar, red pepper and italian seasoning breadsticks, dipped in marinara, is not tasty.

Rob
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on February 13, 2013, 04:22:19 PM
The cinnamon sugar story reminds me of something that was carried down in our family for years. 

My mother learned to make her spaghetti sauce from an Italian neighbor.  It was a tasty sauce but something was a little off. When I went off on my own, I figured it out. 

When she was told the recipe, Mom wrote it down.  The recipe called for 'three cloves of garlic'.  Mom heard the 'three cloves' but she didn't hear the 'garlic'.  As a result, our home-made spaghetti sauce always included whole cloves but no garlic.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 13, 2013, 05:22:42 PM
That's funny!  But the flavour isn't so off.  My chili recipe calls for whole cloves.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Nikko-chan on February 14, 2013, 06:44:36 AM
You don't have to bake rice pudding.


http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/ (http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/)

That's cooked, just not baked. Hers was assembled, not cooked. ;)

Wait... you mean she served your dad raw rice? As in... still crunchy?

And that in itself reminds me of a story I have probably told on Ehell before. My grandmother loved to experiment with food. So she finds this recipe for angel hair nests... that have to be fried. You can see where this is going. Of course, grandma, being an experimenter, always knew that things did not always come out right, and every time she experimented and invited her daughters and their significant others over for dinner, she always made sure to have a pot of her delicious sauce on the stove, just in case.

This angel nest recipe was a failure. No one liked it. At all. It was crunchy and greasy... all plates were promptly taken away and replaced with lovely angel hair pasta slathered in grandma's sauce. All but one plate. You see, my mother had also brought her S/O that day. My father. He was very new to the family, and insisted upon eating the angel hair nest.

One can just imagine how that went. *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH*

Later my father told me he did it because he was the newest one in the family and he wanted to impress my grandmother!

My response to him? "Her own daughters refused to eat it! Heck, she didn't even eat it, it was that bad!"

eta the story of my grandmothers kitchen disaster.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on February 14, 2013, 08:34:36 AM
That's funny!  But the flavour isn't so off.  My chili recipe calls for whole cloves.

Hmmm. We'll have to try that.  Mr. Thipu's patented chili includes a small block of unsweetened chocolate to even out the flavors.  Cloves could add a nice touch.  Thank you, Outdoor Girl. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 14, 2013, 12:44:49 PM
That's funny!  But the flavour isn't so off.  My chili recipe calls for whole cloves.

Hmmm. We'll have to try that.  Mr. Thipu's patented chili includes a small block of unsweetened chocolate to even out the flavors.  Cloves could add a nice touch.  Thank you, Outdoor Girl.

The only spice in my sauce recipe is allspice. Its ground beef, dried mushrooms, red wine, allspice, and canned tomato sauce and water, and you cook it down until thick. It has a unique flavor, but its good! Came from a famous Italian restaurant in San Francisco, not sure which one, but Tony Bennett was supposedly a regular.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: blueyzca01 on February 14, 2013, 01:28:56 PM
Fior d’Italia on Mason Street?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 14, 2013, 02:56:28 PM
Fior d’Italia on Mason Street?

YES! How did you know that? once I saw it, I recognized the name. My mom was living there in the late 50's/early 60's, and if I remember, someone she knew was married or related to, one of the chef's, adn that's how she got the recipe.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: o_gal on February 15, 2013, 07:46:07 AM
When she was told the recipe, Mom wrote it down.  The recipe called for 'three cloves of garlic'.  Mom heard the 'three cloves' but she didn't hear the 'garlic'.  As a result, our home-made spaghetti sauce always included whole cloves but no garlic.

We have a family recipe for what we call "Unga". We have no idea whether the name is correct, or got mangled through the years. Most of my paternal grandmother's family was from areas in Hungary and Romania and we've been told that it's most likely Hungarian in origin. The original recipe is to cook together tomatoes, onions, salt, pepper, ground beef, and whole cloves (in a tea ball or cheesecloth so you can easily remove them.) It makes a very thin sauce that we serve over pasta.

Mom's version added green peppers. I took that and added garlic, to bring Thipu's story full circle. And now I think I'm going to make Unga for dinner sometime this weekend  :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: robobecky on February 15, 2013, 12:57:45 PM
This was more annoying than a disaster, but anyway.  I tried to make pizza today for lunch.  Normally I'm a pretty good cook and baker, but not today.  I used the flour that was in the canister and that I thought was whole wheat all purpose flour.  Pretty sure I used whole wheat pastry flour instead.  The result was....not good.  I really need to start labeling canisters.  All purpose flour and pastry flour look really similar!  So delivery for lunch it is.

Another disaster was when I tried to make chili.  It was a recipe I used before and it was great.  Not this time.  I forgot to soak the black beans ahead of time and gave them a very brief soak and cook which didn't work, then the zucchini I had had rotted, so I had to throw it out, and then I burned the chili.  I ended up throwing the whole mess out in the end as it was just gross.  I don't think I've ever messed up a recipe that spectacularly before.  Luckily its not a very labor intensive recipe so its not as if I threw out hours of hard work, it was mostly just upsetting that I wasted all that food.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on February 15, 2013, 01:26:34 PM
Bermuda Sgrikes Back.

On our first visit to Bermuda we fell in love with sherry pepper.  This is a dry sherry infused with hot peppers.  In Bermuda, it's as common on restaurant tables as salt or black pepper. A squirt is delicious in soups, in stews or on pasta.

We brought home several bottles but, eventually, we used them up and couldn't find any locally.   

We'd made infused vinegars for additions to Holiday gifts and thought sherry pepper would be a novel change of pace.  After all, how hard could it be?

After the mixture was packaged up in decorative bottles suitable for gift-giving, a chain reaction much like what happened to my Grandfather's beer took place.  I came home from work to find the kitchen coated in sherry, peppers and shattered glass. 

Since then, we have found it prudent to make a visit to Bermuda every year or two and stock up. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Morticia on February 16, 2013, 11:51:40 AM
A few weeks ago, I made a pork roast with mashed plantains that was wonderful. I have since tried to recreate it, and each time it has turned out horribly. The plantains are dry and tough and never soft enough for a good mashing. I have tried in the oven and the crock pot, and I just cannot make it the way it turned out the first time.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Nikko-chan on February 16, 2013, 12:05:07 PM
Bermuda Sgrikes Back.

On our first visit to Bermuda we fell in love with sherry pepper.  This is a dry sherry infused with hot peppers.  In Bermuda, it's as common on restaurant tables as salt or black pepper. A squirt is delicious in soups, in stews or on pasta.

We brought home several bottles but, eventually, we used them up and couldn't find any locally.   

We'd made infused vinegars for additions to Holiday gifts and thought sherry pepper would be a novel change of pace.  After all, how hard could it be?

After the mixture was packaged up in decorative bottles suitable for gift-giving, a chain reaction much like what happened to my Grandfather's beer took place.  I came home from work to find the kitchen coated in sherry, peppers and shattered glass. 

Since then, we have found it prudent to make a visit to Bermuda every year or two and stock up.

How... how did that happen?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on February 16, 2013, 01:38:32 PM
We don't quite know but we think the problem was the sherry.  It's possible that the peppers we used weren't clean enough and set off some sort of reaction with residual. 

Whatever the problem was, we don't mind making a quick hop to Bermuda every few years.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: DollyPond on February 16, 2013, 04:58:18 PM
A few weeks ago, I made a pork roast with mashed plantains that was wonderful. I have since tried to recreate it, and each time it has turned out horribly. The plantains are dry and tough and never soft enough for a good mashing. I have tried in the oven and the crock pot, and I just cannot make it the way it turned out the first time.

For plantains to be nice soft and sweet the skins need to go completely black. They may look like they're rotted but they're not.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Morticia on February 16, 2013, 05:08:59 PM
^thank you. That is very helpful.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Katana_Geldar on February 17, 2013, 04:51:54 PM
Made quiche last night and the milk I put in it instead of cream overflowed and made the quiche stick to the pan. It's happened before, and DH asked me why I used milk when it papered before and I told him I forgot until it happened again!

I even made the edge taller when I blind baked it to get a better edge, b the pastry shrank back. Maybe it's because I rolled it twice as I stuffed it up the first time
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Elisabunny on February 17, 2013, 05:16:30 PM
Made quiche last night and the milk I put in it instead of cream overflowed and made the quiche stick to the pan. It's happened before, and DH asked me why I used milk when it papered before and I told him I forgot until it happened again!

I even made the edge taller when I blind baked it to get a better edge, b the pastry shrank back. Maybe it's because I rolled it twice as I stuffed it up the first time

Do you use a recipe for any part of the quiche?  If so, write a note to yourself.  My cookbooks are marked up all over the place to remind me of stupid things to do or not to do.

I just discovered a minor disaster.  I made some jelly from our grapes (we actually got a grape harvest! squee! ;D).  I discovered upon opening the first jar that it did not gel very well.  Plus, it has weird sugar crystal formations throughout that remind me of the Spider Queen's ship in the the Runaway Bride episode of Doctor Who. :o  It tastes good, though.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Julian on February 17, 2013, 09:10:55 PM
Yesterday was an adventure in the kitchen...

It started off like the normal Sunday morning, however I noticed what sounded like a bird stuck in the flue of my wood heater.  I went over, opened it up (expecting to remove the top plate to rescue the bird) but the bird was already down, fiesty as heck and ready to blow the joint!  Probably not helped by Salem the killer kitty watching eagerly.

So the silly bird flew out of the loungeroom into the kitchen, where it proceded to bash itself against the windows trying to escape, chased by the killer kitty and me with a blanket to catch it in.  Anyway, the bird ended up down behind the bins, which live next to another wood heater, an old potbelly stove, which sits on a brick base and which has a brick backing behind it, which sits out about an inch from the wall, held up by metal brackets.

I moved the bins out, ably assisted by KK and by now, Suzi the wonder-mutt.  The bird freaked out (no idea why!   ;D ) and squeezed into the gap behind the brickwork. 

I spend the next several hours of a very hot day trying to get the poor old bird out.  Eventually I had two dogs there, sniffing, yipping and trying frantically to dig through the bricks and floorboards (you weren't helping, girls!), Housemate poking from one side of the gap with a wire, me with a torch trying to see the mad bird.  Eventually I could see it, poor little thing, and used the wire hook (it was a straightened out coat hanger) to hook in behind the bird and gently nudge it forward.

Well, the bird broke free and went flying for the window again, and Guest neatly captured it in a teatowel and then released it back into the wild.

The dogs saw all this go down, watched the bird fly away, and then went back to sniff, growl and yip some more at the brickwork for another couple of hours.

Never a dull moment at Chez Backwater!

(The real kitchen disaster happened later when cooking dinner.  The darned pork roast just would not cook.  Ended up doing Plan C, a bacon, summer vegetable and cream cheese pasta dish which was delicious!  The pork finished around 8:30pm, so guess what's for dinner tonight?)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Softly Spoken on February 17, 2013, 09:37:44 PM
*snip*
So here are a few of my favorites...

I once blew up a pyrex pan while baking chicken.  And by "blow up" I mean 10 thousand little pieces that also managed to break the glass window in the oven.


That might not have been your doing. There are many reports of the newer Pyrex baking dishes exploding. Did you report that to the CPSC?

http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine-archive/2011/january/home-garden/glass-cookware/glass-cookware/index.htm

You can also blow up the old stuff, the stuff that's supposed to be indestructible. I had an old original type Pyrex glass 9x13 baking dish that I always made baklava in at Christmas time. One year, I made the sugar+honey syrup ahead of time so it would be ready - you bake the baklava for an hour at a low temp, then pour the syrup over it, then brown it at higher temp for just a few minutes. But after taking the syrup pan off the burner, I forgot to turn it off. I finished the browning, then set the pan to cool on top of the front and back burners, and the back one was still at the low temp for making the syrup. About 15 minutes later, we heard a massive explosion in the kitchen. I think it took us a couple of hours to clean up and find all of the glass.
1) Ooooh, I lost my mom's favorite pyrex 9x13 dish through the temp flux issue  :-[ ...I don't even remember what I had cooked in it, but I had taken it out of the oven and ran hot water in it in the sink...then switched to cold water - POW. Shattered. At least it did it in the sink. :-\ RIP beloved yellow lasagna pan.  :'( :'( :'(

2) I also consider myself lucky that I didn't start a fire the first time I tried to fry something in oil - I tried to make hush puppies in a regular cooking pot - the oil got really black and smokey. The puppies weren't actually that bad but the clean up was horrible.  :P Some day I am going to save up and buy a little legitimate counter top deep fryer.  ;)
~*~*~*~*~*~
3) NEAR disaster: I'm putting this here because it is a near mishap involving food and cluelessness: my Dad was trying to clean out the cupboards of misc. foodstuffs. He likes to eat tuna, chicken salad, canned salmon and the like on bread or crackers. He tells me he found an old tin of tuna salad that he's going to eat, probably a gourmet gift from our neighbors who like to travel and send us baskets full of local goodies as thanks for watching their house. I express concern that even canned food has its pull date and he shows me the little container. I confirm the date...but puzzle over not recognizing the brand...it does not have a fish or mermaid as it's logo... ???...in fact the black logo next to the name looks like...
 ???
 :o
 :o :o :o
 ::) >:D
The silhouette of a cat.
It is gourmet cat food, left over from the year our dearly departed feline was given a special present of her own one Christmas.
Me: "Um Dad? You don't want to eat that..."
Dad: "I'm telling you it's still perfectly good-"
Me: *trying not to stroke out from supressed laughter* "Its. Cat. Food."
Dad:  ???      ???      :o   :-[ "*Unrepeatable on eHell!*"
Me: *can't breathe from laughing*

ETA: the funniest story about food I had.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on February 18, 2013, 09:10:47 AM
MIL's Kitchen Disaster.

