Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: Sign Of The Times on January 30, 2013, 04:18:50 PM

Title: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Sign Of The Times on January 30, 2013, 04:18:50 PM
A situation seems to come up every year during the Super Bowl. I figure I'll ask here. I'm pretty certain that etiquette forbids men from addressing women who aren't SO's as "honey," "sweetie," so forth. Except maybe in the South where it's OK.

My friend's wife Raquel, I have no intention of addressing as such. However, I would say things like "Dude pass the beer" or "dude, I was sitting there." To Raquel.

I realize that this is some form of laziness. If I want chips from a guy whom I don't immediately recognize, "Dude pass the chips." If it's a woman whose name I don't remember, it's easiest to just say "dude" in some generic, gender-neutral sense. That's the situation I'm asking about.

Is "dude" an acceptable stand-in for a name, from a man to a woman?
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: stargazer on January 30, 2013, 04:20:50 PM
I think it's fine, but this is coming from someone who exclaimed "DUDE!" to my female manager when I thought of something I wanted to tell her while we were talking.  Thankfully she laughed and just said it must be important.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Sign Of The Times on January 30, 2013, 04:21:37 PM
I think it's fine, but this is coming from someone who exclaimed "DUDE!" to my female manager when I thought of something I wanted to tell her while we were talking.  Thankfully she laughed and just said it must be important.
Duuuuu-ude!  :)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: stargazer on January 30, 2013, 04:23:28 PM
I think it's fine, but this is coming from someone who exclaimed "DUDE!" to my female manager when I thought of something I wanted to tell her while we were talking.  Thankfully she laughed and just said it must be important.
Duuuuu-ude!  :)

Exactly :)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: gorplady on January 30, 2013, 04:23:38 PM
Dude, you are way, way, over- thinking it.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: onyonryngs on January 30, 2013, 04:24:02 PM
Dude, you are way, way, over- thinking it.

Pod.  Every group of friends is different, it may work for some & it won't work for others.  Really, it's just you who can tell if it's acceptable with your group. 
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: thedudeabides on January 30, 2013, 04:24:30 PM
I believe my stance on this one should be clear.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Sign Of The Times on January 30, 2013, 04:27:52 PM
Dude, you are way, way, over- thinking it.
Gorp, I agree but these days it seems like everyone's trying to be offended about something. Just trying to head it off now instead of Sunday.


I believe my stance on this one should be clear.
:)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: ladiedeathe on January 30, 2013, 04:32:08 PM
Seriously- this is way way over thinking it.
Dude, take a deep breath (kidding  ;D)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: JenJay on January 30, 2013, 04:32:25 PM
I believe my stance on this one should be clear.

 ;D

The only time it bugs me to be called "dude" is when my husband does it. For some reason it just sounds wrong. lol
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Sign Of The Times on January 30, 2013, 04:39:05 PM
I believe my stance on this one should be clear.

 ;D

The only time it bugs me to be called "dude" is when my husband does it. For some reason it just sounds wrong. lol
Well yeah, he's the one who gets to call you hon, sweetie, et cetera.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: katycoo on January 30, 2013, 04:46:08 PM
Circumstantial.  I'd try to avoid it at work unless you know your audience that well.  Socially - you know you're friends.  With my circle its fine.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Judah on January 30, 2013, 04:54:20 PM
I'm from California: Everyone's a Dude, even my mom.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: WillyNilly on January 30, 2013, 04:55:03 PM
Seriously dude?

"Dude" is the generic and more personal/friendly way of saying "hey" (which is another option: "hey can you pass the chips?") to the point where as a female I'm way more insulted you would think men somehow own "dude" then I ever could be by someone addressing me as dude. 

Get over it, the world isn't just a male domain anymore dude, us chicks are here to stay and we will prosper!
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Luci on January 30, 2013, 04:55:54 PM
This is an eye-opener!

I thought 'dude' is always masuline! That's the way my kids and grandchildren always used it, anyway.