Salt bean milk and Crullers.  MIL remembers this dish from her childhood as something it took the servants a long time to make.  A while back, we discovered an easy way to do it using soft tofu, chicken broth, scallions and a blender.  We can also get the Crullers in a Chinese grocery so we make it quite often for a winter breakfast. 

On a visit,, we brought the ingredients and made it for MIL.  She liked it and said it was very close to what she remembered so we left her a package of Crullers to keep in the freezer and the recipe.

Rather than use soft tofu, she decided that soy milk would work just as well.  It was a mistake.  Like
many soy milks, the one she used is a little sweet.   This did NOT make a good mix with the soy sauce, sesame oil, pickles and scallions that are usually served with the dish. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ica171 on February 18, 2013, 05:13:23 PM

snip

2) I also consider myself lucky that I didn't start a fire the first time I tried to fry something in oil - I tried to make hush puppies in a regular cooking pot - the oil got really black and smokey. The puppies weren't actually that bad but the clean up was horrible.  :P Some day I am going to save up and buy a little legitimate counter top deep fryer.  ;)
~*~*~*~*~*~


We bought a countertop fryer from Wal-Mart for I think $30. It might be a Fry Daddy, I'm not sure. But we love it. Every once in a while we have what we call Fry Days, where we fry up a bunch of different stuff. Chicken, donuts, french fries, pizza rolls, funnel cake, etc etc. It's delicious but not at all healthy, which is why it only happens 3-4 times a year.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mandycorn on February 18, 2013, 05:35:14 PM
I had my first kitchen disaster in a while the other day.

I started making rice in the usual way, adding rice to cold water and putting it on a fairly high heat to bring it to a boil. So far so good, but then I had a somewhat upsetting phone call, which I took in the living room. About 15 minutes later, I noticed the air was getting a little thick and realized I'd forgotten the rice! I had about a quarter of an inch of absolutely black rice burned to the bottom of my sauce pan!

And the worst part is that I opened a bunch of windows and turned off the heater to try to air out the house and forgot to turn the heater back on before I went to bed! It was 59 degrees the next morning when I realized what I had done!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: AustenFan on February 18, 2013, 06:05:40 PM
Add me to the list of those who have blown up a Pyrex baking dish., but it was entirely due to my own stupidity.

I used to spend Sunday afternoon baking, and was once making a s'more pie and cinnamon buns. When I finished with the chocolate mixture for the pie I forget to turn the burner off, which I discovered about 10 minutes after I pulled the buns out of the oven and placed them on the burner to cool. The smell of burning wafted into the living room, when I went to investigate the syrup on the cinnamon buns was black and boiling up between them. I still don't understand what the heck I was thinking, but I lifted the buns to see how badly burned the bottom of the dish was, and it exploded right as I got it to where I could see under it, spraying burning cinnamon buns, boiling brown sugar syrup and hot glass all over my kitchen, ceiling and down my shirt, where it collected in my bra. Had I not been wearing my glasses I'm sure I'd have been blinded, they were scratched beyond saving and I burned my chest where I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough.

I stood sobbing in the middle of my kitchen for a couple minutes, and spent the next week vacuuming up broken glass and steaming sugar syrup off the counters, tile and ceiling. I never could get the grout and ceiling completely clean.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: clio917 on February 18, 2013, 06:56:42 PM
Ouch, AustenFan! Scary.
We managed to explode a Pyrex dish once, cooking (expensive) tuna steaks. We (I say we, but it was really DH) accidentally switched the oven over to broil instead of turning it off, left the dish in the oven for a few minutes - so it got super hot - then set it on the room temp glass cooktop. The dish luckily exploded into relatively dull large pieces, so we rinsed the stupid tuna steaks and ate them anyway. Of course, I spent a few days picking fused glass shards off my kitchen rug, but it didn't do too much damage.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: JadeAngel on February 19, 2013, 10:42:47 PM
AustenFan's story reminded me of a science class in middle school where we made peanut brittle (not sure if there was any science involved but it was delicious!)

We were heating pans of boiling sugar over the bunsen burners to make the brittle and my friend C decided to check if the sugar was boiling by sticking her finger into the liquid in the pan (It was)

She was neither the first, nor the last student to make a visit to the sickbay that day...  :o
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on February 20, 2013, 10:15:43 AM
While making dinner the other night, I took the frying pan I'd been using for hashbrowns, transferred its contents to a serving bowl, and set the hot pan down on a fabric pot rest for a moment.  I then put the pan back on the burner to cook some mushrooms without noticing that the pot rest was stuck to the bottom of the pan – until, that is, I saw smoke coming off the burner.  I grabbed the pan and unthinkingly flipped it upside down to remove the pot rest, forgetting that I’d poured some oil in the pan, which then ended up on the floor.  As is so often the case, despite my best efforts to clean up the floor, it was still slippery.  I found that out the hard way when I was walking towards the oven, slipped, and fell heavily on my butt. 

At least dinner was good after all that.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on February 22, 2013, 12:53:37 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on February 22, 2013, 01:05:44 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/

I have no idea what to say.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on February 22, 2013, 01:13:56 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/

I have no idea what to say.

For starters:  "DUH!"

EvilTraska:  "Hey, dude, you got two tens for a five?"  Repeat until rich.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Elfmama on February 22, 2013, 03:11:02 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/ (http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/)

I have no idea what to say.
How about "Why would you heat up the OVEN to make waffles?" ???
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: MrTango on February 22, 2013, 03:16:03 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/ (http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/)

I have no idea what to say.
How about "Why would you heat up the OVEN to make waffles?" ???

Depending on how many people I was serving, I might use the oven to keep them warm.

ETA: "them" being the waffles, not the people...   :-[
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on February 22, 2013, 03:16:49 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/ (http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/)

I have no idea what to say.
How about "Why would you heat up the OVEN to make waffles?" ???

Leggo my Eggo?

They may have been Pre-made heat-n-serve waffles, and either there wasn't a toaster/countertop oven available, or they were making a whole bunch. My guess anyway.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jpcher on February 22, 2013, 03:24:58 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/ (http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/)

I have no idea what to say.
How about "Why would you heat up the OVEN to make waffles?" ???

To keep the done waffles warm while you're cooking more?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Elfmama on February 22, 2013, 11:03:29 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/ (http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/)

I have no idea what to say.
How about "Why would you heat up the OVEN to make waffles?" ???

To keep the done waffles warm while you're cooking more?
Maybe.  Never did it that way, since the wafflehounds fuss if I don't put them straight onto a plate for immediate consumption.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Rohanna on February 23, 2013, 02:05:46 PM
We use the oven for "warming" when we're making up a big batch of pancakes for holidays- that way I/my husband can sit and eat with the family instead of being a short-order cook :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: AustenFan on February 23, 2013, 02:17:00 PM
Hoo boy: http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/ (http://consumerist.com/2013/02/22/warning-do-not-store-your-glock-and-ammo-in-the-oven/)

I have no idea what to say.
How about "Why would you heat up the OVEN to make waffles?" ???

Leggo my Eggo?

They may have been Pre-made heat-n-serve waffles, and either there wasn't a toaster/countertop oven available, or they were making a whole bunch. My guess anyway.

I amow craving the pre-made Belgium waffles from Costco, have none in the house and now am going to be making a trip to Costco later. Waffles and turkey bacon for dinner in the Austen house tonight!! Thanks, jedikati.  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Carotte on February 25, 2013, 07:34:22 AM
I had a disaster in the making, home-made tomato sauce that I'm supposed to baby-sit (it's my SO's sauce) was starting to scorch on the bottom.
Since he doesn't need to know I almost ruined this batch* I put it away, am cleaning the saucepan from all evidence and will put it back in the clean 'original' saucepan later.

*Since I ruined the previous one, even if I think we share the blame on this one he still think it's my fault.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on June 08, 2013, 06:19:29 PM
Pulling this up because I need some help. Last night I made scallops (Alton Brown's recipe), and then in the same pan I  cooked a chicken breast in the same butter/olive oil combination. They were delicious but unfortunately I must have had the heat on a bit too high because I ended up with blackened stuff in the bottom of the pan.

The pan, alas, is a Le Crueset skillet. I went online to see what others had done and among the suggestions was one to use dishwasher detergent and hot water and let it soak. I did, but I had the brilliant ( ::)) idea of putting it on the stove on a low setting to keep the water hot. Well, the water ended up boiling away and I was left with a layer of white. I soaked it in more water, then rinsed it out under hot running water. It all came away, both the black and the white bits, but now I see that my lovely black interior has a big section of gray. Dark gray, but still. What can I do? Does the cleaner that Le Crueset sells help with this? Do you have any other ideas?

And yes, I plan to use a lower heat next time.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on June 08, 2013, 07:46:01 PM
The interior is cast iron, correct? You need to season it just like any cast iron pan. Take vegetable oil or shortening, use a wad of paper towels to rub it on, then put it in the oven on 350 degrees F for 10-15 minutes. Repeat as necessary until you have a glossy black surface.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on June 08, 2013, 08:25:28 PM
It is cast iron but it is enameled. I am not sure your idea would work on it.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on June 08, 2013, 08:32:55 PM
Contact Le Crueset. I bet they have an email or a help line on their website.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on June 08, 2013, 09:31:19 PM
Just did. I don't know why I didn't do that first.  ::) Thanks.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Nikko-chan on June 09, 2013, 12:09:43 AM
You know those bagged frozen fries? Yeah. I just burned some the other night. Bagged frozen fries. I burned them. Still can't figure out HOW but there you go.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: dawnfire on June 09, 2013, 03:32:31 AM
The first time I used a microwave, I used it to defrost some frozen bread rolls. I put it on full for a minute, needless to say they turned out like hockey pucks
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Snooks on June 09, 2013, 02:00:22 PM
This evening's mashed potatoes were more like glue than potatoes. I think I'll give up on mashed potatoes I never get them right.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on June 09, 2013, 04:48:56 PM
This isn't as bad as it could have been, but...rainbow cupcakes. Or I should say, failcakes.

I'm actually quite a good baker - my mother's a chef and took baking classes, so I've learned a lot from her - but sometimes that gets me into trouble. ;) For some reason I got it into my head to make rainbow cupcakes. From scratch. Using my LIQUID food coloring. With about seven different layers of color in each cupcake. Now, perhaps this still could have been salvaged if someone with any sense was doing it, but sense and I are on opposite ends of the dictionary sometimes!

- I didn't have nearly enough batter - or bowls - to make the requisite layers. I was able to layer maybe three cupcakes before I ran out and had to do single-colored ones.
- The liquid coloring made my batter far too runny. Which I didn't honestly realize till I'd baked them...
- The recipe I was using turned out to be very tetchy. Couldn't have known.
- I couldn't get the layers to spread properly! It ended up more like concentric rings of color than layers. Bleah.

So I wrestle the failcakes into the oven, creatively cursing all the way, and bake them. And bake them. And bake them some more. And they didn't cook AT ALL. I left them in there for three times as long as they were meant to be in and I pulled them out still completely liquid. Apparently that liquid coloring completely negated any properties of setting up that the batter had!

The failcakes went straight into the trash and I swore never to make another dadgum rainbow cupcake again. At least, not until I get gel colors.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jpcher on June 09, 2013, 04:55:45 PM
This evening's mashed potatoes were more like glue than potatoes. I think I'll give up on mashed potatoes I never get them right.

Awww! Don't give up! Home made mashed potatoes are soooo much better than boxed-mixes.

How do you make yours?

What type of potato do you use?

I really like the Gold Yukon potato for mashed. The standard white baking potato also works well.

Do not use red potatoes for mashed . . . I don't know why. How about "Because I said so?" ;) Even though the red potatoes are boiling potatoes, I've never used them for mashed.

Curious as to what other posters will say.



Peel the potatoes and chunk them so all the pieces are about the same size. It really doesn't matter what size (I use about 1-inch squares, smaller pieces will cook quicker) same-sized chunks will ensure that all the pieces are done during the same amount of time.

After peeling and chunking . . . RINSE! rinse, rinse, rinse! I put my chunked potatoes into the cooking pot, fill it with cold water, swoosh the potatoes around with my hand then drain in a colander. Repeat 2-3-4 times, until the water in the pot seems clear. This method rinses off a lot of the starch from the potatoes.

Boil the potatoes starting in cold water for about 40 minutes (depending on your chunk size) until the chunks are just fork-tender. Over cooking can also be part of the problem.

Drain the potatoes in the colander, return to the pot and on low heat add butter (cut up intoto 1 tsp slices -- maybe 1/2 stick?) and milk (a little at a time) while mashing, until it's to the consistency that you like.



Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on June 09, 2013, 05:15:15 PM
I never rinse potatoes and I use all varieties regularly.

 

Peel the potatoes and chunk them so all the pieces are about the same size. It really doesn't matter what size (I use about 1-inch squares, smaller pieces will cook quicker) same-sized chunks will ensure that all the pieces are done during the same amount of time.



I concur with the above quote. Boil the water until it is rolling, so medium and large bubbles rising from the bottom all the way to the surface. Make sure you salt the water! Boil potatoes for 20 minutes then use a slotted spoon to remove a few pieces and pierce them with a fork, when all the test pieces are tender and come apart, then drain the potatoes.
While the potatoes are in a colander, melt butter in the pot they were in, and only when the butter is melted add back the potatoes. Use a potato masher to break apart most lumps, then add milk until it is your preferred consistency.
Add salt and pepper to taste. Enjoy!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: greencat on June 09, 2013, 05:50:38 PM
I use heavy cream in my homemade mashed potatoes - it makes them, well, creamy.  I almost always make them with baby red potatoes, almost never with any other kind.  I also cheat a lot on the cooking and usually my potatoes spend some time in the microwave, because I am not very patient.  I also don't peel them, just chop them up pretty small - I like the peel in the mash. 


My now-ex boyfriend once pepper-gassed a whole house of guests.  It was a game night, and everyone brings their own dinner, not a hosted party.  My ex made his dinner on the stove top, and although I've since forgotten what he made, I have not forgotten that he chose to put red pepper flakes on it - and the little plastic thing with the holes that makes the bottle a shaker came off with the actual lid, and the red pepper flakes ended up on the still red-hot stove top.  We had to open all the doors and windows and set up fans to make the house habitable.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 09, 2013, 06:18:10 PM
I never rinse potatoes and I use all varieties regularly.

 

Peel the potatoes and chunk them so all the pieces are about the same size. It really doesn't matter what size (I use about 1-inch squares, smaller pieces will cook quicker) same-sized chunks will ensure that all the pieces are done during the same amount of time.



I concur with the above quote. Boil the water until it is rolling, so medium and large bubbles rising from the bottom all the way to the surface. Make sure you salt the water! Boil potatoes for 20 minutes then use a slotted spoon to remove a few pieces and pierce them with a fork, when all the test pieces are tender and come apart, then drain the potatoes.
While the potatoes are in a colander, melt butter in the pot they were in, and only when the butter is melted add back the potatoes. Use a potato masher to break apart most lumps, then add milk until it is your preferred consistency.
Add salt and pepper to taste. Enjoy!

Remove the part about peeling, and we are in full agreement.  :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: *inviteseller on June 09, 2013, 06:43:45 PM
I can't make mashed potatoes either.  People have watched me and no one can figure out what goes wrong, but I end up with spackle.  My dad said he would never eat mashed potato flakes, but yet every Christmas at my house, he does and never realizes it.  It is our families little secret!

I have had numerous kitchen disasters from simply not using my brain.  When you add water to a pan of rice a roni you are sauteing in butter, do not, I stress, do not just pour the 2 1/4 cups of water in while the pan is still on the burner on high.   I was impressed with how high the flames shot !  My friend just looked at me and asked if I had failed home ec.  I was in my 20's !

We lost a plastic Elmo plate in another moment of brain freeze.  I set it on the back burner while I opened the oven to get the chicken out.  Unfortunately, the pan on the front burner was sitting there doing nothing because I had turned on the back one instead.  I had my back to the stove while serving salad and couldn't figure out what the smell that was suddenly enveloping the room was..and I turned to see Elmo melted to the burner and flames licking the sides.  I did remember the home ec baking soda trick.  The stench stayed at least a week no matter how much I scrubbed.  This is why I now have a gas stove!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: greeneyes on June 09, 2013, 11:43:23 PM
When I was living in my first off-campus apartment, I discovered two things:
1) I really enjoyed baking cookies and
2) My roommates were not to be trusted with an oven. At all. The number of times I came home just in time to rescue plastic plates and takeout containers that were being heated for "just a few minutes"...

So one night I was making my favorite oatmeal raisin cookies, just for fun, but I decided that the dough needed to chill longer (I start with melted butter, makes for chewier cookies) and that I would just wake up at 6am and bake before going to campus.

Well, what I didn't realize was when my roommate had sworn she had cleaned the oven (from a previous plastic incident), what she meant was that she had not, in fact, cleaned the oven. But I, merrily oblivious to this fact, turned on the oven to preheat and started shaping the first batch. So when the fire alarms went off, I thought to myself, "Huh. How annoying. I better turn those off." (In my defense, they did tend to go off every time anyone cooked anything).

Cut to me opening the oven, cookie sheet in hand, only to reveal a happy little flame at the back of my oven. And I can only blame my gut reaction on the fact that it was 6am: "if I put that out, can I still bake my cookies?"

I ended up filling a frying pan with water, dousing the oven, and then calling Maitenance to inquire about the box full of flame in my kitchen. And needless to say, from that point on, I made sure to clean the oven myself.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Dazi on June 10, 2013, 06:20:21 AM
This evening's mashed potatoes were more like glue than potatoes. I think I'll give up on mashed potatoes I never get them right.

Awww! Don't give up! Home made mashed potatoes are soooo much better than boxed-mixes.

How do you make yours?

What type of potato do you use?

I really like the Gold Yukon potato for mashed. The standard white baking potato also works well.

Do not use red potatoes for mashed . . . I don't know why. How about "Because I said so?" ;) Even though the red potatoes are boiling potatoes, I've never used them for mashed.

Curious as to what other posters will say.



Peel the potatoes and chunk them so all the pieces are about the same size. It really doesn't matter what size (I use about 1-inch squares, smaller pieces will cook quicker) same-sized chunks will ensure that all the pieces are done during the same amount of time.

After peeling and chunking . . . RINSE! rinse, rinse, rinse! I put my chunked potatoes into the cooking pot, fill it with cold water, swoosh the potatoes around with my hand then drain in a colander. Repeat 2-3-4 times, until the water in the pot seems clear. This method rinses off a lot of the starch from the potatoes.

Boil the potatoes starting in cold water for about 40 minutes (depending on your chunk size) until the chunks are just fork-tender. Over cooking can also be part of the problem.

Drain the potatoes in the colander, return to the pot and on low heat add butter (cut up intoto 1 tsp slices -- maybe 1/2 stick?) and milk (a little at a time) while mashing, until it's to the consistency that you like.

I actually prefer to use red potatoes as I don't find them nearly as gummy as some others, though Yukon golds work amazing well too.  I leave the skin on them though and cook them nearly the same way.  I don't put them back on the stove after rinsing.  Once drained, I put them back in the pot or a bowl and add room temp butter and use evaporated milk (I usually use about 3/4 of the can, sometimes the whole one for 5lbs or so of potatoes) adding a bit at a time while mashing (sometimes I will also sprinkle a bit of garlic powder and onion powder just prior to adding the liquid).  Also, I use a hand masher, not an electric mixer as I also find this makes mashed potatoes too gummy.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Snooks on June 10, 2013, 12:12:17 PM
This evening's mashed potatoes were more like glue than potatoes. I think I'll give up on mashed potatoes I never get them right.

Awww! Don't give up! Home made mashed potatoes are soooo much better than boxed-mixes.

I'm in the UK so boxed mixes aren't really used over here (we used to have Smash but I don't think you can even still buy that).  Thanks for the tips but it's going to be a while before I get over that particular disaster, I don't think DH will be asking for mash anytime soon either given the mess the kitchen ended up in.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: emwithme on June 10, 2013, 04:07:19 PM
This evening's mashed potatoes were more like glue than potatoes. I think I'll give up on mashed potatoes I never get them right.

Awww! Don't give up! Home made mashed potatoes are soooo much better than boxed-mixes.

I'm in the UK so boxed mixes aren't really used over here (we used to have Smash but I don't think you can even still buy that).  Thanks for the tips but it's going to be a while before I get over that particular disaster, I don't think DH will be asking for mash anytime soon either given the mess the kitchen ended up in.

OK, so UK based mashed potato advice coming up:

Buy maris piper or King Edward potatoes as a preference (Eddies also roast well), but at a pinch any supermarket bag of white potatoes will do. 

Peel your potatoes and chop into "reasonable" sized pieces - about the same size as a plum is good.  This tends to be eighths for bigger potatoes and quarters for smaller potatoes.  Allow about ten chunks of potato per person (unless they're mashed-potato-aholics like my DH and I, when you increase by at least twice!).  Put into cold water and (as above) rinse rinse rinse. 

Take a saucepan that gives the potatoes enough room to move about - my favourite mashed potato pan has a diameter that is the same size as the gap between my elbow and wrist (it takes 2 US quarts, according to the scale inside it!) (sorry, I can't put my hand on a measuring device at the moment) and put the potatoes in with enough COLD water to cover them by about a centimetre.  This will probably be level with the handle on the pan.  Add a little salt to the water if you want to.  (This is not essential and I usually leave it out).

Put the pan on a high heat until the potatoes start to boil.  This will take about ten minutes or so.  Once you've got a nice rolling boil, put a lid on the pan and turn the heat down to halfway.  Cook the potatoes for a further fifteen minutes or so.

At this point, the potatoes should fall off a fork if pronged.  If they don't, put the lid back on and re-check every minute or so. 

Drain the potatoes.

Mash them roughly (I use a ricer as it's easier with my disabilities but a hand masher works fine if you have the stamina), and add a big splash of milk.  Mix this in with a wooden spoon.  Add a couple of big curls of butter.  Mix again with the wooden spoon.  At this point, you should have a nice smooth, creamy mashed potato.  At this point, add ground black pepper if you want to. 

You can buy Smash (in Morrisons, where I shop, it's in the bit next to the oxo cubes) still - it's definitely improved since the bad old "smash martian" days.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Snooks on June 10, 2013, 04:41:18 PM
I did almost exactly what you recommended with one minor difference.  I whipped the potatoes using an electric whisk because neither one of us can mash potatoes without lumps.  They were standard white potatoes.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thipu1 on June 11, 2013, 10:18:58 AM
We learned a tip years ago that has helped our mashed potatoes a lot. 

Make sure that the milk is warm before it's added to the potatoes.  That stops a lot of the gluiness.  Also, do not over whip.  To our mind, potatoes should retain at least a bit of texture.  Frankly, we like ours with bits of skin.   
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on June 11, 2013, 10:22:37 AM
If you mix the cooked potato with the melted butter first, the butter coats the starch molecules and helps keep them from becoming gluey when the dairy is added. I learned that from America's Test Kitchen over a decade ago, and it has served me well.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Specky on June 11, 2013, 10:48:29 AM
Turd bread.

Made a loaf of bread yesterday in the bread machine using freshly ground spelt berries, so some extra effort and glorious expectations.  This is not the first time, and this recipe has worked before.  My yeast must have been dead, though it was within dates.  What I wound up with was a collection of nuggets that look like animal poops.  My kids and DH say it tastes great, though.  Wish I could post a picture.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Dazi on June 11, 2013, 04:23:31 PM
I did almost exactly what you recommended with one minor difference.  I whipped the potatoes using an electric whisk because neither one of us can mash potatoes without lumps.  They were standard white potatoes.

Electric mixer=glue potatoes

Maybe not all the time, but IME, a lot of the time.  If you must use an electric mixer, stir in the butter and some of the milk by hand with a big wooden spoon FIRST, then use the mixer on LOW ONLY for no more than about a minute.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: turtleIScream on June 11, 2013, 04:28:11 PM
My garlic paste...isn't. For some reason, my tried and proven recipe didn't work, and I just have a runny garlicky, lemony mess. To make it worse, I used up my olive oil, so I can't even start over.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on June 11, 2013, 04:39:00 PM
My garlic paste...isn't. For some reason, my tried and proven recipe didn't work, and I just have a runny garlicky, lemony mess. To make it worse, I used up my olive oil, so I can't even start over.

Is there any possibility that if you left it sitting open for a few minutes, enough liquid might evaporate to get it back closer to the consistency you were aiming for?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 11, 2013, 06:11:22 PM
I did almost exactly what you recommended with one minor difference.  I whipped the potatoes using an electric whisk because neither one of us can mash potatoes without lumps.  They were standard white potatoes.

Electric mixer=glue potatoes

Maybe not all the time, but IME, a lot of the time.  If you must use an electric mixer, stir in the butter and some of the milk by hand with a big wooden spoon FIRST, then use the mixer on LOW ONLY for no more than about a minute.

I have never used a potato masher or a spoon, all I've ever used is a hand mixer or a stand mixer.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Layla Miller on June 11, 2013, 08:16:01 PM
I did almost exactly what you recommended with one minor difference.  I whipped the potatoes using an electric whisk because neither one of us can mash potatoes without lumps.  They were standard white potatoes.

Electric mixer=glue potatoes

Maybe not all the time, but IME, a lot of the time.  If you must use an electric mixer, stir in the butter and some of the milk by hand with a big wooden spoon FIRST, then use the mixer on LOW ONLY for no more than about a minute.

I have never used a potato masher or a spoon, all I've ever used is a hand mixer or a stand mixer.

Same here.  In fact, a few weeks ago the mixer beaters were in the dishwasher, so I had to dig out the potato masher...and the mashed potatoes tasted worse than usual.  Maybe we have magic hand mixers.  :D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Pen^2 on June 11, 2013, 09:59:48 PM
I decided to get myself a sandwich two days ago. The butter in the fridge was rock-solid (normally I let it sit on the counter a while in advance), so I thought I'd microwave it briefly. I've done this before. Unfortunately, the particular brand of butter we happened to have two days ago had aluminium in its wrapper. I didn't realise this until the fireworks started  ::)

Not my finest moment. I cleaned it all up, but felt like an absolute dunce. The butter was taken out of the charred wrapper and is now in a microwave-safe tupperware container.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Kimblee on June 12, 2013, 12:18:47 PM
OK, so UK based mashed potato advice coming up:

Buy maris piper or King Edward potatoes as a preference (Eddies also roast well), but at a pinch any supermarket bag of white potatoes will do. 