I'm not likely to be called that anyway due to my age, but I would never answer because it doesn't register. Thanks for the education. (I didn't vote, either.)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Lynn2000 on January 30, 2013, 04:56:59 PM
I think it's okay among friends. Might be a little weird using dude as in "dude, pass the chips" because you don't remember her name, as you would with a guy--I wouldn't immediately realize you meant me, for one thing. But personally I wouldn't be offended, it would be a positive/neutral kind of weird.

For some reason I picked up on using "dude" a fair amount in conversation. If it flows well with the sentence (usually something humorous) I'll use it to address a fellow female, or in reference to a female.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Auntie Mame on January 30, 2013, 04:59:25 PM
I'm okay with Dude, especially a slow Duuuuuude! when someone screws up. It's like me saying the slow Girrrrrl! to one of my girlfriends.

Bf tends to overuse dude, a lot.  I teased him one day when he started a sentence with "Dude!"  I said, "Whoa, did you just dude your girlfriend?  You don't dude your girlfriend!".  He laughed and said "I do" I answered "not anymore, have you seen my heels? I am not a dude".  He laughed harder and agreed that I was certainly not a dude and hasn't called me that since.

Time and a place though, I would never say it in a professional setting or to my grandmother.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: NyaChan on January 30, 2013, 04:59:31 PM
I don't have a problem with the use of dude, I use it myself. "Dude pass the beer" is not particularly polite due to the lack of a please or the sound of it being a request rather than a command.  If your relationship with this woman is casual enough that you don't need to worry about please or asking rather than demanding (and yes I think there are relationships where saying please is optional as long as you are nice about it), then you don't need to worry too much about calling her dude  :)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Knitterly on January 30, 2013, 05:00:16 PM
Dude, you are way, way, over- thinking it.

Agreed.

I believe my stance on this one should be clear.

 ;D

The only time it bugs me to be called "dude" is when my husband does it. For some reason it just sounds wrong. lol

Funnily enough, Mr K and I call each other "Dude" all the time.  He calls his brother "dude", too.  The first time his brother heard him call me "dude", his eyes popped out of his head and he said "You call your wife "Dude"?!?!"

It's all about who you are with and the type of relationship you have with them.

Generally speaking, though, I know very few women who would be offended by being called "dude".
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Bijou on January 30, 2013, 05:07:48 PM
Don't call your grandmother dude unless that's her name, but it just depends.  Among dudes, fine.  Otherwise, it can come across as disrespectful...like calling someone Sister, babe, or whatever.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 30, 2013, 05:18:44 PM
Dude, that is totally cool as far as I'm concerned. :)

I'm actually trying to teach my youngest to do the "fin, noggin, duuuuuude" thing from Finding Nemo.  He's got the noggin part down. ;)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: pearls n purls on January 30, 2013, 05:24:04 PM
I wouldn't use dude with women you don't know, but rules are different among friends, especially in casual get-togethers.

If you call her dude and she looks surprised/shocked/unhappy, don't call her dude again.  If not, dude on.  Especially if you're calling everyone dude.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: LifeOnPluto on January 30, 2013, 07:51:03 PM
I'm a female, and personally, I wouldn't really like it.

But my circumstances may be unique. I have short-ish hair and a skinny build (not many curves at all!). Sometimes as an adolescent (and even occasionally as a young adult) I'd get mistaken for a boy, or teased about looking like one, etc.

I've since filled out a bit, grown my hair slightly longer, and learnt how to dress in more feminine ways. But still, if a guy addressed me as "dude", I'd have a moment of panic, thinking that he mistook me for a man. Or that he was having a sly dig at how "masculine" I look.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: diesel_darlin on January 30, 2013, 08:08:29 PM
I admit that I overuse dude. A lot. I am in a shop full of guys all day long. Its just second nature to say "DUUUUUUDE" to me.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 30, 2013, 09:20:34 PM
I once got mistaken for a boy.  I was 24, wearing my oversized McDonald's uniform shirt (it was all they had for me when I was hired), plus my hair was tucked up into my hat.  Not to mention I'm not well endowed in the chest region and that was after 2 kids. Ouch.