Peel your potatoes and chop into "reasonable" sized pieces - about the same size as a plum is good.  This tends to be eighths for bigger potatoes and quarters for smaller potatoes.  Allow about ten chunks of potato per person (unless they're mashed-potato-aholics like my DH and I, when you increase by at least twice!).  Put into cold water and (as above) rinse rinse rinse. 

Take a saucepan that gives the potatoes enough room to move about - my favourite mashed potato pan has a diameter that is the same size as the gap between my elbow and wrist (it takes 2 US quarts, according to the scale inside it!) (sorry, I can't put my hand on a measuring device at the moment) and put the potatoes in with enough COLD water to cover them by about a centimetre.  This will probably be level with the handle on the pan.  Add a little salt to the water if you want to.  (This is not essential and I usually leave it out).

Put the pan on a high heat until the potatoes start to boil.  This will take about ten minutes or so.  Once you've got a nice rolling boil, put a lid on the pan and turn the heat down to halfway.  Cook the potatoes for a further fifteen minutes or so.

At this point, the potatoes should fall off a fork if pronged.  If they don't, put the lid back on and re-check every minute or so. 

Drain the potatoes.

Mash them roughly (I use a ricer as it's easier with my disabilities but a hand masher works fine if you have the stamina), and add a big splash of milk.  Mix this in with a wooden spoon.  Add a couple of big curls of butter.  Mix again with the wooden spoon.  At this point, you should have a nice smooth, creamy mashed potato.  At this point, add ground black pepper if you want to. 

You can buy Smash (in Morrisons, where I shop, it's in the bit next to the oxo cubes) still - it's definitely improved since the bad old "smash martian" days.

Oh the evil ricer...

Every thanksgiving my lovely stepgrandmother threw a big dinner. With riced potatoes since they are apparently a tradition with their family.

And every year, I mistoke them for rice, spooned some onto my plate, took a bite and got awful, unseasoned, unflavored in any way, potato. And had to keep from making a face. I don't eat gravy so there wasn;t even that to help it go down.

I'm still leary of anything involving the ricer.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amara on June 12, 2013, 03:24:59 PM
In post #268 I described the damage I had done to my Le Crueset skillet. Today I heard back from the company with this suggestion, which I thought would be good to share:

Quote
We would recommend using a laundry detergent such as tide or one that has an enzyme in it. Make a mixture of one part detergent and three parts water to fill the interior of the vessel. Allow this to boil for about 5-7 minutes. Afterwards, allow to the vessel to cool and proceed with cleaning with your dish detergent. If needed, you may use a nylon or plastic scrubby to assist. Once your item has been cleaned, lightly coat the interior with white vinegar using a soft cloth or paper towel. This step is used to return some of the sheen back to the glaze. The longer you allow the vinegar to remain on the enamel the more of the sheen it will bring. Your item can be stored away with the vinegar on it until next use. When ready to use, wash and dry.

If the enamel is damaged and you reside within the USA you may provide the number or letter located under the item to be offered a replacement at a reduced cost with the damaged item returned.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Snooks on June 12, 2013, 03:35:04 PM
I decided to get myself a sandwich two days ago. The butter in the fridge was rock-solid (normally I let it sit on the counter a while in advance), so I thought I'd microwave it briefly. I've done this before. Unfortunately, the particular brand of butter we happened to have two days ago had aluminium in its wrapper. I didn't realise this until the fireworks started  ::)

Not my finest moment. I cleaned it all up, but felt like an absolute dunce. The butter was taken out of the charred wrapper and is now in a microwave-safe tupperware container.

I did that the first time I cooked Christmas dinner.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: KimberlyM on June 12, 2013, 04:11:19 PM
The first time I made Christmas dinner I left the turkey neck and gibblets in the turkey...didn't know they were there!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: southern girl on June 13, 2013, 06:48:22 AM
The first time I made Thanksgiving dinner, I couldn't FIND the darn giblets.  I looked in the turkey, got the plastic bag out of the trash -- couldn't find them.  Okay, then.  Roasted the turkey and made giblet gravy without giblets.  It wasn't until I was tearing the turkey apart to refrigerate that I found the giblets -- under the skin of the turkey, beneath one of the wings!  Not exactly a disaster, but it was just really strange.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: RebeccainGA on June 13, 2013, 08:26:51 AM
The first time I made Thanksgiving dinner, I couldn't FIND the darn giblets.  I looked in the turkey, got the plastic bag out of the trash -- couldn't find them.  Okay, then.  Roasted the turkey and made giblet gravy without giblets.  It wasn't until I was tearing the turkey apart to refrigerate that I found the giblets -- under the skin of the turkey, beneath one of the wings!  Not exactly a disaster, but it was just really strange.

It's for just this reason that many turkey processors I've encountered recently (last five years or so) have been putting the giblets in a paper pouch instead of plastic - if it's roasted with the turkey, no harm done to giblets or turkey, unlike a plastic bag that would ruin it all.

They idiot-proofed thawing, in other words. LOL
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Thuringwethyl on June 13, 2013, 01:27:00 PM
Not my story but my Mom's.

My Mom is a reasonably good cook and tried very hard to feed us healthy, nutritious food growing up (not that I appreciated that then ::)). One of the dishes that we all loved was her chicken soup which she made from scratch. She has alway been thrifty and would freeze the meat stock she collected along with fruit from our garden, including the lemon juice squeezed from our trees.

Note: lemon juice and chicken stock look very similar if one is in a hurry, especially if they are stored in dark tupperware containers.

So one night we all sat down to dinner. It had been a long, frustrating day for my parents and the entire family was looking forward to the comfort of Mom's chicken soup. She spooned up bowls for my sister and me and told us to start eating while she took care of my father's and her portions. My sister and I took one bite and knew something was Very Very Wrong. My Dad saw our expressions and immediately took us to task - didn't we know how hard my mother worked? Shame on us for being so picky! Then my mother sat down, he got his bowl, and he took his first bite.
My Dad's mouth puckered involuntarily. The expression originated from his lips and rippled along his face, finally settling somewhere behind his ears. My Mom's face matched his.

There is nothing that can be done to rescue chicken soup that had lemon juice substituted for chicken stock. Everything tasted of lemon and nothing else, the chicken, the noodles, and the vegetables. My sister and I ended up adding sugar and whipped cream and the story of Lemon Meringue Soup became family legend.  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on June 13, 2013, 02:54:53 PM
Sugar and whipped cream and chicken?  Oh my goodness.  :o

At least Joey from Friends would approve.  "Sugar?  Good.  Whipped cream?  Good.  Chicken?  Gooooood."
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: NyaChan on June 13, 2013, 02:58:03 PM
Sugar and whipped cream and chicken?  Oh my goodness.  :o

At least Joey from Friends would approve.  "Sugar?  Good.  Whipped cream?  Good.  Chicken?  Gooooood."

haha I love that episode!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Roodabega on June 14, 2013, 10:40:36 AM
Back in the stone ages when I went to college, we weren't supposed to have stoves/hotplates or anything else that might involve cooking in our rooms.  The RAs usually gave you quite a bit of leeway on this as long as it didn't look dangerous.  I had a pizza oven that I stored under the bed, and a "mini" fridge that actually had a pull out two burner stove. 

My mother loved canning things, and I frequently brought stuff up to my dorm room to have for meals on the weekend.  One day, I put some canned Chili into a pot on the stove and then went off to start my laundry while it cooked.  I didn't know when it started cooking that the chili didn't actually get canned well and had gone bad.  On top of that, I spent a bit more time than expected in the laundry room so the Chili burned on the bottom.

I came back down the hall, and the RA was yelling "what the H$$L is that smell".  I had burned my spoiled chili, and it filled the entire hall with it's wonderful aroma.  Of course, I had "no idea" what the smell was and hurried back to my room to deal with the evidence.  I ended up waiting until the coast was clear and I threw out the pot down the garbage chute.  After that, I had mainly spaghettios, mac N' cheese, and frozen pizza for me weekend meals.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Doll Fiend on June 18, 2013, 09:28:22 PM
With all the potato talk may I suggest Alton Brown Good Eats Mashers?  Season 1,Episode 2, "This Spuds for You."
He uses two different potatoes and discusses the differences in the kinds of potatoes and how their starches work differently.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on June 18, 2013, 10:12:28 PM
And if you want a giggle, you can watch Snoop Dogg make mashed potatos with Martha Stewart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ocre0kXgvg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ocre0kXgvg)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: rose red on June 20, 2013, 11:19:02 AM
This just happened.  I'm microwaving some frozen chicken strips.  The bag says to place chicken on a plate, cover, heat.  I covered it with a paper towel.  I smelled burning and I saw a small flame shoot out the top of the paper towel. :-[
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: norrina on June 20, 2013, 11:40:51 AM
This just happened.  I'm microwaving some frozen chicken strips.  The bag says to place chicken on a plate, cover, heat.  I covered it with a paper towel.  I smelled burning and I saw a small flame shoot out the top of the paper towel. :-[

Were the paper towels made of recycled materials, by any chance? Shortly after I moved into my office, I used one of the paper towels supplied by my landlady to cover something I was putting in the microwave, and she happened to be in the kitchen in time to tell me not to do that, because she had had a towel spark on her before and had realized that there was some metal in the recycled paper towels, from staples and paper clips and whatnot.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mbbored on July 07, 2013, 07:23:41 PM
This wasn't a kitchen disaster, per say, but it did happen in the kitchen.

My friend and I were playing with Pinterest and decided to make glow-in-the-dark balloons. She blew up a balloon, broke a glow stick and proceeded to dump the contents into the balloon. Turns out that there's broken glass inside those glow sticks. The balloon exploded and sprayed glow stuff all over the kitchen. We turned out the lights and it looked like a crime scene: the ceiling, walls and floors were covered with little glowing dots in a 10 foot circle.

Also, for the record, that stuff doesn't taste very good.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on July 07, 2013, 08:42:43 PM
...   Turns out that there's broken glass inside those glow sticks. ...

Also, for the record, that stuff doesn't taste very good.

Yeah.  I've heard that about broken glass.   :-\
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: lady_disdain on July 08, 2013, 01:00:53 PM
Pinterest projects usually benefit from a pinch of salt.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mbbored on July 08, 2013, 02:29:27 PM
Pinterest projects usually benefit from a pinch of salt.

We always go in with a hint of skepticism and a sense of humor.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: o_gal on July 09, 2013, 08:50:17 AM
Pinterest projects usually benefit from a pinch of salt.

We always go in with a hint of skepticism and a sense of humor.

Pinstrosity - http://pinstrosity.blogspot.com/
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: stitchygreyanonymouse on July 09, 2013, 09:39:16 AM
Pinterest projects usually benefit from a pinch of salt.

We always go in with a hint of skepticism and a sense of humor.

Pinstrosity - http://pinstrosity.blogspot.com/

Also, Don't Pin That - http://nodontpinthat.blogspot.com/
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Dawse on July 09, 2013, 02:38:17 PM
Does anyone remember that Only Fools and Horses Episode, where Uncle Albert makes coffee instead of gravy and everyone dumps it all over their dinner without realising?

My mum did that once. Fortunately dinner was rescuable, but it took a long time before my brother trusted gravy again  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on July 09, 2013, 03:03:03 PM
That puts me in mind of my mother-in-law's gravy.  Her gravy is absolutely horrible.  It's basically just skimmed-off fat, with no thickener or seasoning added at all.  At my first Thanksgiving dinner, she asked if I'd like some.  Because I love gravy and I didn't know what hers was like, I happily said yes - and watched in horror as liquid fat was poured all over my dinner.   :(
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: KB on July 10, 2013, 07:09:46 AM
That puts me in mind of my mother-in-law's gravy.  Her gravy is absolutely horrible.  It's basically just skimmed-off fat, with no thickener or seasoning added at all.  At my first Thanksgiving dinner, she asked if I'd like some.  Because I love gravy and I didn't know what hers was like, I happily said yes - and watched in horror as liquid fat was poured all over my dinner.   :(

My grandmother used to make gravy by washing the cooked roast under hot water with the gravy boat standing underneath it in the sink. That was your gravy. *shudder*
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on July 10, 2013, 10:28:23 AM
That puts me in mind of my mother-in-law's gravy.  Her gravy is absolutely horrible.  It's basically just skimmed-off fat, with no thickener or seasoning added at all.  At my first Thanksgiving dinner, she asked if I'd like some.  Because I love gravy and I didn't know what hers was like, I happily said yes - and watched in horror as liquid fat was poured all over my dinner.   :(

My grandmother used to make gravy by washing the cooked roast under hot water with the gravy boat standing underneath it in the sink. That was your gravy. *shudder*

Th--  I'm having difficulty thoughting... brain is trying to flee after eyes reported that...
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: snowfire on July 10, 2013, 10:45:41 AM
^  My stomach just grabbed its passport and headed away at high speed.

Both of those awful excuses for gravy....SHUDDER!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gingerzing on July 10, 2013, 11:48:10 AM
Haven't made it through all of these, but wanted to share a couple of mine.  FTR - I have been in the kitchen (with Mom or Grandmas) since I was "knee high to a grasshopper" and cooking on my own pretty much since I was 10ish.   I have had my share of not enough water in the pan and overcooked something or others. 