Growing up though, I heard Dude applied to boys and girls so "dude" wouldn't get me thinking it was a dig.  Ymmv.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: P12663 on January 30, 2013, 10:22:30 PM
I'm another who thought that 'Dude' was strictly masculine.  But then, my crowd uses the word more as a noun ("There was this dude...") than a name-substitute.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Allyson on January 30, 2013, 10:44:46 PM
I love 'dude' as a gender-neutral casual form of address. I think it's awesome. So I am very pro-dude! That said, it does seem to really vary from group to group. To me, my friends are just my friends and I don't really react to them differently based on gender, so it's nice to have a term for everyone/anyone!
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Raintree on January 30, 2013, 10:59:04 PM
It wouldn't particularly offend me, but.....a dude is a guy!!!! I've heard it used on females occasionally and I find it a bit weird.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: baglady on January 30, 2013, 11:49:16 PM
In my world, "dude" is always masculine. As a noun it substitutes for "guy" -- "There was this dude ..." As a form of address, it's a cousin to "buddy" or "man," which can be terms of endearment ("I love ya, man!") or annoyance ("Hey, buddy, watch where you're going!"). Some young adults I've heard use it almost as punctuation, as their hippie forebears did with "man," and it wouldn't occur to me to take it personally -- they're not calling *me* dude, they're just *saying* it a lot. ("We went to ___ last night. Dude, it was awesome!")

That said, it would feel very strange to be called "dude" in the setting the OP describes. For one thing, it wouldn't register on me that I was the one being addressed, since I'm female. It isn't rude, necessarily, just not very efficient. Why not use the person's name? Or if you don't know it, a combination of body language (leaning or looking in her direction) and "Sorry, I'm blanking on your name ... ."

I'm in my 50s, so that may color my judgment on this. I'll think about it some more after I shoo those kids off the lawn. ;)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: CrochetFanatic on January 31, 2013, 12:22:40 AM
It never really bothered me.  I've heard people preface a statement with "Dude" in place of "Hey, guess what", and once or twice a male friend has called me "Dude" in a way that seemed almost affectionate.  Sort of like he saw me as an honorary "one of the guys".  I'm neutral about that, though.  My internal reaction is sort of an, "Um, okay.".  If I know the person well, and if it clearly isn't meant as an insult, I usually won't take it as one. 

I would be livid if a guy ever addressed me with "Hey, (female dog)!"  That actually happened once, and I looked over my shoulder to see who he was talking to, even though it was clear that he meant me.  I replied with, "That's not my name, and you're on your own."
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: sweetonsno on January 31, 2013, 12:59:43 AM
I tend to use "dude" more as an exclamation of sorts. I think a previous poster compared it to "hey." I normally use it to express mild irritation, as in, "Dude, look out!" or the fact that I'm impressed, "Duuuuude. That was amazing."

I don't normally use "dude" as a form of address unless I'm being a bit silly/playful. Normally, I would consider "dude" a more masculine term, but a lot of those are rather androgynous. I think of it a bit like "handsome": not what one would normally expect to be applied to a woman, but not insulting. I would be upset if my crush called me "dude," though, as it seems less affectionate and more "one of the guys." (Kiss of death unless we're an item.)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: snowdragon on January 31, 2013, 02:24:21 AM
It's not used in my circle  - So I would not like it.  I simply would not respond because I've only seen it used in surfer or skater circles for males. I am none of those, so you couldn't possibly mean me.  But I am not partial to any type diminutive for adults.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: nolechica on January 31, 2013, 03:49:24 AM
I've answered to it before, especially during sporting event watching.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: suzieQ on January 31, 2013, 04:08:48 AM
If I use Dude talking about a woman, I will generally change it to "Dude-ette". YMMV
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Winterlight on January 31, 2013, 07:27:02 AM
In my world, "dude" is always masculine. As a noun it substitutes for "guy" -- "There was this dude ..." As a form of address, it's a cousin to "buddy" or "man," which can be terms of endearment ("I love ya, man!") or annoyance ("Hey, buddy, watch where you're going!"). Some young adults I've heard use it almost as punctuation, as their hippie forebears did with "man," and it wouldn't occur to me to take it personally -- they're not calling *me* dude, they're just *saying* it a lot. ("We went to ___ last night. Dude, it was awesome!")

That said, it would feel very strange to be called "dude" in the setting the OP describes. For one thing, it wouldn't register on me that I was the one being addressed, since I'm female. It isn't rude, necessarily, just not very efficient. Why not use the person's name? Or if you don't know it, a combination of body language (leaning or looking in her direction) and "Sorry, I'm blanking on your name ... ."

I'm in my 50s, so that may color my judgment on this. I'll think about it some more after I shoo those kids off the lawn. ;)

Ditto. It wouldn't occur to me that you meant me. If you're unsure I'd just go with asking her name, or "May I have the chips, please?"
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: bopper on January 31, 2013, 08:48:01 AM
Dude is fairly casual and informal...if you have that kind of relationship with Carol then it could be okay, but if you don't know her very well then it is sort of borderline.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: pixel dust on January 31, 2013, 09:58:34 AM
I'm a girl and I've referred to both my male and female friends as "Dude" before. So long as your relationship with the person is casual and friendly enough, I don't see anything wrong with it.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: mmswm on January 31, 2013, 10:05:15 AM
Don't call your grandmother dude unless that's her name, but it just depends.  Among dudes, fine.  Otherwise, it can come across as disrespectful...like calling someone Sister, babe, or whatever.

My mother chuckles every time one of my sons "dudes" her.  She thinks it's the funniest thing ever.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: audrey1962 on January 31, 2013, 10:09:48 AM
I realize that this is some form of laziness. If I want chips from a guy whom I don't immediately recognize, "Dude pass the chips." If it's a woman whose name I don't remember, it's easiest to just say "dude" in some generic, gender-neutral sense. That's the situation I'm asking about.

Is "dude" an acceptable stand-in for a name, from a man to a woman?

Too many variables for me to answer.

I do think it's acceptable if you know everyone in the group and this is how you normally address each other. I also think it's acceptable if this is some type of huge house party or mixer and you're never going to see these people again; but in that case, I think it's better to just say, "excuse me, do you mind passing the chips?"

For the specific situation described, I agree with the OP that it's a form of laziness. It's a woman whose name you don't remember. If she is an important person in someone's life, like your friend or your brother, then I think you should make an effort to learn her name, especially if she calls you by your name.

If she calls you Dude first, then go ahead and Dude right back.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: WillyNilly on January 31, 2013, 10:16:20 AM
In my world, "dude" is always masculine. As a noun it substitutes for "guy" -- "There was this dude ..." As a form of address, it's a cousin to "buddy" or "man," which can be terms of endearment ("I love ya, man!") or annoyance ("Hey, buddy, watch where you're going!"). Some young adults I've heard use it almost as punctuation, as their hippie forebears did with "man," and it wouldn't occur to me to take it personally -- they're not calling *me* dude, they're just *saying* it a lot. ("We went to ___ last night. Dude, it was awesome!")

That said, it would feel very strange to be called "dude" in the setting the OP describes. For one thing, it wouldn't register on me that I was the one being addressed, since I'm female. It isn't rude, necessarily, just not very efficient. Why not use the person's name? Or if you don't know it, a combination of body language (leaning or looking in her direction) and "Sorry, I'm blanking on your name ... ."

I'm in my 50s, so that may color my judgment on this. I'll think about it some more after I shoo those kids off the lawn. ;)

See for me, "man" is actually quite often a unisex word as well.  Both in formal terms (mankind, when man started walking upright, man is the top of the food chain, etc - these all refer to human, not males specifically) and in casual terms - I've certainly said to a female friends "yo man!  watch it you almost spilled that coffee!" or "hey man wazzz happenin', yo?" I have also gone up to groups of females or mixed company and said "hey guys".
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: ------ on January 31, 2013, 10:24:22 AM
A situation seems to come up every year during the Super Bowl. I figure I'll ask here. I'm pretty certain that etiquette forbids men from addressing women who aren't SO's as "honey," "sweetie," so forth. Except maybe in the South where it's OK.

...snip...









I am originally from California (born and raised) and heard Dude and its female version used for years and years. While I would never use it in a professional setting (and in my experience, I have never seen it used in that situation), I think it's perfectly fine to use it with close friends in a casual setting as long as everyone is comfortable with it. Early in my marriage I referred to DH that way a couple of times, but he doesn't like it, so I stopped.