The first summer that I worked as a cook in a summer camp kitchen.  We cooked about 3/4 of the food - including bread and baked goodies - by scratch. 
It was the first day and we (the full kitchen staff of 6) needed to get the meal made for the staff lunch. So before the tour of the kitchen we were cooking.  I had been put in charge of carrot cake.  I dislike eating carrot cake, but was fine making it.  I followed the directions to the T since I had not done large batch baking/cooking before.  While weighing out the dry ingredients, I thought that the flour had a bit funny in texture but had been told that they used commodity flour so just thought it was a different quality than I was use to.  The kitchen manager (KM) decided to wait until my cakes came out of the oven before we did the big tour. (we had the main kitchen, but also a downstairs storage area and packout room to inspect.)  My cakes came out of the oven and I was horrified that they were so flat.  KM said that we would check over the recipe after the tour to make sure that I had not forgotten anything like the baking powder.   As we were going around the different stations of the kitchen, we stopped just before getting to the baking area to a bin under the scale that I had used for weighing the dry ingredients. 
"This is the Non-Fat Dried Milk that we use to make the hot chocolate/cocoa in the mornings..."  As KM went on with that explanation, my eyes got really big and I almost burst into tears.  "KM?  I know what I did."
Yep, I hadn't realized that the flour was over with the sugar (second bin next to it) and had thought that the NFD Milk was flour.  So, basically I made a pudding cake.  The camp director and most of the staff thought it was really moist.  SIGH.  ::)  It was a story mentioned even in my two summers as the assistant kitchen manager.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Browyn on July 10, 2013, 12:30:32 PM
Ohh, Baby Snake's boyfriend had never had Shephard's Pie before?  Now I get it.  I thought he was surprised to see it made with mashed potatoes, which is the only way I've ever had it.

Maybe I need to clarify a bit.  My husband (then boyfriend) and I are American so Shepherd's Pie is not well known here.  I learned how to make it from my Irish mom.

I grew up in Massachusetts, Shepards pie is very well known and on a lot of pub menu's; however, we have a lot of people of irish decent (including me) in the northeast.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: lilfox on July 10, 2013, 12:33:32 PM
Oh, bad gravy stories.  I went to Thanksgiving dinner once at a friend's, and her gravy was watery fatty broth.  She said she did everything correctly (added flour/cold water mixture while the pan drippings were bubbling) and it never thickened.  It was ... unfortunate.

I only recently learned how to make gravy from scratch - always used the jar or canned stuff, and I still keep a stash handy since my gravy can be hit or miss in terms of tastiness.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on July 10, 2013, 12:39:34 PM
My FIL, who is an excellent cook, buys jarred gravy. *Shudders*

I would love to invite all the people who have been victimized by bad gravy to a meal at my place. I can make awesome gravy from anything, as long as meat or mushrooms are involved.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Carotte on July 10, 2013, 02:47:18 PM
Yeah, I did not burn my chili con carne today!
I have a bad habit at my new home with this stove+those pans (so my SO stove and pans) to turn it too high and forget about the things that have to cook for a long time. That being mostly my SO famous paste sauce, that, last time, ended up with a good thick burned bottom.

Anyway, since I went grocery shopping without seeing first what kind of spices we had I went the easy way and bought a pre made mix that turned to be a tad too spicy for me. So question, what can I add to tune down the spiciness?
The only 'stand alone' spice I had was curcumin, I added a bit of it but didn't want to mess around too much.

I ended up adding a small piece of dark chocolate in my bowl during diner, it wasn't bad and helped with the spicy, but I'm not sure my SO would like the taste if I do it for the batch.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 10, 2013, 02:48:51 PM
A little sugar might tone it down.  I'd try it in a separate bowl before adding it to the whole batch.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on July 10, 2013, 02:53:40 PM
Dairy is my go-to for overly spicy food. Sour cream and or cheese work well.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: missanpan on July 10, 2013, 03:32:02 PM
Dairy is my go-to for overly spicy food. Sour cream and or cheese work well.

Ha, this reminds me of my sister's kitchen disaster.

Once she made a batch of curry but couldn't understand why it was so tasteless. So she kept adding a chili powder. It kept getting hotter but still no taste. Then she realized that she forgot the salt. She didn't want to throw out her curry so kept eating it but with a glass of milk. She had to eventually throw it out because she ran out of milk.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on July 10, 2013, 03:59:19 PM
Yeah, I did not burn my chili con carne today!
... what can I add to tune down the spiciness? ...

I did that once with an overdose of a new name brand of strong chili powder and I just added a little tomato juice.  It didn't exactly tone it down, but it did dilute it a little so it didn't seem so strong.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: greencat on July 10, 2013, 11:49:28 PM
I neglected to account for all the sources of salt going into a casserole and added extra salt to it.  I had to toss it out because it just wasn't edible.

I did the same thing to a much lesser degree making paella - I used cooking wine in the pre-seasoned rice and forgot that both of those things are salted already.  That was still edible though.

I had more of a kitchen mishap than a disaster.  A small sheet of dough for cinnamon rolls does not need an entire stick of butter to make the cinnamon filling.  I ended up making kind of a cinnamon strudel? when the dough wasn't enough to contain the filling and kind of fell apart around it when I tried to roll it.  I just plopped it into a square glass pan and baked it that way and then cut it into squares at the end - still tastes good!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 11, 2013, 10:09:26 AM
Not too bad of a disaster but I wanted to make jambalaya from scratch. However, I neglected to taste the andouille before adding it in, and it was QUITE spicy. So i proceeded to make it, and with that, and the other sprices, the end result was it was almost too spicy to eat. My eyes were watering and my mouth burning.  It did mellow a bit over time, but next time I made it I cut back on the spices and it was fine.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Dazi on July 11, 2013, 10:54:27 AM
Not too bad of a disaster but I wanted to make jambalaya from scratch. However, I neglected to taste the andouille before adding it in, and it was QUITE spicy. So i proceeded to make it, and with that, and the other sprices, the end result was it was almost too spicy to eat. My eyes were watering and my mouth burning.  It did mellow a bit over time, but next time I made it I cut back on the spices and it was fine.

Quick tip.  If this ever happens again, make a batch of plain boiled rice and add it into the jambalya.  It should tone it down.  Another option is to add shredded cheese to it (while it's not the "proper"way to serve, is tasty).
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on July 11, 2013, 03:40:44 PM
Off-topic, but I found out why my husband was a bit of a slob when I first met him, and also why he rarely notices a mess.  One glance at my MIL's fridge told me the whole story.  :o

I have to admit, it's kind of nice to not have to keep a pristine house at all times.  He doesn't notice, and I don't care.  :)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: greencat on July 11, 2013, 10:27:51 PM
t's amazing how many of my mid-twenties cohort of suitors think I'm an absolute goddess because I can actually cook while they grew up on take-out and box mixes.

I made bread from scratch, but I failed to properly knead the dough.  It turned out pretty good but ended up a bit denser and flatter than I was anticipating.  The garlic rosemary bread turned out best, probably because I kneaded the spices into it.  I'm just going to pretend that I MEANT for my burger buns to be like those fancy "flat" buns they sell in the grocery store though...
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Aunt4God on October 11, 2013, 01:02:41 PM
I neglected to account for all the sources of salt going into a casserole and added extra salt to it.  I had to toss it out because it just wasn't edible.

I did the same thing to a much lesser degree making paella - I used cooking wine in the pre-seasoned rice and forgot that both of those things are salted already.  That was still edible though.

I had more of a kitchen mishap than a disaster.  A small sheet of dough for cinnamon rolls does not need an entire stick of butter to make the cinnamon filling.  I ended up making kind of a cinnamon strudel? when the dough wasn't enough to contain the filling and kind of fell apart around it when I tried to roll it.  I just plopped it into a square glass pan and baked it that way and then cut it into squares at the end - still tastes good!

For soup or liquidy items that get over salted, take a potato and peel it and cut it in half.  Then drop the pieces in the liquid and let it cook for awhile.  When ready to eat, pull the potato out and toss it in the trash.  It should absorb a lot of the salt and make it more edible.

My most recent uh-oh in the kitchen was with my mother's old (I mean old) candy thermometer.  I was heating up oil that needed to reach a specific heat, and my metal meat thermometer didn't go high enough to measure it.  I rinsed that off in cold water and got out my candy thermometer to measure it.  Once it hit the right temp, I pulled it out and rinsed it off.....yep, in cold water....the second I stuck it under, I said "oh no" in my head.  Instant crackage, right at the bottom where the bulb attaches.  Thankfully the metal inside instantly hardened also, so it didn't make a huge mess, but I'm so disappointed to lose my mom's candy thermometer like that.  :-(
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Shalamar on October 11, 2013, 03:47:52 PM
The "I'm not eating that!" thread reminded me of a disaster that happened a few years ago (apologies if I've told this one before).

I was baking banana bread, and I'd set the oven timer for 60 minutes.  I then went downstairs to do some chores, and I lost track of time.  I thought "Hmm, wonder if the banana bread is done yet", and I poked my head up the stairs.  Didn't hear the timer going off, so I went back to what I was doing. 

About 20 minutes later, I thought "SURELY it's got to be done by now!  Why haven't I heard the timer?".  I went upstairs, only to be greeted by black smoke and the awful smell of burned banana bread.

Turned out that my teenage daughter, annoyed by the sound of the oven timer, just turned it off.  Didn't turn off the oven, didn't tell me the bread was ready, nothing.  Grr.   >:(
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jpcher on October 11, 2013, 04:22:31 PM
The "I'm not eating that!" thread reminded me of a disaster that happened a few years ago (apologies if I've told this one before).

I was baking banana bread, and I'd set the oven timer for 60 minutes.  I then went downstairs to do some chores, and I lost track of time.  I thought "Hmm, wonder if the banana bread is done yet", and I poked my head up the stairs.  Didn't hear the timer going off, so I went back to what I was doing. 

About 20 minutes later, I thought "SURELY it's got to be done by now!  Why haven't I heard the timer?".  I went upstairs, only to be greeted by black smoke and the awful smell of burned banana bread.

Turned out that my teenage daughter, annoyed by the sound of the oven timer, just turned it off.  Didn't turn off the oven, didn't tell me the bread was ready, nothing.  Grr.   >:(

My DDs are pretty good :P . . . they'll sit on the couch watching TV, be on their phone, computer whatever and when the buzzer goes off they will yell, repeatedly, at the top of their lungs "BUZZER!" Yeah, it's pretty hard to miss that. ::)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on October 11, 2013, 04:28:37 PM
The "I'm not eating that!" thread reminded me of a disaster that happened a few years ago (apologies if I've told this one before).

I was baking banana bread, and I'd set the oven timer for 60 minutes.  I then went downstairs to do some chores, and I lost track of time.  I thought "Hmm, wonder if the banana bread is done yet", and I poked my head up the stairs.  Didn't hear the timer going off, so I went back to what I was doing. 

About 20 minutes later, I thought "SURELY it's got to be done by now!  Why haven't I heard the timer?".  I went upstairs, only to be greeted by black smoke and the awful smell of burned banana bread.

Turned out that my teenage daughter, annoyed by the sound of the oven timer, just turned it off.  Didn't turn off the oven, didn't tell me the bread was ready, nothing.  Grr.   >:(

EvilDiane would have suggested that she eat every bite, but that's why she's kept in her cage.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 11, 2013, 05:28:54 PM
Once, and only once, did my mom give me the instructions "When the timer goes off, just turn the timer off".  In her head, she completed the sentence with "and call me and take the pan out of the oven".  Since I'm not telepathic, I just did exactly what she said, and not what she thought she said.  The meatloaf was so dried out that we needed steak knives to saw through it!  :P 

My mom now generally clarifies what needs to be done with food in the oven when the timer goes off, and if she doesn't, I know to ask for additional information! >:D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Chipmunky on December 16, 2014, 11:44:01 AM
Sorry to bump this up, but I read amandaelizabeth's posts via links from the Misc Holiday Stories, and had to share these two...both caused/created by my mother.

Went to visit friends. Friends had recently remodeled their kitchen. Kitchen is now expensive, but Mom is helping with meal prep. Mom opens oven after learning Friend's mother put bread in there, but forgot to take it out 10 minutes ago. WOOOSH. Flaming bread bits are everywhere, and the cupboard and ceiling above the oven (both done in a pale, pale wood) are now very scorched, blackish brown.

Second time. We live in a hurricane path state. 2004, we have multiple storms come through in August/September. We lose power, but not to worry, we're prepared for this with a cooler for the perishables. Dad decides he wants hot dogs. Mind you, it's still raining/windy. But we've a covered porch, and a new little table top grill. I am told to start that puppy up, as I'm off to college in a year and need to know how to take care of this stuff for myself (my Dad was previously always the grill master). Mom sees me preparing everything, tells me I didn't use enough lighter fluid, squirts on about a third of the bottle, and lights the match. We're lucky it didn't explode, but Mom got a slightly different hairstyle and didn't have to tweeze her brows for a month from the ensuing blast of flames.

We now just do PB and Js.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on December 16, 2014, 12:38:17 PM
Sorry to bump this up, but I read amandaelizabeth's posts via links from the Misc Holiday Stories, and had to share these two...both caused/created by my mother.