But I have to say something  - I have lived in the South for several years now. Why on earth would anyone get the idea that it's okay to call a non-S/O woman "Sweetie" or "Honey" or similar (without being invited to do so) because it's the South? That has NOT been okay here since the 50's!   ;D

Have you SEEN Designing Women?! Julia Sugarbaker would go ballistic if someone did that to her...in fact, I think she has....and it is so true! Any man who calls me "Sweetie" or "Honey" or other form of pet name (who is not my husband) quickly gets asked to not do that again - and if they do it again, it is no longer requested but insisted upon more firmly.

I hate, hate, hate it when anyone - male or female whom I don't know or know professionally/casually - calls me a pet name without my permission. Way too familiar. It does happen from time to time - but not just here in the South. And no, it is not ok. It is bad enough to call me by my first name right off the bat (the culture has changed so it's "standard procedure" now) and I may have to live with that, but calling me "dear" or "sweetie" or "honeybunch" when we just met? Or in some kind of business transaction? NO NO NO.

Sorry for partial thread jack, but seriously. Pet names for acquaintances. NO!
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: DottyG on January 31, 2013, 11:22:46 AM
Quote
That has NOT been okay here since the 50's!

Maybe not in your circles.  But I hear it all the time.  And I love it when I'm called that by a waitress or someone like that (tone mattering as always, of course).  I don't have a problem with it nor do I find that it's, particularly, rare.

Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Ginger G on January 31, 2013, 11:30:23 AM
My significant other, a man, HATES it when someone calls him dude.  When someone calls him dude he immediately tells them not to call him that.  I've asked him why it bothers him so much (no real reason) and tried to gently tell him that it's certainly not meant to be offensive, it's just how some people talk.  As a woman, I would probably find it funny if someone called me dude, but I don't think anyone ever has.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Emmy on January 31, 2013, 11:40:45 AM
I put it depends on the situation. 

The term is very casual, so I think it would be OK to use among friends if they are comfortable with it.  I do think it would be inappropriate to approach strangers, co-workers (unless it is a casual work environment, and everybody is comfortable with it), or casual acquaintances that way.  For example, I do think it would be inappropriate to say to the elderly lady accidentally blocking the door of the store, "excuse me dude, can I get through here?"

People should also be aware of the other person's reaction.  For example, if a female replies "I'm not a dude" even if in a lighthearted manner, I would take that to mean she doesn't prefer to be called 'dude'.

I've heard 'dude' as unisex although I mostly think of it as a male term, but tend to hear 'guys' more often to address people of both genders.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: BeagleMommy on January 31, 2013, 12:52:55 PM
I've never had anyone refer to me as "dude", but I don't think it would bother me in a casual setting.  At work or church, yeah I might be bothered, but not enough to say anything.

The funny thing is I've taken to using "dude" when I see drivers doing stupid things.  DH just about fell out of the car laughing when I called out "Dude!  What is your defect?!" at the driver who cut across four lanes of traffic without looking.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on January 31, 2013, 01:33:38 PM
I tend to use "dude" more as an exclamation of sorts. I think a previous poster compared it to "hey." I normally use it to express mild irritation, as in, "Dude, look out!" or the fact that I'm impressed, "Duuuuude. That was amazing."

I don't normally use "dude" as a form of address unless I'm being a bit silly/playful. Normally, I would consider "dude" a more masculine term, but a lot of those are rather androgynous. I think of it a bit like "handsome": not what one would normally expect to be applied to a woman, but not insulting. I would be upset if my crush called me "dude," though, as it seems less affectionate and more "one of the guys." (Kiss of death unless we're an item.)

I absolutely agree with the bolded. While "dude" is a way to address another person, it's also an exclamation like Hey! or Whooaaa... and can be used towards males or females equally.

However, if I'm describing a person, "dude" is always masculine.

Examples: "Did you talk to Lisa when you called the dog groomer?" "No, a dude answered the phone." (meaning, no it wasn't Lisa, it was a man)

"Who was at the door?" "Some dude selling magazines." (if it was a male) or "Some woman/girl selling magazines." (if it was a female)
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Luci on January 31, 2013, 02:13:30 PM

The funny thing is I've taken to using "dude" when I see drivers doing stupid things.  DH just about fell out of the car laughing when I called out "Dude!  What is your defect?!" at the driver who cut across four lanes of traffic without looking.

 :D New phrase to put into my repertoire! Thanks!
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: ------ on January 31, 2013, 03:16:15 PM
Quote
That has NOT been okay here since the 50's!

Maybe not in your circles.  But I hear it all the time.  And I love it when I'm called that by a waitress or someone like that (tone mattering as always, of course).  I don't have a problem with it nor do I find that it's, particularly, rare.




I agree with you that the circumstances matter a great deal. While I, personally, don't love being called a term of endearment by anyone with whom I'm not intimate (emotionally, that is), I think it's a far, far different proposition from being called "dear" by a friend than by a male person I don't know very well. It can be seen as very condescending (or even harassment) in certain situations, especially when gender is involved.

I was just trying to make the point that not everyone in the South does it or appreciates it, although circumstances and appropriateness vary.  ;D
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: CreteGirl on January 31, 2013, 03:30:20 PM
I think dude is a fun and casual way to address someone.  But on-line, it can be different.  My best friend posted something on Facebook about a TV show she was watching.  I teasingly responded "Dude, why are you watching such boring stuff?".  We tease each other often, so it was fine.  However, a guy (who I don't know) who was participating in the thread assumed I was talking to him and took great offense to my comment.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: audrey1962 on January 31, 2013, 03:31:54 PM
I've been called honey twice just this week: on Tuesday by the Korean owner of the dry cleaner and yesterday by the Chinese owner of a take-out restaurant. Both are about my mother's age and have thick accents. I wasn't bothered one bit.

Bringing it back to the OP, I would be bothered if a guy at a party that couldn't remember my name called me that.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 31, 2013, 06:52:05 PM
I hate when people misrepresent the etymology of the word "dude".  I correct them right away  >:(  /OT

If I say "A dude answered the phone" or "that dude over there", I definitely mean a man, but when I say "Hey, dude, what's up?" it could be either sex.  In these cases, dude is synonymous with guy/s.  "A guy answered the phone", "that dude over there", and "Hey, guys, what's up?".

I also use it as an exclamation, ie "Dude, stop it!"
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: CakeEater on January 31, 2013, 11:15:56 PM
I find it interesting that all these terms of address; dude, guys, man, are all masculine forms, but becoming socially acceptable to use for women. However, I wonder how many men would be fine with me walking up to a mixed group of people and saying, 'Hi ladies.'

OP, I'm in Australia, and dude isn't really as widely used here as it seems to be in the US, so that probably colours my view. Dude, to me, is masculine and a bit juvenile, so I'd be a bit confused by someone using it to address me, but I wouldn't be super offended.

Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: DottyG on January 31, 2013, 11:22:52 PM
and a bit juvenile,


That's kind of the reaction I have to it, more often than not. It's kind of one of those things, in my opinion, that a certain age group says. But when someone of an older generation says it, it's almost an internal eye-roll thing. Like they're trying too hard to be young.

Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: TinyVulgarUnicorn on February 01, 2013, 02:04:31 AM
"Dude" is its own language where I come from, but I'm from Southern California so that's to be expected.  I've heard many conversations where pretty much every other word was "dude."  I would almost consider it a way of life here in some social circles.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: ClaireC79 on February 01, 2013, 02:21:47 AM
I don't like it and would find it odd but then also not in the US, I'm quite used to getting called 'luv' etc by random men and it doesn't bother or offend me
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Danika on February 01, 2013, 02:33:45 AM
My circle of friends often uses "dude" to mean "hey" or "Wow, that's shocking" like an incredulous tone. So if someone said to me "Dude, pass the chips" I wouldn't hear it as "Masculine person, pass the chips." I'd hear it as "Wow. I can't believe you're so thoughtless. Pay attention. I need chips over here." That's the only part that would seem rude to me.