Went to visit friends. Friends had recently remodeled their kitchen. Kitchen is now expensive, but Mom is helping with meal prep. Mom opens oven after learning Friend's mother put bread in there, but forgot to take it out 10 minutes ago. WOOOSH. Flaming bread bits are everywhere, and the cupboard and ceiling above the oven (both done in a pale, pale wood) are now very scorched, blackish brown.

Second time. We live in a hurricane path state. 2004, we have multiple storms come through in August/September. We lose power, but not to worry, we're prepared for this with a cooler for the perishables. Dad decides he wants hot dogs. Mind you, it's still raining/windy. But we've a covered porch, and a new little table top grill. I am told to start that puppy up, as I'm off to college in a year and need to know how to take care of this stuff for myself (my Dad was previously always the grill master). Mom sees me preparing everything, tells me I didn't use enough lighter fluid, squirts on about a third of the bottle, and lights the match. We're lucky it didn't explode, but Mom got a slightly different hairstyle and didn't have to tweeze her brows for a month from the ensuing blast of flames.

We now just do PB and Js.

Slightly off topic, but this allows you to forgo lighter fluid altogether:

http://www.amazon.com/Weber-7416-Rapidfire-Chimney-Starter/dp/B000WEOQV8

I bought one this summer, and I will never go back to how things were!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Chipmunky on December 16, 2014, 01:22:33 PM


Slightly off topic, but this allows you to forgo lighter fluid altogether:

http://www.amazon.com/Weber-7416-Rapidfire-Chimney-Starter/dp/B000WEOQV8

I bought one this summer, and I will never go back to how things were!
[/quote]

I bought one of those last February for my husband to go with his new grill  ;D After tasting how well he does steaks, my folks don't like to grill without him.  8)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on December 16, 2014, 01:46:26 PM
I love our chimney starter I hate it when my neighbors use their grill as he uses half a bottle of lighter fluid.

Not quite a disaster, but I forgot how quickly pumpkin puree and custard for pies can become airborne. I'm still finding splats of orange.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: knitwicca on December 16, 2014, 01:50:20 PM
I am glad this thread was revived.

In 1986, I was married to a man who loved, adored, thrived on the spiciest food he could find.
Our daughter and I like spicy but not make-you-sweat spicy.

One evening after a rough day at work, I was making chili.  As things were simmering, I took out my contacts.  Then I started to add spices....I am extremely nearsighted and thought I grabbed a container of chili powder. It was cayenne. An entire box of cayenne in a 2-quart pot of chili.

That evening, my daughter and I had nachos for dinner.  Then-husband swore there was no such thing as "too spicy".   He gave up after the third mouthful and joined us for nachos.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on December 16, 2014, 07:01:36 PM
Don't set wooden spoons on the stove.  This is especially important if you have a gas stove. 

I need to go buy more wooden spoons.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Specky on December 16, 2014, 07:54:57 PM
I was fixing supper and putting dishes away at the same time.  I had a stack of bowls next to the cooktop that I was getting ready to put back in the cabinets during breaks in cooking.

I opened the freezer door to get something and found myself eye to eye with a giant isopod http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg/330px-Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg  (the one that is about a foot long)

I shrieked and threw myself backwards, running into the stack of bowls, losing my balance and doing the hard sit down while bowls rained down around me and onto the cooktop.  Something spilled and there was a large puddle of slippery on the floor.  My husband heard the cacophony and came running.  He hit the goo puddle and slalomed the length of the kitchen until he ran into my legs and fell down.  He looked up and saw the freezer door standing open and said, "Oh.  I forgot to tell you."

We ended up with a couple of broken bowls, and the glass cooktop was cracked as well when a bowl landed on it.  Never could get eau de isopod out of the freezer, so we ended up having to replace it as well.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: greencat on December 16, 2014, 07:58:56 PM
I was fixing supper and putting dishes away at the same time.  I had a stack of bowls next to the cooktop that I was getting ready to put back in the cabinets during breaks in cooking.

I opened the freezer door to get something and found myself eye to eye with a giant isopod http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg/330px-Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg  (the one that is about a foot long)

I shrieked and threw myself backwards, running into the stack of bowls, losing my balance and doing the hard sit down while bowls rained down around me and onto the cooktop.  Something spilled and there was a large puddle of slippery on the floor.  My husband heard the cacophony and came running.  He hit the goo puddle and slalomed the length of the kitchen until he ran into my legs and fell down.  He looked up and saw the freezer door standing open and said, "Oh.  I forgot to tell you."

We ended up with a couple of broken bowls, and the glass cooktop was cracked as well when a bowl landed on it.  Never could get eau de isopod out of the freezer, so we ended up having to replace it as well.

...I hesitate to ask, but did your husband put that thing in the freezer?   :o
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Specky on December 16, 2014, 08:05:31 PM
...I hesitate to ask, but did your husband put that thing in the freezer?   :o


Yep.  A research scientist friend brought it to him because he thought it was the coolest thing.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: andi on December 16, 2014, 09:10:01 PM
Holy snot - my DH may be looking at divorce papers if that thing was in my freezer. I screamed opening the link.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Adelaide on December 16, 2014, 09:21:17 PM
The other day I made sugar cookies with a recipe that called for them to be made with a mixer. I don't have one, but I soldiered on. They were perfect fresh out of the oven, but within 10 minutes of cooling they were rock-hard. I can only assume I worked the dough too long.

This is less of a "kitchen disaster" and more of a "general food disaster", but I made muffins for some friends and brought them over while they were still warm. I left one corner of the container open and told the others to leave it like that for a bit until they cooled, but when another girl friend came by she hadn't gotten the memo, so they turned out wet and gross from the condensation that formed in the lid.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on December 16, 2014, 10:24:43 PM
I was fixing supper and putting dishes away at the same time.  I had a stack of bowls next to the cooktop that I was getting ready to put back in the cabinets during breaks in cooking.

I opened the freezer door to get something and found myself eye to eye with a giant isopod http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg/330px-Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg  (the one that is about a foot long)

I shrieked and threw myself backwards, running into the stack of bowls, losing my balance and doing the hard sit down while bowls rained down around me and onto the cooktop.  Something spilled and there was a large puddle of slippery on the floor.  My husband heard the cacophony and came running.  He hit the goo puddle and slalomed the length of the kitchen until he ran into my legs and fell down.  He looked up and saw the freezer door standing open and said, "Oh.  I forgot to tell you."

We ended up with a couple of broken bowls, and the glass cooktop was cracked as well when a bowl landed on it.  Never could get eau de isopod out of the freezer, so we ended up having to replace it as well.

I laughed at this mostly because I can envision a similar scene playing out in my house. Right now there's a dead goldfish on the freezer door.

ETA:  I showed this to bf, who saw nothing wrong with Specky's husband's actions.  I rest my case.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Amoreade on December 16, 2014, 11:33:47 PM
I managed to make chocolate chip hockey pucks for over a decade. Turns out that creaming the butter and sugar together is not an unnecessary step.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: TootsNYC on December 16, 2014, 11:43:07 PM
Mini-Disaster.  DS has never attempted to turn a cake out of a pan.  It didn't go well.  I had the foresight to have him do it over a large sheet cake pan, so any mess would be at least partially contained.  This was good planning on my part, as when he turned the pan over, his bottom and slipped and he dropped the cake pan and the cooling rack.  We wound up with a bunch of crumbled cake bits.  Not willing to admit defeat, he made some instant chocolate pudding and served the cake bits with the pudding.  I'd say the whole thing was a success.  We got a tasty dessert out of it, even if we had to go to Plan C to get it. :)

This is a good time for him to learn about the various ways to be sure the cake comes out of the pan well.
  1)  lining the bottom of a cake pan with parchment or foil (grease pan, then add a square of parchment paper or aluminum foil, then grease that; then dust with flour
   2) alternate method: grease pan well and flour (or dust w/ cocoa if it's chocolate); when it comes out of the oven, set a time for 10 minutes exactly, and set it on a wire rack to cool (not flat on the counter). At promptly 10 minutes, run a knife around, and invert onto something. There's something about that 10 minutes--it's perfect every time for me. (But you can't wait; you have to be prompt.)

My DD greased but didn't flour the cake pan once when she was making me a b'day cake (pre-celiac days). She asked me how to "glue" a cake back together, and then finally came out of the "no Mom allowed" kitchen to ask for help. She had torn-up cake layers. So we put them in big bowl w/ cut-up strawberries and icing.
   Then, she wanted to decorate something, so we rolled out some fondant, cut it into a circle, and laid it on top; she decorated that.
   To serve, we scooped it out into a bowl with the ice cream--it was heavnly! Much easier to eat than a wedge of cake and a ball of ice cream.
   We called it Cake in a Bowl.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: oogyda on December 17, 2014, 06:35:33 AM
Last summer when the whole family was here, YDD looked at my zucchini and wanted to share her MIL's recipe for a chocolate/zucchini cake.  Unfortunately, she forgot to let it cool for the required 10 minutes, and it was a mountain of goo.  ODD warmed some chocolate icing and drizzled it over the cake.  That didn't make it look any better, but the cake was delicious despite the way it looked.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Chipmunky on December 17, 2014, 09:29:46 AM
Apparently the karma for reviving the thread/sharing some of my mother's kitchen disasters meant I got to have one last night/this morning.

I decided to try to make fudge for the first time. I used the toll house semi sweet recipe, but I didn't have any mini marshmallows, I had marshmallow crème. I looked up a conversion chart, but apparently that was for standard marshmallows, not minis. I used too much marshmallow crème.

While the "fudge" is still tasty, it's in that not quite a solid, not a liquid gooey stage (after being in the fridge overnight) and sticking to everything. I had three options (while my husband poked at it through the cling wrap): 1) toss it, 2) save it as an ice cream topping, or 3) find some way to take it to work and sneak it into the holiday party today. I went with option 3. It's in a graham cracker pie crust from the store (smells like smores), and in my fridge, waiting to go downstairs.  With any luck, someone will find it delicious, despite being a walking diabetic attack/stroke in a pie tin.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: TootsNYC on December 17, 2014, 09:37:02 AM
You totally forgot option 4: Eat it with a spoon while you're watching movies.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Chipmunky on December 17, 2014, 09:48:07 AM
You totally forgot option 4: Eat it with a spoon while you're watching movies.

I did consider it....but my husband had one taste of it with a spoon and said "this is NOT staying in the house, I will gorge out on it."   :'(  Plus, I've mentioned a person in my office known as The Mooch. She's in my latest PD post. I'm tempted if she asks what it is, to tell her it's a recipe called Minnie's Special Chocolate Pie, and see if she gets the reference from The Help. ;D (not ehell approved, to be sure, but it'd be worth it to see her face).

I also made chocolate chip cookies last night that turned out fine, and will make gingerbread tonight, plus new fudge attempt. I can only have so much of that stuff in the house before my blood vessels (and my husband's head) explode.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gingerzing on December 17, 2014, 03:12:17 PM
Amusing one from this Thanksgiving.
 
We did a major multicourse menu (Never again) for our gathering. 
One of the courses had cheesy grits that were quite tasty. The leftover grits were put into a loaf pan that had been lined with plastic wrap so that we could do "Fried cornmeal mush" the next day. 

<Small note here.  I was sorely disappointed to figure out that grits and my grandma's cornmeal mush were pretty much the same thing.  Then to find out polenta was basically grits that traveled overseas.... ::) >

The trick is to have the cooked grits in the pan overnight in the loaf pan to be formed enough to slice then you can fry them like French toast. 
Apparently when I made the grits and something went a little sideways and they didn't quite firm up all the way.  Then with the heat of the griddle made them lose even more of their shape.  At which time my mother yelled into the living room, "It's like trying to cook amoebas!"

They turned out pretty good, but it was way amusing.
"It's like trying to cook amoebas!" was our battle cry most of that night.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Julian on December 17, 2014, 05:08:45 PM
I've found another good way to get cakes out of the tin - I have a silicon cake pan that is about the perfect size for nearly whatever I'm baking.  Spray with olive oil and dust with flour (or coconut, or cocoa).  Leave to cool for the recommended time.  The soft sides peel away from the cake really easily, and the grooved base seems to not stick at all.

I hope the resurrection of this thread doesn't jinx me.  I've got to bake 2 fruit cakes tonight, and I've veered away from my normal 'sugar and fat free' recipe by using wine instead of fruit juice (didn't have any, running on a tight schedule right now).   It might be interesting - the silicon pan is too big for the size of the two cakes so I'm going to need to use small regular tins.  Fingers crossed!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: whatsanenigma on December 17, 2014, 05:13:57 PM
This is a public service announcement.

Those blue reusable bags from Wal-Mart do not make for good pot holders.

That is all for now.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on December 17, 2014, 05:24:22 PM
We have a voracious kitty.  I have dubbed her "The Stomach" because this cat lives to eat.  Walk away for ten seconds and she will be on food.  She will eat *through* plastic to eat bread.  Freaking bread.

One night I was preparing dinner, and I didn't realize I had accidentally gotten something on the oven mitt I was using.  In the time it took to set the mitt down, take the food from the prep area to the dining area, plate it, and come back to the prep area to put the oven mitt where it goes, Stomach had eaten a hole in the oven mitt.  As in, you can see into the interior through it.