So if an acquaintance (who forgot a woman's name) really intended to say "You there, pass the chips" to a female, it'd go over better if he/she said "Dude, please pass the chips" because that would sound more like "Hey! Now that I got your attention, please, pass the chips" and would be more polite. If they wanted to emphasize the point that the word "dude" meant "you there" instead of "hey, I need your attention" then they'd probably say "Dudette, please, pass the chips."


"Who was at the door?" "Some dude selling magazines." (if it was a male) or "Some woman/girl selling magazines." (if it was a female)

My friends and I tend to use "chick" as the female version of "dude." It's not intended to be disrespectful, but just lacking in refinement. We'd just say "some chick selling magazines."
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Twirly on February 01, 2013, 08:32:42 AM
[quote author=Danika link=topic=124557.msg2878846#msg2878846
My friends and I tend to use "chick" as the female version of "dude." It's not intended to be disrespectful, but just lacking in refinement. We'd just say "some chick selling magazines."
[/quote]

I was just coming to post this exact thing! In my circle when referring to a third party, guys are dudes and girls are chicks, but when speaking directly to someone it's usually "Hey dude" to either gender.

As a chick myself I never realized it was considered offensive by some until an older relative took me to task. Now I try to limit it usage to my own peer group but I really don't mean anything by it other than my speech is fairly casual and juvenile across the board. I grew up in Southern California and though I haven't lived there in almost ten years, I'm often told I speak like a Valley Girl. 
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 01, 2013, 08:38:34 AM
and a bit juvenile,


That's kind of the reaction I have to it, more often than not. It's kind of one of those things, in my opinion, that a certain age group says. But when someone of an older generation says it, it's almost an internal eye-roll thing. Like they're trying too hard to be young.

Yeah, I'd be suprised if a contemporary of mine (late 40's) used it to address me for say "Dude, would you pass me the chips".  But if they used it as "Dude! You ate the last cookie!" we'd all get a laugh out of it.

But if I heard one of my DD's (teen) friends call her Dude, it wouldn't suprise me at all.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: poundcake on February 01, 2013, 08:44:34 AM
"Dude" is its own language where I come from, but I'm from Southern California so that's to be expected.  I've heard many conversations where pretty much every other word was "dude."  I would almost consider it a way of life here in some social circles.

I've found that whenever I live elsewhere in the world, my inadvertent use of "dude!" is a great source of entertainment.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on February 01, 2013, 09:31:05 AM
In a casual setting, such as you described, I wouldn't think twice.  I might be a little surprise to hear it in a more formal setting but I don't think I'd be offended. But I'm pretty hard to offend with stuff like that.  You'd have to call me something horrible to get a rise out of me.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Morty'sCleaningLady on February 01, 2013, 12:35:17 PM
I don't think it's a nice term for a woman.  If you don't remember her name, just don't use a lead in.  Just say "Please, pass the chips" or "Did you think the dancing Clydesdale was cute?"
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: TootsNYC on February 01, 2013, 01:07:24 PM
Actually, I think it's an incredibly casual sort of address, and it's got a cheeky feel to it.

Because of that cheeky vibe, I wouldn't use it to a guy or gal just to say "pass the chips."

I'd say, "Dude, you really thought that was a great pass?"
or I'd say, "Dude! Way to go!"

But I would never say, "Dude, pass the chips" unless I'd asked him 3 times and he hadn't heard me or had gotten sidetracked.
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Julian on February 01, 2013, 03:48:50 PM
Hey Dude, don't call me Dude! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbLhHtaVIO4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbLhHtaVIO4)

 ;D  Hey, someone had to say it!

Aussie here, so dude isn't common.  But it wouldn't bug me in the slightest.  It's no worse than 'mate' or similar. 
Title: Re: Dude, is this rude?
Post by: Sharnita on February 02, 2013, 09:51:10 AM
I think Wikipedia does a fairly good job of covering th word as I understand it. The fact that it originates from Americna English kind of makes our usage a bit different that other English speakers, I think.  It also mentions it can include both gendes but frequently is used to indicate males.  Finally, there are more than one usage/meaning.

For that reason it doesn't particularly offend me.