On the upside, I now have a left handed oven mitt.  They work wonders if the hole it on the *topside*.  That has not stopped me from wearing it on the right hand when distracted...
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Elfmama on December 17, 2014, 06:39:55 PM
We have a voracious kitty.  I have dubbed her "The Stomach" because this cat lives to eat.  Walk away for ten seconds and she will be on food.  She will eat *through* plastic to eat bread.  Freaking bread.
Was she a rescued stray?  We adopted a bag-of-bones cat that DD2 found in a supermarket parking lot, and he would also gnaw through plastic bags to get to the food inside, even if it wasn't something cats normally eat.  I can't count how many potatoes or bananas had fang marks.  I figure that during his stray time, he ate anything that held still long enough.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on December 17, 2014, 07:00:09 PM
We have a voracious kitty.  I have dubbed her "The Stomach" because this cat lives to eat.  Walk away for ten seconds and she will be on food.  She will eat *through* plastic to eat bread.  Freaking bread.
Was she a rescued stray?  We adopted a bag-of-bones cat that DD2 found in a supermarket parking lot, and he would also gnaw through plastic bags to get to the food inside, even if it wasn't something cats normally eat.  I can't count how many potatoes or bananas had fang marks.  I figure that during his stray time, he ate anything that held still long enough.

That's the part that drives me completely nuts.  Not only was she never a stray, she was born in this house!  She's been our cat the entire time (a decade now), you'd think she'd get that we've never missed a single feeding.

Meanwhile, our other cat *is* a former stray, and she flat out won't eat anything *other* than cat food.  We can set a plat down right next to her (when we snack in bed) and she will walk past the food to climb in our laps.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: jedikaiti on December 18, 2014, 12:54:30 AM
We have a voracious kitty.  I have dubbed her "The Stomach" because this cat lives to eat.  Walk away for ten seconds and she will be on food.  She will eat *through* plastic to eat bread.  Freaking bread.
Was she a rescued stray?  We adopted a bag-of-bones cat that DD2 found in a supermarket parking lot, and he would also gnaw through plastic bags to get to the food inside, even if it wasn't something cats normally eat.  I can't count how many potatoes or bananas had fang marks.  I figure that during his stray time, he ate anything that held still long enough.

That's the part that drives me completely nuts.  Not only was she never a stray, she was born in this house!  She's been our cat the entire time (a decade now), you'd think she'd get that we've never missed a single feeding.

Meanwhile, our other cat *is* a former stray, and she flat out won't eat anything *other* than cat food.  We can set a plat down right next to her (when we snack in bed) and she will walk past the food to climb in our laps.

Castor & Pollux used to do this when I would go out of town and have a catsitter come in. I figured they were protesting the lack of full-time live-in care.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Sirius on December 18, 2014, 01:11:04 AM
Mr. Sirius normally eats whatever I put in front of him, but I do try to make my cooking decent.  Well, once I got the urge to make brownies when we didn't have any eggs, and something I read on line said, "mayonnaise can be substituted for eggs."  Here's a tip:  In salad dressing, yes.  In brownies, no.  I tasted one, and it was...not good.  I served one to Mr. Sirius, and I told him that if he didn't like it I would not be offended.  He took one bite, put the brownie back onto the plate, and pushed the plate away. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: atirial on December 18, 2014, 02:07:25 AM
Mr. Sirius normally eats whatever I put in front of him, but I do try to make my cooking decent.  Well, once I got the urge to make brownies when we didn't have any eggs, and something I read on line said, "mayonnaise can be substituted for eggs."  Here's a tip:  In salad dressing, yes.  In brownies, no.  I tasted one, and it was...not good.  I served one to Mr. Sirius, and I told him that if he didn't like it I would not be offended.  He took one bite, put the brownie back onto the plate, and pushed the plate away.
My brownie disaster was simple: I'd never made them before and the recipe simply said 'oil'. So I used sunflower oil. It might work in some brownie recipes but in this one it resulted in a slimy brown mess.

The creme caramel on the other hand was worse. I don't know what I did, but it didn't quite set right. The end result looked like curds in engine oil. I wanted to throw it out, but DH decided to sample it. Then he threw it out and cleaned his teeth.

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Chipmunky on December 18, 2014, 09:46:12 AM
PSA- those convenient little aluminum bake pans with the snap on plastic lids? Yeah....they don't like homemade, cake style gingerbread. They haven't fallen out yet, but are threatening to buckle, and tried to slide everywhere this morning.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: guihong on December 18, 2014, 02:33:25 PM
Mr. Sirius normally eats whatever I put in front of him, but I do try to make my cooking decent.  Well, once I got the urge to make brownies when we didn't have any eggs, and something I read on line said, "mayonnaise can be substituted for eggs."  Here's a tip:  In salad dressing, yes.  In brownies, no.  I tasted one, and it was...not good.  I served one to Mr. Sirius, and I told him that if he didn't like it I would not be offended.  He took one bite, put the brownie back onto the plate, and pushed the plate away.

This reminds me of a kitchen disaster not at my home but at my son Sammy's school when he was mainstreamed.  Sammy loves his food, and eats almost anything.  One day, the cafeteria served white bean chili.  Since Sammy's class ate in the classroom, it came in containers with lids.  Sammy took one bite, carefully replaced the lid, and pushed the bowl away.  The teachers ordered pizza  ;D.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: DavidH on December 18, 2014, 05:03:44 PM
At one time, when I thought I could cook, I tried to make vichyssoise.  After making the soup, it said to let it cool and run it through a blender to remove lumps.  Somehow I decided the let it cool step was optional.  When you try to blend HOT potato soup, the steam builds up propelling the lid off the blender and the soup in a nice circle coating the top of your cabinets, where it immediately cools and bonds with the cabinets.  I scrubbed most of it off, but the real way to be rid of the lumpy texture on the cabinets was to sell the house. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Gwywnnydd on December 18, 2014, 06:47:50 PM
At one time, when I thought I could cook, I tried to make vichyssoise.  After making the soup, it said to let it cool and run it through a blender to remove lumps.  Somehow I decided the let it cool step was optional.  When you try to blend HOT potato soup, the steam builds up propelling the lid off the blender and the soup in a nice circle coating the top of your cabinets, where it immediately cools and bonds with the cabinets.  I scrubbed most of it off, but the real way to be rid of the lumpy texture on the cabinets was to sell the house.

Selling the house seems excessive. Surely replacing the cabinets would have been enough? ::)
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on December 18, 2014, 07:10:07 PM
At one time, when I thought I could cook, I tried to make vichyssoise.  After making the soup, it said to let it cool and run it through a blender to remove lumps.  Somehow I decided the let it cool step was optional.  When you try to blend HOT potato soup, the steam builds up propelling the lid off the blender and the soup in a nice circle coating the top of your cabinets, where it immediately cools and bonds with the cabinets.  I scrubbed most of it off, but the real way to be rid of the lumpy texture on the cabinets was to sell the house.

Selling the house seems excessive. Surely replacing the cabinets would have been enough? ::)

Nope. There are some disasters that just never go away. I'm absolutely positive that the new owners of my old house in Miami are still picking bits of exploded toilet out of the walls and ceiling. I moved out if that house in 2009 The exploding toilet escapade was in 2007. I never stopped finding bits of former toilet in that bathroom.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on December 18, 2014, 08:02:17 PM


...   Nope. There are some disasters that just never go away. I'm absolutely positive that the new owners of my old house in Miami are still picking bits of exploded toilet out of the walls and ceiling. I moved out if that house in 2009 The exploding toilet escapade was in 2007. I never stopped finding bits of former toilet in that bathroom.

I know. I know. Sorry in advance.  But I just have to ask.  Was the toilet unoccupied at the time of the explosion --  hopefully?
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Dazi on December 18, 2014, 08:05:07 PM
I posted on here somewhere about the Cornish game hen Thanksgiving.  I had to run out on thanksgiving morning to find a turkey replacement. The stores were out of everything  poultry except for the little Cornish game hens.  I bought all of them.

I don't think I told y'all about how the turkey was ruined though...

A friend was hosting thanksgiving.  It was her first one.  She had the turkey prepped and ready to pop in the oven.  It was very early in the morning and she went out of the room for a few minutes...I'm  not entirely sure why.  She might have went to the bathroom or let the dogs in or out.

I bet most of you think she burned the turkey or that the dogs ruined it, but you'd be wrong.  She came back to find that her 100 lbs pot bellied pig had eaten the turkey. I'm still not sure why that surprised or shocked her that a pig would devour a huge raw stuffed turkey.  The pig ate everything. There was not a morsel left as evidence that there ever was a turkey in her house...expect for a very smug, sleepy, satisfied  pig.

I have never laughed so hard in my life over a food debacle.  It is my second favorite crazy Thanksgiving story.



Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on December 18, 2014, 08:16:29 PM


...   Nope. There are some disasters that just never go away. I'm absolutely positive that the new owners of my old house in Miami are still picking bits of exploded toilet out of the walls and ceiling. I moved out if that house in 2009 The exploding toilet escapade was in 2007. I never stopped finding bits of former toilet in that bathroom.

I know. I know. Sorry in advance.  But I just have to ask.  Was the toilet unoccupied at the time of the explosion --  hopefully?

Yes, it was unoccupied.  I was using an angle grinder to remove the flange bolts in order to remove the toilet.  The angle grinder hit the base of the toilet in just the right way to explode the whole thing into a billion pieces.  Unfortunately, this was not the only toilet I've blown up.  I dropped another one not to long after that, but at least that mess wasn't as bad.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: gramma dishes on December 18, 2014, 08:32:41 PM
...  I was using an angle grinder to remove the flange bolts in order to remove the toilet.  The angle grinder hit the base of the toilet in just the right way to explode the whole thing into a billion pieces.  Unfortunately, this was not the only toilet I've blown up.  I dropped another one not to long after that, but at least that mess wasn't as bad.

LOL!  Somewhere out there, there has to be a way you can get paid for your expertise in toilet demolishing. 
You could call your business 'Johnny Destructo' or something.   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: sylviatexas on December 18, 2014, 11:35:32 PM
The airborne potato soup story reminded me of an oldie-but-goodie.

When my country-girl aunt graduated from high school & moved to Houston to take a job, she had an adorable apartment in a converted Victorian house;
this was just after WWII, & there was no air conditioning.

Canned biscuits had just been invented, & she was all happy & excited to be able to just crack open a can rather than pounding dough & letting it rise & pounding it again.

Things went well for a few days, & then one morning time got away from her, & she ran to catch the bus without breakfast.

leaving the can of biscuits on the countertop.
in Houston, Texas.
in September.

When she returned, there were shreds of raw biscuit dough on the countertop, on the cabinets, & on the ceiling.

When she came home to the farm after 2 weeks rather than 1, her father told her that they'd been worried about her (no such thing as a telephone in their isolated little farmhouse):
he asked her why she hadn't come home the previous week-end, & she said,
"I spent the week-end cleaning biscuits off the ceiling."

Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: DavidH on December 19, 2014, 12:29:30 PM
I think I should clarity, I didn't sell the house to remove the potato, but selling it did have the effect of making the potato bonded to the cabinets no longer a problem for me.  I'm assuming the next owner either replaced them, found a cleaning product I'd never heard of, or that the potato and cabinets are still bonded together.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Frog24 on December 19, 2014, 12:39:22 PM
As a child, a "friend" of mine ;) was instructed by her older sister to make a menorah out of a Styrofoam plate.  The holes were poked, the candles inserted and lit, and then the "friend" went to bed.  Her sister went into the other room to watch tv.  Well, you have to let the candles burn all the way down... you can't blow them out, right? 

In the morning, the "friend" came down to a very angry mother, and a kitchen completely full of tiny floating black particles.  I guess when  the candles burnt down, they melted the Styrofoam and the melted bits became air born.  Mom was most upset that when some of the particles landed, they did so in a giant, freshly made pot of broth that was left uncovered to cool.  "Friend" *ahem* had to scrub the entire kitchen top to bottom to get all the particles out. 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: sylviatexas on December 19, 2014, 01:40:46 PM
An older couple in the neighborhood told this story about their first house:

In the mid-nineteen-fifties, they used the husband's "GI Bill" (VA entitlement) to buy a brick house with a garage & central air conditioning & a dishwasher.

Then they moved in & went "uh-oh. What have we done?"

How were they going to make those $72 a month payments??

Somebody threw them a housewarming, serving punch in styrofoam cups.
 
After everyone went home, the happy couple cleaned up the house.

They decided that, money being tight & all, they'd re-use the styrofoam cups, so they put them in the dishwasher, turned it on, & went to bed.

Next morning, the dishwasher was full of styrofoam bits.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: ladyknight1 on December 20, 2014, 10:26:11 AM
I had sausage links in a pan on the stove and went to shake them. Suddenly, sparks flew in all directions. I went downstairs to get DH, who is the electrical guru for our family. He came back and immediately set about repeating my experiment with lots of sparks. I get a new burner and a new receptacle for Christmas.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: apoptosis on December 24, 2014, 10:31:37 PM
When I was in college, I was sort of proud of cooking nice dinners on my $10/week.

I decided to make a nice cake, as I used to make cakes as a kid. I made it, only to see some strange lava pit bubbling in the pan.  Well, I was stubborn, so I made it again. and again. and again.

I finally had the kitchen filled with little bubbling lava pots to the extreme mirth of my roommates and their girlfriends. Finally one of the girls kindly explained to me I was using self-rising flour, of which I had never heard.


part 2
As a newlywed, the next door neighbor guy and I sort of got into a cooking contest, one week-end at his place, one week-end at mine.
We were at my house for my cooking and everything was going well.
I decided to show off for the group as I waited to add the tomatoes, and show off my juggling skills with the tomatoes.  I forgot....the ceiling fan was on.   The horror.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: greencat on December 24, 2014, 10:38:13 PM
When I was in college, I was sort of proud of cooking nice dinners on my $10/week.

I decided to make a nice cake, as I used to make cakes as a kid. I made it, only to see some strange lava pit bubbling in the pan.  Well, I was stubborn, so I made it again. and again. and again.

I finally had the kitchen filled with little bubbling lava pots to the extreme mirth of my roommates and their girlfriends. Finally one of the girls kindly explained to me I was using self-rising flour, of which I had never heard.


part 2
As a newlywed, the next door neighbor guy and I sort of got into a cooking contest, one week-end at his place, one week-end at mine.
We were at my house for my cooking and everything was going well.
I decided to show off for the group as I waited to add the tomatoes, and show off my juggling skills with the tomatoes.  I forgot....the ceiling fan was on.   The horror.

Tomato is harder to get off the walls than blood!  /don'task.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: apoptosis on December 24, 2014, 10:51:03 PM

[/quote]

Tomato is harder to get off the walls than blood!  /don'task.
[/quote]

<EG>  asking
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Minmom3 on December 24, 2014, 11:07:49 PM
Heck with asking!  I'm BEGGING! 

[and laughing my socks off...]  I can just imagine the look of 'OH NO! )*^$&^&_(&(*&$&*&_() as the tomatoes went up in the air and connected with the blades of the fan..  Oh, golly.  I'd be laughing so hard I was crying, possibly alternating crying and laughing.

I FEEL your PAIN!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: mmswm on December 25, 2014, 12:42:05 AM
Oranges aren't any better, for the record.  Though in my case it was my children attempting to use the ceiling fan as a weird sort of baseball bat.  And oranges weren't the only thing being thrown in the air.  There's a reason my uncle was banned from babysitting...
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Jloreli on December 25, 2014, 08:29:26 AM
On the subject of tomatoes on the walls....

A commercial kitchen disaster. In college I worked in the kitchen of a farmer's market and deli. Pretty upscale slow/local food place actually. All summer long we featured gazpacho which was super popular. So popular we made it in 5 gallon batches and stored it in 5 gallon food safe buckets with lids. A coworker made a lovely batch and was carrying it to the walk-in cooler....without the lid. *Dundundun* Some how disaster struck! I don't know if she slipped her footing a little, banged the bucket into a fixture, who knows what. I *do* know that if you drop a 5 gallon, lidless, bucket of gazpacho less than 18 inches to the floor the impact will result in a geyser of soup that will coat the entire kitchen. All of it.....every corner! We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. And still for weeks we would find gazpacho hidden in places we thought we had gotten to. The white walls took on a rosey hue.

The following summer we remodeled and found still *more* stealth gazpacho! I promise you this was a very clean kitchen, we frequently got perfect marks on health inspections! Gazpacho is the devil....the yummy yummy devil.


Today's possible disaster: I suspect I may have bought a roast for Christmas dinner that is too small.  >:( I'm cooking extra sides, slicing the meat thin and hoping for the best. No one will be hungry but it isn't as lavish as I like my holiday meals to be! :(
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: nayberry on December 25, 2014, 12:10:48 PM
hub's is throwing dirty looks my way as i laugh at this thread! 

i can't make soft boiled eggs, or quick birds custard,  i can make you a four course meal, but just can't get those two right. 

we had a mini disaster today, the yorkshires burnt in a looooow oven in the 5 minutes it took to eat our starters,  but at least it was just them.


on a dif forum i frequent, there is a similar thread, now this is the warning, do NOT read when eating, drinking, holding a pet or child, or when someone could be scared awake by your laughter!   (disclaimer also stands for the "veet for men" & the "5kg gummy bear pack" reviews on amazon)
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=290130
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on December 25, 2014, 01:33:39 PM
I had a mini disaster the other night...I choked it down, but man.

I was making sloppy Joes (a hot sandwich made with loose ground meat, if anyone's never heard of them) and I was using ground chicken.  It was browning away in the pan and everything was going fine so I started to season the meat.  I grabbed the jar of garlic powder, took the lid off, fumbled the lid and dropped the whole jar into the pan.

I quickly grabbed it out but about quadruple the amount I would normally put in had already spilled out and there wasn't much I could do.  There also wasn't really any other meat in the house that wasn't frozen solid and i really hate wasting food so I compensated for it as best I could, but I don't doubt I had horrendous dragon breath after eating it.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Sirius on December 25, 2014, 02:15:14 PM
On Christmas Eve I was mixing up a spice cake.  Now, Mr. Sirius and I aren't egg eaters, so when I bake I use the pasteurized egg substitute in cartons.  Well, as I poured the egg substitute into a measuring cup I noticed there were pieces of red and green pepper and onions in it.  I then read the label - it was the southwestern omelet version.  So, since I didn't have any more egg substitute that was plain I poured some through a strainer.  The cake tastes fine, but we laughed while we were eating it.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: sylviatexas on December 26, 2014, 07:08:56 AM
An old schoolmate's mother told me this story:

"Les (her career military husband) & I had just gotten married & moved into base housing.

"I never had cooked a thing in my whole life, but I was all starry-eyed & was determined to be the perfect little wife, so I told him to wake me up on his first day back at work & I'd make him breakfast.

"Somehow I didn't realize just how early 5 AM was, & I was very sleepy when he got up, but I put on my new honeymoon peignoir & floated down to the kitchen to make pancakes.

"The silly things just wouldn't work right.

"By the time Les came downstairs, I had half a dozen pancakes in the trash & another one turning black in the pan, & there was smoke everywhere.

"Les *chuckled* & said, 'the perils of the newlywed wife' & turned to go out the door.

"& I picked that pancake up with the egg turner & flipped it at him.

"It stuck to the back of his neck."

They did get past this;
by the time I knew them, they'd been married for many years & had 5 children!

 
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: DragonKitty on December 26, 2014, 02:01:33 PM
We have a voracious kitty.  I have dubbed her "The Stomach" because this cat lives to eat.  Walk away for ten seconds and she will be on food.  She will eat *through* plastic to eat bread.  Freaking bread.
Was she a rescued stray?  We adopted a bag-of-bones cat that DD2 found in a supermarket parking lot, and he would also gnaw through plastic bags to get to the food inside, even if it wasn't something cats normally eat.  I can't count how many potatoes or bananas had fang marks.  I figure that during his stray time, he ate anything that held still long enough.

That's the part that drives me completely nuts.  Not only was she never a stray, she was born in this house!  She's been our cat the entire time (a decade now), you'd think she'd get that we've never missed a single feeding.

Meanwhile, our other cat *is* a former stray, and she flat out won't eat anything *other* than cat food.  We can set a plat down right next to her (when we snack in bed) and she will walk past the food to climb in our laps.

Castor & Pollux used to do this when I would go out of town and have a catsitter come in. I figured they were protesting the lack of full-time live-in care.

We used to have a cat that would tear open the bag on the bread to eat it.  Did not know that was happening, until we caught her at it, until then we were worried about mice and having them getting up on the table.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: DragonKitty on December 26, 2014, 02:34:55 PM
My MIL and I bonded over cooking disasters, when my now DH (then boyfriend) dumped me on her, and ran off on some errand.

She and I had both done the  "the lid falls off on the spice jar, and we just stirred it in", her's was oregano, mine was rosemary.  (FIL and DH still tease her about it).

I also had misred the recipe on my mon's cake from scratch, thought the 1 tsp was 1tbsp of salt.  Having 3 times as much salt in a cake mixture makes it taste really weird.

Then the time I tried making 'jello cake', where I learned later that you make the cake, and then pour spoonfuls of the jello mixture down holes poked in the cake.  What I did was try to fold in the jello mixture into the raw dough, and then bake the cake.  It came out of the oven about 1/2 to 3/4 if an inch high.  Ir tasted good, but boy was that a small cake.

Then there was putting rolls to heat up in the microwave on a plate from my mom's special china - - that had gold leaf as decoration on the dishes.  Dove for the door-open switch as soon as the sparks started.

Tried cooking eggs in the microwave (not in the shell!), and the outside edge of the egg blew up while the middle was still raw.  It is far easier to fry them on the stove.

Which led to my cooking eggs for breakfast before heading to church.  It is a good thing that my DH did not go that morning, because I forgot to turn off the burner, and merrily went to church.  He came out when the burning smell reached him in the bedroom.  Boy did I get a talking to when  I got back (justly deserved).

That is all I'm remembering right now.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Copper Horsewoman on December 26, 2014, 02:55:58 PM

Then there was putting rolls to heat up in the microwave on a plate from my mom's special china - - that had gold leaf as decoration on the dishes.  Dove for the door-open switch as soon as the sparks started.

That is all I'm remembering right now.

Not mine, but a business associate of mine, years ago.  He is Austrian, and very formal/old school.  His wife is American,and at the time they had young children.  In their house, the children were fed at one dinnertime, say around 5ish, and when they went to bed at 8, the parents would have dinner about 8:30.  End B/G.
Hans and Sue were at dinner, when he gets a business phone call, which he takes.  Then, Sue is called away from the table by one of the kids, and goes off to see to them. Hans finishes his call, and hen he got back to the table, Sue is still away from the table. He is a complete non-starter in the kitchen, but he has seen Sue warm up the children's meals on a plate in the microwave, so he figures how hard is that? He puts his plate into the microwave and starts it. SPARKS! NOISE! Hans is about to open the microwave when Sue runs into the kitchen, knocking him out of the way and pulling the plug. The children's dinnerware is plain stoneware.  The adults eat from Pickard (heavily gold-rimmed) china, and you can guess the rest.  The lamb chop bone had welded itself to the plate.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: laughtermed on December 26, 2014, 03:22:01 PM
Adding confectioner's sugar to the gravy thinking it was cornstarch-noticed gravy wouldn't thicken and it tasted weird. DH insisted it was still good. Now I always get Argo cornstarch in the dispenser and gravy has been good since then!
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Luci on December 26, 2014, 06:14:09 PM
I'm supposed to be an experienced cook - at least for packaged stuff.

I got up this morning to get breakfast ready for our sleep-over guests. All the other items were ready to go, but I like to make fresh muffins from the mix. Whipped those babies up and turned the oven up too high. Lucas nicely warned everyone that they were Cookie-Shelled muffins. A surprising amount were eaten.

Last night we had a borderline number of guests: 14. So we had a 10 lb spiral ham, lasagna for 12, cheesy potatoes for 12, plenty of green beans with butter (preferred in this group), Caesar salad, and corn muffins. It is the first time ever that I didn't have leftovers of lasagna and cheesy potatoes. I am so embarrassed. No one went hungry, but still it broke my 55 year old  streak of over enough food.

I had too many brownies. What will happen if I put iced/frosted brownies in the freeze
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: nutraxfornerves on December 26, 2014, 06:32:14 PM
I thought for sure I had posted this here, but apparently not.

I grabbed a container of beef stock out of the freezer and thawed it in the microwave just enough so I could slip it out and dump it into the beef stew I was making.

You know how home made stock can turn cloudy if you let it come to a rolling boil and then don't filter it? Well, if you don't add lemon juice to persimmon puree, it turns brown after a while and looks just like that stock.

Then there was the bottle of molasses that fermented during a hot spell and exploded all over a cupboard. It was on the top shelf,so the molasses was able to drip down onto the lower shelves as well.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: sylviatexas on December 26, 2014, 07:24:46 PM
'The lamb chop bone had welded itself to the plate.'

There's gotta be some kind of prize for that. ;D
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: blue2000 on December 26, 2014, 08:56:26 PM

I had too many brownies. What will happen if I put iced/frosted brownies in the freeze

As long as you wrap them well and don't leave them there too long, they will still be yummy.
Title: Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
Post by: Celany on January 02, 2015, 10:05:35 AM
Oh, I have a good one.

When I first moved out on my own, I didn't have a lot of cooking appliances, and I slowly bought them as I made money/found enough recipes that would justify buying various things. I finally bought a blender because I'd found several soup recipes that required pureeing. Up until they, the only experience I had with a blender was my parent's blender. For that blender, when you wanted to remove the glass blender jar from the base, you would turn the blender jar to the right, and then lift off.

So I cooked my soup first (a lovely squash soup), all the veggie ingredients cut into large chunks in the broth, let it cool, fished out the spice bag, then dumped a blender-full into the blender to puree. As I'm pureeing the soup, my cat comes to have a bite to eat. Her bowl is right next to the table that the blender was on. I finish blending, and go to remove the blender jar from the base, so I can dump my pureed soup into a big pot, and puree the next batch. As I'm so used to using my parent's blender, I automatically do what I'd have done with theirs: turn the jar to the right, then lift.

Turns out, this blender jar can just be lifted right off. Turning it to the right unscrewed the glass part of the jar from the bladed bottom of the jar.

When I lifted the jar, all the soup came out of the bottom. And landed on my lower legs & feet. And all over my cat.

Said cat (amazingly) did not run off. She looks up at me, pureed squash soup dripping off of her whole body, and head, and she just has the most amazed look of "what on earth is WRONG with you?!?!?!?!"

We spent the next hour or so in the bathtub together. I did a lot of apologizing. She did a lot of looking offended and meowing in an outraged manner.

I became much more careful about being sure that I knew EXACTLY how to use my kitchen tools after that.